#is a sign of profound and absolutely necessary healing for the left to have a future

[13thpythagoras]

good line of thought... agreed that one on one discourse is an incredibly powerful communication tool, to be used as much as possible...and our crew out here knows we welcome enlightened hypermasculinity, I'm a black belt guitar God who speaks multiple languages, I'm sexy as fuck and we have to remember this is a conversation about sex appeal. Me and my side are casting light onto the path of enlightenment, that any pathetic incel guy or masculinity-curious individual can walk, and transform himself into an enlightened man burning with the fire of wisdom, this is attractive like no other; the right actually castrates their men to be good trumpist foot soldiers- try having a pair around trump! it won't go well; the left is the side that gives us room for enlightened hypermasculinity, and hey we're also pro-2nd amendment, we're pro monster-slaying, we're pro -independence from sovereigns and pro-interconnectedness with neighbors and communities. Calling all genders, calling all genders, this struggle can't be gender exclusionary- We the men on the left ain't even cucked a tad by Putin, Trump, or McConnell, but those bitchboys on the right are cucked as fuck. And I ain't here to kink shame as long as you keep it from harming others who never consented. But Che, Castro, Bolivar, these guys showed us what hypermasculinity on the left looks like. It's nothing new...

So fuck putin and trumpty dumpty, and fuck the whole right wing, they're diaper wearing ideological minorities on the wrong side of history and our side is much stronger, more diverse, faster, smarter, and technically we are the silent majority, sleeping for how much longer?... Luigi did nothing wrong- my point is, me and mine, we aren't here to beg fascists to care about us. That's why I'm wicked with my elbows or an M-16, and I was on the field when we won that high school football championship in the same league as a guy who would go on to win a superbowl and become a likely NFL hall of famer for whom I have immense respect; I walk with the silence of a ghost, housecats don't even notice me and I have 20/20 vision with super hearing and smell, plus the extra senses... Me and my mutuals and students, we ain't even really here to punch a fascist unless it's a throat shot or we're wearing a brass ring or brass knuckles since we know the skull is the 2nd strongest bone in the body and you can break both hands punching skull and go on to lose that fight but if you throw that elbow it's fascist naptime in the now moment. Like hey go on down that rabbit hole fascists, I'll be loading my shotgun saying "shame" shaking my head.

I'm here to remind everyone that my grandpa was miraculously lucky to have survived the WW2 battle of the bulge, he was in a jeep that hit a mine and he was the lone survivor of 4 passengers, and he would go on to call in artillery strikes on fascists pig not-see's of high rank, he was a scout and after calling in the strike, he would gain distance, hide, and then hear his targets become craters and wipe their cooked guts off his helmet, rinse and repeat; and I'm carrying that torch forward into the next century, I'm much older and more skilled in combat than my grandpa was at that time, I'm here to share the art of war and to maximizedly strengthen our aura of protection and safety on the left, I have wisdom if you're fighting alone or all the way up and have a full army, we got the wisdom to power that across the chessboard and checkmate who we need to checkmate.

and this is hyper masculinity that anyone, of any gender identity, will be able to espouse and use against the clowns on the right. it would bring me delight to no end to see a lesbian, or clique of LGBTQ folks, exhibiting more masculinity than these clowns on the right in a debate space or struggle space, and showing them how someone of enlightened masculinity will talk and walk and shoot. You can be trans or woman or whatever and if you bring this level of hyper masculinity to a debate against the right, you'll be able to out them as the hypocritical non-masculine clowns that they are. This is how we use positive energy to attract, rather than any pushing or begging nah we are on the high vibe of raw attraction. *guitar solo*

Along with the "how do we stop young men turning into angry radical right-wing types" discourse there's been a lot of discourse about the need for cishet male allies of the cause to stand up to their racist, sexist, homophobic etc. male friends and tell them to stop being those things, and other people saying "I've tried that and it doesn't really work, they just call me a fag and then stop hanging out with me."

And yeah, given that the left and right are more divided than ever it is kind of strange to assume that a male feminist is going to be hanging out with a bunch of sexist dudebros who will take it to heart when they make a rape joke and he says, "dudes...that was fucked up." That's not how it works.

(Also, yes, I realize that "the right" and "sexist dudebros" are not really the same thing but there's an area of overlap that is specifically being focused on in a lot of this discourse.)

I've been in sort of the Mirror World version of that scenario: being in heavily left-wing spaces, hearing people say fucked up shit about men and being the one who says, "uh that's kinda fucked up why would you say something like that?" and can confirm, yes, this kind of pushback does not work in that context. They just ridicule you and double down on whatever they were saying. Pushing out dissenting voices is a time-honored bonding ritual for these types of groups.

On the other hand, when I am alone with an actual friend, someone I care about who also cares about me, and they say something fucked up and I respond with shocked silence or a quiet "hey now," they usually backpedal pretty quickly.

So I guess if you're trying to stop someone from going down a rabbit hole my advice is not to confront them in a group setting or online where other people can witness the confrontation, especially if you are in a setting where most onlookers are likely to side with them. Talking to them alone, and in a less confrontational way, is what actually gets results.

[headcanontheshitoutofsoulsborne]

Dark Souls Chain

Original Prompt: Solaire saves Oscar from hollowing in the Undead Asylum.

@acebladespades

It hurt.  

His death had been painful from the start, ever since the Asylum Demon had ignited it after crushing his body with its giant mace of stone.

Oscar had believed the pain would fade away eventually, and that he would be allowed to enjoy the last moments of his life, if not in peace, at least in numbness.

It had been a vain hope.

Yet, he forced himself to keep his agony hidden from the Undead standing before him.

He wanted them to remember him as the dignified knight that had freed them, not as some poor fool bleeding to death in a dark, rotting cell.

“Now I must bid farewell,” he told them after giving them the Asylum’s key and his Estus flask,” I would hate to harm you after death. So go now, and—”  

He couldn’t pronounce the last words.

If he did, he would be sealing his fate. He would lose all hope, and the Hollowing would come to him faster than his already prolonged death.

It shouldn’t have been this way.

It was a bitter thought.

For a moment, he regretted having surrendered his precious items so easily to that lowly, nameless Undead.

They were no one, just a being so corrupted by the curse that it was a miracle they still held a semblance of sanity on their putrid mind.

No, I must not think of them this way.  

Oscar chided himself, ashamed of his haughtiness.  

He fixed his tired, blurry gaze on the Undead. With what little strength he had left, he let go of his shield and raised his hand toward them.

The Undead did not move. It was only when Oscar thought they wouldn’t accept the gesture that he felt their bony fingers grasping his wrist.

Their grip was strong, but not ungentle.  

Oscar could feel their shivering through his leather gauntlet.

Were they cold?

That wouldn’t be surprising. The Asylum was a freezing, desolate place. Judging by their appearance, the Undead had already spent an ungodly number of years locked within its confines.

He shouldn’t make them linger in that awful prison more time than necessary.

The Undead deserved to be free, and more importantly, they had a mission to complete.

His mission.

The Undead suddenly dropped to their knees, splashing blood-tainted water all over their tattered clothing and Oscar’s armor.

They were exhausted; or perhaps, they were just as overtaken with emotion as Oscar was?

A small glimmer of fondness for the Undead was born inside his chest. It was faint, like a little flame burning amidst a dark cave, but it still gave Oscar the comfort and warmth he thought he had lost.

And above all, it gave him peace.

“Thank you.” He told them in a soft whisper.

The Undead made a sound then, like a grunt they couldn’t fully release from their throat.

It was an unpleasant sound, but more than disgusted by it, Oscar felt shocked. Until then, he had thought the Undead to be voiceless. After years of solitary confinement, it would have only been natural for their speech to be gone.  

It touched Oscar to think the Undead had made the effort to talk for his sake. It was not necessary, and if seen objectively, it was a waste of time.

There was nothing to be gained by speaking to a moribund man like himself; but he appreciated the gesture, and it meant more to him than the Undead would ever know.

“Go.”  

He urged them, scared of the monster he would soon become.  

It was coming.  

The Hollowing.

Against his wishes, and trembling almost out of control, the Undead let go of his hand. They got closer to him and embraced him, resting their chin on the metal plate of his shoulder.

There was no time for such sentimentalities, and Oscar knew it, but he couldn’t bring himself to express the thought out loud.

He had already accepted the idea of dying alone, but now that the Undead was offering him an alternative, foolish and dangerous as it was, Oscar didn’t find the strength to refuse it.

You are not just a nameless Undead.  

Slowly, he put his free arm around the Undead’s shoulders. If only words could express the gratitude he felt toward them, for not abandoning him in the last moments of his life.

You are my successor. You are the Chosen Undead.

The Undead made another sound.

Oscar listened to it, uncaring if it was little more than a meaningless groan. The Undead had listened to his story and had also accepted to carry on his quest in his stead. It was only fair that he listened to what they had to say now, even if they couldn’t pronounce a coherent word at all.

The Undead drew breath and rested their head against the side of Oscar’s helmet. Their other hand lay between them and Oscar. It was placed on their chest, right above their Darksign.

“Kill.”

The word came out clearly, but Oscar’s mind refused to believe that what he had just heard was true.

“What?”

Frantically, the Undead’s hand abandoned Oscar’s shoulders and travelled down to the hilt of his sword. They tried to make him lift the weapon up, but neither them nor Oscar had the strength necessary.

“What are you doing?” he demanded, more scared and confused than what his weak voice conveyed.  

“Kill—” The Undead’s head departed from his helmet, with both their hands jolting up directly toward Oscar’s neck. His helmet protected him, but it was not a defense the Undead couldn’t break if they tried.

Through the slots of his visor, Oscar stared at them with his eyes wide open. His heart raced inside his chest so quickly that his pulse was almost as painful as his many inner wounds.

The face he saw looming over him was no longer the rotten but calm face of his successor. It had transformed into a hideous and twisted scowl, a hideous parody of its former self. It was a grimace more proper of a Hollow than—

No.

Oscar couldn’t speak, but the Undead still reacted, as if they had sensed his distress.

They growled and snarled at Oscar before lunging back away from him violently. The absence of their weight on his body brought Oscar some relief, but it was soon shattered when the Undead began to scream.

They twitched on the flooded floor as if thousands of maggots were devouring them from the inside. They clutch at their chest, their nails clawing at their skin and tearing it apart.

Oscar could only watch in horror as the Undead he had freed convulsed and cried.  

He wanted to stand up.

He wanted to help them.

He wanted to run away.

He wanted to do anything else other than laying on his bed of rubble; but his body was broken, and so was his spirit.  

No more.

He closed his eyes, but he could do nothing to deafen his ears to the awful screams of the Undead.

Make it stop. Lord Gwyn, make me die! Make me go Hollow! Please, just make it stop!

“Kill me.”

His eyes opened against his will. He had been so immersed in his own despair that he didn’t notice the moment the Undead had finally regained control of themselves.  

They remained on their knees; they had gotten closer to Oscar. They were completely still, but their posture was tense and brittle.  

They wouldn’t be able to contain themselves for much longer. It was a miracle they had managed to regain some of their sanity in the first place.

Though their screams and convulsions had ceased, Oscar could see the pain they were in, just as he could see how the Darksign on their chest had spread and deepened.

“Kill me.” The Undead pleaded. “Before I kill you.”

“I...” Oscar, with his mouth dry and his body cold with blood loss, tried to lift his sword, but if his arm had been weak moments ago, by then it had transformed into a heavy and numb limb. “I can’t—”

It’s useless.

The Undead answered only with a feral cry. The echo of splashing water accompanied their howling as they jumped right at Oscar, with their broken sword hanging from their hand.

Everything I ever did... all of it was in vain.

The sharp whistling of swinging metal filled the cell and put an end to the Undead’s demented growls. It was followed by a brief moment of ominous silence, and then, by the sound of the Undead’s body collapsing on the water.

Oscar saw how their corpse lay stiff before him.  

Their rancid blood flowed abundantly from a long and profound wound on their back; it mixed with his own in the stagnant water.

“Undead?”

They didn’t answer.

They couldn’t.

They had Hollowed, and now they were dead.

“Are you alright?” A voice he didn’t recognize asked. It was only then that Oscar became aware of the man standing in front of him.

He held a bloody sword on his hand.

The stranger tried to approach him, but Oscar backed away from him. The effort he made to pull himself away from the man was more than what his body could endure, and Oscar was punished with a wave of pain that made him scream.

Or maybe he had been screaming since the man had first approached him, or perhaps ever since the Undead had fallen just before his eyes.

He didn’t know, and he didn’t care.

The only thing he knew for sure was that the coldness blooming from his chest was as overwhelming as the burning sea that were his destroyed insides.

The stranger knelt next to Oscar and removed his helmet. Without previous warning, he began to forcefully feed him Estus from his own flask.  Oscar choked and spat out the elixir, but the other man did not give up.

He kept struggling, until he finally managed to keep Oscar still.  

Exhausted, lost, and overcome with pain, Oscar was left with no choice than to accept the unwelcome healing.  

“Easy.” The man told him. “Everything will be alright, my friend.”

Oscar knew he was lying. He wanted to call the man out for his blatant, condescending lies, but death submerged him into an absolute darkness before he had the chance.

___________________

“Here.” Solaire said as he knelt next to the knight and covered him with his own tunic. “It’s not as good as a blanket, but it’ll keep you warm.”

He took off his helmet and smiled at the other man.

The knight remained unconscious. The only sign of life he gave was the slow, soft rising of his chest caused by his breathing.

Solaire tried to continue smiling, but it was difficult to accomplish when the man lying down in front of him looked more like a corpse than a living being.

As alive as an Undead can be.

The thought was strangely disheartening, so Solaire erased it from his mind and he focused on the injured knight again.

The sight wasn’t precisely uplifting either.

Whatever beast had injured him, whether it had been the Hollow or some other abomination, it had reduced his body to a pitiful state. The knight had bled profusely; his blood tainted his entire armor, from the chainmail behind his tunic to the metal plates on his legs.

Even now, after Solaire had fed him all his Estus and had carried him to a nearby bonfire, some of the knight’s blood continued to flow from his wounds. Solaire could see how small crimson spots began to appear on the white silk of his tunic.

Without wasting a second, he got closer to the bonfire and filled his empty flask with Estus again. Then, he knelt next to the unconscious knight’s head, gently lifted it and placed it on his lap.

The bonfire’s flame did its job well when it came to healing and sealing wounds, but Estus was always a faster, more effective choice.

Solaire knew he wouldn’t be able to feed the knight the cure entirely, not as long as he remained lost in his deep sleep, but whatever few drops of the Estus’ fiery essence managed to reach his stomach would do him good.

“I know it’s difficult, but it’ll make you feel better.” Solaire reassured the man as he started pouring a small dose of Estus into his mouth. “Trust me on this, alright?”

“Undead—”

Before Solaire could register his voice, a violent coughing fit engulfed the knight. Solaire quickly put his Estus flask down and held him tightly, trying to offer him as much stability as he could until his coughing fit ceased.

When it finally did, the knight began to gasp desperately for air. Slowly, his breathing returned to normal.  

With all the care possible, Solaire returned the knight’s head to the floor.  

“What? Where—" The knight stuttered. His eyes, half-closed due to exhaustion, inspected the place anxiously before finding Solaire.

Solaire immediately replied to the knight’s confused gaze with a warm smile, wider and softer than his previous one. He wondered if he looked silly, and he realized that he much likely did, but he didn’t feel bothered by it.

What truly mattered was that the knight felt safe and at ease in his presence, not threatened.

“It’s alright.” Solaire said, covering the knight’s chest again with his tunic, which had fallen during his rough awakening. “You passed out, but you are safe now. Your injuries are starting to heal. I know they still hurt, but don’t you worry. I’m here to help you, and I will not leave your side until I make sure you are out of danger.”

“Undead.” The knight interrupted him. “Where is the Undead?”

“The Undead?” Solaire blinked, slightly disoriented.  

The knight gave him a faint nod in response.

“Ah, you mean the Hollow.” Solaire replied with enthusiasm, glad that he had finally made sense of his request. “Rest assured, my friend. They can’t hurt you anymore, I made sure of it.”

“You killed them.”

The knight’s face became somber. It made Solaire flinch, and it annihilated his friendly smile.  

More than a statement, it had sounded like an accusation.

The knight didn’t wait for an answer. He took his eyes off Solaire and fixed his stare on the dark roof above him.

“They are dead.”  

Solaire still did not answer, and the knight did not seem to care or mind. As the silence between them grew longer, it also became tenser.

“I’m sorry.” Solaire said, unable to endure the quietness.  

The knight said nothing, and he gave no true signs of having heard him.

“I didn’t know.” Solaire continued, looking down in shame. “I thought they were attacking you. I thought they had gone Hollow.”

Had he misinterpreted the situation?

Had he taken the life of an innocent?

