#imagine a xmas or new year's party with everyone

[whousestypewriters]

──── ୨ৎ CHRISTMAS WITH YOU — AARON WARNER + READER ‧₊˚

a/n: hiii lovelies!! this is probs the most random fic ive ever written (im at tennis and got bored so here we are) but im in a christmas mood so expect a few xmas themed fics to come ur wayyy 🤭🤭 ALSO THE NEXT PART OF THE GRAY FIC WILL BE UP SOON!!!

aaron didn’t like holidays, okay? he really didn’t like them. the needless dressing up for halloween, the crazy amount of chocolate consumed on easter, the countdown and partying on new years. it was all just very pointless to him. christmas was his least favorite though.

he despised the horrible holiday.

the unnecessary money spent on pointless gifts that people will forget about in two weeks and the false sense of cheer and merriment that dies the second christmas is over are just some of his many reasons why he dislikes the holiday.

or maybe it was the fact that is father used to come home over christmas. he doesn’t like to dwell too much on that one.

so imagine his luck when he finds out the girl of his dreams, the love of his life is obsessed with the holiday, he's torn.

he tried. he really tried to put up with it, but at some point enough is enough and he has to leave the house, the amount of christmas decorations you have put up - which according to you is not enough but according to everyone else is a sickening amount - is driving him insane.

he loves you, but hanging tinsel inside your closet was a bit too much for him. so he escaped. to the front porch. he wasn't actually going anywhere, that's just stupid, why would he leave on christmas eve? thats basically just him begging for kenji to hunt him down and attempt to kick his ass.

so obviously he didn't leave, thats just childish.

but he did sit down on the steps of his house and rested his head in his hands. breathing in the cold fresh air. it's been snowing all day, and its only just paused, he's grateful for that. usually the only reprieve he receives is late at night when you're running your hands through his hair and murmuring sweet nothings into his ear. so this moment is nice - it would be nicer with you, but he always thinks that.

the moment's disturbed when he hears the front door open and your soft footsteps that follow.

"what are you doing out here, aaron?" your voice is soft and calming, he loves your voice, it always seems to bring him peace.

"i was just getting some fresh air," he answers and you watch the steam leave his mouth. okay yeah it's pretty cold, maybe he shouldn't have come out here in only a sweatshirt and plaid flannel plants - matching with yours - you let him because it seemed like he needed a moment. but in only pajamas? not that smart.

but damn does he look good in them.

actually you applaud yourself getting him to wear the outfit. he wasn't thrilled when you suggested matching pj's and watching christmas movies all day. but the fact he still put them on makes your heart warm.

you know he's not a fan of the christmas thing. and maybe some part of you wanted to try and get him to love it, but clearly shoving christmas-y themed things in his face wasn't the way to go.

you sit down on the step next to him and wrap the blanket you dragged out here around his shoulders.

"i'm sorry for forcing all the christmas things on you," you say resting your head on his shoulder.

"don't be, love," he says his voice low. "it's me not you, never you."

"i kinda just pushed everything onto you, though, and expected you to love it," you sigh. "i know christmas isn't your favorite holiday, so i was just trying to make it special for you, its our first christmas together i wanted it to be extra special."

"it is special," aaron answers. "its special because you're here with me. its special because you're trying to make it special for me. its special because you love me enough to try and do all this," he waves his hand back towards to the house.

you smile at that, shivering slightly from the cold. how is aaron not cold right now?

"lets head inside, love," he murmurs wrapping his arms around you and gently helping you up. "we can go watch that christmas movie i know you've been dying to watch."

"its okay," you hum as he wraps his arms around your waist and kisses the crook of your neck as you walk. "we don't have to do that."

"i want to, for you. and maybe, maybe i'll start to like christmas, but only if its with you."

𐔌 . ⋮ 🏷️ tags .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

@arqbella, @midiosaamor, @reminiscentreader, @maybxlle, @sweetreveriee, @kozumesphone

@tornqdowarnings @benny1989fredd, @shiftingtomydrs, @ruriloveshim, @sheinstyou

[zucchinitart]

May I get general headcanons for Laughing jack? *bats eyes*

i honestly forget all the headcanons i’ve posted 💀 but sure!!!

some more random headcanons!!!! (some go against the canon….sorry 😭)

-he was born in the 1800s, but i like to think it was 1803 specifically….if he was alive today, he’d be 219!!!! (bday on Xmas so not 220 yet 🤧)

-his body stopped aging after Isaac died…he killed Isaac in his 20s (kinda forget if there was a specific age he met up with him again 💀) so he’s physically 20-something!!!

-he can only eat small amounts of food and water before he throws up (no digestive system!!!) he doesn’t feel sad about not being able to eat tho because he doesn’t see what’s so enticing about food. he enjoys licking a lollipop every now and then tho!!!

-he celebrates his bday every year alone…he kinda throws himself a pity party and looks at families celebrating Xmas to make himself feel more sad 😭 (his bday is technically Christmas!!)

-(related to above!!) he once asked Jeff what special day was on the 25th of December…Jeff said Christmas. Jack started sobbing on the spot 😭

-although he’s sad frequently, he has never felt the need to die….his rage and jealousy that built up over the years inside his box makes him want to keep living!!!

-when he felt lonely inside his box, he’d make his arms really long so they’d lose circulation and then wrap them around himself….it would feel like he was getting a hug!!

-(idk if this counts as a hc 💀) personally….i think it’s kinda weird how he was able to see what Isaac was doing even inside the box…i like to imagine that he couldn’t see the outside world and was just rotting in darkness…and then when he finally got out, it was like a surprise when he found out Isaac became a murderer!!! ultimate betrayal!!!!

-jack still loved isaac even while he was trapped inside his box. he tried not to and did everything he could to hate him, but he just couldn’t

-(this basically goes against the canon story 💀 sorry): he hates adults!! LJ started hating them when he saw how Isaac’s parents treated him. His anger against adults grew again when he saw how Isaac turned out.

-his sleeves are magical!?!?! they grow with his arms!! i guess his bandages do too���

-LJ tried to conceal his identity from the world as best as he could, killing people without leaving a trace…for him, that means killing everyone in the vicinity!! he only became popularized when he let a kid go free..unfortunately news spread when the kid started telling ppl what he saw!!!

-his nose annoys him sometimes…he had to invent a new technique to put a shirt on just because of it

these are all very random!! hope you enjoyed!! of course i have plenty more…but that would just be too much 💀 and i honestly can’t take myself seriously when i post headcanons 😭 sorry if this was atrocious to read!!

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

2020 Collar x Malice Christmas Side Story English translation

merry xmas!

I finally managed to finish this... after asking about this being translated more than a year ago though it doesn't help that this was waaaaaaay longer than I thought it would be (plus i was busy since my family is hosting xmas, sorry!).😅 going to focus on deemo the day after tomorrow maybe... then my queue for next year. hopefully...?

anyway, enjoy!

OTOMATE Christmas 2020 Collar×Malice SS

Translation by KumoriYami

*The settings of this SS are inconsistent with the main game, and uses the setting from the ~Challenge from the Phantom Thief Adonis~ drama.

——December, 20XX.

Shinjuku, which was bustling with people, was able to to welcome another peaceful day today. Occasionally, there were some fights and quarrels that broke out in the streets everyday so the people in Yanagi Aiji's detective firm were also running around today.

Enomoto:….It's a request to investigate an extramarital affair again~ it's so terribly sad, why do we have to stay in front of the hotel to monitor couples…

Yanagi: It's good to have a request during this downturn. That being said, the success of this commission will largely depend on your mobility… Sorry, Enomoto.

Enomoto: I'm happy to be relied on by Yanagi-senpai.. Anyway, to cheat on Christmas, what on earth are they thinking? It's so wonderful to be in love together.

Shiraishi: There are many couples who break up at Christmas, for example those who accidently discover the other party's bad sides, and want to change their frame of mind before the new year, and there is also the possibility of finding out the cheating happening for a long time, and taking the opportunity to find their true love. It's a simple idea, isn't it?

Enomoto: Is it that simple…? To have someone to spend Christmas with is a luxury! Those people who are cheating or determining their destinies, really have no dreams!

Sasazuka: Don't worry, none of these things have anything to do with you.

Enomoto: I might have a chance this year!? That's right, on a snowy white Christmas… a beautiful woman speaking to me on a street... "I want to go to a party, but I'm lost…"

Sasazuka: And then he was taken away for a suspicious discussion, the end.

Shiraishi: I'm under the impression that the other party would extort you into buying them an expensive pot in the guise of a Christmas gift.

Enomoto:……At least!! Let me imagine it!!

Yanagi: You guys…. do your work seriously, Hoshino is resting today, and there are lot of things that haven't been dealt with yet.

Sasazuka: That guy's absence won't affect my productivity.

Enomoto: You're being like that again~ you're so dishonest…. Ah, someone's here, is it a courier? Come in, come in——

Kazuki:......Hello everyone.

Enomoto: Oh, isn't this Hoshino's younger brother? What's wrong?

Kazuki: I heard her say that she accidently brought documents from work back, though she's asleep right now.

Yanagi: Ah, Hoshino sent me a text message asking me to get them, we were supposed to pick them up.

Kazuki: It doesn’t matter, I didn't have anything to do anyway, and was going to a nearby store, so I came here.

Enomoto: Wa-Wait a moment, Hoshino's brother, it's rare for you to come here, so have some tea before leaving.

Kazuki:...Are you trying to draw out what my sister likes from me?

Enomoto: Hey, that sort of caution, you aren't lacking any of it…!

Kazuki:...Pfft, these sort of agendas are completely unhidden, you aren't a bad person either… and the opposite of someone with fiendish eyes.

Sasazuka: It's too annoying to target each word, rebellious phase.

Kazuki: Who's in their rebellious phase…! The one I don't trust the most is you.

Okazaki: Don't worry, otōto-kun, he's more or less a bit twisted, but everyone is a good person

Kazuki: It's definitely better than my first impression… huh? What's with you, where did you come from?

Okazaki: Ahaha, everyone here knows about this, so don't mind it.

Shiraishi：I mean, we're just asking him about Christmas presents, right?

Yanagi: Indeed, it's more efficient than us worrying and troubling ourselves over it.

Kazuki:...What do you mean?

——As a result, Yanagi and the others explained to the entire matter to Kazuki.

Christmas is coming, and while wanting to buy her a gift since she's been working hard, they however did not know what to buy. Kazuki sighed impatiently after listening to the general gist of the matter.

Yanagi: You're siblings, so you must have exchanged Christmas gifts, right?

Kazuki: I did when I was younger, but haven't recently… this sort of thing is really embarrassing.

Shiraishi: Then what did you give her when you were a kid?

Kazuki:......Cat plushies, and things like that.

Shiraishi: Eh, that's more tasteful than I imagined, in any case, I also want to receive a cat plush as a gift.

Yanagi: Don’t go off topic… Then, do you know what she's been wanting recently?

Kazuki: How did I know that… Ah, she said she wanted to buy a new frying pan.

Yanagi:…Kitchenware, huh, I also happen to buy a new one, and it's actually not difficult to choose.

Kazuki: She also said that she wanted a new cutting board...

Enomoto: So homely…! But, you should consider the other person’s preferences and habits when choosing.

Sasazuka: If you're going to say that, it'll be endless, giving gifts is purely an act of self-gratification, and no matter how much you worry about it, it'll be useless so it’s best for everyone to just give what they want.

Enomoto: No way! No sneaking out of this! What if one of us gives her a present that captivates her!

Okazaki: Enomoto-kun…it's a bit confusing for you to say that.

Enomoto: You're the one who needs the most attention, right?! You must be the type to ask a girl to a high-end restaurant/hotel with a night view!?

Okazaki: Alright, I'll sneak off to plan a secret date when you're not paying attention.

Enomoto: I said not to sneak away!!

Kazuki: Hey, are you guys so free that you're arguing about what gifts to buy like this, or is this place about to go out of business?

Yanagi: I get what you're saying, but everyone here is very capable and does a good job.

Kazuki: Hmph… It's true that if you work hard, you can earn a lot of impression points.

Okazak: Putting aside your sister, what sort of gift would you give to a girl you liked, Kazuki?

Kazuki:...........A ring, or something like that?

Enomoto: Th-That's so hardcore!?

Okazaki: Wow, I didn't expect you to be the type bind someone.

Kazuki: Many girls in my classes who are clamoring to receive rings. If you aren't dating the other person, it wouldn't be bad to give them earrings.

Sasazuka: I see, you're a pretentious person in front of other people, while you cling to your sister at home.

Kazuki: You guys are so infuriating… I'm pretty normal, alright?

Yanagi: Okay okay, he's still a high school student, and is at the age to bs sensitive to love.

Shiraishi: Could it be that you've experienced it? When Yanagi-kun was in high school, in order to save his kidnapped girlfriend, didn't he rush into the enemy's base by himself and cause a huge fuss?

Yanagi: Where did you learn about that?

Shiraishi: Enomoto-kun borrowed my manga that depicted the story of a protagonist who stood up to protect his girlfriend and was reincarnated into another world.

Okazaki: I'm a bit concerned about the future developments, so can you let me borrow it so I can take a look?

Kazuki:...Hey, the more you guys talk, the more off-topic you get, you guys are too free.

Enomoto: Ah, sorry! So, um, a Christmas present to give Hoshino…

In this way, everyone began having a heated discussion about what to give as a gift. After consulting Kazuki's suggestions, they prepared themselves and waited for Christmas to arrive.

——A few days later, it was Christmas day.

Once work ended, the office was filled with delicious food and adorned with Christmas decorations when the doorbell rang. Hoshino, who had gone out to buy something, had probably returned, and Enomoto hurriedly walked towards the door.

Ichika: He-Hello, um… there's an express delivery.

Enomoto: What, it's a courier. Hm? This voice…

Enomoto was astounded as he opened the door, and was powerful sight appeared before his eyes.

Enomoto: UAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

Sasazuka: Shut up, that's like the scream before death…——Ha?

Everyone was drawn to Enomoto's screeching, and all looked towards the door.

Standing in the doorway were two people dressed in red Christmas outfits.

Ichika: Everyone, Merry Christmas！

Kazuki: Eh, why me too....

Yanagi: Hoshino… and Kazuki, why are you dressed like this?

Ichika: Um, to thank everyone who is striving to protect the city's peace, Sana Claus came to give everyone presents!...I suddenly dressed up like this, and everyone started to laugh

Enomoto: Wh-What are you saying!? How can we laugh! Christmas COS!? Thumbs up!! Amazing!! No…………it's the best in the universe!!

Shiraishi: Hehe, Enomoto completely short-circuited, like a broken robot.

Sasazuka: So, who's idea was this?

Ichika:…Okazaki-san gave me this idea…

Kazuki: At first this guy was just worrying about what sort of Christmas gift to buy for his coworkers and came to me for advice. As a result, I somehow fell for the unorthodox SP's trap and things ended up like this.

Okazaki: Don't say that, I just gave my own opinions for what would definitely make Yanagi-san and everyone else feel happy.

Yanagi: Okazaki… it was you after all, although your opinions this time were quite serious.

Enomoto: It's better to say that this was done beautifully! This is Christmas COS…! Santa Claus has arrived——!

Sasazuka: Calm down a little, why don't you let Shiraishi give you an injection of anesthesia?

Enomoto: Don't treat me like I'm some animal!? That's a genuine crime!

Shiraishi: It's not impossible, but I'd have to carefully calculate the dosage because he's so sturdy. Having said that, everyone's reaction is subtle except for Enomoto, Yanagi-kun, don't you feel happy?

Yanag: Huh? No, I'm not happy...

Ichika: So-Sorry! For an adult to dress up in Santa Clause COS, it's so shameful, I'll go change my clothes…!

Everyone: Wait.

Kazuki:......Everyone's urging you to stop? Even that Sasazuka with a bad attitude…… (Just now, did d everyone think the same thing at the same time?)

Sasazuka: It'd be a shame to not have Santa Claus for Christmas.

Enomoto: Right, right! Without you, we can't have Christmas!

Shiraishi: Santa Claus sneaks in through the chimney, right? Why does you dress so conspicuously? Red is such a distinct colour, it's like deliberately trying to draw people's attention… they have a tendency towards committing theatrical crimes.

Okazaki:....Don't worry, this outfit ~really ~ suits you. Yanagi-kun and the others were just captivated by it, and their minds crashed blanked out instantly, right. You all have to say what you really think, otherwise they'll be too pitiful.

Ichika: Okazaki-san, your words seem a bit artificial...

Kazuki: Anyway, we didn't need your ideas about Christmas COS at all. We're just pandering to the holiday ambience, that's all.

Enomoto: I've been giving compliments since the start, right!? Hoshino… and Hoshino's younger brother… Thank you for bringing me the miracle of Christmas… I'm so moved right now

Ichika: Really? It's great if you're happy.

Kazuki: That person's reactions was too drastic, it's too disgusting.

Yanagi: Anyway, you prepared this Christmas surprise for us. We've also set up the place here, so let's let’s start the Christmas party.

Ichika：Uh, if possible, can we give these first…

Kazuki: These gifts are pretty heavy.

Yanagi: Ah, I'm sorry, I'll accept it with gratitude.

