#im sorry if it pains you seeing him have a good season after years of injury problems

[im-sleepdeprived]

Seasonal • Pt. 2

pairing: peter parker x reader

summary: inspired by the taylor swift song ‘peter’ where you and peter discover just how hard it is to hold on to something from your past, no mater how much you love each other

a/n: things are progressing :)) right now im picturing this series as 5 parts, also i’ve been getting tons of requests and TRUSTTTT that as soon as this series is over I’ll be working on those🫡

warnings: none really, some (lots) angst, some pining, there are some time skips both forward and backwards and I don’t have them marked (sorry !) but theyre pretty easy to spot imo, healthy family relationships :(

masterlist, read part 1 here

You blew out a breath as you set down the last box. “Ok, I think we’re done sweetie,” said your dad from his spot across the room. 

You collapsed on the bed, exhausted from hauling boxes into your new dorm. The place you’ll be living for the next school year. “Your mom’s already in the car, said she couldn’t handle this part.”

You sat up and smiled. “Yeah, I don’t know if I can either.”

Your dad chuckled. “Come here kiddo.” You stood up and walked over, your dad pulling you into a warm embrace. “If you need anything, just let us know, we’ll be here faster than you can blink.”

“I’ll be okay,” you whispered. 

“And…try to make friends honey. It’s a new place, new people. Get out there, okay? Promise me you won’t just lock yourself in here all the time.” 

“I promise,” you pulled away. “I actually have an orientation to get to in about an hour, I’m sure I’ll meet tons of people there.” 

“I love you,” he squeezed your shoulders for emphasis. “I know this was hard for you, breakups-”

“Dad I promise I’m fine.” You didn’t want to talk about this at all, let alone with your father. 

He stared at you for a while before seemingly giving up. Your dad let out a sigh, “Fine. But if you decide this isn’t for you, if you think college completely sucks I’ll come pick you up in a heartbeat.”

You smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, Dad. Tell Mom I love her.”

“Will do kid,” he ruffled your hair. “Now let me get outta here before I start sobbing.��

You laughed and gave him one last hug before waving him off. You fell onto your bed again and let out a sigh. Across the room stood another bed, empty. For now. You hadn’t met your roommate, and you didn’t really want to. You weren’t in the mood for introductions and small talk. You weren’t even sure if you were up for going to that orientation you’d told your dad about, it was recommended, not mandatory.

There was only one person you wanted to talk to, whose voice you craved to hear. The problem was, it was the one person you couldn’t call. 

Columbia definitely wasn’t going how you thought it would.

Your first week flew by, you’d met all of your professors and for the most part, they were all pretty nice. You’d even made some friends; a girl named Marissa and another one named Lola. You’d met them both at the freshman orientation andthey were really sweet. You ended up going after your dad had sent you a little reminder (you wondered if he had known you were lying) and you figured it couldn’t hurt. They were nice enough people and it was good to get to know your peers. Your roommate, Lindsay, had come in on your second day, but apparently, she was dating some dude who owned an apartment right off campus and she spent most of her time there.

Clubs and all different frats and sororities were camping out in little booths all around campus trying to get new members. Seeing the photography club’s booth sent a sharp jab of pain through your heart every time. It was even worse when you realized one of the biggest photography classes was in the building right next to the English building, which is where most of your classes would be taking place. For your whole time there. 

It was one day a couple of weeks into your classes, you were exiting a class where you been debating whether it was better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. Some students were talking privately, but the teacher had overheard them and made it a class discussion, exclaiming that she thought it was 'a trendy enough subject to raise engagement and break the ice’.

Then as you stepped out of the doors to your class, a flyer flew in from beside you and landed right at your feet. When you picked it up you realized it was a flyer for the annual photography competition. It was actually a pretty big thing around here and you’d heard a few students talking about it. 

You didn’t usually believe in signs but these seemed pretty clear. 

Without overthinking it, you pulled out your phone. 

hey

saw something abt photography and thought of you lol. how are you hows school so far ?

You bit your lip in anticipation. You weren’t expecting him to reply right away but…you were nervous he might not have even replied at all.

He was the one who’d said maybe no contact for a while might help, but he’d also said you could call him whenever, and he’d be there for you, no matter what.

i was just thinking about you

The words made your heart skip a beat as you saw them sprawled across your screen. 

school’s great, still trying to get the hang of things but it’s gotten easier

my roommate’s kinda boring, but maybe that’s for the best. he could be a crazy person

You laughed until another message showed up on your screen. 

how’s columbia? is it everything you dreamed it would be?

no of course not. we were supposed to go here together, we were supposed to BE together. i can’t go anywhere without thinking of you and all i want to do is call you and hear your voice and for things to be okay between us again. 

But you couldn’t send that. 

yeah ! it’s great but like you said, lots of adjusting haha

are you happy?

And you weren’t sure what it was exactly, but something about that text made you tear up. Were you happy? The answer should’ve been an automatic yes, you’d gotten into your dream school after stressing all year about it, you had got the classes you wanted, and everything was seemingly fine. Great even. But you couldn’t shake the hollow emptiness you’d been carrying since graduation. 

You’d gotten what you’d wanted, yes. It just wasn’t how you’d imagined it. 

yeah i am :)

glad to hear it ace

look ive got to go i have a class starting. talk to you soon

bye pete

bye

It wasn’t normal. At least, it wasn’t your normal and you hated it. But maybe now, it was.

Your heart raced when you saw the notification. You were so close to tapping it, reading the whole thing but you held back. Columbia’s acceptance emails went out today and you and Peter were supposed to open yours together. 

You were waiting for him on the fire escape bouncing your leg up and down anxiously. Checking your phone for the time again, you decided you’d just call him. 

“Hey Ace,” you heard his voice through the speaker, along with an array of other noises. 

“You’re out. Are you out? It’s okay, we can talk later.” You replied quickly. 

Peter chuckled on the other end. “No, it’s fine. I’m just swinging.”

You frowned. “I thought we agreed, no swinging and talking. You get too distracted Petey.”

“No you agreed Ace, I just politely listened.” You could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Peter,” you said in a warning tone. 

“Sorry, sorry.” He laughed. “I’m on my way.”

“Oh?”

“Duh. I know what today is, I got my notification. I’m almost there.”

“Have you checked?”

“‘Course not Ace,” he chuckled. “Have you?”

“No, no way, of course not.”

“Great, I’ll be there in five.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then,” you pulled the phone away to hang up and you could hear his protesting. Quickly, you yelled into the speaker, “Watch where you’re swinging babe!” And you hit the red button. 

He always said he preferred swinging on call with you, but there’d been too many close calls of him almost swinging into a building or in front of a car for you to be okay with it. 

Sure enough, in almost exactly five minutes Peter landed on your fire escape, feet on the ground, perfectly contact. 

“Good, you're here.” You rushed over and pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek as he swiped his mask off. 

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “Thank you for waiting Ace, I’m sure it must’ve driven you crazy.”

“No, I’m good.” You said too quickly to sound true. 

He laughed. “Okay,” he pulled away and gripped your shoulders. He shook you slightly and grinned. “Let’s do this!”

You sit down on the floor cross-legged and unlock your phone. Peter followed suit as you stared at him. You both pulled up your applications, ready to see the change in your status. 

Accepted or denied. 

A new door to your future, either opened or slammed in your face.

“Ready?” He asked you gently. 

“Yeah, are you?”

He nodded. “Okay on the count of three. One. Two. Three.”

You clicked. You almost didn’t want to read and you were sure if Peter weren’t there you would’ve stalled a little more, but the words were in front of you now. 

Dear Y/N Y/L/N,

Congratulations! It is a pleasure for me to inform you that you have been accepted for admission to Columbia College.The faculty and staff would like to commend you on your past accomplishments, which formed the basis of our admission decision in a highly competitive pool of applicants. We look forward to working with you in your future academic endeavors. Please visit the Welcome to Columbia website at:

You stopped reading. Your mouth hung open and you couldn’t believe it. You kept rereading that first sentence over and over as if it would morph before your eyes and call you out for believing it in the first place. 

You looked up. Peter had a similarly awestruck expression on his face as he met your eyes.

“What does yours say?”

“What does yours say?”

He laughed. “Nuh-uh. I asked first Ace.”

Silently, you hand him your phone, letting him see for himself because you can't even form the words. You got in. 

It didn’t take him long, probably only reading the first few words before he put the phone down and pulled you into a tight hug. 

“I’m so proud of you Ace,” he whispered. “See? I told you you’d get in.”

You squeezed him. “I love you so much Petey, but come on you need to show me yours, s’only fair.”

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled into your hair. 

Your brows furrowed. Why wouldn’t he want to show you? It would only make you happier to read his acceptance letter as well. You pulled away and reached for his phone on the floor. Peter didn’t stop you. 

Dear Peter Parker,

The Committee on Admissions has carefully reviewed your application to Columbia University, and we are sorry to inform you that we cannot offer you a place in—

You couldn’t believe it. You read it over and over and over again. Never once in a million years did you think Peter wouldn’t get in. The boy was a fucking genius and you couldn’t believe they would reject him. 

“Ace it’s not that big of a deal, honestly-”

“What? Of course it is,” you looked up at him, anger coursing through your veins. “They’re fucking idiots. They’re pieces of shit and this,” you held up his phone, “this is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever seen.”

He cracked a small smile. “Actually, that’s my phone. With you on the lock screen mind you.”

You weren’t feeling it. “Peter, they suck.”

“Obviously not if they accepted you.”

“Nuh-uh,” you shook your head quickly. “I don’t wanna go.”

“What?”

“No,” you shook your head some more. “I don’t trust people with such terrible judgment to lead me into my ‘future academic endeavors’. I don’t trust those little shits at all.”

“Ace come on, you don’t mean that.” He gave you a look. 

“No, I totally do. Actually, I might just-”

He cut you off, leaning in and pressing a kiss to your mouth. But just as soon as it’d begun, it was over. Peter leaned back, “That always works whenever you’re too worked up.”

“Peter,” you said, and your voice sounded defeated. 

“Ace listen to me,” he cupped your face and stared straight into your eyes. “You are going to go to that school, and you’re gonna love it. There is absolutely no way I’m running this for you.”

“You’ll ruin it by not being there,” you mumbled.

“No, I won’t. Because you’re going to be too busy blowing everyone's mind and being the absolute best version of yourself that you can be.”

You laughed softly but it held no humor in it. “But we were supposed to go together.”

“But that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying it without me. So what if I didn’t get in? I applied to other schools, greatschools. And if I really feel like it, I can always transfer, it’s easier that way isn’t it?”

“And what about us?” You bit the inside of your cheek anxiously. 

“Nothing’s gonna happen to us Ace,” he smooshed your face making you laugh. “Just because we aren’t going to the same school doesn’t mean we have to break up.”

It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You weren’t aware of just how terrified you’d been for the future of your relationship until he’d said that. You know people had little to no faith in high school relationships but…something was different about you and Peter. You were sure of it. You’d get through this. 

You made your way through the halls. You were in an old building, one of the campus’ firsts, and you were on your way to the newsroom. Today was your first official day and to say you were nervous was an understatement. You knew how serious this was, they were the second-oldest college daily paper in the country, and they didn’t just let anyone onto their team. You were ready to prove yourself and prove that you’d be a great addition to the news staff. 

Also, you needed something that would get you to stop thinking about Peter. You’d talked a few more times after that first week, and it was always you who initiated your chats. They never went past simple hey’s and how are you’s and then one of you (usually Peter) had to run off. It was so strange for you to think that once you two could’ve talked about nothing and everything for hours and now you could barely get past simple greetings. 

You stopped in front of a door, checked the number beside it to make sure you had the right one and took a deep breath before turning the handle. 

You heard all the commotion before you saw it, confirming your suspicions that this was the newsroom. Before you, the room was filled with desks, each one supporting its own computer and keyboard, most of them filled. Some desks were neat and tidy, their chairs empty, looking as if they hadn’t been touched. Others were the complete opposite, you couldn’t see the surface of them, they were covered in stacks and stacks of papers, loose pencil shavings, and various other items. 

There was a whiteboard on the same side of the wall as the door and it was almost completely covered in lists, locations, and time stops for certain activities. There were copies of different editions of the paper framed and hanging on the wall. You smiled, this was perfect. 

Suddenly, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and came face to face with a guy who looked to be a couple of years older than you. He had cropped black hair and stubble covering the entire bottom half of his face.

“First day, right?” He asked you. 

You nodded quickly and offered him your hand. “Y/N Y/L/N.”

He accepted it and nodded. “Yeah, I remember you Y/L/N, your try-out piece was good. Really good.”

Pride bloomed in your chest and you gave him a smile. “Thanks. Where do you want me?” You gestured at the room. 

He narrowed his eyes slightly before giving you the smallest of smiles, a little quirk on the sides of his lips. “Straight to business, I like that. Think we’re gonna get along pretty well Y/L/N, come on.” He started walking you through the room and introducing everyone and their roles. “I’m Brandon, the editor, over there we’ve got our photographers, that girl,” he pointed to a redhead working at her desk, “Alyssa, she’s editor-in-chief. Helps with things I can’t get around to and when there’s an overload of articles, like now.

“It’s not usually this crowded in here, usually the only people always in here are the writers but, you know, start of the school year,” he gestured vaguely, “lots of new editions, things to be sorted.” He stopped in front of one of the desks that looked like it hadn’t been touched. “This is your place. Actually, we already have something for you to work on.”

You sat in your chair and got adjusted. “Great! Anything.”

He smirked. “We need someone to cover the new bathrooms opening near Kent Hall. Good luck,” he tapped your desk before heading off to deal with other things.

You stared for a bit, when you’d said anything that wasn’t really what you meant, but you figured you had to start somewhere. 

“Don’t worry,” a voice spoke from beside you and you turned towards him. “They do that to all the newbies, it’s like a right of passage or something. Write the shitty articles for the first few months, prove your worth, or some bullshit like that.” He rolled his eyes and gave you a small. Holding out his hand he said, “James Blake, nice to meet you.”

You returned his smile and shook his hand, “Y/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you too James.”

He grinned. James was blonde, he had a dazzling smile, and striking green eyes. Honestly, he looked more fit for a magazine cover, not a newsroom. “Well Y/N, I was in your shoes last year. It gets better,” he sent you a wink. 

You laughed, “Actually, I don’t mind. I’m just happy to be here.”

“That’s the kinda attitude that’ll make you editor in a few years if you want it,” he clicked his tongue and leaned back in his chair. 

You tried not to blush, his gaze was intense and you had a feeling he was trying to gauge what kind of reaction you’d have, though you weren’t sure why. “Right now the only thing I’m worried about are those new bathrooms near Kent.”

James laughed. “Fair enough. If you need anything, I’ll be right here. Don’t be shy to ask for help.” He winked at you again and you thanked him before turning on your computer and getting to work. 

Your first day in the newsroom was mostly getting used to everything. The people were cool, you had a great time getting to know them all, and you could definitely see yourself working here for the rest of the year, even longer than you hoped. You’d written down the keynotes for your article and had planned to start working on it later that week after you walked over to Kent Hall and got a look for yourself. It was a lousy topic, sure, but that would stop you from trying your best and proving yourself. 

It was true what they said, your first semester does fly by. Or at least that’s what you’d heard and now you understood. It was December now, almost winter break, and you almost couldn’t believe it. 

Your first article on the Daily Spectator had gone over pretty well. It was small, practically pointless as it was shoved somewhere in the back where almost no one looks, but Brandon liked that you didn’t just half-ass it and he’d started to (gradually) give you better topics to work on. You were hoping that by the end of the year, you might get your hand on one of the campus hot topics. 

You’d gone out a few times, Marissa and Lola from your first week were always inviting you out to different places andyou envied their easygoingness. You’d accepted a few times but you always went home earlier than them, you never seemed to really fit in those places.

Tonight, you were going out with a few of your friends from the newspaper. Over the past couple of months, you quickly became close with some of them, especially Alyssa. Even James, who was an okay guy, if a little cocky, but overall they were all good people.

One of your favorite things about Columbia was its campus and the fact that it was in the city. Walking around now, the snow glittered under all the lights, reminding you of the stars you and Peter used to watch together. You looked up at the empty sky and wondered if he could see any stars where he was now, if they reminded him of you. 

You walked into the restaurant and took off your coat. You were wearing a simple sweater dress with a high neck and a pair of ankle boots. You spotted Alyssa sitting at a table waving you over and you smiled as you walked towards her. 

“Hey everyone,” you took a seat beside Alyssa. Directly across from you, James shot you a grin.

“Hey Y/N, we’re still waiting on Nikki and Gavin,” Alyssa said. Her phone dinged and she checked it before saying, “That was her, they’ll be here in 5.”

Conversations flowed around the table and soon, Nikki and Gavin arrived. Everyone was laughing and having a great time and when the waiter arrived to take your orders, it took you a second to notice.

“Let me guess your order,” James leaned over the table with a small smile as the waitress started going around the table. 

You grinned. “Go ahead.”

“Hmm…” he opened up the menu in front of him and pointed to a listing of words. “Shrimp?”

Laughing, you shook your head. “No.”

“Okay, okay. Are you vegan? Any food allergies I should know about?” He wondered. 

“I’m getting the Fettucini Alfredo, what about you?” The way he gasped you thought you’d asked him to take his pants off right then and there. 

He shook his head, “I can’t believe you ruined the game. I was supposed to guess Y/N.”

You winced. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, have you ever tried their steak?” He gave you one of his infamous smiles, “It’s great.”

“No actually, I haven’t been here before.”

“Really? Alright wait,” he held up a hand and turned his head. You hadn’t even realized the waitress had gotten to you. “I’ll have the ribeye, medium rare. And same for her,” he pointed towards you. 

You stared as the waitress turned toward you. “Any sides?”

“Um, the seasoned fries with a cherry coke please.” You weren’t really sure what to order anymore, James had just completely thrown you off. 

When the waitress finished up and walked away to hand your orders in, James turned toward you again. “You’re gonna love it, you’ll see.”

Jokes were shared around the whole table throughout the whole dinner and you were glad you got to have a night like this before finals week. James kept asking what you thought about the steak and while you didn’t hate it, you didn’t love it either. It wasn’t what you had wanted. But you didn’t want to hurt his feelings so you smiled and told him it was great. 

By the end of the night, you were stuffed and ready to go home. “You sure you don’t wanna join? Nikki said she hooked up with one of the security guards once and she thinks she could get us into the VIP section.” You had just finished paying for your food and Alyssa was currently trying to convince you to head over to some club with them. And you might’ve been tempted if your phone hadn’t just buzzed in your hands. When you looked down you saw that it was a message. From Peter. 

Your heart fluttered in your chest. He texted you. 

“Sorry Lyss, I’m not up for it,” you made a face, “I’m pretty sure I’m about to start my period and I’m feeling a little off.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the complete truth. 

She nodded in understanding. She pulled you in for a hug, “Alright, well if you need anything, let me know. And if you change your mind, the address was sent in the group chat.”

You smiled at her when you pulled away. Alyssa had the sweetest soul of anyone you’d met and you were glad to call her a friend. “I will thank you, and that goes for you too. If you need a ride or anything, let me know and I’ll come pick you up. And turn on your location.”

“Already done,” she grinned. You returned the grin and said your last goodbyes to everyone before making your way to the door, you were itching to step outside and open your phone. But instead, a hand gripped your shoulder. You turned around to see James smirking as he looked at you.

“Leaving so soon?” He asked. 

You nodded, “Not really up for clubbing tonight, but you guys have fun!” You made to pull away but he held you back.

“You sure,” he furrowed his brows, “it’s not that late. If you come, you don’t even have to stay long.”

Smiling, you nodded again. “Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks for asking though.”

“Anytime,” he shot you another grin but…it wasn’t quite right. He still looked handsome as ever, sure, but if you didn’t know any better you’d think he looked a little disappointed. “Well, have a good night Y/N.”

“You too James, bye.” You waved at him and walked out the door without looking back. As soon as you were out the door, your phone was opened and in your messages app, opening you and Peter’s chat. 

hey ace, how’ve you been?

hey pete <3 i’ve been good, just finished dinner with some friends. what about you ?

that’s nice I hope you had a good time.

i’m good thanks. 

actually i wanted to ask what your plans for winter break are

nothing actually, you ?

i’m coming back home and i was wondering if i could see you

Your heart almost stopped. He wanted to see you.

You tried not to get your hopes up, it probably meant nothing. Obviously, you were still friends, or friendly, and maybe he just wanted to catch up. You could only share so much over text. Or maybe….maybe he’s been missing you just as much as you’ve been missing him and he’s realized all this was a big dumb mistake. 

Maybe you were getting your hopes up. 

i’d love that

when do you get here ?

You two stayed texting back and forth your whole walk home. He sent you a picture of his ticket and told you he and May would love to have you over the next day. You couldn’t fight the giddy smile that took over your face. You were ecstatic he reached out to you and you realized your texts together had probably been off because he was nervous. You knew how anxious he could get sometimes, and you hoped you could resolve that when you saw each other. 

You settled in your dorm that night with your heart full and your face lit up. You hadn’t felt this overjoyed in a long time. You wondered what made him bite the bullet and ask, but you could ask him that when you see him. God, you were gonnasee him. This was all you’d been wanting since the summer and now the opportunity just fell into your lap.