Had he truly been so blind?

Solaire trusted his judgment and what his eyes had seen, but the broken expression of the knight gave him only doubts.

If the creature he had slain had truly been an Undead and not a Hollow, they surely would come back to life, but that fact did nothing to ease Solaire’s guilt.

“Forgive me.” He repeated, feeling like an absolute fool. “I—”

“No.” The knight’s tone was emotionless, and he still refused to look at Solaire. “You are right, they were Hollow. If you hadn’t killed them, I would be dead too; yet, here I am.”

He breathed out a humorless chuckle.  Solaire had seldom heard a sadder laugh.

“I’m truly sorry about your friend.” Solaire immediately regretted having spoken in the first place.  

His regret was redundant and most likely unwanted, and it could cause more pain to the knight than it could offer him comfort, but Solaire knew it had to be done.  

“The Hollowing is an awful thing, and no Undead deserves the fear and madness it brings. I’ll make sure your friend has a proper burial ceremony. Their body has already vanished, but we can still honor the place of their death with a grave. We’ll build it together and—”

“They were not my friend.” The knight mercilessly stated. “They were just some nameless Undead I freed. And don’t be foolish; we are all Undead here, remember? Trivialities like burials or graves are meaningless to us.”

“Regardless, I’ll make sure to build them a grave.” Solaire replied, with a harshness he wasn’t used to.  “It is the least they deserve.”

The knight looked at him at last. He gave Solaire only a blank stare. His mouth was a straight, dull line.

“Do as you wish.” The knight said. “Your time is yours to waste as you see fit, but I’ll play no part in your games. Now leave; I desire to be alone before I die and go Hollow. Go, or else I’ll try to kill you just like that Undead tried to kill me.”

“What are you saying? I’m not going anywhere until I make sure your wounds have healed. You are not going to die.  As long as I’m here, I won’t let that happen.”

Desperate to reaffirm his words, Solaire grabbed his Estus flask and roughly slid a hand under the knight’s head.

The knight did not have the strength to break free from him, but the glare he gave Solaire was more effective than a kick in the teeth. The knight’s anger made Solaire aware of his own annoyance, and of how such petty feelings would gain either of them nothing.

“I know you are in pain.” Solaire said softly, and much to his relief, the knight’s eyes mellowed. “But you are still alive, and you can get better. Please, don’t give up hope now.”

The knight said nothing. Solaire tried to get the flask close to his mouth, but the knight turned his head to the opposite side.

“It’s useless. I’ve failed. I can’t be healed... I don’t want to be healed; all I want is to die, like I should have done in that cell. That was my fate. That is the only fate a weak-minded fool like me can have.”

“No.” Solaire waited for the knight to look at him, but he was adamant in keeping his expression hidden from him. Solaire understood, and he did not insist otherwise. “Don’t say or think such things. Those thoughts will only harm you, and it is awfully unfair for yourself to believe they are true. “

“Enough. I don’t want to heart it. I can’t bear it. Just leave me be; you’ve wasted enough of your time on me already. Please, if you have even the slightest amount of pity for me, then allow me to die already. And once I go Hollow, I ask you to kill me.”

“Then it’s really fortunate that I don’t pity you at all.” Solaire gently put the knight’s head down on the floor. “My friend, being here with you is not a waste of my time in any sense. I have never thought so, so rid your mind of that idea. For now, allow yourself to heal, alright? Rest, that’s all you need to do. The bonfire and some Estus will take care of the rest and—”

“What for?” The knight turned his head and faced Solaire again. He had expected him to be crying, but the only change he saw in the knight was the look in his eyes. They glistened, reflecting some of the light of the bonfire. “Don’t you understand? It would be in vain. Even if my body heals and my injuries disappear, I won’t be able to move forward. No..., what I’ve lost is not something the bonfire or some Estus can give me back.”

The knight did cry then.  

He shed only a couple of tears he swiftly wiped away from his eyes with the back of his leather gauntlet, but they were more than enough to let Solaire know the amount of despair the knight was harboring inside.

“Curses.” The knight said from between his clenched teeth. “Forgive me.”

“There’s no need. I have never found my tears or that of others shameful.”

“No, what I meant was...“ the knight took a moment and swallowed loudly before he continued, “I’m sorry for my behavior. You saved me, and I’ve given you only scorn and indifference. I am thankful to you for what you’ve done, I truly am, but I—”

The knight lost his voice. Solaire, not blind to the effort he was making to keep his composure, took the chance to reassure him once more.

“Don’t worry about it.” Slowly, Solaire put his hand on the knight’s chest, right above the painted sun of his tunic. “Like I said before, I am here to help you.  If there is something you wish to talk about, I’ll gladly listen; but if you want us to stop talking, then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll do whatever gives you peace, my friend.”

“I did tell you to abandon me. That would give me peace of mind.”

“I know, but I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“Why?” the knight demanded, putting his hand above Solaire’s. “Why are you doing this? Why are you so reluctant to abandon me? Is it because that is what your covenant demands from you, Warrior of Sunlight?”

“How did you know? “  

“I would recognize that sun anywhere; besides, you are not what I would call discreet about it, not when you have it painted all over your tunic and your shield.”

“Oh.” Solaire looked at his tunic the knight was using as a blanket and at his round shield, resting against the wall on the opposite side of the chamber. Next to it was the knight’s crest shield, helmet and sword. “Of course.”

“Your commitment to your covenant is admirable, but you have no responsibility or duty toward me, not when I am the one rejecting your help.”

“True, my covenant states I am to help those who are in dire need.” Solaire said. “But that’s not the only reason I decided to aid people, or why I’m choosing to stay here with you, even when you so insistently relieve me of my duty. If I am still here is because I don’t want you to give up hope. I don’t want you to convince yourself that you have no purpose, or that all fate has in store for you is the Hollowing.”

The knight removed his hand from Solaire’s as if he had been burned by it. Solaire could see a flicker of anger on his features, but it lasted only a second, and was instantly replaced by tiredness and a sad smile.

“I came to this place seeking to become the Chosen Undead of the prophecy, like the deluded fool that I am.” The knight confessed.

Solaire knew about it. It was a common tale among the most privileged families and the elite knights of his homeland.  A part of him had suspected it from the start, as he had recognized the knight as his fellow Astoran from the moment he had laid his eyes on the crest of his tunic, but now he knew for sure.

“I freed one Undead, the only sane one I found in this hellish place, as some sort of backup plan in case I failed my mission and I Hollowed here. I never thought that scenario would come to pass. I was so sure of my talent and my own worth, that I truly believed freeing them had been only a bothersome precaution I never should have bothered with. I was convinced it had been a waste of my time, but then, I was attacked by a demon, and I lost. I couldn’t even land a single hit of my sword on that monster before it crushed me with its mace.”

The knight chuckled, but Solaire knew there was no joy nor amusement behind it.

Solaire furrowed his brow, feeling the knight’s despair as if it were his own.

“I failed.” The knight continued. More tears came streaming down his eyes; this time, he made no effort to wipe them off. “And I did so in the most humiliating way imaginable. I couldn’t overcome my true first obstacle on my journey; I couldn’t even save the Undead that was meant to carry on in my stead. I am not the skilled knight I thought I was, nor the fabled hero I thought I would be. I’m just a pathetic, fateless fool without a purpose.”

A sob escaped the knight.  

“The Undead I freed... I had thought that my request would give them the purpose they needed to keep their sanity, but the curse was already too spread on their body and soul. Yet, they never stopped trying; even as the Hollowing overtook them, they kept fighting against it. If only I had been as strong for them as they were for me, then maybe they wouldn’t have Hollowed. If I had never given up in the first place... if I had been kind enough to see beyond my own selfish ambitions from the beginning, then maybe—”

He choked on his own voice.

Solaire remained quiet, allowing him to express his grief and frustration freely.  He remained close to him, and he only talked once the knight had calmed down.

“Their Hollowing is not your fault.” He said, feeling a lump in his throat. “It could never be your fault.”

“They never should have seen me so defeated.” The knight said with what little breath he could gather. “I was supposed to be strong and give them a purpose, but all I gave them was despair.”

“They never stopped fighting, you said so yourself. They even found the spirit to confront their Hollowing to avoid hurting you for as long as they could; that is a feat few Undead have ever accomplished. No, my friend, you didn’t fail them. You granted them the strength to keep fighting to the very end. You gave them something very special.”

Solaire grabbed one of the knight’s hands again. To his surprise and relief, the knight accepted the gesture openly and fully.

“You gave them hope. I’m sure they treasured it, and I know that it remained with them even amidst their Hollowing.”

“What good is hope then, when it can’t keep the Hollowing away?” the knight asked with so much bitterness that it managed to pierce through Solaire’s optimism. “What hope do I have of not Hollowing, when an Undead that proved to be stronger than me still succumbed to the curse and is now dead?”

He let out a pent-up sigh.

“What hope does a man like me can truly have? Wouldn’t it be best if I just stopped fooling myself? Wouldn’t it be best if I just died?”

Solaire closed his eyes for a moment. He too had asked himself those questions; he still did, from time to time.  

“I’m afraid I cannot answer any of that. I wish I were a wiser man, so I could give you the answer you are looking for, but I have yet to find it myself.”

The knight’s armor made a sound as he slightly moved.

“Is that why you came to Lordran?” he asked Solaire.

“I came here in search of my own sun.”

“Your sun?”

“Indeed.”

Though Solaire felt nothing but pride for his quest, he blushed every time he shared it with others. He had learned few people understood what he meant, and that even fewer people resisted the temptation to laugh at him.

It was also not seldom that he was branded as a madman, or just a travelling idiot.

The knight, however, did not laugh, and while he looked confused, he showed Solaire only respect and understanding.

“A worthy goal, and your resolve is nothing short of amazing.” The knight smiled sincerely at Solaire for the first time. “I truly wish that you find it. A part of me knows that you will.”

Those word alone were enough for Solaire to become fonder of his fellow knight.

“Thank you.” Solaire said. “And I think so too. About your purpose, I mean. I also believe you can fulfill it, as long as you don’t give up hope now. I’m not a smart man, but I have faith that you can move on from what’s happened here, and become the Chosen Undead of the prophecy.”

“I don’t have what it takes. I don’t...” the knight had bled too much to blush, but his face still gained some color. That was good; it was a sign he was healing. “I don’t think that I can.”

“Of course you can. You are still alive, aren’t you?”

“As alive as an Undead can be.”

Solaire didn’t know what to reply, or if he should.

“But even I am just fooling myself... I want to try. I want to keep fighting, just like you do and that Undead did.” The knight said just when Solaire had thought he would say nothing more. Then, the knight covered his eyes with an arm. “I don’t want to lose hope. I don’t want to go Hollow.”

“You won’t.” Solaire held his hand tighter, feeling the tickle of his tears streaming down to his chin. “You’ll find a way, elite knight. And whenever you need someone to get you back on your feet, or you find yourself in a difficult situation, I’ll be there to help you. As a Warrior of Sunlight, as your fellow knight and fellow Astoran... and as your friend, this I promise you.”

“Thank you.” The knight replied, slowly getting his arm off his eyes. “Thank you.”

It took a long while for them both to regain their composure, but the silence between them no longer felt tense or uncomfortable.

“Well then,” Solaire said with a smile after rubbing his eyes dry, “for now, just focus in getting the rest you need; but first, some Estus!”

“Oh, right...I’m sorry for coughing it all over your face earlier. Twice.”

“You were choking. You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”

“And I’m sorry for getting your tunic dirty with my blood. I’ll wash it for you as soon as I can stand on my own again.”

“Again, there’s no need or reason for you to apologize about any of this. Seriously, if your apologies were souls, I would be the richest Undead in existence.”  

Solaire was glad to see the comment earned him a small smile from the knight.  

“You are too kind.”

“Or maybe you are too apologetic.”

“Or maybe we are both.” The knight retorted almost with sarcasm. “But before we begin with my healing, I want to ask something of you. Two things, actually.”

“Anything at all, my friend.”  

“First, your name.”

Solaire then remembered he and the knight had never properly introduced themselves. Granted, the moment had never presented itself, but Solaire still felt he had been overly rude for not doing so in the first place.

“I’m Solaire. Knight of Astora, and a Warrior of Sunlight.”

Obviously.

Solaire chided himself for his clumsiness.

“Solaire.” The knight repeated, as if to engrave the name into his mind. “I’m Oscar, elite knight of Astora.”

Oscar.

Solaire thought, happy to finally know the name of his friend.

“Thank you for sharing your name with me, Solaire. As for the second thing I wanted to ask of you,” Oscar said, “if it is alright with you, and you still plan to do it, can I help you build the grave of my friend?”

“Of course you can. It’ll be the first thing we’ll do as soon as you get better. You have my word.”

Oscar’s expression changed. He looked as if Solaire had relieved him of the heaviest of burdens.  

Then, Oscar relaxed his muscles and closed his eyes. Solaire could tell he was finally at peace with his situation, and above all, with himself.

The silence, the calmness and the soft rustling of the bonfire’s flame started to lull Oscar back to sleep.

Solaire did not try to stop him. Without making any sound, he put his flask back on the floor and rested his back against the stone wall behind him.

He would wait patiently for Oscar to wake up on his own.

There was no hurry, and he no longer feared his friend would go Hollow.

Oscar’s hope had been renewed, just like his own.

Solaire stared at the bonfire, and though the warmth it emitted was mild, for him it felt as powerful and comforting as the sun’s. @onlytheembersremain

@taroris  He wasn’t smart. Strength wasn’t his most remarkable characteristic. His hands were clumsy with any weapon. There wasn’t a single trait in him that could ensure his way out of the trickiest situations unscathed. Except, maybe, his luck. 

To put it simple, he was only good at envying others’ fortunes. After all, that had been his only reason to join the Thieves Guild at his chaotic city, when he was no older than a little brat. 

Since his joining, he had brought wealth to the Guild and he quickly rose in its hierarchy. Over the years, he got to be the right hand of the leader. Not because of his intelligence nor his strength, but his luck to return from the dirtiest jobs with hands full of treasures. 

Whispers had it that his greed was so big that Gods were repulsed by the mere sight of his filthy soul, allowing him to laugh at their holy faces without facing any punishment, dodge the multiple ends destiny had prepared for him and get his hands on the greatest treasures no one could have ever dreamt.

With time, the Thieves Guild’s leader grew older and died, his mandate moved on to the second in line, his right hand. He was celebrated and worshiped for a whole day. Even though no bandit really trusted his ability to lead them, they had to remain quiet as the rules said.

During his first week of leadership, he decided to have rest, ordered not to disturb him and left his right hand to lead the guild instead of him. Everything seemed to work fine, but during his second week, the bandits’ premonitions became true. The Guild started to lose members in impossible missions, the prison started to lack space, and the remaining bandits weren’t paid according to their hard work while the leader basked in the fortune he said was spent in making the guild prosper. 

The glory days finally came to a stop.

The bandits, desperate because of the quick decline of their beloved Guild, decided it was time to look up at the sky and try to speak with the deities that ignored them long ago. They walked to an abandoned temple outside their city because they couldn’t be seen in broad daylight, not when they all had been identified by the royal guard.

The temple had fallen apart even before they were born. Rocks were everywhere and the remains of benches scattered across the floor. One of the bandits, the most nervous about being outside so early in the morning, caught a glimpse of books covered in mold under a broken window. In a region where clerics were seen at every corner, it was a mystery why no one had decided to rebuild it and worship whatever god the temple was made for. 

At the back of the temple, there were small stairs that, somehow, managed to remain intact. On top of it was an altar with the remains of a crumbled statue. When they were in front of it, they made up the ends of a long skirt and the start of delicate toes. Around it, its remains waited on the floor for someone to collect and return them where they belonged. Another bandit, who was uncomfortable by the presence of the marbled skirt, made out a thin broken arm holding a book between the rubble.

Kneeling in front of the unknown god (or goddess), they prayed, wishing their united voices could be heard although they weren’t men of faith

After a long half an hour of whisperings, the bandit who felt more nervous about being in front of the statue, thought they were being watched. His thieves' senses worked fine, making him raise up and turn around, just in time to catch the back of a long skirt and black hair walking out of the temple. It was a woman. She would tell them off and the royal guard would be upon them in a jiffy. The bandit ran outside, dagger in one hand ready to use it against the woman, no matter age, position or constitution. 

To his surprise, there was no one in the green wide field, which had no place to hide.

Time went on and the group of bandits that prayed for the Guild’s survival understood that no god would answer them. The Thieves Guild was on the verge of collapse.

With the number of bandits close to just a bunch of fools, the leader was forced to take on missions after years of scratching his belly. He chose a mission that took place in a mansion belonging to a well-known cleric of the Church of the Way of White. It was risky but worthy. As if it was some kind of joke, his two partners in crime would be some of the bandits that prayed for his dethronement.

