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mindsmade · 1 month

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⁶⁾ a hospital waiting room with only one other person in it ( for Shawson perhaps 👀 )

meme

A lone salarian sits at the far end of the row of chairs lining the clinic's wall. Something about that sight almost stirs Aiden to pity — almost. It's not a feeling that's easily cultivated in him, with his war-torn heart hardened and its capability for empathy flattened because of it.

Still, with nothing but another lengthy wait ahead of them and an anxiety-infused silence between himself and Miranda for now, his mind begins to wander — and wonder, at that.

Another victim of the war, herself? Or is she awaiting news from one, locked away in a room a few doors down the hall?

The answer eludes him, and so he drops the matter. There's a whole world turned to ash out there, beyond the panoramic window spanning the width of the wall his bed – with him in it – was placed beside.

He'd get up and pace around if he could, but that's the entire point of the awkward position he finds himself in: will he be able to walk again at all? More at five, he supposes — literally. Ten more minutes of waiting for the radiologist to call them in.

It's not for a lack of trying, at least — on both ends. She'd poured all of that unique expertise of hers into his recovery ( again ), most of all when he was out cold for weeks on end ( ... again ).

His part in that recovery only followed after waking. He did the damned exercises he's been given; he did drag himself behind a walker and let a VI jammed into a mechanical body do the hardest work for him when told to, both at immense cost to his pride.

'Promising,' they'd said. All he heard ( or felt, at least ) was 'disappointing'.

And Miri'd tried to get him to see the good in his progress, or to recognize that there'd been any at all. This is just meant to be the beginning — but it's all too slow for him.

These things take time.

Too much of it, to his mind. He's told her that, too.

She hadn't said anything after that, just like she isn't saying anything now. The silence beckons his attention towards her and away from himself. That, somehow, opens his eyes to something that seems all too obvious now that it's revealed itself to him: she's there with him — not only physically, here, in this almost-empty hallway; she's with him in this uncertainty, too.

He'd kick himself if only he could.

Will this keep him from trying to isolate his pain discomfort in the future? Doubtful. But maybe he'll come to his senses before the silences – caused by his pigheadedness – stretch on for too long.

❛ Hey, ❜ Shepard ushers after another moment, reaching out a rough hand. Its palm faces up, resting on the railing. ❛ It'll be all right. ❜

A white lie? Not necessarily. Even if the worst should come to pass, they would be fine, somehow. The fact that they lived to see this very day is more than he'd even dared hope for before the Reapers kicked the bucket.

He just needs to start finding the good in a life without legs, and fast, if he is to beat his inevitable disappointment to the punch. His, and Miri's.

That might be the worst of it all, should they receive bad news: she'll be stuck with him like ... this.

Aiden clears his throat, hell-bent on ridding himself of the thought altogether. It'll find its way back to him when nighttime rolls around again.

Just as he's about ready to admit defeat in that respect at least, he catches another glimpse of the salarian down the hall. This time, she's hunched over, face held in her hands.

To this day, he still doesn't know if salarians cry; if they can cry, or even feel the urge to.

He doesn't linger on that thought for too long. The grounding weight of Miri's hand in his won't allow him. It instead draws his gaze right back to her, where he finds those ocean-blues staring right back at him. An uncomfortable cocktail of sympathy and obliviousness stirs inside of him.

❛ At least we've still got each other, huh? ❜

#afraidofchange #❛ thread / aiden shepard.#anyway good lord lmfao.#me: i'll make this short n sweet :)#also me: motherfucker u thought after 12+ years of writing them #gJSDJSJG #ableism tw #internalised but yk #ask to tag #in case i'm missing anything

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softquietsteadylove · 5 months

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If you have the muse for it, could we maybe get a circus au or life interrupted update? Missing those two lately! Thank you!!! 😘

"Gil?...Gil!"

"Huh?" he turned, ruffling his hair with his free hand. "Uh, s-sorry, what were you saying?"

But his friend just frowned, "you sure you're okay? I know you're a doc to the animals, but are you really qualified to diagnose yourself?"

Gil subconsciously shifted his arm in his sling. He was no expert, but he did know how to reset a shoulder. Granted, it was because of getting into fights in his school days, but still. "Yeah, it'll be fine, really."

He shrugged, picking up some of the coiled ropes, "y'know you can take it easy if you want. We can finish setting things up for tonight."

Gil nodded, looking around them. Technically, all he did was light stuff to help out here and there. He wasn't really a regular crewman. But he had hung around all morning on the excuse of checking on the animals and helping out wherever his one good hand could help. "You, uh, seen Thena yet?"

He heard a few quiet chuckles and blushed; everyone knew why he was hanging around. He was eagerly and desperately trying to get even a glimpse of Thena. He hadn't seen her since the night she had admonished Kro - and her beast of a husband had dragged her away by the arm - and he was going nuts.

