#in a nutshell i think this is fluke

[kaiserouo]

oh no big nidus draining all my resources

also the sketch because why not

[madlori]

So this isn't the point of this tweet. but I'm low-key obsessed with Aron Ralston's situation AND I was just in Canyonlands National Park last week so I've had it on the brain, so strap in, I'm about to INFO DUMP.

If you've seen "127 Hours," it is an extremely accurate depiction of what happened to Ralston (barring some embellishment of his bike/hike to the canyon, like he didn't actually go pool diving with cute girls on the way, although he did meet them and they did invite him to a party) down to the fact that the knife, camera and headlamp James Franco used on set are THE ACTUAL ONES ARON HAD WITH HIM. Given that video exists from Ralston's personal camcorder, Franco straight-up just re-enacts some of them, with the verbatim dialogue from the videos (say what you want about Franco but he is really amazing in this film).

If you haven't seen it...here's the nutshell. Aron Ralson was an extremely accomplished mountaineer and outdoorsman. To give you an idea of HOW accomplished he was...Colorado has fiftysomething (I think it's 53?) peaks of over 14,000 feet in height, referred to as "the fourteeners." Setting a goal to summit all of them is a pretty common mountaineer's bucket list thing.

Aron summited all 53. Then he did them again, solo. Then he did them AGAIN, solo, IN WINTER. This dude had an engineering degree and a cushy job at Intel but he quit to work at a mountaineering store in Boulder and be a full time outdoorsman. He'd already cheated death several times (he survived an avalanche not long before his canyon experience).

This trip was cake to him. Much has been made of the fact that he didn't tell anybody where he was going, which he usually would. But all he wanted was a bike/hike and some light canyoneering. It'd be like me notifying everyone when I went for a 1 mile walk around the neighborhood. Also...he didn't actually know where he was going. He was having one of those "wherever the road takes me" vacations. He had a vague idea of going to Utah but wasn't sure.

Where he ended up was at Bluejohn Canyon, in an extremely remote part of central Utah. Bluejohn is not actually IN Canyonlands National Park, but it does lead into the Horsehoe Canyon unit of that park even if Bluejohn is itself on BLM land. The canyon wasn't considered difficult, had a few technical spots and ended in a 30 foot rappel into Horseshoe Canyon, which featured a large gallery of ancient indigenous paintings that he was eager to see. Ralston decided to make a big loop. He parked his truck, took his bike, rode it partway, left it, then hiked into the canyon. He'd emerge into Horseshoe, hike back to his bike, then bike back to the truck. This was a total distance of like...10 miles (excluding the biking part). Not a big deal for him at all.

I cannot stress enough how remote this part of the park is. It might get half a dozen visitors a week. But that's what he liked.

The accident that trapped him was a fluke. The canyon is very narrow, and there are large boulders called chockstones stuck between the walls at various places. He had to stand on one of these to drop down ten or so feet to the next level. He hung off the stone and was about to drop down, but his weight torqued the stone JUST RIGHT and it dislodged. He dropped, the stone dropped on top of him, and it slammed his right arm against the canyon wall, trapping him there.

For five days.

Now, he considered amputation early in this ordeal. He knew the arm/hand was not salvageable, he'd be losing it either way. But he didn't have anything to cut through it. He had a cheap knockoff multi tool with two tiny-ass dull blades that would not be able to cut bone. He tried once, and could barely break the skin.

He hoped he'd be found, he hoped for rescue, but none came.

Eventually, he realized that his hand was literally decomposing while still attached to his body. This motivated him to try again - and he realized that if he BROKE the bones of his arm, he'd only have to saw through the flesh. He did this, and luckily the bones broke in almost the same spot. It took him about 60 minutes to cut through the rest.

Then he had to continue down the canyon. He could not go back the way he'd come. This means he had to rappell, one-handed and bleeding, and then hike like 8 miles in the desert not having had any water in days.

The thing is...if he had NOT waited, and had cut off his arm earlier, he would have died, 100%. You see, by the time he DID cut off his arm, his friends and family had realized he was missing and a search was on. Park rangers knew where his truck was, so they started looking in the area. When he staggered out of Horseshoe Canyon, a family of tourists from Germany found him and helped him (they had even seen notices to keep a look out for a missing hiker)...and just as they got into the open, a rescue helicopter showed up and was able to fly him to Green River to a hospital.

If he had cut off his arm earlier in the ordeal, nobody would have been looking for him. He would have had to hike all that way back to his truck and he would surely have bled out or died of dehydration.

Even as it was, he'd lost 40 lbs and a ton of blood. He had to have several surgeries and he was on IV antibiotics for like six months to stave off a bone infection. It took 12 dudes and a pneumatic hoist to move that boulder and retrieve his arm, which was returned to him and cremated. He took Tom Brokaw to the site six months after the ordeal and scattered the ashes. The bloodstains were still on the wall of the canyon (probably still are).

I'm just fascinated by the interplay of good and bad luck in this story. Ralston is very candid in his book (which the film was based on) about his propensity to take risks and seek adrenaline highs in solitude.

[takadasaiko]

Second Chances: Chapter Seven

FFN II AO3

Summary: Steve has every intention of returning the Infinity Stones to their correct place in the timeline and heading back to his own. His problems start when he makes an impulse decision to jump over to 1946 and Peggy decides to go back home with him. It only gets more complicated from there when Howard tags along with them to 2023. Tony lives fix-it fic. Pepperony.

Chapter Summary: Tony struggles to process what's going on.

