#instead of having them fight and then make up(?) without as much as a talk!!

[formula-ghost]

The Driver (FC43 x fem!reader)

SUMMARY: After years of being with your boyfriend, Franco Colapinto, you should feel secure and ready for your budding future. When old anxieties creep in, will your relationship withstand the pressure?

WORD COUNT: 9.5k 

WARNINGS: Semi-public car sex (reader and Franco are both switches, fingering, p in v). Angst, mentions of cheating. Heavy mentions of marriage, incredibly Champagne Problems coded but I have to stick to the Måneskin theme. Probably incorrect geographical depictions of Spain. Reader has an anxiety disorder/struggles with mental health. Same universe as Supermodel/RYD (in RYD, Franco’s Aston Martin contract is only one year, so we’re just skipping ahead here). 

A/N: You all asked for Franco car sex and instead I gave you emotional pain :) I don’t think I’ll ever stop writing for RYD!Franco, I just love him too much. After this I’ll keep writing for Wildflower and then maybe do a few one shots before the next series perhaps? Either way, hope you enjoy!

TAGLIST: [COMMENT TO BE ADDED TO MY FRANCO TAGLIST!]  @scopeiguess @storyteller-le @xivilivix @htpssgavi @wierdflowerpower @justsisse @uncreativetm  @ncrsbrg @tillyt04 @amz824 @ellelabelle @aliwritex

If you gonna set fire to the night, baby let me be the lighter

If you’re already high and you wanna fly, I’ll be the hit that takes you higher

If you wanna love when you touch the sky, you can be my midnight rider

If there’s nowhere to go when you wanna go wild, I wanna be the driver

After getting his first multi-year Formula 1 contract—complete with a hefty sign-on bonus—there were three things that Franco Colapinto needed to buy. 

The first was a house for his parents. 

He led his mother around the massive home, showing her every little detail that he had noticed when he chose it, all perfectly arranged according to her taste. At first, she wasn’t sure what her son was doing; he had wanted it to be a surprise, so he didn’t tell her anything. 

“Yes, Franquito, the home is beautiful,” she said, craning her neck to look at the high ceilings, the sunlight from the massive windows illuminating her face. “But why would you buy a house here in Argentina? You’re hardly ever home, you can just stay with us in the off season.”

Franco, like his mother, was a pragmatist. He’d never buy himself a mansion in Argentina unless he had retired from F1 and decided to settle down. But his career was just getting started. 

She continued, “I mean, you and YN don’t need this much space—”

“It’s not for us, Mami,” he said, finally letting loose the smile that he’d be fighting all day. He was never able to keep secrets, too much of a chatterbox. “It’s for you.”

“Franco—”

“Mami,” he said, already anticipating her hesitation. “It is the least I can do. I can never repay you for all you’ve done for me.”

“That’s my job. You don’t need to repay me.”

“Maybe I don’t need to, but I want to.”

Tears had begun to well up in his mother’s eyes. She knew it was impossible to stop him. It was every athlete’s dream to make enough money to buy their mother a house one day; she wouldn’t take that from him.  “I’m so proud of you, mijo,” he said, enveloping her son in her arms. “You have made me proud beyond measure.”

It was Franco’s turn now to tear up, though he blinked them away and smiled. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I figured something was up,” she laughed, “this house is too much my style for you to buy it. I think YN would like it, though. How is she doing?”

“She’s good,” he answered, unsure of how to proceed. His mother let him pause, knowing he was about to say something. “I’m… thinking about asking her to marry me.”

“Oh, wonderful!” she replied, her smile now stretching ear to ear. 

“We haven’t talked about it yet, though. So don’t get your hopes up. She might not say yes.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” his mother questioned. “You’ve been together for years, through thick and thin.”

“I don’t know,” he said, scratching the back of his neck in nervousness. “We just…haven’t talked about it. I’m nervous.”

“Well, don’t ask her until you’ve talked about it. But I see no reason why she’d say no.” She reached out to smooth over a piece of his hair that was stuck up at an odd angle. “Take your time,” she continued. “If you all aren’t ready now, there’s no harm in waiting. You have the entire rest of your lives to be together.”

Franco gave her a weak smile, his expression still plastered with nervousness. “But when you do get married,” she continued, as if it was a fact, “I expect grandbabies.”

He laughed, despite knowing that she was dead serious. That would be a bridge to cross later.

For now, he had a second purchase to make: his first real car. 

Franco, despite being a Formula 1 driver, had always been down to earth. When he drove for Williams, they had to fight him over taking the bus every day. Even in his early days, his future had been too unstable to spend all his hard-earned money on something like a flashy car, especially since he’d be away so often that he’d hardly be able to use it.

But now, he knew that the time was right, and he’d more than earned it. So, when Franco woke you up at the crack of dawn to go to the luxury dealership in Madrid to pick up his new car the second that they opened, you obliged him despite the hour being far too early. 

As the salesman handed him the keys, Franco beamed as if he was holding his newborn child, his eyes wide with love and anticipation.

“She’s beautiful,” he whispered, running his hands up and down along the hood of the flashy luxury car.

You stood back, afraid to even touch this car that was more expensive than your net worth. 

“She’s perfect. She’s the most perfect car I’ve ever seen.” He looked up at you, smiling like a giddy child. “Isn’t she perfect?”

You smiled back, amused by Franco’s happiness. “It certainly is a nice car.”

“It’s not just a nice car. She’s a machine.” You chuckled back at him. “Let’s go for a ride.”

You were honestly a little scared of getting in the car. But when Franco crossed over to open your door for you and help you inside, you couldn’t tell him no.

Sitting inside, you had to admit that it was a really nice car. Franco yapped on about the technical abilities of the engine, but it was in one ear and out the other—despite his many years in F1, you couldn’t say you had learned anything about the machines that your longtime boyfriend drove for a living. But you loved to hear him talk, especially when he was this happy, so you nodded as if you were listening intently. 

Franco went to back up the car, putting his hand on your headrest and leaning over his shoulder. The move showed off his prominent muscles and instantly melted you. Even after all these years, it was the little things that you never got tired of. 

He sped along the highways, giggling to himself as he heard the engine rev and felt the smoothness of the ride. His smile never wavered as he increased his speed and weaved through the slower cars. 

He skipped the exit that would lead back to your home, though. “Where are we going?” you asked.

“I want to show you something,” he said, being intentionally vague with his intentions. 

You raised an eyebrow. Franco wasn’t one for surprises; he talked too damn much to ever keep them. If he hadn’t told you before now, it must be something serious. 

He moved his hand over to hold your thigh, another one of those little things he did that still made you crazy no matter how many times he did it. “Trust me, amor,” he said.

Of course, you trusted him. So when he exited the highway and began driving into the Spanish countryside, you said nothing, instead choosing to enjoy the feeling of his hand rubbing soft circles into your thigh as the trees blurred past you and the engine purred.

After a while he finally slowed his speed, bringing the car up to an empty overlook off the main road. Through the tinted windows, you could see that this place was hidden, nestled off by the trees so that you could only get here if you knew where you were going. The view was gorgeous; miles and miles of lush greenery, and in the far off distance, the city that you had just left. 

“Wow..” you whispered. “How’d you find this place?”

“I used to run on these roads out here when I was younger,” he said, admiring you as you admired the view. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“I don’t get to come here much anymore,” he said. “I never thought I’d come back here one day as a Formula 1 driver.”

“Thank you for bringing me here,” you said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. His face had the slightest tinge of blush, so subtle that only you could see it. 

“Come on, let’s get a good look,” he said, turning off the engine and opening his door.

You got out of the car and softly gasped again when you saw the view with your own two eyes, rather than through the tinted glass. It left you breathless.

You sat cross legged next to Franco on the grass, taking in the sights of the countryside around you. For a while you were quiet, just soaking in the sounds of nature. 

Then Franco broke the calmness. “Have you ever thought about getting married?”

His voice was soft, but his words startled you. “Married?”

“I mean, we’ve been together for a while. About time, no?”

Truthfully, you had thought about marriage quite a bit. The mere idea of it scared you. And talking about it scared you even more. 

“You sound enthusiastic,” you joked. 

“You know what I mean.” He looked down, clearly also nervous for this momentous discussion. Still, he kept his voice light and steady. “I love you. I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“I’d hope not,” you chuckled. But your attempts at diffusing the tension with humor failed.

He adopted a more serious tone. “YN, I want to marry you,” he said. His eyes looked up to meet yours, and for some reason, you felt your heart drop into your stomach. “I’m not proposing right now, but it’s something we should start thinking and talking about.”

You looked out into the distance and took a shaky breath. Why was this so difficult?

“So, talk to me, amor,” he said. 

“You want to marry me?” you asked, your voice small and squeaky.

“Of course I do,” he replied, brushing your hair out of your face. Now there were no barriers between you. “You’re the love of my life.”

You wanted to cry. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t know. It’s just so…final. What if something goes wrong?”

“Then we work through it, like we always do.” He was right. Your relationship with Franco had certainly had its rocky patches, but he treated you like a queen. You two overcame every obstacle, including your own mind that often worked against you. You often felt like you didn’t deserve someone so patient and kind. 

“Things change when you get married.”

“I know,” he said. “I’m not saying any of this lightly. I’ve thought about it a lot.”

Even after years of loving him, it still surprised you whenever Franco told you that he thought of you. You could never get used to existing in his head when you physically weren’t there.

“What do you think about?” you asked, moving closer to him.

He reached his arm around your waist, resting his hand on your hip. “I think about you, in a white dress. We’d be in the church in Argentina.” You knew the one. He’d gone there growing up, and had shown it to you several times when you went to visit his family. “And we’d have a ridiculous party, into the morning,” he said smiling, leaning his head down closer to you. “And, a while after that, maybe a few months or a year or so, you’d be eating for two.”

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop your eyes from watering. “That sounds…”

“Perfect?”

No. You were going to say real. That sounds real. And it scared you. 

Truthfully, you could imagine the wedding, and the babies, and the many happy years of being Franco’s wife.

But you could also imagine the distance. The exhaustion. The bitterness. 

“Growing up, I never thought I’d get married,” you said, shifting the conversation. “I just… I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to marry me,” you laughed. 

“I do,” he said. The effect of his words weren’t lost on you; the same words he would say to take the vow. “I want to marry you.”

You had told him a long time ago that your insecurities weren’t something he could fix. He remembered that, and he respected it. But still, it always broke his heart when he realized that even after years of loving you, those old wounds refused to heal. 

“Why?” you asked. Your head was beginning to hurt from holding in all the tears. 

“Why?” he echoed, incredulous at why you’d even need to ask such a ridiculous question. His voice held no malice, though. “Because I love you.”

“Don’t you get tired of this?”

“Of what?”

“Of…me being difficult for no good reason?”

“You’re not being difficult. Marriage is a huge deal, obviously. I don’t want us to rush into it if you’re not ready.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

He sighed. “Then…well, honestly, that would break my heart. I’d want you to work through whatever is holding you back. But I’d be with you every step of the way.”

You looked away into the distance. Part of you wanted to run and disappear in the thick foliage of the Spanish countryside. The other part of you wanted to bury your head in Franco’s chest, finally letting go of all the reservations that had haunted you for years. 

You knew Franco. You loved Franco. You trusted Franco.

So why were you still so afraid?

“Mi amor,” he said, gently guiding your head so you had to look at him. “Do you want to get married?” He tilted his head closer to you. 

You knew what he was asking. Not if you were ready right now, not if you were scared; but deep down, in your heart of hearts, did you want to marry Franco Colapinto?

“Yes,” you whispered. Just as he didn’t have to explain, neither did you. He knew what you meant; yes, but I’m scared. Yes, but I’m not ready. Yes, but I’m afraid I’ll never be ready.

He brought his lips to yours, gently kissing you as you let the few tears that had been welling up in your eyes finally go. When he pulled back, he wiped them away.

“We don’t have to make a decision now,” he said. “We’ve got time. I want us both to be ready.”

You kissed him again, this time more forceful. There was nothing sexier than a man with emotional intelligence. 

He pulled away again to finish his thought. “Just keep thinking on it, okay? We can talk about it as much as you want.”

“Okay,” you said, smiling as he looked at you.

“What?” he asked, his own playful smile dancing across his face.

“You’re so hot when you respect my boundaries.”

He laughed. “Mi amor, that’s the bare minimum.”

“Keep going,” you joked, “I’m so close.”

“Don’t say that,” he said, leaning down to kiss your neck. “I’ll start misbehaving.”

“Maybe I want you to,” he said, sharply inhaling as he gently bit the skin on your neck, sure to leave a mark.

“You’ll be the death of me,” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine as he nibbled on your earlobe. 

“Get me home and show me how horrible I am, then,” you teased, reaching out to touch his waist. 

“We don’t even need to get home.” He reached up to hold your neck with one hand as he continued kissing up and down your jaw.

“Here?” you said, darting your eyes around. 

“In the car,” he said, his voice already getting breathy. 

“No,” you urged. “It’s new.”

“Exactly. We have to break it in, no? Or bless it,” he said. His hands were beginning to roam underneath the hem of your shirt now.