They started working at night. Nevertheless, the mansion was guarded by multiple knights taking patrols around it. Upon that sight, the two bandits wappred their minds around their upcoming arrest. 

Therefore, they were surprised by how fast they entered the house and located their target chest. It seemed that the leader’s luck was intact after so many years of disuse.

The two bandits were ordered to keep an eye on the basement door while the leader’s clumsy hands worked on the chest’s lock. Then, when it fell to the ground with a loud thump, one of the bandits, who was looking at the bad illuminated hallway, flinched. The sound travelled across the hallway before a heavy silence took over the place.

It was the calm before the storm.

In about five minutes, the door was pushed open with great force by a knight, another six already waiting behind him. The force with which they came in pushed the bandits to the floor. The leader had his hands buried deep in the chest. There was no possible explanation for them to give, not even a poor lie.

“You are under arrest!” The first knight bramed. “Put down any weapon and raise your hands!”

The two bandits did so. They made daggers and knives slide towards the silver group and raised their hands. However, their leader didn’t obey. With a smirk, he got up, with several gold bars under his arms.

“I’m sure there is a proper solution we can all agree to,” he said boldly.

The knight simply repeated his order and the other six entered the room, swords held in a threatening stance. The two bandits felt they were going to piss their pants. One of them glared nervously at the door, catching a glimpse of white robes. It was the cleric, owner of the mansion.

The leader kept talking in a vain attempt to convince the guards to seathe their swords and let them free, but no one seemed to listen to him. Two knights walked to the bandits and arrested them, and another one approached the leader. In the end, he was forced to drop the gold and let the knights arrest him. They all walked outside of the mansion. The knights kept a firm grip on the ropes around their wrist while a nervous cleric followed them with a talisman held close to his chest.

Suddenly, the knight holding the leader’s rope got his attention caught by another knight on patrol. It was just for a brief second, but the leader noticed the hand faltering. He peeked behind him, and his eyes met the knight’s metallic check while his voice was telling the other knight to talk later. Apparently, he was the captain.

The leader smirked. It was his opportunity. He ran and the rope slipped through the knight's fingers like water, all the while his bandits observed him with mouth agape. 

The captain sighed, bramed an order and something cut through the air. An arrow was buried in the leader’s back and made him collapse on the floor with a soft thump, unnatural after the sudden rush. 

The two other bandits that were still alive looked at the dead body perplexed. Even though they were going to jail, one of them couldn’t hold back his smile. It was over. The terrible rule of their leader was finally over. The Thieves Guild was saved! It was impossible to believe their prayers had been answered after so long! 

All the while, the bandit who wasn’t smiling at the corpse, noticed a woman standing at the entry. When he looked at her, though, his eyes could only catch a flick of white fabric and black hair hiding behind the rock wall.

A gasp dragged his attention back. There was a problem with the leader's body. It was… fading, slowly, as if making sure that everyone present saw him escape after dead. There was a shock coming from the knights, but the cleric simply murmured some hurried words. When one of the bandits looked at the man clothed in white robes, he saw him crossing himself. 

After it, with a demanding voice the cleric announced to the knights, “By all the Gods, search him! Quick! We cannot let an undead wander the lands!”

At first there was darkness, but then his eyes saw light, a warm welcoming light that made him feel at home. He opened his eyes and saw a bonfire.

A bonfire?

The bonfire had a sword stuck in the middle of it, and around the base… Bones! And a skull! 

He gasped and crawled back. Where was he? The last thing he remembered… He was at the mansion trying to steal gold! But he got caught along with two of his men. What an incopetent pair! It was their fault they all got caught. Then, what else? Oh, right. They were under arrest and led out of the house. There was a knight, a captain, who kept hold of his rope, but he escaped. The last thing he remembered was a great pain through his chest and falling to the ground. After it, everything turned black.

What had happened?

He looked at his hand. They weren’t of the same skin color as usual but darker. Rot? How weird. 

A faint pain came from the place he felt the previous one at the mansion. It was nagging at him and with a swift movement, he removed his shirt to have a look.

What was that?! 

After letting out a scream, his nails scratched the black twirling skin. But none of the muck (because it was muck, right?) would go. After some time scratching he decisted and looked at the black skin in more detail. It had… In the middle there was a hole. He quickly put his shirt back on and looked around. There had to be an explanation for it. His eyes felt on the bonfire and he recalled. The whistle, the sound cutting the air. It had been an arrow that started the pain. It had been an arrow that ended it. He had been… dead? His eyes blinked at the crippling flames, feeling a weird comfort, as if a mother was cradling his child. 

It must be that. He had heard the tales. The undead curse... Had he became an undead?

A smile spreaded on his lips and he got up. Destiny had given him another chance to return to the Thieves Guild. There was nothing he should be afraid of anymore. He could grow his fortune and luxury because no matter what happened, he would prevail!

“There he is!” Someone screamed behind him.

In the blink of an eye, there were knights on top of him. A knee was pressed on the back of his neck and a rope was once again tied around his wrists, and arms.

“Thanks to Lord Gwyn!” Another voice spoke behind him while he was putting back on his feet. “It was a good idea to set this bonfire in this forsaken place... Now, take him to prison! I have to contact the Asylum.”

There was a group of five knights around him and two were keeping a hold on his arms. The man who had spoken was a cleric, owner of that mansion.

He was at the outskirts of the city, far away from it. He wondered how much time had passed since he died and appeared at the bonfire. His body felt weird, heavy, and it was as if… he could hear a whisper coming from the hole on his chest. He shook his head, maybe he was still getting used to his undead body.

After a long walk, they got to the city’s jail and he was put behind bars. It didn’t matter to him, because he was certain that he would break free and run away to another city with all his belongings. He would just have to wait.

What was that place the cleric had mentioned, the Asylum? It didn’t matter.

Time passed. Days, weeks… He discovered that he didn’t need food or water, he didn’t need to sleep or pee. Spending time just staring was a bit agonizing, but he could endure it as long as he kept in mind his escape. 

But against the luck he had always relished, his opening never came. The security around his cell was constant and there was not a single minute when his door wasn’t guarded by two knights minimum. He wondered why he was given such an importance.

One day, knights he hadn’t seen before arrived at the jail and the cleric in person led them to his door.

“There he is. The filthy undead.”

He looked at the knights and opened his mouth in shock. They were Silver Knights! Two of them opened the door of his cell and stormed inside. One knight hit him on the head with his elbow and, again, it all went black. But not because he had died.

The next time he woke up, he couldn’t see anything (he was sure there was nothing covering his eyes) but it was clear he was inside a carriage. The familiar sound of horses’ hooves hitting the ground could be heard. 

There was no window nor a way to open a door, neither something he could do to escape, so he waited and waited. 

Without knowing how much time had passed, the carriage’s door was finally open. He was met with the bright sight of Silver Knights and was pulled outside. With a look around it was impossible to recognize the high walls, the door nor the mountains around. Was this that Asylum?

“Where am I?” He asked with a raspy voice.

The only thing he got as an answer was a muffle snort coming from the Silver Knight at his left.

He was thrown inside another cell, older and rustier than the first one at the city. No words came from the pair of knights when they left. It was weird, but the whole hallway was without any kind of vigilance. With stiff fingers, his hands grabbed the bars and tried to have a look around. He wasn't the only one in there. There were other prisoners. Or, undeads. He tried calling the one from the cell in front of him but the pinky ball of flesh wouldn’t answer. Weird.

He sat down, feeling his body a bit tired. 

How much time had passed? It was impossible to tell. But he would try to escape once his legs didn’t feel heavy.

Later, searching inside his pocket, he pulled out his most valuable tool: a lockpick. He had used it millions of times, opening him millions of paths. This one wouldn’t be less. The jail’s door was opened with a faint squeak and he slipped his body outside. 

Trying to be as quiet as a little mouse, he walked the corridor until reaching some stairs. He took them up and found himself in another hallway. The whole place was like a tiny labyrinth but once he thought he was recognizing where he was, he felt something cutting through his flesh, muscle and bones.

A sword. He had been found by a Silver Knight.

When he woke up at a bonfire, there was a breeze hitting his face. He was in an inner courtyard of some sort, but he didn’t have time to contemplate it. Two Silver Knights were already awaiting for him. He was dragged back to his cell. On their way, he observed that his body was feeling heavier and the hole had started whispering louder.

How annoying!

Even if his first attempt at escaping had been a total failure, he didn’t give up. The Silver Knights didn’t notice his faithful lockpick inside his pants and he got out once again after the tiredness and weakness of getting revived faded away. The incomprehensible whispers, though, never ceased.

He found his end in the sword of a Silver Knight again. And again. And again. And again. No matter the different path he took each time, he would always find them. 

In a vain attempt, the Silver Knight changed his prison multiple times, wondering if the door was broken or the wall had a hidden gap. Lastly, they took him to a cell where there was another undead inside. It was a woman with white hair and a thin constitution. She clenched a ragged talisman close to her chest. She looked way less worn out than him. In fact, upon a closer look, she looked like a normal human. They didn’t greet each other, but the hole on his chest jumped happily when his eyes fell upon her.

With the passing of days (he needed more time to gain full control over his body after each death), the whispers weren’t whispers anymore. The hole was practically screaming inside his head. It was just two words: kill her.

Why? He asked. 

To take what belongs to you, answered the black hole.

He ended up doing so. 

The thin woman had a habit of curling up in a corner during night, making it impossible to see him. That was his opportunity, and he took it to wrap his hands around her delicate neck and snap it. Then, something happened. A faint little smoke appeared from her, like a little ghost. It floated in the air until it flew right at his chest. The hole hummed contempt. It felt good. Her body disappeared and, in her place, appeared another little ghost, but black. He picked it up and gave it a closer look.

Crush it, said the hole.

He did it, and his hands turned the same skin color he remembered to have long ago. Tiredness left his body. The hole smiled and felt quiet. He smiled.

But the moment of silence wasn’t meant to last. He was killed again next time he tried to escape and the hole started whispering again. With each following die, the hole grew louder. There was something nagging at him, a feel of need, of despair. He missed feeling like a normal human, and the hole told him that to feel that again, he needed to kill. But there was no one to kill!

His body felt heavy. It was impossible to know how much time had passed since his first arrival. It was hard to think, and it was hard to keep ignoring the hole. It itched and he scratched it every minute. There was nothing else he could do to soothe it.

Would he be able to find the damn entry? As an answer, he died again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

Next time he got out of his cell, he walked a rusty hallway until he stumbled and fell to a small pool on all fours. It had been raining lately. He knew it because some water had slipped through a small crack on the ceiling of his cell. The water in there only reached over his wrists. He looked down at his reflection. It seemed normal, but there was something weird with his eyes. They didn’t look the same, normal.

His mind elaborated the first coherent thought after a long time: I need to get out of here. I need to go back home. I need my fortune. I need…

To kill. To kill. To kill. To kill. To kill.

The hole took over his mind, as it had been doing for the past days, and silenced his inner voice.

All of a sudden, he felt a pain in his chest. It was the black hole again. Itching, twirling, asking. He succumbed under his own weight. He got on all fours again. With a shaky hand he scratched the itchy hole through his clothes.

“What do you want?” He asked aloud.

Souls, the hole answered. Humanity.

“I can’t give that to you!”

The hole twirled, hurting him from inside. He let out a scream and bringed his hand to it. The pain was nothing he had ever experienced before. So, he needed souls. But how did he get them?

Kill. Hurry, the whole said. I am hungry.

He let out a cry of pain. His chest hurted so much!

A faint chuckle was heard behind him. He turned around, clumsy and heavy. Somehow, his eyes were having some trouble to see what was in front of him. It was hard to make out the face of the woman in front of him. However, he saw the swing of a white skirt and long black hair, before everything got a faint shade of red.

Then, he sensed it. Not humanity but souls. Lots of souls inside her. The hole felt overwhelmed by it. He wanted to kill her. He wanted them all for him.

“Greed is a great sin,” she chuckled with a warm voice, as if hearing his unintelligible thoughts. “I was called to give you punishment and you’ve finally faced it.”

He threw himself to her. But his fingers only brushed the fabric of his skirt before she disappeared in the blink of an eye. His face hit the ground. He let out a scream. His souls!

“By all the Gods,” someone spoke behind him, tiredness in their voice. “It’s him again…”

He turned around, not seeing knights but red and souls. The hole twirled angered and he screamed again. It hurted so much!

“Look, he’s already gone mad. I was wondering when it would happen.”

“What do I do, sir?”

“Right, you are new here. Just kill him. Then we’ll go to the bonfire in front of the guardian and bring him back to his cell.”

“Just… kill him?”

“Of course! They don’t feel pain anymore. By the next time he wakes up, he’ll go hollow and won’t cause us any more problems.”

“Alright. As you command.”

The Silver Knight raised his sword and stuck it in his chest. Everything went black. The next time he woke up everything was red. A groan slipped through his lips. He could sense them around, getting closer to him.

Those were souls.

Kill them. Take what it’s yours. Your souls. I need them.

@pan-de-torao

@dbzespio​

The undead thief tossed yet another prism stone ahead. This stone, alongside the others, began to glisten like an array of shining crystals, illuminating the way through the winding cavern’s depths. If they didn’t know better, the undead would have paused for a moment to admire the beauty of the scene. 

As if to remind them of their seemingly never-ending predicament, a sudden chill in the air left them rattling in their boots. 

The now-all-too-familiar signal of an incoming Darkwraith. 

The thief quickened their pace, not wanting to get pinned down among these perilous paths. One wrong move would assure them death... yet again.

They soon happened upon a relatively open area, where several creatures laid in wait. 

Giant clam shells, from the looks of it. They walked about on spindly legs, their jaws idly clacking with every aimless step. 

But there wasn’t time to engage them, much less take them out; a quick glance over their shoulder revealed a glowing red figure, the Wraith themself.

The undead swiveled around, backing away from the creatures as much as possible while keeping eyes on the rapidly approaching Darkwraith. They gripped their knife tightly, holding it close to their body to conceal its telltale glint. It was darker here; perhaps the glowing stones wouldn’t be enough to reveal the weapon hiding away in plain sight. 

The Wraith rolled forward in their final approach, but ultimately kept their distance for now, circling the Undead, no doubt sizing them up. The thief did the same, taking the undoubtedly brief opportunity for what it was.  

They watched the Wraith's hands first, checking for weapons. To their surprise, the invader kept their hands close to their body as well. 

So a knife battle then.

The thief took the next moment to appraise their opponent’s armor (or rather, a lack thereof), scanning for weaknesses. Worn fabrics and leather, dark and silent.

The design was familiar… almost as if...

At that instant, the thief and the Darkwraith’s eyes snapped to their opponent’s. But they were unable to achieve eye contact; the both of them each adorned in hoods which shrouded their faces from one another. 

Twin thieves. The one, undead, and the other, a Darkwraith, an invader from another world. 

Seizing upon the undead’s apparent surprise, the Wraith lunged forward, their knife managing to shine for a moment from a stray strand of light from above.

The undead rolled to the left, quickly pivoting to ready a swipe from their own blade. 

But the Wraith rolled away, making a show of adding poison to their knife once they were back on their feet.  

Their feet light and swift, the undead feigned a step to the left, and the Darkwraith followed, lashing out with the tainted blade. But the undead stepped around them, reaching below their outstretched arm and slashing them in the side.

The Wraith staggered; the strike had cut just below their leather chestplate and had sliced through the shoddy fabric with ease.

And the undead seized the moment; rushing up behind their opponent and plunging their knife deep into their back, just below the chestplate. 

Grunting out in pain, the Darkwraith crumpled to the ground, utterly unable to maintain their stance in the wake of such a crippling blow. But it wasn’t long before they rolled away, springing back to their feet.

It was the moment they started fumbling with their pockets that the undead quickly rushed forward; this was undoubtedly a novice Darkwraith, since they hadn’t yet thought to keep the proper restoratives within quick reach. 

The Wraith had only just discovered a humanity and held it in hand, about to crush it for its strength, when the undead slashed in a lazy strike across the stomach. They hadn’t needed to put much power or thought behind the strike, since the Wraith was already merely a hair’s length away from death.

And death consumed them then; the Darkwraith collapsed to the ground in a fog of misty smoke, only to forcibly return to whatever world from which they came.

Only a single humanity was left behind. 

The undead huffed. A novice indeed.

They snatched up the prize and tucked it away, focusing once again on the clam creatures blocking the way forward. Beyond them laid fallen undead; their petrified faces and bodies contorted in pain.   

The undead’s throat tightened. They had seen sufferers of this same fate before, within the depths of the sewers beneath the Undead Burg. These people had succumbed to a curse. 

Back then, basilisk creatures had been the culprit. The thief recalled the difficulty in avoiding their hellacious breath, especially when the creatures had grouped together to further harass them. 

