#important note: she knows carla's real name | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theotherackerman · 1 year ago

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NOTES: This chapter was supposed to cover up until New Years but it didn't feel right to just sort of gloss over some of these plot points. So here this chapter is. Enjoy!

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentioned sexual harassment and body shaming (not on the page)

CHAPTER THREE: FRIENDS?

Mikasa had not expected Eren’s apartment to be so clean. Then again, Carla never let him get away with a messy room.

The layout seemed very similar to Mikasa’s, which made sense since the entire top floor was just cut into the two penthouse apartments.

On one wall, there was a poster of the starting line up. Jean, Falco, Connie, Armin, Eren, and Colt all trying to look badass as they pointed their hockey sticks towards the camera.

On the opposite wall, there was the wings of freedom, the symbols of the Scouts.

The front wall had a huge flatscreen tv with three different gaming consoles on it. There was also a pinball machine. Several couches and comfortable chairs took the space in the room.

“Why doesn’t Colt hang out with you?” Mikasa asked as Eren disappeared around the corner.

“He has a girlfriend who hates us. She hates hockey and thinks we’re all playboy assholes,” Eren said as he emerged with a cherry coke, Mikasa’s favorite. He held it out to her.

“Thanks,” she smiled as she took the drink from him and popped the top. Eren disappeared again. “Is she anyone I know?”

“Nah. She’s from Liberio,” Eren answered as he came back into the room with a regular coke. “You can sit. I promise the couches are clean.”

Mikasa raised an eyebrow at him before she sat down. “So…”

“This is weird, right?” Eren laughed after a moment.

It was.

For more than one reason.

Back when they were kids, it would have been easy. Too much time had passed.

“Feel like sharing why you really quit dance?” Eren asked.

Mikasa groaned.

“Okay, fine. We’ll come back to that. What was the deal with Karl?”

“He has noodle arms,” Mikasa muttered before taking a drink of her coke.

“Noodle arms?” Eren raised an eyebrow as he sat down on the couch opposite her.

“He couldn’t lift me. Said I weighed more than a regular ballerina and should lose some weight. I suggested he should start lifting. It didn’t go over well,” Mikasa sighed as she put her cherry coke down on the little table closest to her seat on the couch.

“You don’t need to lose weight.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes. “You’ve seen me mostly naked. You know I’m all muscle. That isn’t…it’s not very appealing.”

“Who told you that? No, I want names. Because it is.”

“There’s no one here, Eren. You don’t have to pretend to be attracted to me. I know how I look.”

“I’m not pretending. You’re hot. I know at least three people who would kill to have their head between your legs to be smashed like a watermelon, including me. I also know for a fact I could lift you. So you’re right. Karl has noodle arms and should start weight lifting. And fuck anyone who has never made you feel bad about how you look.”

Oh.

This was not how Mikasa saw this going.

He was attracted to her?

That may have been the nicest thing he ever said to her.

“Are you going to be nice to me now?” Mikasa asked.

“No,” he scoffed. “That would make things boring. Besides, I’m still bad for you.”

Mikasa shook her head. “So you’re an ass because you care?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

Mikasa narrowed her eyes at him, much like how Levi did. Eren must have thought the same because he did a double take.

“You don’t scare me,” Mikasa shrugged. “So since I shared something, what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m an open book, what do you want to know?”

Mikasa thought for a moment. What she really wanted to know is if he remembered his childhood best friend, if he remembered anything about her. But she also didn’t want to know that those years weren’t important to him. It was silly. They were just kids but still it had meant something to her. He had been her first real friend, her first kiss, her first heartbreak.

So after a moment of consideration of what to ask him, Mikasa finally said: “what did you turn the giant empty space in the back of your apartment into?”

“That’s your question?” Eren frowned, like he’d been expecting something else.

“I’m curious,” she shrugged before she picked her drink up again and took a sip.

“A weight room. I asked Historia and paid extra for there to be a sauna and ice bath back there. What’s yours?”

“A library.”

“A library?”

“Yes, what’s wrong with a library? I also use it to do arts and crafts in.”

“Huh.”

“What did you expect me to have?” Mikasa asked as she sat her drink back down.

“I don’t know. A weight room too. What did you think mine was going to be?” Eren took a drink.

“A sex dungeon,” Mikasa said monotone.

Eren choked on his drink.

Mikasa started laughing.

“A sex dungeon?” He repeated.

“It’s a thing.”

“I’m aware it’s a thing. I’m more interested in why you think I have one and why you even know about them.”

“I read romance novels,” she shrugged. “And you have women over here all the time. I’m trying to understand the appeal.”

“I call you hot. You try to understand my appeal,” Eren shook his head. “No, it’s not a sex dungeon.”

“You’re right, you’re probably rather vanilla,” Mikasa laughed.

Eren shook his head at her before he started laughing.

Normally, Mikasa wasn’t like this. She could be blunt but the teasing, the flirting. She wasn’t always the best at it. Most people didn’t understand she was interested in them. She’d never been good at it. With Eren, everything felt natural. Maybe that’s why his shitty behavior got to her. She knew they could be good friends, best friends in fact. If only he would let her in, maybe then, he would see it too.

Unfortunately, that also involved Mikasa letting him into her life. That wasn’t something she was good at.

“How good are you at video games?” Eren asked, changing the subject.

“I’m alright,” Mikasa shrugged.

“Want to play something?”

“Sure,” she grinned.

Eren stood up and walked over to the entertainment center and began to list off games.

——————-

If someone had told Eren that he would be knocking on Mikasa’s door days after losing to her every single round of Mortal Kombat, he would have called you a liar.

“ACKERMAN! Let’s go!” He called as he knocked again.

Since she was already going to the game, there was no reason for them to drive separately. Besides, if he admitted it, he liked spending time with her. He only hoped she felt the same.

A few moments later, Mikasa came out of the apartment, ready for the game. He noted her Scout hoodie that had ACKERMAN written on the back along with the number nine. It must have been from when Levi had played.

They walked in comfortable silence to his car. Then he cued up his playlist before driving to the arena. As they both went their separate ways, Mikasa gave Eren a small wave with a smile.

It tugged on his heart a little bit.

He was dying to know if she remembered him. But he didn’t look like an idiot. So he settled for this weird little….whatever this was. There was a part of him that knew she was far too good for him. Once this PR relationship ended, they would go their separate ways. It was just the nature of these things. Besides, sooner or later, she’d get a new job, they wouldn’t see each other. She’d marry some other man and forget all about him. It was just a fact. He needed to remember that none of this was real. She didn’t actually want him.

————-

“THAT’S A BULLSHIT CALL!” Hange yelled in the box seats. Tonight, Levi’s box had a lively bunch in it.

Hange, Sasha, Mikasa, and Zeke were all in there. Zeke was in disguise as he had a home game tomorrow and wasn’t supposed to be out.

“Any game my brother has where I’m not playing, I’m going to. I always have. Thankfully, now I can just duck in here and not have to worry about running into our dad,” Zeke had told her when he had walked in. He wore a mask, sunglasses, and his hood up. Levi had made sure they wouldn’t be looking into the box. Mikasa was beginning to think that Zeke and Levi might not be the rivals they tried to claim they were.

Hange was always passionate but watching hockey, they were downright scary.

“He’s not going to be able to skate. Daz is not going to be able to continue to play,” Sasha noted.

“He’s going to have to sub Eren in. Why is Michigan so violent tonight?” Zeke asked.

“I think they want to try and spark Jean into a fight. Will Eren be able to keep his cool?” Sasha turned to Mikasa.

“Why are you asking me?” Mikasa replied.

“Because you’re his girlfriend,” Sasha grinned.

Everyone in this box knew the truth.

Mikasa rolled her eyes. “He should. If he wants to play, he could keep his cool. As well as he can.”

“SUBBING IN: NUMBER THIRTEEN, EREN JAEGER!” Shadis announced. The crowd went wild.

Eren skated onto the ice.

“Don’t fuck this up,” Mikasa muttered under her breath.

The game immediately changed.

It became the team that was completely in sync.

Armin was doing well in the goal. Michigan was doing what most did to the goalie. They underestimated Armin due to his size but Armin was smart. He could anticipate moves, it was his brain that made him such a good goalie. Tonight was no exception. Armin blocked every shot.

Before, it had been a game of defense.

Now with Eren on ice, it was an attack.

“Come on! Break it out of there!” Hange yelled.

Defense of the other team was paying far too much attention to Falco. They were too busy watching the rookie to notice that Eren was right there.

They passed the puck from one teammate to another.

Then Eren snuck in there.

He was fast.

Almost as fast as Levi.

Eren had the puck.

“GO! GO!” Hange screamed.

“DON’T FUCK THIS UP!” Zeke screamed.

Sasha and Mikasa clutched their hands together as they watched Eren head down the ice.

Eren fake left. The goalie followed.

Eren shot to the right back corner.

“GOAL!”

Mikasa and Sasha screamed as they jumped up and down.

“FUCK YEAH!” Zeke screamed.

The Scouts all skated to Eren as he skated around the rink. When Eren got right in front of the box, he stopped for a moment. Mikasa locked eyes with him. Eren winked before he skated off.

Mikasa felt her cheeks warm.

It was all an act.

All an act.

—-------------

NOW TRENDING:

#SCOUTSBACKONTOP

#JAEGERDYNASTY

#ACKERMANJAEGERSUPREMACY

#BESTCOACHACKERMAN

#LEVIACKERMANLEGACY

#GOALJAEGER

—---------------

Niccolo had a bar that was known for good food.

Nights like tonight called for the entire team to celebrate together. Zeke wasn’t supposed to be here so he had slipped out from the game as soon as it ended. His house was not an option for everyone to fit into. So they went to Niccolo’s.

Mikasa had been there several times with Sasha so she was pretty comfortable in the place even though she didn’t know most of the team. It was also not a place anyone dressed fancy for, which she had been thankful for when she had heard they were all going out.

Falco had found her, still in his jersey. “I’m the rookie so Eren said to give you these,” he had said, handing her Eren’s car keys. “We’re going out to dinner.” Mikasa had figured they’d end up going somewhere after the game.

So she had waited for him in the car when she got a text from Sasha saying they were going to Niccolo’s and that Sasha would meet them there.

Eren showed up later than everyone else.

“Interviews,” Eren sighed as he climbed into the car and drove them to Niccolo’s.

Niccolo’s was full.

“Come on,” Eren said, intertwining her hand with his.

Oh right.

They were in public.

Only the starting line up knew that they were a PR relationship, everyone else thought it was real.

“We saved you a seat!” Armin called from the large booth in the back.

Armin, Annie, Sasha, Jean, Connie, and Falco were waiting for them. Eren kept a hold of her hand as they walked through the tables.

“Gabi is on her way,” Falco said just as Mikasa and Eren reached the table.

Mikasa slid in next to Annie.

“Annie, Mikasa. Mikasa, Annie,” Eren introduced them. “I know you technically met at Zeke’s.”

“Right, the kickboxer,” Mikasa nodded.

“Coach. I don’t compete anymore,” Annie added before she took a sip of her drink.

Eren let go of her hand and threw his arm around her shoulder.

Mikasa looked down at his hand for a moment before turning her attention back to Annie.

“I should have you teach me then,” Mikasa mentioned.

“I don’t think you need my help. I saw what you did to that guy on the ice. Good on you making him kiss the ice,” Annie gave her a small smile.

Mikasa’s cheeks reddened.

“What did you do?” Eren asked.

“Wait, are we talking about that asshole in high school?” Sasha asked across the table.

Mikasa nodded.

“That was epic,” Connie answered.

“What happened?” Armin asked.

“Fucking Floch had to run his mouth. We had a no contact boys vs girls game every year. Senior year, he was harassing Anka. She kept telling him to leave her alone. He wouldn’t. He kept trying to body check her. Mikasa had enough, flipped on over so he landed on his stomach. Then she held his head down on the ice until coaches got involved,” Jean explained.

“It’s on youtube,” Annie added.

“Wait, Floch as in Warrior’s Floch?” Eren asked.

“Yeah, unfortunately,” Mikasa confirmed.

“I hate that guy,” Falco muttered.

“I went to college with him. He’s…something,” Eren replied. “You want a drink?” he asked Mikasa.

“Sure,” Mikasa answered.

“Be right back,” Eren slid out of the seat and headed to the bar.

“So that’s interesting,” Annie nodded to Eren.

“It’s….new,” Mikasa looked down.

“For never having a real relationship, he’s doing well right now,” Jean noted.

“Speaking of relationships…where’s your girlfriend?” Sasha asked him.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Jean muttered.

“As long as you don’t start ditching us like Colt, we’ll all be fine,” Connie teased.

“Yeah, is your brother ditching us?” Armin asked Falco.

“As always,” Falco rolled his eyes.

Strangely, Mikasa felt at ease with everyone at this table. Maybe it was because they knew the truth or because she had known Sasha, Jean, and Connie for such a long time. But she didn’t feel uncomfortable as Eren got their drinks.

A wet haired Gabi showed up at the table before Eren did. She slid into the booth next to Falco.

“Win?” Falco asked her.

Gabi shook her head. “No contact only seems to apply to the Warriors and not the opposing team. Fuck New York.”

“What is New York doing this season?” Falco asked.

“I don’t know. But Reiner, Zeke, Bertolt, and Udo are going to have a time tomorrow,” Gabi sighed.

“Oh. That’s right. You’re Reiner’s cousin,” Mikasa thought out loud.

Gabi stared at her for a moment. “Yeah. Hi. I don’t think we’ve actually talked.”

“Because she’s terrified to speak to you,” Falco blurted out.

“Me? Why?” Mikasa asked.

“Oh. Well. I kind of spent my entire high school years trying to beat your record and didn’t. You were a standard for me. So talking to you…pretty intimidating,” Gabi shrugged.

As much as she wished it was the first time Mikasa had heard that, it wasn’t.

“Well, we’ll be coaching together. So hopefully you’re not intimidated now. I haven’t played since high school so I guarantee you’re better at hockey than me. I’m nervous to return, even for this camp,” Mikasa confessed.

“Really?”

Mikasa nodded. “I asked if you have any spare time if you wanted to reteach me the basic but–”

“I live in Shiganshina. I commute to Liberio. I do have days off so if you do want to skate, we can,” Gabi’s face lit up.

“Really? I don’t want to bother you.”

“Trying to beat your record is what got me scouted right out of high school. I can spend time helping you remember. I doubt you’re that rusty.”

The conversation moved on as Mikasa saw a woman walk up to Eren. She was pretty, had beautiful long, black hair. He smiled at her. They talked happily.

They must have known one another but she was no one who Mikasa knew. Then again, Mikasa didn’t know everyone involved with the Scouts.

The woman ordered something from the bartender before leaning in closer to Eren. He laughed at something she said. Then the woman was running her hand down Eren’s arm.

Eren leaned over, whispered something into the woman’s ear before running his finger down the side of the woman’s face.

So that was Eren’s type.

The woman leaned closer to him, her lips ghosting over his ear.

Something in Mikasa’s stomach made her feel sick. She had no claim on Eren, not really. She knew what he was like when she got into it. Hell, she couldn’t even blame the woman as Mikasa and Eren’s relationship had yet to be more than a few pictures.

And he was smiling with her.

He was happy with her.

Mikasa looked down. She felt a pair of eyes on her. She looked across the table to see Gabi looking at her, studying her. Mikasa looked away. The feeling was still there so Mikasa turned to her side to see Annie and Sasha watching her.

It was as if they all had some sort of sixth sense that she was in trouble.

Eren came over to the booth and sat a drink in front of Mikasa. “I got you an amaretto and Coke since you like Cherry Coke.”

Mikasa smiled at him but it didn’t fully reach his eyes.

“And I got a coke for myself because I’m driving,” he told Jean who was glaring at him.

Jean grabbed Eren’s drink and took a sip from it. He nodded in agreement before he sat it back down.

Eren rolled his eyes.

“Oh fuck,” Connie muttered as he ducked down.

“What?” Sasha asked.

“Mina is here,” Connie groaned.

“Who’s Mina?” Gabi asked.

“She’s obsessed with our team.”

“So she’s a puck bunny?”

“Basically.” Connie slid down further in the chair.

Mina was staring at Eren from across the bar. She waved at him before seductively sucking on her straw.

Mikasa looked away.

“Is that why you were gone for so long?” Jean accused.

“No! What the fuck, Jean?” Eren asked.

“I just know your reputation.”

“Is that what’s this about?”

“It’s about I’ve known Mikasa a lot longer than you have! I’m not going to have you make a fool of her!”

“So this is all about protecting Mikasa?”

“Of course it is!”

Mikasa stood up. “I don’t need protecting”

Jean and Eren both looked at her.

“I’m going home,” she stated.

“I’ll drive you,” Eren offered as he stepped aside to let her out.

“No need,” Mikasa said.

“But you didn’t drive,” Eren pointed out.

“I’ll take her,” Gabi said as she stood. “Come on, Falco.”

“Thank you,” Mikasa muttered as she followed Gabi and Falco out.

—----------------

Getting smacked by a magazine was not how Eren expected to wake up the following morning.

There was a very angry Historia standing over him.

“Ow!” Eren said as he rubbed his head.

“What did you do?” she asked as she stood over him.

“Nothing! I didn’t take anyone home! I didn’t drink! I was perfect!” He replied as he threw his hands up. “Why are you in my apartment?”

“Because you hurt her!”

“How? I haven’t done anything!” Eren defended himself.

“Then why is she backing out of the game next?” Historia crossed her arms across her chest. “Because I seriously doubt it's to help Kuchel get groceries for Thanksgiving.”

“I don’t know! How am I supposed to know? She got all weird at the bar yesterday. I haven’t seen or talked to her since!”

Historia stared at him for a moment, studying him. “You did something. I know you did and when I find out, it won’t be me as PR coming for you. It’ll be me as Mikasa’s best friend.”

“I thought Sasha was her best friend.”

“You can have more than one best friend!” Historia huffed at him. She looked around his room, for what? Eren didn’t know but he had a feeling it was going to lead to violence so he pulled the blankets closer.

“Holy shit,” Historia remarked as she studied one of the pictures on his bedroom wall. “Is that…?” She stepped towards it.

Keeping the blanket wrapped around his waist, Eren stood. “Out,” he ordered.

“That’s Mikasa,” Historia remarked. “Mikasa is on your bedroom wall. Holy shit. Is this why you never have sex with women in here? Always the guest room? Because Mikasa is on your wall?”

“Get out,” Eren ordered again as he pointed to the door.

“I’ll go. On one condition, how old are you in that picture?”

Eren looked over at it. He tried not to look at it. They were nine. It was before he moved. Mikasa had braided him a flower crown and he wore it. Even though he knew his other friends would tease him about it. He didn’t care. His mom had taken a photo of the two of them. Once Eren moved, he cried about leaving Mikasa. So his mom printed the photo out and put it in frame above his bed. That was it always stayed. His mom had helped decorate his apartment once he moved in. She had put the photo in her with all of the others from his childhood. There were pictures of him with Armin, Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, and Zeke from when he had moved to Liberio. It wasn’t like the photo of him and Mikasa was alone or over his bed anymore. It was just here on the wall of his childhood memories.

He hadn’t purposely kept the women he hooked up with out of this room. It was just easier to make sure nothing of value got stolen or embracing pictures ending up on the internet.

“I see,” Historia said after a moment, pulling Eren from his thoughts.

“Don’t tell her,” Eren pleaded, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

“What did you do last night? Is it something I need to worry about?”

Eren sat back down on his bed, keeping the blanket intacted. “I don’t know. I think it’s because Mina was talking to me. She didn’t even give me time to explain.”

“Do you blame her?”

“No. I don’t.”

Eren didn’t blame her at all.

“I didn’t just want her to do this fake relationship just for you, you know,” Historia confessed. “Mikasa has been in a bad place but she loves helping people. She can’t help but help people. I thought maybe it would get her out, socialize. You two would be great friends, I thought. You looked like you were back then.”

“She doesn’t remember,” Eren muttered as he looked down at his hands. “It was so long ago. It doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does. To you. I think it matters to you.”

“I’ll make sure there are no misunderstandings in the future, okay?” Eren finally looked up at Historia, meeting her eyes.

Historia studied him. “I won’t tell her.” Then she nodded before leaving Eren considering where his thoughts and feelings truly were.

———————

Thanksgiving was not what Mikasa was expecting.

Mostly because Kenny announced he and Kuchel were going on a cruise in two days. All expenses were apparently paid by Uri. Kuchel had managed to get some time off, they were leaving and wouldn’t be back until Christmas.

“I feel sorry for whoever gets stuck on that cruise with you three,” Levi had scoffed.

The rest had been pretty standard.

Mikasa did feel a little strange about the whole situation with Eren, embarrassed even. It wasn’t like he had done anything wrong. It was just listening to him and Jean fight. She just didn’t want to be involved, didn’t want someone saying what she should do. Mostly because Mikasa didn’t know what she should do.

The good thing was that Mikasa and Gabi had exchanged numbers. Gabi had some spare time on Friday, the Scouts had practice in the afternoon but once it was over, they planned to get some time on the ice.

Gabi stood in the goal while Mikasa took shots at it.

“See! I told you! You haven’t forgotten a thing!” Gabi cheered as Mikasa got another puck past her.

“That's because you’re a really bad goalie,” Mikasa laughed.

“Okay, fair point. But you are very fast. What is it with Ackermans and being good at hockey?”

Mikasa laughed. “It’s only Levi and me.”

“So your dad or mom didn’t play?”

Mikasa shook her head. “My dad was an architect. He actually designed the arena.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. My mom wanted me to dance in the New York Ballet. Still trying to understand that dream of hers. She hated me playing hockey. She would always tell me how she dreamed of bringing her daughter flowers on every opening night. I wanted to play hockey like Levi. So we compromised. I played hockey and I'd dance. She made me try finger skating, but it didn't stick.”

“But you quit hockey for dance?”

Mikasa sighed. “Yeah. I..uhh…every time I’d step onto the ice, I’d think about how my mom and dad had been coming to see me play. That's how they were killed. If I hadn’t been playing hockey, they wouldn’t have died. I was a good enough dancer to get into a few private universities so that’s what I did. I thought I could at least live her dream for me.”

“I’m guessing that didn’t work out then.”

Mikasa scoffed, “no. It didn’t. I ended up hating it. There was too much hate, body shaming, and sexual harassment. Sorry. I don’t mean to just dump this on you….”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s actually…my life is sort of similar. I ran away from my parents. My aunt Karina took me in. I’m sure you’ll hear the story if you stick around the Scouts. But long story short, my parents only had me because they wanted a child who would make a lot of money and they could live off of that said. I ran away when I was nine. Went to Reiner’s house, didn’t go back home,” Gabi shrugged. “So you’re not the only one who had family baggage. It’s sort of nice that you do. Not like that…it’s just…I don’t know. I always sort of saw you as this record I wanted to beat. It’s nice that you’re actually a person.”

“Do…do you want to go get coffee with me?” Mikasa asked.

“Yeah. We should. Besides, I want to know more about this Eren situation.”

Mikasa groaned as she skated towards the exit to the Guest Team’s locker room.

—----------------------

Thanksgiving for Eren had been extremely awkward.

First, there was his grandparents.

They never liked Carla or Eren. They didn’t think that Grisha should have divorced Dina. In fact, they spent most of the time completely ignoring both Carla and Eren.

“This turkey is dry. Your mother’s turkey was never this dry,” Grisha’s mother told Zeke.

Carla set her jaw, biting her tongue. There was no point fighting with them.

Eren grabbed the wine bottle and filled his mom’s glass.

Carla met his eyes in thanks.

Thankfully, Grisha didn’t make comments about Eren’s games or dating.

After a grueling practice the following Friday, Eren passed Mikasa in the parking lot. He was surprised to see her chatting with Gabi, walking in together.

He felt horrible.

He hadn’t even bothered texting her since she left the bar. She clearly wanted, needed space from him. With Historia knowing that he remembered, he kept Mikasa’s photo and all the confusing feelings there, Eren didn’t want to talk to her either.

So somehow, he found himself at his parent’s house after practice. Grisha was gone. He was doing guest commentary on some college hockey game so it was just Carla there.

As soon as he pulled into the gated community and up to the monster house his parents owned, his mom was waiting at the front door.

“I saw you on the cameras,” she smiled weakly at him. “Come in and tell me what’s wrong.”

Eren nodded, following his mom inside.

While Carla had been hard on Eren, it was in a more loving way. She kept in line, without her, he would have spiraled even more out of control.

“Why do Dad’s parents hate us so much?” Eren asked as he sat down at the kitchen table.

Carla sighed as she put the tea kettle on.

Eren didn’t know anyone else who still used an old tea kettle on the stove but his mom did.

“Dina Fritz was a perfect bride for your dad. She was known in the upper circles of the Liberio High Society. They were a good match. They fell in love, they married, and had a child. It was meant to be perfect. Then…they fell out of love. It was what was best for Zeke. A child seeing his parents fighting all the time, it was not good for him. So they divorce which was bad enough. Then he met me, a lowly waitress and bartender from Shiganshina.”

“Why did that matter?”

“Because your grandparents care about image. Dina was a cousin to Uri and Rod Reiss who are both obscenely wealthy. I was no one but that didn’t matter to your father, it doesn’t matter to me. All that mattered is we loved each other.”

The tea kettle began whistling. Carla filled two cups up with tea.

“So they hate you over something that happened nearly thirty years ago?” Eren raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. Did you know before I started dating your dad seriously I met Zeke and Dina to see if we got along?” Carla put sugar into both cups, then carried them over to the kitchen table.

Eren shook his head.

“We went out to dinner, the four of us. Then we went to a playground with Zeke. I spent the entire time running with Zeke. He’d drag me down the slide, through the monkey bars. I don’t think I ever ran that much in my life. Dina grabbed your dad and told him, “Grisha, if you don’t marry her, I will.” We became best friends after that. There’s not a day that goes by that I don't miss her,” Carla sighed as she lifted the glass up to her mouth. “But that’s not why you came here, is it?”

“I fucked up, Mom,” Eren confessed as he looked down into his cup of tea.

“What did you do to Mikasa?”

Eren looked up. “How did–”

“I know how to use the internet, Eren. You can tell me that relationship is fake but from those pictures, I don’t think it is. At least your feelings for her are not. I may be old but I’m not stupid.”

Eren rolled his eyes, “you’re not even that old, Mom. This woman at the bar was flirting with me. I..I didn’t stop her. Then I ended up arguing in front of Mikasa with Jean about it. I could tell she was hurt when I got back to the table but…I don’t know. It feels nice to be wanted. Not chained to someone who couldn’t care less about me.”

“You know Mikasa cares about you. She always has.”

“She doesn’t even remember me. She doesn’t like me. She doesn’t want me,” Eren laid his head onto the table.

“Oh my sweet boy,” Carla sighed. “For someone so smart, you can be rather dumb. You should really look at those photos of you and her going around the internet.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eren sat as he raised his head.

“It means you were already wanted. You were just too busy to see it. Now drink your tea,” Carla commanded.

—--------------------------------

The next game for the Scouts, Mikasa went. Historia had told Mikasa she could quit if she wanted to but Mikasa was true to her word. She would see this out for the rest of the season. Then she would move on. Besides, she didn’t have to do much.

Tonight, there would be a good amount of photographers in the parking lot. Once the game was over and post game interviews, Eren and Mikasa would walk out together.

Simple.

Easy.

It was just Mikasa in the box tonight. Sasha had an influencer event and Hange had some sort of lecture they had to attend. Of course Zeke had a game at the same time.

The box felt rather empty as Mikasa lingered there.

Though she didn’t need to dress up, Mikasa had. She wore a black leather skirt with tights, a new Scouts jacket, a cute black tank top, and black leather knee high boots. She felt cute. Historia had sent a squealing gif when Mikasa had sent her a picture of her outfit.

She spent most of the game mindlessly scrolling through her phone. The Scouts had already scored twice, one from Falco and one from Jean.

Before she knew it, the game was over. Final score: 2-0.

She made her way down to the hallway that led to the locker rooms.

“Hey Mikasa!” Falco called to her.

“Hi,” Mikasa waved.

“How’s training with Gabi going?” he grinned.