Just a quick warning: this chapter may should be rated a bit higher for Tony's meltdown language. Very brief and I think it still ranges in the scope of PG-13, but better safe to warn than not.

Chapter Seven

Tony couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He stretched out his left hand, checking to make sure he wasn't having a heart attack where he stood. Nope. Feeling there. Maybe a stroke. That was an increasing possibility. Anything made more sense than the man standing in Cap's hallway that was a distinctly younger version of the man he'd know growing up. A man with jet black hair and mustache, curious dark eyes, and a grin that just wouldn't stop.

He was dreaming. That was it. This whole thing had to be a dream.

"Is this Tony?" Howard demanded, half bounding forward and suddenly he was shaking Tony's hand. "I saw your work with the stabiliser and I gotta say - and I'm not easily impressed - but that that was elegant, my friend. You are talented. The way you solved the time-jump issue was…."

He was still shaking Tony's hand and the other man couldn't find the words. Any moment he was going to wake up, right? Right. Any moment now.

"Tony?" Cap called quietly and dark brown eyes flickered over to meet blue.

He didn't get a chance to respond, though. Another figure rounded the corner. "Everything okay out here?"

From terrible to catastrophic in point five seconds. That was his morning in a nutshell. Tony felt his mood shift from shock to boiling anger at the sight of James Barnes coming to stand next to his too-young and far too oblivious someday-to-be father. Tony turned the rage on Steve. "What the ever-loving fuck were you thinking?!" he all but screamed. Any other time he would have been rather proud at the shade or two Steve paled. With the way he stiffened and may have even take the smallest steps back from the shorter man. Not now though. At just that moment he was too pissed.

"Tony, I never meant for —"

"Well ya did, and then this?!" He motioned back at Barnes. "Are you trying to break the timeline?"

"Hey, you don't have the full story," Barnes growled.

Tony spun on him. "Pipe down, Jamie Lannister. You don't get a say in this. And get away from him." He motioned to a very confused Howard.

Steve reached out and blocked Barnes' advance even as Tony squared his shoulders, still several inches shorter than either Super Soldier.

"Mr Stark," Peggy Carter snapped, pulling every eye over to her, but her eyes were focused on Tony. "It is Stark, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Tony managed.

"Wait…. you're-"

"Peggy, how did you-?"

She cut both Howard and Steve off mid-question. "Is it really that hard to deduce? Look at him. He looks just like Howard. A bit a bit older, but there's no question. Otherwise why would you have worked so hard to hide it?"

There was a silence that settled over the room and she huffed a long-suffering sigh. "We didn't intend for Howard to come with us. It was a fluke in the design he hastily pulled together."

Tony followed her quick glance over to Howard and how he clenched his jaw just a little, like he was swallowing what could have been a swipe at his attempt to replicate the tech. Of course Steve had gone to his father for that. Of course he had. "He's going back," Tony said tightly.

"Yes." Steve's answer was instant.

"You used up the Pym Particles getting them here, didn't you? We'll need to —"

"Get ahold of Hank Pym," Steve cut in. "I've been trying for days. He's a hard man to reach."

Tony snorted. "Yeah, he's an asshole, but you tell him Howard Stark is here and he'll throw them at you to make him go away."

"So we've heard," Barnes said and Tony had to resist the urge to tell him to zip it again. "Sam's looking for Lang now."

So Steve had been back long enough to get home, talk all of this over with Wilson and Barnes, try to reach out to Pym enough to scratch the direct approach, and sent Wilson for Lang. A week? Maybe a week and a half. Long enough to have at least dropped him a line.

"Tony," the blond called softly and the younger man's attention snapped to him again. He looked like he felt guilty. Good. "Listen, I um…." He looked over to the crowd that lingered. "Give is a second?"

Howard looked like he might argue, but Peggy ushered him out of the hall, Barnes following behind. Tony watched the crowd retreat into whatever part of the apartment they were heading for and pulled in a steadying breath. "Okay," he said, his voice tight and controlled. "Start from the beginning."

                                            _______________

He didn't hold back. From the moment he left the hospital to the different stopping points with the stones, and through to what had become an impulse stop off in 1946. Tony didn't say a word, which rarely boded well, but Steve kept going right up to the point that Howard had hitched a ride with them. "Peggy knew he was up to something. I should have —"

"You said time travel and you sealed the deal, Cap," Tony huffed, sliding down the wall he had been leaning against to take a seat. Steve took a hesitant step towards him and was waved off. "I'm good. Just processing."

At least they'd moved into that phase. In his experience, bringing Tony out of a rage could be nearly impossible. That was all on him to do. He'd been willing to listen, though, and that seemed like a good sign.

Steve shifted where he stood, letting his gaze drift over the other man. Last he'd seen him he had been in the hospital attached to machines by more wires than he'd bothered to count. He hadn't been able to lift his right arm, much less wave it around in an angry rant. The scars were still there, deep and dark all along the side of his face, down his neck so that they disappeared under his shirt, and reappeared at the end of his sleeve to wind down the tan skin to fingers that still shook just a little. He looked tired, frustrated, but more whole than Steve had dared hope for. He wondered if that soft blue glow under his t-shirt has anything to do with it.

"What?"

Blue eyes blinked hard, meeting brown. "You look better."

"Hope so. It's been a while."

The blond cringed. "Yeah, but when I left…"

Tony tapped at the light, a familiar clinking sounding from the movement. "Made some upgrades to give myself a fighting chance. So far so good. How long have you been back?"