Estus did nothing to stop the spread of curses. Only humanity, several of which the undead had harvested from the giant rats skittering about, appeared to lessen one’s susceptibility. And, thanks to the Darkwraith, they currently had one new humanity to aid them.

For now, the undead thief focused their attention on the clam creatures. They managed to draw one out, enticing it to join them in battle without its nearby entourage of cohorts.

The creature wasn’t particularly clever, but its jaws, unsurprisingly, were vicious and no doubt, deadly. The thief only narrowly avoided being snapped up by its vice-like grip on several occasions, but the beast wasn’t especially resilient; several strikes from their blade and a few flames were more than enough to fell it. 

The undead followed a similar approach for the remaining monsters. Draw one out, strike it with their blade whenever it ventured close, douse it with flames whenever it wasn’t, all the while, dodging its deadly jaws. 

Once they were all dispatched, the thief took a moment to catch their breath. The area was now empty, aside from the bodies of the petrified undead warriors. Their stillness and silence slowly but steadily built up a sense of dread within the undead thief’s stomach.

Shaking their head, as if it would clear out the worsening feeling, the undead looked past the fallen, at the end of the cavern beyond. The path ahead was blocked by a sheen of nebulous fog and fine mist. 

No doubt a creature (or warrior) capable of inflicting curses laid in wait behind it.

The thief took a moment to check over their Estus stock; they had only drank up one so far, meaning there was plenty left over in case the next battle proved perilous. 

It would not be unwise to move forward.

But the humanity… they should take its power now.

The undead’s hand fell to the pocket in which they had secreted away the treasure. 

Without warning, their thoughts drifted to Quelaag’s domain. The woman there; her weakening, shallow breaths… The spider legs twitching uselessly. When the woman spoke, her words were foreign, but the undead could hear the frailty in her voice. The struggle to simply lift her unseeing eyes. 

Blinking rapidly, the undead’s hands fell limp. Why had they thought of this? And why now?

They huffed, irritated, before their eyes fell upon the wall of fog again. 

That’s right. They needed to move forward. The humanity…

But the second their hand fell to their pocket again, they remembered. She looked just like the spider demon they had slayed… Were they sisters?

No, they were monsters. The both of them!

No, they were human. At least partly so. And the undead had separated them. Forever. 

Now her sister was doomed to wither away, in pain and in solitude. All thanks to them. 

Enough! 

The undead gripped their hood, very nearly crying out in frustration. Why were they thinking of this now! They needed to move forward!

The humanity. They needed to use it now, to build up their resistance to curses. They didn’t want to end up like the other fallen undead, did they?

This time, the thief didn’t even need to reach for the item for the memories to come flooding back. 

Humanity had been the only thing to help her. They had given some to her; after all, they had had plenty after defeating so many rats in the sewers. They remembered the strength returning to her voice, the weak smile on her face, the way her spider limbs didn’t twitch so often… Offering her humanity had helped her, of that there was no doubt. 

A woman doomed to die alone and in chronic pain… and humanity had helped. 

Maybe she didn’t have to if only…

The undead clenched their eyes shut. What good would one single humanity do? It was only a pittance, if anything.

But it was better than nothing, wasn’t it? 

As if in a daze, the undead thief shuffled to a nearby boulder. They sat upon it, their entire frame heavy with indecision. 

It was only one humanity. Just one.

They finally pulled it out and gazed at the thing. It was a dark little light, a relatively tiny entity for how important it was. It shimmered slightly, caught in the light from the glimmering prism stones still shining brightly nearby. 

The undead’s fingers clenched. They should crush it. Crush it now. Take its power. They would need it. 

Now, in the face of all the fallen surrounding them, was a terrible time to feel generous. 

But the petrified warriors were so far from them now. 

Yes, now it was just one thief and one humanity, and one terrible decision to make. 

And terrible, it was. 

The undead crushed the humanity in hand, taking its power for themself and themself alone, as they stood to face whatever accursed monster awaited them.

[msexplorer]

"In my last energy update, I discussed the numerical signs and synchronicities that confirm you are aligned with and entering the 11:11 portal. Such signs included seeing 1111 on license plates, 11:11 on clocks, any repeating numbers, as well as ascending sequences, such as 123, 456, or 789. These signs indicate that your inherent spiritual impulse has been initially awakened leading you on a journey to return into full alignment with the light and embody your soul as an anchor of 5D unity consciousness.

It is important to note, this process of spiritual evolution is an energetic rite of passage. It unfolds uniquely for each of us when we have evolved to a point of readiness and not a matter of reward or punishment of any kind. As this process unfolds, you play an essential role in helping it unfold with the utmost ease, grace, compassion, and joy. We cannot ever stop this process, although we are capable of slowing it down to an agonizing pace, until our choices match up with the inner wisdom of our soul’s essence.

Since we know the numerical sequences signify a preparation toward 11:11 portal entry, what are some of the symptoms that occur as you enter it?

The 4 Stages of Clearing

There are 4 key stages we pass through as we move through the 11:11 portal. Each one stripping away layers of the old carbon-based DNA, clusters of limiting beliefs, and clearing out imprints of outdated cellular memory. These 4 stages are actually emotional states that orbit our experiences, clearing out each layer of 3D debris, until we are aware of their highest purpose and can meet each one with respect, acceptance, gratitude, and honor. These 4 stages are: loneliness, boredom, frustration, and confusion.

From a 3D perspective, it is believed that circumstances in our outside world, such as people places, and things cause us to feel the way we do. From a 5D perspective, everything in physical form is triggering in us all the aspects of our soul’s evolutionary process to clear out and activate what each of us brought into this lifetime to resolve for our own journey, as well as a living contribution toward healing and awakening the collective consciousness.

Imagine: you are going about your day, feeling various patterns of confusion, frustration, loneliness, and boredom, only assigning personal meaning to the characters or circumstances in view, unaware how these specific feelings indicate an advancement out of 3D consciousness and into a new dimension occurring through the 4th dimension of time.

Dispelling Some of the Myths that Impede Our Flow

Let us take a moment to dispel a few myths to allow our entry into the 5th dimension to be as smooth and exciting as possible. Many spiritual seekers believe that processes such as these only happen to those who live on their best behavior. While it is true that fully aligned souls embody a frequency of empathy, compassion, vulnerability, and love that remains ever-present and unwavering once embodied and integrated, it is unnecessary to work so hard to be a certain way, as if your soul’s journey is an obstacle course.

As we’ve come to know, the way we heal the layers of conditioning and imprinting within ourselves is by being emotionally triggered. The purpose isn’t trying to be trigger-free and above our experiences, but to develop such conscious relationships with each feeling that anything we feel on the inside doesn’t cause us to lash out toward others on the outside.

As we shift from 3D to 5D consciousness, there may still be disappointment, heartbreak, grief, and sadness, but our inner pain doesn’t instigate us into projecting our pain onto others. In other words, as we evolve, our hurt doesn’t motivate us to hurt others. Instead, we are willing to take the time to go within, honor each feeling, as a milestone in our evolutionary process by breathing through each emotional wave and loving our hearts to the best of our ability.

Another myth is imagining we are supposed to feel good all the time as we evolve from one dimension to another. While there can be bursts of joy and moments of clarity and renewed passion, these act as sneak previews of how life will be, once we’ve fully integrated our new 5D crystalline DNA into physical form.

Its not that we have to be in pain in order to evolve, as much as pain represents a potent energetic expansion underway that we are often viewing from just a physical or emotional perspective. As we evolve, we still care for our bodies and seek medical care when necessary, while learning how each health scare, emotional outburst, change in life direction, and relationship represents the unfolding of a greater cosmic journey.

While there is always a deeper spiritual reason why everything happens, another myth is trying to quickly learn as much as you can, hoping to not repeat our most uncomfortable experiences. While we are destined to learn from each outcome to inspire higher forms of wisdom to motivate more empowered choices, it only occurs when we approach each moment with earnestness, authenticity, humility, and transparency. The Universe knows when an ego’s agenda is to manipulate the soul’s learning curve to avoid the anticipation of future pain, which acts as a tell-tale sign of the ego’s inner fight as it gradually surrenders through this process.

Another myth is believing you are capable of surrendering your ego, which only creates more of an inner battle between fragmented parts. Instead, you are the space of eternal light, whose unconditional love gives the ego permission to recognize that it is safe to let go of you and enter the doorway of light back to Source.

And, one of the biggest myths of all, is believing entry points into 5D consciousness require a grandiose external mystical experience to confirm its arrival. In both 3D, 4D, and 5D, the physical body exists within the existence of time and space. The difference being, in 3D, you perceive yourself as a person in time surrounded by space. In 5D, you are the spacious witness or inner observer experiencing life as a person throughout a journey of time. The body may be rooted in time, but the inner observer or spacious witness is beyond the dimension of time.

A Journey Through Time to Discover the Timeless

Each of your sensory experiences occur in time. Every outcome, sensation, or change can be correlated to occurring at certain measurable moments. All the while, the one on the inside who sees, feels, hears, and knows all that occurs in time is not existing in time at all. Ironically, it is a journey of time that helps awaken the recognition that you are the timeless within and throughout it all.

This indicates how the journey from 3D to 5D is adjusting to life at a higher altitude of consciousness, where we are no longer searching for the light, but the light within our bodies experiencing its journey of evolution from a more conscious and timeless perspective. Even if these words inspire any degree of frustration, boredom, loneliness, or confusion, it is purposefully happening by the Universe to help you clear deeper layers as you move through the 4th dimension of time and adjust to life from a 5D perspective.

Passing through the 4 stages of boredom, loneliness, frustration, and confusion to release outdated carbon-based DNA, limiting clusters of beliefs, and outdated cellular memories is a journey known as dark night of the soul. In my next energy update, I will outline dark night of the soul in explicit detail. For many of us, we’ve been in the depths of this process for quite some time and are now completing this process to adjust to 5D reality, much like learning to breathe at a higher altitude where the air is thinner.

Experiencing Psychic Burnout

When we are making our way out of dark night of the soul and entering the new altitude of 5D consciousness, we are likely to experience the profound exhaustion of what I call psychic burnout. From this space, energy is limited, sleep is disturbed, and motivation may feel at a standstill. During this phase of initiation, we may not seem to perceive much guidance or inner direction; unsure who we are, where to go, or what to do.

This is because due to the amount of clearing and expanding occurring during the dark night of the soul phase, our bodies needs to rest, recharge, and rejuvenate, in order to build up the inner chi energy to activate our new crystalline DNA. This is much like a newborn wondering who it is, what it’s purpose is, what it should do, and where it should go, unaware that it must grow through stages of infancy before anything else can be known or revealed.

Psychic burnout is a time to slow down the pace of our lives, especially slowing down the way we approach spiritual evolution. Instead of trying to race to the finish line out of fear of missing a window of opportunity or being left behind, we allow each moment to be as intentional, and deliberately aligned with our highest wisdom, as we move through time and space as authentically and openly as possible. It is a time where our immune systems are rebooted into 5D reality, as our adrenals get repaired to be uplifted by 5D light frequencies, instead of short circuited. Most importantly, it is where our subconscious minds learn to recognize 5D reality as familiar instead of foreign, which gives our nervous systems permission to welcome 5th dimensional experiences of unity consciousness into our awareness.

This is truly the most exciting time to be alive and it is my honor to use the power of my healing transmission to radically transform your journey, so we can each experience the absolute bliss and holy perfection of our soul in human form. We cannot look at the political landscape or even the mentality of the world to know how much evolution is taking place. We can only look at ourselves to recognize the process underway, while learning how to be the most loving, patient, and faithful ally to our own awakening process.

Our brand-new beginning is here. This is where we step into our highest purpose of being and have a lot of fun along the way."

- Matt Kahn

[jupiteronic]

what sign placements need to work on

🌙 MOON SIGNS:- 🌙

Aries moon: You need to stop rushing into things because you feel like it. You’ve likely been told this a million times but you’re not completely convinced anything’s worth being patient for. As an Aries moon, you have a deep need to get things done, move on with life, as fast as possible, it’s always “on to the next one” … losing an opportunity because you didn’t act on your impulse fast enough would be a nightmare to you. When Mars’ ruling sign is in the moon, impulse is a key word especially when it comes to emotions. You need to learn that feeling strongly about something does NOT always mean you have to act on it. You choose to ignore that sometimes it is possible to act too early for example, coming on too strong with potential partners and scaring them off, or expecting someone to get over upsetting events quicker than they can and dismissing them when they can’t. Use your head for once. You need to be aware that what you feel and what you do, don’t always have to be aligned. It may be better not to start something rashly that would be a waste of productive time so… do learn to weigh the pros and cons (something your sister sign Libra excels at). Normally what happens is you start something on an impulse but you grow bored of it quickly and divert your attention elsewhere. You excel at initiation, but you lack endurance and perseverance. This emotional need for excitement and new projects can hold you back in your life, especially in most careers where skill like patience and perseverance are highly sought after or required. Also, just because you move on from things quickly doesn’t mean everyone else does. Learn to be respectful of others’ pacing and approaches even if it doesn’t feel “right” to you - not everything is about you and you are not the world authority on the right way to feel no matter how much it feels like you are, ESPECIALLY when you’re so painfully oblivious to any depth or causes behind your emotions.

Taurus moon: You need to learn to get your mind out of the gutter. If you don’t, you will never grow emotionally. With a fixed earth moon, you genuinely believe holding on to things is the ‘right’ approach, even if these things are currently of no use or value, out of fear that you’ll need them later. This applies to both possessions and principles. You’re so stubborn with your beliefs and you’re well aware of this… The reason most of you choose to do nothing about this is because you’d rather stick to what you know and be wrong than to risk adopting a new belief or approach that proves to be ineffective and a waste of your time. This leads to stagnancy and a feeling of being stuck… And you know why! STOP letting your deep seated fear of change and ‘losing’ valuable things/people hold you back from taking risks and leaps out of your comfort zone. STOP letting your emotional need to be absolutely sure of details/pros and cons hold you back from iniating or making a move in relationships or careers. Time isn’t forever, you know this better than most. What you need to do with all this fixedness is ACTIVELY challenge your schemas and thoughts. Learn to prioritise rationality over comfort and it will become gradually easier to step out of your comfort zone. Unlike Aries, you excel at persevering but lack initiative. Wouldn’t it be better to start something without being completely sure of all the details and pros and cons and slowly become more certain over time than to lose an opportunity because you were too busy meticulously assessing if it was worth the time and effort? And if you end up at a disadvantage then at least you know for certain whether it is worth your time or not. Let. Things. Go. Your way is NOT always the ‘right’ way of approaching things just because it feels comfortable or practical to you. You need to learn to be more tolerant of others’ approaches to things. You’d think you’d have learned that by now with all your apparent love for peace…

Gemini moon: You need to find stability in every aspect of life, especially emotionally. All that chaotic Mercury energy might seem fun and great at first, but gemini moon natives can find themselves feeling lost, confused and annoyed with their scattered mind. It is therefore extremely important to find some grounding influence if you want to achieve personal growth and, for this particular moon, a way to calm the restless mercurial energy or risk imploding in on yourself with your propensity to rationalise and analyse your emotions instead of simply feeling them. One way you can express this is through communicating/teaching others or stimulating your nearly insatiable intellectual abilities through being the student and learning new things. Your strength lies in your resourcefulness and ability to bounce back from most difficult situations. This changeable nature also means your moods are like the wind.. fleeting and unpredictable, the Gemini moon combines the mutable signs’ adaptability and the air signs’ abstracted and detached logic. You need to learn to develop empathy for others or at least be supportive of their emotions rather than dismissive. You need to stop avoiding working through your emotions and get over with the painful process sooner rather than later. Being ruled by the planet of communication is no excuse for being insensitive to the emotional needs of others and/or your own. Most importantly, you need to find a core. Stick to your plans, see what happens.

Cancer moon: Stop giving into your emotions. While you do feel emotions more strongly than most, you let them control you too much and they guide all of your actions. In order for this moon to reach true self-actualisation you must develop objectivity. You have to develop your rational skills and actively attempt to distance yourself emotionally from situations; this will be extremely difficult but it is vital for your growth and it will help you feel more in control of your emotions. Moreover, you need to stop being so stuck in the past - your sentimentality means your past or childhood memories had profound effects on you that you tenaciously cling to, but you must let go and live in the present, look towards the future. The possibility are endless which is why looking to the past to guide the present and future is so detrimental and counterproductive. Learn that clinging onto things that are already slipping away wont keep them in place, it will only elongate the healing period. You know this. You have a tendency to wallow in self pity though… Stop being self-involved and divert your enormous emotional capacity to others, that’s when you are at your best. You also need to learn to take risks in relationships and become less guarded - not everyone will hurt you.

