#in a similar vein I'm utterly uncomprehending of non-fear-driven obedience

[autogeneity]

there's a type of approval-seeking that people talk about which kind of totally perplexes me...where it sounds like it's neither about people you like or respect, nor that you'd face negative consequences from disapproval, but rather just kind of...for its own sake?

I guess it helps if I describe the types I do understand:

wanting someone you like to think positively of you (probably implicitly so they can be/stay friends with you etc)

wanting people you respect to judge you positively (as a presumably accurate reflection of you being good in whatever sense aligned with your own values)

being afraid of punishment, in particular social

I can also understand doing it to obtain some other positive outcome (e.g. impressing your boss to get a promotion) but ime that kind of feels instrumental rather than a direct emotional tie to approval. think this is also true of non-social punishment

but it sounds like there's some other type — e.g. with that post about wanting the love and approval of your parents. feels like there's a bunch of people who don't really like their parents or would like...want to hang out with them as people. and don't really respect their values or judgement. and are not in a position to really face any consequences of their parents' opinions. and yet...still give a fuck.

like even my last therapist seemed to assume that I'd want my parents to accept me (in the present day) and I genuinely do not understand why would I want that?