#in an embarrassing way bc im really sORRY
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad đ
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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what we couldâve had with spencer and jj blah blah blah ELLE what we couldâve had with spencer and ELLE !! THATS what we should be mourning
#get ready for this rant LMAO#i have seen criminal minds like four times and I have NEVER been a fan of spencer and jj im sorry#i literally just cant do it she is actively so mean to him#Elle is so nice to him and gentle and UGH#the way they try to push jj and spencer randomly for like three episodes in season one and what does jj do to earn that#??? call him spence ??#Elle does so many things#she tells people not to bring up that he didnât pass his firearm qualification bc she didnât want him to be embarrassed :(#when spencer confides in elle about being embarrassed about never getting a date and sheâs just like âhave you ever asked anyone out?â#and when he says no she just smiles and is like âthats why you havenât gotten a dateâ#When Elle gets held hostage on the train and Spencer keeps insisting that she should go to the hospital and theyâre sitting on that trunk#Thereâs a scene where Gideon jj & spencer walk up this really steep dirt path#and gideon turns around and helps jj and you can see jj glance back but like ignore spencer#and then elle comes around and grabs his hand and pulls him up like itâs so much BETTER#elle my beloved i miss youđ„Č#also elle wouldnât have ignored him after he got addicted jj and everyone literally just turned a blind eye hoping itd go away#ELLE WOULDVE HELPED HIM I KNOW IT#found this in my drafts and it needs to see the light of day actually#bear roars đ»#criminal minds
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i know some people already pointed it out but like. eddie was in black. BLACK. he was in LITERAL MOURNING CLOTHES. he was already mourning. already prepared for the worst.
#buddie#crying about this is not enough i need to jump off a building.#no cause THIS hurts so bad actually now that i think about it cause if u had a loved on in hospital in critical condition u KNOW this#feeling so intimately where u think u already lost time. that time frame before the confirmation where u cant help but to wear black cause#u dont know what else u could possibly do and doing anything else feels impossibly#its such a simple thing really to wear a specific color but it feels like equivalent of giving up. in the days leading up to my#grandmothers death i wore nothing but black all the way to her funeral which i couldn't attend. god i understand him so bad.#god i love him so much he was already prepared for the worst he's so familiar with grief he just knew. im so glad he didn't to lose buck#but also just that whole entire scene. how the moment he knew chris was secure he turned away and wipped a hand down his face and the#moment he started to speak his eyes filled with theirs bc its just so much easier to hold it together when u r silent#like OF COURSE we didn't get a scene where eddie was only w buck OF COURSE like he couldn't even look at him he was only there bc of chris#cause he just couldn't face the possibility of losing buck. im so not well#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 6x11#911 spoilers#911 6b#jesus fuck the typos are embarrassing im so sorry
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how do yall write confessions without simply just saying 'I LIKE YOU' :)
#âŒ.txt#last night when i was doing the dishes i was thinking about this too bc#i really am not the sort who is good with words of affirmation#giving them or receiving them#like yeah i like being TOLD im good give me praise all you want i DO have a big ego sometimes but#not like i dont need it as a form of connection? if thats the right way to explain it idk.#this has been a point of conflict in past relationships#& now when im trying to like. WRITE UP A CUTE NOTE TO THE PERSON I LIKE ! IN A FRIENDLY MANNER ! IM LIKE#I FEEL LIKE. IM KNOCKING ON MY BRAIN. HELLOOOO IS ANYONE IN THERE HELLOOOO#WHILE IM ALSO SITTING AT THE DESK IN MY BRAIN WEATHERED AND WITHERING AND TEARING MY FUCKING HAIR OUT <3#simply put this is a post complaining about my lack of ability to be uh.... poetic on purpose in relationships <3#annoyed and embarrassed and shoving my face into my pillow. im a fool <3#but EYE dont need it as my form of connection/affection ** goodness. sorry im not wearing my glasses which makes it hard to focus on words
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misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i donât know as well. i donât#text back and then when im finally ready itâs been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i canât bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i donât want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik itâs weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but itâs the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just⊠miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i wonât let myself. i donât know why im like this and i donât know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and itâs horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just canât do it right now and im scared iâll never be able to#again. but itâs a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i canât do it then iwont. itâs not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and itâll be weird to#post about that in light of this and itâll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i donât want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know itâs cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
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#sorry i need to vent ignore this#my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit#bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer#and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted#but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but#now i hate it again i hate it so much#ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN#and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but#i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad'#and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards?#but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers#but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but#it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression#like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be#in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly#to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and#i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy.#made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that.#so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?!#but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn#im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now#i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it#clara tais toi#like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO#preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and#the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like#it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted#dl later
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im not meant for the dating scene maybe. i just need romcom shit to happen to me bc i cant do this.
