#in a made up fucking system for 65+ years of your goddamn life?

[euclydya]

part 7 of these sorry it's Late we've been. sleeping all day,

61. When did you first discover your System? - 3/13/2010. That's the date we realized somethin was Off. But we found the words fer all of this about 4 years later. The only reason we remember this date is cuz heartgold n soulsilver dropped in america on the same day HAHASHSJDJFND (which By the way. yes we did preorder both of em. and picked em up that day. best ds pkmn game tbh we need to beat our hg file fhdjsjchc)

62. How many Members did you know about during your Syscovery? - Bout 8 or so I think? We refer to these guys as The OG Crew shdjdjdjsfj

63. Was accepting your Plurality a challenge for you? - Oh no finding the words fer it all and learnin that there were others out there like us made us SO happy, it showed us that we weren't broken or anything

64. How did you learn about Plurality? - through a goddamn. Callout post?? lmao????? Someone said something about someone else's headmate doing a thing and our host at the time was like Wait. Pause. The fuck's a headmate. And. Well,

65. Where there any signs of your Plurality, if you look back at your past? - OH YEAH LMAO we were very imaginative and had a lot of starmates as a young kid it turned out and we'd openly talk about em too. Of course family thought we meant imaginary friends but imaginary friends don't control your body alongside you or make comments on how to live yer life y'know? We never did tell anyone that part though. lmao.

66. Do you think your Syscovery changed a lot in your life? - I mean. Yeah. Realizing we're plural was one of the best things that coulda happened to us I think. Cuz then we didn't feel like a fucking weirdo lmao

67. If you're out to others as plural, have they ever told you later on that they already thought about it before you realised? - No lmao we're friends with like one person who knew us before our syscovery and she's never said anything of the sort before, afaik anyway

68. What was the biggest struggle during your Syscovery? - shrugs. hell if we remember tbh

69. Was there any big event that led to your Syscovery? - Not... Really no. Or if there WAS we'd since forgotten about it. Our memory for all of that year starts at 3/13/2010 tbh.

70. What is something you want questioning plurals to know? - Fucking,, listen. If someone tells you you're faking or like. says anything Negative about the possibility of you bein a system? Kill them.

[britneyshakespeare]

For the music asks: 9, 19, 20, 24, 25, 31, 47, 63, 65, 66 And 69 🌸🌞

i was gonna go to sleep but i wasn’t quite tired yet so THANK you friend this is just what the doctor ordered.

9. Artist/band that saved your life

I’m kinda iffy on that kinda stuff as a mentally ill person whose life has been legitimately at risk before (and on more than one occasion). I totally get, and commend, the way artists and music can inspire and empower a person but to say anyone I admire musically has saved my life is crossing a line, for me at least. I saved my own life. That and my support system by myself most of all. I deserve to be able to say that. I’m gonna have to respectfully pass on this one.

19. A song that gets you through shit

The Beatles, just as a band, I think. I’ve been through a lot with them, for a long, long time. The only musical act in my life that I can confidently say is not just an adolescent phase by any stretch of the imagination. The rest that I love must stand the test of time first.

20. A song to shut everything out

Jerusalem by Sinead O’Connor because it’s epic and it really goes off.

23. A song that punches you in the gut every single time 

I don’t know. It doesn’t happen a lot, I have to be very contemplative about a song and in an emotional place. Julia by the Beatles always comes close though.

24. A song that calms you down

Everything Come My Way (1965) by Marianne Faithfull. Just all of it.

wait fuck. it was 24&25 and i copied 23&24. oh well fuck it it’s a bonus.

25. A song that makes you feel alive

That’s probably how I’d describe how pop-punk made me feel in middle school. Then I would’ve said Feelin This by blink-182. I don’t really know how I feel about that song (I remember how it goes, but I haven’t listened to it or thought long about it for many years).

Oh! A pretty good band that still holds up that I liked in middle school, I don’t listen to them much anymore, but Tonight Alive. Their song Revenge & Its Thrills is actually really good.