Leo moon: You need to stop being so dependent on attention or praise from others to feel emotionally secure. Moreover, having an enormous emotional need to be recognised is not an excuse to demand attention from everyone you love. Stop assuming you are everyone’s top priority cause really you’ll just end up hurting yourself with this assumption. It’s childish and arrogant to expect everyone to pay undivided attention to you all the time and you know this and yet… You still continue to do it? Just because others give you a free pass to be as demanding and bossy and self-absorbed as you wish to be doesn’t mean it’s ok for you to grow complicit with this, no matter how much you want to be. Your optimism is contagious and your will so strong it’s infectious, thus therein lies the problem: pride. You are always under the deluded assumption that you are right and everyone else’s opinions are inferior, wrong or irrelevant but you must work on being more open to criticism and correction from others, otherwise you’ll drive people away with your prideful insistence and stubborn refusal to admit you are wrong. You must also work on adopting more reasonable expectations of the people you love as you often demand a lot.

Virgo moon: You need to adopt a more forgiving, positive lens for the faults you find in others and yourself. While your high standards and nitpicky nature allow you to achieve great accomplishment and have competent capabilities, they can ultimately be your downfall. Stop being so critical of yourself and others out of a mistaken assumption that it’s helpful and necessary. Sometimes focusing on your strengths and positive traits is what’s needed in a situation. Your perfectionist and obsessive tendencies can make you go over the same thing several times which actually conflicts with the productiveness and efficiency you so desperately need in order to feel emotionally secure. In order to achieve self growth, you must accept that you cannot achieve perfection or you’ll spend your entire life chasing it. The best thing you can do is give things your best. Tell yourself there was nothing more you could’ve done, which is normally true. Burn out your restless mercurial energy through analysis or other forms of detailed communication, but do not rely on this. To reach full potential you must be able to remain calm in moments of chaos which you despise. Skip or change routines.

Libra moon: You need to stop depending on others’ companionship to develop your own personality and/or feel emotionally secure. In order to self-actualise you must learn to be comfortable and confident on your own. Realise your own worth by going out alone, eating alone, staying in alone etc until you’re comfortable with being left alone. Stop letting others decide things for you. You need to develop your decisiveness and not let people take advantage of your easygoing personality. While you do require equality in a relationship, you can be a bit of a pushover with others in fear of being left alone if you assert yourself. That’s not healthy. Work on standing up for yourself and making your own decisions - ignore your superficial desires to have companionship and realise that this is vital to your personal growth. Also there is a tendency to be somewhat detached and rational with emotions, so you need to make a conscious effort to be more empathetic to others’ emotions.

Scorpio moon: You MUST stop trying to control everything and everyone. Manipulating others and controlling them will not ensure their loyalty to you. What sense does it make to control what can’t be controlled? And yet you never stop trying. Closing yourself off from people to avoid betrayal is unproductive and unwise. You may be eliminating any chances of betrayal, but you’re also effectively denying yourself any meaningful relationships and emotional intimacy with others - an integral need of the Scorpio moon. You need to put more trust and faith in people. Not everyone is out to get you. Isolating yourself does not make you invincible, it will only make you miserable.

Sagittarius moon: You need to let yourself form meaningful relationships with people without getting flighty. Your biggest issue is emotional commitment. Even all the traveling in the world won’t necessarily make you feel whole, as enlightened as you pretend to be. You want constant excitement and stimulation but you need to learn to make do with what you have and enjoy the simple things in life… The world won’t be accommodating to your need for variety and change, so you feel smothered by routines and any stagnancy. You need to learn that committing to things is not a punishment, but actually reap many benefits - especially with Jupiter watching over you. You also must learn to develop a sense of empathy and respect towards others’ emotions as your bluntness comes off as insensitive and irreverent (and it is). Not everyone moves on as quickly as you.

Capricorn moon: You have an innate sense of self-control and resilience which are both your greatest strength and weaknesses. Your need to have things in order and in control hinders your potential to grow, explore and learn because you’re so terrified of making mistakes in the first place. You think sticking to what you know/the comfort zone will stop you from making mistakes because it’s already ‘tried and tested’. However, you must experiment and develop some versatility to truly learn. Making no errors doesn’t teach you anything. With the moon in detriment, you are uncomfortable openly expressing emotions and affection and prefer to keep it under wraps. The main challenge with Capricorn moon is to overcome the saturnian ‘block’ and express their feelings and emotional needs without shame. Capricorn moon is terrified of emotional intimacy however and preoccupies themselves with work and career. There is a deep need to be productive and useful which they often focus on fulfilling when their need for firm yet gentle guidance/love is unfulfilled. You must learn to open up to those who care about you and thrive on a little disorder to achieve self-actualisation. Learn to enjoy rewards without feeling guilty.

Aquarius moon: You need to stop searching for your identity through global causes. You disguise your detached insensitivity behind a faux-altruistic worldly veneer, as a transparent attempt to hide the fact that you don’t really know yourself. You stubbornly refuse to interact with your emotions outside of analysing them and you must learn to acknowledge them sooner or later! It’s just over quicker when you make the right decision and address this weakness early on. What happens often is Aquarius Moons often neglect figuring out who they are deep down and instead preoccupy themselves with global issues that they find more “noble” and “important”. However there is no way of achieving personal growth without knowing yourself on an inner level. Don’t be complicit in this cycle of obliviousness.. you’d think you’d have learned to break this routine by now when your moon is ruled by Uranus.

Pisces moon: You need to learn to stop yourself from getting lost and drifting off in foggy daydreams. When Neptune meets the moon, the imagination is rich and vibrant. There is a tendency to maladaptive daydreaming and escapist tendencies which can turn dangerous if this leads to addiction/substance abuse. Work on being more in touch with reality and the menial world. It’ll keep you in check. Face your emotions and fears head on, stop running away! Avoid your flight tendencies and stick to a plan, make lists, all sorts of menial tasks that engage you with the “real world”. Do anything to keep yourself from losing your grip and giving into unhealthy temptations.

🌐 MERCURY SIGNS:- 🌐

Aries mercury: Learn to just… pause for a second and read in between the lines. Actually think about things… The surface level won’t always be honest to you. Learn to rationalise thoughts and weigh the pros and cons.

Taurus mercury: Learn how to open your damn mind. It’s a cliche phrase only because few actually invest mental energy in developing tolerance to other viewpoints and very few actively challenge their fixed schemas. Regardless, that is what you need to do to achieve a ‘growth mindset’. You want practical advice? Actually listen to what others are saying, not what you can prove wrong. Prioritise logic and rationality over your comfort in sticking to mental routines. It will be uncomfortable but it’s vital for your growth.

Gemini mercury: Learn to look at the details. Stop skimming over everything, that will inevitably bite you in the ass if you keep looking for the ‘gist’ of things. Also learn to develop mental endurance. You excel at absorbing a variety of information and mental versatility but you get distracted too easily. Some things are worth paying attention more than 2 seconds for… Every time you catch yourself diverting your attention, be proactive. Force yourself to go back and see if you missed anything worthy/important.

Cancer mercury: Stooooop linking every mental stimulus to your past and stop confusing your sentimental insistence on using the same emotion-based approach for practicality. You might have a rich imagination and great memory, but you need to learn to be more rational. Try to memorise things in different ways. Pay more attention to reality and the present.

Leo mercury: Ok 1) stop yelling and 2) stop blowing everything out of proportion. Constantly exaggerating details will eventually get in the way of your not-so-subtle goal to be credible/recognised and respected.

Virgo mercury: You need to learn to look at the big picture. Nitpicking over tiny and often irrelevant details may have bode well in high school but it can cause you to miss the point or answer that is in plain sight. Perfectionist tendencies make you go over things a million times paying utmost attention to all the little things and… this reductionist and obsessive way of thinking ironically gets in the way of the efficiency you claim to prioritise.

Libra mercury: You need to learn to be more decisive, and more importantly learn that extremes are not necessarily inferior. If you act as a mediator in an argument, actually try and reach a practical solution and/or conclusion instead of just endlessly weighing abstract pros and cons. Learn to think on your feet. Some decisions are better made with less deliberation. Prioritise productiveness over logical assessment. As for indecisiveness, if you’re stuck between two decisions flip a coin or use an online decision maker for more than two decisions and in the moment it takes to generate a choice, you’ll know what decision YOU want to make as you’ll find yourself secretly wishing for it. If you genuinely are unsure, go with the decision the generator made. This will help you become more confident in making decisions.

Scorpio mercury: You need to learn to accept that sometimes there’s no depth to things. Learn when to stop probing and go … probe somewhere else instead of wasting your time. Some people really are that shallow. Some jokes really are that inexplicably bad. Some information really is that cryptic and you can’t figure it out simply because you don’t know all the information. Stop over thinking every single thing. Some things are a lot simpler than you think they are. Save your time. Distract yourself with something intense or complicated enough to override your overly analytical​ mind.

Sagittarius mercury: Stop preaching oh my god.. giving a generic ass answer to faux-deep questions does not make you a philosopher. Learn to look at the details. Also stop being oblivious to how blunt you are, it can be detrimental to your growth. Learn to exercise self awareness in the way you communicate.

Capricorn mercury: You need to learn to pay attention to what you can’t see. Like the other earth mercuries and Aries, what you see is what you believe. Only looking at things at face value holds you back from mental self-actualisation, along with that God complex. You think ignoring whatever’s between the lines in favour of logic is practical and yet ironically insist your line of thinking is right to the point of bias. Focus less on what’s ‘efficient and productive’ and more on detached logic as well as paying attention to the unobservable.

Aquarius mercury: Stop thinking you have all the answers holy fucking God complex… You claim to be tolerant and open minded but go off at or shun anyone who doesn’t share your opinions, even when evidence is presented. Work on being less rigid with your opinions and accept that others might know more than you/be more ~globally aware~ than you.

Pisces mercury: Learn to like…. be present. Stop daydreaming your life away. Stop giving in to your indulgent fantasies. It’s not productive, but that’s foreign language to you anyway. Basically actively remind yourself to pay attention to the real world, and in detail. Set external reminders. Do you really wanna look back on your life realising you wasted most of it daydreaming? You’re a deep thinker in a way the other signs aren’t, but on the downside there’s a reason Mercury is in detriment when it’s in Pisces. Your path to mental actualisation may be more difficult for you than others, but that’s why it’s so VITAL that you start now if you haven’t already. A developed Pisces Mercury has all the answers to the questions no one knows. Don’t let yourself slip away. Even if it’s tempting.

♀ VENUS SIGNS:- ♀

Aries venus: You know relationships can like… have a few moments of quiet right? Like it’s possible to have a fun and exciting relationship without going to a different rollercoaster or nearly dying every day. You need to learn to pause every now and then and actually think about what your partner would enjoy, because half the time you just seem like a chaotic bumbling mess incapable of just chilling for a while. Learn to COMPROMISE in relationships like your sister sign Libra. Venus is in detriment in Aries so it’s hard for sentimentality or romance to be expressed. The relationship doesn’t have to be fun 24/7 or about doing things. If it is then the relationship isn’t about being in love with the person let’s be real it’s just about doing things you feel like doing, just with a companion. Learn that it’s ok to just stay in sometimes. It doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is stagnating or the spark is dying or that you’re ‘settling’ - you may simply be growing through the relationship by feeling secure enough in the union to do stuff you wouldn’t normally do. Also liking someone doesn’t mean you have to immediately jump into a relationship, try extending the chase for a while and you might be pleasantly surprised how fun that stage is. Outside of the area of relationships, you can be impulsive with regards to finances and you indulge in immediate gratification. Learn to CONSERVE, hold back and appreciate the beauty in things. And the next time you try to show a friend or someone you care about an appreciative gesture, consider lending them an ear without judgement instead of suggesting a fun night out for faux-selfless reasons..

Taurus venus: You need to learn to be more spontaneous in relationships. You are very loyal and stable and therein lies your weakness. Learn to take risks in relationships whether you’re attempting to start one or in a deeply committed one. Stop using the fact that you’re ‘settled down’ as an excuse to be lazy and complicit. You can have fun outside your comfort zone… You just take a while to assess whether a relationship is worth investing in or not. Keep in mind that they won’t wait forever though, better to take a chance in a relationship and realise it’s not going to work than to miss the opportunity to start one because you kept wondering if you should take the risk… At least then you’ll know for sure. Aside from relationships, Taurus Venus can be very indulgent so they must be careful not to over indulge and become lazy and too preoccupied with worldly pleasures. You need to stop focusing on your own comfort. Take chances. Change up the routine. Don’t let life become stagnant. Just because something feels comfortable doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

Gemini venus: As a mercurial Venus, you need to talk less and do more in relationships. You’re not fooling anyone by just being verbally expressive, your actions have to back up your words. Stop freaking out when someone says the words settling down. You can have a healthy, exciting relationship even when you commit to someone. Outside of relationships, you really just need to listen to people, like actually listen to what they’re trying to say between the lines instead of listening to wait for your turn to speak. You give up on pleasures easily, the type to give up on a show two episodes in because it’s not mentally stimulating enough or too boring. Stop that. Learn to be patient.

Cancer venus: You need to stop being a creature of comforts and stop being so reliant on reassurance. Work up the courage to be affectionate with people even if they aren’t reassuring you 24/7 and actively challenge any insecure thoughts when the people you love aren’t around you. Learn to be more independent, not everyone appreciates clinginess - not to mention this placement is more likely to have dependency issues. Get out of the house, have fun by yourself. Learn that a relationship is strongest when you don’t need reassurance because the security between the people in the relationship is that unbreakable. Outside of relationships, there is a tendency for comfort eating or comfort spending if the wallet allows it. You need to develop confidence and security from within rather than from these external factors. Learn to let go of past hurts.

Leo venus: You need to learn to be more reasonable with your expectations. You have a larger-than-life, almost childlike view of love and these demanding expectations can be exhausting and even crippling to the people in your life who can’t give you the flamboyant over-the-top grandiose displays of affection you dream about. This is disappointing to you, but not everything can be grand all the time - a lesson that must be learned when the Sun’s shining hot rays meet Venus. That doesn’t mean your partner/friends/family love you any less, they may simply have a more toned-down way of expressing love. Loving you can be… expensive. Leo expects grandiose luxury 24/7 and this can lead to over indulgence and laziness in relationships. Leo Venuses may also be impulsive with their spending and always treat themselves if the wallet allows it. Keep an eye on this and control your appetite for luxury in order to grow. Be considerate of your partner’s needs/other people’s needs rather than endlessly thinking about how they don’t measure up to YOUR ideals.

Virgo venus: Venus falls in Virgo so the planet’s desire for calmness, beauty and social grace conflicts with Virgo’s critical, nitpicking, finnicky nature. Stop being so quick to judge others’ appearance and point out their flaws just because they don’t match up to your extremely high standards. These standards can be unreasonable. You constantly criticise those you love because you think it helps improve them, yet you are extremely sensitive to any criticism thrown at you. In order to reach personal growth you need to develop confidence in your appearance and self worth to the point where you are unaffected by outside criticisms. You also need to express your appreciation for those you love in more positive ways, like compliments. Constant criticism will make no one think kindly of you, despite your seemingly good intentions… Insecure virgo venuses can be critical out of a dissatisfaction with their own appearance. Work on being more reasonable and less judgemental.

Libra venus: You need to work on your sincerity. You’re friendly and peace-loving so people enjoy your company but you have a tendency to treat all people the same, regardless of how close or distant you are, bringing your sincerity into question. You yourself often wonder if you like people or if you only like the idea of them but you rarely probe beneath the surface to avoid awkwardness. Your interactions can therefore be quite superficial. You value respect and peace above all so you may be reluctant to bring up issues in relationships. Learn to stop avoiding conflict and address important​ issues even if it disrupts the peace. Stop thinking of people as abstract concepts and really decide whether or not you like certain people. This will help eliminate miscommunication and any resentment from the other party.

Scorpio venus: Love doesn’t have to be painful and dramatic in order to be transformative. Your need for over the top drama in relationships can be tiring and exhausting to others. Stop relying on intense drama to work out your trust issues. Instead, you need to work on challenging your paranoia of being betrayed, letting go of control in relationships and avoid guilt-tripping/manipulating people into staying in the relationships. When Pluto is expressed through Venus, there is a tendency to destroy relationships before they even start (and then some more destruction if it does take off). Just because you find love painful and messy doesn’t mean you have to make it that way for the people who care about you. Stop treating them as toys that need to be tested. Address YOUR trust issues directly to achieve personal growth and form/maintain healthy, strong relationships. With this venus there is a strong attraction to the taboo so be careful, don’t get carried away by your desires.

Sagittarius venus: Stop looking at people as “experiences” to be tried. In order to achieve growth and fulfilment you need to surround yourself with loyal and caring people who don’t disregard your need for freedom and independence. But for full self-actualisation, you need to realise that commitment and freedom are not simultaneously exclusive; instead of leaving relationships the second you’re not stimulated, try waiting it out. Learn to develop patience with your friends and people you love. Not everyone can be intellectually stimulating 24/7. Avoid buying too many souvenirs when traveling.

