#instead of having other perspectives on hand to go 'hey yeah you're not torturing your parts to death out of laziness if they go dormant'

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao

[lieutenant-simp]

Protecting You Is All I know How To Do

Shield Powered Reader x Wanda Maximoff

Warning: Mentions of childhood trauma, beatings, injuries. Angst. Little fluff at end. 

Request: YES :))))

Summary: Protecting Wanda was all you knew, she was your rock and you were hers. 

Not my Gif

A/N: This is my first request, so this is a big deal! This was not proofread but I really enjoyed writing this. 

Words: 1,508

Your powers were the cause of all your problems, the damage to your health, to your head, the trauma they caused you never wanted to use them. When you first got to HYDRA, you were taken, no given. Your parents trusted some men in suits because they were too messed up to care about anyone but themselves. They wanted money, power and the men promised everything and more to them. You don't know what happened to them after you left, but you hope whatever it was, was worse than anything you'd been subjected to. 

Every day, like clockwork, you were taken to a small dark room, had serum after serum injected into you. Test after test to see what happened to you, nothing worked, until it did. You were upset, you were tired of them beating you, they blamed you for their serums not working, and you just put your hands out. They were blasted to the other side of the room, the force from your shield launching them back. Once again, they blamed you for not finding out your powers sooner. All your tests came back normal, and they didn't know which serum made you this way. The beatings only got worse from there. 

Now that you had powers, you were bound, you didn't want to cooperate. You became numb, numb from the pain. They beat you no matter what. No matter if you cooperated or not. All you could do than pass the time was to be in your head. It was your safe place. When you were subjected to their beatings, you went inside your head to distract yourself. You never felt alone there. You had imagined a new life, one with your parents, what might've happened if they weren't such deadbeats. You imagined love. You imagined anything and everything. Your head was the place that made you sane. 

"Hey, I hear your thoughts are you there?” You hear a voice in your head, you look around your room. The men had already left, where was it coming from. You laugh, you're finally going crazy from being alone. “I am your cellmate, I can hear you, you're not crazy”

“You can hear me? How?” You were definitely crazy now. There was no one here. 

“I have powers, I can read and communicate with others in my mind.” Ah, that makes sense, you were alone in the corridor, clearly, it was made for those with powers, and you were the first successful one and now they had found another. 

“How long have you been here?” You heard her sigh inside your mind, “I just got here, my parents, they uh, they passed away recently and well turns out twin orphans with powers travels around,” You sympathize with her, you want her to not feel alone anymore. She was the only one you had anymore. 

“You have a twin?” You hear her laugh, “Yeah, he’s like me, he has powers too, but he can’t read minds. Do you have powers?” You hesitate to open up to her, afraid of everyone but she seems comfortable, at least in your head, you are relaxed, you’re not afraid. 

Quickly you became friends, her name was Wanda, and she told you about her family. Her twin brother, you could talk to through Wanda, he was nice, witty, and he also became your friend. She would tell you often about her life before HYDRA. You both had created plans, plans to escape, plans for what you'd do after you got out, but you never followed through. Sometimes it was nice to wonder. Wanda was your age, young, and she was new. You once heard her cry about the same men that tortured you. To escape the beatings from them, you'd create a shield surrounding her. She told you when they came in, and you had shared the world inside your head with her to go to, it kept her distracted. When they saw the shield, it would distract them from her as they would march over to you and hurt you instead. You needed Wanda, she was your friend, your closest friend. After some time you would do the same with her brother.

You still despised using your powers, you could've easily used them to shield yourself instead, but you couldn't. You were scared of them, but Wanda and her brother needed you, they needed you to protect them. 

After Ultron, when Pietro died, you were crushed. Your job was to protect the twins. Thankfully Wanda was okay, You felt as if your purpose was to protect them, and you failed. Wanda leaned on you, and you leaned on her. His death wasn't easy on either of you. 

You join the Avengers the same time Wanda did, you didn't want to leave her side and she didn't want you to leave hers. You both still communicated inside your head, it was a comfort you both could only get from each other. When you went on missions you both were paired together, you protected her. You didn't give a damn about what happened to you, but the first time you were injured, changed your perspective. 

Wanda was in the waiting room, waiting for you to come out of surgery, the bullet was lodged in your stomach. Wanda needed you, as much as you need her. She loved you, she always had. She had a crush on you the moment she talked to you. You, on the other hand, had never really got to experience those emotions, you had pushed them down but you did love Wanda too. You were her rock, her protector. A tough egg to crack to everyone else, but to her, you were soft. You held her when she cried, and she would hold you. Your rooms were next to each other, but you usually ended up sleeping in the same room.

When you were ready to receive visitors, she was there in an instant. She held your hand and waited, prayed for you to wake up. And you did. You woke up to her hand in yours. You opened your eyes to see a scratch on her head. You reached over a brushed your hand against it. She looked at you softly, a small smile on her face, her eyes full of tears. You could tell by the look on her face, the injury took a toll on her, it caused her pain. The pain you tried every day to avoid, to help her with.

