#imagine sobbing cause a hater called you annoying

[arisoups]

"dont let the haters get to you" ok

me after the haters hit me where it hurts oug ow ouuuuu ooowie ooooougggggghhhh they got me oug they got to me uogh it hurt....s........ ouuugggh

[archmage--khadgar]

Hia! I always feel happy when I see one of your posts pop up on here c: why do you like Khadgar?

*Stares into space* OH GOD THIS IS gonna probably be a long post. HERE WE GO.So uh. I always really like Karazhan and the lore around it, hardcore fell in love with Medivh and pretty much ANYTHING in game that was connected I ate it up. I got the urn, the keys, all the rings, all the rep, you name it. I tried SO HARD to get Atiesh from the old Naxx but that didn’t happen. (I AM STILL SAD ABOUT THAT.) So that was -kind of- the start. In order for the next part to make sense, need to sidestep and backtrack a wee bit for context.Not to be all sob story, but I gotta be honest, I spent most of my childhood alone (either outside or in my room), reading, playing out epic stories with my toys, exploring the outdoors, and most of my social interactions with people I was either being bullied by kids at school or my mother. And y’know, despite all the stories I read or watched on t.v it was a loooong while before there were characters that made me go….”Holy SHIT I know what that’s like!?” Like there was a difference, to me, between characters like Michelangelo and Beetlejuice that I REALLY WANTED to hang out with, and then a character that made me go….”I know exactly how that character feels. What happened to them, happened to me.”Digimon was the show that broke that mold for me when not only were there two characters who had DIVORCED PARENTS!??? Like me, there was a girl who had a REALLY BAD and unhealthy relationship with her mother. (But she was still powered by love, which was awesome.)This kinda started getting me into other stuff because the more characters I found that I could relate to, the easier it was to explain how I felt to strangers and it made friend finding a little bit easier. FAST FORWARDING A LITTLE BIT.