"Little over a week," he admitted softly. "I knew your plate was full. I didn't want to add to it if I could help it."

"Because keeping secrets to protect me have worked out so well in the past."

"Yeah," Steve huffed, memories flickering across his mind. Tony's look of utter betrayal and the no win situation that he had been in between two friends. He couldn't relive that.

Tony stood, his movements slow and he still leaned just a little heavier to his left. He straightened, shoulders squared and chin tilted up. "I need to know I can trust you, Cap. This… him here like this…"

"You can," Steve swore.

"Good." The younger man's lips twitched up at the corners and he reached out, patting Steve's arm in a playful manner he'd never thought he would miss as much as he had. "So, lets go get my dad's future murderer away from him so that he can survive long enough to get back to the past."

Steve quirked a blond eyebrow "You know they were friends, right?"

"Huh?"

"In the war. Your dad flew us when no one else would go into certain zones. The Howling Commandos loved him. Said he was the only civilian crazy as them."

"He must have left that one out of the endless stories," Tony grumbled.

"Probably didn't want you getting any ideas of hopping in a pilot's seat and flying straight into combat when you got older," Steve chuckled. Or a suit. There were more similarities between the two men than Tony likely knew.

"Doubt it ever crossed his mind that I'd be willing to." He turned, starting forward.

Steve reached out and caught him by the wrist. "Tony, listen. Howard's…. You and I knew very different Howard Starks, I get that, but the man in there… he's not the jaded one you've described. He's a good guy. Don't blame him for things he hasn't even done yet."

"If you say so, Cap. Let's just get him back to where he came from."

                                           _______________

It wasn't a surprise that his friend was upset. There was a lot of history there. Good, bad, and over the past week Steve had admitted that his own actions hadn't helped with Tony's trust issues along the way. He had struggled with if he should reach out to him or not, but Peggy knew that his heart was in the right place. If the quieter conversation was anything to go by, maybe Tony saw that too.

It was difficult to find a way to discreetly listen when Howard hadn't stopped talking since they'd been shuffled off to let Steve smooth things over. He was ecstatic. He took a seat next to Sergeant Barnes, laughing and joking, slipping questions in about Tony here and there like everyone in the room didn't know what he was trying to do.

"Even if I wanted to bust your future wide open, Howard, I couldn't tell you. Stark and I aren't what you'd call close."

He flashed that charming grin of his and gave the larger man a playful punch to the arm. "C'mon. You've got to know something. Anything."

Peggy's lips tugged down at the way Sergeant Barnes' shoulders sagged just a little and the strange glint of guilt in his eyes. "I wish I could, Howard. More than anything."

"You people are all so nervous. Where's your sense of adventure, huh? I'm not gonna break the universe."

"When you mess with time it tends to mess back," Tony's voice pulled their attentions back to the hall as he and Steve rounded in from it. Dark brown eyes, a little mischief in them just like Howard's came to rest on her. "And we're screwing with it pretty hard."

"Are you saying I should go home?"

"Nah. I'm saying he should."

Howard's mustache drooped. "Way to single me out, kiddo," he chuckled, much more pleased with the irony of their age difference than Tony seemed to be.

"Don't call me that."

"Tony then. Short for Anthony? That was my uncle's name. You probably know that, though." Howard stood from his spot, a little more serious now, even if the excitement still rolled off of him in waves. "Who'da thought I'd be a father, muchless raise the man that cracked time travel." His grin returned. "Definitely a Stark. Are you —"

"The less you know about me the better." He turned his attention over to Peggy, offering Sergeant Barnes only a brief glance. "Cap and I are going to go see Pym."

Peggy tilted her head. "I thought no one could reach him?"

"Like the man said, I'm a Stark. That opens up doors. Manchurian Candidate, keep your distance." He finally turned, possibly meeting Howard's gaze directly for the first time since he'd seen him there. "We should have you home by dinner time."

Tony turned in his heel, heading for the door and Peggy caught Steve's sleeve before he could follow. She didn't say anything. She didn't have to. She saw the stress there, the pleading for understanding and patience. There was more to this than she knew, but he couldn't explain in front of Howard. So she nodded, the acknowledgment of trust between them and they were gone.

She waited until the door closed behind them and locked before she turned back to Howard. He looked like every ounce of excitement had been crushed out of him. "He hates me."

"He knows you have to go," she tried, but Howard shook his head.

"I know that look. Same one I gave my ol' man. I just…. guess I'd hoped if I ever had kids I'd be better than him."

Sergeant Barnes stood quietly, making his way into the kitchen to give them some privacy. Peggy reached out. "Let's not jump to conclusions, shall we?"

He tried for a smile that didn't reach his eyes and Peggy patted his shoulder. If nothing else, she hoped perhaps his fear could be proven wrong.

                                           _______________

TBC

Notes: Well this chapter just sort of fell together and then Howard kicked me in the feels hard. Honestly, I thought it'd take him a lot longer to catch onto Tony's daddy issues, but my guess is that they probably share a lot of the same ones, just in different ways. Howard's father sold fruit on the Lower East Side, according to S1 of Agent Carter, so my guess is that even if Howard Sr was clever he didn't get a chance for the education that his son did. I could see a lot of strife, especially looking at the time period.  I'm really excited to get to this point in the story where Tony and Howard are going to be coming head-to-head quite a bit. Don't worry. Tony's calculations on when he's sending his dad home might be a little off :P

Next Time: Things don't go as planned when Tony and Steve visit Hank Pym.

