#im wondering if its the blaze thing or not but ugh whatever

[such-a-happy-mess]

ive had to block literally a dozen bots just today and yet blocking still doesnt stop an accounts posts from showing up on my dash

[amoristt]

Grazing the Fire | IV

well hello. here i am, four years later, once again enamored with nathan enough to finally dust this baby off and pick up where i left it. im a little rusty so bear with me this chapter! much more to come <3

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this :)! it also helps motivate me!

story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!

Warning: language, very vague s/a mentions

want to support me? heres my kofi!

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“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?” 

A few hands raise in the corners of your eye, but yours remains atop your desk. Eyes far away, mind in a murky haze and almost completely unaware. All you could focus on were the memories playing on repeat within the confines of your tired, tired brain. Hours ago, you were warm, you were comfortable. Safe.

Cheeks heated to a dusting blush when you remind yourself just how you had awoken that morning. At some point in the night, an angel had blessed you. Allowed you to wake up wrapped around none other than big, bad, Nathan Prescott. Your face nuzzled into his chest, broad but wiry hands pressed firmly over your shoulder and his arm slung over your waist to keep you against him. Thankfully you had been the first to wake up, blinking away the morning sun blazing through his blinds and painting the room stripes of gold. At that moment, before your headache came crashing down onto your skull, you were astounded by him. 

Eye lashes brushing the top of his cheeks, his lips parted ever so slightly, chest rising and falling rhythmically. In that moment, there was no anger, no bitterness. Just a soft and peaceful slumber. It was like being the sole viewer of a magnificent painting- each stroke and detail placed just there just for you to pick out, to remember the curves and sharp edges down to the very foundation. From his unkempt hair down to the way his hand flattened onto the mattress where your indent still lived. Nathan was so beautiful like this. 

For a long time you stayed there. It was as though you were afraid to move- you couldn’t bear to disturb him. You had wondered, if he was always like this, so at peace, what would he be like? Likely soft voiced, mild mannered. He’d do his school assignments without hassle and donate to the charity board. He would wander the town with his friends and listen to music in a beat up truck flying down the stretch of highway overlooking the bold, blue, and beautiful ocean. An entirely different version of himself- carefree, and a fair blue as opposed to a burning flame of red. 

But, if that were the case, you’d never have gotten here. You’d never been both the outsider, and the only seeing eye. A lucky, albeit firstly unwilling witness to the display of depth before you. 

It never hit you like it had quite in that moment how lucky you were.

But- just then- an alarm disturbed what serendipity existed. You nearly leapt out of your skin, clutched your hands to your chest at the sudden sound. A headache wove its way into your once untouched temples. Nathan groaned, mumbled, ‘god damn it’, under his breath, and thus his body was reanimated into life. He rubbed his eyes and he stretched, that familiar scowl coming over his eyes and lips as he took in the sunlight damn near blinding him. A polar opposite to the being you’d appreciated just moments earlier.

“Ugh, fuck, how the fuck is it seven already.” He groaned. “I feel like shit.”

“Well good morning to you too,” You started, welcoming Nathan into the world. “‘I’m feeling pretty shitty as well.” 

You said that, but really… You were more than alright. Your head had hurt, slight nausea crept into the wells of your stomach, but other than that you’re sure you were phenomenally better than you’d have been waking up whereverTate would have left your ass.

“You need to get outta here, before everyone gets up.” Nathan drawled, but he didn’t sound as urgent as you expected him to be. You’d expected him to be angry that you were still in his room, but instead he just… accepted it. 

You snickered, climbing out of his throne of a bed. “Wow, you’re giving me the morning after treatment?” 

“Sure am. Get outta here, whore.”

“Oh fuck you.” 

You located your heels from last night, resting upright near his dorm room door. Heels didn’t sound like the most  practical to sneak out of a dorm with, so you instead opted to grappling them by the straps and carrying them at your side. Hair a mess, outfit riddled with wrinkles and makeup smudged under your eyes, you stood before Nathan in all your glory. He stared at you for a long, odd moment- and you for some reason felt exposed, or even, shy. 

“What?” You ask expectantly, placing a hand on your hip. 

His eyes trail to your line of vision. He shakes his head. “Just thinking about how now you really do look like my morning after.”

“Yeah?” You hummed. “Find it hard to believe you get a lot of those.”

Nathan shoots you a suggestive glance. “You’d be surprised. Everyone wants a piece of Prescott.”

Surely, he was joking, or maybe he wasn’t, but you… Didn’t like hearing that. It made your stomach feel odd, uncomfortably heavy.  As he stood up, reminding you how many inches he had over your size, you swallowed and cleared your throat to flush out that crappy feeling. “Well,” you started, mood having dropped. “I’m gonna go, then.” 

“What got your panties in a twist all the sudden?” He asked, raising a brow and pulling some clothes from his closet, tossing them onto the bed.

The bed you two had shared.

You hated the idea of his morning afters- whoever they may be. 

“Not feeling great. Probably a side effect of the roofies.” You mumbled.

Nathan breathed a laugh. “Probably.”

He seemed so calm, right now. Perhaps due to it being so early, before the outside world had a chance to remind him just why he was so uptight all the tight. Before he needed to be so uptight all the time. He really did have so many versions of himself- all of whom you were slowly becoming familiar with. Compared to the person you’d believed him to be before your run ins, you’d never have assumed someone so dangerous could be so soft as last night, as this morning. In the beginning, you’d feared him. Avoided him like a plague, or a wild animal. Even when you were enraptured in the existence of him, you still wanted to keep away. You’d never have believed someone like you could wake up clutched to his chest, as though he were afraid if he released you, you’d be gone long before he woke. 

Then, a sudden thought struck your mind. 

He’d held you so tight. He’d welcomed you in the morning. No anger, no annoyance. His soft laugh at your banter and taunts. How your heels were standing upright instead of tossed haphazardly into some random corner, where he’d watch your struggle to find. 

How he’d stayed awake to ensure your sleep.

“So are you just gonna stand there?” Nathan called you back to reality, hands gripping the hems of his shirt. “I gotta get ready and you need to wash up so you don’t look like a five dollar stripper.” Cruel words, but with absolutely no bite. You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah. But, hey,” You started. “Thank you for last night.” 

“Yeah, yeah. You gotta start learning to watch your own back.” He says. “There’s gonna be times I won’t be there to drag your ass out of the fire.”

If you’d been charged, if you’d been stricken with a strange defensiveness, you’d have retorted, ‘than stop helping me’, but… Instead you allowed yourself the comfort of protection. You allowed Nathan Prescott to watch you.  

“I know,” You reached for the door. “Thank you.”

With that, you bounded out of the dorm silent as a mouse. 

-----------

In hindsight, you should have left earlier. Class was merely 15 minutes away when you slipped out of Nathan's room and bounded towards the women's dorm. Albeit not exactly a long walk, by the time you discreetly snuck back into your own dorm, you had roughly twenty minutes to somehow pick an outfit from your countless unopened boxes and make yourself even slightly presentable. 

Wiping off whatever make-up you could get and reapplying it, brushing out the tangles of your hair and nearly tearing off your scalp in the process, scattering your nightclothes over your floor and managing to scrounge out a semi-decent outfit for the day… You still looked a mess. If the mirror could laugh, it would have. Black mascara smudges under your eyes and frizzy untreated hair. What a lovely look. 

You’d made it to class just five minutes late, but those five minutes were all it took for all eyes to be on you as you tried to slide into the classroom unnoticed. A couple classmates whispered to their table mates as you passed by, smelling of oversaturated cherry blossom perfume to hopefully cover the scent of alcohol. You sauntered to your seat and sank down with all your weight, suddenly exhausted. You’d made it with just five minutes tainting your record of attendance. The teacher greeted you with a disappointed sigh, and thus, the day began. 

But, it was so hard to focus. All you could think about was Nathan. 

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?” 

You lowered your head. 

“Ah, how about, ___?”

You snaked back into reality, blinking up at the chalk board that was somehow already riddled with math equations. Since you hadn’t been paying attention even in the slightest, your mouth gaped wide open, eyes scanning for something you understood even slightly so you didn’t look like a total idiot. 

Sadly, you were out of luck. The teacher shook his head. “I’m shocked,” He said. “You're normally so on top of things. Oh well.”

“Oh, I’m sure she was on top of things,” A female voice sniggered behind you “Last night.”

Your face flushed a red, hot, ruby. What the hell was she talking about? How had they found out you were with Nathan? You were so sure of being sneaky, there was no way-

“Her and Tate totally got it on last night.”

You whipped around in your seat, facing girls who looked to be clones of some sort. Both with the same dark eyes, short brown hair, and freckles. “What?”

“Alright-” Your teacher blurted. “That's enough. April, May, enough. Let’s not discuss things outside of the classroom.”

The two girls batted their eyes. “Sorry sir.” One spoke, twirling a hand through her hair. Her sister's wide toothy grin never fumbled. 

“Back to it then. Kate, can you help out __ with number four?” 

The small, blonde girl nodded quickly, brushing a lock of hair behind her eyes and offering an empathic nod. 

As you turned around in your seat, her answer fell on deaf ears. Your heart was racing in your chest, hands balled into fists while you stared ahead blankly.  

They couldn’t seriously think that you chose to leave with Tate, could they? Surely someone must have seen the state you were in. Someone other than Nathan.

The clock ticks forward but time feels like it's passing almost unnaturally slow. With just 10 minutes left, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.

‘Nathan: consider ur favor officially returned 

Your tongue poked from your lips, the tiniest of smiles taking over your once sullen features. Terrible thoughts and worries flew out the window while you type back, ‘damn. here i was gonna to ask you to do a backflip off the roof with me. there goes my plans.’

Nathan types for a moment. Typing, stopping, typing again. 

‘Nathan: soundz like a blast. where and when?’

A small blush heats your cheeks. ‘very funny. thanks to last night i have an entire 24 hour session of studying to catch up with.’

His response is almost instant. ‘Nathan: boringgg. txt me when ur fun.’

Rolling your eyes, you shove your phone back into your pocket. It seems you’ve been able to secure enough of a friendship with him for some mindless banter even outside your little visits. You smile. He’s… Fun to talk to. Surprisingly. 

Class comes to an end and you start to pack up the books and papers you’d hardly even glanced at the whole period. Whatever had been upsetting you before is lost in your mind while you think of the morning, the night before. All the things in-between. But, your happiness doesn’t last long. As you get up, you’re almost forced right back into your seat as a weight shoves into your shoulder. Your books scatter to the floor. April, the one who’d remarked about you earlier, glares at you in what looks to be disgust. 

