#in. we stayed at a friend's last night until 1am and we were overjoyed by the presence of his drunk roommates and their friends even though

[petrichorvoices]

we didn't realize how much we missed school. we're getting back into the swing of things and it's wonderful, it's so healing. yes i would love to take notes from the textbook, please inform me about the presentation you're giving, i'd be happy to meet with you this Friday to discuss what i missed last class

[strrawberrii]

wildflower {one}

What happens when you start to fall out of love with your husband? What happens when that husband is Kim Namjoon?

pairing: idol husband Namjoon x reader

tag / warnings: mild allusions to smut but very briefly and very much just about y/n remembering how things used to be, Namjoon’s long fingers and not much else.

author note: thank you to everyone who liked the preview!! I’m excited to continue wildflower and I hope you like this chapter!!

The descent down the elevator made my stomach churn. Yumi bounced up and down without a care in the world while I just stared blankly at the reflection in the elevator door. Who even was this person staring back at me? She was so unknown at this point. My life practically just consisted of being a single mother with the ever constant absence of my husband. I had no job to speak of, no career...no dream. Not anymore as that had long been given up in favor of Namjoon and his pursuit and career; his dream.

Thoughts raced through my head a mile a minute as the ding signaled that we were at our destination and as I began to walk Yumi to her preschool all I could think about was the man upstairs in our apartment. How much of myself had I given at this point? How much was there even left to give?

“Mommy!” My thoughts were interrupted by Yumi. My Yumi who looked so much like her father the older she got I was starting to get scared that no part of her would resemble me; the person who has cared for her more often than not.

“What love?” She was still so small and every fiber of my being felt like I needed to stay in the situation I was in just to appease her childhood and make it the most positive environment I could. But I was also starting to become so broken down at this point I wasn’t sure I could feel any kind of love or otherwise and that scared me above all. Who was I becoming? So callus and worn down that nothing, not even the return of my husband, could make me feel a positive emotion? He was, after all, the person that was supposed to do just that. Our life together had started off so great, so full, but now it was dying and at this point I was starting to let it.

“Aren’t you excited? Daddy's home!” Excited was an extreme overstatement but I couldn’t exactly tell her that so I just smiled and beckoned her forward into the preschool doors. She was still enamored by her father and it broke my heart to think of him; no longer my Namjoon. He was such a stranger to me as he was never home and it terrified me to go back to the apartment and continue my normal routine. So much so that I walked the city for hours until it felt like blisters had found my feet and I could finally go back to collect Yumi. To my surprise and horror however, as I arrived back at her school, someone was already there waiting.

“Hey Love,” Frowning as my husband stood at my approach and smiled at me, I made sure to stop far enough out of his reach so that from a distance it looked as how I felt; that we were strangers to each other. “I thought I would surprise you both since you never came home.”

“Surprised indeed.” I continued to frown as he stood there; tall, broad, and totally handsome and so totally not mine. “I thought you didn’t even know where Yumi went to school.” Even though my words were seething he didn’t flinch like expected. Instead he beamed again and started to approach me.

“You don’t give me enough credit. Now,” He went to sling an arm around my shoulder and I flinched, moving away. He gave me a dark look but didn’t press on the matter and instead moved forward towards the door. “Let’s get our daughter.”

I paused in the inbetween - hanging completely. If I moved forward I would have to brush past him but if I stayed behind our daughter would be left waiting. Moving forward ever so slightly and slowly so that precious Yumi wouldn’t be left wondering where I was, Namjoon’s chest came in contact with my shoulder and as he moved forward he pressed hard against my back.

“Babe,” He said low and in my ear, sending chills up my spine. “Don’t look so disgusted. You’re mine after all.”

***

To say that Namjoon being around Yumi made her exuberant was an understatement and she always got this way when he came home, for however brief it may be. She was simply too overjoyed. Too young to understand that this was all just temporary. That this man, who used to be our Namjoon, was just going to leave again and in the process leave us behind; alone and waiting. He would go off like he always did; travel constantly, go and see the world, get showered by love and compliments by enamoured fans all the while we struggled silently because he wasn’t there to see our pain and comfort us. He wasn’t there to see the aftermath of devastated Yumi who demanded she slept in his spot until she felt okay again. He wasn’t there to help with the havoc he created just by being.