#anyways i just had the most mid date of my life. i say this as a person that has been on maybe 3 dates total.#went and saw gladiator 2 with this dude and not only was he trying to very awkwardly hold my hand half the time.#he tried to kiss me literally like 30 minutes into the movie. AND THEN HE FELL ASLEEP PART WAY THROUGH. woke up. FELL ASLEEP AGAIN.#i could have left him in that theater he would still be asleep. i feel bad bc he was pretty nice?? ish?? but GOD.#once we were parting ways he did in fact kiss me. not a horrible kiss but a kiss was not exactly something i was wanting. like at all.#ugh. maybe im meant to be alone#its all too awkward and embarrassing. also like dude we literally barely know eachother.#we cant spend 3 hrs MAX in eachothers presence with you grabbin on me??? YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME YET MAYBE ILL KILL YOU!!!!!#sorry im annoyed#whatever. i REALLY liked the movie though. those freaky ginger twins...... i wanna do some dead ringers shit with them.#ok thats my cue to pass out now.
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if any of you figure out my kins (not hard) you can call me by their names btw
#lemon man talks#I donât add my whole name list to intros ever bc itâs long and kinda embarrassing#but lately Iâve been really feeling disconnected from reality and myself and using those names for me makes me feel a little more me#Itâs silly but Iâve just been way more connected to my sources than the real world and Iâve been really needing the validation yk#Gods Iâm in a horrible mental state rn#Feel free to ask who my kins are but. Yeah im embarrassed about this sorry#Fuck man I hate myself
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i just had a very long complicated dream about some very ooc homestuck kids. jade might be rooted in some form of fanon at least but i dunno
#posts#i could b wrong abt jade. i really liked the way she was in this though#she was all the yay happy im jade harley niceness but also like. very self-righteous and impulsive#and very emotional. and stubborn. and protective of people she thought were being treated unfairly#she had an extreme reaction thinking someone was in danger cb of an outburst so she herself had a massive outburst and was panicking until-#-she found out they were okay and alive for now and then switched to just clinging desperately to them and getting very angry at anyone who#didnt show the same level of care and protectiveness for them than she was#like she was fully creating a two sides issue and staunchly choosing a side#and then when it didnt look like things were gona go any better she zapped her and her friend and one person who seemed kinda-#- neutral-positive onto a spaceship to escape as far away as possible#so. that. she was consistently the most easygoing with this random guy my dream isekai'd into the situation. which at times made her an-#-enabler or something bc she prioritized his comfort over any change ever even ones that could have been good for him#johns main part in this Story was he kinda just had an autistic meltdown and then pov guy had a similar situation not long later#on a larger scale and people in general were just even less nice about him because he was older and hadnt grown up there lol#also this dream was very much from random guys pov which was My pov#but it wasnt Me i was just fully some character. anyways#after pov guys massive outburst he runs back home where john is and john is not very sympathetic#he was very much projecting the shame an embarrassment he felt bc even though the people there at least knew him they still werent nice to-#-him either#so it was a ''i know from experience that You should know better than to have needs in public'' type deal#originally rose was there and then my brain switched her out for roxy. im so sorry rose#but either way the lalondechild had such a murky existence and it only solidified into roxy at the end where the confrontation thing was-#happening. with the jade freakout#there was also some Superpower Awakening shit happening? previously mentioned w jade. but john when pov guy came home had a white streak in#his hair and jades went FULLY white when she blew up#so thats cool i guess. her hair went back to normal the next time she was seen on the ship#there was some montage shit going on#anyways. insane fucking dream. can i steal this shit and make ocs.#like i said these kids were pretty ooc. i feel like parts were definitely still rooted in some perception of the characters butttt#its was just one or two small things. idk man all i know is i am thinking so hard about this