“You’d never forgive me if I messed up the seats.”

“They’re leather, it cleans easy. I can get it detailed.” He stifled your next complaint with a deep kiss. “No one is ever around here. And the windows are tinted,” he whispered into your mouth. 

You laughed. “You’re a freak.”

“I’m your freak. And don’t lie, you love it,” he said, snaking his hand down to tease its way under your skirt. “I can tell how much you love it.”

You stopped him before his hand could go any further—after all, you were technically still in public. 

“Get in the car, whore,” you joked, before Franco hopped up and nearly sprinted to open the car door and set his seat back as far as it could go. 

He sat in the seat and patted his lap. “You joining me?”

You playfully rolled your eyes, getting up to meet your lover at the car and carefully climb onto his lap, occupying his lips with a deep kiss that he moaned into. 

“Did you plan this?” you asked. 

“Plan what?” he said, a devilish grin across his face. 

“Bringing me out to your scenic spot to fuck me in your new sports car?”

“Wasn’t planned at all. I’m a spontaneous man.”

“Mhm. How many other girls did you bring here before we started dating?”

“Less talking, more fucking, yeah?” he said. You probably didn’t want to know the answer. But that was all in the past. Franco was yours—he had been for years now, and he wanted to be yours forever.

There would be time to think about that later. Right now, all you could think about was the beautiful boy sitting beneath you, looking at you as if he needed you as simply as he needed air. You could feel him hardening beneath you. 

You shifted your weight to straddle him, grinding down on his length, eliciting a sharp exhale from him. 

“You’re so needy today, Franco,” you said as you ran your fingers through his soft curls.

“I’m always needy for you.” He brought his lips back to yours, hungry for the taste of you. His lips trailed down to your jaw and neck. “YN, you don’t know what you do to me…”

“I think I can feel it,” you joked, softly grinding your clothed pussy over the growing bulge in his jeans. 

“Don’t tease me,” he begged, roaming his hands up the hem of your blouse.

“But it’s so fun,” you said, leaning over to whisper in his ear. “I love to see you fall apart underneath me.”

“Fuck, YN—”

“Less talking, more fucking, no?” you said, mocking his statement from earlier. You met his mouth in a kiss, and he moved his hands down under your skirt, running up and down the soft skin of your thighs. When he finally teased his fingers over the wet spot that was already growing in your panties, you softly inhaled, showing your desire for him. 

“I’m not the only needy one,” he teased, breathing in the smell of your perfume and shampoo, his head buried in your neck. 

You softly moaned as he moved your panties to the side and began circling his fingers around your clit. 

“Franco, fuck…”

“What happened to all that talk, huh? Or are you too busy trying not to cum on my fingers?”

All you could do was breathe as his fingers found their way inside of you, pumping in and out to prepare you for his cock. 

“Don’t try to stop it,” he said, “let go. Cum for me.”

You obeyed, your legs shaking as your walls pulsated on his fingers. You whimpered into his neck, steadying yourself by holding him. 

He kissed your cheek, but wasted no time in unzipping his jeans and plunging into you while you rode out the waves of your orgasm. He let out a breathy moan as he felt the sweet warmth of you wrapped around him. 

You were overcome with sensation; the burn of his cock stretching you out, the last dregs of pleasure now mixed with the pain, and the burn in your legs from sitting in the same position for too long.

It was all the more motivation to bounce up and down on his cock, finding a steady rhythm as he guided his hands to your hips.

You rested your head next to his, moaning into his ear with every thrust. The small space of the car may be cramped, but you couldn’t help but appreciate the intimacy of the moment. Franco’s eyes were closed in sensual bliss, his breath ragged as you increased your speed.

You wanted to watch him come undone from the sinful pleasure that your pussy brought him. 

“YN—” he moaned, his hands digging hard enough into your hips to leave bruises, “Oh, God, YN, you always feel so fucking good. So good for me.”

You whimpered from both the praise and the pleasure. You had to slow down—the fast stamina was too much on your legs, which were now burning from the awkward position you were stuck in. 

“I think you were made for me,” Franco whispered. “And I was made for you. See how well we fit together?” He took control, lifting you up as if you were weightless and bouncing you up and down on his own. You yelped at first, then your surprise gave way to bliss as you both chased your release. 

But Franco was relentless in his praise. “You’re my fucking soulmate. I wanna fuck you every day for the rest of our lives.”

“Franco, I’m so close—”

“Cum for me, mi amor. Again.” His own voice was strangled with desire, so close to his own peak.

With a high pitched whine, you obeyed, and the heavenly feeling of your walls contracted around him brought your lover to the edge soon after. 

And when you did both finish, you held each other, too tired to even move from the uncomfortable position from the car. 

Franco was a talker. You always knew that. He loved nothing more than to fill your ears with sweet nothings when you made love. But the context of the conversation that just transpired weighed on you, even with the comfort of Franco’s hands rubbing small circles into your back as you both tried to catch your breath. 

“You okay?” he asked, and you murmured in response, unable to form any coherent words in the aftermath of everything. “Let’s get home and we can take a shower, yeah?”

A warm shower sounded heavenly right now. You awkwardly shimmied your way into the passenger seat and took one last look at the view, thankful that the overlook was still deserted. You sighed as you settled in and buckled your seatbelt, relishing the relief of finally being able to stretch your legs. 

“Hey,” Franco asked as he readjusted his seat and turned on the car. “Are you okay, really?”

“Yeah,” you said. It was true; you were exhausted, overwhelmed, and hurting, but it was all worth it for him. 

He leaned over to kiss your cheek and smiled before putting the car in reverse. 

The third item that Franco had to buy was the ring. 

Truthfully, the conversation hadn’t gone as smoothly as he would have liked. In his dreams, you'd jumped for joy when he’d broached the subject, and you’d live happily ever after.

But despite his disappointment, he understood your hesitancy. He was just as afraid to ask the question as you were to say yes. He knew that your struggles with self esteem and anxiety were lifelong. He knew all this about you from the very beginning, and he loved you anyway. 

Still, it was times like this when it broke his heart that he couldn’t fix it. 

It didn’t matter. You’d come around eventually, you always did. And you had been honest when you said you wanted to marry him—there was just a lot of stuff in the way, mentally and emotionally. 

So yes, he’d wait a while before he popped the question. But that didn’t mean he had to wait to buy the ring. 

He knew the exact one. You had fallen in love with it years ago, when you had worn it in a PR shoot for one of his high profile sponsors. Though time had passed, he still remembered the sadness in your eyes when you had to give it back after the photoshoot. He had vowed to himself that day that he’d earn enough to get you that ring.

And now he finally had. 

A few days after your conversation, he found the now faded card that he had stuck in his wallet and called the number. When the same brand rep picked up, he exhaled, letting go of his fear.

“Franco! How nice to hear from you. I was beginning to think we’d scared you away.”

“No,” he laughed. “The opposite, actually.”

“Let me guess. You’re ready for that ring?”

‘How’d you know?”

“I’ve been doing this a long time. When a woman looks at a ring like that, and she’s with a man that truly loves her, it’s just a matter of time.”

He had swiped another ring of yours to get the measurements, and he completed the entire order over the phone on his drive back home from a day of pre-season meetings. He had three months before the beginning of the new season, and he wanted to propose before that so you could start wedding planning once the season started. Would three months be enough time for you to think about it? He didn’t know. 

But he couldn’t wait any longer. The giddiness was eating him alive. 

You could tell something was amiss, but the idea of a proposal was the last thing on your mind. 

Franco was hiding his phone from you. Which meant that Franco was hiding something important from you, and he was doing a horrible job of it. 

Your lover was never the type to be quiet or secretive about…anything really. He talked too much. You had to physically restrain him every Christmas from spoiling what he got you weeks in advance. So if there was something that he was truly trying to hide, it was something major. 

And it scared you. 

The thought that you had been holding back for years finally broke through one night where he put his phone face down at the dinner table after his phone lit up with several notifications. 

“Who’s texting you?” you asked, trying to keep your voice innocent despite the rush of dread that was rising in your stomach.

“No one,” he answered, too quickly for your liking. You didn’t respond. 

You knew Franco was attractive. Every girl would kill to have him. He was kind, funny, beautiful, and flirtatious. But he was yours. Right?

Franco had never crossed the line before. You trusted him with your life. But something within you just felt deeply, deeply wrong, and it came spilling out later that night when he tried to touch you. 

His phone was left on the nightstand, untouched since dinner; his focus was on you, running his hand up and down your side, gently dressing his lips to your shoulder as you faced away from him.

“Not tonight,” you whispered, unable to keep your voice from shaking. 

“All you alright, mi amor?” he asked, pulling back your shoulder to make you face him, seeing how you were desperately trying to keep the tears at bay. 

“I’m fine,” you said, biting the inside of your cheek.

Even after all your years together, Franco never quite knew when to press on and when to keep quiet when you said those two infamous words. And he didn’t have much time to think, because you rose from the bed and left the room, mumbling about needing a minute to get fresh air. 

You stepped onto the back porch and took a deep breath, steadying your heart rate and calming your nerves, if only for a moment. The night air was serene; you felt vile contaminating the peace with your anxiety.

Would this last forever? You couldn’t remember a time when you hadn’t felt this push and pull. You wanted to tell Franco to go, to relieve himself of the burden of your mental illness. You wanted to bottle up every insecurity, every doubt, every negative thought into a vault that you didn’t share with anyone. 

But you couldn’t. If Franco left you’d be broken. You couldn’t stop yourself from letting these thoughts and fears control you. In the past, therapy had helped, but you knew this was a weight you’d always have to carry. And that made you miserable. 

So yes, maybe it was for the better that Franco move on, find someone better, more stable, and build a life with her. 

“Mi amor?”

Franco’s voice broke your hopeless contemplation. 

“Talk to me,” he said. 

You just shook your head. He must be so tired of reassuring you, endlessly, knowing that it didn’t help one bit. 

“YN,” he urged, “you know I don’t like it when you try to shoulder everything alone.”

“I’m sorry,” you said. That was all you could say. “I’m sorry that I’m like this.”

“Like what?”

“Impossible.”

“What do you mean?” 

“You know what I mean. We have the same conversation over and over again. Don’t you get tired of it? Of having to reassure me and it never helping? Of me crying over every little thing? Franco, I’m a mess!”

“YN…” he sighed, “When have I ever said any of that?”

He was right. He had never expressed any frustration regarding your mental struggles. He had always been there when you needed him. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Have you just been up in your head, or did something happen?”

You contemplated lying, but you knew better. “You set your phone face down at dinner.”

“I— did you think I was…?”

“It’s not you, Franco. It’s never you. That’s the worst part. You have to deal with all of this and it’s not your fault at all,” you said, not even allowing him to say aloud what you both knew was true. 

Franco took a deep breath. “YN,” he said, calmly, “let’s go back inside and go through my phone.”

“No—”

“Yes,” he commanded. “I want you to be 100% confident that I love you and only you.”

“Franco—”

“Let’s go.”

He had a firmness in his voice that only made your anxiety worse, and immediately you felt horrible for even insinuating anything to the opposite. But he was your rock of reason in times like these when your anxiety took over, and so you followed his command, unlocking his phone when he handed it to you. 

As expected, there was no incriminating evidence, just far too many unopened emails and messages left on delivered. Even his recently deleted texts showed nothing. 

The buzzing that you had been so afraid of turning out to be…emails from a jewelry company?

“I ordered a custom necklace for your birthday,” Franco explained. “They’ve been so difficult, though. They lost the order and then sent me the wrong thing. It’s been hell.”

You handed back the phone with your head hung low, ashamed. “I’m sorry I ruined the surprise.”

“You know I would have ruined it beforehand anyway,” he said. “I’m not upset at you.”

“You should be. You deserve someone who trusts you.”

“You do trust me,” he said, “I know you do. It’s not you that’s saying this.” 

Fuck. Franco really did know you too well. 

“You know why I stay with you, even with all this?” You looked up at him, curious for the answer. He had never been this direct before. He continued, “Well, first of all, because I love you. But even during times when I’m frustrated, I remember everything we’ve been through, when you forgave me and were there for me when I didn’t deserve it. I was so close to losing you and it terrified me.”

Once again, your eyes were watering. He said, “I promised myself that if you really gave me a chance, I’d never forget it. I’d be there for you and be the best boyfriend I could be. Because…” he paused, searching for the right words, “I know that some of why you feel these things is because of how I acted in the past. I’ve done my best to make it right, but some things never leave you.”

“When did you become so damn wise?” you said, laughing through the tears as he smiled and wiped them away. 

“You bring out the best in me.”

The conversation was laid to rest then. Franco held you until you fell asleep, safe in his arms. As he heard your soft breaths even out, he grabbed his phone and frantically searched for a necklace to buy to cover his lie.

He hated lying to you, but in this case, what else was he to do?

The necklace and the ring arrived a few weeks later, right before you all were scheduled to take a flight to Buenos Aires to spend the rest of the break with his family. 

