#in which Hajime and Izuru end up as separate people in separate bodies

[shouts-into-the-void]

Finally someone asks about my special interest

So for starters, I definitely think it's noteworthy that Izuru is the chill one out of the two. I don't speak Japanese, but according to the Wiki, Hajime uses a much more aggressive way of referring to himself whereas Izuru uses the more polite way. Hajime is actively very vocal about it when he's unhappy and complains when he's dragged into things, while Izuru basically does whatever anyone asks and is much less harsh when expressing distaste (I'm pretty sure in the Ultimate Talent Development Plan he literally just runs away from one situation)

I actually think it's kind of funny that the fandom and even the games themselves sort of have their personalities backwards, with Izuru as this evil person and Hajime just being a stressed out teddy bear. If anything Hajime is the Bad Boy™ who gets into fights and has a bunch of scary friends and tattoos and Izuru is the depressed nerd in the corner who just wants to go home and get to bed at a reasonable hour.

Hajime is a lot more morally grey than people like to acknowledge and his level of doneness with everyone's bullshit extends past the portrayal of him as sassy and tired. He literally tried to fistfight the Ultimate Boxer because he pissed him off. He goes up to Sato, fully suspecting her of killing an actual high-profile member of the Yakuza, and starts interrogating her. He leaves Nagito to starve because he upsets him. The man has zero chill about anything. He's also way more perceptive than most of the cast, to the point of realizing that they were being watched (from outside the simulation, although he didn't know it) in the very first chapter and immediately knowing something was off about the entire "field trip" situation.

Izuru on the other hand only really actively attacks anyone if they're about to hurt him. While he's been taught to view talentless people as subhuman, he also views himself (the most talented person on the planet) this way as opposed to seeing himself as better than everyone. This suggests to me that some of Hajime's self-esteem issues carried over to Izuru's personality. It is also shown several times that he does in fact feel emotions—boredom, anger, surprise, annoyance, and confusion—he just doesn't seem to feel positive ones that often which could be the result of tampering with the frontal lobe of his brain. If he had been given some stimulation outside of a dark room with nothing in it and antidepressants, he might have been completely fine. But nooooo, Hope's Peak couldn't be bothered to actually take care of the super-human they created.

When they eventually merge, and venturing a bit into headcanon territory, I think they'd function like someone with DID. The Neo World Program was made to basically be like hyper-intensive therapy and to undo brainwashing, but it likely wouldn't have been able to undo the physical damage and alterations to their brain. I also think the anime (I know I know shhhhh) makes a good case for this, because there are moments where you can hear a shift in the way they speak that suggests someone else has taken over the conversation. We know that at least some remnant of Hajime remained while Izuru was in control, so I think that the Izuru personality was the result of the intense trauma from the medical procedures causing Hajime's personality to fracture into someone who could bear it all without feeling anything, rather than a personality Hope's Peak actively went out of their way to create, and the Hajime personality just got tucked away from everything until Junko caught him up, which is why Izuru appears briefly trying to dissuade him.

I don't remember if I ever outright stated it, but if y'all ever want me to talk about something, definitely feel free to ask. I adore answering questions and rambling, so even if I have no idea what you're talking about I'll probably look into it.

[vi-enti]

i have been stuck in a cycle of rereading ur postgame fic over and over and over ever since it's release it's SO good........ i understand if u r writing up more to it and so don't want to disclose but i am dying to know more abt ur takes on both postgame as a whole and what's going on with each of the survivors..... if u wouldn't mind sharing, ofc :3

!!!! thank you so much, i'm so happy you enjoyed it. i do want to keep some stuff secret (partially bc i'm still fleshing out ideas myself) but i can share some stuff about the survivors!

hajime: so i'm not the biggest fan of hajime and izuru being separate personalities, but i do like them being perceived as such. hajime and izuru are one and the same, but the person he was as izuru and the person he was even before then are perceived as different to the others, they'll keep make excuses for him and claiming that wasn't him, but he has to learn to accept that he was the person who did those things, that there isn't a separate entity in his brain to blame. a lot of his journey is going to be about discovering the type of person he wants to be in his future and whether he even can be that person, or if his brain is too altered to understand the imperfections of happiness.

i don't want to say much about akane, fuyuhiko, or kazuichi yet. what i will say is that their journey of healing begins with the physical, and the mental gets pushed to the side for way too long. i can see Queen Sonia, Who Is Above All, and izuru kamukura taking care of themselves during the Tragedy, which is why they're some of the only ones to come out unscathed (not including nutrition deficiencies from being in the NWP pods). the other survivors aren't that lucky, so they have to overcome being weak before they can fully focus on the sins of their past and the futures they want. akane is the most malnourished, kazuichi has suffered so much damage to his limbs creating the monokumas and death traps in unsafe work environments, and fuyuhiko gave up his views of the world for those of a tyrant (literally lol bc. his eye. yknow?). how do they even begin to cope with the people they've chosen to become? how do they begin to cope with all they've lost physically and in their lives?

sonia: the next section i'm writing is about sonia actually! so i'll just share a snippet of that :)

When she had first woken up, Makoto and Kyoko had been there to help her, slowly lifting her upper body so she could sit up. She trusted them, of course she did, but who she really wanted to see was Hajime. Hajime, who had shone so brightly at the end of it all, who had overcome a despairing truth in order to help them all, who had lit a path to the future for his friends.��

In that moment, she had seen the sort of person she had always wanted to be. Being a princess, born to be a queen, there was a lot of expectation for her to be the perfect leader. No matter who she asked, however, nobody could ever define what that really meant. Was perfection being an absolute authority? Being completely open to every request from her people? Maybe it was letting others do all the work and just smiling and waving, presenting a facade of peace when there was none. Or, worst of all, maybe it was being cruel, crushing all that stood in her path and ruling with an iron fist.

No. She had tried that last path, and now had no kingdom at all to rule. The princess, born to be a queen of perfectly nothing. Still, Sonia was a ruler at heart, a leader and guide to those around her. Before the others woke up, she knew she would need to define for herself again what the perfect leader was. All of these thoughts had run through her mind in the five seconds it took for Makoto and Kyoko to lift her to a sitting position, the detective hiding a smile as her partner babbled on about how great it was to see her awake, how much work they had to do, how happy he was to meet her in person. Sonia barely heard his words at the time, her eyes darting around the room of glowing pods, looking for that perfect leader to learn from. She had wanted to see Hajime.

