#im so tired of aBUSE please dull that edge im too tired

[keilemdarkmode]

preened

🚫contains themes of abuse, noncon/dubcon, yandere 🚫

(r18+)

hawks | takami keigo x (fem)reader

word count: 4.2k

settling in keigo’s arms was far easier than facing his weapons and wrath.

warnings: noncon/dubcon/rape, blood violence, manipulation, yandere, drowning, mention of branding, abuse, somehow STILL soft, bathing/bath tub shit

--

a/n: wow fellas, first yan hawks piece!! PLEASE!! heed the warnings!! this is not soft and tender, it is fucked up, sad, dark, and tender! if its not your thing, please keep scrolling ❤️

that being said, this piece was beta’ed by the lovely @hawnks. it was interesting and new to explore these themes and ideas and im happy to share them now :’^) enjoy!

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Keigo could be cruel.

You knew that too well.

But, lately, he’d been kinder. Softer, without so many barbs and blades just behind his words and actions.

You knew, very consciously, that this was due to your good behavior after the ‘feather’ incident, but that knowledge didn’t dull the sweetness too much.

(Only a little.)

...

“Dove, are you falling asleep?” Keigo’s voice was far too mirthful as he carded a hand through your hair.

You grumbled, something lighthearted and muffled into his chest.

You had been nodding off, Keigo’s arm slack over your shoulder as he idly watched a film that you were sure he wasn’t paying attention to.

An afternoon off together was rare, and you didn’t want to spoil it.

Asking Keigo to put on a movie and ‘snuggle’ got him red-faced and poofy-feathered, he all but dragged you to the couch to pamper you for the day.

It would’ve been endearing if you’d wanted to be there.

Maybe, sometime back, you would’ve fought.

When Keigo brought you the fluffy, red blanket he loved sharing with you, you might’ve spit on it, maybe on him. Thrown the blanket back into his face only to laugh at the anger and rage he would inevitably erupt into before throwing you over his knee.

Maybe, once, you would have tried to scald Keigo with the steaming tea he brought you (prepared just as you liked, it was one of the first things he memorized about you). You would’ve probably aimed for his face— maybe, his wings, if you were feeling particularly stupid.

Now?

You smiled, maybe something real, as you took the blanket from his waiting arms. You let him blow on your tea with his pretty pink lips as he insisted he’d ‘never let you get burned’.

(You both knew that the ‘fire’ incident was too far. You’d been vacant for a month after Keigo had pulled that stunt.)

“Thank you,” You kissed his cheek, like he wanted you to.

Maybe you should’ve been disgusted. Instead, the contact felt nice. Touch starvation had long since set in, and Keigo was your only outlet. And he was very willing.

The afternoon had been easy, nice. You’d let him play with your hair, mindful to tuck your braced arm to your tummy under the blanket. Keigo tended to be a bit more on edge when he was reminded of the ‘feather’ incident.

It was easier to keep it hidden.

“Dear?” Keigo asked, nuzzling into the crown of your head. “When was the last time we gave you a proper bath?”

You tensed so hard, you might as well have been stone.

Baths were still bad, even after so long.

You figured it out, after a while. It was one of Keigo’s subconscious avian instincts, to keep him and his mate clean and looking well.

It was why he always sat in front of you to allow you to pick through and straighten his feathers. It was vulnerable, the way he shivered and shuddered and fucking moaned as you would straighten and pluck what you could.

It was why he scrutinized the brushing of your teeth so heavily, scoffing at your lack of ‘precision’ and ‘attention to detail’. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d brushed them yourself. Keigo would always just seat you on the cold marble counter, slot himself between your legs while vice-gripping your jaw and gagging you with a toothbrush.

Though, he had been more gentle lately. Nicer.

He’d been more like the ‘mate’ he’d always described himself being.

Your role to Keigo was why he had full autonomy over bathing you.

He could take showers and baths alone, all as he pleased. But, you were washed by his hands only. Even the quick showers after he’d fuck you silly, he was always with you, scrubbing you down with special soaps and a soft cloth.

“Dove?” Keigo’s voice came kindly, yet his grip tightened. “I asked you a question, didn’t I?”

“You did, I’m sorry,” The response came from your lips hurriedly. “It’s been a while.”

Keigo hummed, clicking his tongue and sitting up fully, “I’ll set up the bath then. I’ll take a shower later so I can make sure you’re squeaky clean now, how about that?”

You nodded, knowing better than to disagree with him.

When Keigo had first brought you ‘home’, he’d take your baths with you. He’d pull you tight to his chest, try to, as you struggled and screamed.

He snapped once, letting his anger get the better of him when you bit him so hard on his forearm that he bled.

Though, it wasn’t his blood that stained the bathwater that night.

It was the first time he showed you how much soft damage he could inflict with his sharpened feathers.

He rarely took baths with you after that; you hoped the memory of haunted him the same way it did with you.

Over time, bathing you had become a sort of neutral ground.

Keigo enjoyed it too much for it to be used as a punishment, and you learned better.

That didn’t mean slipups didn’t happen, but in general, you were good for him then.

The bad memories still made you tremble, vivid reminders.

Keigo tugged you to the bathroom, the eon-suite in the master bedroom, ‘our’ bedroom, as he called it with the wistful look in his eye.

Part of you reviled the affection in his tone, the other part was relieved that it wasn’t malice anymore.

Stepping into the bathroom was always a bit jarring, your mind and body knowing what occurred so often in the months past. The conditioning was implicit, even if the two of you didn’t like it.

The master bathroom was massive, built for his wings. The soaker tub, jets and all, was meant to accommodate their size. He’d had a new one put in, he told you, just before he ‘brought’ you ‘home’.

Keigo stopped you in front of the sink, a usual routine. You kept your gaze trained on the ground.

“Dove, it’s alright, no need to be frightened,” He chuckled, but you knew it was more of a command than anything else. He slung his arms over your shoulders, a firm grip on your jaw forcing you to look into the reflection. “You’ve been a good girl lately, I’ll be gentle.”

You sniffled, nodding.

His grip tightened, “Words. You know better.”

“Y-yes,” You nodded, eyes darting around the mirror to avoid looking at your dual visage. “I have been good. I’ll be good.”

“Sweet girl,” Keigo sang, peppering kisses over the side of your face as you made eye contact with yourself. Your stare was vacant and cold, clinging onto what you could grasp without pain.

You hated it—

Yourself.

Your stomach rolled, but you swallowed down your disgust.

“Don’t look away, understand?” Keigo’s voice was too soft for the authority in his words.

“I won’t, I understand.”

You watched as his nimble fingers slipped under the shirt of his that you wore. He’d let you wear panties that day, soft cotton ones that hardly seemed ‘sexy’, but they drove him wild anyways. Something about normalcy always got him more feral than normal.

Considering the cold outside, he’d even been kind enough to dress you in a pair of loose, thigh high stockings. He slid them down your legs, descending as he did to leave little kisses. He pulled at your underwear, palming at the plump of your ass as they fell to the ground.

You stepped out of the stockings and panties when he tapped your ankles, leaving you completely naked in the mirror.

Forcing yourself to stare in the mirror was hard.

You didn’t look like yourself.

You hadn’t for so long.