But he had a plan. The break in Buenos Aires would be one to remember—for your “birthday” he was also flying out your friends and family for a few days. He had the whole idea plotted out, with help from many others, to plan a surprise karting birthday celebration, with all your loved ones there. Then, he would propose.

It seemed so perfect—surrounded by all your loved ones, doing a fun activity, the perfect balance between public and private. He knew you’d love it. He knew you’d say yes. 

He was giddy as he carefully packed the two jewelry boxes in his luggage, surrounded by clothes for safe keeping. 

And as the day of the birthday party came closer and closer, he could barely hold in his excitement. Everyone knew but you; he had colluded with every guest, telling them his plan and getting their blessing to finally ask you to spend the rest of your life with him.

Everything was perfect. The day before, you parents and friends arrived, and Franco told you everything but the grand reveal. 

He gave you the present, a beautiful necklace that complimented your tastes perfectly. You split a bottle of wine amongst loved ones, and your parents brought out their own gift: a photo album of pictures that they’d never been able to show Franco. 

You cringed at the embarrassing baby photos and records of bad middle school haircuts, but you couldn’t help the tipsy smile on your face. You leaned your head on Franco’s shoulder as he flipped through the pages.

Franco’s mother got out her own photo albums, showing picture after picture of him as a baby, his blonde curls and toothy grin smiling from ear to ear. 

“You were such a cute baby,” you giggled, and he blushed.

“Were? I’m still a cute baby,” he joked, kissing you on the cheek.  You scrunched your nose and smiled.

You were so in love with this man that it hurt.

That night, when you all retired to your room, he rubbed your back, enjoying the simple quiet between you two.

“I love you,” you said to him out of the blue. He smiled; he said those words often, and you always said them back, but it was rarer, more meaningful, for you to say them unprompted. 

“But it’s not fair. You were a cute baby and you’re cute now. You can’t have both,” you giggled. 

“We’d make cute babies,” he teased, and you blushed. 

“You trying to find out?” you responded, the alcohol in your veins giving you more boldness.

“Not when you’re this tipsy,” he said. “Besides, I need to put a ring on your finger first.”

At the mention of marriage, you sobered up quickly. You hadn’t really been thinking about that conversation you’d had back in Spain—in fact, every time you thought about it, it just made you more anxious, so it had the opposite effect of you actively avoiding it. 

Of course, you were still scared. You loved Franco more than words could say, and that was the problem—it was so good that eventually, it would have to not be good. It was a backwards logic, yes, you had convinced yourself that at some point, things would only be able to go down. 

You didn’t want to lose this beautiful thing you had created. But Franco had said he wasn’t planning to propose any time soon, right? In your mind, you still had plenty of time. 

But Franco did not, and the next morning was chaos.

His phone was blowing up with last minute organizing and words of encouragement from your friends and family in the proposal plan group chat. He was sweating bullets, constantly checking his pockets before you all left for the kart track to make sure that yes, he had the ring. He contemplated putting it in his bag instead, but he didn’t want to lose it, so he ultimately settled on his pockets.

He knew that he needed to stop checking them or else you’d notice and ask. You were always observant, in that way. 

But every time he sat down, the stupid box kept falling out of his shorts. The pockets were too small. He’d just have to check one last time before he left the house and be careful. Yes, everything was going to go according to plan. 

And as you all arrived and he changed into his race suit quickly, all he could think about was the speech he had tried to memorize. You were a woman who appreciated words; he wanted to express how you made him feel, but in his head, he kept stumbling over them. 

YN, you make me so happy. No, too simple.

YN, will you make me the happiest man in the world? No, too cliche.

YN, I never knew happiness until I saw your smile. No, too melodramatic. 

He’d have to figure out the words as he said them. For now, he’d just focus on enjoying the moment with you. 

And that wasn’t hard; you were as giddy as a child as you sped around the track, spinning out and pushing the poor kart to go faster and faster. 

Franco had arranged a tournament of sorts; of course, he had spoken with everyone beforehand to rig you as the winner. 

On your end, you knew everyone was letting you win. You were awful at karting. But it was your birthday event, after all. You didn’t care, you were having fun. 

It came down to the “championship” battle: you versus Franco. Of course, you knew your boyfriend would let you win, as he always did, but you loved the rush of adrenaline as the wind whipped past you anyway. You couldn’t stop smiling as you crossed the finish line and took off your helmet, flipping your hair out. 

You heard Franco stop his car behind you and get out, too. 

“I can’t believe YN won!” Franco’s mother said, smiling wide. 

“Thank you all for so graciously giving me that win,” you joked, looking to all your family and friends circled round, cheering for you. Franco was behind you still. You almost turned to him, but his mother interrupted. “Let me take a picture!”

This was the moment. All he had to do was take the ring out of his pocket and get down on one knee. 

He reached in his pocket and pulled out… nothing. 

His pockets were empty. 

He looked back at his father, the fear of God in his eyes, and patted his empty pockets. No one said a word. 

His mother, now done with taking the picture, leaned over to give you a hug. She sent a death glare to Franco over your shoulder, but still gave him the time to sprint back to the locker room to try and find the goddamn thing. 

He ran faster than his F1 car could drive, cursing under his breath at how stupid he could be. He could still save this, though. 

He found his bag and shook out the contents, frantically searching, until finally, at the bottom of the bag, he saw the box. He must have stuck it there while changing and forgot about it.

He let out a breath with enough power to shake the entire building. He opened the box to get a quick glance just to make sure everything was okay.

Except, everything wasn’t. There was no ring in the box.

He had grabbed the empty necklace box. 

Knowing you were far enough away to not hear him, he sweared very, very loudly. Unbeknownst to Franco, his father had followed him back to the locker room.

“Did you find it, mijo?” 

“I brought the wrong box,” he said, “This is for the necklace.”

His father sighed. “Franco…”

“I know, I know.”

“We can still fix this. Give her the ring at dinner!”

“I guess I’ll have to,” Franco said. He had never been more disappointed in himself. He had ruined everything. 

“Hey,” his father said, “chin up. You’ve still got this. The ring will be the perfect end to the perfect day, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, still not entirely convinced. But you would be wondering where he went soon; he couldn’t stay and mope too long.

His father left him to go relay the information to the rest of the group. Franco took a few deep breaths as he changed, mentally readying himself to see you again. He put on a smile as he saw you waiting for him outside the track with the others. 

“So, we’ll all head back and get ready, then meet for dinner tonight?” his mother said.

“Sounds good,” Franco answered, wrapping his arm around you as he walked you back to the car. 

Thankfully, when you got back to his parent’s house, you immediately wanted to take a shower and wash your hair, giving him time to search the entire room. Which he did, from top to bottom, and he still couldn’t find the ring.

It was just…gone. He had gone through every compartment of his suitcase, every pocket in his clothes, every hiding space. Still, it was nowhere to be found. 

His parents even helped him look, carefully parsing through every possible place until it was too late. You were nearly ready for dinner, and they all had to rush to get ready to make it to the restaurant in time for the reservation. 

Franco texted the groupchat the horrible news—he had fucked up. He had lost the ring. There would be no proposal. 

Kind words flooded his phone, but they meant nothing to the depressed Argentine. He had planned this out so perfectly; how did it end so badly?

And the worst part? He couldn’t even tell you. 

The atmosphere at dinner was more somber than usual. His sister had bought a bottle of nice champagne that would now have to go unopened. He would just have to propose some other time.

That’s what he reminded himself, every time the thought came up and threatened to choke him. Maybe next time he would fly his family out to Spain instead. He wasn’t in any rush. And you’d never have to know how badly he fumbled. 

Well, while you didn’t know the details, you could tell something was up. You mentioned it to Franco on the way home.

“Is something wrong?” you asked, and Franco cringed internally. He was always bad about hiding his emotions. 

“No, I’m fine,” he answered. 

“Well, everyone at dinner just seemed…off.”

“Probably just tired.”

You just hummed to yourself, refusing to allow your thoughts to wander any further. You, too, were tired. When you got back to the house, you both started to get undressed, taking off your fancy heels and jewelry.

You took off your necklace—the beautiful gift that Franco had given you, that you’d now treasure forever—but the box wasn’t on the nightstand where you had left it yesterday.

“Franco, have you seen my necklace box?” you asked from the bedroom. He was in the bathroom washing his face, and only barely heard you over the running of water. The mention of the box just made the whole night worse.

“Yeah, it’s in my bag,” he said, and you raised an eyebrow. How had your necklace box ended up there?

You leaned down to his bag, rustling around until you found the familiar box, though it was heavier than you remembered. 

When you opened it, you were nearly blinded by the glint of a beautiful diamond engagement ring. 

It was familiar; the same ring you had fallen in love with years ago. And it was in Franco’s bag. He had…bought you an engagement ring.

He was going to propose.

You could feel your heart rate increasing by the second. But you weren’t ready. You had only talked about it a few weeks ago. You were scared. 

It was okay, though. It was okay. You would just put the ring back. You’d find a way to hint to him that it wasn’t the right time. You could just fake it. He’d never have to—

“YN?”

You looked up at Franco’s face, widened with shock. You didn’t respond.

“Where did you find that?”

“In your bag.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. 

“I—” Franco was too stunned to speak. You quickly closed the box and put it back in the bag.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t see anything. This never happened,” you said, your voice rapidly talking without even thinking. You got up to leave the room, too anxious to stay seated, talking to yourself even after you were out of earshot of your lover.

Franco sat on the bed and sighed. Now he had majorly fucked up. First of all, how had no one found the ring in his bag, even after 3 people looked in there? And second of all, how did you find it?

But that wasn’t the biggest issue anymore. His plan had already been ruined, but he knew by the look on your face that your surprise was not a good one. He saw that fear that nestled itself into every crevice of your expression. 

You weren’t happy to find that ring. Not because it had ruined the surprise element—you just didn’t want him to propose.

He now had two options. He could do what he knew you’d want: act as if nothing ever happened and never broach the subject of marriage for several years to come, allowing you to shove away all those scary feelings until you’d deluded yourself into thinking you were over it. 

Or, he could do what he needed to do, and talk to you. 

He took a deep breath and followed you outside.

You were sitting on the back porch. Not crying, just quiet, looking out into the backyard. When Franco sat next to you, you didn’t say anything. He reached out to grab your hand, and you let him, softly admiring how he curled his thumb around your palm in soothing circles. 

“The plan,” he began, “was to ask you today. At the karting track. But I brought the wrong box.” He softly smiled at the absurdity of it. “When you were getting ready we were all frantically looking for it. I don’t know how we missed it.”

You just hummed in response, unsure of what to say. You needed to be honest. You needed to say the difficult things.

You began, though your voice felt choked. “Franco, if you would have asked me today, I would have said no.” You felt his hand tense up. “I mean, I would have said yes, because everyone was there. But…”

You trailed off, your words fleeing from you now. 

“I don’t understand,” Franco confessed. “We’re happy. You’re happy with me, aren’t you?”

“I am.”

“Then why don’t you want to marry me?” His voice dripped with sadness, and all you wanted to do was hold him. You turned your head to face him, and the deep sorrow in his eyes nearly brought you to tears.

“I do want to. I just…”

“I’ve done everything I can to be good to you. I’ve tried to always be there. I know I’m not perfect, but—”

“It’s not you, Franco. It was never you.”

“Then why? What can I do?” His voice cracked, seeping with hopelessness and frustration. “If it’s not because of me, then what am I supposed to do?” 

You got up. “Come here,” you said, and led him to the living room. The home was quiet; his parents were asleep, and the vast emptiness of the home was eerie. 

You grabbed the photo album that your parents had given you, and sat down on the couch, motioning for Franco to sit next to you. 

You opened it to a picture of you at your 4th birthday party. In the photo, you grimaced though the uncomfortable sensation of a plastic party hat. “Do you see her?” you asked him. He nodded. 

“I remember feeling like this when I was that little. This…fear. I desperately wanted friends but was too afraid to talk to anyone.”

You flipped to the next page, pointing to a photo of you sitting alone in a park, a forced smile across your face. “What do you notice about this picture?” you asked him.

Franco leaned in closer to look. “I don’t know,” he said. 

“I’m alone. See all the other kids in the background?” 

You kept flipping until you found the first photo of you when Franco knew you. You were fifteen, smack in the middle of your awkward teenage years, in the stands at one of his races. 

“I remember that,” he said. 

“That’s me, spending time with my first real friend,” you said. “I didn’t know it yet, but I had a huge crush on him,” you joked.

“He was going to ask you to marry him today. And you just told him you would have said no.”  

“I know,” you said, trying to be gentle with your tone. “But what I’m trying to say is that you’re not just asking me. You’re asking her. And she feels so alone, and she’s scared to trust anyone.”

Franco sat with the thought for a moment, before getting up to grab his own photo book. He opened it to the first page, and pointed to a photo of him as a toddler, wrapped in a scarf, toothy grin spread wide. 

“And that’s who asked you.”

You felt a knot of emotion in your stomach break. All you wanted was to cry. 

“This goes both ways, YN,” Franco continued. “I understand that you’re scared. But I can’t fix that fear. Only you can.”