“Careful April,” Her sister hums as she saunters past you, keeping distance and raising her already shrill tone of voice. “Might wanna watch where you’re walking- I’d hate for you to catch something from this slut.”

You absolutely gawk at her. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

April scoffs. “Oh come on, like everyone doesn’t know what you were up to last night.”

“Sleeping around isn’t a good color on you.” May hikes her bag over her shoulder and snickers at you. They both leave the class together, sickeningly in sync. You’re left stunned where you stand, unsure how the hell your life came to this so quickly. How you’ve stooped so low that the daughters of the world's most uncreative parents are able to bully you based on something that didn’t even happen.

Next class goes no better. The person to your right, a jockey looking brunette guy, asks, ‘have you ever heard of a Tate?’. You say no, that that’s the dumbest name you’ve ever heard. The idiot grins and goes back to marking down likely wrong answers on his test sheet and you debate kicking the leg of his chair out- but you don’t to avoid even more eyes on you. It makes you sick to your stomach- even more than recovering from the roofies does. How can everyone believe it? You barely even knew the guy and you were clearly uncomfortable with his advances. No one saw that? 

After everything you’d worked for to build a reputation, trying so hard to not call out peoples shit for the sake of seeming friendly, tainted over something that didn’t even happen? And the kicker was that it hadn’t even been your fault! He’d drugged you, he’d have taken advantage of you! Yet you were the bad person? 

Class came and went in the blink of an eye this time. Your mind wrapped up in the situation, your stomach churning. You wanted the day to be over with but you still had 4 more classes to suffer through. Why was this happening to you? Was Tate being treated just as horribly, or was he getting pats on the backs of his unaware friends?

Wandering down the halls to your locker, you noticed Lance and Kaz hanging around one of the drinking fountains. Your nerves quelled- your friends would surely make you feel much better. Especially since they had witnessed how awful you were feeling as you left. You approach with a relieved smile, ready to say your truth and finally have someone on your side.

“Hey guys.” You smile, but Lance looks down at his feet while Kaz places her hands to his hips. Your smile fades.

“You could have told us you were gonna spend the night with Tate,” Kaz snaps. “You didn’t need to lie like that just to leave. We were all worried about you and it was for nothing.”

“What?” You feel like you could cry. “No, Kaz, I really did try to leave. Tate tried to drug me and take me home, and-”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Lance interrupts, with a frown. He looks back down at the floor with knitted brows. “I’ve known Tate since before time. He wouldn't do something like that, especially not to one of my best friends. Plus he told me he was really into you. Why would he even try?”

“Are you serious?” You sputter. “You think I’d lie about something like that?”

“You’ve been lying about all sorts of things!” Kaz huffs. “What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been so distant, and secretive. What are you hiding that’s making you lie like this? We’re supposed to be your friends and then you lie to our faces just to go and fuck the first guy that shows you attention.”

“What…?” It was like acid. It was like the rug had been pulled from your feet sending you spiraling down the unending cliff. Kaz, your best friend, all that venom. How could they turn against you like this? What the hell is going on? You felt your throat tighten. “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve been distant, but I’m not lying to you, I-”

“We gotta go.” Lance isn’t in the mood to hear it. “We’ll catch up to you.. Some other time.”

Kaz says nothing as she pushes past you. Lance, at least, spares a short glance over his shoulder. You stood there alone in the hallway, your bag falling off your shoulder and clattering onto the floor with a thud echoing off the walls. Everything you had, all gone at once. 

No one believed you.

---------

With nowhere to go where you felt like you could truly allow yourself to process the day's events, you went to the only place you knew. 

Just outside of campus, where rocks lined the edge of the boundary, overlooking the outskirts of the town and the ocean stretching as far as the eye could see. You settled yourself there, staring at the vast waters and wondering how this had all happened. Unlucky didn’t even begin to cover how it felt. Not only did you feel violated with Tate attempting to do unthinkable things with your unconscious body, but you also felt alone, and walked on. Your best friends hadn’t believed you. While Lance seemed saddened, Kaz was so… Angry. Her words cut like knives into your skin. 

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve this.

You want to talk to Nathan, but knowing him, he’d see your state and bounce instantly. After all, this isn’t exactly very fun of you.

As the sun began to fall, splaying orange and blues over the wide open sky, behind you, you could hear voices. A group of them, some male, some female. Memories of when your notebook had gotten snatched by those two horsed face assholes came flooding back and with all your alertness, you stood up, and decided that this sitting place was no longer safe. Nothing was.

Before you even made it ten feet away, the group had found their way to your spot and gotten comfortable, one of the girls cheering, ‘this’ll be our hangout! look at how pretty the view is!’

You took a short drive down the stretches of road and decided that if you were going to lament in your own sadness, you were at least going to do so in a place that had something to cover the sound of your tears. Plus a nice view.

The beach, littered with its picnic tables and the sounds of crashing waves would suffice just fine. So, you pulled in the desolate parking lot and wandered down the sandy shores until you stumbled upon a picnic table shaded by a large willow cascading lushious branches to block out the sun- a perfect canopy for you to wallow under. 

You had nothing at that moment. No friends, no reputation, no one to believe your tragic tale. And now, you’d just lost the one spot that made you feel comfortable when stress was building into your body like concrete. Tears pricked into the corners of your eyes and you bit your lip, dreading that feeling of a lump in your throat. Why you? Everything had been going so well. How could not even a single person believe that Tate had tried to hurt you?

Well, actually, there was one person.

Of course Nathan believed you. He’d been the one to rescue you, after all. Time and time again it seemed.  How was it that even the ones closest to you would turn their back so fast, yet Nathan seemed to be there even when you didn’t want him to be? Even when you yelled at him, and he yelled right back, fire and sparks falling into embers around the two of you. 

In that moment, you almost felt like you could finally relate to him. A reputation based on lies and things out of your control, paired with a hardheaded attitude to try and combat all the assumptions. 

No wonder he was so angry. 

“Hey bitch,” A voice suddenly called, and you had a split second moment where you were terrified of once again being the victim of a cruel prank or some classmates boredom. “How about next time you have a pity party you don’t fucking call me in the middle of it.”

You blinked away your tears and through the blurriness saw a figure coming towards you. All that sass, the tone...

“Nathan?” You breathed. It only takes moments before he’s in front of you, holding his phone in view, seeing that the call that had been running for nearly ten minute. You flush in embarrassment, pulling your phone from your back pocket. “How did that happen?”

“Well, can your ass dial numbers?” He taunts, ending the call. 

“Damn it, dumb phone must have butt-dialed you. I knew I should’ve gotten a different one.” You mentally kick yourself. “It must have unlocked in my pocket.”

“You don’t have a password on your phone?” He taunts. When you shake your head, he whistles. “You are just begging for a robbery. I’ll keep that in mind when I’m in the mood to send random messages to all your buddies.” 

“Fuck off.” You scowl, and he grins, hopping up on the picnic table next to you. The sun flatters his skin. He’s almost glowing. 

“Speaking of buddies, how the hell did it pick my number out of your sea of friends?”

You shrug. “Probably cuz’ it’s a priority contact.” 

“Oh lala, I’ve been upgraded to priority huh? Does it display a superman logo whenever you give it a ring?”

“Nope. When I press call it rings the nearest asshole in my vicinity. The fact that it’s you is your own problem.”

“Haha, fucking ha.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He stares out at the water, watching waves pull and crash onto the beach. It’s almost beautiful, until he ruins it. “Yknow, you’re a really ugly crier.”

“Wow, thanks.” You shake your head. “That's exactly what I needed to hear right now. Why did you even stay on the line?.” Wiping your eyes, you start to forget your tears. “Couldn’t have been that wild of a conversation.”

Nathan shrugs. “Between the crying and the sound of the waves it was pretty nice.” He grins. “Very educational.” 

“Awesome. Glad I was able to make your day.” It doesn’t feel like your usual bitey remarks. You’re tired, you’re still a little hurt and you can’t stop thinking about how such an amazing morning had turned into such a horrible day.

“So what’s got you all fucked up? Never seen you act like this big of a baby before.”

“Nothing. You already paid off your debt to me per this morning, so feel free to resume our regularly scheduled mutual hatred.” You say, lying through your teeth. You know you’re both past the point of hatred, but you’re feeling jaded, you can’t help it. 

“Oh shut the fuck up,” He groans. “I didn’t drag my ass all the fucking way out to this shit hole of a beach just for you to give me that bullshit. What, did you fail a test? No one matched you on tinder?”

“Everyone thinks me and Tate slept together last night.” You blurt. “I think he’s telling people me and him had sex.”

Nathan tenses his shoulders and grimaces. “Fucking werido.”

“I told my best friends that he tried to take advantage of me and they don’t believe me. One of em’ even said he wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Fuck em’. Who needs best friends.”

“And to make everything so much better, these two bitches that I share four of my classes with harassed me all goddamn day. I mean, fucks sake, how the hell are girls named April and May of all things able to get to me. It’s bullshit. And to make matters worse, Tate is just… Getting away with it.”

“Yeah well, something tells me that Tate’s gonna get a real nice fucking taste of medicine eventually. I just gotta find him first. He’s got a lot of nerve spreading shit around given I knocked his ass onto the pavement.” Nathan brows knit at the memory.

You test the waters. “Why would you do that for me?”

He seems caught off guard, or maybe, surprised that you’d ask. Maybe he thinks you’re both beyond that point. He grumbles, “Why does it matter.”

“I’m just curious. We don’t owe each other anything, remember?”

“Yeah, well,” He huffs. “Don’t ask me questions to shit I don’t know the answer to.”

“You say that an awful lot.” You tease.

“Yeah well you ask dumbass questions an awful lot. Not everything I do has to have some weird ass motives behind it, ___. Maybe I’ve got beef with Tate that’s outside of you.”

“Uhuh. Sure.” You’re about to say something else, when your phone lights up with a text. The display makes your heart fall all over again. 

Unknown Number: you should just pack up and go somewhere else. no one wants std’s from breathing your air xoxo

You don’t even know who that is. Now absolute strangers are on your case. You want to throw your phone into the ocean and leave.

Nathan scoffs. “Don’t even bat a fucking eye for that bitch, whoever the hell they are. Half the hoes you’ve mentioned have slept with half the football team,” he pinches his jacket, “and I would know.”