Your own visage made your head spark with numbness, something acrid spilling over your tongue.

It must’ve shown in your face, but you didn’t register it.

“None of that, angel, you’re beautiful,” Keigo draped himself over you, wings outstretched.

You swallowed, nodding, but not replying.

“Bath time, then,” Keigo hummed, guiding you to the toilet seat as he prepared the soak.

You watched him roll up the sleeves of his soft button-down, revealing his many scars. Some were from his work, others from your nails and teeth. You felt guilty, odd as it was, seeing how they still marred his pretty, tanned skin.

You folded your hands in your lap as Keigo got to work.

He turned on the faucet, always a bit too hot, just so you could soak for longer. Shampoo, conditioner, a variety of hair and face masks, special bubble baths and bath bombs all carried in a cute basket were brought to the side of the tub as he prepared it.

If you were proper lovers, it would’ve been endearing.

He rose, lighting jar and pillar candles across the massive bathroom. It was something he did to put you both at ease, the fire acting like some sort of safety net that you both knew kept him from getting too aggressive with you, risking burning his wings.

It all felt like too much, the care he put into everything.

Your guilt swelled as you focused on your naked thighs.

Keigo talked to you as he went about preparing your pampering, knowing better than to expect any proper responses as he prepared the bath with lovely smells and pretty colors.

The last thing he did was hang a red silk robe on a hook near the door.

You really must’ve been good, getting the chance to cover yourself after a bath.

You had been trying harder lately. Remembering your rules, how and where to be and when. It made things easier. Fighting made your tired, clawing had made you weaker.

Being complicit burned something in you, low and rolling, but it was better than facing Keigo’s constant wrath.

On your more mentally together days, the ones where he was gone more and longer, you put together some of Keigo’s fucked up psychology.

He just didn’t want to be alone.

He just wanted a companion.

It was cruel— sick, that one of the most desired men in the nation had to pluck you, and all your mundanity, from your life to force you into the mold of a lover, consort and best friend like you weren’t a person.

You shook your head, trying not to stew.

Stewing made you bad.

And you had been good.

You had to be, after the ‘feather incident’.

It made things easier.

...

You’d found the feather under the couch.

Keigo left them around normally, the sensitive things picking up on your heart rate and breathing. The safety phone, an old landline, would ring if you got too anxious, the shrill tone only making it worse, but that was part of the point, wasn’t it?

All the same, this feather looked older.

The color was duller, the filaments frayed.

Keigo liked to present the feathers openly, stuck into fixtures and over counters and tabletops. Something about ‘keeping his mate safe from prospective challengers’.

(You never saw anyone other than him. There was no one to oppose Keigo in your life.)

This particular plume being hidden seemed like a mistake.

He didn’t slip up often.

Your mind spun as you debated what to do.

You poked it, cautiously.

It didn’t move, waver, or harden.

It was limp, like a real, normal feather.

The spine was hard—

Solid enough to shove into a lock, maybe.

You snatched it up, hiding it between the cushions as you raced to think through a plan.

Your previous escape attempts hardly even happened. Keigo was fast enough to catch you as you neared the fortified door, always.

He’d drag you to the bedroom to hold you down and eat your cunt until your mind was too mushy to even conceptualize ideas beyond Keigo’s tongue fucking into your dripping hole. He was mean about it, pushing you too far and keeping you there to writhe and beg for reprieve.

You hated him for it at the time.

But, you had an opportunity to fucking get out.

During the incident—

He was gone.

He was at work for the rest of the day.

You hurried.

His other present feathers would sense you, you had to work quickly.

You didn’t have shoes other than house slippers, but they’d have to make due. You shoved some granola bars in your pocket, freezing the moment you heard the ringtone of the landline echo over the penthouse.

Don’t slow, don’t stop.

How fucking foolish you were, thinking you could outrun a being that flew.

Idiotic, you’d come to chastise yourself later.

You stuffed what you could into your pockets, running to the front door and shoving the spine of the feather into the lock.

It was firm enough to be used as a pick, wasn’t it? You weren’t sure how to pick locks, but you had to try right?

You could pick the eight locks on the door before Keigo got home, right?

Foolish.

Your hands trembled as the phone rang over and over.

Your heart nearly stopped when you heard the telltale ‘thunk’ of Keigo landing on the balcony.

Frantically, you tried to undo just one lock, just for the sake of your own sanity, knowing what was to come—

The balcony door slammed open.

You went rigid, hands still working, sweaty and desperate.

Keigo was on you in a second, pulling you from your knees by your hair in one swift motion.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

His voice could’ve cut steel, the tone so angry and dead that it brought tears to your eyes as you began to struggle.

“No, no, no— you’re not doing this shit.” Keigo spat, tugging your shaking hand from the lock as the lifeless feather fell to the ground.

He pressed you against the door, bearing all of his body weight against your back as you flattened against the wood. His wings rose, eclipsing any light.

His grip on your wrist got tighter, harder. It was sure to bruise.

(Ha.)

Keigo snarled, roughly slamming his hips into your backside, “What is this shit you’re trying to pull? I know you’re an ungrateful cunt, but I didn’t know you were a complete dumbass.”

He bent your arm back, farther and higher up by the wrist.

“Did you really think you could do that? Do this to me?!” Keigo’s voice tore through you, the waver in it sounding so foreign it almost hurt. “LEAVE ME?!”

Fear shot through you as his worn hands wrapped around your palm.

In one swift motion—

Snap.

Your vision tilted as you fell back into Keigo.

Your hand wavered limply and wrongly in his grip, thoroughly broken.

Keigo clapped a hand over your mouth as you began to scream, wail at the searing pain that was shooting from your wrist.

“I’m so sorry, angel.” His unapologetic, hot breath swirled over your ear like nausea and bile, “I promise, this will be for your own good.”

...

Keigo didn’t stop that day, no matter how much you begged and shrieked.

...

The rest of the incident got blurry.

It hurt to think about it too much.

Keigo’s rage-filled voice promising that he was going to ‘snap a new bone each time you cum’ remained a haunting memory.

He followed through, of course. He was nothing if not uncomfortably honest at the worst of times.

You could recall the feeling of cold blood trickling down your thighs, nose, and even from your mouth as you sobbed and screamed for mercy on the cold hardwood. A small feather, wet with you in so many forms, licked and lapped at your clit as Keigo made good on his promise.

The feeling of his sweat dripping onto your spine as he easily crushed and snapped a new bone each time you reached ecstasy haunted you into a submission that was no longer reluctant.

You hated yourself for it.

...

Your gaze drifted from the steaming water to your hand, the brace removed. Your fingers were still mangled, they would be forever. Keigo purposefully patched them poorly— he’d told you so. Something about making it a ‘lasting lesson’.

You sniffled at the thought, flexing the fingers, feeling the old pains shoot up your arm.

“Angel love? No need to do that,” Keigo reminded you, covering your hand with his own.

Gently, he tilted your jaw so you could meet his eyes.

You imagined the two of you looked equally sad.

The following weeks after the ‘incident’, you tried so hard to be good. The pain was a new intensity, something you couldn’t forget. Keigo reminded you of it if you slipped up, squeezing your hand or wrist with a grimace curled his pretty lips.

