#in my head they're alive and live in a little cottage in the woods and she is the breadwinner who hunts and sells meats and skins

[felifeltfrog]

Second reread of Witcher and do I still ship Milva and Kahir?

Why yessiree

[heartofspells]

Hello, it's AMA with heartofspells! Tell me about a universe where Sirius survives OOTP. How do the rest of the books unfold with Sirius alive? (And beyond, if you want!)

Hmm, is that what this is? Yeah, okay. AMA with Holli, everyone! Come one, come all! Except I'm not that interesting.

BUT then here's Imp, starting things off with a bang and making me use my brain. That's a bit evil and I love it.

Let's just pick up after the DoM battle, shall we? Sirius survives (duh, no other universe exists), he's cleared of all charges after a bit of struggle, but he was there fighting against those he was suspected of aiding, so there's not much denial at play. No Order of Merlin, though, because the Ministry are salty bastards and he's still alive. They don't care.

Skip ahead to right before the summer. Free and clear, Sirius leaves Grimmauld Place (good riddance, too many bad memories now, as though there weren't before) and he returns to Remus' little cottage surrounded by woods, fresh air, loads of room to roam and run. They set up a room for Harry, and then Sirius begins his battle with Dumbledore, the one he never got to truly have all those years ago. Harry is his, belongs with Sirius, a right bestowed onto him by his best friends. Legally, there's nothing Dumbledore can do. The only power he has at play is the blood protection, but Sirius only scoffs at that. Harry's coming home.

He spends one day, only one, with the Dursleys, Padfoot present the entire time. And of course Sirius doesn't have to be the dog, but it's more fun that way, though he does take his chance when Vernon becomes particularly enraged over something to shift back to himself, very intimidating, causing the man to choke on his own tongue.

Now, clever as Sirius is, as well as Remus, they connect a few dots based on what they've learned about Harry being linked with Voldemort. Dumbledore is keeping secrets, he always has, so as the summer progresses, Sirius and Remus work around him, do their own research about what could link a two people together, wand reactions, really looking into that night in Godric's Hallow and what happened to destroy Voldemort as he once was. And Sirius, with access to centuries of Black family tomes filled with the darkest of things, figures it out, consults a few others, somewhat experts, before setting to work.

While Harry is at school, constantly in contact with his two loving and attentive parents, attending to studies and finally, hopefully, feeling like the teenager he's meant to be, Sirius and Remus begin hunting down the Horcruxes themselves. They use their own contacts for the research they need, track down those that had interacted with Riddle and survived, learn whatever secrets he hadn't managed to bury. They find them all, every last one, gaining the ring before Dumbledore can, no curse there to set Draco's path into motion, squashing it before it starts. No reason for Dumbledore to act out of panic and begin showing Harry the memories relating to the Horcruxes. They take them back to their home, ward a clearing in the woods until it's safe, destroy them with Fiendfyre, Sirius understanding just how volatile it can be, how carefully it must be cast, how clear a person's head should be before doing so. And he does it all for Harry. For Harry and for Lily and for James.

It takes a long time, just the two of them working at it, fear clawing at them if the wrong person finds out, relays it back to Dumbledore. But they're not finished yet, the worst still to come. It's nearly the end of Harry's seventh year, NEWTs fast approaching, Harry exactly where he belongs, not traipsing all over the country, living rough, but warm in his bed every night. They've still been looking into that night when everything finally fell apart beneath their feet, sorting out the pieces, puzzling them together until they finally form the answer.

Harry is a Horcrux.

Now look, I could go into a lot of detail here and try to fix all the issues that are RIFE in canon, but I will not. Harry's a Horcrux, but they can't kill him, Sirius would never, wouldn't even risk it. So they corner Voldemort, blast him with the Killing Curse, trap his maimed soul, bury him in a cement block at the bottom of the North Sea (near where Sirius had spent SO MANY wasted years) and live happily ever after.

Harry lives his life, does as he pleases, roams a bit without a master, free to do as he wishes with his best godfather in full support of his choices. Remus gets to live a comfortable life with Sirius, working as he pleases, surrounding himself with books and whatever else he likes, and Sirius goes into training to be a Healer. He and Remus have an entire litter of babies with their big brother Harry always around to spoil them senseless until he's got his own kids to be rightfully spoiled by their grandfathers Moony and Padfoot (Moony always has chocolate in his pocket, but shhhh don't tell Harry)(he knows). They all grow old and lazy and Sirius finds that he really enjoys comfortable slippers with rabbit ears very much.