But I knew the truth about him.

How cruel he could be, how dark. How he monitored my friends and forbade me to become one with any other man that wasn’t in his inner circle. How he insisted that he have a tracker on my phone, even to monitor me when he was away. How he would ghost me for weeks at a time and later claim that it was all work, that things were too overwhelming and he just couldn’t deal with it and us all at the same time and he needed to prioritize. But then, watching all the content they would put out to appease little Yumi’s desire to see her father even when he was on the other side of the world and I couldn’t bear the thought of looking at him, I would catch glimpses of him having true fun and it would just make my skin crawl.

I couldn’t be happy for him, not anymore.

Not after all those times we needed him since he just reminded me of so many horrible things now. Not after that time Yumi had the flu and was puking and shivering and running the highest fever she had ever had and I cried myself to sleep once her fever broke and I could rest. Not when she was so small and tiny, in the hospital begging for her father as I sat there and tried to be both, tried to soothe her, tried anything I could to comfort our daughter and felt so terribly rejected every time she asked for Namjoon. Not when he was off somewhere filming, performing, enjoying his life without us.

“Love,” He interrupted my thoughts as I sat at the table with him long after Yumi went to bed. Namjoon actually took the time to play with her before shutting himself in his studio just in time for me to do all the ugly work of making her go to sleep. “You’re picking at your hands and they are starting to bleed. Stop,” He was so quick, so unbelievably quick, as he grabbed my hands and enveloped them in his massive ones. Long fingers curled around mind and he looked at me again; darkly. I knew what he was thinking in that moment but the last time he touched me like that, with those long fingers, was right after Yumi had been born. He was gone too often, smelt of different smells and not the Namjoon that I had grown to love when I was younger. He wasn’t the same. He had changed. “You shouldn’t do that you know. It makes me mad.”

When he looked at me it was still filled with a hunger I used to thrive on. Now though, he was so unbelievably different and no matter how familiar his touch at that moment felt like I had to remind myself of that as I exhaled the breath I didn’t know I had been holding, excused myself to the restroom and cried silently into a towel as I left Namjoon and his hungry gaze alone in the kitchen. Long ago, when I was a different person, I would have fed into the hungry gaze; let him ravage me and have total control. Now was so drastically different and even if he couldn’t understand why it didn’t matter because I knew. I was still crying and with Namjoon I was somehow always finding myself like that; broken and alone.

Later, when it was time to sleep and I had pulled myself out of the bathroom, I was so unbelievably relieved when the late night fell and he shut himself away in his studio. I would be able to get to sleep before he would come crawling into bed at whatever hour in the morning. At least then I wouldn’t have to deal with him. Brushing out my hair after scrubbing my face ragged so my eyes didn’t seem so puffy I began to really think.

Namjoon.

The Namjoon who was idolized all over the world was just down the hall from me and I, the person who was married to the man that millions loved, would have rather been anywhere else at that moment.

Why? I couldn’t help but ponder.

Why was it that so much had changed between us?

Was it when he stopped bringing me flowers before he came back home no matter how long he was away for?

Was it when he missed the birth of our daughter because he was stuck in Japan for promotions and filming?

Was it when, after all of the events he missed, after all the nights that had gone by of sleeping alone, after all the firsts of Yumi’s gone unwitnessed, that I started to feel numb around him?

“Love,” Shocked, I jumped at the sound of his voice coming from the doorway. “How long have you been sitting there? It’s almost 1am.” Frowning I turned towards him. He stood there, looking like the most delicious thing I had ever laid my eyes on. If I wanted to I could let him have me, take total control and use me for whatever he wanted. But that woman had long been suppressed and instead there sat the woman who just shrugged, put her brush down and walked towards the right side of the bed to pretend to sleep so she could avoid talking to him.