Ichika: Then, First... is Yanagi-san. Thank you for always leading us as the director of the detective agency, and it's thank to Yanagi-san's calm and cool judgements, that we're able to handle our work with a peace of mind when we encounter difficulties.

Yanagi:...Hoshino.... I would like to thank you for attenuative assistance all this time, which allowed me to operate operations smoothly, and I hope you will continue to advise me in the future.

Ichika: Please advice me too! Next up is Shiraishi-san. When I saw Shiraishi-san solve difficult cases through your keen observations, almost like magic… I have great respect for how experienced and knowledgeable side. However, please don't always tease me!

Shiraishi: That's because the way your expressions change is so very interesting, and I'm not teasing you, I'm just observing your reactions while we talk, from this perspective, it can be considered that you're helping me

Okazaki: Shiraishi-san is also an amazing tsundere.

Ichika: Hehe. The next one is for Sasazuka-san, your strict advice has given me confidence, and although it's sometimes quite Spartan, I still know that it's the manifestation of your kindness. Thank you for your help as always.

Sasazuka:…80 points, keep up with me, and don’t fall behind.

Ichika: Alright! The next is for Enomoto-san. You've always been a joy to have around the office, and have created a relaxing and cheerful atmosphere, furthermore, you still always help me make up for the mistakes I accidently make while I'm working… I'm so fortunate such a gentle senpai looking after me!

Enomoto: !! O-Obviously I'm the one who's being healed! Wah…. Terrible, there's sweat coming from my eyes… For me, you've been such an excellent kouhai! Hoshino! Let's continue to work hard to protect peace in the city!

Kazuki: Wow, he seems to be really crying… Is this person okay?

Ichika: Next is Okazaki-san, thank you for your continued commissions. Thanks to you, the detective agency has been slowly been able to develop properly.

Okazaki; Wow, you also got me a gift too? But, only my speech was very official, which feels a bit lonely….

Ichika: Um, you've always been willing to help me solve my problems, which has been a great help. Not only do I feel embarrassed about always asking you to take me home at night… can I ask that you please continue?

Okazaki: Of course, you are super welcome, as being relied upon by you is a reward in itself for me.

Sasazuka: That guy is the number one sneaker.

Yanagi:...It's fine if you have a good relationship, but don't trust Okazaki too much, as there are times he sends you home as an excuse, when he actually has ulterior motives.

Okazaki: Yes, yes, Yanagi-otō-san, don't be jealous of me

Ichika: And... lastly, I want to give a gift to Kazuki.

Kazuki: Huh? Give to me?

Ichika: Yes, thank you for everything, and although it's a bit embarrassing, I'm very happy to be your sister, and will continue to advise/look after you in the future!

Kazuki:…………

Sasazuka: Don't cry, otōto.

Kazuki: I'm not crying!….I'm just going to say…. being your brother, is truly great…. Thank you, onee-san.

Ichika: Kazuki...!

Shiraishi:...Hey, I'm almost being blinded by this beautiful sister and brother relationship, but don't forget that we're still here.

Ichika: Eh?

Enomoto: Shi-Shiraishi-san, look at the mod before you speak! Let them enjoy the moment for a while!

Sasazuka: It's useless to pretend that you can't see, that'll just be more awkward.

Yanagi: Yeah, that's true. Hoshino, this is our Christmas gift to you from us and Kazuki.

Ichika: Eh.... everyone got me a present!? Even Kazuki...

Sasazuka: It's to thank you for your continued efforts, so remember that you're not the only one who wants to express their gratitude.

Okazaki: Hehe, it's rare to see such a straightforward Takeru-kun, with the implication being that you like Ichika-chan the most, right?

Sasazuka: Don't interpret my thoughts without my permission.

Shiraishi: Although your abiliites are insuficicent, and require us to teach you many things, it would be very problematic if you suddenly disappeared. In other words, we find comparable value from you

Enomoto: Shiraishi-san, your talking around in circles too much. What we mean is that you are necessary existence to us, so thank you everything!

Ichika: Everyone... thank you!

Yanagi: Kazuki also helped us with picking out the gifts together, and although we had our own opinions, I thought this gift was a good choice.

Ichika: Kazuki, when did you...

Kazuki: Because you guys are so serious…. How do I put it, you all said that you wanted to give each other a Christmas surprise, which really bothered me a lot, so my position was to be like Cupid.

Enomoto: You're right, you two are like angels that descended down to the earth…! Yosh! I’m going to drink a lot today——! Kanpai——!

Sasazuka: I'm hungry, and would rather eat than drink. Hey Enomoto, that spot is mine.

Shiraishi: Ah, my Christmas gift is a cat plush. I see. Was that part of the investigation?

Okazaki: Haha, everyone's like kids enjoying Christmas.

Yanagi: It's good to relax once in a while, Hoshino, the food's almost ready, can you help me decorate it? As expected, I still need your help.

Ichika: Okay!

——In December, it snowed in Shinjuku.

On this peaceful street, this warm Christmas Eve continued.

----end---

sorry i meant to translate this earlier... but my eyes were having issues. they're still feeling a tad irritated though they're significantly better compared to when it started last saturday though.

Anyway, since this was content from one of Otomate's website, i have made this post un-bloggable (standard for me to do that when it's something from one of their websites), and I made a few adjustments to this based on the what names some of the characters use to address one another in the game... not sure if those changes are completely accurate since I haven't touched CxM for a while.

[velcropygmy]

I can't express my disappointment in the American people. The best analogy I've heard for this election was from a teacher. She said, "Imagine teaching a class of honor students for a whole semester. At the final you give them an open book test and over half the class fails. Now imagine that disappointment. All that hard work for naught. Multiply that times a thousand.

It was all in front of everyone's eyes. I'll start with the orange man. He was never really a successful business man. People bought the image given them by a reality show. The people involved with that very show have all come out and said that no really serious billionaire they approached would touch the show. They built him up for the show and tried to tell you it was all a facade during the campaign. But no, you want to claim fake news because Trump said so. That's like releasing all those guys on death row, after all they all say they were framed and innocent. The guy has always been nothing more than a carnival barker with some inherited coin. 6 bankruptcies including casinos should have been a clue to someone. Not to mention the adultery, not paying his contractors.

The free press is one of this nations most important guardrails against corruption and the GOP and it's supporters followed the path of dictators like Stalin, Hitler and Mussolini. You see it in Russia, Turkey, China, any other authoritarian regime. The press has to toe the party line. Trump wants that. He said so.

Vladimir Putin blames the US for the fall of the USSR. He has stated that was the greatest socio/political tragedy in history. He has vowed to fight democracy. And yet I hear cheers at a Trump rally when his name is brought up. In the USA! And how is Putin fighting democracy? Disinformation and misinformation. And they are the experts. Find a vulnerable spot and create a divide. Race, Gay rights, anything. Social media is the greatest gift to Putin he could have ever gotten on Xmas. And Americans eat it like candy. An example was Matt Gaetz using information about the US arming the Azrov Battalion in Ukraine. His source, a Communist Chinese propaganda website. If you need proof I'll get the video. It's easy to find. Let's go on to the congressional investigation into Joe and Hunter Biden. Who were their witnesses? A Russian oligarch close to Putin and an FSB agents. Not to mention the fact that once Eric Trump told the press they get their money from Russia when asked because banks quit lending them money. Or that most Trump Towers in foreign countries are fully sold out but unoccupied. Trump has been laundering Russian mob money through his real estate for years.

His affection for dictators and saying they rule with an iron fist like that's a good thing. Has he ever said anything positive about a foreign leader that wasn't a dictator? I'll wait but I'm not holding my breath. His desire for Putin's approval is disgusting. Given that, to me the two greatest geopolitical tragedies would be Trump giving Ukraine to Putin and the fall of American Democracy.

The book was open, it's was all out there in front of everyone's eyes and they ignored it. America failed that open book test and it will cost everyone the world over for this fuck up.

[theviceadmiralswife]

Marineford Xmas New years party at HQ and AI fun

Salute recruits and soldiers to this sassy Saturday ⚓🌊⚓🌊⚓🌊⚓🌊⚓🌊⚓🌊⚓

As I mentioned I'm a bit behind with my fan fiction chapter 5, however I got a good reason ...Xmas new years party at Marineford and it was busting, boozy, and lots of fun and everyone had a hangover 😛😛🤣😛🤣😛🤣

Anyhow I intended to post Christmas pictures i used the AI app I have ..funfair it turned our favourite marine vice admirals from animation to real life... and all Christmas dressed up .. what a surprise so ..I'm not joking our "boys" in real life.... it was a hit at Xmas party in HQ and caused amazement and laughs.

Now you can imagine some characters the AI app nailed, some are okay, some are surprisingly handsome , some are weird, some downright ugly. The AI app hates characters showing teeth or smoking so much is for sure.... and before you fangirls ask yes...yes the AI loves Kizaru... he looks hot, sugar daddy, Spanish king, aztec emperor Greek god level of handsome...its bizarre...

Alrighty enough teasing I start with the most surprising characters that turned out well and I keep posting throughout the day.

I post first the animated imagine and then the AI generated real life Xmas party photo hopefully you get all as much out of it as I did.

No 1 Of surprisingly good looking

Stainles, the picture i used

the picture the AI created

No 2. Vice admiral Gion

This is what the AI says she looks in real life

No 3 Bastille

AI result

To be continued....

[lokiofasssguard]

is there still hope for a renewal? are the wachowski sisters still up for a new season? maybe if we rewatch sense8 as much as we could and make as much posts about it on the internet, maybe, just maybe, they would consider it? 

[bandaigaeru]

i'll be home for christmas - yang jeongin

→word count: 1k →pairing: jeongin x gn reader →a/n: have this short little xmas thing as my gift to you lol. merry christmas! see you all next year

High school already feels so far away now that you’ve reached the finale of your first semester away at college. The joy that normally comes with Christmas is consumed by the fact that childhood has never felt so distant. No longer do you feel like a child returning home with a joyful heart at the idea of Christmas. Instead, there’s nothing but yearning for childhood to approach you again.

Leaving the train station with a suitcase trailing behind you and a bag hanging from your shoulders, you inhale the cold winter air. It smells like Christmas, the smell of pollution that taints the air mixed with the brew of snow falling gently from the clouds. The weight you drag reminds you of a time when your father would tote your bags around, and you’ve never felt more alone in this vast world.

The streets of Busan are busy, per usual, as everyone rushes to complete gift shopping. It’s Christmas Eve, their last chance.

It’s a miracle you can hail a taxi of your own.

“Home for the holidays?” the driver asks as he takes your suitcase and stuffs it into the trunk.

“Mhm,” you hum, pulling the back door open and slipping inside. The heat blasts from the A/C and dries your eyes out, but at least you’re safe from the nipping breeze outside.

You offer an address to the driver, and he promptly plugs it into the GPS.

The ride is quiet and you use this time to stare out the window, watching as the snowflakes rush to the sidewalk. Part of you wants to ask the man about his plans, but he seems serene with his eyes glued to the road. You imagine a false life for him, hoping that some parts are true. He’s working on Christmas Eve for the same reason everyone else is. A kid at home with big dreams the man wants to help them reach.

The streets become more familiar as you draw closer to ‘home’. You know you’re there when the car brakes in front of a house with white lights lining the roof. The only one in the neighborhood. Dad always thought they were better than the colorful ones, and Mom always nodded in agreement.

As you pay the driver, he grins, “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, sir,” you mimic his glee.

You wait and watch the car’s lights fade into the dark night before dragging your things up to the front door. A deep breath invades your lungs as you raise your fist to knock (Mom hates the sound of the doorbell), but a voice interrupts you.

“Y/N? I didn’t know you were coming home for Christmas!”

Your head swivels to the voice. A brunette boy smiles over the wall separating your house and the neighbor’s. His folded arms are resting on the cemented bricks, his chin resting upon them.

“Same for you.” You smile not to match his energy, but because it is an innate requirement.

“You know I have to come home. I have a little brother to amuse, you know?”

Yang Jeongin has a small, high dimple on his cheek. It flares when he talks about his family especially.

“So, how’s college up at Seoul University?” Jeongin tilts his head to get a better look at you.

“It’s good,” you nod, “not easy, that’s for sure.”

Jeongin giggles, “Right. But I’m sure you’re doing fine. You were always super good at all that academic stuff.”

Despite the freezing air biting at your cheeks, you feel warmth when he says this. It starts in your face, and then travels to your stomach.

“I’m glad you think so highly of me.”

“Always have,” he admits. Then, before you can interject, he says, “Go inside. Your parents probably miss you. I’ll catch you later.”

He hops down from the box giving him height to rest on the wall, and you hear him disappear into his house. You think you stood out in the snow for another ten minutes before finally knocking on the door to your home.

Christmas passes like it always does, in an underwhelming fall after the month-long build up. Your parents have gone to some New Year’s party for the day, even though there’s still four days remaining of the year.

The couch provides for a good resting spot for you and the family dog, Lucky, as you rewatch movies from childhood. Funnily enough, you’re not watching it. Neither is Lucky, as she snores loudly on your chest. You stare somewhere beyond the TV, thinking about Yang Jeongin.

He’s a cliche when paired with you. Childhood friends, neighbors nonetheless. Best friends all throughout school, but managed to grow distant when college came around.

There’s a knock on the door that pulls you from the pondering.

You push the sleeping dog off of you and take your time stumbling to the door. When you pull it open, Yang Jeongin’s little brother smiles up at you. You can see the resemblance clearly in the smiles.

He has a letter in his hands, folded neatly in half.

“This is for you,” he sheepishly sticks it out. You take it from his hands, and he quickly bows before running off.

“Dear Y/N,

Thank you for coming home for Christmas. I couldn’t find a way to admit this in person because it’s a little embarrassing, so I’ll say it here: your presence has been a greater present than anything I could ever receive. Don’t forget about me while you’re in college! Remember the cute boy who grew up with you, for he could never forget you.

Love only,

Yang Jeongin”

Peeking your head out of the doorframe, you glance over at the tall wall from which he normally talks to you. Though the boy isn’t there, you can feel him staring at you still.

Laughing, cheeks warm with gratitude, you call out, “I could never forget you, Yang Jeongin. Maybe you should text me more though so I really don’t.”

Your phone buzzes in your pocket almost instantly.

Yang Jeongin: Are you free on New Year’s Eve? I have a hunch you could use company.

You feel again a child as you stare down at your phone with a smile, thumbs typing out a “I’m free.”

Winter break just needs to last a little longer.

[if-music-be-the-food-of-love]

It’s sad to see the line at the end of ep3 where Robbe says ‘maybe you should meet some new friends’ in response to Sander saying he’s worried about never meeting someone because.... Sander really didn’t have any friends. I know he was very isolated when he was with Britt but in s5 he didn’t have a balloon squad. We never see any friends outside of Robbe and his friends on his insta. Even in the academy clip he was talking to class still life model instead of another classmate 😔 I wish we had seen him have someone

I’ve never had an ask like this. Eeeee!!!

This makes me sad 🥺 bc you’re so right. Whether it was intentional to make him a lone wolf like that, or it was a side effect of the pandemic, writing, etc, it was definitely a lost opportunity. I would have loved a connection to the Balloon squad, but more than anything it would have been nice to see him connect with anyone. We had a reference to Adi, and we hc’d him as a friend. But a name isn’t much to go on, and he was never mentioned again. We never even got to really see him interact with the Broerrrs (the xmas party and the birthday video call—that’s it). He was always with Robbe at parties and during group shots. I think we latched onto the insta banter between him and Senne bc we wanted them to be friends so badly. Ugh, just thought of this. Even before Robbe met him at the beach, he was always alone. Other Evens interacted with and laughed with friends, but not Sander. Sander watched him alone, and even when he was with Britt, he seemed lonely, like he wasn’t really connected with anyone, putting on a show for them.

If it was intentional, then that’s a very lonely existence for Sander, and it would explain his reaction to Robbe’s (however brief) rejection and how he turns it on himself as him being toxic. He hasn’t had anyone before, why should he be allowed to have Robbe, a best friend and lover? Even so, it seems cruel.

I would wonder if making him friendless wasn’t necessarily intentional. It just wasn’t needed for the plot. If they never planned to have a balloon squad connection (and of course we have no idea what they originally intended), then they wouldn’t need to set the groundwork for Sander’s previous relationships and friendships. They’re unnecessary and thus not included.

Intentional or not, we at least don’t see him having any relationships outside of Robbe, and for me that’s tragic bc as wonderful as romantic relationships are, friendship—knowing people love you just for who you are—is such an important part of life. Robbe IS his best friend, and I LOVE that. But I also think it is important to have other outlets. Granted, we do see that he has some kind of relationship with Yasmina in season 5 bc he’s near the top of her call (? I forgot) list, and they hug like they’re friends. Maybe he was adopted by Robbe’s friends and has been super close with them all year. We just never saw it on screen. Again—that boggles my mind bc you’d think there would have been ample opportunities to throw him into the background of scenes. No lines. No subplot. Just existence so that we can see how he’s doing, who he’s hanging out with. Little things like that in season 4 and 5 would have given depth to his character without any additional work.

But on a different note, not everyone needs/wants lots of friends, and we all need different types and levels of human interaction. It could also be that Sander is the type to have one person. His person just happens to be his best friend and lover. I kind of explore that in my current WIP, and there’s even a moment where Robbe is happy that he found another close friend.

