#initially i had him say “aalto” but that felt too much | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kelpiemist · 4 years ago

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Far Far Away In The Hundred Acre Woods (Where My Heart Lay) (1/2)

The first thing that Obi-Wan ever remembers is a bear. It’s not big, or growly, or furry like the stuffed tooka that Bruck is hoarding, nor is it colourful and fluffy like the loth cat that Bant is happily playing with Garen at one corner. No, the bear is old and worn and when Obi-Wan’s gaze rests on the smaller, shy bear, he thinks that he loves it.

He loves the way that the light shines off the bear’s yellow-like-the-sun fur. He loves the way that the red on the shirt (red-like-fire-and-energy) reminds him of passion and braveness and strength that he doesn’t have right now but that’s okay because Master Dolan says that they’ll get it later. He loves the way that the Force sings around it, and the way that the bear’s eyes are kind and loving and it doesn’t judge him like Bruck does.

A giggle erupts from his mouth, and he crawls forward on his hands and feet towards the bear. Nobody spares them a glance and Obi-Wan likes it. He doesn’t like it when it takes him forever to reach the bear-that-the-Force-loves. His limbs ache but as he comes to a stop in front of the special bear, he thinks that it is worth it.

The bear smiles at him. Obi-Wan’s mouth falls open in shock.

The Force laughs joyfully and it wraps them both together in a blanket of love.

--------- ---------

The bear is called Winnie-The-Pooh and he is Obi-Wan’s bestest friend. Winnie-The-Pooh takes him on adventures in a hidden forest that shines with life and love. Winnie-The-Pooh shows Obi-Wan a whole new world that is filled with tenderness and warmth and no meanies like Bruck or Aalto.

He meets other people too. There is Piglet, small, shy Piglet who feels bright and kind and doesn’t mind when Obi-Wan hides in his house after a bad day at the Jedi Temple. There is Tigger, who feels energetic and fun in the Force and Obi-Wan can feel his protective love curling like a warm bonfire even as they go play pranks and annoy Rabbit together.

Rabbit, who is stern and always yells at Tigger, even as Obi-Wan can always feel his fond exasperation at the others’ antics. Rabbit, who plays leap-frog with Obi-Wan into mud puddles, and carefully cleans him up and then hands him a carrot for ‘good behaviour’, whatever that is.

It is fun and good, but then, one time, it’s not.

He meets Eeyore one gloomy day, when it is raining and the Woods feel sad. Eeyore is huddled near a small pile of broken sticks and something inside Obi-Wan’s chest twinges painfully as he senses the misery and loneliness radiating out of his new friend. So, Obi-Wan builds his new friend a house made of sticks and he pours his love and friendship into it.

Eeyore smiles and they sit together, watching the river gush by, even as the Woods brighten and smile down at them.

-------- --------

Obi-Wan doesn’t tell anyone about Winnie-The-Pooh and the magic Woods. He doesn’t even tell Bant or Garen or Reeft and he feels a bit guilty. But only a little, because the Woods and Pooh were his secrets and he would guard it jealously until the day he died.

Which was, to him, a long, long time.

------- --------

Somewhere along the line, Winnie-The-Pooh becomes just Pooh.

The first time that Pooh hugs him, Obi-Wan is confused and to be honest, he felt a little awkward because he had to bend down and stuff. He tells this to Pooh, patting his friend’s back cautiously and enjoying the feeling of arms around him, comforting and protecting.

“A hug is always the right size.” Pooh tells him, smiling and a second later, Obi-Wan joins him too. They smile and smile, until their jaws ache from happiness and the sun goes pastel-and-warm even as it sinks well below the clouds.

------- ------

Pooh teaches him how to collect honey so Obi-Wan teaches his best friend how to use a lightsaber. Well, okay, it’s only a training ‘saber, but still cool. Pooh is surprisingly good with a ‘saber so Obi-Wan suggests that he become a Jedi. Pooh gets that sad look on his face, which Obi-Wan doesn’t like so he changes the subject until he and his best friend are playing and laughing in the Hundred Acre Woods again.