You sat on your bed and fell asleep staring out the window with a smile on your face. 

Graduation was right around the corner. The last week of school was a blur. Everyone was throwing parties, teachers were cutting you extra slack, and people who’d never hung out once in the four years they went to school together were all over each other now. It was sweet in a way. As much as you’d all complained and whined about everything, there was a sense of familiarity here, with each other, a community that was coming to an end and it was nice seeing people try to savor it while they could.

Peter had gotten into Duke. You were beyond excited and proud of him and you knew he was excited as well. But you couldn’t help the tiniest part of your brain that selfishly wondered what that meant for you. And honestly, you were scared to ask. 

Peter hadn’t brought up anything about your relationship changing or anything else of the sort, so you thought he’d come to the same conclusion you had; you were going to try to do long distance. 

Sure, it might be hard but honestly, it was better for you than the alternative, which was ending things. You would definitely choose long-distance over that. So you tried not to worry too much, he was probably thinking exactly like you. 

You were sat in a booth at an ice cream parlor with MJ and Ned sitting across from you, and Peter beside you, arm slung over your shoulder. He’d been acting a little weird lately and you hoped this would help cheer him up, it was probably all those end-of-the-year jitters. You were all laughing together, going over all your (least) favorite memories from school.

“Who remembers when Flash brought all those stink sprays to school?” Peter said. 

“Oh my god,” Ned started in his seat. “Some kid tripped over his backpack in fifth period and set them all off! The whole class smelled so bad they made us evacuate!”

Everyone cracked up but Ned wasn’t having it. He shook his head quickly, brows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you laughing? It’s not funny! I smelled so bad my mom wouldn’t let me in the house, she made me rinse with the hose in our front yard!”

That just made you all laugh even harder. “Oh my god,” you wheezed out. “I can’t breathe.”

MJ reached across the table and grabbed your hand. Looking you dead in the face with a serious expression she said, “Breathe girl.”

The whole table roared with laughter again. “Why did he have all those bottles of stink spray anyway?” wondered MJ.

“Knowing Flash he probably thought it was cologne,” grumbled Peter, making you laugh again.

 Once you’d quieted down Ned leaned back in his spot and sighed. “I’m really gonna miss this.”

You looked around, trying to fully take in this moment. You had no doubt you would all manage to stay in touch but when was the next time you would all be hanging out like this? MJ was headed to Sarah Lawrence, Ned was going to MIT, you (of course) were going to Columbia, and Peter was going to Duke. Five hundred miles away from where you were going to be. 8 hours 27 minutes and 36 seconds.

Sure in the grand scheme of things, you were all still relatively close to each other but…you’d have separate lives. For so long your lives were so intertwined with each other’s and now, you’d have to fight to keep that connection otherwiseyou’d lose it. You reached under the table and grabbed Peter’s free hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. You would fight.

Peter squeezed your hand and you leaned in closer to him. “I’m gonna miss it too,” he said in a soft voice. 

“Not me, I can’t fucking wait to get out of there. You guys keep talking though.” MJ said straight-faced making you giggle. You were thankful for her brutal honesty cause you were pretty sure if the conversation kept going in the other direction, it would end with you crying, and you didn’t want that. 

The group of you finished your ice cream while talking, got even more ice cream, talked some more, and suddenly you could see the sun setting outside.

“Holy fuck,” you muttered, shoveling a spoon of double chocolate chip into your mouth. “I really thought we’ve only been here for five minutes.”

“Well, now we know what you need to work on before college, Y/N. Your time awareness, we’ve been here for hours.” MJ smirked. 

You all laughed except Peter, who squeezed your shoulder and frowned. “She doesn’t need to work on anything, she’sperfect.”

You smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek, “Thank you, Petey.”

He grinned cheekily at you, “Anytime, Ace.”

Mj rolled her eyes and cut you off with a loud groan. “Oh. My. God. We get it, you are disgustingly in love.” But you didn’t miss the small smile gracing her face. 

“You’ll live,” you deadpanned.

She grumbled something you couldn’t make out but before you could ask her what it was, Ned’s phone started ringing. He picked it up and answered.

“Hey mom…already? But…” his voice quieted down. “Ok, ok I’m sorry. Yes, ma’am. Bye.”

He hung up and you were all quiet for a moment before he said, “I changed my mind, I’m so ready for college.”

He dropped his head into his hands, grumbling about something like it’s not funny! while you all laughed. Finally, he stood up. “I actually really do have to go though.”

You all stood up as well, saying your goodbyes. “Yeah I think we should get going too, what do you think?” Peter asked you.

You nodded as you pulled away from your hug with Ned. “I still need to pick up my cap and gown from the dry cleaners.”

Ned nodded, “I got mine earlier today.” You high-fived him and he walked over to Peter and you watched as they did their complicated handshake. They’d claimed otherwise when you’d said exactly that, stating it was just advanced, which you’d said was just geek for complicated. 

You snorted as they did their little finger guns. “Dorks,” you muttered. But you loved it. 

“You can say that again,” MJ agreed, and you knew she loved it too. Staring at her for a few seconds, you launched at her with your arms open and pulled her into a tight hug. She tensed up right away. “I know of your aversion to physical touch, but right now I don’t care,” you murmured, “you’re my best friend and I love you.”

To your surprise, she relaxed into your hold and even hugged you back. “I know I give you a lot of shit,” she whispered back, “but I love you too. All of you. And I’m gonna miss you like crazy.”

“We’re definitely gonna hang out, like all the time, don’t even worry about it.” You reassured her. It was already a pain that Peter would be so far away, you weren’t going to take your closer friends for granted.

She hugged you tighter, “I’m gonna hold you to that Y/L/N.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Jones,” you pulled away and gave her a wicked grin which she returned. Peter approached the two of you, placing a hand on your shoulder he said, “Ned just left.”

“Bye Parker,” she held out a closed fist for him to bump with his, “you’re pretty decent. She bumps you up to Okay.” She nodded towards you which made you blow her a kiss. 

Peter chuckled as he fist-bumped her. “Thanks, MJ, I actually think you’re pretty great.”

She nodded, “Yeah, whatever. Still pretty decent.” She moved past you guys and waved as she exited through the door. 

Peter sighed and leaned his head over to press a kiss to your hairline. “Hey,” you started, “at least you're ‘pretty decent’ Ifeel like it could’ve been worse.”

“That’s actually exactly what I was thinking,” he said as the two of you walked out of the ice cream shop. You laughed and leaned in closer to him. “I’m not ‘pretty decent’ to you am I?”

You looked up at him seriously, “Do you think I’d be here right now if you were?”

Peter laughed and you could see those crinkles around his eyes that you loved so much. You always measured how good your jokes were by how deep they were and right now, they were pretty deep.

He squeezed your shoulder, “Whatcha staring at Ace?”

You shook your head, “Nothing, you’re just really pretty Peter Parker.”

You could see him blush out of the corner of your eye and it made you smirk. He smiled again, deep and beautiful as ever, and the crinkles were back. “I think you’re prettier Ace.”

Shaking your head, you smiled, “Not a chance pretty boy, you’ve got me beat.”

Peter’s face turned beet red at the nickname and you knew you won. “Hey,” he said in a voice that let you know he was trying to change the subject, “you what you said to MJ back there? Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“Well, you told her she’s your best friend.”

“Okay…” you trailed off as you weren’t quite sure what he was trying to get at.

“Well, I thought I was your best friend.” That made you smile, but when you looked up at him again he was doing the opposite and you just wanted to kiss it away. 

“Petey,” you said softly. You would’ve laughed if he hadn’t genuinely looked so dejected. “You are my best friend and so is she. It’s like how Ned is your best friend, but that doesn’t mean I’m not your best friend too. I think a person can have more than one best friend.”

He frowned and it was obvious your answer didn’t appease him. “Ned is not my best friend.”

Your mouth fell open. “What?! Of course, he is Peter, what are you talking about?”

He shook his head, “But he doesn’t outrank you. He’s my friend but you’re more.”

Now it was your turn to frown, “Outrank? This isn’t a competition sweetie. Where’s this coming from?”

He sighed and paused his walking. You leaned in and pressed a palm to the side of his face. “Peter,” you pressed in a gentle voice. 

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to your palm before sighing again. “I’m sorry, that was stupid, it didn’t even make sense. It’s just…everything is changing, y’know? And I’m scared. ”

Your heart twisted. “I know Pete, it is scary. But we still have each other, this doesn’t have to change anything. I’ll always be here for you no matter what, no matter how far away you are. Plus, we still have all summer before we have to worry about that.” You gave him a small smile. Peter stared at you for a moment and the silence made you anxious. His eyes looked sad like he was already saying goodbye. Finally, he leaned in and kissed your forehead.

"Promise me no matter what, you'll remember I'll always be your friend."

Your brows furrowed but you agreed. "Of course, I promise."

He blew out a long breath and pulled you into a hug, “I love you, Ace. Always.”

“I love you too Peter.”

Today was the day.

Today was the day that the past twelve years of your life had led to. All those sleepless nights, insanely late nights, hours upon hours spent hunched over books and worksheets and essays. This is what they were for. 

You had woken up early to get ready, but also because you couldn’t sleep you were too excited. You had already done your hair and makeup and were scrolling on your phone until it was time to get dressed when a message from Peter popped up on your screen. 

morning ace ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

MORNING !!!!!!!

excited huh?

SUPER !!!!!

i love you

cant wait to see you

The plan was for Peter and May to come over and take photos before you all left for the actual ceremony. 

I LOVE YOU MORE XOXO

literally, what are you waiting for come over right now 

way ahead of you

Right after you read the text there was a tap on your window, making you jump in surprise. You rushed over and pushed it open, letting him in. 

“Hey Ace,” he said, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

“That was quick,” you replied. 

He sat on your bed and patted the spot next to him signaling for you to sit as well. Taking up the spot beside him, you grinned at him and leaned in to pinch his cheeks. “What’s wrong Petey? Aren’t you happy you’re graduating?”

He smiled but his eyes didn’t crinkle like they normally do. “Hey,” you pressed with a gentler voice, “sweetie is something wrong? You can tell me.”

He blew out a breath and fell back onto your sheets. “I don’t know how.”

You played on your stomach and propped yourself up on your elbows, “That’s okay, we can figure that out together,” you ran a hand through his hair, admiring the softness of his curls. You always liked it like this, and when he got it cut, he’d started to keep it a little longer than he used to because he knew you liked it. 

He looked up at you and you realized how tired his eyes looked, he must’ve been spending more time on patrol lately. You made a mental note to make sure he spent the rest of the summer sleeping well.

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” He murmured and you felt your face heat up at his words. 

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “wished upon a star maybe?”

He grinned. “Maybe, because there's no way you’re not magical.”

You matched his expression as you leaned down and pecked his lips softly. When you moved to pull away his lips chased yours, refusing to let you go that simply. 

Somehow, you don’t even remember how, you’d moved and suddenly you were straddling his hips and his hands cupped your ass. You moved one of your hands up to his hair, letting your fingers slightly tug at his curls, making him groan into your mouth. 

You could feel his hands gently pulling you down and you obliged, grinding on him as your lips attacked each other. All of a sudden, those same hands on you were being used to flip you over and the next thing you knew, Peter was towering over you, panting, lips plump and red, face flushed, and eyes hazy.

You pulled him back down but there was a knock at your door, making you both jump. Quickly, you held up a finger to Peter’s lips, making sure he didn’t make a sound.

“Y/N honey, are you up?”

“Yes Mom!”

“Alright, well get dressed and come out for some breakfast, we’re gonna need to leave soon.”

“Okay I’ll be right out.” You waited until you heard her footsteps retreating before you moved your finger. “Sorry about that.” You whispered. 

“It’s fine Ace,” he smiled and leaned down to press kisses all over your face and neck. You giggled but then remembered he came over for a reason. 

Pulling him back by the hair, “Wait, Pete, what was it you wanted to tell me?”

He stared at you in shock, as if he couldn’t believe you remembered. “No um, actually, it can wait. Go eat breakfast,” he kissed right beneath your ear, “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

You grabbed him and pulled him in for one more long kiss. “I love you,” you smiled sweetly at him, “and I’m so proud of you.”

He stared at you for a moment before he grabbed both your hands in his, “I love you so much Ace, and I need you to know that please.” His expression was almost pained, as if the thought of you doubting him for even a second caused physical hurt. 

“Of course I know that Pete,” you frowned slightly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” He smiled. Or tried to smile, because once again those crinkles beside his eyes that you loved so much weren’t there, and you had a feeling there was something he wasn’t telling you. But you trusted him, if there wassomething that needed to be said, he would’ve said it.

“Okay,” you leaned in and kissed him, “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Ace,” he said and walked to the window before crawling on the wall. The first time you’d seen him pull out that trick you’d told him he looked like a lizard. 

Finishing getting dressed, you stepped out to have a quick breakfast so you could see Peter faster. Soon, Peter and May were in your apartment and she and your parents were all fawning over the two of you. Peter had given her his camera and she was on picture duty for the day since he would be occupied. 

“Okay enough,” you said, taking off your cap and situating your hair. “It’s graduation you guys, not prom. Enough with the poses.”

“Oh, we all remember that,” Peter rolled his eyes making you smirk. The three of them had driven you guys insane with all the poses, the fussing, your dad’s jokes. And you and Peter had surely antagonized them to no end, rolling your eyes and grumbling. It was almost like being split into teams, sometimes, and you found it disgustingly cute how May got along so well with your parents and you and Peter always had each other’s backs. 

“We should probably get going, we don’t want to be late,” your mom spoke up and you shot her a grateful look. 

Peter looked at you. “You’re riding with me?”

Grinning, you answered, “Duh. I’ve got the playlist completely ready.”

He beamed at you and held out a hand, “Let’s go graduate Ace.” You took his hand and shot a smile over your shoulder towards the rest of your group. “See you!” 

“Be safe!” You heard your Mom yell at the same time May said, “Drive carefully Pete!” But you and Peter were bounding down the stairs, your faces lit up like the 4th of July.

“Do you have the keys?” You asked him once you stepped out the door of the building. He smirked at you, “I thought we get there another way,” he flexed his wrists. 

“Absolutely not, Peter.” You backed away from him, “Possibly the worst time to swing anywhere.”

He laughed and grabbed your hand, pulling you into his hold, “Relax Ace, I was only joking.” He fished out the keys to May’s car from his pocket and waved them in front of you. “I can’t wait to hear your playlist.” He dropped to give you a kiss before leading you to the passenger’s side door and opening it for you. 

“Good,” you smiled as you pulled your seatbelt on and reached for the aux cord. “‘Cause I’ve been working on this for weeks.”

Peter just smiled from beside you and started up the car as you pulled up your playlist. “Okay, I know this probably fits more for after graduation, but I’ve been dying to play it so we’re listening to it now and on the ride home,” you informed him before pressing play on ‘The Spins’ by Mac Miller.

“Whatever you want Ace,” he said as he placed his hand on the head of your seat, turned his head, and turned the wheel as he backed out. Blood rushed to your face as he pulled the car out of its designated parking spot. “But I wanna hear that One Republic song.”

You knew which one he meant. “Already in the playlist and cued up to play next pretty boy.”

He smiled softly and shot you a look from the corner of his eye, “You’re absolutely perfect, y’know that Ace?” Reaching over the center console, he grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers. 

You lifted your enjoined hands and pressed a kiss to his. “I know, and you’re not too bad yourself Peter Parker.”

He squeezed your hand and held it tight for the rest of the ride as you sang your heart out as if he was scared that when he let go, he wouldn’t have the privilege anymore.

When you arrived at the school, Peter rushed out to open your door and the two of walked hand in hand to the auditorium where all the students were to be gathered until they walked out to the football field where the ceremony was being held.

Entering the auditorium, the place was flooding with students and as soon as you saw MJ you were flying out of Peter’s grip and pulling her into another big hug. 

“There’s gonna be a lot of these,” you warned her. 

“You wouldn’t be you if there weren’t,” she remarked but held you just as tight. 

The two of you took a seat over by the chairs while Ned and Peter hung out closer to the doors. As you were talking with MJ you noticed that it looked like they were in a deep, heated conversation and…were you crazy or did Ned keep glancing at you?

“Any idea what they’re up to?” You nudged MJ and jutted your chin in their direction. 

“Probably talking about how their bromance will make it through thick and thin,” she rolled her eyes but when she noticed you still staring confusedly in their direction she placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, “Relax Y/N, really, I’m sure it’s fine.”

You could’ve mentioned how Peter had been acting weird for weeks now, that he always seemed to be in a different placelike something constantly plagued his mind. You were sure if anyone had noticed it would’ve been MJ since there was no one you knew who was quite as observant as her. You could’ve mentioned these things and tried to gauge her opinion on it, but just as you were contemplating whether or not you should, your principal walked in and started guiding you all to the doors. It was time. 

As students began filing out into the hallways, it was hard to keep track of anyone in the wide array of blue caps and gowns. You had a funny thought of how it kind of looked like a tsunami. 

You needed to find Peter and wish him luck one last time, the poor boy had been basically losing his mind for the past few weeks leading up to today and you wanted to make sure he was alright. Standing on your tiptoes looking around while everyone moved ahead, you finally spotted him.

Shoving your way through the bodies you made your way right beside him. “Hey!”

He jumped a little, looking paler than he did before and your heart deflated seeing how affected he was by today. “God, Ace. Scared me.”

“All those super senses and for what? Anyway, listen,” you placed your hand on your shoulder and pushed him so the two of you were to the side of the hallway and the rest of the line moved freely. 

“Peter, are you okay?” You asked in a more serious voice, hoping he would just come out and tell you what had been bothering him.

You had no idea why but his face got even whiter. “What do you mean? I’m fine.” He chuckled nervously. 

You sighed and gave him a big hug. “It’s gonna be fine Pete, pretty soon we’re gonna be high school graduates driving home.” You grinned up at him. 

He tried to reciprocate, he really did, but you could see the strain on his face while he did, which only tugged on your heart more.

“I know Ace,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “come on, we have to take our seats soon, I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

You wanted to make a joke about how you weren’t sure you could even get in trouble anymore, but it felt like the wrong time. As the two of you walked onto the field, you kept looking up at him but he wouldn’t meet your eyes. You couldn’t wait for this to just be over so you could get your Peter back. 

There was a stage set up at the head of the field, with chairs flanking each end and a podium in the middle. The stage faced all the chairs for the graduating students, which is where you would be in a minute, and the bleachers, which werebehind them, were where all the friends and family were sitting. 

Peter walked you to your assigned seat and you pulled him into one last hug, “I’m proud of you Petey.”

He squeezed you so tight you wondered if he knew you’d be seeing each other right after this ceremony. “I’m prouder than you’ll ever know Ace.”

You waved him off with a smile on your face as he made his way through the crowd. You took a deep breath as you sat down, in a few minutes, your principal was up there giving some speech that you zoned out of in favor of finding your friends in the mass of blue all around you. 

You found MJ with no problem and she flipped you off as soon as she caught your eyes, and you gave her heart hands and a cheesy grin in return. Ned wasn’t far from her and you gave a little wave which he returned with a sad half-smile. Weird…but it was Ned so you didn’t take it to heart. 

When you saw Peter he was already gazing at you with an unreadable expression. Hoping to ease him up a little, you sent a storm of air kisses and you watched as he laughed and pretended to catch them all. 

Pretty soon they were calling the names. You clapped for everyone, cheering a little for kids you were closer with, but going all out for your closest friends. 

When MJ was called up you were hollering like a maniac, smashing your hands together as hard as you could. When it was Ned’s turn you whistled as loud as you could and when Peter was called up, you jumped up, lifted your hands over your head, and screamed. 

You watched his knowing smile as he made his way across the stage, he’d heard you, and after he’d trapped his diplomahe caught you staring and mouthed an ‘I love you’. You smiled happily as you blew him more air kisses. 

You didn’t have it in you to be embarrassed at all. Everyone was going the extra mile to cheer on their friends and whileyou might’ve tried to be less obnoxious on any other occasion, it was your graduation and Peter deserved some obnoxious cheering for how much he’d been stressing lately.

When it was your turn the cheering was returned tenfold. Peter, Ned, MJ, and all your other friends were clapping and yelling for you. You spotted your parents sitting with May in the back and you waved to the three of them excitedly. You heard Peter give an extremely loud whistle as you grabbed your diploma and shook hands with your teacher, which made you grin absurdly. By the time you made it back to your seat your face hurt from smiling so much.

You were buzzing with excitement as you waited for it all to be over so you could go and celebrate with everyone. It seemed like a lifetime till you heard the huge “Congratulations!’ on the speakers and everyone was standing up and throwing their caps into the air. 

The atmosphere was amazing, everyone was buzzing with an energy different than you’d ever felt before and you knew right then, you’d always look back fondly at this moment right now. 

MJ was beside you in an instant and you almost burst into tears at the fact that she was the one to hug you this time. “You were taking too long,” she mumbled and you felt a few tears slip out. 

Soon Ned and Peter were on the two of you and you shoved into a big group hug, which had MJ rolling her eyes. “I only wanted her,” she stated, but you knew that wasn’t true. 

You slipped out when you noticed Ned and MJ congratulating each other and took that as your chance to tackle Peter in a huge bear hug. 

