#in case anyone wanted to know how well I've been functioning lately outside of writing

[zombolouge]

realize I'm in a bad mood because I forgot to eat lunch, get up to make lunch and realize cat food is low, fill cat bowl, sit down, realize I still need to make lunch, get up and realize pan needs washed and I gotta turn on my color bulbs for the kitchen with my phone because that's how I turned them off last night, set pan in sink with running water and turn on lights, sit down, tumblr, realize I still need to eat and the sink is running, get up and go to the bathroom, sit down, tumblr, realize the sink is on, remember I need to eat, get up, wash pan, leave sink on, sit down, realize I didn't MAKE LUNCH, GET UP, AM THIRSTY, START MAKING FUCKING TEA, SIT DOWN, REALIZE THE SINK IS STILL FUCKING RUNNING, GET UP AND TURN THE SINK OFF, FINISH MAKING TEA, WALK HALFWAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN, SET TEA DOWN TO ANSWER MESSAGE ON COMPUTER, SIT DOWN, STOMACH GROWLS, IN THE DISTANCE: SIRENS, THE KILL BILL THEME STARTS TO PLAY

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

i've always been curious after reading the ending of rememberance- have you ever thought about a final endgame for gail and luca? what happens to them significantly after the battle of hogwarts?

Oh I am so, so glad you asked! I debated writing a “Nineteen Years Later” style of epilogue, but since there was already pretty much a “Seven Years Later” time-skip in a similar style, I thought it might be a bit much. I was mostly leaving the ending open, but I will absolutely tell you what I envisioned! (Note: When HPMA comes out, this could all change. I’m fickle.) 

((Obviously, spoilers under the cut for those of you that haven’t read “Remembrance” and want to.))

Luca, Tulip and Merula do indeed adopt Pippa. They bring her back to Snyde manor and give her a loving home. She enrolls at Hogwarts the next year and is sorted into Slytherin. She also eventually rescues a bat from the dungeons before it could be used in a potion, and adopts the critter herself. She gets along the best with Merula, but she loves all her parents equally. 

Rowan, Penny, and Luca all come to work at Hogwarts. I’m not sure if Luca actually would teach D.A.D.A, since I will freely admit, that was mostly me being salty that Harry didn’t get that job. But I can envision Luca becoming Hogwarts first ever Guidance Counselor, influenced by Ben and Badeea’s description of muggle therapy. They might call it something different, but that’s how the job would function. 

Luca visits the Cabal and confronts Gail over Pippa’s parents and what she knows about them. Gail insists that they were looking for Pippa after the battle, and still haven’t found her. When she finds out that the Trouble Trio adopted her, she wants to step in and return Pippa to R’s protection, and Luca, as one can expect, flatly refuses. 

This results in a major argument. See, it’s easy to judge Gail, but the more and more I think about how her story ended, the more I realize how much I utterly screwed her over. She was nominated for Director by Rakepick, a renegade who no one liked, all of five minutes before Rakepick revealed that she never took the Vow and has never been a real member of R’s Inner Circle. Translation: Gail’s appointment was invalidated before she was even officially recognized. And I think she was blindsided by that - yet another person Rakepick betrayed. While no one questioned it, that alone opens the door for Gail to be removed from power with a Challenge down the line. 

But it gets worse. Gail participated in breaking the Invigorium Curse. She aided Jacob and Luca, known traitors to the Cause, in limiting R’s power. She let the treasure of the Sunken Vault slip through her fingers, and be returned to the hands of the very first traitor to the Cause, R’s own founder. She allowed Beatrice, the Slider, to walk away from the Cabal and never return. Hell, even instilling the policy of “Vow-Forgiveness” that Beatrice, Nigel, and Aurelia subscribed to would have been controversial. Essentially, Gail gutted the Cabal’s resources and there’s a very fine case to be made that she sabotaged the Cause. All for the sake of her siblings, and their friends. In the Cabal, they call that being “compromised.” and there’s very little mercy for it. 

