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anakinisvaderisanakin · 4 years ago

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When Conviction Fails - Darth Vader POV post ESB Fic

Vader was a man of conviction, as far as he saw it. As was expected of any successful Sith Lord; letting the emotions rule and take full control without ever truly allowing them to conquer you. Using fear to his advantage, using rage to gain power, and pain to enhance said power. It had taken two decades to come to this point. Wavering was expected early on; during the initiation towards the Rule of Two. Vader himself had started out with an unquenchable fury in his soul, and a fresh open wound where heart used to be.

When She died, She had taken his compassion with her. She had grasped at the hand of his spirit, and all that he stood for as The Jedi. As Her life withered away, so did all that was good inside him. Left was only an empty shell of suffering; of agony. What was left, he had deplored. In the remnants of the man that had once been; all that he loathed came to light.

And with the passing years, while the pain never faded completely; it had shifted. From a sharp, searing red hot poker constantly burrowing its way deeper into his side; to a dull, distant ache only there to make its presence known. To make sure it was never forgotten, as a cruel reminder. But no longer at the forefront of his mind.

Eventually, it became enough to numb any other emotion. The remorse over the way in which he had, directly or not, caused Her death was enough to daze and desensitize any other reprehensible act he may commit himself to. The slaughter of innocents, of civilians, of women, of children. All in the name of justice, all in the name of the Empire. It weighed little on his conscience. Why should the blood on his hands matter? If he could kill the person he loved the most, and still go on albeit as an empty shadow of his former self - what did it matter who else joined Her beyond the grave?

Except, he hadn't killed Her.

It had been the first thing Palpatine revealed to him; as his severely burnt and scorched flesh still stung and charred within the fresh confines of its haphazardly crafted life support system. As he was still confounded regarding what was real, and what was a waking nightmare. Trapped within the suit that would become the prison of his own making.

“You killed her,” Palpatine had rasped.

Those were his Master’s words. His only explanation. Insinuating that Vader had for one crucial moment lost control, lost his mind; and subsequently ended the one person he'd fallen so far from grace to save. The one soul he had been so desperate to salvage that he had willingly sacrificed his morals, and his very identity, if only to reach for that tiny sliver of hope Palpatine had dangled in front of his nose.

‘But I didn't kill Her.’

If he had killed Her, there would be no child. His son - their son - would have died with Her, still in the womb. Would have been buried alongside his mother in the Naberrie family tomb on Naboo. Would have never seen the light of day, never grown into the bright, promising young man who had destroyed the first Death Star. Would never have been named, never have been hidden away, never have been living life peacefully unaware of his heritage in the shadows of the Empire for nearly twenty years.

But he was alive.

Luke had changed everything.

The discovery of his existence had been like a slap to the face, like a stupefying wakeup call. Like Vader had found himself dunked beneath the icy cold waters of truth, forced to realize the bleak reality. Forced to realize that the one person he’d been blindly clinging to in this world, was even cruel than he could ever have anticipated.

Palpatine had lied to him.

Perhaps, Vader had indeed inadvertently caused Her demise - but She had lived long enough to birth their son. She had not died on Mustafar, She had not been strangled to death by the invisible hand of his Force choke. She had survived long enough to set their only child to the world. Long enough to name him Luke; granting him the name She had picked out for their child if it were a boy from the very beginning of Her pregnancy.

She had been right.

The Jedi had been convinced that their child would be a daughter, She had been adamant it was a son. Their son. Luke Skywalker. Named by his mother, bearing the stark reminder of who had fathered him.

‘Luke.’

Dark, shaggy blonde hair and deep blue eyes. The same hard, defiant conviction in his eyes as his mother’s hazel ones had carried. He'd inherited The Jedi's facial features; the same angular boyish face, the same dimpled chin; the same complex. But his spirit was that of his mother's. Burning like a furnace flame, fighting for what he believed was right with a conviction only death could steal away from him. Vader had hoped Luke would be more like himself; easier to break, easier to manipulate, easier to steer in the direction he'd have liked. He had wished he himself could mislead, and pull the strings as well as Palpatine had, some twenty years ago when The Jedi had become tangled in the Emperor's web of lies. Trapped like a fly, to be feasted upon by the ravenous spider.

But Luke was different.

Luke was sensitive, emotional, vulnerable and desperately searching for a way to bond with his long lost father. The Jedi would have recognized himself in those qualities; would have appreciated the similarities. Luke had been deluding himself into expecting a heroic fantasy, envisioning his absent father as one of the men who had singlehandedly led the opposition of what would become the Empire. A as beacon of hope. Instead, he had found himself saddled with the knowledge of what had truly become of The Jedi who had sired him.

Vader clenched his gloved hands into tight fists; the visual memory of Luke's hard set, intent expression as he let go of the ledge still etched into his mind. Blue eyes cold as ice; denying their familiar relations despite knowing very well how the Force did not lie. His Force signature bursting with mistrust, and contempt.

But Luke had lived.

For a short moment, as he watched Luke fall; Vader had been unexpectedly reliving the pain of that moment he came to his senses while still strapped to the operation table, as he broke free from his makeshift shackles.

Crippled; less than half the man he'd used to be. More cybernetics and machine, than flesh and blood. Reaching for Force powers he could no longer tap into; taunting him by remaining just out of reach. He was reminded of crumbling to the harsh floor, beneath the load of his own reconstructed body’s weight; of the searing pain as his respirator attempted to match his sobs with its own periodically synchronized breath cycles.

The physical torment, while a menace in its own right; bearing no likeness to the mental anguish of his breakdown. It had stabbed viciously at his already blackened heart, until nothing but a mangled piece of malformed meat remained; the pang in his chest as he watched the last link to Her fall to his doom bringing it back as a distant echo. He was choosing death over his own father, just as She had chosen death over him and the Empire.

But Luke had survived, by some miraculous whim of the fates. The will of the Force, perhaps. Still in denial; still battered, bruised and disabled. Doomed by his own father to experience the same loss of a limb that Count Dooku had once bestowed upon The Jedi.