To his merit, Keigo also felt bad about hurting you so bad. Prior to that, punishments were either harsh edging or overstimulation which in some ways were pleasurable. Spanking too, but even then, Keigo looked a bit meek after leaving such unpleasant bruises on your backside.

But permanently crippling your body in time with tearing your cunt bloody?

He sobbed into your shoulder every night for a month.

Tried as you did to be good, you also became quite numb.

It felt better than the agony.

Keigo’s voice pulled you from your thoughts, his nose nudging your cheek, “What kind of bubble bath would you like?”

Wow.

You had been good.

You’d never been able to pick out your smells before.

Swallowing, you chewed at your lip, eyes drifting from the cute basket to Keigo’s expectant eyes.

He sighed, squeezing your knee, “Dear, it’s not a trick. Just your preference.”

“Can’t you pick?”

You immediately tensed, flinching away from Keigo’s soft touch with your own words.

An old echo of an older lesson:

‘Good girls don’t question things, do they?’

“I-I’m sorry,” You sputtered, eyes trained on the tile of the bathroom. You held out your bent wrist without thinking.

You tensed, waiting for the pain that would inevitably come.

Right?

Keigo stared at it, then to you, eyes going sad and glassy.

It made your heartbreak.

He carefully held your wrist, putting in back and rested in your naked lap.

“None of that, love. I’ll pick today, but you deserve to feel good. Don’t you think so?”

No.

“Yes.”

“Good girl, angel.”

Keigo gave you a gooey smile, one you returned as earnestly as you could. He quickly went back to the basket, pulling out an elegant glass bottle or two, dumping them into the tub as light, herbal scents began to waft into the air.

You relaxed a bit.

Keigo’s wings twitched, a little smile crooking on his face.

“It’s all ready, dear. Let me help you.”

Carefully, he helped you into the filled, bubbly foam settling around your shoulders as you leaned against the porcelain edge.

Though Keigo kept his wings flat to his back as he could, you could still see the feathers twitch and ruffle.

‘An instinctual response to seeing his mate so vulnerable— for his own benefit or otherwise.’

You swallowed, sinking into the sparkling water.

Keigo gave you another smile, dropping a kiss to your forehead before presenting you with two fancy-looking bath bombs.

“Now, dear, how about picking one of these? Nice and easy.”

He was right, but your head still spun.

You picked the one on the right, a dusty purple sphere with flower petals pressed into the outside.

Keigo lit up as you took it from his hand, gently placing it into the water.

You both watched it fizz and bob for a moment, mesmerized as the color spread and spit.

“See? Not too hard, huh?” Keigo chuckled to himself, laying his arms crossed on the lip of the massive tub. “You’re such a good girl for me.”

He looked at you with half-lidded eyes, full of love and adoration that made you feel sick.

You knew better than to reject it.

Rather, you returned his affections the best you could.

You even leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

Keigo lit up, eyes shining and bright as he cupped your cheeks, returning the gesture tenfold.

You performed so well, giggling and smiling as he did.

You’d become so good at putting on a show for him, even if it exhausted you. It was so much easier to pretend that he was a dutiful lover and not a horrifying captor. With your bent fingers submerged in the balmy water, it was even easier to shove down his transgressions.

On your good days, you would even forget.

You liked those days.

You wanted today to be one of those days where everything was okay.

You weren’t quite there, but you could try your best.

As you relaxed in the bath, Keigo gently pulled one of your legs from the water. Suds and sparkles slid down your leg as his pretty gold eyes inspected your skin.

Keigo smoothed a hand over the prickling hair of your leg, frowning, “Gotta shave you nice and smooth, huh, love?”

You nodded, whether it was your preference or not didn’t matter.

Sinking a little deeper into the water, you watched him so carefully treat your skin. Exfoliating with gentle circles, and then slicking your leg with a small vial of golden oil.

The razor was what scared you the most.

You bore its marks in many ways, little cuts and scars left on your legs from your ancient twitching and struggling were the most plentiful.

There were a few brands from the thin metal, marring the bottoms of your feet.

Those were the worst to heal. Keigo had to carry you around for days, toying with you the entire time. He teased you in your helplessness, but none of his quips were wrong.

He’d made you need him.

You audibly whimpered at the memories, Keigo’s gaze flickering to you as he ran the sleek razor over your shining skin.

“Dear, nothing to be afraid of. You’re doing so well.”

You nodded, knowing better than to remind him of his own horrors.

He shaved you carefully, thoughtfully even, humming to himself as he did. Keigo was nothing if not a perfectionist, leaving you silky smooth and well-tended to. You wondered if he would treat you to a massage later with how kind he was being.

He left your cunt alone, liking the hair more wild and ‘natural’.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” Keigo asked wistfully as he moved closer. His hand slipped under the water, cupping the back of your neck.

You took a little too long to respond, you supposed in retrospect.

Keigo’s face went dark, for a mere moment, as his grip tightened, dragging you under the suds.

You jolted, struggling and flailing in shock as water flooded your mouth and nose.

He pulled you up as quickly as he had pulled you down, the dark look not dulled in the slightest.

“Be good, and I won’t have to do that shit.” His words dripped cold venom, wings beginning to unfurl. “I’d hate to revisit how long it takes you to stop squirming under there, wouldn’t you?”

You nodded, hurriedly, quickly, sitting up the best you could in his grip, “N-no, I don’t want that. Please. This is very nice. I’m sorry. I’ll be good. I’ll be better.”

They were promises, honest ones.

You very much wanted to keep them.

Keigo’s look thankfully dissolved, going melancholic before erupting warmly once more. It was a facial journey you’d seen too much and too often.

“That’s my girl,” He grinned, giving you a wet kiss on the lips. You kissed back the best you could, shaking visibly and not trying to hide it.

Keigo pulled back, golden eyes too sharp and too vibrant.

As he poured shampoo into his hand, you clenched your maimed hand into a fist. The lesson worked so well, you thought, as pain rushed through you, hot like the old brands and clawing scratches.

Keigo was too sweet as he lathered your hair in the candlelight.

And you were too crushed to resist.

Far too tired.

Endlessly too weak, he’d shown you over and over.

So, you accepted his touches to cast off his ire.

Even as he pulled you from the bath, flush to his body while he wrapped you in a fluffy towel, you smiled despite the bulge pressing into your abdomen.

Even as he massaged you with earthy smelling oils, cooing about how beautiful and sacred your body was, you thanked him despite the disgust that brewed so deep in you like some hellish brine pool.

Even as he fucked you like a lover, clasping your hands to the sheets and mixing you with him as he brought you to the edge again and again, you moaned with him despite how the stretch of his cock still aggravated old wounds.

Even as he filled you up with his cum, crying out about how well you took him, what a ‘good girl’ you were, your cries crashed with his in pretty harmony despite how rotten you should’ve felt.

Because, at the end of the day, sated, cleaned and loved in his arms, the old scars didn’t ache so bad if he kissed you sweetly. If you smiled at him as he smiled at you, Keigo was kind like a companion, mate and lover should be.

As you drifted off, you were okay with the weight of his wings bearing over your fucked-out body.

It was easier this way,

Maybe even better.

[levis-hazelnut]

Summary: when you and your best friend, Hanji, were younger, you had made up stories about your dream guys - what they would look like and how you would meet. What happens when the one you had made up appears to be real?