“You finally did it!” You laughed, arms hooked around his neck as he lifted you slightly. 

“We did it, Ace,” he said and you almost melted into a puddle right then when you pulled away and noticed he was smiling. The crinkles were back. 

But they didn’t last long. 

The two of you made your way over to where your parents and May were awaiting you and they all pulled you into a fierce hug. Your mom was a mess and you tried to calm her down telling her if she didn’t stop, you’d be crying right beside her. Your dad was a little more composed but you could still see the emotion on his face. “I’m really proud of you kiddo.” He mumbled as he held you tight. 

“Thank you, Dad,” you sniffled a little. You were barely out of that when May was crushing you with her arms, making you laugh. She was always good at that, cheering you up. 

“I can’t believe you just graduated high school!” She said in disbelief. “I know,” you replied equally as confused. 

Laughing, she pulled you in tighter and pulled Peter in as well. When you looked up at him he looked a little green in the face, making worry flood through you completely. What could it possibly be now? You had yourself convinced, and he did too, that it was just nerves about graduation, that the celebration was reminding him of the reality of growing up and your lives truly starting was hitting him a little harder. You thought that once it happened he’d relax a little and give himself a little time to breathe. Apparently not.

You pulled him away once you weren’t out of May’s grasp and she was talking with your parents. “Peter,” you whispered, your voice filled with worry for him, “you have to tell me what’s going on.”

“Yeah,” he croaked, eyes turning slightly red which didn’t help your anxiety at all. You watched as he stared past you andwhen you followed his trail of sight, you saw May staring at the two of you with a solemn expression. 

Oh no.

You knew in your heart what was about to happen, and yet you wished with everything in you that it wouldn’t. 

“Come on,” he mumbled, grabbing your hand and leading you back towards the school. You followed him wordlessly as he opened the door and pulled back into the halls, the same halls you had comforted him just a bit ago, before the two of you had officially graduated you realized. 

“Peter,” you repeated, a little breathless this time because no, there was no way. He couldn’t be doing this right now, not…not after everything. 

“Ace,” he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. 

“Peter,” you repeated but your voice was harder this time, letting him know that you were done with him beating around the bush. If he was going to do this, he could come right out and say it. 

“I leave in 2 days,” he said quickly. It felt like a slap to the face.

“What do you mean?” Your brain couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. 

He continued as if he hadn’t heard your question, avoiding your eyes as he did so. “Well technically I leave tomorrow, but I arrive the day after so…? I’m not really sure what—”

“Peter!”

He sighed and grabbed your hands, looking you in the face. “Ace, I am so sorry, like so, so, sorry. I wanted to tell you sooner I really did, and I tried! But every time it felt like it would just ruin everything and I couldn’t, I couldn’t ruin it, so I waited and—”

“Peter I swear to god if you don’t tell me exactly what the fuck you're talking about I will leave your fucking imprint on one of these lockers.”

You watched him gulp and you felt a strange sort of satisfaction seeing how you scared him. “I’m leaving,” he said in a quieter tone. “I got accepted into one of Duke's scientific summer programs and I leave tomorrow.”

It felt like a fucking punch to the gut.

“What program,” you said in disbelief, your mind reeling with all this information. “You never said anything about a program.” You looked up at him with a hurt expression. 

“Ace, you’ve got to believe me when I tell you I thought I had no fucking shot getting in, I mean,” he squeezed your hands as he spoke, “really. You should see how exclusive these things are. I wasn’t even going to apply but the dude who gave me my tour around campus convinced me, and then I forgot about it until I got the email, and—”

You shook your head quickly, trying to comprehend everything. “Wait but your tour was months ago.” You looked up at him. “When did you find out you got in?”

His eyes widened and your heart fell at the realization that he’d been keeping this from you for so long. When he didn’t answer you pushed “When Peter?”

“Not that long, I promise, probably a few weeks but I just—it’s been driving me crazy how to bring this up. There was no right time, I mean, I didn’t want to do it before graduation—”

“Well how thoughtful of you to wait till right after,” you snapped back. “No, really, didn’t even give me a chance to get out of the cap and gown!” You pulled away from him and scoffed, not wanting to be anywhere near him.

“Come on Ace, please,” he pleaded, and you dropped your head into your hands. You didn’t want to cry, today was supposed to be a happy day, and it had been! Before all this. 

“When do you leave?” You whispered. You were sure he’d mentioned it but you were also sure your head wasn’t working right. 

“Tomorrow. At night,” he spoke in an equally quiet voice, as if the softer the sound waves, the softer the blow they would deliver. That wasn’t true. 

You held back a sob.

“When do you get back?” An equally important question.

“I…I don’t. The program ends as soon as school starts…May’s shipping my things there.”

It felt as if he was physically tearing your heart out of your chest and stomping on it.

One day. All this time you’d been shoving away dealing with the reality of the situation because you wanted to be able to enjoy your summer, because you believed you still had summer left together and now he was taking that from you. It didn’t even feel like he had pulled the rug out from under your feet it felt as if he had shattered the whole ground. 

“Congratulations Peter,” you said sincerely. This was breaking your heart but deny that this was an amazing opportunity. If anyone in the world deserved it, it would be him. 

“Ace wait,” he moved in front of you, grabbing your chin and lifting it so you had to see his sad face. You wished he hadn’t, you didn’t want to watch him cry. “Please don’t be upset, I won't be able to go if you're mad at me.”

“Well I am upset Peter! Not that you got in, I’m so excited for you, but you didn’t tell me, and you leave tomorrow!” Your voice broke and you could stop the tears as they flooded your eyes and streamed down your face. How could this be happening? Everything was perfect and now this?

Peter pulled you into his arms, “Please don’t cry Ace,” he begged, which in turn only made you sob harder. “I’m so sorry, so sorry,” he murmured as he kissed the side of your head.

“But this isn’t forever. I’m going to come back and I’m going to find you,” he pulled away and held you by the shoulders, making sure you were looking at him, “You’re the only person I want Ace, you’re the love of my life. And I don’t want to hold you back from the amazing life you're going to start at Columbia, I can’t have you going to your dream school with one foot out the door,

“We’re going to grow and learn, and I might not be there for all of it, but we’re going to be together eventually because I want you. This is just goodbye for now.”

You closed your eyes and savored his words. You wanted nothing more than to believe every syllable. 

“Promise?”

“Of course Ace.”

And maybe if you hadn’t been such a fool in love, maybe if you hadn’t been so desperate to hang on to anything that promised the two of you would find each other again, you would’ve known promises like that were rarely lived up to.

hey, sorry but i can’t make it back for winter break. weather issues :(

Your heart fell. 

You were so looking forward to this, seeing him again, spending time with him and May, for things to feel like they were, even if it were for a brief moment. 

You took a deep breath and stared at the two presents on your nightstand. No point in them now. You had gotten the message earlier this morning, around when he was supposed to board, but your phone had been dead.

that really sucks pete, im so sorry

maybe next time <3

He didn’t respond, the only indication you had that he’d even seen it was the little read receipt at the bottom of your text, glaring at you mockingly. You remembered sometime last year when he’d confessed you were the only person he turned them on for.

“Wait why me?”

“You can’t seriously be asking that Ace.”

“Well…I am asking.”

“Because I love you, duh.”

He hadn’t turned them off. You wondered what that meant. 

You knew you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up, knew you shouldn’t have gotten so damn excited, but…god, you really thought things were going to change.

But he had still wanted to see you, he’d still asked you to come over, and it wasn’t his fault his flight got delayed. Talking yourself up a little, you put on your shoes and coat. Grabbing your phone and the presents, you left your dorm. You were going back home, you could drop off the presents at May’s, stop by and see your parents, maybe call Peter if he was feeling up to it, let him know you really had wanted to see him and you were sorry you couldn’t.

It was cold outside and you could see your breath fogging up before you as you walked, but not of it even so much as fazed you. Hope was a beautiful thing, it could change lives, and it was so, so important. Hope was going to be what got you through this time without Peter, and it was going to be the thing that brought you back together. 

Because you believed. You believed him back on graduation. You believed that that hadn’t been the end of your story, itcouldn’t have been. You believed when he said he’d come back for you, that you were the only person he wanted, because you felt the same. And…maybe right now he physically couldn’t but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to. You believed andyou hoped. With your whole heart you—

You stopped in your tracks. It felt like your breath was snatched from your lungs and was being held just above your head, so you couldn’t reach it no matter how hard you jumped. You couldn’t believe your eyes. 

Because when you turned the corner, you saw Peter walking down the street beside his Aunt, laughing like he hadn’t justcompletely shattered your heart. 

What?

You scurried backward, still unable to catch your breath but thankfully aware enough to make sure you got out of the way before either of them could spot you. 

Leaning against the wall of the building behind you, you finally let out a breath, watching silently as it floated and then dissipated before you. He was here…

And he didn’t want to see you. 

You tried to rationalize it as you looked around, it was clearly snowing, and it was getting thicker by the hour. So it wasn’t far-fetched that his flight really was canceled, plus he had sent you that message earlier this morning, so it was equally possible that he might’ve boarded after all, or found another flight altogether. 

And maybe through all that commotion, he had forgotten to update you. Highly unlikely since you’d never known Peter to forget anything, especially when it came to you. But…you’d also never known Peter to lie, not without good reason at least, like about being Spider-Man, or that time Ned got him a birthday gift he didn’t really like, but said he loved it anyway, or any other time he’d lied for the sake of either keeping someone safe, either emotionally, physically, or both. 

He didn’t tell you, and it hurt. But something deep inside you trusted him. Maybe it was naive, maybe it was wishful thinking and nothing more but you knew Peter. You’d know him his whole life and never once would you think he purposefully did something to hurt you, hurt your feelings, or anyone’s actually. 

Looking down at the wrapped-up present you held, your heart tugged a little. You’d gotten him a Lego set, it was a Map of the Constellations Lego set and it was customizable, so you’d made sure it had all of the ones he’s taught you about. The ones you’d stayed staring at for hours on that hill, talking about everything. It even came with customizable Lego people, which you’d made look like you and Peter (or as much like you as you could with Lego bits), and a little telescope.

You felt like a total idiot.

You could’ve gone anyway, could’ve walked right up those stairs, could’ve said you were there to visit your parents andPeter wasn’t the only thing waiting for you here. But while you may have been feeling idiotic, you weren’t a completeidiot. You knew when you were unwanted. Even if he had just forgotten, if he really wanted you there, he would’ve remembered. And he didn’t.

You were tired when you got back to your dorm. Dropping off the presents, (Peter’s going under the bed, you didn’t want to see it at all, and May’s going on your desk. You’d take it with you when you went to exchange gifts with your parents). It was empty and you were thankful that Lindsay wasn’t there. She was a sweet girl, very bubbly, and you could definitelysee the two of you being friends if you ever got to spend more time with her, but for tonight, you just wanted to be alone. 

The end of your bed was against a window and you were grateful for it. Ever since things went south with Peter, you ended most nights sitting at the window. You didn’t know what it was, but you always found yourself looking up at the sky. Maybe it was the fact that anytime you needed him, he would be out your window in minutes, if not seconds. It could be that the sky always reminded you of him. But you figured the simplest answer was probably the right one. You missed him.

 It didn’t matter which window, it didn’t matter where you were, sometimes in certain buildings you could barely see the sky. Most times, you couldn’t see any stars at all. Almost every time. But it didn’t matter. Without fail, every night youwould look out the window.

Maybe you’d see him swinging around, maybe you’d catch a glimpse of those stars you both had loved so much. You weren’t really sure what you were waiting to catch. You silently hoped the silence on both ends meant nothing and he still felt the same. You hoped he meant what he’d said to you all those months ago, that he really would come back and find you. Even more, you hoped that what had happened that night was a dumb mistake, or at the very least had a solid excuse to back it up. You knew teenage romances were almost always doomed, but isn’t that why you’d broken things off? So you both could grow, and earn perspective, learn more about yourselves, and when you met again, you’d share everything you’d learned. Every new experience that had ultimately led to the reunion of the two of you. You could handle this for now, the not being together, if it meant you could have him later. That all this waiting and hoping wasn’t for nothing. You had to hope that even though you were leading different lives, in different galaxies, you both clung to the same dreams, otherwise you’d already lost him. 

You supposed that’s what you sought comfort in every night. You’d look up at the sky and know it was the same one that blanketed him, wherever he was. You shared the moon, the stars, and your hearts. 

You were always a dreamer, a hoper. So without fail, every night, you’d turn on your lamp and sit by the window. 

read part 3 here!

‘seasonal' taglist: @keira-kaz2y5 @imafangirlofeverything

[ateriblewriter]

It’s Kind of Funny (q.h)

requested: sort of but not really. they requested one thing and this is what my brain came up with but it doesn’t really go with what was requested but it kind of does at the same time? sorry about that.

warnings: none really

enjoy! let me know what you guys think (please)

y/n always loved the off season because it meant that she could spend more time with her beloved quinn, wether it was in vancouver or michigan. where they were didn’t matter, as long as they were together. it had been like that for years, until this year. this off season she was stuck in vancouver. with it being summer and all, many of her co-workers opted to take vacations, leaving the office short on people. y/n being the nice person she was, decided to take one for the team and work through her summer.

quinn planned on staying with his girlfriend but she knew he missed his family and urged him to go home to michigan to visit with them. to combat the fact that they weren’t going to be together, they set up a schedule with certain dates and times where they would sit down and chat over the phone. sometimes the call would take place over facetime, which often times of you were alone would lead to sexy times

unfortunately for y/n tonight wasn't a phone date night. after having a crummy day at work and desperately missing her quinn, she just really wanted hear his voice and maybe see his face. ideally she would love to curl up into his side as he held her, but she was going to take what she could get. and sure they had been messaging all day long but it wasn't anything compared to hearing his voice

"hey queenie. im a little busy right now what's up?" quinn inquired. he was currently out on the boat with his brothers and a couple of others. it wasn't the ideal place to have a conversation but since it wasn't a regularly scheduled time something must have been up.

even though it had been an unplanned call quinn was always willing and wanting to talking with his girlfriend. she was his everything. it had physically pained him when he had to leave her behind in canada. he wished like hell that he could have brought her along with him to michigan, but he understood how important her job was to her.

"i just need to hear your voice. today wasn’t good and i need you.” her voice was soft and quiet a hard combination to hear over the boat’s motor. but it had sounded a little bit off to him, there was a certain sadness oozing out of it.

"y/n? what's up? are you okay?” he pulled the boat to a stop as best he could. they hadn't started wake boarding yet, so no one was in the water. he could tell she was about to say something when he noticed the phone no longer in his hand.

"no phones quinn!" jack plucked he mobile device from his brother's grasp. there was a rule that bee put in place some time ago that no phones were allowed on the boat. of course they still brought them in case of emergencies, but that was their only purpose. this was friends and family time, everything else could wait.

"come one man, can i have it back? it's y/n" quinn tried to get his property back from his younger brother. "please jack."

"oh it's queenie? pass it here jack!" luke jokingly used the nickname that had been reserved only for quinn to use. the younger boy made grabby hands towards the thing in his older brother’s hands to which jack happily gave him, mischievous smiles dancing around their faces. holding the phone up to his ear, luke started to speak mimicking quinn's voice the best he could.

"queenie, darling, sweetie pie, my cutie patootie. you are the love of my life. i miss you so much. my love for you is endless. i want to marry you and have ten babies, three dogs, a cat and, maybe a fish!" the youngest sibling finished his little speech by making kissing noises into the receiver of the phone, causing everyone on the boat to erupt into laughter. everyone except quinn, who's face was beet red.

"luke come on. please, give it back" quinn began begging luke to stop and give him his phone back.

"but i'm not done talking to y/n. we still have things to discuss." luke giggled holding the device out of quinn's reach, coincidentally over the edge of the boat. “i haven’t told her about the big house yet!”

he had had enough. he was going to get the electronic back. climbing over his brother, quinn reached as far as he could and almost got it before the phone was knocked out of luke's hand. everyone watched in horror as the mobile device sunk to the bottom of the lake.

to say he was mad would be an understatement, quinn hughes was furious. y/n called him sounding like she was having a hard time with life and their summer distance and his stupid little brother had to go and dropped his phone.

"im sorry. i didn't mean for that to happen quinn." luke apologized profusely, but quinn wasn't listening anymore. sitting back down in the driver's seat, he turned the boat around, heading back for home base, so he could call her back on his computer.

y/n felt her phone vibrating in her pocket before she heard the deafening ringtone she programed into her phone letting her know that it was her favorite boy calling her. the caller was confirmed when she unlocked her phone, accepting the call and quinn's face popped up on the screen. once she answered and pleasant greetings were given, quinn listened as y/n ranted about her bad day throwing in an i’m sorry and a i love you every once in a while, and she did the same for him when it was his turn to complain about the people he was with.

“so what happened before?” y/n placed an elbow on the table and her head on her fist. she felt a lot better now that she was talking with her boo.

“it’s kind of funny, but it’s not funny.” quinn launched into the story of what happened after luke said what he did and why he was on a computer and not his phone.

“you really want to marry me? and start a family of ten with a couple of dogs and cats?” y/n joked about what the youngest hughes had said. a smile appearing on her face, that made quinn feel warm inside despite being thousands of miles away.

of course he did, he loved her and even had a ring picked out, he was just waiting for the right moment. the only thing he wasn’t sure about the ten kids. but who knew maybe a big family was in their future.

[bubblesxo]

i dont know if you will see this but i am a big fan of your g!bruce meets the batfam!!!! I literally have tumblr just for this series (and now that I’ve tried it im beginning to love it ngl) . Annyywaayy ive just read the new chapter and it’s so good!?? Like i am really excited for the next chapter!!!

Oh and I haven’t watched gotham ( im planning too ) but i sometimes mix the twins????? Like your explanations are good dont get me wrong but yk when your reading and you need to check which ones which? Yeah … and like i want to fix that idk how .do i just like memorize the twins personalitys??

also in this au is theres 2 jokers??????? I saw you once mention Jerome(?) being revived or something

ps .im that great at English sorry .

oh wow wow wow thank you so so much!! i'm really glad that you're enjoying my story so much! it really means a lot to me. <33 i think your english is good! but if you need/want me to clarify anything i say here, just let me know and i'll try to rephrase it for you!

okay, so in the Gotham tv show (this has spoilers for all 5 seasons, so read on if you're okay with that) the way that they approached writing the joker was actually really up in the air in the beginning. this is because they didn't have the rights to use the name "joker," and so fox (the company that made the show) planned on making a bunch of smaller characters in the show as a kind of easter egg as people who could be the joker or who resemble him in some way.

this changed when cameron monaghan (the actor for both jerome and jeremiah) guest starred in s1e16 "the blind fortune teller." in it, the character of jerome is introduced as a 17/18 year old boy who travels with the circus with his mother, who is a snake dancer. he is meant to be one of the aforementioned joker-like characters in the show and wasn't actually supposed to be included again after that episode, if i am not mistaken.

however, the viewers LOVED his performance and jerome came back in season two as a member of the maniax, a group of arkham inmates who were broken out of the asylum. i won't go too into detail about the actual plot, but in seasons two, three, and four, jerome shows up in at least a few different episodes with very memorable storylines each time.

it isn't until season four of the show that jeremiah is even revealed at all! jeremiah and jerome are identical twin brothers, however, jeremiah has been in hiding for years under the fake name "xander wilde" in an attempt to escape jerome, who wants to get revenge on him for lying to their mother about what he (jerome) did when they were children. basically, jeremiah lied to their mother (lila, who jerome is revealed to have killed in 1x16) that jerome tried to kill him, causing jeremiah to be sent away and be adopted by rich people and get to go to a well-funded private school where he could live out his best life as a child prodigy (which was jeremiah's end goal to this), whereas jerome was left behind in the circus that they lived at (haly's circus, the same one that dick grayson later was raised in before being adopted by bruce). during this time, jerome was horrifically abused by his mother, his uncle, and his mother's many romantic partners. this eventually caused him to crack, which creates the character we see in the show.

here's an easy way to remember the difference in their personalities:

in the standard american deck of cards, there are two jokers: one that is black and white and one that is in color. in this analogy, jeremiah is the black and white joker and jerome is the one in color.

this is jerome:

he's got a *very* boisterous personality. he's outgoing and charismatic and, of course, severely messed up in the head. he *enjoys* the pain he causes people and does it with little to no reservations. he thinks things through less thoroughly than jeremiah but jerome always has a plan and is actually quite smart. i couldn't do him the disservice of calling him the dumb twin, despite some points about jeremiah that i'll get back to later.

anyway, jerome has a grand plan for all of gotham: he believes that, fundamentally, everyone in the world is like him and is also at least a bit crazy inside. he wants everyone to tap into their inner selves and let themselves run free / go crazy. he successfully ensnares huge hoards of gothamites with his persuasive way of speaking and interesting flare to his words. he amasses a large cult following, all of whom are very similar to him in the sense that they all demonstrate similar signs of instability.

here's some more gifs of him.

jerome kind of invented the iconic "HAHAHA" signature joker laugh in the gotham universe, even though he isn't the one who goes on to become "mr. j" (gotham's version of the joker) in the end (that's jeremiah, though i have a lot to say about that).