“Ew, Nathan,” You grimace, that same feeling from the morning returning. It feels, oddly, like jealousy.  He nudges your arm with his elbow and grins playfully. It’s cute.

“Chill, I’m just fucking with you. You gotta know even I wouldn’t fuck girls that desperate. I’m a man of class.”

That last comment actually forces a laugh from you. It’s soft, but it’s real. The first laugh you’ve genuinely had all day. “That’s horrible.” You remark, giggling again.

It's almost like the slight restoration of your mood puts him at ease as well. He leans back on his hands and stares off into the ocean, those sparkling waters under the setting, orange sun. “I’m for real though. Those hoes aren’t worth your time. One day when we blow this shithole of a town they’re not even gonna matter.”

Your brows knit, eyes blinking up at him. Had you heard that right? 

“We?” You ask, perplexed, albeit a little… Hopeful.

Nathan sputters. “Well- Like, when everyone’s older and-”

“You know what, it's fine.” You interrupt. “Fuck it. You’re right. We’re gonna blow this town and they’re just gonna be some shitty memories.”

He sucks in a shaky breath. You’ve never heard him scramble like that, like he’s been unmasked. The look he casts you when you agree, when you don’t tease or patronize and finally hop on the idea that yeah, what if the two of you really didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

What if the two of you could just exist, without the anger. 

You look up at him. “Would you actually do that though?” You start. “With me, of all people?”

He swallows. His expression is tense, but he’s not upset. He appears nervous, caught off guard. Nathan tries, “I-”

Your phone rings. Shrill, piercing. Mood destroying. 

“Jesus Christ, it’s my mom.” You grab your phone and Nathan looks forward, stone faced and silent as you hop off the table and answer. It’s your mother, who all but shouts into the phone that her and your father are taking a surprising visit to Arcadia Bay while they’re traveling by on their vacation. She insists that you be ready in about an hour for dinner, and likely there will be family photos. 

Which means if you still look as wrecked as you did this morning, you’re gonna have a lot of washing up to do. With a quick goodbye, a short and sweet, ‘love you’, you hang up and sigh. 

“You still tell your mom you love her?” He teases. “What are you, five?”

You frown. “You don’t tell your parents you love them?”

Nathan side eyes you, and just shrugs. It is all the answer you need, really, and for his sake you decide it wouldn’t be best to press the issue. Not now. But- it still makes your heart hurt just a little. You wished that he’d had it better growing up. 

“Right… Do you want a ride home?”

“Fuck no, what am I,” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “a fucking girl scout?” 

“I was just offering, weirdo.” When he doesn't get up, you feel like you’re missing out. Like if you stayed, maybe, just maybe, you’d get to know him a little better. “Hey, if you want, I can stay for a bit longer.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re needed elsewhere. But,” he shrugs. “I don’t know. Fuckin’... Text me or something. Or not, I don’t care either way.”

There’s a small warmth in your chest that rises to your cheeks. He wants you to text him. “Yeah,” You say. “If I’m feeling fun.”

And with that, you bid him farewell, beginning your descent to the parking lot. 

“Hey,” He calls, and you turn just in time to catch a small item he’s tossed right at you. A tiny key resides in the palm of your hand. “Spare. If shit hits the fan again-...” He shrugs, and actually looks away. “Just don’t be too fucking loud of I’ll kick your ass out myself. No Madison needed.”

The widest grin plays over your lips. “I’m gonna re-decorate your room while you’re gone.”

“Ah, you fucking better not.” He shouts. “Actually- you know what, give it back.” 

“No, no! I’m sorry.” You play with the key between your fingers. “Thanks for this.”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t lose it and remember- emergencies only. I don’t need you watching me sleep like fucking freak. We’re past that stage.” 

“How many times will I have to say I was never watching you. Christ… But, alright. See ya, then.” The key is heavy in your palm. 

You place it into your pocket and give him one last glance before you take off, leaving him to enjoy the sound of waves, birds, and the absence of your tears.

[meggannn]

two days and 20 (i think?) hours of gameplay later, im having a grand old time with hzd, and fortunately have not run into any of the game-breaking bugs that other users have been experiencing

slight spoilers behind the cut

so for the main story, aloy has just saved meridian and got avad’s alliance, and i left off the other branch of the main quest with going to maker’s end to find out about ~the woman who looks like her~

i remember most of the big moments and reveals of this game from watching a youtube playthrough a few years ago, but i don’t remember a lot of the little moments and the actual way that things happened, so it’s nice to experience this game.... if not fresh, then as fresh as i can reasonably expect. and i don’t know anything about the frozen wilds, so i’m glad that part will be entirely new.

i was surprised there is so much versatility in the machines’ designs. like, each canister and underbelly has its own weakness? shooting off different canisters and parts actually affects their abilities and attack styles? they actually retreat when they get seriously injured? the machine AI is like, impressively good all things considered. i think the human AI is a little stupid, but i am playing on normal mode... when i get a mission to infiltrate a shadow carja fortress or a bandit camp or something, i kind of get the “okay, i’ve done this before” vibe in those scenarios, because i’ve sneaked around a million camps and killed a million guards in a million assassin’s creed games, and the human AI never get any smarter, but fortunately so far there haven’t been many of them, and the machines they usually have fighting as weapons against me are an interesting change of pace.

i’m taking a bit of a break from blazing through the main quest to backtrack and do some side stuff and collectible-hunting. i really love the collectibles in this game. there aren’t too many, they’re not in frustrating places (at least not yet), you’re told how many there are before you start, they AREN’T counted as a quest so you don’t have an annoying unfinished quest clogging up your journal... but most importantly, you want to collect these random ass items because they’re actually INTERESTING and you, the player, are driven by curiosity and a desire to learn about this world — mostly what happened to it — just as much as aloy is curious about the world outside the sacred lands.

aloy is as charming as ever, though i’d REALLY forgotten how hard-hearted she could be sometimes. like she straight-up tells erend she won’t help him find ersa’s killers because “it’s your war, not mine.” and of course she does, because it’s a main quest, but her response is CANON DIALOGUE. that’s normally the kind of thing an rpg developer would leave to a player choice in how to respond (say yes to helping erend or say no, even if you have to do it anyway). it’s debatable if HZD is an rpg, i think it has rpg elements, but it’s... rpg-adjacent, i guess. anyway it’s remarkable that they just like, made one of her defining traits her ability to say no and make decisions the player might not have had her say, because i think it gives her a personality other than Protagonist. i don’t really think of the flashpoint choices doing very much other than diversifying the dialogue you might get, because they don’t change much and aloy’s personality is pretty consistent, and i like that a lot.

i have had a few graphics issues BUT they all resolved in the first ten minutes or so. the first ones started with the opening cutscene, when rost is carrying baby aloy to be named, the scene kept blacking out for long periods at a time. i wondered if maybe it was just a problem with cutscenes, but sadly the problem continued when you play as kid!aloy down in the cave. setting the graphics to low did nothing, BUT switching out of fullscreen seemed to solve the problem, weirdly, lol. i played in windowed version for a while, but that also had some issues, so now i’m playing in borderless view and it’s going well so far with medium graphics, usually around 60-70fps. there are occasionally a few stutters, but it’s more of a “was that a stutter?” than a “ugh, another stutter” kind of situation, so it’s not affecting performance. i might try later to use high graphics because i’m pretty sure my machine can handle it, in fact when the game optimized my settings it opened up with the second-highest setting. but honestly the game looks good playing on medium graphics so it’s whatever either way.

i think i had more thoughts but i probably forgot them. anyway i am livetweeting on my game twitter at @laerugo​ if anyone wants to follow what i’m up to here

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

Just a Tease

A/N: Apparently the Seven Deadly Sins au is the only thing I have motivation to write atm. You can read the first fic in this au here, and the fic @robanilla wrote for it here! Also @broadwaytheanimatedseries is gonna have a fic that is a sequel to this one, I’ll link that here when it’s posted!

Warnings: implied sexual content, flirting, teasing, food mention, kissing, swearing

Greed was… frustrated, to say the least. It wasn’t the usual frustration he felt with his colleagues, unfortunately. No, he wished it was the disappointment and exasperation he felt at his fellow demons’ failures to ensnare humanity. He would have much preferred that to this burning, flaming frustration he currently felt. A part of him wondered if this was how Wrath felt all the time… but that was a query for later.

The source of this frustration? Lust. The tall demon was far too gorgeous for his own good, and his recent behavior hadn’t been helping much.

It had started when Greed had just arrived at the manor, before the meeting had started. He had given a curt nod to the Gatekeeper, then headed into the parlor. Greed was about to head to his seat at the table, but a figure suddenly materialized just behind him.

“Oh… I’m sorry, I’m afraid I didn’t see you there,” a voice purred, their breath ghosting against his neck and shooting shivers down his spine.

Greed opened his mouth to retort, but a hand trailed across his lower back as the figure moved past him, causing a sharp gasp to escape him instead. The figure was, of course, Lust, and he winked at Greed as he sauntered to his seat.

“Something wrong there, Greed?” Envy teased as he walked in, taking his usual seat.

“I’m fine,” Greed replied with a slight snarl to his voice.

“Is that so? Wrath must be spreading her influence again,” Pride snarked as she took her seat.

“No, this isn’t me this time!” Wrath protested as she stalked over to her seat beside Lust.

“Hmm… well this seems a touch more intense than his usual seething disappointment in us,” Sloth drawled, having materialized in his chair.

“He’s probably such a grumpy gus cause he skipped breakfast! I’m telling you dude, most important meal of the day,” Gluttony teased from the doorway.

“Just sit down so we can start the meeting,” Greed seethed.

“Whatever you say, bossman. But I did bring something that I think will cure your hangry mood,” Gluttony said as he sat down.

“Oh?” Greed asked, arching one eyebrow as he took his place at the head of the table. Gluttony smirked, and with a wave of his hand, a plate of cookies appeared. The table was sent into a confused silence, varying degrees of bewilderment on each demon’s face, except for Gluttony who was grinning smugly.

“Are those… chocolate chip?” Envy asked.

“Nope, they’re dark chocolate chip,” Gluttony replied, grin growing wider.

“Ugh.”

“Well if you don’t want one, guess there’s just more for the rest-”

“Shut UP and give me a cookie,” Envy scowled. The table erupt into laughter, and each demon reached forward to take a cookie from the plate.