I head canon Sander as a confident introvert. My SO is one—has lots of acquaintances, is great in social situations, but doesn’t have close friends (aside from me). I’m the opposite, an extrovert with massive social anxiety (oh the irony). If Sander is like that, he enjoys social interaction but doesn’t need more than that bc he’s happy to have Robbe and be able to recharge in his own time in a safe place. Who knows. I’d rather think of it this way than imagine him friendless.

Thanks for your ask. This was fun, and I enjoyed thinking about it. I’m always happy to talk about the show. 💕

[dinogoofy]

I'm back darling~ this time I'd love sth for Cassie & her female bestie 😁 bc the xmas is near so Imma give u these prompts: 'I’m a grown adult. I don’t want to take a picture with Santa Claus', 'Hey, want to help me get my parents off my ass about not having a date?'. Have a good day!

Had a ton of fun with this one, hope you enjoy!!!

Cassie Cage x F! Reader

Meeting the parents- I mean, meeting Santa.

----

It was a cold, quiet morning in your apartment. You were enjoying a warm cup of coffee in the early hours, a cheezy hallmark move playing on your TV as you try to work yourself into the holiday spirit. It had been a long year. Your phone dings once, but you ignore it, too focused on who was going to marry Santa. When it kept going off you finally checked it with a sigh.

Cassie-lassy

Hey

Hey, can I ask a favor?

Stop watching Christmas movies and answer me

Cassie was your best friend, but you weren't sure if you liked where this was going.

How did you even know that?

Anyway, whats up?

My parents are throwing a Christmas party this week and are hounding my ass about a date.

And?

Do u think u could pretend to be my gf, just for a day? Just to get them to leave me alone.

You almost choked on your coffee when you read the text. Damn, hallmark movie coming true? Your heart fluttered a bit. Cassie was your best friend. You didn't have feelings for her! That was ridiculous. All she needed was a... friend-to-friend favor. Plus, her dad was super rich, they were totally going to have good food.

Sure, when?

Uh, today good?

The lack of planning was exactly what you should've expected from Cassie. You laughed and drug your hands across your face, she was so lucky that you had the day off.

Bleh, ok. Ur dad better have some good food.

U bet ur ass! Pick u up at 6.

You laughed, and slowly picked yourself off the couch. You hoped that you still had an ugly sweater somewhere in your closet.

The time flew by unfortunately fast. You were rushing to gather your things as Cassie at outside in her 1965 red stingray corvette, (with a mako body) you loved that car so much. You couldn't help but geek out everytime you see it, but alas, there was definitely no time for that today. You frantically locked your apartment as you ran down the steps.

"Sorry I'm late!" Cassie laughed as you got in the car, and that awful flutter feeling returned. Oh no. This is not happening.

"Its chill, I doubt Dad will care if we're late to his party anyway." Your eye twitched, smile still wide on your face. You liked to be on time no matter where you were going, and by the look she was giving you you knew that Cassie said that just to annoy you. You rolled your eyes at her as she took off, the rumble of the car's engine instantly calming you.

Damn. You had never seen a house that big. As Cassie rolled through the big gates you continued to gawk at the beautiful architecture.

"I knew your dad was rich but, seeing how rich he is... is..."

"I know right? He moves into a new house almost every 6 months almost. Each one is bigger then the last one." You felt light headed just imagining how it must feel to have so much money. By the time Cassie parked and the two of you walked to the big doors, you could hear people loud and clear inside the house. This was way different then the tiny little Christmas reunions you were used too.

"I might throw an arm around you and call you nicknames a bit to make it seem legit, are you ok with that? I'm already asking a lot by getting you to come with me in the first place, the last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable." You laughed.

"Cassie it's fine, all that comes with the 'pretend girlfriend' package." She sighs in relief, knocking on the door.

"Just making sure."

The door opens after a few moments, Cassie's mother answering the door, delighted at the sight.

"Cassie you made it just in time! Your dad just got his Ninja Santa costume out of storage. You should- oh, who is this?" You shyly waved, face flushing more from the situation than the cold. You were glad you were already blushing when Cassie links her fingers through your own.

"Mom, this is my girlfriend." Her mom's face lights up, but you would be lying if you said her obvious military posture and build didn't intimidate you. You introduced yourself and shook her hand with your free hand, making sure to shake with a firm grip.

"Its great to meet you. I was wondering when Cassie was going to bring someone home." Cassie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as you awkwardly laughed. Her mom, Sonya, invited the two of you in. Your jaw almost dropped at the inside of the house.

The house was incredibly decorated. Wreaths, lights, an army of elves on the shelves, everything you could think of that spoke Christmas. A giant buffet on the right side of the room and a giant tree in the center of it all.

"Holy shit Cas," you wispered, she giggled squeezing your hand.

"I know right. They overdo it every year."

The rest party was amazing. You met many of Cassie's friends and family friends from the special forces. Kids were livey and running around the place. Even though the mansion and beautiful and intimidating, everything seemed to speak family to you. Every once in a while you would catch Cassie staring at you, but she would always wave you off, face flushing. It couldn't be an actual blush though, this was all an act, right?

"Ho ho ho, Ninja Butt-kicker Santa Claus has arrived!" A voice boomed from the center of the room. Adults laughed while children screamed with delight, booking it towards the gaint tree. Cassie sighed in embarrassment.

"I was beginning to wonder when dad would show up." You tried hard not to laugh when you dragged her to the middle of the room, catching a glimpse of her dad's "holiday spirit".

Kids hopped on his lap one by one, telling him what they want for Christmas, and (probably thanks to their parents,) each one was giving the wanted present and a fake ninja-star. You had thought every child was given a present and taken a picture, so surely he was going to "retire" for the night, right?

"Ho ho ho, Santa thinks that one, special little girl has yet to take a picture." He looked straight at Cassie and winked. She immediately recoiled.

"No. No no no. I'm a grown adult, I don't want to take a picture with Santa Claus." Everyone chuckled around the two of you. And Sonya walked over to push her into the center of the room with her dad, camera firm in her hands. Cassie sent an embarrassed look your way as she was forced to sit on Santa's lap.

"And what would you like for Christmas Cassie Cage?" Cassie looked like she wanted to melt away form her spot. Only answering because she had to.

"I don't want anything Da- Santa." Her Dad let out another Jolly, fake laugh.

"Sure you do! Santa knows everything, you know!" He hands her a small box, and winks at her.

"You know what Santa wants for Christmas? Grandkids." The crowd laughed, and your face immediately flushed a dark red, Cassie almost looking the same way. She covered her face as she hopped off her Dad's lap and speedwalked back to you without even opening the box.

The rest of the party went by so fast, and before you knew it, the two of you were walking back to her car in the cold.

"This was a ton of fun cas," She laughed, you wondered if she knew that you were still holding hands.

"Yeah, I'm glad you came with me. Sorry if my parents were a little overbearing." You shrugged, letting her know that it was fine. The silence after was unbearable. You wondered for a moment if you should ask her out. The party was nice, really nice, but it was honestly just because you were 'pretending' to be her girlfriend. You think she might've thought so too. You opened your mouth to speak, but she beat you to it.

"Hey, so, what if we made this whole... 'fake girlfriend' thing, a 'real girlfriend' thing?" You blushed, giving her hand a comforting squeeze.

"I think I'd like that." Her face lit up with a smile, squeezing your hand back. She stuck her hand in her pocket, and looked surprised for a moment, stopping in her tracks to pull out the box from earlier.

"I forgot about this thing."

"Mabye you should open it?" She let go off your hand to gingerly untie the bow, taking the lid off the box and tucking it underneath it. Her face flushed.

"It's mistletoe." Your face flushed in return. So thats what he ment. Cas started to nervously mumble something, closing the lid on the box, but you held a hand over hers before she put it away.

She instantly kissed back when you leaned in to complete the tradition. The gentle moonlight kiss becoming the only Christmas miracle you needed.

You were definitely living in a hallmark movie.

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

No Mistletoe Above Our Heads

Summary: It’s the day of the Trolberg Winter Festival, and Matilda Pilkfist invites all her favorite people to her house to celebrate. Two of her guests, however, seem more interested in each other than anything elseContains spoilers for season 2

Notes: Did you know that legally you can post Christmas fics until the New Year? It’s right there in the constitution, I swear Jokes aside, I had two holiday fic ideas and only time to write one in time for Xmas and... that established relationship one won. Which, of course, didn’t stop me from wanting to do this one as well. Anyways this is set one year after the Trolberg Winter Festival that we see on season 2. Since we don’t know how much Johanna will know after the whole Troll business is over, I’m just making things up here.

Read it on ao3

The doorbell rang just in time for Kaisa to finish setting up the table, all the cutlery neatly in place.

“Oh, it’s the rest of our guests!” Tildy chirped. “You dears wait right here, I’ll go get them.”

Standing near Tildy’s table, the two of them watched the older woman walk to her front hall to open the door. There was a very strong scent of cinnamon in the air - Tildy had probably forgotten something in the oven.

“Do you know the other people she called?” Mr. Ostenfeld asked her, making her shrug.

‘Sort of. I’ve talked to the kids before. They’re okay.” Although she’d grown very fond of the children in the year she’d known them, spending the Winter Festival socializing with them was not a situation she was entirely comfortable with. She was sure she’d just be a wallflower and make them all feel like they needed to include her in their conversation for the sake of good manners, but her old mentor had insisted on her attending the dinner, so she’d given in. It wasn’t like she had any better plans for the evening, anyway, and she felt like she owned it to Tildy after spending years avoiding her.

“Frida, how delightful to see you!” They heard Matilda say from the doorway, and figured they should get closer to greet the guests as well. “And I’m so glad you two could come too!”

Behind Frida, there were two adults who resembled her a lot. Tildy let them in and pointed at them. “This is Peter, my boyfriend, and Kaisa. I used to be her English tutor as well!”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Mr. Ostenfeld said as Kaisa shook their hands. She had been warned, of course, that the adults didn’t know about the magic yet, but it still struck her as amusing to see arch-sorceress Matilda Pilkfist describe herself as an English tutor. She also wondered how her mentor was planning on explaining the skull on her wall, or the painting of witches around a fire, not to mention her hand mannequin for palmistry practice. Maybe she thought everyone had those things at home, that would be a very Tildy-like way of thinking.

After greeting Frida and her family, Kaisa brought her attention back to the other guests. She knew Frida’s familiar had also been invited. Tildy seemed to have taken a strong liking to her as well. What she hadn’t been expecting was to already know the adult who had come in with her.

Well, maybe know was too strong of a word. But she’d already met the woman at the library, where sometimes she’d go to look for inspiration for her work and Kaisa would help her, and sometimes they’d see each other around the city and wave. Still, it was enough for a noticeable spark of recognition to be lit on her brown eyes, even if she wasn’t the one who spoke first.

“Good evening!” Hilda greeted her happily. “It’s very nice to see you here!”

“Good evening, Hilda. How are you doing tonight?”

Seemingly unaware of how Kaisa’s gaze was straying to her mother behind her, the girl smiled. “Great! We just came from the bloom, it was so beautiful!”

“I agree. I was there long enough to see it, those flowers seem to get more beautiful every year.”

Though Hilda looked like she was going to agree, Mr. Ostenfeld approached them before she could say anything.

“Ah, so you two were invited! How lovely! Looks like you have already met my neighbors, eh Kaisa?”

“Good evening, Mr. Ostenfeld!” Mother and daughter said at the same time. Only now Kaisa realized that Johanna seemed to be trying to sneak glances at her as well.

“I already know Kaisa.” Hilda explained. “I don’t think mum does, though.”

With her hand on her hips, the woman rolled her eyes playfully. “Hilda, I’m not illiterate. I’ve already met Kaisa at the library.”

Hilda’s mouth formed a perfect “o” shape, her eyes widening only slightly. It seemed like an odd thing for her to realize her mother had a life beyond what they did together.

“It’s good to finally see you in a more social setting, Kaisa.” She said, raising her hand for the librarian to shake.

"Likewise." The woman’s grip was warm and soft, and something in Kaisa didn’t want to let go. “I don’t think I ever got your name.”

“Johanna.” The woman smiled. Perhaps the night wouldn’t be a waste after all.

_#_#_#_

Johanna never thought she’d be so glad to see the librarian.

When Hilda told her they’d been invited to Frida’s English Tutor’s Winter Festival dinner, she’d been skeptical at best. Not because she didn’t trust the woman, not even out of unwillingness to spend the Festival in a way so different from how she used to when she was younger, but because she knew Hilda would leave her alone, and she couldn’t blame her.

Being with her friend meant the girl would probably run off to somewhere private to talk to her alone, and Johanna would left to… mingle with the adults, something she didn’t quite know if she would manage. Her daughter had thought she had wanted her to make human friends for the sake of being normal. Truth be told, what she really wanted was for Hilda to have more social skills than she did when she grew up.

Her prediction had been proven true. The girls had gone to some other room in Matilda’s house at her invitation, and the rest of them had moved to a sitting room, where they sat down on the couches in pairs: the host and her boyfriend, Frida’s parents, and the party’s two outcasts, which had been left to sit together.

Kaisa seemed to realize they were the odd ones out - the only ones who weren’t there as a couple and who weren’t quite close to nearly anyone - at the same time Johanna did, and they smiled sympathetically at each other as they sat down on the bright red sofa.

Neither of them added much to the conversation; Tildy was able to carry it with her usual brightness and Frida’s parents seemed to be interested in adding their opinions as well, especially when the topic was their daughter’s incredible willingness to learn.

Not particularly interested in the dialogue, Kaisa let her mind wander elsewhere, until she felt Johanna tense up beside her. They weren’t close enough for her to physically feel it, but sensing her energy was enough for Kaisa to pick up something was wrong. She blinked and tried to remember the sentence that had just been spoken.

“It brings us a lot of pride.” Frida’s father had said, which made Kaisa assume the conversation still had been centered around Frida. “But it must be quite hard to have a trouble maker for a child, isn’t it? I imagine you’ve tried everything at this point to get Hilda to behave, and I should have expected Frida to have had a bigger impact on her, being the positive influence that she is.”

Johanna swallowed, and Kaisa could tell from the way her fist clenched on the hem of her sweater that she knew exactly what to answer, just as well as she knew she’d be beyond rude if she said what she wanted to.

“I don’t see what you mean.” As though they had forgotten she was there, and she wouldn’t be shocked if they had, all eyes turned to Kaisa with surprise in them. The only exception was Tildy, who had her typical knowing smirk on. “I’ve had plenty of opportunities to watch Hilda’s behavior, since she visits the library a lot, not once has she done anything that would have me describe her as a trouble maker. And trust me, I have seen some difficult children in my job.”

Looking quite flustered, the man tried to reverse the situation. “Well, surely you’ll agree-“

“There’s the basic, of course.” Kaisa didn’t let him finish. “She never yells or misplaces books, or returns them late. But even when she takes some actions that I suppose could be considered… off route, never has anyone been put in harm’s way by her that I know of, and all her actions are inspired by selflessness. Intelligence doesn’t only mean one thing, and I can assure you the girl is as smart as she is brave. It’s a shame not everyone can recognize it.”

Pleased when both parents looked properly chastened, Kaisa sat back against the couch and pretended to have stopped caring about the conversation again. Oh, if only those two knew the sort of thing their own child got involved with. She’d very much like to see their faces when they found out.

“I agree completely.” Said Peter from the other side of the room. “Never met anyone with better intentions.”

Tildy nodded at her boyfriend, even though her eyes seemed to stray away to the direction of the couch where Johanna and Kaisa were sitting. “Yes, she’s got a heart of gold, that one.”

Only when Kaisa glanced at Frida’s parents, wanting to see how they would look while trying to explain themselves, did she notice that Johanna was not looking at her daughter’s defensors, but rather at her. Her lips parted in a silent gasp when she saw her mouthing a ‘thank you’ to her.

Ignoring Frida’s mother’s fumbled speech as she tried to talk about the “value the school system gives to different learning types”, Kaisa whispered back at Johanna. “Want to get away?”

Though there was no clear answer from her part, no nod or smile, Kaisa didn’t miss the way her eyes lit up and her back straightened at the prospect.

“This is certainly a fascinating topic.” Kaisa blurted as she stood up, well aware that the sarcasm was showing in her voice. “But is it just me or is there something burning?”

Tildy sniffed the air and widened her eyes. Kaisa hadn’t even had to make anything up, something was burning.

“My korvapuusti!” Tildy gasped, but before she could move further, Kaisa gestured for her to remain seated.

“Don’t worry, I can see to it. Though I’m not much of a cook, so maybe Johanna should come with me.” She raised an eyebrow to the woman, expecting her to understand the cue she was trying to create at the same time she knew she was free to refuse it. “Hilda has already brought me some cookies you made, so I know you are skilled.”

“Of course.” Hoping she hadn’t been too quick to answer, Johanna got up and adjusted the hem of her sweater, sneaking a glance at Kaisa, who seemed to be as anxious to get out of there as her.

A dawning realization seemed to slowly replace the worry in Tildy’s face, and she smiled. “How sweet of the two of you to help this old woman. Thank you, dears.”