31. 25 songs to play at your funeral

Oh my gosh… 25. I don’t even know. I don’t like to picture my funeral. Not because I’m terrified of the thought I’ll be dead someday, I’m more or less accepting of that, but I don’t like to think of how I’ll be mourned. That’s not my business. I won’t be there. Maybe I’ll be in some higher or lower realm if there is such a thing, I don’t know. I certainly won’t be occupying a body in a casket with any profound thoughts on the kind of church march playing in the background.

Maybe that’s a little morbid. You can play Live and Let Die by Wings. I don’t know. It’s all that comes to mind. I couldn’t think of 25 for the life of me. Pun intended.

47. A song made suddenly painful because of someone special

I don’t know that I have a lot of someone specials that have ruined any songs for me. I don’t associate people with music very often unless something’s just uncannily on the nose, or if someone introduced a song or artist to me, and even then, it can kind of wear off. I remember when I first heard The Other Side by Tonight Alive in 2013 it reminded me of some guy who liked me in eighth grade, but he was annoying and cocky and just kind of a stereotypical jock in the worst way, but then he moved away halfway through the year and I felt kinda bad for being “mean” to him (read: not wanting to be his girlfriend), and like, every other girl in my grade cried on his last day and they all had crushes on him and I felt really bad and regretful in my own private way. & I was also a shy as hell 13-year-old in whom no boy had ever shown real interest in dating before and of course I was unreasonably ashamed of that at the time, as if that was my last chance for true love or some bullshit. Like no guy would ever like me ever again. For some reason. I don’t know. I was goddamn 13-14, okay? I didn’t relate to the particular personal story Jenna McDougall tells in it but I genuinely felt the weight of missed opportunity on my conscience at the time as it was less than a year later that that song came out. That’s still the first thing that comes to mind when I think of associating people with songs, because I just don’t do it very often. Most of the time when I hear a song I think of unlived experiences and people I haven’t met yet. I picture a little story in my head of something I haven’t done yet.

That should’ve been like three paragraphs but I didn’t both to space it as I typed it so it’s just stuck like that forever now.

63. A song that makes you think about life

I keep dropping Beatles songs but In My Life by the Beatles always does. It’s kinda obvious but I love the autobiographical aspect, knowing about Lennon’s life a great deal, and how it would continue to ebb and flow until his untimely death. His life to me just seems so tragic and unfortunate and inspiring at the same time that it’s hard to believe he was a real person, with the way I’ve always admired him and his work he’s like a mythic figure to me. And also I sort of love the idea of writing about one’s own life through poetry or song. I’d love to do it, and I’ve gone through a great deal but certainly not as much as John Lennon, it wouldn’t be too crowded for a multiple-verse poem it’s just. It’d be so long if I were to go into as much detail as my perfectionist ass is prone to when it comes to writing about things I really care about. And I’m so disorganized I just rewrite things a million times when I’m passionate about them and I end up being indecisive about which versions I like best, and so fickle to whether or not I like my own writing at all. I’m gonna have to be MUCH more emotionally mature and in touch myself if I’m ever going to pursue such a project.

65. A song that you think everyone should listen to

This question feels like a responsibility. I’m tired. I’m just gonna say The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin because it’s unobjectionably awesome.

66. A song that makes you want to fall in love

I always say Here, There and Everywhere by the Beatles but that’s like what. 5 mentions of them. Goddamn I don’t USUALLY talk about the Beatles this much in asks these are just really good questions dgadsf. 

Lemme think of something else. Secret Door by Arctic Monkeys and Little French Song by Carla Bruni. There’s two to compensate.

69. A song that reminds you of you

Hmmm. I can’t think of just one song that’d be a good example. Usually I just have affinities for an artist as a person/figure. & I have quite a few, all for wildly different reasons. Marianne Faithfull, Gwen Stefani, Patti Smith, Reeve Carney, Bob Dylan, maybe Alex Turner. Maybe. Or I just have a really big crush on him it’s hard to tell.