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that uncomfortable but necessary conversation post is sticking in my head now like points were made.... maybe I should say something. đ€
#i have nothing to lose except making myself sound rly pathetic and getting embarrassed bc i find it so hard to admit to ppl that im lonely#but really thats nothing if i can alleviate even a little of it and not get my silly ass hurt over tiny normal things ppl do ahhh#bc if i dont say anything itll happen again bc it happened before and i didnt say anything and nothing has changed for years!!#and tbh i give out the wrong message w how i behave sometimes. like the wrong assumptions ppl make are kind of fair to make#but the way i act in certain situations isnt actually based on a rational response ever. so i do need to communicate instead#sad but true..... argh!#if theres a convenient moment or a way i can segue into it. ill consider it. can we just share a little understanding.. đ„č#so tired of being stuck in the labyrinth let me out..... let me out!!!!#woops i put my phone down while i was typing this bc i was thinking abt jt and a whole hour just passed đ«Ł#i need to stop having imaginary conversations in my head and either make this a real one or let it go..... ah!#okay.. maybe ill make a camomile tea. and read a little before bed i dont wanna be scrolling on my phone....#sorry tumblr ill clock back in tomorrow đ aight goodnight#.diaries
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im a dean girlie and the description is EXACTLY how my last relationship ended.
i love that you can learn so much about a person's issues by asking them which of rory gilmore's cringefail boyfriends is their favorite.
#i also think i do admit its destructive but i believed our love was worth it#it really was just my love in the end with hope that he still loved me :/#anyway if i keep talking abt him id cry THE FACT WE WATCHED GG TGT TOO....ANYWAY#im such a dean girlie like all the guys were lowk fucked but its the way id defend dean during the auction episode WITH MY LIFE#YES WHO WOULDNT GET MAD IF SOMEONE ELSE BID ON THEIR S/O AND WON??? TO BASICALLG PUBLICALLY HUMILATE YOU BY CALLING YOU TOO BROKE FOR UR GF#that episode had me so PISSED that i gen rethought my whole life (and this was me during my rewatch) that i realized dean got way too much#shit for just being a highschooler boy in love#SHE BROUGHT JESS INTI THE CAR DEAN MADE AND THEY CRASHED IT#AND DEAN LITERALLLLLLYYYY CONTROLLED HIS ANGER OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY WERE THEY IN THE CAR TO BEGIN WITH#this post is making me realize how passionate i feel abt dean GOODBYE LMFAO LIKE. bro those episodes had me PISSED#tbh dean was made for me not rory#rory is just...smth else#before my rewatch i Hated dean like everyone else and rooted so hard for logan and tristan#ITS THE WAY DEAN HAD EYES FOR NO ONE EYES BUT RORY????? THE WAY HE PUNCHED JESS???#then the writers fucked him up BUT TBH THEY FUCKED EVERYONE UP jess was saved hes better when he returned and was roryless#also im pissed at mfs who bring up how jess was understanding with rorys future w harvard while dean considered breaking up LIKE DUH??? LON#DISTANCE LIKE THINKKKJK also him getting clingy while SHE ditched THEIR PLANS. HE WOULD CALL AND STOPPED WHEN HE WAS TOLD IT WAS TOO MUCH.#i see myself in him :( AND PLUS aside from the cheating which is So Valid SOME PEOPLE HATED HIM JUST BC HE WAS CLINGY?????????#i didnt mean to go on a dean tangent this is so embarrassing since everyone in the tags are praising jess đđđ pls dont come at me#no but im still shocked how accurate the description was i might lose it like why am i dean#OKAY IM SORRY ILL SHUT UP I CANR IM TOO PASSIONATE#also id like to add npne of this makes sense since my thoughrs are all over but dean has my heart and had Every Right to react the way he#did when it came to tristan and jess tbh
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DDA: dorm displays of affection
Being a famous idol means PDA is out of the question, but not dorm displays. Alternatively, ways the enha boys show youâre theirs while in the dorms with their other members đ€
1.5k words, idol!enha x gf!reader, this is fem reader, about 200 words a piece⊠no warnings i think, flufff, some are more general than others, im sorry đ
Heeseung
Always has you sat on his lap.
