#incidentally there's a great fic where Shang Qinghua is surprised by Mobei Jun's knot

[mycatwantstoeatpins]

[Description: series of tweets from a raconteur of repute (@JohannesTEvans):

Mermaid who's all tentacles who's worried about having sex with her girlfriend bc she doesn't want to hurt her with Too Much vs gf who's like (all caps) give me the tentacles please and thank you (end all caps)

magical sex worker who works with a fae who can turn invisible to do some really fun shots for porn and their (censored) OnlyFans

telepath who comes from a species that doesn't really have orgasms or an equivalent but going down on their partner they (all caps) feel it (end all caps) and they (all caps) very much (end all caps) would like to feel more overstim ahoy

guy calling in sick to work because he just had sex with his merman boyfriend for the first time this morning and he had no idea he was going to lay so many eggs and he can (all caps) kind (end all caps) of move but his shirts don't fit and he has 0 bladder capacity right now

woman who was fully prepared (and excited!) for her werewolf boyfriend's knot but the towels she put down were in (all caps) no way (end all caps) sufficient to cover for the aftermath

guy with the most painful hangover bc his vampire boyfriend drank from him during sex last night and it was extremely hot but the venom is wearing off rn and the low is (all caps) really (end all caps) putting the high in perspective

Same boyfriend awkwardly explains to his doctor a year later that he suspects why anaemia has suddenly become an issue and agrees to take supplements and to limit the Kinky biting sex

woman who comes away from kissing with her spider girlfriend at a party and comes away absolutely sticky with silk

mothman who keeps making noises too high pitched for their lover to actually hear but every time they fuck all the neighbourhood dogs start howling

man who has sex with a fertility god several times and was assured that he can't get pregnant but apparently what (all caps) can (end all caps) happen is that he can spontaneously start lactating between apologies the god is trying not to laugh uproariously

pixie who experimentally sneaks up to try a human's vibrator which is bigger than they are and comes so hard they pass out

snakewoman fucking her girlfriend and she's so into it and she's having a great time and in fact she's (all caps) so into it (end all caps) … she leaves a seal when she pulls out and her girlfriend is like "what is this" and she's like,,, oh my god,,, I will die of the embarrassment

man who has sex with his dryad for the first time and they get really into it it's only afterward he realises the whole room is covered with ivy, bursting with flowers, and that there are roses hanging down from the light fixture he is (all caps) not (end all caps) getting his deposit back

wait wait wait here's my best one yet werewolf with erectile issues who takes viagra and after twelve hours his knot (all caps) still (end all caps) hasn't gone down and his boyfriend is like "babe I know it's embarrassing but we need to call a doctor"

imo sex is funny because it's messy and ridiculous, kink and fetish even more so, and it's something that can be so much fun when treated light-heartedly and adding points of silly bits of messiness to monsterfucking (all caps) really (end all caps) has so much comedic potential

okay but merman who has ink sacs and when he comes too hard-- him and his egg stuffed boyfriend (all caps) covered (end all caps) in sticky black ink and the boyfriend is like. I want to be angry at you but the idea that you have ink sacs bc there's something big enough to predate on you terrifies me

(all caps) wait (end all caps) werewolf boyfriend who hasn't told his boyfriend he's a werewolf yet and it's the day before the full moon and he keeps going, oh, maybe, maybe we shouldn't, oh I have another appointment, I don't have time-- and the boyfriend is (all caps) completely (end all caps) caught out by the knot

vampire who plays into his boyfriend's kink but he barely feels it even when his boyfriend spanks his arse as hard as he can and the vampire (all caps) three times (end all caps) accidentally breaks the restraints his boyfriend has him in

(all caps) wait wait (end all caps) vampire into painplay and denial whose girlfriend wears pure silver piercings through her nipples and her clit so that He Can't Touch

/end description]

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