The dam broke, your tears flooding forth. He was right. So you told him.

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” you said, and he wrapped his arm around you, rubbing your back through the tears. 

“I’m not perfect either. I shouldn’t have rushed it, I was just excited.”

“Don’t apologize for being excited to propose,” you laughed through your tears. “I should probably go back to therapy.”

“If you think that’ll help,” he said.

“It will,” you sniffled. “I just… I’ve been so afraid that I’ve been ignoring all the signs. I should have seen this coming. You’re never that excited to let me beat you in karting.”

He smiled at your banter. You continued, “But really, you’re right. I’ve just been avoiding this because I’m scared, getting up in my head. I just feel so happy and that scares me, because at some point it has to fall apart, right? You’re never happy forever.”

“You’re not unhappy forever, either. Of course we’d have rough spots. But that’s the beauty of marriage,” he said, “you vow to be there for each other through it all.”

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” you asked, meeting his gaze. 

His eyes were full of compassion and love. “I’m the lucky one.” He leaned down to kiss you. 

You didn’t really believe him. You still didn’t understand how someone so perfect could love you, someone so…broken. But one day you would. You had to.

The next year was difficult. You began your healing journey again—a journey you were convinced you’d be on your entire life. But you’d do it for him, and for you. 

And slowly, bit by bit, the wounds began to heal. 

It wasn’t linear. With Franco’s new contract, he had lots of attention and responsibilities. He was away from home more. He was tired, stressed, more short-tempered. There were arguments. Some days it felt like you took one step forward and two steps back. 

But you made it through. For every argument there was an honest conversation. For every night away there was a sweet gesture or text message to remind you that he still loved you, and from it grew a solid, blooming trust. For every mistake—on both ends—there was an apology and a commitment to be better. For every night of tears, there was a night of laughter with the man you loved most in the world. 

And by the end of the season, you and the relationship were stronger than ever. 

Of course, things weren’t perfect. But the fear that had once held you hostage was an adversary you knew you could overcome. 

Franco kept the ring in his nightstand. You had found it again one day while cleaning. It wasn’t really hidden, as if to say, we’ll get to this later. It was no secret now.  You just put it back in its place and smiled, going on about your day. 

But Franco had been giving the proposal much thought. He decided against inviting anyone again, wanting it to be a tender moment of vulnerability between you and him.

No, he wanted this time to be simple. Honest. 

He just hoped you were ready. 

A few weeks before the beginning of the next season, he took you out to the place where all this had begun; the outlook in the countryside, where he first told you that he wanted to marry you.

This time, he double and triple checked to make sure the ring was there in his pocket. 

The sun was setting over the Spanish countryside, painting the sky rich shades of orange and yellow. The air had cooled with the impending coming of night. 

He opened your car door and set up a blanket on the ground, where you sat and he laid his head in your lap, letting your fingers run through his hair as a way to calm his nerves. 

He took a deep breath as he sat up, and you knew what was coming. Again, he had rehearsed a speech, but almost instantly forgot it the second he opened his mouth. 

“YN,” he began, looking you directly in the eyes, “I… I love you. So much. More than words can say.” He was nervous, swallowing before he continued, letting his eyes wander off to the picturesque view. But he had more important things to be looking at. 

“I can’t imagine a version of my life without you in it. I grew up with you. I want to grow old with you. You’ve made me into the best version of myself. We’ve gone through so many things and come out on the other side so much stronger. And I want this,” he said, reaching out to wipe away the happy tears that now flowed down your cheeks. “I want to be with you. Even though we’re both imperfect, even though we both have our problems to work through, YN, I want to do this with you, forever. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up next to you. I want to have children and grandchildren with you. I…” he trailed off, not knowing how to finally say what he really wanted to say.

You smiled through the tears. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring, flipping it open and showing it to you. 

“Marry me,” he whispered. 

Your smile widened. “Yes,” you answered. “Yes.” 

He kissed you with a fervent passion. When he pulled away, his smile couldn’t be contained.

“She said yes!” he cried out, though you both were alone. “I did it! She said yes!” You laughed at his antics.

In a few weeks, you’d have the official photo shoot where he got down on one knee. You’d show the world the carefully constructed version that was all they got to see.

But this was real. And maybe it was imperfect; maybe he hadn’t really asked, more instructed, and maybe he hadn’t gotten down on one knee, and maybe, yes, you had found the ring beforehand. 

But this was real. In all the ups and downs, the hurt and healing, this love you shared with your now fiance was real. The world didn’t get to see that. 

And maybe that fear was still within you. It was smaller now. And when you had seen that shine of the ring, maybe you had felt it rise within you again. But you knew now that it was just a feeling, something you could control. You didn’t have to ignore it or let it reign you. It was just there. 

It wasn't real though. And this was. The cold metal of the ring slid onto your finger. The feeling of Franco’s lips on yours. The strain in your face muscles from all the smiling. His hand around your waist, pulling you closer as the sun dipped below the sky, leaving you and your lover alone in the dark—yes, this was real. 

And this was yours; he was yours.

For the first time in a long time, you knew you had nothing to fear. 

[witless-winion1]

My thoughts on the paralyzed!Polites AU

(Which I really should do more research on; inspired by this)

Odysseus cries when Polites first wakes up

Eurylochus almost cries. Instead just let’s out a very shaky, relieved sigh and tells his friend “I’m glad you’re back”

his vision is messed with in that classic “Eye for an eye” vibe

His left arm is broken and yet he still insists on greeting the world with open arms

“Don’t you mean open arm?”

“You hush, Perimedes.”

So much survivor’s guilt but he’s very thankful to be alive and honors his fallen friends with Ody and everyone else

He basically can’t walk without help

Odysseus carves him a cane himself

It has a bunch of super cool details, including a winion

Polites adores it

(perhaps they go back to the Lotus Eater island and kidnap a winion for Polites? Like a comfort animal. Give Polites, my Disney Princess Pancake, a familiar plz)

But Polites needs a lot of help with things that require both arms or both legs or gods forbid all four

one dumbass numbnuts comments “would’ve been kinder to let him die” under his breath after Polites wakes up

Captain nearly throws him overboard

obviously

“My best friend would be delighted to live life in whatever form it came to him! You shut your fucking mouth and if I ever hear you ask such wretched nonsense again I’m going to put you on latrine duty for a month, am I understood?”

Eurylochus has to hold him back during this

Eurylochus also immediately assumes position of bodyguard of Polites.

He and Odysseus soon begin fighting over this job

they decide to share custody

(eventually)

OPEN ARMS REPRISES BUT HES ACTUALLY ALIVE!!!!

plot? Oh yeah plot

lmao what plot

after the Cyclopes passes out Ody is too busy making sure his friend is okay (which he is not). He gets somebody to check the other smashees and then stays by Poli’s side (no, he don’t give a shit that he’s captain, you guys go stab his eye, he’s asleep it’s not that fucking hard)

Odysseus carries Polites when the Cyclopes wakes up

he’s too busy thinking about getting him back to the ship and calling the best doctors from the 12 ships so he tells everyone to grab the sheep and HUSTLE

Athena grabs him and starts with her “HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THE LESSONS I TAUGHT YOU? HE’S STILL A THRE-”

“ATHENA IM BUSY RN WE CAN TALK LATER”

“BUT HE’S STILL ALIVE-”

“WE’RE LEAVING BRO! HE’S NOT GONNA FUCKING SWIM AFTER US!”

they’re not on best terms for a while after that but they still reconcile after

then they get home! Whoop de do, congrant, 99.7777777778% of the canon plot avoided

when they get home and our sunshine is actually properly long-term treated, Odysseus and Telemachus’s first big father-son bonding project is to make Polites’ house more accessible for him

and Telemachus fucking loves Polites. Best Uncle Award. They vibe so hard that Odysseus cries

he almost cries when Penelope starts weaving clothes that are easier for his friend to wear. He’s a tiinnyyy bit jealous but he’s still so happy. And Penelope noticed and weaves her dear husband some clothes too, all his old ones are stinky asf

Eurylochus and all Poli’s friends from the ship still visit regularly. It’s just a big happy family

and nobody dies, not even Nobody

(except for those other guys from the Cyclopes cave but this ain’t about them)

[akindaflora]

How SKZ would react to you calling them your boyfriend on travels!

Full word count: 2,002

details: Basically I'm going on solo trip abroad for my birthday soon and as a safety precaution I've decided to use low key photos of SKZ members and telling weirdos that they're my boyfriend and I kept thinking about what if I accidentally ran into one of the boys not knowing its them and then to show a photo of themselves saying that they were my boyfriend. I doubt the boys would ever make someone uncomfortable intentionally but I'm extremely jumpy with strangers especially men haha so I could definitely see this happening! Anyway hope you enjoy:)

Warning: One curse word was said! Mentions of stalking and harassment but no actual harassment unless you count Lee Know being slightly mischievous. Also if you do workout please be sure to have a spotter when lifting heavy weights ^_−☆

Thanks again for the support on Lip Mask while that was the first story I posted. This scenario was in the works well way before Lip Mask was even written but due to the support of SKZ Tumblr community, I felt wayyy more confident and comfortable with sharing this idea with you all! Hope you enjoy ❤️

Hyung / Maknae / Masterlist

Bangchan (616 words)

It was the first day of your trip after a long flight and only arriving at 3 in the afternoon you realized your fight against jet lag might be stronger than you thought. The subtle feeling of sleep as you took a shower in the hotel not doing much aid. But with a few light slaps to your face you made your trek outdoors to explore the city hoping the walking and maybe some sugar would keep you up till nightfall. With that thought you grabbed your bag and threw on a scarf to keep the chill away.

So far after walking around for a bit, your shoulders started to tense. There were a lot of people and while crowded spaces aren't that scary there was the possibility that anything could happen. What if someone tried to steal your phone? You did your best to grip your phone in your pocket. What if someone tries to kidnap you? With that thought you began looking around your shoulder hoping to only feel at ease as the city rushed past you but instead, you could see a steady black-clothed figure hurriedly following you.

Panic began to strike. You knew in your research of the city that there had been some issues with men harassing women for dates going so far as to follow them for blocks on end. You knew you couldn't go back to the hotel not wanting the newfound stalker to stalk you even more and worse you didn't even know where you were, the buildings all looked the same.

Taking a deep breath you tried your best to high-tail it out of there only to feel your heart in your chest sink to your stomach when you realized the corner you turned on was mostly a quiet street nothing compared to the bustling city a few streets over.

With a deep breath, you pulled out your phone and swiped to the image of your bias Bang Chan hoping the stranger wasn't into K Pop and would accept the fact that you having a boyfriend was enough to back off.

"I have a boyfriend and this is him, I'm on my way to meeting him right now so can you stop following me," You said eyes slightly closed and phone outreach stopped the man at his pace. After a few moments of awkward silence, you began to talk, "Look he boxes for fun, I’d turn around if I were you," when you got no response but the quiet sounds of a chuckle you opened your eyes to see a very similar bright red scarf. So similar it even has your initials sewn in on the bottom just like the one you're wearing. Without thinking you reached for your scarf in your other hand.

Blood rushed to your cheeks as it began to click. This man wasn't stalking you but out of some weird concern trying to hand you your scarf back. You quickly looked up at the guy ready to apologize only to feel the blood on your face rise even more. God if you were to compare a cherry red tomato to your face it probably be hard to tell the difference at this moment.

"When I said I would protect you all this didn't really come to mind" He giggled a bit more. You slowly put your phone away wondering if by chance there was a pothole you could bury yourself in.

He moved to put the scarf around your neck, “Jagi you should really stay warm come on, you hungry? I wanna get to know my girlfriend a bit better yeah,” he said nodding his head in a direction up the street.

Lee Know (499 words)

Your stomach growled at you as you rounded the 10th corner of the day. None of the restaurants nearby were speaking to you. Deciding that you were far too hungry to look for a decent spot you wandered into the nearest convenience store.

Quickly deciding a particular appealing hot meal you wandered to the snack aisle, hoping to find a dessert that might even out your salty meal. After contemplating a few candy bars your stomach growled again. As hungry as you were you knew the dessert would either make or break your meal and luckily the store wasn't too filled so you knew checkout wouldn't take long nor finding a decent seat. Weighing your options you decided to go back to the cold section.

Not feeling ice cream as it was already extremely cold you didn't need your teeth shaking too, you decided to look over the choices of pudding. But as you looked you couldn’t decided between Carmel or the Coffee jelly. Both were appetizing but what would bring you the most joy?

In your thought of pondering you heard a deep sigh from your left. Not thinking much of it you decided to move over slightly in hopes whoever needed the pudding would still be able to grab whatever they wanted. But as you continued to decided the sigh moved to your right. So you moved to the right slightly at one point you and the heavy sigher moved left to right back and forth that it seemed to be a game this stranger was playing with you.

With your own heavy sigh you put the caramel pudding back deciding the sweet treat would taste bitter from this unnecessary transaction. Quickly holding your head high without looking at the stranger you moved to decide on a drink.

But before you could grab the tea of your choice the sigh came back. Quickly you threw the drink in your basket and then grabbed your phone. Hoping that the photo of Lee Know would cause the sigher to get lost.