Literally does not matter where you are or what youâre doing, you are not allowed next to him
Even if itâs a movie night and EVERY SINGLE member is there so you think âsurely I can sit by myself this time, itâd be so weird for us to be cuddled up like that in front of everyoneâ
WRONG đšđš
As soon as you sit down next to him, he looks at you like youâve lost your mind
The pout comes out
âWhat are you doing?â đ„ș
Genuinely looks so confused that youâre sitting anywhere else
âHee, all the boys are here.â
Looks at you like âand since when do I gaf??â
Grabs your waist with one hand and pulls you into his lap himself đ€
None of the boys bat a single eye
âEveryone knows this is where you belong babyâ he says, kissing your temple and wrapping his arms around your midsection
Ignores you literally combusting
Jay
The definition of princess treatment
You can literally just turn your brain off when youâre around Jay
You havenât touched a single door since the two of you started dating
He opens the car door, the door to the dorm, even his bedroom door
( he has your location turned on so he gets a notification when youâre close and can be there to open the door for you as soon as you arrive at their dorm)
One of the first times he took you out, you opened the door for yourself and he slid across the car hood to close it again and re open it before you had time to get out đ
(He looked really silly but you tell him it was cool)
Pulls your chair out even when youâre just eating dinner with the guys
Cue the boys exchanging looks and whip cracking motions đ€Ș
If youâre walking best bet heâs on the outside of the sidewalk and his hand is on your lower back, guiding you
You didnât realize how much you stopped thinking around him until once when he was guiding you through the hall and he literally had to stop you from running into Sunghoon
Itâs not your fault, youâre just a girl đ
Jake
NICKNAMES GALORE
The boys actually didnât know your name for like a solid six months bc he NEVER said it
âMy girlfriend is coming overâ heâd announce
âYour girlfriend that isâŠ?â
âPretty?â He has no idea what theyâre talking about
As soon as you get there all they hear out of his mouth are âpretty girlâ and âsweet angelâ
Like hello you have a name đ€š
âCâmere pretty girlâ as soon as you open the door
âWhat do you think, princess?â He asks your input as the boys decide what to watch
đ”âđ«đ”âđ« sike, you donât even need a name, he can call you whatever he likes
The boys like to tease him when they need you two for something
âYes Jake, can you and your pookie wookie bear please join us in the kitchen for a moment?â
âHey Jake, does your schnookums like cream in her coffee?â
He really doesnât call you those, but anything out of his mouth might as well be to the guys
âYes my beautiful girlfriend who is an angel on earth does like cream thank you very much. Lots of it.â
He does not care at all, he thinks youâre the sweetest thing ever and deserve to be reminded of it every time he talks to you
Sunghoon
Bro CANNOT FOCUS when youâre around itâs actually so bad
The boys have probably seen you guys kiss like twice but the amount of times theyâve had to smack him upside the head bc heâs zoned out staring at you???