The Jedi had been bereft of a right arm; Luke merely of his right hand. It had been a selfish, wicked way of attempting to have his son experience the same indescribable humiliation. Stripped of a part of himself; at the hand of an enemy he had been rushing unprepared to face. Overconfident; in over his head. With this, Luke had learnt never to throw himself head first into a battle he was not equipped to win.

But at what cost?

Vader found himself glaring out into the vast black void ahead of the Executor; clutching at the distant mental link humming between them for a brief moment - like a flicker of light before going out in an instant. Luke was too far away to read; as his signature disappeared along with his ragtag crew of rebels. The Princess no doubt on-board; Vader could tell. Ironic, how it had been her saving his skin this time around.

Still, he felt the frustration bubble up inside. Felt it mingle with the fury; with the disappointment. Despite the carefully calculated trap he'd set, the way it had played out all in his favour until that last moment where Luke broke protocol. His reaction had aligned with none of the scenarios Vader had prescribed beforehand. It had failed; he had failed - and Luke was gone. Just like his mother.

Vader knew he shouldn't be surprised.

Everyone had left him for dead. Whenever he’d dared to love, dared to trust, dared to open up and be vulnerable and sincere - it had been for naught.

Mother, watching with glassy dark eyes when he turned to peer at her over his shoulder one final time; ever the terrified little boy as he left Tatooine behind. The boy who believed the Jedi order would help him free her. Instead; it had kept him from saving her. The last time he’d seen her before her demise; he was only nine years old. She’d been all he knew. Albeit without intention of hurting him, and beyond her own control; Shmi Skywalker had passed away in his arms to leave him alone. Had torn the first hole in The Jedi's heart; had triggered the first act of rampant, blind revenge. His first step towards his dark fate.

“I’m so proud of you, Ani,” she had breathed; as the life left her eyes.

Ahsoka had followed; abandoning him for her own selfish reasons. Walking away from him, dismissing his importance in her life and the value of the lessons he had taught her; the value of their bond. She had made it clear he was never going to be enough; had turned him down despite his pleading, his admission that he understood her feelings better than anyone. The Jedi had failed his padawan, the only one to believe in her innocence and to what end? Ahsoka had still turned him down.

“..And without you,” she had whispered.

Obi Wan was next in line; siding with the maniacal teachings of the Jedi order. Fighting to avenge them - all the while outright lying to his face, trying to trick him into believing he could still return to him. Trying to make The Jedi believe that his former master had ever considered him a brother. That they were ever more than merely master and apprentice; that The Jedi was never the burden or a disappointment he’d felt he was. That he was important to Obi Wan, too, in a way he had never outwardly expressed. That Obi Wan, who never formed attachments after what happened to the Duchess of Mandalore; had been so overtly attached to him.

“I loved you,” he had sobbed.

And then Her; who had turned down his offer of keeping Her by his side. Turned down the offer to become untouchable, as his Empress. Betrayed him, in spite of all he had sacrificed for Her. He had killed younglings for her. His brothers and sisters; his entire life slaughtered in the crumbling ashes of the burning Jedi Temple. To learn the ways of the Dark Side, to join the Sith - to keep Her from dying. And She had thanked him by rejecting him; by claiming She could not follow him anymore.

“I love you,” she had cried; and for the first time in his life - he didn’t believe her.

Now, Luke had chosen to stride the same path. Selfish, like Ahsoka. He too believing in the lies Obi Wan had fed him. Believing himself too virtuous, too pure just like Her. Believing that any lives he had taken in the name of the Rebellion - and his misplaced sense of civil justice - to be easier to explain away, than those his father had claimed. But in a way, Vader supposed it was no surprise Luke took after his mother. His son’s intentions were fair, his sacrifices rational. She had been pure, and good; though She was not fully innocent in the wake of the war, either; she had known where She stood.

Luke had inherited the same sense of morality, the same hunch for standing up for the weak. Standing up against the Empire, as a way of breaking free; of fighting back against the leading elite. Although, his desperation to make a difference and be of importance mirrored that of The Jedi.

Vader had sworn before the battle at Bespin that Luke would be turned. But could he?

Luke was still but a youth; still naive and starry eyed - despite some of that innocence being ripped away in the very moment Vader had revealed to him the truth. But he was secure; he was so steadfast in himself and who he perceived himself to be. The Jedi had been going astray when he was the same age; his fears and insecurities eating him alive. Luke was already an adult; had already defeated his demons.

“I am your father,” Vader had said to him.

The response he’d received was that of Luke crying out in agony, in begrudging despair. All the while knowing that the grim revelation was nothing but the truth. Perhaps Luke would now see that the line between good and evil; right and wrong was not as straight as he had supposed. It was a blurry, tangled mess; the road to hell paved with good intentions. Vader's own road to hell surely had been. But Luke was paving his very own road elsewhere, it seemed.

Still, it stung Vader’s damaged eyes. The rage swelling in his chest; filling the empty void of broken, shredded pieces of what was once his heart. For a second, the shade of glowing amber that coloured his eyes a sickly, Sith yellow faded. Gave way for a pale, tired blue. Bleached by the scorching flames of Mustafar’s lava streams. The same blue eyes The Jedi had once sported. The same blue eyes his son now possessed. Vader shook his head in frustration, and in an instant the shift was reversed. The embers of his fiery stare bleeding through, devouring the remnants of The Jedi resurfacing.

Or, so he would have hoped.

But the pulsating ache inside; dull and sharp as a blade all at once, remained. Vader knew the feeling; recognized the emotion he’d thought long gone. One that had been numbed and buried deep for so many years; underneath the heaps and drones of twisted, lifeless bodies of his victims.

Remorse.

Regret.

Guilt.

Remorse, for the way in which he had handled his first meeting face to face with his son after he had learned the truth of their connection. Regret, for the way in which he had physically, and mentally, snuffed out some of the light of hope previously clear in Luke's bright blue eyes. Guilt, over the fact that he had purposely driven a wedge between them himself; much like he had done between himself and Her. He found he knew no other way.