“Look i don’t know what game your playing at but this is my boyfriend he’s just around the corner,” you warned showing the lockscreen in the stranger direction.

A loud laugh was pulled that peak your interest, he sounded familiar quickly looking up you nearly dropped the basket in your hands to which he grabbed to help support you.

“Oh but jagi I’m already here! You should be careful you could have broken the jelly” He began to chastise you still laughing with no concern. A quick heat of a blush went to your cheeks as you tried to process this all. Forgetting your hungry stomach as it decided now was the perfect time to growl. The blushing deepens with each giggle. He raised his brow with another quick laugh.

“Come on i’ll pay and then we can go on that date we supposedly planned,” he said motioning you to follow after taking your basket from your hand.

Changbin (374 words)

With the start of the New Year you had grown dedicated to going to the gym. Even going as far to go while on vacation. Ever since you began your workout journey you've had the displeasure of many unwelcome interactions from the male population. Going so far as having to use your bias Changbin as your lock screen. It had worked so far most giving up when they realized how built the man in the photo is and leaving you alone.

Normally you try the buddy system but this being a solo trip you had no one else but yourself and Changbin's photo to protect you. Deciding to start with the treadmill to warm up, you felt the familiar eyes of men as they watched you move. With steady breath, you turned up your music and focused on the TV in front of you.

After 30 minutes you decided to move to the bench press. Deciding that while you didn't have a spotter, it should be fine if you used extremely light weights. You noticed a peculiar muscular guy watching you intently.

You tried to shake his eyes off you got into position but before you could even start the same guy came running over lifting the weight off completely. Unable to hear him you turned your music down after he finished talking and only opened your phone to show him the picture of your saver.

"Look dude this is my boyfriend and he's almost here so I'd step back if I were you," You said not even looking at him reaching for your bottled water. Hearing a big huff of air leaving his lips you finally slowly turn to look ready to set a glare on him. Only to see a somewhat concerned Changbin looking at you as he smirked. A blush creeps up to your cheeks eyes going wide.

"Well seems like your boyfriend already here and wouldn't recommend you dead lifting without a spotter. Why don't you let me help Jagi" He said smoothly. You on the other hand clutching your heart at not only making a fool in front of your bias and the fact he called you jagi.

Definitely proud of yourself for keeping up this gym routine now.

Hyunjin (513 words)

Today had been a tad bit rough on your vacation. Your phone dying so you had no idea how to get back to your hotel that and your favorite shoes had a hole in them the only good thing being that you bought a new pair. And well that you did fine a decent book burning away in your bag asking you to read its text. Quickly trying to figure out your safe haven and hopefully an outlet.

With it being extremely late you stumble upon a bar filled with books and laughter as different types of people filled it. It was a book bar, one of the many to do things on your list, maybe your luck was changing. The bar wasn't too crowded but it definitely wasn't easy finding a spot next to an outlet. Tucked away in a corner you pull out your charger and the book in your bag sipping away on the bubbling beer.

After walking for hours and shivering in the cold the warm bar and the soft chitter chatter of others around you warmed you as the author's words pulled you in. The only problem is that the person next to you kept bumping into your left shoulder. You tried shaking them off which didn't work and after a glance at your still-dead phone, you sighed taking another sip. If only it were on you'd show the stranger your lock screen of your bias Hyunjin maybe his piercing eyes and oozing confidence would scare them away. With your luck, the guy left and you let out a breath you didn't realize you had been holding in, finally able to get back to your book.

But just as if the universe was testing your patience the same guy, you assumed, came back and began to softly poke you. Luckily as he did your phone turned on.

Without even looking you unplugged your phone showing the strange man your screen, "See this guy he's my boyfriend, and he's supposed to meet me here so if I were you I'd stop touching me, he can be the jealous type and you wouldn't like to see him that way," You said setting your phone down and turning the page of your book.

But the poker was relentless and poked you again with a little laugh. You quickly closed your book marking your finger in the pages as a steady glare brought you to the source of your annoyance.

Though everything went silent or rather your heart stopped as you realized it was the same man on your home screen that went out of his way to poke you. Fuck you thought.

"Well I was gonna ask if you let me plug my phone up too. Didn't know I came off as the jealous type," he said looking down as if lost in thought. Talk about strange luck.

“Hmmm Jagi put the book away seems we need to talk about the boundaries of our relationship,” he said plugging his phone into your charger. Yeah, maybe you should get lost more often.

After writing author notes: I wanted these to end on a goodish note and leave with the boys being somewhat interested but i hope i didn’t feed your delusions too much as this did with mine. Also sorry for the various word counts but some scenarios were easier to write more for than others but I enjoy all the boys equally so I didn't want to write more for the sake of more but just the context needed for each scene! Might be a bit till i can figure out the maknaes i really want the scenarios to be somewhat unrealistic but realistic to the boys interest and things they'd probably be doing on vacations days. If you want to speed up the process I'm open to ideas for the rest until then I believe some more fluff for the other boys are in the works.

Take care eat well and don't forget to touch grass every once and a while ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

[augustinewrites]

cw: slightly yandere caleb that has been eating away at my brain

you go on a lot of first dates.

don't get the wrong idea, caleb doesn't think there's anything wrong with that.

the guys you find on dating apps or that your friends set you up with are mostly losers. or boring. or crazy. sometimes all of the above.

they don't appreciate the way your eyes sparkle when you talk about something you're passionate about. they don't know that dessert is always a must and sometimes they don't even insist on picking up the tab.

and the very few that are lucky enough to go home with you don't even make you finish.

so no, the problem isn't that you go on a lot of dates. the problem is that your dates don't deserve you.

and it's okay if you don't always realize that. if you let these placeholders think they have a shot, if only for a moment. you've always been too nice, too forgiving, too willing to give people second chances. you put too much faith in people, and if caleb just let that happen - well, that goes against everything he promised to do. to be, for you.

most of the time, all it takes is one look at his uniform and pistol. the way they surrender without even trying to fight for you is pathetic, and only proves his point. when they do fight back though...well, caleb's always had a little too much of something ugly pulsing through his veins. simmering resentment boils over until there's nothing but the satisfaction he feels watching them to succumb to gravity or his fists, succumbing to him.

he does feel bad about the aftermath. he watches the way your expression falls each time you check your phone when it chimes, or hurry to open your door. how on drunken nights at the bar you lament to your friends about how bad you are at this, how bad you are at being loved.

it's okay, caleb wants to say. but sometimes he's behind a screen or or lurking in the dark corner of the bar and always always too far. because he's the only one you'll ever need, and soon he'll be back. he'll love you in the way you deserve to be loved. whole-heartedly and unconditionally and—

your eyes brighten when you see him. caleb freezes. once more, his heart stops.

you wave him over excitedly, but caleb's rooted in his seat, hand gripping his glass so tightly that it might shatter. no. no. this isn't how it was supposed to happen—

"zayne!"

the way you say the doctor's name rips through him. it's the way you sounded whenever he would visit home. warm and full of excitement. a little bit of longing. his fingers twitch, trigger ready, when he touches you. hand resting on the small of your back as he slides into the stool next to you.

your eyes have that sparkle, and zayne is looking at you like some lovesick fool. your little hunter friends look so pleased, giggling as they look between you both, sharing a knowing glance. zayne leans down, whispering something in your ear that makes you laugh. he sees it then, the way zayne looks at you. it's soft, obviously adoring.

something ugly grabs caleb by the stomach, needling at barely-there restraint. because zayne is everything that caleb isn't. what he could have been if not for...for...

the chair scrapes against the floor as he rises abruptly, downing the rest of his drink. no matter. once the mission in the cascade district is complete, he'll be free of distractions for a while, giving him time to do what he does best

but when he allows himself one last look at you, and meets zayne's cold gaze instead, something tells him it won't be that easy this time around.

[goddamnitmahtin]

dc x dp idea 3

Ok ok ok I don’t know if anyone has done this before. But like mad scientist x attachment ghost au. BUT it’s reverse. So instead of Danny being the dead one in this situation, it’s Tim. I don’t know how Tim would have died but it’s when he’s in his late 20s and Danny is a mechanical engineer at WE, his haunt.

Now in this AU Danny is still a halfa and he even became ghost king. But this isn’t the universe he came from and here? He’s nothing more than a very tired engineer with some meta abilities (floating, eyes glowing, just enough of his ice powers to be able to make sure his whiskey is always on the rocks). But the thing about being ghost king? It makes you immortal. Even when you’re taking a vacation in another universe.

Upon finding out the ghost king starts working at his haunt, Tim finds himself a new obsession. Danny. He can’t get enough of this nerdy guy and the amount of things he could learn from the ghost king himself? Tim is foaming at the mouth! Ugh he just HAD to be everywhere this man went! Tim was even considering making himself an attachment ghost just so he could follow him around outside of work (like Danny ever actually left).

So imagine if you will.

Danny being the only one who can see Tim as he pokes and prods him all day everyday while he works.

“If your the ghost king why are you in this dimension working for WE?”

“Ooh what does space look like?”

“Could I ethically haunt your computer?”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Tell me Danny, does every ghost see the cosmos in your eyes or is it just me?”

“What are you working on anyways?”

“Did you know when I was alive, I used to fight crime?”

“Hey Danny, how old are you for real? I know you aren’t actually 27 since you’ve claimed to be 27 for the past 9 years you’ve worked here and you don’t age. Is that a Ghost King thing?”

“Did you know that Gotham used to be chock full of super villains? Most of them are retired now but back in the day? WOW was it a lot of fun to punch that clown in the nose.”

“Hey Danny, how much ectoplasm would it take to make me corporeal? I don’t wanna be, I just think it’s a cool experiment.”

“Did you know that when I was alive, some fucker took my spleen and kept it in a jar for funsies?”

“My brother Jason died twice you know. Was he like, one of your subjects after the first time or did he get a free pass?”

“What’s your favorite food?”

“Have you ever been to Batburger? Is Batburger still a thing?”

“I used to be the CEO of this place, did you know that?”

“Hey Danny! Do I get cool ghost powers too if I marry you?”

“What are the Infinite Realms like? Is it cool?”

“Hey Danny, I went through your company file and I was wondering why you changed your last name to Nightingale? Is that an artistic choice?”

One day, Danny just snaps and has a full on argument with what all his coworkers on the night shift think is pure air, “WHAT WERE YOU, A STALKER WHEN YOU WERE ALIVE?!”

Tim smiles a toothy grin, “YES! AWWWW DANNY YOU DO LISTEN WHEN I TALK! Oh by the way, if you don’t fix that gear, the system is gonna blow.”

Danny does end up fixing it in time but still.

Anywho…. Tim slowly grows on Danny and after Danny has to leave the dimension because he’s gone too long without aging and his boss is getting suspicious, he decides, fuck it. He might as well take his ghost with him. Maybe he will get powers if he married him. Only one way for find out right?

[genevawrenn]

I am still brainstorming about The Secret League of Alchemists [tr!Sneeg, tr!Clown & tr!Ros] after today's streams [Ros & Sneeg have VODs] cause there are simply so many good points that happened and that conversation played out exactly how I would have wanted it to. From both a character and creator POV, well-fucking-done.

Alright, onto this ramble [from now on I will be talking about character unless I specify].

First of all, I am so fucking glad Sneeg was the one to notice the fact Ros left Yellow and had the tough conversation about what happened with her. Up until that point, at least from the VODs I have seen, Ros has only really known his silly, bantering side, I am not sure she even really trusted him to be venerable up until today when she took a chance and I am so happy she did. She watched him and Clown drive each other insane and had issues differentiating between their tones if they were serious or not but I think she finally understands how Sneeg acts when he is locked in on something.

Because he handled everything BEAUTIFULLY.

He took the time to sit down and listen to her, asking thought provoking questions as he tries to narrow down the motivation of their opposition. Checking with their comfort before giving them the respect of privacy and taking them to somewhere no one would follow, allowing them to speak freely and without judgement. Speaking straight up of what he was witness too, backing them up whenever they needed yet giving the respect to make the decisions they have to.

I absolutely ADORE the fact Clown also showed up, and without second guessing anything about the subject content and immediately locks in, takomg the time to listen to his obviously hurting friend. The fact he tries to talk about Sneeg's machine upon his arrival on the mushroom island and Sneeg refuses for the conversation to be deflected, instead forcing the subject back to the one he wished to focus on and its so masterfully well done.

Clown and Sneeg have surprised me the most, I think, loyalty wise. The Kingdom of Fools was a unity of misfits who became family forced together through gathering materials and protecting against attacks from all fronts. They have become an inseparable trio who has now proved they have one another's backs, alongside Foolish, as that's who they believe the core of the Kingdom is. They are willing to tackle issues head on together, refusing to let anyone stumble and fighting at their side until the bitter end.

Clown, Sneeg, Ros and Foolish have become united through circumstances and family through loyalty, only hoping for the best for the fellow members of their Kingdom.