Thank you so much!!!

send me music asks

[supersaiyum]

holy jeezus tuna no crust this is a lot of questions

@ukihyunnie @monstax-trash-valora i hate you for subjecting me to so many questions but i don’t hate you because friends ^_^

i guess the 40′s don’t matter

p.s there’s a picture of my dumb cat somewhere down there

it’s all broken up and gross looking I’M SORRY

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents?

-My momma is all i got and i don’t know where i’d be without her. probably starving or dead (i called her last night to ask how long you cook chicken for)

2. who did you last say “i love you” to? -”i love you, stupid” ~ me to my cat every day, 2k17

3. do you regret anything? -dramaically stares out my wndow-

4. are you insecure? -OH SWEET BABY JESUS YES FIGHT ME

5. what’s your relationship status? -have you ever seen a crumpled up dollar bill on the ground and you wanted to pick it up but just left it instead?.......yah me neither.....

6. how do you want to die? -IN ALL MY GLORY

7. what did you last eat? -Monsta X’s albums THEY’RE FULL OF NUTRIENTS AND LOVE

8. played any sports? -does league of legends count? 

9. do you bite your nails? -GROSS NO Y’ALL ARE GROSS (jk don’t hate me)

10. when was your last physical fight? -i kicked a butterfly yesterday...?(ON ACCIDENT)

11. do you like someone?

-I’ll never tell

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours? -32 was the most i’ve stayed up I DO NOT RECOMMEND DRIVING UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES

13. do you hate anyone at the moment?

-goddamn lee minhyuk for being the actual definition of duality of man -cry-

14. do you miss someone? -what is this ‘miss’ emotion you speak of

15. have any pets?

my dumb cat

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment?

-well i’m awake so............

17. ever made out in the bathroom? -we’re not gonna talk about it

18. are you scared of spiders?

-i think they’re cute

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance? -probably not why would i do that to myself

20. where was the last place you snogged someone? -oh jeez i don’t even know

21. what are your plans for this weekend?

-my soul belongs to my job send help

22. do you want to have kids? how many?

-oh god no why (no offense to spawn bearers) actually it depends on very situational circumstances

23. do you have piercings? how many? -only 4, my ears are stretched and I have a 2nd piercing on each ear

24. what is/are/were your best subject(s)?

-art for sure I CAN MAKE THE PRETTY PICTURES

25. do you miss anyone from your past?

-i had this plushie that i really liked and now i can’t find it........

26. what are you craving right now?

-a nap

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

-i walk down the street and break hearts every day AAAAAAAYYYYYEEEEE

28. have you ever been cheated on?

-OH MY GOD YES FIGHT ME

29. have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

-not to my knowledge 

30. what’s irritating you right now?

-the fact that i’m not even halfway done with this thing

31. does somebody love you?

-my mom thinks i’m cool

32. what is your favourite color? -ORANGE

33. do you have trust issues?

-not really, i find myself incredibly lucky even though i’ve been fucked over so much i still give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I’m not gonna go spilling my deepest darkest secrets but i’ll rely on people pretty easily

34. who/what was your last dream about?

-JUNGKOOK YOU LIL ASDFGH long story short i saw him riding a sweet street bike at my college and he followed me home and we had a cute little movie/snuggle/flirty thing is was so cute he slays me even though he’s “impenetrable”

35. who was the last person you cried in front of?

-i don’t even know the last time i cried i’m so heartless

36. do you give out second chances too easily? -OH MY GOD YES FIGHT ME

37. is it easier to forgive or forget?

-or

38. is this year the best year of your life?

-can’t really complain but i’m not interesting so i haven’t really done anything exceptional

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss?

-LAWL 18?19? 

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked?

-there is no amount of alcohol in the world

51. favourite food?

-anything with chicken or cheese(rip my digestive system)

52. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

-daefinitely

53. what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

-checked tumbr cuz i love all my lil tumblies

54. is cheating ever okay?