âŸïž
He has the biggest heart eyes, if it was possible to love you anymore heâd probably actually develop heart shaped retinas
âHoon? Hoon?â Heeseung calls his name four times before following his line of sight and seeing you filling a glass of water
âYouâre so embarrassing.â
The boys approach you with anything they have to tell him because the only way he snaps out of it is if someone else joins you
Heâll be in space for 20 minutes but the second one of the guys walks up to you heâs right there
âWhy are you talking to my girlfriend?â
(Yes Iâm thinking about that fansign where he said no to everything đ€«)
The managers were gonna let you come to filming one time but the boys said ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hoon could not be in a five mile radius of you without getting dating rumors he was down so bad
Sunoo
This man loves you so bad he does not care who sees
Greets you at the door with a bone crushing hug and kisses all over your face
(The boys make faces at each other while they listen to his loud âmwahâs from the living room)
You flush when you walk in and realize they all heard it, but Sunoo pays them no mind, leading you by the hand to where he has a bouquet of flowers and your favorite coffee on the table
Heâll take you into the living room where the rest of the guys are playing games just so he can sit there with his arm around you while you enjoy your drink
Even when he gets into a fight with Sunghoon and starts yelling with his hands theyâre still attached to you
One time he accidentally poked you in the eye while gesturing and he felt so bad he almost cried
Kissed it to make it better only to have the guys start throwing pillows at him for being âgross in the communal areaâ
âFine, Iâll go kiss my girlfriend in peace!â
Now youâre a blushing mess that they all know đ«
âDonât be embarrassed baby, theyâre just mad I have the prettiest girlfriend everâ
Jungwon
He takes care of you SO BAD
The boys teased him the first time they saw him stop to tie your shoes for you, but never again
Will be cooking the most delicious smelling thing in the world and smack the boys hands when they try to steal it
âThis is for ynâ đ
Braids your hair, zips your jacket, honestly just fawns over you like a grandma đ
âItâs cold out. You should bring a jacket!â
âBut wonnnn, I donât want toâ youâd whine but does he care?
NO
His baby is not getting sick on his watch
Not only does he pick your jacket, but he also puts it on for you, zips it up, and puts on a matching hat
Imagine the boys reaction when the two of you go out one night and won comes back barefoot đ
But your heels hurt and he wasnât about to have that âŒïž so he gave you his shoes and carried your heels the rest of the way home
(The same heels that he insisted on clasping for you while you sat at his vanity)
âDown astronomically badâ Jay would cough as won leads you back to his room
Jungwon just thinks you should never have to do anything yourself đ€·ââïž
âYou just sit there and look pretty, Iâll get itâ đ«Ł
Riki
Is quite literally always hanging off of you
Nonchalant my booty, when heâs in the comfort of his own home with the people who know him best⊠his facade goes down the drain
If youâre standing up at allâ washing dishes, doing your hair, even standing in the living room having a conversation with one of his members
Without him??? I think not đ€š
Literally drapes himself across your back, hanging his arms over your shoulders and dropping his chin on top of your head
âHi ki!â You chirp, turning around to see him staring, arms still locked around you
âWhy are you doing that?â He asks
He doesnât want you doing ANYTHING in his dorm.
Why are you even doing dishes? Thatâs his hyungâs job. Doing your hair??? For who? You will not be seen by anyone for the next 1-3 business days if itâs up to him
And if youâre talking to one of the members đ
He wonât say anything, but if youâve kept talking for more than 2 minutes after heâs showed up, heâll pinch your side and shoot daggers at whoever youâre talking to until the two of you give up
âNo need to get moody, Iâll give you your girlfriend back,â Jake rolls his eyes
Thatâs what he was waiting for âŒïž
Throws you over his shoulder and takes you right back to his room where you will never be heard from again!! (Until dinner time)
#enhypen#enhypen x reader#enhypen scenarios#enhypen headcanons#enhypen reactions#enhypen drabbles#enhypen fluff#heeseung scenarios#jay scenarios#sunghoon x reader#jake scenarios#sunoo scenarios#jungwon scenarios#riki scenarios#niki x reader#sunghoon scenarios#heeseung x reader#jay x reader#jake x reader#sunoo x reader#riki x reader
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(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT
I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY
IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)
i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how
anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)
two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water
youve read it correct drinking water.