I love how Sneeg describes Ros as being the castle, the centerpiece of their faction. She started the foundations to give them shelter and fought back each exhausting time it has been threatened. She is the origin, the keystone, the bloody heart of the Kingdom of Fools gilded in gold and royal purples. She was the interim Queen when Foolish fell, immediately accepted and backed up by the rest of the Fools.

I think after Foolish sacrificed himself it brought a lot into perspective for the remaining members, and Sneeg made his choice of who he would stand by in times of chaos. He found a warrior-in-arms with Clown who despite all their bickering, both would protect each others backs without question.

"You are the Kingdom, The entirety of the Kingdom was built around a structure you made, willingly."

Perfect guards for their Kingdom, otherwise known as Ros, the Royal Architect. She is the foundations, the structures and the walls who will save her people despite the weather that batters her and the sieges that befall her fortifications.

But like hell she is facing it alone, especially now.

She created a safe space for her people to gather and build their future, now in her times of strife two of the people who earned her respect stepped up to protect her when she stumbled.

I haven't watched much of Clown's content, or Ros before this world but now I want to know so much more.

Because I see the reputation Clown wears like a comfortable, worn sweater, totally confident with what his ruthless nature has bought him. But even someone so terrifying can hide a soft heart, and Ros has clearly earned the terrifying pvper's friendship.

Simply by being herself and building a home, people gathered to inhabit it and now are willing to go through hell and high water to save their safe space. Two of the server's most feared have made their stance known, at the side of the personification of everything their Kingdom stands for.

Its beautiful poetry watching the one who nutured malice instead of love get his just desserts, and I am eagerly awaiting their King's return but I trust in the core trio who has kept this Kingdom afloat week after week.

They are strongest together, and today proved that in so many ways. I adore and love this trio, and hope this open communication remains a habit between them, because knowing they can come to one another without judgement and be reassured of their worth.

Sneeg made sure to have emphasis that Ros has an incredible amount of worth to the Kingdom even beyond the castle she built, because she is the keystone who united them and holds them all together.

Oh my Secret League of Alchemists, though I did not know you before I am delighted to make your acquaintance now. One of my favourite tropes is scary souls who have a soft spot for those they care for, I hope it continues long into the future because they cooked a whole meal and then some with each and every action from today's story.

Bravo. Give me more.

[usoppinggg]

100% agree on zosanuso couple to throuple being goated. The question is which variation is your fav? You could have established zosan, zosopp, or sanuso. I like them all but i dont think ive ever seen established sanuso bringing in zoro. I like the idea of zoro being blushy and stoic and insisting he "didnt want to intrude"

I have fic recs for the other two variants though its likely youre familiar with them as a fellow avid zosanusoer

Hope you don't mind but I'm gonna use this as an excuse to throw out some ideas on this topic that live in my head and/or partially on (virtual) paper bc I’m actually insane about them!!! It's all under the cut cause this is going to be long.

TLDR; my favourite couple to throuple dynamic depends on how much ~drama~ I'd like to indulge in. I think they're all fun and I'm happy once they're all together, because ZoSanUso is one of my favourite OP ships. I think I've read all the fics of them on ao3 multiple times :P I'm very curious into what version of the dynamics others enjoy!

SanUso -> ZoSanUso

I also haven't seen any established SanUso bringing in Zoro and I think that's a crime!!! SanUso who are very happy together but let's face it, Zoro is hot, and they both enjoy poking fun at him, they both revel in having his attention. It's not easy though, as they both have their reservations. Sanji's a little skeptical at the thought of intimacy and vulnerability with Zoro, and Usopp is terrified Sanji will discover he loves Zoro more than him--or worse, they'll come to love each other and not Usopp. But SanUso talk through it until they're confident it's what they both want, and if it happens, they can work through it together, and with Zoro. Zoro, for all of his stoicism and idiosyncrasies, is a reliable and dedicated problem-solver.

They know that with Zoro, actions speak louder than words, so SanUso make their move. Usopp's always been touchy with Zoro, but he lets his touches linger, presses with more intention. When their words come to blows, Sanji grins when they fight instead of snarling. And they're both flirty with him, smiling and giving him eyes.

It continues until Zoro can't take it anymore. They've been driving him crazy. He doesn't think he's misreading their signals, but without them explicitly stating their feelings, he's left confused. Zoro corners them and asks why they don't just say anything outright, making him guess and wonder. Wonder if they're teasing him.

SanUso of course, feel terrible and quickly assure Zoro that they do like him, and it wasn't their intention to make fun of him, but rather, express their feelings. Zoro shares that actions are important to him yes, but it's in combination with words that gives him the confidence to build trust and move forward.

So! Enter Zoro into the relationship! He's a bit awkward in the beginning, unsure of how he fits in their new dynamic and embarrassed to express his affection. SanUso are happy to close the gap, continuing with their flirty words and touches until Zoro's comfortable enough to lean into them and reciprocate in his own more low-key manner.

A relationship with three people is different, of course, and more than a bit terrifying, but it's also exciting and fun and they all look forward to seeing where it takes them.

ZoSopp -> ZoSanUso

Established ZoSopp is drama. Lots of silent pining on Sanji's part because he refuses to intrude, and doesn't feel like he deserves to impose himself on them. Doesn't want to mess things up for them by inserting himself. He tries to suppress his feelings, tries to will them away, but it doesn't work. So in his usual self-sacrificial manner, he pulls away from them, denying himself even their friendship so he won't yearn for more.

Then there's Usopp, who realizes that he's actively crushing on Sanji despite being in a committed relationship with Zoro. He's happy with Zoro and loves him a lot, but he knows that he's falling for Sanji and it's wrong, so he does his best to push his feelings down. But then Sanji pulls away from them and he thinks it's his fault for being too transparent with his feelings. He's terrified that he couldn't keep it together and is going to lose a friendship and a relationship.

Despite Usopp's denials that something is wrong and his refusal to talk about what's on his mind, Zoro knows what's up. He's not dumb, and he knows both Usopp and Sanji very well. He can see clear as day that they have feelings for each other. And when he thinks about it (while Usopp refuses to be honest and talk to him), he thinks he'd enjoy having Sanji as part of their relationship.

Zoro eventually gets to his last nerve because both Usopp and Sanji are annoying when they try to deny themselves what they want. When they won't even talk and try to fight for what they want. He confronts Usopp first, reminding Usopp that he doesn't have to go through his feelings alone. That they can't work through things if they aren't honest. So Usopp spills everything, all of his hopes and fears and doubts. And Zoro assures Usopp that this is something they can want and have.

Convincing Sanji probably isn't easy because as we know, he doesn't let himself have good things. But he's up against Zoro and Usopp, who are infuriatingly stubborn and blessedly patient. Romantic as he is, he can't possibly stave off his affection when they display it to him so obviously. He soon agrees to enter the relationship and is guarded at first, but with explicit permission to care for them and having them care for him in turn, he inevitably settles into the relationship which continues to thrive with his addition.

ZoSan -> ZoSanUso

In general, I’m only a fan of romantic ZoSan if there’s at least one other member of the EB5 in the mix. Despite the trust they have in one another, I don't think they'd stand the test of time in a monogamous relationship. But add Usopp (and/or Nami and/or Luffy) in the mix and I think it's much healthier all around.

I do have a couple AUs for this situation though because I think it can be lots of fun!

In my favourite one, ZoSan are in an established, but open relationship. They meet Usopp individually—Sanji meets him when Usopp comes to fix the oven at the Baratie/All Blue. Usopp’s his usual funny, charming, reliable self and when he’s done the job, Sanji asks him out. At the same time, Zoro chooses Usopp to do his latest tattoo after coming across the tattoo and piercing shop he works at. It’s a large piece that requires multiple sessions, and Zoro’s thoroughly entertained during each one. Cue them dating.

So both Zoro and Sanji are dating someone else, but neither knows the someone else is Usopp, and somehow, he never gets name-dropped. That is, until one day they're at home, Sanji twirling and humming to himself as he flutters about the kitchen and prepares a batch of treats. When Zoro asks what's got him in such a good mood, Sanji swoons and gushes about the date he's going on tonight, how he longs to see Usopp's dazzling smile, and the swordsman is in disbelief. Because there's no way they're both seeing Usopp, no way he's been unknowingly sharing Usopp with the damned waiter.

But they both know a good opportunity when they see it and try to figure out how they can proposition Usopp without scaring him away. They realize there's no possibility of him not freaking out in some capacity, so when Usopp invites Sanji to his friend Vivi's party, they know they have the perfect chance.

Usopp is, of course, petrified beyond belief at the sight of his boyfriend approaching while he's cuddled up under his other boyfriend. Especially considering that both boyfriends are terrifying in their own right. Before he can truly freak out though, Zoro comes over and explains that he's not angry, reminding him both he and Sanji are polyamorous, and it just so happened that they were both dating Usopp. They invite Usopp into the relationship and he happily accepts.

A lack of communication is definitely an issue here. Still, overall, it's the best possible outcome for Usopp, who's ecstatic that not only can he keep both his boyfriends, but they'll all be dating each other. And Sanji and Zoro never could've predicted how good Usopp is for their relationship--able to bridge the gap between them.

As for which one I like the best, that depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Today, I'm enjoying the ZS to ZSU timeline, but tomorrow it may change. I'm interested in knowing which dynamics everyone else enjoys and why.

Thank you for this and sorry for going a little overboard but like I said, I really enjoy the three of them together!

[amoirsetpacis]

★ --;; Bit by bit and then all at once, Vash begins to deflate again. The tense lines of his muscles loosen, the fight that had so quickly come back again repeating its recension as well, a wave come and gone and back again leaving nothing but the pollution it had dredged up along with itself in its wake. The boiling water takes all its hot air with it, leaving his chest and gut cold with both its absence and regret.

He sighs, shoulders drooping the bit further with it. A hand comes up to his forehead, pressing the meat of itself there, though the damage had already been done. He'd already seen the other go to wipe at his face, and he's not stupid. What kind of help could he ever be, like this?

" ... You didn't bring anything outta' me that wasn't already there," he says, voice still quiet, though much rougher now than when they began. "You're right, I shoulda' talked to you about it. It's no one else's fault but mine that I didn't."

Vash hadn't dug a grave for Legato Bluesummers. Hadn't had the time, between waking up to the sky still on fire and flying away from it all with the belief that he was soon to join him, anyway. Instead he's been left haunted by a ghost that had already once taken shape in this city-- and they both knew how that had gone, without question. Now, with one far less temporary and far more real, there is no more running from that specter-- a feat so many years in the making, a culmination of cowardice.

"You didn't have any way of knowin' the whole story if I never told it t'you. I shouldn't have thought that it-- that what had already happened-- would have been enough. It never would have been." Sweeping it under the rug as he'd done, trying to pretend as though it hadn't forever shifted so much, had clearly done none of them any favors.

"No matter what I do, feels like I always wind up gettin' you hurt-- or worse. I don't know. I just-- you shouldn't have to keep payin' for my mistakes. I get that you wanna help, but-- that doesn't mean you've always gotta be the batterin' ram. You don't have to prove anything by takin' the brunt of it all. I don't want you to keep gettin' hurt like that. Guess I was just tryin' to keep it from happening again."

"It wasn't right of me, t'think you'd understand it all. Sorry."

Even with his face turned away from Vash, hands visibly tense as he draws his knees closer to himself. Shoulders square in, tense, shake, go still. There's only so much he can do to hide the hurt.

" … You still wanna call yourself the worst now?"

A half-beat of consideration. Then the hooded figure's shoulders shake again, head lifting up, but it's more of an impression of laughter than anything.

"Sure. Gotta be, if I'm bringing all of this outta you." It's the same principle as always: whatever pain he was feeling must be negligible compared to what his predecessor had obviously endured for decades on end, alone. And despite all the lecturing from just now, his own pain still felt unimportant. If anything, all that ire justified the thought. It's this line of thinking that prompts the predictable brick wall into continuing, anyway:

"The point of talkin' about it with me earlier than this isn't about how I would've felt about it, whatever I'd have to say about it. Of course I'm not entitled to that."

The point was that Legato Bluesummers would have been important to anticipate, should he arrive to Spirale. The point was that he wanted to be there for Vash, because he cared about how he felt. He didn't want to leave him alone in that suffering; not when it's his responsibility to understand him. But maybe—oh—maybe the other guy really never felt that way. Never needed him for any of it.

A mitten clumsily comes up to the opening of the hood, only to fall back into hugging at his knees instead. "And no, I didn't think you'd have all the answers. I just thought you'd wanna…"

Want to find them together? So what, the other Vash wouldn't feel alone? So that they could fool themselves into thinking they were doing others right, "protecting" them from problems caused by them to begin with?

Why would he want to do that, with someone who's so eager to die, someone who clearly doesn't know what he's talking about?

The younger Plant lapses into a silent trance then, quietly letting all the accusations soak in deeper. It'd do them both good for him to quit talking and pick himself apart for once, and to quit from putting any more words in the older Vash's mouth. Maybe it'd encourage the other guy to lay into him some more, while he was at it.