-LEL why is this a question

55. are you mean?

-OH MY GOD I’M SUCH AN ASSHOLE FIGHT ME

56. how many people have you fist fought?

-i lack the arm strength so i tend to avoid confrontation but i’ll beat you up WITH THESE LEGSSSS AYYEE

57. do you believe in true love?

-eh sure why not next question

58. favourite weather?

-snow me the fuck in

59. do you like the snow?

-I REPEAT...SNOW ME THE FUCK IN

60. do you wanna get married?

-that’s a cute idea

61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

-OH GOD no i hate any word that has 2 b’s surrounding a vowel it drives me insane 

62. what makes you happy?

-small dumb things that any other grown adult would scoff at

63. would you change your name?

-i like Sam, Samantha is too proper/formal for me but also my mom used it a lot when i was little when i got in trouble so maybe i just have like ptsd or whatever

64. would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

-i don’t think so

65. your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

-ask him why and then slap him

66. do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? -for some reason people like me

67. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

-my brother asked me to change his tire because he’s hopeless

68. who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - @dinojaeee​ can our conversation about SF9 last night count? lmfao that’s about as deep as i’ll get right now

69. do you believe in soulmates?

-JAEBUM AND I HAVE CUTE EYE MOLES WE’RE SOULMATES YOU BEST BELIEVE

70. is there anyone you would die for? -the entirety of Monsta X (THERE’S THE CHEESE. I FOUND IT)

[robbiefarlow-sidequestfitne-blog]

New Post has been published on Side Quest Fitness

New Post has been published on http://sidequestfitness.com/9-keys-to-make-your-writing-great/

How to Fuck Up Some Commas: Or, The 9 Keys You Need to Make Your Writing Great

170.

No, that’s not the number of video games I’ve beaten in my life. And it sure as hell isn’t the number of women I slept with before my wife (that was less than 10).

It’s the number of articles I’ve written over a two year period on my site, and across the Internet on sites like:

Roman Fitness Systems

BroBible

MyProtein

AskMen

J Max Fitness

Listen, Money Matters

That doesn’t count all the ghostwriting, emails, e-books, and social media posts I’ve written either.

I’m not writing this as some form of public masturbation about what I’ve accomplished (okay, fine, maybe there’s a little jerking off going on).

What spurred these thoughts are the handful of emails and messages from random people I’ve received in the last few weeks/months asking about writing. Most of these coming from people new to the world of online fitness.

This article serves two purposes then: 1) it’s a bit of a reflective piece for myself, and 2) it’s a piece I can now use when someone asks me about writing or content creation on the Internet.

So to the young bucks who’ve asked me about writing, here’s what you need to know about getting better as an Internet scribe.

  Copyright: Image by StockUnlimited

Do the Work

How do you improve at anything?

Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.

It’s how you get stronger in the gym, how you get better at guitar, and it’s how you improve as a writer. The more you write, the more opportunities you have to improve. And that’s why if you’re an aspiring scrivener, you need to write every day.

Writing every day doesn’t mean you have to publish every day. But unless you completely excommunicate yourself from social media, you’re gonna write something. And as Tim Ferriss has said before:

“How you do one thing, is how you do everything.”

It took me a little while to learn this; and by little while, I mean one soul-burning John Romaniello “goddamn it” look before I realized that everything I write — Tweets; Facebook Posts/Comments; Instagram posts; Text Messages; Emails; FB Messenger conversations — should be treated with the same care and diligence I’d give any article.

There’s another reason why you need to write every day. The online world is saturated with content. And the way you make yourself stand out is to be really fucking good. Not mediocre; not so-so; not worthy of a gentleman’s C.

No. You need have to be better.

And if you want to be better, you have to put in the work.

The simple act of writing every day, and paying attention to what you write—no matter the medium—generates awareness to how you write. And like the awareness that comes from tracking calories, you begin to deconstruct your own writing to see where you suck.

From there, you’re able to improve and get better. Because if you’re not getting better, you’re dying.