The Force hums in happiness around them.

-------- -------

Pooh calls him Cristopher Robin one day, and Obi-Wan likes it.

He likes not being Obi-Wan the clumsy oaf, or Obi-Wan the hot-tempered Initiate with too much passion and anger. The name Cristopher Robin feels nice on his tongue and for once, it feels good not to pretend to be someone he’s not. He tells his secret friends that he’s changing his name and they accept it.

They accept him.

Rabbit smiles and points out that the ‘Robin’ in Christopher Robin has the word ‘Obi’ in it, and Obi-Wan likes his secret name even more.

------- --------

He asks Pooh how large is a hundred acre.

His best friend frowns thoughtfully, before shrugging. “Very big!” Pooh answers happily, and they play tag in the Woods.

Obi-Wan thinks that life is good, and for a short while, he is filled with happiness. It confuses people but that’s okay, because no matter what people say or do, Obi-Wan will hide his Pooh from the rest of the world because Pooh is his secret and he doesn't anyone else to spoil the magic.

------ -------

Life is not good.

He’s going to be thirteen soon, and he’s going to be kicked out because nobody wants him. He doesn’t want to leave the Jedi Temple, disgraced and unwanted. More importantly, he doesn’t want to leave Pooh and the Hundred Acre Woods.

He pushes himself harder, works more and trains harder. He visits the Woods less-and-less because he’s scared. He’s frightened at the possibility that he might say goodbye and he cannot face his friends. Not yet, anyway.

------ ------

Nobody chooses him, and then things happen so fast, and his ribs hurt from where Bruck had attacked him.

He’s almost thirteen, and he’s told he’s not good enough and he’s leaving the Temple soon.

Briefly, as he’s packing his meagre possessions, Obi-Wan wonders when did the Jedi temple stop being his home.

(His heart belongs to the Woods, now and forever.)

------ -------

In the end, he doesn't have a chance to say goodbye. He’s hustled away from the Temple. They put him in a transport ship headed for Bandomeer, where he’ll be a stupid farmer and all his dreams and hopes will be nothing but the ash that people tread upon.

He’s right, in a way. Bandomeer crushes more than his hopes. It crushes him and it is there in the cold, dark mines that he is stripped from his freedom and punished for his thoughts. Terror clouds his mind, because he’s terrified that he’ll be a slave forever, forgotten and swallowed up by the inky darkness and no-one will mourn him because…. because, why would they care for a failed Initiate?

But Qui-Gon comes and saves him and they - together - chase after Xanatos. Obi-Wan has no time to enjoy that together-ness, because Xanatos is evil and he’s gonna kill people and Obi-Wan has to stop him because it is his fault. In a way.

If only he hadn’t been so careless, so stupid.

------ ------

“I’m sorry.” He thinks, remembering Pooh and the Woods. His back presses against the grimy surface of the chilled, metallic wall. A single tear travels down his face as he braces himself for the explosion that will tear him apart.

It never comes.

Qui-Gon takes him as a Padawan. But for once, he’s too tired to care. Instead, he takes comfort in the fact that he’s going home. Not to the Temple, no, but to the Woods and Pooh.

Their journey back is subdued and quiet. Obi-Wan likes the quiet, so he tilts his head, closes his eyes and simply lets himself be. To exist in the moment and to revel in the fact that he’s still alive and maybe, just maybe, everything will turn out okay.

As soon as he has the chance to, Obi-Wan slips away from his new quarters. He heads straight to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. It’s his second favourite place in the Temple.

(The Woods is his favourite, of course, and he knows with a deep certainty that there is nothing anybody can do to change that.)

He squashes down his fears, and heads straight for the Twisty Tree. The Twisty Tree, with a thousand deep grooves and notches and its spindly arms curving this way and that.

Hidden at its base, covered by a sheen of moss and brackle, is the entrance to the Woods, and Obi-Wan feels a joy settle into his weary bones, even as he crawls through the space, a mimicry of the first time when he was a mere baby and crawled towards his Pooh.