What the hell was he thinking, pretending to do all of this for Vash's sake, for everyone's sake? He hasn't helped one bit; worse than doing nothing, he's evidently only reopened old wounds and wasted time. Chosen to be dishonest around everyone he'd promised to keep true to. He's forced Vash to relive memories he wasn't ready to handle, feel things he wasn't ready to share; been unfair to him, over and over again. How could anyone look at what he's done now, and stay fooled into thinking it was to protect anyone?

God—how stupid could he get? No wonder Vash hated him this much.

He was right to air out every bit of criticism now, to look at the wrong Vash's insistence of humility and vulnerability, and see it for what it really is: childish embarrassment in getting caught for all his incompetence, trying to do things nobody asked him to do, and not even getting that right. Vash would've been better off if this worthless edition of himself had just…

"I'm sorry." It's said softly, but even then, he feels disgusted at the way he has to steal the other's voice to say it. "I should've known. I'm sorry for hurting you this bad."

[lavender-milky-tea]

I am in rarepair hell

Reference pose by Ed van der Elsken : Couple Sleeping, 1953

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[autumnalhalcyon]

.

[impinged]

It's kind of strange, how Loop keeps up with you. It's kind of strange, how you let them. It's kind of strange, how they match their movement to yours, carry themself the same way as you. It's kind of strange, how the two of you now walk in tandem. It's kind of strange, how without even speaking, Loop knows the rhythm you follow.

If this were a battle, you'd have a Jackpot of strange occurrences. So quickly too.

You do not mind that Loop walks beside you. It's different. Good different, as you're slowly realizing this 'different' feeling that permeates is. Why you are so intent to deny it, you're not sure. But it is good. Maybe undeservedly so. Ah, that's probably why then. You shouldn't deserve something like this. You do not fight against it though.

So the two of you continue, on the parallel path you have made for each other. You will follow it in perfect sync, and you will do as parallel lines always must and never cross or touch...

Right. Well.

Wholly unprepared you are, to receive a bid for connection from another. It falls unceremoniously into your hands. There's no fanfare in sight, though with how much you've wanted for this, it really feels like there should be. You won't... ruin this. You'll accept this.

"Uh-huh? You sure you don't secretly wanna wear some yourself?" This is a good response, right? This is banter, you think. If you already messed up, it's not like you can course-correct. Even if you could, Loop always remembers. "Sure, I'll pick something out. I'll make sure the name is extra stupid for you..."

So the two of you make your way, though you hardly spare them any small talk worth mentioning. You're no good at talking to fill the space, it's why the two of you ran out of things to say when you were still in Dormont.

˚　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　*　　 . ✦　　.　 　˚　　　.   　　˚　　*　　 ˚　.˚

You're still not sure if this is where you should be looking, but they at least have options. It's also notably less noisy here, in comparison to the other stores you peered into while wandering around. You don't particularly mind it, but you want to be somewhat courteous to Loop. For some reason. No, you know why. You don't want to spoil this. You don't want them to ditch you, call it early, or suddenly quit on you. But whatever.

As you suspected though, the shades that line the shelf here only barely distinguish themselves. Some are dark, or even darker, most are just neutral, and some are so light they look more like the light that illuminate the aisle your in than a shade you can recognize.

As opposed to your last foray into utilizing colors, these are all named something to give you an idea of what they might look like. You recognize a few. Some mention the sky, which you know is blue (most of the time anyway, as far as you know.) Or grass, which you know would most likely be green, whatever that means. Some names still don't shed any form of clarity to your plight, but they do make you curious.

There are plenty of strange names, just as you anticipated, but that's not where your perusal begins. Instead, you reach for a bottle, supposedly named 'Night Reflection', one of the darker shades here. But there's something... in it. Little flecks that bounce the light off them. Huh. You didn't know that even something like this could be made to sparkle.

' good! ' a clap accompanies their exclamation, pocketing the given agreement with an over-enthusiastic show of glee. it wouldn't matter much, whatever shade they picked. they merely wanted the opportunity to do so; the choice. additional involvement in something outside the usual routine. they deserved that much -- right? best not to go there, probably, just take what they can get. enjoy the moment for what it was, while it lasted. if it lasted.

so long as it ends better than last time. they can agree on that. won't be dwelling on it much, either.

look at them, staying on the same page!

' hiding something? me~? ' always. but not about shades, that was unrelated. wouldn't stop them from hamming it up with a touch of feigned confusion, hurt. a hand turned against their chest. fingers splayed across it as if offended. ' to even think such a thing! i'm hurt, stardust! '

. . . teehee!

' really, though. if all shades looked the same, we'd never tell anything apart! ' they meet his squint with a wink, their steps quickly falling in line with siffrin's own. ' don't be so close-minded! ' there was an attempt to follow the leader; to keep behind like a well-trained shadow. but they don't like following, more like they're not good at it. they end up at his side, instead.

this . . . did feel nice, didn't it? somehow. despite everything before, that lead up to this point. things were different, here. as he's told them already. their usual routine didn't exist, there was no need for it. no need for them to even be, but here they were. here they were wanted, if only for a moment.

here . . . it was like. they were someone.

' . . . say, stardust? '

how long had they let the silence drag on for? too long, clearly.

' why don't you pick out one for me~! to keep things interesting! ' where that idea sprung up from, they weren't entirely certain. they didn't hate it, though.

[fanfoolishness]

Just losing my mind at the implications that the companions have all been trying to help Rook grieve Varric, and Rook doesn’t know

Emmrich, wise and long-familiar with grief, being told by Neve and Harding what happened; understanding why sometimes he overhears Rook’s muffled voice in the Infirmary, talking to no one. He takes Rook to the Memorial Gardens and mentions he talks to his parents, thinking Rook might be comfortable with the same. Rook lights candles and rings bells but Emmrich watches, sorrowed, to see Rook still seems in deep denial.

Neve takes Rook to the Wall of Light; a Shadow Dragon Rook knows just what this means but any Rook can understand the solemnity, the power of remembrance. Neve reenergizes Brom’s light and looks to Rook, hoping Rook will mention wanting to make one for Varric. Rook is kind and comforting to Neve, but Neve is lost in wondering why Rook doesn’t take the chance to open up. She can’t figure it. Maybe Rook just can’t face it, not yet. Maybe Rook does something privately. She isn’t sure but it nags at her.

Davrin’s not big on talking about feelings. He’d rather just move on. But he sees the way Rook seems a little hollow sometimes, a little distant; he sees how Rook takes so quickly to Assan. “Hey Rook,” he says, and invites them to come with him and Assan to safe places in Arlathan, where the woods are clean and green and growing, where real sunlight dapples through the trees. Rook always seems to love these outings, seems lighter afterwards. But Davrin feels a little confused in that Rook never seems to realize the outings are mostly for them.

Taash is another person not big on feelings. But they know how much feelings can twist you up and mess with your head. When Lace tells them about Varric they feel badly for Rook, and think to how they feel when they’re struggling. Epic fights, dragon fights, drinks with the Lords. Taash is perfectly capable of doing all that on their own. But maybe bringing Rook along will help get them out of their head a little bit. Does it help? Taash isn’t sure.

Bellara’s double-versed in grief after what happens to Cyrian. Rook helped her through trying to reach him, and Bellara wonders, in her own pain, if she can help Rook a little bit too. Especially if Rook is elven, teaching Rook about the braziers and the challenges is another tool she can share about her or their people, another way that might help Rook with their grief. Neve’s told her that the Wall of Light didn’t seem to help Rook much, but maybe a different funeral tradition could help them instead. Rook helps her light the braziers and Bellara feels her heart lightening, though she wonders at Rook, who seems more moved by Bellara’s reactions than anything else.

Lucanis is nearly as allergic to dealing with feelings as Davrin is, but he immediately clocks how Neve and Harding are acting, and asks what happened before he joined them. They tell him about Varric and that they’re worried about Rook, that Rook seems to just be shoving those feelings down without dealing with them. Lucanis is no stranger to that, but while it’s fine for him, he doesn’t want to see someone who risked their life to save him share that struggle. He brings Rook to Caterina’s funeral planning to show Rook it’s okay to admit the loss and honor it. When that doesn’t seem to make a dent, he falls back to his standard - lavish meals, small gifts, coffee. He knows it would help him. He just wishes it helped Rook too.

Lace hurts the worst after losing Varric and Lace is where Solas’ magic comes the closest to faltering. Rook can see Lace is down, she’s quiet, she’s afraid after what happens with the gods escaping; but Solas’ magic holds and Rook can still never see quite why. Lace would love to sit over drinks one night and share stories about Varric, but she sees that Rook doesn’t seem ready, and she doesn’t want to push. Instead she writes letters to Ma, to the Inquisitor, to Cassandra, to Aveline, maybe even to Hawke. She writes out her stories with Varric’s old quill and she carries a bolt of Bianca with her. A dozen times she goes to talk to Rook about him, and when she tries Rook turns away or changes the subject. It hurts, but Lace knows she can’t make Rook talk about him, and she hopes in time it will get better.

This just absolutely crushes me the more I think about it 😭

Edit: Varric’s death is Rook’s personal companion quest every other single companion tries to help them with, and can’t 😭😭😭

[buttercupshands]

Thinking about what happened in the summer

Kids are... Really different when it comes to spending three weeks without their parents

Some start crying near the end of first day

Some start crying after couple of days

And some don't show anything while feeling the same

And being... I think English has a good word for that, let's go with a teacher but mix it with caretaker a little bit

I think seeing a kid cry at the end of that first day finally short circuited my brain, teens are way harder to understand that pre-teens who are literally still kids

They come around after a week, settle down and find new friends and your job stays the same mostly to be the one controlling their behavior

And then you'd have a kid crying again, because they miss home and the only thing you can really do is comfort them that they're not stuck here forever and that time flows so fast they won't notice it

And maybe they didn't. Time really did flew and they were leaving

Parents visited kids sometimes, of course, and it was so scary at first but they were mostly friendly and nice

Maybe because of that group chat that let them see that their kids are fine and are having fun

In the end for kids it was painful at first, but fun in the end. I got hugged more times than I could count when they were all leaving

And then poof

Back to your own life you go, like nothing happened

[osaemu]

JJK MEN: BABY, CAN YOU CALL ME BACK?

✩ ‧ ˚. [ GOJO, TOJI, GETO ] your boyfriend's gone for work, and you gotta convince him to come back home over the phone... NSFW

contents: fem!reader. phone sex, voice kink, video taking, dick pics, blah blah blah. you can probably guess the rest. not proofread + mostly written while i was half-asleep. 2.3k words.

★ ━ SATORU GOJO

“baby, i miss you,” satoru mumbles, voice soft and sleepy from the other end of the phone. you hear the sound of sheets rustling against his phone’s microphone as he rolls over, groaning softly. “i can’t wait to come home to you.”

you plop down on your bed and turn your phone on speaker as you rest your back against the headboard, stifling a yawn before you reply. “me too… it’s so lonely without you here.”

“i know,” satoru says, and even though it’s not a video call, you’re absolutely certain he’s grinning like the cocky idiot he is. “tell me ‘bout your day, sweetheart. wanna know what you’ve been doing without me.”

you roll your eyes and smile, checking your nails as you reply. “nothing much, it’s kinda boring without you here.”

“tell me more,” satoru murmurs, and he thinks that he’s so lucky you two aren’t on a facetime call, because his hand is slipping down to the waistband of his pants and he’s tugging them off, releasing his already-hardened dick. “i wanna know everything.”

you don’t think much of the way satoru’s breathing has gotten noticeably choppier as you ramble about the little things that’ve happened in your day so far—after all, how could you know that he’s stroking himself to the sound of your voice?

“so, yeah, that’s basically everything,” you finish, exhaling softly. the moment you stop talking, you hear the soft groans that satoru’s been fighting to hide the whole time, and suddenly, it clicks. “wait, satoru, have you been fucking yourself the whole ti—”

“maybe,” your boyfriend replies instantly, pausing and taking a long, unsteady breath before he continues, “wanna join me?” you don’t reply immediately, but soon, his voice turns pleading. “c’mon, baby, missin’ you so much… lemme hear you, sweet girl. help your boyfriend out, pleeea—” 

“okay, okay,” you give in, reaching down and tugging off your shorts. a second later, your panties are discarded as well, and your fingers start to circle your clit at the sound of satoru’s voice.

“mm, you touching yourself, baby?” satoru breathes, hand still wrapped around his dick. you hum in agreement, and the hand holding your phone grows tighter the faster your circles get. satoru clicks his tongue after a couple seconds, and adds, “don’t hold back, i wanna hear you.”

“okay,” you mumble, missing his familiar touch now more than ever. “i miss you so much, ‘toru,” you whisper, voice already a little shaky from your own fingers. but it still isn’t enough to push you over the edge—you both know that only satoru has the skill to do that.

“i know you do,” satoru teases, an amused lilt in his voice. “bet those pretty hands of yours couldn’t make ya cum half as fast as i could, yeah?”

he’s right, but it doesn’t stop you from trying—god, you wish your boyfriend were here and inside of you, but for now, his voice is all that you have. “baby, these past couple days, all i could—fuck, all i could think about was that pretty pussy of yours,” satoru chokes out, hand moving up and down the length of his dick faster. “so tight f’me, all just for me,” he mumbles, throwing his head back and gritting his teeth.