Kaisa nodded and went back to the entrance hall they’d been at some minutes ago, and Johanna fell in step beside her as she made her way through the house. She seemed to know where she was going, so Johanna didn’t question it, even as she spotted some frankly bizarre details in the house. Something about the way herb jars and crystals adorned nearly every surface was eerie, yet not unpleasant to her. And surely she was imagining the way the portaits’s eyes seemed to follow them.

“Thanks for that.” Johanna said when she had to do a little sprint to catch up with the librarian, a decoration that very much looked like a serpent with horns having had caught her attention. Kaisa slowed down her pace.

“Don’t think about it. There is something burning, anyway, and you very much are more more apt to deal than this than I am.”

“Oh, not that, though I am very grateful for the excuse to go away for a bit.” The lighting in that part of the house was significantly dimmer, somewhy being composed basically of candle light, and for a second Johanna was distracted by how their warm glow and the shadows they cast accentuated the sharp angles in Kaisa’s features. It was probably just the artist side of her showing. “I mean for defending Hilda like that. It’s good to know you have such a positive view of her and… I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t spoken up first.”

Kaisa smiled. This was something Johanna didn’t think she’d seen her do any time before that night. It had always been a certainty in her mind, though she didn’t know why, that the mysterious librarian didn’t show who she really was in the library. Now she wondered if she’d finally get to see more of Kaisa’s hidden side since they were behind closed doors.

“You would have been fine.” Thankful for the weak lighting hiding her blush, Kaisa answered. “At worst you would have told them what they need to hear.”

“That their daughter is going to develop one hell of a failure anxiety if they keep this up?”

“That she already has and Hilda is the positive influence that keeps her grounded. Those two really do a lot of good to each other, it’s a lovely friendship to watch.”

Kaisa opened a door and flicked the light switch up, making them both blink a few times since their eyes had adapted to relative darkness. The scent of burnt cinnamon and cardamom was much stronger there, and Johanna quickly spotted the oven and ran to it.

“You seem to know quite a lot about the children.” Johanna pointed out as Kaisa grabbed an oven mitt from the overhead shelf and handed it to her. Carefully, she opened the oven and was struck by a cloud of smoke and heat, holding herself back not to cough as she reached inside and pulled out the tray with the sweets on it. The cinnamon rolls were certainly a lot darker than they ought to be.

Kaisa waved her hand in the air, trying to make the smoke and the strong smell of burnt food fade, and with her other hand she gestured for Johanna to put the tray on an empty place on the counter.

“I don’t go out much.” She admitted half unwillingly. Admitting her lack of social life probably was not the best course of action to take if she wanted Johanna to be interested in befriending her, but she'd certainly figure it out in no time, anyway. “So when I notice recurring patrons that don’t irk me, I usually pay attention to them.”

“Pay attention?” Johanna asked as she tried to figure out how to turn off Matilda’s prehistoric oven before they both choked to death.

With a fork, Kaisa attempted to examine whether or not the confections were still salvageable. At first when she couldn’t poke inside, she thought maybe the crust of sugar and cinnamon had just gotten too thick, but when it broke with an audible crack before yielding she knew they were lost.

“I’m not-” She crossed her arms over her chest, biting her lower lip as she wondered if it was a good idea to answer that question truthfully. Due precisely to not having many friends, Kaisa knew she tended to overshare when people would listen to her, and it just made them go away. But there was something in the way Johanna looked at her that made her believe she genuinely wanted to know. “I’m not really good at talking to people. I seem to be the kind of person that is more interesting when watched from afar, anyway. So I tend to pay attention to visitors, as a hobby I suppose. You can tell a lot by people-watching.”

Johanna took off the mits and gave them back to Kaisa for her to put them in their proper place, and gave her a small nod as a sign to go on.

“I probably wouldn’t know this much about them, but curious as they are the children began to… talk to me.” Kaisa said. It wasn’t quite a lie, but she was sure the story would make much more sense to Johanna if she could mention the Committee and the magic. Though perhaps that was for the better, since that would also mean admitting to taking her daughter through a magical maze, not to mention the ghost situation and the tide mice incident. She highly doubted that Johanna would appreciate it. “And I suppose we just got along. They’re very sweet kids, the three of them, and their curiosity brings them to the library quite often.”

Rather than being disturbed by some of her closest bonds being with children she had no family ties to, Johanna smiled like she understood.

“They really are lovely.” With great difficulty, Johanna managed to unstick one of the sweets from the tray. “It’s a shame I don’t get to talk much to Frida and David, though. Hilda usually doesn’t want her mother bothering her friends. I guess it’s just signs of pre-teenagehood showing up.”

After bringing the korvapuusti to her nose and sniffing it, Johanna had to do her best to hide a grimace at the smell. “Oh, goodness, I hope Matilda doesn’t get too upset about not serving dessert.”

“Eh, she’s probably done another batch earlier.” Kaisa said as a way of hiding the fact that Tildy would probably use a revitalization spell and serve them anyway. Currently, the librarian was more interested in something else she’d just spotted on the counter.

It was a small jar, not much bigger than a glass of water and filled to the brim with a cream coloured paste. She grabbed it so fast that Johanna blinked with surprise, and thought for a moment that she was trying to hide something.

“Tildy made condensed milk!” Kaisa chirped, sounding very much like an excited child as she opened one of the drawers and took out two tablespoons. “I mean, of course she did. She always puts it on the table when she makes korvapuusti in case anyone wants to add it on top, but she made so much this time! How lucky.”

As Kaisa scooped a spoonful of the viscous substance, Johanna bit back a smirk. If people truly did think Kaisa’s uncensored self wasn’t as interesting as the image she first showed them was, the woman would have to disagree strongly. Every time she’d seen the librarian in her work place, Kaisa had set in her the desire to get to know her better, and now that she was seeing beneath the mystery and the quietness, nothing changed; if anything, Johanna was even more intrigued. In her mind, she compared her to a good brownie: once you got past the crispy crust it was warm and soft inside, and both parts were just as good.

“You seem very close to her as well.” Johanna pointed out. “Between her and the children, you’re probably better off in the friend department than I am.”

Kaisa stopped scooping a second spoon to look at her, her brow furrowed. “Really? You look like a very popular person.”

Flattered, Johanna chuckled. “What makes you say that?”

“You’re nice.” Kaisa shrugged. “Nice people usually have a lot of friends.”

“Well, I’m glad that’s how I come across. But I’m afraid I don’t really have any friends. None human, at least.”

Johanna looked away and cringed. Great way to get people to like you, she told herself. Make them see how weird you are. It was ironic, really. She’d insisted so much on Hilda making some human friends, and in the end she was the one drinking her afternoon tea with a nisse. If Kaisa had thought she was nice rather than odd, like most people did, it wouldn’t last if she continued talking so freely.

There was no judgement, not even surprise, when she looked back at Kaisa’s face, though. She looked like she thought that what Johanna was saying made perfect sense.

“Now you have one.” She had set down the jar again and was raising one of the spoons up for Johanna to take. “If I might call myself that, I mean.”

“Oh.” Johanna smilled, a cool sensation of butterflies in her belly making her fidget with the hem of her sweater. “Yes, of course. I’d love to be your friend!”

Kaisa’s grin widened, and Johanna spent a second thinking about how beautiful the dark lipstick shade she was wearing looked on her before realizing she was still waiting for her to take the spoon.

“Oh.” Johanna gasped again, mentally kicking herself from fumbling over her words so much. She wasn’t normally like this, but Kaisa had no way of knowing this and would probably think her a complete fool before the night was over. “Shouldn’t we wait until after dinner?”

“What’s the harm? Hilda isn’t here, you know? You don’t have to set a good exemple.” Kaisa said even as lowered the spoon, as if to show that she wouldn’t pressure her to do it. However, the argument seemed to have been a good one, because as soon as she brought her own spoon to her lips to taste the condensed milk, Johanna gave in and picked up hers.

“This is really good!” Johanna said regardless of thinking that it was maybe a bit too sweet for her to be able to eat a whole spoonful of it. Kaisa didn’t seem to be having any problems with it, though, and she didn’t want to let her new friend down.

Kaisa leaned her back against the counter, pleased Johanna seemed to have liked it. Figuring it would probably be inappropriate if she kept watching her as she licked the condensed milk out of the spoon, which she firmly told herself she’d only been doing because she wanted to catch her reaction, Kaisa ran her eyes around the kitchen as she concentrated on her early dessert. Until, that was, her attention was caught by something on the doorframe.

“Did Tildy seriously put mistletoe in the kitchen?” She sighed, more to herself than to Johanna.

“Not fond of them?” Johanna asked with her gaze also focused on the bundle of green leaves and pearly white berries.

“I’ve no ill will towards them.” Kaisa ate the last of what was left on her spoon and wondered if it was worth it to wash it and get some more condensed milk. “I just feel like it can be a really stupid tradition. Can’t be pleasant to be under the mistletoe with someone you don’t like.”

“Yes, it must be uncomfortable.” While she answered, Johanna turned to face Kaisa, who was washing the spoon in order to put it back inside the drawer, figuring out Tildy would notice if too much of the condensed milk was gone. Realizing Kaisa had some of it in the corner of her mouth, anything else she might have said was snatched out of her tongue as the sudden thought that it truly was a pity that Kaisa didn’t appreciate that tradition popped in her mind. Embarrassed, she shook her head as if to expel that notion, and put the spoon in her mouth to finish eating as well. “I wonder where on earth it came from. Sounds random to say the least.”

Kaisa hummed in agreement, and though Kaisa offered to wash Johanna’s spoon as well, she insisted on cleaning up after herself. After they were both done, they decided they’d probably been away for longer than socially acceptable. It was probably already time for dinner, at that point.

As they retraced their steps, however, the two women stopped in front of the first door frame after the kitchen's, staring at the same thing for the same reason.

“Curious.” Johanna hummed. “I don’t remember that mistletoe being there.”

It escaped Johanna’s notice, but not Kaisa’s, that there was something out of the ordinary with the sprig. After a few seconds of watching it, a glittering speck of green dust fell from it, floating all the way to the ground. The witch’s shoulders hunched forward like they tended to do when she was annoyed. An illusion spell.

“I don’t think they were here before.” She hissed through clenched teeth, low enough for Johanna to not hear it. Every other room they passed by was the same: a small mistletoe where before there had been none.

“It was probably the weak lighting.” Johanna said as they passed by their fifth mistletoe, although she failed to convince even herself with that explanation. Kaisa might not have noticed it since she had just been looking forward to where they had been going, but Johanna had been paying very close attention to her surroundings. Maybe that house’s nisse had decided to add some decoration?

Kaisa did her best to smile and say “Yes, it probably was.”, knowing it must have looked way more like a growl. Right when they arrived back at the sitting room, her suspicions were confirmed. Not only did Tildy have her hand inside the pocket where she kept her wand, but also the look of curiosity she gave them when they came back spoke louder than any words.

“You’re back! We were just waiting for you to go to the table.” Tildy chirped, looking deep inside Kaisa’s eyes, looking for something.

“Someone better go call the children, then.”

Tildy looked away at Kaisa’s unwavering answer. Whatever she’d been looking for, and the librarian thought she had a pretty good idea of what it was, she hadn’t found it.

“And the korvapuusti?”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to use your extra batch.”

“Oh, well.” She got up with her boyfriend's aid. “There’s always next time, isn’t there.”

Something led Kaisa to believe she was not talking about the confections.

_#_#_#_

“It was great to spend some time with you, Kaisa!”

The librarian tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, hoping she didn’t look too happy to be hearing that.

“Likewise, Johanna.”

Would asking to see her again be too much? It probably would, but she could think of nothing else to say. They just stood perfectly still as they looked at each other, the cold from the night outside creeping into the house through the open door behind Johanna. Holding her mother’s hand, Hilda glanced back and forth at both of them with a curious frown.

“I guess I’ll see you at the library, then?” Johanna said at last, and Kaisa nodded.

“Yes. That’s… that’s where I’ll be.”

“Well, happy Bloom again! And good night.” At this point, Hilda was already trying to subtly drag her mother away. For someone who always complained about the Woodman leaving the door open, she thought Johanna really should pay more attention to that sort of thing.

“Good night to the two of you.” Said Kaisa. Finally happy that Johanna had began moving out, Hilda smiled and waved at the witch.

“Bye bye, Kaisa! See you when I see you!”

When the door was closed at last, and Kaisa was the only guest left (it didn’t matter that she was one of the strongest witches alive, Kaisa would feel bad if she left an elderly lady to clean up everything alone), Tildy surreptitiously crept up by her side.

“Did you at least get her number?” Tildy asked with a sigh, which made her former apprentice remember why exactly she’d been mad at her.

“Tildy.” Kaisa groaned, putting her hands on her waist. “I know you mean well, but you’re going a little too far. I barely even know Johanna and you’re already conjuring mistletoes around the house?!”

Saying that, she pointed to the spot one of the sprigs had been just a few minutes before, even though there was nothing there at that moment. The woman giggled, kneeling down with some difficulty to pick her familiar up when it walked to her.

“Oh, but I’ve a good eye for this sort of thing!” She defended herself cheerfully as she petted that thing she called a familiar. Kaisa had never seen eye to eye with it. It had a tendency of eating her books which hadn’t faded with time. “I saw some sparks flying and I decided to help along! Such a shame you didn’t grab the chance.”

Kaisa pinched the bridge of her nose. Sometimes she wondered if age was beginning to get the best of her old mentor. “Okay, fine, I think she’s cute. You’ve always been able to tell how I feel and I won’t deny it. But we both know close to nothing about her! She doesn’t even like mistletoes-”

“This younger generation.” Tildy scoffed, interrupting her. “So unromantic.”

“And even if her feelings were reciprocal.” Kaisa continued with a glare, figuring it was better to pretend she hadn’t heard that. No matter how old Kaisa got, she was always part of the ‘younger generation’ in Tildy’s eyes. “We’ve just properly met! “that’s way too forward and you know it, so don’t try to blame me for not making a move in the first five seconds of knowing someone.”

“Oh, Kaisa.” The sorceress sighed as she began walking away to the kitchen, so they both could start and finish their washing as soon as possible. “No need to get so defensive. I was only trying to help you, but I apologize if it made you uncomfortable in any way. However, as someone who wants nothing but your happiness, I need to ask you to reach out to that woman as soon as possible.”

Kaisa hugged her arms around her torso. Somewhy that idea was enough to make her afraid, even if she couldn’t tell what of. “It’s okay, Tildy. You don’t have to apologize, but I think I’ll wait until Johanna goes to the library again. We can talk a bit and… and then when she visits it again it won’t be weird to try and arrange another meeting somewhere else.”

Tildy stopped right in front of the sink and narrowed her eyes at Kaisa. “Were you not listening?”

“I was, but-“

“No buts!” She exclaimed, throwing a towel at Kaisa. Whether she wanted her to do the drying or she was just exasperated and wanted to throw something at her, she didn’t know. “Do you know why I’m dating Peter?”

“Hopefully because you love him?” Kaisa answered, somewhat stunned at the sudden change in topic.

“Very funny, aren’t you.” Opening the sink to begin her washing, Tildy snickered. “I mean, why am I dating him instead of already being married to him? I did already tell you we met when we were young.”

“Because you’re both broke and can’t take a loan since the bank doesn't like you.” Kaisa joked, which resulted in Tildy shaking her weat hand on her direction to send a couple of drops of water at her. Laughing as her she shielded her face from the water, she quickly added. “I’m kidding! It’s because you two didn’t talk for very long.”

Tildy nodded as she went back to washing. There was something sad in her eyes, and anyone else might have missed it. Kaisa, however, had spent too much time with her, had shared too many conquests and downfalls with this woman to not be able to pick it up.

“We met one night and fell in love almost instantly. But we knew nothing of each other… I spent my life hoping he’d find me, and he spent his life not being able to because he didn’t know how. He spent his life regretting not having asked me out on that first night. Do you see what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Be grateful Johanna knows where I work and for modern technology?”

Tildy gave her a glare that made her sure that if looks could kill, she’d need a spot at Guglow’s. Even her familiar, who had moved to lie atop of her head, seemed to be staring at her with impatience, and Kaisa sighed in defeat.

“I understand the lesson, Tildy. And even though I don’t really agree in this ‘love at first sight’ talk and your extreme carpe diem mentality, I’ll… try to do something. So as not to become a target for your crossbow practice, if anything.”

Finally pleased, Tildy smiled.

“Smart girl!”

_#_#_#_

“Hey, mum, what are you doing?”

Slouched over a cookbook in her bedroom, Johanna hadn’t even heard it when Hilda opened the door. Her daughter sat near her on the bed and tried to take a peak at what she was reading.

“I’m trying to find any condensed milk recipes in our old recipe book.” She explained, though she knew that at that point she all but had that book’s contents memorized. “Kaisa seems to like it a lot… she was very kind to both of us at the party, I wanted to make her something as a late winter festival gift, even if it’s just a batch of cookies.”

“Sounds like a good idea. You could take the chance and ask if she has any recipes she’d prefer.”

Finally Johanna dragged her eyes away from the book, and noticed Hilda had a sly smile on. “What do you mean?”

“The doorbell rang, remember? She’s at the door.”