So I certainly have a character -type- that I relate to the most. And it’s chaotic bookwork with anxiety. Fun fact: I am always dubbed “the twilight sparkle” of friend groups IRL because I was always, ALWAYS the one who was solving friendship problems and I did that looong before the show. OOPH. THE BIG PROBLEM. Was that it was getting to the point where all the chaotic bookworms were either: Evil, female (and I love gals, but that’s not my gender identity ORZ), or like. largely hated by the fandom and were always mocked.Or some combination.SO LIKE. Hey, I get introduced to Medivh and his TOWER OF BOOKS and all that shit and it’s like “Fuck yeah sign me up bro, living alone? Shitty mom? I feel you.” But then, y’know. He was a wee bit possessed and not. Exactly the good guy SO THERE WAS THAT.And then. There was Khadgar.I hadn’t been able to find the last guardian book yet, though I had read about the lore highlights online so I was familiar and stuff.And then WoD came out. And Khadgar! Was doing stuff! Which got me excited because it was more of the Lore that I really liked, and during MoP, I was hardcore going…”THE LEGION IS COMING BAAAACK. I JUST KNOW IT. CAUSE WE DIDN’T KILL KJ. SKREE.” I got called crazy and stupid a few times BUT HEY. Jokes on you fuckers I was *right*.Anyways!That first quest chain into Tannan rolls in. And it’s just. Khadgar. Being Khadgar. “Well, then I guess we owe you one.” scene hit every…“Oh fucking god bless Khadgar for the sarcastic sass”Because I really enjoy sarcasm and it’s more obvious in voice chat or in-person but my sass rhythm and tone, especially if I’m ranting is veeery similar to Khadgar’s sass.And then the PUNS. Listen. *Listen*. I hear an opportunity for a pun and I have to take it. I have to. If I try to hold it in my face starts smiling like the Cheshire cat and I sometimes let out a high pitched “eeeeeee” until given permission. After that quest chain, I quickly noticed that no one had rolled a Khadgar blog. No one! And well, I was all about having a blog where I could be free to make jokes all the time. IIRC, my first post was…”The party has arrived~!” Or something like that. I honestly didn’t expect much to happen cause I didn’t have any friends or anything like that and all the wow blogs all pretty much had their followings already and I was uh…a WEE BIT ALONE. But I was like “well even if this blog doesn’t go off I’ll at least have an outlet where I can just be me where no one will harass me.”Cause gotta be honest, I’ve never been well-liked. There was never a place for bookworms who liked puns and had anxiety in the world I lived in. If I acted like myself I was hated, and in order to fit in, I had to be someone else, which was a ditzy stupid, lazy girl. I wasn’t allowed to be trans, (still not back in Maine), or smart, and….yeah.  But hey! On tumblr, I can RP a male character that had my same sense of humor and sass and BE MYSELF and NOT BE A GIRL and all my IRL haters wouldn’t be able to stop me.And then uh, A THING HAPPENED. I no longer have the original blog because of reasons I’ll mention later, so I CAN’T REMEMBER who first started sending me asks but I know @kiyastrasza was one of them (she passed away suddenly a few months ago and I miss her SO MUCH.) But then like, I DON’T KNOW. I know I got a few initial asks because “fuck yeah finally a khadgar blog”  and honestly, I thought my blog was rubbish because it was 80% me just being my sassy nerd self and 20% studying his word usage for more serious things and getting my hands on every scrap of Khadgar related lore.”So I fully expected to get called out on being canon divergent or a shitty Khadgar or SOMETHING. Or have people ONCE AGAIN be like….”This character archetype is annoying and stupid and we all fucking hate him and hate you for rping him.”But that didn’t happen. In fact the EXACT OPPOSITE HAPPENED.My ask box kept getting filled with puns to be approved, rhyming his name with stuff became a thing and now even BLIZZ says “Dadgar” like jfc what even.And then like. I don’t even know, a lot of it is a blur because it all happened so fast but the BIGGEST THING.Was that for the first time ever, being myself wasn’t met with bullying and hate and people telling me to shut up and go away or anything like that.People -loved- Khadgar in-game. And people -loved- finding a Khadgar blog that “when I read their posts I can hear Khadgar’s voice”.  And better yet? KHADGAR WASN’T A VILLAIN! (Don’t get me wrong, I loooove AU’s but imagine being a kid and you can only ever connect to villains and then people hate you anyways IT DOESN’T FEEL TOO GREAT).And uh. Yeah. I don’t really know where to go with this. But yeah! It was the first time where I felt like nothing was wrong with who I was. That there was nothing wrong with being book smart and having a sense of humor and looking death in the face and just eye-rolling and going “Well aiight.”I mean hell yeah there’s been an epic shit ton of drama with people being jealous and making shit up and who the hell even knows what any of that was about anymore, and there’s still plenty of bullshit in my life keeping me otherwise miserable and I’m getting really frustrated that every goal I try to accomplish gets utterly destroyed in some way and I’m currently an emotional husk and I 100% HAVE NOT been myself lately as I’m a mix of grieving and severely hurt and physically ill and I’ve been broken pretty damn hard and when I pull myself back together it’s probably going to be like. 11th Doctor just turning into cranky 12 and not being pleasant BUT. The muse is still strong, the muse is honestly probably the strongest thing about me. Not because I think that I’m actually, really Khadgar and that’s ME you’re talking to in game and Azeroth is real, etc, etc. But it’s strong because that type of muse was already something that was effortless for me and part of my personality foundation. And before the blog it was withering away and crumbling and I had no self-love to keep it going anymore and then the blog happened, and even though I still have 0 self-love, I genuinely hate myself, the love from others healed it, and my love for the character, I think, is my subconscious finding a weird loophole to get around the self-hate because I CAN’T HATE KHADGAR, and fucking hell whenever I make a pun irl and someone is a shithead about it or calls me annoying over voice chat, my brain is like. “Yeah, but if Khadgar were real. He’d laugh.” And eventually, it’s like….”OKAY FINE. IT WAS FUNNY. THAT PERSON IS JUST A SHITHEAD.” I can’t remember where I was going with that. Uhhhhhh……SOMETHING SOMETHING.I absolutely hate myself and feel as if I’m undeserving of love because I’m a horrible, broken person that makes stupid mistakes and is only good for hurting others and being a bitchB U TI hate myself a little bit less when I RP a character, like Khadgar, that lines up with one of my personality foundations, and the general response to it is people loving it and telling them I make them happy.  I’ve still had more hate directed at me in the past (and sadly the present) than I have love. But uh. It doesn’t take much love to get me all sappy and crying and happy.  (Hate is a tossup, a lot of hate I can take but certain, specific things will strike me hard and fast).SO LIKE. Uh. I know the majority of my foundation at the moment is either destroyed or heavily damaged, cause I’ve also been heckin angry a lot lately and I don’t know how to deal with that at all since it’s something new so a lot of my foundation wasn’t protected against that, and I’ve certainly died emotionally a few times more this year than my normal rate of it taking a couple years or more to emotionally die and regenerate. BUT THE PART that’s still holding fast and bouncing off all the negative self-destructive shit is because of Khadgar, and all 1,297 of you (give or take) that’ve either stuck with this blog since the beginning and through a blog deletion and change or have come recently. That send in everything from ARCANE MEAT to puns, to AU ideas to random nice things SO UH. This is turning into an awkward unexpected thank you, to all of you. dashjkIt’s more than likely that I will live the rest of my life absolutely hating myself, and it’s possible that the rest of my foundations may never heal or be repaired. Even though I can easily attach some of them to characters like Khadgar for the most part, I just….eh. I dunno. No outlet and it’s not prompted ever and…it hurts still cause they’re broken. Which, eh, whatever, healing can’t be forced or half-assed, cause you can’t expect a broken leg to heal as fast as a papercut, all you can do is wait and let things heal or you’ll make it worse, but then obviously you can’t heal EVERYTHING otherwise no one would ever be disabled, but REGARDLESS.I may always hate myself. But I’ll always love Khadgar. And YOU guys love Khadgar. And you enjoy me rping Khadgar. So then I guess MAAAAYBE.It helps. With making it worth. Sticking around for a little bit longer.  :T