[gokul2181]

The common mental approach of Iga Swiatek and Rafael Nadal | Tennis News

New Post has been published on https://jordarnews.in/the-common-mental-approach-of-iga-swiatek-and-rafael-nadal-tennis-news/

The common mental approach of Iga Swiatek and Rafael Nadal | Tennis News

For Iga Swiatek, the new French Open women’s champion, and Rafael Nadal, who added to his legend with a 13th title, there was one thing in common: Their mental approach. A new French Open women’s champion. A legendary French Open men’s champion adding to his trophies. That was the final weekend in a nutshell at Roland Garros this year. But while the October dates for the tournament were unprecedented, the nutshell was not. Nadal claimed his 13th French Open title with an exclamation point, romping past Novak Djokovic, the world’s top-ranked player, while yielding just seven games across three sets. The Polish teenager Iga Swiatek, meanwhile, is the latest breakthrough champion in the women’s game. While Nadal is a constant for the men, churn is the constant for the women, who have had nine new Grand Slam singles champions in the past four seasons and four straight first-time winners in Paris: with Jelena Ostapenko, Simona Halep and Ashleigh Barty before Swiatek.

The contrast in the sport’s divisions is extreme, but it is still possible to see a few commonalities between Swiatek and Nadal – even though Swiatek’s career is just beginning. Both, for example, bulldozed through their draws without dropping a set across seven matches. Swiatek is 19, the same age Nadal was when he won his first French Open in 2005. She hits with the same heavy topspin and a similar Western grip on her forehand, albeit with her right hand versus Nadal’s left. But the thickest common thread is in their mental approach. Both, with very different methods, were exquisitely grounded in the moment: playing each point in isolation, with gusto and seemingly little consideration of the wider implications. In tennis, as in many sports, that is an elusive and delightful place to be, and it has been one of Nadal’s trademarks since he emerged from Spain in the early 2000s. “What I think Iga can definitely pick up from Rafa is how he’s composed between the points and how he’s always focused on just this one particular next point,” said Daria Abramowicz, the sports psychologist who was part of Swiatek’s team in Paris. “She obviously has seen this a lot, but it’s not always the same thing to see it and understand it as it is to be able to deal with it.” In Paris, the unseeded Swiatek managed it beautifully: speaking softly to herself, eyes closed on changeovers and hitting winner after clean winner, eyes wide open, on the clay. “We have our own set of exercises she’s doing on changeovers,” Abramowicz said. “Sometimes those are breathing techniques. Sometimes this is visualization. Sometimes this is just inner dialogue. But it’s a lot, and she’s picking what she needs at the moment, so basically, it requires her to be very aware of what’s going on during the match.” Even in her first Grand Slam final, Swiatek held firm, defeating Sofia Kenin, the fourth seed, 6-4, 6-1. “It’s hard with so much pressure, but I just did everything I’ve done in the previous rounds,” Swiatek said. “I focused on technique and tactics. I tried to get rid of expectations, just play one ball after another. I didn’t really care if I’m going to lose or win.” That is an acquired trait: Last year, when she lost to Halep at Roland Garros in less than an hour, Swiatek cared so much that she could barely put a ball in the court. This year, she routed Halep on her way to the title. “Really, I think the main key was just keeping my expectations low,” Swiatek said. Nadal has never worked with a sports psychologist, but he has done a fine job of managing expectations. Search his interviews through the years for traces of superiority or fait accompli. Good luck. His modesty manifests as pessimism, which has sometimes seemed illogical – even disingenuous. But it has worked for him in a sport where each match is a fresh chance for a superstar to make some underdog’s day. Nadal has never been interested in resting on his laurels. He is, make no mistake, a fabulously talented player, capable of generating power and precision from just about anywhere on the court and of finding “solutions” – to use one of his favourite words – to tactical conundrums. It is the unlikely combination – supreme athletic gifts, inner drive and inner calm – that add up to 13 French Open titles and 20 Grand Slam titles for Nadal. For now, Swiatek must learn to cope with just one, which could be quite a challenge considering that she is Poland’s first Grand Slam singles champion. Strolling through Warsaw unnoticed will now be more difficult, but she is clearly bright and clearly drawn to developing a structure and skills that are built to last.

Abramowicz, a former competitive sailor who has worked with athletes in many sports, believes one of the reasons it is so hard for tennis players to stay “in the moment” is because the moment is so often interrupted. “You have pauses between the point, pauses between the sets and then obviously you have pauses between the matches,” she said. “Sometimes the biggest and most challenging work from the mental point of view is doing the best you can during these pauses.” Now Swiatek must manage the pause before she returns to Grand Slam competition at the Australian Open in January. It is hard to see the future clearly. Ostapenko won the 2017 French Open shortly after turning 20 but has since fallen out of the Top 10. Bianca Andreescu won the 2019 US Open at 19 in only her fourth major appearance but has barely played a tournament since then because of injuries and the pandemic hiatus. Swiatek appears to have the skills to prosper with a blend of power, touch and court coverage. It has never been a fluke when someone wins a French Open in such dominant fashion. She lost just 28 games, putting her in elite company with the likes of Steffi Graf, Chris Evert and Serena Williams. But how would Swiatek have reacted to more scoreboard pressure? Is she the next great player? Or just the latest to get hot at the right time, considering that Barty and Naomi Osaka were both absent and Williams withdrew after one round? It’s tough to say.