Greed was about to retrieve his own share of the cookies, when Lust leaned across the table, ending up tantalizingly close to Greed. There was no need for Lust to lean across the table like that, his tall and rather lanky form would have been able to reach the cookies just fine if he were sitting normally, but no! He had to stretch over right into Greed’s personal space, almost leaning against him, but the barest amount of space between them. This distance between them seemed to light fire in Greed’s veins, and he was torn between shoving the other demon away or pulling him closer so that he could touch and take-

Lust suddenly moved away, and Greed’s face flushed ever so slightly and his eyes widened at where his last train of thought was heading. He quickly glanced around the table and was relieved to see that no one else seemed to notice his flustered expression- except for Pride, who was smirking at him knowingly. Greed glared at her and snatched up a cookie, munching it angrily.

“See? Much better,” Gluttony said, grinning. Greed rolled his eyes, but continued eating the cookie anyway. Gluttony was a fantastic baker.

“Mmm… Gluttony, these are exquisite. I’d say the only thing more exquisite than them is you,” Lust cooed. Greed felt something snap inside of him, but he kept his expression neutral. The only sign that something was amiss was that the shadows flickered dangerously behind him.

“Oh, stop it you,” Gluttony laughed, waving his hand dismissively.

“I only speak the truth!” Lust replied with a wink, and Greed’s mouth set in a firm line. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling this way, Lust was just a tease! He flirted with everyone, it was how he worked. Besides, there wasn’t anything between them. There was no reason to feel jealous- not that he was jealous! But that didn’t stop Envy from raising an eyebrow at him.

“Wonderful, we’ve all had cookies, let’s move on,” Greed growled, before anyone could comment on his behavior. For once, no one protested or had a snide remark, and the meeting could begin.

The meeting continued without a hitch… for Lust, at least. Throughout the meeting, he would find ways to brush up against Greed with the lightest of touches, or talk in his low voice that set mortal hearts ablaze. But despite this, Lust hardly got any reaction from the other demon. Sure, there was the sharp intake of breath, the way his eyes would widen, and of course the gorgeous shade of pink his cheeks would turn, but besides that? Nothing. No indication that he was having an affect on him.

With the meeting over, Lust began to rise from his seat like the others were, but Greed sent a glare his way, a silent demand to stay put. He sank back into his chair, trying not to let a smug expression take over his face. Greed seemed pleased by this, and turned to bid the others farewell. Lust smirked. Perhaps he had succeeded after all.

“Have fun with that, I’ve sensed the frustration coming off of him all night,” Wrath muttered as she rose from her seat.

“Yeah, I’ve sensed some jealousy from him too. It was nice knowing ya, buddy,” Envy chimed in, before turning on his heel and leaving the parlor.

“Ignore them, they’re probably being dramatic. Probably. You can never tell with Greed,” Sloth advised, before vanishing into thin air.

Soon Pride and Gluttony left as well, leaving Lust and Greed the only two demons left in the parlor. Greed had his back to him, and not that Lust wasn’t enjoying the view, but he was concerned with how quiet the other demon was. That is, until he turned around and he saw the blazing fire in his eyes.

“Get up,” Greed growled.

“Make me,” Lust challenged with a smirk. Greed scowled, storming over to him and grabbing a fistful of his hoodie, pulling him up into a fierce kiss. Lust groaned into the kiss, and he could feel the shiver that ran through Greed’s body. He smirked against his mouth, and rose up from his seat, forcing the other demon to stumble backwards. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled Greed flush against his body, causing him to let out a muffled yelp against his lips.

After a moment or two, Lust pulled away, grinning madly. Greed let out a whine, his mouth quickly snapping shut after, embarrassed at the sound. This only caused Lust’s grin to grow wider.

“Mmm, I like a man who takes what he wants,” he purred, leaning down and mouthing along his neck. Greed let out a gasping cry, but it soon morphed into a growl as he pushed Lust forward. The tall demon stumbled back, momentarily afraid that he had done something wrong, but then Greed was pressing him against the wall, capturing his lips in a kiss that was all teeth and tongue. One of Lust’s hands clutched the back of his leather jacket, while the other hand skimmed down his back, traveling lower-

Greed let out an uncharacteristic squeak, and Lust pulled away to grin wolfishly at him. His face was flushed and he was panting heavily- he had never been more gorgeous. And as Greed pulled him into another fierce kiss, Lust realized something. He was in love. Fuck.

Tag List:  @adorably-angsty @alix-the-skeleton @allthemetalsoftherainbow @armageddonhascome @backatthebein @bangthekobrakid @bloodropsblog @cefinitely-rolo @coffeestudylive @cosmic-chu @cyndaquil17 @dani-jeanso @didsomeonesayprince @emphoenixcat @every-day-insomniac @fandomsandanythingelse @freekiphotography @freepaperie081 @hanramz-the-fander @im-basically-logan @i-need-a-social-life-2710 @i-really-dig-the-purple @ironwoman359 @justanotherpurplebutterfly @kanejandkruge @kitsuneprideleader @kittycake574 @le2712 @littlemiracle05 @loganpatton @lollingtothemax @look-its-meme @loverofpizzaandallthingssweet @lynlinked @mewsicalmiss @midnightcandy @moonstonefox @musicsavedmefromdeath @mystrangedarkson @nightmarejasmine @not-as-smart @of-treble-and-dragons @punsterterry @purplepatton @quoth-the-sparrow @radioactivehelena @royallyanxious @ruuworld @sanders-trash-4ever @save-me-oh-dream-of-mine @shadowsfromthesun @shygirl4991 @sleepyssnail @softbludemon @softnic @sombraplayslazertag @sweetinsomniac @the-fandoms-are-takin-over @theresneverenoughfandoms @thisrandomperson102 @thuriweaver @vigilantvirgil

[sunsetsinhoenn]

exec proton battles cute trainer over and over again and every time he loses to her mayhaps his views on pokemon changes because of her and how much she cares for her pokemon (he wants her to love and care abt him like how she loves Nd cares for her pokemon 😎😎) pleas make it cute

I don’t think I really nailed the cuteness that well… since Proton is not a good guy lol, but I tried! this ended up being super hard to write since im not used to writing characters like his and I still wanted to make him realistic when it comes to ‘romance’ P:he ended up acting like a teenager, since this fic really only covers the pre-relationship stage I guess. ANYWAYS …. enjoy (*・∀-)☆

Proton _ “annoyance”

The first two or three times the two of you battled, there was only a few specific, stray thoughts running through his head. He lost every single battle he had against you, so of course one thought would be ‘why the hell were you so tough?!’ and another would be how he could possibly get rid of you without anyone knowing about it. He didn’t really want to resort to violence, but you really liked to show up at the worst possible time to battle him and ruin his day/mission.

He really just… never wanted to see you again.

The other two last thoughts that would run through his head were ‘I really don’t want the others to find out.’ and ’UGH, go away.’. Every time you two were finished with your battles, you would release all your pokémon from their balls, glaring at him, daring him to try anything while they were out, and you would begin assessing them, making sure they were fine after such a tough battle. You would pet them gently and smile, and as Proton slinked away he’d mumble under his breath about how annoying you were since he’d be so aggravated by you and your obnoxious affection for your pokéfriends.

The fourth time the two of you had “battled”, he had found you instead of the other way around.While you were innocently wandering around Ecruteak City, he had spotted you a distance away. It was exciting to him, finally being able to get an edge on you when you had proven time and time again to be the stronger trainer. With your back turned he released his golbat and, being true to his cruel reputation, ordered it to fly off and attack you.

There wasn’t much you could have done to dodge the attack,since golbat was such a fast pokémon to begin with, but by the time it flew back to Proton, you only ended up knocked down to the ground, unscathed. If it weren’t for your own pokémon releasing itself from one of the balls on your belt, you probably would’ve been more badly hurt, all thanks to that evil Rocket executive.

To retaliate, your pokémon ended up attacking Proton as well, and after calling it back, his golbat was injured and he had a large bruise forming on his face.

“I- Are you okay?” You had yelled, and before he could answer, he noticed that you were just tending to your protector and not him and boy was he angry.

“Are you kidding?! I’m the one that gets hurt and you ask that thing if it’s okay?!” Although your demeanor could be seen as… cute and lively, which Proton would unwillingly admit to, you were not lively as well as not at all happy.

“Are you kidding? Why would I ask if you were okay?!”

“I- Becau-“

“Go away, Proton!Neither of us are fighting today!” With that, he had turned his tail and ran,leaving you behind, angry beyond words. Usually he would’ve gotten a kick out of seeing you so mad, in a way that he had never gotten you to be before. He was a villain, working for an evil organization, and yet he had silently gotten away, leaving no sarcastic quip behind. The only things running through his mind were all about you, and why he hadn’t been thrilled at what had transpired (without the humongous bruise of course) and why he hadn’t taken full advantage of making sure you would never be a nuisance in his life again.

He couldn’t figure out the answers to all of his sudden questions.

He couldn’t figure it out when you battled him a fifth time,when the fire he had seen you surrounded by before could still be seen blazing in your eyes, letting him know that you were, in fact, still supremely pissed with him. He was given a clue to his questions when you gave one of your tiniest pokémon a kiss on the forehead for a good job, when he noticed he was jealous, of all things.

He couldn’t completely figure it out the sixth time, when you lamented about how many times you had to teach him a lesson, and he remarked about how it was going to be a lot harder to cram any information into his head. You had laughed and called him out for pretty much insulting himself, and your pokémon had laughed too.

“Gee, your camaraderie is… absolutely charming.” Was one of the few sarcastic comments he had made that day towards you.

Fast forward to the present, and he’s mulling in his thoughts when he can, still technically lost about his feelings for you, but it was more like he was refusing to find his way.

“Executive Proton, sir! The pokémon have been rounded up.”

“Great,” he gestures for the grunt to lead him to the area and they begin walking. “We’re making good time. How many have you caught?”

The grunt, obviously delighted that he was chatting with the cool Executive Proton, began talking animatedly.

“We’ve caught at least thirty, sir! We got a lot today,and a lot of them were ones we collected from trainers, so they might even be rare and strong. Those’ll net in a lot of cash.”

“You better not be lying.” Was all he had to say to get the grunt to clam up and walk faster to the location,and when the two of them got there, he could see many pokéballs, with a few even being dusk or heal balls. Obviously, ones caught by trainers. 

He thought of you for a moment,and vaguely wondered if you were going to show up anytime soon, as annoying as it would be.

You would storm in, tell him that what he was doing was wrong, and he would tell you it was none of your business.Then, he would lose and continue with his job the next day, still not sorry for whatever he was doing. 