Of course, no one else knew that she had kissed him, either.

He was lying awake at night! And part of it was the pain, but another part was thinking about how she had leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't just a mistake of a peck, either, it was a real kiss. He could feel how she meant it, no matter what that really meant for them. She was a married woman, and married to the man who was both their boss, in a way.

"No one's seen her," another crewman shrugged. "Assumed boss had given her some time, I guess."

It was a reasonable guess. She had suffered quite a scare, after all. But her husband was not a reasonable man, and Gil was confident in guessing that Kro would sooner put on her costume himself than give her a day of rehearsal off without injury.

Gil picked himself up and tugged at one of his suspenders. "Thanks guys, I'll grab some lunch I guess."

They sent him off with well wishes. He wasn't in any shape to do any of the usual heavy lifting he could be asked for anyway. But rather than go in search of the group lunch being cooked behind the main tents, he slipped away towards the train.

He hadn't seen Thena in two whole days. She had once said that Kro would never really hurt her, but that was the only time when Gil wasn't really inclined to have confidence in what she said. He didn't trust anything about Kro. And he was really trying not to let the kiss influence that thinking in him, either.

He couldn't let it. She was a married woman. Whether she had kissed him or not, it wasn't his place. And he was concerned about her regardless. This wasn't about him and his feelings, it was about making sure she was okay.

"Thena?" he whispered, sticking his head out and between cars and looking around like a common cat burglar. He crept around, picking his boots up lightly.

Maybe Kro had her chained up like a ruffian. Not that he really thought he would, but he wouldn't be as surprised as he would like to be by something so barbaric.

"Thena!" he whispered again, slowly making his way to their shared sleeper car. If he was found, Kro would probably feed him to the lions. But he had to know.

Once at their sleeper car, he checked around him one more time. He knew Kro was in the main tent, snapping his cane against the ring and shouting up a storm. No one had been able to ask how Thena was without getting a real earful.

Gil knocked on the door with his good hand, pressing his ear close, "Thena, are you in there?"

"Gil?"

She didn't sound hurt, or teary or anything. He gulped, "can...are you hurt? Can I see you?"

"I'm fine Gil, you can come in."

Part of him still imagined a nightmare in which he would walk in and find her on the floor, sitting crumpled like a bird fallen from the sky. But Thena was no fallen angel. He closed the door behind him as he saw her seated at the little table barely big enough for a single plate.

He had never seen her in a normal dress, but the soft, creamy fabric looked just like her hair.

"I'm sorry I worried you," she professed immediately, still sitting primly at the table. "Kro told me I wasn't to leave for the next two days. People should think I'm in recovery."

Which was very different from actually wanting her to recover from her fall, but it would make people think of the monster more favourably.

"Have you eaten anything?" he asked, still almost whispering as he dared to come a little closer. "Are you resting?"

She smiled at him, like having not seen him for days was completely normal and expected. "I'm resting fine. Kro has been bringing me food twice a day."

So, she was missing a meal, Gil surmised. He frowned, but that was the least of his worries. "Why won't he let you out?"

Thena's expression finally cracked, and he saw her eyes drift to his shoulder. "He asked if there was anything...with you."

The words she didn't say weighed a lot more than the ones she did, and Gil found himself flustered again. He had always known what his feelings for Thena meant. But he had thought it was a harmless crush on his unattainable and lovely boss' wife. The implication that she cared for him too...it was enough to have his stethoscope picking up his own heartbeat from ten paces.

"I assured him there wasn't," she looked down at the little table, tucking some hair behind her ear. "He said then there should be no reason I should want to leave."

There should be no reason for her to ask to see him--that was the threat that had kept her in here. If she asked to see him, or probably even ran into him accidentally, Kro would have grounds to suspicions. And Gil wasn't sure which one of them would face worse consequences for them.

Gil looked around the sleeper car. It was larger than the others, of course, or maybe it was just arranged neater. It had a small but proper bed, rather than just a cot and some hay. The little table, there was a trunk that probably held their collective things. There was even a little radio on top of it, as well as an oil lamp.

"It's not a prison."

He didn't feel comforted by that. She was unharmed, sure, in a physical sense. But sometimes animals could seem fine, then they'd give out the next day of a broken heart or some such. He moved even closer, even kneeling down to face her better (he wouldn't dare move the chair across from hers). "Birds get real down if they're in cages too much."

She laughed a little at the insinuation.

"Really," he whispered. Without him telling it to, his free hand drifted up to hers, feeling the softness of her pretty linen dress. "They're meant to be free. Clipping their wings...it seems harmless, but it really hurts them, even just a little bit, everyday."

Thena tilted her head at him, her hair slipping over her shoulder. She was so beautiful, and far too delicate for a cage like this.