Warning(s): mentions of sex, mentions of abuse (not too much)

Taglist (closed!): @castellandiangelo @fandom-addict19​ @20coldhearts​

Status: completed!

part 6 > part 7 > part 8

series masterlist

(a/n: i love reiner, but he’s gonna be a dickhead lmao im sorry)

"We're so stupid. How did this even fucking happen? Why? This all so stupid," I muttered and started to pace around my room. Eren stood up, noticing he was completely naked as a blush crept onto his cheeks before he chucked his clothes on. He grabbed my shoulders to stop me from pacing the room and freaking out. I shrugged his hands off of me and stepped back from him, avoiding to have any kind of contact with him, not even eye contact. "... I don't remember anything, all this thinking is hurting my brain and worsening my headache. I need coffee." I rushed out of my room and into the bathroom, freshening up before going into the kitchen to make myself a coffee. My mind was all over the place as I tried remembering at least something that happened last night.

Hanji. She might know something.

I sighed and took a sip of my coffee as I sat at the dining table, not wishing to look at Eren who walked in. He also made himself some coffee before sitting opposite me as silence filled the room, along with awkwardness.

"... (Y/N). I'm sorry." "It's not your fault," I murmured. "I was meant to make sure this didn't happen. How ironic." "Do you remember anything?" I asked, finally deciding to look at him to see that he was staring into his mug as steam dispersed out of it. "Kind of..." he mumbled, and it was obvious he didn't want to reveal the truth. However, I wanted to know. His turquoise eyes flickered up to me and he saw I was expecting him to tell me. He let out a huff before telling me. *FLASHBACK* Eren sat on an armchair in the living room, where our friends were scattered, drinking, laughing, talking and some were dancing. As he sat there after having a couple of drinks, I came and sat on his lap, holding a glass of some drink Eren didn't know, he only knew that it was alcohol and that I drank quite a bit. "(Y/N), how much have you drunk?" "Huh, I'm not sure," I mumbled to which Eren had sighed. "... Do you think I should've accepted Lucius? I do think he's the second sexiest male I've met. And he's such a gentleman. You know, we held hands when we went ice skating and he helped me skate. He also caught me and picked me up when I slipped or fell. He's so sweet... But then, there's Levi. He's the sexiest person I've met--" "If you don't want to expose yourself, I think you should stay quiet." "I can't see them so I don't think they're anywhere near us. Anyway, as I was saying... Levi may be cold and dull when you first meet him, but once you get to know him more, you'll fall in love with him. I'm pretty sure that's happening to me because I've never felt like this about anyone else. Not Jean, or-- What was my other boyfriend's name? Whatever it was, he was a dickhead for cheating on me and I don't know why I even dated him. Is it me, or is it the people I choose that's wrong...? Eren, do you think I'll ever find a good guy who will love me without cheating, or hurting me?" I asked, all my words slurred. "You will. You treat everyone right, it's just that boys are idiots. Remember?" "Yeah... Boys are idiots," I murmured with a smile. "Apart from you, Eren. I love you and your eyes. You've always been there for me. You always make me happy if I'm in a bad mood. If I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind being with someone like you. Someone that treats me right and always puts up with me, no matter what stupid things I do. You're so beautiful, inside and out... Hanji!" I suddenly shouted and she came towards me and Eren who were still on the armchair. "Could you get me a bottle of wine, please?" "Hanji, don't," Eren whispered to her and she nodded. Once Hanji left, I changed my position on the brunette's lap and started to grind into him when a song I love started to play. "Mm. I love this song." "... (Y/N)--" Eren cut himself off and bit down on his lip as he felt a groan threatening to leave his lips. "Stop," he uttered quietly and threw his head back, giving in to the pleasure. "Why?" I inquired innocently, leaning in close to him, closing my eyes as my lips edged closer to his. I felt something press against my lips, however, it wasn't lips. Instead, it was Eren's index and middle finger that prevented me from kissing him. "Kiss me, Eren," I whispered, running my hands through his silky locks. "You're drunk, (Y/N), stop. You're going to regret it later." "I don't care," I stated before smashing my lips onto his. He didn't respond so I ground into him once again and tugged on his hair. A guttural moan vibrated against my lips and he soon reciprocated the kiss, his lips moulding with mine perfectly. I don't know what it was, but this kiss felt so good. Felt so right. Felt so special. I soon parted from his lips since my lungs were short of breath, but I wanted more. I don't know where this lust was coming from, but I needed to satisfy it. I stood up from Eren's lap, taking his hand and leading him into my bedroom. He tried going past me to leave, telling me this was wrong. I ignored him and locked the door with the key before putting it into my bra so he wouldn't try to get it. I pushed him onto my bed, crawling onto him after I discarded my dress. He propped himself up on his elbows and we kissed again, this time more passionately. *END OF FLASHBACK* "Damn, why was I so horny? Ugh, and people probably saw what happened. Oh my god, does that count as sexual harassment? I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Eren. I'm an idiot, I hate my--" "(Y/N), don't say you hate yourself; that's the reason I didn't want to tell you. And it wasn't completely harassment since I kind of gave consent. We were both drunk, you more than me. I could've stopped everything, I'm sorry." "... Did we use protection?" "Yes. You, for some reason, had condoms in your bedside table." "Well, just be glad I did. At least we're a little bit smart," I muttered. "... Do you remember... the sex?" "... Yes..." he replied. I facepalmed the table and groaned, in pain since I already had a headache, and because I was embarrassed. "... It wasn't... bad," Eren mumbled, head turned away from me. My head shot up. "What'd you say?" "Nothing." I smirked, seeing a blush on his cheeks. I knew what he said but I wanted him to say it again so I could annoy him about it. As I was going to say something, Hanji had strolled into the room, observing me and Eren. Me, who was smirking, but looked as if I was dying. And don't forget about the hickeys that Eren gave me. And there was Eren, who was blushing, looked a little tired, and refused to look anywhere but his coffee. "Eren and (Y/N) had sex," Hanji spoke to herself. Mine and Eren's head immediately snapped towards her. How did she figure that out so quickly? She literally looked at us for like two seconds and she knew. Damn, there's something incredible in that brain of hers. "What are you talking about?" I inquired. "First of all, Eren's here and I don't remember him knocking out in the living room. He's blushing, you're smirking, you've got hickeys, and the atmosphere is uncomfortable." "Wow. She's amazing," Eren whispered, and I snickered. "Is she as amazing as the sex?" I smirked, deciding to tease him. "Tch. So, you did hear me... I hate you." "I didn't seem like that last night, though." "Shut up." "You know I'm just joking with you, Eren." "You were annoyed and freaking out a moment ago. Why are you fine now?" "Well, it's not like I'm a virgin. Neither of us cheated on anyone. And, at least I didn't sleep with someone else like Lucius or Jean, or--" "Wait, so you guys did have sex?" Hanji said, slightly surprised. "Yeah. Eurgh, when I say it aloud it sounds so weird. Me and Eren had sex. Ew, Eren, get away from me, this is so weird." Eren finally allowed a smile to spring onto his lips when he saw my reaction. I questioned his smile which he shook his head to, claiming it was nothing. Once we both (kind of) got over everything, I decided to make breakfast for the three of us. I still had a shitty headache and I tried ignoring the pain, however, that was difficult. I felt so tired and disgusting and just wanted to have a shower. "How was it?" Hanji asked Eren and I. I rolled my eyes as he just remained quiet. "Do you even remember?" "No," Eren answered before I could. "We were both intoxicated, but the events may come back soon." "Do you regret it?" "..." Hanji smirked at our silence and I started to become flustered. I thought I regretted it. Why don't I say I did? Was it because I... don't regret it? No, you're thinking too much, (Y/N), I told myself. I suddenly shot out of my chair and declared that I was going to have a shower since I feel disgusting and I need to clear my mind. I went into my room, grabbing a towel and some fresh clothes to change into before entering the bathroom. Once I came out of the shower, I found Hanji and Eren sitting on the sofa, just talking. I sat down next to Hanji, feeling too embarrassed to sit next to Eren.