“Really well,” Mikasa smiled.

“Good. She needs more friends besides her teammates. Let me know if you want to come over. I know you don’t like to drive and we’re only a few blocks over. And if you wanted to go with me to any of her games, I know she’d really appreciate it,” Falco smiled again. “I’m gonna go home and see if I can catch her away game. Have a good night!”

“You too. And great goal!” Mikasa called as he walked away.

She hadn’t expected to find a kindred soul in Gabi but she did. Though neither went into detail about their parents, they both understood each other. Mikasa hadn’t told Gabi about punching Gross yet. It just wasn’t something she was comfortable talking about. Though they did discuss Eren. She didn’t tell Gabi she had known him before. Just that she had felt like an idiot while he was flirting with another girl in front of the entire bar.

“He is an idiot, not you,” Gabi had told her.

While that was true, it didn’t make Mikasa feel any better.

“You coming out tonight?” Jean asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“Oh. I don’t know. I guess it’ll depend on Eren,” Mikasa sighed.

Jean frowned, “you can always just come out with Pieck, Connie, and me, you know. Sasha is going to try and meet up later.”

“I know. I just…I’m dating Eren, I go where he goes.”

Jean set his jaw. “I know. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you last time. I hope that doesn’t stop you from hanging out with us. I’ve missed hanging out with you, you know. I mean you didn’t stop hanging out with me in high school when I confessed my feelings. Even though you did run away minutes after I told you.”

Mikasa laughed, “I forgot about that. We were what? Fifteen?”

“Something like that. I don’t think I’ve ever had a girl run away from me,” Jean laughed.

“I didn’t know what else to do! We were friends and I didn’t want our little group to break up because I didn’t return your feelings,” Mikasa confessed.

“Probably for the best. Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t have feelings for you due to who would come along later. Like something in me recognized the person who would come later. Same long dark black hair.”

“She’s the one, isn’t she?”

Jean nodded, “just don’t say anything around the rest of the team. You know. So do Connie and Sasha. I just don’t want to scare Pieck off. It’s new but when you know, you know.”

Mikasa smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“Am I interrupting something?” Eren cleared his throat as he walked up.

Mikasa removed her hand.

The nerve of this man.

“And if you were?” Mikasa answered.

Eren shrugged.

Mikasa rolled her eyes. “Let’s go.”

“Yeah, let’s,” Eren said as he grabbed her hand, pulling her along.

Mikasa looked back over her shoulder to see Jean shaking his head.

“If we’re together, maybe you shouldn’t flirt with my teammates,” Eren hissed.

“And you shouldn’t flirt with puck bunnies at the bar,” Mikasa reminded him, squeezing his hand hard. She wanted to ball her hand up into a fist but it was hard to do while holding his hand. She didn’t dare drop it.

But where did Eren get off being mad at her for talking with Jean, her old friend, when he could flirt with someone in front of the entire bar?

She shoved those thoughts away as they came upon the door to the outside.

“You ready for this?” Eren asked her as he paused at the door.

“I guess we’ll both see,” Mikasa retorted.

Eren pushed the door open.

Immediately the flashbulbs went off.

Who the hell did Historia call? Every damn photographer she knew in the state? Because that’s what it seemed like. They all crowded around, yelling questions.

“MIKASA, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DATING?”

“EREN, HOW HAS THIS AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR COACH?”

“IS THIS RELATIONSHIP SERIOUS?”

“WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE HOLIDAYS?”

Mikasa kept her head down, not looking at anyone. Eren kept her hand in a vice grip, leading her through the crowd.

This was absolutely out of control.

Who did these people think they were?

Eren wasn’t that famous and Mikasa sure as hell wasn’t. This was all Historia.

This was overkill.

But then again, Eren’s reputation desperately needed something positive.

Finally, they made it through the reporters and photographers, arriving at the parking lot. Eren walked alongside her until they got to his car. He opened her passenger side door. Mikasa climbed in.

“I’ll text Jean and see where they’re all going,” Mikasa told him.

Eren set his jaw.

She hadn’t planned on going on but now that she found a weakness in Eren.

Game on.

—------------

What was worse than not drinking was not drinking while Mikasa danced with every other player on the team but Eren.

She was doing it on purpose.

He knew it.

He could see it.

He also knew it wasn’t just purely payback for that night at the bar.

No, this was payback for everything he’d done.

But he also knew that there was some part of her that at least liked him as a friend. Eren had listened to his mom, and looked at the photos. There were a couple shot as they had been walking into the bar. She was smiling at him, laughing. She was really laughing.

This was why Eren didn’t want her to get close.

He had known from day one he would mess it up.

He always messed it up.

He tried so hard for a reason.

Years and years of being bullied by both his grandparents and classmates had pushed him to this. The need to be wanted, to be liked, to be the best.

As he watched Mikasa dance with everyone but him, he wondered what it would be like to be wanted and liked by her.

“Are you going to do the creepy stare at her thing all night? You’re reminding me of that shitty vampire movie,” Annie scoffed as she sat next to him in the vip lounge, just sipping on whatever fancy ass drink she had.

“Why are you never supportive of me anymore?” Eren asked her.

“Because you’re a dumbass,” Annie shrugged.

“Where is Armin?”

“Dancing with your girlfriend,” Annie pointed back to the dance floor.

Indeed, Mikasa and Armin were dancing. If you could call jumping up and down while holding hands and screaming the lyrics to a song dancing. Either way, Mikasa was smiling.

“That could be you, if you weren’t an asshole,” Annie reminded him.

“Thank you so much for that,” Eren rolled his eyes.

“That’s my job as your friend.”

Eren rolled his eyes.

Armin was the first friend Eren had made in Liberio. Annie was the second. They didn’t meet Annie until junior high. She was a year older than them but had been held out of school due to her shitty birth parents. Now, she only recognized the man who had raised as her father. Though Annie spent most of her time hanging out with Bertolt and Reiner, she got tired of watching Eren get his ass beat. So Annie taught him how to fight in exchange for an introduction to Armin.

Annie was never afraid to call Eren out on his shit. Tonight was not a rare occurrence.

Eren sighed.

“Have you even apologized?” Annie asked him.

No, he hadn’t apologized. He’d barely talked to her. She didn’t seem like she wanted to talk to him either.

Eren just sighed again and leaned back on the couch in the vip area. He continued to watch Mikasa dance for the rest of the night. She was having fun. Eren wished he could have been having fun with her. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to move.

What was it about her?

She didn’t give a shit that he was Eren Jaeger. She never had. Beautiful and perfect and everything Eren wasn’t. Everything that Eren would ruin. He always ruined everything. It was just his nature. That day she had been in his apartment, that day in the bar, he knew he was starting to like her. He knew as he watched her every move that he was undeniably attracted to her but it was more than simply wanting her under him.

Eren wanted Mikasa.

He wanted her more than just for one night, more than just her body. He wanted her to continue to challenge him, and put him in his place.

Eren’s stomach dropped.

Shit.

Mikasa was important to him.

She had wormed her way in, right back where she had been all those years ago. Was it possible that those feelings he had had as a child were coming back, stronger than ever?

—--

After a night full of dancing, Mikasa was exhausted.

When everyone else started to leave, Mikasa followed suit, getting into Eren’s car. She leaned against the glass of the window.

It was silent for a moment before Eren finally spoke.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked.

“Huh?” Mikasa turned to face him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for flirting with Mina and I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I wasn’t taking this relationship seriously like I should have. It wasn’t….I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wanted to feel wanted.”

As much as Mikasa wanted to, she could not fault him for that. It was something she desired as well.

“And I promise I’ll take things more seriously from now on. You’re the one who is doing me the favor and I promise not to forget that again. If you want to date Jean, I’ll cover for you,” Eren promised.

Mikasa laughed. “I don’t want to date Jean. He asked me out once in high school and I told him I wasn’t interested. Then I ran away because it was too awkward.”

Eren stopped at the light and looked over at her. Then he laughed. “So we’re good?”

Mikasa bit her lip, considering. Then she nodded. “Yeah, we’re good.”

Once they arrived at their apartment complex and were in the elevator, Eren turned to Mikasa, holding out his hand.

“Friends?” he asked.

For a moment she looked at his hand, seeing there was ink right under his sleeve. How had she not noticed his tattoos before? She took his hand and looked him in the eyes.

“Friends,” she agreed.

Eren smiled at her as they shook hands. He let go and faced forward again.

“We’re both going to regret that, aren’t we?” he teased.

“Probably,” she shrugged. “But it’s probably better if we are. Besides, I could use all the friends I can get right now.” Mikasa bit her lip again.

“Yeah, I could too,” Eren confessed. “By the way, you look good tonight. Not that you don’t look good every night. I just…you’re dressed differently but a good different.”

Mikasa looked over at him. “What are you trying to say? Because it sounds like you’re trying to flirt with me….very badly,” she laughed.

Eren looked over at her before he started laughing himself. “Okay, fine. You look hot, Ackerman. If you were anyone else, I’d say, you should come back to my place. But you’re not and we just became friends. So I’m not going to fuck our tentative friendship up.”

Mikasa’s blushed. “What do you mean if I’m not anyone else? Because I’m your PR relationship?”

“No and not because you’re Levi’s little sister either.”

Mikasa gulped.

Eren took a step closer to her, brushed one of her bangs out of her eyes.

Was the air in this elevator getting hot?

She swallowed again as she studied him, trying to figure out how things had gotten this way.

Well, this night had taken a turn.

The elevator dinged. They had reached their floor. Both of them walked out, to their respective doors.

“Goodnight, Mikasa,” Eren said before disappearing into his apartment.

Mikasa went into her apartment and took a cold shower.

#totallypucked #mine #my writing

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thebeautyoffanfics · 3 years ago

Note

Hey!! If ur comfortable with this could u maybe do cherry blossom and joe for sk8 with a s/o that has adhd and is often forgetful

kaoru sakurayashiki x gn!reader, kojiro nanjo x gn!reader

a/n: sure thing!! I don’t think I’ve written for either of them yet, so I do hope it turns out alright-! Thank you so much for requesting!!

The way just listening to the Sk8 into and outro gets me prepared to write for it aaaaaah, it’s so good,,,, those are 2 songs that never fail to make me happy;;;

Benekejdjd I also just realized I call Cherry by his real name, yet call Joe his S name,,,, oh well KSNEKDNDJ sorry for my inconsistency 😭✌️

warnings: none <3

word count: 916

Cherry Blossom/Kaoru Sakurayashiki <3

Honestly? Kaoru is wonderful to be in a relationship with when struggling with forgetfulness.

He’s naturally pretty good at remembering things, but he’s also an avid fan of AI- so, you have both Kaoru and Carla to remind you! Just tell him something important, or something small you feel like you should remember, and he’ll be telling Carla to remember it as well. Human minds are flawed, but Carla surely won’t forget!!

Now, if you forget before telling him/thinking to tell him, he’ll be as calm and understanding as ever.

He isn’t exactly sure how to jog your memory sometimes, but he will do the whole “retrace your steps” thing. Tells you to go back to the other room and enter this one again- try to figure out what you were thinking about beforehand. Maybe being back in the other room will help…?

Or, if it’s during a conversation, and you forget what you were about to say- just tell him you forgot, and he’s calmly listing off things about the conversation. Keywords, almost? Facts about a story one of you just told, words that stick out, etc.

As frustrating as forgetting can be, Kaoru has patience to make up for it. He doesn’t mind doing his best to help you, you’re his s/o after all. If he’s patient and loving (in his own way) towards the kids’ antics, he’s going to be just the same towards you.

If you express your frustration, he isn’t quite sure what exactly to do. He can handle practical things- reminding you, helping you with tasks, but emotions are a bit different.

Despite that, he will try to help. Not out of obligation, but because he genuinely cares, and genuinely wants you to know it’s all right.

“Ah… there, there, (Y/N). It’s completely understandable to be upset, but it’s alright to be forgetful. That’s what I’m for, isn’t it? Why else would you have a boyfriend such as myself, with an assistant such as Carla? If it’s something you can’t remember, it will either come back to you because it’s something you should remember- and, if it doesn’t, I’m sure it wasn’t too important in the first place.”

Doesn’t exactly know how to deal with crying either, so if you do get frustrated to a point of tears, he’ll kind of… pinch your face? Not harshly, but enough to get you to focus on him instead. Once he has your attention, he’ll give his little spiel.

Of course, he isn’t heartless- he’ll comfort you however you need him to. Hugs, kisses, etc <3

“(Y/N), wouldn’t a kiss be more likely to distract you from what you want to remember?”

“It’ll distract me ‘cos I’m upset that I can’t remember..”

“Don’t pout- I’m not denying your request, just questioning your methods a bit.”

Joe/Kojiro Nanjo <3

Joe may not be as effective as Kaoru, but he does try as hard-!!

He may be charismatic and confident, but he’s still a loving boyfriend. He wants to help you in any way he can, and if memory is the way he should help, then he’s on it!!

He has to have decent memory, he works at a restaurant after all? He’s bound to be able to remember orders and recipes, so things that you need him to remember isn’t normally a problem!

Just to be safe, he keeps sticky notes around! On counters, he even has a few set in the kitchen- just in case you walk in, telling him to please remind you of a certain date or something you need to do! He’s pausing whatever he’s doing, if it can be paused, and writing it down, giving you a sweet “got it, baby!”

When he’s not able to see you in person, he doesn’t mind you sending him texts! He’ll write it down just the same, set a reminder in his phone- or, if it’s important enough, or he’s worried he’ll actually forget as well, he’ll (ask?) tell Kaoru to set a reminder on his little machine assistant.

(“She has a name, you idiot gorilla. I’ll do it for (Y/N)’s sake, of course, because they actually remember Carla.”

“Ah, I remember. I just don’t care-“

“You’re on thin freaking ice.”)

If you walk up to him, opening your mouth to say something, then shutting it- your eyebrows furrowing to try and get yourself to remember- he’ll also be very patient. (He’ll also find your expression strangely cute, as if everything about you isn’t.)

“What were you doing before you came in here? Watching anything, searching for something?”

He’s not as great at jogging your memory as Kaoru is, but he certainly won’t give up. Heck, he’ll walk around the entire house with you, or go to the room you were just in. Pointing at things, trying to list anything that may be a keyword- any way he can try and help!!

Now, if you get frustrated because of your forgetfulness, he can handle it a bit better than Kaoru.

If you start to cry, or even if you just need a hug, he’s hugging you, patting your head carefully. Buff gorilla though he is, he’s a loving buff gorilla who definitely gives good hugs (and kisses)!

“Don’t cry, (Y/N), it’s alright. I know you’re frustrated, but I’m sure it’ll come to you eventually. You don’t need to be upset with yourself just because you forgot. It’s not like you chose to forget, so don’t get too worked up… it’ll all be okay, I promise <3.”

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bamf-jaskier · 4 years ago

Text

What the fuck are the Trials

Since the show is based on the books and not the games, and more people are more familiar with the games that the books, I thought it might be helpful to sort of officialize the posts I’ve done about specific topics in the books.

Here are the previous posts on Triss&Geralt as well as Coën

TLDR: So looking at this process, according to the books the way a Witcher becomes, well a Witcher looks like this:

There is the Choice which is the decision to become a Witcher made when you are a child

Eat a lot of magic mushrooms that give you the strength and ability Witchers are known for

Then the Trial of the Grasses which is a concoction of mutagenic elixirs injected into the bloodstream which mutates you into a Witcher

Then finally there are the Changes. This is a big step and one that requires a mage. This is when the hormones are changed and a Witcher becomes permanently sterile

then there is training until you earn your medallion and BOOM, out onto the path with you

Now, have a post about what the trials are as far as the books are concerned

It’s important to note that in the books, The Witcher are a dying breed so the Trials are really only mentioned in Blood of Elves when Ciri trains with the Witchers and the two prequels, Sword of Destiny and The Last Wish.

Let’s start out with the basics of the Trials, here is a passage from Blood of Elves where Triss is wondering why the Witchers at Kaer Morhen are being so secretive in regards to Ciri:

“It’s obvious. They want to mutate the child, subject her to the Trial of Grasses and Changes, but they don’t know how to do it. Vesemir was the only witcher left from the previous generation, and he was only a fencing instructor. The Laboratorium, hidden in the vaults of Kaer Morhen, with its dusty demi-johns of elixirs, the alembics, ovens and retorts…

None of the witchers knew how to use them. The mutagenic elixirs had been concocted by some renegade wizard in the distant past and then perfected over the years by the wizard’s successors, who had, over the years, magically controlled the process of Changes to which children were subjected. And at a vital moment the chain had snapped.

There was no more magical knowledge or power. The witchers had the herbs and Grasses, they had the Laboratorium. They knew the recipe. But they had no wizard.”

Later:

“And now they want to mutate the girl but can’t. And that might mean… They may ask me to help. And then I’ll see something no living wizard has seen, I’ll learn something no living wizard has learned. Their famous Grasses and herbs, the secret virus cultures, the renowned, mysterious recipes…”

Now, what Triss doesn’t realize is that Geralt and the others are not planning on subjecting Ciri to the trials at all but are instead trying to hide Ciri’s magical ability from Triss. They are worried she will report them to the Chapter.

Of course, until they tell Triss this, she is deeply suspicious and goes on to talk about the mushrooms Witchers have access to which are extremely unique.

“Of course, thought Triss. They’re feeding her those legendary cave saprophytes – a mountain plant unknown to science – giving her the famous infusions of their mysterious herbs to drink. The girl is developing quickly, is acquiring a witcher’s infernal fitness. Naturally, without the mutation, without the risk, without the hormonal upheaval. But the magician must not know this. It is to be kept a secret from the magician. They aren’t going to tell me anything; they aren’t going to show me anything.”

Later:

“I don’t give a fig for your trust, witchers. There’s cancer out there in the world, smallpox, tetanus and leukaemia, there are allergies, there’s cot death. And you’re keeping your “mushrooms”, which could perhaps be distilled and turned into life-saving medicines, hidden away from the world. You’re keeping them a secret even from me, and others to whom you declare your friendship, respect and trust. Even I’m forbidden to see not just the Laboratorium, but even the bloody mushrooms!”

Triss as a mage has extreme bias against the Trials and for good reason! Most of the populace doesn’t have access to any information on the Trials outside of vague ideas but Mages have access to first hand accounts such as this from Blood of Elves:

“On the third day all the children died save one, a male barely ten. Hitherto agitated by a sudden madness, he fell all at once into deep stupor. His eyes took on a glassy gaze; incessantly with his hands did he clutch at clothing, or brandish them in the air as if desirous of catching a quill. His breathing grew loud and hoarse; sweat cold, clammy and malodorous appeared on his skin. Then was he once more given elixir through the vein and the seizure it did return. This time a nose-bleed did ensue, coughing turned to vomiting, after which the male weakened entirely and became inert.

For two days more did symptoms not subside. The child’s skin, hitherto drenched in sweat, grew dry and hot, the pulse ceased to be full and firm – albeit remaining of average strength, slow rather than fast. No more did he wake, nor did he scream.

Finally, came the seventh day. The male awoke and opened his eyes, and his eyes were as those of a viper…”

~Carla Demetia Crest, The Trial of Grasses and other secret Witcher practices, seen with my own eyes, manuscript exclusively accessible to the Chapter of Wizards

When most people think of the Trials, they are thinking similarly to Queen Calanthe in Sword of Destiny.

Here is what Calanthe says to Geralt when talking about what he might do with his child surprise:

“You are astonished,’ she stated. ‘Well, I’ve studied a little. Since Pavetta’s child has the chance of becoming a witcher, I went to great pains. My sources, Geralt, reveal nothing, however, regarding how many children in ten withstand the Trial of the Grasses. Would you like to satisfy my curiosity in this regard?’

‘O Queen,’ Geralt said, clearing his throat. ‘You certainly went to sufficient pains in your studies to know that the code and my oath forbid me from even uttering that name, much less discussing it.’

Calanthe stopped the swing abruptly by jabbing a heel into the ground. ‘Three, at most four in ten,’ she said, nodding her head in feigned pensiveness.

‘A stringent selection, very stringent, I’d say, and at every stage. First the Choice and then the Trials. And then the Changes. How many youngsters ultimately receive medallions and silver swords? One in ten? One in twenty?”

Later Calanthe asks Geralt:

“Do you believe a Child of Destiny would pass through the Trials without danger?’

‘We believe such a child would not require the Trials.’

‘One question, Geralt. Quite a personal one. May I?’

He nodded.

‘There is no better way to pass on hereditary traits than the natural way, as we know. You went through the Trials and survived. So if you need a child with special qualities and endurance… Why don’t you find a woman who… I’m tactless, aren’t I? But I think I’ve guessed, haven’t I?’

‘As usual,’ he said, smiling sadly, ‘you are correct in your deductions, Calanthe. You guessed right, of course. What you’re suggesting is impossible for me.’

‘Forgive me,’ she said, and the smile vanished from her face. ‘Oh, well, it’s a human thing.’

‘It isn’t human.’

‘Ah… So, no witcher can—’

‘No, none. The Trial of the Grasses, Calanthe, is dreadful. And what is done to boys during the time of the Changes is even worse. And irreversible.”

Later:

“The risks are too great,’ Geralt said quickly. ‘As you said. At most, four out of ten survive.’

‘Dammit, is only the Trial of the Grasses hazardous? Do only potential witchers take risks? Life is full of hazards, selection also occurs in life, Geralt. Misfortune, sicknesses and wars also select. Defying destiny may be just as hazardous as succumbing to it. Geralt… I would give you the child. But… I’m afraid, too.’

Then in The Last Wish, Geralt describes his own experiences with The Trials:

“Kaer Morhen…That's where the likes of me were produced. It's not done anymore; no one lives in Kaer Morhen now. No one but Vesemir. Who's Vesemir? My father. Why are you so surprised? What's so strange about it? Everyone's got a father, and mine is Vesemir. And so what if he's not my real father? I didn't know him, or my mother. I don't even know if they're still alive, and I don't much care.

“Yes, Kaer Morhen. I underwent the usual mutation there, through the Trial of Grasses, and then hormones, herbs, viral infections. And then through them all again. And again, to the bitter end. Apparently, I took the changes unusually well; I was only ill briefly. I was considered to be an exceptionally resilient brat…and was chosen for more complicated experiments as a result. They were worse. Much worse. But, as you see, I survived. The only one to live out of all those chosen for further trials. My hair's been white ever since. Total loss of pigmentation. A side effect, as they say. A trifle.

“Then they taught me various things until the day when I left Kaer Morhen and took to the road. I’d earned my medallion, the Sign of the Wolf's School. I had two swords: silver and iron, and my conviction, enthusiasm, incentive and…faith. Faith that I was needed in a world full of monsters and beasts, to protect the innocent. As I left Kaer Morhen, I dreamed of meeting my first monster. I couldn't wait to stand eye to eye with him. And the moment arrived.”

So looking at this process, according to the books the way a Witcher becomes, well a Witcher looks like this:

There is the Choice which is the decision to become a Witcher made when you are a child

Eat a lot of magic mushrooms that give you the strength and ability Witchers are known for

Then the Trial of the Grasses which is a concoction of mutagenic elixirs injected into the bloodstream which mutates you into a Witcher

Then finally there are the Changes. This is a big step and one that requires a mage. This is when the hormones are changed and a Witcher becomes permanently sterile

then there is training until you earn your medallion and BOOM, out onto the path with you

This is why it’s such a big deal that Triss was brought to Kaer Morhen. Without a mage, someone cannot become a full Witcher and Triss believed that was why she was there. Of course, this wasn’t true but it’s a valid concern to have.

One thing I want to note, there is absolutely NOTHING in the text that says that being a Witcher is limited to any sort of gender boundary. The fact that Triss so readily jumped to Ciri becoming a Witcher and the fact that Geralt didn’t specify boys until he was talking about the sterilization process...well, there is a likelihood female Witchers actually existed.

Again, in the books Witchers are a dying breed and you can literally count on one hand the number of Witchers we meet. Of course, considering mages are the ones who made Witchers, it makes sense that female Witchers are either strongly discouraged, banned or simply not talked about.

One big point Triss has against Ciri’s training is that she won’t “develop” correctly like a woman “should” due to the mushrooms and harsh training and considering how so many northern mages place importance on beauty I could definitely see mages not wanting to have female Witchers, considering it a “perversion”.

Just a fun thought I often have about the books that I haven’t seen anyone point out.

So overall, here is what the books have to say about the Trials, it’s a touch different from the games but I find this very fascinating and interesting. Let me know if you want me to do a specific topic or relationship next, but for now, thanks for reading!

#I was actually thinking about making a post about what the schools look like in the books tonight #thought it might be intersting #the witcher #wtf series #the trials #the trial of the grasses #the changes #geralt #The Witcher netflix #the Witcher books #asaps #andrzej sapkowski #sword of destiny #blood of elves #the last wish #quotes #myposts #meta

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iamnightduchess · 4 years ago

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Reiner & Mikasa: A Retrospective Pt.2

“The Shield of Marley & The Blade of Paradis”

Why ReiKasa is a (BR)OTP ship that’s worth more than a fleeting glance

[*caution: a continuation of a long reflective post with the sole intention to share a fan’s perspective through available representation through manga, anime, exhibition & etc. This post is not to convince nor argue where is its place in canon, but only to explore the vast possibilities of these two amazing characters that I love. In the end, if the series ends with Mikasa alive & ending by herself or with X character, then it means Isayama believes that X character is the one she’ll find that eventual happiness with and I’m all for that. Same goes with Reiner :)] Special thanks to @berumika for sharing some of the additional points that are included in this post. Years down the line after SnK ended, I’d love to have a post I can revisit of these two amazing characters & the possibilities that could have been from time to time. I’m having absolute fun in observing how much both of these characters have grown since the series debuted in 2010.

Pt. 1 available here. Warning: Image heavy, potential spoilers.

When I first got to know SnK/AoT, it was through the anime first before manga. Bad idea for me. My initial perspectives of Mikasa & Reiner were skewed and that was later rectified as I navigated the original source directly. Eren is the first protagonist that was introduced by the series creator but I was drawn to Mikasa & Reiner when I started the manga after Season 1 ended.

Trainees

These top two trainees of the 104th batch are closely matched to each other in ranking. We don’t see them interact directly in the anime, but in the early panels of the manga, Reiner could be seen sitting down with Eren, Mikasa & Armin during mealtimes.

Sure, Mikasa can be expected to not converse with Reiner directly, but if her two childhood friends have their good friend sitting together for meals, at the very least we can expect them to have some brownie points in socialization.

Apart from being total gorgeous hotties, they’re both physically strong people, with Reiner always being second to Mikasa in terms of brute strength. Total muscle pairing and I could see them being at par with each other during physical drills. Reiner & Mikasa could go all out, even beyond 100% and the other would be physically capable to take/receive the force. Shadis would’ve tasked them to lead the physical trainings from time to time. They have been sparring partners, evident from the moment Mikasa threw Reiner across the field into Eren who’s sparring with Annie. Their fitness regime would be in-sync with each other. I could see them having mad respect for each other and secretly admire the other person’s prowess and skill.

Connection through Eren

As highlighted primarily in Pt.1, Eren has been shown to look up or aspire to be high achievers like Reiner and Mikasa both. He wanted to be as strong as the two of them. The odds of the very same people he look up to, as the two individuals who would be able to stop him, I would suspect as very high at this point.

When they were younger, Reiner has always been the one that’s pulled Eren up when he’s down, nearly giving up & at the lowest points of his life. He was also the one who convinced Eren to ‘keep on moving forward’, which we’ll learn later was one of the most ironic moments that Reiner recalled as he feels responsible for everything that begun, which also pushed his guilt inside him to his near-suicide attempt.

Survey Corps

Reveal on Wall Rose

Mikasa, was one of the few junior SC members who were called in for the secret meeting with the unit’s top brass the night before the reveal. She was made aware of Reiner & Bertolt’s possible identity as the enemy after she assisted with apprehending Annie in Wall Sina. While Reiner was talking to Eren, Mikasa could be seen being highly agitated, hands shaking as she waited with unease breath for Reiner & Bertolt to make their move.