[luckyinmoonlight-blog]

CHAPTER TWO

“So… I don’t get it.” Annie said as she stretched out her long legs onto the reclined pool chair.

We both let the warm Rhode Island, early September sun tan us. It was Labor Day weekend, and it was nice to be with my family and Annie all together again.

“What do you mean? I already explained it all.”

“Here is what I’ve gathered. You met Harry fucking Styles. He seems about damn near perfect. But you are scared of dating him? So you’re going to drop him like a hot potato.”

“So you do understand.”

“That is actually the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my twenty-two years of life. Congratulations.”

“You don’t get it.” I sighed.

“Nope.” She replied popping the “P” for dramatic effect. “I really don’t”.

“Can you imagine what they would say about me?”

Annie took off her black Ray Bans sunglasses and looked at me, her warm brown eyes sincere. “If you’re going to let the media affect you so deeply, you’ve picked the wrong profession, Molls.”

“I know. It’s just I’m a brand new artist. No one knows me, or what I’m about yet. I wanted to be known for my music, and my songwriting ability.”

“And your killer vocal range,” Annie added in.

“That too, thanks. I don’t want to be known as Harry Styles’ one-time fling that got her famous. You know?”

“I wouldn’t mind being known as Harry Styles one-time thing honestly-”

“Annie! I’m being serious!” I whined before I picked up my cup of lemonade and took a swig.

“I just don’t need any negative attention yet, or that is what Jessie keeps telling me.”

“Jessie,” Annie said with an eye roll.

“Stop, she has my best interest at heart.”

“Sure she does.”

“Why do you hate her so much?”

“She’s bossy. She thinks she walks on water. She thinks that just because she’s from Los Angeles and we are from Green Hills, that she is better than all of us. Guess what she isn’t. She’s a stuck up little-” Annie’s voice trailed off as we heard my brother and his fraternity brother Justin running towards the pool before they both front flipped in causing a massive splash to overcome myself and Annie.

“Spencer! Justin!” I screamed as the boys came up laughing.

“God, they are annoying. I’m so glad I’m an only child.”

“You’re like my sis, Annie.” Spencer called from in the pool as he did a backstroke.

“You are not like my sis, Annie. So if you ever want to come visit me at USC, just know my room is available.” Justin responded with a wink. Causing a giggle to arise from Spencer and me.

“Gross. I’m grabbing a beer, are you coming, Mollie?”

“Absolutely.” And just like that we started our day drinking festivities at my parents rented beach house. Three cheers for family vacations!