Vomit is Better Than Perfection

Some things write themselves.

You know it. You write it. Edit a bit. And, “voila!”, you’re done. But the deep shit—the words you bleed onto the page—sometimes need to come out in whatever way possible.

And if what comes out at first is incoherent babble, that’s okay—the first draft is supposed to suck. Everything sucks the first time.

Don’t try and be perfect. Let your sentences sound like the ramblings of a drunken madman teetering down Bourbon Street. That’s okay. Because you’re getting it out.

Most of the time, that’s the hardest part: getting it out. Your brain wants you to make it perfect; your soul needs to exude it; and your hands are sitting there stuck in the middle trying to placate both parties.

So nothing happens. You stare at a blank screen and tell yourself this is impossible.

Hemingway put it best:

Write drunk. Edit sober.

Let your soul bare itself however it sees fit. Then let your brain clean up its mess and make it sound better. Whatever you do, get the words down. Then go back and clean up the vomit.

The Building Blocks  

Ultimately, writing is a lot like playing with LEGOs.

As a kid, I never claimed the rank of master builder. I pretty much built towers to see how high I could take them before I had my action figures demolish them.

But you can build some amazing shit out of LEGOs. And words are kind of like LEGOs. (And yes, you can choke on both.)

When you write a sentence and break it down—not only grammatically but visually (or how it flows when you read it)—you’ll begin to see how you can alter the structure, meaning, and cadence of a sentence with punctuation or changes in vocabulary.

Take the sentence below that I pulled from my first draft:

There are hard rules about grammar. And you need to know the rules—master them, actually—before you can break them.

If you look at this sentence as LEGOs, and punctuation and vocabulary as LEGO pieces, you’ll begin to see how you can add or change certain pieces that change the sentence completely.

Add a comma after the word “and,” and it adds a slight pause and emphasis for needing to know the rules:

There are hard rules about grammar. And, you need to know the rules—master them, actually—before you can break them.

You could also replace the em dash with parenthesis, which makes the words “master them, actually” more like an aside. But parentheticals only work when you’re able to remove the words within them without jacking up the sentence. In this case, it does; but to me, it loses a bit of oomph.

There are hard rules about grammar. And you need to know the rules (master them, actually) before you can break them.

There are hard rules about grammar. And you need to know the rules before you can break them.

Those small tweaks to punctuation change how you read the words in your mind or out loud. And if you wanted to change the cadence of the sentence, you could do so by adding a few more periods.

There are hard rules about grammar. And you need to know the rules. Master them, actually. Before you can break the rules.

(“them” needed to be changed to “the rules,” otherwise, that would have been a sentence fragment)

I don’t proclaim to be a grammar master. I’m still learning. But, I am experimenting with how to structure sentences, and when, what, and where the right punctuation should go to change the rhythm, emphasis, or spirit of a sentence.

Like the LEGO towers that my action figures shattered in my youth, sometimes a laconic sentence is more useful:

Master the hard rules of grammar, before you break them.

Read a Book, Read a Book, Read a Motherfucking Book

Before 2016, I’d read a total of 25, maybe 30 books. Last year, I read 27.

And besides the fact that many of those 27 books inspired articles or emails, the biggest lesson I learned from reading more books is that it makes you a better writer. Why?

If for no other reason than it’s research. Sure, you’re learning new ways to improve yourself or your business or diving deep into an exciting world full of interesting characters, but more than that, it allows me—as a writer—to see how the best wordsmiths craft their work.

How do they create tension and mood within their writing?

Why did they choose to use an em dash and not a comma?

When, how, or why did they change cadence, and how did that change impact me?

What words do these authors use that will expand my 6th-grade lexicon?

I love reading now. It’s the first thing I do every day. And it’s the one thing I feel—next to writing every day—that’s improved my skills the most.

Write By Hand

(Confession: I wrote this entire section on my phone while on the subway in NYC.)