“Goodnight,” I spoke softly, shutting the lamp off that sat on the bedside table next to me. In what felt like a different life that table used to be filled with photographs and memories long since past. Taken down in favor of an empty space and to appease my stomach so I never had to get nauseous looking at them again. There used to be pictures of us in Jeju long before I had become pregnant, us on our honeymoon in Italy, us in Paris at night right at the front of the Louvre all lit up behind us, us as an us long before the us became him and then me. Namjoon caught it though just before the darkness consumed us. Slipping into bed with me I felt him shift closer, his hand slink up my side, arm to envelope my stomach. He tugged lightly, trying to pull me closer in a nice way but I stubbornly laid planted, rooted to my spot.

“Tomorrow we’ll put the pictures back.” He said finally after I refused to move. “We’ll have breakfast like a family. You’ll take Yumi to school with me and after,” He sighed, a warm breath that reached the nape of my neck as he scooted closer to put his chest to my back for the second time that day. “You’ll be all mine.”

tag list: @amordesiempre01​ @namucries​

[oliverwxod]

Fade (Thor Odinson)

Pairing: Thor x Reader

Warnings: depressed Thor, swearing, smut

Summary: Set after Infinity war where Thor goes into a deep depression and Y/n tries to be there for him in the way he wants.

The thunder crashed outside, booming over the whole of New York, adding to the already dark and mystified atmosphere that the snap had brought. Lightening struck twice within the same second, a white and purple hue reflecting off the clouds, bouncing across the sky.

“fuck... Thor” the sound of Thor’s name left her lips in a gasp as the God of thunder thrust his hips up against her, a grunt leaving his mouth as he picked up the speed.

This... this thing he had going on with Y/n was the only thing that made him feel anything anymore. He had lost everything. His Mother, his Father, Loki, his best friend, Jane... anyone he had ever cared about he had lost. The people he had left, well, Thanos made them disappear into a gust of ash and dust, leaving behind a miserable world that would never be the same.

“Fuck” he groaned, pulling her down further against him, her chest pressed flush to his as he looked up at her, his hands grabbing onto the skin of her thighs.

Anger consumed him sometimes. If he wasn’t feeling anything, it would creep up on him in bursts, frustration and irritability at himself more than others. Just yesterday they had found some hope that lead them straight to Thanos himself.

But it was too late, they had been too late. Thanos had destroyed the stones and Thor went for the head in a fit of rage and upset. He had killed him and now they had no way of getting their friends back.

Once again he felt as if he had fucked up.

“Thor - I’m gonna-”

“I know” he spoke through gritted teeth. He flipped positions, easily manhandling her as he pushed her off of him, her back hitting the bed as he followed, pounding into her from above, the headboard hitting into the wall repeatedly as she gripped the sheets tightly between her hands.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been 5 years since the snap. Just under 5 years since Thor killed Thanos and just under 5 years since Thor had left the Avengers compound for good, fleeing to the New Asgardians homeland on earth.

Y/n was the only one who made the trip to see him as much as she could which was barely once a month. it had taken her a while to forgive him for walking out on them all. Especially walking out on her that night as she accidentally fell asleep beside him.

New Asgard was nice. It was a quaint fishing town, quiet and peaceful, a new life that had been built for many of Thor’s people.

She remembered the first time she went to visit, surprising Thor who looked overjoyed to see her, but she knew It was only because he was drunk. She had stayed the night, Thor fucking her harder than he ever had, taking out his frustrations and anger out on her and trying to convey how much he had missed her.

He wouldn’t ever say the words though. He let his body speak through rough touches and broken moans of her name.

He got used to seeing her once every couple months, enjoying the release he got and the momentary distraction from his depressive thoughts that often consumed him. Thor hated to admit it, but the visits from Y/n really cheered him up and he dreaded when she left. But he really didn’t want to rely on her, he didn’t want to rely on anyone on this new world.

“You should come back” y/n had asked the last time she was there.

Thor was laying beside her, his chest bare and gleaming with sweat, highlighted by the moonlight streaming through the open window. He stared at the wall, letting out a chuckle at her words and shaking his head as if she had told a funny joke.