i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.
i am simple. i want what everyone wantsđđđ: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)
being an academic weapon is so easy for međ(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage
being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)
being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)
glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)
dream body n hair(bc i deserve thisđ)
healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)
and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested himđ)
then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:
new phone, +macbook air
dream apartment of my own
pinterest closet
lifa app for this reality
financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)
knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)
a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)
my parents being more lovable and away from me
every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling
and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)
then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)
one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.
still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met međ
4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much
a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.
and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.
for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.
sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.
oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.
YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.
and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.
and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.
and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.
and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS
i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself
because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KÄ°SSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)
is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check
the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck
dream body and hair- check and check
i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself
not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.
im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help
now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess
loves, siena.
#void success stories#pure consciousness#i am state#the void state#4d reality#void state#loass#manifesation#manifesting#shiftblr#shifting consciousness#manifestblr
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sorry but im just thinking about best friend's older brother!character and you. you and your bestie got totally screwed over by your college apartments bc they found black mold in the complex & it's basically uninhabitable. however, this is the second week of the semester + every other viable housing option is taken. luckily enough, her older brother is successful and rich â his luxury apartment is way too big for just himself. he has spare rooms. so now you're living with your best friend's older brother, and you always knew he was cute growing up, but he's older than the two of you; you knew your crush on him was unrealistic. it's like crushing on a celebrity, really. except... people don't normally end up sleeping in the room down the hall from their celeb crush, do they?
he's fun to be around, but when your best friend is gone for periods of time (she'd rather spend her nights at her boyfriend's place), and it's just the two of you alone... things feel tense. like every otherwise innocent action is suddenly charged with some weird electricity. you're messing with the coffee maker and he comes up behind you to open up the cabinet overhead, effectively sandwiching you between the hard counter top and his muscular build (since when did he have the time to get so jacked?) he sleeps shirtless, and when it's nighttime, he'll walk around in just his gray sweats or plaid pj pants, abs on full display, making casual conversation with you like he doesn't look like a greek god coming down to earth. but as much as he's unknowingly taunting you, you're unknowingly taunting him.
since when did his little sister's best friend grow up? why are you walking around in cropped cami tops that are thin enough to wear he can see the buds of your nipples poking through the fabric? why does the scent of your body lotion drive him insane? why does the fact that you're facetiming his sister and interrupting her alone time w her boyfriend just so you can ask for advice on what to wear to a date bother him so much? when you hang up, he conveniently passes by your bedroom door to see what's going on.
you're wearing a tight, black mini dress and you're spraying on perfume â the perfume he gifted you a few chrismas'es ago. he thinks it's cute that you still use it; he finds it less cute when he realizes you'll waste the sweet scent on someone who isn't him.
"you could've asked me for help on deciding what to wear. my sister acts like she knows it all, but she doesn't know how men think."
you're caught off guard, embarrassed that he overheard your conversation. "i- i wouldn't bother you with something stupid like this. i asked her because i don't have any guy friends and-"
he's fully in your room now, a look on his face you've only ever seen in your wet dreams. "i'm a man. do you really not see me that way?"
right now, he's all you can see.