It'll take me a while to completely get over it, though, I may still act casual around him. However, today, I know that it's going to be on my mind most of the time. "(Y/N)?" Eren called, snapping me out of my daze. I glanced at him, my eyes flickering down to his lips before averting them from his face as a whole. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine. My head kind of hurts, and I feel so sluggish even after having a shower." "And you can't stop dreaming about last night," Hanji murmured with a smirk. "I can't even remember so I have nothing to think about," I replied, arching a brow. "Hey, what time did everyone leave?" "I think about one o'clock. Levi and Petra stayed a bit longer because they helped me clean up since I was going to ask you but your door was locked. Don't worry, we didn't hear anything, these walls and doors are amazing, you can barely hear anything." "Yeah, I know... Ugh, I just need painkillers and sleep," I groaned, slumping onto Hanji who didn't even try to nudge me off. "Why don't you get that then?" "I'm not bothered," I murmured, closing my eyes as my forehead rested against her shoulder. She patted my head a couple of times as my phone vibrated in my pocket. I lazily got it out, reading the caller ID before groaning and shoving my phone into her hands. "Hanji, tell him to fuck off. I'm not in the mood for people." "Not even Levi?" "Not even that asshole," I told her, and she answered the phone, speaking a loud 'hello'. "(Y/N)'s in the bathroom. Call her tomorrow. Bye, Shorty!" she hastily said before hanging up. "Hm," I smiled tiredly. "I love you so much, Hanji." "Eren, she's literally falling asleep on me. Could you take her to her room?" Hanji whispered, and he nodded before standing up and scooping me up, carrying me to my room and laying me down in my bed. "Thanks," she grinned when he came back into the living room. "I think I'm going to go. I need to shower, change my clothes and rest." "Oh, okay. Sorry if (Y/N) put you through anything yesterday, by the way. I know she was the one to provoke this, not you. And she'll end up hating everyone and everything today before going back to normal tomorrow." "Yeah," Eren chuckled lightly. "Make sure she looks after herself," he told Hanji softly as he put his shoes on, causing the female with glasses to smile, noticing how much the brunette cares for you. "Okay. Also, don't feel bad for anything, this was her fault." "Do you think she's annoyed?" "I don't think so. She's going to be fine, don't worry about her. Anyway, I'll see you in a bit." "Bye, Hanji," the male grinned before leaving. ~/~ "What the hell was up with Hanji yesterday?" a certain raven questioned through the phone. "I'm sorry... I actually told her to tell you to 'fuck off'," I replied, biting down on my lower lip. "Why?" he spoke bitterly. "... I wasn't in the mood. My mind was clouded, I had a massive headache, and I was basically falling asleep when you called me. I'm sorry, if it was anyone, even my parents, I would have told Hanji to do the same. It's not about you, Mr Moody, I don't hate you so don't you worry." "Idiot. And why were you in that state anyway?" "Uhh... I drank too much?" I said, more like a question rather than an answer. "Yeah, right. Tell me the real reason whenever you want." "So, why did you--" "Babe!" another voice, which was not Levi's, called from his side of the phone. I then heard some footsteps before the same voice sounded. I knew whose voice it belonged to obviously, but I was just confused by the fact that she was there when Levi was clearly at home. Well, I don't know if it's the apartment he shares with Isabel and Farlan, but I could guess he's somewhere inside and not public. "What do you want for breakfast?" Yes, it was the morning, which made me think of things I didn't wish was true. Levi was at Petra's quite early, so that could only mean he slept over... They're a couple. Why should I get bothered by it...? Oh no, here comes my jealousy. And it's coming in strong, I'm going to have to keep my bitchy side at bay until after this phone call.

"(Y/N)? (Y/N)!" "Oh, sorry. What did you say?" "I didn't say anything. You were asking me something." "Right... Um, what was my question?" I muttered to myself, my brain only thinking about Levi and Petra. "... Oh, yeah! Why did you call me?" "I wanted to check up on you since you drank quite a bit on Friday. I'm guessing something happened, but you don't want to spill yet." "Aw, aren't you a sweetheart?" I teased, and I heard him click his tongue. "I'm fine, thanks for caring. And, do you have something else to tell me?" I inquired. "... No." The pause. That's how I knew he was hiding something. He slept with Petra but doesn't want to say. I mean, I don't want to say I slept with Eren since we aren't even a couple, so he's going to annoy the hell out of me, being the Levi he is. But he has nothing to hide because Petra is his girlfriend. "Well, then, I haven't had breakfast, neither have you. I'm sure you're in need of some coffee or tea, or just something to cure your fatigue since I'm sure you barely had any sleep last night," I said before I could stop myself. And my tone wasn't playful, it was spiteful and I'm certain he could hear it. "What just happened? Did I miss something? I'm pretty sure you were smiling a minute ago. Why are you annoyed now?" So you aren't going to say anything about how I implied you had sex and just focus on my tone? You aren't even going to deny it. I would've much preferred it if you just said something about it and lied. I retracted the phone from my ear, taking a deep breath before returning it to my ear. "... I'm not annoyed." "Are you sure about that? Are you going to be sulking and frowning, or smiling tomorrow at uni?" "Depends on what happens today. Like, if someone unintentionally triggers me, I'll probably be sulking and frowning." He sighed. "Did I say something that unintentionally triggered you?" "No. I'm saying it hypothetically. Anyway, Hanji's calling me to have breakfast, so I'll see you tomorrow. I'll try to smile." "Okay. Bye, darlin'. Sorry if I did or said anything." I cut the phone and dropped it onto my bed before getting up to meet Hanji in the kitchen. "What's up?" "Levi and Petra had sex, I think." "Oh... Did he tell you?" "No. That's why I said 'think'. However, I have my evidence: he's most likely at her apartment right now, in the morning of all times of the day, so it could only mean he slept over." "... Why did he call you anyway?" Hanji inquired, ridding of the previous subject. "He claimed he was checking up on me because I 'drank quite a bit on Friday'. I don't know, but something's just not right about the whole conversation. We were both clearly hiding things from each other, and I doubt he would call just to check up on me." "He's done that before, though." "Yeah, but that was because I was basically dying on the inside. Anyone would check if I was okay if I was in that state." "True." "Anyway, let's forget about him and enjoy the rest of the day," I smiled, brushing my problems away.