You realized, to protect her you had to protect yourself. How were you supposed to help her if you were dead or unconscious or just unable to. You didn't want to lose her, she's already lost so much. You knew she could probably hear you because squeezed your hand softly, before you hear her soft voice inside your head. 

"I need you moya lyubov, I need you here with me" You smile at her softly, your hand reaching up to hold her face, your thumb drawing lazy circles across her skin. Your actions say all the words you can’t say. "Can I ask you a question printsessa," you nod your head, "Why me?" You obviously look confused because she continues, "Every time on missions, I am the only one unharmed, the others, they have bruises and black eyes. We both know how many gunshot wounds have been had between all of them. I don't get that experience, you only use your powers to protect me." You think for a minute pondering, you didn't protect the others. They chalked it up to you both knowing each other longer. But you look at your interlocked hands, you thought of the way your heart raced with Wanda. You loved her, the realization hit you like a truck. 

"Because I love you Wands, I always have. I can't stand seeing you hurt if I could do something about it." You look up at her, no words had to be spoken as she leaned in and kissed you. Your hand stayed at her face as she pulled you closer. The kiss said a lot of words between you two, years of love that has been saved between you. 

-

Its been two years since that day, you and Wanda have decided to move in together a few months after that. But today is your anniversary. This day 2 years ago, you asked Wanda to be your girlfriend. You had asked Nat for help then, and you're asking Nat now. 

“Please Nat, you know her so well, do I get this ring,” You paused to show her a picture before showing her another one a moment later, “or this one?” You heard her sigh.

“Y/N, you have been dating for a couple years, and have known each other countless before that, you know her better than me!” You sigh, she's right but that didn't make your decision easier. 

“I just want this to be perfect Nat, it's not every day you ask the love of your life to marry you.”

[angst-fairygodmother]

Sorry to bother you, but if you've got the time can I maybe get either Angst #1: "I can't do anything right" or Random #25: "It's 6 o'clock in the morning, you're not having vodka" with Klaus x Reader please? I feel like you could do something super cute with them, unless you don't want to. Whatever you're feeling.

A/N: Your prompts gave me a strong hurt/comfort feeling. So I just...stuck the knife in, wiggled it around a bunch, kicked the poor boy while he was down, and let the reader clean it up. Please enjoy. Word Count: 1941 Rating: M - self-hatred/negative thoughts/depression, alcohol mention, reference to past drug use, reference to PTSD, reference to death, spoilers for The Umbrella Academy season 1

A loud crash from the front of your apartment woke you with a start. Gripping the small but shocking heavy clock from your nightstand, you cautiously padded down the hall toward the noise. Absently, you thought about the fact that you had left a kitchen window open and hoped that whatever was making the sound was just a possum or other easily caught creature wandering in from the fire escape, rather than someone. Another thump caused your heart to race as you rounded the corner.

The figure in your kitchen screamed and you heard the thump of something heavy hitting the floor. With a groan, you flicked on the light and glared at your best friend, though you were reconsidering the title as you inspected the mess he had made by breaking in and rooting through your cabinets in the dark.

“What the fuck Klaus?” you said with a sigh.

“Oh! Y/N! You’re up!” his voice was strained and too loud for the hour, you could tell something was off.

“Yes. Funny that, what with the amount of noise you were making.”

“Sorry,” scrunched up his face. “I was trying to be quiet but…you know me.” He continued to nose around in your cabinets until he made a small noise of victory and pulled out what he was looking for.

“Yeah I do.” You saw the bottle in his hand and frowned. “Put that back.”

“I’m just going to have one little glass…”

You glanced down at the timepiece still in your hand before setting it on the counter.

“It's 6 o'clock in the morning, you're not having vodka.” You pulled the bottle out of his hand before he could protest.

“Pleeeeeease. I need it. I need something.” His whine seemed unusually desperate, even for him and you finally really looked at him. Quickly you recognized both a very different outfit than you had ever seen him in before, particularly the green army vest and new tattoo on his arm, and the tell-tale signs of withdrawal in every part of his body and behavior.

“Sobriety with no rehab?” you asked, incredulous.

“It’s a long story, and I’d rather not talk about it,” he sighed. “I just want to forget it and move on.”

“By going straight back to the bottle?”

“Yes,” he snatched at it and you held it just out of reach, placing your small dining table between the two of you to counteract his height advantage.

“No.”

He gave you his best pout and you almost surrendered before you caught yourself.

“How about instead, I make some breakfast and we talk?”

“I told you, I don’t want…” he trailed off, voice cracking at the end, and when you looked at him again his eyes were glassy and unfocused, not really present anymore. His whole body trembled. You suspected that he was being bombarded by ghosts, as tended to happen on his rare sober occasions, and felt guilty for giving him a hard time. You set the bottle aside and circled to stand in front of him.

“You okay there?” you asked, trying to keep your voice light. He remained silent and distant.

Gently, you cupped his face between your hands, trying to pull his focus to you. His hands came up to wrap around your wrists, shaking and frighteningly cold, the war between shoving you away and clinging to any connection he could get plain.