jerome's always smiling, a genuinely creepy smile that throws people off at first but can be really scary once you know what you're looking at. he single handedly turns gotham into a madhouse on multiple occasions and is the one who basically spread the "crazy" to the general population (for short: genpop).

he's a classic cult leader in the sense that he can mesmerize a whole room with his magnetic presence but also will ruthlessly cut down any of his followers if they so much as upset him (or even if they're just being annoying or could have a greater purpose, like when he stabbed a follower in the gut to take their blood to draw a frowney-face on bruce).

that reminds me, another important thing to know about jerome is that he has an iconic stapled-on face! this is because he died once (in season two, though he came back to life for season three onwards) and one of his followers tried to revive him using some insider medical knowledge from doctor hugo strange (who is just... a whole thing. ew.). he thinks that he failed at doing this and steals jerome's face so that he can wear it on television in an attempt to control jerome's followers (spoiler: this doesn't work).

however, it turns out that jerome *was* revived from this, and he's pretty upset that some dude stole his face! so he uses a staple gun to re-attach it after he gets it back (and kills the guy who did it). his face is later punched off by jim gordon but reattached more properly during his time at arkham afterward (the carnival scene happened in season 3 and jerome came back with a kind-of healed face in season 4).

here's some gifs with jerome's messed up face!

jerome is the colorful joker because he's very much expressive. he lets out every single emotion he feels---unless he's trying to deceive someone, at which point he is a phenomenal liar. (in season 1 when we are first introduced to him, he almost successfully gets away with the murder of his own mother.)

jerome is funny and laughs a lot and is *loud.* he's also absolutely insane and incredibly cruel, as well as impulsive, but he's able to curb his instincts if he feels like he can pull off a big plan.

jerome is a showman by nature. he's a product of the circus and it *shows.* everything he does is like an act, something that is acknowledged by many people in the show.

he's a funky lil dude. totally crazy, but kind of adorable at times.

he's also SEVERELY traumatized from his horrible past and has huge trust issues.

so, yeah. jerome is colors! remember that.

unfortunately, pookie died in season 4 and doesn't seem to have been revived this time </3

now, onto his twin brother jeremiah!

jeremiah is, at least at first, presented to be the complete opposite of jerome. he's calm, collected, and seemingly sane---at least at first. bruce trusts him at first and he even befriends him for a period of time before jeremiah betrays him.

jeremiah is a genius engineer, and, when looking into his past, we can assume that he was a child prodigy. he worked with thomas wayne before he died and designed the wayne plaza building under the aforementioned alias "xander wilde." he also locked himself in an underground maze for ~6 years (i believe?) and never went outside, instead sending his proxy (ecco) out to act in his place during business transactions.

as seen here, jeremiah seems to be the complete opposite of showboat jerome:

when we first meet jeremiah, we are told that he is totally sane, but we can later see that this is not the complete truth.

i'll use jeremiah's project as a metaphor for this. jeremiah was building a set of generators which could make energy harvesting and usage much less expensive and much more bio-friendly (if i remember correctly). bruce promised to fund his project and jeremiah accepts his offer quickly.

after jerome dies in season 4 after kidnapping bruce and jeremiah, he left behind a concoction of chemicals that seemingly make jeremiah go insane. this is a play on joker toxin / joker venom from the greater dc universe.

however, after jeremiah reveals his new self

he says that the spray did not actually change who he actually is, but just gave him an altered appearance. there are a lot of fan theories about this, but the general consensus is that the spray likely lowered his inhibitions, which gave him the kick needed to reveal his true self.

even his complexion resembles the joker he corresponds with: black and white. he is the black and white joker because he isn't as expressive, is way more calculated, and is more cruel and less happy. even his skin is paper white.

here's some gifs of what he looks like after those "slight cosmetic changes" :

that looks a lot more like the joker we know and love today, right? bleach-pale skin, red painted lips, green hair. he's instantly recognizable as the stereotypical joker now.

remember when i mentioned the generators? let's go back to them. the entire time that the generators have been around, they've also been perfectly functional as powerful bombs. their ability to be used as bombs does not undermine the fact that they can also be used as generators, and both of these things were true at the same time *for the entire time they have existed.*

it is in this way that jeremiah's paradoxical nature has always existed. jeremiah is crafty, cunning, and absolutely vicious. he has no care or concern for human life in general and will sacrifice most people in his life if it means that he will get what he wants in the end.

this is shown both before and after the joker toxin in how he lied about jerome when they were children (which caused jerome to be heavily abused) and in how jeremiah willingly killed one of his most devoted and beloved followers, who was being ransomed, just because someone put him on hold and it was personally easier for him to just kill him than sit on hold on the phone for a while. (he also has a vicious streak, though, because he immediately moved the demolition of the bombs up to immediately once he was out of the blast zone because those people inconvenienced him.)

something that's important to realize about jeremiah is that he has an issue with being called crazy. jerome does, too, but he eventually comes to accept the term, almost like he's reclaiming it, but jeremiah is *violently* against it. that's one of the things that set him off in the previously mentioned interaction.

both jeremiah and jerome are obsessed with bruce, though in different ways. jeremiah sees bruce first as his best friend and later as the "brother [he] could never have, that jerome could never be." jerome just sees bruce as a particularly entertaining and interesting kid who he enjoyed tormenting who he would eventually kill.

anyway, despite jeremiah being crazy (or, depending on who you ask, just less inhibited) he is still crazy smart and calculating. he thinks through everything before he does it and his master plans seem like they go on forever with 10000 parts to them and backups and contingencies galore.

the only time that jeremiah ever really seems to break out of this is when he's fighting with bruce. while he still does have a greater point to make or something he's trying to accomplish, he thinks through things less with him and shows his impulsive and rash side a bit more, which is interesting because jerome showed his thoughtful and contemplative side when faced with the obstacle that is bruce thomas wayne. i love parallels and contrasts, especially in these two characters! i just love writing about twins, they're always so interesting.

some important things about their relationship to one another:

even though jerome kidnapped jeremiah and seemingly strapped a bomb to his neck (after breaking into his house and telling him that he would kill him), jerome doesn't seem to actually want jeremiah to die. instead, as we later find out, he wants jeremiah to unleash his true self and carry on his legacy of chaos and cruelty in gotham for him after his death. this is why he left behind the laughing gas for him.

(the fact that jerome thought to do all of that shows that he really was a smart character and that he truly did understand the world around him well. he knew exactly what would happen in the event of his death, i.e. bruce offering to fund jeremiah's work and jeremiah accepting, as is shown when jerome has the joker venom in a present box which claims to be sent from wayne enterprises.)

jeremiah *hates* to be compared to jerome in any way, as he thinks of himself as "the face of true sanity." he actually has an entire notebook full of jerome's ideas, which he says he will outdo and perfect, thus defeating his brother in the end, which i don't know if i agree with, but whatever.

i think that it's because of the reputation that jerome got at the circus. jeremiah wanted people to think of him as better than jerome and as the perfect child, which he succeeded at. to him, jerome is synonymous with crazy, which i've already mentioned that he hates to be called.

okay, just one more part to talk about. the infamous, much anticipated Mr. J!!!

in the series finale, it is revealed that jeremiah, after falling into a vat of acid, is horribly disfigured and pretends to be in a vegetative state for the whole ten years that bruce is on his quest to improve himself before becoming batman. he does this as a way of waiting for bruce to come back to gotham so he can continue to be obsessed with him.

however, though this is jeremiah, it seems that he has actually gone through immense mental trauma sometime during this time (perhaps during his fall into a vat of chemicals), which has caused him to sort of lose his sense of self. he once says that there was "another me" [another him] once, which is, of course, referring to jerome. this implies that jeremiah sees jerome as an extension of himself, almost, and almost makes it seem as if mr. j is a whole different entity of his own.

hopefully this clears everything up a bit for you!! let me know if you have any questions or want to know anything specific about the characters and i will be glad to oblige!

thank you once again for being so kind as to leave this ask!! it really made my day. thank you for enjoying my fic, i hope it continues to live up to expectations. i have a lot of fun things planned (and i am very happy that you decided to look into these characters more, because they are actually extremely important to the plot as we get more into the actual story!). <33

[silly-thinkings]

AGFC pt.5

A/n: Last chapter for now. I'm happy with this kind of conclusion. I've been feeling a bit down lately with my writing. like... insecure about it. I have all these W.I.Ps and Ideas but I don't think I got that oomph that I had when I started this blog ya know. If Im going to continue this series then it'll probably follow Young Justice season 3. Maybe Y/n will make an appearance in season 2 with Kaldure ya know. Anyway! Enjoy, let me know what you think :) Stay hydrated! Drink water plz

Y/n knew Jason was dead. It didn’t matter how fast her father was on his batmobile. She did the math, he won’t get there in time. Y/n sat in an isolated room, no different from the one Clark had put her in all those years ago. Except this time she was in the bat cave. She scratched at her inhibitor collar as she reflected on all the memories that Megan had stolen from her. No wonder Lex was after her, she was talented. Her fighting style was unmatched. With the right pressure points her opponent can lose control of their arm. A simple tap on a nerve and they’re out of the fight. Suddenly the door opened revealing Alfred holding on to a tray of cookies. A dry laugh escaped the girl before she turned her body to face away from the butler. 

“Lady Y/n-”

“Bruce will be mad at you if you’re here. He might disown you Alfie.”

Alfred closed his eyes. It pained him to see her like this. He placed the tray down and took a seat behind her. She felt his presence, but more importantly she felt a slight draft coming into her cell. 

“I’ll speak to Bruce about this. Y/n understand that you are an amazing girl. Capable of so much good in the world.”

Now y/n felt tears swell her eyes “I’m a weapon Alfred. Do you think someone dressed like this saves people? Ha! And what of that Martian girl. She gets a slap on the wrist for messing with our memories.”

Alfred was about to say something but The sound of Tim’s voice echoed in the cave. 

“Bruce said not to talk to her till he got back.”

That finally set her off. Y/n closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was going to save Jason. Then she’ll run away. Forget this family. Forget everyone! 

Y/n quickly stood and Jammed two fingers along Alfred’s shoulders stunning the man. She then applied pressure to other parts of his back and arms successfully subduing him. Alfred fell to the floor as numbness seeped throughout his body. he looked back in shock as Y/n grabbed a cookie that had fallen and fled the cell. But she wasn’t in the clear yet. She needed to get the inhibitor color off. Tim took a stance infront of where the key cards were held.

“You’re not getting pass me Y/n”

Tim didn’t expect her to move so fast. He was able to block and evade some of her moves but as soon as she applied pressure on his calves he fell over. 

“Pressure points works wonders when your facing an opponent bigger than you Timmy.” Y/n successfully knocked the teen out. She reached for the keycard and removed the collor. In an instant her powers returned. 

“Don’t miss y/n please.”

Y/n flew to the door, looking down at the only man who showed up to all her events. Who fed her, to took care of her with all his heart. “I’m sorry Alfred. Goodbye.”

***

Y/n couldn’t believe she actually made it. Her flight was slow but by pushing her feet against the air using her strength she was able to speed as fast as she ever could. It created a popping sound with every step, greatly satisfying her.  Y/n broke into the safe house. Jason layed limp on the floor, y/n heard the sound of ticking. She frantically looked for the bomb. 

“N-no time” Jason gasped for air, he didn’t know who was there to save him but he’s sure glad they’re here.

Y/n seemingly ignored his cry and continued searching. She was good at disarming bombes. Y/n confidently pulled out the bomb and clipped the right wire successfully stopping the threat. The girl laughed, she did it. She saved her brother. Y/n flew to Jason and grabbed under his arms. “Sorry Jay. I don’t know how to carry you properly. But I disarmed the bomb so we’re good.”

Y/n felt Jason’s body relax slightly as she dragged him out the door. It was then that she heard another beeping sound. Then another. Panicked she followed them to the walls of the shed. There were more. Was the bomb a trap? 

Tick

Tok

Tik tik tok tik

“Y/n? What’s wrong.” Jason attempted to sit up but his broken bones sent pain throughout his body.”

“No. This wasn’t suppose to happen I. There’s more bombs. I can’t disarm them all. I… what.”

Y/n felt dizzy as the flush of sounds overwhelmed her again. Seemingly from every angle in the world. Jason crawled towards his younger sister. He accepted his fate but she gave him hope. Here he was thinking he was a failure. The motion happened so quick y/n cradled herself into a ball again pressing her ears together. She felt Jason enveloping her in a hug. “I got ya kid.”