[nagitolovebug]

How did komahina co-parent at first? How was hajimes reaction to the twins? Did bebi like getting siblings

komahina's co-parenting at first was...definitely an Ordeal. not even because of bebi, but bc komahina is a mess. originally hajime was very insecure about his role in bebi's life, as he had very clearly asserted himself as a separate person from izuru and that he was going to live as hajime and not someone else- so wouldn't that make bebi Not his kid? sure, they're his genetically, but in theory.... that was the dilemma he dealt with. he'd already grown attached to them when he was caring for them while nagito was still in a coma and worries now that nagito has woken up, his job is done, and that nagito won't want him around bebi anymore. in turn, nagito is worried that bc hajime is asserting himself as separate from izuru that he doesn't see bebi as his kid and will not be interested in raising them, that bebi will lose their father and nagito will lose his once-husband (lurking somewhere in hajime's subconscious...) turned best friend. they live together right off the bat, sleeping in the same bed (bebi likes to be held by the 2 of them to fall asleep...but even when bebi sleeps in their own bed they didn't think to get separate bedrooms or anything...) and end up becoming very.....affectionate with one another despite their claims that they're purely platonic. they "platonically" hold hands, cuddle, kiss, kiss, and more...intimate things in the cover of night ;) nagito's convinced hajime is just "using him for stress relief" and he's only truly staying bc he'd feel guilty leaving bebi. hajime thinks they're together. this miscommunication is not truly cleared up until hajime proposes. other than that, they both love bebi very very much and spend all their time with bebi, doting on them, playing with them, caring for them.

as for hajime's reaction to the twins- that in itself was also an Ordeal! when nagito found out he was pregnant again, bebi was very sick and in the hospital, which was very hard on nagito as he blamed himself. and he had resigned himself to leaving bebi and hajime, thinking they'd be safer without him in their lives. hajime was an adult who was fully informed of the danger of nagito's luck and had izuru's luck to protect him ! but bebi couldn't consent to that. he did not want to risk hurting his child in any capacity. so he resigned himself to leaving...but the news of pregnancy only devastated him further. to think he'd ruin not only bebi and hajime's lives but the life of another baby (not knowing it was twins lol)....it was too much for him. the plan was to leave the island, suffer through the pregnancy by himself, and come back after the birth to drop their new baby off before disappearing forever.

trans male pregnancy under the cut

bc nagito's carrying twins, the toll on his body during this pregnancy is far worse than it was during despair. he becomes very weak and sickly, especially with the added stress and despair of trying to leave his 'best friend' and kid, his kid being in the hospital,,, he hasn't been taking care of himself. the night bebi returns from the hospital (fully recovered! ...but having finally fully lost their vision in their right eye), hajime catches nagito trying to leave. he'd collapsed on his way out, having gotten incredibly dizzy. he'd left nothing but a note on the nightstand reading, "Be back soon." hajime wakes up to an empty bed and almost (almost) panics, steadies his breaths to the small snores of a sleeping baby in a nearby crib. he finds nagito half unconscious on the beach slumped on a duffel bag. "nagito??? nagito???? nagito!!! oh, thank god" "h...inata-kun?" "yea, it's me, come on, let's get you-" and nagitos eyes clear up and he shoves hajime away. "nagito-?" "stay away from me!" "nagito, you're not in your right mind, let's go back to the cabin-" "...how did you find me." "well, I found your note, which scared me shitless- I had no idea where you were or what had happened to you and frankly, I'm pretty pissed about that, but that can wait until I know you're safe-" "I'm so sorry, hinata-kun, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, hinata-kun, hinata-kun, hinata-kun-" "jeez, I said you can call me hajime... it's alright, relax, i'm not really mad. I was just worried." "you don't understand, you have to get away from me now-" "what are you even doing out here. what's with the bag" "hinata-kun." "....where were you going" "I hadn't decided yet" "why" "I-" "just bc you're in remission, you think you can just do whatever you want? what if something happened to you? goddamn it, you're not bullet proof, nagito! I know you're working on it, I know you're trying, but fuck you're so goddamn selfish! people care about you! I care about you! why can't you just understand that!" "i won't let myself hurt you!" "you're hurting me now!" "this will ruin your life, i will ruin your life-" "im your fucking....best friend, just tell me what's wrong, i can help you-" "nobody can help me, it's too late for me..." "goddamn it, nagito, please-!" and nagitos voice breaks when he whispers. "...i'm pregnant" ".......what" and nagito breaks into a quiet sob "I'm pregnant, hajime, and no one else on this island would dare defile themselves with me the way you have..." "are you serious?" "please don't make me say it again" and maybe if nagito weren't lost in a spiral of self deprecation and if his eyes weren't swimming with tears, he would've seen the nervous smile that broke out on hajime's face, the joy in his voice. "nagito, that's-!" "horrible? disgusting? i know I'm an abomination, hajime, maybe if my pathetic body functioned the way it was meant to-" "don't say that. don't you ever say that" "please just leave..." "you...you were pregnant with our kid and you were gonna leave??? what if you relapsed? what if you needed me?" hajime grabbed his face and forced nagito to look at him. "why are you doing this?" nagito laughed breathlessly, hysterically. "don't worry, hinata-kun, i would have brought them back! i simply didnt want to force you through the despair of having someone as putrid as me being pregnant, knowing that you've procreated with the lowest scum of the earth....surely it would ruin you. besides, i could never take your child from their father. nor would i subject them to my luck...will you let me go now, knowing your child will be alright" "they're your kid too" "for the sake of their sanity I'd rather keep that to myself" hajime steeled his expression, then grabbed Nagito's wrist. "we're going back to the cabin. we'll talk more in the morning." "Hinata-kun, let go of me." "nagito, let's go." "hinata, let go" "I'm not leaving you out here" nagito starts tearing up again and scratching frantically at his own skin. "please" "we're leaving." and hajime picks nagito up (he was

probably still too dizzy to walk anyway). but nagito starts screaming and thrashing and crying and weakly hitting hajime. "LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO, IM GONNA HURT YOU, IM GONNA KILL YOU, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE-" and hajime starts silently crying too but he just holds on tighter and keeps walking. i think they get to the cabin and hajime sets him down on the bed and nagito starts punching hajimes chest (not hard) but hajime just grabs his wrists and holds them tight as nagito struggles and cries softly. "i ruined your life..me and this broken body of mine." "i...love you. you're not broken. I'm not leaving and neither are you." "i hate you..." "you're the best thing that ever happened to me." "I'll kill you..." "you won't." "why won't you just leave.." "why won't you stay." "..." "lets go to bed. we'll see mikan in the morning. get some rest." nagito is still scratching at his skin when hajime pulls him against his chest and forces nagito to lay down with him. "i love you" "im scared..." "i know" "im so sorry.." "i know. it's ok" "it's not" "as long as you're still with me, it is." "you're too kind to me.." "i love you." "how many times are you going to say that." "as many times as it takes for you to believe it." and the conversation pitters off as nagito silently sobs into hajime's chest until he passes out while Hajime rubs small circles into his back and presses kisses to his head. nagito wakes up with his eyes swollen face still tucked into Hajime's chest and he knows hajime's awake bc he can feel his chest vibrating with light hums and soft strokes to his hair. nagito looks up and licks his lips, eyes watering again when he sees hajime's patient gaze, his eyes crinkling in a worried smile, extenuating the eyebags and evident exhaustion. "hinata-kun, i'm so s-" "shhh. none of that. we're seeing mikan in a bit, i already called her. i'm sorry for not noticing what was going on. it must have been so hard dealing with this alone.." "you shouldn't have to deal with it.." "i want to. i love you. we're in this together. for as long as you'll have me. it's hard, it's really hard sometimes, because i hate seeing you like this..it makes me feel so helpless it reminds me of-- the. program. but it's worth it. for you, it's always worth it." "hinata..." "keep resting. don't strain yourself too much." "i love you...i love you..i love you ..." "i know." going to see mikan and mikan warns them that Yes nagito is in fact pregnant and the fact that he's just come off of chemo and is still in remission is gonna make the pregnancy tough on him physically and that he's gonna get about as sick as he was before but promises it's temporary and that she guarantees he'll see the baby to full term ("link that's medically incorrect" idc link does what he wants Hajime has a dude put in his head via lobotomy science is a liar sometimes) and hajime holds nagito's hand the entire time and presses a kiss to his cheek when he cries a little when mikan says the baby will be healthy and ok and survive and nagito turns to him and gives him a watery smile before laughing and crying joyously a little more and thats when hajime knows they'll be ok. they do talk more abt this whole thing, nagito's motives, bebi,,,,but that's like a 1k fic and this post is alr long enough 😅maybe i'll polish it and make it a fic. long story short, hajime's personally extremely happy that nagito's pregnant, but his worry over nagito's health as a whole, physical and mental kinda trumped that but past that- it's nothing but excitement! (they did not know they were having twins...so excitement and a surprise!) as for bebi, they were very happy to be getting a sibling! they love mimicking everyone they see by talking to their papa's tummy, touching it, generally babbling to komahina how they're gonna share their toys with the baby, will the baby play with them, can they share a room? they always want more love in their life !