So it’s easy to understand why Luca has kept her at arm’s length all these years, but they also really didn’t consider the sacrifices that she made just to protect them. Gail had to face the Inner Circle and tell them that they no longer had access to the Marks of Despair, or the Slider...and she had nothing to show for it. What’s more, Tonks, Merula, and Luca were all outsiders who learned classified information. The policy in those cases is clear - wipe their memories. Gail refused to allow this. She allowed them to walk away, without taking the Vow, or having their memories wiped. Again, anyone could declare a Challenge at this point, and argue that she’s been emotionally compromised. That she was a traitor to the Cause.

But is Gail’s leadership truly that poor? Not in the slightest. Don’t forget, as of Luca’s seventh year, Dumbledore and the Ministry were well aware of the Cabal and their criminal activity. They couldn’t really prove anything but R was under scrutiny. They were being watched at all times. And any failure or exposure would be Gail’s responsibility. She had a loose alliance with Albus Dumbledore through their past connection to Rakepick, and Dumbledore thought highly of Gail. So he was able to persuade the Ministry to leave the Cabal alone. To look the other way, and focus on Voldemort’s inevitable return. Well, until OOTP, anyway. Gail remaining in Dumbledore’s good books was the only thing that allowed the Cabal to even function normally. 

I didn’t explore this very much in the fanfic, because Gail was a late-comer and was often misrepresenting herself around Luca, knowing that Nina was watching...but Gail is extremely anxious. She’s not as emotionally open, or as mentally healthy, as Luca is. Yeah. She’s less stable than the kid who had half a dozen mental breakdowns. So, it should come as no surprise that the job of Directing has her plenty stressed. Like her mother before her, she’s not very popular anymore, and feels (somewhat rightfully so) that no one appreciates all the work she puts into keeping R safe. Gail would eventually vent all of this to Luca, who would, at that point, have a lot of self reflection about how they’ve viewed their twin, and how they’ve treated her. They might write to Jacob about it. They would apologize, and Luca and Gail would grow closer after this emotional breakdown. Luca would steadfastly refuse to allow Pippa to be claimed by the Cabal, but they would accept Gail having a relationship with her and being a kind of aunt figure. 

I think the peak of Gail’s character arc, if she were to have one that spanned across her teenage years and young adult life, would be letting go of her obsessive sense of responsibility and her need to control everything. I think she’d have a lot of self-loathing and break down when she realizes how alike she and Nina actually are. I can almost see her having a Lion King style vision of Jacob, giving her a pep talk. She would learn to let go of her loyalty to the Cabal, and step down. But not before ensuring that someone capable and good was taking her place. And not before approaching new Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt and arranging some kind of deal to protect R for even longer. 

There were two relationships with quasi-romantic subtext that I never fully explored, because they were complicated and definitely problematic paths. Those being - Ben/Gail and Luca/Beatrice. I’ve toyed with the idea, in my head-canons, of Ben and Gail being end-game. But they’re adoptive siblings, and they’ve been estranged for a while. I can see them reuniting and having a lot to work through. But they’d re-establish connection and have a relationship. Whether or not it ever became romantic is something that I’m genuinely not sure about. If it would be healthy or not. But then again, this would after Gail’s glass-breaking moment when she became a much more well-adjusted person and freed herself from the Cabal. Ben still cares about her, and she still cares about him. Hell, I can almost see it as cute if Gail went to live in the muggle world for a while. to spend some time with him. 

Luca and Beatrice were the accidental, could-have-been ship. I never meant for them to have that energy, but by the time I got to their scene in Snyde Manor, I noticed that it was there. Obviously, she had a one-sided crush on them, but I’ll admit, I was slightly tempted to plant the seeds for it being two-sided and having them be further along that path in the Seven-Years-Later portion. What mainly stopped me was my love for the Trouble Trio. Nothing is disrupting that perfect harmony of trouble, peace, and chaos. Nothing short of an AU, that is. 

So, yeah. If I ever write a follow-up to Remembrance, it will most likely star Gail, and tell that story. But I’m so glad you asked me about this because I’ve been dying to talk about it!

[leaves-of-three]

Day Eleven: Part Two || Soon

Connor Murphy x Reader

Word Count: 1713

Summary: A continuation to Day Eleven. Getting ready for a date with a Connor and a slight change of plans.  [This is part of an in progress series. You can follow along here.]

