#in the car otw to school n ever since this morning i've just felt like. crying. but i can't. i shouldn't.
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noxtivagus · 2 years ago
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i'm okay
#🌙.vents#i'm tired of writing i just#it hurts so much. i can't find the will to just hold unto hope anymore#i'm such an idiot i understand now#in the car otw to school n ever since this morning i've just felt like. crying. but i can't. i shouldn't.#i'm so fucking stupid what worth is there in my words if#if. i can't even bring them to reality.#i told my friend yesterday she's not weak for crying i told her she's human n i told her so much n#i really mean it but#i don't fucking know#i understand those around me bcs i understand myself. i can read them well enough to.. yeah#but i can't do enough for them bcs i can't do enough for me too n#just by being myself i guess ppl open up to me n all but it's almost like others r.. idk how to say it but almost scared of me in a way ig#it hurts i really can't interact w others the way most ppl do. i mean i can but it's#i can't write properly sorry lmfao#i want to write everything i wrote yesterday too but. idk i can't rmb everything in order anymore#it's so draining but i want to remember but then it's just so#i'm chained to my own self in so many ways but if i let go then i think i'll fall instead of fly#if i let go then the chains wld drag me to the bottom of the ocean#the more i learn the more i understand the world n life the more i just realize how#how it's so.. yeah#n i. understand. even more now. why they left.#not anyone i know personally but yeah#i don't get it.. it's not like i've really particularly experienced anything rlly traumatic or depressing but#it hurts so much i don't feel like myself. but nah i do feel like myself it's just#not.. how i used to be. but still me. n it hurts bcs this is still very much me#i can't live in this world. i can't live with this mind. so#i guess i'll just go on just to write. i'll write n write what i can for the future#maybe maybe not me but maybe people yet to be born who're like me could#find some.. peace. even if it's not me. so i'll do this for you. the only way is through.
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