#in a way it may depend on what you consider most 'himself'. The 'Cayin' that was lost and he seeks to become again?

[yeleltaan]

what is your place in the royal court?

For main Cayin: the jester.

you spark humor wherever you wander, always seeking to brighten a room with the roar of laughter. but, you are no fool. you have seen the pain in the world, and you would give anything to keep others from feeling it, too. though, humor is a balm, not a cure. take care you do not merely conceal your tragedy beneath a smile.

for ER verse Cayin: the king. Or the queen.

you hold yourself above the rest; a heavy crown on your head, you consider yourself a step above, the sole decision maker, the one in control. but, is your power only an illusion? take heed, your majesty, the crowds would cheer your beheading fervently as they cheer your speeches.

dignified in your regality, you are a beacon of reason… the true power behind the throne, you take heed of all, cautious in each move you make. some may call you callous in your calculation, but they do not know your heart.

Tagged by: @hexenjagd (thank you!) Tagging: you. You reading this, I tag you!

[yeleltaan]

What are Cayin's thoughts on reproducing? Would he ever be interested in having biological children? (Can he have them?) And if so, what kind of partner would he seek to procreate with?

Extremely good question. So much so that I’m not entirely certain, surprisingly enough it’s not something I’ve thought about all that much lately. Because of this, what I write next isn’t completely sure and is subject to change.

Cayin’s thoughts on reproduction are almost nonexistent at the time most of his threads take place. He’s possibly wondered about the concept of having a family here and there, but for the most part it hasn’t crossed his mind beyond fleeting moments imagining what it would be like, most often as he watches someone else spending time with theirs or talking about them.

When it comes to producing offspring, there’s two different paths to take into consideration: the reproduction of his eldritch self and that of his human self. When it comes to the former, my guess is that he likely can do it, as Yig would have little reason to limit his son in such a way. It’s even possible that he may be able to have a descendant on his own without the need of a partner, as such is not unheard of in the various versions of the Lovecraft pantheon, though I think it might be a bit early for him (not that his age prevents it per se, but for an entity like him that essentially lives to serve his father’s purpose I believe it would require more centuries and perhaps millennia before his eldritch side would begin to care about his own possible progeny).

It’s in his human side that things become more complex. Can he have children with another human? Most likely*, and said child would be no different from any other human (aside from possibly a few minor traits like a greater perception of the eldritch?) unless he purposely made it to be otherwise. But Cayin doesn’t believe he would make good parenting material: though he could no doubt show great love and care for his family, he would also be away a lot of the time, travelling the world (or worse yet, attending to matters beyond this plane) to any location his duties call him to, and he wouldn’t be able (and I do mean, literally wouldn’t have the mental capacity) to put his love for his family first. And getting to a point where he could comfortably express his love for someone and seek a relationship with them (which is the only reason he would go so far to have a child, unless Yig needed it for whatever reason but that’s unlikely) is tough enough on its own. In the end, you never know how things progress and what circumstances he may find himself in, so it’s not impossible by any means.

*As a little note, before the making of this blog I did consider for an extremely early version of Cayin if he might be infertile. Especially back when his “walking ‘healthy’ corpse” aspect was more emphasized, and the nature of his revival was a little different. But ultimately Yig’s flame is a tool for rebirth, not for some kind of necromantic puppetry or unholy reanimation, but the creation of genuine life. Cayin lives, undeniably.

And then there’s the question: would he have a child that inherits both his human and eldritch selves? For starters, Yig could surely make it happen but would probably have little interest in it, and I’m not so sure Cayin could make it happen on his own (well, and his partner). As for Cayin’s interest, it might be the least likely option, and would likely require his partner to be of similar (dual) nature to him, as the existence of being not human, not eldritch, but somewhere inbetween is something he wouldn’t wish on a new child. It’s worth noting that Cayin after his “last birth” retains much from the human that would later be made into him: his education, his instincts interacting with other humans, his emotional intelligence, all of that he learned prior, losing a few bits and gaining some from Yig giving him that information. He didn’t have any formative years, not as who he is now. Social bonds and involvement with society are extremely important things in a kid’s formative years, and Cayin’s children would face extremely heavy challenges that he never had to, and find that they’ve been born into a universe that just... isn’t fit for them.