“Klaus?” you asked softly, tilting your head to one side. He didn’t seem to register your voice. “Klaus please talk to me…”

He opened his mouth as if to speak and then closed it again, his eyes now roving your face as if searching for something. Suddenly, he collapsed forward into a sob, leaning heavily on you as you wrapped your arms around his head and shoulders. You slowly guided the pair of you down into a sitting position, your back against the fridge and Klaus practically in your lap.

His behavior scared you. You had seen many wild mood swings from your best friend, usually on account of whatever drug he was using to dull his powers that week or the withdrawals of coming down off them, but you had never seen him like this before. Your heart ached at the pitiful noises he made, and you rocked him gently, humming a soft tune and trying your best to comfort him.

You weren’t sure how long you sat with him on your kitchen floor, staring at the jar of pasta sauce that he had dropped when you surprised him. Long enough that the light of dawn was spilling through the window, little puddles of light dancing around you. Long enough that your shoulders ached from your position, not that it mattered to you compared to his hurt. Long enough that you were surely late for work and your pajama top was stained with eyeliner and tears. Long enough that you wondered absently how he hadn’t run out of tears or breath yet.

Eventually, the body-wracking sobs softened to little hitches of breath and then, even later to silence. You continued to sit there, holding him close, shifting only enough to run soothing fingers through his hair.

“I can't do anything right,” he admitted, voice hoarse and muffled by the fact that his face was still pressed into your shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Woah, hey. Where is this coming from?” you asked, frowning, puzzled and concerned.

“I’m a giant screw up. Everything I touch, I ruin.”

“That’s not true, Klaus.” You tried leaned down and back, trying to get him to look at you. “Talk to me?”

What followed was a bewildering accounting of his last forty-eight hours, or ten months, depending on your perspective. He told you about how he had been kidnapped because he was too high to notice the assassins in the Academy trying to kill his family. He described the torture, voice trembling, in detail that made you sick and made your grip tighten on him as if you could retroactively protect him, how he’d caved and told the two about the biotech company that Five had been staking out.

“I’m the reason Diego’s girlfriend is dead,” he said sullenly. “I got her attention, made her come into the room trying to save me. And then when she did, I ran like a coward. Didn’t even warn her that there were two of them.”

You flinched. You had heard about Detective Patch, seen how broken Diego was over it. But she was a police officer, doing her job, and Klaus was hardly to blame for the fact that he had taken the opportunity to escape his torturers, or that she had gone to the motel without backup. Not that he would listen if you tried to tell him that, and he would probably clam up and not finish even though he clearly had more to say. So instead you stayed silent and let him carry on.

What he said next left you stunned, as he admitted to travelling back in time, to fighting in the Vietnam war and falling in love with a man called Dave. And then Dave had been shot during a battle and though he’d pressed his hands over the wound and called desperately for a medic, he’d failed to save him. And now he was back in the present having flashbacks to bombs going off around him in addition to the withdrawal and the ghosts everywhere. And he couldn’t even conjure Dave.

“One more thing I can’t do right.” He laughed bitterly. “Can’t get Dad either, no matter how many times Luther asks me too. Even the one useful thing I can do, I can’t get it right.”

He was silent for a moment, and you thought with relief that he might be done berating himself and you could speak. Unfortunately, as you gathered your thoughts and went to start, he continued, now talking about Five’s return and how he said the world was going to end.

“Five hopes that with the ‘full force of the academy’ we can stop it from happening, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. And before you ask why I’m not with my family then trying to help, it’s not like talking to ghosts is helpful here. So I just, bailed. Like I always do.”

At some point during the conversation, he had finally pulled away from your embrace and leaned beside you against the cold metal appliance. He looked over at you, eyes soft and full of an unfamiliar expression, before he cast them down to stare at his hands folded in his lap.

“Christ, I can’t even protect the one person I have left that matters,” he muttered, utterly defeated.

“Three days, huh?” you asked tentatively.

“Mhm. That’s what he said. Yesterday. So it’s actually probably closer to two.”

“Alright. Well, I’ve always wanted to see the Roman Coliseum. But that might take too long to get to, waste a whole day on air travel. We could…go to Vegas, blow all my savings on…hookers and slot machines…?”

“What are you doing?” He stared in confusion.

“Trying to make a plan for how to spend the last days of our lives?”

He cracked a small smile. “And you settled on slot machines and Vegas hookers?”

“Well I don’t know. I’ve never thought about…what I’d do if I knew I was going to die soon…I’d just, I want to spend the last few days with someone I love.” You shrugged. “But it got you to smile, so…I call it a win.”

He shook his head ruefully, warm expression widening. “Y/N, you are, amazing.”

You smiled back at him.

“For real though, you are not just a screw up, Klaus,” you said fiercely. “You are my best friend and you mean the world to me. And even if you’ve made mistakes, that doesn’t negate that you are so full of light, and so genuine even when you try to hide it. You see the best in everyone else, and the people that care, care about you because of everything you are, good and bad. I’m sure if this Dave were here, he’d say the same thing.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “He probably would. You two are a lot alike actually.”

“I wish I could have met him then, and thanked him for keeping your sorry ass alive so you could come back to me.”

You both laughed. The room settled into a steady, comfortable silence, each of you enjoying the other’s presence and the moment of peace, sneaking glances when you thought the other wasn’t looking.