In a random scuffle between two grunts, he watched as one of them tripped over and ended up hitting one of the pokéballs, releasing a sentret that immediately began trying to get away. Noticing that his underlings had not made a move to capture it and were only standing around dumbfounded, he spoke.

“I don’t know what you’re waiting for. Capture it!”

Watching a mess that could only be caused by the most idiotic of rocket grunts, he sighed and just let the scene unfold, only slightly amused by how they couldn’t get the poor sentret back into its cage, so to speak. He could list many things better than watching a few idiots run around in a forest field.

His mood quickly changed to anger when one of the grunts threw a rock at the sentret, hitting its mark on the head.

“Hey! I said capture it, not torture it!”

“Hearing that come out of your mouth makes me think it is possible for you to change!” Was what he heard you say before your pokémon flew past him and started to engage in a battle between the grunts hounding the sentret. It wasn’t long before you ran past him as well, releasing your other pokémon to try and take on all the grunts at once, protecting the pokémon stuck in their balls while you were at it.

He had a job to do… he had a boss to try and bring back, and yet he couldn’t really make a move to try and stop you from beating down his subordinates and wrecking his entire mission, again. In fact, he really didn’t want to. The proton before he met you would’ve been okay with the sentret getting hurt. He would’ve been mad that you were here. He wouldn’t feel the tiniest bit of relief when he realized that you would win and bring back the stolen pokémon to their owners.

He gritted his teeth. He wanted his old self back.

“Retreat! Get out of here, and I’ll take care of things!” Was all he could say before all the grunts turned to him and then took off, their pokémon running with them. They wouldn’t question the fact that they’ve seen him lose against you before.

…Silence was all that stood between you and him, eyes locked while you both stood in a field surrounded by pokéballs littered all over the floor, and your team, who were all standing in defense, ready to attack whenever they got the word to.

“They stole one of mine. Are you going to stop me from getting her back?”

He huffed and shook his head, visibly displeased.

“No. Go and grab it and the others since I’m sure that’s what you’ll do.”

“You know me so well.”

You made no move yet, as you continued to look at each other.

“Y’know…” His expression turned even more sour as you started to talk. “I don’t get why you do any of this, but you can… quit anytime.”

You gestured your hand towards the balls on the floor and you let yourself grow concerned over the man in front of you, if only slightly.

“I’ll be here for you when you do. You don’t have to live a life of crime. I could be the… friend to help get you out of it.” There was another awkward pause as he glanced between you and the scene around him.Everything about him said that he would never agree to be with you at all or even change in the slightest, but you were still taking a chance on him. He spoke, his voice harsh.

“Of course, you don’t get why I’m doing this. You don’t know me at all, but I bet in that little mind of yours, you like to think you do.”You flinched at his words. “I’m not a good guy. I’ve done things that I’m sure would make you upset. You think I’d want to be with you?”

You took a step back, surprised for some reason at his words. You knew he wasn’t good, but deep in his heart, you thought…

“Did you think you were getting into my head? Did you think you were changing me?” He took a step forward, towards you. “I didn’t like you from the start. I’d hate to admit that you got me to see your side of things.It would be the toughest words to ever come out of my mouth.”

He groans suddenly, turning around to cover his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry,alright?! I know what I’m doing isn’t good, and yeah, sure, I’m beginning to think I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing, but I’m not good!” Proton removes his hands and turns his head around, looking at you, his face red in what you think is anger,but would like to hope is also embarrassment. “I hate that you’re making me question what I’ve been doing my entire life, when we’ve only battled before. I wish you’d leave me alone!”

He moves to start running away, back to where his grunts are and to report to the other executives, but you call out to him and catch up.Gripping his wrist, you tug hard and get him to stop with you.

Quickly, you give him a kiss on the cheek, and he can feel your smile on him. He looks at you in shock, only to see you smirk.

“I’ll see you next time.”

And with that, you run back to take care of the scene the rockets caused, leaving him. He wants to yell back that he won’t, but he’s had enough with acting like an idiotic teenager for one day.

‘You’re such an annoyance.’ is one thought that he has running through his head. The other is ‘It’d be nice to get another kiss.’ before he shoves it away and starts running again.

[peaches-of-1]

(BTS) Golden Lover: Chapter 3

Namjoon x Black!Reader

High Fantasy, Magic, spells, gods and goddesses

Mstrlst in bio!

“Darling daughter?” Mother called.

“Yes?” You replied.

She nodded towards your plate, “Are you not hungry?”

You shook your head and set your utensils down, “Please excuse me. It seems that my sickness lingers. I’ll be turning in early.”

“I’ll walk you to your room, Princess.” Jimin stood from his seat.

“I can--” You began, but Father cut you off. “She’d quite enjoy that. Thank you, Jimin.”

You wanted a shower. You wanted to be alone with your thoughts and smelling salts and a few cats, but no. Jimin chattered excitedly about how beautiful your Egypt was. How warm and humid but irreplaceable it’s beauty was.

“Um, Princess? I couldn’t help but notice how you were during dinner tonight. You didn’t get some bad news, did you?” His voice softened.

The worst, “Of course not. I just...I haven’t had much time to myself today. I’ve been quite busy entertaining the guests, getting to know you all.”

“I wouldn’t lie to your future husband, Princess (Y/N).” He laughed.

You swallowed hard and his smile fell.

He looked down, “I didn’t mean offense, Princess.”

“I don’t wanna marry you. I decided that from the moment I met you.”

“I see.”

You looked at him, “Please don’t be upset.  I just...my father is making me choose a husband within the next two days, before the end of the festival.”

He looked at you, “We leave in three days.”

“Of course.” You sighed. “I just. I don’t wanna lose the throne due to my being stubborn. I want a good king to rule by my side, but I want to love him as well.”

“Marrying for love? You are a special one, princess.”

You scoffed and laughed, “Whatever do you mean?”

“As a royal, I would think that you would have given up marrying for true affections by the time of puberty. Often thinking instead who can help their country or prestige the most. However, you still hold onto the hope.” He looked up at the sky.

“Should I give up hope, though?”

Jimin shook his head, “Never. I believe love is powerful and one of the purest things on Earth. If you were to give up on it, then what would you have left?”

A small smile played no your lips, “You speak our language well.”

“Thank you, Princess. May I ask you a strange question? It’s something both Hobi and I were wondering.”

“You may if you tell me who Hobi is.” You replied with your arms behind you.

He didn’t know you were taking the long way to your room in order to speak to him more, but he spoke curiously. Kind but honest, and you could feel the amount of love he had in his heart. How he gave it to everyone and everything.

“Hobi is our nickname for Prince Hoseok.” Jimin smiled, “Would you like to prepare a dance with us? For the festival send off that is. We’re both proficient in dance, and your father was singing your praises at dinner. It’s ok if you don’t. Even if we cannot work as marriage partners, then I’d at least want to work as friends. Performers.”

“You’d want to dance with me?”

He nodded in ernest. It was true that you were often seen dancing in the square with your body covered in jingling gold. Oftentimes in the middle, you’d stop a robbery or something, but a princess had to know her people to serve them. That was your philosophy at least.

Back to the matter at hand. This Jimin was interesting, very interesting.

You nodded, “So, whose style would we do. Yours or mine?”

“I was thinking a fusion of our styles. Don’t you think that would be the most fitting?”

You smiled for the first time in hours, “I’d enjoy that very much. I know just where we can practice and teach each other the basics.”

This time, the prince smiled so big that his eyes disappeared, “Yes! Thank you, dear princess! Guide me, and then we can meet after dinner.”

Right, you were supposed to be unwell. You led him to the dancing spot in the garden where a stage would most likely be set up. The grass there was just growing back from last time you turned down a marriage. Then you both went to the door in front of your bedroom. As he returned to the eating hall, you snuck away for a quick swim.

A small meow was heard from the sideline, Qasab Alsukar. You told him to stay where he was and not to jump in. He walked to your pile of clothing and laid down in them. It was a stunning starry night. All your worries drifted away as you floated on your back, your twisted hair fanning out around your face.

You thought about the princes and were glad that you had been honest with them. Even if you wouldn’t be getting married to them, you could still be close to them. Having dueled with Jungkook, showed some artistic landscapes to Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok had become your dance partners, and Yoongi was your fellow animal lover.

He had even asked you if he could take one of the cubs home, and you said yes once they were a bit older. Then there was Namjoon.

Why did your heart do that everytime you thought of him? It pounded in your ears, and you closed your eyes to shut out the sound. It didn’t work. He was gorgeous. His smile made you want to smile. The way he treated a pet that was not his. Qasab Alsukar could’ve been a street cat, but he still showed the kitten the same care as a house cat. Kim Namjoon. (Y/N) Kim. That’d be your name if you were to marry him...or his brother. The way Yoongi talked about his friend, it seemed as though he gave that kindness to everyone.

Mayhaps he’d be a good husband...maybe you did lo--

The splash of a rock to your left startled you, and you turned to see who it was. Your relaxed demeanor turning stern.

“What is the meaning of this?” You ordered before you recognized the person standing there was the man you had just been thinking of.

Kim Namjoon bowed low, “Pardon the intrusion, Princess (Y/N). There was a snake approaching you, and it did not seem you noticed. I threw the rock to hit it or at least scare it off.”

Looking around, you saw a serpent unmoving in the waters nearby. It most certainly would’ve killed you if it had gotten any closer.

You turned to him once more, “Thank...you...”

But he was gone.

Ah! Dinner must’ve been over. You put on your clothing after drying off quickly and then began walking towards the meeting place for you, Hoseok, and Jimin to begin practicing. As you got close to the archway, you realized. Kim Namjoon had seen you naked. Your breasts had been above water. How long had he been standing there silent? You made a note to speak to him the next time you saw him as your cheeks began blazing.

Alsukar mewed at your heels, and you picked him up, “Mayhaps I should get guard dogs since you did nothing to warn me, you little rascal.”

He licked your nose and meowed. Too cute. As you went into the dance room, the three of you and a drummer practiced until morning. None of you wanting to take too long of a break. Wanting to do your best to show unity and friendship and just in awe of how well you worked together and not wanting to break the flow of good energy.

You were woken up by a beautiful serving girl. Bahr. She called your name and said that she was relieved to see you. Groggy, you blinked and wondered what she was talking about. The kingdom had been worried about you and the princes since no one knew where you had gone and they had found a dead poisonous snake in the pool where you were known to sneak off to.

“We were just practicing for the festival. Where’s Iset?” You dismissed her worry with a smile.

“Her room.” Bahr replied.