Listen, I’ll be the first to admit, my penmanship is grotesque. Doctors have better handwriting than I do. Still, something happens when you write by hand.

Over the last decade, a few studies have even shown that there’s a clear distinction between writing by hand or on a keyboard. For instance, one study showed that the brains of children “lit up” when asked to write a word by hand vs using a computer. And some doctors believe that as you age, it’s better to write by hand because it improves motor skills, memory, and acts as a good cognitive activity as you age.

I can read the science and I can agree with most of it. But, for me, writing by hand—even the simple act of taking notes while listening to a podcast or reading an article—spurs something more visceral and taps into a creative vein in my mind that writing in Google Docs or iNotes can’t.

That doesn’t mean I write every word of an email, an article, or social media post by hand. 65-70% of what I write is done electronically. But the stuff that burns, that scratches at my soul, and threatens to haunt me if I don’t put it down, comes out on paper.

Where a word processor has distractions like a toolbar or even the ability for you to open another tab and check Facebook/email, what you write on paper stabs you in the eyes—forcing you to examine and come to terms with what’s on the page.

You can erase it and change it, sure. But the remnants of it—the shadow of your erasures or the strike through of your pen—stare back at you and remind you that those are words you wrote; words you believe.

There’s a cathartic connection—a bleeding—that happens when your mind connects with your hand; you struggle less and write more truthfully.

The Best Form of Flattery

Imitation does not mean plagiarization.

Do. Not. Steal.

That’s wrong, and if you do it, you’re a douche-canoe. 

(Douche-canoe is something my friend Aadam says all the time—yes, he has two A’s in his name, that’s not a spelling error. And though I could have made you think I invented the funny word “douche-canoe,” I did not. Aadam did. See, I’m giving him credit and not stealing it.)

When I taught myself how to play the guitar, the first songs I played weren’t my own. I played everyone else’s. And when I did decide to write my first song(s), I imitated the chord progressions from the artists I was listening to at the time. (Thanks, Howie Day.)

But that’s how everyone who picks up a guitar starts their career.

You play Bob Dylan, Deep Purple, Hootie and the Blowfish, and once you’ve nailed the basic chord progressions of your favorite songs, then you’re more likely to experiment and find your voice and create your own music.

And in a lot of ways, that’s what I’ve done as a writer. Writers that I admire and find extremely engaging have been the ones I’ve tried to imitate. Not because I want to be them. But because I needed to play their chords to find my voice.

That’s one of the first things I’ve told anyone who has asked me for writing advice:

“take something you want to write, and write it as if your favorite author wrote it.”

Examine how they use and shape words. And then try and play their song.

But please, don’t steal. There’s a difference between stealing and imitating.

How to Unblock Writer’s Block

This is the 2nd time, and it won’t be the last, that I’ve mentioned Roman in this article. And it might sound like I’m sucking his dick a little bit (I am), but without Roman, there is no Side Quest Fitness; and really there’s no Robbie Farlow as I stand now.

But when it comes to writing, Roman knows his shit. And he often posts tidbits about the (or his) writing process on Facebook or Instagram. When he does, it’s fucking gold; and I hoard it in a secret folder on my phone.

For instance, this is is a screenshot of a comment he left my friend Aadam Ali when Aadam was struggling with writer’s block.

“So Robbie, what do you do when you have writer’s block?”

My usual response to this question is that I throw on some Dashboard, cast myself on the floor, and scream the lyrics to the heavens while I beseech my muse to return. I’m like half joking when I say that. (Half.)

The other half involves one or two of the following, and these are usually what I recommend others do as well:

Masturbate

Take a walk

Listen to a podcast

Read

Write something other than fitness

Film yourself speaking about what you’re trying to write. Walk around your room with a camera on and just record yourself talking about what you want to say.

Drink whiskey

Play video games

Learn a new song on the guitar

Take a shower

Sing This Bitter Pill as loud as possible

Writer’s block, for me, is usually a sign that I’m fighting something I should be writing. Or that I’m trying to make it “perfect,” instead of vomiting my soul on the page.