THE END

[engagemachine]

Hey ☺️ I'm just sitting in my room thinking about zombie! AU to Burn and like, wowza. The Joker would be on a hunt for Batman, knowing the rich and corrupted of Gotham are burrowed away to safety, I can imagine the Joker would want to draw the Bat out, the Joker knowing full well that Bruce Wayne wouldn't be able to do the cowardly thing and hide out like the other elites. Batman would put on the cape and try to save any survivors he could, and the Joker would be trying so desperately to maintain their dynamic in the midst of it all since it's all he has and it's his biggest purpose. Meanwhile his second biggest obsession, at least I'd hazard that she is, Taylor, would be by his side and terrified. She would know that if anything happened to Mr. J and Ressling she would be Royally Screwed. The Joker would do what he could to keep her safe and alive, making her wear a big ugly denim coat so bites won't go through just in case. She would be tucked as small as possible in the backseat, all scrunched up on the floor while they drive along, and she would pass time by sketching and trying not to think about what might happen next. Her hair would be kept up in a messy bun almost always because she has this fear of an undead monster grabbing her by her hair and yanking her away (even though she's constantly sandwiches between the two men when they're walking for obvious reasons). I imagine she would adapt surprisingly well, simply being used to trauma and uncertainty when it comes to her safety just in every day life. Ressling and The Joker would have to sleep in shifts and they'd have to be careful risking fires to cook too often. One night Taylor might wake up, startled by something she can't explain, lifts her head up from Mr. J's lap and instead of being asleep leaned up on the window like she thought he was he's just staring down at her, eyes black. He shushes her and tells her to go back to sleep, and Ressling would turn the radio on softly to drown out the screams in the distance, mostly for Taylor's sake. They'd eat canned foodsnand sleep in the car, parked deep in the forest so theyre hidden as possible. They would see horrible things like bodies eaten away laying out on the roads, the Joker might chuckle at a couple of them and Ressling would be unfazed, and Taylor would be having to try and hide PTSD attacks because she would just see Anders cut up all over again. She might even have to close her eyes sometimes. Anyways sorry for going on I'm smoking weed and that's prolly making me ramble lmbo

"I'm smoking weed and that's prolly making me ramble"

anon, I love you so much for this. omg.

Also, like, the fact that you would get high and then choose to think about Burn? Specifically your Zombie AU? And then headcanon about my characters???? you are the real MVP. that's so sexy of you.

anyway, UGH, this AU haunts me!!! I love the images you described. And, my gosh, that bit about how she wakes up in Mr. J's lap (and not leaning up against the window like she had thought... boi!!!!) and he's just. staring at her. Maybe pets her hair before telling her to go back to sleep. But she can't, she can't, she's scared because she can hear them. And Ressling, in the front seat, watching the exchange from the rearview mirror, knows that that's his cue to turn up the radio (they listen to the same five CDs on rotation, because obviously there is no radio to listen to anymore, it's all just static).

And how they'd live out of the car most days, but then occasionally they stumble onto an abandoned safehouse, and for Taylor's sake, they make it "home" for a little while. It's not safe to stay in one place for too long, so Taylor knows she shouldn't get attached, but she still cries every time they have to get back in the truck and leave. Sometimes she's especially stubborn and refuses to get in. The last house was like that. It was a cottage in the woods--fairly well-kept, somehow, despite everything--and it even had running water still, from a well somewhere on the property.

They hunker down there for three weeks, which is the longest they've ever stayed anywhere in one place. It starts to feel like... almost like home to her, and she puts her little touches everywhere. There are flowers growing in the backyard--weeds, really--but she collects them and finds a vase under the sink, arranges the flowers just so and puts them on the kitchen table. She picks up all the overturned furniture and rearranges it in the way she imagines how it used to be, before the outbreak. Tries to imagine what the family who had lived here before might've been like. There's some old clothes in the closet in the single bedroom, and when she's alone she goes in there and presses her face into them, trying to smell.... sometimes she thinks she catches a lingering scent. It's been a long time since she's seen another human who isn't Mr. J and Ressling. A really, really long time. For some reason, one of the things she misses about people most of all is their unique scent. What a weird thing to miss.