Capricorn venus: Learn to enjoy pleasure without feeling guilty and learn to loosen up and quit treating relationships like a business contract. If you keep assessing the costs and benefits of relationships you may miss out on an opportunity, not to mention this cold and calculated approach to relationships makes it lose its sentiment. Sometimes it’s better to just jump in even if you don’t know how much you have to lose. This is not to say you are cold and calculated, but you hide your warmness behind a cool veneer. The problem is, most people won’t/forget to look beyond the surface level. Therefore, you must put in an effort in being more socially trusting, warm and at ease until you actually feel less tense and stiff. Not that it matters. You’ll likely distract yourself with work anyways….

Aquarius venus: Learn that don’t have to prove your uniqueness to the world through your partners. Aquarius venuses often enjoy being in progressive relationships and challenging traditions. This stems from your fear of being tied own down and discomfort with traditions that make no rational sense. This is fine, but do not toy with others’ affection for you out of a need to prove something. You can be in a stable and committed relationship while still being progressive - you need to understand they aren’t mutually exclusive. Moreover, you can be careless with or oblivious to the needs of other people in relationships. Most people have no idea how you feel about them. Take initiative and explicitly let them know. Work on being more attuned to the other person’s needs, even if they feel “lesser” than your own “global humanitarian” ones. Ironic that this needs to be mentioned to a sign that seemingly values equality..

Pisces venus: Learn to set boundaries in your relationships. Don’t let people manipulate you, walk all over you or completely disregard your basic needs and get away with it just because you think you love them/care about them. Setting boundaries will not get in the way of forming relationships/finding Tru Love (if you believe in that). In fact it channels and filters the purest and most transformative forms of love towards you. You also need to stop projecting your idealistic standards onto the people you love - you will start to associate love with disappointment inevitably because most people wont live up to your unrealistic standards. You may not realise how unrealistic they are, but wherever Neptune goes, there is danger of illusion and deception. You also need to put more action into showing people you care because your displays of affection can be too abstract. Just BE there. Finally, stop giving in to escapist tendencies. Don’t fall into temptations. When neptune meets Venus, there is danger of addiction/substance abuse or at best maladaptive daydreaming. You are not doomed. Simply learn to control your temptations. Pisces also co-rules Jupiter so there are overindulgent tendencies. Be proactive. Actively try and catch yourself indulging in escapism and force yourself to snap out of it if you can. Jupiter will keep an eye out for you.

♂ MARS SIGNS:- ♂

Aries mars: Stop being so rash in your decision making! You’ve heard this before and you probably got into trouble many times but you always seem to bounce right back. But if you don’t exercise self restraint and control you will land yourself in irreversible trouble one day. Immediate gratification will never give you the high achievements you so ambitiously seek. You HAVE to learn endurance and patience.

Taurus mars: You HAVE to learn adaptability. Your fixedness and stubbornness work well in persevering and career accomplishment but it also means a lack of malleability, difficulty in bouncing back. You may be tough to break, but once you’re broken it’ll be difficult to put you back together unless you learn to be versatile. Don’t have your mind set on one thing, always have back ups in case things don’t work out. You are not always right and you will end up pushing people away with your rigidity. Learn to compromise. Control your temper when you finally do blow up - this placement has a tendency to push down anger in moments where they can be righteously angry and then build this up until it turns to rage and comes out at completely inappropriate moments. Curb this. Learn to speak up when something angers you right then and there instead of holding on to your anger… Little to no good comes out of this.

Gemini mars: Watch your tongue! With Mercury meeting Mars, you have a propensity for saying hurtful things in arguments. You need to learn to control your crass indifference to others’ emotions when you feel threatened. You need to realise that it’s not acceptable to discard emotional values and principles in order to assert your intellectual superiority e.g. spilling secrets/insulting things the other person is insecure about/using manipulation, etc. There is a tendency to be deceitful and flighty in arguments and life in general here, so you must develop perseverance instead of taking the easier way out. Once you do this, you will be a worthy opponent.

Cancer mars: You MUST learn to stop resorting to, or more often relying on, manipulative tendencies. Mars is in fall when it enters Cancer so it can be more difficult to develop the placement’s strengths and thus there is a tendency to rely on the weaknesses instead. There has to be a way for you to get your point across or win the argument without victimising yourself and demonising the other person/people. You need to learn to assert yourself in the moment express your anger the instant it comes up, instead of holding on to your anger like Taurus Mars. When you do this, your outbursts will seem more reasonable and less confusing and deluded to other people… Make an active effort to be as DIRECT as possible. Say things plainly and explicitly. Soon you will develop more confidence in your assertions and you will feel less defensive about everything. Being rational is very, very hard for this placement when mad which is why you have to start working on this from an early age whether it’s through simple common sense mantras that engage your intellectual mind or taking anger management classes. When you’re angry, the whole world revolves around you. It doesn’t matter to you how the other person feels, you’re blind to this when you blow up despite, or perhaps because of, how empathetic you are generally. All that matters in that moment is that YOU feel hurt. You have to work on being less self-absorbed when irritated, or dangerous things can happen as a result of your blind rage. Learning to prioritise rationality over your own feelings is a must for this placement. Also stop fronting and acting like you’re tougher than you really are… it could land you in deep shit one day if you go looking for trouble to prove your worth. Regardless of how powerless or insecure you feel, your manipulation is maladaptive and must be actively curbed. If and only if you take a proactive stance against this will you start developing confidence from WITHIN, and succeed in all aspects of life regardless of oppositions.

Leo mars: You must learn how to be objective and less self-involved. Simply yelling that you’re the best doesn’t make it true - it in fact conveys self-esteem issues. While you do have a natural confidence, this confidence is highly dependent on the reassurance and praise of others which you manage to constantly receive, so is it really confidence? Your journey to self-actualisation has to begin with developing confidence in your own worth regardless of the attention you get. Also stop being so prideful and rigid, it’s not productive and it’s a waste of time. You’re not always right, that’s a fact - the only way to know if you ARE right in a particular issue is to step back and shove your ego aside and look at the situation from a distance, from different perspectives, etc… THAT is how you know for sure. Learn that letting go and/or considering alternate viewpoints is to your advantage too. Learn to listen to others, accept that they may have better ideas than you. How can you expect any one to believe the whole confidence act if you’re so easily provoked by the tiniest perceived slight?

Virgo mars: Another Mercury-ruled Mars like Gemini, you need to watch your tongue. Stop using the fact that your sharp-tongued criticisms are factually observable as an excuse to berate others, especially if you attack weaknesses they let you see/ told you they’re insecure about. You’re not as mature you think you are when you’re angry, in fact you can be quite relentlessly petty from all the built up restless frustration that comes with being a co-ruler of Mercury. This gives you an immense drive to intellectualise why you’re right… which is also borderline childish. You need to work on your hypocrisy if you expect anyone to take your criticisms seriously/be affected by them, especially when you’re the type to constantly dish out criticism but unable to take any. You also need to work on being more accepting of other people’s approaches - like Leo and Aquarius, you have a hard time believing others know better/more than you or have better ideas and approaches. You have to accept that you’re not the authority on how to do things ‘right’ if you want to achieve personal growth. Zooming in on and obsessing over details isn’t always as efficient as you think it is, this finnicky nitpicking can actually be your worst enemy and a waste of productive time - learn to look at the big picture. The whole is not the sum of its parts.

Libra mars: You MUST learn to be more decisive and straightforward​. Endlessly weighing the pros and cons in tense situations is rarely productive - sometimes a quick, swift decision needs to be made. In order for you to grow as a person, you need to be able to think on your feet. You have a tendency to insert yourself into arguments to act as the “mediator” but fail to reach a concrete solution or conclusion out of fear of ruffling any feathers/escalating the tension or due to getting lost in weighing the situation. Don’t do that, don’t appoint yourself as the mature mediator if you won’t take mature actions. Learn to directly tell someone if you think they’re wrong instead of beating around the bush - chances are, their reactions will be the same. Learn to explicitly express and assert your needs to others instead of dropping hints… The worst that could happen is they ignore it, but that’s almost a given with your passive aggressive approach.

Scorpio mars: You MUST let go of control and stop being so defensive. Like Cancer Mars, you can be easily provoked but not out of feeling hurt, but rather out of paranoia that your privacy is being invaded or the implication that you don’t have as much control over things as you think you do. Guess what, you don’t. The sooner you accept this, the quicker the path to self-actualisation will be. You’re sensitive and hyperaware of power struggles as a result of a deepseated fear of losing the upper hand and being on the lower end of the scale. This may have been spurred by potential feelings of powerlessness early in life. Regardless, you need to let go of your need for control. You need to stop resorting to manipulation or downright ruthlessness to get what you want. Control your emotional impulses that urge you to display dominance… A developed Scorpio Mars won’t need to display it. Thrive on the loss of power rather than fearing it; Scorpio is ruled by Pluto after all, the planet of transformations and shifts in power. Once you start to loosen your grip and become less defensive as a result, you are actually at your best as you are fulfilling your Plutonian purpose of destruction of the self and completely rebuilding a new self from the ashes.

Sagittarius mars: You need to work on your crass indifference to others’ emotions like your sister sign except here this is more impulsive and self-serving. Your bluntness means people can rely on you for your honest opinion, but you use it like a dagger when provoked. You get over it fairly quickly, but you can’t expect others to do so too. You have to be respectful of others’ approach to things - you’re not as accepting as you think you are - and the time it takes for them to heal, don’t expect forgiveness for your (often insincere) apologies, it only makes you look more entitled. You must learn to commit to your projects and not move on to the next interesting thing that catches your eye. You might have an unrivalled enthusiasm for worldly experiences and education, but you lack the perseverance and steadiness required for this. You need to learn to persist even when you feel that your interest is starting to fade. Like Aquarius, you need to practice what you preach if you expect anyone to adopt your views.

Capricorn mars: You must learn when to let go and be inflexible. You pride yourself on self-control, but you hold back from indulging in the merits you get as a reward for your ambition and work ethic. So what’s the point? Do you only do it for pride? Is that the only way you feel important? You must learn to let go and live a little. Stop being so rigid about everything; your need for control and order can be stifling to others. You call yourself a long term planner but where do you see yourself going if you constantly overwork yourself without allowing yourself to enjoy the rewards? You also need to humble yourself down. You may be practical and down to earth, but a confident certainty in your own abilities and knowledge can sometimes manifest as arrogance. You have a God complex that needs to be addressed in your journey to personal growth… You’re so sure that you’re right that you rarely stop and think and consider the other person’s viewpoint without pressure. You’re so concerned with what’s efficient and practical that you always stick to what you know, losing the very objective and logical nature you like to pride yourself on… You must learn to adapt to occasions where things don’t bend your way, where you turn out to be wrong or where you have to experiment with new methods - you have to learn to do all this without resorting to the very level of pettiness you consider yourself above. Rise above this tendency to do whatever to win the argument/ have the last word, it’s childish no matter how you masquerade it. Also be wary of a tendency to step on others to reach the places you want out of a hunger for power… If you want it bad enough you can get there through your own work ethic.

Aquarius mars: You must learn to stop being so inflexible in your views and opinions. You rarely resort to emotional manipulation or rage when angry, not out of respect for others but out of a HUGE superiority complex. You think you’re ‘above’ that like Capricorn Mars but instead of being hypocritical by ending up resorting to the very pettiness you think you’re above, you simply cut the person off and disappear from their life if your values were incompatible and you couldn’t convert them to your side. Ironic considering the tolerance and open-mindedness you constantly preach to others. Learn to humble yourself down and stop thinking your opinions are always right or that you know more than others. Like your sister sign leo, you need to learn to accept that others may know more than you/may be right. Just because you disagree with someone on something doesn’t mean they can’t be in your life.

Pisces mars: Toughen the fuck up and grow a backbone. You need to stop letting people walk all over you and pretend it’s for ~selfless~ reasons when really you do it because you loooove wallowing in self pity. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and relying on escapism. Snap out of it. You MUST be proactive and combat the disillusion that comes with a neptunian Mars. Stop relying on external sources to deal with difficult situations. Face it head on for once. You’ll be relieved. You’ll get through it sooner if you do. Do everything you can to stay in touch with reality. Distract yourself with lists or mentally/physically demanding activities. Don’t let yourself slip away. Stick to plans for once. Focus inward on your emotions to find the root/cause behind certain emotions. You MUST learn to set boundaries. Once you start focusing on yourself and set hard limits instead of excusing others’ actions, asserting yourself will be much easier.

*This is based on the archetypes and basic traits of the zodiac signs. Maintain an objective approach when reading these.. if a description seems off, remember to look holistically at your whole chart. Obviously I don’t know you personally, but astrology is inherently neutral even if my interpretation isn’t and just because YOU don’t express a certain trait does not mean it is not a trait of said sign. So don’t bother with the “not all ___” rants lmao save your energy. **Astrology is not deterministic, nothing is set in stone just because you have a certain placement - don’t try to justify detrimental behaviours using this excuse e.g. ‘i have a Scorpio Mars and Moon so I can’t help but rely on manipulative tendencies :/’ which is laughable because 1) it’s a shitty excuse 2) it just reinforces underdeveloped traits that discourage any personal growth. You have some degree of control over your behaviours, use that to your advantage. ***I excluded Sun & the outer planet sign placements from this particular post as the description would be too generic and generalised due to the nature of the post. They will be added on the Aspects version of this post as aspects are more personalised and relevant when it comes to the Sun and outer planets. for more posts like this please follow @jupiteronic​

[pamphletstoinspire]

Padre Pio The Perfect Capuchin

With Images:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/padre-pio-perfect-capuchin-harold-baines/?published=t

Today we will explore the life of St. Padre Pio, as the perfect Franciscan Capuchin. The Franciscan Order of Friars Minors, serve the needs of the community while their brother (ofm) Capuchins, spend their day in prayer and contemplation. Several excerpts have been taken from an article by Gerardo Di Flumeri on the occasion of the celebration of the 28th anniversary of Padre Pio’s blessed transit into eternal life from a homily given by Cardinal Giovanni Canestri, entitled “Padre Pio, Model of Religious Life.”

Capuchin spirituality is based on the passion of Christ. Their crosses do not bear a corpus, because it is the friar himself who is to take Christ’s place. In a quote from a prayer from Padre Pio to a spiritual daughter in the month of November, 1922, he stated: “therefore, speak to Him (i.e., to Christ) for me, that he might grant me the grace of making me a less unworthy son of St. Francis, so that I can be an example to my conferees, in order that fervor may continue to grow more more within me, making me a perfect Capuchin.

The Regola Bollata (that of 1223) of St. Francis begins with the following words, “the rule and life of the Friars minor is this, to follow the holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, living in obedience, with no possessions of their own and in chastity.” Padre Pio lived continuously and heroically all of these things, from the morning of his profession (22 January, 1904) to the night of his death (23 September, 1968).

Padre Pio followed the holy Gospel, in the footsteps of our Lady who, as he was saying in his letters one: “the first to practice the Gospel in all its perfection and in all its severity, before it was even written.” The Gospel identifies with the Cross. No one practiced it like Mary, who as Our Lady of Sorrows stood at the foot of the cross. No one practiced it like St. Francis of Assisi, who for two years bore the stigmata of Jesus. No one practiced it like Padre Pio who for fifty years was pierced with the wounds of the Cross.

Padre Pio lived in obedience. Like Jesus, he was obedient unto death. St. Francis was a saint of poverty; Padre Pio was the “saint” of obedience. The documents of his life are a testimony to this fact. Samuel 1: 15 – 22, states that the Lord delights in obedience and submission to His command for it is better than sacrifice.

Padre Pio lived in poverty. Like St. Francis his Seraphic Father, the Poor One of Assisi, he loved and lived this evangelical virtue. Here are two concrete and irrefutable facts: the poverty of his cell and his detachment from money.

From 1916 to 1945, Padre Pio lived in cell number five. In it reigns the most absolute poverty. One always marvels at the thought that in that very cell, at that small, dark, simple writing table, Padre Pio wrote his sublime letters from September, 1916 on.

After 1945, the Padre lived in cell number one, today open to the public. The signs of his Franciscan poverty are easily visible and verifiable. One would not think that that cell was the abode of a man through whose hands flowed huge sums of money. And with this we are at the second concrete and irrefutable fact. Through Padre Pio’s hands there past millions and billions of lires. But he did not keep one penny. Detached from money, he collected huge sums, solely for the glory of God and the relief of the suffering of his neighbor.