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[thereasonnottodietoday]

Day 7 - inspirational woman

Over the last few days I have had a new clarity on what's going on with my life. I recognise that I have issues with anger again. Resentment and intolerance Among constant feelings of failure today I was reminded that I really did achieve something with my life for my age - I got my first photography job at 15 - I won rotary photographer of the year at 16 - I was accepted into uni at 17 despite having to be 18 to be on the course - I managed to get out of the hell hole that was Biggar high school - I became a head designer at 17 - I somehow managed to wrestle myself out of a compromising prostitution cycle while being full time uni and a full time designer - I managed to get myself into student halls and I made friends - I got my cultural and historical studies essay published - I became creative Director at feroce magazine - I began my marketing career with little knowledge and now am a seemingly recognised trend hunter and regular writer - I managed to graduate and get a great grade on my dissertation despite assault and everything that happened in london - I became editor in chief and owner of feroce magazine and singlehandedlu produced 5 issues so far - I moved back to Scotland and managed to beat depression for a short time before becoming incredibly mentally ill - I had hope - I lost hope but kept going - I have secured about 5/6 magazine features and it was only February 2017 And today I was interviewed for sunny Glasgow radio as a woman of inspiration to be interviewed for international women's day. I was asked what advice I'd give to my formal self. Laura said the interview went amazing and there's possibility of me giving talks to young people interested in persuing a fashion career Although while fashion gave me joy at first my heart still lies in the first things I told the university interviewers 'I'm here to change the world' At first I thought that meant making fur unfashionable. Now it means uncovering the conspiracy that is marketing, branding and manipulation. I'm a marketer but I'm also a creative and we rely on marketing services but the big brands have unethical methods. I feel like a double agent learning the tricks of the trade but at the same time being woke to everything presented to us in fashion media leaves me angered and frustrated at who gets the press next. I have calculated that if you can get one major news outlet to report on you then the rest will follow suit and that is how the cycle goes. I have witnessed the flow of 4-5 press articles on people I know. It's a similar pattern of events that I am analysing thoroughly and I've come to the conclusion that if you can produce content one person - the right person - is interested in, this can develop into that crucial press cycle But the longevity of this and the actual reaping of rewards seems to be slim other than brief sponsorship with free items. None of this press seems to matter How do I explain to the next generation that the industry is barely worth penetrating. Is it really just my own fault that I took some acid and realised all you have when you're dead is what you've left behind. McQueen left a legacy. I would leave a badly constructed H&M market place dress and a satin latex substitute as well as sub par design work but reasonable marketing. I hope my uni dissertation means something one day because I never did go back to collect it. I have never heard myself be referred to as an inspirational woman but when I list my achievements it feels like a different, stronger girl that did that. Not me. How do you tell a young fresh mind their designs will be ripped off by massive companies and they can barely do anything about it ? How do I tell them it's the most expensive profession they may encounter. I got out of design because I saw the same fate as McQueen. I was always a ticking time bomb. Everyone has seen me as a crazy bitch for years, far longer than before I even knew. I had my first suicidal thought st 14 when my boyfriend cheated on me and dumped me. I didn't want my mum to find me. 'Some women choose to follow men and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember your career will never wake up and tell you it doesn't love you anymore' - lady gaga 'You can be smart and in your underwear' - lady gaga The quotes that stayed on my wall along with a note from alex stating 'don't be bothered by the small things keep working' or something similar. The man who made the work crazy monster I am now. I just wish I could've been this work crazy monster for him instead of just a disappointing monster. Is that what I'd really have told myself? Don't do it daina. You're. More. Than. Your. Body. Don't sell it. It's worth more than £350 for the hour or £1500 for the night. Your body was worth whatever you want but your mind was fucking priceless. If you'd have spent less time fucking people for money to prove you could be self sufficient you could've got better grades and made the most of the fluke you got in life. Still you left with a bachelors for 20 years old. London destroyed you. You needed to go there and you needed to explore the real world. You wouldn't change a thing and if I could go back and tell you daina I'd tell you you done the right thing by being so detached from reality. You chose not to remember so you wrote it down in diaries on the way to clients instead. Thinking you could die at any appointment but you never did care. You were told you were replaceable. Some men acted as though no one would look for you and they all would have looked for you. You took what you took and you got that money and you have nothing to show for it other than horror stories for a campfire with a lot of weird people interested in your life for some reason. But for a short while you provided for your family. You were raped. You were asked disgusting things. You were made to do things you didn't want to do. You scared yourself so many times you stopped feeling fear When life became real again you got scared and that's okay. You got your first legal tattoos and you solidified a new daina. Young daina please remember you were always destined for something a little bit more than you thought. Know that right now they want your body but one day they'll pay top dollar for your mind and you'll never cringe in the shower as the water runs over the split crevices of your vulva torn by the inability to become aroused around complete strangers. You're going to do what you're going to do. Don't go to the first appointment he tricked you into. You should've bit him harder than you did. You should've looked him in the eye with venom. Not looking at the floor wondering why he received a discount on the disgusting heavy weight of his body on yours You're about to get pretty thin and you won't notice it until you get older. This was for a short while. You fucked that dickface in the wallet right where it hurt in the end and you were protected and loved. Well done for managing to completely detach from your physical self in order to handle everything that was said and done to you. Back to today In the event of my death. I made the decision to become a prostitute unplanned as I was 17 and never thought theyd take me on. If you make something of yourself future daina, don't be scared of what they do or say to you because I'll bet none of them have managed to see feel and hear the things you have and remain clean afterwards. You wanna know what I'd really tell my younger self in a nutshell? You used your body at the right time to make it easier to train your mind. Bitch you did good and don't bother changing a damn thing. Onto the other part of the interview, people I respect or idolise as role models Diane Goldie Michelle Watson Elspeth Van Der Hole Shannon Swift Nadia Lee