Author’s Note: This is kinda short. I was only gonna have two parts to day eleven. The first half when he asks her on a date and then the date itself. But then the idea of using Connor to get back at a parent you’re pissed at sounded too appealing and it turned into this. And I wanted the actual dinner to be separate piece because I got tired of writing this one lol idk I've just felt like crap lately. One of these days my writing will better maybe xKatie

You wanted to be happy. You wanted to be excited. You were technically going on a date with Connor. Sort of. You don’t just jump into someone’s arms and make out with them, then get asked to dinner by them the next day, if it wasn’t a date. Right? You should be happy. This was what you wanted. This was what you had been waiting for. 

Then how come the second you clicked out of facetime with him, you felt nothing? It was like the moment his face was out of your direct line of sight, you felt empty. Why did your mood change so suddenly? This morning you woke up beaming over Connor. Now you struggled to find the will power to get out of bed. You were laying there waiting for any sort of emotion to hit but nothing was coming. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes to into hours, and before you knew it darkness was creeping over your room. 

You hadn’t moved from your bed once. 

As it inched closer to 7, you finally forced yourself into the bathroom to take a shower. You’d probably feel excited when you started getting ready. You could shower, wash your hair, redo your make up, dry and curl your hair, and pick out an outfit. It should be fun. You used to love this part of getting ready for a date. You’d listen to music and dance around your room. Typically Alyssa would have been over to help. She’d give you advice on what to wear and what to say as long as you promised to fill her in on all the details afterwards. Your evenings would be filled with laughter, excitement, and hope. 

You missed having girlfriends. 

You missed laughing. 

The shower sputtered to life as you stood naked in your bathroom. You held your hand under the stream then quickly pulled it back. It was freezing. The hot water would take a few minutes to warm up. You shivered. Your house always ran cold. You grabbed a fluffy, white towel and wrapped it around yourself while you patiently waited for steam to start filling the tiny room. Opposite you sat the mirror hanging over the bathroom sink. Your eyes were drawn up to the reflection. 

There was nothing looking back. There was no life of a person behind your eyes. They were blank. For some reason you started to feel shameful, like you had done something wrong, like it was your fault that you weren’t able to feel the right emotions. You were supposed to be happy. The fact that you weren’t only caused you to be racked with guilt. Something was wrong with you. You weren’t working properly. 

You stayed staring into the void of your eyes until the mirror began to steam up. Your reflection became distorted and softened as the fog crept along the glass. When you could no longer see any distinguishing features of yourself, you hung your towel back up and stepped into the water. It stung your skin. Blood rose to your cheeks under the heat. You closed your eyes and let the water soak away your sins. 

Five minutes in and you had started crying. You were always crying. There was no in between. You were either crying or you were zoning out for hours. This afternoon had been a rare treat when you could actually function and get something productive done. Those special moments were few and fleeting nowadays. Whatever spark you had found earlier was gone. You would have to cancel on Connor. You couldn’t go out like this. No one wants a dinner date with a crying zombie. 

You rinsed off any remaining shampoo in your hair and turned off your shower. Your sniffling, quiet sobs sounded more prominent without the water to drown them out. Pathetic. You were pathetic. It would be impossible for anyone to ever find you attractive or desirable like this. Why were you even trying to trick yourself? To Connor, you were probably nothing more than a charity case that had been thrust upon him.

With a towel wrapped tightly around you, you pulled your hairdryer out from under the sink cabinet. If you wanted to cancel on him so badly then why were you still getting ready? Maybe you still had a some hope that your excitement would return and everything would go back to normal. It was a losing bet. Normal wasn’t something you were familiar with anymore. 

Hair dry. Curled. Brushed out into soft waves. 

Make up done. Foundation. Highlighter. Lashes. Winged liner. Natural lips. 

Clothes picked out. Skinny jeans. Loose top. Cardigan. Boots. 

Jewelry on. Necklace. Two rings. Painted nails. 

You evaluated your appearance in the mirror. You could make yourself look decent on the outside but you knew the truth. On the inside you were hollow and miserable. It would only be a matter of time before everyone else realized the truth too.