[brynfelan]

ALDJSHSKS OH THANK GOD I WASN'T WORRIED BUT I WAS A LIL WORRIED...alright imma start off with a Kuzuhina(ish) idea, because rarepair hell sucks let's suffer together. Hajine gets kidnapped by a psycho group NOT because of his relationship to Fuyuhiko, but because they "wanna see what makes the Ultimate Ultimate tick." Which is infinitely worse because the human experimentation is back on for our tsundere ahoge boy. He got lobotomized and now he's back in that particular hell. Izuru's also suffering because he's grown to care for Hajime in his own way, because they're two separate minds in one body, and he can't protect Hajime from this. Fuyuhiko is basically going postal because "MY BOYFRIEND WAS KIDNAPPED BY LUNATICS, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT, AND NO ONE'S DOING ANYTHING WHAT THE FUCK." The rest of the Remnants are also pissed and worried, but Fuyuhiko moreso. Your thoughts???

like one day he’s just gone ?? no note? just poof?

holy hell i have this image of fuyuhiko absolutely TEARING UP the 100km area around them just looking. ofc the other remnants are pissed too but nobody has ever seen fuyuhiko just go off like this. eventually he realises he can’t find him by just searching aimlessly so soda builds some walkie talkies STAT (or they get to ask future foundation for help? i haven’t decided which is better), but point is all of the remnants absolutely descend on the surrounding area, with their own sections to search. the communicators have lil GPS things on em so they always know where the other is.

it’s gotta be fuyuhiko that finds him though, right? because like... angst. anyway, fuyuhiko finds this old underground bunker, and can’t open it by himself so he calls everybody over. akane, gundham and nekomaru manage to get it open, n peko has to literally hold fuyuhiko back to stop him just bolting down there as fast as he can.

they get to have a fucking cool fight scene when they’re down there, because I can’t resist letting Peko absolutely go off with her sword, and we saw what kinda mess akane and nekomaru can make fighting in the despair arc. those three people could definitely take down like 30 people between them, trust me on this one.

the worst part is when they get to the room that has hajime in it. the door got locked when whoever got him realised that they’d had a security breach, and it’s a proper lead door that won’t open for anybody and everybody has to repeatedly throw themselves against it in order to get it to open. everybody’s panicking, but there is nobody worse than fuyuhiko. like, to the point where some of them are worried that he’s gonna get his ass despaired again. but nobody says anything because main priority is hajime. 

at some point, nagito started looking through the pockets of the people that got absolutely knocked tf out, and Lucky Him! he finds a key! it’s maybe the first time ever that fuyuhiko ever thanks him for something (and my god does he thank him like, he’s crying and while he’s a lil bit aggressive he’s so grateful) and they get in and find hajime hooked up to a ton of different machines.

you ever heard of project MKUltra? when the US government tested psychedelic drugs (particularly LSD) as a torture device/truth serum? yeah well, this is it! hajime is tripping absolute balls and not in a fun way, occasionally getting some electric shocks! why? well, it’s in the “doctor’s” file on the desk! because wouldn’t hajime also be the ultimate weapon if he’s the ultimate everything else? imagine having him as something that can be controlled, told what to do. you could end the world, overthrow a government, you name it!

mikan has to carefully remove the electrodes from him because he’s fighting her hard, but there isn’t a way to get him to stop tripping and freaking out until it passes, except to just straight up sedate him. they have no idea how long this has been happening to him or what he’ll be like when it’s over. mikan has to scrounge through everything that this place has to find something, and even though it takes a while she does eventually find a high enough dose sedative that will help without just making him OD and die. unfortunately, it has to go in through a needle.

historically, hajime isn’t good with needles. he’s even worse when he’s off his fucking face and having the very definition of a Bad Trip. he barely knows where he is, and there’s a part of him that does recognise the people around him but his brain isn’t working properly and he just can’t stop freaking out. he’s already restrained though, so it isn’t too hard to just quickly sedate him. fuyuhiko’s basically glued to him now, telling him he’s sorry and that he’ll be okay soon, that it’s gonna be alright.

luckily, without getting it directly and constantly, the effects of LSD only take around 12 hours to wear off. by the time they’re back at wherever they’re living, most of the hallucinations have worn off, but he’s quiet and hurt, and the electric buzzing kinda fried his brain a little bit - he’s still there, but izuru is basically the one in charge of the body right now since he’s letting hajime rest for now.

fuyuhiko still thinks izuru is a little weird, but like... he’s part of hajime, so he’ll put up with whatever bullshit izuru can throw at him. izuru isn’t as affectionate, but will hold his hand every so often and give him small smiles when he needs them, and it just feels good to have him back and safe. when hajime comes back again though, it takes a while before he can be left alone again. not that fuyuhiko is leaving his side basically ever now because he’s sure as hell not letting that happen ever again. and it takes him a while to heal, he never truly forgets or gets over what happened to him, but everybody’s there for him. he knows he has a family now, and everybody understands if he needs to go away for a little while and let izuru take care of the body when he can’t.

okay this got super long and i am very sorry but you threw this concept at me and i ran because i love angst so much, but the comforting after the angst is also so good.

[dailyservingofhope]

Bodies (Chapter 2)

Kyoko noticed first.

Maybe it was the monotone voice, or the way my eyelids drooped with world-weary cynicism. Something about me betrayed that I was no longer myself in the most literal way possible.

She lurched back, "It's him!"

The fifteen seconds that followed were a roller-coaster. Not those rickety, old wooden coasters. I'm talking about the metal ones that hurl you screaming through dives, loops, and corkscrews so fast, you can't even anticipate the next section before you've already rocketed through it.