She sleeps in the single bedroom with Mr. J, and Ressling sleeps on the couch. That's how it always is. And when she's not tidying up the cottage, she's carefully rationing out their food, or searching for more. Most of the kitchen shelves and the pantry have been ransacked, but she miraculously finds a can of unopened corn, and it's like finding a precious diamond.

She surprises them with it at dinnertime, hot and piping corn--so yellow, she forgot food could be so bright--and it's the best thing she's eaten in months. She's careful to divvy out their portions, making sure they all get an even amount--although, if she's honest, she always gives a little extra to Mr. J.

She had loved that cottage. She'd wanted to stay forever. She could picture the three of them living there, making a life for themselves, living off the land... what else was there?

But Mr. J told her they had to go, and Taylor stomped her foot and told him no and threw what might've been her biggest hissy fit ever. She actually clung to the porch rail while Ressling packed up the truck, and when Mr. J threatened to leave her there to fend off the zombies all by herself, already turning his back to her, Ressling was the one who had to carry her instead--kicking and screaming--back to the truck.

[luccislegs]

Hello! Could I please request 2 hcs with Law and Robin? The reader is the local cryptid of a town, and has a df that allows them to attract small animals. They're especially fond of black cats, and have slightly morbid humor. They join the respecitve crews, and it takes a while for them to adjust. One habit that's particularly chaotic is filling a room full of cats and just hanging out with them.

Law:

Law doesn’t believe it when the locals whisper of a cryptid that lurks about town, bringing in all sorts of weird animals in the night. He’s especially unconvinced that this cryptid is bad luck. There’s no scientific proof that black cats are bad luck, and he’s sure you just have a fondness for them.

He’s got no real interest beyond meeting the cryptid, expecting a bigfoot-esque creature or at least a weird old hermit living in the woods. What he finds is you instead, almost painfully normal compared to the stories he’s heard. He’s almost comically disappointed, and you laugh at him when he explains what he’s heard about you.

Sitting down with you for a while explains just why you freak the townsfolk out so much. Small creatures seem to flock to you in droves, and your sense of humor and manner of speaking is…off-putting. You remind him of himself in some ways, except covered in animals.

Toads can be heard croaking in the small tub of water outside your window and whenever Law peeks out to look, they’re looking up at him with an almost eerie intellect…right up until one tries to catch a fly that’s landed on his cheek and slaps him in the face with it’s wet tongue. Bats flutter in and out of the open window, made creepier by the hooting of the owls that have parked themselves in the trees and on the windowsill. By far, though, the freakiest thing to Law is all the cats. 

There are cats literally everywhere. Three are parked in your lap, with four more vying for a position. There are cats sitting on the table and on the counters, cats just covering the couch, and more can be seen lurking in the hallway, watching Law with luminous yellow eyes. 

Not to mention the 2 that have claimed his lap as a seat.

And they’re all black. It seems like you’re doing it on purpose, there’s no way this island has only black cats, but when he asks you just shrug. “Maybe they’ve gotten rid of all the others,” you say, and he can’t fucking tell if you’re joking or not.

Even though you lowkey freak him out, he keeps coming back to your little cottage outside of town. He’s got a few days to spare, and your knowledge of herbal medicine is something he can’t ignore. After only 2 days, he gives into the desire to have you join his crew. The others are unsettled but don’t complain, and for the first voyage everything is fine. 

There are no small animals, besides the few cats you’ve brought with you and a bat you’re particularly fond of, but in lieu of small animals you seem to be drawing every single spider in existence out of the walls of the ship. At any given time you can be found with at least a dozen scuttling around your space, and Law can’t help but blanch whenever you pick one up and gently move it off of your book so you can flip the page.

He realizes there might be a small problem when the Tang stops at the next island. He’s only gone for a few hours when Penguin rushes up to him in a panic, pointing back at the ship and pleading with him for help. When Law asks him what’s going on, all he says is “Cats.”

He rushes back to the ship, fearing the worst, with Penguin hot on his heels.

“Oh my god,” Law says when he reaches the sub again, and smacks himself in the face. “I’m going to kill them.”

