#irl ppl too but there's smth so special abt. in online there's no obligation at all to reach out or interact. but we still choose to
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I FEEL BETTER AGAIN
#🌙.rambles#the way i often feel better after perdev class really makes me realize that. yk literally /hearing/ it rlly comforts me a lot ;;#n yh i remembered smth again earlier#oh man i'm really grateful for the kindness of strangers#online friends were once strangers you've never known#irl ppl too but there's smth so special abt. in online there's no obligation at all to reach out or interact. but we still choose to#a lot of times it's not really /that/ deep but the thought of it is comforting when you feel alone#somewhere out there. even if you don't communicate directly w words... we understand each other in a way yeah?#there's smth especially comforting to me rn abt the kindness of someone you're not /v/ close with#but you still understand each other. maybe even deeper than w those irl#since honestly i can't rlly bring myself to vent or rant or ramble to my irls anymore ;;;#so there's this certain special gratitude n appreciation i have for ppl who know me online. esp on tumblr bcs i talk here a lot#that said though... there's smth as comforting as well abt#honestly i'm really big on those 5 love languages. so w irls there's physical touch that i love &#words of affirmation expressed through voice. those two stuff r esp special to me thanks to the distance put by the pandemic#even if i'm not rlly speaking voices give me a lot of comfort. which is one reason why music is so special to me. melodies n/or lyrics#somewhere out there. there's someone thinking abt people /like/ you#the specificness of being close w someone tho n understanding in depth after building a connection tho#all of our friends were once strangers. n thinking abt all that is v beautiful but. oh yh. i've been distant again from my reality;;#a few months ago i felt like i was talking too much so i ended up disconnecting ;;; ever since that active thought#i've been initiating stuff less n less. subconsciously.#problem tho is that when i'm sad i actively distance myself even further n that's so destructive but i wna get better again#i really wonder tho. there's sm distance n misunderstandings that can arise out of ignorance n disparity in perspectives#combining who we are n our personas n identities across platforms. irl. different social media. if we're not careful n self-aware then#the way we carry ourselves n how ppl perceive n relate n approach us wld change drastically.#best not to think /too/ much abt that tho bcs that cld be draining. T_T i care a lot at heart so im worried that i've been too distant#it's so hard to reach out but i wish i cld just clarify w all the ppl in my life that i still really really care. i'm just struggling TvT#in time in time. i need to just do what i can in a given moment. and it'll be enough for myself. n i'll keep on improving n i'll get better#thinking abt everyone i've ever known rlly comforts me. i'll improve my health so that hopefully i cld enjoy that company n be myself again#it's hard dealing w the constancy of the pain but i don't have to fall to that ache all the time. slowly is enough. i can be kind to me too
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