#is social pressure to donate bc its the christian thing to do

[local-lover-boy]

If you are having trouble getting through the Christmas season, I recommend directing your energy into charity! For example, you could participate in a local church's food and toy drive. You can visit church websites or contact the priest/pastor/minister to find out what initiatives are happening. Maybe serving in a soup kitchen or collecting gloves for the homeless! The important thing is to shift the focus away from yourself and your worries and channel it into loving thy neighbor.

I deeply regret tagging that post with Christianity, but for the sake of answering this, I already have done some charity work this season and it was a very wonderful experience however, outside of that I still would like to enjoy this time of year, and it is very hard to do when people who have hurt you are being very very loud.

[first-only]

Previous anon here

I've also seen the 'taking care of yourself/your own happiness is selfish and bad' in activism/progressive spaces too. Actually, that comic you rb-ed about the guy buying a videogame and donating to charity, and then being 'called out' for not donating all the money, was the thing that made me send the original ask

But yes, you are right in saying that that mentality is also very prevalent in religious morality. (Makes you think doesn't it lol)

ironically, thats exactly how i meant it too. being socially or perceptually 'progressive' does not stop you from absorbing religious (or just generally controlling, chicken and egg on historically which leads to which) morality from context or culture. how many people these days, even those opposing capitalism, know that its literal roots is protestantism? think of all of the discussions about 'conservatism/puritanism with a gay hat'. - "i dont want to see gay sex bc sinful" and "i dont want to see gay sex bc what about queer kids" are the same statement. "white and black people shouldnt date bc of racial purity" and "white and black people shouldnt date bc power dynaimcs" are the same statement.

"woke" or social justice language has seeped so deeply into discourse that people are cloaking their every statement into it, theyre expressing their emotional baggage or inclinations with it. they've found a "progressive" way to state every personal beef they have with the world, and by doing this have made it very emotionally taxing to dispute them in good faith. if its easier to make an analogy with fandom on the fandom blog - antis think of themselves as progressive too, but they're parroting conservative rhetoric that they have absorbed, that makes them feel good, is intuitive, and they dress up their arguments in sj terms because that's what's marketable in their sphere. they probably even believe it's true - the same way some people genuinely believe in "selfishness" - but that doesnt change that the ideology itself is founded on conservationist, traditionalist, controlling beliefs.

i hate to bring up 'cultural [christianity/religion]' because that term has been twisted into nothing by social media, but this is what it actually means. even if youre not religious, the morals and the cultural background (ethics, interpersonal norms, rules for raising children) still seep into your understanding of the world just by Living In Society, by proximity, by your relationships with people who also live in that cultural environment (yes even if they themselves arent religious). opposing the norms, and sifting through them to find what actually is useful and makes sense, and what is "peer pressure by dead people" is a conscious effort. Identity alone cannot do that for you. Coming out, being queer, visiting counter-culture spaces can be a start but it is not automatic. The same way a lot of queer people have to unlearn homophobia (be it internalized or not), rooting out 'intuitive' (ie learned since childhood by socio proximity) beliefs and judgments of others is also a lot of work and involves challenging a lot of what you automatically think when faced with a problem or difference or deviance. (of course this doesnt apply only to religion per se, [some] americans and their 'what would the forefathers think' fall directly into this way of thinking. tho i might argue that's kind of pseudo-religious but thats a whole other discussion)

[nolongeractive---sorry-blog]

i’ve avoided talking about this my entire life, but like, i’m an adult now and this is my blog and i want to open up about my trauma for the very first time, okay? so um,

when i was a child, i was brainwashed and recruited into a cult. they call themselves all kinds of shit– apostolics, pentecostals, church of god– but they’re not christians no matter how much they want to believe they are! it’s a fucking cult, and like i said, i’ve never talked about this before so i’m going to use some “characteristics of cults” to help me explain my experiences within the cult

The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader and (whether he is alive or dead) regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.

while they don’t have one leader, each church’s pastoral line (yes, it’s usually biologically inherited) is viewed as the Truth, law, their word is 100% correct and they have no flaws (at least not flaws that can’t be corrected by Jesus)! the pastor is a healer and can make a paraplegic rise from their wheelchair and dance! the pastor can wish financial well-being on you and you’ll magically come into large amounts of money! the pastor can put his hand on your head and your headache will disappear instantly!

Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.

you are not to speak of doubt/questioning/dissent. all other religions and beliefs are wrong. only the beliefs of the church will save you. any doubts were very, very, very unspoken of and i would’ve been terrified to speak out against them.

Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, and debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).

they “speak in tongues”– meaning everyone has to pray by blabbering nonsense, and sometimes we would all stand in a circle and people would take turns blabbering nonsense, and they called it “Jesus speaking directly through [those people]”. speaking in tongues happened at every service. sometimes people would say “that person’s tongues are in [language] even though they can’t speak that language!” “that person’s tongues sound like they must be an ancient version of [language]!” they taught that tongues was the holy spirit speaking through us and they were an actual language somewhere in the world. i can literally guarantee you it was entirely gibberish!!!

The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example, members must get permission to date, change jobs, marry, or leaders prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, whether or not to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth).

we were not allowed to date outside of church. women could not cut their hair or wear pants, and men were encouraged to dress like they were going to church even if they weren’t. homosexuality was the ultimate abomination. you couldn’t have certain jobs. you couldn’t do drugs or drink alcohol, and those things were extremely wrong and made you a horrible person. you needed permission from your family (and sometimes the church) to date and marry.

The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members (for example, the leader is considered the Messiah, a special being, an avatar, or the group and/or the leader is on a special mission to save humanity).

they believe they’re the only people who are going to be saved and hold themselves up above other christians and other religions. people outside of the church aren’t truly happy and don’t truly love one another. i actually remember being taught that relationships outside of the church were doomed to fail because they couldn’t truly love one another if they weren’t pentecostal. it’s the church’s purpose to “save” as many people as possible because the rapture (end of the world, where all pentecostals are saved and all non-pentecostals are doomed to destroy one another and burn in hell for all eternity) is coming soon!! soon!! very soon!! perhaps obama is the antichrist!!

The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.

again, we couldn’t date outside of the church. we were taught that we were the holiest of people. there were good people, and there were bad people, and we were the good people. everyone else was bad, evil, corrupt, sinning! our church was perfect and happy and nothing bad ever happened within it. everything outside was tainted and evil and scary. we were actually taught that people who believe in evolution were inherently racist because it meant they believed that nonwhite (more specifically, black) people were closer to apes than white people! yeah, seriously! we were taught that shit! we were also taught that Harry Potter was of the devil and rock music and shit was about satan lmao

The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt in order to influence and/or control members. Often, this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion.

the church would spread rumors about you if they didn’t think you were being “pure” enough. this happened to me and became the final straw in my leaving the church, actually. i wasn’t tithing (donating 10% of your income to the church, which was thoroughly documented btw) because 1. i was a fucking child and 2. i was dirt poor!! and they started spreading it around that i was cutting my hair and wearing jeans outside of church, which i wasn’t. they were constantly pitting members against members who weren’t “doing well enough” to serve the church

Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.

if you’re truly part of the church, you can’t be in contact with friends and family who aren’t, because they’re corrupt and will try to corrupt you. people were constantly pressured to stop talking to their family and friends who weren’t pentecostal. you had to minister to people and/or go on a “mission” (you go to poor countries and brainwash desperate people into believing in God). you were supposed to go to bible camp, retreats, etc. and you were supposed to attend church at least three times a week (mine usually met four times per week, and that’s excluding times we would visit sister churches in other cities)

The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.

again, they center around brainwashing children, the poor, the weak, the vulnerable in any way, shape, or form