I could do that, just forget about Levi because there's simply nothing between us, so he has no obligation to tell me everything. There will most likely be nothing between us, so there's no point in dwelling on him, wishing that he could fall for me. Just forget about him. ~/~ "Hey. Wait. No. Don't. Not yet." Eren glanced at me suspiciously, wondering why I was behaving so weirdly. The thing is, he was about to ruffle my hair but I moved away from him, not wanting him to touch me after the whole sex thing. You see, I remembered some of the events that occurred, and randomly, they pop up in my mind, distracting me from whatever I would be doing. And I don't want him to touch me yet since my mind needs to go back to normal, even though it has already been a week.

"What's wrong with you?" he questioned, frowning at me. "... No touchy-touchy. I remembered everything that happened, so my brain is messed up right now and I don't like it." "Sorry." "Tch. Stop saying sorry, idiot. Nothing's your fault," I told him. "... I never knew you were the submissive type," I smirked, deciding to tease him once again. Yeah, I may not want him to touch me, but joking with him is different and I love seeing him get shy. "My break's over, you can go back home." "You still have five minutes until your break ends. That means another five minutes of me annoying you." He huffed, closing his eyes for a moment before revealing his gorgeous, turquoise orbs. "Why can't you go bother someone else?" "Because I'm by myself. The only company I have is you. And I know you love me, so don't try pushing me away." "Where's Le-- Oh, shit. What's he doing here?" Eren mumbled, with his eyes on the door of the cafe. I was about to turn around to see what he was looking at, but he stopped me. "Don't look." "Why? What's there?" "More like who's there." "Tell me, you jerk." "... Reiner," he said quietly. "Reiner...?" I echoed, my eyes widening. Eren's mentioned Reiner before, but we never spoke about him in detail. All you know is that Mikasa cheated on Eren with Reiner. You also know that I've had two boyfriends - one was Jean, and the other, if you haven't already guessed, was Reiner. Reiner and I had dated between the end of secondary school and the start of university. It was only about five months or so. Yeah, neither of my relationships lasted longer than half a year. Either because I'm a monster or both males were idiots. Eren claims they were idiots, but he's my best friend, so why wouldn't he say that? Anyway, I'm not bothered to go into detail about our relationship since it isn't all that exciting (except the fact that he beat me up, but no one knows about that, so hush). I'm going to skip to when I found him cheating on me with Mikasa. Yeah, the other time Eren saw Mikasa with Reiner was probably the third time they hooked up or whatever. I'm sure Mikasa has also cheated on Reiner but he has no idea. That was the first time he cheated on me (I think), I cut things off then, because I believe that cheating isn't a mistake, it's clearly a choice, even if you are intoxicated. He wasn't too happy with the breakup, he claimed he still loved me (which, in fact, was the first time he said he loved me), but my bitchy side locked in, we argued. And that jerk slapped me. Of course, I wasn't going to stay with him. And that is the story of my second relationship. Yeah, I know, there's a lot of drama in my life, but, to be honest, it would be boring if I had no drama. "He knows you work here. Why the fuck is he here?" "(Y/N), stay calm." "Hey, you can't be telling me that you're okay with him even after--" "I'm not. But there's no reason to overreact or create a scene. I doubt he's even going to come up to us." "You've changed. You would always be up for a fight." "Eren and..." that deep, low voice of my ex-boyfriend spoke. "My (Y/N)." "Who the fuck do you think you are, calling me yours after cheating on me, you asshole?!" I snapped, shooting out of my seat and turning around to look at the brawny, blonde male. I'm not taking anything from this dickhead. He smirked, urging me to punch him in that (maybe kind of hot) face of his. "I haven't seen you for what? Ten months? Why are you being a bitch?" I glared at him, digging my nails into my palms pretty deep, I'm pretty sure I was bleeding. I stormed closer to him, however, a hand gripped my wrist, preventing me from beating him up. "Eren, what are you doing?! Let go of me!" "Don't stoop down to his level." "Eren, please, let go," I whispered, tears brimming my eyes. The brunette's eyes widened since he barely sees me cry in emotional pain. "I never told you how much he hurt me," I muttered, swallowing the lump in my throat. I didn't have to say anything else for him to understand. The glint in his eyes turned dark and cold, a deep crinkle formed in between his eyebrows and his lips curved downwards - something I barely ever see. He was extremely enraged, like damn... "What are you going to do, pretty boy? You think you can even land a punch on me? You couldn't even defend yourself against your own girlfriend. Oh, sorry, I meant ex-girlfriend." "Did you beat up (Y/N)?" he asked quietly in a menacing tone as he stood in front of me. "Yeah, so what? Move out of the way, I was talking to (Y/N)." "I don't care." "Oi, (Y/N), tell this fool to get out of my way before I knock him out." "... E-Eren, move... This i-is my problem." "I know. But what kind of person would I be if I don't protect you?" "Go!" I shouted, not wanting him to get hurt in my place when Reiner stepped forward to kick Eren. I shoved him out of the way and braced myself for the blow. However, nothing hit me so I opened my eyes, finding Reiner in a headlock. The person doing that to him? Prince Charming - Levi Ackerman. "What the fuck do you think you were trying to do? Don't ever try hurting (Y/N), or there will be consequences," Levi threatened darkly, voice low and laced with venom. He let go of the blonde, kicking him to the ground and he was soon unable to move when the raven dealt more damage. He then rested a foot on Reiner’s chest and folded his arms over his chest as if nothing had just happened. More tears fell from my eyes and I jumped onto Levi, thankful for him being here on time. I looped my arms around him, and he was about to say something, hesitating to hug me in return. However, I seemed to have gone through something traumatising, so he wrapped his arms around me, comforting me. God, I always thought that Eren's hugs were amazing. This was the first time I hugged Levi, and I never wanted to pull away. "T-thank you so m-much, Levi," I murmured into his chest. "... What happened? Who is this?" he said softly, it was a tone I've never heard him talk in before. "..." I was unable to speak again as I just sobbed. "Reiner Braun," Eren answered for me. "I'd rather not speak about him right now," he mumbled, his gaze on the ground, feeling guilty for not doing anything. If Levi hadn't come then, I would probably be covered in injuries by now, so he felt useless. "Is your shift over?" "No, I was on my break. I'm also going to have to calm everyone down in here." "Sorry. If the police come, since you know a lot more about this dickhead than me, explain to them what happened and make sure he gets taken away. I'm going to take (Y/N) home." "Okay. Please, keep her safe." Levi only nodded, his arms slowly slipping from my trembling form. I gripped his shirt, keeping my face concealed in his shirt. "(Y/N), let's go. I'm sure you don't want to stay here." I didn't respond in any way. But my trembling did halt when I felt a hand slip into mine and I heard a reassuring 'it's going to be okay'. I wiped my tears away (though, they kept on pouring) and I let Levi take me to my apartment, which was only five minutes from here. My hair hung down the sides of my face, hiding my red, tear-stained face. "Did you get hurt anywhere?" he questioned, to which I shook my head. The rest of the brief journey was silent until he asked me for my keys. I gave them to him in his free hand since his right one was still gripping my left one. Once the door was open, we both stepped in and took off our shoes, which meant that I had to let go of his soft hand. But now, I was feeling a little better. The sobs and tears stopped and my breathing calmed down. "Are you okay