[umusicians]

UM Interview: NIIVA

Bulgarian born, England raised, and now Canadian based, NIIVA has found her home with music. The singer/songwriter serves up organic modern-pop hymns wrapped up in a digital bow. After moving to Canada, she used her unique influences and different cultures to refine her sound and songwriting abilities to further develop her career. To date, NIIVA has released three singles including “Love Games” which she released earlier this year. The single has reached over 176K Spotify streams in the first four months since being released in April of 2020

Amandah Opoku sat down with NIIVA to talk about her new single “Trigger”, favorite song lyric, the music industry and more!

Amandah Opoku: NIIVA, thank you for doing this interview today! Before we kick off please tell our readers about yourself and one random fact people do not know about you NIIVA: Thank you guys for having me! In a nutshell, I’m a Pop/R&B artist based in Toronto who’s apparently had an obsession with purple hair dye for the past 5 years. Something people might not know about me is that I love art and graphic design, and one of the first things I ever wanted to be is an animator for Disney. 

AO: When you moved to Canada at the age of 15 was when you began working on your sound and songwriting as an artist. What inspired you to pursue a career in music? And why choose Pop/R&B as your genre? NIIVA: I was born in Bulgaria and lived there until my family and I moved to England when I was about 9, and although my parents gave us an amazing childhood, as an immigrant there’s just different priorities. It wasn’t until moving to Canada that I think we all felt settled and able to explore the choices that we didn’t necessarily have before. So, it wasn’t that I was inspired to pursue a career in music because music has always been my passion, but it finally felt like a plausible reality, which was amazing. In regards to genre, I love and listen to so many different types of music, but I always seem to gravitate to Pop/R&B. It showed in my writing as well, because when I first began writing I wasn’t consciously thinking “Okay I’m going to write a pop/r&b song”. I think whatever comes out naturally in your writing is the genre that fits best with you. 

AO: If you could describe your music in three words. What words would you choose and why? NIIVA: “Full Taurus Mode”. Especially for this collection of songs that will be on my upcoming EP haha. There’s fire, there’s passion, there’s sarcasm. In my personal life and in my writing I gravitate towards dealing with things head on as opposed to beating around the bush, or waiting around and letting sadness be the final emotion in difficult situations. 

AO: You’ve worked with some of North-America’s top songwriters and producers including Kuya, Jimmy Harry and Matt Beckley. How was it working with these individuals and did it shape your music and artistry? What did you take away with working from these individuals? NIIVA: I have been so incredibly blessed to be in the same room as these guys, and I don’t take it for granted for a minute. Every single one has taught me so much about the industry as a whole. I’ve become a better writer, a better singer, a better recording artist. When you’re around people who have been in the industry for so long, you absolutely have to absorb as much as you can from them because the experience they have is so valuable. 

AO: What is one piece of advice you received since you began pursuing music, that has aided you on your path? NIIVA: To move to Toronto - that’s been a huge one. When I moved from Vancouver to Toronto all things music related for me went from zero to a hundred because everyone and everything is here. Personally, if I were to echo any piece of advice that’s been given to me it would be to go to where the action is. 

AO: What artists have inspired you musically? NIIVA: This may be a cliche answer, but it’s just impossible not to be inspired by everything Beyonce comes out with because it’s always such a complete, rounded, fleshed out, thought out, original vision. Love her. We don’t deserve her. 

AO: You released your new single “Trigger” last week, what inspired the song? NIIVA: Essentially it’s a dare to your partner to try you one more time and see what happens haha. It’s about those days when everything seems to get on your nerves and you just know you’re about to fight someone and it’s just gotta be done. 

AO: What was the writing and recording process like for “Trigger”? NIIVA: I wrote the song with Sammy G from Kuya Productions here in Toronto, and it actually originally sounded very different. We kind of wrote two songs out of the same subject matter, even a lot of the lyrics are the same, but the first iteration was a lot more upbeat and happier sounding. We ended up feeling like it just needed to be something else, and rewrote it to be this smooth, sexy, a little ominous sounding number, which I truly truly love.  One of the most exciting parts about this song to me is that I recorded the vocals with Matt Beckley in LA when I was down there for a writing trip. He’s an amazing vocal producer and I loved working with him. Our senses of humour really meshed and he’s a fellow Disney nut so obviously it couldn’t have gone wrong.

AO: Did the writing and recording process for “Trigger” differ from the process you undertook for your single “Love Games” which was released earlier this year? If so, how? NIIVA: Actually, thinking about it now the recording process for both songs couldn’t have been more different. For “Love Games” we literally ended up using the scratch vocals done on a little USB microphone in the final iteration of the song because we just captured the perfect feel when we were writing it. And then for “Trigger” like I said I was all the way on the other side of the continent, recording the vocals in the same booth that Camila Cabello recorded “Havana” (I’m putting that on my tombstone, by the way), so vastly different process haha. But, you know it just goes to show that there’s no right or wrong way to do this. 