The group is preoccupied with making money.

they excommunicated A FUCKING CHILD for not donating 10% of my income lmao??? literally you had to donate birthday money, christmas money, your paycheck, mortgage/loans, whatever, any kind of income you had, 10% had to go to the church. and btw the church looked like shit but the pastoral family had 10 acres of land and nice, brand new, expensive shit, none of them had jobs outside of the church. i wonder where all the tithes went??? :-)

Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.

i touched on this one a bit ago but yeah basically all of your extracurricular activities were within the church and they discouraged you from participating in extracurricular activities at school or elsewhere

Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.

touched on this already

The most loyal members feel there can be no life outside the context of the group. They believe there is no other way to be, and often fear reprisals to themselves or others if they leave (or even consider leaving) the group.

this is extremely true and leaving them was, and still is, soooo fucking hard!!! they literally had me convinced that nobody outside of the church could be kindhearted. nobody outside of the church had the capacity to love. nobody outside of the church was trustworthy. nobody outside of the church wasn’t evil, and all of their thoughts/actions/etc. were tainted by the devil. you would never love or be loved. you would never find happiness. you would never be financially secure. you would never be healed if you were sick. oh, btw, a lot of people didn’t get treatment for their or their childrens’ conditions. like i said, we believed the pastor was a healer!

they also taught that people could have special abilities. one person could see a word over someone else’s head, that was whatever sin they’re struggling with. as mentioned, another person could put their hand on you and heal you, or another person could magically know another language. i remember a speech where a woman talked about how she had an abortion and she could hear the baby scream and stuff, and looking back, i now know that it was a performance based entirely around fearmongering. i remember so many fearmongering sermons, honestly. i used to take notes, so they’re really ingrained in my head, even after all these years

this is so cathartic but at the same time i’m anxious and shaking lmao! like, it’s been years, i know that none of what they taught is true and they can’t hurt me, but i left the cult scarred with PTSD, OCD, and anxiety. the reason i’m talking about all of this for the first time is because my new manager is in the cult. i saw her and just knew. i see people out in public and just know. it fills me with a feeling like i’m going to puke and i get overwhelmed and usually i can just go home, but this time, i can’t bc i’m at work :-) 

it prompted me to read stories from other ex-members of the cult and i was reminded of things like the term “backslider”, which was used to describe people who left the church and “went back to being ~worldly~” or whatever? and that children were conditioned to being afraid of the dark, afraid of being alone, afraid of demonic activity (especially in scary movies, which i still can’t watch to this day because even though i know they’re not actually scary, i was brainwashed into believing they were evil and if you watched them you’d be letting demons into your life and they would corrupt and kill you)

they made it impossible to make friends because all of your friends were in the church, so i and many other ex-members had and/or have a very difficult time developing and perfecting social skills. i was taught that swearing was evil. we were taught to say “oh my word” instead of “oh my god”, or other phrases. i’ve noticed that myself as well as other ex-members swear a ton and used “oh my god”, “jesus fucking christ”, etc. deliberately taking “god’s” name in vain and swearing to excess, as a means of therapy, or maybe defiance, or a combination of both from being so demonized by the church

apparently we all still struggle with flashbacks to the brainwashing songs we heard, learned, and sang. in general, we all seem to experience varying levels of PTSD, OCD, and anxiety as a direct result from the cult, which isn’t uncommon of cults, but it’s only recently that i’ve begun to allow myself to look back on it and recognize that it was a cult, it did this to me, and it’s fueled…many of my beliefs and interests, to put it quietly. i’m still not ready to talk about all of it. this is literally the most i’ve said about it in the last six years. i’ve never discussed it in detail. i’ve rarely allowed myself to think about it in detail. i have never told anyone about it directly– not friends, family, partners, therapists…nobody :-) 

so yeah here’s a lot of baggage unloaded lmao i’m going to try to relax now!!!! this is more than enough for today!!!!!