“Why?” He questioned, giving her his attention now, a look of humour behind his expression.

“Because...” she spoke hesitating, knowing the reason why but not wanting him to know it.

“Because it doesn’t feel right when you’re not there” she said quietly. Y/n sat up in the bed, pulling the sheets up to cover her from his intense gaze.

“That place has never been my home. I will never feel at home again. Here... this place... is the closest I feel to it. Nothing, or no one can make me go back there” he spoke seriously. His eyes narrowing at her as she stood up, gathering her clothes and pulling them on quickly as she kept glancing over to watch him.

She had to get out before she accidentally showed him how much his words really hurt her.

“I just thought if we all stuck together than-“

“I’m not going back there Y/n.” He said, anger lacing his words as his brows furrowed in irritation.

“we’re your friends Thor. We’re all worried about you, Nat, Steve, Bruce. We want to be there for you but we can’t when you’re here and we’re there.”

“Friends” He scoffed “we’re friends are we?”

“Yes. We’re friends- that's what you said we were when I asked you all those years ago” she spoke, glaring at him as she pulled her t-shirt over her head.

“Yeah, well we’ve come a long way since then sweetheart” he mumbled, sitting up against the headboard.

“You know - fuck you, fuck you and your stupid little games you’re playing. I get it you know! You’re not the only one whose lost someone, it doesn’t give you the excuse to fuck around with peoples feelings” she spoke harshly.

She spared him one last look before grabbing her jacket and leaving even though it was 1am and pitch black outside. As soon as she left New Asgard the rain started, the thunder following minutes later, roaring above her as she walked away. It was the start of a month long storm.

Y/n hadn’t been back since, for several months.

——————————————————------ ---------------------------

“We need Thor” Natasha spoke, Y/n’s head shooting up from where she had been staring into nothingness.. “Y/n? You think you can get him to come back?”

“I’ve tried Nat. He won’t come back for me” she stated plainly, picking at the plastic on the water bottle in front of her.

“We can try” Rocket piped up from across the room, gesturing to himself and Bruce who was still stuck in hulk form.

“Good luck with that” y/n spoke rolling her eyes. She didn’t want to see him. Knowing that as soon as she did she would become weak again, the past few months spent getting over him would amount to nothing.

Thor came back with them and Y/n couldn’t admit to anyone how much it hurt.

————————————————————-----------------------------

Thor was a mess to put it frankly. He sat in the corner watching everyone as they spoke, trying to locate the infinity stones and figure out who had encountered them.

“so wait- that means there were three stones in New York in the same year!” Natasha spoke, a grin stretching onto her face.

“So now we need to figure out whose going where. Thor? care to explain how you encountered the reality stone?” Steve spoke, everyone suddenly turning to look at him.

“What?” he asked, eye widening.

“uh- the reality stone” Rocket spoke.

“Oh, yes. Of course!” he spoke, standing up from his seat, the chair screeching across the floor and making everyone wince.

Y/n watched as he started speaking, going off on a tangent and getting lost in old stories.

“Oh and-” he turned to the screen, stood frozen as his eyes landed on a picture of Jane. Everyone knew the history between the two of them.

“Jane” he whispered softly. “Isn’t she beautiful? So very beautiful” Thor said.

“Okay big guy” Rocket stepped in, leading a tearful Thor back to his seat.

Y/n looked away, Steve catching her gaze with a pitiful smile. She hated it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thor found her later on that night. Y/n was curled up in her room on the sofa, staring out at the compound grounds. He knocked gently before entering, Y/n completely ignoring him until he took a seat next to her.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked, fidgeting slightly.

Y/n had never seen him so restless, taking the time to properly look at him and realising it was nervousness.  

“Haven’t been able to for months” she admitted. “You?”

“The same.” he spoke before trailing off into silence. “I wanted to apologise to you-”

“Don’t bother” she said, her words careless as if she had given up, emotionally numb by this point of her life.