And then your eyes caught. On an instinct, you leaned almost imperceptibly closer.

“I wish you hadn’t told me yet that the world was ending,” you whispered. “Then I could do this without worrying that you’ll think it’s just because of that, and not the fact that I’ve been in love with you for a while now. There’s no time to do things properly.”

“What did you just say?”

Instead of answering, you pressed your lips to his softly. Stiffening for a moment, you thought he might reject you, but then he relaxed into it, kissing you back with increasing passion and hunger. Gently he cradled your head and laid you back onto the floor, never once breaking contact with your lips.

“Y/N,” he sighed, leaning back to give you both a moment of air. “You’re right. There’s no time to do this properly. There’s no time for anything.”

You smiled up at him, bright and loving. “We don’t need properly, we just need each other.”

He laughed and leaned down to capture your lips quickly. “Right again.”

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

07 - Our Realization

This chapters songs:

New person, same old mistakes: Tame Impala

National Anthem: Lana Del Rey

Blackout Days: Future Islands Remix

I think it might be hell; Clarence James

—

Y.L. Perspective-

Seriously, what was it with tight dresses? All they would do was squeeze the living hell out of you, making every single step you took complete torture. Sure, people looked hot in them, and I wouldn't blame anybody for wanting to show off their looks. But me— me?! No. Especially not to a high school third-year party, where all anybody wants is sex.

"Come on, don't make such a huge deal out of it. You look so beautiful it hurts me." Giki tugs on my arms, attempting to pull me out of the car while the other two band members leaned on it, beginning to grow impatient with my childish behavior.

What I wore consisted of a very light blue colored dress with small ripples down the entire thing that tugged at both my hips and chest and the sleeves were long and oversized to trick the eye. It was small and snug and made my entire body look better than I imagined. Yes, it was a gorgeous dress, but I hadn't ever planned on wearing it. The only reason I ever even bought it was because I loved the way it looked on me— meaning it was never intended for other people to see. Plus, this wasn't even that grand of a party. I mean— yes, there were at least three hundred people inside singing and dancing from what we could hear, and it was quite a humongous house, but still: I didn't get the point of dressing so club-ish.

To my friends' relief, I gain the courage to step out, trying to avoid the couple of people that were glancing over to the new arrivals: us. My hands attempt to pull down the dress, but it simply stays above mid-thigh.

"So, what's there to see here, hm? Are we greeting anybody here, or what?" Toruku questions, locking his car and twisting the watch on his wrist. We begin walking towards the grand house, meanwhile talking silently.

"Pretty much everybody is here, so you guys can just runoff. I'm gonna try and find Miya since she invited me and all."

It wouldn't be any trouble to try and find our friends, since we had quite a few. Being a popular band at your school had to give you a few favors. The only thing was that I was scared of being lonely at this party. I didn't know what would happen, who I would meet, or if I would make mistakes of some kind.

The four of us slide through the crowds outside while muffled music was heard. But the second that Toruku opened the door, so much was happening. Flashing blue and red lights would appear, coloring everybody and their sparkly wardrobe. Many were dancing and shouting at the loud music that blasted through the noise, though I didn't mind very much. The music was almost hypnotizing, and so was the faint smell of marijuana and alcohol.

From my side, Toruku made an expression of excitement. "There's fun stuff!" He yelled, sliding his hands together. "I'll see you guys later!" Is the last we hear of him for a while, before he makes his way between the crowds of teenagers. I nervously crossed my arms, doing the same as him, and starting my way around the house to explore.

Suddenly, a voice calls out to me, sending immediate chills down my spine. "Y/n!" Yelled Kiyoko, as her arms widened for a hug, while a drink in her hand bounced in the cup. "I didn't know you were coming! We could've matched or something!"

"There's no need, you already look so good tonight!" I spoke loudly over the music, looking up and down at Kiyoko. She wore a red spaghetti strap silk dress that fit perfectly on her, but what didn't? "God, you're such a goddess!"

"Don't even, Y/n. I've never seen you so hot-looking before," she laughed, putting a warm hand on my shoulder. "Don't mind me if I act a bit silly right now, I'm tipsy."

I nod. "How about lead me to the drinks so I can be too? I'm getting impatient," I say back, before being led to the kitchen. It's big and grand, just like the rest of the house. In there, there are about two or three jugs of whatever, and a stack of cups as well. People were seen talking and laughing near them.

Kiyoko and I fill two cups of beer— or what I assumed was— and gave them both a bump. "Cheers to our third year, right?" I say, as we down what we have in our cups. The amount of carbonation in the beer is surprising, making my nose scrunch up while it goes down my throat. "Jeez, what's in this, crack?"

"Probably," Kiyoko's obnoxious laugh releases, as she leans against me, giggling over my shoulder. I simply laugh back, baffled by drunk Kiyoko. "Hey, you know who's staring right at you?"

My veins practically freeze. Staring at me? At what?! "Who?!" I silently yell at her, quickly turning my head side to side to spot anybody.

"Koushi. And he's not taking his eyes off of you."