*Boom*

~~~

~~

~

Y/n fluttered her eyes open. Snow fell from the sky. A mixture of white with black soot fell atop her nose.

Thump-thump

She heard the sound of a drum. When she tried to get up she noticed an arm over her.

Thump…. Thump.

No. It wasn’t a drum it was a heartbeat. Y/n frantically got to her knees to look down at her Brother. His mask and costume ripped. She herself felt pain along the side on her body. But no injury could amount to what she was facing.

“No… no no Jason no hang on. I’ll get help. I’ll find dad. I- I can still-“

Thump

Thump

“You- so cool-“ Jason attempted to smile. There was nothing she could do. It pained him to leave her like this. Y/n placed both of her hands on her face. Then to his chest. She can hear every pop and crackle from his broken bones. 

Thump 

…..

“Jay…. Speak to me. Please.” 

Y/n didn’t scream. She was tired of that. Jason probably wouldn’t want that. She hugged her brother as the sobs grew louder. This wasn’t suppose to happen. She was suppose to prove to everyone that she was capable of being a hero. How could she explain this to Bruce? What would Connor think?

“What have you done?”

The dark knights deep voice made y/n freeze. She looked up, she felt tiny when looking at her armored father “He… protected me. I tried to save him I… I tried to-“

“What you did is got him KILLED Y/n!”

Y/n flinched. He never raised his voice like this.

Bruce realized his mistake. He walked towards them but Y/n frantically shuffled back. Just like she did Clark. 

“You think I killed him? Ha…hahaha” 

0 hours till Y/n Wayne Broke.

Y/n pressed her hands over her eyes “where were you! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU.” She looked up to see Bruce walking away with Jason. Not looking back at her at all “You never show up. And when you do YOUR LATE.” 

Bruce turned to see y/n roll frantically on the grounds. Her laughter and pained screams haunted him.

“We’re just your solders. That’s why Dick left.” Y/n felt a different kind of pressure well up in her eyes. She looked to the sky and saw red. 

Bruce watched as y/n shot lasers out of her eyes. He closed his eyes 

“I’m sorry” he whispered. Bruce left with Jason, his priorities shifting.

Y/n heard him but she didn’t care. For a being who hears everything, that comment fell on deaf ears. For the first time she was alone. Was she free? She didn’t know. Y/n closed her eyes. She rose from the ground like a ghost and flew to the only person who’d maybe treat her fine. 

***

Lex finished his nightly skin care routine. Feeling refreshed and ready for the day. What he didn’t expect was to find Y/n floating behind him. He let out a squeal before realizing it was the clone. Her eyes shut. Outfit ripped and burned. Blood dripping from her side as impailed glass seemingly pulsaded from her.

“You said I was a weapon they feared.” She said in a low tone. 

She was broken. Lex smiled, he didn’t think it would work that fast. What must’ve happened to have this girl seek comfort from him of all people. Lex opened his arm. 

“Come child. Together we can show them.” 

Y/n slowly flew into his arms. No tears left to shed. Drifting off to sleep. 

Epilogue 

Bruce returned to the cave with Jason in his arms. His shoulders felt heavy, he’d failed his children like never before. Alfred quickly ran to his side but no words were exchanged. Bruce looked up at the butler, the pain in his eyes was severe. 

The sound of the zeta tube chimed. Connor practically ran through with Tim close behind. 

“I tried to stop him but-“

Both boys saw Jason. Connor noticed the lack of his sister. 

“Where is she? What happened?”

Tim began shaking his head as he fell to the ground. Impossible she’s half Kryptonian. Alfred frowned aswell. 

Connor clenched his fists “BRUCE! Where is my sister.” He too had time to reflect on his stolen memories, and he felt stupid. How didn’t he know she did something to them. 

“I’m sorry… she’s gone.” 

Alfred covered his mouth. Guilt began to sink in. 

“N-no… no.” Connor fell to his knees. 

On that day, Two members of the bat family were declared dead.

[jamcannibal]

analyzing/screaming about 101 chapter 79

fic: 101 reasons to live (and keep living after that)

by @cyrenescreams on ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41426469

So I was in a silly goofy mood one day and decided to just go trhough every paragraph and write soemthing about it. (It was supposed to be like an analysis but I don't think it turned out to be an analysis)

here you ahve the ctrl + c, ctrl + v of my google docs

I'm bored and slightly delirious from pain so it's time to reread the chapter and overanalyze it

(one part of this was written while experiencing atrocious period pain and the rest was written while absolutely getting fucked over by seasonal allergies)

Charlie feels like shit. More like shit than he has in weeks. He sort of hopes it’s the weather but he’s also aware that it probably isn’t.

Is this because you got to feel joy for the first time in years and now you lost it? Is this because you feel like you're bcak to square one. Like you thought you were finally getting ebtter, but then you feel like you have felt the past few years again? 

The weather here (for me) has actually been getting a lot better, so seasonal depression is slowly ending for everyone, so Charlie hoping it was the weather is almost ironic.

Bad is always talking about how healing is non-linear and comes in dips and raises. But Charlie still feels a bit disappointed that his joy didn’t last. He just wants to feel normal.

Because you hear that shit all the time in therapy, but it's something different to hear it than to live through it. Also reminds me of Fundy's mom, her relapse and her getting better again. 

The yearning to be normal. I don't think he ever tlaked about wanting to be normal. I think he always talked about being too tired, or having to pretend/act. But never wishing he was normal. So that's... soemthing. I might actually have to go over Charlie chapters to figure out if I'm just saying bullshit or not.

He isn’t really sure what normal is, maybe some sort of joy or contentment he felt as a kid. But now he isn’t sure he would know joy if it beat him bloody in a parking lot.

AAAahahahrhahsahaha. This!! 

Earlier I wanted to say he wants to be normal because he finally got a taste of it, he was pretty happy for a while and now he needs more. But no, that's not what normal is, he does not know what nromal is but he still wants it!!! That's crazy man (im internally crying). He doesn't know it! He does not know what norml is! He wants soemthign and he does not even know what it is! (It's an analogy for capitalism. /ref - I'm so sorry I've been hyperfixating on spiderverse again) 

Also him using such a brutal analogy is a bit concerning. Like, 'are you okay Charlie? Why would you say that??? Do you *want to* get beaten up? To feel pain instead of emotions?' (Imagine me asking him that while shaking him vigorously by the shoulders)

And looking around the circle of folding chairs and gloomy faces, Charlie probably isn’t the only one feeling like garbage.

yep, I'm still waiting for the it gets better part, anyways, next paragraph

Bad is eyeing them all up too, like he is waiting to see which one of them will break first. With the anxious way Fundy is picking at his fingers it will probably be him.

Break first. The was Charlie says it is brutal. Bad is just there waiting for one of them to speak up, waiting for them to begin because they've been pretty good at this therapy thing lately. And then Charlie comes in and thinks "ah yes, he's waiting for us to BREAK'. No Charlie, he qwants to fix you. He wants to see you be better. He probably cares more than your parents, which is sad.

And again, Charlie analyzing. He analyzes everyone and everything. 

Or maybe Charlie should cut in, it is his self imposed job to do what he can to help others, through laughing at him, or joining in, or some other strange tactic.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it, that’s all I have to say about this one.

Nah, actually. CHARLIE! Charlie, you can chill. You can stop pretending. You can just be you and only you. People who matter will love you either way. You don’t have to always pretend or help. You can be yourself and get helped.

Charlie thinks back to last week, he thinks about how nice it felt to just relax and let himself exist, especially just existing quietly with no expectations.

Charlie wants to jump in puddles again so bad. He wants to be like Peppa pig so bad.

Also autism experience, I know what you are Charlie. I know… 

“Okay!” Foolish is, surprisingly, the one who breaks first. Words bursting out of him like an explosion. “What is up with all of us? Why do we all look so shitty this week?”

How’d Charlie react to his analysis being incorrect? What’d he do when he couldn’t predict the situation??

That aside, Fundy speaking up makes sense in a way. I think he likes protecting people and this is kind of like protection, getting them to talk about shit.

“Language.” Bad says. “Though I’m glad you’ve taken charge of your conversation Foolish. Group really is all bout you all connecting with one another and feeling seen. So I think I’ll take a step back this week and see what you all can do.”

Bad when he can actually do his job instead of trying to get a group of teenagers to at least TRY talking about their feelings: :D

He’s trusting them to do therapy since they’ve been doing so well <3.

“No activity then?” Quackity asks with a foolish, no pun intended, hope in his voice.

Is there really no pun intended, author? Are you sure you did not intend that pun?

Quackity wants to ignore therapy so bad, he wants it to not exist, like it’s the worst thing ever. It’s funny he’s more hopeful about them not doing an activity than he is about his love life-

“I didn’t say that.” Bad says, “but maybe we can count this as this week’s activity so you guys can get out earlier.”

He’s really trying to make this work. He wants to do his job so bad.

I bet Bad loves his job.

“Why are you so upset then Foolish.” Fundy challenges.

Sure Fundy, get defensive. Is that the only way you know how to react? Do you feel attacked by Foolish for starting the conversation? Do you feel betrayed that he started it instead of letting abd do it? Don you wish you didn’t have to sit there that bad that you’re gonna lash out onto your friend? Sure, go ahead…

“Are we being honest?” Foolish counters.

I LOVE WHEN THEY DO THERAPY RIGTH. They’re so <3<3333

“Fuck it why not. We already know way too much about one another.” Quackity grumbles.

Quackity is so real for this tbh. But also him being the one to agree to be honest is so new and surprising and he’s healing and I’m so happy for him.

“You know,” Sam starts, “you can really see our growth considering Quackity didn’t add on that we know too much considering we aren’t friends.”

COME ON SAM, DONT RUIN THE MOMENT. /lh

But he is right

“Even he can’t deny it anymore.” Charlie says with a grin. Joining in on the conversation with the others doesn’t feel as hard as conversation sometimes does. It feels easy to talk with them.

AAAAAAAAA, is he not masking around them??? Is he actually being himself? Is he comfortable enough around them to do that? That’s soooo… aaaaa.

“Anyways!” Quackity interrupts loudly.

Is Quackity uncomfortable with having friends? Aw, come on, it’s fine, you can have friends and care about them, it’s not a bad thing.

“I feel selfish for not writing my mom back.” Foolish says bluntly, completely abandoning their usual format. “I know so many kids like me, and even me, myself, wished for this type of shit and suddenly I don’t want it and I feel terrible.”

Alright, we’re jumping straight into it. Like jumping into a freezing river or ripping off a bandaid.

I guess it kind of is like ripping off a bandaid (plaster??, bro iunno which terms are american english and which ones are UK english). Let me think of a poetic metaphor. A bandaid covers an injury, it protects it from infections, but if you leave it on for way too long it can give you blood poisoning. It’s like hiding your problems, it can help for a little while the injury closes up. But you have to talk about them or a small cut will become blood poisoning.

“You aren’t selfish. You aren’t selfish and you don’t owe her or anyone else anything.” Sam says firmly.

Yes! He’s so right!!

(Supportive boyfriend but also, just like a good friend. Your partner being your best friend>>)

“I just want to be happy now.” Foolish sighs. “On a lighter note I’m definitely going to be on varsity next year so that is fun.”

I think all of them just want to be happy. Or healthy. Or normal. Whatever label they put on it they just want to be able to live without the baggage. 

“Weren’t you on varsity this year?” Charlie asks because his understanding of Football ends at touchdowns and field goals.

Same Charlie. But I also know a quarterback is important, who knows why it is, but it’s important.

“I was, but still, it’s nice to know for sure.” Foolish shrugs. “Alright, your turn Fundy.”

Is this revenge for him making you go first? Is Foolish this petty?

“I saw my mom again today and she asked if I wanted to go back to splitting my time. I think I do but I don’t want something bad to happen again.” Fundy said referencing whatever, secret, vague, bad thing lead to his conflict with his mom.

I really hope she asked in a nonforcefull way. In a way rthat Fundy didn’t feel pressured, in a way that made it clear it’s his decision and she will still be his mom and still try her best no matter which decision he makes.

I hope it goes better this time. I hope she won’t relapse again, for both hers and Fundy’s sake.

“Once burned twice shy.” Quackity says. The quieter and more genuine, “I think you should try and let her in again. You’re going to regret not doing it if you don’t.”

I’m just so AAA… Quackity is acting different! He’s being honest, he’d admitting they are hsi friends, he gives helpful advice instead of being snarky.

And I’m so happy, but mildly worried. I really hope this change isn’t a hint on a big issue happening with Quackity at the moment.

“You know about this?” Fundy asks, suspicious.

Fundyyy, it’s Quackity’s job to be distrusful and snarky and passive aggressive. Go back to liking foxes, minecraft and the color orange.

Don’t become like early 101 reasons Quackity, it’s not healthy.

“My mom has always been…” Quackity waves his hand around to indicate at everything. “I don’t know. Far away, not there. I doubt if she hadn’t found me mid death-failure she never would have been able to tell you my middle name.”

Bone chilling honesty. I know Quackity has been honest before, but I feel like this is different, because the other things have always been things that have happened to him around the time he was talking about them.

But he’s like… going for it. Talking about hsi childhood in a way.

“Oh.” Fundy says taking in this new information.

IT IS NEW INFORMATION TO THEM. Because Quackity doesn’t talk about this shit and he should or his blood’s gonna rot. He can take the bandaid off slowly, he doesn’t have to rip it off. He can do it slowly, he cna be careful about it to not cause any damage, any pain. Because I know he’s terrified of taking that bandage off.

Metaphors aside, I think Quackity in this work is definitely the kind of person who REFUSES to rip off a bandaid because it hurts too much.

“See I have problems that aren’t guys.” Quackity grins, stealing Charlie’s job at lighting the mood.

Charlie! It’s not your job to do anything! You don’t have to do that! Of course everyone appreciates it, btu you don’t have to.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE THE COMEDIC RELIEF ALL THE TIME

“Tell us something good Fundy, please.” Sam cuts in.

Is Sam worried? Is Sam hoping that at least something good happened to Fundy??

Charlie thinks they definitely need it, especially if the frantic sound of Bad scribbling notes on his clipboard are any indication.

Bad is so happy to be able to do his job for once, isn’t he? He’s practically beaming while writing his notes, isn’t he????

But Charlie’s right, they need it.

Your therapist writing stuff you say down is not a sign that those things are normal and you are okay and nothing wrong ever happened in your life.

“I’m passing with all As this quarter.” Fundy says. “Which is shocking, considering literally everything.”

WOOOOO, good job Fundy!!

“That is crazy.” Charlie says. “I’m definitely not. I’m also feeling sad and tired and so fucking unmotivated. And it sucks because I was feeling better, I was doing better. I want to do better.”Refer to what I said at the beginning.

He wants to be happy. He got a taste of it and now he’s hungry, even if he didn’t realize it before. He’s hungry for happiness.

“Wanting is the important part, isn’t it?” Fundy says. “My mom really wants to get better and that’s why I trust her.”

Again, refer to what I said earlier.

(The process of healing isn’t linear and it applies for both Charlie and Fundy’s mom.)

“I guess. I’ve never really thought of it like that though. I always needed something more quantifiable.” Charlie shrugs.

Me! Autism, that’s autism. I’m saying it’s autism so it is autism.

“What if They never tell you they want to get better? What if they just do and they never apologize.” Quackity says suddenly.

NOOOOO. That’s so sad. So fucking sad. Schlatt. I just… aght, I hope Quackity can get closure. I hope they get to talk about what happened and even if Quackity won't forgive, he will be better if they have a talk. I trust it

I know it.

“Did Sapnap or Karl do something? Or your mom?” Sam asks, seemingly, worried.

Hah. Imagine not knowing about Schlatt, couldn’t relate.

But what did Charlie think? Did he analyze what Quackity had said, did he connect the dots or did he not dwell on the sentence, letting it slip his mind?

“No. Well yes, they are still being weird and they keep brushing me off when I bring it up.”

Imagine talking about your therapist’s son in therapy, that's gotta be awkward…

Quackity doesn’t say that being brushed off is making him worry but Charlie can see it on his face.

HAHAHHA, Charlie, stop for a minute and analyze yourself, would ya? It’ll help you, it’s called introspection. I learned all about it in my psychology class.

“It’s someone else. I guess it doesn’t matter, I’ve been avoiding them for months and I don’t really plan on stopping.” Quackity says trying to remove their focus. “Anyways my good thing is that I plan on rewatching into the spider-verse tonight, so that is fun.”

Charlie, for the love of god pick up on this. You know Quackity and Schaltt you can, I don't know, arrange for them to talk? But I also don’t want to pressure Chalrie intot his?? But I feel like that’s something he would be willing to do.

SPIDER-VERSE! My favorite franchise! I’m so normal about the animation and characters/character design!

“Oh!” Charlie jumps in. “My good thing is that my dad is on a work trip so that house has been really quiet because my mom is just avoiding me.”“How is it still sad?” Quackity asks.

Exactly as Quackity says, he is very correct here. Couldn’t've said it better.

“I’m not still pressuring you on all of what you said.” Charlie points out.

Hahahaha, he did notice. He deffo noticed, but i don’t think he’s gonna scheme, or is he??

“Point taken. I will shut up.” Quackity says, unwilling to continue to tempt fate.

Take that, bitch! /pos

Imagine ebing scared of being vulnerable, what a loser.

“Quackity, shutting up? That is definitely a first.” Fundy says with a grin.Fundy, stop taking Quackity’s job. Firstly, that’s Quackity’s job, secondly you don’t want to be like Quackity.

“I’m going to fuck your dad.”That’s a bit gay, isn’t it Quackity? DO you have something to share perhaps?

“Good luck finding him.” Fundy says sweetly.HHAHAHAHA, I love jokes like this honestly. Ok, Fundy, you can be snappy, it’s fun.

Something about Fundy’s blunt but happy tone shocks them all into laughing.Friends!!!! They’re experiencing the true meaning of friendship: laughing at each other’s trauma jokes instead of being concerned.

Bad scribbles a bit more frantically, which while fair, seems a bit harsh. They had definitely made these jokes before anyways.Bad’s killing the mood, shaking my head. Shaking my head. And shaking my head one last time. They did make these kinds of jokes before, but this is different, because it’s honest.

“Alright! Last one in our honesty hair braiding friendship circle.” Quackity says. “Sam.”Quackity would love hair braiding circle, he would fucking love it! /lh

No, but like, him being like this is just. Like it was concerning before, but now it’s fully just a facade and it’s kind of funny. but still sad, like why do you put on that facade? Are you still scared of getting hurt? Do you think that once this gorup therapy thing ends you won’t speak to these people again, are you afraid you will lose them when you don’ have anything in common anymore?

“You and Sam are the only ones with hair long enough to braid.” Charlie points out.You can braid any length of hair if you put oyur mind to it, Charlie, you just have to try really hard. 

“It’s a metaphor.” Quackity explains.Ah yes, of course, so smart, so innovative to use a metaphor. Nerd.

“Not a simile?” Fundy tilts his head.NERD! 

“I didn’t use like or as.”I think we both know what I have to say about that… nerd.

(all nerd is slash pos)

“Gay people love English class.” Charlie nods.You would know, wouldn’t you Chalrie?

(I actually don’t like english class, the teacher is a bitch, but my friends who haev a different (very gay) teacher love it)

“As the straightest one here, that’s almost homophobic Charlie.” Foolish jokes.The fact you’re right doesn’t mean you have to say it outloud, some thoughts are ebay to keep to yourself.

“What a low bar.” Fundy grins.He’s so right.

“Sam?” Foolish asks, moving all of their attention to the topic at hand.Ew, people in relationships worrying about their partners, I hate that. /j

Charlie is a little surprised at how worried Foolish sounds. Foolish would be the one Charlie thought would know what is up with Sam.Well, jokes on you Charlie, your deduction skills failed you, Sam doesn’t talk to fucking anyone because he is a loser- (I need to stop claling them losers and nerds)

Sam taps a rhythm on his leg. “Sorry, I was thinking.”Oh no, don’t do that! That’s dangerous! You might hurt yourself. Stimming, stimming, stimming… why are you nervous Sam? (I know why, seeing that I am a god and reading ahead.)

“About?” Charlie prompts.I’m starting to think Charlie should go into psychology, he could make a good therapist.

“Nothing important.” Sam dismisses.No one is gonna believe that. I wonder why he feels the need to say that knowing he will explain it and the others will see that it is indeed important. Why did you feel the need to make it out to be nothing Sam? Why is that?

I genuinely am not sure. He’s not one of my favs so it sucks for him but I have not overnalyzed him enough to deduce this. (Yes I am biased, at least I admit it.)

“We’re being honest.” Quackity points out.Heheh, it would be kind of funny if Sam was the only one not being honest.

Also Quackity being the one to point that out is so ironic and shows his character growth. 

“I’m trying to figure out how to word this without sounding like a total hypocrite.” Sam admits.ME. No, but sometimes you say something that just comes out absolutely wrong and like there are things you don’t want to come out like that and you have to think about it.

“Maybe you’re being a hypocrite, then?” Foolish suggests. “I’d also love to know.”hahah. I feel like that's a terrible thing to say, but given the nature of their relationship it probably is the right thing to say.

Sam looks a bit ashamed at that, and apparently that is all it takes for him to crack. “Well, there been a girl at my father’s place. A woman, I guess. And she cornered me last Thursday to tell me she’s pregnant. So… there’s that.”ME, that happened to me. Well not exactly, but the sentiment is there. AHHAHA.

He’s like “yeah it’s not big deal, just something that happened, not really important, but it has to do”

Sam needs to stop keeping things to himself. He keeps things to himself to protect others while Quacktiy keeps things to himself to protect himself from others.

“Your absent father?” Fundy asks.Ah, he still has not told the group about the split custody, did he? Fun.

“Asked the pot to the kettle” Charlie says, attempting to lighten the mood.YOU DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE COMIC RELIEF! You can be a person, you won’t be any less valuable to your friends if you don’t try to make everything better all the time, you can just take a moment, Charlie, please, know you’re loved for you and not for being a comic relief.

“Yeah so now I’m worried for this kid who I absolutely do not want to know, because I know what’s going to happen and that’s shitty and I won’t do anything to stop it because I’m selfish and I want nothing to do with the kid.” Sam complains.Yeah, I get that. I’m not gonna try to not be too personal, but I have not met my half sibling but I want to, but ti’s really hard. I get Sam’s sentiment tho, like if my situation was even slightly different I would probably share that sentiment.

“You do sound like a hypocrite.” Foolish says, with feeling.I honestly don’t get what about that sounds hypocritical. I think Sam’s being reasonable.

But that’s maybe bcs I’m very biased when it comes to this situation.

“Ugh.” Sam says with equal feeling.Ught, stop being in love or something, I don’t want to catch gay. /j

No, I honestly don’t get why that’s wrong? 

“What if he stays?” Quackity asks.Very important question, but I don’t think Quackity gets it.

Like I would explain it to him probably like: “Imagine your mom started being present, like a real person. Would you believe that it would stay that way? Like no matter how long it stays that way you would still think she’s gonna go back to being her dissociated self any day.”

“What if the sky turns green? It’s not like I’ll be able to see it either way.” Sam shrugs. “I won’t believe it.”Metaphors. Gay people and English smh.

“Now that is a good metaphor for someone colorblind.” Fundy says.He’s a bit quirky. I mean, he’s probably red-green colorblind so technically the sky would go from being the only nice color to being the same boring yellowish gray as everything else.

“Whatever.” Quackity rolls his eyes.Is that ableism towards colorblind people? YOu’re on thin ice, Quackity. /j

“Oh and as for good stuff my week has gone by pretty fast which is nice because I’m fucking tired and want to sleep in so bad.” Sam says.I think that’s a sign of depression… maybe you shouldn’t have a sign of depression as a good thing that happened to you that week, jsut saying.

Bad scribes for another minute before stopping. “I think today was very productive all around.” He says looking up at them.Bad’s noticed too! Of course he did, he’s a therapist smh.

“I think I want to eat my feelings in the form of some absolutely soggy and mediocre diner French fries.” Fundy says.Me too, Fundy, me too. Unfortunately we don’t have diners here and I think American food would actually kill me. 

“Well you guys are free to go and do that. I have some notes to look over.” Bad smiles.NERD

“I’m sure you do.” Quackity huffs, standing up.How the tables have turned. He was a nerd before in the chapter and now he’s a bully.

Sam and Foolish hover behind a bit so Charlie rushes ahead towards Fundy and Quackity to give them some privacy. They all have each other but Charlie thinks maybe they need one another more right now.Charlie <3 I love him so much, my little analyzer. No, he would be a good therapist, he can read people well and that’s a good quality in a therapist.

~~~

 Do I want to do the end part of the chapter or would I rather go to sleep?

I would rather finish this apparently.

Charlie feels drained as he watches the others eat and converse. It’s not like he has done all that much today, just zoned out in class and forced himself to laugh with his friends.Yeah, I mean, it’s definitely not like masking every day and like forcing yourself would drain your energy.

Fun fact autistic people need more sugar to function. Because brain. Like you use more brain so you need more brain food and sugar is brain food, feed your brain kids.

But for some reason after group he is just drained, maybe it’s the honesty, sucking away at his life force and proving that he should just lie more.Maybe it’s the fact you feel like you can’t be yourself around anyone and you put on a facade of being an outgoing cheery lil guy.

And when you lie it’s easier to put on a facade than when you’re being vulnerable. It’s harder to pretend you’re cheery when you have to talk about why you’re not okay.

Or just like depression in general, that makes you tired too.

You can pick.

The weight in his chest is gone though, and it has been gone since he started trying to open up so maybe he shouldn’t stop.Heheh, is that unmasking? Is that getting rid of some of that burden? Getting some of that weight off of your chest?

Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Forgot you say that in english for a second. Oops.

Yeah, imagine getting the weight off of your chest makes the weight in your chest be smaller. Imagine.

“I’m just saying, we’re seniors next year then we go to college so maybe it’s better for me to cut my losses. Besides long distance never works.” Quackity says, in response to Fundy’s encouragement that he should just try communicating for once.Loser, biggest loser to exist.

But no, I get it. It feels pointless to try when you think you know it will end soon no matter if it succeeds or not.

But that doesn’t mean he should give up.

“Hey!” Ponk interrupts frowning. “Long distance can work.”She’s protecting their relationship, it’s like what Quackity said brings up some insecurities, isn’t it?

“Four hours isn’t even that long I’d a distance it’s fine.” Sam says, trying to calm Ponk down.

Boyfriend behavior.

“Technically two, if me and Sam just both go to you.” Foolish adds.No, but their relationship is so healthy and it’s amazing to see.

“Maybe you won’t even be that long distance.” Fundy points out. “I mean, have you even started thinking about college.”Voice of reason, Fundy, is here. Everyone clap.

“Yes.” Quackity says, certainly.

Nerd. 

“I haven’t.” Fundy, shrugs.Loser.

I said it before, but this is surprising to me. Like in retrospect it makes sense, but I fully expected Quackit not to think about that yet and Fundy to have already picked it out.

Like me seeing Quackity vs Fundy I was like, yes, Fundy the naturally smart guy will apply to colleges early and everything. But Quackity is the one who is an actual nerd he is the one who tries ins school and he is fucking smart. He might not be “naturally” smart like Fundy, but he is very smart. The “naturally” smart is something I reflect from my own life. I mean it as: being told you’re really smart and math coming easy to you without studying etc.

“Better to do that sooner rather than later.” Charlie says thinking about his own rush to write essays and find scholarships. His bad grades hadn’t left him with many options but plenty of small schools had at least looked at his applications.Aw. No but that’s a bit sad. I hope he gets a scholarship, american colleges/universities fucking suck, I can’t imagine getting into debt to get education.

But I guess it’s good he’s thinking about it so early.

Thankfully though one far enough away with a good enough reputation had accepted him. Not that his parents were happy about, Charlie doubts they would have been happy with anything short of an Ivy League school.Something something, they deffo want him to either be a doctor or a lawyer.

He should move across the world to a different country for university: less debt, more distance from family.

“Can we not talk about college.” Foolish begs. “I don’t want to think about all the debt I’m getting myself into.”Something something America, punchline. It’s too easy.

Like I am getting my university education basically for free. And not because of scholarships but because my country isn’t stupid.

“You have a perfectly mediocre football scholarship to give yourself concussions at that school.” Ponk grins.Americans and sports smh. (Sorry for hating on the US so much, I feel very sick and can’t physically restrain myself.)

Little bullying your partner never hurt anybody <3.

“We can’t all be nerds Ponk.” Sam says, but his tone makes Quackity pretend to gag.Me too, Quackity, me too. (I fr go “ew gay” every time my friends in relationships act romantic. I don't rlly know any straight couples tbh)

In response Sam kicks Quackity under the table, only to mistake Fundy’s legs for Quackity’s and end up kicking him. “Sorry Fundy.”HAH. That’s what you get for trying to be violent. Sam is very protective of the people he loves, it’s adorable. Unless is at the expense of himself.

“The other day you told me in vivid detail about sorting algorithms.” Ponk says. “Don’t start.”Hahaha, they are ALL nerds. Also that’s so autistic.

“Oh speaking of not starting.” Fundy cuts in. “Testing is coming up!”I’m unironically this person. Our leaving exams are coming up really soon and I keep reminding my school friends bcs of the stress I am under while constantly thinking about it. And I stress them out by mentioning it.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Quackity chants moving a hand to cover Fundy’s mouth.This is pretty close to my friends’ reaction when I bring it up.

“Sucks to suck.” Foolish grins.So wise, I want to be old and wise like Foolish (I’m pretty sure I’m older than Foolish in this fic.)

“You still have to take your AP tests Foolish.” Charlie cuts in.“Shhh. This isn’t about me.”That’s so silly of him. I love ignoring my problems to feel superior to other people in a joking way.

“Hey at least after testing you guys more or less just coast until exams.” Sam says, helpfully.Yeah, actually, talking to people who went throug the leaving exams is so good to elevate anxiety.