#not his biggest fan but...#kuroo đ#hear me out hear me out#YUKIMIYA#can u see it#wait... this is an insane line up of people who don't really have anything in common#could have potential to be sakusa#kunigami :O
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Iâm gonna go fuckiNG iNSANE- FUCKING MOSQUITOES. GOT BIT. TRIED TO CATCH IT. STUBBED MY TOE ON THE COUCH-
THIS WASNâT ENOUGH, MY TOE GOT LODGED ON THE COUCH AND I WENT FLYING ACROSS THE ROOM. NOT AN EXAGGERATION THAT WAS THE MOST HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE
I WILL EXTERMINATE THE WHOLE BLOODY LOT OF THEM
#tw caps#AAAAAUGGGHHHH#IM IN PAIN BUT IM NOT IN AS MUCH PAIN AS I AM IN EMBARRASSMENT#I FLEW LIKE A FUCJING RAGDOLL#COULD PUT JEANIST TO SHAME WITH THE WAY I FLOPPED LIKE A BLOODY NOODLE#why am I a mosquito magnet I really wanna know#hhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH#this is all /lh I am just ashamed of myself /hj#posting on this account so I can absolutely tell the shit out of this scenario bc I only have one follower#and quill if you see this hi I am so sorry LMFAO#*yell
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Omg so like I want to hear your thoughts on perv!Megumi like finally after so long of Gojo teasing him for being in college for two years at this point and being single, heâs finally procured a pretty girlfriend whoâs unfortunately (for her) so naive and sweet??đ©·đ Idk I got shy but I know youâll do something good with this lol
ik i told u id post this after my wips but i started on it n i couldnt stop i liked the idea too much LOL im sorry for being so confusing D; tysm for the ask though!!! :o i rlly enjoyed writing this!!! (n donât be shy ahjwhs youâre so lovely T_TâĄ)
perv!megumi !!! please i feel like heâs the type to be a pervert thatâs kinda embarrassed n self aware about himselfâespecially bc gojo kept teasing him all those years n he was kinda just jacking off to whatever x-rated video that came up first (i feel like perv!megumi is highkey into hentai too but heâs taking that to the grave!!)
n when gets a pretty little girlfriend who acts so cute and who he loves so much, when he gets hard he canât help but let some of that side of him slip out from time to time...
i think heâs also the type to take lots of pictures,, like pictures while you sleep, peeking through your door while you shower, in clothing store changing rooms while you change, upskirt pictures⊠heâll make you his little model!! some of them you know about but some of them you donât, heâs so lewd.
itâs not just pics of you he takes, it's some of himself too. i feel like one of the things heâd love to do to you is when you tell him to come with you to some random uni event, n heâll randomly disappear in the middle of it, only to go to the bathroom to take pictures of his hard leaky cock to send you with some casual caption like he didnât just do that ?!?! heâs crazy (more under the cut)
itâs not megumiâs fault heâs so in his head about you, he still just doesnât really know how he managed to get someone as pretty and doting as you are as his.Â
he sometimes feels guilty for being so obsessed with youâyour body clad in pretty little outfits that you show off to him with a twirl, the way youâll always show him your shiny new sparkly nails when you get them done, how heâs always the first one youâll pick to talk to about something new youâve found to loveâitâs all that seems to be on his mind recently.
maybe it was gojoâs accidental doing, those feelings of guilt. unintentionally planting a little growing seed of shame in him the first few times he started teasing him for not having a partner yet at his âbig ageâ, borderline lecturing him with the âwhen i was your ageâ stuffâmaybe that was the logical reason why he felt so attached to you, the reason he couldnât help getting fully erect even when he only saw as much as a pair of your flung-away panties lying at the edge of your bed when coming to your room one day.
but when he recalls back to those nights where youâre innocently cuddled against him, watching whatever movie, a quiet âmegumi?â leaving your lips as a sign to tell him youâre falling asleep, and he finds himself shifting in his seat, carefully adjusting your head to let you rest comfortably on him, pressing a soft kiss to your hair as he strokes it and tells you a âsleep now, angelâ, he knows thatâs not the reason.