Writing What You Know

Before I ever decided to become a trainer or even launch my coaching business, I read articles by the giants in the industry. And these guys are smart. Like, the best of the best. But I’m no Tony Gentilcore, Dean Somerset, Dan John, or Ben Bruno.

Those guys dive deep into the science behind how the body works while you lift. But, me?

I love reading anything written by the best of the best, and (for the most part) I understand the super-sciency terminology they use.

But my friends who first came to me and asked about getting in shape, probably don’t. And the clients I work with don’t really care about the science either. What they want are the exercises that help them feel better, move better, and look better naked.

And it’s my job to take the knowledge I have, and that I continue to seek, and add a bit of a nerdtastic flare to it—providing my readers and clients with a frame of reference they connect with, be it video games, comics, Star Wars, or sports.

Those four things above are what I know. They are who I am; and the lens through which I view the world around me.

I don’t know everything about kinesiology. But, I do know how to connect diet to Indiana Jones, motivation to Lord of the Rings, leadership to Call of Duty, and pretty much everything else to Star Wars or my love for UNC basketball.

So that’s what I’m gonna write about. Oh, and Buffy.

It’s Not the Tool, It’s How You Use It

Before I joined the Roman Fitness Systems Mastermind, I remember having a long conversation with Tanner Baze about how we hated reading sales copy. We felt dirty. Icky.

Like the words we were reading were written by He Who Shall Not Be Named himself.

God, were we stupid.

We were looking at copywriting all wrong. Or, at least, I was (I don’t know about ole dtbaze).

Because the truth is, all writing is copywriting.

Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Rothfuss, King, Shakespeare, every single author who has ever written a story or a screenplay, was, essentially, writing sales copy.

Copywriting—in the sales realm—has one primary goal: to get you to buy whatever product the ad is selling. 

And if it’s good copy, each word will sell you on reading the next line in the sales ad until you buy.

Oh, shit. That’s exactly what good authors do as well.

Each line sales you on reading the next line. Why else would you read a gigantic 1,200-page book if you weren’t buying each line and spending the only currency you can’t get back: time.

And of course there’s bad, smarmy, snake-oily sales copy out there that makes a ton of money selling bullshit.

But hey, someone made a gazillion dollars writing Twilight fan fiction that then became a best-selling series and Hollywood film franchise. So sometimes evil wins. And yes, you can use the power of words in 50 different shades of evil to sell bullshit.

Or, you can learn to harness the power and use it for good. And that’s what a good writer, or copywriter, would do: use words for the betterment of humanity.

The Penis Pen is Mightier

Truth is: I’ve always been a writer.

I wrote my first story on a piece of cardboard I pulled from a trash bin. It wasn’t very good. It sounded like a five-year-old wrote it. Because a five-year-old did write it.

But I stopped writing around the time I got a Nintendo. And only picked the pen back up when I fell in love with poetry as a teen.

My years as a poet ended when a few friends accused me of being a bit too emo (whatever the fuck that means). And from that point, the only writing I engaged in were the mandatory papers I had to write in high school or college.

Secretly, though, I missed writing.

I may never be a Hemingway. Or a Strauss. And I sure as hell won’t ever be a Shakespeare. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t, or shouldn’t write.

Writing every day for two years has improved my quality of life.

I don’t wake up and despise the morning anymore. My thoughts are more clear. I’ve taken more stock into what I think and believe because I’ve been forced to write them down and confront those words face-to-face.

And, above all, I’ve found something that’s galvanized my soul and that I’m driven to improve upon every, single, day.

So if you’re an aspiring writer, whether you want to write fitness blogs, short stories, or a novel. Do one thing, and one thing only—write.

Write like a motherfucker. Then, continually look for ways to improve. Study the authors you read and imitate their style. Treat every word you write on social, in text messages, or in your journal as if it were being published in The New York Times.

And as the great Romaniello once said:

Don’t let the idea of “what your writing may become” interfere with the process of actually writing it.