She was later seen questioning her hesitance on delivering the killing blow or at least enough to incapacitate them. Mikasa called Reiner & Bertolt “the plague of humanity” in anger and absolute disappointment. They were still her friends that she knew for three years & it had been difficult for her to kill them.

Thunder Spears Training

Mikasa could be seen reflecting in a combination of unease, sadness & regret as she recalled back the moment she was unable to break Reiner’s armor with her blades.

Return to Shinganshina

Mikasa was the one who crippled the Armored’s legs. She wasn’t as emotional as Connie, Jean & Sasha but there was a deep, painful rumination on her part the moment they assumed that Reiner was dead dead. She was also the one who noticed the sudden move from Reiner’s Armored Titan. In the anime, she could be seen angry & frustrated at Reiner’s refusal to confess that she pulled too hard on the bandage in her hands while she was helping Jean with his injuries.

Time-Skip (Current)

Reiner’s reminiscence & nightmares

Reiner’s reminiscence of Mikasa was indirect, but he highlighted her (and Armin’s) fierce, unwavering loyalty towards Eren. He had recurring nightmares of her & Levi that are the symptoms of his PTSD. The anime specifically used her shot to highlight the last image of her that he saw: anger.

Assault in Liberio

You could see the existing disappointment on her face when Reiner’s partially transformed Titan appeared, having to cross paths again in such a way after four years. She could’ve intervened the way she did with Galliard’s Jaw but she didn’t. Eren said Reiner’s out of any energy left to retaliate and Mikasa didn’t disagree. At this point, Mikasa is already affected by Eren’s actions in murdering the women & children inside the building that he shifted in and the destruction they all left behind.

Connection through Gabi

Reiner’s young cousin reminded Armin & Mikasa of a young Eren. The difference is that, Gabi had an early opportunity to be saved through the compassion showed by Mikasa and Sasha’s beloved family. The very same people who had every right to be sad, grieving and taking out their anger on the child who gunned down their beloved friend & daughter.

Mikasa doesn’t verbally express her emotions but it can be shown through her body language & facial expressions. I love seeing the tender way she pressed Gabi’s head onto her shoulder as protection and a symbolism of safety. It was a bit sad that this ‘bond’ was short-lived but what an amazing connection it would’ve been if Mikasa & Gabi had been given more space to develop their bond in canon.

Concern for Reiner & Annie

Usually when Mikasa verbally expresses something, it is usually important/significant to her. In ch.124, she could be seen asking Gabi about Reiner’s location. Why? It’s because she is concerned for Reiner’s safety. If his Armors were undone, he was vulnerable and with pure Titans and the Colossal Titans walking around, he would be in danger.

“We need to help Reiner & Annie.” She was heavily concerned with Reiner and Annie’s lives at the docks. But this moment is more important for Connie as a callback to the moment when Annie & Reiner both had saved Connie when they were trainees.

Adjacent Manga/Official Art Paneling(s)

In the current final arc of the manga, (several panels have been highlighted in Pt.1) it’s quite interesting to note that Mikasa & Reiner’s characters/panelings have been drawn adjacent to each other. I could also see the way Armin, Reiner & Mikasa (ARM) are getting primary focus by Isayama in this final arc.

Others (Misc./Semi-canon)

Cool-faced Cookie (Attack on Titan Game)

When Reiner suggested the player to do a melee practice with two other sparring partners, he immediately spotted Mikasa & Historia. It’s very interesting to note that Reiner’s nickname for Mikasa is “Cool-faced cookie” as he hinted the player to ask Mikasa for an impromptu practice.

The blink and miss furtive glance(s)

In Lost Girls OVA’s ED by WIT, a screenshot of the primary 104th walking together could be seen. Mikasa could be seen sneaking a glance at Reiner.

In a scene during the fresh SC recruits discussing intensely about Eren’s role as humanity’s hope, Reiner could be seen glancing silently with concern for Mikasa, as Jean questions her vouch of confidence in Eren’s abilities.

In Snk OVA#3, Mikasa is grouped with Reiner for the excursion and they could be seen having good teamwork together. When Mikasa’s ‘sixth senses’ are triggered due to Eren being in danger, Reiner could be seen looking at her direction immediately as if sensing her distress.

Characteristics & Zodiac Signs

Amazing/Compassionate with children

Known as the Shield of Marley, Reiner’s a caring keeper, a natural leader and a provider who’s naturally amazing with children. Everyone looks up to him. Would’ve made a good family man if the circumstances were different. Based on his characteristics & physical attribute, he reminds me of Mikasa’s father below, no matter how short-lived he was. I could see her admiring that side of him even if it wasn’t mentioned directly. They are both loving, selfless, protective towards their child/ward.

Mikasa, true to her name, an Ackerman, a genetically-enhanced super soldier/warrior of Paradis that wields their blades with the highest efficiency. Though she might not seem as natural with children, did come from a healthy & loving upbringing with her parents for nine years. Her real persona as a child pre-awakening is a curious, thoughtful and actually a warm-hearted girl. Post-awakening characteristics could also be contributed from the traumas imposed by the murder of her parents, the fall of Wall Maria, the death of Carla & having to shoulder the immediate responsibility as Eren’s new ‘guardian’/caregiver/problem-solver/mess-cleaner.

She shown her compassion towards Gabi, which in turn had proved to the little girl how there are good-hearted, forgiving people in the Island. Mikasa could be observed as being heavily concerned with Falco as she questioned Jean about the young boy. One could see the anger on her face when she saw Connie took off and abducted Falco to be fed to his mom. She drew the line in harming children even if they’re trained enemy soldiers.

Aquarius & Leo’s Compatibility

Reiner’s a Leo and Mikasa’s an Aquarius. Their characteristics are too coincidental to their respective astrological signs to be disregarded completely.

He’s an extrovert (Ref: younger!Reiner. Older Reiner too but his PTSD’s and maturity have taken over his more outgoing personality) that compliments her introvert personality yet they both have their inner demons to deal with and could somehow understand that about each other. He’s a ray of sunshine that could enlighten her melancholic personality. Yet their dominant personalities, although might be clashing at first, eventually would lead them to respect the other’s perspective. This would ring true when they were younger. Currently they have grown older, wiser and more understanding of the other.

At the current Final Arc, this has been highlighted in Part 1, recent chapters have shown older Reiner and Mikasa’s unspoken respect and understanding for each other. The current Reiner’s natural leadership as a born Leo is very apparent. Reiner was being very mindful of her feelings as Eren is a very sensitive subject & Mikasa took in Reiner’s words with serious consideration.

It would be great to see more of their combined synergy as Reiner & Mikasa’s teamwork could be seen once again in ch.135. Aquarius & Leo would take turns to take a back seat while letting the other leads.

They are actually very physically and sensually compatible with each other & could potentially be an unstoppable force if they were to fight for the same side. At the moment, I’m hoping to see this potentially deadly combination once again in ch.136 onwards. They could’ve overtaken Eren’s Founding Form is it wasn’t for OG!Ymir’s one-sided overkill powers. To the real God who created the parasite worm, please take powers away frpm this uncontrollable grandma in a little girl’s body.

More of Mikasa’s Aquarius & Reiner’s Leo Compatibility Meter with description below:

Since this is SnK and not Berserk/Tokyo Ghoul/insert other josei manga titles, no one’s having sex directly haha In an ideal world, Reiner & Mikasa’s physical attractions for each other will almost be off the charts. “When they find true emotion, Aquarius might actually end up respecting the king”. In current arc, this can be observed. She respects Reiner & his words.

The above describes both Mikasa and Reiner respectively. Mikasa does not reach for heroism directly but it can be seen indirectly from the way she had inspired a child Louise through her bravery, protecting Gabi and rescuing/protecting the Azumabito Service crew from the Jeagerists. Reiner has always been born to be a hero, regardless of the circumstances of his conception or birth.

“If they end up fighting for the same cause, they could turn down entire governments and use their incredible force to change anything in the world.”

Even oppressive, destructive supernatural, God-like powers? Ymir & Eren, better be prepared.

“To get there, these two would have to stop the battle they have with each other.” Check and Check.

“Leo -- has the ability to give clarity to any situation.” Ch.133. That was not Reiner projecting. He’s always been Eren’s counterpart. He’s telling the readers that there’s a part of Eren out there that still wants to be stopped since he has surrender his will to Ymir. She took his words into serious consideration and in Paths, voices out to Eren on his sins and burden.

“Leo is exactly what Aquarius needs to find love. -- to liberate and shine as if they have been searching for one another for many lifetimes.” In an ideal world or in my gazillion AUs: Reiner and Mikasa could be soulmates.

This could ring true for the younger Reiner & Mikasa.

Reiner and Mikasa both are indeed strong, selfless individuals in each other’s eyes. This can be observed in Ch.133 & 135. Reiner feared her but respect her strength & feelings when it relates to Eren nevertheless. Even Reiner was taken aback by Pieck’s ultimatum in blowing the Founder’s neck, although Armin had suggested the same thing the night before.

“Just like the Sun and the lightning don’t go together, Aquarius should take over on a rainy day, in a depressive crowd or in places where they both feel as if they would drown. This is where Leo needs to give in and let their partner rule the sky--” It wasn’t a rainy day or depressive crowd in ch. 135, it was a chaotic shitstorm and they were all not drowning but dying. Period. Our dear Mikasa took charge like a BAMF Queen that she is. She was putting her life on the line to protect the four injured men behind them. She aimed to buy them more time if she could as everyone expected it to be the end. As highlighted in Pt.1, you could see the helplessness on Reiner’s face when he saw Mikasa’s breaking point.

Reference : http://www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com/compatibility/aquarius-leo/

Final Exhibition

The Final Exhibition highlights the Last Stand: the direct final confrontation between The Founding/Attack against The Armored, with Mikasa being in the middle of the confrontation, tipping the scales of the outcome. Before, she assisted Eren against Reiner. Currently, she is working with Reiner to stop Eren.

Trio(s) Parallel

An interesting panel from ch.97:

EMA & RBA have always been lauded as the main trio of their respective sides. We have seen Armin taking over Bertolt’s powers & is potentially promised a future with the girl that Bertolt had feelings for. Recognize the probable pattern?

Guy from trio 1 ate Guy from trio 2′s Titan & is promised a potential future with the girl he cares for/have feelings for/close with from the trio.

Only one between between Eren & Reiner will remain. What if the story begins with Eren but will end with Reiner all along?

SnK HighSchool AU / Breakfast Club X-over

In the movie, the Jock (Quarterback!Reiner) ends up with the Rebel (Goth!Mikasa). He looks past her eccentricity & see her for who she is. This is a fun crossover by Isayama but very interesting to see Armin, Mikasa & Reiner work together to save Eren in the fake previews.

Whether the combined strength and perseverance of the Blade of Paradis & the Shield of Marley be enough to save the world from total annihilation? It remains to be seen very, very soon.

No matter how the series ends, whether both Reiner and Mikasa survive or not, I’ll be looking back in pride upon seeing their journey, growth & dynamics as either individual or together in this beautiful series by Hajime Isayama’s brilliant mind. Because of him, these two characters inspired his readers, myself included, to be brave and fight for what they truly believe in: humanity & its continuation. It has been an incredible ride and I will continue to enjoy writing for this OTP/BROTP, that I’ve fell so deeply in love with and their vast possibilities.

#snk #aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #進撃の巨人 Attack on Titan #snk meta #snk thoughts #snk opinions #snk spoilers #snk 135 #snk 133 #snk 134 #Retrospective #reiner braun #mikasa ackerman #reiner x mikasa #ReiKasa #character appreciation #ship appreciation

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chayacat · 4 years ago

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Devil’s Sweet Star (30)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut

***

Hunting. It's tiring by force when you run after a prey for hours. But the reward is more than pleasant when we finally find it. The fear that we read in their eyes, but also the pity... It's so satisfying. Their little cries asking to let them live. Sometimes it works. But usually, they die. It’s the law of nature. The strongest, the most agile, the most intelligent always gets by, the weaks die. But when you come across another predator, who wants to steal from you what belongs to you, the music is different. And in case you've forgotten, Danny doesn't like to share his things. Especially you.

If Jed promised you to do nothing about the server last time, this isn’t the case with Danny, and less with Ghostface. He intended to give him a good lesson. A lesson he can never forget, even if he died. He had finally found him, he was a replacement, he worked for another restaurant, in another nearby city. Poor guy... he's not even from here and he died for a simple... stupidity.

Danny will always remember his look. From the predator, this fool has become prey. He will always remember his words, begging him not to kill him. Like everyone else, in itself. Danny was too used to it. And the result is always the same: he kills them. this poor fool must never have dared to seduce you, NEVER. He has paid a high price for it. Certainly, he must have family, friends etc... But no one in Roseville will know about this story. Since he didn't live here.

Danny is already very nice to let his alter ego Jed take care of you; he will not let all the men approach you! However, a smile stretched over his face. This little tantrum you had during your last meeting, it's like you ordered him to kill this server. It was your little signature on the murder contract. Of course, you still wanted to make the innocent little girl, who doesn’t want to harm anyone. But there... there you have to show a completely different facet. You haven’t explicitly said it, but the fact that you are tired of being seduced and taken for a weak as this "damn server!" said is more than enough for him.

“I knew you had your own dark side... my beautiful bird. Your little cage of purity begins to break... But you don't have to care... I would be there to take care of you.” He said to himself, looking at your picture.

He kissed the picture before putting it in the drawer of his nightstand. He took the frame where the picture of Carla and him was. If only he could go back in time, he could have acted, he could have asked another doctor to treat her, to give her the right treatment. And she would still be there. But the time machine doesn’t exist. He has to deal with it. He rested the frame and prepared to go to work, today he will not be at the police station. Today he will be at Hoggins' House. Since he was accused of killing McKellan, he has been trying as best he can to exonerate himself. And it's a golden opportunity for Danny to spot places from the inside.

He took the opportunity to look in the mirror. The shy Jed disappeared little by little, leaving more room for Danny. And it was perfect, that's exactly what he wanted. The more he let himself go, the more his alter ego faded in your eyes. Soon, all that will remain of Jed is his name. And one day Danny will be able to reveal his identity to you. His TRUE identity. No more hiding. Danny pulled out his phone and called Mattew. It’s with him that he will interview Hoggins today. Melina, on the other hand, continues to work with the police.

“Hey Jeddy! How are you doing? Are you ready for the interview?” said Mattew cheerfully on the other line. Jeddy... a nickname that even Danny has become accustomed to over time. He wonders what nickname he would have given him with his real name.

“Hey Mattew I am fine, thank you. Of course, I'm ready, probably more than you. I'm sure you're not even dressed yet.” responds Danny chuckling.

“Think again! I am dressed, my hair is done and I'm ready to go! I come to pick you up or you pick me up from my house?”

“I'm coming to pick you up. I haven’t forgotten what almost happened last time.”

“First, it wasn't me but the other big idiot in front and then I'm a very good driver! But if you want to pick me up... I'm not going to hold you back.” Mattew replied.

“I got it... Chris took the car. Okay, I'm coming. Get ready, in 5 minutes I'm here. See you right away!” Answers Danny before hanging up and sighing. Mattew will never change.

But actually, within 5 minutes, Danny found himself in front of Mattew and Chris' house, and indeed, Chris had taken the car. According to Mattew, Chris had taken it to the mechanic to do a technical inspection of the vehicle. But knowing Chris.... The slightest screw will pass to the scanner. And it's likely to take the whole morning. It didn't take long to get to Hoggins' residence, as traffic was very fluid, Danny took the opportunity to press the accelerator. At least up to the maximum acceptance rate of the van. He parked not far from Hoggins' car, before getting off with Mattew from the vehicle. They headed for the front door and rang, only to be greeted by Hoggins himself.

“Ah, here you are! the little journalists of Roseville, but please come in! Your friend isn’t here?” Ask Hoggins with a smile.

“Our colleague Melina has been sent elsewhere Mr...” starts Mattew.

“No, I'm talking about the other girl... this adorable little bird of paradise that was with you at the reception...”

“(Y/N) doesn’t work at the newspaper. She was just accompanying us. I'M so lucky to have a girlfriend as adorable as her, indeed.” said Danny holding back from sticking his fist in his mouth.

“Oh...Well, congratulations then.” replied Hoggins, with a faint smile of disgust on his face.

Hoggins guided them to the living room and asked his butler to prepare coffees. He returned a few minutes later and put the tray on the table before leaving. Danny mentally disfigured the man in front of him, if Hoggins also had views on you, then his fall and his death will be nothing but delightful.

“Very well gentlemen, I don’t know if your boss has warned you, but I have a very important appointment, so I may have to leave and shorten this interview. I apologise for that.” said Hoggins before taking a sip of coffee.

“It won't take long, don't worry... 1 or 2h I think will be more than enough, Right Jed?” ask Mattew, taking Danny out of his macabre thoughts.

“Yes... it would be a shame if Mr. Hoggins missed such an important appointment because of us...” hisses Danny between his teeth without letting Hoggins out of sight... What a dirty pretentious asshole.

Mattew began asking the questions while Danny took notes as his answers progressed. He had started soft, asking him the origin of his rise in the American market. Then after an hour, it's Danny’s turn to ask the questions... and he's not going to go smoothly.

“Very well, Mr. Hoggins. As you know, you and Mr. McKellan are in the midst of a scandal about …" He started before being cut by Hoggins.

“Yes, I know, and I have replied to many of your colleagues that all this was just a plot from my previous partners who sank today. But do I really have anything to do with it? They didn't see things in a big way, that's what lost them.” responds Hoggins nonchalantly.

“Yes of course... But you also know that... you are accused of having ordered the murder of your partner Horace McKellan...because you think he was the one who broke this scandal.” replied Danny, with a slightly provocative look.

“And it's still a plot against me. Horace was a great partner and friend. Even though I accused him and threatened him... I could never have taken action. That’s unthinkable.”

“You, no... but you could have hired someone. That is what you are accused of. Apparently, you would have chatting with a man three days before threatening McKellan. And given the appearance of the man... I suspect it wasn't to discuss garden and DIY.”

“This appointment... was in the domain of privacy mr Olsen... What we said to each other was about a completely different business than the one I had with Horace.”

“I didn't know that a man of the high... was doing business with a notorious drug dealer. I wonder what kind of business you deal with together...” Replied Danny with a sneaky grin.

“I'm sorry gentlemen but... I will have to end this interview. My appointment will not take long to arrive, I don’t want to make him wait, it would be ... counterproductive on my part. I hope, however, that I have been able to answer all your questions. My butler will accompany you.” answer Hoggins with the same grin.

“You know what they say sir... sooner or later the rider will fall from his horse. And the fool will be locked up. Have a good day.”

The butler escorted Danny and Mattew to the door. Once outside, the two journalists got back into the van and Danny couldn't help but hit the steering wheel with his fists. This surprised Mattew who hadn't seen his colleague being angry before. And for once he lets go... it's really disturbing to think that he's quite inexpressive in nature. At least of what Danny kindly showed him.

“What a son of a bitch! I swear to that damn God that if I didn't hold back for job and Wilhelm's investigation, I would go back inside and I would smash his head against the wall!” said Danny flustered.

“Calm down Jeddy... If he goes to jail, tell yourself that he will suffer. Already that when you are there, the other prisoners don’t give you gifts ... then a rich man like him, they will not miss him. Let's go eat and have a drink somewhere. It's going to relax you a little bit.” said Mattew, trying to appease him.

Danny sighed and set out to get back in town, with a little smile on his face. On the road, Mattew tried to relax the atmosphere, but it wasn't his jokes that made Danny laugh, but his colleague and friend's attempt to relax him. They stopped to take food and drink from a fast-food restaurant in the city. But as if the day wasn't already annoying enough, two guys approached them to steal them. Danny sighed, gently took off his glasses before giving them to Mattew. Then suddenly turns to punch one of the two men in the face, who fell to the ground. The second hit Danny in return, who punched back in the stomach and another in the head.

“It's good ?? you've had enough or I have to put a layer back?!” said Danny, threatening the two men by raising his fist.

The latter left without asking for their remains. Danny wiped his mouth with a hand gesture, noticing that he was bleeding a little. The blow was more violent than he had thought. He turned to Mattew who looked at him... stoic.

“What?”

“Dude... This is the first time I've seen you hit someone. It's the day of surprises or what?” responds Mattew.

“I told you... I'm nice as long as we're nice to me. But if we're not... I may not be very diplomatic. I was too walked on my mouth, when I was little, but today, it's over.”

The rest of the day was rather quiet after this incident. Danny had finally calmed down and with Mattew anyway, it was pretty hard not to calm down. They were both going to the newspaper to deposit what they have noted from Hoggins' interview and, on the way, have met Melina who had survived a full day with Wilhelm. What a miracle when you know her well. The trio greeted and separated, each returning home. Danny returned home, exhausted, and deep down, stills angry to see that Hoggins has views on you. Oh, his death will be a delight in his eyes... Oh, yes... Danny will enjoy it until the last second. As he walked into the building, heading towards his apartment, he saw you coming home as well, and given the way you walk, you look just as exhausted as he is. A smile came to his lips and he caught up with you as you were about to return to your apartment.

“Jed! You scared me...” you said with a sigh of relief.

“Sorry my love. how did your day go?” asks Danny, with a little laugh.

“I'm exhausted! we've had many, many, many people today. I believe that since I've been here, this is my most intense workday I've ever had. But... you’re hurt! What happened??”

“Nothing serious... let's say it wasn't a good day.”

“Go inside, I'll take care of it. And no discussion.”

“Yes Madam.” replied Danny, raising his hand before entering your appartement.

While you were treating him on the lip, Danny told you about his day. He couldn't help but hiss as he felt the disinfectant on the wound. But that wasn’t what was most important to him. The most important thing was to see your reaction to all this, from the disgust with Hoggins, to the anxiety when he told you about the fight that took place in front of the fast-food restaurant. Fortunately, they had no weapons on them... otherwise, God only knows how it would have ended.

“My poor Jed... it wasn't your day... I'm done.” you said, storing disinfectant and cotton pads.

“Thank you, madam. I was wise... Could I have a lollipop as a reward?” respond Danny jokingly.

“Very funny Jed. I don't have a lollipop but... I can give you that.”

You kissed him as he kisses you back. Taking you gently by the waist to bring you back against him. Suddenly he felt something unusual, your hand descending gently to touch his ass. If that's what you wanted to give him... he will not refuse.

“Do you really want to venture into this field? Be careful Sweetie, once launched, no going back possible. And I can last all night if I have to.” said Danny with a grin.

“Prove it. I can hold all night too.” you respond with a provocative look.

It didn't take more for Danny to kiss you roughly, bringing you little by little to the room. Or you're the one who take him to your room? No one can say. But Danny isn’t against it. He's been waiting for this for quite some time, and believe me, tonight ...the night is going to be long. You're going to ride his world, but he's going to rock yours.

This is the most beautiful way... to put his mark on you.

***

(And it’s done! I started to play RE Village recently and I'm in love with it! Even if I really freak out with that damn baby of Hell in Benevento’s House! XD I’m impatient to meet Heisenberg 👀...But first, I'm gonna kick Moreau’s ugly ass! I hope you’ll like this chapter like the others ones! Well, it's time for my brain to rest! Have a great weekend to you all! See ya!)

#dbd fanfic #dbd #dead by daylight #ghostface #danny johnson #jed olsen

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inawickedlittletown · 4 years ago

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Can I Be Close To You

Summary: Buck doesn't have a "covid crush", which doesn't mean he isn't hiding something. A look inside Buck's head during 4.01 and 4.02.

Words: 3,249

Notes: Cannot escape writing fic, apparently. So here we are. Obviously there be spoilers here for the aired episodes. This fic is pre-relationship/pre-buddie. Title from Bloom by The Paper Kites. Enjoy.

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The one thing that Buck was grateful for was that Chimney wasn’t teasing him about his “covid crush” outside of the apartment. It was something he only ever brought up when Maddie called or whenever Buck made the mistake of being too loud or using his phone or laptop outside of his bedroom when Chim was around. Chimney of course also noticed whenever Buck got alerts or calls on his phone that had him rushing away. Buck didn’t really care about the teasing. He did care that no one find out why he was being so secretive. It was just easier to be teased about something that wasn’t true, than to be teased for what was true.

The problem was that they were in the middle of a global crisis. A pandemic the likes of which hadn’t been seen for about a hundred years. It was a lot. In March when everything started to go wrong it had been easy to convince himself and everyone else that it would be over fast. That lockdown would work and in a few weeks or a few months everything would go back to normal. Hen and Bobby had been the firsts to question that logic because they only expected things to get worse. Buck really hated when they were right. Of course, nothing was normal anymore.

Hen was the one to bring up concerns about them doing their jobs during the pandemic and bringing the virus home to their families. Between all her work to put her in the path of becoming a doctor, and being an amazing paramedic to boot, Hen was the first to start pushing them on the road to taking extra caution. Her concern for her family and for the families of the others was real and unfortunately necessary.

“I don’t want to stop working. I want to help people and we are more important than ever right now,” Hen had put it into words back then. It was everything they were all feeling.

Buck had lost count of the number of calls that made them practically just collectors of the dead or dying. Not just that but they all knew first responders that had been personally affected by Covid-19 and it wasn’t just them but their families too. Buck was the only one with no one back at his apartment waiting for him. That’s what gave him the idea.

“You can come stay with me if that makes you feel better,” he offered.

Hen hadn’t hesitated for long. She and Karen had had a long conversation about it and before Buck knew it he had Hen and then Chimney living with him. It was nice. It made it easier to bury all the anxiety and worry that had been clawing at him with every article or video or news report that he consumed. His living room had been taken over by an aerobed for Hen while Chim took the sofa.

Eddie showed up a week after Hen and Chim with a sleeping bag under his arm.

“I have Carla staying with Christopher. It seemed — it’s for the better, you know? Can I — is there room for one more?”

In reality, Buck’s apartment wasn’t all that big, but Buck wasn’t going to turn away his best friend. So, Buck just welcomed him in. And for a while, despite everything going on in the world, things were okay. Buck wasn’t freaking out with every new report on the rise in cases and the rise in the dead and how the curve wasn’t flattening and yet the intrusive thoughts nevertheless showed up in his head and late at night when everyone else was sleeping his phone was right there with more information and facts and figures that made it hard to imagine that the world would ever be set to rights.

Eddie was the first to notice that Buck wasn’t getting a lot of sleep. It became a whole thing with Eddie and Hen and Chim feeling like they were being imposing and Buck not being able to voice that it wasn’t them, but everything else. Somehow, he managed to convince them that they weren’t in his way.

Buck had tried to reach out to Frank, but he was overwhelmed with clients and all of them of the first responder persuasion. Buck had felt weird asking the department to help him find someone else to talk to and it was only partially to do with the time he slept with his therapist and certainly more to do with how Buck knew other first responders probably needed the help more than he did. In other firehouses, some firefighters and paramedics had succumbed to the virus. Catching it was the newest hazard of the job. Frank did him the favor of sending him a few names. At first, Buck figured it wasn’t that important. So, he put it off.

He focused on being present. In sitting with Chim while they video called Maddie and in jumping in to say hello to Denny, Nia, and Karen and in reading a bedtime story here or there to Christopher when Eddie wasn’t available and even when he was, the two of them sitting in the kitchen or up in Buck’s room, shoulders pressed together. He tried not to watch the news, and he tried not to keep looking at the numbers.

Pretending wasn’t easy, but after two nights of Eddie catching him up at 3am eyes glued to his phone, Eddie made a point of taking his phone away at night. And then, instead of sleeping down on the first floor, Eddie moved up to the loft on the small camping mat and sleeping bag.

He and Eddie talked until they drifted off, and sometimes it felt better to not be able to see Eddie and to stare out in the shadowed ceiling. Talking to Eddie made it easier to let go of the day, to not let his mind wander and come up with more of the world’s problems to worry about.

So, Buck didn’t think about therapy. Not while he had Eddie near him at night keeping him distracted and willing to stay up until late discussing nothing at all. Buck couldn’t imagine Chim or Hen bothering to do that for him. Rarely, it did happen that Eddie was the one wrung out and needing a conversation. He missed Christopher too much or something they’d seen at work had been just a little too close to home. They were there for each other and all of it just worked.