Vader pursed what was left of his charred lips behind the face plate. He glared at the distant stars, sparkling like burning orbs against the inky sky behind them. Spanning eons of light years ahead. Filling the distance between himself and Luke, making it palpable. Tangible.

He despised Obi Wan for lying to his son. Despised the way in which he had deluded Luke into believing in a childish fairytale. Despised him for telling Luke that his father was dead, that his father was now unreachable.

‘But is that not what you tell yourself?’

Vader turned his head to the side, as if to deny the suggestion. Still, the quiet voice nagging at the back of his head would not be silenced.

‘Do you not constantly tell everybody that Anakin Skywalker is dead? That you destroyed him? Is that not what you tell yourself? Luke is not your son; he's The Jedi’s son.’

‘Luke is my son. My flesh and blood. Mine alone,’ Vader shot back silently; his inwardly projected diction a sharp hiss of a threat; angled towards the defiant part of his own psyche.

‘Then, you must also admit that you are Anakin Skywalker.’

‘His name means nothing to me.’

‘Then, Luke Skywalker cannot be your son.’

‘He is.’

‘Then, you are indeed Anakin, and you accept that as the only truth.’

‘I am not The Jedi; he was weak and foolish. I destroyed him and his pathetic legacy, he is nobody now. He is nothing.’

‘You cannot claim Skywalker as kin, if you do not acknowledge your own identity.’

‘Silence!’

‘Silence will accomplish nothing. It is too late to undo what you have revealed to yourself.’

Vader forcefully ignored his own intrusive thoughts; locking them back away inside the darkness of his past where they could not bother him.

But weren’t they right?

If Luke was indeed his son; did that not mean that The Jedi had never fully died? How could he be a different man, a separate entity, if he recognized The Jedi's son as his son?

‘And Luke is my son. My son, and he belongs to me. With me.’

He could feel it in his bones; could feel it as deeply as he felt the tendrils of the Dark Side surging through him. As deeply as he felt the connection to his own Force sensitivity, to his own memories of Her. Vader had loved Her - loved Her still - and She had been but the wife of The Jedi. If he thought of Her as his beloved, as his everything; did that not mean he must recognize himself as unchanged? A broken shell, a faded shadow of who he had once been. But the same nonetheless.

A fleeting image of Her passed before Vader’s inner vision. Her kind hazel eyes, full of mournful sorrow. Her silky brown hair, falling in springy curls over Her pale shoulders. His betrayal had destroyed Her; had ripped Her from him. How could he ever repent for that? His eyes prickling; Vader snarled silently to himself - deformed face contorting into a visage of hollow, yet overwhelming anguish.

The Jedi had known that what he had done was wrong; as soon as he stopped to think about it. Had known the lives he'd taken could never be accounted for, could never be justified. That, much as he liked to think killing the younglings had set them free from a cruel fate of being twisted by the unkind religion of the Jedi Order; he had been ridden with the burden of their murder. He had locked that knowledge away; had forced himself to deny its meaning.

Still, now, he was not as sure anymore. He found himself wavering; suddenly not as certain of his future as he had once been. Not as convinced of his purpose to suffer for eternity, while bringing upon others the same torment. Vader didn't even take note of the wetness pooling at the corners of his bloodshot yellow eyes until one lone tear broke free to trail down the grooves of his wretched face.

Only then, did the shock seep in.

When had he last cried? Had it been on Mustafar, after he had slayed the Separatists and the realization of what he had just committed himself to came crashing down on him? Had it been when he learnt of Her demise seconds hand after the brutal life saving ordeal, merging the bodily torture with the psychological agony? Had it been when Ahsoka swore to him that she would not leave his side this time, despite knowing what he had done as Vader? Had it been when he found Obi Wan's tattered robes were all that remained of the old man he had struck down, thinking it would bring him peace but finding himself stricken only by grief? Had it been the last time he was reminded that everything he felt, everything he stood for - everything he believed - came from The Jedi?

Luke knew who his father was.

Knew who he was; knew what he was. Despite having his world toppled over and turned on its head; despite trying to deny it. Vader had denied the same fact for so long, that he had almost forgotten where the line he'd forged between what he considered to be The Jedi and himself was drawn. All he knew for certain, was that Luke was his son. And if he wanted to cling to that one scrap of light; there were so many horrendous actions he needed to take responsibility for as well.

The Jedi had never truly died. The Jedi had only ever evolved, had only ever changed as life itself changed and formed him into a dark dealer of vengeance. Had been molded by the path he chose, and by the people he’d loved and lost. Had been hollowed out; until only the carcass remained.

It was The Jedi that had killed Her; he had stolen Her will to live, he had snuffed out Her longing for peace.

It was The Jedi that killed Ahsoka; having zero quells with beheading her as soon as she denied him what he wished for; denied him her allegiance.

It was The Jedi that had killed Obi Wan; striking him down after convincing himself that the blame was all on him, and that it would diminish with the death of his former Jedi Master.

Now, they remained lingering in his peripheral like translucent specters. Like a haunting reminder of how he may never escape. May never forget. May never be able to fully buy into his own lies. May never be forgiven.

The Jedi - Anakin - was still very much alive. Not thriving, but crumbled to the bare bones of a forsaken human being. Beaten down by life, enslaved by one person after the other. But he had a son.

As another tear trailed lazily down his cheek; Vader flinched. The sensation overwhelming him, a mixture of heavenly relief and excruciating devastation. It seemed one may never appear without the other in its tow. The name of The Jedi was supposed to mean nothing to him; was supposed to be an empty callback to a past long since abandoned and overcome. Was supposed to be a distant remnant of a man that no longer breathed. In itself, that was true from a certain point view.

But if it had truly meant nothing, it would never have stung the way it did whenever uttered for Vader to hear. When She said it. When Ahsoka said it. When Obi Wan said it. Whenever it was uttered, it would bring forth all the suffering The Jedi had caused. And all the contempt The Jedi harboured towards his own visage. Therein lay the answer.

‘I am Luke’s father. Luke is my son. I am Darth Vader.’

‘And Anakin Skywalker,’ the pestering murmur of his inner voice whispered.

Anakin no longer had the strength to suppress, or deny that statement.