Though Yig cares for his son beyond his usefulness, Cayin was born as a tool, to some degree. He was made with a purpose, crafted for that purpose, and his mind operates differently even from many of his own kind- the cosmic or reptiles. He’s completely at peace with being born into that role because that’s the way he was made. Cayin wouldn’t have children to make them serve a purpose, and they in turn would have a much harder time dealing with their outcast nature.

As for what kind of partner he would seek to procreate with? Leaving aside purely cosmic creatures (those are a bit more complicated to explain, as that would mostly involve Cayin’s alien lizard side and... I really couldn’t tell you how that goes), first his partner and he need to have genuine love relationship (or close enough in the case of potentially complex relationships), and what’s his type? That’s a topic for another time. But with that out of the way, next comes overcoming Cayin’s concerns about how he may not be there at times for his family. If that is true, his partner would need to be independent, show Cayin that they’re strong enough to handle themselves for that time, to be patient enough to wait for him, and of course to express that they’re willing to go through with it knowing Cayin’s issue.

An alternative, perhaps less common but quite possibly better suited for his circumstances: go with him. Have no ties preventing you from staying alongside him, travel the world with him, open yourself to his realm, have the insight to see what he and his master are and have the mental strength to not go mad. Forgive him for being a little less present in Autumn, it affects his mood and he doesn’t want to be unreasonable or unfair to you, he will try to make it up to you and your children. Even better, join his cult (though depending on the situation he may either push you in that direction or be unconvinced that he wants you to step into that world), become an agent of Yig alongside him! That’s where having an eldritch/human hybrid child is most plausible, for sure. Having a bit of eldritch side yourself helps in this situation as well.

[yeleltaan]

Poppy, Violet, Willow, Zinna

BOTANICAL HEADCANONS | not accepting

///Very long answer, so putting it under read more!

poppy :   what comforts your muse ?

Most if not all of Cayin’s stress and concerns are things his human side experiences. Despite the fact that his eldritch nature allows him to see and understand what most cannot, and allows him to observe reality from a higher perspective that encompasses a bigger picture, that half of himself is also very primitive and straightforward in its train of thought. After a long period of infiltration, specially one that actually presents a threat to him, returning to the shadows and resting in the quiet, vast darkness is very soothing for him. And allowing his more contemplative human mind to sleep when he’s feeling somber can be relieving.

The nostalgia, or simply yearning depending on how connected you believe Cayin to be to the man that he was made from, for the joys of grounded life, from the simplest overlooked sensations to his interest in various forms of art (theatre being his favorite) can be the source of melancholic thoughts from time to time. Clinging to these things can lead to lament, “needlessly” as other creatures of the cosmos might claim, but he can also find great joy in them. Having someone close who engages with him in those activities regularly can be a strong source of comfort so long as they continue to do it, as well as developing said bonds, though it comes at the risk that one day that friendship might stand in the way of his job.

It’s also worth noting that at times his mission will lead him to places where his connection to his master is partially severed, requiring him to hide and make preparations in order to communicate with him properly. Needless to say he feels much more comfortable once he’s back in Yig’s area of influence.

violet :   how does your muse respond to betrayal ?

It depends on the intensity of this betrayal and what Cayin was doing at the time it occurred.

Taking advantage of Cayin when he doesn’t have a concrete task , has one but it’s of low importance or has one that involves him pretending to be a fairly ordinary individual will not cause you much trouble. To some degree, being wounded superficially (or more significantly, but in a way that it’s only a small setback for him) or made a fool after someone pretends to be his ally can be beneficial to him as it makes him seem less of a threat, less of an important player in a play. He won’t fall for it again, he’ll be wary and probably won’t display as much kindness towards you, but he most likely won’t be bitter about it and won’t seek any form of retribution.

If you were very close, he will feel disappointed and make sure that you know it. Still he won’t be angry, probably sad but he knows to expect some people like this in life. Diplomacy will still be possible, Cayin is professional about his duties and he will still heed your word. He might, however, be notably less polite and imbue his words with cutting sarcasm. He will speak more plainly about what he doesn’t like about you, about what he considers to be your failures, whenever he disagrees with your judgement. Not gratuitously, not out of nowhere, only if it’s relevant to the conversation, but without sugarcoating it. Forgiveness is still possible however, though it depends on how understandable he finds your betrayal judging by your circumstances at the time. Much more likely if one of his tasks inconvenienced you significantly (not in response to what you did) and you still wanted to restore your friendship, in a bit of a “now we’re more or less even” mentality.