Of course, that was when Hen decided that it was time she go back home. She missed her kids too much. She missed her wife too much. Eddie didn’t last more than a few days after Hen’s decision as if Hen making that first move made it okay. Buck didn’t blame him, not with the way that Buck missed Christopher which just meant that it was twice as bad for Eddie. And once they were gone and there was just he and Chimney left, Buck found himself falling into old habits. Chimney wasn’t as much of a distraction especially when he spent so much of his time talking to Maddie or reading parenting books, and because Chimney didn’t turn off the news like Eddie or Hen would.

Being in his room alone at night without anything to keep his mind occupied and missing Eddie’s voice and the way that Buck could calm himself to the sound of his breathing brought Buck to a breaking point. He needed help.

Dr. Copeland was the second therapist he had a video call with. She was calm and friendly and she didn’t push him to talk. It felt okay to share his concerns with her in a way that he couldn’t say out loud to everyone in his life. Buck didn’t know if it was somehow easier because she was someone that didn’t know him in real life, or if it had something to do with how Buck could tell that she cared and wanted to help, but he found himself opening up. Dr. Copeland didn’t push, but she did give him insight. She made him aware of the ways that he was being unhealthy about the pandemic.

Chimney picked up at once that Buck was keeping a secret. It took him a little longer to figure out that Buck was talking to someone through a screen and in the same breath to assume that it was some woman that Buck started dating. It did make Buck wonder if people were actually doing that — the whole dating through skype or zoom or facetime. Buck didn’t try to correct him or to be too bothered by Chim teasing him. He didn’t even worry too much once Maddie found out because Maddie wasn’t there in front of him to get the whole thing out of him. So the “covid crush” gave him an excuse to not tell them the truth. Dr. Copeland kept telling him he should tell them how he felt, but Buck didn’t want that burden on his friends and family when the world itself seemed to want to crush them. And either way, he’d been feeling a lot better about everything. He wore his mask and he followed protocols, and he didn’t allow himself to think in “what ifs”.

Emergencies were his job. He better than most knew the quick turn that things could take for the worse. But as Dr. Copeland reminded him, fear couldn’t rule his life even if there was a lot to be afraid of. And it wasn’t the virus that Buck feared, it was loss. Losing his friends and losing his family and being incapable of changing anything. He was, thus, hyper alert. About the pandemic, and about anything else that might prompt worry. Dr. Copeland thought that too much information could be harmful to his mental health, but for Buck knowing facts and doing research kept him from spiralling.

It was Dr. Copeland that made the connection to Buck’s past trauma and realized how likely it was that his worry stemmed from that — from the truck falling on his leg and the tsunami and perhaps even more than that, other parts of his life that he retained and that still bothered him on a deep level. She asked him how much he hid away and didn’t deal with — how much he coped with by researching and by using facts against worry. It made Buck think.

Then, the micro-quakes happened. And Buck got all the alerts, he read up on the dam and he pictured all that could go wrong.

Worrying didn’t mean panicking for him. Buck was cool under pressure, he was good at his job. Most of the problems came after when he considered what might have happened and also how many hadn’t made it out alive. Not because of the virus. But because of a disaster. But by the end of the day, Chimney had finally moved out and Buck had a new roommate in Albert, and after everything that happened in the day, Buck figured that he maybe needed to take his own advice and realize that he couldn’t let fear hold him back.

So when his next therapy session came up, he admitted it to Dr. Copeland. Confirmed what she’d been telling him about himself. He hid his true feelings. He hid away behind platitudes and facts and letting things go because it was easier to move forward than to linger and make things weird with his friends and with his family. Examining that fully meant talking about the past and Dr. Copeland, as gentle as she was in letting him lead the conversation, asked the kind of questions that weren’t easy to answer.

She pressed him about why he feared sharing his feelings and why he felt he had a need to keep so much to himself and Buck was cognizant enough to realize it was his fear of being alone.

“I just...I don’t think they get it,” Buck said. “I don’t think they see it. At the beginning of this whole thing — the pandemic — they all had someone. My sister is pregnant and she had just moved in with her boyfriend and his brother. Hen has her wife and kids. Bobby has Athena and their kids. Eddie, he has Christopher. And the reason I even have Albert here right now is that he rather not be around my sister and her boyfriend now they’re finally together again. I’m alone. I’m always alone.”

“But you aren’t,” Dr. Copeland insisted. “You have people. Your team, your sister. Evan, you are not alone. It may feel like you are, but that just isn’t true. I haven’t known you very long, but the way you talk about your team and your sister it is clear you have a support team. That is why I’m encouraging you to speak with them and share your worry and share even this — that you are getting help and looking at things with a new perspective.”

It was easier to hear it told to him that to do something like admit to Maddie that he was so full of issues that he actually needed therapy. Of course, Maddie herself had gone through a long bout of therapy after Doug and yet compared to that, Buck didn’t feel like he was all that messed up.

“I get what you’re saying. I do. I just...it doesn’t feel like it. And I don’t want to burden them with more just because I’m feeling left behind or just…”

“And that brings us back to you hiding your true feelings,” Dr. Copeland said. “Is there even one person you feel comfortable talking to about this. Your sister perhaps.”

Buck shook his head at once. “No. No. I couldn’t bother Maddie. She has enough on her plate.”

But his mind went to Eddie. Eddie had noticed he wasn’t doing well. Eddie had moved to sleep on Buck’s floor and then talked to him until he fell asleep. And since going back home to Christopher it wasn’t like Eddie had forgotten about Buck, because when he had the time sometimes he would call Buck and they would talk over the phone and it had brought him back to those nights. At work neither of them brought that up, they just worked as seamlessly as ever.

“I don’t want to pressure you, Evan. You’re doing so well and admitting and realizing that you’re holding yourself back is an amazing place to be. I just know that you’ll feel even better once you start sharing your feelings or working through them.”

Dr. Copeland always gave him plenty to think about. And he considered the notion of coming clean to someone — to Eddie — and maybe getting other things off his chest. His fears about the pandemic, the things about his parents that had made them horrible parents to him and Maddie both, how Buck had so many things about himself that he left unacknowledged, and the loneliness. Eddie wasn’t exactly good with emotions either, but he would at least understand the therapy aspect. Eddie had stopped seeing Frank a while ago, but Buck knew that Frank had done what he could to help Eddie and that Eddie had come out the other side lighter and less jaded.

“I’ll think about it,” Buck said.

“Good.”

They talked about other things for the rest of the session and then Buck went back down to join Albert. He’d let Maddie and Chim go, so instead he was busy on his phone.

“Seriously, dude, how did you meet someone? Now that I’m here, I need to know.”

Buck rolled his eyes. At times Albert reminded Buck of his younger self, the guy that had been interested in nothing but chasing tail and hoping that that would fill the parts of him that were broken. It hadn’t ever worked, at least not for long. Vividly, he could recall wanting to make connections with those girls and the way that they’d all looked at him like he was asking for far too much.

“For one thing, I’m not seeing anyone. For another, dating apps are still a thing even if completely inadvisable because we’re in the middle of a pandemic. It might even be good for you to not be hooking up with random girls.”

Albert just pouted at him and groaned. “I just want this to be over.”

“So does everyone,” Buck pointed out.

Albert would probably have made a good choice in finding someone to tell about the therapy. He was a good kid and if Buck asked him to, he wouldn’t go blabbing to everyone else. Not to mention that Albert was a bit removed from it all too in his own way. Still, when Buck opened his mouth to say something, the words didn’t want to come out.

The next time he was at work and Eddie was walking at his side, Buck turned towards him, and Eddie’s gaze met his. They shared a quick smile. It was easy, a habit.

“How’s Christopher?” Buck asked.

“Misses Carla. Misses everyone, really, but after all that time with Carla he got used to having her around all the time.”

“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you around, man,” Buck said.

Eddie nudged him. “You know, Buck, I didn’t even think about it that way.”

Buck shrugged at him. Being around Eddie made most of everything else fade away. And when later that day, they were walking from the ladder truck onto a call, Buck just threw a grin his way and Eddie returned it.

At the end of their shift, Buck walked with Eddie to their cars.

“Do you remember, before all this, we’d just head over to mine or yours with Christopher. I miss those nights,” Eddie said.

Buck hadn’t thought about it. He tried not to think about before — about how different life had been back then and how similar because even then he’d done that thing where he pretended that everything was alright. He’d kept it to himself how alone he felt and he’d kept it to himself that sometimes when he and Eddie were sitting in his living room side by side, he wished that it was permanent. It wasn’t about Eddie — or even about Christopher — it was about how Buck longed to have people. Family.

That had been a thing for a long time. Long before Abby and before he’d moved to California when he’d gone from place to place trying to find himself and trying desperately to belong. The 118 had been one of the first places where he began to feel like he’d found a place, but he’d soon found that it wasn’t enough. It was one thing to love a job and to make it all that he was, but if his time recovering from the ladder truck incident had taught him anything, it was that he needed more outside of the job. It was just that he had no luck finding it.

“Me too,” Buck said and then before they had reached their cars. “Hey, Eddie, can we talk tonight?”

Eddie’s face showed some of his surprise. They had never acknowledged it before, not out loud outside of the phone calls or outside of Buck’s bedroom.

“Sure we can,” Eddie said, crinkles around his eyes forming as he smiled.

Buck nodded and then he climbed into his Jeep.

#911 fox #911 fic #evan buckley #evan buckley fic #911 fanfic #coda #my fic

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0ciestiel0 · 5 years ago

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Buddie Appreciation/Ted Talk

Buddie Appreciation

This is going to be extremely long, basically a novel. For Real, this is loooong. I have tried my best to organize what we have for Buck and Eddie’s relationship and the building up that has been done and give some theories/explanations for our Buddie moments. I don’t necessarily mean that in the totally romantic sense as they aren’t actually a couple as of now, but I discuss why Buddie is a ship and why it is a valid ship and what it seems like the writers are doing. I cover all of seasons 1-3.I have posted everything before the updates sections before, but this is the complete seasons 1-3. Without further ado,

Welcome To My Ted Talk

So obviously Buck and Eddie are close. Buck calls him his best friend in Searchers. They didn’t start out that way, however.

Buck was jealous of Eddie. Not just because he was a new hot guy who was in his turf and he felt threatened with that whole hot firefighter calendar but of how easily the team accepted Eddie into their ranks. Buck had to fight and earn a place and respect but Eddie just walked in and had it. It stung and you could see it in Bucks facial expressions and overall attitude.

However, that animosity quickly subsided the minute he and Eddie share an intense call. He sees that Eddie has experience and skill. Eddie offers him to have his back and Buck offers the same. But Eddie acknowledges Buck’s skill. He tells him he’s good under pressure. He offers verbal praise which I think is something Buck kinda craves. He seems to need that verbal validation. He must not have had that unconditional love growing up, at least from his parents and Maddie left for school and then got married and had her own set of problems. But Eddie gave that validation. That was a very quick progression to friends but not necessarily unreasonable given Buck’s personality.

They slowly bond over their time being partnered in the field. Buck spends the most time with Chris out of anyone else on the team. Buck helps Eddie out, giving him rides, going to see Santa, getting Eddie Carla, and who knows what else we haven’t seen. The lady elf even thought they were a couple and Chris was their son. Buck obviously cares about Chris. He loves spending time with him. When Eddie brings him to the station Buck was already informing Bobby and getting the necessary permissions. And he was Playing with him on the fire pole with Eddie. Maddie even picks up on their closeness by teasing him about having boy-crush on Eddie.

Eddie talked to Buck about his relationship with Shannon. Buck was the one to take Eddie to the school to make sure Chris was ok and to pick him up, after the earthquake.

There was a lot of this trust built up and then Eddie emphasizes it when he drops Chris off with Buck before the tsunami. He drops by Bucks unannounced, clearly having a key to his place. Like it’s normal for Eddie to just show up without warning. I bet only Maddie would have a key besides Eddie. He gets Buck out of bed, not caring about his personal space. He says Chris is spending time with His Buck today. He’s Chris’s Buck. And maybe Eddie’s too. We don’t really know Eddie’s full meaning behind those words. We’ve never seen Eddie leave Chris with anyone but his family or Carla prior to this. He has a very overprotective nature with Chris. He wouldn’t even trust Shannon with him when she first came back.

And with Shannon is the first time we see Eddie get kind of angry at all. This is important for later. Chris has been the only thing that Eddie expresses lots of emotion for, aside from from his anger at Shannon which is still about Chris.

Then we have the tsunami episodes. And Eddie was happy to show everyone the selfies Buck was sending. He didn’t even seem worried that Buck and Chris were out that day. He likely assumed they were at the movies but still. He trusted Buck. And after Cap said that Buck still has them even if he doesn’t know it Eddie has that look of like ohhhhhh. And boom. Christopher basically becomes Bucks therapy.

And after. That scene at the end of Searchers. Where Eddie tells Buck there’s no one is this world he trusts more with his son than Buck, that’s intense. That’s meaningful. Parents just don’t say that to anyone, friends included. He also said Buck loved Christopher enough to never stop trying. Also an important thing to note. And Buck needed to hear that. Buck needs verbal affirmations it seems. He needs to hear that Eddie and Chris are still going to be a part of his life. That Eddie doesn’t hate him. That Chris doesn’t hate him.

Now to this whole lawsuit non-sense. After the tsunami Buck was cut off from his team. Even Eddie and Chris it seemed. Chris was having nightmares but Eddie didn’t go to Buck for it. It didn’t seem like anyone came around Buck much. And then he comes to find out Lena has taken his locker, his place as Eddie’s field partner. They taped over his name. Eddie is clearly spending time with her. It was all too much for Buck after the loss of no one coming around and he did something stupid. He filed the lawsuit. All he wanted was to get back with his 118 family. Including Eddie and Chris. I think the thought of losing Eddie as his best friend hurt him the most. He didn’t mean to cut of ties with Chris. He never wanted to hurt his family, especially Chris. He just wanted to feel like he belonged again. Like he hadn’t lost his family.

But he did act rashly. And Eddie took his rash decisions the hardest. Which came out at the grocery store. His whole speech was I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t reach out to you. It may have started with Chris misses you but it led to I need you why didn’t you consider that. It also made clear how much Buck means to Eddie. How much Eddie considers Buck a parental figure to Chris. The only other time Eddie got emotional was with Shannon. He felt betrayed when she left. When she left Chris. And it seems like Eddie had very similar feelings here. Like he and Buck had built this relationship and that relationship included Chris and then Buck just up and leaves. It’s like he stopped trying. If he loved Chris so much why would he have done this. To Eddie that felt like a Shannon betrayal all over again and he snapped. Which makes his grocery store outburst make so much more sense. And I think Chim was clearly picking up on just how intense this outburst from Eddie really was.

And It wasn’t just that he couldn’t talk to Buck either but that was certainly part of it. Buck was obviously Eddie’s first choice to bail him out of jail. He said to Lena he couldn’t call the team, he couldn’t call Buck. He separated Buck from the team. Like Buck was more to him than just a colleague or work friend. That he can trust Buck when he can’t trust anyone else. Buck obviously means a lot to Eddie. He even looked ready to deck Buck before the car accident in the parking lot happened. And what happens next? Eddie goes and does illegal street fighting. And Buck? He looked crushed when he heard that Eddie and Chris are hurting. I bet that’s exactly why he gave up on the lawsuit. He didn’t want millions. He wanted his family. He was wondering where Eddie was at the rage room. Just wait until Buck finds out about that. I have a feeling he will be the one to pull Eddie back from this spiral that he’s on.

Updates:

First thing I’d like to add into this is how the directors/writers add in these very…romantic tropey things with Buck and Eddie. Like how they set up shots for example. During Eddie’s ceremony when he’s finally like not a probationary firefighter and Chris is walking his helmet up the aisle and they have in frame: Eddie’s Abuela, Christopher coming up the middle, and Buck. And let’s take a min to look at Buck’s face as he sees Chris walking to his dad. It’s the face you’d expect a proud mom to have. But anyway. The fact they put Buck and Eddie’s Abuela in the same shot like that seems intentional and seems meaningful. Because Chris and his Abuela are two very important people to Eddie. And they have now included Buck into that moment. Giving us the impression Buck is as important to Eddie as his son (well almost, No One will be more important than Chris to Eddie but you know what I mean) and his Abuela.

Also, During Buck’s welcome back party we see Cap push Eddie, who was looking already ready to pounce, right to Buck to get the first hug. Everyone else waits while Eddie gets to greet his best friend first. And give him a very not bro-like hug. This kind of setup is also something we normally see with romantic partners. The love interest being the first to greet or hug or whatever.

Then we have that shot when Buck finally confronts Eddie for ghosting him when he comes back to the station. When they are standing apart Buck to the left Eddie to the right. It’s a very couple dynamic cinematography. Then after all is said and done, Eddie is still lying to Buck. He won’t meet Buck’s eyes. Like he knows if he makes eye contact Buck will push to find out what Eddie’s been secretly up to. And he knows he’d probably tell him. He tends to do that with Buck. He didn’t exactly want to talk about his relationship with Shannon when they took Chris to see Santa but it happened anyway. He talks to Buck. And Eddie currently doesn’t want to talk.

Next we have Buck and Eddie having dinner together at Bucks place with Christopher. We never see Eddie having dinner or hanging out like that with the other fire fam. Maybe as a group sometimes but never alone. And Eddie, once again, seems perfectly comfortable in Bucks place. we’ve seen he has a key when he showed up to get Buck out of bed pre-tsunami. And now we see him taking plates to the sink like he’s done that a million times before. He didn’t need to ask Buck what he wanted him to do.

And then we have that conversation in the kitchen. While Eddie does seem to have forgiven Buck, for real this time, Buck can’t seem to forgive himself. He apologizes for like the hundredth time. And Eddie is honestly shocked. He thought Buck knew things were good. But to Buck things weren’t. He still felt awful. He never meant to hurt his basically family like that. I think this is an interesting parallel here back to Shannon. She wanted Eddie to forgive her but she never really apologized. Not really. Eddie said he CAN forgive her. But wasn’t sure if he could trust her. He said he forgave Buck. No can, no maybe words. I think a lot of that has to do with their approach’s. Buck went out of his way to show Eddie he was sorry. He verbally said it multiple times. Eddie saw his remorse. He saw how much Buck was hurting just by the thought of hurting him and Christopher. That’s why Eddie thought they were past it. And why Buck didn’t. Buck seems pretty insecure with the people in his life. Like if they don’t tell him straight out what’s up he will worry. I don’t think Eddie’s the only one who feels like he’s not enough. I think Bucks love language thingy would be words of affirmation. He needed to hear Eddie tell him they were past it. To see Eddie really had forgiven him. And once they do get past it they are back to their weird flirty but not flirty thing they do. ([i](I mean did we all see Buck saunter over to Eddie with hands on his belt telling him he could take him?? Like that was a flirty way to say that, Buck))

And I think it says a lot that Eddie says his kind of therapy is just being with Buck and Chris. Buck does seem to be a grounding point for Eddie. Saying that out loud to Buck I think was important too because like I mentioned above Buck needs to hear things. Hearing that tells Buck that Eddie loves spending time with him. With his son. Basically like it’s his ideal day. It makes him happy.

And then we have the Christmas episode. Eddie invites Hen and Denny over to build gingerbread houses with Chris. But he also invites Buck. Hen points that out. All three of the boys. Buck, Chris, and Denny. Eddie knows how much Buck means to Chris. But I also think on some level he’s moral support for Eddie since he just told Hen that Chris was mad at him or upset really because he had to work on Christmas. And then Chris asks, His Buck, if he can spend Christmas with him. Like if he can’t have his dad he can have his Buck. Which is saying something right there. He knew he was going to be with his Abuela and his aunt but he still asked Buck. Buck obviously has a special place in Chris’s life for him to feel that way. To ask that kind of question knowing the alternative choice. But of course they both work and Eddie and Buck look heartbroken when Buck has to tell that to Chris. Let’s not overlook the face Eddie makes when he watches them make the gingerbread houses. Eddie looks so…happy when he looks over to Buck helping the kids. He doesn’t really look at other people that way.

Then at the station during the dinner, Buck is sitting next to Chris. Or more like Chris gets to sit next to both his dad and his Buck. They group Buck with the Diaz family a lot during this part. When Buck gives Chris his gift, it’s Chris, Buck, Eddie, and his Abuela off to the side. During dinner they sit like a family. During the fire fam photo Buck stands next to Eddie and the Diaz clan. When they return to the station to find all their family there the look on Bucks face is pure joy as he sees Eddie see Chris. And as he watched Eddie rush to Chris. Buck to doesn’t really make that face for other people. He made a similar face when Chris walked Eddie’s helmet up to Eddie after his probation status was up.

The writers and directors are intentionally making Buck look like part of Eddie’s family. They started this in season two but it’s increased since then. The way they film the shots, the way they write the dialogue, and the way the actors act the parts all add up to a very romantic/family centered relationship.

[c]It makes me wonder how much is implied off screen between Buck and Eddie. Like how much time does Buck really spend with the two, how much co-parenting are we not seeing. Because Chris isn’t attached to anyone else from the fire fam like he is Buck. It must mean Buck spends quite a bit of time with them. Kids don’t just get attached like that otherwise.

Episode 11 of season 3. So they start off giving us an odd look between Buck and Eddie on being asked if they are single. Was that necessary? Why did they look at each other? Are they setting up a not single scenario? In all honesty I feel like it’s too late to give us a love interest for either of them this far into a season for it to be a serious love interest.

Then we have Maddie scolding Buck for not bringing a gift to Eddie’s house. He didn’t need Maddie to “save him from himself”. Buck knows when to bring gifts, he’s done so at least twice before. Like with Bobby and Athena’s Christmas thing he brought like wine and eggnog. So he didn’t bring a gift because he was being forgetful or rude he did it because he doesn’t feel like a guest in Eddie’s house. Because Eddie has made him feel this way. Eddie wants him to feel that way. So when he says this is Eddie’s house, he’s not really a guest, both he and Eddie mean that.

Eddie also gives Buck and Chris that really soft but huge smile he only gives them while Buck was playing with Chris on the couch with Albert. And Buck hovers next to Albert and Chris as everyone is getting dinner, like he needs to supervise.

Episode 12 of season 3. Now this episode was stressful for many Buddie shippers I’m sure. But we are not yet to the famous line of Dante “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”.

Yes, Eddie does flirt with that teacher. But Eddie is still human and the pretty girl kinda flirted with him. And sometimes there is a “mistake” relationship before the real romance happens. Many late season love interests don’t end up staying on tv shows. They are a stepping stone almost. If she does stay at all or more like if they continue to pursue this or if Eddie leaves it. Who knows where they were going with this, it could be a thing or it could end at flirting. Although I do fail to see how they could possibly build to something as good and developed with a new love interest as they have with Buck and Eddie. The foundation has basically been built for them already and they would literally have to start from the ground up with someone new to make this any sort of believable. Not just some nice, cute, woman thrown into either of their lives.

Eddie did apologize to her but some of the things she said make me wonder if they are hinting to Eddie’s future Buck feelings. Like her whole “There’s also some value in learning that… you don’t like horses.” Could that mean she picked up on something Eddie hasn’t? Or foreshadowing? Writers do dirty tricks like that. And I’d personally like to believe they wouldn’t set up Eddie with someone we the audience haven’t had anytime to get to know. He’s not that kind of guy from what we know. He’s had like one relationship. And even when he was separated (before she died) from Shannon he didn’t date?? So why would he just jump into something with this teacher whom we and he know nothing about??

Buck’s teasing Eddie while they got that woman unstuck from a window also seemed a little jealous maybe? Not to say he’s jealous Eddie has a date and he doesn’t but jealous he’s not the date even if Buck doesn’t totally realize that’s why he’s jealous. A stretch perhaps but why did he need to bring it up right then. Plus Eddie looked like “hey, I didn’t tell you that to mock me” kind of face. Like shocked Buck said that. And if Bobby’s face was anything to go by that was something he only had told Buck about because Bobby looked very shocked and confused, and clearly knew nothing of that situation Eddie had gotten himself in. Buck blurting that out seemed a little...out of place, is all I’m saying. Was he maybe a little relieved he may never talk to her again outside of school necessities? But Eddie apologizes anyway soo...

And we can’t forget about the poker game at Maddie’s and how Buck was not at all offended that he would get set up with a man but that his sister said she wouldn’t do that to Josh. Plus I think Buck isn’t really looking to date. I know he said all those things but since when has Buck ever had trouble getting a date if he wanted to. I was getting the vibe that Buck just isn’t actively looking. That he’s kind of ok with where he’s at right now.

We also can’t ignore how Eddie clearly vents to Buck. Not only about Chris but his terrible flirting and snippy behavior. And Buck also puts things into a better perspective for Eddie. He doesn’t just offer up some weak moral support, he offers actual constructive advice. He trusts Buck. Yes, that comes with being his best friend but when you pair that with all the other romantic subtext you get that close bond that Eddie likely isn’t going to get with someone else. (Cute English teacher I’m looking at you). And he also trusts Buck with Chris. He trusts Buck’s advice even though he’s not a parent himself. More than he trusts anyone else according to Eddie. And they are at Buck’s place. Alone. No Chris? That was clearly a hangout so Eddie could vent and talk out his feelings. Plus Buck uses baseball as a stepping stone for his point. He knows Eddie likes it. And they only just brought baseball up last episode. But we know Buck pays attention to small details. Did Buck actually read that book in the hospital? Or did he research people who were different but found ways to succeed before Eddie came over? Also, Eddie knew who the player was so he probably knew some of the details of his interesting story. But he let Buck explain.

And ok. When Eddie is talking to Chris he tells him things he told Buck in regards to Chris. He told his son to never stop trying. He told Buck he knows he loves Chris enough to never stop trying. He also tells Chris that next time he wants to try something they will try it together. And that just happens to also mean with Buck. That was likely Buck’s idea, just like with Carla, and Christmas. Buck doesn’t hesitate with Chris, if he can do something for him he’s going to get it done. He puts so much effort into being there for Chris, for making sure Chris is ok, he already loves Eddie’s son so much and the tsunami only bonded them more.

And the most heartwarming scene of the episode? Eddie and Buck surprising Chris with the special skateboard while Carla films the whole thing. They way Eddie and Buck look while they both spend time with Chris is just so domestic and comfortable and sweet. They feel like a family. They look like a family. They act like a family. Buck and Eddie are so in sync with each other. They only look at each other that way. Eddie’s flirty eyes are still different than the “heart” eyes he gives to Buck and his son. It’s a look so far that is exclusively reserved for them.

There’s also a lot of this parallel of it being pointed out that Buck is single but then they cut to him, Eddie, and Chris as a family unit. Maddie and Chim seem to think they don’t have a kid but oh they have Buck, but Buck has been coparenting with Eddie for a while now and knows more about raising a kid than Maddie or Chim.

And the episode title, Fools, leaves a lot of questions too. The episode Eddie happens to flirt happens to be titled fools? The fools were not limited to the calls they received. Our fire fam is not immune.

Now on to Eddie Begins. Let’s start with the big moment. With Buck breaking down when the rig collapsed trapping Eddie. He screamed his name, began to try digging for Eddie, has to be pulled away by Bobby where he breaks down and cries. And then everyone, Bobby, Hen, Chim, and I assume a guy (who works with those digging rigs?) has to reassure him that no, no one thinks Eddie is dead. And that no one has given up. Buck even suggest to dig by hand. It was the same level of panic he had when he was separated from Chris during the tsunami. When Maddie was missing. It’s his, my family is in danger panic.

Now I know Buck would be worried about anyone he cares about. But he’s never been that overwhelmed with emotion for anyone except Maddie. Someone he finds especially close and dear to him. He hasn’t responded that way to the others the way he responds to Eddie. It’s like the thought of losing Eddie truly broke him.

And then when Eddie is losing consciousness he thinks about Chris, Buck, and the fire fam. But there’s a lot of moments he brings back that are just him Buck and Chris. That relationship with Buck and Chris is important to him. And the look of pure relief and joy on Bucks face when Eddie is okay, is that look he reserves for Chris.

We also had Buck looking at Eddie with the same level of anticipation of his answer to Chris asking him to be part of his show and tell that Chris had. And his level of comfort with Eddie just coming right up like he’s part of that family. And he just takes Eddie’s medal like no big deal. And Eddie let him.