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Can be found on my Ao3 below, repost from my original acc.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24048643

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pokefan531 · 5 years ago

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Star Wars Retrospective - Original Trilogy

I'm doing retrospectives of each Star Wars Trilogy. We're starting off with Original Trilogy first. I'll move to Prequels and Sequels.The first thing to ask is how I got into Star Wars or how I know about it. As a pretty young kid, I saw my parents watching Return of the Jedi, but I only saw one or two scenes. I seen involvement between Luke and Vader inside the new Death Star, and I also remember seeing Yoda in Empire Strikes Back, but those are the parts I only saw as a pretty young kid. Years later, I got Star Wars Racer for Windows. I played the game and it was fun. I never saw any Star Wars movies at that time. A year later, I watched Attack of the Clones, but we'll get into that in the Prequels Retrospective. After that I played few games like Galactic Battlegrounds, Rogue Squadron, and GB Star Wars game. I played NES Star Wars on an emulator I found. I knew about Darth Vader's existence, but I never knew about him or most characters. That was until I started playing Lego Star Wars 2: The Original Trilogy. I got the game for Windows a day after my cousin got PSP and Lego Star Wars 2 for his birthday, and I decide to get the game myself. It was a very fun game. It was in November 2007 when we started playing Lego Star Wars. The game is fun, and it's around the time The Complete Saga came out. Until Disney's Star Wars, TCS was the Complete Saga. I didn't read much on the space scroll, so I didn't know a lot about the films besides the gameplay. Weeks after, my cousin brought in Star Wars movies for us to watch. Here are the results:Actually, since I played the lego games, I know how those films would play out, but I don't know all of it since I rarely read the scrolls. Episode 4 was entertaining. I first thought it was pretty adventurous. I was interested of the beginning, since I see stormtroopers shooting the rebels, and Leia putting the death star plans and the message to R2-D2. Seeing both R2 and C-3P0 trapped in Jawa's Sandcrawer got me to know everything about Jawas. I was glad C-3P0 got Owen to buy R2 and they stayed with Luke. I was surprised both of Luke's Uncle and Aunt got founded and killed, and he sees their skeletons. It feels like Luke had no choice, but to do some mission with Obi-Wan. I thought the cantina was a fun place. At times, I thought the props like the automated doors feels a bit wonky, but I knew it was a very old movie, so I didn't mind. I did watch the special editions first, so I saw Han talking to Jabba, and I thought he looked a bit fake. Cutting to the death star adventure, their mission were pretty interesting. The entire scene where they go to the detention level and rescue Leia, I liked how they made it there to rescue Leia, and escaped with her. Obi-Wan fighting with Darth Vader was kinda simplistic, even when I first saw it. With Obi-Wan dying, I found it interesting he can still walk to Luke with the force. Also, I did like how destroying the death star went out. Overall, Episode 4 went pretty well when I first saw it.Around the time, I think Episode 5 and 6 are better. Empire Strikes Back felt very natural and memorable. When I first saw it, I thought it had more depth as a movie. The action and the props got better, and the lines are more memorable. I was happy to see Obi-Wan again, as a ghost. Battle of Hoth was more interesting to watch than to play in Lego Star Wars due to its difficulty. I realized those air space battles have a lot of video game versions. I thought Darth Vader was amazing as a villain. I understand why he is everyone's favorite villain. Luke and Yoda interactions seemed funny. I thought it was interesting on Luke's character because I knew he wouldn't be a great jedi since he has other things in his mind. Obi-Wan did say he's not ready to be trained. As a kid, I never knew about him fighting Darth Vader inside the tree. I didn't really get how Darth Vader was there for few years. I also liked the connections with Han and Leia. The bickering with both of them seems to not be actual bickering that I see on TV shows at the time, and it was interesting because they were helpful and respect each other more as the movie goes on. The entire Bespin scenes have a lot of interesting moments. Han getting frozen got me attached to know how Leia and Chewie feels when he gets frozen in carbonite. As for Boba Fett, I thought he looked cool, but he doesn't do much other than following Darth Vader around. The fight between Luke and Darth Vader looked more interesting than the duel in the first movie. Luke jumps everywhere, using the forces to throw objects, and the interaction between Luke and Darth Vader. I never knew Darth Vader was his father until he admitted it. I could see why Luke freaked out about it, yelling Noooo. Despite seeing the parodies like the Fairly Oddparents parody and Toy Story 2 Zurg scene, I never think he was related to Luke until I watched this movie. That's very interesting even though I saw the parodies first. This movie is the reason why I think it's better than A New Hope, while both being great movies.The last movie of the trilogy is also a good one. As a kid, I thought it has really great connections between Luke and his friends, and even Darth Vader. Boba Fett did more action, and I laughed how he died in Lego Star Wars. I didn't mind Jabba as a kid, nor the freaks in the palace. However, the dancing in the special edition, I could tell it did not look faithful to the rest of the movie, and I think the two aliens were weird. Anyway, the actions on the movie looks pretty interesting. The battle on Jabba's ships, the Scout vehicle on Endor, and the Battle of Endor. I was kinda sad to see Yoda dying, but it was interesting to hear Luke is related with Leia. As a kid and even now, I liked the Ewoks. I never found them annoying. I get why people don't like them, but they never took affect on the movie for me. I laughed when C-3P0 was floating with a chair. As for Luke and Darth Vader, I see their second duel as something special. I think this is my second favorite lightsaber duel of the trilogy because this shows the relations between the two and Luke learning the dark side is not really good. My first favorie is from ESB like many people. My favorite scene of the movie is when the Emperor shocks Luke and Darth Vader decides to do the right thing by throwing him to his death. It's because it shows very redeemable moment Darth Vader has for Luke. Of course, it was pretty sad to see Luke watching Vader dying. The Battle of Endor was my favorite battle because of the end of the empire and seeing the connections with Han and Leia, and Luke and Darth Vader. Back then, I found Admiral Ackbar to be an interesting character, mostly because the way he speaks. At the end, I was waiting to see Ghost Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Yoda because of the games. When I saw Hayden Christansen, I thought to myselfwhen did the movie came out. I knew it came out in 1983, and Episode 3 came in 2005, and wonder how Christansen looked the same, until I learned about the special edition. I know this is the most hated change that George Lucas has made, but I never had anything against Christiansen. Anyway, I liked the entire ending and showing the universe celebrating.The three movies are very likable, especially the last two. I used to favorite 5 and 6 the most, but over the years, Empire Strikes back is my favorite Star Wars movie, the entire saga. I would show this trilogy to anyone of I want to introduce them Star Wars. Those are really good classics. Also, Lego Star Wars 2 and The Complete Saga are recommended for playing the movie, and I can also include Super Star Wars games. My next part is me reviewing the Prequel Trilogy. I am gonna go more about my first reactions just like the OT here. I will explain what I think about it. Also, this is my first actual retrospective post, so I may type it like an average blogger.

