#is it healthy? no lol. they're obsessed with each other but i wouldn't exactly say it's toxic either

[isekyaaa]

So here's the backstory to my Yae Miko fics "Spark" and "Unwillingly."

Over five hundred years ago, reader, a half-sky kitsune half-human, was found by Lady Saiguu. Reader was the child of one of her dear friends that fell in love with a human. After finding out her dear friend and his wife were killed by nobushi, Lady Saiguu decided to raise their child as one of her own. It was at this point that reader meets a young Yae Miko. Wanting them to be companions, Lady Saiguu encourages them to be friends, and they grow close. Reader, being older than Yae, acts almost as an older sibling figure without the older sibling vibe. LOL They try to protect and spoil Yae to their heart's content.

After the cataclysm and Lady Saiguu disappearing, however, Yae was too young to become Guuji, so the elders of the sky kitsune decide to take control. It has to be said at this point, the elders always would talk to Lady Saiguu about abandoning reader. They viewed reader as a filthy half-blood, a stain upon the dignity of the sky kitsune. But Lady Saiguu never listened. So when the elders got in charge, they took reader from their home and basically beat and brainwashed them to believe they were nothing. They told reader the lie that Lady Saiguu never truly loved them and only raised them to serve Yae as a retainer, not a friend. They trained to become a soldier, and once they passed the test, they were given back to Yae as a guard.

Unfortunately for Yae, she has no knowledge of this. The elders told her that reader left because any reason they had to stay (Lady Saiguu) didn't exist anymore. They basically imply reader abandoned her. So when they suddenly appear before Yae again, they tell her the only reason why they're back is to fulfill their promise to Lady Saiguu to protect Yae. But you see, Yae is a smart cookie. She knows how manipulative the elders are and she can see how dead reader's eyes have become over the time they were apart. She can't bring herself to believe that she means nothing to reader.

The following centuries are just loads of sexual tension between the two. There's no other way to describe it. She keeps taunting and teasing reader, trying to get them to break, but reader remains steadfast that their existence is to protect her and nothing more. They even make up that their first love was Lady Saiguu, which is why they're taking their promise to her so seriously. But Yae doesn't believe it. Even though reader gives no outward evidence of such, Yae is convinced that reader is in love with her.

I really can't blame her for feeling that way too. Though reader doesn't react to her teasing and temptations, there's just things they can't help but do to make her happy—secretly ordering for her fried tofu when she's irritated, taking her routes where fireworks can be seen, somehow not noticing when she escapes from her duties despite always having a constant eye on her. Just like from their childhood, reader always tries to make her happy.

At some point in the general present, reader has a "moment of weakness" when it comes to Yae, but I don't know what it is. They definitely do not give in and sleep with her though. I know it's not that. If they did, Yae would definitely tempt them again and they would not be able to resist after tasting the forbidden fruit the first time. I wanna say that it's either that they almost kiss her or that they hug her for some reason. And then run away right after, not addressing it when they meet the next day. Idk. I have to flesh this part out. The fic "Spark" happens sometime around this time.

Either way, around half a year after this, the Traveler and Paimon end up visiting the shrine. They bring Yae what looks to be an old notebook they found on one of their journeys. Upon taking a closer look, it is revealed to be the diary of Lady Saiguu. Upon reading it, Yae becomes quite…. irate. I'd say furious, but that doesn't quite match her. In the book, she discovers the truth. That reader was someone Lady Saiguu cherished, she wanted them to become close companions with Yae, and that the elders despised reader. Upon finishing, she goes straight to the elders and interrogates them about what they did to reader.

Upon coming back, Yae calls reader to her and tells them that they're relieved of their duties. They don't need to serve her anymore. Which causes reader to panic because she's the reason for their existence. Yae tells them the truth about the elders and Lady Saiguu, but they have a hard time believing it. Knowing theyre going to be difficult, she basically gives them an ultimatum. They can either believe her and attempt to foster a relationship (not necessarily romantic) with her once more or they can leave and never return. They choose the first option. Tbh this whole scene is supposed to be more emotional and angsty, but my brain isn't completely working right now.