Not even a second after her seductive tone whispers into my ear, I spot the guy, with a drink in his hand and a couple of familiar volleyball players discussing with him. However, he didn't look too cheerful. Instead, he just looked me up and down, and right into my eyes, then taking a long chug of his beer.

I smirk back at Kiyoko, excited at the fact that he had spotted me so quickly. "Do you think he came with anybody? I wanna talk to him but if he's with someone then I'd rather not." I ask the girl, as she moved her feet to the beat of the song playing.

"Hm, I have no idea. Anyway, I gotta go. My date is waiting for me. Bye-bye, stay safe!" Her cheerful aura soon leaves the dim blue room, and I'm left alone in the kitchen, waiting on him to approach me.

The first few seconds I glanced at him, I only got a few of his stares. Each time I would attempt to look away, acting as if I wasn't beating myself up because he wouldn't talk to me. But once he tapped Daichi's shoulder, set the empty cup down, and mumbled something, I knew my wish came true; I wouldn't look like such a loner now.

His footsteps approaching me are the only thing I can make out from the music and nothing else, but that is until his voice catches my attention as if it weren't already all on him. "Hey, Y/n. I didn't know you'd show up today." He says, leaning his hips against the counter. "You look pretty."

"Thanks, you too!" I return the compliment, as the music gets louder. It's not until a few seconds after that I realize what I had just told Sugawara: that he looked pretty. I mean, it wasn't a total bad compliment for a boy. He did, in fact, look very good tonight. He wore a white t and grey button shirt over it, with dark baggy jeans and a few chains and rings, all topped off with his shaggy silver hair.

He smiles at me, reaching for one of the red cups that were stacked upon each other, and filled yet another cup up with beer. "You don't think you'll get a headache tomorrow morning?" I ask him, as his eyes turn to me while he drinks. It sure did seem as if he was using a hell of a lot of cups tonight.

  "I think I'm fine. I know how to take my alcohol." He puts down the red cup that was now empty, ahead of tightening his jaw and giving me that same gloomy look he'd given me before. "You do too, don't you?"

  'Yeah, I do.' I say internally, nodding. "You look upset. Are you okay?" My voice is shaky and loud, but not loud enough for him to hear, for his eyes rolled back and he leaned closer to my face. "You look a little down. Did something happen?"

  He whispers into my ear, "I can't hear you right now. Let's go somewhere else." His hot skin rubs against my cheek, meanwhile, his nose tickles my ear. "Come with me." Sugawara gets a hold of one of my hands, and wraps his fingers in between mine, before leading me out of the kitchen and into a crowd of people, where I was lost in the whirl of shouting people. Every once in a while, he would turn his head, searching for any sign that I was uncomfortable. But I wasn't. Only curiosity was what I was feeling.

Soon after, he brought us two to the front of the house and opened the door. Outside was a few people smoking or trying to have a nice talk without the noise inside. But even if it was muffled, it was still really loud. Sugawara makes a turn towards two empty chairs in the front porch colored a nice light and dark grey with striped patterns. In front of it was a glass coffee table with a few empty and full cups of beer.

Suga set his cup beside the others, and sat on the far left chair, while I sat on the right, waiting for an explanation of why he had brought me out here. It wasn't as if I was angry, but simply wondering. "It's nicer out here. I saw you were pretty uncomfortable all alone, so I thought we could just stay out here for a little," he explained, while the dim porch light bulb hung above his head, making his platinum hair appear gleaming. He wasn't wrong, I was pretty stressed about being alone for measly ten seconds.

"Yeah, you guessed right." I fiddle with my fingers, taking in and off the ring wrapped around one of them. "I don't know why, but I'm just not feeling up for a party tonight. Usually, I'd be the one telling everybody to go so we could enjoy it. So much for wearing something I usually wouldn't, right? If I had known people were gonna start swimming I wouldn't have even come." I huff, leaning over onto my knees. Today was tiring, and being forced to a party wasn't what I expected.

    As if he read my mind, he asks, "did something piss you off today? Was it your father? You didn't get to tell me how that went. I don't mean to be intruding on your life or anything, I just wanna know."

   I sigh lazily, leaning over to prop my elbows onto my knees as I gazed towards the moon. It was nice today and covered in small clouds. "It's nothing, really. I just got into this argument— this fight with him. He tried taking me somewhere nostalgic and then tried putting on this entire 'good father persona, while I just sat there dreading every moment of it. You have no idea how much torture it was." At the simple description, I can already feel my eyes watering. God, how much would I cry today? How many times would it be until Suga would go at least one hang out without me breaking down in front of him?! "Anyway, I told him how I felt. And all he could say is 'sorry', after what I explained to him. How he didn't deserve to try and boss me around as if he were even there when I self-harmed. Instead, I had to go to some grey-haired boy in the corner of my math class, right?" I giggle, sniffing up any fluids that left my red nose. Thankfully, Sugawara understands and doesn't hold back a cute snort.

  "I'm sorry. I know what it's like to have a bad relationship with a father, trust me. And you don't deserve that. From what I know, you're such a strong, beautiful, good person, and although you grew up without them, I think you did a great job finding yourself." Although my eyes are closed, I can still imagine the way he looked at me, and the sweet stare he gave. What I couldn't imagine was his hand pressed on my knee, with his thumb softly massaging it. "You're a great girl, you know. Don't let him ruin your confidence."