#star wars #original trilogy

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drnucleus · 6 years ago

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I don’t know what to expect from IX. I’m really hoping it is endgame and they don’t just drop the romance angle, but it’s also kind of what I’m expecting? Like I don’t expect follow-through from it, even though I would love it if it happened

Hi Nonnie,

I totally get it. I understand that completely. Do I think it’s endgame? Yes.

However am I going into IX with any expectations? NOPE. I’m a fandom granny. No seriously I have lived through so many fandoms that I simply go in with no expectations. That way if what I think might happen if even in some small way happens then I will be super happy and overjoyed and if it doesn’t I am usually able to divorce myself from my disappointment and respect the creator’s vision.

As a writer and someone who was professionally trained to do so, I know that creators have a vision. They have an endgame in mind. And they drop breadcrumbs about it from the beginning and if you’re clever enough to see them you usually can figure out any story.

This is why I ruin police procedurals for my mom. My dad and I made a game of it watching Law and Order as a kid growing up (and I mean OG Law and Order with Det. Lenny Briscoe). Whomever could figure out who committed the murder first won. We used to keep a running tally. My dad was really good at it, but when I got really into reading and started reading mystery novels and horror novels and other stories that rely heavily on mystery boxes I started getting better at it. We also watched Law and Order because my two actor 2nd cousins have been guest stars as defense lawyers idk how many times but that’s neither here nor there.

And tbh ESB’s twist of Vader as Luke’s father came as such a shock because IDK if even Lucas really knew he was going to do it until he did it. Luckily the story was vague enough in ANH that a throw away line about certain points of view was enough to close what could have been a crippling plot hole.

My mom is an OG Star wars fan. Mostly bc she loves the pew pew and the lightsaber battles, and secondly because Harrison Ford is a very handsome and talented man (tbh my first crush was Han Solo and second was Indy).

My mom was there when everyone was UP IN ARMS about Leia and Luke kissing. And how that was SOOOOOO going to be endgame. Which originally Lucas had intended that Leia would be a love interest for Luke and that the twin sister would be revealed in 7, 8 and 9 someday. However during writing ROTJ and filming ESB he decided to really hone in on Leia and Han’s chemistry (granted Irving was directing then) but he made the narrative choice to make Leia the sister and Han her love interest. It simultaneously elevated Leia’s narrative importance and made her the leading lady of her own story on equal footing to her equally powerful twin brother instead of just being Luke’s sidekick love interest.

Even when I was a KID and I saw ESB it always kind of made me laugh that Leia’s response to Han goading her about liking him was to smack lips with the only other humanoid male in the room just to prove how NOT smitten she was with Han. (AND if that doesn’t make her simultaneously Padme and Anakin’s child I don’t know what will convince you otherwise).

TPM came out when was was 13 and a half which will be 20 yrs ago next May - HOLY FUCK. And I’ve been an avid reader since I could read so I had gobbled up countless numbers of books by then. I was in the theater with my parents and legit held my hand up over Ian’s eyes and gasped and tugged on my mom’s sleeve.

“Mom that’s THE EMPEROR” and she was like “No honey he’s just a senator who’s now chancellor of the republic”

And this was still in the age of Dial-up internet and no IMDB. So I did my own digging and found our VHS copies of the OT and looked at the cast listing at the end of the movie. And saw the same name playing the Emperor as the man playing Senator-Chancellor Sheev Palpatine. Now the movies in the OT never actually say the Emperor’s real name. He’s just the shadowy, scary Emperor with lightning bolts shooting out of his hands. So like we knew in TPM that Palpy was going to become the emperor. Now say what you will about the Prequels but Lucas did do a fair bit of narrative arc planning with it than what he threw together with the OT.

He knew we had to meet Anakin as a boy, see him as a caring and compassionate individual who is uniquely gifted in the Force. And that had circumstances been different he would have probably been the paragon force sensitive and balanced the force. However due to realistic flaws of all characters, good and bad alike, including flaws within Anakin’s character himself he falls prey to the darkside and it’s temptations and then becomes the very thing he feared.

Tbh next to TLJ, ROTS is right up there with ESB as my favorite in the saga. Sure the dialogue is wooden and clunky. Lucas is not a dialogue director. He’s a vision director. He has a scene in his mind, and he wants it played like that. Which is fine. He also came from a school of thought in the 1970s where sci-fi was pure camp and overdramatic. His style never really changed. The OT is so lauded because he didn’t direct all of them. He had other people come in and he had script doctoring and his first wife in the editing room taking his vision and turning it into a cohesive narrative. We seem to forget that Lucas was a young dude right out of film school when he made ANH. He barely knew how to string a narrative together and the early cuts of ANH were terrible and nowhere near what people saw in the theater. Don’t believe me? Google “how star wars was saved in the editing room” it’s a remarkable story about how Lucas’s first wife and principal editor basically made ANH into an actual story instead of a mish mash of ideas that it was before. The prequels had Lucas at the helm for all three. Yes by then he had gotten a hold of narratively what he wanted to convey, but he still didn’t always convey it in the most efficient ways.

But there are moments in the prequels that I’m stunned by their perfection. “This is how liberty dies? With thunderous applause.” as Padme watches in horror as the Republic becomes an empire before her eyes. It’s perfect to convey the horror she feels and her disgust at what the thing she’s fought for so long to just crumble and slip away.