After Kyoko alerted the room to Izuru's presence, an armed security team appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and just an arm's reach away. They must have hid themselves in the shadows, but even then, shouldn't I have heard them close in? And why were they raising their guns at an empty pod? By the time I realized they were aiming at MY pod, and that I had closed the distance without even noticing, my hands had already disarmed the nearest guard with a few deft movements. Then my legs whipped around in a tornado kick that sent her flying into the other guards, knocking them over like bowling pins.

Finally, Izuru raised my arm, which still held the confiscated handgun, and fired a series of quick, perfect shots aimed to cripple each guard's trigger finger. Their weapons clattered to the ground.

Izuru's power and apathy stunned me. So much blood, and the noise from the gunfire was incredible, yet Izuru strolled through the carnage, collecting the remaining guns as casually as a kid picking flowers. I wanted to close my eyes, but I couldn't even control that.

"Stop!" Makoto shouted, laughably late. He ran in front of Izuru and stretched out his arms protectively. He seemed so small next to Izuru's overwhelming presence, but his bravery was admirable. This was the person we all put our trust in.

Izuru said, "I have no intention of harming any of you so long as you do not harm Hajime. There's no sense in violence between us. However, I will not allow you to point weapons at him." His voice through my mouth unsettled me, like when you hear yourself speak in an audio recording for the first time. It's technically you, but something just seems off about it.

"They're under my orders not to fire unless I say so, and I don't plan on saying so," Makoto said before turning his attention to a communication device pinned to his suit. "I need medical assistance in the pod room."

As Makoto and the rest of the trio tried to appease the moaning, pissed-off guards, I overheard Kyoko whisper to Byakuya, "Sedating the survivors was a good idea. Letting them all wake up at once probably wouldn't have ended well."

It was true. We were still dangerous. Even I was afraid of us.

The nurses quickly arrived and began escorting the wounded away when Izuru spoke up, "Hajime is hurt too." He raised my fists to show the broken skin on my knuckles from punching the glass lid.

Everyone gaped at him.

I almost laughed at how ridiculous it was. The guy who just shot up an entire security team was now worried about a few cuts and scrapes. I wondered why he even bothered asking when he seemed content to act on his own in every other way. Was he trying to... work with them?

Makoto forgot how to speak for a moment. His jaw worked until his words caught up, "Yeah, can someone please assist him with that? Oh, and Izuru? We'll be there shortly to ask you some questions."

"I will answer any question I deem acceptable." Izuru said while a very terrified-looking nurse led him away.

-

A fragment of glass plinked into a dish, then another. Izuru, armed with a pair of tweezers, cleared the debris from my wounds with a level of care that I didn't expect from him. The nurse offered to help, but he refused, insisting that he could do a better job himself. It was astoundingly rude, but I couldn't deny how painless it was when Izuru handled it.

Still, there was no way I'd give him a compliment after what he did. I scowled at him, however one scowls without a face of their own.

He ignored me, focusing instead on washing my wounds with soap and warm water. It felt strange, but pleasant. The hand he used to massage my wounded knuckles felt like it belonged to another person, like it belonged to Izuru. I blushed at the sensation of him sliding his soapy palm up and down my hand.

"Do you want me to stop?" Izuru transmitted.

 "Uh... Yeah, I think they're clean enough."

He dried my hand and applied ointment, then finished with a bandage. "I know you're unhappy not being in control, but this will go more quickly and easily for you if you let me answer their questions."

 "Fine, but once you're done, this body is mine."

 "I predict you will decide otherwise when you hear what I have to say. So calm down, elevated levels of cortisol are linked to a variety of health problems."

I was about to transmit a big "fuck off" when Kyoko entered the room.

"If you're ready, please come with us."

-

Compared to the futuristic pod room, the conference room looked dilapidated. The lack of cobwebs and dust told me someone cleaned it recently, but long term structural damage from years of neglect couldn't be wiped away with a wet cloth. The walls cracked and water damage warped the floor. It was obvious they spent all their resources on the pod room. On us.

My shame at being powerless to control Izuru, after everything they did for us, made me feel tiny and pathetic. I wished I had the confidence to vow never to let it happen again, but at that moment, I was like a child locked away in a room. I was at the mercy of someone stronger; someone that my small, reserve-course mind didn't know how to reason with.

I sulked in the background as Makoto, Kyoko, and Byakuya interrogated Izuru. His answers helped me to fill some gaps in my memory, but there was one thing I kept asking myself.

As if he could read my thoughts, Makoto asked for me, "Why did you do this? Why did you upload the Junko AI into the simulation?"

"I had a question. Of hope and despair, I needed to weigh their merits and decide once and for all which side I would take. But I couldn't determine the answer with the knowledge I had on hand, so I ran an experiment. I learned of the simulation you were developing and concluded it would be a sufficient stage."

"There's something I don't understand. You seem to want to protect Hajime, yet you allowed that to happen to him?"

"I did not foresee him being harmed in any of my calculations."

Did I hear him right? Did he really just say that?

What kind of soulless freak did those scientists turn me into? All the death, the fear, the doubt, the grief. He didn't consider that harmful? My friends and I could have been happy! We could have walked out of that simulation, together! Now, we were either dead or traumatized. All because of him. Not harmed? I wanted to scream! I wanted to wrap my fingers around my own throat! I wanted to stand up and...

Somehow, the force of my emotions was enough to reclaim control. Rage flooded my chest until it burned away the cold of Izuru's grip on me. I leaped out of my chair, slammed my hands on the table and shouted, "That's wrong!"

Everyone looked surprised, including me. I'd fought Izuru and won. Even if it was only this one battle, that still meant something. And now that I could speak again, I just wanted to be heard. "I WAS harmed! It hurt to see my friends die! It hurt to live in fear every day that I would be next! I'm covered in wounds you can't even see!"

Emotionally spent, I flopped back in my chair and wept. I didn't care that others could see me cry. I was tired. So tired.

Through my sobs I thought I heard Izuru transmit a faint "I'm sorry", but that couldn't be right.

After my quaking body relaxed, Kyoko said softly, "Hajime, I assume we're talking to you now. I'm sorry, we misunderstood your situation. When we spoke to you and Izuru as distinct, separate individuals, we thought you were like a friend of ours who has a condition called Dissociative Identity Disorder. Do you know what that is?"

"Yeah, I've heard of it," I said, wiping my face with a hand. "It's like multiple personalities right?"

"Something like that... Although most people with that disorder aren't aware of their other 'personalities' and don't know what they say or do when they're in control. We assumed you were dormant. Hajime, if we had known you were aware and listening this entire time, this would have gone differently."

"Why are you so worried about me, you should be locking me up. I can't control him." I muttered.

Makoto looked horrified, "We didn't release you just to lock you up again! Don't give up hope. Izuru seems to care about you. Maybe we can convince him to not take control without asking."

Byakuya stood up, "Makoto, I've let you try things your way, but your naivete is going to kill us. Izuru is clearly using Hajime as a shield. He's counting on our leniency because whatever we do to Izuru, we do to Hajime. There must be something he still wants from us. That's why we're not dead."

"We shouldn't jump to conclusions, but that is something I've been wondering about," Kyoko said. "Do you know why he's so protective of you, Hajime?"

That now familiar sensation of cold water once again flooded through me. Izuru regained control and held it fast.