This all pertains to betraying him, on his own, when it doesn’t affect Yig much. But he will not tolerate the same when Yig is involved.

If he’s acting as Yig’s representative, it’s not just disrespecting the messenger. Cayin will demand the respect befitting his master and he will not be nearly as patient or forgiving as he would be if this only involved him. Yig is a Great Old One- and one implied to be a great significance among that group despite his obscurity in written material, as for example the old civilization of K'n-yan venerated him and Cthulhu as the two main gods. Cayin may be humble about his position and often refer himself as little more than an errand boy, but he will make no pretensions of modesty when he represents his master. Wronging Yig is deeply dangerous, he’s mentioned to be more benevolent than most of his kind but he’s also very vindictive, he won’t forget a slight against him and his agent will be the one to ensure that you either compensate him or face punishment.

A similar case applies when Yig’s children are harmed. Reptiles of any kind, many may go unavenged in their great numbers (and hunting out of necessity is less likely to provoke his ire) but if Cayin witnesses it or knows you’ve harmed them he will be angrier than if he were the victim. And once again, if Yig is furious, Cayin will be the one to let you know.

Another important fact to mention: Autumn is the season during which Yig falls into a ravenous hunger and frenzy, and Cayin is also affected by this to a lesser extent. During this time Cayin is most likely at work 24/7, and if he’s not already making his way to settle things with someone that provoked Yig’s anger, he’ll be looking for the next most deserving option. There is no reasoning with him during this time. He will retain some patience if you mean a lot to him or if you are deeply important to Yig, but even then it’s not safe at all.

willow :   how does your muse handle sadness   &   depression ?

Despite what I’ve mentioned in the first question, Cayin isn’t someone who generally feels strong sadness often. If anything, it’s jarring how... emotionally detached he feels from things at times, and sometimes that’s a bigger problem for him than any form of sorrow. Since the moment Yig revealed himself to him he hasn’t felt vulnerable, at least not much. When he feels that way, it’s usually because of self-doubts surrounding his humanity. First threads generally take place at a point in time when he hasn’t had the chance to really mourn someone- he’s had to cut some ties with people he’s felt a connection to and that’s a shame, a bit sad, but he knew that would happen and he carries on with his life. I do think, however, that there will be people he will be very sad to have to let go of, specially if they met in a situation that was very out of the ordinary and that caused Cayin to resonate more strongly with this person. Even worse, if he might have to hurt them.

How he handles it is more or less what’s described in the first question, sometimes it involves retreating into his eldritch life where he won’t think about the things that sadden him, other times he entertains himself with activities or seeks to lift his spirits by meeting a friend that still remains. He might seek to speak with someone about something vaguely relating to what made him so sad without outright mentioning it. He also often goes on walks and goes to places he finds peaceful and pretty, though that doesn’t necessarily help him, it’s just what he feels like doing.

zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?

This is a tricky question: Cayin, since his first conscious moments as a new being, has not experienced great loss. Perhaps one could count the old life he once sought to learn more about, and maybe even go back to, as something he lost but he doesn’t care for it anymore. He’s become very disinterested in whoever that man used to be and anyone who had any connection to him.

He will feel pity and sadness for reptiles he sees suffer, but... the ties of family between Yig and his many children are interesting. They can be somewhat impersonal in a way. Think of a wild animal without much emotional range or depth, that will defend its offspring with its life and show sadness at the loss of them, but not quite deal with the trauma that would suppose for a human being or some of the more intelligent and emotional animals. A part of ruthless nature, how many reptiles are there in the world? How many die in just a few moments, some unnecessarily others as a necessary part of the cycle of life? How deep and personal is the relationship of a being so large, long-lived and busy (though with a very keen eye and capacity to spread his attention) with those countless little animals of varying levels of expressiveness and sentience? Yig’s care for them goes further than what I have described, but it’s still an aspect of it that remains.

In the end, I don’t think he’s learned anything from it yet. But I do think that if he were to develop a very strong bond with someone that could seriously impact his perspective. Regardless of how well he handles it, I think Cayin would be surprised to see just how human he still is, and how much he cares for people deep down.