#in a state that's kind of famously gone super red in the past few election cycles
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trying to deconstruct my mountain of feelings about the dunkie donut interview tomorrow
#my diary#I'm smad because this is not the work I've been training to do and it feels really unfair and cruel#I'm also a little embarrassed and ashamed of being smad because like. is being smad just me thinking fast food is 'lesser' employment?#am I really just disappointed that I failed to find a job in my field despite TWICE now training for growing job roles#or am I just being a capitalist pissant who thinks they're to good to sling coffee all of a sudden#there's also a lot of fear#fear of having to exist in the real world as a physical person actively transitioning#in a state that's kind of famously gone super red in the past few election cycles#the fear that I don't actually know if I can be on my feet for a whole fast food shift anymore with my back and hips the way they are#just standing for extended periods of time is really hard#thinking back to my last run w/ fast food there was enough moving around and bending/squatting that I could be okay#esp if the shifts are fairly short#but I won't know until I get there and well being in excruciating breath-taking pain sucks ass so I'm not looking forward to that#and also just the fear of not getting hired LMAO which loops back into the 'oh god I secretly think I'm better than a dunkin barista'#bro I am SO tired of everything being complicated and feeling ungrateful for what I get in life#I just want a spreadsheet job and enough money for a studio apartment and a dog why is this too much to ask for
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