After this, reader and Yae's relationship is awkward (a glimpse can be seen in the fic "Unwillingly"). Reader vacillates between being warm and cool with her. Sometimes they try to approach her, but then will suddenly withdraw, unable to get over the shame that was beaten into them. Yae understands that they have a lot of trauma and brainwashing to work through, but she does get a bit impatient with them.

At this point, though, reader and Yae are basically a volcano waiting to blow. A bomb about to go off. Reader has loved Yae for centuries and Yae has been waiting that whole time for them to finally give in. If they don't approach their budding relationship carefully, reader will get pushed over the edge and just��� It would get really physical in the indulgent addictive sense. Reader would be the addict for her body and attention trying to get back in control of themselves and Yae would be the enabler consistently tempting them to take what they want. That being said, would it be unhealthy? Uhh….. Not as much as you'd expect. I think they'd address their traumas and whatnot much quicker that way lol.

Anyway, this is the full backstory.

[heagaches]

Oh yeah, I guess I'll talk about that school stalking time, I'm in the mood

If you're looking around this blog you'll notice maybe in the tags I'll mention some things I used to do in middle school. Of course, I don't condone them now because I recognize the effect it has on the other person. Back then I was just still forming how I acted around people of my age, what was socially acceptable to people around me. I suppressed a lot of personal interests though and I seem to still do it, though on a lesser level. I mean, why do I reblog furby, care bear, and occasionally neopets stuff (I have my own blog for that now) to here when I could just reblog it to main? Anxiety probably lmao

In middle school, there were a few boys (and a girl) I took interest in and would actually sort of cling to emotionally just based on looks and even sometimes personality. There was a total of 5 people I took obsessive interest in, 3 I sort of stalked. The other two were... odd lol. One agreed to be my boyfriend (lasted a couple weeks and it seemed to be strongly physical attraction. It was weird) and the other was just kind of an asshole and immature, and I dropped him quickly.

The first one I remember was a tall kid with really fluffy hair and a deep voice. He probably was pretty chill if I didn't... literally chase after him. Nice one emotionally conflicted younger self, god lol. Not exactly stalking but, definitely odd.

The next one is the girl, who was definitely suicidal and had an odd thinking process that I couldn't understand, plus she was undeniably cute. Definitely wasn't a healthy obsession, and though she was my friend, she caught on to how I felt, and probably due to internalized homophobia stirring inside both of us, she told a kid I had interest in that I liked him, and he became my first Actual boyfriend. But that didn't really stop me from semi stalking her social, getting frustrated and jealous whenever I saw her talking to her more closer friends and confiding in them. We kind of drifted apart after I moved schools (to both the boyfriend and the girl), but I met the girl much later, during high school. I don't quite know what's going on in her life, but she seems to have gotten help and sort of regrets acting on the homophobia she had. But, I told her it was okay, it... wasn't the best, the attraction I had held for her. If I were try and be her friend again, I think we would be chill with each other.

The last one is one I usually remember more vividly whenever I think about the subject of stalking. There was this kid whose voice was just changing, and if I had to describe him, it would probably be around chaotic neutral or neutral evil. I seemed to enjoy talking to him, even though I'm pretty sure most of what he was saying was bullshit, then and even now. He was interested in army stuff and I wouldn't be surprised if he had a sort of violent side. But really, it's not too bad, I just followed him when I was supposed to turn away and go towards my house. It was fun talking to him, and that's probably why I couldn't stop, but eventually he would avoid walking with me, and when I followed him seemingly all the way to the end, he claimed one house was his, though I doubt it. The reason he knew I was stalking me was because I was still at that stage where it was hard for me to Shut Up and I tended to blabber. So, in an odd sense, he probably learned more about me than I did him.

This probably was a bit long, but that's okay, I just wanted to drabble. Again, I don't actually condone stalking and such, it fucks with the other's mental health and they don't feel safe at all when you do it. It may feel internally painful, but try to talk to them when they're free. Express your interest in being their friend, get their number, write a script for you to use. Breathe, and consider the other party's viewpoint.