Because the teachers always make them out to be so serious and hard to pass and all you hear about is people who failed not people who did good on them.

But people who did them will be like “Yeah, it doesn’t matter, you only need like 4 days to prepare. What do you mean you’re reading the books? Just read what they’re about online.”

“Yeah, I never did anything after testing honestly.” Ponk agrees.No, but it’s great that the people who went through it are there to give advice and like lessen the stress about the testing.

“I don’t do much period.” Charlie points out.

Me neither, but it’s fine, don’t worry Charlie.

“You’re gonna lock in.” Quackity says, pointing an accusing finger at Charlie. “We’re studying for chemistry together.”FRIENDS

Friendship

oh my god, Quacktiy is like a great fucking friend wtf

FRIENDSHIP!!!!

<333

this is so wholesome

Charlie, who usually finds himself feeling like he is staring at an impossible to climb cliff face, when testing starts, suddenly doesn’t feel as worried as he should. Maybe he can actually do this.YAAAY, that’s optimism! He’s getting a bit of that happiness back, he’s able to eat it again in little pieces. A little nibble of joy.

[angeltreasure]

hi hello! ive been here for prayer requests a few times, thank you and bless you for answering them so graciously and kindly.

im here this time more for advice, if thats okay? im conflicted at the moment. i dont go to church anymore after a few bad experiences there, but i pray nightly and talk to Mary every time i have a few minutes spare in a day. i recently was gifted a statue of Her, and the comfort it has brought me is so so lovely. i say my prayers in front of Her every night now, on a little tabletop altar i made, and i speak to Her throughout the day. however, i cant help but feel guilty for not going to church and instead relying on Her divine intervention and grace for myself. i hope that makes sense? i still talk to God in my prayers, but i feel like im letting Him down by not going to church

Hello! Welcome back it’s always good to have you. Sure, you can ask and I’ll do my best to answer. You’re welcome!

First off, I want to say that I am so sorry that you had bad experiences with the church in the past. I know how bad a mass can be, and even how the people around can treat us in the pew despite being there for the same reason. It must be difficult. I am, however, glad you still pray! What a beautiful gift and prays you make. Prayer is what connects us to God. Please know I will keep you in my prayers.

Ok. Now let’s see what our faith officially says for your situation (disclaimer I am not a scholar, a Seminarian, or part of the clergy I am a lay person so this is my best quote I could think of)::

2042 The first precept (“You shall attend Mass on Sundays and on holy days of obligation and rest from servile labor”) requires the faithful to sanctify the day commemorating the Resurrection of the Lord as well as the principal liturgical feasts honoring the mysteries of the Lord, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and the saints; in the first place, by participating in the Eucharistic celebration, in which the Christian community is gathered, and by resting from those works and activities which could impede such a sanctification of these days.

The second precept (“You shall confess your sins at least once a year.”) ensures preparation for the Eucharist by the reception of the sacrament of reconciliation, which continues Baptism’s work of conversion and forgiveness.

The third precept (“You shall receive the sacrament of the Eucharist at least during the Easter season.”) guarantees as a minimum the reception of the Lord’s Body and Blood in connection with the Paschal feasts, the origin and center of the Christian liturgy. —- #2042 pages 548-549. Catechism of the Catholic Church Second Edition.

…..

You are required to come to Mass at a in person at minimum once a year. You know what I would do? I would go to a different Catholic Church you haven’t been in, don’t go back to the one(s) you had the bad experience in. You are not legally required to keep going to that church(es) that hurt you. Even if you need to travel, set a day one day out of the year. Sit in the back pews. You can practice what Mass will be like by watching videos of it on YouTube.

God alone knows your heart. He saw exactly what you went through and sees the pain you have. He isn’t disappointed in you, He loves you more than mom and dad because God is love. He sees how hard this has been for you and He is so patient, rich in mercy and kindness. He knows when you’re ready you’ll go back. For now, keep praying. You know what I would do? I would listen to Relevant Radio. Download their free app you can listen to it anywhere. They have a Mass you can listen to daily and have rich resources of prayers and past shows recorded for you to listen all you want about the faith. I listen to it just about every weekday, and I think it may be a great source of comfort for you in this season. I also recommend this ministry I found during Covid when they banned going to church, Word on Fire. Something else you can do, that helped me bring comfort, is watching The Chosen. Download their free app. It’s not specifically Catholic but it’s amazing I highly recommend it. It’s not a replacement for the Bible but it will help deepen your faith no matter how old you are. Another great resource to have is the USCCB. You don’t have to be American to use the USCCB but it’s interesting.

Take it day by day. Remember to make time for self care and prayer every day. You are loved.

[cookies-are-nice]

Catalyst

Author's note : Omg so sorry I forgot to post the rest, it's exam season and I'm suffering with memorising history</3. Fyi you don't rly need to read from chapter 1 to know the entire story (its too cringe pls I wrote it a year ago) but I suggest reading from chapter 2 or 3 cause those are kinda important to the plot

Content : Takemichi and Sachiko(OC) being siblings, Toman hooligans, some violence if you look close enough

Chapter 4 : Explanations

-ˋˏ ❀。• ˚* ੈ‧₊*❈꧁🥀꧂❈ * ੈ‧₊* • ₊°❀ ˎˊ-

"I didn't know you had a sister!" Chifuyu exclaimed while smacking his best friend in the head for not telling him about his own family.

"She doesn't even look like you," Draken jokingly added, eyeing the timid boy.

"I dyed my hair?" Takemichi tried reason with his friends.

"Not just your hair, she looks way too good to be your sister!" hisses and "ouch"s were exchanged throughout the whole group, cringing at Mikey's blunt insult.

"We're blood-related y'know!" he bit back.

His ridicule was continued by Mitsuya, "So what's next you gonna tell us about your secret twin too?" The future fashion designer rhetorically questioned.

"WHAT NO! i have 2 younger sisters, Rose is 14 years old and the other is 4, her name is Yumi." Takemichi explained in an attempt to clear things up.

"That's it?" Manjiro asked, in case Takemichi's family tree had more branches.

"Yea." He finally managed to cleared everyone's doubts.

"Hold on Takemichi, you said Rose was 14 but she's younger than you?" Mitsuya genuinely asked, confused about Takemichi's family situation.

"uhm yea, she's 3 months younger than me, we have different mothers"

"Ah, just like Emma." Mikey mumbled, bringing his half-sister into their conversation for no reason.

As the group walked further and further into the streets of Tokyo, Takemichi asked, "Wait a minute, where are we?"

The gang looks around to see an unfamiliar surroundings. Somehow, they got distracted and managed to wander off to a random street. Now they were lost and none of them had their phones on them.

"Oh no."

‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊* ‧₊˚*✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩*

"At least we found our way back." Even after receiving a brutal beating, Takemichi still managed to look on the bright side.

"Quit it, stop being so optimistic." His friend, Chifuyu, dismissing his words of comfort. With every step he took, the boy grunted, finally feeling the soreness and pain from all the hits he took—to be fair, he definitely got it worse than Takemichi.

After the group had stupidly decided to split up, the pair had encountered some Moebius goons. The situation escalated quickly and ended with the pair running away. Takemichi called out to the group, relieved he found them before Chifuyu fainted. They turned around to see a beaten up Chifuyu and an injured Takemichi.

"Jeez, what happened?" Mitsuya asked, concerned with the well being of his friends.

"Some guys from Moebius caught us off guard," Chifuyu felt he could no longer stand on his own, so he put his weight on Takemichi, who was already previously supporting him. "There was too many of them, I couldn't hold them off."

"Why didn't you call for us?" Draken asked with annoyance at the two boys.

"We didn't want conflict between Toman and Moebius." Takemichi chimed in.

Mitsuya sighed at their flawed logic. "It won't stop any conflict if they made the first move."

Takemichi opened his mouth to argue but was quickly stopped by Mikey's statement.

"The fight was bound to happen," Mikey said with a hint of anger laced in his confident voice.

"They had already brought the fight to us when Moebius decided to mess with Pah."

The way their leader spoke was unsettling and cold. Suddenly, the mood changed from anger to somber and bitterness.

[insert moebius story] (im too lazy I'm sorry)

"that's also the reason we called you over to discuss some things." Draken added after Mieky explained the whole situation.

"So we're going to fight moebius?" Takemichi asked cluelessly.

Mikey snickers.

"Of course not," their leader's voice switched from a light one to a deadly one in the same sentence. "We're going to pummel them."

The rustling of a bush right behind them went unnoticed by the group, giving Rose the perfect opportunity to escape with the information she needed.

-ˋˏ ❀。• * * ੈ‧₊*❈꧁🥀꧂❈ * ੈ‧₊*. ₊°❀ ˎˊ-

Gonna kms that was so bad😭 but after chapter 6(romance😏) it gets better istg

[bo-nilsson-diaries]

Mom

When I was younger I use to apologize by slipping notes under her bedroom door, writing is often easier than speaking, especially when it comes to the truth. When it’s written, you don’t have to see their expression, whether happy or sad. It’s easy. When I was younger, she’d send me letters in return, right under my door, and it would always make me feel better, having concrete proof that everything would be okay. But it seems I’ve outgrown those letters. The last one scent was around a week before my dad died, he was in the hospital for a checkup, and I asked my mom if I could study abroad. I still thought dad had a few more years in him, and I thought if I started to pull away, when my time eventually came, it would be easier on her. But trying to pull away while my dad was getting sicker and sicker just hurt her more. I can see why now, it must’ve felt isolating, and I’m sorry mom. After my dad died my mom moved back to Canada, she took me with her, I was upset. It felt isolating for me, but if I tried I probably could’ve handled it better, I mean, I’ve handled worse, the constant pain, the teasing, the loneliness, I’ve endured so much. Yet moving somewhere with my mom was something I just couldn’t take. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t visit his grave, or maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t even sneak into his room and hug his pillow for comfort anymore. Maybe it was the fact I couldn’t visit any of the places we use to go to, or never seeing my favourite teacher again. I was 16, I was still a kid, of course I couldn’t take any of it. But my mom couldn’t either, we should’ve gotten help, counselling maybe, to help with the grief. Instead, we turned to other methods, my mom tried to bottle it up, but I still heard her cry at night. I tried to surround myself with as many people as possible, to drown out that isolating feeling, but it just hurt even more knowing those “friends” didn’t even really like me. My mom knew they didn’t like me, she tried to tell me, I knew she was right, but I couldn’t stand how it felt like she tried to rip everything away from me. We fought often. Eventually I pushed her till all she could do was yell, it seems I’m really good at breaking people down like that. I never can learn my lesson. Right now was when my mom needed me most, I should’ve manned up, I was the only one she had left. But the pain was too much for me, even if I deserved it, the bruises hurt so bad, she scared my dog, it wasn’t a healthy relationship. I loved her, and I know she loved me. But I had to get away, If I stayed neither of us would’ve healed. Recently, I talked to her again, and today I slipped a letter under her door, Im doing much better than I was then. I no longer feel isolated, now I want to help her. I’m sorry I left you mom, I’m sorry I was a bad son, a bad kid. I’m sorry I misbehave, and I’m sorry about that vase I broke. I still love you, I always will, and I promise I won’t leave again. Sometimes it’s still hard to look her in the eyes, not only does it remind me of the pain I caused her, but the pain she caused me as well. But I know that as the seasons change, and spring brings forth new beginnings, I think we’ll be alright. - December 9th 2022

[sharleslecler]

germany nt

since some people evidently care soooooo much about my opinion they wanna write essays about it, here's my essay.

1. marco reus.

why he should be called up you ask. i am subjective and fixated on him because i am a bvb fan you say. he's old and injury prone you say. first of all, although it's probably irrelevant, i became a bvb fan because of marco, not the other way around. i appreciate the player above the colours he wears and i would have the same opinion of him whatever club he played for. now marco had probably the best season of his career at 29 years old with 21 goals & 13 assists in 36 games for bvb. he had no serious injuries that kept him away from the game for the first time in at least 3 seasons. that allowed him to perform consistently. i know he's injury prone, we all do. which is why he never plays 90 minutes for the national team. also, i don't appreciate your irony. everyone loves him for a reason. he's a good player and a respectable athlete. going back to the summer, he scored germany's only goal from open play. going back to march he came on in the 89th minute to assist the winning goal. going back to a few weeks ago he scored in two consecutive games for the first time in years? ever? i'm not even quite sure. he's never been consistently fit or in good enough form to do that before. he IS in good form and that shows on the pitch. combined with his overall ability as a player, the fact that he has something to offer to the national team at the moment is enough to get him a call up. and if he does get injured he simply doesn't get called up. i don't see why you're so arsed about this. furthermore, he contributes to the “experience” you believe is necessary. which brings us to

2. youth vs experience

football is a natural process. you get old, you get replaced. especially in a national team and particularly in a national team with germany's talent where there are a ton of young talented players waiting for their opportunity. and i'm not just talking about the bayern trio. if you actually read my original post you would see that i said i don't agree with the way löw treated them. but at the same time i can't say i care. acknowledging it was wrong and not caring about it are two different things. on the contrary, you were the ones who targeted specific players like khedira and draxler. my criticism applies to all the players. but the reality of it is that there should've been a gradual transition from the older generation to the younger players. the problem is there wasn't and in my opinion that's one of the main reasons the performances were so shit. what löw basically did is play the same core players and switch up an attacker here and a defender there. that doesn't really change anything. there was no creativity in last year's games and that goal drought you're talking about, you can't only blame the strikers (most of whom haven't even gotten that much time for the nt and were still adapting into the team). all of the team plays a part and creativity starts in the midfield. now when you go from that to scoring 8 goals in a game i think it speaks volumes about the intentions of the players and the approach of the game. sure, estonia is not france or the netherlands but there was an effort and that's way more important than the goals themselves. there was none of that before. it was like watching a dead team. i was bored with them. the youth IS important. they are the future. but right now they should be the present. it's healthy to replace your old players and i don't see why you're so against it. yes they'll need time to adapt, yes they're not as experienced. but it needs to happen at some point. you can't put it off forever on the basis of that. at some point the young players turn into experienced players. also, wins bring a different mentality. you win once, you win twice, it raises the team's ethics. of course like i mentioned there should be some experienced players in the squad but eventually you let them go and start over.

3. i didn't say neuer shouldn't be called up?? i just said i want to see ter stegen play. you can't keep your world class keeper on the bench forever because your first choice keeper is your experienced captain. and let's face it, he's definitely not on the same level as he used to be. so why not give someone else a chance?

4. i don't “thirst over the pretty young boys”. that sounds like something a man would say to a woman who watches football. when i like a team i want to see good players in there and that's the end of it. keep the sexist comments to yourself.

5. i don't care if boateng was the best defender two years ago. is he now?? does his current form warrant a call up? just because you used to be world class doesn't mean you're entitled to a spot in the squad forever. someone else who can do the job better than you at the moment might be staying out because of you.

[spiderrrling]

Everything I never told you

summary - your best friend eddie tells you something he really wishes he would have told you sooner | 900 words

warnings - so much angst, reader is in the hospital after taking eddies place in season 4

a/n - sad about ruining your hand? channel it into angst, im genuinely so sorry but i think it's some of my best writing in a bit

"Hey there Trouble," his fingers grazed over your cheek, and he swears he can see the slightest twitch in your eye, hope he wishes won't be empty. Falling down in the chair next to you, normally he would be afraid to wake you from your sleep, a fear quickly subsided.

"you know I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to even start talk to you like this," Eddies voice quivered as his hand latched onto yours tighter than before, his burning hot skin against your ice cold, a touch he used to be so familiar with now turned into something grotesque, ugly even.

"you're here, physically I can see you, I can touch you," he squeezed your hand at that comment, "but you, the you that I know isn't here, I can't see that little glint in your eye as you come up with our next prank, I can't hear your laugh as I make the same lame joke for the millionth time, the you that completes me isn't here," his voice shakes again, whatever sliver of control he had mustered up slipped away from the moment he saw you.

"and you know what, I can't help but blame myself for it, it's my fault, I should have stopped you I should have done something, I should have-" his voice breaks, the hand that isn't holding yours covers his mouth in an attempt to conceal the pain slipping through his mask.

He's shoulding himself again, a common occurrence for someone in this state, everything he knew he should have said. The things that slip through the cracks waiting for the perfect moment before re appearing. But there is no such thing as a perfect moment is there?

It's just the lie we tell ourselves when we are too afraid to say what we really want to say.

But if there ever was a perfect moment, Eddie was sure it couldn't be this.

Lidded eyes, pillows of prisine white bandages slowly turning pink, fanned out hair over threadbare hospital sheets.

Nothing can be heard, other than your deep machine made breaths mixing with his panicked shallow ones.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here, another thing I should have done. "But seeing you- seeing you here means it's real, it means nightmares I could not even dare to dream now stand at my doorstep taking the form of you."

His fingers lace with yours, your grip weak and feeble in his. He probably couldn't remember all the times you held hands, but he knew the feeling of your limp hand in his would haunt him for years to come.

"Lots of people have been though, you would laugh if you knew how many bouquets of flowers that line this room, or the amount of stuffed animals," he takes a second to look around the room before continuing "You're so loved, so loved, no one more than me."

"I wasn't sure what to bring you, you'd hate flowers, make a comment about how they'd wilt before you even got a chance to see them. But it wont shock you to know, Wayne figured it out in the end," he paused, using his free hand to pull something from his bag and placing it in a free spot on the table beside you.

A mug.

Blue with flowers.

The one Wayne bought for you after he realized he considered you family.

It was perfect.

"Yeah it's pretty damn good don't you think, beats all the teddy bears bought at the gift shop if you ask me," he was still holding your hand, terrified of letting you go because he didn't know if he would be able to grab a hold of you again only to be met with no response.

"It's my fault-" he repeats again, "it's my fault you're-" dying, he wants to say it, the word stays deathly silent but they might as well be the loudest thing in the room.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for all I did, for all I didn't do, for everything I never told you, for all of it I'm so sorry,"

Did you even know what was happening? He had no choice but to believe you did.

"It's ok if you can't fight anymore, it's ok to rest, I just need you to know the last thing I should have done, I should have told you I love you,"

"Not like I do every day, I am in love with you and that is all that I need you to know. The way you never give up on me, the way you talk to Wayne, the way you make me feel when you look at me as if I'm the only other person you share this world with, I'm in love with all of it." Tears had long ago formed in his eyes while he struggled to choke out the words he wishes for you to know.

"I won't bother you for long, I'll let you rest now," Eddie stood up, pressing his lips to your forehead, letting himself linger for more than he should.

"I love you," he whisperes softly against your skin, before finally dropping your hand back into the tussled bedsheets beneath.

thank you for reading <3 comments and reblogs are very appreciated!!

[ryosmne]

Calling out AOT simps.

Hey again, I did this last time with jjk, here's the aot version cause I felt like it, been pretty sick recently and bored out of my mind. This isn't ment to disrespect anyone, everything I say is meant as a joke and not to be taken to heart. I included the characters I already have an opinion on, idk maybe I'll expand the list. Anyways enjoy reading :>

Hange simps: Ok I see y'all, you're valid af, Henge is Hella hot but on a serious note how's your mental health doing? Carrying your friends issues isn't fun, pls take a break, have a cookie and sleep in fuzzy blankets you deserve it. They'd treat you like royalty, I can't roast you, congratulations on your choices. Either just as insanely upbeat as them or very relaxed and you need a person with a very upbeat personality to keep you leveled. 10/10 you're sweethearts and I've never seen an army of simps as hot and with different styles. Casual indie music enjoyer<3

Levi simps: You have attachment issues. There I said it. It's been like what? 9 years since the anime came out and you're still so down bad for this man ever since he baybladed his way into your heart. Most of y'all would drop every anime crush for him, he's top dog for you. Let's face it no one could get him to open up but I don't think you're ready for this conversation. Your family knows about Levi, your friends know about Levi, you're probably never letting him go. For that I'll say you're extremely loyal also you have unrealistic standards in dating. Pretty sure you're great cooks. You have low-key adapted his personality and you're badasses. Also valid 10/10 I think you like chill rnb, idk I can't read y'all.

Mikasa simps: You fell for her cause she's hella strong and gorgeous, she deserves the world and so do you, but for the love of God if I see another word about the unspeakable things you'd do with her menstrural products im coming for your internet connections. I'll skip the obvious need you have for her to beat you up, I love her too I'm down bad for her but I get my daily dose of grass touching, y'all should try it too. I hope you know she hasn't washed her scarf ever since eren gave it to her. 9/10 you need to chill, fucking mappa made us all feral. Dark clothes, You listen to mitski.

Eren simps: Welcome to group therapy, do you want to share something with the circle or shall I go first? :> You have extremely unhealthy habits. No you don't need more caffeine for today, I beg you have a sip of water and some fruit. You don't care if he destroyed everything on earth as long as you got destroyed by him too. You probably read a lot of modern au fics to escape the pain (don't be shy drop your recs in my comments pls, it's a need at this point). If you started the simping campaign in season four you probably simped for Levi before that. You now have a thing for long hair and man buns now. Dog person, alternative look idk I picture y'all with piercings and tattoos. You believe in traumatising people back, who am I to judge? How does it feel to have your entire simp list be villains? If mikasa simps need to touch grass y'all should probably go to a field and start chewing it up, you know what I'm talking about, I won't elaborate. 15/10 if you also simp for his Titan form, bmth enjoyer, if you don't know what music to play you go an Eren Jaeger playlist.