And how they set up the scene where Eddie reunited with the team very much reminds me of when Buck was trying to tell Eddie he lost Chris in the tsunami and then Chris shows up behind him. Everyone was trying to keep Buck calm, make plan to find Eddie, and then there he is. They start with buck’s face. Show his emotion as he realizes Eddie’s not dead. Then we see Buck, and the others rush to him. As buck supports Eddie, we see the look of relief on his face. The look of joy/love at Eddie being ok.

Also, Buck asks the same questions as a nine year old. Just a fun fact not sure what to do with that yet.

[c]The One That Got Away

Let’s just start with Eddie’s sass when Buck says he wants to do something reckless.

I would like to point out how out of character it was for Buck to not go to Eddie’s for Chris’s sleepover. Eddie invited him outright. Even after he declined and everyone else had date night Buck could have showed up at Eddie’s. I understand that they wanted Buck alone at the bar to point out how alone Buck feels but I think they should have picked a different excuse for Eddie. And maybe this is showcasing Buck doesn’t feel like he’s part of Eddie’s “people” but Eddie clearly thinks of him as his people or he wouldn’t have invited him to his plans. Plus, Chris loves Buck so much. He was who he wanted to spend Christmas with when his dad had to work.

And can we talk about how Buck looks pointedly at Eddie when they talk about not losing touch as a fire fam. Buck’s eyes go straight back to Eddie. Every time he says that won’t happen to us or it better not. It’s once again a subtle point to how important they are to each other.

I guess this episode does point out that Buck has self esteem issues. That even when being blatantly offering an open door Buck doesn’t feel like he’s welcome. But that could all change with a simple conversation. A simple talk with Eddie. And hell it could start with Eddie telling Buck he understands what it’s like to be left behind. Shannon left him. Without warning. He knows. They could talk. It would honestly probably be good for both of them. Buck obviously has a big heart and what he did for Red was sweet. But he also took it too seriously as that’s his future but that’s simple not the case and someone seriously who isn’t Maddie, and probably Eddie, needs to tell him so.

This episode opened the door for Abby’s return and I honestly hope it brings us closure for Buck so he can move on. So he can maybe have that talk with Eddie. So Eddie and Buck can heal together.

The finale parts of season 3.

There are two finale eps this season. The first part isn’t too Buck or Eddie focused but we have a few moments we can talk about.

First up is the moment in the fire truck as Buck is giving hot air ballon facts and when Eddie asks where he heard that from and asks Maddie, then Buck goes no someone else. I was a bit surprised at his reluctance to tell Eddie. Eddie is the only person there who doesn’t know Abby personally. He only knows what Buck or the team has told him. He has no first hand bias. It felt like he doesn’t want Eddie to perhaps judge him or pick up on he’s still got some hang ups when it comes to Abby. But Eddie is his best friend and relationships are certainly something they talk about with each other and not the rest of the team. Eddie in particular. Not to mention Eddie’s suspicious eyebrows. He probably knew exactly who Buck was avoiding talking about.

And then we have the scene with Hen and Karen and Hen saying she doesn’t want to invite tons of people for the “dinner” with Chim because of cost. Well if Hen brings Karen, Chim brings Maddie, Maddie invites Buck (probably out sibling loyalty), Buck invites Eddie. And then Bobby and Athena have to get invited. This was set up in such a way that couples were grouped together with the exception of Maddie and Buck but she has that sister love of inclusion thing with him. That’s more subtext. More tropes.

Now part two. The first big interaction with Buck and Eddie would be when Eddie is bringing up summer camp with the fire fam. Eddie doesn’t seem too worried about letting him go but Buck seems to have all kinds of concerns. None of the others voiced any concerns or challenges Eddie’s decision to let him go. But Buck does. Acting more like an overprotective parent than a friend. And when he says what if he gets homesick felt like it had two meanings, much like when Eddie said/yelled at Buck in the grocery store. For Eddie when he yelled Chris misses you, there was an undertone of, I miss you. For Buck, what if he gets homesick, felt like what if I miss him? The added snark of sounds like child labor adds to that feeling. Like he’s just trying to find fault with this summer camp idea. Of course Buck wants Chris to have a good time but I think his worrying goes a bit deeper than seeing Chris as his best friends kid even if he doesn’t realize it. And of course we have another frustrated Bobby eye roll at Buck’s words. Like he knows Buck is being ridiculous but isn’t going to actually tell him so and that he probably sees it what Buck doesn’t. The looks Bobby has been giving Buck and Eddie this season have been wonderful overall, just saying.

Then when have when Eddie and Abby and talking and Buck shows up. Eddie notices the change in Buck’s demeanor. And his shocked face throughout the encounter is priceless. And after they rescue Sam, Eddie asks Buck if he is ok. He gives him the chance to tell Eddie he’s not ok by asking him directly which Eddie doesn’t do too often. His concern for Buck is obvious but he doesn’t push. He is trusting Buck for the time being that he will at least be ok enough to work and maybe Eddie understands better than anyone that focusing on the job is what he needs at that moment.

Next we have Buck wanting to do something reckless to save both Abby’s fiancé and the other person. Buck is adamant and fighting with Bobby. That’s normal. Buck challenges Bobby quite a bit when it comes to reckless decisions. What is unusual in this case is Eddie stepping in. Yelling at Buck to stop. He says this as Buck brings up the fire truck that crushed his leg. Almost like that was too much for Eddie. He had to watch that happen to Buck and was there when the truck came off him. He doesn’t want to risk his partners life. Normally Eddie is the one to jump into reckless situations with him but this time he didn’t, he tried to talk Buck down and out of the idea. Obviously that didn’t work. And Eddie doesn’t raise his voice often. Shannon and Buck are really the only people he has yelled at. He didn’t even really yell at Chris’s teacher, it was a sort of raised voice and he was angry but he didn’t outright yell. I think that means something or speaks to the level of closeness Buck and Eddie share. That the only two people he ever yells at are his son’s mother and Buck. The show puts a lot of parallels between Buck and Shannon and that can’t be for nothing.

And then May’s party. Not only was it adorable, it was very Buddie subtext heavy. First let’s talk about how each couple was shown taking pics together and then Buck and Eddie. They are, once again, paired like a couple. Taking many goofy photos with each other and then with Chris. Buck even taking many solo pictures with Christopher. No one else does that. Buck also seems to be helping Eddie keep an eye on Chris. They were even standing next to each other during the beginning of the party. He’s the one who helps him write a message for May. While keeping a general eye on other people’s kids is ok Buck goes above and beyond for Chris. More than what friends typically do. I would need to see more evidence one way or the other but Chris also says love Christopher in cards addressed to both Buck and Eddie and I wonder if Chris would do that for the other members of the fire fam or just Buck. They really played up Buck and Eddie and Chris being a family at the end of this episode.

Season 4

Alone Together

The only really note worthy moment to happen was Buck talking to his therapist about telling people how he really feels. That could mean a lot of things, like maybe stop people pleasing all the time or actually tell people when he’s feeling something that’s not happy things. Or it could mean having a talk with someone with an adorable son about feelings you may have that are totally not platonic.

Future Tense

We get our first real Buddie moments of season 4 in future tense. Specifically with Buck and Chris pranking Eddie. Eddie did always strike me the type to be a slight technophobe so it was hilarious. But back to the Buddie.

When Chris and Buck are playing video games and Eddie says “we’re taking an internet break” only for Chris to ask to go play games at Buck’s place, forcing Buck to look at Eddie. Eddie gives him that crossed arms you better have my back look. And Buck obviously compiles. It’s very good cop/bad cop parenting dynamics if I’ve ever saw them. It’s also very domestic. Like a couple where one is sorta still new to the whole parenting and rules thing. Much like Bobby was with Athena’s kids at first. He didn’t want to be the bad guy right away and usually deferred to Athena. That’s kind of where Buck and Eddie are at and they aren’t even a (canon) couple.

Then we have the actual prank. When Eddie opens the box with the coffee maker. Chris is right away on the phone with Buck. So either Buck is on speed dial or Chris knows his number. Either way that’s important. If Eddie has him on speed dial, and Chris knows the speed dial number, it only emphasizes how important Buck is in their lives. If Chris knows the number that’s also telling on his importance as most kids don’t memorize phone numbers easily, and only memorize important ones.

And final point of this episode, is the look on Buck’s face after Eddie hangs up. It’s the same look we have seen Buck make after talking with Abby, the first real love he’s had. That can’t be totally a coincidence that Buck makes that face with Eddie then? Why was it necessary to make that same face that seems to only be with someone he has feelings for previously?

The Crossover with Lone Star

First thing, both Eddie and Buck seemed a little disappointed it wasn’t going to just be them for the Texas trip. Then Buck seemed rather jealous when Eddie wasn’t going to be with him in the field. And seemed rather ruffled that Eddie didn’t seem to share his distress.

It also seemed weird that Eddie and Marjan were so almost flirty? Eddie doesn’t flirt well even when he’s trying. I wondered if he bonded with her so much, insta following, the selfie, and all, to get her to follow Buck back. He subtly hyped Buck multiple times, telling her he’s not so bad and that he helped with Chris’s skateboard.

Then we have TK assuming Buck was flirting with him, Buck looking confused but not immediately reacting negatively, and Eddie showing up right after. Nothing is an accident in film. Eddie showing up is either a subtle nod to future stuff or continuing the aid of the Buddie Baiting. Plus why was that scene even necessary at all? Having TK think Buck is flirting is a deliberate scene. Yes it does add to TK’s story by finally admitting he and Carlos are serious, but they didn’t need Buck to do that. And if it’s more Buddie Baiting it’s dumb but if it’s not then it’s another way to slowly build up to Buck and/or Eddie coming to terms with not being straight and having feelings.

The conclusion here?

Buck and Eddie definitely have an established relationship. Maybe it’s not romantic, at least yet (I can hope), but Buck has become a parental figure in Christopher’s life, regardless. And Eddie doesn’t let that happen with just anyone. And hell, they have more actual chemistry than most actual tv couples. I’m always a bit surprised when people say they don’t see how anyone could think Buck and Eddie should be a couple or how they look like a couple. You don’t have to ship them but saying you can’t even see why people do? Confuses me, Because they show is really hitting us hard with romantic tv tropes. Like you can have male friendships without romantic subtext. Like Jake and Charles from Brooklyn 99 or Shawn and Gus from Psych or JD and Turk from Scrubs. No one ships these friends seriously because there is no romantic subtext or tropes.

If this is just slow burn, like say Booth and Bones were on Bones then fine. I get it. All these little moments were just part of the build up and that’s fine. Booth and Bones took like six seasons before they became a couple. And they dated other people while still having those underlying feelings for each other. I would be ok if this is the route Buddie is taking.

However, if these tropes go nowhere and Buddie doesn’t develop, then this show is probably going to take the title for best queerbaiting show on network television.

And in all honesty I want Eddie to have someone who loves his son as much as he does because his son is his world. And who loves him too. And Buck already does that. And Chris loves Buck. And I want Buck to have that family that loves him because family is clearly something important to Buck and something he may not have had growing up. And he has that with Eddie and Chris. They could easily be each other’s happiness. They made something wonderful, it didn’t just fall into their laps.

If you have made it this far...

Thank You for coming to my Ted Talk and we will see you again once season four airs for more!!

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hettiesworld · 5 years ago

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Kids

Pairing: Mark "Dags" D'Agastino x OFC (Bethany)

Plot summary: When Bethany is assigned as Class President of Fairmount High School, she gets bullied quite a lot. But for Dags, the local troublemaker, he has a bit of a crush on Bethany and visa versa. But they can’t confess to each other. But after the school trip to Washington D.C (and getting partnered with her) and saving the group from getting plunged into a lake in the school bus, he manages to get a soft and passionate kiss from Bethany.

Author’s note: This is for my 30 Days of Jeremy challenge and I think Dags from Senior Trip is SO underrated, like Evans’s character, Jake Wyler. Why not? The faceclaim for Bethany is Scarlett Johansson.

Warning(s): Strong language, mentions of sexual content, fluff.

Word count: 1242 words

“And the winner for the position of Class President is…” Principal Moss was announcing the results of this year’s class president election as well as other important news over the tannoy system.

“...Bethany Foster!”

Bethany was in the hallway at recess when the announcements were being made. To be honest, she was embarrassed when Moss decided to say it in front of many of the students in the school.

Last week, Bethany’s official welcome was over in a flash. The principal wore his standard greeting smile, but it never extended to his eyes, as if his mind was off on some other important task while he ticked me off his to-do list. Students move around the hallways in gossiping throngs. Everyone knows everyone. The map that hung so limply in her hand will soon fall apart along the fold lines and still this place was like a maze to her.

But then, she met Dags.

Well, Mark was his real name, but she definitely preferred Dags.

It was weird at first but every day she fell in love with the idea of falling in love. It was unpredictable and crazy but she loved it.

A crush is nothing more than a lust for someone. That does change anything in her eyes. He is still always there in her mind. Everyday when she see him, that is it. She is thinking about him for the entire day. When their eyes lock, his eyes burn hers like she has been staring at the sun for too long. He is my crush, but he will never be mine. That much she already knows.

But much to Beth’s disappointment, Dags felt the same way.

The next day in Math, that’s when the bullying happened. Dags walked in the classroom, late as usual, with downcast eyes and his thick bangs almost reached his shoulders. Bethany had spent the morning rehearsing scenarios she knew would never happen, but regardless of the futility she did it from waking right up until class. Then she sat trying to control her breathing and prevent her face from turning beet red; but the breaths came quicker and her cheeks warmed regardless.

"Psssst, Bethany, I hear Ken likes you."

It was Reggie, the wannabe troublemaker who chewed gum and wore ripped jeans. Reggie leaned forward on his desk and used a straw to spit out a spitball to the Math teacher, still chewing his gum professionally. Then he sat back and glanced around the room to bask in the grins of his classmates. He was the king.

And of course, he was talking about Dags.

During group work, Dags and Barry Kremmer were talking about one of the students, Meg Smith.

“What about Meg?” Barry asked Dags.

“Meg’s gay.” Dags replied. Bethany, who was in front of them, rolled her eyes. Yeah right. Meg Smith is gay? Well, if she was, who was Beth to judge her?

“Well if anyone can change her, it's you.” Barry admitted to Dags, pointing towards Meg and then doing the gesture of sex behind his back as Dags was looking at Meg.

Bethany looked back to see Barry doing that to Dags. She whispered to Barry, “You better stop that before Dags sees you. You’re just childish.”

---------------------

In a later lesson, which was English, Dags was chatting up Lisa Perkins, the goody-two-shoes (just like Bethany, but more goody than her).

“Lisa. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa…” Dags kept badgering Lisa with her name. Lisa got fed with him and looked around to face him.

“What?”

“Wanna cut and go to a party?” Questioned Dags, who was chewing gum that Reggie gave him at lunch.

“Huh.” Lisa turned back and tried to ignore Dags, but he was very persuasive.

“Come on! I know you like me.” Dags smirked at her, still chewing his gum, his left earring showing. Bethany was watching the scene unfold from the back of the classroom, the teacher not even giving a fuck.

“Would you just leave me alone?” Lisa snapped at him, teeth gritted. Her book was now a mess, filled with an angry doodle over her English research. She looked back quickly and sighed.

“I am concerned about you, Lisa. One day, you're gonna wake up and realise that you wasted all of your high school years studying.”

“And you're gonna wake up one day and realise that you're a loser!” Lisa stormed out of the classroom as soon as the final bell went for hometime. Not before she ripped out her ruined research paper and threw it into the bin.

Bethany saw Dag’s smile turn into a frown. She wished she could do something but she was too shy. So she just packed up her bag and walked out of the classroom.

-------------------------

The next day, Principal Moss makes the announcement over them being invited by the US President, who amazingly enjoyed their letter, to Washington D.C. to discuss it. And the students were all put into pairs for safety, of course.

“Meg Smith and Barry Kemmer… Carla Morgan and Travis Linsday... Reggie Barry and Lisa Perkins…”

Bethany was hoping that she wasn’t put with…

“Bethany Foster and Mark D’Agastino.”

Oh no.

-----------------------

After a wild and adventurous trip to Washington D.C and Dags saving everyone from the school bus from getting plunged into a lake, both him and Bethany were on a balcony, at the school, talking.

“Thank you for saving us.” Bethany proclaimed, leaning against the balcony and looking at the view.

“It was no problem.” Dags replied, who smiled back at Bethany.

“You gotta stop the drinking though. And the troublemaking. Seriously. It’s not a good look on you.” Bethany critiqued him, suddenly looking at him, swishing her red hair in the process.

Dags just laughed.

After a moment’s silence, Bethany decided to tell him.

“I need to ask you something.”

“Sure, what?”

“Since when did you have a crush on me? And don’t say you didn’t cause’ Reggie told me.”

“Shit.” Dags blushed and cleared his throat. “It was when you first came into school. In Math. With that fiery red hair I love. And those bright, beautiful and crystalline eyes. Those big blue eyes…”

Bethany blushed as she realised that Dags did like her back, just like Reggie said to her.

“There’s another thing, actually.”

“Go ahead.”

“Well, I've been thinking about this and... I don't want to go to college as a virgin.” Bethany blushed at what she just said and she was worried about what Dags was going to reply with.

“Oh.”

Oh? That’s what his response was?

Then Dags realised what she said.

“Oh!” Dags blurted out and smiled at her.

“I mean… if you don’t want to, that’s fine. I mean-”

"Sh." He hushed her, before moving his finger, and pressing his hand against her cheek, giving him more support to push himself towards her, and connected their lips. His lips were firm against hers, but the kiss remained soft, gentle, slow. They held it for a few seconds, before their lips began to move in perfect sync, slowly.

He exhaled through his nose, not wanting to let go. Her entire body had been taken over by the overwhelming feeling of relief, combined with eccentric panic, and lust. He moved his hand from her cheek to the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her long, dark red hair, lightly pulling her into him, adding more pressure to their lips, deepening the kiss.

Tags:

@optimistic-dinosaur-nacho @yavanna80 @dreamlesswonder86 @archerybitch68 @ilovebrandt @sarabeth72 @carissime72 @jtargaryen18 @fizzytaurus @axelwolf8109 @shadow16350 @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123

#30DaysofJR #jeremy renner #dags #senior trip #nbarnes

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theotherackerman · 1 year ago

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COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan, Game of Thrones, House of the Dragon, A Song of Ice and Fire

NOTES: Oh hey. Here's come the plot. It only took 12 chapters to get here.

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of attempted suicide

CHAPTER TWELVE: ALL THESE MINUTES PASSING

Walking the castle, late at night with her two guards following her, Carla’s mind was busy.

Before she had been Carla Jaeger, she had been just Carla. No last name, no one of any real importance. Unless you asked her mother.

“There’s old magic that run in our veins. They think it’s gone but we have it,” her mother had always said.

Carla never asked what she meant, she figured it was just her mother being craven. But Carla had never hoped, never dreamed to be much. She lived in the North, her father owned a small tavern that the Ackerman, the Jaegers, and the Arlert would frequent. All young, all beautiful, and all far above her station.

Most people paid her no mind. She was just working the tavern, doing what needed to be done.

But she heard things.

She heard the gossip. She saw things. Husbands cheating on their wives. Wives cheating on their husbands. Lovers planning to run away and marry. Deals being made. But did she say anything?

Unless someone’s life was in danger, she didn’t. She stuck to her job.

When her father died, Carla inherited the tavern. It changed nothing.

She met and befriended Kuchel, Dina, and even Yui.

A Lady, a Queen, and a Princess.

She kept Yui’s secrets. Just like the things she heard at the bar.

Carla watched the moon as she thought of her now deceased friend. She had kept Yui’s secret, Mikasa’s birth.

“Kiyomi can never know how she came into this world, where she came into this world,” Yui had warned as she handed Carla the baby.

Carla nodded, pregnant herself with Eren.

She had been no one then too. She was some woman Grisha had been with, lucky enough to become pregnant with a King’s bastard.

Yui hadn’t wanted to leave Mikasa but she could not risk it. Carla thought it was awful. Hearing how Mikasa was dealing with the deaths of her family, Carla found herself not thinking kindly of her now dead friend. Carla had always assumed that Yui had talked to Mikasa, and told her why she left. It was disgraceful.

Making her way back to her room, Carla wondered if she should tell Mikasa what she knew. Maybe that would give the girl some peace.

——-

A dragon roared as it flew over.

The hair on the back of Mikasa’s neck stood up. Something was behind her. A shadow cast over her. Slowly, Mikasa turned around to see the largest dragon she had ever seen. It was at least twice the size of Seaflames. Black scales covered the body of the dragon while gold eyes stared down at her.

“Zaldrīzo ānogar,” a deep voice rumbled. Deeper than the one Mikasa had heard when she had been attacked, when she erupted into fire and ice, and when Rhaena had been hatched. It shook the ground.

“Aegon, I know you can speak common. The rest of us here aren’t blessed with the knowledge of Valyrian,” a man walked up to the two of them. He had dark brown hair and haunting hazel eyes. He seemed familiar.

“It is not his fault you are ignorant in your mother tongue. You’ve spent too much time with the First Men, Dōron,” a man with black hair and Mikasa’s gray eyes grinned.

Dōron rolled his eyes. “What did he say?”

“He called you the blood of the dragon. You are lucky Visenya is not here. She would have burnt you by now and I would be speaking to a pile of ash,” the second man teased.

“I’m not the blood of the dragon. I told you. I will not take a dragon to ride. I do not need a target on my house. We are no one.”

The second man scoffed, “you’ll never be no one. They’ll know. They always know.”

“No longer will I be Dōron. I will become something else, someone else.”

The dragon told a step towards Dōron, smoke coming out of his nose. The dragon huffed.

“Aegon, dohaerās,” the other man called. “You cannot fool a dragon.”

The dragon roared and released a plume of dragon fire directly onto Dōron. The other man jumped dodge out of the way just in time.

A pile of ash lay where Dōron had been standing.

“Aegon!” the other man scolded.

“Ziry istan daor zaldrīzes. Perzys zaldrīzi sēnagon kostos daor,” the rumbling voice answered.

He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon. The same words Mikasa had heard that night, at least the last part was.

The dragon took a step towards Mikasa.

The other man disappeared with the landscape of the North. Alone in some black void was Mikasa and this dragon.

“Kivio dārilaros,” the rumbling voice said as the dragon stepped closer.

From that memory, Mikasa was ripped into another.

Ice and fire exploded through the castle of the Ten Kingdoms.

—------------

Mikasa sat up on the chaise,breathing heavily.

Eren was asleep across from her.

Nightmares.

Again.

There was no point in trying to go back to sleep.

She would just have another nightmare

Every night was the same, nightmare after nightmare. The attack. Her mother and her aunt. Over and over again.

Is this how the rest of her life was going to be? Haunted by things she had no control over.

“Dohaerās,” Eren muttered in his sleep as he turned over.

Mikasa frowned. Why was Eren saying serve in Valyrian?

“Dohaerās,” he repeated.

Teach him valyrian, especially dohaerās . He’ll need it.

The memory came to her. Her mother had said that to her in that….dream? Was that what it had been?

Well, it seemed that Mikasa didn’t need to teach him that.

“Dohaerās,” he repeated yet again.

Why would he need that word?

Who would he be telling to serve?

“Dohaerās,zaldrīzes,” Eren muttered.

“Serve dragon? What dragon?” Mikasa asked.

Eren didn’t answer. He simply rolled over again.

Mikasa frowned.

How would Eren even get a dragon serve?

Tiring of questions, Mikasa left the room, Rhaena trailing behind her. The library would be empty this time of night. It was better to be there than sitting in this room.

—-----------------

Sitting up, Eren realized he was alone in Mikasa’s sitting room.

“She’s in the library,” Levi’s voice made Eren jump.

“I’m sorry!” Eren said as he jumped up, throwing the blanket off.

“Relax, Prince. I was the one who covered you up. I’m not worried about you doing anything inappropriate with my cousin right now. I am worried about her well being,” Levi said as he stood from Mikasa’s table.

“I won’t hurt her. I haven’t done….I haven’t been good to her in the past, I know. I’m sorry for that. I know that's the last thing she wants to hear right now as well.”

“You think you can manage being her friend for a bit? I can’t be with her all the time. Relations between her and her ladies are strained. With time, they’ll repair. But someone needs to make sure she doesn’t destroy herself.”

Eren nodded, “she told me what happened.”

“Good. Niccolo is preparing breakfast for her in the kitchen. Go get it and take it to her. Change your clothes first.”

Eren threw the blanket off and stood, Fenrir stood as soon as he realized Eren was up and moving.

As Eren went to exit the room, Levi called to him.

“And Eren? If you ever pull that shit on my cousin again, it’s not me you will have to worry about. It’s the dragons. They don’t forgive easily. The only reason they haven’t made you into a meal yet is because they sense something inside you is good. You wouldn’t want them to change their mind.”

Eren gulped.

Should Levi be threatening him as Eren was a prince?

No.

Would that stop Levi?

No.

Levi had a dragon and he let Eren live in his castle. He’d agreed to the princes coming to the North.

“Understood,” Eren replied before he nodded and exited the sitting room.

Zeke was still asleep when Eren slipped into his own room. There was little need for guards outside their room on this floor. There was only one entrance where the guard was stationed. So Eren, his brother, and friends had free reign over the floor. No one got in, not even servants without approval from Levi. If any of the knights wished to bed anyone, they would have to do so in the other person’s room as they would not be allowed in here. It gave an illusion of freedom.

After getting dressed, Eren checked on Armin. The knight was already up when Eren knocked on his door. Holding his head, Armin walked with Eren to the kitchen.

“You have anything to tell me?” Armin asked him as they made their way to the staircase.

“When there are not, ears, yes. How are you?”

“Whiskey is much stronger than I remember,” Armin muttered as they walked.

Eren snorted a laugh.

“Just because you can drink the whole town under the table doesn’t mean the rest of us can. Where are we off to?” Armin asked as they made their way to the first floor.

“We’re having breakfast with the Princess in the library.”

“Oh? Are we?”

Eren nodded.

Fenrir let out a bark in response.

“Well I suppose that settles that,” Armin laughed as they walked into the kitchen.

“Niccolo!” Eren called out, the servants parting as Eren and Armin walked through.

“Over here, Prince!” Niccolo called out, waving from the other side. “What do you need?”

“Breakfast. Princess Mikasa, Armin, and I will be taking it to the library.”

“About time,” Niccolo beamed.

“What do you mean about time?”

“Levi told me you’d be coming. I was worried the food would get cold. Better hurry up,” Niccolo grinned.

—-------------

Levi wasn’t surprised to see all the books that surrounded Mikasa in the library. He was here before Eren.

“You know you’re going to have to start training again soon. You’ll get rusty,” Levi said as he pulled out the chair across from her.

“I will,” Mikasa answered without looking up from the book she was reading.

“You need to eat and sleep.” He placed his hand on the book, blocking her vision.

Mikasa finally looked up at him. “I’m fine.”

“You look like shit.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes. “Didn’t realize my appearance was so important to you.”

“You know what I mean. You don’t sleep. You take all your meals alone. Your flights with Kayda aren’t that long. I am worried about you.”

“There’s no reason for you to be. I’m fine. I took care of everything while you were gone. I made sure to be the perfect heir.”

So that was what this was about.

Mikasa was still in the same state of mind she had been when Kiyomi had been alive. Kiyomi had set unrealistic standards of what Mikasa was to do, say, act, and simply be. It was unachievable. Even if Mikasa did everything perfectly, it wasn’t enough.

There was a large amount of rage inside Mikasa. Levi could feel it. He had never seen her act like this.

Sliding his hand off the book, Levi leaned back in his chair.

“Mikasa, you cannot continue to live like this.”

“I am fine, Levi. I’ll be fine.” She waved her hand, like none of it mattered as she returned to reading.

Levi stood and walked away.

He was over his head.

—---------

The princess was sitting at a table, books stacked around here. Armin had seen Hange and Erwin look like this far too many times. They had just passed Levi in the hallway. The Head of the Ackerman House just shook his head.

Eren placed the tray in front of Mikasa and snatched the book out of her hand.