"That is not an acceptable question," he said.

Why was he so flighty around the subject of me? I suddenly found myself intensely curious. Maybe I could find a weakness in that nearly impenetrable armor.

"He's Izuru again." Kyoko sighed, "Do you realize it's unfair to Hajime to keep taking over without asking? Bodily autonomy is a basic human right."

"You misunderstand. I have no interest in taking control of his life. There's nothing I want out here. As soon as I've done my job, the body is his."

Makoto smiled, "That's great! Thanks for being so reasonable about it!"

"Wait," Byakuya said. "What is this 'job' exactly?"

"Hajime's friends who died in the simulation, I can revive them. All of them."

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title : Hinata’s Body

Author : @kleine-aster

For : @yuzuria

Rating/Warnings : T. Some angst, some unrequited feelings, some sadness and an android body

Prompt : Any setting (can be regular hpa / tdp au or something else) where Hinata and Kamukura are separate with Hinata and Komaeda having feelings for each other (can have established rship or not) and Kamukura having unrequited feelings for Komaeda

Author’s Notes : Okay so I was very intrigued by the idea of Hinata and Kamukura being separate, so what I decided to do was write a story where Kamukura is the one who survives after the end of SDR2 while Hinata sacrifices himself, but might still exist on a hard drive. After pulling the others out of the program, Kamukura is using his genius brain to build a new body for his other self, and naturally Komaeda takes way too much interest in it, while Kamukura takes an interest in him.

It turned out really weird. But hey, it’s written with love so I hope you like!

“How’s it going, Kamukura?” Komaeda asks as he makes his entrance, holding a plate of food.

“It’s fine,” he replies, without looking up from his work.

It’s an empty exchange, a friendly puff of smoke. Komaeda seems to find it reassuring when Kamukura tells him what the status is, and Kamukura humors him.

They do this every night. They have a routine; a ritual.

He should hate it.

There is no point to him being fine or not fine, and there is no point in making Komaeda feel better or worse. But it’s not something he used to do, so it’s a progression. A movement. It’s better than inertia, which makes his brain feel like a hill of fire ants.

So he doesn’t hate it.

He doesn’t lie, either. He feels fine. He’s been working on Hinata for weeks now, and he hasn’t grown bored of it yet. It’s surprising, which in itself is welcome. Building a whole person from scratch, a person that, once finished, will be indistinguishable from a human being, is a difficult task that presents a new problem every day. Every piece of Hinata is like a clockwork that has to be meticulously crafted. It sharpens his mind and helps him focus on something beside the deep monotony of existing in a world this slow.

The Hope Cultivation plan has taken Hajime Hinata apart, and now Izuru Kamukura will put him back together. It’ll be his ultimate triumph. And it provides him with something to spend his time on, as Nidai’s softball league is not an option.

Every day, he spends hours in the laboratory with Souda, soaking up his talent and knowledge as they discuss some of the more mechanical aspects of the body he’s building, and then he works alone until late at night. And every evening, around the same time, Komaeda comes to visit him to bring him dinner and ask a variation of the same question, to which Kamukura gives a variation of the same answer.

No-one has tasked Komaeda with coming to him. The Ultimates seem extremely nervous to task Komaeda with anything at all. He comes here because he wants to.

For a while, Kamukura had thought he knew the reason. Then he’d realized he was wrong; it’s rare, but it happens.

When he’d last seen Nagito Komaeda, he’d been ready to slobber all over his shoes. But Nagito Komaeda’s interests have shifted. It makes him more tolerable. Less predictable, too.

It’s better than what he was before.

“Put it there,” he says, with a curt nod toward his unoccupied work desk.

He turns his gaze away from Hinata’s wrist, which is open, bleeding wires all over his workspace, to quietly follow the movement of Komaeda’s hips as he comes over with his offering of food. It’s   pleasing to look at and it entertains him. He doesn’t care about the food outside of knowing he needs it to live, but he’s grown to like that part. Komaeda hasn’t noticed yet; it’s a side-effect of his low self-esteem.

He hears the clink of the plate as it’s set down almost tenderly, and then the soft huskiness of his voice.

“Please remember to eat, Kamukura. We all want you to take care of yourself.”

He sounds painfully, aggressively pleasant. Kamukura used to find it grating, but by now he’s mildly fascinated by all that effort Komaeda puts into an act that nobody seems particularly interested in. He’s seen him how he really is. He’s seen the depth and the madness. The sweet demeanor is a nervous tic, like a cough, a twitching eye. A symptom of something deeper and uglier.

He’s -

- not a thought worth pursuing.

Kamukura directs his attention back to Hinata’s new body on the slab in front of him. It’s almost finished; it already looks more like a sleeping young man than it used to, covered to its chest in a sheet, eyes closed peacefully, a soft restful expression on its face. It’s one of the best things Kamukura has ever done in his brief life. But it won’t be a masterpiece until he uploads Hinata’s conscience back into it. It’s waiting on his desk, contained in a half-melted hard drive.

Kamukura is confident he’ll be able to do it. He’d call it giving him his soul back, if he thought in those terms.

It’s what Gods do.

“May I have a look?”

Komaeda stands beside the desk, humbly waiting to be called on like some pet, smiling as if he doesn’t care either way. But this is it. This is why he’s really here.

Komaeda is in love. He’s in love with what Kamukura is doing. He’s passionate about it, which is the one thing Kamukura envies, because it’s not something he can feel. He can’t even conceptualize wanting something this much.

“Turning a hopeless outcome into a hopeful one,” he’d exclaimed when Kamukura had revealed his plan for the first time. “How wonderful!”

“Drivel”, Kamukura had replied, but Komaeda had kept coming back, anyway.

He huffs in response to the never-changing question. “Stop asking. You know I don’t care.”

He doesn’t mind love. It makes people stupid, but it also makes them act out in ways that aren’t always predictable. It pushes them to extremes sometimes. Komaeda is one such person. He’s prone to extremes. Once he has his permission, he moves fast. He approaches the slab with a bounce in his step, eyes glinting excitedly. If Kamukura lets him, he’ll follow him around the lab like a ghost, following his every move, every little touch he puts on Hinata’s body. He’d sit on Kamukura’s shoulder if he could. Sometimes, he stands so close he’s breathing on him. She used to do that, too. But Enoshima had always smelled bubblegum sweet, like cherry and strawberry and artifice. Komaeda has a scent that’s more unique to him and the effect is different.

He’s concluded that Hinata had probably been attracted to him, even if it was subconsciously. It would explain why Kamukura reacts to him, too. Residue.

“Be quiet,” he advises him, before diving back into tinkering with Hinata’s wrist. The wires have to be laid carefully, like single strings of hair. He’s tied up his own hair so it won’t get in the way. He works for a while, with Komaeda standing next to him, before he notices how quiet he is.

“If you don’t start breathing again you’ll pass out soon,” he remarks.

“…”

There’s a long exhale as Komaeda squeezes out all the air he’s been holding in, because of course he’d stopped breathing when Kamukura told him to be quiet. He’s stupid for someone who is  occasionally smart, and normally Kamukura wouldn’t interfere. But if Komaeda drops, he’ll have to step around  his unconscious body while he works and it’d be a bother.