-

“Have you named your album yet?” My mother asked as we all sat around the table on the back deck overlooking the ocean eating our salad and steak.

“Not yet, we’re playing around with a few different options. Jessie thinks-”

“Ugh. Not her again!” Annie said with her signature eye roll. Annie had been my best friend since we were thirteen. She had been around my family so much that she was practically one of us.

“You’re not a fan of Jessie, Annie?” My mom asked intrigued. My mother loved good gossip.

“I think she’s pretentious is all.”

“You know who isn’t pretentious? Me.” Justin added before picking his fork and stabbing a big piece of filet mignon before popping it into his mouth.

Justin was new. He was my brother’s fraternity brother at the University of South Carolina. This was mine, Annie’s, and my family’s first time meeting him.

“You eat like a caveman,” Annie replied looking disgusted.

“Are all ECU girls snobs?” Justin not so subtly whispered to Spencer. Spencer shrugged but Justin shrugged as well, “It’s kind of hot.”

“I wish every night could be like this. Out here on the back deck sitting by the ocean. Having your father do the grilling, so I don’t have to cook.” My mother sighed before taking a drink of her sparkling water. The beach was most definitely her happy place.

“I miss little ole Nashville.” Was not so surprisingly my father's reply.

“We know. Meanwhile, I’ve been ready to move to Rhode Island, since we first started vacationing here when the kids were still so little. Now we have a music star, and well…. Spencer.”

“Gee, thanks, Mom.”

“Oh, you’ll do great things. Once you survive your college days!”

“Enjoy it, Spencer, before you marry some crazy girl.”

My family was your typical normal family, but I loved our little moments like this.

-

“I bet we can finish this entire bottle of Moscato tonight.” Annie smiled before pouring more barefoot Moscato into my empty wine glass.

Everyone had gone to bed by now, Spencer and Justin got so drunk after dinner they both went upstairs before they passed out. As for my parents, well old people have their bed times. That left Annie and me to drink and gossip to our heart's content.

“Not sure if we should be proud of that or-”

“No one is here to judge us, so let’s live it up for the end of summer. Drink up!”

I took a long swig of the sweet wine before placing it back on the coaster that sat on top of the small table in front of the couch. Being here in Rhode Island at the beach house my family always rented gave me a sense of serenity. I was able to calm down and relax from all of my stresses about songwriting, and promoting myself.

But there wasn’t a day that I didn’t think of Harry. He hadn’t contacted me all weekend. I knew that I shouldn’t talk to him, he wouldn’t want to waste his time on a nobody like myself, right? But that night in New York City… it was so magical. I kept reminding myself that we just both happened to be in the same place at the same time. It’s not like there was anyone else around that was readily available for him to hang out with.

This boy already had the power to shatter my heart. I knew that without a doubt. It was smart to be hesitant about developing feelings for Harry Styles. I was doing the right thing by not allowing him to distract me from what is really important in my life right now. He was just lonely and I was there.

Now I am lonely and I wish he was here.

I sighed before taking another giant swig of wine before I glanced up at the television in complete and utter shock.

“Hey turn the volume up, Annie.”

Annie grabbed the remote and turned up the volume, her mouth falling open in shock. “No fucking way.”

On E! some nobody reporter was talking causally not bothered by what was coming out of his mouth, and he was talking about me.

There was my picture plastered on the television screen. On the same screen, there was also Harry’s picture plastered right next to mine.

“It appears our favorite Harry Styles’ has caught his rebound. We all know that Styles’ and Kendall Jenner were seen together in Los Angeles about a month ago. Now it appears Kendall is happily in love with a photographer, his name we do not know yet. Looks like Harry has been cozying up to a newbie singer, Mollie Roark, all in hopes of making Kendall jealous. Stay on E! to get exclusive updates on this story!”

“You are so not anyone’s rebound.”

I sat on the couch, face pale and white. Not even sure if I was fully breathing. This is what I wanted to avoid. Now, my name is plastered all over E! news as Harry Styles’ fucking rebound.

“Say it. You are not his rebound.”

“I need more wine.”

“No problem. Be right back.” Annie shot up from her spot on the couch and ran into the kitchen as if the couch had been on fire. I didn’t need more wine. I already had a slight buzz, but I needed anything to distract me from the hurtful words of just being my dream guy’s rebound.

