#is it staying up till 3am just because tomorrow's reality might break it apart?

[not-gonna-delulu]

Until the stars shine...

It would just be for tonight when I dream of him. Maybe that's why I'm fighting so hard to keep my eyes open. Maybe he thinks it's a mistake. Maybe he thinks we might make it. But in my mind, he's already mine.

Only for tonight though, until the moon disappears. I can love him as he sleeps. I can love him until the sun comes up and I'm forced to face the reality of tonight meaning nothing to him. I can pretend he's awake too, knowing I love him. I wish I didn't have to, and my heart skips a beat as I realize he's online.

Is he re-reading our texts like I am? Is he regretting it? Is he regretting not doing it earlier? Perhaps I'll just pretend this is our normal. 

Perhaps I'll pretend he's already mine and I'm already his and this is just one night among the countless others we've already shared and would share. Until the stars shine, I'm his and he's mine. Until the moon looks over us tonight, I love him and I'll believe he loves me back. Until the sun stays down, I'll pretend we have an eternity together. Until I have to face reality, I'll live and love in this meticulously crafted day dream, hoping, praying, begging that this means as much to him as it does to me.

Maybe these ideas of him will mean more to me than our reality ever will

[1-800-imagines]

Summer Love |h.s|

no control part 1

tw: aggressive, douche bf (not harry)

Rowan was more excited for her second year of college at Dartmouth. She had a boyfriend and she was going to be a teaching assistant for English 1301. She had taken the course the year before and loved the professor. Dr. Montgomery had been impressed with Rowan that she had offered her a job for the next year and now Rowan basically was in charge of the class. She lectured, gave tests and quizzes, and graded papers. Dr. Montgomery was just there as a supervisor if Rowan had questions.

She was also excited for her classes because she was now able to take her major related courses. She adored English with her whole heart and now her schedule was full of English classes instead of just the basics. She had her classes that she was taking on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday's. And she taught two English 1301 classes on Tuesday and Thursday back to back.

Rowan was anxious about teaching. She was only 19. Her students would be the same age as her and might be in her other classes. It was the day before classes started and Rowan had moved into her apartment that day. It was a late start but her parents had wanted her home for as much as possible since she didn't come home much during the school year. Boston was only 2 hours away but Rowan didn't have a car.

Carter had helped Rowan move all her stuff in. Her parents had kissed her goodbye and left leaving the couple alone. Rowan flopped on her bed and laid back. She was exhausted from moving all the shit. She wanted a nap, but Carter was on her. "Not now, Cart," She mumbled with her eyes still closed.

"Come on, Ro. I helped you move all your heavy shit in and now you're gonna hold out on me," Carter said, his voice laced with guilt. Rowan sighed, but didn't move.

"No, I'm tired." She opened her eyes to look at him, "I'm sorry. Can't we nap and maybe after?" She asked him.

"God, you're such a bitch, Rowan." He snapped. His sweet attitude from earlier with his parents disappearing. He stood up from her bed and left with a huff, slamming the door. "Don't fucking text me." He yelled and the apartment door slammed again.

Rowan sighed again and shut her eyes. She honestly didn't care enough right now to deal with Carter and his antics. She was too tired. Their summer had been fun, but their relationship relied on sex and whenever Rowan didn't want to, he would get extremely mad and throw a fit. Rowan drifted into sleep without setting an alarm. It was only about 4:30.

——

When Rowan woke up, it was midnight. "Shit," She swore under her breath. She still had a LOT of stuff to do to prepare for classes and meeting with Dr. Montgomery tomorrow. On top of that, she probably wouldn't be able to sleep through the night. She sat up and looked around for her phone. When she turned it on she saw she had about 25 texts from Carter ranging from him being extremely angry to also saying he loved her and he was sorry. Rowan didn't want to deal with it. She plugged her phone into the charger and got up to finish dealing with her shit.

She was done prepping at 3am. And she had her first class at 9. She didn't have a car so she still had to walk to campus but she didn't live far. She was going to leave at 8 so she could pick up breakfast from the coffee stand. So in reality she needed to get up at 6:30 to shower. Rowan groaned thinking about everything and fell back in her bed. She set multiple alarms and fell back asleep.

At 6:30 sharp the alarm clock blared and she sprang out of bed, not wanting to be late. Her anxiety was always the worst on the first day. She actually had diagnosed anxiety and depression. She jumped into the shower to jolt herself awake. Mornings were always the hardest for Ro. She never wanted to get herself out of bed.

She let herself stay in the shower for 30 minutes and then get out and fully get ready. She dried her hair and put on some makeup. Her hair was generally pretty straight and currently was platinum blonde. She was a natural blonde but she liked it platinum best. She pulled on some ripped skinny jeans and a button up. It was 7:45 so she was good on time. She grabbed her vans and backpack and walked out the door, finally answering Carter. She simply just texted him, 'It's fine. See you after classes. R'

Before she shut the door, she yelled at her roommate, "Bye Ari!" Her best friend and roommate didn't have class till later but Rowan liked yelling at her start waking her up. Ari was even less of a morning person than Rowan.

Rowan made the trek to campus and to the coffee stand. She was in line, only kind of paying attention when it was her turn. "Hi, can I get a large double shot of espresso with cream and sugar? And then a bagel with butter?" The cashier nodded and she paid for her breakfast with her cash and change that was left from summer. She had a little bit of money from summer babysitting and knew she had to be careful about spending until the paychecks started rolling in.

Rowan turned on her foot to go wait for her order when she bumped into a very tall man, "Oh shit, I'm sorry." She said, dropping all her money on the floor, "Fuck." She had a major problem with swearing.

The man chuckled and bent down to help her pick up the money, "Don't worry about it, love." He had a thick british accent. He handed her the money and her heart skipped a beat. She realized she was staring and got a hold of herself.

"Thank you! Sorry again." She smiled and went over to wait for her coffee, slightly mortified. Rowan took out her phone to look down and texted Ari. 'I'm the biggest dumbass. I ran into this gorgeous man and dropped my fucking CHANGE at his feet and he picked it up for me and now I'm standing here looking like a fucking DORK'

She knew Ari wouldn't be awake yet, but it was a relief to tell someone even if they wouldn't read it till later.

The mysterious man walked over to wait next to Rowan and Rowan's heart was beating incredibly fast. How did someone have this effect on her? Carter sure didn't. "Rowan!" It snapped her out of her trance. She grabbed her order and awkwardly smiled at the man.

"Have a good day," The man said and Rowan nearly tripped.

"You too!" She said and ran off to try to avoid further embarrassing herself. "Jesus christ, get yourself together Rowan." She swore at herself and went to sit outside her class to eat.

Her first 4 classes went by quickly. She had biology, fiction & poetry, creative writing, and history all back to back. Then she had a break which overlapped with Ari. The two talked about Rowan's embarrassment of the day and Rowan saluted her and went to the class she was most excited about: Shakespeare's Greatest Works. It was taught by a new Professor.

She walked into class before it started and sat in the second row. She took out her notebook for that class and waited for class to start. On the dot of the hour, the door opened and Rowan gasped.

"Oh fuck me." She said a little bit too loudly. It caught the professor's attention and he smirked at her, giving her a little grin. It was the man from earlier.

"Alright class, I'm Professor Styles. Nice to meet you all." Rowan's heart nearly fell out of her chest.