Or the entirety of the Anakin v. Obi Wan Mustafar battle. Visually STUNNING, and heartbreaking. You can feel how much neither of them want to fight the other but how they both are so entrenched in their now opposite ideologies that they know they have to fight.

I’ve also been a fan of JJ’s for a long time.

Sure he loves mystery boxes but he usually makes the answer SO obvious that most people ignore it.

Like on Lost which I never actually watched save for maybe a few episodes, it’s pretty clear that something metaphysical is going on in that island with the crash. And there are clues dating back to the pilot as to what happened in the finale.

In TFA we’re introduced to Rey. We’re given a mystery box of who is Rey and why is she important and who is her family. But we’re also given the answer. She’s no one. And that’s why she’s important. She is no one. She doesn’t need to have this huge galactic sized legacy on her shoulders to be important, to be special. SHE IS NO ONE. And that’s why the Force chose her as its vessel.

Reason why is that she’s narratively the perfect foil for her counterpart Ben Solo/Kylo Ren. He has all that legacy and weight on his shoulders. They’re equals in power in strength, in light and darkness. They are complete equals. And TFA was all about establishing that fact. Now TLJ was all about deepening that initial connection. To get them both to scratch beneath the surface of one another, and get under one another’s skin. In doing so Ben learned that Rey just wants to belong, to be loved and have a place in the galaxy. And Rey, she learned that Ben is just as lonely, but has rejected his birthright because he felt rejected and abandoned by those who should have unconditionally loved and protected him from Snoke (which granted OT Trio tried but they def didn’t have great parenting examples either sooooo).

Now as an adult Ben is bitter, full of resentment and rage because the people he should have been able to count on fucked up royally. And I love that. I resonate with it because of my own experiences as an abuse survivor too. But even more so because it makes Han, Leia and Luke less perfect legends and more human. It makes them real and relatable that they tried to do everything right by their kiddo but ended up fucking him up. Luke’s betrayal itself was the least shocking part of TLJ tbh. Like does no one remember him going ABSOLUTELY banana balls insane when Vader threatened Leia in ROTJ?

That kind of Skywalker level extra doesn’t just go away with age.

And yeah Ben needed someone in the fam to be like “so kid, um, lets talk about this.” No one in the OT Trio is good at talking about their feelings. Luke tries to control his by just not dealing with it - the kind of thing you’d expect from a “pray the depression away” type. Leia ignores it and bottles that shit until it comes out as thinly veiled anger. And Han is the most ridiculous of the three with his constant hot and cold routine throughout ESB.

The ST is yes about the failures of the OT trio, the failures of the Jedi and the Sith. But it’s also a story about the force and it’s two chosen vessels. A girl from nowhere and the last scion of the Skywalker line. The fact that their connections in TLJ are coded as sexual awakenings is very indicative of where I think this is all going to go. The Force is basically the Skywalker Patriarch if we’re going on the whole immaculate conception with Shmi. And Ben fell from his path for years now thanks to the other Skywalkers falling from the path and inadvertently pushing him down the rabbit hole with Snoke, manipulating everything like a master of puppets.

JJ himself even said he was upset that he didn’t get to direct TLJ because he loved Rian’s script so much.

I have faith we’re going to get a hell of a finish to the 9 film Skywalker saga. With Reylo as endgame or not I think we’re going to get something truly satisfying that links all 9 movies together in a way that will have meta writers writing for years to come about all the parallels and thematic Leitmotifs within the narrative as a whole that encompasses technically 4 generations of Skywalkers (Shmi, Anakin, Luke/Leia, and Ben).

When Ben killed Han in TFA and you get that focused in shot of Adam’s face as the weight of what he just did HITS him and his eyes widen and his lips part, you see the exact moment he shatters his soul realizing that he just seriously fucked up. I leaned over to my best friend that night in the midnight showing and said “do you smell redemption arc?” and I’ve been on that train from day one.

If he were truly irredeemable he wouldn’t have split his spirit to the bone by killing his father. He wouldn’t have cared to try to convince Rey to be her teacher in the middle of their battle. He wouldn’t care that Rey stares at him like she did that night and call him a monster. A real monster wouldn’t care at being called one. And is so very shook and pained by that moniker with his lower lip quiver and his eyes red rimmed. If he were truly irredeemable he wouldn’t have killed his master just to save the girl, he’d have just usurped power and shrugged her off instead of trying to convince her to stay with him. He wouldn’t have addressed her fear and insecurity of being nothing and no one while shaking his head and saying “but not to me”. If he were truly a monster he would have pulled the damn trigger when his had the bridge of the Raddus in his sights but couldn’t because he felt his mother’s love for him even after everything he’s done.

Has he done terrible things? YES. He definitely has. But he has the equal potential for amazing things as much as he has for the terrible things he’s done. And I for one will be happy to see him begin to even slightly embrace that potential by the end of ep 9. Reylo or no Reylo I’m sure I’m going to be happy with ep 9. There’s no way Adam and so many other brilliant actors would have signed on without at least knowing where this is all gonna go. Adam himself was hesitant to take on the burden of SW but was convinced to do so because of the complexity of Ben’s character. That to me says we’re getting something amazing in ep9. And I can’t wait.

#ask drnucleus #sw talk #drnucleus writes things #Anonymous

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shakingthestars · 7 years ago

Text

Failure is the greatest master : why it is Rey who failed Kylo more than the contrary...

Let’s talk about the last Reylo scene in TLJ, when Rey basically sends Kylo sleeping on the couch, making him clear that he is the one who f***** it up

I must admit that during my first viewing, I ended up kinda pissed toward Kylo in the last act of the movie. For the first time in his life, he had a true opportunity to come back home and he f***** it up. His own parents had so little faith in him that they sent him away because they feared he would become Darth Vader 2. His own uncle has so little faith in him that he tried to kill him in his sleep - in his sleep! - instead of facing the roots of the problem: Snoke. Snoke himself had so little faith in him that he called him a child in a mask after years of abuse. For the first time, Ben Solo had found in Rey someone who had genuine faith in him and was ready to stand for him. The girl traveled the entire galaxy, putting herself in danger, to go after him...and had the guy proposing her to rule the galaxy with him as a result.