“What?!” Johanna jumped from the bed, wondering how Kaisa knew where she lived before remembering she could have gotten the address from the library records, or from Frida, Matilda, and even from Hilda herself. Before leaving the room, she glanced at the mirror to check her appearance, which made Hilda lift an eyebrow.

She was sure she wasn’t imagining the blush on the librarian’s face when she opened the door, but she was more worried about the fact that she probably had one of her own.

“I wonder where it came from.” Kaisa quoted Johanna’s words from the night before, from when they’d seen the first mistletoe on the kitchen’s doorway, and bit back a grimace when she realized she’d forgotten to say “good afternoon”. There was no coming back from that, so she continued. “That’s what you said about the mistletoe’s tradition yesterday. I, ah, got curious. So I did some research and found out it actually comes from mythology. And biology. The biology of the plant mattered too, you see.”

There was a beat of silence in which Johanna just blinked at her, and Kaisa was afraid she’d slam the door on her face for turning up in her house out of the blue to talk about mistletoe lore the day after a holiday. Instead, she opened a grin.

“That sounds fascinating!” Johanna said, feeling her heart pick up pace. Not only had Kaisa truly listened to what she said, but she’d had the mind to look for answers and to come all the way to her house to tell her what she’d found. “I’m working on an evergreens pattern for a series of products, I actually think knowing more about these aspects of them would give me a lot of inspiration!”

Standing up a little straighter, Kaisa couldn’t hold back a breathy chuckle of relief that Johanna seemed to be taking that attempt well.

“I was hoping you’d let me tell you more about it over coffee?” She asked as she bit down on her bottom lip. “If you’re busy right now-”

“No, no!” Johanna waved her hands in front of her. “I’m completely free.”

Perhaps that hadn’t been the best thing to say, since she had just informed her that she was working on a project, but Kaisa didn’t seem skeptical of her answer at all, only happy. Her grey eyes lit up, as beautiful as the snow outside when the weak winter sun shone on it.

“Oh.” Kaisa breathed. She seemed surprised, and maybe even amazed by the situation, and it filled Johanna with warmth. If she seemed awe struck by something so simple, she couldn’t possibly be used to being appreciated, and Johanna couldn’t wait to change that. Figuring Kaisa had already done the most of the reaching out just by going there, she spoke up again.

“There’s a pretty good coffee house in the centre square.” She said. “We could take the chance to pick up some fallen Sostansil flowers, I loved pressing them in my journal when I was younger. Plus, I’m pretty sure they sell their cookbooks there, and I just discovered I need a new one.”

As if by work of magic, confidence seemed to return to Kaisa’s stance. “That sounds lovely!”

“I’ll just check with Hilda if it’s alright to leave her alone and-”

“Don’t worry about me.” Both of them startled when they noticed Hilda had been standing a few meters away, in the kitchen. “I’ve got to do homework and walk Twig.”

“Hilda, it’s impolite to listen to other people’s conversations.” Johanna called out. All the girl did was mutter an amused ‘sorry’ and walk back to her room.

Since when Johanna looked back at the librarian she didn’t look put off by Hilda’s behaviour, she took a step back and pointed behind herself.

“In this case, I’ll just grab my coat and we can go. I’d love to hear all about what you found out.”

Kaisa’s smile was the last thing Johanna saw before she ran off to her room. It was intriguing, she thought, how the mistletoe hadn’t needed to be above her head to help her.

Maybe, from then on, she’d like it a lot more.

[allie1804-fan]

Kerense Part 2

This is a continuation of Kerensa - read Part 1 here

Kerensa (Part 1)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Warnings : Just like Keanu in these fics, I don't actually know any of the other real people portrayed here so my versions of them are all supposition!

LA Home?

After a couple of weeks, they moved on to LA. Kerry was Flabbergasted by the size and style of his home. It had a cool feel due to the size of the rooms and the large pieces of art in the main living area which had vast bi-fold doors leading out to the patio and pool. He was most excited to show her his pond with Koi Carp and the breathtaking view.

His office and bedroom were warmer in style, more in keeping with the man and she was thrilled with the kitchen which his sister had designed with herself in mind for when she visited and wanted to cook or for Keanu when he had a caterer come in.

On their first night, they ordered take out and ate outside by the pool. They were both tired from travelling but he promised to take her out to some favourite haunts soon. His bigger priority was making her and Scout feel at home and welcome.

That started with meeting his mum. Having heard a lot about her before he left, his mother, in particular, was very keen to make her acquaintance. She invited them over and had a meal catered.

She was welcoming but there was an edge of scrutiny in her gaze and her questions.

In the car on the way home, Kerry pointed it out.

It’s just like Jason Robards says in Parenthood. “It never ends”

“What?”

“Well, your mum was clearly concerned I might be some kind of leach!”

“Kerry, she thinks that about everyone I meet, but especially women. But she liked you, I could tell. And you bonded over all your English connections right?”

“I guess!”

Next up was Karina who had them over for Thanksgiving. She was more easygoing than her mother and they had a very relaxed day with Keanu and his brother-in-law bonding over the football and Kerry and Karina enjoying working together in the kitchen.

In the weeks running up to Christmas, their projects were on hiatus and they focussed on getting Kerry acclimatised to LA. Keanu bought her a car (she was not up for driving his Porsche) and they went on bike rides up PCH, took Scout on hikes in local parks and continued her introductions to his friends.

Key amongst them was Alex Winter and his family. They spent a great day on the beach at Malibu with him, his wife and their 2 youngest sons. Alex took a cute pic of Kerry and Keanu there - She had straggly wet hair from messing around in the sea and was wearing a loose shirt over her swimming costume. Her arms were draped around Keanu’s neck and they were both grinning broadly. She liked it so much, she had it printed and framed and placed it on their dressing table. It was one way she could try to settle in.

She certainly felt safe and welcome in his home, but, truth be told, not really at home

Some of that was connected to Scout. There was an inner courtyard where Scout could chill in a shady spot and you could walk him along the road nearby but only in the evening when the surface would be cool enough. To walk the dog, you really needed to go to a park, beach or further out into hills. It wasn’t just a stone’s throw away like at Sennen.

Also, in one sense, the house felt huge but at the same time, claustrophobic. It was curious that she could feel hemmed in despite the space and open view at the back - it was like you couldn’t touch the nature that was so near at hand and when she felt like that, the waves of nostalgia for Sennen were powerful.

Another challenge she faced and hadn’t really expected had been the number of female friends Keanu had who, it was clear, were past sexual partners. It wasn’t that anyone said anything to her, least of all him for whom it was all just water under the bridge, but some of them had an unmistakable body language towards him, while others displayed a certain possessiveness that she found, if not threatening then at least challenging.

She knew he’d had a different life from her, longer in single mode, less settled in one place and with a lot of opportunity to be promiscuous, so she knew she had to accept it, but she also struggled to imagine still hanging out with people you’d been so intimate with in the past as it had been a very rare experience for her.

Fortunately, Karina was a bit of an ally in at least filling in the gaps as to who was or wasn’t an ex. Kerry didn’t want to come off as jealous or obsessive, so asking Keanu was a no-no, at least at first. One day, Karina had come over to talk Christmas food and caught Kerry staring off into the distance.

“Hey, where have you gone?” Karina asked her.

Wha …? oh sorry, nowhere, I’m right here”

“ oh no, not falling for THAT. What did he do?”

“Keanu? Nothing. Honest.”

“Kerry?”

“Honest he didn’t. It’s just, errm Autumn came over last night”

“Ughhh”

“What?”

“Nothing, she’s just not my favourite of his exes that still hangs around him”

“Oh so she IS an ex, I wasn’t sure and he didn’t say so”

“He wouldn’t, to him it’s ancient history - and it is. They properly dated in the 90s and then I’m pretty sure she was, you know…. A friend …..”

“With benefits?”

“Yeah, sometime in the 2000s but not in the past few years. Was she civil to you?”

“Yeah yeah, she was just quite, erm touchy with him and sort of “

“Possessive?”

“Not exactly, but she made sure to mention things from way back several times as if to remind me and him that I’m the new kid. I mean maybe I was being over-sensitive, it was weird”

“Naah, that’s her thing. She didn’t manage to clinch him and that still riles her so she hangs in there with the “trusty oldest friend” card.

“Yeah but she’s not his oldest friend right? Brenda is from school and that lovely lady Clare is from before her time right?”

“Right, I mean Autumn is from way back but she’s not the unique one she likes to think.”

Mostly, the exes were subtle in their comments or behaviour but China Chow came close to making Kerry spit her drink out at a Christmas party when she was a bit drunk. She was saying how happy she was to see Keanu happy.

“And you my friend are a lucky girl, he’s good between the sheets too huh?, hic!”

The following morning Keanu and Kerry were lying in bed with a coffee, nursing hangovers and doing a party post-mortem.

“Oh my God, China was drunk wasn’t she?!” Keanu snorted.

“I’ll say!” She replied rolling her eyes

“What?”

“Have you had sex with all of your female friends?!” She asked pointedly.

“Oh my god, what did she say?”

“Oh, how happy she is for you …..”

“Mmmmm, so?”

“And how lucky I am….and how good you are between the sheets”

It was Keanu’s turn to almost spit out his coffee.

“That must have been awkward.!”

“Well would have been worse if we weren’t both at least a little drunk”

“Do you mind?” “That I have a past?” he clarified when she looked questioningly at him.

“No, I just, I never had an ex who I still hung out with after we split so it’s a little weird for me. And they’re all so, you know, LA glamorous.”

“Come ‘ere.” He said pulling her close after seeing the uncertainty in her eyes.

“It’s you I love, you I want to wake up with every morning and hold in my arms each night. And they're so called glamour is no match for your beauty. And, it’s like, over 10 years ago that I was with any of the friends I still see, sexually. Kerry, I promise. Are we ok?”

“yeah, we’re good” she reassured.

And they were. Christmas was around the corner and Kerry enjoyed shopping for gifts, getting a tree and decorating the house. They placed the bird decoration for Ava on the tree and he gave her two angels to hang for her babies and a Celtic fertility symbol in hope of a future as parents. They spent Xmas Day with his mother and Karina and Keanu went on his usual Boxing Day bike ride with old friends while Kerry went to the cinema with Karina.

On 29th they headed back to the UK, where they spent New year with her sister and family and 10 days having catch-ups with friends in London and Cornwall.

By mid-January, they were back in LA and finally, it felt like there would be a period of being more settled. They socialised but there were no more big introductions to make and Kerry planned to crack on with her novel.

@fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @omg-imagine @keanureevesisbae @penwieldingdreamer @paperplanesandwallflowers @witty-wallflower @karlee1225 @bitchyslut99 @toomanystoriessolittletime @ladyreapermc @kissmyromanticquote @tacticalchics @utterlynuts @kylosbitch @thebigbubowski @thelightnessofthebeing @gatsbynouvel @keanuficfiles @fanficsrusz @jardaniswife @cheezbort @mazzylana97 @maggiemoo1892 @girlfriday007 @siriussnape07 @yomnaislame @soarocks @fadingkideclipseempath @franny-banks-world @keanulowe @babylovejongin @lucky134ever @jasmindaughteroftheworld @tomorrowsanotherday @fokinqueen @littlefreya @leftyreea @wheretheriversrunintothesea @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @fickenstein @popacherryvisitalibrary @aah8903 @thethirstyarchive @cynic-spirit @australianpsychos @meetmeinthematinee

[inevitably-johnlocked]

CHRISTMAS FICS 2019 Pt. 1

Happy holidays everyone!! This year, no one asked me for my latest Christmas fics, so I took the opportunity to do something I’ve wanted to do for awhile: give ALL OF the bookmarks I have for the Christmas season... essentially updating my current Christmas lists so I make sure I didn’t forget any of them :P 

Included below is EVERY bookmark I have up to today, for both Christmas and New Year! I hope you enjoy everything! 

I’ll have Pt. 2 up for you tomorrow, which is EVERYTHING I have recently recorded for my Marked for Later list, and kindly ask you wait until THAT list for you to add your own lists so that I have everything I should read in one place! <3

Hope these lists get you into the holiday spirit the week before Christmas!! <3 Love you all!

ALL XMAS BOOKMARKS Dec. 2019

See also: 

Christmas Fics (Dec. 2017)

Christmas: Oblivious That One or The Other is In a Relationship

G / T / K+ Rated Christmas Fics (Dec. 2018)

Undeterred by 221b_hound (T, 221 w., 1 Ch. || 221B Ficlet, Christmas, Mistletoe, Kisses) – Sherlock does not approve of this mistletoe nonsense. Though he will make exceptions. Part 6 of The Million Word Festival // Part 42 of Unkissed

When Morning Comes by Youarethelightoftheworld (T, 423 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Lazy Mornings/Morning After, Fluff and Angst, Sleepy Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Cuddling / Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort) – “Sherlock,” says John solemnly, “I’m not sure we can go anywhere today.”

Jumper by bofurs_laugh (G, 520 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Pre-Slash, Christmas) – John wakes to find something he never thought possible. Part 4 of Sherlock Advent Series

Christmas With Sherlock by grannysknitting (K, 830 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship & Family, Christmas) – John spends Christmas with Sherlock. Mrs Hudson gets a pressie.

A Christmas Holiday by consultinggalpals (sansa_undergrind) (G, 1,076 w., 1 Ch. || Tooth Rotting Fluff, Christmas, Honeymoon) – "Come on, Sherlock. Just take the picture already.”

Upon Reflection, Tenable Frippery by emmagrant01 (T, 1,299 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4, John’s Beard, First Kiss, Fluff) – John was, inexplicably, growing a beard.

Yet What I Can, I Give Him by a_big_apple (G, 1,391 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Kisses) – This Christmas is much improved over the last – mostly because Sherlock isn't dead – but it isn't so simple for John to recover from his grief, and he finds comfort in likely and unlikely places.

Christmas by thegirlinthedeathfrisbee (G, 1,768 w., 1 Ch. || Mistletoe, First Kiss, Fluff) – John goes home for Christmas -- to the Holmes home, that is.

You Can Imagine The Christmas Dinners by johnsarmylady (T, 1,780 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Family, Introspection, Fluff, Post-ASIP) – Set the morning after a Study in Pink, John sits and contemplates Mycroft's words. In answer to a challenge set by Librarianmum, and dedicated to that talented lady.

Wintery Hell by Belldere (K+, 2,457 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship & Humour, Christmas) – With Sherlock being roped into spending Christmas with his family, John had his own Christmas all planned out with his other friends and family... That is until he's extended a forceful invitation from Mycroft and an assumption from Sherlock who, once again, failed to notice John wasn't in the room when he 'asked’.

Just Admit It by LoyalNerdWP (T, 2,512 w, 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff, Family, Romance, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock goes to his family’s place for Christmas without John, and Mycroft makes an interesting observation that Sherlock missed.

Unmapped by 221b_hound (E, 2,835 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Fluff, Kissing, Experiments, Kisses, Saucy Kisses) – Sherlock wishes to explore more about his desires. To this end, he conducts a kissing experiment in the afternoon of Christmas Day. John is all for experiments of this nature. They are going to learn a thing or two together. Part 9 of Unkissed

The Trial of Sherlock Holmes by jenna221b (G, 3,015 w. across 3 works || TAB!lock, Metafic / TJLC, Victorian AU / 1895, Christmas, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Oscar Wilde) – Scripts based on speculation that Sherlock will be put on trial in The Abominable Bride to parallel the Oscar Wilde Trials of 1895.

Unwrapped by 221b_hound (E, 3,022 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff, Oral Sex, Feet and Toes, Tow Fetish, Pet Names, Licking) – It's Christmas morning. John doesn't really want the Christmas Sex that Sherlock proposes and explains the reasons why. Sherlock discovers a new element of how his desire functions, and later John gets to indulge his foot fetish. Part 8 of Unkissed

Entanglement by orphan_account (G, 3,218 w., 1 Ch. || Confessions, Physics, Metaphors, Texting, Pining, Christmas, Mind Palace, Sick Fic, Fluff, Humour, Praise Kink) - On Christmas Eve, snow covers London, John visits Harry, and Sherlock and Mrs. Hudson untangle some knots.

First Night Out by verityburns (M, 3,251 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Christmas, Dev. Rel.) – As John recovers from the effects of a brutal kidnapping, he and Sherlock attend the Yarders' Christmas Party. There are... developments on the dance floor...

Twas The Night by xox-hattii-xox (K+, 3,356 w., 1 Ch. || Humour & Friendship, Christmas, Domestics, Fluff) – Twas the night before Christmas...and Sherlock has had just about enough of the whole thing! 'Really, John, a Santa Hat' Christmas in 221b, and Sherlock just wants it over with.

It Wasn't Just the Mistletoe by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 3,593 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Fluff, Mistletoe, First Kiss / Time, Frottage, Masturbation, Come as Lube) – Sherlock and John just stood there, seemingly frozen. Sherlock was desperately trying to think of a way out of this. There was no way he could kiss John, even a small kiss, and not have him know immediately how he felt. Sherlock could lie, and fake and sham, but there was no way he could hide this.

Last Christmas by Mazarin221b (T, 3,911 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss) – That Earth-shaking revelation, then, leads to a problem, and one that Sherlock realizes should be solved quickly, before John’s dates turn into girlfriends or boyfriends, because sometimes girlfriends or boyfriends can turn into wives or husbands while your back is turned. Every time John hums happily at the mirror as he shaves, splashes on a little gift cologne Mrs. Hudson bought him for Christmas, Sherlock is drawn back to that night by the fire, and the way John’s touch had made the world stand still.