Connor: Today 6:58 pm: be there soon

Y/N: Today 6:58 pm: I’ll be waiting :)

The doorbell ran. You looked down at your phone in confusion. That was fast. He had just texted you. You grabbed your purse, slinging it over your shoulder, and pulled open the front door. 

You took a step back in surprise. Instead of seeing Connor, you came face to face with a woman you’d never see before. “Oh crap...sorry. I thought you were someone else,” you tried to force some sort of polite smile onto your face. “Can I help you?”

The woman smiled back. She was tall and slim. Her hair was dyed a shade of blonde that didn’t quite match her skin tone. The dye job made it look like a bad wig. She looked to be in her mid thirties. “You must be Y/N? It’s so lovely to finally meet you,” she spoke as if you were supposed to know who the hell she was. 

You gave her a look of confusion, “Uh, if you’re selling something, we don’t want it but thanks anyway...”

She laughed. Like her hair color, it was obviously fake, “No, no, sweetie.” You despised being called sweetie. “I’m Holly. Holly Silk?” She picked up that the name didn’t sound familiar so she added, “...Your dad’s girlfriend?”

Your stomach dropped. Since when was your father dating? He had never once mentioned or shown interest in that sort of thing since your mom had passed. It had been ten years. You felt naive to admit it, but you always believed that he would have stayed true to your mother, that the idea of seeing another woman would have been absurd to him. Your mind began to race through a million things at once. You felt sick. This was bound to happen eventually. If you thought about it realistically, of course he’d want to find someone to spend his time with. But why hadn’t he ever mentioned it to you? And why her? Holly Silk? That sounded like a name a porn star would make up. You hated this woman instantly. 

You gave her a snide smile and said in a sickly sweet voice, “I’m sorry, Holly. My father isn’t in at the moment. I’ll be sure to tell him you stopped by.” You went to close the door in her face. 

She put her hand out to stop it, trying not to look as annoyed as she felt, “Actually I was hoping I could come in and wait. I’ve been away on a business trip the past two days. I thought I would surprise Steven when he got home. I was going to cook his favorite meal.” She held up the grocery bags in her hands, “Tacos! I’ve brought all the fixings for them. Enough for all three of us to eat. I thought it would be a good time for us to get to know each other.” 

You scowled, “Actually my dad’s favorite meal is my dead mother’s famous lasagna recipe that we make every Christmas but good try.” 

Holly still did her best to hold up the smile plastered on her face despite her eyes flashing in displeasure, “Well regardless, maybe I come in? I’ve been waiting to get to know you for some time now. It’d be lovely to have dinner with you and your father.” 

That was the last thing on earth you’d ever want to be doing. Your anger for your father started to grow. How could he be seeing someone and not tell you? It was his fault she was showing up at your door. It was his fault some stranger was begging to come inside and cook with you. He was so oblivious to everything going on in your life. While you were out lost in a forest and having your entire life crumble around you, he was out fucking around with Ms. Porn Star Name. You had spent the past week crying yourself to sleep every night and he had no damn clue. Your mother would have known. She would have picked up on your change in behavior. She would have known how to take care of you. She would have been a parent. Your jaw clenched. Everything was your father’s fault, you decided. 

You crossed your arms as a plan formed in your head. An evil grin spread across your face. “Actually Helen-

“Holly,” she corrected.

“My bad. Actually Holly, I’m waiting for a date to show up and take me out to dinner. He should be here any moment. But if you didn’t mind, I could always invite him inside to eat with us. It could be a double date. I’m sure my father would be thrilled.” The idea of Connor, probably still on his high from earlier, with a face bruised and bloodied sitting to eat dinner with you and your dad’s girlfriend sounded like the perfect form of revenge. If your dad could surprise you with a new girlfriend then, surely, he wouldn’t mind if you surprised him Connor. 

Holly sighed in relief. She obviously had no idea what was in store. “That would be wonderful! I hope you don’t mind changing your plans for me?”

You pushed open the door and stepped aside for her. “No, no. It’s perfectly fine. Don’t worry. Please, come in. My date will be thrilled be to meet you...I’m sure of it.”