#insp. by Ben Shapiro's one

[doodlesandbooks]

Ranking Star Wars movies

Its almost May the fourth, and this was inspired by Ben Shapiro’s terrible version so, I thought I might give it a go. Its ok if you disagree with me, since this is purely opinion based (mostly) almost all versions of this ranking can be correct. (you know subjective... in the eyes of the audience... etc) 

plz no hate... I’m fragile lol. 

Ok so 2 quick things

1, I’m sorry, it starts out pretty angry and critical but then steadily gets more happy and praise filled, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I have been very passionate.

2. I will not insult the actors. The actors all did a good job. I do mention if something is particularly great. but they were doing what they were told and doing it well. It’s not my place to diss actors, I’m here to criticise the movies. 

Starting from worst moving up to best: 

1 The Force Awakens. 

what. even. was. this. I actually get so angry thinking about it. 

2 The Last Jedi. 

why. Luke was so great. why did they substitute him for Jake Skywalker and then just. ugh. so bad. 

3 The Rise of Skywalker 

the only reason that this is higher than the others. and the only reason I am not dancing around its corpse’s bonfire screaming was the acting. The actors were really good. At moments I even liked Rey because of how hard Daisy Ridley worked to make her character compelling. that’s as far as the praise goes I’m afraid. It nullified Vader and Luke’s sacrifice and I cannot stand for that. At all. I’m getting angry even thinking about Palatine and the cloning thing and arrrrggghh. I’m going to stop before I cry. 

Also, identity theft is not Ok, Rey. 

4 The Phantom Menace. 

I did not dislike this as a film... I actually liked Jar Jar Binks, buuutt... it wasn’t quite as good as the others. I also really didn’t love the neimiodians. But it did introduce Darth Maul and Duel of the Fates, so kudos. (also I love Liam Neeson as Qui Gon) and I didn’t really dislike little Ani’s introduction into the franchise.

I think some of it was catered towards children, and although many people have said children would like it better if it wasn’t or that it was a poor decision, my 7 year old sister said it was her favourite Star Wars out of the originals and the two prequels she could watch... so I guess that Lucas was right to include cute stuff kids would like... (she’s not old enough for the battle of heroes final bit yet, we’ll see if she changes her mind later!)

5 Attack of the Clones

SO I actually loved Hayden Christiansen’s acting. He did a really good job. All of them did, but I felt obliged to say that to rebuff the honest trailers’ cruelty about this particular film. I thought mildly creepy teenage dork Padawan Anakin (or Padawanakin as my family has dubbed him) worked pretty well. Ok, so a lot of the dialogue was not great, but mullet Kenobi was awesome, I found the romance compelling... (although, I’m not sure if that’s just cause I identified with Anakin’s social blundering) and I really loved the introduction of Kamino. Also. Clones! Count Dooku was great too, anything with Christopher Lee is a big win ... Also I loved Padme’s costume design so much. That lovely pastel gradient one by the lake was just -chef kiss- awesome... ok I’m done now sorry... 

“I don’t like sand” is a good line and you can fight me.

6 A New Hope. 

This is where the ranking gets complicated because I love all of them. (I loved TPM and AOTC too but yeah) 

the gap between the caliber of the films gets less and less vast as we go but now it gets tricky. so if you disagree from here on in, fine. 

I loved a new hope, but the reason its only 6 is because I didn’t get that invested in the characters first movie in. (that I think is where TPM gets it right) as a little girl I would frequently dress up as princess leia’s iconic look. I love this movie. great climax, great pay off, great characters. Great acting. Just a really solid movie with good world building and interesting characters. 

Also, its nice to see a less macho dude as the hero, right? Rather than blundering about and aggressively quipping on his friends, Luke is kind and genuine and I liked seeing that in a male lead. 

7 Empire Strikes Back. 

See. I told you ranking was getting tricky. 

This movie was phenomenal and break through when it came out. I think I had heard the ‘I am your father’ trope before I watched the movie, unlike people who watched it for the first time, so that may be why its not higher on my list. But Yoda and Luke and Vader were awesome. Princess Leia was both feminine and badass, which as a little girl watching it, inspired me. and Han Solo is just really really really awesome. 

8. AAaahhh. I don’t know. I love both of these films like tonnes. but. 

Revenge of the Sith. 

Ok. beautiful Shakespearean style tragedy climax. Padme’s tragic wonderfulness. Obi Wan freaking Kenobi. Palpetine’s subtle awful cruelness. The tragic hero war veteran trying so hard but ultimately failing in the end, Anakin Skywalker. Hello there. General Grievous was really cool. Hayden’s acting was incredible. I believed that Anakin was deeply conflicted and  wrapped around Palpetine’s finger the whole time, I genuinely could feel his every sadness and fear, his sorrow and his hate. It was beautifully acted. that Window scene with Padme and Anakin. the battle of Heroes. Such a wonderfully done film. I understand if there where some qualms about dialogue and pacing, but I genuinely loved it. this movie was a dark awful look at war and the people it scars and the tragic fall of an emotionally vulnerable and hurt young man. It is one of my favourite movies. 

9 Return of the Jedi. 

the only reason this is higher up on the list than ROTS is because it felt a little more...? nicely... something... polished maybe? I don’t know. 

This was a childhood favourite. Leia, again, badass. Han, again, badass. Luke and Leia being twins? As a little twin myself this was so cool to me! Ewoks... even they worked! not sure about troopers vs ewoks bit, but when you don’t think about it too hard its still badass. and I genuinely almost cried when unnamed Ewok 1 crouched over dead unnamed Ewok 2. I don’t cry at films. it is impressive that the lest compelling bit of the film compelled me enough to drive me almost to tears. 

Luke vs emperor vs Vader. I don't have enough room to fan girl here. I loved it. The more I learn of Vader and Luke, the better it gets. Luke almost turning to the dark side but not because he saw what it did to his father, Vader struggling with that inner conflict until finally, his pure love for his son overcame the twisted sad love for his abuser. That beautiful, beautiful moment where Vader is forgiven by Luke. Forgiven for everything that he did... he was redeemed with his last breath. thinking about this almost makes me cry even now. he was accepted into the force and joined Obi Wan and Yoda, even after everything he had done. Luke’s grace and love and hope are just beautiful. I love Luke Skywalker because of how hopeful and wonderful he is. and it’s not naive hope, it’s just hope. True. Genuine hope that he carries with him to the end. 

And that moment between Leia and Han and the end when the Death Star blows up, it summed up their relationship beautifully and was a lovely thing to watch. They worked so well together and it was wonderfully brought together by that moment. The quiet joy of Vader’s funeral and the loud hearty joy across the galaxy. 

This move was so beautiful. 

There we go. I’m done now. 

ooh, wait I forgot some, I liked the clone wars but it wasn’t perfect, like rebels, loved Rogue one, meh about the clone wars movie (what was that art style?), didn’t love but didn’t hate Solo. I think that's all of them. :)