#imagine if this was happening and i DIDNT have a new media interest to fixate on in a self soothing manner. thats what ill say.

[istherewifiinhell]

oh i know we've all been having great time with the quitting job stress, catching the novel corona virus and going insane about new media.

but turns out the life change circumstances that required that. [well just the quit the job part. the others are just bonus] still. um. exists.

[writing-shroom]

rant post + help lmao

hi this is kind of a cry for help but also just a rant thing, but if you have like thoughts or anything it's well appreciated or just ignore it im just shouting in to the void

does anyone have like tips or advise on someone who's lost, not in a what will i do with my life kind of sense just creative sense

so my mental health is deteriorating slowly, i think it's obvious this year has not been the best for me from the numerous breaks i keep taking lmao but i dunno it's just bad

ive pin pointed it down to me just losing interest in what i like, its a pattern i go through often i get into a fandom and thing i REALLY enjoy and i stay in for a year and i love it

but then after that year, im

well im like this, just sad not knowing what to do cause i think theres less things in the thing im enjoy does that make sense? even though i know thats not true or even if it is

(more stuff under the cut)

i think im bored or burnt out, but then what do i do in the past when this happens i had another thing to fall back on, do i didnt get left alone with my thoughts

but now, i have nothing to fall back on, i havent gotten anything new and the years up. god its sad that my whole day can be ruined cause i have nothing to think and just imagine scenarios for

it's such a pivotal thing for me and its stupid, but i just need something to daydream or spend my time having fun with yk?

ive tried focusing on my social life instead but then it's just became a coping mechanism to replace this other coping mechanism, it isnt healthy i know but what the fuck do i do

ive tried getting into something new but i cant find anything, i mean theres so much media out there i just cant,, click with it i guess?

another thing, very random but, does anyone else see your past fandom you were previously part of and having fun it and just feel

guilty?

guilty that you left it, or maybe you were working on something for the fandom but then just lost interest mid way so everything time you see the unfinished project the guilt becomes worst

i cant even think about my most recent fixation (genshin in this case) without feeling guilty that i havent checked the tags in a long time, that im missing fics that i probably wouldve really liked

like legitimately its hard for me to open my likes because ill get sad and guilty that my most recent likes are from a fandom i dont even check in on anymore, i dont feel guilty that im "betraying" the fandom

i feel guilty at myself, and angry even. because theres a reason i dont check the tags anymore, theres a reason i dont check in on whats happening anymore

i know for a fact ill get sad that theres nothing that makes me excited anymore, which is ridiculous because im comparing how interesting everything was when i first got into genshin (which was a year ago now) to now. of course things have died down so why am i still sad over it

to the point where i cant even enjoy what i used to enjoy about the fandom because i keep comparing it to how it was before

drama and controversies aside, i dunno man i just

bleh

this is pathetic i need a better grasp on my mental state then this

anyways yeah, this is my contribution for the tumblr gods, do what you wish with this.