He finds his Pooh soon enough. A massive oak tree looms over them in the background, even as their eyes fix on each other and a look of utter happiness settles over his best friend’s face.

“Cristopher Robin,” Pooh cries out joyfully, barrelling forward and tackling him into a big hug.

Obi-Wan hugs the bear back. “I missed you guys.”

——— ———

“You’re braver than you think, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.” Obi-Wan tells his best friend underneath Piglet’s favourite acorn tree. Pooh’s face is hopeful and shining, and Obi-Wan has a sudden lump in his throat.

“Really?” Pooh asks, and Obi-Wan nods without hesitation.

Pooh repeats the phrase through the night, mixing it up here and there even as the pale moonlight continues to shine down at them.

(Obi-Wan leaves Pooh a pot of honey, writes him a quick note that he won't be able to come tomorrow because of assessments, and leaves with a warmth flickering in his heart.)

——— ———

Qui-Gon corners him half-heartedly a few times, in the fear that his new Padawan was doing something illegal. Obi-Wan soothes his concerns with a dimpled smile and a cup of freshly brewed tea.

Qui-Gon is in the middle of thanking the Force that he gained such a wonderful Padawan, when Obi-Wan smirks and quietly reminds him of the time when Qui-Gon was the one to do something illegal during that horrendous Taro Tre mission when he had staked their lives on a very much illegal sabacc game.

Obi-Wan smiles when Qui-Gon spits out his tea in shock, because holy Force, his dutiful Padawan had just sassed him.

———- ———

Melida/Daan happens and it’s a disaster.

The air tastes of ash and death, and there is tremble in Obi-Wan’s lightsaber hand that he is not quite able to hide. The tears sting his eyes, even as he stands his ground. Qui-Gon stares at him with a face filled with betrayal and fury, even as Obi-Wan begs him to stay and help the Young.

Qui-Gon gives him a choice. The Jedi or the Young.

Obi-Wan’s heart pulls him to the Woods, and to the Temple. But the Force howls at him, begging, pleading, even as it shoves visions after visions of what will happen if he doesn’t stay.

Cerasi, blood spilling from her chest -

-Nield, his eyes wide and unseeing, and his body riddled with bloody wounds -

-the ground littered with broken bodies.

Obi-Wan stays.

The shuttle disappears further and further into the atmosphere, and Obi-Wan watches it go. It’s odd, he thinks later, helping Nield reorganise their war efforts once more. He should feel sad or angry.

He should feel something, but he doesn’t.

Then, Cerasi dies anyway, and her blood stains his hands.

He’s lost and terrified, and confused and he wants his Master back. More and more people die and so, one night, he goes behind Nield’s back, chokes down his pride, and begs Master Yoda for help.

-——- ——--

Several long months later, and he’s back at the Temple. He’s more tired and wrung out. He feels sick and guilty and there’s too big a chasm between him and Qui-Gon and he’s scared that his Master will never forgive him.

He hides in the Hundred Acre Woods, unwilling to talk to any of his friends at the Temple.

He stays and broods, until Pooh gives him a red balloon and says quietly, “Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.”

Obi-Wan cracks a smile at that.

——— ———-

He makes Qui-Gon laugh again. Somehow, and it’s totally by accident.

Master Windu comes by to their quarters that day. He and Master Qui-Gon are arguing about something trivial, Obi-Wan isn’t really listening to their conversation. As a dutiful Padawan, he makes them both sapir tea, because it’s his Master’s favourite.

When he comes back to their living space, their conversation has veered onto more… interesting grounds.

“I swear, if you quote that one more time…” Master Windu looks about ready to bang his head against the wall.

“I follow the Will of the Force.” Qui-Gon says angelically, a look of utter innocence plastered on his face.

“Five words.” Master Windu growled, looking pointedly at his friend. “Alderaan. Spice. Pirates. Mating Ritual.”

Qui-Gon flushed, protesting, while Obi-Wan perked up in interest.

“Stubborn gundark.” Master Windu stated loudly, shooting a mischievous look at Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan’s lip quirked upwards, suddenly remembering something that Pooh had once told him.