“I apologize for the worry. Please inform everyone that we are fine. I’m sure father will be happy to hear me interacting with the princes.”

She nodded, “Does that mean you’ll be performing at the festival with them?”

You looked at her, “It does. I’ll be dancing with Princes Jimin and Hoseok. A fusion dance for the occasion.”

She couldn’t help but smile, “Does that mean you’ll be finding a husband this time around?”

“Maybe. I think I’ll have to if I want to be next in line.” You looked down.

Bahr had been here for many years but spoke formally, “Forgive me if I am speaking out of turn, but...I want to see you married. If you do not love your husband, then you can learn how to. Then you and your kingdom will be happy.”

She kissed your forehead and left. Breakfast had been left on a platter by your bedside. You must’ve missed it in order to sleep after dancing for so long. Iset showed up while you were eating and scolded you for disappearing. She called you a cat what with the way you went where you want when you wanted to. She went on and on with her heart on her sleeves and then asked you where you had been after all.

“With the princes…” You said. “We’re planning something for the festival and were practicing all night.”

Iset raised a brow, “For the festival or just for you? Which princes? What?”

You explained yourself and promised it was for the festival, “I’d never fool around like that...at least with nobles.” A small grin crossed your face from memories.

She sighed, “Well, I’m glad you’re opening your heart. Do you have a favorite? One you could at least learn to love once you get wed?”

Namjoon’s stern and focused face appeared in your mind once more. Ugh why him? You shook your head, ans Iset gasped.

“Who?”

“It’s nobody!” You bit into a slice of bread.

She huffed and crossed her arms.

“Fine, Namjoon! I...he’s kind and he’s the one I’m most interested to learn about. I’m lured to him. When I think about him, my heart races and I think about him when he’s not around. I don’t understand. I’m not interested in anyone but him.” The honest words tumbled out faster than you could hold them back. Your began hitting your head. “What’s wrong with me? Why does he plague my thoughts so?”

Iset couldn’t help but giggle as she held your hands, “My dear, you’re in love with him.”

“I...I could never!”

She grinned, “Whatever you say, (Y/N), but I felt this way when I saw my husband for the first time and for days after. Love at first sight is a rare thing, do not throw it away for your stubborn pride.”

“Anyways, are you doing anything during the festival? You’ll be leaving soon afterwards as well, won’t you?”

Your fellow princess and best friend gave a nod, “I am. We’re planning on having our first child and being more serious about ruling our people as a couple and securing the throne. All that joy.”

You looked out and saw Prince Namjoon and Yoongi on their way to the river behind the rest of the boys just talking. Taehyung had a large smile as he walked backwards with a towel in his clutches.

He noticed you and waved, catching the eyes of the others who turned around and did the same until Namjoon bowed. Then they all followed him by bowing as well. You rolled your eyes trying to ignore the glimpse of Namjoon’s smile and the skipped heartbeat it caused. Iset stood next to you as soon as you turned away. She waved as you missed Namjoon’s smile falling once he could no longer see you.

_____

“Namjoon-hyung.” Taehyung called. “Do you have feelings for the princess?”

“No!” Namjoon blushed as Yoongi replied, “Yep. He sure does.”

Jimin piped up, “ I think she might have feelings for you too.”

The prince’s ears perked up, “What? How?”

He disclosed how while he danced with you and Hoseok last night that you asked about him, what kind of prince he was. You had said that you wanted to spend more time with Namjoon but were nervous to approach him.

Hoseok added, “She wanted to know what plant you were talking about when you first met? Apparently you met her before dinner.”

“Ah, yes. In the market. Her father was quite strict and she was walking around without protection. Her cat followed me and...it’s the catnip.” Namjoon cut himself off when he was met with blank stares. “I brought some because I heard there would be a lot of felines here.”

A black cat with a golden ankh necklace rubbed at Yoongi’s ankles, and he picked her up, “At least you were right. I’m glad, too.”

“I’d be a good husband for her. At least, I’d like to think I would be.” Namjoon continued. “She’s cute and I enjoy her personality. I er...saw her in the pool last night...nude.”

The men all stopped and started to ask overlapping questions.

“I’m not telling you anything! I just noticed someone in the water, looked to see if they were ok. It was the princess, and there was a snake coming towards her, so I stoned it before it reached her.”

Jin replied, “Oh, Namjoon-ah! So heroic!” He laughed.

Jungkook smiled along. The boys all talked about how in love Namjoon was with the princess, and he was shy and blushed all through it. The black cat was nearby the whole time. She bathed in the sun and ate a fish Namjoon caught for her.

As a direct son of the King, Namjoon had a lot of land.  A lot of resources but he was not in line for his own throne. That was Seokjin, but the younger royal was in charge of training warriors. Jin was in charge of money. Taehyung was in charge of agriculture. All of them seemed like they were good friends. Marrying just one of them could ensure so much for your people.

All of them knew this, but only one of them could marry you. It was obvious to them who they wanted it to be. Fishermen were nearby, shirtless and wet with strong arms from constantly casting nets and lifting heavy loads of sea creatures for a living. Prince Jimin watched the tallest of them intently, head in his hand.

“I have an idea!” Said Jungkook when everything was quiet, startling the cat and Jimin.

Yoongi smiled at their reactions, “It’s ok, kitten. You should go home now. I’m sure (Y/N) misses you very much.” His eyes gave a silver glow.

The cat meowed, surprised he knew the truth. Namjoon offered to walk her back to the princess, so he dusted off his shorts, threw on his robe, and held the beautiful cat in his arms.

“What’s your idea, Kookie?” the quiet man asked.

“Well, we all know we’re not getting with her,”

“YA!” Exclaimed Jin. “We haven’t even spent much time together. How do you know--”

Jungkook spoke up, “Why do you think that is?”

The oldest stayed silent at that and pouted. So the youngest explained a plan on how to get the two royals together. It would happen the day of the festival. It sounded like a good plan to the other princes. Jin was a bit downtrodden that the princess hadn’t gotten any one on one time with him, but he hadn’t really gotten the chance. He’d try to know her true feelings and from there decide if he’d be a part of Jungkook’s plan.

As Namjoon got closer to the palace, the black cat stayed close to his chest. She was adorable and the Prince thought about asking to keep her as Yoongi had done with the lion cub. Then the cat looked around and began to freak out as RapMon (affectionately called Mon-ie) ran up to his owner. The cat jumped out of his arms and ran as Monie barked and chased her into the Princess’s room!

“Mon-ie, NO!”

A strange flash of light came from the room, and Mon-ie ran out of the room and into his owner’s arms with his tail between his legs. Namjoon then worried for (Y/N) and ran into her room.

“Princess!” He called as he entered.

She looked at him. Princess Iset was there as well. The prince bowed, “Sorry for the intrusion, princesses. I just thought I saw...um. Did a cat come in here? I was trying to return her. Yoongi said she belonged to you, so I came from the beach, I mean river, to--”

“Yes, she ran out the window.” Iset replied, “She’s quite an outdoor cat. Can’t stay in one place for too long.”

She took a slight glance at you, and you blinked and looked around as if you had just returned to your own body, “Namjoon?”

“Yes, princess?”

“Please prepare something for tomorrow’s festival. I want you to show off your talents yourself instead of hearing about them from your friends.”

He blushed, “W-What would you like me to prepare?”

You looked at him, “Do whatever you think will win me over, Princey.”

The man bowed, “Yes, Princess. I do hope you feel better.” He then moved to leave, stopping mid turn. “Oh, right. Catnip.”

“What is it?”

The prince motioned to the plant in the windowsill that had cats swarming around it and soon lying down here and there.

“Cats really like it. The plant that I brought for you.”

“Oh…” You said, looking at the plant then back at him. “Thank you.”

He gave a flash of his dimples as he smiled, “You’re welcome, Princess.”

“I seem to be thanking you a lot.”

“Your presence is all the thanks I need.”

With that, the Korean prince left and closed the door behind him. Namjoon was worried. What could he do to impress the Princess in just over 24 hours? He went to the room that was prepared for his stay. Several cats had fallen asleep on his now relaxed white dog. At least they seemed to have figured each other out.

The prince stood on his balcony and looked out upon the scene before him. Sandy browns and tans that matched his golden skin helped to contrast the green of trees and blue of the ocean. Darker browns of people dressed in whites and gold popped out here and there. Namjoon wanted to write. He grabbed a notebook from his luggage and began writing, his hand struggling to keep up with his mind.

He wrote about Princess (Y/N). Her black twists like snakes around his heart. Snakes he loved, the tail of a cat. The ears as well, perking up to every creature. No. No. It was so messy. So unclear. It matched his mind. He was never good at showing his feelings towards those he was attracted to. Then again, it was a rare occasion. The last time he fell in love with Princess Wheein, and she was married off and sent away without him knowing.

They spoke through letters until she had her first child. That was years ago, but it still stung from time to time. Her sister was currently pursuing Taehyung, but everything had been put on hold for this trip, this chance to marry a foreign Princess. More beautiful than any of the words people had used to describe her.

Namjoon took a deep breath and remembered her in the market. That tattoo on her list. Remembered her at dinner that same night. He wasn’t sure why his heart hurt when he saw her conversing with his friends. Like when she and Taehyung were leaving to go on what he later found out what was a boat ride on the nearby river. It was for his little brother’s artistic inspiration. The deepthinking Prince recalled how his heart soared when, one by one the boys announced that she had only wanted friendship from them.

The word was on the tip of his tongue. The only logical explanation for his feelings. Love. But it couldn’t be. There was Wheein. There were all the girls at home and...he didn’t feel like this towards any of them. Not since he had seen (Y/N).

Before his eyes flashed the woman floating in the pool after she excused herself from dinner. She had seen so upset during the meal, so he was glad that she was smiling with her face towards the stars. His heart did a funny little tingle.

Prince Namjoon began to write once more.

Is this love Is this love Sometimes I know Sometimes I don’t The next line What should I write? So many words are circling me But I don’t like a single one I just feel it Like the moon always rising after the sun Like nails growing, like trees shedding their leaves When winter comes You’re the one To turn my recollections into memories Before I knew you My heart was only in linear motion

Yeah. That was a good start. It was the truth about his feelings. This was what he’d perform for the Princess at tomorrow’s festival.

[noblehope]

Hey! When you get the time/drive, I really want to know what personally draws you to your muse! What is it that inspires you so much? What do you admire in them? What do they mean to you? Just give me a sweet, sweet feelings dump :D

   … ah. No one’s ever really asked me this before, I think??? It actually caught me off guard. I’m still hibernating until my days off again but I really want… to answer this now. Though forgive me cause???? Idk where I’m going with this.