But the more I think about it, the more I think that it is actually Rey who made a big mistake with dramatic consequences although my point is not to say that Kylo is an angel. TLJ is a movie about failure and hightlighted Rey’s flaws much more than in TFA. Her biggest flaw is revealed by Kylo himself - and we know that Kylo never lies to her: she gets too easily emotionally attached to people as a consequence of her abandonment, searching a surrogate family in people she barely knows. But even more problematic IMO: her impulsiveness!

- Finn “stole” Poe’s jacket? Attacks him with her staff without waiting for any explanation

- Luke didn't tell the whole truth? Attacks him with the staff without waiting for any explanation

- Kylo shows up unexpectedly in front of her? Shoots him without asking herself what is the deal with theconnection, meanwhile Kylo tries calmly to figure out how it works

- Upset with his proposal? Grabs angrily the lightsaber #whatwasyournextmove?#

And here comes the core of the problem. She is far too impulsive, leading to a stupid decision with big consequences, and not for her but for Kylo himself. She shares a confession moment with him, has a vision of his bright future, gets angry with Luke and leaves the island in barely...5 minutes maybe? She doesn’t take the time to analyze the situation and her vision quietly in order to figure out what this all means. Sure, Luke did the same in ESB but he didn’t lose time in going after Han and Leia because he thought they were in grave danger. Rey doesn’t go after Kylo because he is in grave danger but because her usual impulsiveness - coupled with her burgeoning “feelings” for Ben - leads her to elaborate a risky and stupid plan she didn't think the consequences about. At a first sight, she got what she wanted: she got Kylo to turn his back on Snoke but in her impulsiveness she didn’t think about the possible consequences. Although I wouldn't say that that it is all her fault, she hold some big responsibility in the fiasco that follows.

In putting herself in danger, she forces Kylo to make a choice he isn’t prepared for: choosing her over Snoke. Sure, it looks very much like Luke putting himself in danger to force Vader to choose him over the Emperor. But she didn’t think of the implications for him. Kylo is left with no other choice but killing the only person he ever had a close relationship with in order to protect her. And Rey immediately assumes that having killed his master, he will come back as the only hope of the Resistance, not even thinking about the possible consequences of bringing Ben with her to the Resistance. Barely the fight is over, Kylo goes to see Snoke and Rey doesn't ask him how he feels about that. Instead, she goes straight to the hologram and demands him to stop the firing against the Resistance fleet. Subtext: you’re on our side now that you’ve killed your master.

I think that the main problem lies there: she provoked the circumstances knowing that he wouldn’t let Snoke kill her, thus kinda forced him to kill Snoke to save her and considered that his action had already sealed the deal. I wouldn't dare to say she is manipulative like Palpatine but she similarly brought Kylo to betray his own master (and the FO) in order to save her, very much like Palpatine brought Anakin to betray Mace Windu (and the Jedi Order) in order to save him. And very much the same way Palpatine thinking rightfully he can turn Anakin because of his betrayal, she thinks - wrongly this time - that she can turn him from the FO after years of conditioning. But contrary to Anakin, Kylo is like a solitary wolf with big trust issues who got misused and beaten by an abusive master for years. And the problem is that you don't force a(n emotionally) wounded animal to follow you anywhere you want to by forcing his choice, no matter the circumstances you provoke to lead him to go the path you want to.

I think that in her impulsiveness, Rey didn't draw the right lessons from their trust moment during the hand touching. Beyond the romantic subtext, there is an even more important message. To succeed in "domesticating" a(n emotionally) wounded animal, you must behave calm, show patience and understanding and always leave the choice to accept your outstretched hand or not. If I had to make a comparison, I would say that Kylo reminds me a lot of White Fang. The first time Jack tries to approach White Fang, he gets bitten and apologizes, saying “I shouldn’t have forced you”. The second time, he draws the lesson of the previous experience...and ultimately it works:

Jack build a trust relationship with him by showing patience, understanding, and letting him come to him on his own will.

Let's see now how Rey behaves with Kylo all along the movie:

- Scene 1: Shoots him and yells at him barely he appears unexpectedly in front of her

- Scene 2: Yells at him, calling him a “murderous snake”

- Scene 3: Yells at him

- Scene 4: Offers her hand and waits until he finally takes it

- Scene 5: Calls him Ben, tells him "I'll help you" in a soft calming voice, enters his private space BUT...already she looks kinda upset that his interpretation of the vision is different than hers (what did you expect, honey?)

- Scene 6: Considers he has already made his choice to leave the FO, gets disillusioned by his attitude, grabs the lightsaber to attack him and leaves him behind

- Scene 7: Makes him feel like he is the one who f***** it up, closing the door right under his nose

In other words, the hand touching is the only scene where Rey did it all right IMO. She shows him that she understands him (neither are you - alone), tends her hand slowly to him and waits patiently that he takes his decision, leaving him the choice to come to her or not.

And you can see that Ben is hesitant, that his hand trembles and that this is not something easy for him but ultimately he does it. He is the one who crosses the line, goes on the other side and have probably the first physical contact in years with another human being :

http://xbonadea.tumblr.com/post/168536828099/youre-not-alone-1-gifset-part-2

Notice that there is no single scene until their confrontation on Supremacy where Kylo pushes Rey to come to his side. And in two movies, this is the only scene where he raises his voice against her before quickly calming down. He is always the one projecting himself in her surroundings, not the other way around. He is there to be a sympathetic ear, helping her genuinely as she is at her lowest point after the mirror scene. The only demand he makes to her is happens the very beginning of their interactions: "You will bring Luke Skywalker to me". But notice that after this moment, he completely loses focus on his original goal: find Luke. That goes completely out of picture during their Force bond dates. During their confrontation, he tells her "I want you to join me" which indeed looks more like a demand than a request because of the choice of the verb but the tone is definitely more beseeching than demanding.