   As expected, a cheeky smile on his pretty pale face is what I see when I open my eyes, as well as a few fewer students outside of the house. But now that we're mostly alone, I don't bother feeling as if I have to hide from anybody. "Thank you. It means so, so much." My voice wobbles in the cold air, meantime one of his thumbs made its way towards my cheek to wipe the large tears that bounced on my bottom lashes.

   "It's no issue. I'm only telling you the truth," he speaks, pulling his hand back into his lap. Soon after, he sat back in his chair, looking up at the sky that painted many glittering stars, and a pale white moon. I do so too, letting every emotion leave my body with each breath. Talking with Sugawara was as if being in heaven, if only for a split second. I wished that it could last at least two, or three, or even an entire minute. "Y/n, do you... do you wanna leave?"

   My eyebrows curl at his question. "What do you mean by that?"

  Before being able to thoroughly ask him more questions, he quickly clears things up. "I mean I don't wanna be here anymore, and I know you don't either. As you said, 'I'm not in a party mood.' I brought my car, and I'm not drunk. Not tipsy either. Do you just wanna hang out somewhere else?" He looks down at his wrists again, picking at his cuticles while waiting for my response. For a second I think about why I came. It was only so that Miya would trust that Giki brought guests. I'm sure that now she had at least four hundred people in her house she wouldn't mind. And besides that, I didn't know where we would go, or if we would get in trouble.

     But in his luck, he was right; I didn't wanna be here.

—

Sugawara and I both agreed I'd meet him at the front door after I said bye to Giki. He brought up a clever idea that I should probably tell at least one of my friends we were leaving, or else they'd grow defensive and act as if I were kidnapped. And so, I'm approved to leave and plan to waste no time getting out of this house.

That is until I encounter what feels like a ghost.

"Y/n," my name is heard from a mouth, sending me to glance to my right. Looking up, there stood Oikawa, someone so distant, yet so familiar. All I could do is stare back at him, blinking a few times to check that I wasn't hallucinating some figure. He was tall, and his build was skinny but muscular, just like when we were kids. Except now, he looked more of a man than a boy. He ran a hand in his brown hair, turning towards me completely instead of a sneaky side stare. I had begged the gods to keep him away from me, but here we were.

Toru had no business being at this party— a Karasuno party— so why was he? Is this to run into me? Or maybe Toruku? So many thoughts ran through my mind, yet all I could do is stand there, staring at him. "W-why are you here?" I hesitate to ask, followed by one of his awkward laughs.

He rubs the back of his head, saying, "I was invited? Why else? I thought I would see you here, but I didn't mind. But if you are, does that mean Toruku is too?" I didn't understand why he wanted to know about us, but I also didn't care. I didn't need to be so stressed about this tonight. "Wow— I can't believe it's you. I thought... I thought you—"

"What, killed myself?"

"N-no! No, of course not. I just thought you moved again. At least that's what you told everybody. Iwa and I had been trying to get a hold of you guys recently because it being our third year. We...we thought it was best to say bye properly, y'know?" Even though his voice is so low, I can still hear him over the blasting music and obnoxious talking. "Listen, I just. I just wanna see how you guys doing. I know you're in a band now. That's cool, right?"

I nod, with an expressionless face. Annoyed, I cross my arms and relax my posture. "Yeah, I guess. I heard you're at a preppy little school now. Isn't that fitting?" An unexpected attitude is heard in my tone, which soon made me feel a bit sorry. But what was I to say? He can't expect to get so close to me after three years. This conversation is useless. I need to go.

Oikawa takes notice of this and has no second thought of grabbing one of my hands, requesting for me to stay. "Please, I wanna talk more. I..I have so much to say. Can I at least have your number?"

I attempt to resist his grip on my fist, but he simply pulls back harder. He must really wanna talk. I say, "I have to go right now. We can talk some other time. Please, just let me go." All of a sudden, another arm is wrapped around my wrist, but not Toru's. Instead, it's Sugawara, giving him the most intimidating stare. Both setters stare at each other for long seconds, before Suga gently slid his hand from my wrist to my hip, as the warmth of his fingers makes my back curl.

"Is everything alright, babe?" He asked, looking down and smiling at me. Ahh, I get it. The old boyfriend-saving trick. He makes sure to give Oikawa a two-faced smile, letting him know he would be able to confront me no longer. Going along with his ploy, I lean on him, grabbing his arm in security. "I'm fine," I mumble, looking anywhere else but towards Oikawa. "Let's just go."

—

  Closing the front door that I had walked into just about an hour ago, Sugawara let go of my hand, "Who was that? Why were they so demanding?" He asks, looking at me for a response. Although I try to act toned down, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by everything. But luckily, I'd just for tonight, I could escape from my problems.

  "Just an old friend. Thank you, though. I didn't feel like talking with them."

