#instantly a queer relationship it makes no sense at all if you're a woman with a man that's a straight relationship and it doesn't make you

[radelenagreco]

okay

[sierradeaton]

re-contextualizing my life through the lens that i've always been a lesbian made so many things that confused me once suddenly click into place and i realize the discomfort, the heart-gripping panic and sinking feeling in my stomach when a guy kissed or touched me, anxiety so bad i could barely breathe, like that's not actually... normal... for someone who like guys. i just thought if i continued doing it then it would feel right which feels cliche & fucking oblivious to me now but i've never felt more true to myself than realizing i am a lesbian and it really empowers me as a person who's not cis and uncomfortable with many parts of so called "womanhood" yet i connect to it through loving other women and that core bond at the root of female relationships that's completely unmatched by another kind of bond in the closeness and warmth it brings you. i don't feel forced to accept a part of me i don't want or be a "woman" in the way i'm "supposed" to and just assumed automatically without careful consideration that of COURSE i liked men, but i just liked women too - i liked everyone, so i was bisexual. yet when faced with the prospect of ever being in a relationship with a man again, i instantly recoil and i know that it doesn't make me feel safe and in alignment with myself and my identity and i must have always known that deep down in my heart and that was the core of the sickening feeling i had in my gut every time i was locked into an intimate situation with a man and i felt trapped, claustrophobic and suffocated like being smothered. the true freedom, relief, and release i feel knowing my sexuality is something i never imagined i'd experience or even knew existed although i was so proud to be bisexual at the time and truly thought it described me. it's so important to understand how fluid sexuality is and how it's on this weird sliding scale with gender where it all fucks up and interacts and that's why queer is such a great word for all that fuckery when you're not sure how to describe it all at first, and it takes careful consideration to know what label or identity is truly right for you and no one should ever be locked into choosing one. i feel like i've understood myself better and more clearly now than i ever have, like blinders are off looking back at my life, and it's honestly thrilling to feel this sense of belonging knowing you're home.