“Thanks - ”

“I told you to be quiet.”

“…”

“Tissue.”

Komaeda already knows the command. Kamukura hears him roam around for a moment, and then he’s back, delicately dabbing a piece of cloth against his forehead to get rid of the sweat, so he doesn’t have to interrupt his work. He does it earnestly, like it’s the most important thing in his life. His touch is cool and pleasant. His voice is soft.

“Good?”

“Yes.”

Kamukura sees him smile in the corner of his vision. It takes him a moment to notice he’s not smiling at him.

“It’s beautiful,” Komaeda says, eyes trained on Hinata’s resting body.

He’s beautiful.

Is what he means.

But he doesn’t even know. Because he’s stupid for a smart person.

Kamukura drops his pincer into the tray. “I’m tired of you now,” he announces. “Get out.”

***

“Kamukura, how’s it goi - oh! I’m sorry.”

That’s different. That’s not like yesterday or the day before. That’s not how the routine goes.

Kamukura wrinkles his brow. He tries to determine the cause. Now he’s sorry? What is he sorry for? Why -

Oh.

It’s that.

Hinata is naked. Earlier tonight, he’d had to do some work on his inner thigh, and he hasn’t covered him back up yet, since there was no point to it. And now Komaeda is standing in the door with his plate, looking like someone who’s seen something he shouldn’t have.

Foolish.

“Put it there,” he says, because Komaeda is being useless.

“Right! Of course.”

He hurries to place his dinner on the desk, lowering his gaze as he passes by Hinata’s body, which…

Stupid.

“You - um. You seem quite busy, so maybe I should - I should leave,” he offers once he’s done, which is new. “… Yeah.”

He says that and then shuffles his feet, like someone who doesn’t want to leave at all. Kamukura tires of games like that, stating one thing and meaning another.

He looks up from his work to fixate him with crimson eyes. “Does his nudity bother you?”

“No -!”

Too loud. Hoarse, too.

He catches himself, but the embarrassment in his little laugh is telling. “Not at all. It’s all scientific, right?”

Kamukura watches him try and fail not to peek. His voice grows even throatier. “He’s - ah. H-he’s quite anatomically correct.”

“Why would I build him anatomically incorrect,” Kamukura huffs, when his engineer’s pride spikes for a moment. Then he realizes that Komaeda, being Komaeda, hasn’t intended to say that out loud.

The Ultimate Lucky Student doesn’t blush; it’s something Kamukura has noticed. Whether it’s a symptom of his failing health or a quirk of nature he doesn’t know. But he knows that he’d be blushing right now if he could.

He has an impulse he finds hard to resist. “I used my own measurements for everything,” he comments, casually, reaching for another tool on his work bench.

It’s a painfully obvious statement, deeply pointless. Yet it pleases him to say it. It pleases him, too, when he hears Komaeda swallow at that. He feels it, in his chest and at the base of his spine, and he likes that it makes him feel.

Komaeda can’t seem to tear his eyes away from Hinata, even though now he’s pointedly not looking there. Kamukura watches him fidget with his hands, and instinctively knows that he is fighting the urge to take Hinata’s sheet and tenderly cover him up, as if he was alive and not a thing for now. What a fanciful, gentle notion.

It gives him another impulse. He shoots him a sly look from behind fine dark hair.

“You can help me with something.”

This makes him finally look away from Hinata and at Kamukura. His surprise is genuine. “Me? Really?”

“Yes. It’s what I said.”

Komaeda’s pale face lights up at that, and it makes him look more like the submissive puppy Kamukura remembers from the boat. It’s not as revolting as it used to be.

“Feel free to direct me however you want,” he purrs, eyes nearly glazing over at the thought of being involved in the process.

He never seems to notice when his brain picks words like that.

Kamukura feels a slight stirring of something physical, but it doesn’t matter. It’s unimportant for the purpose of this exercise.

He takes a step back from the slab and nods in Hinata’s direction.

“Touch him.”

Komaeda fidgets again. He’s nervous. Eager. But nervous. “Where…?”

It’s slowing things down, and it’s tiresome. Komaeda has always wanted to touch Hinata, it’s exhausting to watch him pretend he doesn’t. Kamukura would roll his eyes if it wasn’t such a trivial and performative thing to do.

“Wherever. It doesn’t matter.”

He waits while Komaeda approaches Hinata’s body, cautiously, as if he is precious. Which he is; there’s a fortune’s worth of tech inside him. But that’s not what it is. He looms over him, hand hovering, looking unsure and captivated. Kamukura sees his eyes dart toward what’s between Hinata’s legs for a moment and that’s very expected, but then he settles on touching his arm.

Kamukura knows what shyness looks like. Shyness is frustrating because it delays things. But many people seem to consider it sweet. Hinata might have, if he’d seen it.

He doesn’t want to look at it anymore, so he looks at the controls on his tablet instead. “His skin is a new blend of specialty silicone,” he explains. “It’s supposed to feel exactly like real skin.”

He looks up to where Komaeda is awkwardly, gingerly touching Hinata’s arm as if he’s afraid to wake him up.

“How does he feel?”

“Real. But. Cold.”

The corners of Komaeda’s nicely shaped mouth turn downward.

“He feels like a corpse,” he says. He says it with authority, because he has most likely touched more dead bodies than Kamukura cares to know.

He sounds like he’s in mourning, which annoys him.

“It can’t be a corpse if it never was alive,” he coldly points out, even though they both already know. “But keep touching it. I need to check something.”

Komaeda nods. He looks solemn, tightening his grip around Hinata’s arm.

When Kamukura looks back at his tablet, he feels the spark of something. It must be excitement. He’s been waiting to do this, and Komaeda is a better guinea pig than he could have ever asked for. He wants to see his reaction as much as he wants to see if it works.

He puts his finger on one of the levels on his screen, which is set at zero, and slowly begins turning it up.

It doesn’t take long before his guinea pig begins to stir.

“Oh!”

Komaeda’s lips part. His eyes grow wide, then begin darting back and forth between the arm he’s touching and Kamukura working in his tablet. Whenever he looks at him, he looks at him as if he was doing magic.

Kamukura doesn’t hate when he looks at him like that.

“How about now?”

“Its - incredible.”

Komaeda begins to smile, shakily and unsteadily, the kind of smile that can dissolve into tears within seconds. He’s trembling all over, clutching Hinata’s arm as if he won’t let go again.

“Does it feel real?”

“Yes. He’s - he’s warm. He feels alive. Oh -”

Komaeda’s fingers caress Hinata’s artificial skin, slide down until he reaches his hand, and then takes it. He squeezes it as if it could feel, and then he looks up at the body’s face with brightness and hope as if he expects it to make an expression, open its eyes, because somehow he feels so much that he forgets what it is. Kamukura wonders what it’s like to feel this much. It must be tiring. He’s growing tired merely looking at it.

Kamukura has real skin. The skin that used to belong to Hinata. Komaeda could touch it, if he wanted. But even if he did, he wouldn’t act like that, he wouldn’t -

…

So the tech works. That’s all he needed to know.