Then a dark and twisted thought crossed my mind. Don’t check twitter. Don’t fucking do it.

And when a thought like that enters your mind, you absolutely do it. And like an ididot, I searched myself on the worst website ever created, Twitter.

I’m not saying she’s a gold digger but…. #mollieroark

Just what the world needs another famous singing whore #mollieroark

Let me be caught with Harry to get famous. Who am I? #mollieroark

My songs suck so I’m going to get famous from Harry Styles #mollieroark

Annie walked back over to the couch with two bottles of wine in her hands, “Look, Molls, I got the good stuff!” just as tears were beginning to stream down my face.

“What? No Mollie, don’t cry-” setting the bottles down on the table Annie sat beside me and hugged my gently as I began sobbing loud ugly sobs. My nose was running and I am sure I looked like a complete disaster.

“Everyone is going to think I’m a sellout.” I managed to sniffle out as I calmed down a little.

“Well, are you?”

“What? No, I’m not-”

“Okay, I know that. You know that. Shit, Harry knows that.”

I guess she was right, I just really didn’t want to have my first scandal before my album was even officially out yet.

“Look, let’s not worry about this right now. We are on vacation, just like old times. Rumors will happen, but we know the truth. We aren’t going to let haters get us down are we?”

“No- I just don’t understand how they knew I was hanging out with him.”

“I don’t either. We can get to the bottom of it later, but tonight we are going to just have Annie and Mollie time, just like we used to okay?”

“Okay.” I sniffled again before she popped the cork off the next bottle of wine and filled my glass again.

-

2:00 AM

“I love this song!” Annie yelled as Music Feels Better by Selena Gomez thumped through the speakers on the back deck. We were definitely drunk by this point of the night.

I felt free, loose, and like I could really dance, which I absolutely couldn't. We swayed our hips to the ocean breeze and spun each other around without a care in the world.

“I think I should get us some water now.” Annie laughed as she tried to twirl but ungracefully fell onto the deck with a thud.

“Oh my God! Are you alright?” I stumbled over to her not seeing straight.

“Uh yeah, you look worse off than me.”

“True.” I flopped onto the deck chair and closed my eyes to stop the spinning.

“Yep. We need water, I’ll be right back.” Annie loudly stopped her feet back inside and slammed the door so hard I was shocked my parents didn’t wake up and come down and yell at us for all of the commotion.

My iPhone vibrated against the table. In my drunken state, it took me a minute to figure out what was happening. I peered down through my foggy vision, not being able to read my caller ID. I picked up the phone and answered it anyway.

“Hello?”

“Hey Mollie, it’s me.”

“Me? Who is me?” It was hard to put a name to the voice in my intoxicated state.

“It’s Harry.” He laughed his beautiful laugh, and wait, who?!

“Um, hi.”

“Sorry, if it’s late wherever you are. I don’t actually know where you are. Um, I’m in LA, right now and-”

“It’s late.”

“Oh sorry, were you, um sleeping?”

“No.”

“Oh, can I ask what are you doing?”

“Drinking.”

“I can call back.”

“What did you need?”

“Shit!” Annie mumbled as she slammed the back door open again.

I focused my attention on Harry. The perfect boy who probably ruined my chance at a reputable singing career.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“What? I’m sorry, it’s just you are kind of slurring your words.”

“Who are you talking to?” Annie said in more of a scream than a normal speaking voice.

“Mollie, what’s going on? I’m worried about you.”

“You’re worried about me? Why, because everyone is calling me one of your little whores?”

“I didn’t mean for that to happen. You know your not.”

“I’m your next little rebound huh?”

Annie was nodding her head while simultaneously spilling her water bottle all down her shirt.

“Mollie, no. I feel bad.”

“Sure ya do, Styles. Do you know how awful this makes me look?”

“I never meant for this to happen to you.”

“Well, it did. Now my career is shit, thanks to you.”

“I’m sorry Mollie! Don’t blame me, please. Look, I'm flying to London tomorrow, come see me-”

“Fuck off, Harry Styles.” And then I hung up.

And instantly after I hung up, I thought about going to London... because I've never been there before, and it was beginning to spark my interest.