AO: From the songs you’ve released to date, what would you say is your favorite lyric and why? NIIVA: It’s hard to pick, but one of my favorite lines is actually from “Trigger” and it’s in the chorus. “Go ahead and walk the line, strike the match and light the fire, ooh you better run for cover, why’d you have to pull my trigger”. I love the melody of those lines as well, I love how eerie and sexy it is at the same time. Someone actually said something about this song that I find really funny, and if it’s inappropriate I’m sorry, but they said “what I like about this song is that as the listener I don’t know if you wanna f*ck me or fight me, but I wanna find out”. Iconic.

AO: For new fans who come across your music, what would you like them to take away from your music? NIIVA: To me, the best thing about music is the connection it can bring, and the sense that you will never be the only person in the world feeling what you’re feeling and going through what you’re going through. Whether it be good or bad, a huge life event or a small moment, there’s always someone else who is sharing in that emotion with you. So, I hope that whoever listens to my music feels that.

AO: As you pursue a career in music, what have been some of the challenges you’ve faced? And how did you overcome them? NIIVA: My biggest challenge is always me. I’m always trying to practice not getting stuck in certain negative or unproductive mindsets, or getting distracted by things that don’t matter. When those moments happen, I try to remind myself of all the good things I have going for me, all my achievements, all the ways I’ve grown as an artist and a writer, and I remind myself that those things are there for a reason, not by some fluke. And I don’t mean for that to sound self-indulgent or cocky, but we have to get ourselves out of negative ruts sometimes by noticing and celebrating the victories, big and small. 

AO: For other individuals who may also be interested in pursuing a music career, what would your advice be to them? NIIVA: Just do it, do it all the way, and even though it’s scary and uncomfortable to leave things behind, most of the time it’s to step towards something even better. Don’t let the little voice of your fear or other people’s fear scare you with “what if it fails?” because it’s an invalid argument. What if it doesn’t fail?

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk. 

AO: With “Trigger” out now, what can fans expect from you next? NIIVA: I cannot begin to explain how excited I am to be bringing out an EP. It’s coming before the end of this year, and I can’t wait to give people an actual body of work that I’m incredibly proud of, and that I truly hope they’ll love as much as I do. 

AO: NIIVA, thank you for sitting down with me! Before we close this interview is there anything you want to say to your fans and our readers? NIIVA: Thank you so so much for giving me a platform to talk about my music and be a little emo :) I just want to thank everyone who takes the time to follow me, to watch my videos, to stream and download my songs, and to share it with their friends. It means the world to me. And if you don’t follow me yet… come in. Join us. We have fun here <3

Connect with NIIVA on the following websites: https://itsniiva.com/ https://twitter.com/itsniiva https://www.instagram.com/itsniiva/ https://www.facebook.com/itsniiva https://www.youtube.com/NiivaOfficial

[celiawickedrunnah]

“You gotta know who you are.”

~Demone Harris

It has been a busy year. Marathon training consumed all the energy and time I had, and life is happening at the speed of light. But in a nutshell, here are some of things that happened in between the big day at the Baystate Marathon in Lowell, MA.

Training. Training. Do I need to say more?

Orlando Runner’s Club 5K – June 22 (Orlando, FL)

OMG! What was I thinking? A 5k in the middle of Central Florida summer? Yes!!! If it wasn’t for Coach Dave, I’d never had the craziness to take on upon a 5K in the middle of summer. The warmup shenanigans revealed all that I need to know. It was hot and sweaty, so get ready to suffer for the next 3.1 miles.

I lined up where I belonged, and that is, the front row. The first mile was faster than I should had ran at 7:32; faded at mile 2 to 8:02 and tried to decrease to a decent pace for mile 3 at 7:48 and closing the next .10 mile at 6:56. It was painful. It was extremely hot. It was #badass. It was a PR. It was a place at the podium.

Final score:

24:05 PR – 2nd Place AG – mental fortitude gained

Baby Goat 5K – July 27 (Tampa, FL)

After having a blast at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers training camp kick off the day before, including meeting OLB Demone Harris and taking a selfie with WR Chris Godwin, it was time to show to my own party. Again, it’s July in Central Florida, the heat and humidity are off the charts. Summer in Florida is guaranteed to rain and rain heavily. This week and the day before the race, it was no different. It rained a lot!

Nothing new here again as far as prepping and doing my warmup. But today, things felt different. My warmup simply felt horribly hot, exhausting, uncomfortable and heavy. The race didn’t start until 8:00 a.m. which might as well consider a 12:00 p.m. start time.

Right off the bat the race organizer disclosed the potential danger on the course. A puddle. There was a puddle within the first quarter of a mile from the start line. I didn’t make a big deal of it.

Gun went off, here I go, feeling ok but somewhat heavy but still in pace for another PR until I saw the puddle. It was a swamp. Literally. I was scared to run on it and misplace my footing. The water was dark like a lake. I walked through an ankle-high puddle as I internally cried feeling sorry for brand new Adidas Adios 3.

I tried to pick up the pace, but my legs had nothing to give.  All I could feel was the wetness of my shoes, hear the squish-squish sound, and feel my legs heavy as a brick. By mile two, I knew this was how the race was going to go. It was not my day. The mental strength was there but the physical strength was not responding to it.

Bottom line: learn from it, have fun and get to the finish line!

Final score:

25:29 – 2nd Place AG (but award only for the first place)

Track Shack Celebration of Running 5K – August 17 (Orlando)

You know it is still a furnace in Central Florida this time of the year. It literally feels that we’re just starting summer. The only difference is that I now have a good mental and physical memory of what it feels like to race a 5K in the summer.