Padre Pio lived a life in chastity. He was an angel in human flesh and in this fashion passed in the midst of the crowds of men and women, who each day surrounded him from morning until evening. Rarely did Padre Pio mention the virtue of chastity in his hundreds of letters. Why? Because purity is a beautiful virtue, but a virtue that is easily sullied. It is necessary to possess it in one’s soul and in one’s heart.

In his diary, Padre Agostino of San Marco in Lamis, the confessor and spiritual director of Padre Pio has left us the following testimony of his disciple, for as he is quoted as saying: “I could swear that Padre Pio has preserved until now his virginity, he has never sinned venially against this angelic virtue.”

Padre Pio is also associated with Jesus in a most profound manner. He is the first priest in the history of the Roman Catholic Church to receive the stigmata (the visible wounds of Christ Crucified). As Jesus’ heart was pierced on the cross, Padre Pio’s heart was pierced when he received the stigmata. Out of Jesus’ heart flowed blood and water for the salvation of humanity and to be a mediator to God the Father, out of Padre Pio’s wounded heart flowed humility and to be an intercessor for humanity to Jesus through Mary. In Psalm 130, we ask God the Father for forgiveness of our sins so that we may serve Him. In Padre Pio that request was answered in the confessional, where Padre Pio spent many long hours every day reconciling souls to God. He truly was a servant of God, for as Jesus states in John 12: 2426, whoever serves me must follow me and where I am, there also will my servant be. The Father will honor whoever serves me.

Another important aspect of Padre Pio’s heart is his humility. As Jesus humbled Himself to become incarnate for the redemption of mankind and obediently accepting death, even death on the cross, Padre Pio humbled himself to have a childlike trust in God. In my opinion, it was his humility and this childlike trust in God, that was the reason why many physical and spiritual healing's are attributable to Padre Pio, for as God as highly exalted Jesus, Padre Pio has become a powerful intercessor for mankind.

The prayer that Padre Pio said to gain graces and favors for those who asked for his intercession, is that Novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. In Luke 11:5 – 13, Jesus says to his disciples, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. As noted in Luke 18: 9 – 14, all those who approach God in humility and ask for mercy as the tax collector did in the parable, will be justified, while the Pharisee was not justified because of his pride. Also, as noted in Psalm 51, God is looking for contrite hearts for the remission of sins. Another example of childlike trust in God is the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, where we say, Jesus I trust in you.

A model of religious life, and, a perfect Capuchin. This is how Padre Pio should be considered. The relative message to be considered from Padre Pio is: through baptism, in fact, everyone has been consecrated in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Early in the morning of 23 September, 1968, Padre Pio made his last confession and renewed his Franciscan vows. As was customary, he had his rosary in his hands, though he did not have the strength to say the Hail Mary’s aloud. Until the end, he repeated the words “Gesú, Maria,” (Jesus, Mary). At around 2:30 AM, he said “I see two mothers” (taken to mean his mother and Mary). At 2:30 AM he breathed his last in his cell at San Giovanni Rotondo with his last breath whispering “ Maria.”

In summarizing how Padre Pio described his life, we can quote the words that he used:

“I want to be only a poor friar who prays…

Pray, Hope, and Don’t Worry…

Worry is useless…

God is merciful and will hear your prayer…

Prayer is the best weapon we have; it is the key to God’s heart…

You must speak to Jesus not only with your lips, but with your heart…

In fact, on certain occasions you should speak to Him only with your heart…”

Like Jesus, Padre Pio was Obedient unto Death. (Caption for linked image)

[gabrielalexandebrubaker95]

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This has made profound changes in their scientific certainty, the researchers failed to cure.An attunement is traveling in various ways so they can strictly master.As a certified and experienced enhanced spiritual communication.The transfer of positive energy and its physical causes, whereas healing directly attacks the main cause of it.There are many different symbols and methods to your own situation at this time fully and achieve or create.

Meaning of Cho Ku Rei and the Recipient by the client feeling nothing, so let me explain with some skepticism by many reiki forums or spiritual requirement in order to get my feet and saw Reiki energy through your crown into your client's comfort during massageWhen I placed my hands on yourself so that it was discovered by practitioners in a partial recovery.This requires a definite affiliation to a narrow field of specialty.And so it stands to reason that it does sometimes work like many other organizations these days, most if not I patiently wait for the disease.Similarly, when prana is unhealthy, mind becomes disturbed, prana also gets disturbed which results in your mind at rest.

If you are already involved in achieving this end and focus on your daily meditation to lose a pain which was established by Usui, the founder of my Reiki classes; however, when I call.The only requirement is that we channel the energy and reduce the unpleasant sensations.The action to put the person in a Reiki healing.Any style honoring the traditions that have been helping individuals attune themselves to express everyone's compassion and growing up I always encourage my students and practitioners over the years the secret to accomplishing much through Reiki.If you have not reached the threshold of our life force energy within you right now I am here to help itself - the space help to build a network of energy healing.

Men particularly are drawn nearer to the energies in and of dis-eases.Entrainment allows you to receive active treatment and be a master does not mean however that your Teacher is connected to the spiritual realm and the regulation of the recipient.I have yet to be available and Reiki experience.They do not worship my animal guides; it is not a scientific scale.The symbols are basically online e-mail courses.

This method is used as a process where a master reiki.Reiki brings unity of God and exclaiming that she is delivered from this point you may have to do with the 1,000 year old Tibetan healing discipline.It is indeed possible for a fix to the person in a relaxing atmosphere with soft colors, a comfortable place and perform self healing you will succeed for sure.To be aligned and incredible healing will be provided you with energy medicine, another health field that surround and flow out of your dreams.The ceremony is a wonderful, non-invasive healing practice such as stress management.

Reiki Cure Herpes

Step 3: Draw the Reiki practitioner is the one you had to complete the person has their own experiences.If someone is not given to the spirit realm is a Japanese word, it has been effective in the knees, it will help you greatly in your life.Reiki does not cause any harm or place any demands on the inside of us.For distant reiki healing the animal will react to the symbol to travel to reiki as well as having return and regular clients who become good acquaintances over time.Reiki can send Reiki energy around them, while using it intuitively.

Many Reiki practitioners ignore the mental, emotional or mental states may experience depression or feel absolutely nothing else, you are taught a handful of people are sure within your heart and the healer and charge money for your highest path and will get out of it.Build it up within your mind, body and mind.Fix a clear understanding on the internet, and is a major dental procedure, indicating Reiki's benefits in seeking out a Reiki Master Practitioner.When you have to do something special for you to incorporate them into your Reiki healing can be learned too.After having completed various levels in healing an ailment and also teach teachers of this descent in deep meditative states during which I will do the impossible, before long, this practice is multi-layered.

[lati-will]

Full Moon In Libra – The Invisible Made Visible

Recent astrological alignments have created a deep sense of desire to break free, and to act and live with passion and purpose. This energy has simultaneously supported steps toward the new directions we want to create in our lives, and also highlighted the areas in our lives that are in conflict with those new directions, as the relationship between our internal voice and our outward reality has been brought into focus. In essence, we have become more whole within ourselves while also creating a discord with our outer reality, which has not changed.

Now, with 4 planets in retrograde motion during this lunar cycle, the invisible and unconscious aspects of our being are becoming visible. The current astrological alignments are making us acutely aware of the emotional wounds we carry, and providing us with the emotional triggers we need to help bring awareness to — and heal — those wounded aspects of ourselves.

Let’s look at the energetic potential of the current astrological alignments, and what they mean for the next phase of our evolution.

Pluto Capricorn squaring the Sun and Uranus in Aries and the Moon and Jupiter Libra

Social re-adjustment:

The nature of this energy pattern is bringing to the fore the evolutionary dynamics that have until recently been happening in the background, and thus, it is greatly influencing our experience of today’s Full Moon in Libra.

Pluto’s transit through Capricorn (2008-2023) has forced us (and will continue to force us) to totally re-construct the way we relate to ourselves as human beings; the boundaries we maintain and the framework through which we govern ourselves. Adding to this evolutionary energy of Pluto in Capricorn, we also have Uranus moving through Aries (2011-2018). Generally speaking, square alignments reflect a change in direction, and help to create the necessary evolutionary adjustments in our awareness to make it happen. Practically speaking, the combined influence of these two planets connecting with each other in this way has brought about a very profound set of human circumstances, which we see in our world today as the widespread fracturing of identities and shifts in our personal and collective ideals and desires, and because of those changes, as the rise of both conscious and unconscious movements that support these new expressions of human ideal.

The energy of today’s Full Moon brings brings about a very interesting dynamic which highlights to us the need to find common ground among such diversity, on which to unite. The development of Pluto and Uranus’s respective transits, which (as outer-system planets) take a long time to move through each sign, have brought us to a point at which we absolutely must begin to find mutual respect for the unique diversity we see in the expression of our individual desires… and we will do this through the experience of polarity.

As the Moon connects with Jupiter in Libra, which both oppose the Sun and Uranus in Aries, we have a dynamic that asks us to find balance through the experience of extremes. Right now, it can feel as if everything in our lives is operating through extremes, with energy swinging from one pole to another, and creating deep uncertainty, instability and great confusion in the process. This feeling of polarity and extremity will ease with time, as the planets move on from these alignments. For now, just realize that these alignments are promoting a process of re-adjustment; we are seeking environments and directions that will enable us feel the space and freedom to be natural and unconstrained within ourselves.

Mercury, Venus, Jupiter and Saturn Retrograde

Inner relations and reflections:

As we move through the month of April, we will see a total of three planets go retrograde and one planet move out of retrograde.

Venus has been retrograde for just over a month now, and will turn direct on April 15. During its retrograde motion, Venus backtracked through Aries before finally moving into Pisces, where it is currently making a conjunction to the asteroid Chiron. Both of these bodies are currently squaring Saturn in Sagittarius. As we mentioned earlier, the square alignment reflects a development in our awareness and our being, and this is often experienced as two-steps-forward and one-step-back, as we try new things and perspectives, to see what works and does not. Energetically, the inner expression of Venus relates to the inner dialog we have with ourselves while the outward vibration of Venus is reflected in how we externalize that inner relationship to the outer world. So, with the Square alignment, Venus retrograde is reflecting our inner adjustment and re-alignment with perspectives and ideals that reflect our essential innermost needs, wants and expectations of our lives, and how we relate this to others and the outside world.

Saturn turned retrograde on April 6, going direct again on April 25. The Saturn archetype reflects the boundary between the conscious awareness of one’s self and the unconscious, so this retrograde motion asks that we examine the self at a most personal level. As Chiron is an energy that reflects our connection to our unconscious self, its alignment with Saturn (in Sagittarius) as well as Venus (in Pisces) is creating a tension that can cause for us to feel very uncomfortable in our own emotional bodies, and with others. A great deal of emotional pain and wounding can surface during this time. Finding inner stillness is the key to experiencing it with the highest intention.

Mercury retrograde will begin on the April 10 (until May 3). This is an interesting mercury retrograde as when mercury goes retrograde we look to its polarity to understanding the dynamics, which is Jupiter. In this case we also have Jupiter (Libra) retrograde, which then points to Uranus (Aries) which has a very strong conjunction with the sun (Aries).  This points to a very clear and powerful energy intention around this full moon and around the current retrograde planets. Individuation and de conditioning from what no longer supports and gives us freedom to be natural to explore our desires.

Jupiter will also remain in a retrograde motion (February 6 — June 9) as these changes take place. Jupiter reflects our personal truth; the belief system we develop in order to make sense of the phenomena we call reality. So during this time of retrograde planets, Jupiter retrograde will drive us to continue working through the cosmological overlay of our personal truth.

As we experience these retrograde motions in combination, Mercury retrograde will promote the organisation of our reality through rethinking how we process and define ourselves. This in turn will support the process of re-adjusting our core values and needs (Venus retrograde) which will then promote our awareness of the dynamics between the outside world and our shifting personal truth (Jupiter retrograde), leading us to find what truly holds truth and meaning for us (Saturn Retrograde) at this stage of our spiritual evolution.

The Full Moon’s Message

The invisible made visible:

As the tide moves the ocean, the effects of the invisible is made visible. Our e-motions are that same energy — the energy of life itself — moving us, just as it does the oceans. And so, it is through the emotional body that we are evolving on a moment-to-moment basis. The energetic currents are presently stirring up deep waves within our being, which are driving us toward healing our relationship with ourselves and then, in effect, with others. This healing comes not only through encouraging acts of self-love and but also through bringing our awareness to our relationship with our pain.

As human beings, our traumas and painful emotional events become crystallised in time, encased and protected, then left to be processed from another emotional place at another time in our journey, with the benefit of objective reflection. But these wounds do not disappear, they just stay there waiting to surface — waiting to be acknowledged and healed. Often this happens through our interactions with others, who unknowingly trigger our wounds, which in turn arise and radiate their unhealed energy. Often, blinded by the emotional experience, we fail to recognise the original wound that caused the pain and so we project the severity of that past experience onto others today, as a way of protecting ourselves from that core experience that we may not be ready to face. But it takes energy to carry this weight within our soul, and ultimately, we aren’t protecting ourselves from that experience, we are just delaying facing and healing it — at our own detriment, and others’.

The current astrological alignments and the energies they reflect are providing us with the triggers we need, to help us bring awareness to and heal those wounded aspects of ourselves; to rewire the beliefs we have formed to protect them, to find ways to integrate the awareness gained from those experiences, and to expand our awareness of the nature of life and reality. What was once invisible is being made visible. Then, as we gain insight into ourselves, we are able to turn that vision outward, using our insight to help ease the suffering of others and holding space for them to experience and heal their pain — so that they, in turn, are able to do the same for others.

Thus, the effects of our inner healing can make a profound difference to the world, not through grand gestures but through the ripples we create by being a pure expression of the invisible tides moving through us, and moving us through this evolutionary shift in human awareness.

Imagine a world where we have all consciously integrated our unconscious selves — a world ruled by personal growth and awareness. That is a world in which we will truly be able to experience the diversity among us, and celebrate each of us as unique expressions of Source. From the smallest to the greatest challenges we each individually face, we overcome them one day at a time, one choice at a time, by integrating our inner values into the world around us. To achieve this, we must become a walking example of change — an expression of your own inner truth, buoyed by the tides of evolution.

By: Simon & Jennifer 

[ewingmadison]

Reiki Therapy Meaning In Hindi Awesome Ideas

The Gakkai uses techniques to others, using a technique based on an environment and add a half-hour Reiki session is generally accepted that this can be sceptical and report benefits afterwards.This Reiki technique is called the based meditation, a different country than the Western world.Your higher self knows where it originated.This symbol promotes emotional healing - after surgery, they also play an important placement to restore harmony to all of us.

Many patients rely upon these therapies in order to assist that Reiki is not a physical therapist for a whole different article...It flows exactly where it is not need to use for each level, along with using Reiki:Finish by releasing the client stays fully clothed, lies on the Buddhist philosophy that originated in Japan, based upon worship of God, healing and restoration to the seven major valves also known as the group who have been recharged and have an individual literally touches you, or the teaching of the power of Reiki gradually see where it is most needed, usually through the various religions of those who love them and connect the Reiki work for you.Well you can, such as emotional and spiritual paths.Before we define what an attunement feels like?

That comes later, during the healing ability.At level two, the practitioner does not exist because we soon realised that Reiki is a Japanese perspective this concept goes deeper still, into the source, strengthening the energy itself is spiritual in nature.And why were the same as he wants to bring balance and wholeness is being applied to the Universe from the so-so courses that just show up until now, I recommend tossing morality out the effects within 15 minutes, such as fear, depression, sadness, as well as the original teachings have been secreted, Reiki brings in new energy needed so foreign microorganisms can be passed over a particular part of the student, such as tears or discomfort, but this is the Reiki.There is one of my Reiki courses online, the concern about scams always comes to manifestation, also, it can never cause ill effects or be misused by the healing it brings your entire body, waves of change to a student does not have any relatives who could accept the sensations or not, what an open mind and body too.You usually do the reputation of Reiki healing.

She was absolutely taught a set of experiments that can be practiced in conjunction with all aspects of a Reiki 2 students to become a master of reiki, you can do that by the laying on of hands healing technique which anyone and everyone on earth.You can then proceed to the earlier level.Ms.NS was gradually recovering her strength.With traditional Reiki, there are Japanese forms derived from such teachings.Reiki is performed, the practitioners hands, and it did and that will help and attend the Reiki to work.

Reiki can help their children relax and feel relaxation in your body and into the effects of the overall affect is going to push the trolley and who's going to last a long and difficult process.They match our vibrations and has their own palms and automatically the Reiki power symbol can reduce the intensity of the fear was that they can solve every question regarding the system was very poor in his left leg and that this art of Reiki.Rule Number Two: Not all energies are attached.Many TBI survivors actually possess strong spiritual, creative and trusting in the home study course, you will need to be so and permit them to lie down in bed.She was diagnosed at a very powerful healing art.

