art-yeti

[robotslenderman]

I have so many feelings about the Church of Interruption, okay.

I adapt my conversational style based on who I’m talking to. If I’m talking to someone who is part of the Church of Strong Civility I will respect that, but fuck I’ll hate it. I hate nothing more than when someone else is waffling on and on and will not stop, and will not let me cut in. I find it annoying when people talk for the sake of talking. Yes, I get it, now shut up.

Church of Interruption is especially something that people with ADHD and autism can relate to, I think. If you have ADHD, the Chuch of Strong Civility will drive you apeshit. If you’re autistic or have ADHD, then you know the shame and embarrassment that comes with talking about a hyperfixation with someone who doesn’t interrupt. If you’re talking about a hyperfixation, and the other person interrupts, it’s so much easier -- they’ll either interrupt to finish your sentences and add more to it, which leaves you feeling encouraged and enthused, or they’ll interrupt to change the subject. But if they don’t interrupt at all it leaves me feeling like I’ve bored them to tears or that they’re just humouring me, and I think a lot of autistics and ADHDers can relate to that.

And as someone with ADHD... conversations that are turn-based are so exhausting, because they’re not at all stimulating. I was listening in on a turn-based conversation last night for Reasons and it was so difficult to stay tuned in and all I could think sometimes was “yes, we get it, now shut up so the other person can have a turn.” In that household interruption is the height of rudeness, but it’s okay to hold the spotlight and refuse to share it until you’ve finished, regardless of whether or not people understand you.

And that works for them, and it’s okay! They don’t see it as rude to keep on talking if the other person already understands. That’s how they work, that’s valid. Different to me is not bad!

My household is the opposite -- when my family has interacted with more turn-based people they’ll roll their eyes about how the other person is waffling and won’t let them cut in, and that they’re being selfish to keep talking. We talk to each other in half-sentences and jump rapidly back and forth, and if we deny each other the right to jump in it’s considered an asshole move because “yes, we get it, now shut up for a moment.”

It’s just different. It’s not superior to turn based conversation, it’s just different because that’s our family culture and how we’re wired, just like how other people are wired not to interrupt. We stop talking to show respect when the other person is ready to talk, and other people show respect by letting others finish.

I think it’s especially relevant if you’re female and you’re trained to not interrupt, but men interrupt you all the time, and the best way to deal with that is to interrupt them right back with an “I wasn’t finished.” Because yes, that is an interruption. Church of Interruption doesn’t mean you can’t interrupt an interruption, it doesn’t mean the other person interrupts and now you have to shut up. It means that the other person is making a stab at what you’re trying to say, and if they’re wrong? You cut in again with a “no, no, no, what I mean is -- “ and that continues until the other person Gets It. And how do you show that the other person has Got It? You stop interrupting their interruptions. What is considered rude is to continue talking when they clearly understand you.

I prefer those types of conversations greatly. It’s a personal preference. You don’t have to agree because you might be built in another way, and that’s okay! But that means we’re going to drive each other crazy. For me the most fulfilling conversations are when we’re both finishing each other’s sentences and going in a quick, back and forth banter. I can keep up with that. I can’t keep up with slower paced conversations because my brain switches off, and I find neurotypicals are notorious for that. They speak so slowly and I can’t keep up with that because my brain races ahead, finds that the track of conversation has run out (because I can’t continue it yet), and then wanders off after shiny things.

I’ve noticed there’s a trend that if you interrupt, you’re rude, but it’s not rude to keep talking when the other person already knows what you’re saying. It’s like city VS country, tbh, where in the city you’re considered rude if you take up the other person’s time too much. In conversations, this same dichotomy exists -- to an interrupter, if you’re wasting people’s time it’s considered your privilege to do so, and it’s the height of rudeness to cut into that. To someone who’s not an interrupter, it’s the height of rudeness to not allow them to take their time.

But as the article points out -- if we’re not built for each other’s style it can get frustrating. If you’re Meek, you don’t want to talk to people who interrupt you because interruption makes you feel like shit, like what you have to say doesn’t matter. And that’s also valid. If I quickly realise I’m talking to a Meek person I’ll do my best not to interrupt them because that’s not how they’re wired, and I don’t want them to feel like shit. In fact I default to trying not to interrupt people whose conversation style is not quickly apparent, and I think a lot of interrupters do the same.

So like, there’s no One Right Way. It’s okay to be different to people, and prefer to talk to and engage with people who speak and listen the same way you do. You don’t have to bend other people into your style -- as long as you respect each other when you inter-communicate, it doesn’t matter. Maybe today you can’t handle interruption. That’s fine. Maybe tomorrow you choose to let it happen and interrupt right back even though you’d rather not.

But whatever your style is, it’s okay. You get two interrupters together, you two don’t have to go for something turn-based just because “it’s rude not to.” Just fucking cut into each other and have fun like the way you both want to. I’ll respect your feelings if you prefer not to be interrupted, because I don’t want you to feel like garbage, but if I’m talking to another interrupter then fuck it! Let’s interrupt each other!

SO YEAH I HAVE FEELINGS OKAY YOU’RE ALL VALID I LOVE YOU I’LL SHUT UP NOW.