Sugawara and I walk towards the end of the street, where he has said his car was. And once we'd reached it, he pulled open the door for me, and I sat in the passenger seat. It wasn't a big car, but it wasn't small either. Its paint consisted of a darker matte grey, and inside the seats were beige leather. He had two small cans of car freshener; one lavender, the other cherry almond. Hanging from the rearview mirror was a string attached to a small volleyball plush and a necklace. I wasn't sure what the necklace was about, but it wasn't any of my business. Overall, it was a nice car, which I could tell was kept clean.

"Sorry if it's messy, or weird looking. I just got it last year so I'm still kind of beginning to get used to it."

   An entire year? Looking over at Suga I say, "if you don't mind me asking, why has it taken so long?" He swallows hard, tapping his fingers on the black leather that covered the steering wheel. "It was my moms. She gave it to me before she passed away." He says, stuttering. It seemed that Suga wasn't very comfortable talking about this subject. "A-And besides that, it took me a little to learn how to drive. I only ever take it when I don't have a ride somewhere. Other than that, it stays at home."

What he said had cleared up some things I was wondering about: why hadn't he taken it to school? But now that I was aware of the situation, I thought it's best to not ask. "Oh. Well, that's okay. There's no need to be ashamed or anything," I tell him, backing up my words with a sweet tone. "I don't take loss very well. Not any better than you did, at least."

"Ha! You have no idea." Surprisingly, a remark leaves his mouth, soon followed by an apology. "Sorry, that came out rude." His low voice cracks at the last word. I felt nothing but sorry for Suga at the moment. Whatever he didn't tell me about in the kitchen was itching his ear this entire time, and I wouldn't go on without knowing what it was.

  He licks his soft lips and folds his hands within each other. I assumed it was about some girl, why wouldn't it be? Suga is truly a handsome young man— a man— not a boy. I wouldn't blame any other teenage girl to fall head over heels for him, but I wouldn't be okay with somebody causing him trouble. After what I've heard about Sugawara, he didn't deserve any more dreadful events to occur in his timeline. "What's up with you, Suga? You seem upset today. Well, not upset, more like down. But are you okay?"

  "I'm fine. I just got in this fight with my dad today about volleyball. He makes it such a big deal, more than before my mom died. I think he just worries I'll end up throwing my life away. But after everything, it feels like that doesn't even matter," he explains, as the engine now roared, and I quickly strapped on my seat belt. "Anyway, where do you wanna go, hm?"

   I look out the window, as we begin to pass the house that held so many. But soon we reach the end of the street, and almost all of the noise is gone. If only for a few hours, I can finally relax. "I dunno. I just wanna leave."

"Maybe you wanna get some clothing from your house? I can drive you there, and we can go somewhere else afterward," Sugawara mentions, shifting his vision towards me if only for a second. But I deny it. I wouldn't wanna be anywhere near home right now, or at least home is what they call it. For me, it's simply a hollow shell full of regret.

"No. I don't wanna go home." I turn my head towards Suga, whose eyebrows raised in surprise at my demand. "I don't even care if I'm uncomfortable. I just.. I just don't wanna go home."

"I don't either." He smiles meekly. "Look, I have a t-shirt in the back. But it's only a t-shirt, nothing more"

"That's okay. I snuck pajama shorts under my dress tonight," I giggle, lifting the blue skirt to reveal bright pink cotton shorts with cartoon monkeys and bananas covering them. "So, where to after?"

"I'm not sure. I think I'll just park at this old skatepark I know, and we can just stay there for a while until you decide we wanna go."

  "Orr," I make a request. "We could stay there all night. I don't mind sleeping in the trunk or something, that's what makes it an adventure, right?"

  Sugawara shrugs, as a smile appears on his face. Soon, we're out of the neighborhood, and out on the main road, where anywhere go is a mystery to me. "I.. I dunno. What if your parents get angry at me? What if you get in trouble?"

"I don't think they will, Suga. They don't care much." Quickly, I begin to unstrap my heels, placing them next to my feet, and take off my seat belt. To his surprise, I instantly climb towards the back seats of his car, getting low immediately after I succeeded. "You said the t-shirt was back here?" I ask him, glancing to the middle seat. Usually, if you pulled it down, there was a compartment that had a shortcut to the trunk. I put two fingers between the small loop the divided the seats and the storage, pulled it back, and pushed a small button that pulled back. Surely, my predictions were correct.

"Hey— be careful back there. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." Sugawara says, without any notion that I had done times many times before when I went out with the band. Carefully, I reach my hand into the dark space, feeling and touching on items that might feel like a t-shirt. The only thing that is in reach is a duffel bag, a volleyball, and a box until I catch hold of thick cloth.

Carefully pulling it out of the dark, I observe thoroughly, to discover it's a jacket of some sort. When I cautiously unfold it, I reveal a large hoodie, with big orange letters painted on the front, 'Karasuno.' "Oh, you can just wear that if you'd like. I don't mind, and besides, it's not dirty or anything." Suga turns briefly to glimpse at me who help the sweater, making sure to adjust his eyes back onto the road afterward.

  "Haha, just don't look," I chuckle, bowing behind his seat for furthermore privacy, before carefully but hastily pulling the blue dress over my head. Finally, I'm released from its threshold. Then, I take the hood, and slide it over my torso, and pull it down. The size was just perfect for me to lounge in. Once I'm comfortable, I toss the dress into the front seat and make my way there too.