Tree Topper by May_Shepard (E, 4,017 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Tree, Christmas Fluff, Drunken Shenanigans, Smut, First Time, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock and John are celebrating Christmas the best way they know how--alone together, with booze. They've almost finished decorating their tree, but John is determined to find the best way to top it.

Christmas at Holmes Cottage by johnlockedstarkid (G, 4,295 w., 7 Ch. || Christmas, Fake Relationship, Love Confessions, Holmes Family, Pining, Kisses, Fluff, Allusions to Mystrade) – Sherlock doesn't want to have to deal with his mother's wishes for him to find a partner when he goes to visit them for Christmas, so asks John to pose as his boyfriend. Little does he know he's not the only one who wishes that the relationship could be real.

Happy Christmas, You Arse by 1electricpirate (T, 4,766 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Fluff, Christmas) – In which evidence is presented that disqualifies Sherlock from being the Grinch, and everyone's shoes fit them perfectly well, thank you.

Winter of Life by You_Light_The_Sky (T, 5,178 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff & Angst, Magic Realism) – It was an experiment, really. On Christmas, Sherlock wrote to Santa asking for a friend. He got a broken toy soldier instead. This is the story of how he finds him again and again.

Memories Lost on Christmas Day by agnesanutter, PlainJane (G, 5,479 w., 3 Ch. || Fluff, Hospitals, Worried Sherlock, Post-TRF, Christmas) – It's the day before Christmas and Sherlock and John are exactly where they need to be....

Maybe This Christmas by feverishsea (T, 6,021 w., 1 Ch. || Matchmaker Anthea, Anthea POV, Slight Mystrade, Holmes Family) – Anthea has given up her life, her own desires, even her name in service of something greater than herself. But that doesn’t mean she can’t see when someone else wants something – even if she doesn’t happen to care overmuch for that person. And it doesn’t mean she isn’t willing to help.

Surprise Christmas by Ayakae (K, 6,093 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Sherlock in Disguise, TRF Hiatus, Christmas, Fluff, Mary) – A year and a half after his death, Sherlock tries to give John Watson a happy Christmas without actually revealing himself. The consulting detective thinks his newfound friend can help. Epic friendship.

Same Same But Different by Kerkerian-Horizon (K+, 6,435 w., 2 Ch. || Friendship, Angst, Post-TRF, Gladstone, John/Mary, Christmas, No Slash) – After Sherlock's return, a lot of things have changed, things the detective has to learn to contend with- or rather, to accept. A sometime-post-Reichenbach story in two parts, no male pairing. Contains Mary, the puppy Gladstone and Christmas as well.

Same Same But Different by Kerkerian-Horizon (K+, 6,435 w., 2 Ch. || Friendship, Angst, Post-TRF, Gladstone, John/Mary, Christmas, No Slash) – After Sherlock's return, a lot of things have changed, things the detective has to learn to contend with- or rather, to accept. A sometime-post-Reichenbach story in two parts, no male pairing. Contains Mary, the puppy Gladstone and Christmas as well.

once upon a time by darcylindbergh (M, 6,501 w., 6 Ch. || Fluff and Angst, First Kiss / Time, Love Declarations, Christmas) – It starts with a wish. In the beginning, John comes home. Part 1 of things fairy tales are made of

5687 (Approximately) by prettysailorsoldier (T, 6,771 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Alternate Canon, Christmas, Pining, Fluff, Soldier John) – When John's leave request for Christmas is denied, Sherlock is nothing short of devastated, not that he's letting it show. The holiday season now something he's just waiting to end, Sherlock doesn't think anything can possibly make it worse. That is, until he realizes no one in his life believes his army "boyfriend" is even real, but, luckily, everyone is in for a surprise. Part 13 of 25 Days of Johnlock

that thing you like by misspamela (E, 7,165 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers) – "Happy Christmas, etc. etc." Sherlock and John go to the Holmes’ for Christmas, and everyone thinks they’re together.

Christmas by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 7,673  w., 1 Ch. || Worried Sherlock, PWP, Drunkeness, Christmas, Est. Relationship, Idiots So In Love) – John feels a lump rise in his throat, and it hits him, again, that this beautiful, infuriating creature is his. Completely, one-hundred percent his.

The Frost Child by twistedthicket1 (M, 9,994 w., 2 Ch. || Frozen-ish AU || Magical Realism, Christmas, Angst, Fluff, Powerful John) – In a world where people are born with a Gift of varying levels, simple John Watson is the last person one might look at when thinking of any strong Magick capabilities. Hiding comfortably in the shadow of Sherlock's brilliant deducing abilities, John is content to keep it that way...

Their Great Reward by BeautifulFiction (T, 10,095 w., 1 Ch. || UST, First Kiss, Fluff) – Boxing day, in John's opinions, is the worst day of the year. Christmas is over, the tree is wilting and stripped of gifts, and there's a week of dead-time until the clean slate of the new year. However the combination of a blizzard, a power-cut and Sherlock might just make it a day to remember.

The Nutcracker by Odamaki (T, 13,758 w., 7 Ch. || Nutcracker AU ||  Christmas, Dark Magic, Dolls) – Sherlock is unimpressed with Uncle Rudy's present. A doll? What does he want with a doll?

Merlot by Itsallfine (E, 14,844 w., 17 Ch. || Christmas, Pining Sherlock, Wine, Slow Burn, First Kiss / Time, Love Confessions, Wine, Holmes Family) – Sherlock and John work toward becoming something more as they prepare to host the Holmes parents at 221B for the holidays. Part of 25 Days of Fic-Mas 2015.

Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Missing Christmas Spirit by SilentAuror (M, 15,002 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Domesticity, Post S3, Happy Ending) – John hates Christmas. So does Sherlock, but he suggests that they do Christmas "properly" this year to see if they can't track down its elusive magic and discover for themselves what Christmas is supposed to be about.

Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E, 15,139 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Christmas, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Angst & Fluff, BJ’s, Anal) – John is invited to his aunt's Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John's family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock.

Till Death Do Us Part by prettysailorsoldier (M, 15,390 w., 1 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Friends to Lovers, Fake Marriage, Christmas, Fluff) – When Sherlock links a recent spree of murder-suicides to a psychologist who specializes in marriage counseling, there's really only one thing to do: Go undercover as a couple in hopes of drawing the killer out. Faking a relationship seems easy enough, but things take a turn when their real issues start to creep into the sessions, and, all the while, a killer is watching, waiting in the shadows for their chance to strike.

Never-Ending Cycle by orphan_account (T, 17,211 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Est. Rel., Proposal, Fluff) – Or, four times Sherlock Holmes attempted to propose to John Watson, and the Christmas Party at which he finally did. Sherlock thinks he's a miserable failure, John is confused, Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade provide some unsatisfactory advice, and Mummy is, as always, the solution. All in a lovely, fluffy holiday theme.

You're On the Air by prettysailorsoldier (M, 20,616 w., 1 Ch. || Unilock, Matchmaking, Radio, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Flirting, Bisexual John) – The Consulting Detective and The Woman dominate the airwaves of their university radio station, doling out advice on everything from meeting the parents to sexual positions. When their ratings start to dip before the holidays, however, manager Mike thinks it's time for some fresh blood, and who better to fill in the gaps than rugby captain--and notorious flirt--John Watson? Part 1 of 25 Days of Johnlock

Winter's Delights by Kate_Lear (E, 21,173 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Christmas, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Bed Sharing, Domestics) – Sherlock takes John home for Christmas to meet the extended Holmes family. Part 1 of Winter's Delights

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

You Can Imagine the Christmas Dinners by ardenteurophile (T, 23,584 w., 9 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Drama, Fluff & Angst, Humour, Romance) – Sherlock takes John along for Christmas dinner with Mycroft and Mummy (And "Anthea", too). Over the course of the evening, John realises that everyone in the room - apart from him - seems to think that he and Sherlock are a couple. Part 2 of Xmas Dinners Verse

Dropping the Act by jadztone (T, 27,258 w., 10 Ch. || Parentlock, Fake Relationship, Mary’s Family, Post-S4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bed Sharing, Pining, Christmas) – Sherlock and John are quite happy living together with Rosie in Baker St. They might be even happier if they didn’t act towards each other like their love is only platonic. Mycroft brings troubling news in the form of Mary’s parents wanting to know just what their grandchild’s home life is like. The boys decide to spend Christmas pretending like they are in love in order to seem more like a "normal" family. It's easy enough to pretend when all you're doing is dropping the act.

Another Auld Lang Syne by DiscordantWords (M, 30,234 w., 31 Ch. || Post S4, Mutual Pining, Alternating POV, Introspection, Parentlock, Christmas, New Year’s, First Kiss, Past Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending, Drinking, Sherlock Whump) – There had been years of missed chances.

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching, Mycroft is Dying) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost...magical.

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w., 26 Ch. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, Frottage, Nightmares, Sleepy Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Humour, Fluff, Dancing, Cooking, Happy Ending) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish (M, 32,961 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff and Angst, H/C, Post-TRF, Case Fic, Mild Gore, Sherlock Whump) – The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s 'Heart of Darkness', and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.” The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” One of these lists is not John Watson’s. If John Watson were to put what he really wanted in list form, to live in a land somewhere beyond ‘almosts' now that Sherlock Holmes has indeed returned to him, he would never be able to look his flatmate in the eye ever again.

Goodness Gives Extras by mydwynter (E, 39,629 w., 6 Ch. || Fluff & Angst, Case Fic, Oral / Anal, Humour, First Time, Miscommunication, Snark, Christmas) – Christmas time. 'Tis the season to settle down with a drink, some food and a present or two, and to enjoy the quiet relaxation of the holiday. Instead, there's a case that drags them all over, missing presents, disappointed kids, angry parents, and a freak snowfall. On top of that John has to deal with Sherlock, who is being even more of a prat than usual. He really shouldn't have expected anything different.

One Little Change by jadztone (E, 58,312 w., 12 Ch. || ASiB Divergence, Fake Relationship, Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bi John / Gay Demisexual Sherlock, Switchlock, Alternating POV, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Love Making, Butt Plugs, Cuddles) – Our story begins right after John and Sherlock's first meeting with Irene Adler in September. It splits off into an AU that imagines them taking a case where they act as bait to hook a killer targeting closeted gays in secret relationships. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, many things happen that have our boys wondering if maybe they have a chance with each other. Then Irene fakes her death on Christmas Eve, and things get a lot more complicated - especially since they still have a killer to catch.

John Watson's Twelve Days of Christmas by earlgreytea68 (M, 53,464 w., 14 Ch. || Christmas, Holmes Family, Fake Relationship, Alternate First Meeting, Falling in Love, Fluff and Angst, Hardcore Pining) – It's the holiday season. John Watson needs money. Sherlock Holmes needs something else.

The Baker Street Nativity by SwissMiss (E, 99,662 w. || Nativity! AU || Teacher Sherlock / TA John, Pining, Sherlock POV, UST, Angst, Christmas, Music/Song Fic, Anal / BJ’s, First Kiss / Time) – Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school's Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Part 1 of The Baker Street Nativity Verse

Sherlock Holmes and His Inability to Sing by sherlockholmesandhisinability (Parentlock, Christmas) [Tumblr Ficlet] - “Oh, for Christ’s sake. Sherlock, it’s me- Greg. You texted! Said it was an emergency. Ring a bell? God, I was panicking! Here, get up,” Greg scooped the bundle from the floor warmly and held it by the shoulders. “You alright, then?” “Yes. Fine.” Ached Sherlock as he wriggled free. “Come on, you soft git- take that off and tell me what’s happening.”

ALL NEW YEAR’S BOOKMARKS Dec 2019

See also: New Year’s Fics (Jan 2018)

New Year, New Beginning by DaisyFairy (T, 810 w., 1 Ch. || New Year’s Eve, John POV, Post S4, Friends to Lovers) – New Year at a crime scene and John makes a decision.

Q 1 HR by StillWaters1 (K+, 2,234 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Sick John, Fluff, New Year’s Eve) – On New Year's Eve, Sherlock discovers that sometimes it's the seemingly innocuous, rather than life-threatening, conditions that can keep John from The Work. And John is reminded just how deeply their friendship runs.

Not My Proudest Moment by charlock221 (K, 2,695 w., 1 Ch. || Lunar New Year, Mild PTSD / Panic Attack, Coping Mechanisms, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – John tries his best not to get in the way of Sherlock's cases, but when the vivid noises of fireworks unnerve his senses and begin to bring back unwanted memories of Afghanistan, he cannot help but to hope Sherlock will notice and help him before things go too far.

Unimpressed by 221b_hound (M, 3,106 w., 1 Ch. || New Year’s Eve, Dancing, Jealousy) – Sherlock has no intention of attending the Met's New Year's Eve party. The start of a new year is all but meaningless to him. But he ends up there anyway, having odd conversations, and John does not find Sherlock's jealousy the slightest bit cute. And then there is dancing. Part 10 of Unkissed

Coldness/Heat by agirlsname (E, 3,790 w., 1 Ch. || Cuddling & Snuggling, Body Heat, New Year’s Eve, PWP, Bedsharing, Frottage) – The inn is booked up on New Year's Eve. The train home is cancelled because of the snow. The only option is to sleep in the non-heated guest room of a client, and John and Sherlock are freezing. You know where this is going. Part 1 of New Year's Kiss

Another Auld Lang Syne by DiscordantWords (M, 30,234 w., 31 Ch. || Post S4, Mutual Pining, Alternating POV, Introspection, Parentlock, Christmas, New Year’s, First Kiss, Past Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending, Drinking, Sherlock Whump) – There had been years of missed chances.

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Again, if you have fics to add, I kindly ask you wait until TOMORROW’S list to suggest them, so that they’re all in one place I can logically remember to check for new fics to read!! :) This list is meant to be my gift to you guys, with my bookmarks list, and Tomorrow’s is the community gift to the fandom with stuff people have suggested to me and others! <3

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Christmas, Day 31

Previously on Snowed In (Part III)

Previously on Xmas Day 30

“Are you fucking kidding me.” 

Not a speck of snow. Not a drop of condensation. Not a frozen corner of a window pane, nor a frosty matte on any streetlight or puddle. There weren’t any storms on the horizon, and there was a distinct lack of a winter wonderland. The forecast called for clouds and a front that pushed any snow just north of town, which was a godsend, or so all of the neighbors said. Not a flake to be seen, not a flurry to be found. 

Lexa grumbled to herself as she flipped the weather off of the television and slammed shut her laptop, hoping some source would give her a little bit of good news, but instead found herself disappointed at every turn. In a last ditch effort, she picked up her phone and checked the weather, tossing it to the other end of the couch, completely annoyed by the similar forecast. 

“Hey, going to be late tonight?” 

“Hm, what? Huh?” Lexa looked up frantically and shoved her phone face down on the counter as she looked up at her girlfriend, clad in her stupid, adorable antler headband and light up glowing necklace. 

“I was wondering,” Clarke smiled, pouring a fresh cup of coffee and slipping it toward the frozen officer. “What time I’d be expecting you to show up for the Christmas party.” 

“Miller called off with the flu, so I’m not sure.” 

“At least make your way by at some point. Everyone will want to see you.” 

“If you’re implying that I would fabricate work so as not to have to spend time with my family or your family, well that is just… completely …… that’s ridiculous.” 

“Mmhm, you’re right. I’d never imagine even suggesting such a notion.” 

Slightly victorious, Lexa sipped her coffee and grinned at the waitress across from her over the rim, infatuated with the smile and the eyes and the fact that she got to wake up beside her, roll over, kiss her shoulder before sneaking out into the real world. 

Clarke leaned on the counter, the rest of the patrons happy as could be. She stole her moment and she flirted with her favorite. There weren’t many days she didn’t find herself realizing how absolutely perfect these moments could be. She wanted more moments. She cataloged them and adored them and revisited them often. 

It was only when Lexa’s walkie squwacked on her shoulder that the moment ended with a resounding sigh. She slid her cup back toward the waitress and offered her a wink before tugging her hat back on. 

“Duty calls.”

“I’ll see you later, Officer.” 

“Did you see? No snow in the forecast for our sexiversary?” 

“I told you I’m not celebrating that again.” 

“That’s what you say now,” Lexa wiggled her eyebrows as she backed out of the door with a jingle. “We’ll see.” 

“It’s purely weather dependent.” 

XXXXXXXX

For the first time in as long as she could remember, Clarke realized that she wasn’t going to have a white Christmas. It was one of her first experiences in the small town, sludgy and covered in snow as she traipsed from place to place looking for something to eat, but finding nearly everything closed. It was because of a squall that she met Lexa for the first time, discovering that the officer was also new to the area and kind enough to share a leftover pizza with her. 

Good things happened in the snow. 

Wonderful things, in fact. 

She fell in love in the snow. Clarke honestly did. Not on the night a certain officer slept over and they shagged around on Christmas morning with minor wine hangovers, but rather a year or so before that anniversary she refused to acknowledge. When she was walking toward the town hall, and Lexa was waiting for the light to change, scarf wrapped tight around her neck up to her ears, cheeks pink and glowing. She hadn’t meant to, but Clarke fell in love with Lexa right there and it struck her as she sat down beside the officer and they unwound themselves from their winter gear. 