now?" "I guess," I muttered, avoiding to face him since I'm sure my face was covered in tears and snot, and that's not appealing. "... I'm going to go clean myself up. You can go if you want." "I'm going to stay until Hanji comes. Where is she anyway?" "She's at Erwin's, and she's going to be staying there until Sunday." "So you're going to be by yourself?" "I'm old enough to stay home by myself, you know." "Tch. I know. But I don't want to leave you like this." "... I'll be fine." "You can't lie to me after what I just witnessed. Anyway, go wash your face or whatever." I proceeded to my bathroom, washing my face as Levi told me to. I stared at my reflection and my eyes were vermillion, along with my nose and cheeks. There was a bit of snot and I just looked in such a poor state. I wasn't even that sad, I was more like angry, and the memories of Reiner doing things to me came back. Everything was just overwhelming me and I couldn't take it anymore. Once I fixed my appearance, I went to the living room to find Levi sitting on the sofa. He was on his phone until I walked in and he glanced at me, seeing a small smile settled on my lips. I sat down next to him when he gestured for me to. "What happened? I have never seen you in tears like that. The only time I've seen you cry was last week on your birthday, but those were happy ones." "... Can we not talk about it right now? I need to just clear my mind." "Sure. What do you want to do instead?" "You don't need to keep me company. I'm sure you have better things to do." "Darlin', it's Friday, the only thing I want to do is relax. What's the point of going somewhere else if I'm going to be doing the same thing?" "So you're going to keep me company over the weekend?" "I don't know. What do you want to do?" "I have nothing in mind. I just don't want to go out anywhere." "Watch a movie?" "I don't mind. I'm not going to be concentrating on anything we do, so might as well just watch a movie as I drown in my thoughts." "Okay, I know what we're doing," Levi announced, sitting cross-legged on the sofa and faced me. "You shouldn't hold everything in, let it all out. I don't care if you're going to cry, you just have to get it off of your chest, otherwise, you won't feel better." "But--" "I'm not listening to your excuses. Talk." "Can I get a snack first?" "Yeah." I got up and went to the kitchen, finding something to snack on that I can share with Levi as well. I found a tin of assorted cookies, got myself a glass of milk and went back to the sofa, placing my things on the coffee table in front of me. When I felt his gaze lingering on me, I decided to speak. "Should I tell you what's on my mind, or just what happened today?" "Whatever will make you feel better." "Okay," I smiled, enjoying this caring side of Levi. "Well, I'll start with what happened last week. Remember when you called me and you knew I was lying about something?" "Go on." "Well, the thing is, I may have... sleptwithEren." "... Okay." "Okay?" I frowned, thinking about why he was so calm about it. But, the pause was there, so maybe it wasn’t just ‘okay’. "Nothing big. People have sex, even if they aren't in a relationship." "... So that happened, and I don't like it. It's weird and I've remembered everything now, it occasionally pops up in my mind. Nothing happened the rest of the week, everything was fine." "Everything was fine? What was that sudden mood change on the phone?" "..." "If it's not going to bother you or stay on your mind, you don't need to tell me." "Yeah, it's fine. Let me go on to the next thing: Reiner Braun, as you now know is that blonde guy. He's my ex-boyfriend, we dated for five months. During those five months... he abused me. I don't even know why, but he would beat me up at least twice a week, it was as if he made a routine. I never told anyone about what he did to me, not Eren or Hanji. I was, somehow, able to put up with it until I found him cheating on me with Mikasa - Eren's ex-girlfriend. That's when I broke us up, but he wasn't happy with it. He came into the cafe today and decided to start a conversation with me and Eren like nothing happened between us. I snapped at him, Eren intervened and was going to hurt himself so I stepped in. That's when you came. Thank you, by the way." "Anything else?" "I like--" Woah. Hold up, mouth, what are you doing? Were you just about to confess to Levi? You idiot, now he's going to question who I like. "You like...?" Levi lifted an eyebrow. "Nothing! No one!" I suddenly exclaimed before sighing. "... Forget I said anything." "Why would I forget? You finally decided to tell me who you like." "I'm not telling you. No one's allowed to know." "Why? Do you think people are going to judge?" "Not really... It's just that I shouldn't like them, I guess?" "At least you're finally admitting you like someone, instead of denying it. A few more months and I'll know." "Yeah... Probably not. Depends on what happens." "Okay. Anyway, do you feel better?" "Yes. Thanks." "Tch. Stop thanking me." "Can't I be grateful for your help and comfort?" "No." "Fine, then, Mr Moody," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "So, what do you want to do now?" "Up to you, darlin'," the raven said, uncrossing his legs before lying down across the sofa, with his head on my lap. I had the urge to run my fingers through his luscious locks and place a kiss on his cute nose as he closed his eyes, looking innocent and sweet. "... Ackerman," I spoke after there was a moment of serenity. "What?" "You basically know everything about me - about my past, friends, family, relationships, current problems. Literally everything about me. However, I barely know anything about you." "And?" "Tell me about yourself. It's nearly been a year since we met and I don't even know who you're family members are, where you met Isabel and Farlan, any previous relationships. But you don't look like someone going through problems right now, so you can leave that out." "It's only been seven months." "Yeah, whatever, still nearly a year, kind of." He unlidded his beautiful, silver hues and sighed very lightly, it was almost inaudible. "Fine. What do you want to know first?" "Uhh... Family." "Okay. My mother's name is Kuchel. I don't know who my father is. I have an uncle, Kenny, he's an asshole, however, he did help me and mother when we had financial problems. I don't have any siblings, and I've never heard of any cousins or other uncles and aunts." "Oh, wow. You don't act like an only child. I feel like you would be a caring and helpful big brother, who pretends to hate their little siblings." "Tch. I'm glad I never had to deal with brats. The only brat I've had to deal with is you." Won't he be a caring father? I joked internally. "So rude," I pouted and he playfully rolled his eyes. "Anyway, tell me how you met Isabel and Farlan, or any other friends I've never heard of." He hesitated to reply, making me frown briefly before he finally spoke, "... I've known Farlan for a long time, maybe since I was about ten. Isabel, I've known since I was seventeen, so not that long... I had some other friends I shouldn't have gotten involved with since they weren't good people..." "Why? What did they do?" "... They were those kinds of people that smoked, did drugs, went to some stupid parties, somehow snuck into clubs, they would shoplift, and they did like that." "Did you do drugs and steal?" I questioned, my eyes widening. He huffed, slightly shaking his head. "How old were all of you?" "This was when I was about sixteen." "Damn, were you in some gang or something?" "No. I mean, it was a gang of those people, but they weren't that bad." "What do you mean they weren't 'that bad'?" "Well, they were. However, they never hurt or threatened someone. I pushed Farlan away when he tried to stop me from befriending them, but I didn't listen to him and he decided that I would learn that the choice I made was a mistake. I did learn that. I left them when I realised how much wrong they were doing and that Farlan was right. He didn't turn me away when I went back to him, telling him that I understood when he told me they weren't good people. I got my mind straight, avoided any other people like them, and focused on my mother, friends that were a lot better, and education. Soon after, I found out that they were all caught