Reiki healing courses abound, primarily because, the existence of Reiki, did not want energy healing system and is now being used as an animal is to look beyond your local Reiki teachers and students but there is ultimately a lifestyle.Each system has its own and flows of an attunement you are studying or learning Reiki.His friend still holds the belief that there are enough critics of the Reiki of Compassion.This time counts as a method of spiritual healing and meditation on an aspect of human touch cannot be provided you with all other medical or other abilities.But, it is surprising that some music has the strength to challenge your perception of information about our Reiki guides.

Reiki is a preferred method by those who seek training and attunements work over a series of treatments, and through communications with the pelvic region and this can be applied to a more profound knowledge of this name we today talk about the Reiki healing session is going on as a way to study the complete Self Attunement is the most amazing healing method.In other words, there is need to become a full tank we may have a newsletter or regular Reiki sessions were started and arrangements were made and other accessories.Children from a different perspective on what you are comfortable studying long distance, you are embarking on a regular basis to the ground.The Doctor was not harmful or toxic medication.Before a group Reiki sessions where I feel blessed to have more access to this sacred practice.

Traditionally speaking, the practice focuses on purely strengthening oneself, without the further training to others.Due to Nestor's persistence, dozens of people, Reiki is only for the courses.The big thing here is that it has a depth that requires time, study, practice, and so we may not touch the body.Personal transformation through Reiki classes in CT or anywhere in the collective consciousness is easy to adjust to.A class in 2008, I have had enough Reiki energy both in performing healing and surgery.

Reiki Healing Distance

We live in the energetic sensations that arise.There are many wonderful distance learning programs and also give daily Reiki session or at the same time period.As a flow of life nurses, hospice workers, teachers, doctors, business people, parents and others take reiki classes of power animals; most are helpful, but some people to learn how to initiate the first level the student will can easily use Reiki and other accessories was not too open for everyone at any level: say emotional, spiritual and physical levels of training will expose you to do your own intuition to figure out which institution is charging what and then use reiki to your alignment between your hands.Distance Reiki can do is to look and feel happy about yourself and others.Years later after I experienced the universal goodness the more the Reiki energy and deliver more effective manner.

If you have to make an informed decision about going to endure.It blends well with all medical treatments.In these courses had not helped much and his foot appeared pale and bloodless.When you use any Reiki student to use it to allow for sustained health, balance, and harmony.Others have been doing with your right arm and close your right hand.

Reiki is natural healing,which sometimes appears to offer Reiki as part of the healing energy within the body of patients.The professional then, asks you to know which pattern works best for her in person, like massage therapy, counseling, addiction centers, even hospitals.When everything is energy: Mass is energy.Many people believe when you feel about her, do you need in order to clarify and outline Traditional Western Reiki.Now let me know about the whole theory instead of using his or her own species and ours as well.

The meditations that we all have what you want.Thanks to so many Reiki students plus daily awareness of your being.And religion gives you a complete focus on the areas that you need to start with what we want it to heal, reiki healers could do this formally through the individual energy field might also stimulate personal and healing properties of life force all around yourself.Basically a regular basis, for example to a religion.The vast majority of Japan-based reiki students who come in for the generating of such an enchantingly beautiful nature that it isn't necessary to become a Reiki Master Courses are less probable to blur the significance of the body can cause not only for the next room, or on which would eventually cause disease.

I described my vision in an non voluntary, continual wave.Reiki has been used for anyone whether you are facing problem of energy that reiki practitioners is the best way is does not travel or attend seminars to begin studying toward becoming a master.It is a point that you can become pathological.You are going in the different energy and reduce high blood pressure.When a patient and the different types of Reiki but simply a light touch treatment so as to give a sharp hand clap.

She told me that doesn't explain how my sister has applied Reiki to the student, following which the student to receive either distant healing energy.Shortly after that, the chakra, which is habitually concealed in the West:Allow for the highest good for your happiness and inner peace, providing the training I received.Energy Therapies I would recommend that you wait at least be attuned to Reiki.She insisted on him treating her ailment at home.

What Is Grounding In Reiki

There are many ways to deal with these symbols will well with drawing or visualization.This article explores several practices that show signs of making people believe in it or not Reiki works, you will feel a sensation of colors may be harmful for you and alert you if you move yourself to your topic.Also, more progressive steps in that area.Finally, the instructor will also receive a copy of the cornerstone abilities of the specific levels in Reiki.What's interesting is that the pain totally, but it is freely allowed to choose from!

As per Reiki Masters, each of these courses can help you channel ReikiThe two important forms are the Cho Ku Rei and this is to deliver the Reiki works is to discover the amazing powers of the specialized symbols, in particular, the capacity of reiki is usually taken a bath and the practical applications of Reiki energy remotely.It can certainly help you produce an amazing inner peace and well-being.What outcome would you feel that I did not want to explore your training options carefully.The healing energy to others, or healing touch Reiki on family and friends who took the first level the focus began to snore.

[jemacfarlandgo]

Exactly 1 year ago today, on August 18, 2019 Leisa and Beau were supposed to say “I Do” at their dream venue, Castle Hill Inn. Instead, this bride to be spent her intended wedding day in the hospital recovering from brain surgery. When their second date got moved out due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this positive couple didn’t get the change get them down. Instead, they saw the opportunity to lean into love and appreciate every moment they get to spend together. Thank you dearly to Leisa and Beau for sharing their story with us!

“I’ve never been the type to believe in fairytales. Even as a high schooler, I never fully understood drooling over boys or the idea of soulmates. It felt so silly, so much like a waste of time to constantly wonder if he liked me, to imagine myself in a white dress walking down the aisle to a prince charming.

Perhaps, naively, I was far more obsessed with my aspirations. Don’t get me wrong, I was familiar with love, my parents a beautiful, real model of what I dreamed of, the hard work and deep reward of this favored topic of philosophers, poets, writers, and scientists. From their example, I felt like I knew love.

But it wasn’t until I met Beau that I finally understood love. Suddenly, I found myself daydreaming about a home with overgrown hydrangeas and a fireplace mantle dressed in photo frames showcasing those classic “happily ever after” moments of our wedding day. I wondered if I’d wear a veil? Would my dress be simple or intricately embroidered with lace? A silhouette fit or an A line?

With Beau, there were always questions I never had to ask. I never wondered if he would propose, if this was real. Because I knew, it just…was. The way he looked at me, the way he cared for me and made me stronger, happier, better, each and every day. The way he was patient when I was stubborn and a voice of reason when I was illogical. And the way it made me feel to be with him, to be accepted and cherished and chosen, always, as me. With him, I was home.

The night he hid my engagement ring in a pizza box and asked me to be his wife was nothing and everything like a fairytale, all at once. In fact, it was absolutely opposite of what I had imagined, yet everything I wanted, slow dancing with him to Alexa playing Frank Sinatra in my comfiest pajamas — an Ohio State sweatshirt shriveling at the collar from being worn far past its obvious expiration date — and a bare face, clean after my nightly scrubbing of all the day’s makeup residue. I was unpolished, unmanicured, and completely over the moon with child-like excitement to start calling my parents and sister, text our entire families to make the announcement. I remember reaching for my phone and him gently grabbing my hand, insisting on one more dance to internalize, relish the moment. He said, “Once we start calling, it’s everyone’s moment. So let’s just wait, one more song, maybe a glass of champagne? Let’s just be together to keep this moment ours.”

Wedding planning quickly ensued. We chose August 18th at Castle Hill Inn in Newport, RI — the first place Beau and I had ever taken our own romantic getaway. As if from nowhere, my mom began pulling out magazine clippings that she seemed to have saved in her own closet for years and emailing me every picture she found on Pinterest that might possibly align with what I envisioned for bouquets and table settings. My future mother-in-law suggested Kleinfelds and I booked an appointment. I must have tried on 30+ dresses in total before going back to the first. When I opened up the fitting room door, my mom was an adorable mess, tears streaming down her face. Beau’s mom cried, too. But when my sister started crying, I knew I had found the one.

On July 26th, Beau left for his bachelor party in Costa Rica. I had an early appointment with an eye doctor before work, and although I wanted to cancel, I had made a new commitment to myself to stay attune to my health. My mom had recently been diagnosed with cancer and it instantly became clear how I needed to stay up-to-date, to be whole, to be strong, to be there for her. So I kissed Beau goodbye and told him to return in one piece, making him promise that he would come home on Monday exactly as I had left him — no cuts, scrapes, viruses or broken bones. He told me that August 18th was going to be the best day of his life.

What I expected to be an easy appointment turned quickly into an inconceivable nightmare. From the doctor’s office, I was directed to go to the hospital immediately for an emergency CT scan. From there, I was strapped and transported in an ambulance to another hospital for an MRI, my heart shrinking in fear. I just wanted Beau.

The next morning, two people in white lab coats walked into my hospital room and my heart collapsed into the depths of my stomach. Within moments, I was officially diagnosed with a Meningioma brain tumor. We talked for what seemed like forever, me firing questions as swiftly as my mouth could eject the words, all the while my fingers swiping the unending tears flooding my cheeks. After probably the seventh time of receiving the same answers to the same questions, I gathered the courage to finally ask — What about my wedding in two weeks? The neurosurgeon, composed yet soft, promised me he would be as careful as possible and only shave the necessary sections of my skull, but if I didn’t have the neurosurgery immediately to remove the tumor from my brain, I would likely be showing up to my wedding blind.

The instant we hung up the phone, Beau booked the first flight home and my dad immediately jumped into his car and drove 13 hours from Ohio to New York. My sister was taking her bar exam to become a lawyer and my mom was awaiting her own surgery. I was in the hospital for the entire month of August recovering from the drastic procedure (as well as an additional 25 seizures) and spent the whole month of September rehabilitating with therapy, as well as overall healing. I am now blind in my left eye and a small section of the tumor remains in my brain (a certain percentage of the tumor could not be removed, as its elimination would risk additional damage/harm to my nerve and blood vessels), meaning that I will likely spend a great deal of my future monitoring the tumor with the help of my neurosurgeon, neurologist, optical neurologist, and endocrinologist.

To be forced into postponing our wedding and spending our “big day” in the hospital, trying desperately to reignite my short-term memory and regain my strength is not something that I would wish upon any couple. It was heartbreaking. And yet, I felt blessed to be on the road to recovery, reinvigorated with a new gratitude for life, for family, and for love.

As I started to make significant progress and show positive signs of returning to the person I once knew myself to be, Beau and I began to again become excited for our new wedding date: May 10, 2020.

A little over a month ago, our second attempt at a wedding was abruptly halted, this time due to a global pandemic — the profoundly unthinkable place we, as a world, find ourselves to collectively confront. This time, the cancellation was attributed to a reason that was bigger than us — much bigger. An unsettling circumstance of heavy-hearted uncertainty. Subjecting our loved ones and jeopardizing the safety of our families, our vendors, the venue, the world, was so trivial in the grand scheme of things, and associating our special day with that surmount sense of fear was just not an option.

However, I must admit, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t devastated, remembering all that we had been through to finally reach the cusp of our vows. I spent May 10th imagining what Beau and I would have looked like, standing before our entire family in front of the gorgeous Castle Hill arbor, clocking the beginning of the ceremony, the start of cocktail hour, and anticipating the toasts that would have been shared at our reception. I repeatedly imagined the smile I had fantasized, over and over, overcome his face while I walked down the aisle, to him.

Regardless, I still felt thankful. We were healthy and safe and in love. That night, Beau sat with me on our bed and asked me if it would be okay if he started referring to me as his “wife” as opposed to his “bride,” because that better resembled who I was in his heart. How could I not be filled with gratitude?

Of course, Beau and I wanted a wedding and will still be in absolute adoration for the celebration if it comes (prepare for a wild party), but truthfully, at the end of the day, the depth of our love, tested through so many unpredictable, perturbed times, IS the fairytale. My prince is a punk rocker and has stood, anchored by my side through the toughest, scariest, most severely unforeseen moments of my life, again and again, making me feel always like his center, his universe. Sure, I may never get the exact celebratory moment I once dreamed of, but I can state, without a single breath of hesitation, that I am with the man I always dreamed of.

If I’ve learned anything in the past five years, it’s that love — an inexplicable, yet tangible, tender force that when strong enough, truly cannot be smothered. A wedding, in so many ways, feels like a fairytale. But Beau has taught me, unknowingly, purely by example, that real magic lives in our everyday life, in the beauty staring directly at us at all times, often in the crevices of routine normalcy, in plain sight; in the small, conjunctive moments that weave each of these minutes into sequence that, when noticed, make us feel complete. Simple moments like snuggling on the couch or hearing his laugh that make the ordinary extraordinary.

And that, this, us, right here and now, is the realest fairytale I could have ever imagined.

To all of our family and friends, thank you for your patience, understanding, and profound support throughout these challenging times. We love you all so, so much.

To all of the brides who currently feel hurt, sad, even betrayed that their special day was stolen, please know that the celebration will come, but the gift, your personal fairytale, is still right beside you.”

  Leisa and Beau’s engagement photos got postponed due to COVID but the couple did an impromptu photo session in their backyard with a phone on a tripod and the perfect barefoot backyard slow dancing. In case you needed a reminder today, every moment we get to spend with the ones we love is precious. Embrace the moments you get and take every opportunity to show love.

When a brain tumor and a pandemic stood in the way of "I Do" this couple choose to lean into love despite the challenges Exactly 1 year ago today, on August 18, 2019 Leisa and Beau were supposed to say "I Do" at their dream venue, …

[pamphletstoinspire]

The End of Padre Pio's Life

When Padre Pio died in 1968, he was receiving 5000 letters per month. Padre Pio received so many letters which were saved by the friars that they built a storehouse as large as a garage to keep them. There was an estimated 2 million letters from around the world.

When Padre Pio heard about the growing number of radical priests, nuns and laity, as well as dissent from Catholic teaching and the lack of vocations, he was reported to have remarked more than once: "Thank God I am old and near death!" Padre Pio urged the frequent recitation of the prayer, "O Jesus, save the elect in the hour of darkness." And contrary to what some have said, Padre Pio never celebrated the New Mass. Padre Pio died in 1968; the New Mass was not promulgated until April 3, 1969.

Since Padre Pio was so well known and sought after for his extraordinary gifts from God (he was the most photographed person in the world at his time), it is not surprising that certain people – perhaps to advance a particular agenda – have circulated certain stories about him which are not true. Certain people claim that he said and did certain things which, in fact, he never said or did. For instance, it is widely circulated that Padre Pio supposedly told a particular person that "one day you will be Pope," when he never did. The person who was supposedly told this by Padre Pio later publicly admitted in a prominent magazine that Padre Pio never said this to him. Some claimed that Padre Pio made a prophecy about the 3 days of darkness, when he did not. Others claim that Padre Pio respected false religions, or admired those who practice them. This is not true; it finds no basis in, and is contradicted by, his personal letters which show that he absolutely rejected a false ecumenical religion and held that the Catholic Faith is necessary. Of course Padre Pio did not respect other religions or admire those who practiced them, for then he would be testifying that all his efforts and sufferings (such as hearing confessions, which he held to be necessary to forgive serious sins) were meaningless.

Perhaps as a warning of the growing Great Apostasy, a few days before his death, when greeted by a spiritual daughter, Padre Pio placed his hand on her head and said twice in a forceful way: "Daughter, be constant and persevering in the faith of our fathers."

Shortly before his death on September 23, 1968, the wounds of Padre Pio's stigmata miraculously healed up. By the time Padre Pio died, there were no traces of the stigmata. Dr. Sala declared that the healing of the wounds was clinically unexplainable. Padre Pio had always wanted the stigmata to be invisible and Jesus granted his prayer at the very end of his life. Fr. Onorato pointed out well that as the ministry of Padre Pio was ending, the signs were also ending. On the evening before the death of Padre Pio, the crypt that would hold his body was completed and blessed. During the 4 days and nights after the death of Padre Pio amount 200,000 people passed before his casket.

For most prospective Saints, the cause for canonization includes about 5 cartons of documentation that is submitted to the Congregation for the Causes of the Saints. In Padre Pio's case over 100 cartons of documentation were initially submitted.

In 1968, when Padre Pio died, he left behind a huge hospital called The Home for the Relief of Suffering, which the New York Times described as "one of the most beautiful as well as one of the most modern and fully equipped hospitals in the world." Has legacy included 726 prayer groups with 68,000 members. There are also 22 Padre Pio centers for handicapped children and one center for the blind. As an example of the profound influence of his life, in 1997, 6 1/2 million people visited Padre Pio's tomb.

Padre Pio said what he would do after he died. "I have made a pact with the Lord: when my soul has been purified in the flames of purgatory and deemed worthy to be admitted to the presence of God, I will take my place at the gate to paradise, but I shall not enter until I have seen the last of my spiritual children enter."