If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.

It takes him a moment to realise that the room has fallen silent. Master Windu and Qui-Gon are both gaping at him, and he realises that shit, he had said that out loud.

“Um.” He flounders, flushing a bright red. “It’s something that my friend once told me.”

(Master Windu started to look at him with a lot more respect after that. Qui-Gon started to look at him with a lot more glee, and more than once referred to him fondly as his baby-Maverick.)

——- ——-

Tahl dies.

Qui-Gon grieves, and Obi-Wan mourns from afar. He stays more and more in the Woods.

His secret friends try to take turns to cheer him up. Piglet is a quiet presence by his side, offering his support and acting as a sturdy pillar during Obi-Wan’s moment of grief. It means the world to Obi-Wan, and he tells Piglet so.

Piglet stammers for a while, before burying his small, pink head into Obi-Wan’s chest, pulling him into a hug. They stay that way, until Obi-Wan musters enough strength to get up and carry on.

(Qui-Gon locks himself in his room. Obi-Wan stands guard at the door.)

“Tigger’s never go on being sad.” Tigger tells him one afternoon.

“Too bad that Master Qui-Gon isn’t a Tigger.” Obi-Wan murmurs into Tigger’s shoulder. He sniffles. “And you’re the only one.”

The image of Master Qui-Gon with stripes as he bounces from one room to another flits into Obi-Wan’s mind. The Padawan snorts, a hysterical giggle escaping his throat before he finally settles on bursting into tears.

(Qui-Gon stops eating. Obi-Wan endures the hurled insults, even as he forces his Master to eat.)

Eeyore understands his pain, perhaps even more so than the others. Eeyore sits with him and watches the river.

Eeyore is the one that tells him, “It never hurts to keep looking for sunshine.”

(Obi-Wan listens, and he drags Master Qui-Gon out from their quarters to meditate at the Room of A Thousand Gardens. The soothing presence of the Woods hidden nearby strengthens him.)

“I think that he cared for her a lot.” Obi-Wan confides in Pooh. “I think that he loved her.”

(Obi-Wan and Bant make a memorial for Tahl in the Gardens. Their hands tend the ground, pouring light and life into fertile soil until from the dark ashes, a single purple flower blooms.)

———- ———

Obi-Wan’s life is categorised into one disaster after another. There was Before Bandomeer and After. After Melida/Daan. After Master Tahl.

After Naboo.

The flickering flames of the burning pyre draws his gaze, even as he chokes down the grief and pain. Anakin Skywalker stands next to him, small body hunched and eyes terrified and grim even as he watches the body burn. Obi-Wan hesitates slightly, before placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

Anakin tenses slightly, and Obi-Wan thinks that maybe he’s made a mistake. He is about to apologise when Anakin sinks into his touch, small hands clinging to him like a drowning man seeking an anchor.

Obi-Wan holds him, and together, they grieve.

——— ———

He takes Anakin as his Padawan. Yoda and the council disapprove, but he digs his heel into the ground and states clearly so that they can all hear the layer of steel hidden in his voice.

He will train the boy. For Qui-Gon.

It only takes him half-a-month to realise that he loves Anakin. He loves Anakin the way he loved Tahl and Master Qui-Gon and the way that he loves Pooh and Piglet and Tigger and Rabbit and Eeyore.

He loves them like they are his family. Attachments, he thinks viciously, closing his eyes and soaking in Anakin's excited chatter of some droid that he had built back on Tatooine. He loves them all so much, Jedi Code be damned.

He teaches Anakin how to swim, treasuring the memory of the boy’s startled laughter and infectious laugh as he floats lazily in the water. He teaches Anakin how to meditate (uh, Anakin, try closing your eyes. Uh-huh, now breathe and reach out to the Forc- Oi, I said Force, not my foot.)

Of course, being a good master, he also teaches Anakin how to play sabacc, use the Force to cheat in said game, and ten sure-fire ways to start a food-fight in the cafeteria.

So, okay - breathe. He can do this.