   I… I really don’t know how to answer this, I’m sorry. It’s a very… hm. Idk, I’m actually not that good at describing stuff when it comes to me personally. 

   I’m drawn to… Everything about her. It’s weird how important she’s become to me. I’ve had other favorites, other characters I felt a bond with and adored, but throughout my life Sonia’s just been special. Even new characters in new fandoms I get involved in (karma from c/inderella phenomenon, zeno fro a/katsuki no yona) I really can’t explain it unless you have yourself. She’s been a constant in my every day life and I don’t remember how or why it started.

   She wasn’t one I was drawn to at first. I remember, I did Twog/ami’s and G/undam’s ftes first. Those were my first “I really like them”. I just… I can’t remember, but by the end I really did like her most of all. She was the one who led me to roleplaying on tumblr, not Sakura. I had… roleplayed a little bit with my bf at the time on Skype as her and Peko, but I liked rping Sonia more. Haha, I wonder… how would this all have turned out if I had chosen Peko instead? I plan on rping her at some point so we’ll see how that goes.

   Okay, I looked back on my steam trophies and I see that I completed Sonia’s FTEs on May 6th, 2016. I beat the game on May 12th, and Sonia was the 3rd one I had completed (Gundam first though it would’ve been twogami first if he fucking lived i remember now how i had nyoomed to finish his in island mode, Fuyuhiko second which I remember blazing through during the fun house because of being fucked locked from his ftes and THE 2ND TRIAL UGH I NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON IN HIS HEAD,  and the final event revealing that he survives somehow but yes)

    So yes, of the survivors by that point I can definitely see that she had won my attention since I didn’t complete any others during my run in story mode. But… that brings again, why?

   Okay let me ramble on for a second about my other favs of the franchise: Sakura, and Hoshi. They all seem such different characters but I believed it was around mm… this time last year, that I discovered what they all had in common: some kind of self sacrifice.

   Hoshi sacrificing his future for revenge, Sakura sacrificing her life for her friends, and Sonia sacrificing her desires and wants for her country. That is a big thing why I adore her, I would say it is the second thing, but we still haven’t reached the root of her importance to me beyond just “everything”, and I do mean Everything, even her flaws, though that’s a topic for another time.

     “Do you not agree that dismissing a different set of values due to ignorance is foolish?”

   This. This is the driving force behind my interpretation of Sonia, and always will be. This reflects so much in the game. How she’s the one to ask everyone if tying up Komaeda will solve anything, but if it’s what’s everyone agrees to she won’t object. She’s genuinely the only person in game to stop and think about Komaeda even if he is “troublesome” (excluding Chiaki and Hajime), and I spotted that a mile away even when I hated his guts in story mode. It doesn’t matter to her if someone’s ways of thinking is strange, she wants to understand. She wants to know how they think, and this extends to her interest in true crime and serial killers as they shouldn’t be thought of as “mere murderers”, because their reasonings are far more complex than that. It doesn’t mean she will agree with them, but she doesn’t want to dismiss them as just.. unreasonable, because to them they are being reasonable and just have different values. She wants to know the why.

   As well though this is just my headcanon, Sonia’s been stalked with the intention of being murdered. It’s cathartic to her to learn about things like this. Again, that’s a topic for another time tho since this is getting way too long.

   She’s so… often thought as naive, but that shouldn’t be confused as ignorant. The language barrier doesn’t help. Sonia’s one of the smartest in the cast and I will defend that as truth forever??? She’s so so smart, she’s so talented, like holy shit. 30 languages? All these topics that’s required of her to know because of her being apart of this strange and almost fairytale-like land’s royal family? Like, holy shit.

   But, we learn through the little tidbits she gives us Novoselic is far from perfect. You can read in between the lines (um hello? Weapons everywhere despite it being a peaceful nation? Basically raising children soldiers with them knowing how to drive tanks in grade school? An underground blackmarket for creatures we only know are a nobility status and required for courting, and grow/shrink when angered and scared or whatever I think that’s it tho?), and see how unhappy she is with her country with certain things. (Sonia mentions how consuming a Skong is her country’s ritual for her to be recognized as an adult but she refuses to do it) She wants to change her country for the better. It’s time to move forward and Sonia wants to be the one to start it.

    There’s also so much she’s hiding from everyone. Her final FTE is her breaking down in front of Hajime, collapsing and sobbing in his arms as she cries out how she wants to go home. How he thinks she’s finally letting herself act like a normal girl, and how before he had thought “of course she’s scared”, when he sees her hands shaking and that being her only betrayal. It’s just…. gahhhh… I could talk about her for hours.

   She’s just so… so, so amazing. There’s a fire inside her and just this overwhelming kindness to everyone and she’s so strong. She inspires me. She’s so fun to explore and crack at because I want her to experience everything, and imagining her in alternate universes like siren sonia or serial killer sonia (which um I’ll start up again someday) is so fun, because I always make sure she is still Sonia at her core. I want her to feel, I want her to break, get angry, fall in love, develop both positively and negatively and see how it changes her.    I’ve said it before but always kinda jokingly… idk, the best answer to “what does she mean to you” is… Idk, she’s my daughter. Not my waifu, not my lover, not my whatever. A daughter. I love her. She makes me happy. I have a little nendoroid of her??? And I kiss her little head for good luck when I’m going out and feeling nervous, and it’s my favorite thing in this world, I about cried when I got her as it was random chance. I’m… IDK IM CRYING RIGHT NOW. There’s so much to say about her but I can’t say it properly just how much she means to me and why she inspires me so. She just does, she’s not perfect but she’s so wonderfully important to me, not only for my creativity, but like. She’s my rock.

   It’s… really something, when you learn so much both about the world and yourself through roleplaying and researching a muse. And, just what I’ve been through, it’s all because of her. I don’t think things would’ve been the same if I had chosen someone ese to roleplay first…  I’ve had people compare Sonia to me, and gosh is that a delightful feeling that makes me smile. She’s radiant and makes people feel at ease, and it’s a blessing to know I evoke the same emotions and people feel strongly enough to make a comparison. That I’m doing something right. I don’t think she is me, I’d never use the word kin, its just… idk? Being compared to someone you really care about is an amazing feeling. It makes me want to keep doing what I’m doing.

    But ahh… I’m, rambling so much and Idek if I’M MAKING SENSE? I love her, I really love her, and nothing comes close to what ideas she’s given to me and what peace she brings as well. Like okay, Ik it’s fun to shit on ko/daka a lot but I’m so thankful for him bringing her into existence.     Ughhhh I’m crying and CANT SEE ANYMORE so maybe this is where it should end. Please just know I absolutely adore this character and I am honored that I bring her to life for people through roleplay and invoking emotions (being proud of her, being scared for her, etc, not only just cause Sonia but gosh is it powerful when you know people are moved by your writing) through that, that I can bring others to appreciate her (even Sonia haters to liking her, which is such a feat) and love her too. To make people understand her a bit more and how many layers, some even contradictory, she has.   I really really hope this makes things a bit clearer even if it’s a mess of emotions, and that it’s the sweet sweet feels dump that you wanted.

   there’s so much more i can say but i figure this is enough

[ts-2020-olympics]

RITES OF PASSAGE - PRE JURY

Some music to get in the mood, and let’s see the pre-jury rites of passage

honestly i just wanted to boost my days played and placement average but both of those are now shit

EVE

Connor, Unfortunately you were the first to go, We met briefly in the arena and you seemed like a great personality! Shame that you had to go so early because you were for sure one of the people I really wanted to get to know more through the game!!

KEVIN

the first returnee fallen and so soon :c i was really looking forward to getting to know you because some mutual friends had some good words to say about you but sadly we never got the chance!

SARAH

We didn't get a chance to talk much, but I'd hope we run into each other in a game in the future!

TOMMY

OMG I can't believe you went first after promising me you wouldn't go first. Dhjejdndjdhhdhdhdbdh You were someone I was hoping to play with after you hosted for me in HvV. It would have been great to actually play this season with you, hope you're doing good bud ❤️❤️❤️

EVE

Kathy, We never spoke but from what ive heard from others outside this game they where super upset when you got booted so early because you’re an icon!! Hopefully we can play together in another game some day!!

KEVIN

we never spoke but i loved your intro video, wish you lasted longer so we could’ve talked!

SARAH

You were on a badass tribe, I think we also missed each other in the hustle and bustle of the early rounds, but I'd definitely reach out if I see you around some future Tumblr games.

TOMMY

We never spoke but you had an interesting intro video!

EVE

Bailey, We never spoke and from as much as I can see you where inactive so :/

KEVIN

I didn’t get to speak to you either sadly :c

SARAH

Love, you left too soon. I wish you were by my side longer, I know you would've gotten far in the game, you are a competitive QUEEN in nature. Sister from another tribe, we shall meet again!

TOMMY

We never spoke either, but hope you had fun this season!

EVE

Will! The First OG Yujo to go!! You going so early was so heartbreaking because I felt like all 5 of the original Yujo tribe was very close, you just kinda went inactive :/

KEVIN

We never spoke either unfortunately :/

SARAH

Will we were on the OG Yujo tribe, I had so much fun doing that early challenge with you, making our chant and just shooting the shit while we prepped for the game. I hope you're doing ok, and I hope you come back for another game, because we made a good team.

TOMMY

We never spoke either, but also hope you had fun this season too!

I’m gonna sayyyy, “YES EVE!! Kill it baby!!!!”

EVE

Nik! Probably one of my faves from OG Yujo, I feel like you were the most robbed after watching your tribal back and wish you would’ve came back from the arena so we could’ve had more talks!! Wish you where here for the music video, They just couldn't handle the power of us together for it could they?

KEVIN

We had some interactions in the tribe chat which were fun, but your opinions could use a little work :P sucks you didn’t get to stay longer so I could change them hehe

SARAH

Also from my OG Yujo tribe. You were a pleasure to talk to, and I think you played the game well. Like many in our tribe you left too early, but you worked really well with everyone on the team. You were a genuine person and you were here to both fight and have fun.

TOMMY

It was so sad seeing someone that wanted to be here leave early! Personally I was shocked because I thought you would have done well due to how active you were in the one world chat. It seemed like you may have done well under different circumstances!

In terms of gameplay, I'm not the happiest. In terms of the drama and entertainment I caused, I couldn't be a prouder man. I came into this game guns blazing, not caring what people thought of me. If people were to gain one thing from me, it's that you go out on your own terms and create a legacy where you can come back. I will be returning, and it won't be pretty. I promise ya that.