"Thanks, Suga. I didn't wanna be in that all night. Anyway, where are we going again? To a skate park? Great, do you have skateboards?" I asked, digging in my purse for some extra socks. Once I find some, I pull them over my feet, glad that the ache of the heels was almost over with.

  "Uh, no. I don't know how to skate. But my friends usually come here a lot, and there's never any security, so if you'd like we can just stay here for a while until you wanna go home." He says, pulling into a small lot with a few small buildings around it. The further he drove went to show that it was a skate park. In fact, one of my favorites. When he finds a spot that isn't too obvious to the main street, he parks his car and rests both hands on his thighs. "It's nice out here, isn't it?"

   I agree, nodding whilst staring at the lit-up park that contained many loops and poles for tricks. "Yeah. Listen, thank you for rescuing me from Miya's. I know you probably had better plans than to have to take me here." As the words leave my mouth, I realize how strange it was that we left and decided to hang out for a while. Although Sugawara was a friend, I still had much to learn about him, including his instincts.

  "Uhm, Suga?" I utter, avoiding contact with him. But even so, I still sense his stare. After grabbing his attention, I ask, "I don't mean to sound like a loser, but why're you so accepting? Not that it's bad, it's that I haven't really met anyone other than my close friends that actually enjoy spending time with me. You're just.. very flexible. You make time for people, you're helpful, you're caring. I wanna know what makes you that way?"

   The question stirs in Suga's mind, bringing about a long silence. For me, I always perceive people to be too careless and flamboyant. Yes, I try to look at both sides of the stories, but I always let people's opinions get to me. It's what makes me so insecure about letting people get to know who I really am. "After everything that happened, I decided that I wasn't who I wanted to be. I'm not saying I completely love who I am, but I try to be a better person. Especially to people that mean a lot to me."

   "Oh, yeah. I get it." I say, leaning my head back in the seat. "After everything that happened at the beginning of high school, I decided it was best to pick myself up. I wasn't gonna achieve anything by sitting around and throwing my life away, right? I think I'm just confused because.. well... after being comfortable with who I am, I don't let people get to know me. I just feel like everybody is too judgmental, and I'm gonna seem like I'm still a burnout."

  "I get it. But people do change, Y/n. People like us. I guess— time flies so fast. Everyone changes so quickly that in a blink of an eye, your entire perspective of something is completely altered, and everyone you know— or at least used to— they're on a completely different level than what you expected. It feels like you're realizing that it's not as simple as you thought. It's realizing that you'll be somewhere totally different than four years from now. You've gotta have that realization things are never gonna stay the same." As much as I wanted to deny it, Sugawara was right. Even if I'm somebody who's approved by everyone, I'm still my own person, whether they like it or not. How I develop has only to do with me, and no one else. "And besides, you're a very likable person, Y/n. I'm sure you don't have to worry about being enough for other people. You're more than enough."

  I couldn't help but chuckle bashfully at his sentence. "Yeah, I bet you say that to all the girls you let in your car," I say jokingly, meeting eyes with Sugawara. But he isn't laughing very much, just lightly smiling, and shaking his head 'no'.

  Suddenly, one of his hands meets with my cheek, brushing against the peach fuzz that stood upon it. I could do nothing more than stare at him, observing the way his chest rose so fast while doing so."Y/n," he mumbles, making my heart beat faster than light speed itself. His eyes did more than observe every inch of my expression but search for something other than panic. "I'd like for you to know that you're someone so incredibly valuable. You're beautiful and talented and sweet. God, you're so sweet. Don't let anybody tell you you're anything less, which includes yourself."

  "Kou," I whimper to him, placing my hand on his, and feeling his thumb slide towards the corner of my lips while feeling him come closer towards me. Any longer I waited for him to touch mine would have resulted in a heart attack.

  "What is it?" He whispers, oblivious to the action of parting my lips with his finger, feeling against their softness. What made it even more desirable was the way he stared at them, imitating the way they would move when kissing him. And I did so, impatiently waiting for him to touch them, I demand of him, "Koushi, kiss me already. Please, I want to. I.. I do."

  Sugawara rapidly grabs my wrists to make sure I don't squirm and finally takes initiative to press my lips against his. At first, he feels them softly, but once I show the bit of resistance, he soon lets go of one wrist and grabs the back of my neck, bringing it closer to him than ever. Our mouths can barely get rest, inflicting a dangerous amount of sharp intake from our noses. Every second of being gripped in his hold felt so much more heated than I had expected. If I wasn't such a prude, I probably would have gone further as to let him kiss my neck.

   The small groans that echoed throughout my throat made the both of us feel just as nervous as before, but still, it made the process of making out more enjoyable. Especially the heat of his mouth, along with the way his tongue grazed mine ever so gently. With the way that Sugawara had kissed me, I couldn't remember a time I had ever kissed someone so meaningfully as this. So passionate, and loving.

  So damn long.

—

Hey guys, thank you for making it so far in the chapter. I know it was a long one. Pls remember to note and comment! Love you all <3

- estrxlar