She must have always had that crush, buried deep down, and it just came to the surface in the snow and the magic of fat snowflakes turning their town into a snowglobe. And nothing was really the same after that. 

“We should take the long walk around,” Abby offered as the troop set out, bundled as best they could against the chill in the night. 

Clouds hung heavy, thick against the night and glowing in the streetlights. Though it was late and though it was Christmas Eve, the entire town seemed restless and full of mirth. A peace fell quiet, an antsiness was itching in the air, in the cold, somewhat mischievous and a certain type of spice. 

“Haven’t you seen everything in town?” 

“I find it charming.” 

“Did you get hit on the head while I was at work? You can’t stand to be outside of the city for more than twenty minutes.” 

“Let your mother open her wings and experience new things,” Jake chastised his daughter as he put his arm around her, leading her down the steps. 

“I think a walk would be lovely. Shame there’s no snow though,” Anya murmured, gazing up toward the skies as her mother linked their arms. 

Clarke sighed, letting out a cloud of steam as she trudged along with her and Lexa’s family who crowded and packed themselves into her very tiny house for the season. It was damn exhausting. It was a long season, and she agreed, it was a shame that there was no snow. 

“We can walk through the square,” Clarke offered. “It’s somewhat on the way.” 

“I want to take a nice family picture in the gazebo with the lights,” Jake announced. “Wouldn’t that be nice.” 

“That sounds amazing,” Lexa’s mother agreed, becoming fast friends with the engineer, both jolly and naturally amused by the cuteness of the season. 

The gaggle made their way toward the center of town in search of the party being held at Ravens to commemorate Christmas Eve. Dark as the night was, it wasn’t too late in the evening, and anything to keep the group from falling all over each other in the house was a welcomed distraction for Clarke. 

“I just can’t get over the lights,” Abby awed as they walked toward the town square, Main Street lit up from every storefront. “It’s like a scene from a Christmas movie.” 

“It’s a festive town,” Clarke agreed. “This is the best time of the year here, too.” 

There were carolers near the church on the salted sidewalk while lats minute shoppers walked with gift-wrapped boxes stacked in their arms. Clarke smiled and walked with her mother, enjoying the feeling of the cold and the weird way her town looked with no snow. 

“I think we should do a picture for next years holiday card, right on the gazebo, it’s so perfect. If only there were snow.” 

“Fine, but just one. I promised Raven I’d help her manage the booze table at the party,” Clarke agreed. “And we’re bringing the sangria, so kind of important.” 

“Humor me for five minutes, Clarke.” 

With another sigh, Clarke shared a look with Anya and earned a smile before handing over her phone and allowing her father to tug her up the steps. Amidst the entirety of Christmas Eve, Clarke smied, tucked between her parents, surrounded by garland and box and Christmas lights twinkling. She’d completely broken their hearts when she ran away, but something about showing them the happiness that came from such a hard choice was a reward. She didn’t have anything left to prove anymore. She’d reached self-sufficiency and she simply wanted to share now, no longer dependent on them for approval. But it certainly didn’t hurt that they loved Lexa and that her mother seemed to understand, finally, the peace that came with doing what she was meant to do. 

“I’m so glad you all came,” Clarke decided as Lexa’s mother took a few pictures of them. “Thank you. It means a lot ot me and Lexa.” 

“”We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Jake grinned, hugging his daughter’s shoulder. 

“I think I’ve got it. That’s going to be a beautiful card.” 

“Let’s get to this--” Clarke stopped dead in her tracks as she turned around, ready to hop down the steps toward the other side of town. “Lexa?” 

Right there in the middle of the town, Lexa knelt in the gazebo and smiled up at her girlfriend, her parents taking a few steps toward the stairs and joined by Lexa’s family. The choir began to hum a familiar song, and at once, the world melted away. 

“I planned on snow. The one year there isn’t snow…” Lexa offered, fiddling with a small velvet box. 

“What… what are you doing, Lex?” 

“I fell in love with you on Christmas Eve,” she began, somewhat wary at first, unsure of what came next. “It wasn’t last year. It wasn’t two years ago, but five years ago, when you first moved here. The first day I saw you. You were trudging through knee high snow, trying to shovel the sidewalk by the diner, and you were swearing more than anyone should be allowed, and you threw the shovel, and I brought it back and helped you clear somewhat of a path.” 

“By help, you mean you did it for me.” 

“Yeah,” Lexa chuckled. “I shoveled your sidewalk and you took my breath away the first moment you looked at me. It was life changing. It was magic. I fell in love with you a million times between then and now. You make me better. You make me want to be better. You make me happy. You make me feel like I’m not alone. You make me feel whole and alive, and Clarke, I want to feel that forever. I want you forever, and I want to be a good, good thing for you to have forever.” 

“Are you…” 

Lexa opened the box and showed her the ring, simple and sweet and exactly what Clarke wanted. Clarke looked at her parents, both crying, she looked at Lexa’s family, also teary. She met Lexa’s beautiful green eyes and realized they all were crying.

“Clarke, will you marry me?” 

“Yes!” 

As quick as the words were out of her mouth, Lexa hopped up and clung to her tightly, burying her face in Clarke’s scarf, her heart still thumping wildly in her chest. 

“It’s snowing,” Clarke murmured into Lexa’s shoulder, squeezing her for dear life. 

“Only about fifteen minutes late.” 

“There still a bit of magic left.” 

“I don’t need magic. I’ve got you.”

NEXT

[spacebookettes]

Fairy on the Xmas Tree

Fairy did all the work, she watched the kids for naughtiness, she made most of the wooden toys, listened to the love life problems of the elves, she did all the lists organising, made sure the elf parties had enough glow sticks, and she organised all the xmas food in the North Pole; you must know, xmas food is all year around in the North Pole: except at xmas, but that’s another story. And who do you think remembers to leave out the super strength indigestion tablets for, you know who, on his return. Fairy organises all the elf rota’s. Fairy sets the spells that scare away the infestations of Axmas Trees. And when all the big build up is over and everyone has a holiday, who do you think clears up the New Christmas Years Eve celebrations. No actually that’s , you know who’s, wife.

The End

By Peter Stringer

Girl

“Girl, how are you feeling now... that third Band Cloud-Reeta should be making you feel better by now"... The Girl’s memory was still very hazy, flashes of childhood upset, embarrassing teen problems and moments of past depression. “Girl, you know it’s always the bad things that come back first.” “Anyways I’ll be with you for most of the first few years. So we’ll work out who you are.”

The Girl had been awake in the future a week and still was utterly disorientated. She had no idea who she was, where she was, what she was or what to do about it. The EMP had wiped out the database of the Cryogenics facility; something left over from the Cryo-terrorists.

“Girl you’ll be feeling like planesoulling soon.” The Girl asked what planesoulling was... “well it’s, the emotion you feel, when your micro spaceship glances off of a solar wind and your vessel is humming and also daydreeing... it’s a lot like, Guuurl, there’s nothing quite like the fear mixed with pure awe... You’ll find out one day. When the migration happens."

The future was pretty, all the surfaces were iridescent and the windows (if you could call them that) were faintly rainbowed..

“Girl, you are far away from Earth... all the cryo sleepers were moved a long time ago... the Cryo-terrorists.” The Girl asked what Earth was. “our home world, but we fled so quickly we are having trouble locating it again.” What’s a world.

The Girl asked why everyone was a different colour than her. “You can change everything in the future. No one has human coloured skin anymore... mine is Sillleevann, very popular.” The girl knew yellow when she saw it, though this particular shade was particularly flattering in it’s greyish sparkling. The Girl believed that a sparkling greyish yellow was a memory that was wholly new: sparkling grey hues she felt were impossible some how: but she kept that to herself.

The Girl asked what is a migration. “well, when we use up all of a stars energy and it’ll be close to going nova, we have to move on to another star. Which takes time and not everyone will fit on the transports so we have to sail our own micro spaceships.” The Girl didn’t understand any of these things.

“There are a lot of people in the future”

The nanobots inside the Girl's brain had constructed some extra features, expanding the Girl’s experience of reality. “Girl, you have to have these augmentations in the future or you’ll never understand anything properly.” A glowing word appeared in the distance just in the Girl’s peripheral vision. “that’s how it starts, the augmentation. Just out of reach so as not to startle you, then one day you’ll be fully up and running and be able to understand your surroundings better... Magical!”

Who were the Cryo-terrorists she asked. But there was an explosion before Gremmille D3 could answer. Gremmille moved behind the Girl, as if to protect itself from the direction of the explosion.

The facility was hidden in a envelope of space-time, inside a kind of hyper reality. Exhaustive of energy, that goes unnoticed until a waning star, energy source, gives things away. “I'm sorry about this Girl, but we are near the start of migration (always a dangerous time), don’t worry I’ll be with you while we make our escape. Priority for you has been made in one of the transports.”

The Girl learned about the great chase. The Cryo-terrorists were in pursuit and there space-time harpoons had caused an early migration. “Girl, the Cryo-terrorists believe you are a devil, any reanimated human is a danger. But our techniques are getting better. Every new batch of cryo sleepers we regenerate are better than the last ones.” “This is your little area, you can see enough of the real world now that you’ll be able to attain anything you need. Not that humans need much in the future. I'll have to take a micro-ship and we’ll meet at the next star.”

The transport hummed the Girl awake. Her little area was large enough to stand in to sleep and sit through the awake times. The nanobots took care of her waste, recycling it. And her nourishment, synthesizing any minerals or H2O she needed. They disposed of any skin grime as well. In fact all a human had to do was sit. On a transport.

The Girl searched the databases for an answer for why, if we are being pursued, why we are trying to find the home world. Surely we are being pursued away from Earth.

“Girl, a wish... one wish from the first cryo sleeper to be revived. To feel Earth grass inbetween her toes. It’s that simple... there's little else to do out here.” The Girl heard a different humming through the communicator; the micro ship had just planesoulled. "Guuurl, this is my grass in the feet.” Gremmille D3 said.

The End

By Peter Stringer

The Young Billionaire

En garde the billionaire called to herself in her imagination. “Shame i don’t like swords, but EN GARDE.”

The Bright City was celebrating Halloween, neon 300 meter pumpkins somewhere deep in the bowels of the city. Someone entered one of the egg shaped taxi pods. It, centrally controlled, floated into the stream of other taxi pods. Flowing through The Bright City on super fast sky highways. It would be a bit of a journey to the edge of the city. A city that was home to billions of people and robots. 30 miles high at it’s borders and much more miles wider.

The taxi pod reached a shaft of sunlight horizontally peaking into the city. And then pure sunlight, clouds, and trees for a far as an augmented human eye could see. Now the egg pod could really be super fast. Clouds blasted past the taxi. A small tower quickly came up to the pod, and it slowed. Coming to rest at ground level just next to the tower. A gothic tower with 4 giant clock faces, a gothic sprawling palace. Surrounded by trees; perfectly preserved in it’s ornate medieval features... next to a brown churning river. The someone exited the pod and sat barefoot on a small patch of grass. She looked up to a gothic window. A holographic ghost from history waved back at her from the other side of the window. The someone smiled. EN GARDE...

The Young Billionaires final project a glint in her eye would take some convincing.. but to preserve a still beautiful planet, leaving it to nature was one option. An option the Billionaire liked the most. All the people’s of earth contained in a gargantuan city. 30 miles high and topped with grass, fields and fields of grass and alpine flowers, many many miles wide. A complex of multi levelled superscrapers reflective so the light reaches down into the depths endlessly cascading off of super reflective surfaces; each superscraper a field of grass on top. But such a feat of engineering would be for others lifetimes... though the massive foundations must be fought for now. Political foundations must be started in a previous lifetime. Many glints in the eyes of the people with Vision, not yet augmented.

Imagine the garden parties.

The End

By Peter Stringer

Alien Food

 

The UK is the home of Alien Cuisine

The fact that Great Britain is the hub of alien activity, alien Food activity, tells you all you need to know about the state of cuisine in the rest of this half of the galaxy. Galactic visitors have been visiting small towns, villages and cities for a long time. They come for the Yorkshire puddings, the packet gravy and over cooked vegetables. You see Yorkshire Pudding is renowned across half a galaxy as the Food of the Gods and it’s worth stuffing yourself into a flesh bag skin disguise to walk among the humans to eat it in peace.

 Alien mothers come across time and space to learn how to make the best Yorkshire puddings from a little older lady, who lives on the moors of North Yorkshire in a little stone two up two down; a little older lady who started a small cooking class a few years back, that is now fully booked until the next 50 millenniums... scores of alien scientists are right now working on a youth elixir to make sure Granny Yorkshire keeps teaching her older ways of making oil roasted batter towers that always rise to the top of the oven and char a little where they touch. Granny Yorkshire also does a roaring trade in expertly mushy vegetables that she sells by the small, over salted, pot.

There is a factory, also in north Yorkshire, that makes the dehydrated gravy elixir (that also goes amazingly well on fries or should I say proper chips) That has recently taken an order for 12000 10kg boxes of the stuff; an order from one oddly named Zurghish Klavlong the 287th.

One intrepid alien once ventured over the sea to France to try their luck with, as the British Used to call it, Foreign Muck. They never returned on the channel tunnel train to France again, disgusted at the use of rich flavours, herbs, spices, cream and real butter!

By Peter Stringer

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* Getting loose with Ivanka and Jay Kay

* The secret portrait of Karren Brady

* PLUS: Cock rings on the 6 O'Clock News

>> Strange times <<The poll winners' party

It probably won't surprise you to learn that champagne corks were popping at 10pm prompt at the Baby Shard on Thursday night, as the Times and the Sun celebrated the projected result of the exit poll.

It's also unlikely to surprise you to learn that Rupert Murdoch, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton and all the usual News UK suspects were there too, getting their fourth and fifth trolleys of booze brought in to the office by the time Blyth Valley announced.

The one thing that might surprise you though is that in among the revellers was... Cate Blanchett.This year's series of Love Island has taken three of the top ten spots in Ofcom's list of most complained-about shows of 2019.

>> Straight shooter <<Randy Andy makes 'em standy

It's been a bruising few weeks for Prince Andrew since his cataclysmic interview with Emily Maitlis – but he's probably brimming over with remorse and humility now, right?

Erm.

Earlier this month, Handsy Andy went on another of his (straightforward) shooting weekends. At breakfast one morning, everyone else in the party was sat quietly reading the papers when Andy came into the room.

As no-one stood up for him when he entered, he bellowed "OH HO HO! LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN, SHALL WE?" Then walked out of the room and re-entered, so that everyone could oblige him.There's a This Morning team WhatsApp group entitled "We Hate Phillip".

>> Big Questions <<Who's asking what this week?

What could have caused the Mail to pull a recent exclusive of theirs about a French masseuse meeting with Prince Andrew at Buckingham Palace back in 2000? The story made the paper's front page at the end of November but, save for a report of the Mail's report in the New York Post, there's no trace of it online now.If you subscribe to Popbitch, chances are your internet search history is something you'd rather was kept private. Protect yourself online (plus bypass digital censorship) by using a VPN. CyberGhost is currently offering Popbitch readers a 79% discount on its 18 month plan, which protects up to seven devices, for just £2.15 a month.

[Find out more here]

>> Westwood ho <<Getting loose with Ivanka

Before she became the accomplished businesswoman and occasional threat to global security that she is today, Ivanka Trump had teenage ambitions of becoming a fashion model.

Thanks to her family connections, she was seen for a number of jobs in the late 90s and became a bit of a favourite of Vivienne Westwood. Westwood's team used to make a point of letting the models pick the music they put on in the studio as a way of helping them to relax and feel comfortable on a shoot.

Ivanka's choice of music, every single time? Jamiroquai. Which she would then sing along to.

Peanut from the Kaiser Chiefs is preparing to run his 100th park run over the Christmas holidays.

>> Bah humbug <<More drama at the BBC

The BBC is going heavy on trailing their version of A Christmas Carol this year, making a big song and dance out of the fact it stars Guy Pearce, is written by Peaky Blinders' Steven Knight and has been exec produced by Tom Hardy. One person who's been a little left out in the cold though is director Nick Murphy.

Poor Nick was so miffed that the BBC didn't invite him to take part in a special Q&A event about the show that he ended up turning up anyway to rage at the head of BBC Drama there. His ire hasn't just been reserved for TV execs either as he's started taking pot shots at Tom Hardy on Twitter too, claiming that the catering department was more involved in production than Hardy.

There may be some lingering resentment there, as Hardy was set to star in A Christmas Carol (as well as produce) until he suddenly decided to bail out. But if you ask us, Nick, you had a lucky escape.

On set at Hardy and Knight's previous BBC1 collab, Taboo, crew members reported that Hardy wasn't shy about staying in character, stark-bollock naked, for much of the time. And we can only imagine what it would have been like trying to direct with the Ghost of Christmas Past's dick and balls wafting all around.

Nick Cave Watch: Everyone's favourite goth dad was spotted at an Elton John concert in Melbourne this week.