nevertheless, heâs always been worried about it, thoughts of âam i doing too much?â or a âwould she not like this?â clouding his mind. but for every single thought like this he has, heâll always have two more memories where heâs coming up to you, his sweet-faced little girlfriend, waiting for him with open arms and open heart. and to him, it means more than the world.
and as his cheerful sweetheart girlfriend, youâve never really minded of course.
you know heâs at least a little perverted, asking to take those pictures of you trying on your new swimsuits, or bras, or skirts, or those times when he pulls out after spilling his load into you, and the first thing he does after making sure youâre okay is to go face-to-face with the trail of cum seeping out of you to snap a few photos.
honestly, youâve gotten used to it at this point. you just take these moments, seeing what you do to him, as a way of reassuring yourself that he really does just love you that much. and he really does. really!! :(
no matter how innocent or dirty the context, heâll let you know whenever he gets that warm little feeling in his chest.
âi-i love you,â he pants, head coming up from sucking marks on your neck, languid thrusts coming to a gentle stop as he peers up at you with flushed cheeks. it feels like heâs admitting it for the first time again.
when you stare at him with his same love-drunk look, brows furrowed and eyes pleading, whispering out an âi love you too, gumiâ, heâll pause a moment to study your expression before gently raising you further up the bed, hooking his hand under your leg and repositioning it around his waist.
heâll drop down to press a kiss to your cheek before resting his chin on your shoulder and picking up the pace again, now only determined to make you cum.
when he thinks of times like these, despite what youâre doing together, itâs innocent in his head.
a time where thatâs not so much the case though is when you persuade him to come with you to some uni exhibition event, looking up at him with hopeful, doe-like eyes and as many âpleeeaaase, gumiâs and âplease, guuuumâs as you could musterâcause itâs not like he could say no to that, right?
at first he put up an act of feign stubbornness. but eventually he agreedâonly when he knew youâd excitedly hug him and press your soft chest to his as a thank you for it though.
heâd tour the hall with you, watching you gaze in awe at everything with your cute, simple curiosity, occasionally pointing out little things in the pieces he liked. before the artist began their talk though, he got up from his seat, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before muttering a ââm gâna go to the bathroom.â
in an empty stall, heâll sit atop the lid and pull down his jeans, freeing his stiffening cock from his underwear. he quietly groans as he pumps himself a few times, a slow trickle of translucent white leaking down from his tip.
he silently curses, throwing his head back, thinking about how you let him flip up your pretty skirt before you left, letting him take a peek at your cute ass in the frilly panties he bought for you.
he reaches for his phone, fumbling to send a picture of the sight to you, adding a casual caption of something like âhi pretty girlâ or âu look so pretty today, angelâ.
he pauses, realising that maybe you wonât see it for a little while. heâs imagining you so obediently listening to the artist speaker to notice the ping of his notificationâhe enjoys that thought too, but he canât say why.
heâs careful not to thrust up into his fist, not wanting to make too much noise, but itâs futileâheâs too hard staring at the lewd shots of you saved in his secret hidden albumâthe way you act so innocently, the way you have no clue what the true extent is of what you do to him. he canât help but let a few breathy whines slip.
he wonât let himself cum though, thinking heâs too good to be letting himself release over some scrunched up, bathroom tissue when heâs got his own pretty little girlfriend waiting for him a few halls down.
he sighs. cleaning up and tucking himself back into the band of his briefs, leaving the stall and washing his hands, walking back out like nothing happened.
#ywuji#this is so long n so rambly HAHEHW#i rlly had fun writing this tho#i wld love to write more :00#the last part is For Sure tacked onto the end but i wanted to include it bc i talked abt it alr Lol#apologies U_U#megumi smut#megumi fushiguro smut#fushiguro smut#megumi x reader#fushiguro x reader#megumi headcanons#fushiguro headcanons#jjk smut#jjk thirsts#jjk x reader#anime smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader
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