—— ��—-

He can’t do this.

Anakin hates him. Anakin wishes that Qui-Gon was here instead of Obi-Wan, that much he had made clear by the yelling he had done earlier when pressed to do his daily meditation.

Obi-Wan doesn’t blame him because he, too, wishes that Qui-Gon was here instead of him.

Qui-Gon would have known what to do. Anakin needed an experienced Jedi Master to guide him, not some half-baked failure of an Initiate who didn’t even take his trials properly.

Obi-Wan grips his river-stone in one hand, sinks against the wall, hugs his knees and cries.

——— ———

He visits the Woods regularly and honestly, it’s not that hard when Anakin disappears for every half-a-second to do Force-knows-what. Obi-Wan just calmly tapes a note to the fridge in their shared quarters, informing Anakin that he’ll be out and then he leaves.

He’s older now, no longer a child running around rampant in a happy daze, but the Woods still appeal to him. It calls to him, drawing him deeper and deeper into its forest. The Force feels amazing here, there’s no other word for it. It coalesces and merges into a steady stream of love and safety that encompasses the whole place.

Obi-Wan loves the Woods, with its steady rivers and lively occupants. It’s the only place that he can let himself simply be. He doesn’t have to be Obi-Wan Kenobi, famed Jedi Master, here. He’s Cristopher Robin and he’s free.

There are traces of him, when he was young and carefree, hiding here and there. A flash of happiness near the river where they played Pooh-sticks. A thrill of excitement near Tigger’s tree. A soothing calm near Rabbit’s farm.

The Woods have grown. In the time that he had been away, three more critters have moved in.

There’s Owl, who lives high above in a tall tree, and loves to talk and talk and talk. Obi-Wan doesn’t want to hurt Owl’s feelings, so he sits there, smiling and nodding even while dying inside with sheer boredom. A happy grin covers his face when he thinks of Kanga and Roo. Kanga, with her cookies and hugs, and the way she cares for all of them. Roo, and his child-like wonder and love pouring from the Force, even as he looks and sees the best in others.

Obi-Wan plays with Roo sometimes. They play leap-frog together when Rabbit’s too busy and sometimes, Obi-Wan will tell Roo stories. He whispers stories of Jedi, strong and powerful. He recites poems from his childhood, poems of seasons changing and celebrating life.

(He tells Roo about that time when Qui-Gon fell into this huge mud puddle during a mission. Roo giggles, wide-eyed as he imagines it and Obi-Wan smiles as he remembers it.)

------ ------

Bloody hell. Kriff, kark and all that. Clones. Seriously, now there were clones. Millions and millions of clones for, what, an army? E chu ta, now he was being tied to a stake in a Force-forsaken arena while his own Grandmaster watched from a first-class seat in the balcony.

And - oh. Hello Anakin, good to see you again so soon. Did you get my message telling you not to come? Yes, well, clearly you must have made some mistake because you’re here and - oh. Hi there, Senator Amidala. Nice to see that Anakin took body-guard duties seriously.

“Master.” Anakin says finally. “Stop glaring at me. You’re doing that internal monologue-thing again, aren’t you? I can tell.”

Padme peers at them curiously while Obi-Wan shrugs. “Maybe.” He admits.

Anakin winces as one of the Geonosians tighten the rope around his hands. “Uh,” He asks. “Am I going on creche duty?”

Obi-Wan looks at him seriously. “Creche duty for ten years. Or at least, until you finally clean your room. Whichever comes first.” He smirked. “Personally, I’m betting my credits on the former, yeah?”

Padme giggles, while Anakin lets out an outraged, squeaking noise.

“Master!”

------ -------

He’s a general in a war.

He’s a general in a war, and he’s breaking slowly but Cody is always there to patch him up, so that’s okay. Force. It’s only been one week, and already, he loves his men.

He watches them clean their armour and crack jokes with each other. He watches them smile and tease each other. He watches them save each other, never leave a man behind because they are brothers and we are all brothers.

He loves them fiercely.

(He vows quietly into the night sky that he will free them one day.)

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