There are actually cats everywhere, and he can see you and Bepo sitting in the middle of the deck, playing with feather toys and laser pointers. It’s hard to navigate around them, and everything below his knees would have been littered with scratch marks if he wasn’t wearing pants by the time he reaches you. 

“Hello, Captain,” Bepo says, hardly looking up from his prone position on the ground. There are 4 cats perched on his back, all purring and blinking slowly up at Law, and he finds that all the annoyance he had initially is gone at the adorable sight. Grumbling about what a sucker he is, he seats himself next to, begrudgingly taking the feather toy you’ve offered him. A cat immediately latches onto it and snatches it away, and Law quickly Rooms it back into his hands, glaring at you as you laugh.

“These cats will have to go, ___-ya. It’s fine for now though. It’ll be too much of a pain to do it right now,” he says, swishing the toy back and forth and watching the adorable bundles of fluff chase it back and forth across the deck.

Robin:

Robin is instantly interested when she hears the legends of a cryptid. What they describe sounds almost like a vampire, and when she tells the others about it, Luffy almost automatically wants it to join the crew. The others naturally voice their disagreement, but Luffy’s mind is made up. He sends Robin off to locate you, telling the archaeologist that he has more pressing matters to attend to, like finding lots of meat.

It isn’t hard to find you. The villagers gave a very specific description of your cottage and strict instructions to avoid it at all costs. Naturally, she didn’t listen and was knocking on your door after a 20 minute walk from the ship. After a moment of silence, she realized you must not be home. Just as she turned around, ready to give it up for the time being, something wound around her ankles and she looked down to find a cat. It stared up at her for a moment before taking off a little ways. Then it sat and stared at her. When she approached, it got up and trotted off again, and she quickly got the hint.

She followed it into the woods, noticing the lack of any animal noises for the most part, until all of a sudden it seemed the woods came alive. As she stepped out into a clearing, it fell silent, everything turning to scrutinize her. There was a murmured command from the center of the clearing, drawing her attention as the animals relaxed and started up their noises again. A path opened up , finally revealing you sitting on a stump in the center of the clearing.

“Well, hello,” Robin said, coming to stand in front of you. Perched on your shoulders were a squirrel and a starling, each staring at her as if unafraid. “How cute. I heard you were able to attract animals, but I had no idea you were able to control them too.”

You smiled a little, cupping your hands at your feet and allowing a chipmunk to hop into them. “I don’t really control them, per se. Something about my powers just calms them, like they understand that I’m not going to hurt them or allow anyone else to hurt them.”

Holding your hands out to her, Robin cupped hers and the little chipmunk scuttled into them, staring up at her with its beady little black eyes. It sat quietly for a moment before it scampered up her arm to her shoulder, burrowing into her hair and curling up there.

“He likes you,” you said, standing up. She got her first good look at you then, and was surprised that the rest of you was just as normal as your face. She still couldn’t quite figure out why you might be considered a “cryptid”, let alone unlucky. But then, with the myriad of black cats– probably every single one on the island, if she had to guess– swarming at your ankles, she supposed she could understand. Not that she believed in the old superstition, but small towns weren’t known for being intelligent.

Over the next few days, while they waited for the log pose to reset, you got to meet the rest of the crew. They were an eclectic bunch, and you fit in with them better than you ever had with anyone on the island. By the last day, Luffy insisted on you joining his crew, but you were hesitant to leave your animals behind. Before anyone else could say anything, Luffy had already opened his mouth and promised you could bring them.

You laughed and agreed, much to everyone’s horror, and promised to be at the ship in a few hours. They were all very much relieved when you showed up with only a few cats and your personal belongings. However, Nami took a look behind you and her eyes grew wide. She yelped and pointed, drawing the others attention to the large black mass moving across the ground at a rapid pace. 

Before you could process what was going on, the ship was covered in meowing, purring furballs. You saw Usopp go down as he tripped over one, followed by Zoro. Franky was covered in them, and Luffy had three trapped in his arms, but they didn’t seem to mind. He was staring at you with a wide grin as he leaned over the railing of the ship and yelled, “Can we keep them, ___?”

You opened your mouth to reply, but Nami was already punching him in the head, and multiple yells could be heard underneath the mass of cats, all of them sounding suspiciously like, “No!”