He turns the level that controls Hinata’s body heat back down again. Watches Komaeda’s face fall as it grows colder and colder under his touch, until it’s fully cold again.

“Don’t get so worked up. There’s nothing in there,” he tells him.

Komaeda’s mouth turns into a thin, trembling line. “I know.”

He abruptly lets go of the body’s hand and turns away.

“Excuse me,” he mutters, then he rushes out of the lab before Kamukura can kick him out, which has never happened before.

“Thanks for the demonstration,” Kamukura says, but he doesn’t seem to hear.

***

Komaeda doesn’t come by the next day. But he returns the day after that. When he pokes his head in and asks, “How’s it going, Kamukura,” it’s lacking.

Kamukura knows he has hurt his feelings. But feelings are immaterial, so it cannot be helped.

“Fine,” he responds. “Put it there.”

Komaeda follows his orders as he always does. The movement of his hips is stiffer than usual, but Kamukura still likes watching it.

“Tissue,” he says, to see if he’ll do it.

He hesitates for longer than usual (when he hadn’t hesitated at all), but then he’s there, next to him, dabbing his forehead. His touch is as cool and gentle as always.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come by yesterday,” he says, voice warm and pleasant, resetting things. It makes sense. He still needs him, after all. “I couldn’t - couldn’t make it.”

“I was bored without you,” Kamukura replies, because lies are a waste of time.

“Oh?” Komaeda says, and then nothing else, but he stays.

He stays quietly by his side while Kamukura closes the skin over Hinata’s finished wrist, smoothes it until there’s not a trace of his painstaking work left. It looks more perfect every day.

“It won’t be long now,” he says. It’s good to have someone to say things to, so it’s good he’s here. He thinks that, once Komaeda has no need for him anymore, he might miss it. He will know what it’s like to miss something. That’s a progression, too.

He hears a sudden, fluttering intake of breath beside him and looks over. Komaeda is quick to flash him a smile, but it’s too late. He’s seen it. He’s seen the longing and the fear. He hasn’t meant to make him emotional, but he should’ve figured. Komaeda has been waiting for Hinata to come back, but he doesn’t know what will happen if he does.

It must be interesting not to know things before they happen.

For a moment, he reflects on whether or not he should tell him. Then he does.

“You will be with him when he’s back.”

Komaeda relaxes, and nods at that. Nods but doesn’t get it. “Y-Yes, of course, if he’ll tolerate me. I could keep watch, or… or fetch things - I’m sure Hinata will be confused when he wakes up like this, and if he needs -”

“No.”

Kamukura shakes his head. It’s tiring to have to explain something so obvious.

“You will be with him when he’s back.”

“Oh.”

Komaeda’s face looks blank. Then shocked.

“Oh!”

He doesn’t blush, but Kamukura knows that if he touched his face now, it’d be hot. It would be easy to grab his face, and he wants to, but he doesn’t.

The next thing Komaeda does is laugh. Anxiously. Panicky. “I doubt it.”

“You doubt it, but you want it.”

His smile looks forced. His words are too. “Let’s not talk about things that don'tmatter, Kamukura.”

“It matters to you.”

He can’t help it. He analyzes. It’s the only thing he does, and he can’t stop until he gets bored. He’s been waiting to get bored of him for weeks and he hasn’t.

Komaeda looks desperate. Then humiliated. Then his face grows smooth and cold, which only happens once the sweetness melts away and all that’s left is someone who is tired of living.

“Yes,” he then says. “But it’s hardly my decision, is it?”

He nods at the body lying between them. “It’s his. And I don’t think -”

“You shouldn’t think. You should listen.”

He leans over to him, face stern, red eyes glowing, and Komaeda snaps to attention. It’s what he does. Strictness works on him, and if this world was different, if it didn’t have Hinata in it, Kamukura would make him do all kinds of things. But it’s not that world. Kamukura could’ve flushed that hard drive down the toilet. He’s considered it. But he hasn’t. Because killing Hinata would break Komaeda. And he’s seen him broken before. It wasn’t that interesting. He doesn’t want to see it again.

“It will be as I say,” he tells him.

He watches Komaeda search his face, wanting to believe, but failing. It annoys Kamukura that he’s so good at fooling himself into believing all kinds of things, except this. Except for the possibility that someone might love him.

It annoys him a lot.

He lacks the patience to explain. How he and Hinata used to be one until they weren’t. And how he still knows things, even if they’re not his things. So this will have to do.

“I can see the outcome,” he says. “And I’m always right.”

***

“I’m a robot now?” Hinata asks, sounding equal parts elated and terrified.

“Hyperrealistic android would be a better description,” Kamukura remarks helpfully, which doesn’t make him look any less confused. Now that he’s been restored to his original state, Hinata’s brain is average and processes things averagely.

“Yes! Isn’t it amazing?”

Komaeda beams, sitting by his bed and holding a mirror up for him so he can see. It’s clear he would prefer to hold Hinata’s hand instead, but is too shy to do it. Kamukura assumes they will have to do this at their own pace, which will be mind-numbingly slow.

“Look at how much better you look than Mechamaru!”

Despite his confusion and, most likely, trauma, Hinata smiles at that. His smile is crooked, but it’s full of warmth and humor and life, all the things that Kamukura lacks.

“Don’t let Souda hear that,” he says. Then his expression turns serious. “Wait, he’s here, right? He’s safe?”

“Yes. We’re all here. We’ve been waiting for you.” Komaeda is very nearly vibrating with excitement. Kamukura has never seen him this happy. Genuinely happy. He’s living, and he wants to live, for now. “Everyone wants to meet the Ultimate Android.”

“The what,” Hinata presses out from between his teeth, looking panicked.

“He’s been calling you that for days,” Kamukura informs him.

“Of course he has,” Hinata mumbles.

Komaeda puts the mirror down to finally put his hand on Hinata’s. The way he’s petting it looks manic, but it seems to have a positive effect.

“You always wanted to be special, didn’t you? Now look at you. You’re more than that. You’re a miracle.”

His voice cracks, dripping so heavily with affection that Kamukura’s teeth start aching, but Hinata doesn’t even pay attention. He’s looking at his new body, patting himself down with timid, incredulous awe.

“I can’t believe this,” he whispers. He looks up at Kamukura. “You. You did this. You didn’t have to. I don’t know what to say.”

He shrugs. “It was fun.”

He doesn’t know what else to say, either. In the end, that’s what it was. He’d had fun. As close to fun as he got.

“I hope you’re as interesting alive as you were to build,” he adds, crossing his arms.

Hinata looks very disturbed by that for moment, but then his face grows determined. He cocks a brow at him, and Kamukura thinks that even though he’s average, he’s not to be underestimated.

“Thanks,” he says, “I’ll try.”

He turns his attention back to Komaeda, and when he does, Kamukura sees about 80 different emotions rush across his face, and knows he’s been correct about everything.

Hinata’s voice changes when he talks to him. “I’m sorry I screamed when I saw you.”

Komaeda hurries to wave his concerns away. “Don’t worry about it! I like it when you scream at me. I - I mean I don’t mind. I mean, I understand. I mean -”

“Yeah,” Hinata chimes in, as if he knows what he means.