“No. I want to apologise to you. I fucked up- again- it’s all I do at the moment and I'm really sorry, I never intended to hurt you.” Thor said, taking her hand in one of his. Y/n gave in, leaning her body against his, warm and familiar.

“It’s alright. We all have different ways of coping.” she spoke.

“and to what I said before, about being friends or not being friends... I just want you to know that you are more than a friend to me, whatever that may be”

“You didn’t have to justify yourself to me Thor” she said softly.

“I wanted to. I wanted you to know just how much you really do mean to me”

“Why now?” Y/n spoke “Why are you telling me this the day before either one of us could die?”

“Because you need to know in case I do” he said. Y/n didn’t like when he said it, the actual possibility of loosing him or any of the Avengers - her family- made her feel sick to her stomach. She didn’t know how to respond, instead leaning further into Thors embrace, her Boyd shaking from the cold temperature of the room or fear, she couldn’t tell.

Forever Tags: @dreambigbeawesome @hellosafie @linheliano @thisismysecrethappyplace @mannls @1elboomdemsechevarria @myrabbitholetoneverland @jbarnes87 @permanent-lines @alyssaj23 @piensa-bonito @maresmiley @soldierplum @jjsoccer11 @les-bio-lie @dewy-biitch @despelllestrange @unlikelygalaxygiver @hiddles-rose @httpmcrvel @breezy1415 @artisticlales @imthegirlyourparentswarnedyouof @xinyourdreamsx @stevieboyharrington @maladaptive-ninja-returns @teenwolfbitches2 @harryngtonewithyourshit @strangersstranger @sthorkronstrangy @vulpecula-minor

[andy-abroad]