“Eren!” Mikasa called as she reached for the book.

Eren chunked the book across the room.

Armin just stared at both of them.

“Eat,” Eren commanded as he sat down across from her.

“I’ll eat when I feel like it,” Mikasa replied as she pushed the tray away.

“When was the last time you ate? You’ve lost weight. Too much. I’d be surprised if you could pick up a sword.”

“I can still pick up a sword,” Mikasa muttered.

“Will you just eat? You left early this morning,” Eren said as he picked up an oatcake from the tray.

“So that’s where you were last night,” Armin smiled as Eren pulled out the chair next to him.

“It was innocent. I was speaking to the princess and fell asleep on her chaise,” Eren replied.

Armin didn’t miss the blush on Mikasa’s cheeks. The mere suggestion of it not being innocent seemed to have warmed her cheeks.

“I wouldn’t say anything if it wasn’t. I know both of you kept my actions quiet,” Armin replied.

Eren was shoving biscuits onto a plate along with jams for Armin. He handed the plate to Armin.

Armin took it and sat it in front of him.

“I’m going to eat all of these oatcakes if you don’t eat them,” Eren said as he took the plate off of the tray and sat it directly in front of Mikasa.

Mikasa rolled her eyes as she lifted one of the oatcakes to her mouth.Armin and Eren both stared at her until she ate.

“Where’s the hatchling?” Eren asked.

“She’s running around here somewhere,” Mikasa replied as she took another bite of the oatcake.

“Fenrir, go find Rhaena,” Eren ordered the wolf.

Fenrir wandered off.

“What hatchling are you speaking of?” Armin asked.

“I hatched my brother’s dragon egg. Levi doesn’t want to introduce her to the court yet,” Mikasa explained.

“Understood,” Armin nodded. He was used to being told things that no one else knew. It was one of the perks of being both Eren’s best friend and the former squire of Erwin. “What are you researching?”

Mikasa sighed before she took another bite of her oatcake.

“I’ll tell him. Eat your oatcakes,” Eren said before he launched into telling Armin everything.

Armin was surprised to hear about Mikasa’s explosion of magic, not to mention the memories and how the dragon had come to be hatch. Fenrir came with Rhaena running behind him. The dragon jumped onto the table and eyed Armin’s biscuits.

“She wants a biscuit,” Mikasa remarked, interrupting Eren telling Armin what had happened the night before.

“Can she eat it?” Armin asked.

“Kayda eats apples. Just watch your fingers,” Mikasa shrugged.

Armin picked up a biscuit and held it out.

Rhaena stepped closer to Armin.

“Throw it at her. She can catch it.”

Armin did as Mikasa instructed.

Rhaena blew fire, burning the biscuit before catching it in her mouth. The fire went out as Rhaena dropped it onto the table. Putting her feet on the burnt biscuit, she began to rip the biscuit apart and eat it.

“Imagine if that were you,” Armin smirked as he elbowed Eren in the side.

The prince glared at his friend.

Armin just laughed before looking at Mikasa. “If you want help with your searching for answers, I can help. I still have some of Erwin’s research.”

“If you wish to,” Mikasa shrugged.

“Might as well. My time isn’t being used for anything else,” Armin muttered before he bit into a biscuit.

“If it helps, she’s mad at me as well,” Mikasa replied.

“She’s too busy taking walks with Bertolt,” Armin spat. He hadn’t meant for it to come out so angry. It wasn’t as if she was betraying him. They were nothing. They would always be nothing. Because Annie would never stand up to her father. “What’s the story of her father?” Armin asked as he leaned back, his arms crossed across his chest. “He seems more….annoying lately.”

“He’s always been annoying. He rarely spoke to me in the meetings. He doesn’t care for me much. He didn’t want Annie to be one of my ladies. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to petition Levi to have Annie released from her duties once I marry Eren. I doubt her walks with Bertolt mean anything,” Mikasa reassured him.

Eren frowned, “why would you dismiss your ladies? Especially if we’re staying in the North.”

Mikasa just stared at him. “We’re staying in the North?”

Eren nodded, “of course. You can add who you like from your household but these are the knights and court I’ve brought with me. I imagine Zeke will return to the capitol once we marry. We can stay in this castle if you wish or go to the castle that once belonged to the Jaeger family. The upkeep has been kept up by the Arlert so it is still in good condition. It’s up to you.”

“Will you be a part of our court then?” Mikasa asked as she looked towards Armin.

Armin nodded.

“Will it be strange if Annie is as well?” Mikasa questioned.

Armin stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. Mikasa cared. Sure, she was a friend. She had always been kind to him but he had never imagined her considering such a thing about him. Mikasa cared about his feelings. She wanted to make sure he was comfortable. Mikasa may have thought herself not worthy of being an heir or a leader, nothing could be further from the truth. She was the most worthy of them all.

“We could always betroth them to one another.That seems to be working well for us,” Eren smirked.

“Oh yes. That's a grand idea. Then he can scar her and proceed to ignore her for how many moons?” Mikasa rolled her eyes.

Armin snorted which made Mikasa laugh.

—--------------------

Autumn bonfires were a tradition that were started by…..

No one really knows who started them. They had always been a large part of the culture of the North. The changing of the seasons always required some sort of celebration. It was also believed that the veil between the dead and living was thinnest, leading to strange occurrences. It was said that magic could be conjured on this night, even though most magic in the Seven Kingdoms was dead.

There would be two large bonfires this year.

One in the North at the Ackerman’s castle and one in the capitol. Both would be lit by dragons. It would be Rhaena’s introduction to the court. Some of the minor houses would always have bonfires with their own celebrations. There would be feasts and dancing.

It was a few days away now.

There were smaller attacks in the capitol. Thankfully, there had been no more in the North. Eren and Zeke both found it very easy to be in the North. Eren looped his brother into what had happened to Mikasa. Of course he couldn’t be expected to keep this information from Pieck who had to tell Jean. Jean surely couldn’t keep a secret from Connie and on and on the information went until those from the capitol and Mikasa’s ladies knew everything. Then Eren made sure everyone knew of the War Hammer. Answers had not been found, not even with all of them looking.

So now Levi stood in his study, pinching the bridge of his nose. He trusted them. He had tested them enough.

That wasn’t the issue.

The issue was the man who was now loudly complaining in his study about his daughter remaining Mikasa’s lady.

“So my daughter is to put her future on hold indefinitely because your cousin cannot be bothered to find someone else,” Lord Leonhart went on.

The man who was pacing a hole into the floor of Levi’s study did not know how lucky he was that Vulcan could not find into the castle. Levi would have fed him to the dragon.

“When is your uncle back? I want to speak to him.”

Levi’s eyes snapped to Lord Leonhart. “I am the head of this House. My uncle has nothing to do with it.”

“Come on, boy. We both know…”

The thought was not finished.

Something in Levi snapped. Lord Leonhart was thrown into the wall, a dagger at his throat.

“Choose your next words very carefully because they may be your last. I am not your boy. I am Lord in the North. I am the blood of the dragon and you will respect me. Kenny stepped down years ago and appointed me. So from now on you will refer to me as Lord Ackerman. The next time you don’t, I will remove your tongue. If you interfere or attempt to interfere with my house, your life will be forfeit. Do you understand me?” Levi threatened, the dagger biting into Lord Leonhart’s throat.

“Yes,” the older man choked out.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, Lord Ackerman.”

Levi stepped back, releasing Annie’s father from his spot. “Get the fuck out of my study.”

The older man straightened his tunic’s collar and exited.

Levi collapsed into the chair at desk.

“Bad time?” Mikasa asked as she stepped into the study.

“What do you need?” Levi sighed as he sat up straightener.

“Finalizing the menu with Niccolo. Care to take a look?” Mikasa held a piece of parchment out.

Levi shook his head. “I trust you. That’s why I put you in charge of all things autumn. Just promise you’re not going to try anything stupid like try to connect through the veil with your deceased parents.”

Mikasa glared at him. “I can’t even summon fire yet you think I would attempt that.”

“It’s bloodmagic. You can go craven from that.”

“I don’t even know how to use bloodmagic. I just saw my mother do it! It was horrible! Besides, I doubt she would come if I called for her. She likes her secrets too much,” Mikasa scoffed.

“There’s color in your cheeks again,” Levi noted.

“Because Eren Jaeger has decided to track me down every time there is a meal. I don’t doubt that you had something to do with that.”

“Me? I would never. Is he staying in your room at night?”

Mikasa shook her head. “Not since the first night they were here. I don’t see him much outside of meals. He’s trying to find information about the war hammer.”

“How’s that going?”

“There’s nothing except the war hammer the Tyburs have. You also gave me the responsibility of organizing the feast and the bonfire if you have forgotten.”

“I’m worried something more is happening in the capitol.”

Mikasa raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Kenny and Kuchel are not coming back. If they were safe….then there would be no problem.”

“Is it meant to be a surprise that we are having information held back from us?”

“No, I suppose not. I just…..feel something.”

“Can you conjure fire?” Mikasa asked quietly.

Levi shook his head. He had never called upon fire or been able to. He hadn’t even tried, he hadn’t even thought to try. It was the Ackerman blood that caused Mikasa to be able to use it, that much was clear.

“Have you tried?”

“I haven’t,” Levi replied.

Mikasa sighed. “Maybe you should.”

“Your mother told you that Eren had raw magic. Maybe you should look towards that. See if he can conjure fire.”

“I doubt he can wield fire. He's not an Ackerman.”

“See if he can do anything else. Check on Annie while you’re at it. Her father wants her dismissed. See if she wants that too.”

“She’s still angry with me.”

“Do it anyway. Now get out. I have to speak with Lord Braus in a moment,” Levi commanded.

Mikasa rolled her eyes as she left, closing the door behind her.

Levi leaned back in his chair again.

—---------------

Logs and limbs were being stacked for the bonfire.

Annie sat in the forge while Sasha was hard at work on more armor to go to the capitol. They were still catching up from what had been stolen.

Annie was hiding from her father. He was spending far too much time here. If she was being honest, she was hiding from Bertolt too. Their walks around the garden had been just that. The man hadn’t even tried to hold her hand or speak about if she could marry. Annie spent most of that time wishing he was Armin.

Armin was no more upfront than Bertolt but….

She needed to not think about that.

Men needed to be the last thought on her mind. She knew she needed to talk to Mikasa but Mikasa had pissed her off. It wasn’t just the attempt, it was that she lied to her. The fact that Mikasa thought that Annie would be mad or look at her differently because Yui was a kinslayer showed Annie that Mikasa didn’t value her. Mikasa didn’t know Annie at all. It enraged her.

Now Mikasa seemed to spend all her meals with Armin and Eren. Mikasa sitting at the same table at meals, just talking with both of them.

As if summoned by her thoughts, Mikasa turned up in the forge. She was dressed in black breeches and a tunic, covered with little flying dragons embroidery in red thread. Her hair down told Annie that the dragon was under there.

“Your father wants you dismissed,” Mikasa said as her eyes met Annie’s. “Do you want to be dismissed?”

Sasha stopped banging on the sword she had been working on. “You want to be dismissed? I knew you were mad but I didn’t think…”

Annie stood up. “I don’t want to be dismissed! I never said that. He knows I’m getting too old to be a squire. He wants me to go to the capital.”

“You’ll end up dead in the capital. Why do you think the Jaegers sent Eren and Zeke here?” Sasha asked.

��You’re not dismissed. Levi just wanted me to make sure it wasn’t something you wanted,” Mikasa answered.

Annie nodded, “thank you.”

Mikasa nodded. “I plan on keeping my same court when I marry Eren. If you wish to leave, you need only ask. I hope, however, you will stay. At least until the wedding.”

“Have you set the date?” Sasha asked.

Mikasa shook her head. “Too many rumors. We’re not sure what’s going on in the capital. Of course the king and queens will have to be there. Then we have to work out where we will live…now is not the time to do such things.”

“Niccolo was told not to deliver to the capital for the time being. There’s been reports of bandits. My father is speaking to Levi right now about it,” Sasha informed them.

“Really?” Annie asked.

Sasha nodded, “yes. Levi told Niccolo this morning when I was getting a snack. They’ve slaughtered several people along the road from the North to the capitol.”

“That’s horrible,” Mikasa gasped.

“I know. It's why the bonfire tomorrow is going to have so many guards and knights. You should arm yourself as well,” Sasha informed.

“I’ll be with the dragons.”

“Still. It would make me feel better if you would at least take your daggers. I finished everything in valyrian steel. We’ll arm ourselves with ours if you do,” Sasha grabbed a rolled up piece of leather. “You don’t want the sword yet, fine. Please, take these.”

Mikasa tentatively took it. “Thank you.”

Sasha waved her hand, brushing the comment off. “I should get back to work.”

Mikasa nodded towards Sasha then she looked over towards Annie. “I’ll see you around?”

Annie gave a nod.

Mikasa did the same before walking away.

It was a start.

—---------------------

There had been no plans to keep Niccolo in the Ackerman’s kitchen but the Arlerts were still here. So there was no need for Niccolo to go back. Not to mention he couldn’t deliver messages currently either. He met with Mikasa to go over the menu for the autumn bonfire. It was going to be a much smaller affair than normal. It made sense. Food would still be delivered to the smallfolk so no one would go without food. Small bonfires would take place as well.

Bandits were the last thing they needed.

Connie was often found trying to steal food from the kitchens. Sasha stopped by often to get a snack. However, it was the princess who confused him the most. She was often stealing raw meat.

Well, it wasn’t stealing as it was her family’s.

He wondered what the princess was doing with it.

—---------------------------

“So are you going to dance with the princess at the feast after the bonfire or will cry to me about it all that night?” Zeke asked as he flipped through a book from the Ackerman’s library.

Eren looked up from the book he had been reading to glare. “I spend every meal with her.”

“So? You messed up everything the last time you danced with her. Now is the time to fix it,” Zeke replied.

Eren rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to be friends with her now. That’s what I’m focusing on currently. I’m getting to know her.”

“That is rather smart,” Pieck replied from her seat next to Zeke in the library.

“Thank you,” Eren nodded before returning to his book.

“I don’t think there’s anything about a war hammer in this book,” Pieck said as she turned the page. “When can I try and lift it?”

“You can lift it in a box but you can’t lift it out. I’ve tried,” Zeke explained.

“Alright. Well let me try then.”

“Maybe we should learn what it is before people go and try to pick it up.”

Pieck rolled her eyes, “you’re becoming rather boring as you’re getting older.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll just let the war hammer suck out your soul or burn you alive.”

“Nothing happened when you tried to lifted it.”

“That we know of.”

“What’s the stone deceiver?” Eren asked.

“No idea. Hange has been working on that so if that book mentions it, make sure they get it,” Zeke told Eren. “What does it say?”

“Just that magic ceased to exist once the stone deceiver was placed.”

“Placed? Does that mean it’s an object then?” Pieck asked.

“I don’t know. It’s not very clear,” Eren handed the book over to Pieck and Zeke.

Both looked at the page, reading exactly what Eren had said.

“I’ll make a pile for books for Hange,” Zeke said as he picked the book and sat it to the side.

Eren nodded as he wandered over to the stacks, Fenrir trailing behind him.

“Do you think the hammer is the stone deceiver?” Pieck asked Zeke.

Zeke shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. I think the war hammer is something different. Something we don’t know about.”

“And we’re sure it’s not the Tyburs’?”

“I’m not sure of anything. If it is the Tyburs’, why did they give up? Why would they bury it in the keep? A place they’ve never occupied. There’s no description of their war hammer. It always just says it is a war hammer that can control The Others,” Zeke stated.

“Eren, did you feel like you could control The Others?” Pieck shouted.

Eren came out into the main aisle. “No. It just ices up and has lightning on the handle.”

“That’s interesting,” Pieck replied as she looked down at the book she was reading.

“Do we know for a fact that the Tyburs’ war hammer can control the Others?” Zeke asked.

“That was almost how many thousand of years ago? I don’t think anyone knows anything about that time for a fact.”

“You have a point, Pieck,” Zeke sighed.

Mikasa walked into the library. Immediately, the dragon hatchling on her shoulder flew off and into the stacks.

“Was that the dragon hatchling?” Zeke asked.

Fenrir came running out of the stacks, the dragon hatchling sitting on his back. Vivica got up from her spot under the table. She slinked out and walked over to smell the dragon hatchling.

Mikasa nodded, “that is Rhaena. She enjoys Fenrir’s company.”

“I hope she lets Fenrir ride on her back once she is larger. It seems only fair,” Pieck grinned.

“That would be a sight,” Eren laughed as he came over to the table. “Princess.”

Mikasa smiled as she looked down.

“Any luck conjuring fire?” Zeke asked.

“You’ve been speaking to Levi. No. I haven’t,” Mikasa answered. “I came to see if you two are attending the bonfire tomorrow.”

“I will be there. I always enjoy watching things burn,” Zeke grinned.

“There is something wrong with you,” Pieck mumbled under her breath.

“I will be there as well. Kayda won’t be angry with me, will she?” Eren asked.

“No. My emotions are not negative towards you. She shouldn’t feel anything negative towards you,” Mikasa said.

“Interesting. Does Meadow feel your emotions as well?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think he and I are bonded. I think….I can’t explain it. I never told him dohaerās. I don’t think I’m his true rider. I think he is waiting for them.”

“That’s the word you say in your sleep all the time!” Zeke yelled at Eren. “What does it mean?” Zeke asked as he turned back to Mikasa.

“It means serve. When we bond with a dragon, we give that command. I did so with Kayda and Rhaena. I won’t with Meadow. If I’m not his true rider, it’ll end poorly,” Mikasa explained.

“But you said a voice said the dragon must have three heads. So if you’re not Meadow’s true rider, then what does that mean?” Eren asked.

Mikasa shrugged, “I haven’t the slightest idea.”

“Can one of these things be straightforward? This is ridiculous. We’re all running around looking for answers we can’t find due to everything being in some sort of strange code. The dragon must have three heads. The stone deceiver. The promised heir. A song of ice and fire. Can someone please just say what they mean?” Eren groaned.““Then who is Meadow’s real rider?”

“Now that is the real question,” Zeke leaned back in his chair.

“Great. More questions we don’t have answers to,” Eren said under his breath.

There was no shortage of those, Zeke thought to himself.

—-----------------------------

All the major and minor houses of the North gathered around the large pyre of wood.

Mikasa and Levi were nowhere to be seen.

Sasha, Annie, Eren, and Zeke were in the middle of all their friends. Eren had his valyrian sword in his scabbard at his side while Zeke had the valyrian axe strapped to his back. Both wore the jewelry made for them by the Ackerman family. Their wolves were on high alert at their side. All of the knights had their weapons on display.

Sasha and Annie wore their Ackerman leather armor. The dragon blazing in the middle of their tops. Two valyrian daggers were on their belt. Annie’s daggers had a pommel shaped like a lion head roaring while Sasha’s pommel was shaped like a rose.

Drums began to play as a roar echoed overhead.

The dragons were coming.

Vulcan flew over the crowd first, Levi standing up on his back. Circling the crowd from the air, the dragon let out a screech. If there was anyone who didn’t belong, Vulcan would sense them.

After his circle was done, Vulcan landed with a roar that shook the ground. Levi sat down on the dragon's back.

The roar was echoed by two dragons.

Meadow and Kayda came into view with a small hatchling between the two of them. Mikasa was standing on Kayda’s back.

The crowd gasped when they saw them get closer. The dragons circled around like Vulcan had before landing on opposite sides of the pyre.

The drums slowed.

“Winter will come soon enough. Let us use this bonfire to burn away conflicts before the darkness comes. Any worries, any hatred, give it to the fire,” Levi spoke. “Let us be thankful for what we have. Let us have a joyous winter and bountiful harvest.”

Mikasa nodded as she looked at her cousin.

Levi returned her nod.

Then at the same time they gave the command, “dracarys!”

All three dragons released their dragonfire onto the pyre.

The drums began again.

The people cheered.

Mikasa dismounted from Kayda

The knights and Zeke began to wander towards the castle. Eren waved them off as Mikasa and Levi were still out here. He would be safe with them.

The dragon Meadow turned towards Eren.

Eren swore the dragon saw right through his soul.

“Rytsas, zokla,” a deep rumbling voice said.

Eren’s stomach twisted as the dragon continued to stare at him.

Mikasa was walking towards him but he couldn’t look away from the green dragon.

“Eren? Are you alright?” Mikasa asked as she touched his arm. “You’re pale.”

“What does zokla mean?” Eren asked in a broken voice.

“Zokla? It means wolf. Why?”

“Just…heard that word. I think the thinning of the veil is making me hear things.”

“Don’t you know not to answer any voices you hear at this time of year?” Mikasa teased him before she dropped her hand. “Sorry. I was just…”

“Don’t worry about it. Ready to head inside?”

Mikasa nodded.

#wmmtb #mine #my writing

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richincolor · 5 years ago

Photo

Author Interview with Mayra Cuevas

Today we will get to know CNN producer and debut author Mayra Cuevas. Her book SALTY, BITTER, SWEET releases today.

Seventeen-year-old aspiring chef Isabella Fields’ family life has fallen apart after the death of her Cuban abuela and the divorce of her parents. She moves in with her dad and his new wife in France, where Isabella feels like an outsider in her father’s new life, studiously avoiding the awkward, “Why did you cheat on Mom?” conversation.

The upside of Isabella’s world being turned upside down? Her father’s house is located only 30 minutes away from the restaurant of world-famous Chef Pascal Grattard, who runs a prestigious and competitive international kitchen apprenticeship. The prize job at Chef Grattard’s renowned restaurant also represents a transformative opportunity for Isabella, who is desperate to get her life back in order.

But how can Isabella expect to hold it together when she’s at the bottom of her class at the apprenticeship, her new stepmom is pregnant, she misses her abuela dearly, and a mysterious new guy and his albino dog fall into her life?

Crystal: Mayra, thanks so much for taking the time to answer a few questions about your writing life and your debut novel SALTY, BITTER, SWEET. What does writing mean to you and when did you begin to consider yourself a writer?

Mayra: It was in the eighth grade. I was really into Julia de Burgos’ poetry back then and only beginning to understand the healing power of the written word. Julia’s work inspired me to write my own poems, as a way to cope with some difficulties at home. After many tries, I wrote a poem that I thought was pretty good — about how your feelings can be like a storm. My English teacher at the time, Mr. Antonio Colorado, was this super encouraging person. He knew I loved books and always lent me new titles to read and pushed me to work harder on my poetry. I gave him a copy of the poem I had written and he asked me if he could read it in class. I agreed, under the condition that he did not reveal my name. I mean, it was eighth grade, I didn’t want this to be the end of my social life. But when he read it, everyone went quiet and listened. And something magical happened, I felt connected to everyone in the room. In that moment, my words mattered and I felt seen for probably the first time. And what was even more amazing, after he read the poem, there was a discussion and people were talking about my words and how it affected them. I’ll never forget it.

Crystal: How has your career as a journalist prepared you for writing young adult novels? Was it a fairly smooth transition?

Mayra: No! (laughs hysterically) I *thought* it would be a smooth transition! But boy was I wrong. When I started writing fiction back in 2012 I remember thinking, ‘Oh I’ve been a professional journalist for over ten years, how hard can it be to write a novel?’ Well, as it turns out, writing a novel is very hard. And getting published is even harder. But there are two skills that transferred from journalism into publishing: 1) resilience and 2) working with editors.

Years of getting my story pitches rejected prepared me for the soul-crushing rejection I faced in the publishing world. My first manuscript was rejected by 200 agents! And somehow I managed to keep going.

My news background also prepared me to work with editors. I had lots of practice getting my news stories edited, nitpicked and pulled apart — that’s just the nature of the news business. And it’s no different in publishing.

Crystal: I’m guessing you’ve spent quite a bit of time in kitchens. What are some of your most interesting cooking experiences or other memorable moments around food?

Mayra: I’m a total foodie so when it came time to research Salty, Bitter, Sweet I went all out!

I reached out to the amazing Carla Tomasko, the pastry chef at Bacchanalia, one of Atlanta’s top restaurants. She agreed to serve as my guide through the workings of a real high-end kitchen. She also shared her story of working as a woman in a male-dominated environment and as an immigrant from Ecuador. She also recounted how her Latin roots helped shape her craft.

The time I spent in Bacchanalia’s kitchen was amazing! I got to see how the executive chefs prepared the day’s menu, how they selected ingredients and crafted the most exquisite dishes. All the while, I was taking copious notes of every detail I could use to make Isa’s journey as authentic as possible. I think it paid off because it seems to be everyone’s favorite part of the book!

Crystal: What do you love most about your characters Isa and Diego?

Mayra: They are two young people who are going through their own private pain — as we all do. At first, Isa sees him as a threat to the delicate balance of her new life. And in a way she is right to feel threatened, because Diego has arrived to upend everything she thought she wanted. In turn, Isa will help Diego make peace with his own life decisions.

Yes, there are some romantic moments, but it’s mostly about meeting someone who sees you for the first time and loves you in spite of all the broken bits.

Crystal: Though some things in Isa’s life seem to have some relationship to parts of your own life, were there things you needed to research as you wrote your way through this story?

Mayra: There were two main veins of research: the world of haute cuisine and the multiple locations where the book is set — six cities in total.

For the kitchen research, I interviewed and spent time with two amazing female chefs: Carla Tomasko, the pastry chef at Bacchanalia, one of Atlanta’s top restaurants, and Daniella Fitzgerald, who spends her days cooking for rich folks in yachts. She had some hilarious stories!

I also read memoirs like 32 Yolks: From My Mother’s Table to Working the Line by Veronica Chambers and Eric Ripert, and watched documentaries like Pressure Cooker and Three Stars.

For the travel research I watched a million YouTube videos and read as many travel blogs. I also engaged an all-things-France expert to make sure every detail of Isa’s journey through Lyon was authentic.

Crystal: Are any of your favorite foods mentioned in the story? Can you tell us about one or two?

Mayra: Like Isa and her abuela Lala I enjoy bridging my two worlds by making Spanish flan and All-American apple pie — my husband’s favorite.

The flan recipe belongs to my Venezuelan friend Paula. I love that recipe because it’s been handed down through generations and it survived a political revolution.

Crystal: Have there been any big surprises along the road to publication?

Mayra: The most amazing surprise was being invited to join Las Musas, a Latina authors collective. These women are incredibly talented, supportive and generous. The founders did a wonderful job of creating a space where we can uplift each other and our work, share important news, and have each other’s back. I love these women and I’m humbled and proud to be part of this community.

Crystal: Are there any current YA books that you wish had existed when you were younger?

Mayra: All of the books from Las Musas!

Crystal: *Hurries off to visit the webpage for Las Musas* That looks like a wonderful group! Can you tell us anything about your current projects or your writing plans for the future?

Mayra: My short story Resilient will be published as part of the anthology FORESHADOW: The Magic of Reading & Writing YA (Algonquin Young Readers). I’m also co-writing a novel with Atlanta author Marie Marquardt, which can be best described as a feminist unicorn.

Crystal: Thanks again for your willingness to share your time and even your recipe with us! We wish you all the best with your debut.

Born and raised in Puerto Rico, Mayra Cuevas is a professional journalist and fiction writer who prefers love stories with a happy ending. Her debut novel, SALTY, BITTER, SWEET, launched March 3 with HarperCollins/Blink. Her debut fiction short story was selected by best-selling author Becky Albertalli to appear in the Foreshadow serial anthology Issue 04 in April 2019. She is currently a special projects producer and writer for CNN. She keeps her sanity by practicing Buddhist meditation and serving on the Board of Directors of Kadampa Meditation Center Georgia. She lives with her husband, also a CNN journalist, and their cat, in the charming town of Norcross, Georgia. She is also the step-mom to two amazing young men who provide plenty of inspiration for her stories. You can visit her online at mayracuevas.com.

#salty bitter sweet #mayra cuevas #author interview #ya lit

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ghostmartyr · 5 years ago

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SnK 120 Thoughts

A Fleeting Moment.

You blinked and missed it.

Is there some sort of deadline that I am unaware of? Because I think this is the second chapter in a row that reads so YOLO that it carries the desperation of a death soon at hand.

Yes, that’s right.

This chapter.