>> Picture this <<More corporate creepiness

One of Jeffrey Epstein's former employees claims that Epstein kept a 6ft portrait of his mysterious 'fixer' Ghislaine Maxwell above the pool in his sprawling New Mexico mansion. Not just any old portrait though. One of her naked and "posing provocatively".

He wouldn't be the first icky businessman to have had a life-size nudey portrait of a close associate on their wall though. West Ham's porn-purveying chairman, David Sullivan, was once well known in the football world for having a huge painting hung in his basement office.

Of his now Vice-Chairman at West Ham FC, Dame Karren Brady.Andy Coulson has been advised by friends that having his own name in his new PR firm (Coulson Partners) is enough to stop most major organisations from hiring them. So far it's advice that he (and his ego) seem unwilling to take.

>> Shaky casting <<Merry Christmas everyone!

This year's bleak seasonal murder drama, Responsible Child (based on the real life story of a 14 year-old killer who was tried as an adult and jailed) has been getting rave reviews.

Whether it was the shocking nature of the story, or the impressive performance of the child actor who inhabited the role, we couldn't tell you, but for some reason most of the reviews have failed to mention the most important thing about the production.

The kid who plays the murderer is the grandson of Shakin' Stevens.

This week's Media Masters podcast is a chat with historian and broadcaster David Starkey. His outspoken, unforgiving style and trenchant opinions have earned him a reputation as being "the rudest man in Britain". In this in-depth interview he explains the impact it's had over his career.

[Listen/Download on Media Masters]

>> One love <<The race for Xmas No.1

Now that The X Factor is an utterly spent force, and December streaming is dominated by seasonal classics, the annual race for Christmas No.1 has become a much more unpredictable beast.

Re-releases are subjected to permanent ACR restrictions ('Accelerated Chart Ratio') with streaming, which basically means that old, established classics have to generate twice the number of streams as new tracks in order to compete. (Without this, three of the top four last Friday would have been Mariah Carey, Wham! and The Pogues.)

So who's in the running this year? There's another tedious song about sausage rolls from Ladbaby (hideous; but for a good cause). There's the inevitable Ed Sheeran (this year on Stormzy's record). And of course, there's the now traditional Facebook campaign choice.

Facebook campaigns are a bit of a lost cause but it has to be said: of all the songs that the British public could have picked to champion this year, Jarvis Cocker's "(Cunts Are Still) Running The World", is a pretty good one.

[Join the campaign]

REO Speedwagon's original of Can't Fight This Feeling has been streamed more than Bastille's John Lewis ad cover since its release in mid-November.

>> Electile dysfunction <<Another cock up on the Beeb

On election day, there are very strict rules in the UK which forbid news organisations from discussing politics until polling is closed. Which means that news teams have to ignore the biggest story of the day and compile their news bulletins from whatever innocuous filler they can drum up instead.

As part of their non-political Six O'Clock News broadcast last Thursday, BBC1 chose to air an item about the postal service and people sending tiny items in oversized parcels. Alas, it seems there was a very good reason that the Six O'Clock News hadn't touched that story previously.

One of the parcels that was prominently displayed as part of the pre-watershed segment clearly showed a cock ring.Nominative Determinism of the Week: The Senior doorkeeper of the House of Commons... Phil Howse!

>> 2019: The Annual <<A last little gift from us

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>> Hmmms <<Cats, dogs, Muppets

Rowan Atkinson deepfaked Dior advert

[Ready to lose your libido?]

The reviews of Cats are restoring our faith and trust in journalism

[Read on Prospect]

Picture of dogs in mid-air, catching frisbees

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Need to stock up on wine before the holidays kick off? Naked Wines is offering Popbitch readers the chance to get a case of six sumptuous bottles, plus free delivery, for just £19.99.

[Get your orders in soon!]

What do you get for the man who has everything?

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40 years since the Muppets/John Denver Christmas special

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A crash course in the 100 most memorable memes of the decade

[Read on BuzzFeed]

The real life, bricks-and-mortar Popbitch Popquiz will return in January. Don't let dry January stop you having any fun. Join us at Smiths of Smithfield for another seven rounds of trivia, music and smut with our host, Tom Webb!

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@skippyv20 @yankeewally

[jungshookz]

Ooo Christmas drabble with tae, getting bby fever when you see him with your baby cousins on xmas day and playing with them a being an overall daddy (ahem pun intended) but getting slightly and playfully jealous cause (one) your cousins like him more than you and (69) he's giving your cousins too much attention. Time for the attention attack!

🎄 pairing: kim taehyung x reader

🎄 genre: boyfriend!taehyung, very vERY soft hours aka the fluffiest fluff, tae is SO good with kids, your baby cousin lowkey hates u

🎄 wordcount: 2.9k

🎄 notes: i.,,.,. this is,., probably the cutest thing i’ve ever written in my entire life,, i wanted to add more at the end but i thought the ending was perfect?? idk!! enjoy!!

(gif isn’t mine!)

“peekAboo~!” tae gasps as he moves his hands away from his face

he crosses his eyes and sticks his tongue out and you can’t help but snort at how dumb he looks as you watch him play with your baby cousin

you and tae are at your family’s annual christmas party and the minute you got the invite tae was like okAY time to buy an ugly christmas sweater

so here is his wearing an obnoxiously green christmas sweater that’s supposed to be representative of an elf’s uniform

it has jingle bells on them so you know you won’t lose tae at the party because you’ll be able to hear him every time he takes a step

you and tae have been together for two years now

last year when he came to the christmas party everyone loVed him unsurprisingly

and you were feeling pretty proud because u were like yA this is the mans i’m dating can u believe it

anyways

everyone’s waiting for the turkey to finish roasting in the oven

so you’re in the living room sitting on the couch next to tae and the baby

you’re curled up in one corner and tae’s curled up at the other end so you’re both facing each other

of course there are a couple other relatives in the room but they’re all in their own world

you don’t even know where your aunt went she just dumped the baby on tae even tho u were like heLLo i’m her cousin why don’t u give her to mE

“peekaboo!!!!” tae’s fingers dig into her chunky sides gently and he wiggles them

your baby cousin squeals in delight and gurgles at him

her chubby fingers wrap around his pinky and he coos before leaning in to plant a kiss on her chubby cheek “ooh you’re sO CUTe!!!!”

you feel your stomach do a flip

o

oh my what is this feeling

o god

u suddenly want a baby

u want a baby SO bad

more specifically u want tae’s babies

you can already see it

you can already see it

“she’s still not sleeping?” you rub the sleep out of your bleary eyes and let out a yawn

the baby fusses in tae’s arm and he makes a small sound of pity as he looks down at her “oh, i know, you’re so tired! you’re so sleepy… daddy’s sleepy too…”

he glances over his shoulder at you

“mhm, not yet. we’ll get there soon - i can feel it.” tae whispers as he paces back and forth while he rocks the baby - your guys’ baby - back n forth in his arms

the bedroom lamp casts a warm glow over his skin and you can’t help but run your eyes over the expanse of his bare back  

he hums a lullaby and the sound of his soothing voice fills the space in the room

and finally

peace

and once he does that he places the baby gently in the bassinet and tip toes back to the bed

he crawls into bed with you and pulls the covers up

his arm wraps around your waist and he pulls you into his chest and presses a kiss to the back of your shoulder

end of y/n’s baby fever dream

you let out a dreamy sigh before taking another sip of your punch while keeping your eyes trained on tae

“let me fix these tiny pigtails…” tae mutters as he adjusts the little pink bows around your cousin’s pigtails

he’s so perfect

you don’t know how you got so lucky

“there isn’t much to fix it’s not like she has a lot of hair” you comment and tae scowls playfully at you before covering your cousin’s ears

“don’t listen to your mean old cousin. you have so much hair!!” he rubs her baldish head before bouncing her up and down in his lap

“she’s BALD i don’t even know how those pigtails are-“

“taetae! can we play hide and seek?? can you seek??” tae turns his head when a grouP of your younger cousins run up to him with wide grins

um

excuse me

you’re always always the seeker

and ya you love tae but you’re not letting him strIP that title away from u

“uh! i’m usually the seeker, aren’t i?” you gasp and press a hand against your chest in mock pain

they all look over at you and by the looks on their faces they’re all like oh hey y/n we forgot u even existed in the first place

“.,,.,,but we want tAe to be the seeker!!”

“sorry, jagi. gotta listen to the people” taheyung lifts the baby up and you take her from him but you’re holding her like an arm’s length away from your body

she’s kind of just dangling there

tae blinks down at you and chuckles “she won’t bite, y’know”

“she’s teething - she’s definitely going to bite” you mutter

you’re HURT

your ego has been shattered because apparently you’re not good enough of a seeker!!!!! but taetae is!!!!!!!!

“you guys have 30 seconds to hide and then i’ll come after you. if i find you i can proMIse you’ll get a visit from the tickle monster!!!” all the kids squeal in a mixture of delight and feAR before scurrying off in all different directions

“you don’t wanna play hide and seek with us?” taheyung pokes your arm and you raise a brow “i’ll even help you find a hiding spot!!”

“i don’t hide. i seek - exclusively.” you huff playfully and turn your attention back to the baby

tae can’t help but roll his eyes at how childish you’re being

“taetae!!!!!!!”

“coming!! all of you better be hiding!!!” he turns and looks back down at you “duty calls”

“i’m just gonna hang out here with my nEW best friend” you wiggle your fingers under the baby’s armpit and she doesn’t laugh or crack a smile

in fact she looks.,, very unimpressed

huh

she was laughing up a stoRm when tae did it

even the baby hates you

“alright! don’t have too much fun without me!!” he leans down and gives you a kiss before running off “i’m coming!!!”

and then you pull your legs up so that the baby can lean back against your thighs

your toes are hanging off the edge of the couch but as long as the baby is comfy you’re fine

you look at the baby and she blinks up at you with wide eyes

you’re good with kids but you’ve never really been good with babies

“so… how’s your night going?” you ask the baby and watch as she shoves her fist into her mouth “you seem to like taetae a lot, don’t you?”

her drool drips onto your lap

“mhm. me too, girl.” you tsk and rub her little belly

it’s so rotund

so soft n round

hm

you poke it and she shrieks and you swear your ears start bleeding

jesus christ

babies are so loud

“oH- okay, sensitive spot, i won’t do it again” you raise your hands and she leans back against your thighs satisfactorily

she shrieks again when you pinch her tiny big toe

“you can’t scream every time i touch you. and don’t suck on your fist. it’s dirty.” you pull her fist out of her mouth with a pop and her bottom lip starts quivering and her round eyes start watering “well, you don’t have to cry about it!!” you scoff and shove her fist back into her mouth and she hums happily

babies are so weird

all of a sudden you hear laughter coming from down the hall

you recognise tae’s boisterous laugh immediately

“why don’t we go see what your boyfriend’s up to?” you ask the baby and she squeals before ripping her fist out of her mouth and flinging spiT all over your shirt “…taking that as an enthusiastic yes!”

you stand up and prop the baby up against your hip and step out into the hallway to see

o

oh god

ur icy heart grows ten times bigger in a millisecond

the kids are piling up onto tae as he tickles the youngest one out of the group “i told you the tickle monster was coming!!!” he laughs

“again, let’s play again!!!!” they cheer enthusiastically as they climb off tae’s back

“round 2?? you have 30 seconds!!!!” the kids immediately scatter and tae lets out a breath and leans back against his palms as he pants heavily

god

he’s sweAting up a storm

he sees you standing at the end of the hallway leaning against the back of the couch fully immersed in a conversation with the baby and he can’t help but smile

the baby gurgles and squishes her cheek against your shoulder and you coo and pinch her cheek and tae winces when the baby shrIEKS

his mind can’t help but wander to thoughts of you carrying his baby

you’d be a really good mom even tho you don’t think you’d be a good one

woW he wants you to have his babies

oOf suddenly he’s feeling a little overwhelmed by his love for you

“y/n!” tae calls for you and you look up

“look!! look at taetae!! look how tired he is and it’s only been one round!! taetae is weakweak!!!!” you mock his baby voice and taehyung rolls his eyes playfully

“why don’t you play a round with us? we’re having a lotTa fun!!”

“i told you i only seek-“

“y/n, why don’t you go play with the kids?” your aunt appears next to you and the baby immediately reaches for her

you’re low-key offended because you thought you and the baby were having a good time but whAtever

“i’ll take the baby, it looks like someone’s getting sleepy!!” your aunt coos and you nod before handing the baby to her

okay

obviously you have nothing better to do so

you’ll play one round

but if you’re going to hide you’re going to be the beSt hider and tae’s going to find you last OR he’s not going to find you at all and you’ll die in your hiding spot (hopefully that doesn’t happen)

you’re starting to realise why you liked being the seeker all these years

it’s because being in the dark by yourself surrounded by nothing but silence and accompanied by your overactive imagination is completely and utterly terrifying

you decided the closet would be a good hiding spot mainly because

you’re too big to squeeze under the bed

you’re too big to hide behind the curtains

hide and seek is a game for tiny CHILDren that’s why

but now that you have a moment alone

the first thing you think about is tae

you’re ecstatic that your entire family loves him

you love that the kids love him

you love that the baby loves him

you love him

you love him so much

he’s the sweetest guy ever

he’s so generous and thoughtful and alwAys helps other people before he helps himself

he’s adorable and devastatingly sexy at the same time

he’s well-spoken and well-mannered

and you can’t help but think about your future with him

you’re not planning to break up with him anytime soon and you hope he’S not planning to break up with you anytime soon

you wonder how he’ll propose to you (and little do u know tae’s starting to think about marriage too)

you wonder what your wedding will be like

you wonder how he’ll react when you become pregnant with your first child

you really don’t know how you got so lucky

there’s a big dumb smile on your face and you sniffle as you sit in the frickin closet

you realise that you’re literally crYIng just thinking about your boyfriend u emotional piece of shit

you reach up to wipe at your tears and-

“seriously, the closet?? i thought you were more- hey, you okay?” you can barely see tae but some light from the hallway floods into the bedroom and you can see his eyebrows furrowing in concern

he steps into the closet and shuts the door behind him

he turns the closet light on and frowns because it’s pretty dim but it’s better than nothing

he slides down the wall and sits down next to you

it’s a lil tight in here

“what’s the matter, jagi?” your knee nudges against his as you turn to face him

“nothing! nothing’s the matter, that’s the problem.” you giggle and wipe more of your tears away that for some reason can’t stOP falling

“…do you want me to create a problem?? will that make you feel better??” tae asks and he’s genuinely confused because whAt are you talking about why are you crying!!!!!

he cups your face in his hands and wipes your tears away with his thumbs

you smile and reach up to grip at his wrist “how did i get so lucky to land someone like you?” you whisper

tae’s heart flutters in his chest

“you’re right, you should be the seeker next time. if we make you hide you just end up thinking about how much you love me.” he teases and shuffles a little closer to you

you snort and roll your eyes

“shut u-“ tae leans forward and presses his lips against yours and you kiss him back instinctively

your heart pitta-patta’s in your chest when tae continues pressing soft kisses to your mouth

and at this moment

in this closet

you can’t help but thank the gods

because you are the luckiest gal in the world

here’s a bonus baby drabble that didn’t fit into the drabble but i still wanted to show u guys lol

you’re starting to think your older cousin might like him a little too much

she’s the same age as tae

you’re a year younger than her and because of that she’s always treated u like a baby even though it’s literally juSt one year

and don’t get it twisted

you love your older cousin

she’s really great!!! she always looks out for you and takes care of you and you love that and you guys have a really good relationship

but of course

sometimes she becomes a little,..,., extra

and right now is one of those times because she is blatantly flirting with your boyfriend while you’re in the kitchen grabbing some food for hEr because she asked you to and you weren’t doing anything so why not

“you’re so good with kids” she sighs and slides a finger down tae’s arm and he freezes for a second before clearing his throat and spooning another thing of mushy peas into the baby’s mouth

she babbles and some of it spills out and drips down her chin and tae uses the spoon to scoop it back into her mouth

“thank you! i love kids, so it works out” he shrugs

you poke your head out a little and you watch as her eyes flicker over to tae’s untouched plate of food and you narrow your eyes

she wouldn’t

“oh you haven’t eaten yet! you have to try the mashed potatoes - i made them.”

is she

this binch is fEEDing your boyfriend right in front of u

well

technically she doesn’t know that you’re watching them

“oh, um-“ tae takes the spoonful of potatoes into his mouth quickly and swallows “thank you, but you really don’t have to feed me, hah. the potatoes are really good! you should probably eat, too. where’s your-“

“here’s your plate of food!!” you practically appear out of thin air and the baby squAwks when tae jolts and yanks the spoon out of her mouth

you hand the plate to your cousin with an overly sweet smile “i didn’t give you a lot of green beans because we all know how gassy you get”

her face flushes and she glares at you

meanwhile tae’s about to bite his bottom lip off from how hard he’s trying to noT burst into laughter right now

“excuse me” she clears her throat and gets up off the couch and you smile satisfactorily before plopping down next to tae

there’s a beat of silence as you pick at your mashed potatoes  

“y/n’s jealous, isn’t she? she’s so jealous even though she doesn’t need to be!” tae speaks in his baby voice and wiggles the spoon in front of the baby “she’s being silly, isn’t she? so silly!” he squeals 

🎄the twelve drabbles of christmas! 🎄

❄️do you have a special christmas request? ❄️