Gil sighed as she brought his hand from resting over hers on her lap to her lips. In another life, he could imagine this would be a beautiful moment.

It was brief, but for just a split second, her lip wobbled. She whispered, "I wish I had met you a lifetime ago."

Gil's heart broke inside his chest. It fractured, just like his stupid shoulder. Oh, to have met her a lifetime ago. To have met her as a student, to have scraped and scrimped for pennies so he could buy her flowers and take her on swan boats on the lake. To have swooned over her everyday until he could kneel just like this and hold up an embarrassingly modest ring and ask for another lifetime.

He wasn't sure when it happened, but he rose from his knee, tilting her head with his palm and kissing her as if she weren't married. As if they had this lifetime to get it right. Which wasn't true, but it wouldn't be something he would regret, either.

Thena sighed against his lips, her hand moving to his hair. She kissed like she hadn't drank in days and he was an ice cold lemonade. "I wish I could love you."

He loved her anyway, wishes be damned. "Thena-"

She pressed her fingers to his lips, breaking the spell around them and forcing him a precious few inches away. "He'll be back soon. If he catches you in here-"

He gripped her shoulder, "I won't let him hurt you, Thena. Never-"

She grasped his hand between hers, "I am not worried about what he will do to me."

So, Kro had threatened him to get her to comply with his sick delusions of ownership. And Gil hated to admit it, but in his current state, he wasn't so sure he would in a fight against the ring leader.

His heart groaned in his chest, begging not to be separated from her. He made a face, "I can't just leave you like this."

She looked him square in the eyes, and the frosty, fiery acrobat he knew - and loved - was back. "You can, and you will--for both our sake."

She was right, he would because it would be best for her, if not both of them. But he didn't have to like it. He gave her hand another squeeze, even as he picked up his feet again. "When will he let you out of here?"

"I don't know," she whispered back, their hands dragging apart like lines of a frayed rope snapping string by string. "Until he's satisfied he has nothing to fear from you."

Kro had everything to fear from him, and as soon as his shoulder was better, Gil would see to it, too.

"I'll try and find you when he does."

He turned back to her, his hand on the car door. "Don't do anything risky. If he tries anything-"

Their eyes both shot to the side. It wasn't dangerously close yet, but it was definitely Kro's voice drawing nearer. Thena eyed him, begging him to leave before their lives were changed irreparably.

Gil nodded, dragging himself out and closing the door as quietly as possible. He held his arm as he slipped away, the muscles screaming at him like a storm was on the horizon. He stopped on the other side of the car.

"Well?"

"What?" Thena's softer voice came, but Gil was relieved to hear her usual sharpness in the demand.

"Usually you're begging to know how your little boyfriend is doing!" Kro barked at her. Gil heard the rattle of a container being tossed down, perhaps one of Thena's meals for the day.

"You told me to stop bringing him up," she fired right back at him. There was a pause before she added, "dearest."

Gil felt his gut clench. He had seen Kro use that term of endearment for her, and it never failed to make her squeamish.

"Very well then," Kro snarled back at her, "darling."

Gil waited a little more, but that seemed the end of it. And he had no choice but to leave it at that, at least for now. He dragged himself away, feeling just a little bit of a coward for it, too. His shoulder was aching again.

"Hey, Gil, you get some yet?"

It was lunch time. He eyed the pot of stew. Maybe that would be just the thing. "Say, will you do something for me?"

He was heard out as he explained that he was worried about Thena--heard she was on bed rest and all. It didn't come from him, but maybe - just if there were leftovers after everyone had their share - if someone could ask the boss nice and casual if Miss Thena would like it...?

Again, everyone saw right through him. But Thena was not her husband, and the crew agreed readily that they would ask in a very normal and friendly way if Miss Thena wanted any of their extra portions for the day. The lady needed her strength and all.

And Gil needed his too. The quicker his shoulder healed, the faster Thena could stop worrying about him, and the faster he could confront Kro about the treatment of his wife.

#Thenamesh Circus AU #thank you so much for the ask!!!#a little drama anyone?#a little angst?#pining????#okay really Gil is sitting around desperately looking for her #He barely leaves to sleep or eat in case he misses a glimpse of her #now he's ready to romeo outside her sleeper car making sure she eats #Kro comes and goes at dawn and night slapping down bowls of bread soup for her #meanwhile Gil sneaks in and hands her his stash of peanuts #and THena is dying to see him of course #but Kro is like if I see you two within a foot of each other I'm calling the fuckin police #Thena agrees to be sequestered only for Gils' protection #becuase she knows her husband #and she just knows Kro will make him haul all sorts of heavy stuff #strain or even hurt himself #he'll bump into Gil's bad shoulder and oh go 'oh sorry forgot'#y'know like a huge ass hole #Thena: Gil don't do anything to make him angry #Gil: hey so what would you think if I beat your husband to death in the parking lot

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