EVE

Billy, We never really spoke to my knowledge, you where to me someone who I did want out fairly early tho, because you seemed to be someone who had a lot of say over what people did from an outside perspective. When you went I was a little shocked if im being honest.

KEVIN

oh billy, we never spoke one on one but I heard lots about you! you definitely made a mark on this season in the short time you were here.

SARAH

Billy, you played a damn good game. You played the challenges and went to tribals, and even when the pot was stirred up, you kept it fun. This was a good season and I'm sure I'll see you around some more games. Thank you for the spicy tribal sessions.

TOMMY

Despite leaving in the earlier rounds you were super memorable because of your big personality. Truly made things fun from watching yalls tribals, one of the bigger characters of the season!

EVE

Jacob! As far as i'm concerned we never spoke, but you did do 2 arenas and lasted 6 hours in a pressure cooker! So id like to say congrats to you for that! You did amazing for your time here and you should be proud of that!!

KEVIN

We, too, never got to speak but you fought hard in the arena to come back and its a shame you came up just short but i respect you and your determination!

SARAH

Sand, I'm glad I met you because you were super friendly and just generally nice to talk to outside of game shenanigans. Also I love that your name is sand.

TOMMY

You were a competitor I think you kinda got screwed by being voted out in the triple because I remember how well you did when we were in the arena together and seeing you vs. Nicole and Juls was wild. Good luck in future ORGs!

EVE

My heart, my soul, my everlasting woman…. Juls…. Seeing you go was so heart breaking I really was rooting for you in that pressure cooker, and wonder what the outcome of the game would’ve been like had you beaten Nicole and Jacob. It just seems like you’re always the Bridesmaid, never the bride :(  But one day you will be the bride.

KEVIN

JULSSSS MY LOVE…. MY LOVE… MY HEART!!! You were so incredibly robbed and im so sorry i couldn’t do anything about it, you’re a beautiful person inside and out and i love you so much and we WILL get to actually PLAY a game together i promise you that!!! Imma just need some time after this one you know <3

SARAH

You know everyone thinks you left too soon. The main village chat is NOTHING without you, you were absolutely one of the most social queens on the village chat. I know I'll see you around again, thank you for bringing life into the daily group chats.

TOMMY

You are one of the sweetest if not the sweetest person I've ever met in an ORG, and super friendly and kind. You're in need of a second chance because I guarantee had  you made the merge you would have done extremely well in this game, possibly even have won. I really hope I get the chance to watch you play another season!

EVE

Hi Ben! I dont believe we ever really spoke for the 23 days you where except week 7 when we where in the arena together and you bowed out, which i still think was a bad move because I never like to see anyone just give up. Hope you’re doing well tho hun!

KEVIN

ah Ben, another person i had no interactions with but you had a tough road to drive in this game from an outsiders perspective, you bowed out of the arena and for whatever reasons i hope you’re doing good!

SARAH

Ben we didn't honestly talk too much, so I never got a chance to really know you, but I'm thinking I'll see you around some future games here and there.

TOMMY

We had so many conversations this season even when I was on my OG tribe and I really think your a nice dude. It would be nice to talk with you once the season is over! :)

EVE

Beck…. Babe…. Listen….. I'm so sorry that I had to go against you and kinda throw your name out there, but it came from a place of I know how amazing of a player you where and If you would’ve made it to merge, you probably would’ve ran the game. I think overall for the time you where in the game, you did play a great one

KEVIN

BECK <3 you ugh you’re great an amazing individual…. But i know the dynamic was weird with juls and things got blurry, i wish you both could’ve survived unfortunately the game took a hard left and things went flying all over the place, i would’ve loved to play with you more investedly (if thats a word) but we didnt get the chance, next time <3

SARAH

Beck, I know you got turned on way too early, because you were so nice and you were a damn good team player. You made sure to do your absolute best in challenges and you were ALWAYS there for the team, which maybe went a little too unappreciated in the end.

TOMMY

AN ACTUAL KING! ❤️❤️❤️❤️😻😍😻😍😻😍😻😍😻😍 I MISS YOU SO SOOOO SOOOOOOOO MUCH. I can't believe you left me here after you promised me you would make the merge. I really loved getting to meet and know you as a person and out of everyone who went pre-jury you getting voted out hit the hardest, one of my closest allies and we became really good friends through out the game, hope we can stay in touch and you can show me some more dance moves!

Here's a song to tribute you king ❤️ https://youtu.be/0G3_kG5FFfQ

EVE

Hi Landen! So basically when you went was kind of where I started making all these plans to better myself in the game, finding out that you were making alliances and then telling me about them and then making them and purposefully not adding me into them, hearing from others how much you “Don’t trust me” and I guess in a sense you where right in not trusting me, because along with a few others I made sure everyone was going to vote you in the end of that week. I think you’re a great player though, congrats on being the last Pre Jour!

KEVIN

landen!! We hit it off fairly well, despite the whole me supposed to go home you get out of tribal kinda thing otherwise we bounced off each other well, unfortunately the 3-way tribal round things got hectic and took a turn for the worst, and i guess it was downhill after that, but you play hard and i respect the heck out of that, you DEFINITELY made me nervous in this game (in a good way) :D

SARAH

Landen, I think you are a cool person, although I think you went a little too hard on the dishonesty in the game. I hope you weren't too put off when people turned on you, because you were a very strong challenge competitor and you remained social and talkative with everyone. You were a true disaster prince, and you knew the game well!

TOMMY

You played super hard which I respect. You were bold and I think that made you a huge threat in this game and it would have been interesting to see how we interacted had we ever been on the same tribe and get to know each other. Good luck in your other ORGs!

[grubhivemind]

-- primadonnaTartuffe [PT] began pestering invincibleDetective [ID] at 19:56 --

PT: so hey.

PT: uhh.

PT: its been one whacky afternoon.

ID: Whacky afternoon is how you describe an afternoon of harmless pranks.

ID: At least it is from my experience.

PT: yeah alright so its not the most apt way of describing it.

PT: its been a rollercoster of bullfuckery and the ride dont fucking end but im no longer losing my shit so i can maybe try to wrap my head around the situation.

ID: That's a little better.

PT: i dont know what happened after i left but theres no way she didnt bring you up at all. unless someone stopped her??? but...

PT: im just wondering what was said. i cant remember any of the things i wrote considering i was pretty fucking blazed at the time. all the time.

ID: Should I copy it verbatim?

PT: yeesh...

PT: maybe.

PT: probably.

PT: yeah.

ID: @Jack Crocker "i dont know if what i did actually made any difference with jack or if it just kinda expedited the inevitable lol. it just seems like after finn told him what i did things got that much worse. i just wanted to be there for him and try to distract him from everything going on in his head but why the fuck would he want me around knowing the shit i was pulling and there was nothing he could do about it? i cant stop obsessing over everything i couldve done differently even NOW which is extra fucked up. i should be moving on but i cant. if i had my shit together then maybe just being there wouldve been enough. maybe if i had been tougher... who the fuck knows! i just know i wanted things to be chill for us on top of everything else he was going through. lavela always getting on his ass and the visions... i already gave him some shit to think about that he didnt ask for. i didnt wanna be another bully in his life."

PT: yeesh x2...

ID: It was not a pretty thing to display out in public, no.

PT: its some shit.

PT: im sorry. like yeah i didnt post it up there but you dont need that shit out there anymore than i do??? ugh.

PT: can we... talk about it? in whatever ways that might entail. im pretty much fumbling through this.

ID: I'm not so sure I can help.

PT: im not asking for help!!! i just want to know... what you think?

ID: Hm.

ID: That's a toughie.

ID: But I know I'm not surprised.

ID: We already established that there was nothing functional about us being together when we needed it the most.

ID: Whether or not I helped perpetuate that is just a given.

PT: i mean? yeah she didnt really air out anything new with regards to our whole... thing.

PT: but thats... good? isnt it? like at least theres one person im not bottling shit up about.

PT: which im not saying that to pat myself on the ass like congrats on the progress.

PT: i was peeking at some of the stuff joel said later and even tho im still pissed at him hes at least right about a few things. obviously it aint news to you that im the disassociation queen but i dont know??? i just...

PT: wanna clear the air. but i dont want people to just lie down and take whatever it is ive got to say. you know??? im sick of that. i wanna be real.

ID: It's a reasonable thing to want.

ID: But I barely have my own shit together. Hanging by a thread that it is.

ID: I can try to help you but honestly... I also can't guarantee I can manage that much.

ID: Often times, I wonder how it is I made it this far.

PT: dude once again im not asking for your help??? im asking you to just talk to me and theres no fucking quantity of shit gathered that you need to hold a conversation with me that doesnt spiral into some kinda nonsense of what i expect from you.

PT: im just being me??? and i just want you to be you.

PT: you think i know how im still kicking cuz i dont. but i am. and so are you. it just is??? and its... good. it doesnt have to be more complicated than that.

PT: like the point here is if the things nona repeated made you feel some kinda way i want to know cuz it matters to me. like how i feel matters to you? which i know neither of us know how to fucking deal with that but if we just... talked then maybe we could.

ID: Maybe.

PT: this bitch one word replying ass... maybe... smh.

PT: i just think its a better alternative to hanging out in your own head all the time. that shit is exhausting.

PT: i could help with the load you know? i want to.

ID: I know you do.

ID: But stay tuned as Jack Crocker struggles with feeling like an actual person existing in reality.

ID: I'm just giving you a hard time.

PT: why give hard times when you can give hard dickings? ;(

ID: I mean I could.

ID: Doesn't mean it's advisable.

ID: I don't know.

ID: I suck at this significantly.

ID: That's not another innuendo.

ID: It's just true. And I'm sorry.

PT: baby im sorry that youre struggling.

PT: i get it though. again weve established we both suck. but im glad we can at least talk about that lol.

PT: if you need your space to process everything i get it. i mean it. im not disappointed.

ID: Thanks.

ID: Sorry I can't be more responsive or.

ID: Present even.

PT: i mean i miss you. and i like knowing what you think.

PT: but just telling me that articulating that is a struggle is still... telling me how you feel. right? its still us being honest with each other. thats how i see it anyhow.

ID: Thank you... again.

ID: I'm going to go.

ID: Sorry.

PT: its cool.

PT: ill see you.

-- invincibleDetective [ID] ceased pestering primadonnaTartuffe [PT] at 21:47 --