“s-satoru, i need you,” you mewl out, legs starting to tremble just at the thought of him. “need your dick inside of me, plea—”

“can’t do that, princess,” satoru sighs, groaning at the sound of your desperate request. “wish i could, though.. but we gotta wait for a couple days, fuck.”

you stop rubbing your clit and instead slip two fingers inside your cunt, wrist shaking at you pump your fingers up and down at his request. “s’ not as good as you, ‘toru,” you whine, hips unconsciously rocking against your hand. “come home soon, please, can’t wait for that long—”

satoru laughs breathily and moans shamelessly into his phone, mumbling something about work or a mission or something—but you don’t really catch the details, too occupied with fucking yourself to the thought of your boyfriend. “so impatient, aren’t ya?” satoru exhales, thrusting into his own fist and fantasizing about your warm, tight cunt instead. “fuck, baby, miss you and your cunt so fuckin’ bad—”

“then come home, ‘toru,” you plead, hardly able to choke out your words coherently. “please, satoru, i need you here—”

your boyfriend cuts you off with a series of porn-worthy groans, mixing in your name wherever he can as he cums into his hand. it’s not satisfying, and it doesn’t feel half as good as it would if he were fucking your pussy instead. so, after a couple seconds, he mumbles, “whatever you say, princess, i’ll be there by tomorrow.” 

★ ━ TOJI FUSHIGURO

“you’re an asshole,” you mutter into your phone. toji only scoffs in reply, a disbelieving edge to his voice. “toji, listen to me—”

“i’m listenin’, princess,” toji grumbles. “yeah, i know i said i’d be home by tonight, but somethin’ came up. s’ not my fault i’m surrounded by idiots.” and he makes no effort of hiding his disdain at your stubbornness—some things were just out of his control, including how long it took for most of his missions to get completed.

“don’t call me that,” you snap, climbing into your bed and pulling a pillow onto your lap. toji sighs, and it’s a long, lengthy exhale that surely has to be exaggerated. “fuck you, toji, you promised you’d be home by tonight.” 

your boyfriend laughs incredulously into his phone, chortling for a good twenty seconds before he replies, “i don’t remember promising anything, n’ what do ya need me home for anyways? what’s so fuckin’ important, huh?”

well, there’s no way you’re telling him the real reason you want him home so badly—he’d just laugh at you and your desperation for him. but honestly, after going for more than a week without his dick, you’re really fucking close to telling him that. instead, you reply, “maybe i just miss my boyfriend.”

“more like you just want dick, don’t ya, pretty?”

toji sees right through your pitiful lies—he always does. you don’t respond for a long while, and your boyfriend fills up the silence by laughing again. “shoulda just said so. i missed fuckin’ that tight cunt of yours too, idiot.”

“so will you come home now?”

“mm, you gotta convince me.”

“how?” you groan, dragging a hand down your face. 

“show me jus’ how much you miss me, and maybe i’ll consider comin’ back early if you can prove it to me,” toji says, and you can hear the smile in his voice as your screen lights up with a request to facetime. 

you accept, and a second later, your boyfriend’s face fills up your screen. his dark eyes are squinted from the sudden light, but the corners of his lips curl upwards when he sees you. “hey, princess.”

“hey, asshole.”

“you want to get fucked tomorrow night or not?” he drawls, a lazy smile playing on his face when that shuts you up. “now c’mon, let’s see that pussy. open wide f’me.”

you mutter something about him being the worst boyfriend ever before you tug down the waistband of your panties, exposing your neglected, puffy cunt. your clothes are quickly discarded somewhere, allowing you to angle your phone downwards and show toji what he’s missing.

“oh, fuckin’ hell,” toji mutters, navy eyes fixed on your cunt as you slip two fingers inside and start pumping them in and out of your hole. the dim lighting of your room bounces off the slick already coating your cunt, making it look wetter than ever to toji—and you can practically see the longing in his eyes as he watches you fuck yourself.

“please, toji,” you mumble, spreading your legs even wider to show off your pussy to him. “miss you so much, please—fuck, please come home,” you plead, doing your best to put on a show for him. at this point, you’re so touch starved that you’d do anything to get him back—anything to satisfy you, since your own fingers can’t even give you half the pleasure toji can.

“so desperate, aren’t ya?” toji tuts, eying you with interest. “tch, pathetic…”

you whine in response to his words, hips rolling against your own hand as you futilely try to convince your head that it’s a dick in between your legs and not your own fingers. “fuck, toji, i’ll do anythin—”

“anything?” he instantly cuts you off, cocking an eyebrow as if he’s intrigued. you nod desperately, almost willing to do anything and everything for him if it meant he could fill up the empty spot in between your thighs. “you promise?”

“y-yeah, anything,” you whimper, throwing your head back as your hand starts to grow sore. 

toji hums in approval, and a moment later, he replies, “alright then. i’ll head back tomorrow mornin’, but you’re getting fucked for the whole night after. n’ i don’t wanna hear any of that ‘toji, it’s too much!’ bullshit, m’kay?” he snaps, mimicking your voice by raising his pitch two octaves. 

“okay, i promise,” you choke out, and the second the words leave your lips, toji hangs up.

asshole.

★ ━ SUGURU GETO

“suguru, i miss you,” you mumble into your phone, burying your face into the blankets wrapped around your shoulders. usually, it’s rare for you to feel cold within your bedroom—suguru’s presence seems to make everything warmer. but right now, he’s not here, and even your own room feels barren without his comforting aura. “it’s so empty here without you…” 

“is it, now?” suguru replies coyly from the other end of the call. he’s at some sort of meeting right now, but apparently, he’s on his break—which is good, because you imagine that it might be a little embarrassing for him to take this call if he were in the middle of the meeting. “i miss you too, baby. you and that pretty pussy of yours, heh.”

“sugu—”

your boyfriend interrupts you with a soft, teasing laugh, lowering his voice when he adds, “do you want to know what i’d do to you if i was with you right now?”

you swallow back the “yes” you so desperately want to say, instead whispering, “aren’t you in public?”

“nah, i’m in the bathroom right now,” suguru clarifies. “now c’mon, answer the question.”

“...yeah,” you admit. it’s been over a week since you last had any sort of sexual contact with suguru—you’ll take what you can get.

your boyfriend laughs again, sultry voice pouring out your phone’s speakers and straight into your throbbing cunt when he starts describing—in great detail—the things he would do to you if he was on top of you right now.

“...and then, i would flip you over and fuck you face-down ass-up for hours,” suguru adds casually, enjoying the sounds of your muffled moans—you’re trying so hard to hide them, but little do you know that it’s only too obvious to suguru. 

two of your fingers are circling your clit as suguru speaks, and your own hand is clasped over your mouth as you struggle to hide the effects of suguru’s voice on you—and he just keeps talking.

“yeah, and when i finally let you cum all over my dick, i’d just keep going,” suguru cooes, tempted to pull down his pants and take care of his own boner right then and there. but unlike you, your boyfriend has some ounce of resilience, and as he checks the time on his phone, he realizes that he has to get back to his meeting soon anyways.

“suguru—” you moan, unable to stifle your little whimpers any longer. “wan’ you so bad, please—”

“silly girl, what do you mean, you want me so bad?” suguru says amusedly. “i’m already yours, aren’t i?”

“you know what i mean,” you huff, rocking your hips against your fingers in an attempt to force yourself to cum. but unfortunately, ever since you started fucking with suguru, your own fingers aren’t good enough—even if you could hypothetically make yourself orgasm, it wouldn’t give you even a fraction of the pleasure your boyfriend could. “please, sugu, i wanna see you.”

and just like that, any remaining self-restraint suguru has snaps—the sound of you begging is enough to make him do anything in the world.

suguru hastily unzips his pants, releasing his dripping dick. he runs his thumb over the leaking tip, smearing the pre-cum all over its head. “fuck, baby, i’m at work right now,” he mutters into his phone, rolling his eyes affectionately when he hears you giggle. “one pic. then i’m going back to my meeting.”

“m’kay!” you agree, pulling the phone away from your ear and turning it on speaker as you eagerly wait for the pictures to send.

suguru holds up his phone and snaps a picture of his dick resting in his palm, stroking it with that hand and sending you the image with the other. “alright, sweetheart, gotta get back to work,” suguru sighs, unable to get his boner to settle down—he figures the only way it’ll happen is if he ends the call, which he really needs to do.

“aw, do you have to?”

“yeah, sorry ‘bout that,” he mutters, removing the phone from his ear to end the call.

“wait, what’re you sending me—oh, fuck, you’re the worst,” suguru groans when he clicks the notification and sees a video of what you’re doing to yourself right now—it’s a five second video of you pumping your fingers in and out of your puffy cunt to his voice, and there goes his resolve to stay at work.

“i fuckin’ hate you, baby… see you in a couple hours.”

[crookedfandomquill]

This is very situational, and sadly may not be realistic for everyone, but I need y’all to understand that a very important part of political activism is fucking talking to your conservative or moderate friends and family.

My dad voted for Trump in 2016. He’s a middle class white evangelical from Arkansas. He raised me with conservative Christian values, just like his parents raised him. When he voted Trump, he was holding his nose, but he didn’t feel too bad about it, and went on to vote red down the ticket in the 2018 midterms, as well.

But I started college in 2017. Higher education and independence changed everything for me, and I went home over holidays and summers with fire in my belly and a thousand arguments ready at the drop of a hat, to my father’s dismay.

I remember crying in my room after emotional, intense arguments with him. I told him over and over that I felt betrayed by his choice to vote for a man who admitted to sexually assaulting women, who built his platform on dehumanizing immigrants and the disabled, who spread overtly-racist rhetoric, who flouted the values of kindness and self-discipline that I’d been raised on. And my dad always had some justification about the “greater good”: fighting against abortion, bolstering the economy, getting other Christian politicians into office.

But over time, as we grew further apart and I lost my will to discuss anything with him at all, he softened. He started asking me why I thought the way I did about the things we disagreed about. He would listen to my answers without interruption, and mull them over afterward instead of expressing his own opinion. And all the while, he watched the Trump presidency become cruel and absurd and devastating.

The first time he openly expressed regret to me, I had come home for a weekend after Kavanaugh was confirmed to SCOTUS. My dad realized he had helped elect a man who preyed on women… and that man had opened the door to more predators. I can’t tell you what it felt like for him to admit that he’d made a mistake, not just in voting for Trump but in defending him for so long. We kept arguing, but it was more debating than fighting. I knew he was capable of seeing my side of things, even if it took a while, and he knew I wasn’t just a sensitive college student with shallow new ideas about the world.

And then 2020 hit. Specifically, George Floyd was murdered, and the events that followed played out on the national stage. My dad was incredibly shaken by it. He asked me if I had any books from college about racial issues. I loaned him The New Jim Crow, one of the required readings for my Race and the Law class. Then I gave him Just Mercy. Then he watched the documentary 13th. Then he joined a racial harmony group he learned about through one of the few Black families at our church and insisted our whole family come. He held up signs at a protest against Confederate monuments in our conservative southern town. In three years, he went from defending Trump’s comments about “Black-on-Black crime” to publicly advocating for racial justice and opposing the death penalty.

We went together to vote in the 2020 primaries. I couldn’t help asking who he’d voted for; I didn’t even know if he’d asked for the Republican or Democratic ticket. He admitted he’d voted for Bernie. fucking. Sanders, then made me promise not to tell my grandma he’d voted liberal. When the election rolled around in November, he voted Biden. I’m sure he held his nose to do it, just like he held his nose voting in 2016. But I know he doesn’t regret it.

I am, of course, unbelievably lucky to have a parent who loved me enough, and was empathetic enough, to choose his relationship with me over his strongly-held opinions. He kept searching for truth because, as much as he’ll deny it, he’s a very smart and curious person. No degree of intelligence or curiosity makes you immune to propaganda, especially if you were raised not to question the party line. It’s easy to dismiss our conservative, conspiracy-pilled loved ones as stupid, hypocritical, and cruel. Sometimes they are. But sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes they will bend to keep their relationships from breaking. Sometimes, if they can be made to understand that their beliefs and actions are harming someone they love, they will make concessions. And sometimes they just need one person in their life to put a foot down, to be vulnerable and assertive and argumentative, to bring the impact of their politics close to home.

As the most important election of our lifetimes approaches, do not put peace over progress. If you have someone like my dad, someone who is good-willed and smart and loves you more than their own opinions, tell them how you feel. Tell them what their choices will mean for you, for your friends, for your community. Tell them what they could lose: your trust, your affection, your respect. Don’t avoid conflict if it could be productive. Because my conflict with my dad didn’t just win him over–it won over my moderate mom and one of my conservative brothers. And it put us in community with other like-minded people and led my parents to a healthier and kinder faith.

All of this to say, there is hope in conflict. There is hope in our relationships with people who think differently from us. There is hope in exposing your fear and anger and pain to people you love. And hope is a form of activism.