Reiner simps: Who hurt you? I'll just say it, daddy issues. You think you can be a therapist to him, probably give him comfort, you can't I'm sorry. I feel like he'd treat you ok, but please stop going after people who have issues it's not good for you. But I feel you he's so hot and troubled also honkers. You have a thing for big chested anime men, probably also a toji or Nanami simp, dare I say Yami? Can I be honest tho I really like y'all, you're chill and gorgeous with taste, I can ignore the mental health issues too cause this man is something else. 20/10 you give me grunge music vibes.

Armin: Smarty pants, you like control. I low-key think you're a bit crazy in a good way, you seem very calculated but lmao every decision you make is last minute :') you are very well spoken and seemingly calm. He'd treat you great I can't roast you at all, I'm sorry. 10/10 very good choice, let the rest of us burn, dark/light academia aesthetic, I think you get down to some K-pop.

Jean simps: People of culture, you're also cocky like him but not as hot headed. Another man that would give you the world, I also can't roast you, you make better decisions than I ever did in my life. MCU fan. You have a thing for side characters, I think you always like someone other than the MC. You have a thing for hands. 10/10 great street style looks, classic rock enjoyer.

Erwin: Unhealthy, he'd lead you to death just so he could see that basement. He's a crazy bastard, make better choices, you don't deserve to be eaten by titans. You have a thing for authority figures. -100/10 I picture y'all in sundresses and you'd look amazing, you deserve better.

[chocominnie]

One Last Time 01  —  Pjm. (M)

⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader

⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst

⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…

⇢ Song : xxxxx

⇢ Word Count : 4.3k

⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!

⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?

The winter’s coldness is hardly enough for you to bear. Even though it’s just the beginning, Seoul is known to just go from season to season without a fucking warning. Not only that, but the first snowfall is going to come soon. The weatherman has been talking about it non-stop for the past few days. It’s going to be a brutal one he says but he says that every year so why believe?

Turning off your alarm, you take a few minutes to collect yourself and stretch. Barely any sleep once again but that’s an everyday thing now.. without Jimin. It’s been some rough months not having his body wrapped snugly onto yours. These days you long for his touch, but completely dread at the same time for very good reasons.

Your kitten greets you with small licks on your thigh in which in return you pet her head softly with a smile.

‘‘ At least I still have you babygirl. You keep me company. “ You coo softly while grabbing your phone off the charger. Texts from your best-friend just spamming you with love and apparently she’s coming over. Great. That’s normal.  But one text catches your eye. Jeon Jungkook.

You furrow your eyebrows as your finger slides to open it after typing in your password. In relief, he’s just checking up on you as always. Rolling your eyes, you muster enough strength to actually pull yourself out of bed. The cold tiles hit your feet like icicles. You jump from from foot to foot cursing yourself for not turning on the floor heaters as you walk out the room. Clara, your kitten, follows you out purring nonchalantly with a few meows here and there.

‘’ Alright Clara I hear you. Im getting your food now.’’ You chuckle, grabbing her food from the bottom kitchen cabinet right under the sink and pour her half a cup of cat food and a whole bowl of water.

After snacking on your morning granola bar you prepare yourself for your morning routine. Shower, brush teeth, skin care, get dressed, clean. Your phone dings once more just before stripping yourself of your clothes. You don’t bother to look it’s probably just a social media notification.

Drying your hair with a towel as you get out the steaming hot shower, you head straight for the mirror. Dark circles remain under your eyes from months of barely any sleep. You sigh, and gently rub under them. Jimin is the cause of this. Why would he do this to you. Surely enough he would not like to see you like this at all. The worriedness he would have over you is huge. But he has moved on and you just have to accept it no matter how in-love you still are with him.

As you clean up around the living room, another ding from your phone occurs. A groan escapes your lips as you place the pillows back as they should be. In hopes of it just being your manager giving you some good news, you let out a sigh and plop yourself down on the grey suede couch. Three new messages. Jeon Jungkook, who has text you twice, and Ryan your bestfriend. 

‘‘ Damn it Ryan why must you consistently text me twenty four sev- “

“ Beause I need to know if you’re okay.”

You jump and drop your phone onto the hardwood floor from the voice that comes from around you.

“ Holy fucking shit you scared me! “  You whine, turning around to face your best-friend. She smiles and holds out her arms for a hug. You roll your eyes and open yours waiting for her embrace.

“ Oh i’ve missed you so so so so so so so-”

“ You just seen me yesterday..” Your voice sarcastic and bland as you let go of her. You sit on the couch first followed by Ryan sitting right next to you.

She looks good today, the navy blue coat she has on suits her very well. Although, you cannot figure out why she decided to wear leggings today. It’s going to rain a bit later but you disregard that seeing as though she’s the fashion deisgner and not you.

You. The model and seemingly ex girlfriend of one of the biggest solo idol in the world right now. Thats what they call you in the news, headlines in magazines, and real life as if you don’t have a real name and just was his acessory. Your modeling career had taken off way before dating him. The world, or Seoul to say the most, didn’t acklowledge you to that point yet. 

“ Okay but still. You know we should be roomates. It’ll be easier for me to watch over you. “

Your head turns towards her quickly shaking no, “ I don’t need to be looked over im 20 years old.”

Silence takes place for the next few seconds. You know what she’s going to say next but pray she doesn’t. Those words will just make you even more upset. It’s already enough you have that constant reminder in your head. 

You watch her fiddle with the rings on her index and pinky fingers. “ But you know… you haven’t been the same since you and Jimi-”

“ Don’t fucking say it. I don’t want to hear it.”

She sighs harshly and stands up, “ Im just worried about you Yn”

“ Don’t be. Im fine. “ That lie escaped your tongue way too easily. 

Truthfully you haven’t and won’t be fine. Everyday there is something new about that girl and Jimin on twitter. Gossip pages, twitter fanpages, and online entertainment pages just always talking about them. They did this, they did that today. Oh we caught them going to this and that restaurant. That used to be you and him.. but now everyone has forgotten about you and focused on them.

Ever since you’ve told reporters and paparazzi repeatedly that you will not be holding or going to any interview they just stopped. A few calls here and there to your manager about scheduling one but she knew you didn’t want to do them so every request is denied. Although its been a year and some change, they still seem to want your side and your opinion to weigh in on. I guess that’s what happens when you date an Idol.

“ The door.. Y/N the door somebody is at the door.” Ryan says, tapping you over and over. You shake your head interrupting your thoughts for the time being. A few more knocks come through.

Finally up onto your feet you harshly walk to the door with each step making noise. It’s to early in the morning for someone to actually be knocking at the door right now. Whoever it is better be dropping off some sort of package, or they’ll surely get a piece of your mind.

Your frail hands grab onto the doorknob and swing it open. Your eyes almost pop through your sockets. How? How did he know you were here? You certainly did not tell him your knew address.

There he stands, his tall frame looking down on you. Lips formed into a tiny pout along with his eyebrows scrunched slightly. His brown eyes forming an ungodly stare into yours with his specs on.

“ Yn! Do you know how worried I was about you? Why did you not answer my messa-”

“Jungkook how do you know where I live?” You pace your hands on your hips, raising an eyebrow at him. To your knowledge, you never gave Jungkook your new apartment address.

Jungkook swallows slowly and puts on his best innocent face on. Oh please like that would work in this moment right now. The only person who has this address is Ryan because she’s the one who helped you move. Even if you had the choice of not giving it out to Ryan you would of but you couldn’t do that to her. She would of been so upset.

Ryan’s voice blares in the background full of excitement. Here we fucking go. “Jungkook! Come in Come in.”

“ Ryan says I could come in.” He says quickly, brushing past you and removing his shoes.

You heavily sigh and slam the door shut. What is this a family reunion? On your way back to the couch you notice them laughing and giggling like two five year old children. They don’t even notice you when you sit right across from them.

You study their expressions. Their chemistry is something so strong. The way their eyes light up when they meet, the way that Jungkook smiles and scrunches his nose more often when she’s around. You miss that. You miss doing that.

“ So are you both coming along this afternoon?”

Your attention focuses back on them. Of course you weren’t paying attention once again.

Your eyes slowly meet with theirs, “ Huh? Where are we going?”

“ Kookie finally bought a house! He wants us to come tonight for chicken and beer. You’re coming right?”

A sharp pain goes through your heart. If the both you you guys go then theirs a possibility that Jimin was invited too. After all, that is his brother. If Jimin comes then he’s most likely going to bring Isabel. A recipe for disaster. Your poor heart, that most likely could not bare the sight of them infront of you, would shatter into a million pieces.

Jungkook’s expression is ready to burst into happiness or to turn into a pout awaiting for your answer. If you let him down he’ll surely be mad at you. But putting yourself before him this time would be the right thing to do right?

“ Listen Jungkook I.. don’t think I can go.” You start off, playing with your hair with your head down.

“ I’ll space you two apart.”

Your face automatically lifts itself up in shock. Somehow, that little confirmation of Jimin being there, gave you some hope. Hope for what though?

 “ Wha-what do you mean?”

Jungkook sighs heavily with his hand going up to his brown hair running it through lightly. “ I’ll make sure you two are distanced apart. You don’t want to come because of Jimin but I’ll make sure I’ll invite more people to keep you company and away from him. Okay?”

“ Please Yn. I’ll be there too.” Ryan begs, laying her head on Jungkook’s shoulder. Jungkook smiles a little, caressing her cheek with his other hand upon waiting your response.

Weird. When did they get so close?

The first thing you want to say is that you really could not go. But they already know the excuse now. You might as well just give in.

‘‘ Fine. What time tonight? “

Skincare and makeup products are scattered everywhere on your vanity. You needed the perfect look for tonight that says ‘Yes im doing fine without you’, but in reality you’re doing worse. This is the night where you’ll actually see him. Damn it’s been a while.

After you apply your highlight you step back and take a look at yourself. Not bad at all. You smile to yourself and start cleaning up the mess of products you had  distributed across the vanity. A new text appears on you phone as soon as you gather everything up and put it back in it’s place. Grabbing your phone, it’s Ryan giving you the address to Jungkook’s new house.

You sigh and mentally prepare yourself, ‘‘ Okay Yn. You can do this. It’s just one night of conversing among people. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone new.”

Before heading out you grab your coat and scarf. Clara follows you all the way to the door letting out her little meows once again. You bend down to pet her head lightly with a smile. “ Clara im coming back. I’ve put food in your bowl babygirl.”

She purrs under your touch then walks away to settle herself in her bed. You take one last final look at your decent sized apartment before heading out.

The subway ride was agonizing pain for you due to it being 30 minutes long. Well, at-least you can ride the subway now. Your mind wouldn’t even of thought of that when you were with him. Everybody would have noticed you and bombard you with questions.

The outskirts of Seoul is peaceful and quite. Not many people live over here. Mostly famous actors and idols. The taxi takes a few minutes to get to the fairly clean subway station. Once you’re inside you take a good look at the driver who seems to be eyeing you in suspicion. You pull out your phone and read the words to the address exactly to him. The taxi man pulls of into the empty streets of god knows where.

All it took was a ten minute ride and then you’re there. The taxi man pulls up to a security guard booth. Just beyond the gates is more street but  by squinting your eyes you can make out just a few newly built houses.

‘‘ Who are you here to see?” The taxi driver says.

“ Jeon Jungkook.?

The driver talks to the man for a few seconds before you see the security guard pick up a phone and start dialing. The security is extremely uptight, thats good. After a few moments of speaking the security guard finally opens the gates to be let through.

As you pull up to the house you’re automatically mesmerized on how big and beautiful it is. There’s fresh bushes and some white roses growing in the front of it complementing the white modern style home. The roundabout is full of luxurious cars, in which might be all the other guests.

‘‘ 10 dollars’‘ He says. You give him the ten, thank him, and grab your purse, closing the door behind you.

Your eyes meet face to face with the expensive house. Behind you is the tire wheels backing up and running off back down the roundabout. The time on your watch reads 8:15. Only fifteen minutes late, not bad right?

With each step you take fear quivers inside of you. What if he opens the door? What if that girl opens it instead? The wind blows harsh-fully hitting your cheeks making them turn slightly colored. You raise a small, shaky fist to knock on the door. Your blood turning cold, and face turning pale already. Your anxiety already taking its place inside of your body.

The door swings open revealing Ryan smiling from ear to ear. She pulls you inside without even a greeting. You kick your shoes off in a hurry as she pulls you more and more inside. Scanning the area around you, its a nice huge place. First the both of you pass the entrance, then the chef sized kitchen, which then leads you to the spacious living room where everybody seems to be sitting.

All eyes are on you now with some familiar faces and some not. They smile and greet you one by one and you slightly bow your head with a fake smile.

‘‘ Ah Yn, nice to see you again huh.’‘ Hoseok, the smiley one says, getting up from his seat to greet you once more.

‘‘ Nice to see you to Hoseok. Is Chae-Yeon here? I’ve baked the cookies she likes.’’  You say, holding up the big tuba-wear of freshly baked cookies. Nobody can resist those.

‘‘ No she had to work sadly, but I will enjoy them for her.’‘ He chuckles, bringing the tuba-wear out of your dainty, cold hands.

A very familiar voice booms from behind you causing you to turn around. “ Yn! You actually did come!’’ Jungkook, the owner of the voice exclaims. He wipes his hands with a napkin just before pulling you into a hug.You pat his back just before letting go.

Ryan smiles and shakes her head, “ I told you she would come.’’

Only one hour and 30 minutes into the festivities and half of the people here are drunk or nearly there. You on the other hand do not drink at all. Staying sober throughout this whole party is a must. Who knows what would happen if you start drinking and saying things.Ryan seems to be doing good with Jungkook who’s laying on the floor laughing and cracking jokes with her head laying on his stomach giggling along with him. The others have casually invited themselves into the guest game-room to play some pool.

You just sit there on the couch, munching on a cookie and smiling and laughing here and there at one of Seokjin and Jungkook’s back-to-back jokes that seem to never leave the air.

Only for a knock on the door to interrupt  their flow of jokes.

‘‘ I got it I got it.” Seokjin stammers, placing a beer bottle down and stumbling towards the door. You freeze, face turning pale once more. It’s them. It could be them. Your teeth find their way to your lips and you begin to chew on it excessively.

Ryan notices it and automatically gets up from Jungkook, ‘‘ Come Yn, lets go see if the game of pool is interesting.’‘

You nod your head slightly as you get up from the couch. What are you worrying for? You look extravagant tonight. No need to worry yourself.

Just before taking your first few steps you stop, that voice. That oh so familiar voice begins to inch closer and closer. The famous laugh that he always tries to stifle by putting his hand over his mouth, that you’ve always thought was so fucking cute, fills the air.

You don’t know what got over you, but you sit back down dragging Ryan down with you. “ Yn? What are you doing I thought you wanted to avoid him.’’

‘’ No it’s okay. Im going to be fine.’‘ You say, awaiting upon his arrival into the room.

The footsteps are haunting you with each step they take.

one..two..three..four..five..si-

‘‘ Everyone, Isabel and Jimin are here.’‘ Seokjin stammers, smiling wide clearly drunk from all the beer consumed.

Your eyes go directly towards his. The pit of your stomach flutters with nervousness as you hold the long stare with him. His facial expression shocked but not showing it at all. His partner, who’s arm is linked with his, smiles brightly at everyone bowing her head slightly to them including you.

‘‘ Sorry we are late. Jimin didn’t want to come out of his home studio but I’ve made him come along with me.’‘ Her voice gentle and soft.

‘‘ Yn I forgot let me show you my new painting i have received.” Jungkook says quickly, trying to escape you from the awkwardness.You can bare it though its not as bad as you thought.

‘‘ Maybe later Kookie. I’m going to grab some juice.”  You say, getting up from your spot. You brush past Jimin lightly with Ryan tailing along with you.

The spacious kitchen was perfect for you to escape for just a moment. Silence is golden. Ryan sighs, pouring you and her a glass of juice. Nothing is to be said yet. But you know she really wants to have her input.

Raising the glass to your lips, you take a sip letting the tanginess run across your tongue and down your throat. ‘’ Say it Ryan.’’

She puts her cup down and looks at you with your eyebrows furrowed, ‘’ You aren’t fine. Please just avoid them for the night.’’

You knew it was coming but you have to face the fact that they area couple anyways so why avoid it? Maybe your mind will finally accept it to see it in person.

‘‘ I have to face it one way or another so why not now?’‘

She shakes her head in disapproval, finishing the rest of her juice. “ No you don’t. You’re making yourself suffer and I don’t like it.’’

‘‘ Yn.. did you make these cookies?’‘ A voice says behind you. Ryan’s eyes go wide and then looks at you signaling for you to not turn around. But you do it anyways.

Isabel. How dare she call you by a pet name? You don’t even know her like that and she’s doing this. Anger wants to get the best of you but you remain humble and calm.

‘‘ Yes. Is there a problem though? Are they not good?’‘ You say, putting on your best innocent act.

She smiles as she moves a piece of hair of her perfectly framed face, ‘’ No they are great! I was wondering if i can have the recipe.. for Jimin’s purpose of course.’’

You breathe through your nostrils with your eyes closed. She knows what she’s doing. She likes seeing you suffer huh? ‘’ You can follow any recipe online. I just add almond extract and substitute white sugar for brown.’’

Ryan shakes her head slightly while sticking her cup into the sink. ‘’ I’m going to be back I have to use the restroom.’’

Once she leaves Isabel’s smile drops.’’ Almond? Im- Im allergic!” She says, semi yelling at you. You’re shocked more or so at the sudden outburst that you can’t speak. You had zero knowledge of her being allergic, it’s an accident for sure.

 “You did this on purpose!’’ She says, tears filling her eyes as she goes into a coughing fit.

Shit. You didn’t know if anyone was allergic to nuts here but you had put it in anyways because that was the secret ingredient

‘’ I- I didn’t know im sorry is there anything I can do?’’ You say, guilt taking over you while you rush to her side patting her back. 

‘‘ Get off of me! You did this on purpose! You never liked me anyways. Jimin! Jimin!‘ She scream’s, coughing and wheezing making her face red.

Multiple footsteps rush into the kitchen. You don’t know what to do at this point so you just back away and let whoever take over. All the commotion going on and yelling is starting to give you a slight headache. All of the boys surround her, bombarding with questions and asking each other what to do. 

‘‘ What’s all the yelling about? What happened! “ Jungkook exclaims rushing towards her hunched over body.

‘‘ What’s going on? “ That voice that haunts you everynight finally comes inside the kitchen. When he see’s Isabel he automatically rushes towards her side. It pains you to see him rush to another woman’s body. But that figure is no longer yours so he has every right to do that.

‘‘ She-She put almond in the cookies on purpose! She’s trying to–to-’‘ She manages to wheeze out before another coughing fit.

Jimin’s eyes meet yours full of rage but then taken over by concern. He knows your hurt. Still hurt from the past and from this very situation now. You don’t manage to keep eye contact, so the floor is your eyes’ bestfriend right now.

‘‘ Yn. is this true? Why would you do that?”  He says, eyes never leaving yours and voice soft.

You shake your head quickly, “ I didn’t know she was allergic. I always put almond extract an-’’

“ You knew better than to put any type or form of nut in a dish when bringing it to ones house. You never know if someone has an allergy to it.’‘ Jungkook scolds you, eyes furrowed in shame.

‘‘ Don’t blame her. She didn’t fucking know.” Ryan’s voice enters the room in madness. She comes to your side with her arms crossed. Your own personal savior. Without her, you’d still be feeling guilty and taking the blame.

‘‘ Besides, you knew better than to invite him if you knew he was going to bring the girl he cheated on her with.. right?’‘ She says, cocking her head to the side as her attitude takes over.

The room is silent again. Good girl Ryan. 

Isabel lifts her head in disbelief along with Jimin. “ Listen that’s beside the point. Just don’t do it again.” Jimin says, focusing his attention back on Isabel. He reaches into her purse to grab her Epi-pen.

His scolding is enough to send your eyes into tears. You shouldn’t of agreed to come. This is a disaster. You take the tuba-wear of cookies from the counter on your way out of the kitchen and dispose of them. Your vision is blurry and you don’t know where your going but you just need some air. You make lefts and rights down long and short hallways till you reach a room that has a balcony.

You slip on who-ever’s house slippers and open the sliding door revealing the winter’s cold harsh air. You lean on the railing and close your eyes breathe in and out heavily.

Wiping the tears away, You open our eyes and look straight ahead. The whole city is lit up such a beautiful view for a sad moment. The sad moment is cut short by the sliding door opening and closing. You don’t bother to turn around it’s probably just Ryan checking on you again. When are people going to stop doing that?

“ Yn.”

Thats the last voice you wanted to hear.

‘‘ Are you happy? Happy for scolding me infront of everybody.”  You sniffle, wiping away your leaking nose.

You hear some rustling before something is placed on your shoulders. You look down at the material and shrug it off of you.

‘‘ Give it to your girlfriend.”

‘‘ I can’t let you be cold. Put it back on.’‘ He sighs, picking it back up and coming closer to you. You both stand side by side. Jimin puts his jacket around you once more and before you could re-do your action just before, he speaks.