Is a Zekesona.

Maybe it’s because I’m a heartless monster, but my predominant thought throughout this chapter--well, fine, we’re getting to the real one later, but mostly my thought was wow, we’re really just diving straight in to the plot magic.

I’m not going to stop calling it plot magic.

Starting out it might have been a deliberate attempt to avoid the grammar of all things Paths, but at this point... it’s here to make the plot go. Sense is optional.

Zeke, you’re fucking killing me.

Let me. just.

Let me attempt to form words with my fingers. Or my head. Or anything at all. This chapter has beaten me. I read it, I consumed the information, and so help me, I think if I let myself, I would never stop laughing over this.

It’s not funny, it’s just.

This, as we have here, is the pinnacle of everything wrong with letting the Yeager Bros take the wheel of a car that is not only missing seat belts and brakes, but perhaps also a functioning wheel.

In the world that is still sort of maybe occupied by sanity, there’s. Zeke.

Holding his brother’s decapitated head.

While he and his brother have an extended Inception dream sequence to manage the fact that Eren should really be very dead.

Really, I could probably spare a few minutes on that, but I don’t want to, because the logistics of how dead Eren is, exactly, when years have to pass in the plot magic in the seconds it’s been since his head was shot off--

I feel like someone shot my head off.

So okay.

A dream level up, the fight goes on in excruciating slowmo.

Meanwhile, Zeke and Eren are.

Okay, yeah, can’t do it. Nope.

This is not a criticism of the writing, as of right now. Like, I have my severe hysteria because of course Zeke has spent his Inception time growing to surpass the chains the First King adorned himself with, and of course, for some unholy reason, those chains bind Zeke at all despite him rightly pointing out he’s not of the Reiss branch and Zeke not actually being the Founding Titan.

Those are things I am noting, and I am completely failing to have a reaction to them because my entire jaw is in pain from holding back laughter, but that is not my present comment.

My present comment.

Is that these two are fucking morons.

I do not mean that disrespectfully. I mean it with the full sincerity of someone who is absolutely okay with the text making them fucking morons.

But holy damn fuck these kids do not have a clue what they’re doing.

Zeke first meets Ymir Fritz when he nearly dies in an unexpected near-incidental suicide. That’s when he has his first hands-on experience with Paths.

Sorry, plot magic.

So um.

Both Eren and Zeke plan to finally make use of the Founder’s power by showing up at this place. They don’t know that at the time they make their plan, because it’s still new to them, they just know that they’re going to hold hands and stuff and somehow things will happen.

Eren thinks the things Zeke wants to happen are bullshit.

Shocking.

Zeke thinks the things Eren wants to happen are bullshit, despite having no clue what those things even are.

Shocking.

And like.

Neither one is getting what they want, because Eren can’t actually use the power he’s journeyed all this way to get, because if this were a real anime, Zeke would have pink hair of warning. Zeke’s royal blood matters more than Eren having the Titan.

Sort of.

Zeke can dismantle the chains on the Founding Titan that attach to him for some reason, but Eren seems to still be required to pull the trigger. (ETA)

So if Inception-verse did not exist, Eren would have just gotten whatever it is he’s after, which would be bad for Zeke by measure of it not being what Zeke wants, but because Inception-verse does exist, they have all the time in the world, Zeke has the means to get what he wants, only technically he doesn’t really because he still needs Eren to agree with him and that hasn’t happened yet.

All of this work.

All...

Good fucking what.

ALL OF THOSE DEAD BODIES, BOYS, AND NEITHER ONE OF YOU HAS JACK SHIT TO SHOW FOR IT.

SOMEHOW

BEYOND ALL COMPREHENSION

BOTH OF YOU ARE FAILING TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. BECAUSE OF THE VERY SIMPLE FACT THAT YOU NEVER TRULY BOTHERED TO UNDERSTAND THE PERSON OR THE POWER YOU WERE ASKING TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

EREN MISUNDERSTANDS THE NATURE OF THE FOUNDER.

ZEKE MISUNDERSTANDS HIS BABY BROTHER.

BOY I’M SURE GLAD WE’VE SPENT THIRTY CHAPTERS ON THE CLUSTERFUCK OF YOUR MUTUAL DECISIONS JUST TO FIND OUT NEITHER ONE OF YOU HAS A FUCKING CLUE HOW TO MAKE ANY OF THIS WORK.

YOU BROKE THE WORLD, FULLY CONFIDENT IN YOUR DUCT TAPE, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT THE ROLL YOU WERE HOLDING WAS SOME OTHER COLLECTION OF TAPE THAT SOMEONE GAVE A SILVER PAINT JOB.

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T GIVE CHILDREN GUNS.

THEY SHOOT THINGS.

YOU INCOMPREHENSIBLY DUMB FUCKS.

Once more, this is not a criticism of the writing. I think it’s very fair for Zeke and Eren to be interacting with forces beyond their understanding, and screw it all up badly. In Eren’s case, that force is some weird demigod demon who possibly sold their soul to the devil. In Zeke’s case, it’s the will to live.

Both very confusing things. It is perfectly reasonable for them to be having difficulties.

-pre-corpses screaming in the background, only in slowmo because the moment of Eren’s head being blown off hasn’t actually passed-

-Falco steaming in the dirt-

-all Eren’s friends risking their lives so they might maybe use the Founding Titan to fix this all up-

You can tell Eren and Zeke have a doctor for a father, because their elaborate plan depending on thousands of years of history and starting international incidents fails in the face of basic common sense.

No, I’m not done.

These would be the people who would change the world.

Eren.

This is why, when you were ten, your mother was already telling another ten-year-old to look after you. BECAUSE SHE KNEW. SHE KNEW THIS IS WHAT YOU WOULD CHOOSE TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE.

LO, BEHOLD THE NEW UNDERSTANDING OF CARLA’S TEARS AS HER CHILDREN LEAVE HER TO HER DEATH.

IF ONLY EITHER OF YOU HAD A BRAIN.

I’m sorry, I know I should be making comments on other parts of the chapter, but this is all just so typical, and so blisteringly obvious an outcome, and.

Well, we got a lot of nice shots of Grisha and his family. Yay.

Plus--

Oh.

Fuck.

No no no no no, no, I don’t want that.

The thought occurred that this probably is one of the many functions of the plot magic’s oddness around people remembering things they shouldn’t, and blah blah blah Eren crying at the start of the series, but...

Grisha sees Zeke for a moment. Just a moment, but he taps into their link in the Paths.

If Mikasa goes back to watch the memory of Eren sleeping while he’s supposed to be collecting firewood, I have objections. I don’t know what they are, but there’s a visceral reaction of how dare you if that’s where this is all heading.

But you know, that’s for people who do things like speculation about things that aren’t related to people with the last name Reiss, so not my problem.

Anyway, the flashbacks are not a surprise. Grisha loves Eren. He makes his mistakes with Zeke, and comes to regret them terribly. He becomes a better man, and leaves his obsession behind to hold his new family.

This explains what happens the night he kills the Reiss family very well.

In that moment, he must have felt, so keenly, that this is all his fault. He walks away from the Founder. He leaves his mission. He leaves the power behind.

The walls fall, and in the hands of the Reisses, the Founder can do nothing to assist.

His wife dies.

The obsession returns, and Grisha’s last act is saddling Eren with all of his mistakes. Because he learned from his old ones, but he found that those lessons just destroyed the new life he comes to love. Grisha abandons his cause, and Carla dies. Eldians die. Marley creates more victims.

How many people suffer needlessly because Grisha hesitates?

That’s not a burden he takes to well, and the Grisha in these memories never wanted his last moments with Eren to be what they were. It’s one more piece to the insanity that took hold that night. One more tragedy.

When Kruger gives Grisha the Attack Titan, he tells Grisha to love someone inside the walls. The instruction becomes to make a family, but its root is in love. The important part is that Grisha loves someone. Otherwise, the cycle continues.

Grisha loves his sons. He abuses one and nearly ruins him, and takes the next and loves him properly. That’s the son who rejects the idea that they should all die. He’s been given a life that he understands has glory in even its beginning moments, and understands how horrendous it is that Zeke would remove generations of future moments.

The problem that continues, however, is one that I imagine we’ll be addressing with future flashback episodes.

Zeke loves his little brother. Until time allows otherwise, he takes it for granted that his precious little brother will see things his way. He needs so little convincing to bring Eren into the fold. Even before he knows how much control he truly has, he fully accepts Eren.

He doesn’t know Eren.

Eren knows Zeke, because the truth of Zeke’s heart is in this plan.

He knows Zeke, and doesn’t do anything with that knowledge.

Eren and Zeke use each other to reach this place, and in the end, their failure to be there for one another results in neither one being able to wield the power that their union creates.

There might be love there, but it’s the ruined kind Grisha bestows on Zeke. Control is what matters. Reaching the end is what matters.

“Your wife. You child. Even someone on the street. It does not matter. Love someone inside the walls. If you can’t, we’re doomed to repeat it all again. The same history. The same mistakes. Again and again.”

The mistake Eren and Zeke make is the opposite of the one their father chooses in this memory. He puts his love for his family over his mission.

Eren and Zeke prioritize their mission so deeply that they might as well be strangers, no matter how often they refer to each other as brothers. Of course it’s a disaster.

The audience has been waiting for Eren’s side of this story for years, because we’ve watched him grow up. We’ve watched him struggle and triumph and lose himself, and none of that was enough to establish the train of thought that led to these choices that Zeke is so proud of him for making, so it’s been a known thing to us that he’ll have some sort of eventual reveal (which we’re still waiting on; this chapter just does us the favor of confirming that we are waiting).

Zeke wants to confirm Eren’s mindset before they kick things off, since he has the luxury of time in this space.

He never bothers to confirm Eren’s thoughts out in the living world. Not actively. Eren lies, and Zeke lets it pass as enough.

These two never try to help each other. They use each other up.

Zeke can swear to be there for Eren, can swear to set him free, but he does not see who his brother is, and Eren, knowing exactly what kind of person Zeke is, chooses to ignore that in favor of playing the long con.

They fail.

They fail their family by failing to see them as such, and so fail every other task they sought to accomplish.

The story’s forcing them to deal with that now, since they have so much time, but it is so easy to see why this happens. They’re desperate, and they grab their lifelines, and they decide that if there’s something wrong, it can wait.

In the metaphor, that’s fine. They need to stop drowning.

But they see each other as a lifeline before they see each other as siblings.

Grisha sees Zeke as a tool before he sees him as a son.

The same mistakes, over and over.

Some more familiar than others.

We’ve reached the above thing.

What I’m referencing is that really, all through this chapter my only concrete thought was Eren looks a lot like Frieda. Naturally not greatly evident in the shot that’s actually relevant to why I’m bringing it up. Why should I get nice things.

Like. A lot. To the point where it starts to feel intentional, not the result of my brain linking everything back to the Reiss lands. Eren’s hair doesn’t part like Grisha’s or Carla’s, and conveniently we’ve got the comparisons readily available. He has Frieda’s. The young woman his father took the Founding Titan from.

After a long series of consensual (with heavy sarcastic quotes, yes, but putting that aside for the moment) sacrifices, Frieda and Eren are the first in recent history to have their consent overridden. Frieda’s ripped to pieces by Grisha, and has her family slaughtered by him. Hours later, understanding nothing of either Titan he’s inheriting, Eren takes up the mantle.

Eren first sees Frieda through her eyes, looking in a mirror, and I absolutely know I’m reading too much into this, but give me a sec of indulgence. I rarely get to talk about Frieda in these posts.

Frieda, the one who Eren really does look bizarrely like, is Zeke’s foil.

In the two shots above, we have an older half-sibling using their powers to convince their younger sibling to see the world they want them to.

Zeke’s having his difficulties, but Frieda has none.

Frieda has a loving relationship with her little sister, and touches her head to Historia’s gently.

Zeke bashes his head to Eren’s forcefully.

Frieda loves Historia. She has no reason but love to come and pay her visits. She helps her learn to read, she rides horses with her, and provides her company.

Historia has all those memories taken away. Their relationship only exists on Frieda’s terms until five years after Frieda’s death.

In an attempt to keep this post from turning into me shouting about how the Reiss family is symbolic of the manga as a whole, and Historia needs to come back and rightfully re-dethrone Eren as the main protagonist, I’ll be brief:

Frieda screws Historia up.

She adores her little sister, but in a world without Frieda, Historia is left with neglect and an overwhelming sense that no one wants her to be alive. Frieda routinely takes away the memories that prove that belief wrong. For complicated reasons that a teenager shouldn’t be expected to handle, but Historia’s problems are still actively exacerbated by Frieda forcing her will on Historia.

Eren has more say in what his brother’s trying to pull, thanks to his own plot magic, but we see the problem, with the same dynamic.

Zeke loves Eren.

He can’t see past his view of the world to see Eren well enough to try to do what’s best for Eren.

This is not a collaboration. It’s two people fiercely opposed who have put that argument off until the last possible second rather than approach one another as equals.

Eren’s head is blown off. He’s due to be dead.

Zeke is still trying to rescue him from his own free will.

Love without respect is useless. It’s what turns the emotion selfish.

Idiots.

I’m torn on what this chapter means for future chapters, because I don’t see how Eren and Zeke are moving past this roadblock without finally dealing with the issues that landed them here, aaaand theoretically that means that Eren’s plan wins.

I guess we get to look forward to what that means if that’s the case.

But Eren’s head is still kind of. Not. On his body.

Which makes me think that whatever decision makes it out of Inception, it’s probably going to be one that alters the reality they’re playing with, and that is really hard to do satisfyingly.

Those are problems for another month, though.

I have trouble calling this chapter good, because a lot of it is. well, what did you expect when you chose to do things like this? There’s some satisfaction in the fact that the characters are truly being respected as the numbskulls they’ve behaved as, but that does little to make the overall situation better.

Thankfully, emotional flashbacks pander to my needs directly, so this will be a satisfying trainwreck, but, uh.

Yeah.

Local siblings don’t listen to each other on family roadtrip down memory lane, feat. apocalypse in the background. That is the chapter.

It needs to be drawn as the Renaissance painting it clearly is in spirit.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK 120 #Zeke Yeager #Eren Yeager #shingeki no spoilers #SnK spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr #chapter post

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drcsmdws-blog · 6 years ago

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have you been re-introduced to DORCAS MEADOWES? last we heard, the PUREBLOOD was most familiar with TIMELINE ONE. I don’t recall if they were always a RAVENCLAW, but I’ve heard the SEVENTH YEAR. is still LOYAL, STRATEGIC, OBSERVANT and INDECISIVE, OVERTHINKING, RETICENT, so that’s familiar. at least SHE remembers her way around the castle.

PINTEREST. | PLAYLIST.

CHARACTER INSPO: Astrid Leong ( Crazy Rich Asians ), Veronica Lodge ( Riverdale - i’m so sorry ), Rory Gilmore ( Gilmore Girls ), Peyton Charles ( iZombie ), Prue Halliwell( Charmed ), Celeste Wright ( Big Little Lies ),Carla Rosón ( Elite )

character history ( mentions of suicide, death, ocd, alcoholism )

HISTORY:

MEMORY ONE: THE FIRST WIN AGAINST BELARUS MEADOWES.

“Dad, why is my name Dorcas?”

“Why is the sky blue?”

The two had a chess date every Saturday afternoon that carried into her Hogwarts years. He’d make the trip to the castle just to spend some quality time and when Dorcas was old enough to go on Hogsmeade trips, they’d find their spot in Madame Puddifoots amidst the couples and giggling girls in the shop. Belarus loved being surrounded by so many happy and smitten people, Dorcas could see how he thrived, how he practically fed off of it like he was in deficit of it – of love. If Dorcas was being honest with herself ( which, she rarely was)she knew that things with her parents weren’t right, she knew her father and her mother didn’t really love each other the way they should’ve, the way the couples around them did, but she didn’t concern herself with that then.

She was playing to win and this chess game she might’ve had a chance.

Belarus gave a knowing smile, he knew his daughter well, he knew she was really really trying this time, but he was not going to give her the win. No matter how much she tried to distract him with nonsensical questions.

“It’s because it fits you,” he started, while Dorcas shot him look that said how could you think the name Dorcas fits anyone. “I’m serious, I knew you’d be a dork the minute you came out of your mother’s womb.”

“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”

“I like to think I’m clever, yes.”

“You’re not quick, though,” Dorcas announced triumphantly as the final move was made, a checkmate about to be declared. A semi-stunned Belarus leaned back in his chair and admired his daughter’s resourcefulness, her quick wit, he didn’t know if in that moment she’d have made a better Slytherin than Ravenclaw, but he thought she could’ve been a brilliant one. An argument could’ve been made that Dorcas, in another life, would’ve been a Slytherin, maybe if she’d grown up differently, maybe if she had to rely more on self-preservation than she did at cleverly hiding things away she didn’t want the world to know. If she had a quick wit that stung because hers soared, it carried her above the masses, it made her a formidable chess rival because she was able to see more from the towers than the dungeons. From Afar. Observant for the sake of learning, not just for survival.

Maybe she’d learned from the best, watching her father all these years, an imitation act that became an identity.

“Checkmate,” Dorcas smiled, bouncing in her seat, a bright smile on her face. In that moment, she could’ve screamed with joy, but it wasn’t the victory that was the most important to her – it was finally giving her father a worthy opponent. It wasn’t just student surpassing teacher, it was finally a meeting of EQUALS. Belarus would always complain to Dorcas about how dull the people at the pureblood societal events they went to were, the older she got the more he felt comfortable complaining and being so open, but he was never open enough. Even though he was her father, Dorcas knew he needed a friend, she hoped she could be as much as a friend to him as he was to her.

Dorcas had a ready mind, she could tell that her father was not happy, that he was pretending more often than not, it was something they had in common. At least they could brave this world. Together.

MEMORY TWO: THE FUNERAL OF BELARUS MEADOWES.

No one gave any speeches. No one remembered Belarus like Dorcas did. Her father, her monument, her soul – no one gave a shit, not a real one, besides Dorcas. No one wanted to give more attention to the shameful tragedy that was Belarus ending his life, they all thought him weak, unmanly, pathetic. Some say that death sweetens the memory but for Belarus, for everyone else but Dorcas, it made the memory of his existence and how it ended left a bitter taste in everyone’s mouths. They barely spoke his name. The family who he’d left behind barely able to comprehend what he’d done – Dorcas was no exception. She was the closest to him. She remembers begging her mother to let her give a eulogy, to do something for her father’s memory, but it was all a cut and dry affair. There could be no tragedy if they didn’t mourn him like one, denial was their friend, her mother would coo into her ear and though Dorcas knew she was right ( denial had been a dear friend over the years ) it didn’t feel like the right thing when it came to her father’s passing.

This struck Dorcas Meadowes as she was often NOT concerned on whether or not she was doing the right thing.

Every year she leaves a charmed Peace Lily that lasts an entire month without any additional care ( because who else besides Dorcas would visit him? ), every year there’s a period of time where Dorcas just shuts herself in her bathtub and reads. Not the Prophet, which once held Belarus’ obituary and a small section reserved for the Meadowes family and their contribution to society, but the books she used to read with her father that she doesn’t touch any other days of the year. Dorcas, who has always had various preparations for anything she did now lived by the little rituals to help her get through the monotony of her life without her father. The extensive skin care routine. The bi-weekly hair masks made by her own hands, diligently crafted in her cauldron. The way she redid and color coded the notes she had for all her classes every Saturday afternoon at the end of the week. Making her bed, the corners perfectly in place, every morning. Rituals which help her maintain some semblance of balance without him around, to help her cope, that have become staples in her life that help her gather up the endurance to continue being her.

She goes on that way, the Dorcas Meadowes shown to the world is clever and knows what to say, know how to say the right things and when, is kind and is your friend, but not your best friend. She’s popular and known, she’s warm but distant, she’s an enigma to some but really she’s just a girl who knew the art of surviving and knew how to make the best out of a situation that was impossible. That she couldn’t escape from. That she wouldn’t dream to escape from because why should she? The money, the access, the lack of personal fulfillment was easy to mask, she had the privilege to do so much – she could do so much more from within should she ever want to lift a finger to do more than she did. There was nothing morally against her life, it might’ve killed her father, but how could she leave? Her friends who meant the world to her were still by her side, the ones she’d grown up with, her mother may not have loved her but she had a legacy, a birthright, she had a place in society that was too precious to give up and she knew it. Dorcas knew it, even if it killed her too, that her life was textbook-ly too good to leave.

Still, she wondered, why couldn’t her father have stayed? At his funeral she looked at him, his body, one last time before he was put into the ground and could only wonder why?

She always thought she understood him, that she understood how he felt, but had she? Had she ever? Had she really? When she could still stay in this world while he was gone?

MEMORY THREE: THE MOURNING OF BELARUS MEADOWES: BARGAINING.

Had Dorcas Meadowes ever been loved by her mother? Truly loved? Given a hug not based on merit but because when you love someone so much you just can’t help but to physically cherish them, their existence, to express it in physical touch. Had she ever given her daughter a kiss on the cheek before bed, wishing her sweet dreams, reading bedtime story upon bed time story until her imagination was quelled into a sleep filled with dreams&technicolor fantasies?

( Dorcas doesn’t dream anymore. If it’s not a dark sleep, it’s a scene. It’s a flashback. It’s the coroner’s report. Her father’s casket buried into the ground. Bottles of Merlot broken upon marble floors – was his blood that red too when he passed? It’s question after question, It’s maze after maze. Dorcas doesn’t dream anymore. )

Had her mother ever made her laugh so hard her mascara smudged, had she ever ever spent hours upon hours playing chess with her? Had they read in their library in tandem, sitting in a comfortable silence for hours on end? Had they ever sat on the balcony in their villa at Lake Como and talked about the world, about the stars ( she never listened or cared much about them but when Belarus talked about the stars, about anything, you listened ). Had she ever gone to Paris with her and serenaded her on the tip top of the Eiffel tower? Had her mother spent hours answering every question Dorcas ever had? Had she run through the streets of Rome with her, flown on a broomstick at night around the Colosseum ( What fun would being a wizard be if we can’t break into muggle monuments, my Doe? ). Had she jumped in the turquoise waters of Santorini and spoken extremely horrible Greek with a tired Dorcas carried on her shoulders?

Had she ever helped her when it wasn’t in her best interest to do so? Had she ever let her daughter have the option of being ANYTHING but her own personal Atlas?

( Her mother spent hours lost in booze, lost in anger, in a rage that Dorcas could understand, could feel herself some days but with a Sterling Silver Role Model like her mother she vowed to never ever be like her. Her children would never know their mother blacked out, slurred speech, screaming, her children would only know chess, kindness, laughter, charms&gentleness – this she VOWS. )

Dorcas wishes she could’ve lightened the load he felt, she hopes, she ( dreams ) knows that having just one month with him she could finally understand why he did what he did, why he left her, why she wasn’t enough to tie him to this Earth for even a few years more when theyboth could’ve made their escape? Didn’t he know she’d follow him to the ends of the Earth, didn’t he know he was her world, her stars, her sky, her ocean? If she had told him more, if only she had written him more letters. It kept her up at night, thinking of why she wasn’t enough and what more she could’ve done because when she looked back, she knew there was always so much more she could’ve been & done for him, Dorcas wondered too – did he know something she didn’t about leaving this society? Was she forever trapped like him, wasdeath the only way out, was that why he did it? Why, why, why, she made herself sick with the why but that wasn’t as important as the gift that having one more month with him would be. Maybe, with their minds combined – she could bring him back. Permanently.

( At least with a month she could let him know she loved him, she’d go to the ends of the world with & for him, that he was so so loved by her, that at least if she could onlyhaveonemonth, if life was to be even crueler than it already had been by giving her so much yet so little time, Dorcas could let her father know he was loved. Some people would be angry, sure, she was angry, but not at him. At everyone else around him. At his wife, her mother, but Merlin, he was loved. That would be enough. )

Lie. She needed so much more.

REACTION:

Dorcas lets herself live in such denial, lets herself push down every doubt she has and any intent on acting on it easily because there is no need to act. But in the other timelines? There was. In one, Voldemort won – she knows deep down she couldn’t have stood idly by and feels a deep sense of agony at the idea of doing so & getting confirmation that she didn’t is both relieving and terrifying. Abandoning the people she grew up with ( because that’s what it is at the end of the day to those in pureblood society, abandonment ) is something she couldn’t see herself doing in her original timeline, but knowing she could should the political climate call for it, that her morals won out, that they always will – gives her hope. It’s intriguing as well, getting proof that other timelines and alternative universes exist. Fascinating for someone who’s already interested in the great beyond and fantasy worlds she’s read in her books but realizing she was living in a utopia compared to the other timelines is sobering. Seeing the people she cares about in other timelines suffering through other universes while she’s in her ivory tower is guilt-inducing as well. It’s a wake up call, because Dorcas never would’ve described herself as unhappy in her timeline now but seeing other timelines makes her realize things she’s been trying to hide from herself for so long and it’s scary.

#diversions.i #i decided to copy and paste my app bc im TOO LAZY TO MAKE AN INTRO #ill post wanted connections soon #also ill never use the gif of her playing cello in game SO here's a gif of gayoung playing cello

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jodiwalker · 6 years ago

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TATBT Recommends: 'The Haunting of Hill House,' AKA, Spooky 'Parenthood'

"Ghosts can be a lot of things: a memory, a daydream... but most times they're just what we want to see."

**This article originally appeared in the TATBT newsletter. No spoilers beyond the first episode!**

Steven Crain uses these words to undermine the idea of "real" ghosts in the earliest moments of this ghost story, immediately establishing himself as The Haunting of Hill House’s skeptical audience surrogate (although I trust that we are all much less of a drag than Steve, while simultaneously being just as hot as him).

Series creator Mike Flanagan then spends the next 10 episodes proving to us and to Steven, in the most frightening ways possible, that just because the ghosts of Hill House can be explained doesn't make them any less real — and no amount of logical explanation can rid Steven or his family of the ghosts that bind them together. Trauma is not logic-bound, and neither are the scars it leaves behind.

The Haunting of Hill House dropped on Netflix a week ago, and while I knew it would be an extremely loose adaptation of Shirley Jackson's fearsome 1959 gothic horror novel of the same name, I surely could not have guessed that the malleable nature of that adaptation would turn this haunted house story into what I've been referring to as...Spooky Parenthood.

And that’s a compliment. Prepare yourself for a gushing recommendation,; although I do discourage you from watching Hill House with the lights off, a full bladder, or in the near vicinity of anything that casts a shadow. The list of things that made me do a double-take, followed by a full 20-second stare down to see if they moved again include: the shadow of a sink faucet, every open door in my house, and the reflection of my own face in the TV when I finally turned Hill House off.

The Haunting of Hill House follows the Crain family at two different points in their lives: the summer when they briefly lived in a gorgeous, super haunted Victorian manor that was "born bad," and then 26 years later when a great tragedy forces them to reckon with the ways in which that house never left them, no matter how long ago they left it. The nonlinear nature of this family story might lend itself more glaringly to a This Is Us comparison, but the thing is...I'm the one making said comparison, and I think Parenthood is a far superior family drama to This Is Us.

And The Haunting of Hill House is, indeed, an excellent family drama. Who knew?! I love a good scare, especially around Halloween, so I set into Hill House expecting to do a little doom, make a little ghost, get scared tonight. All those things happened, but I also found myself crying repeatedly — a reaction to entertainment I both cherish and live in fear of. The cleverness of this series is that Flanagan understands that horror can be doubly horrifying when its rooted in care.

After getting to know the Crain family, you don't just want these people not to be tormented by ghosts because ghosts are the worst; you don't want them not to be tormented by ghosts because you care for them, in that same complicated way they care for each other in the midst of their own grief and tragedy.

The scares of Hill House aren’t just frightening...they’re sad. And surely there is nothing more frightening than despair. So the question remains: can you enjoy watching a series that asks you to repeatedly bare your second-hand soul in a sea of self-reflective human tears?

Parenthood and The Haunting of Hill House say yes you can, and you will probably love it all the more precisely because of that emotional connection.