The way they talk to each other is so roundabout and strange. It’s frustrating. Kamukura doesn’t know how they can stand it. But he can see that they do.

“I’ll get the Mechanic.”

He needs to leave. Between Komaeda’s  unfiltered adoration and Hinata’s flustered joy, he might as well be a stone.

“He should take a look at you. I’ll explain your basic functions later. Don’t touch the small elevation at the top of your skull while I’m gone.”

The last thing he sees is Komaeda leaning over to Hinata and muttering something to him. He doesn’t hear what it is.

He’s only a few steps away from Hinata’s room as he hears someone behind him.

“Hey.”

He turns around. It’s hard to believe that Komaeda has separated himself from his Ultimate Android for long enough to come out here.

Why is he out here.

Kamukura tilts his head. “Did he touch it?”

Komaeda smirks. It looks scolding, knowing. Teasing.

“He’s not stupid because he’s not you,” he says softly.

“I’m not actually smart,” Kamukura points out. “I’m just talented.”

“You’re amazing.”

Hearing him say that makes his chest feel warm. It’s useless, but it’s better than feeling nothing.

“Whatever you were before, you truly are the Ultimate Hope.” Komaeda steps closer. “And I will never forget what you did.”

“Okay,” he replies, because what else is there to say. He likes the way he’s coming towards him. As he does, the pieces fall into place, and Kamukura knows what will happen next. And he knows the probability of it ever happening again are close to zero; but he’ll take it.

He’d thought that Komaeda hadn’t noticed, because of his low self-esteem. But he’d been wrong. It’s rare, but it happens.

He lets him tug at the front of his shirt, lets him pull him close, lets him put his thumb on his chin, leans into him as he puts his lips on his mouth. Not his cheek, or his forehead. His mouth.

Kamukura tastes him, smells him, and never closes his eyes, even though that’s what people do, because he wants to see him, too.

It’s soft, and chaste, and it’s over as soon as it started.

At the end, Komaeda squeezes his hand, then lets go. “Thank you.”

Kamukura looks at him, his taste still lingering on his lips.

“Thank you,” he echoes.

Komaeda blinks. “For what…?”

Kamukura bows his head. “You should go back. He shouldn’t be alone.”

He turns and walks away, because it’s easier than to explain. Explain that he’s grateful, because after all this time, someone made him understand what it’s like to want something.

[the-apocryphal-one]

A Headache-Driven Argument on Chiaki and Mary Sue Bull (OR: Why That Term Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Does)

Alrighty, I’ve been mulling over this for a while. I had a long day at work, I’ve got a headache from homework, and Mary Sue misuse is already a red button for me, so the natural thing to do was vent to get rid of the headache. Some discourse lately helped it along.

Warning: giant-ass rant under the cut.

So, first: what is a Mary Sue?

That’s the long-asked question. The term’s been warped and twisted over the decades of media. The original term was for an author’s self-insert or wish-fulfillment character; however, what most people think of when they use it is a flawless character who warps the narrative around them. A character with an inconsequential flaw (like the infamous ~clumsy~) is also considered applicable. Basically, a character is essentially perfect and never faces serious consequences for anything they do.

So, the main points of contention about Chiaki being a Mary Sue seem to be:

- Class 77 exists only to praise her

- She warps the narrative around her

- Her death is presented as this giant, tragic affair

- She’s perfect.

Class 77 exists only to praise her:

Wrong. Just because they get reduced screentime doesn't mean all they do is worship her. The majority of their relationships are still intact, and they still get at least a bit of screentime for those things: Fuyuhiko and Peko still have their relationship with each other and Natsumi; Mahiru has her friendship with Satou and devastation at her death; Kazuichi and Gundham still have their friendship-rivalry thing, plus their feelings for Sonia; Sonia still has her little crush on Gundham and repulsion of Kazuichi; Nekomaru and Akane still have their mentor-student relationship; Nekomaru and Gundham are both shown as the protectors of the class; the Ryota trio have each other; Ibuki has her fangirl shipping of Kuzupeko; Hiyoko has her bullying of Mikan; and Nagito has always been a cheerleader for anyone he sees as hope and gets an entire episode dedicated to what he'd do for all his classmates. Just about the only one left out is Teruteru. I’m not going to claim they’re anywhere near as well-defined as in the game, but these relationships are there.

There are exactly three scenes when they talk about Chiaki being their center: once at the end of Episode 2, once in Episode 5, and during her death scene. And of those, the ONLY time they praise her for achievements we don't see is for the actions during the time skip. But it's believable that she could do those things, thanks to Episode 2: the other time they praise her, which we DO see. And it’s not just something cheap like “video games”, it's more than that. It was her showcasing leadership qualities: trying to find ways to include everyone in an activity they could all enjoy, thinking about the well-being of the group by ordering food in advance, and stepping in to protect Hiyoko when Teruteru threatens her. THAT'S why she's so great to them, because she reached out to them and tried to protect and care for them. Chisa did too, but she's their teacher and is thus mentally put on a level above them; her position of authority separates them from being truly equals. Chiaki's a fellow student and thus "on their level".

She warps the narrative around her:

Hardly. There are still plotlines in Despair arc that occur separate of her, like Chisa's investigation, Juzo's feelings for Kyosuke, or Ryota’s anime; her impact is only on Class 77 and Hajime. A character who actually warps the entire narrative around themself would be someone like Ryota: he and his anime are the backbone for Junko's plan, getting him to use his anime is the reason Future Arc happens, and they are the threat in Side: Hope. Yet no one accuses him of being a Mary Sue (and I’m not saying he is, because he’s not). Because one Mary Sue trait alone is not the equivalent of being a Sue. But because Chiaki's female, she gets slapped with it. 

Her death is presented as a giant, tragic affair:

It’s treated that way because Junko was mixing brainwashing in with it for the class. That is STATED in the episode. 

Junko: It’s a brainwashing film I made with techniques Mitarai showed me. Using that video, I tweaked your teacher’s brain a little. [...] But it’s still just a prototype. I feel I’m still a step away from perfecting it. [...] That’s right. You’re the one who’ll complete my video of despair!

and

Sonia: My body...it won’t move.

The Imposter: Is it because of this video?

and

Junko: When you die, this video will throw everyone into despair!

It's world-ending to them because Junko is literally amplifying how bad it is.

As for Izuru crying over her death: the franchise has established time and again that characters who lose their memories of each other still retain their emotional bonds. This is shown in DR1 and SDR2 with how quickly friendships are reforged (such as Aoi and Sakura, or Mahiru and Hiyoko), and in DR0, where an amnesiac Ryouko is still in love with Yasuke even though she doesn’t remember why.

She’s perfect:

See here for this rebuttal. If you don’t want to, then I’ll sum it up: she has flaws and makes mistakes that have awful, long-lasting consequences.

tldr; it’s plausible for her to be as loved as she does, she doesn't warp the entire narrative, and she is definitely not perfect. She makes mistakes and she pays for them. I’m not saying you have to love her, but she doesn’t fit the definition of a Mary Sue.