‘‘ Shrug it off again and I’ll scold you. Do you understand?’‘ He says firmly.

You don’t bother to speak. Silence is golden.

‘‘ Listen.. i know you still aren’t over the fact that we are through but-”

‘‘ Shut up. I don’t want to hear it. Please go tend to your dying girlfriend.’‘ You say, sarcastically.

He huffs, “ She’s resting right now. She wouldn’t have to be if you wouldn’t of put-’’

You turn towards him slowly and meet his eyes daring for him to finish the rest of his sentence. ‘’ Don’t you fucking dare Park Jimin.’’

‘‘ Honorifics.’‘ He says, slightly looking down at you due to the height difference.

‘‘ You’re right Jimin-ssi.’‘

Jimin’s expression is taken a-back. You knew that one honorific word would hurt him.

‘‘ If we are done speaking I will take my leave now.” You say, eyes never leaving his as you take off his jacket and toss it to him, leaving him outside in the cold

This night was one of your worst mistakes. You thought you could handle it, but couldn’t. So maybe Ryan and Jungkook were right. Maybe you can’t handle it at all..

[vminvisiblestring]

How Robert Berens Made Destiel Canon

or The Beautifully Tragic Road to Destiel

in honor of their one month anniversary, i want to talk about robert berens and how he made it his mission to make destiel canon and the care he took approaching their relationship...

i dont know if this has been pointed out before, but i was looking at the episodes bobo berens wrote when i realized something: he wrote all the significant destiel episodes in s15. i think that means he probably planned to make destiel canon long before s15 started:

he hid a love story inside the monster story. a love story told in five parts:

• initiating event

• rising action

• climax (first twist)

• falling action

• second twist (no resolution)

14x18: absence - “initiating event”

the initiating event introduces the conflict and sets events into motion in a story.

in absence, cas reveals to dean that jack might not have a soul and therefore might not know that hurting his mother was wrong. this angers dean and results in dean telling cas “youre dead to me”. this initiates a chain of events that lead their relationship to experience a tear (or rupture).

15x03: the rupture - “rising action”

the rising action is the result of a character trying to (in this case) solve a problem but a force is at conflict with the character. for every step taken, there is either a successful or failed outcome; this pattern continues all the way to the climax.

complications in dean and cas’s relationship continue to widen the distance between them into the start of season 15 with the deaths of rowena and belphagor (for which dean blames cas) culminating in the infamous “breakup” scene. cas said there was nothing left for him anymore and leaves dean.

15x08: our father who arent in heaven - “rising action”

bobo didnt write this episode but its important to the path because rowena tells dean and cas to fix their relationship in the same episode that michael sends them to purgatory (aka the place dean realized he was in love with cas all those years ago and where they fixed their relationship the first time)

15x09: the trap - ‘climax & first twist”

the climax is the most emotional part of the story and is reached when the character takes the final step to resolve their problem. this is also where the turning point of the story begins and descends to the falling action (and if there is a plot twist, it happens here).

the first twist: dean confesses first. this scene is deans confession disguised as an apology. he might lose cas and needed him to know hes sorry. the prayer scene is so important because, if we read the scene, this is in fact, an apology, but its so much more than that. dean responds to cas’s “i left but you didnt stop me” with “i should have stopped you”. this scene showed just how much dean has grown, how much he’s trying and how much he wants to be free of the anger he feels because he realized it was what separated him from the man he loves on multiple occasions. this is deans way of saying “im sorry. i didnt mean anything i said. you are the most important person in my life and i let you leave. i shouldnt have let you leave. thats my fault. im trying to get better. please tell me you’re gonna be okay. tell me this isnt the last time i’ll ever see you. please. i love you”.

dean and cas reunite near the rift but dean doesnt want to leave before telling cas something. we know it cant be the prayer because its obvious cas heard that; this is something else, but cas stops him. this scene is them making amends with each other the best way they know how: a silent knowing. the conflict has finally been resolved.

15x12: galaxy brain - “falling action”

the falling action consists of the after-effects of the climax and every event from here onward should lead to a logical conclusion.

dean and cas’s relationship is better, they seem at peace. the silent knowing is definitely there, and they both seem comfortable the way they left things. the way things are going, they’ll likely have as much a “happy” ending as a fallen angel and a hunter can have without talking about this silent knowing. we cant forget about the looming empty deal, but knowing cas will never be truly happy, it seems like dean and cas are going to be friends for a long time...

15x18: despair - “second twist”

after the falling action comes the resolution. sometimes in film and television, a surprise second twist will occur after the climax and toss the characters into another fight. the second twist is resolved quicker than the first and leads to a speedy resolution.

the second twist here, however, replaces the resolution because the story of destiel sadly and infuriatingly, never got its resolution.

i feel like bobo was told cas was going to get killed off and thats why he knew there was no way the network would allow dean to reciprocate so he did the best he could to work around the homophobia and make destiel canon as much as possible for us.

this is the most “resolution” we were given by a show we spent years watching and loving. we rooted for the characters, we fought as much for their happiness as they did themselves. and it ended up stabbing jensen, misha, bobo, other cast members, some writers and the fans in the back.

deans face here is all i have left to hold on to and thats not fair. and its not fair that after all these years this is what they did to one of the most complex love stories ever told. not only that, but dean and cas were also some of the complex characters ever put to screen. this is not a good ending for them and it never will be. not until they both get the endings they deserve, as individuals and as one. and im sorry for the pain all this mess has caused and would like nothing more than to squeeze everyone really tight and tell you it’ll be okay.

[oddaodd]

· Heedless Words That Numb The Heart ·

Request: By anon “Regarding that last text post you reblogged, could you write something where Tommy gets angry (he doesn’t really yell, he just snaps) at his very sensitive wife and she gets very upset so he wants to apologize but let’s be honest he sucks at talking so he tries to make it up to her somehow (you can choose whatever you want but I saw somewhere that Tommy’s love language was physical touch so 🤷‍♀️) I’m sorry if it doesn’t make a lot of sense I’m frozen so it’s hard to think lol but thanks anyway 💕”

Author’s note: I feel this turned out a lot more sad than intended, I just couldn’t help myself. Irregardless, I hope you like it and i wish you the loveliest of days ❤️

Warnings: season 4 SPOILERS, mentions of death and sad themes. 

·

Tommy was being reckless, more than usual after John died. That was just the way he was, his emotions rarely manifested themselves in the form of tears and raw vulnerability, he much preferred numbing his mind with intricate heedless plans and the occasional drug. Y/n however got a glimpse of that vulnerably when he came out of the morgue after seeing John’s lifeless body.

“We should talk about it, Tommy. it’s not like nothing happened” she suggested after a particularly tense family meeting. Everyone had left afterwards, leaving only her and Tommy in the shop.

“I don’t need to” he said clearing his throat as took a cigarette to his lips and smoothly lit it.

“Ignoring it won’t make it go away, you know?” She threaded lightly.

“Oh really? Because that is  exactly what I was hoping. What ever will I do now that I know that ignoring it won’t bring John back, eh?” He spat sarcastically.

His tone taunting and patronizing, making Y/n feel stupid.

In her own mind  she was in no place to feel hurt not when the one who needed comfort was him, but she couldn’t help but feel the burn of his sharp words not even when she knew they came from a place of pain.  Thinking of what to say next she stared at him wearing a puzzled expression. An expression should have told Tommy about the effect of his words, an expression that begged him to stop but he continued.

“What would you know about loss anyway?” He asked daggers in his eyes as he took an aggressive drag from his cigarette  “you’ve never lost anything in your life so don’t come lecturing me about how I should be dealing with it”

Her lip trembled a bit “Alright”

Giving up she walked out of the room and then the building. If he didn’t want to talk she wouldn’t make him. She had never been good with confrontation and he knew it. Y/n was a very sensitive woman and the moment she walked out of the room, Tommy felt the weigh of his reply pressing down on his chest, she was only trying to help after all.

Her unsure steps walked her to The Garrison where she was welcomed with a couple of drinks from Harry as they engaged in conversation at the bar. At some point he payed his condolences over John after pouring a pint of beer for a man and Y/n felt a pang of pain shoot through her body. Maybe she was the one who needed  to talk about it, she had never been good handling death.

So, Harrys comprehensive ear was the one that received all of Y/n’s qualms regarding her brother in law’s death. Some tears were spilled but nobody dared to stare for long, people even avoiding going up to the bar to ask Harry for a refill because  they all knew the crying woman was Thomas Shelby’s wife.

When she arrived home a few hours later she was surprised to see Tommy already there, drinking whiskey by the fireplace. A sense of relief washed over his body the moment she stepped over the threshold. He knew the Changrettas couldn’t get to her in Small Heath, but he wasn’t sure if she would want to be in his presence after his harsh words.

“Im going to bed” was all she said before  making her way upstairs and into Tommys old room with heavy legs, a few moments later he was there with her, asking her to look at him with a tender voice.

Uncertain eyes met his turbulent ones as his finger softly traced her cold cheek.

“Im sorry” he said “I shouldn’t have… “

But the Y/n’s index finger flew to his lips with a soft “shhh”  The alcohol behind the abrupt action  that stopped him from saying anything else.

“It’s alright, Tom” she said “we don’t have to talk about it”

And then she let herself rest against his chest, he immediately engulfed her in his warm embrace before helping her get into bed, holding her close against him through the night. When Y/n woke up the next morning with the premonitory ghost of a slight headache, she was relieved to find a glass of water and a pill laying on the nightstand next to the bed.

Tommy was nowhere to be seen, but when she made her way downstairs she found breakfast on the table along with a note from him saying he wouldn’t be long.

The food felt like a piece of heaven, the exact same breakfast she had taught him to make when they had just started dating. A lone butterfly fluttered in Y/n’s stomach at the realization that he still remembered how to make it.

He picked her up a few hours later and drove to an open field where John’s funeral would take place. As the caravan burnt Tommy’s hand went to hold hers, his fingers intertwining with hers. His thumb tracing occasional circles against the back of her hand.

They had Christmas dinner at Charlie’s yard after the ceremony. Everyone seemed lost, unable to ignore the wailing of an empty chair, but being together after almost a year of not even talking to each other summoned a light mood to settle over the table as everyone ate.

Soon enough, conversations and drunken banter began flowing through the food Charlie and Johnny Dogs had cooked. Y/n smiled at the toasts and laughed occasionally at the things that Finn said and for a second it almost felt as it all did before Tommy’s plan from the previous year tore the family apart.

The weight of Tommys hand resting on her thigh and occasional peck to the lips provided Y/n with a warm feeling of love. Resting her head on his shoulder, they watched the urban skyline of small heath turn orange and then blue.

That night he made love to her in his old bed and just before she succumbed to sleep after an exhausting day Tommy’s raspy voice disrupted the silence that had settled amongst them.

A small “I love you” was pressed against her soft lips.

·

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @peakyxtommy @nyotamalfoy @writeroutoftime @babylooneytoonz

[coraskeeper]

⇢ 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹 𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝘆𝘀 𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗻 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗰𝗿𝘂𝘀𝗵 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 (𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗸𝘀, 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲) 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵

↳𝗳𝘁: 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹, 𝗸𝗶𝗱, 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿, 𝗴𝗻! 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

↳𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁-𝗻𝘀𝗳𝘄, 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝗳𝗲𝘁𝗶𝘀𝗵??, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀

↳𝘄𝗰: 𝟭.𝟱𝗸

𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐄𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐄𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬

soul doesn’t even remember why he invited you over, he just made up some lame excuse to be close to you and- you fell for it. so uncool. he’s playing a video game on his bed next to you as you swipe through tiktok, coming across an odd video. the boy paid you little attention only glancing over at you maybe once or twice every few minutes. his ruby orbs full of confusion as you stuffed your finger inside of your mouth rubbing along your teeth, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

he just turns a blind eye to your antics at first, chalking it up to just one of those weird you things. 

he ignores you up until he feels you frantically crawl across the bed until you're leaning onto his shoulder, urging him to pause his game because what you had to do was way too important to wait.

“ you wanna do what? “

“ wanna touch your teeth, just this once “

he wants to say no but the way you're staring up at him with your bottom lip jutted out is just too much and he rolls his eyes before giving in to your whines.

it catches him off guard when you sit up and swing a thigh over his lap while tilting his head back to get a better view of his mouth.

his view of you on top of him was all too real, too heavenly and he was starting to lose him resolve quickly. your painted fingernail traced his bottom lip before prodding his mouth and glazing your finger across his sharp teeth.

his heart was in his ass and his pale skin felt like it was melting with how intimate this position was, accidentally letting out a deep groan when you squeezed his jaw to gain more access to the inside of his mouth.

“ your teeth are so pretty, soul “ you mumbled to him, an innocent smile gracing your pretty brown skin, “ so cool “.

you pulled your finger back from his mouth, a string of his saliva sticking to it before you shifted your position a little, souls hand flying to your waist to keep your hips in midair.

he knew you were about to make yourself right at home in his lap but he was so painfully hard that if you were to squat down just a little, you’d feel it.

though he was rather cool, he was about to lose his mind and he wanted out of whatever weird situation you’d put him in, “ are you done now? “

you pout, “ boo, you’re no fun soul “

you climb off of him and head to the bathroom to wash your hands, him frantically trying to readjust his hard on and hide it from you before you got back.

seriously, i'm not some teenage boy anymore yet i'm sitting here popping boners at the stupidest crap.. so uncool.

𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐝

he wasn’t even sure how he found himself in such a childish predicament.

you standing over him, all pretty and symmetrical, in an apron, worried eyes focused on his mouth as one of your hands were on the nape of his neck and the other hand two fingers pressing down lightly on his tongue.

then there was him, sweat starting to form under his bangs and heat creeping up his neck and ears, hands thrown haphazardly across his lap as he sat in the kitchen chair, hard.

you had decided to cook for him, liz, and patty today to thank them for saving your ass on a mission a few days ago.

kid had been crushing on you for quite some time, falling in love with how unique you were instantly. you were good at almost anything you put your mind to and he admired that about you.

so, as one does- he finds any little excuse to be in your presence.

patty and liz sat comfortably in their living room while kid offered to help you in the kitchen as you looked for him, it was very ungentlemanly of him to not help a lady in need.

while you were turned around cutting some vegetables for the salad, kid watched over your soup for you as you instructed.

when you asked him to taste it for you to make sure it had enough seasoning, you hadn’t thought he’d shove the whole spoon into his mouth without blowing first.

kid couldn’t even register what happened after he dropped the metal spoon against the floor, after letting out a loud pained gasp holding his mouth, he blinked and you were standing between his legs as he sat in a chair from his dining room table.

your face contorted in worry as you eye his tongue and bottom lip again, “ damn kid, i know you’re a shinigami and everything but you’ve gotta be careful “

he simply nodded, watching as you puckered your soft brown lips to blow on his bottom lip a little, it sent a shiver right up his spine and right back down to his nether regions.

he wants to just lean up and take your lips right now, take you right in the middle of the kitchen but- he must digress.

the last thing he’d want to do is turn the situation into something it wasn’t and make you uncomfortable, and there was no way your first kiss with him would be in his kitchen with your fingers shoved in his mouth. 

your soft fingers pushing down against him tongue a little, “ does this hurt? “, you look him in the eyes and his knees go weak.

he felt like a pervert, his mind giving him way more compromising images of you with your fingers roaming his mouth.

“ nuh uh “

your fingers coated in his spit as he turns even more red if possible, your thumb catching his bottom lip and he almost moans, “ how about here? “

“ im okay, thank you “

you give him a once over before leaving back with a sigh and heading over to the sink to wash your hands, “ be more careful “

“ i-i apologize “, though he’s lying right through his teeth.

he knows it’s wrong and he feels so dirty being strained against his slacks and boxers like this. kid doesn’t feel a bit sorry, contrary to his apology.

instead, he’s now contemplating how he should hurt himself next.

𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫

if there was one thing black star loved to do with you, it was train.

you were an amazing fighter and he was honored to spar with you. over the course of the few years he’d known you, he’d fallen for you and your subtle charms. 

he loved when those pretty glowing orbs of yours whenever you stared at him with such determination as sweat dripped off your body.

you happened to be a little more aggressive today than usual, coming at him with more force than you should’ve but the great black star could handle it, right?

for a moment he let his guard down, eyes dragging over your worn out body, tanned skin glistening under the harsh beams of the sun.

thwack!

your foot connecting with his jaw sending him flying back onto the ground holding his hands over his mouth, your frantic screaming filling his ears.

“ oh my god, black star im sorry, are you- OH GOD YOU'RE BLEEDING! “, he stared up at you blankly as you tugged his upper half towards you kneeling over his lap.

he hadn’t even felt the pain to be honest and a little blood never hurt him, but having you over him in such a compromising position had him stuck. his piercing blue eyes trained over your sweaty face.

one of your arm’s slung across his shoulders, “ open, let me see “

he hadn’t even noticed you grab a stray water bottle to rinse your hands before you stuck two of your fingers in his mouth, examining his swollen tongue. his stomach churning and his face turning red.

“ im sorry, i shouldn't have kicked you so hard “, your voice is soft and soothing, but he didn’t even hear you.

shifting to get a better view of the inside of his mouth, he could say he was containing himself pretty well until you connected your hips to his lower stomach and this became too much for him to handle.

the stimulation was more than what he agreed to when he let you claim your spot over his thighs with your small fingers caressing his tongue.

his hands flying up to grip your hips with a groan, one you thought was because of the pain you caused him from the kick, when in reality- it was because he popped a stiff in his sweats.

his hard on standing at attention right under you, he was so tempted to just slide your hips down right over him, have you take responsibility for your actions.

“ you didn’t swallow any blood did you? “, looking down at his now half lidded eyes with worry, him giving you an airy groan against your fingers in response.

pulling you hand back from his mouth, your thumb softly swiping across his bottom lip to collect some of the blood and drool left.

your hips grinding against him in a sensual way as you looked at the bruise left on his chin, this was so dirty but he was loving every bit of it. almost cumming in his pants like a 13 year old boy.

“ maybe i should take you to the nurse? “, you unattached yourself from him grabbing his empty water bottle off the ground walking ahead.

he sat there dejected in a cold sweat, what the literal fuck .

[jonathangoodbyers]

these are my thoughts on the bullshit

eddies death made me cry for the first time in nearly two years and i am a master of repressing my emotions so great cool

eddie is a goddamn moron for dying like that and im mad at him

im going to construct intricate fantasies in my head so he stops being dead there at least

lame and gay that they only had dustin and wayne munson actually visibly mourning him, as if he wasn't also friends with mike.

WILL BYERS: come get a hug baby. him telling mike about his own feelings but pretending that it was eleven who felt those things -> made me very upset. will has been crying a lot and he doesn't deserve it at all. will is so deeply and tragically in love with mike it breaks my heart

steve??? his ending here is basically that he confesses to nancy and then nothing? LAME.

its good that steve acknowledges his own growth and it being spurred by nancy but that doesn't mean that they were like ,, destined to be together. why couldn't he just be like hey thanks for making me see that i was an asshole and ive changed for the better, lets be friends?

jonathan is still lying to nancy about the college thing??? after AAALLL of that??? also lame

what happened to dmitri and yuri. did they just drop off joyce, hopper and murray and then flew back to russia together? are they hanging out? are they going back to their families? who knows not me

season 4 is the season of Max Suffering

and she doesn't deserve iiittt

it did think that she was gonna die for a minute there but im sure she'll make a comeback next season somehow.

i do have a sneaking feeling she might be permanently blind

maybe its because i never got over billy but i think it's a shame that max wasn't really able to work through her trauma abt it with vecna after all. obv she did get some closure in "dear billy" but the last thing she said regarding him was 'yea sometimes i prayed he would die in a car crash and also im suicidal now' like?? she was saying that to bait henry into getting her but i feel like it might've been nice if later on she had tried to resist by saying she did miss billy in some way. like ooh henry you were wrong actually about me being glad that billy is dead bc thats not entirely true !! i mean i think she has very conflicting feelings about him. like yea she did hate him but she also loved him in a way and that can coexist.

i need to stop talking about billy sorry

couldn't anyone give poor dustin some crutches? that boy is limping.

jason dying unceremoniously by just burning up from the earth opening? good. he deserves it a little bit kind of. like yea he didnt understand what was going on but god that boy was annoying.

brenner dead? also good. hes been nothing but a menacing creep since the beginning of the show and im glad he's gone. love that eleven didnt give him the satisfaction of saying that she understood why he did what he did. just love that for her.

where the fuck did that sword come from that hopper used to kill the demogorgon??

robin and vickie 🥰🥰🥰

i knew Vickie's boyfriend wasn't gonna last after that one scene that he was in.

lucas :(((

watching him hold max while she was dying was so painful. so. she better get back thats all im saying

henry?? annoying ass bitch.

i feel like his character is about rejection, being unloved and only seeing the worst in people because of it. which is whyyy it would make sense if his ending was about accepting that people can be good and bad, guilty and innocent. that having done bad things doesn't ruin you as a person, bc thats what he keeps trying to show his victims, that they ARE bad people for their guilt and trauma. a satisfying resolution would be about convincing him to see the good in people. but his ending will probably be more along the lines of big explosion fireball eleven screaming.

eleven and max's friendship >>>>>

el better get her bestie back.

okay those are all my thots so far