The only elephant in the room was the internal pressure I felt to PR. I mean, Baby Goat 5K had to be a fluke and an off day because I can certainly do better than that! The good indication, besides the heat and humidity is that I felt so much better during the 2 miles warmup as opposed to the previous race.

As usual, I lined up in the front and went for it. At one point my pace was a 6:47. But it didn’t last long as the course started to pick up some steady elevation. I finished mile one at 7:32. There was more baby hills along the route and of course, I was overheating since mile 1. That brings me to close mile 2 at 7:43 and mile 3 at 7:47 with the last .14 at 6:36. By a miracle it was an 8 seconds PR. I can say that I am done with 5K’s for this summer AND still pursuing that perfect 5K negative split.

Final Score:

23:58 – PR Redemption – no AG because there were way too many people.

Craft Classic Atlanta Half Mary – September 7

You know what? This race was too good and special. It deserves its own post.

Racing 5Ks are hard. There is very little to no time for adjustments. The race can go your way or against you in matters of minutes. It teaches perseverance. It teaches grit. It teaches patience. It teaches figuring out, learning, reshaping, recreating who you are!

During my brief interaction with Demone Harris as he autographed my hat, I asked him: what do you do to keep your mental toughness sharp? Without hesitation he responded: “you gotta know who you are.”

  Fast Forward to Baystate “You gotta know who you are.” ~Demone Harris It has been a busy year. Marathon training consumed all the energy and time I had, and life is happening at the speed of light.

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

No, not really actually. Think about it.

Clara starts off thinking about what the Doctor would do, but then stops. Because she knows that that’s not what you do. Because that’s still relying on him to save you, what would the Doctor do? Relying on some past experience or advice or something to happen to show you your way. She stops, and she says no, what would I do, how would I survive?

Since, that is what the Doctor does in a nutshell, is survive, and be kind, and that’s all it is, and often be kind trumps survival, thinking like the Doctor is thinking in sacrifice of yourself, it’s how you get killed. The Doctor can do that because he can afford to do that with regeneration, Clara and other companions cannot. Therefore “what would the Doctor do” is no help because it is dangerous, because there is no tangible MECHANISM to the thought, nothing to show how you win, how you survive, and without that mechanism that leaves a companion only with the “be kind” option, which leads onto the inherent danger in that being the only thing they know how to do without the survival skills or abilities of the Doctor.

So no, you cannot think “what would the Doctor do” and Clara knows this, she defers to herself, “what would I do?” Which is what makes Clara so unique. Companions know how to be kind, the Doctor learns how to be kind and he keeps his humanity because of them, making the kind, human choice is never the issue with companions. Clara, unlike any companion before in NuWho (cannot be certain of Classic as I’ve never watched it) understands fully the consequences and her lack of understanding of the mechanisms of the Doctor’s survival, purely because one important fact; she knows there is no mechanism. She knows exactly who he is, what he is, she sees herself equal to him or perhaps even above because he is just an idiot in a box and he always has been to her. Bowtie boy or hot Scottish skeleton, he’s the same to her. Even Amy was doomed at points because of her misguided faith in a continuous ability and mechanism that exists when it doesn’t; he doesn’t always survive, he doesn’t always win. The second you start thinking he does, you are doomed.

What’s brilliant about Clara, as Moffat himself explained, is that she herself is very much the Doctor if he had been born a normal, human girl on Earth. What’s brilliant is that she knows it’s a fluke and all the idiot does is talk fast and be kind, she knows he lies through his teeth and does his best while doing all of that, to think his way out of a problem or to think his way into a hint to the problem, there’s no magic formula to his madness. So here we see something that in my opinion is groundbreaking; here by not referring to what the Doctor would do, she herself is a Doctor, the Doctor, does it matter either way, she embodies everything the Doctor is and does in that simple decision, working and thinking exactly as the Doctor does EXCEPT within the constraints of her own mortality. She cannot think EXACTLY like him but she doesn’t need to; she thinks and knows enough. She survives the Clara Oswald way, she does what Clara Oswald would do, which so happens to be exactly what the Doctor would do.

Now let’s take a look at the Doctor’s choices. There’s one important thing to remember here and that’s that they are both speaking to themselves, their psyche, and that’s key because here we don’t have the Doctor deferring to himself, even though it appears as such. Clara is talking to herself actively, she defers to herself and her conscience and her mentality consciously. She sees herself as the one to do so to, here we have the Doctor not speaking to himself, not deferring to himself, but deferring to Clara. Yes he is talking to himself, but he defers to his perception of Clara, defers to what Clara would do. That “same as you” could be read as him perceiving her as following his lead always, we need to take this and place this back into the context we are presented with; he’s asking Clara Oswald for advice because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s not self adulating, he doesn’t trust his choice, he needs to check whether Clara would do the same thing and THEN he’ll do it.

The Doctor has been at his worst deferring to himself, he has always been at his best deferring to his companions, and of those, he has been at the best of his best deferring to Clara, who is literally interwoven throughout his time stream at every major point to push him to the best. Who is herself intricately tied to the Doctor not through her shatters but her own self in meeting his child self in Listen, weaving into his core one of the foundations of being the Doctor; to never let fear make you cruel, never let it rule you, to let it make you kind and brave and strong.

So no, they don’t do what the Doctor does. They do what Clara Oswald does.

Heaven Sent / Flatline Parallel

It’s amazing that both the Doctor and Clara first consider what Clara, or the Doctor respectively, would do in their situation. And they both realise that the recommendation would be exactly the same as what they had been planning to do anyway.