One can blame Kylo Ren for a lot of things. His proposal may be inappropriate, messy, clumsy…but at least he is genuine. I think there is no doubt to have that he meant her no harm whether it comes to that harsh revelation of her parentage or his feelings about her. Is it unreasonable from him to hope that she would join him when he sees that she traveled the galaxy although she seemed to have no specific reason to go after him? So he takes his chance with a messy but genuine proposal. For the first time, he confesses his feelings to her and thus he puts himself in a vulnerable state: his hand trembles, his lips tremble, his eye plead her, he begs her (please), etc... For the first time, he asks her to come to him and he is in panic mode: he feels that she is not willing to come to his side to take his hand the same way he came to her side to take her hand. But most important, he leaves her the choice. She could have simply told him no. I am pretty sure that he wouldn't have been pleased, that he would have maybe yelled in frustration but he would have let her go safely. She had no reason to fear he would kill her, harm her or force her to stay unwillingly by his side given the way he had behaved with her in their previous interactions.

No wonder that Kylo freaks out in the last act of the movie. Snoke revealed that he is actually the one who put them in contact, which is of course a lie. But we can imagine that Kylo might have believed him given the way things turned between him and Rey:

1) When he realizes that Rey literally orders him to protect the Resistance, as if she considered he must be on the Resistance side now that he has betrayed Snoke for her. Like his parents, his uncle, Snoke, she has expectations on him, expectation he can’t fulfill.

2) When she tries to fool him by making him believe she'll take his hand... only to grab his legacy lightsaber by surprise and probably attack him once again just because she is - like always - f****ing impulsive. And this is IMO the dramatic turning point in their relationship because let’s keep in mind why Rey attacked Luke with her staff (another impulsive bahavior of hers) before leaving for Supremacy:

Is it true ? Did you create Kylo Ren?

How did Luke “create” Kylo Ren already ? ==> By betraying his trust, attempting to kill him in his sleep

How does Rey call the Kylo’s legacy lightsaber in TLJ ? ==> By betraying his trust, attempting to grab his legacy lightsaber although she made him believe she would take his hand

Instead of saying no like an adult, Rey found nothing more damaging than attacking him by surprise, completely forgetting how this man turned after he was attacked in his sleep by a closed one. The result? Once again, he has to defend himself against her, feels betrayed by a closed one like he was by Luke and makes it clear that this time he won’t let her have the upper hand. The consequence? His legacy lightsaber doesn’t fly into her hand like in TFA because she has become unworthy of his “feelings” in his mind. Not because she is a nobody; Not because she comes from nothing; Not because she said no like and adult. Because the trust is broken. And the lightsaber indeed ends up like him and their relationship: (heart)broken.

3) When Kylo wakes up, Snoke is dead because he has killed him to save the girl...but the girl is gone (leaving him for dead for the second time)! He probably thinks that Snoke told the truth: that this connection was a lie, that everything about them was a lie. Of course, he gets mad. Of course, he takes over the FO because it's the only thing he has left. Of course, he frames Rey because accusing himself would mean losing everything. Of course, he gets pissed because he thinks that it wasn't worth to choose her over his master. Since he has anything left and is terribly upset, he takes over the FO and goes all crazy mode. Only Luke's projection avoids a big tragedy to happen in the end. And when Kylo realizes that the connection is actually still there, he looks at her with sad puppy eyes as she shuts the door down under his nose. And Rey doesn’t seem to realize the supreme irony of the situation. She was persuaded that Kylo failed Luke only to discover later that Luke failed Kylo. As she shuts down the door, she has persuaded herself that Kylo failed her although she also failed him.

Changing a person requires to let that person decides on her own whether he/she truly wants to change or not, which needs time. It also requires support, patience and understanding from the person helping him/her. So I would say that Rey's impulsiveness played a big role in the way things turned, thinking that she could change Kylo in such a few lapse of time by sort of forcing the fate. In the end, she sort of threw Ben in the position of public enemy number 1 for the snake(s) of the FO, the Resistance and all people associating him to a new Vader - making him more broken, solitary and exposed to danger than ever.

What is unfair in her behavior is that she is often the one back-lashing the others for f****ing up but she rarely - if not never - questions the consequences of her own impulsive behavior. Never said Finn she was sorry for beating him with her staff before he could even give an explanation. Never said Luke she is sorry for beating him with her staff even before he could give an explanation. Never said Kylo she is sorry for scarring his face. Never said Kylo thank you for saving her life. And on top of that, the "you're the one who f***** it up" look in the end as if she hold no responsibility in the big mess she actually provoked all by herself.

What is striking with her is that she may never turn to the DS but she kinda likes to make people feel that she puts them down on their feets, bringing the others to kneel/fall in front of her (Finn, Luke, Kylo) and IMO she got a little too used to it. It's a good thing that Ben has this ability to stay calm when she gets mad and that the "pulling the lightsaber" duel makes it clear he is not willing to let himself dominate by her.

In other words, Kylo ain't the only who needs to grow up to make Reylo evolve into a true love relationship. Rey is a young - twenty years old - woman who also needs to mature because her difficult living conditions made her impulsive, impatient and craving for belonging.

Remember what Leia said in the TFA novelization:

“You knew this from the beginning ? Why didn’t you tell me ?”

She sighed. “Many reasons. I was hoping that I was wrong, that it wasn’t true. I hoped I could sway him, turn him away from the dark side, without having to involve you.” A small smile appeared. “You had - you have - wonderful qualities, Han, but patience and understanding were never among them. I was afraid that your reactions would only drive him farther to the dark side.

Rey is very much like Han. She always shoots first and doesn’t think enough of the consequences of her actions. And she definitely lacks patience, precisely what Ben would need. But failure is the greatest master so if Rey is the smart girl I think she is, she will ask herself what went wrong and what she did wrong in TLJ. By the way, it is now official that the working title of Episode 9 is dark crystal

http://reylo.skyforum.net/t686p175-predictions-for-episode-9#170671

So I guess that part of Episode 9 will be about how to restore their broken relationship symbolized by the broken Skywalker lightsaber by the end of TLJ.

#tlj spoilers #kylo ren #rey #reylo

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