With style and empathy, Hill House coaxes viewers into caring for a family who turn away from their shared trauma and mental health at every turn. It makes you care for them so hard, you won't even give up on them when those turns so often reveal floating men in bowler hats and long-haired ladies with disturbing 90-degree angles in their necks.

Because of that time spent cowering under beds and around corners with the terrorized younger Crains, you understand why older Luke would turn to drugs; why Shirley would build up walls so steep no one can get in; why Theo would give so much to her work and so little to herself; why Nell would find the allure of her mother's own mysterious demise irresistible in the wake of numbing personal tragedy; and why Steve...

Well, Steve is just kind of sanctimonious and rude, but he's an eldest child with a superiority complex, and when building a family drama, it's important to depict accurate family dynamics. We need look no further than Adam and Kristina Braverman to know that just because someone is annoying doesn't mean they're not bringing a necessary ingredient to the familial table.

Sorry oldest children. — signed, ME, an endlessly lovable youngest child; a more reliable Crosby, if you will.

Of course, the youngest child in this scenario is Nell, a touch on the unreliable side because at only 6-years-old when her parents moved her to Hill House, she and her twin Luke were most vulnerable the spectral happenings within. A child cannot use logic or happenstance to explain away what's right in front of them — they can only see what's there. It's no surprise that being told what’s right in front of you is actually all in your head could leave psychological scars so lasting they'd lead grown-up Nell to...

Well, you’ll see.

If you don't like horror or earnestness, there's a good chance you won't like The Haunting of Hill House. But if you like even one of those things, this weird hybrid of a series might just sway you into liking the other. To call it "fun" would not exactly be correct on account of all the oppressive grief and sorrow and whatnot. But it thrills in that way only a truly spooky story can, and the family at its center is so thoroughly engaging.

Undoubtedly, life is a far more difficult journey for the Crains than it was for the Bravermans, but I am here to tell you, the healing that awaits them at the end of this battle is worth the fights and frights, if you’re willing to take the trip with them.

Oh that's right — this show is scary as hell and it gets a (mostly) happy ending. A few other helpful things to know going in:

THE CASTING

I've said repeatedly that Flanagan takes his time establishing empathy for the Crain family through recognizable sibling dynamics, and familial grief and devotion, but there is one thing he employs that establishes connection immediately...

The Crains are all smokin’ gorgeous, starting with their parents played by Henry Thomas in a pair of spooky-but-whatever-I'm-into-it blue contacts and Carla Gugino who has been maybe the most beautiful woman in the world for like 20 years running. The woman does not age, she just spawns cute little versions of herself who grow up to be beautiful, haunted adult iterations of herself. And the only thing I like more than a group of unreasonably hot characters...

Is the perfect casting of miniature versions of those characters. Seriously, I know y'all like This Is Us, but eat your fucking heart out Mandy Moore's painted-on wrinkles. The kids in that show are cute and they bear a passing resemblance to their adult counterparts, sure, but look at this:

Elizabeth Reaser (grown-up Shirley) and Lulu Wilson (l'il Shirley and also Camille's ghost sister in Sharp Objects) look...exactly alike??? It is wild. And it just goes on from there...

I've hardly even mentioned Theo, the coolest Crain sibling by far, played by the impossibly gorgeous Kate Siegel in full-size, and by the most prolific child actor of her generation, McKenna Grace, in fun-size.

I have mentioned Steve, but it's worth noting that much of his insufferable adult characteristics are assuaged by the fact that his younger self (Paxton Singleton) is a highly endearing little preteen nugget, and his older self is played by hot ass Michiel Huisman pretending to be a nerd by always carrying around a pair of lucite-framed glasses, but never actually wearing them.

And, oh the twins; these poor, poor twins who have just the most adorable faces, you can almost understand how a ghost would want to get all up in there for a squeeze. Given all these Honey-I-Shrunk-the-Actor magic tricks, it could only be intentional that tiny bespectacled Luke (Julian Hilliard who must have Jacob Tremblay absolutely shaking) grows up to be Oliver Jackson-Cohen who could legitimately play Captain America post-experiment.

The camera spends a lot of its 10-hour run time zoomed-in on the face of little Nelly (Violet McCraw), so it's a delight every time you're struck once more by how much grown-up Nell (Victoria Pedretti) looks exactly like an enlarged version of her child self...even if every zoom of grown-up Nell is not a delight in and of itself.

That’s from the first episode! It’s not a spoiler, really! You’ll just have to watch!

IT'S THE SUMMER OF 1992

The Mall of America is opening, Ross Perot thinks he should run for President, and the Crain family have just moved to Hill House with intentions of flipping it to make enough money for their "forever home." It's difficult to immediately tell what time period the Crains are in when they move into Hill House because Olivia, the warm but occasionally possessed Crain mother is prone to swanning around the drafty mansion in velvet robes and wedges.

So, sometimes you might feel like it's 1970, but knowing from the beginning that it's 1992 could be helpful to your viewing experience.

The present-day timeline is 26 years later, and this will make it all the more curious as to why they brought in Timothy Hutton to play a 26-years-later Henry Thomas when Timothy Hutton is only 10 years older than Henry Thomas, but...should I just show you the young-and-old Shirley comparison again, and what say we forget all about this misstep??

THIS IS EPISODIC TELEVISION

The first five episodes of Hill House are building blocks, each one told from a different Crain sibling's perspective. I don't normally like to say this because it can make a viewer hyper-aware of their own viewing experience, but you gotta stay vigilant when there are ghouls peeking out from every dark corner anyway, so here goes: Just give it a few episodes! You might not find yourself enthralled in the first one or two, but the build is so enjoyable along the way. Y'know, if you find secondhand suffering and personal terror enjoyable (I doooo).

And once you make it to episode 5 — Nell's episode — you might not shake it for days. I certainly would not recommend watching it right before bedtime or in any sort of rush. I can think of few other entertainment experiences so suspenseful and conclusive; so terrifying and moving all at once.

And that emotional climax makes the perfect entry point to the marathon that is episode 6, which plays out like a stage production in only five continuous shots, the longest one running 17 minutes straight.

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And this is where I warn you that some people who have loved the series have not loved the final episode. I am not one of those people because I'm sappy as hell and I love a perfectly tied ribbon around an oozing, molding, rotten, terror-wrapped package.

No, the emotion-heavy resolution of Hill House is not subtle, but family resolutions rarely are. They take time, and work, and they cannot be passive. Deep wounds — cuts that have been kept open for a lifetime — must be healed with intention. The ghosts that have haunted the Crain family for decades haven't disappeared by the time the final credits roll, but acknowledging that they were ever there in the first place is comfort enough.

Get more recaps, recommendations, and rundowns from the These Are the Best Things newsletter -- your one-stop shop for pop culture!

#the haunting of hill house #haunting of hill house #theo crain #luke crain #nell crain #shirley crain #steve crain #hill house

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yvonneshan · 3 years ago

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This Is Why Tiny Things Make Us So Happy

Have you ever found yourself wandering the kitchen supplies section and gravitating toward exceptionally small whisks or spatulas, wondering how anyone could possibly find a use for them—and yet, feeling strangely compelled to buy them? Or maybe you don't consider yourself a "baby person," but find yourself letting out an involuntary squeal upon holding your friend's child for the first time and noticing its tiny fingers and toes? If so, you—like many other people on this planet—have been on the receiving end of the effects of cuteness psychology.

The "psychology of cuteness" might sound made up, but it has roots in research going back more than 70 years. Here's what to know about the science of cuteness and why tiny objects—both natural and artificial—have the ability to make us happy and comforted.

The Origins of Cuteness Psychology Even if you don't recognize his name, you're probably familiar with the work of Konrad Lorenz, a German ethologist who introduced the concept of the baby schema ("Kindchenschema") in 1943. The "baby schema" is the theory that certain physical features that are typically associated with babies—like a round face and big eyes—are so irresistibly cute to humans they will prompt us to not only feel delight, but actually desire to take care of someone or something.

"The psychology of cuteness is the idea that we find things cute that require parental care," Amanda Levison, a licensed professional counselor from Neurofeedback and Counseling Center in Harrisburg, Penn., tells Real Simple. "This happens to elicit a response out of us to take care of the babies or baby animals that need to be taken care of. Seeing something small and cute stimulates bonding behaviors and the need to take care of it and protect it."

And while this tidy evolutionary explanation makes sense, our attraction to small objects isn't entirely a result of a primitive desire to act as a parent and/or do our part to propagate the species. In fact, more recent research has indicated that our reaction to cuteness isn't necessarily directly related to some sort of instinctual need to nurture, but rather more of a general, positive feeling that can influence how we socially interact with other people. Here are some of the ways that can play out.

Our hormones are at it again. Part of the whole helpless-but-irresistible, big-eyed baby narrative is that seeing these adorable tiny humans or animals releases oxytocin—aka the "love hormone"—which is involved with forming emotional bonds, explains Varun Choudhary, MD, a board-certified forensic psychiatrist. But again, this goes beyond laughing babies and yawning puppies, and also applies to our affection for all things tiny. When the body releases oxytocin, this "makes us feel in love with the object we are attracted to," says Pareen Sehat, MC, RCC, a registered clinical counselor and certified mental health professional practicing in Vancouver, Canada.

Oxytocin is not the only hormone involved. "Dopamine is one of the most important hormones that triggers happiness and any positive emotional response," Sehat says. "Whenever we see tiny things we find cute and attractive, our brain releases dopamine and makes us feel happy."

This is another example of evolutionary biology at work, according to Sam Von Reiche, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Paramus, N.J., and the author of Rethink Your Shrink: The Best Alternatives to Talk Therapy and Meds, "The human brain is designed to love cute, small things by rewarding us with a shot of dopamine—which makes us feel very happy—whenever we behold them, to help guarantee we will be drawn to our tiny babies and want to take care of and protect them," Von Reiche say. "This ensures their survival and, in turn, the survival of our species."

Stay on top of the latest PE bag prices with zxprinter's page.

Small things bring back the comforts of childhood. There's a reason why we were all turning to the music, movies, and TV shows of our youth during the darkest days of the COVID-19 pandemic: Nostalgia can be a great source of comfort. But it doesn't require a global crisis for us to be drawn to objects that remind us of childhood. "People may experience different emotions to an object depending on the imprinted emotions that may be attached to a memory," Dr. Choudhary says. "For example, a young child receives a Mickey Mouse watch from her parents and later associates tiny Mickey Mouse figurines with a sense of comfort and security."

By the time we're adults, we have decades of experience forming strong emotional attachments with external objects, something Dr. Choudhary says is part of our neurodevelopmental process. "Psychoanalysts call them 'transitional objects' because they are a source of security while we process and understand our world," he explains, noting that these items are usually small, like a doll, blanket, or ball. But, as we've learned from the plot of every Toy Story movie, there comes a point when children outgrow their playthings. "As we grow older, this need to find external security diminishes as our internal world becomes more prominent," Dr. Choudhary continues.

While this makes sense, so does the idea that in times of stress, we return to things that gave us comfort at an early age. And it doesn't need to be the exact same teddy bear or toy we played with as a child—or even a toy at all. It could be a miniature version of an item. "Subconsciously, we positively associate tiny objects with the security and comfort they brought us in an earlier time in our lives," he says.

We experience awe and wonder. Our brains are often drawn to the unique and unusual. "Miniatures—tiny objects—draw our attention because they are extraordinary; the mind knows that the object is highly unusual as to size while being familiar as to design," says Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Sonoma County, Calif. "Thus, the mind finds the tiny object appealing—cute and adorable—as it evokes a sense of normalcy and oddity at the same time."

There's also what Gail Saltz, MD, a psychiatrist and associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, refers to as the "awe factor," or wondering how in the world something that's usually so big can be made in such a small size. "Seeing a marvel or feat that reminds us how amazing, talented, creative people are makes us feel good," she says. "Seeing something that makes us use our imagination, and is so original [that] it gives us pleasure can, like art, [be] a creative wonder."

They're nice and nonthreatening. As humans, we like to feel a sense of control over at least some aspects of our lives (even though, in reality, we don't really). This is another part of the appeal of diminutive items, according to Brian Wind, PhD, a clinical psychologist and adjunct professor at Vanderbilt University, who explains that our fascination with the teeny "could also be linked to the fact that often we have a greater sense of control and power over smaller things."

Along the same lines, Levison points out that we're drawn to "their helplessness [and] inability to pose a threat to us." So not only do tiny things make us feel safer because we don't find them threatening, they can also give us the confidence boost that comes with feeling in control or dominant (even if that feeling is triggered by one of those airplane-sized bottles of Tabasco sauce).

They're symbolic stand-ins for the real thing. On another level, some people may gravitate towards miniatures because they don't have the money or access required to obtain the real-life versions. "While we might not be able to obtain certain items such as a live owl, an expensive race car, or a giant statue, a miniature copy can offer incredible emotional rewards," Manly explains.

This is also one of the reasons people purchase and then gift or collect cheesy souvenirs when they're out of town. "Certain tiny objects from one's travels—for example, a tiny Eiffel Tower—can bring a sense of connection to important life events and the people who have shared our journey," she adds. "Depending on one's inner needs and attachment to a certain item, a miniature object can bring a sense of pleasure, satisfaction, and even emotional relief."

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originalnovelist · 7 years ago

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Nobody Knows.

INVOLVED: Samuel Evans and Michelle Pitter. TIME FRAME: Flashback. LOCATION: Michelle’s Home; Los Angeles, California. NOTES: Samuel confides in Michelle like he always does.

Hearing a knock at the door Michelle walked over to it, fresh face, brushed teeth, robe on, hair tied ready to start her day. She was curious to know who could possibly be paying her a visit without a heads-up. She looked out the peephole squinting a bit before she opened the door fully and said “Samuel, what the hell you are doing here boy?”

Samuel waited for the woman to answer and it would be just his damn luck if she didn’t. But she seemed to always be there when he really needed her, she had to be here now, especially now. As she opened the door he sighed relieved because he had nowhere else to go after this. “We have got to talk man” he told her shaking his head. “It’s very important” he added.

Michelle looked at him “come in” she said without hesitation despite the way she initially greeted him “what’s going on?” she asked him looking him over, he was dressed well so he couldn’t be going through too much. “Here give me your backpack” she said as she took it from him moving to place it in a safe place for him while he was there. She joined him in the living room and said, “you hungry?” as she caressed his face. “You want some breakfast?”

Samuel rolled his backpack off letting Michelle have it, he sighed again as he moved to sit on her couch. She had changed some things up a bit since the last time he had been there, but that made perfectly good sense. The business woman had a modern flair about her and the only thing she loved more outside of her actual business was her home, and she always kept it spotless and neat something that he loved because he were the same way. “Sure; you’d cook for me?” he asked with a smirk on his face.

“Oh, stop it” Michelle said nudging him “you know I got you” she winked as she moved to the kitchen. “Come in here, and we can talk” she called out.

Samuel moved into her kitchen, he sat on the bar stool and watched her from behind. “Carla fucked me over” Samuel said finally. “I made the huge mistake of sleeping with her a few months back, Mercedes was pregnant with Mackenna” he sighed. “She uh, she fucking ‘caused a scene…”

“Something that bitch always does” Michelle said, “carry on”.

“Yeah, she caused a scene and I only took Mercedes to the chick’s home to prevent these things from happening. I fucked myself over with that, I didn’t want Mercedes thinking we were doing anything more than co-parenting. I didn’t want to give her any doubts you know, but I wanted my baby, he needs to be around me more” Samuel told her leaning forward elbows pressed into the counter. “She told Mercedes we fucked, well she said it out loud and Mercedes overheard her. She was pissed of course….” he trailed off.

Michelle looked to Samuel having sat out all the things she needed within her cabinets and fridge. She shook her head at Samuel folding her arms over her chest “why in the hell would you do that to Mercedes of all people?” she asked him seriously. “You love her, why would you make that stupid mistake? And with Carla?” she asked him looking at him wildly. “Damn Sam” she said disappointed in the man. “You know Carla does this shit, you knew there was a possibility that she would go back and tell. She has always had this problem with trying to have the one up on bitches, that’s why the skank had it in for me” she told him. “Look, I told you long time ago. I don’t mind the other women, I don’t mind you dipping in and out, I never ever mind Mercedes, ever. But I said you are playing with fire because these women don’t respect the side chick code” she stressed. “You never go back to the woman he wants and fucks him over like that… these bitches messy as fuck. I have known you for years and the only bitch that knows about me is Carl because the bitch is nosey and messy” she told him. “As a matter of fact I know it’s been a while since you fucked her because it’s been a while since I seen you, you dropped me as soon as Mercedes showed and I was fine with that because I know she’s the only woman you love. You know you don’t love those bitches, hell you don’t love me” she said pointing to herself.

“Man, I don’t know why I did the shit. It was not to get back at her or anything. I mean we clashed a bit and I’d just do my own thing but I don’t really know why I went to Carla” Samuel said shaking his own head.

“You do know why, see you give that foreign bitch too much power over you” she told him. “It makes me sick” she said rolling her head and eyes. “Yes, you too were in a bad car accident. Hell, I was there I sent you and the bitch flowers and get well soon cards, okay. I remember” she told him. “You were reckless, y’all were fighting. Next thing you know your car looks like something straight out of a movie, I mean smashed to pieces” Michelle emphasized. “That bitch has been able to play you ever since. You think you owe her something because you made a mistake?” she asked. “Baby boy, you don’t owe Carla nothing, she’s perfectly fine and you are the sick one because of it, not her…”

“She could have died because of me, you don’t think you’d hold on to that. And I was sick, and I was down, and I was out, and she took care of me. She was there every second of every day Michelle I just can’t dismiss that, no matter who or what she did. I don’t like to keep her close, but hell she had to put me back together again and she did it with no complaints” Samuel told her.

“And in your same right you healed her… because you felt guilty. You gave her the home, the keys, the car, the lifestyle. You gave her everything. And she repaid you by burning the shit down?” she asked. “I would never have done you that way” Michelle argued. “She could not be that jealous, I am sorry. I have been fucked by you and was called Mercedes name in the process. And I can still look you in your face. Everyone knows where your heart lies. There is no way that spiteful bitch ever thought she’d win over Mercedes” she said. “That’s facts” she added.

“She’s what I know, we lived together for two going on three years. She filled voids. Mercedes was back and forth, and I grew attached to her. To it. Even when she cheated. Mercedes came back off tour, and she was cheating leading right up to the baby incident. I didn’t believe that bitch at first. Even if she were I knew it wasn’t mine, at first” Samuel said shifting in the seat. “I did not want that on Mercedes plate I’d admit. Plus she had been sleeping with other men, I just knew the bitch was on birth control, there’s no way she didn’t play me at all corners she knew what she were doing” he told her.

“You let her play you…” Michelle said.

“She was my girlfriend” Samuel countered.

“Who had plenty of other boyfriends” Michelle rebuttaled.

“And I had you” Samuel pointed out.

“Touché” Michelle said raising her hands in defense. “But I have always been around, I was the first person you met when you moved here” she told him shrugging. “And not once have I ever made life hard for you, is my point. I don’t want your house, your cars, Mercedes ring, none of it. I know you. I know who you are. I know what you want. And I know who the real love of your life is…” she told him.

“Carla fucked me over and so did Natasha, so I am left with nothing” Samuel said.

“Natasha is married Samuel, you need to figure out who’s child that really is” she said face written with disgust. “I can not believe you betrayed Mercedes like this, look, I know I can’t talk because there are plenty times I fucked you in the cross hairs, none as of late. Not in the last year or so. But either way. I don’t have a say, but I have to say. One, if you got me pregnant honey that child won’t exist after that pregnancy test. Two, there is no way I was going to play on Mercedes phone or go over to her house about it. Three, I respect her way too much for that. I don’t know much about her, but in some way somehow, that girl manages to soften the strongest and toughest guy I have ever laid eyes on. I was there, during the tears and grief, and the hatred you possessed for her. Somehow, she still won in the end… I know everyone isn’t me but I damn sure don’t see the point of taunting Mercedes” Michelle shrugged again. “I just don’t have that type of energy honey, I am sorry. I sent a gender reveal gift, I sent a baby shower gift, I found the Barbie for Valentine’s day, and I found the car you gave her. That’s the only dipping and dabbing I’ve been doing” she told him matter-of-factly. “Your daughter is gorgeous, you guys make beautiful kids, I was ecstatic she accepted the proposal because you still haven’t gotten over that mess. I thought it was a step in the right direction, however I must have been wrong. Because you still haven’t gotten it yet. Pussy is not everything baby” she told him, “come on you are getting too old for this” she told him.

Samuel looked to Michelle and he sighed, no everyone was not like her. The girl did way more than a side chick should do however always managed to stay in the background of things. She sent more birthday cards to his family and friends for him then anyone else, along with Mercedes she managed to always keep his health on track, when he stayed to long she put his ass out, when he needed guidance she gave it, she was leveled headed. She was always there to catch him right before he fell, but most importantly she let him make his own decisions she never told him what to do, never gave her opinion until it truly mattered. He learned the hard way anyway, there wasn’t much more she could do. “CJ hooked me up with Natasha, I don’t know why I fuck with that dude man…” he said taking his hat off and running his hands through his hair.

“Neither do I. Someone who cheats on his baby’s mother himself, doesn’t seem like the proper influencer” she told him. “You always let him coax you into shit. You getting your dick suck or wet with another bitch to relieve stress or tension is not an excuse. Open your mouth and talk to people like you talk to me. Why must you run to weed and pussy?” she asked him. “You know what don’t answer that, I am going to tell you why. You do it because you aren’t shit just like your daddy ain’t shit” she said. Michelle turned to the stove and begin to cook him breakfast despite her annoyance with him. “Your daddy talk to your mother any kind of way, he cheats, he hits her, the anger that man has built up inside him for God knows why, has trickled right down to all of you. And it’s sad, because your mother doesn’t have to put up with that treatment but she does for whatever crazy ass reason” Michelle said. “You always use to tell me you don’t want to be like him… wake up Sam. You have him beat baby” she said looking back at him.

“Man get that shit out of here, right now” Samuel said. “I am nothing like my father don’t say shit like that” he said pointing at her as his jaw clenched at the thought. He hates his father with every ounce of his being. He was a true dog, and Samuel had watched his madness and how it affected his mother for years. “I am nothing like him. I would never hit Mercedes, I would never do my children the way he did me. My fucking father hated us, okay, I don’t do that to my kids I love each and every one of them. Take that shit back!” he argued.

“You don’t hit her but you hit everybody else” Michelle said as she moved over to him. “You want to hit me right now, the only difference is, I don’t allow you to treat me the way you do those other bitches. You ain’t never touched me and you won’t” she sneered at him. “You love your kids I know that, but everything else in you is your father” she said poking him in his chest. “Look in the mirror Samuel…” she sighed. “You are nasty Samuel, and you shouldn’t be because you are dying for fuck sakes!” she stressed. “Still on the waiting list for a heart transplant even now, and you have the nerve to go run off the only other person outside of myself that actually cares if you die or not. Carla is going to stomped you down into the grave and Natasha is going to be by her side” she said. “And you know Natasha just after your money, you dumb ass” she barked. “You’re so smart, but you so stupid” she tossed out.

Samuel looked down at the counter and he blinked slowly, the last thing he wanted someone to tell him is that he turned out to be just like his father. That man was garbage and he never liked him, never wanted to be him, and can’t stand him. Licking his lips, he sat there with his hands in his lap until she finished. “Well she’s gone, and she took Mackenna with her”.

“Good, I hope she doesn’t come back until you fix yourself” Michelle said.

“Right” Samuel said with a shake of his head “she might as well, she never loved me like I loved her anyway” he shrugged.

Michelle raised an eyebrow “I don’t know her personally but to be with you is to love you. Because God knows, it takes the heavens to deal with you” she told him. “Stop being dramatic..”

“I was a good fuck nothing more, if she didn’t get pregnant half of this would still be a fantasy” Samuel told Michelle.

“And if that’s true that’s neither here nor there now. She’s out of your hair if you feel that way, take care of your kids and move on” Michelle said easily.

Samuel smacked his teeth, “I want her to love me, I want her to see me” he said.

“See you? Now I know you are being very dramatic” Michelle asked, “what makes you think she doesn’t see you, you’re hard to miss baby?” she said confused. “She sees you and she knows you” she said running her hands through her long weave. “You can’t love and hate someone at the same time. Pick a side” she told him. “You use to cry over this girl, a grown man, as big as you are crying over this girl on my couch” she huffed. “Always wanting to know who could be seducing her and who could be taking your girl. And know you’ve thrown her into a big ass pond full of hungry sharks that will stop at nothing to make her their baby momma too, you a damn fool. Carla will never love you like she will love you, Natasha will never love you like she will love you, I care deeply I want you to succeed, I really truly do, I want you to be happy, because people don’t give you enough credit, man with you when it good it’s so good, you treat a woman like a literal Queen, but even I know that. I will never love you more than she will” she told him truthfully. “It just ain’t gonna happen baby”. She rested her hand on his back “she only dealt with you for this long because she has guilty of her own doings, but make no mistake, you’ve lost her because you’ve caused her to probably lose her damn self in you. And by damn, that’s the worst thing you could make a woman realize. The moment I woke up and said to myself this ass is really making me fall in love with the thought of him, I had to drop you, because I know you’d never be mine and I’d only play myself in the end…” she looked at him in his face, grabbing it she turned him to look at her and she said “leave her alone…. because you were sloppy, how I don’t know but you were. And you don’t really love her. Love would’ve kept your ass right at home.”

“I did not try to hurt her, I did not...” Samuel said as he gazed into her colored eyes. “I did not” he said again even as his glossed over.

“But you did” Michelle said softly. “You did, that’s exactly what you did. You hurt her” she told him.

“So now I’m left with nothing. I don’t have my child. I don’t have her and then there Carla and Natasha?” Samuel asked.

“Don’t worry about Carla or Natasha, I have that handled. You just need to worry about yourself and being a great father to your kids. Even if you aren’t close to her you can still do plenty for Macky” Michelle said. “That is YOUR baby” she said “that’s something Mercedes can NOT take away from you. And if she tried she’s going to have to see me about that honey, because you are an amazing dad. And that’s what separates you from your own” she consoled. “You were destined to be this man the second the doctor told your mother it was a boy. Your mother should have protected you guys from him. Instead she chose not to” she sighed. “I wish I could say you could be a better man then the one that you are now, but I don’t really know if that’s true. With CJ, your guilt, your hate, and your father still being a dark cloud in your life… I mean. Could I really ask you to be better when there's chaos all around you every day?” she said sucking her teeth. “Either way, you are the you that you are, like it or leave it. She left it, so you have to like it. Accept it and move on. Change or stay the same. Endure or fall back, that’s your choice to make. I can’t make it for you” she said. “But change who you are for someone else? I won’t ask you to do that, the same qualities that people hate about you are the same ones that attract them too you and I be damn if I become a hypocrite. I love your rough and soft edges” she smiled. “You make mistakes, and no one is perfect. Someone needs to guide you and show you the way. They rather leave you out there to hang and dry. I’ve never been that chick. You gave the first ten-thousand-dollars it took to start my business. And what did I do, I repaid you by making a name for myself. I’ve never needed you, I’ve always appreciated what you’ve done for me, we had great times, great laughs, horrible fights, cries, the works. You’d leave me for her and the next chick. And I could never say or do anything, because you only do what a bitch will allow you to. I allowed you to be free. And so have others… they have to reap the consequences of it. And they have clearly. And with doing what you’ve done, you need to ask yourself do you like the person you see or not. Did you like that freedom? Did you like how the pain looked on her face? Did you like her tears, her confusion, her frustration? Then ask yourself would you do it to the next woman?” she said smartly. “I love the you that you are, I just didn’t love him enough to hurt myself. You know this. Now that you have this information what are you going to do now? Because you can’t have it all… you could have whatever you want. You could still run these streets, or you could become the man I know you could be… that’s your decision to make Samuel. Don’t let someone make it for you. Don’t make someone push to have to” she sighed. “Your writing, makes you happy. Get back to that and figure somethings out. Maybe it will hit you that you’ve never truly loved her, never truly wanted her, just was being selfish, and that there’s a girl that’s meant to be with you somewhere out there, she may be a blessing to fall down upon you from God himself.”

#samcedes rp #thread.#thread: nobody knows.

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