Kerela_02

June.16.2017 Hello hello-- What a day it's been. Kind of weird, but kind of good. Last night after landing, I was so overjoyed by the luxury of my own room that I really didn't sleep, and didn't plan very much. Instead I enjoyed chatting on my phone and watching some TV... maybe too much TV! I ended up sleeping around 1am with the plan of waking up by 8:30-9:00a, as breakfast ended at 10a. I woke up around 8:30 and took my time getting ready. It had already started raining so I was nervous for the day. I brushed my teeth and put my clothes on with the intention of eating and planning during breakfast. The day was going to be spent sketching, sitting, reading, writing, and relaxing. When I walked out of my room, I saw someone seated at the table eating breakfast. I said hello and also asked my home stay hosts for the breakfast as well. I sat and joined the person... I think her name is jasmine? I'm terrible with names. Anyways, she and I chatted and I learned she is traveling alone as well and is from Switzerland. We talked about Europe and some other things while eating. For breakfast we had these crepes with potatoes and cheese inside, and topped with this red soup with okra and fresh spices. Also watermelon and little bananas. Towards the end of the meal, jasmine told me that she was going on a rickshaw tour of the city and I could join if I wanted. I said sure! After breakfast, I found the homestay host. They offered some kind of traditional dance as well as 7 hour houseboat ride, and I wanted to do that tomorrow. I didn't realize that tomorrow is when I leave, so it's going to be a really long day, and I'm going to be really gross while flying to Bangkok. Anyways, we ended up walking around and going to see the "beach" and the famous fishing nets before getting on our tour. Our guide had met her the night before and showed her around a bit, which is how she knew of him. All while walking we talked a lot. She is a vegan (no meat or animal products), only buys organic, and doesn't really trust western medicine. She was in India for a wedding and decided to travel. Her and her boyfriend (who is back in Switzerland) decided to move to Colombia in South America to build a home and find some work, as they find Switzerland too strict. She is an interesting person, but harmless and okay to be around. It was during this walking that I found out she loves to talk. Not just to me, but to anyone. Usually when people try and sell me things I'm quite strict. I say no once, and then ignore them for the rest while they're trying to convince me. I just am simply not interested. I'm kind of glad she was talkative because I actually bought some cool cards I probably wouldn't have otherwise. Wanting to write my cards before anything else, so I would have time to get to the post office, we sat down at a cafe. I had a pomegranate, watermelon, lime juice that was amazing! I wrote my cards and relaxed a bit. The rain had started but stopped, and the sun had come out in full force. All my sunblock and bug spray had come off, and my shirt got quite dirty... might have to throw it away before I even come back! Haha. When I finished, we met up with the rickshaw guide and he drove us around. We saw several churches, shops and parks. It was nice having him know the area so intimately, and since it's off season, most merchants were willing to bargain with us even more. Although they were still charging too much. I wanted to buy some scarves and shawls, but they wanted 40$ US Dollars for each and I just walked away. Interestingly, government approved shops actually give rickshaw and taxi drivers gas credits for bringing customers. Guess it's something to do with the tourism industry. We stopped by a ton of shops before I just gave up. The quality was either terrible and expensive or decent and expensive. I settled on going into a woman's cooperative tea shop! Lots of locals were there and that's just what I wanted to see. The women were telling me that they received a micro loan from an organization dedicated to making small businesses run by women. The tea is picked and processed and then sold. Really cool. I got some small bags as a gift for Ernest's parents (who I'm staying with in Singapore) because I don't want to show up empty handed. I will try to look for something else, as well, for the tea might not be enough! After this, jasmine and I decided we wanted a snack. She has a delicate stomach, or at least wanted to eat somewhere "clean", so our rickshaw driver took us to a few places before she was satisfied. We got to the little stall and ordered vegetables and chapati, which is kind of like a tortilla. Potatoes in curry and really spicy, amazing eggplants came out, and I devoured it! I didn't realize how hot and tired I had been, or how much time had passed since breakfast. After lunch, Jasmine and I split up. She wanted to shop some more and I wanted to get to the post office. Satisfied with my lunch and the day so far, I headed off to the post office. I tried to send my cards and thought it would be simple. I ended up having to fill out customs paperwork, go run and get a copy of my passport, and do all this work just to get a few stamps!!! It was such a complicated process for something that I didn't think would take very long. I was thankful I got there when I did, as they close early today (4:30p). In the end, I got them all in, and was pleased, and hopeful that they'd make it. On my way back to the hostel, I stopped by a large grocery store. And by large I mean larger than a little stall on the side of the road. I needed water as well as wanted to look for a snack. I got my water and this orange local soda called mirianda, but no snacks. I remembered I had chips at home and was satisfied. I thought about buying a cup ramen, as I have had a hard time finding food in some locations, but I didn't want to take up even more space - the little I have left. I got back to the hostel, immediately took off my sweaty shirt, blasted the AC, and took a nap. It was around 5:30p when I got home, and jasmine and I planned to eat dinner at 6:30/7:30p. I took my malaria pill, put on a bunch of mosquito repellant (quite bad, here) and met up with her to go eat. I was a bit nervous as the restaurant she chose was a Mexican Indian Fusion place...? I really just wanted to eat some traditional curry, but I didn't want to abandon her, plus I can eat it tomorrow before the flight (hopefully it doesn't make my stomach weird). We met up at 7, and walked the short distance to the restaurant. The reviews said that there were a lot of mosquitos so I made sure to put on a ton of bug spray and hoped that it worked. When we got there, we were the only ones, but soon more people came. I wish I took photos of where we ate, but it was nice. There was a courtyard and all the seating was under like a porch type thing. I ended up getting a chicken burrito... which was okay, and some really good fish curry. The fish was caught today and was local. Tasted very fresh and clean! We relaxed a bit and enjoyed the environment and atmosphere. The weather was really cool and compared to Mumbai, much more manageable. I was still a bit sweaty and sticky, but not too problematic. After, we walked home and said goodnight. We planned to eat together, but I think I will try to eat alone! It's nice to have company, but I'm realizing it's better to travel with a good friend, than alone with someone who isn't really your speed. Being alone is nice! I'm in bed and going to sleep soon. I have a full day tomorrow. I check out, but my flight is on the 18th at 1am, so I will go to an all day boat trip, come back for dinner, eat, hopefully see some of a show, then Uber the hour back to the airport. Then I'll fly, navigate to the hostel, shower, and nap. On we go! Until whenever--