doing drugs and sent to juvie. And I met Isabel when she transferred to our school halfway through the year and we were the first people she spoke to." "Wow... I never knew you associated with people like that. You always seemed like a good person." "Yeah," he sighed heavily. "I'm not going to do anything like that again. I was stupid, immature and I didn't think about anything then. It was just that stage when boys want to be part of the 'cool kids'." I smiled down at him, wishing I could give him a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Did you have a girlfriend?" "No. Petra's my first, real girlfriend." "What do you mean 'real'?" "... I may have hooked up with a couple of girls during that period." "Damn, Ackerman, you're a player," I teased. "I'm not," he stated sternly, a serious expression cast over his face. "I've changed in the past three years. Farlan always watches out for me, even though I don't need him to since I'm not a fucking kid." "That's good to hear," I grinned, booping his nose with my index finger, causing him to scrunch his nose up cutely. God, that was probably the cutest thing I've seen. "Do you want to know anything else?" "Not really. I'm probably going to find out you were in the mafia when you were eighteen or some shit like that." "I don't have a lot of drama like you do. I'm glad about that because I won't be bothered with that shit. I hate people, I try to avoid them, I don't want anything to do with humans." "Which is why you're lying down here after helping someone?" "Tch." "Does that mean I'm not one of those people you hate?" "Shut up." "Aw, you're so cute," I giggled. "I love annoying you." "Same, darlin'. Watch out." "Haha, you won't annoy me because you love me!" A smile etched onto his lips as I continued to tease him, being the annoying person I am. We ended up pestering each other for about half an hour before I gave up because he can irritate me in a way I can't explain. He knows exactly what pushes my buttons. However, now that I know more about him, I can annoy him about more things. Everything soon fell silent, and I grew tired, eventually falling asleep in a sitting position as Levi's head still rested on my lap. He carefully got up, making sure not to awaken me as he got a blanket, covering me with it after slowly making me lie down. I shifted slightly to lay on my back, biting back a smile so Levi doesn't find out I was awake. ~/~ I woke up to the sound of murmuring, narrowing my eyes before rubbing the fatigue in my eyes away as I sat up and twisted my head around, spotting Levi in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his phone pressed to his ear. His grey orbs glanced at me as I gave him a tired smile. I saw that it was dark outside when I looked out of the window, standing up to stretch before walking up to him. "Yeah, she just woke up," he said to whoever he was on the phone with. I arched an eyebrow, silently questioning who he was talking to. Why did this person need to know what I was doing? "I will. Okay, bye... It was Eren. He was just asking how you were, being the perfect boyfriend for you." "Not my boyfriend," I muttered, getting a glass of water for myself. "I don't believe that after finding out you had sex." "Hey, I just woke up. Stop bothering me," I grumbled, running my fingers through my hair before gulping on the water. "What do you want for dinner?" he asked, pushing my grumpiness to the side. "This is my apartment, I should be asking you." "Well, I'm going to stay until Hanji comes back on Sunday." "You don't need to." "You're right, I don't need to. But I'm going to anyway." "Okay, whatever, I can't stop your stubborn ass." "So what do you want for dinner?" "I'll eat anything." "Okay. Get out of the kitchen, I'm going to make something." "I'm going to have a shower. You can have my room, I'll sleep in Hanji's. And I'll leave some clothes for you." "Thanks." I smiled at him, leaving the room to go to my bedroom to get a towel and a onesie to change into after my shower. I was kind of long in the shower, just zoning out and thinking about several things that happened today. After, I slipped my onesie on and wrapped my hair in a towel. I trod out of the bathroom and back into my room to dry my hair and brush it. Once I did that, I picked up my phone, stuffed it into my onesie pocket before looking for some clothes for Levi. I found two t-shirts and a hoodie of Eren's, a pair of shorts, and two pairs of joggers. Knowing they were clean, I folded them and placed them onto my bed, along with a towel in case Levi would want a shower. Padding into the living room, I saw that Levi was still in the kitchen that had an amazing aroma. I walked behind him, peeking over his shoulder to see what he was making. He slightly turned his head to see me before turning his attention back to the stove. I moved to the living room, plopping down onto the sofa, taking my phone in my hands, seeing two missed calls from Hanji. I decided to call her back, seeing as how she may be a little busy later. After about ten seconds, she answered the call. "Hi, (Y/N)!" "Hey. Did you need anything?" "No. Just wanted to check how you were doing since I'm sure you're missing me already." I laughed softly. "Wow. I was actually going to call you earlier... Um, I may have interacted with Reiner..." "What?! When? Where? Are you okay?" I explained everything to her, including the abuse I had never told her about. She was clearly shocked, and slightly annoyed that I didn't tell her this whole time. "Do you want me to come back home?" "No, no... Stay with Erwin. I'm fine." "Are you sure? He won't mind." "Yeah, don't worry... Levi's going to stay until you come back..." I muttered, knowing the raven can hear me, but I didn't want to say it as if I was happy about it. "AWW!! I love him for you! He's so sweet and cute and such a gentleman to you! He doesn't act the same to me." "Hanji, stop. You know you're just fantasizing since..." I paused, trying to figure out how to say 'he's dating Petra right now' without Levi knowing what I was talking about. "It's very unlikely right now," I said. "Why am I the one getting excited? You should be happy sometimes." I scoffed. "I am happy. You're just over-the-top with everything--" "Darlin', dinner's ready," Levi told me, putting food onto two plates for himself and me. "Okay. Thank you," I smiled at him. "Anyway, Hanji, I'll talk to you later." "Aw, he made dinner for you! That's adorable! Okay, bye!" I hung up, leaving my phone on the sofa as I wandered over to the dining table, joining Levi. Both of us talked and laughed throughout dinner, once again, teasing each other, which just concluded with me getting agitated. Once we finished our food, I washed our dishes as he set up a movie for us to watch since we weren't tired at all. I mean, I did have a nap so I wouldn't be tired yet. Though, I don't know how Levi isn't tired. Once again, I fell asleep on the sofa towards the end of the film, and this time, Levi did as well. I used his shoulder as a pillow and tucked my legs in, covering my form with the blanket we shared. When he was asleep, his head drooped to the side, resting against the top of mine. We were both asleep, not knowing our position. But I'm pretty sure if someone were to walk in, they would think we were a couple.

[occupationalhazards-series]

Zero Hour: Track One (A Side)

[image- a drawing of a vinyl record with “Zero Hour A Side” and “Ciela, The Heir Not Quite Apparent” as the text in the center.]

Content Warnings: blood, self injury (in a non self-harm context), referenced child abuse and kidnapping, referenced abusive food restriction

In a stone lined room, a small girl lies in a bed. Her slick navy horns turn indigo in the first hints of sunlight, and the light casts a similar bright violet hue to her aubergine hair. Even the small disturbance of natural sunlight is enough to wake her, eerie mercury eyes snapping open even as her body stays stone still. Her breath pattern changes, but only barely.

She tenses minutely, and waits.

One breath, two, each nearly as silent as the last. Even with her vigilance, she hears no approaching guards and fails to sense the approaching magic of her attendant.

This small assurance is all it takes for her to spring into action, shoving a light blanket and sheet to the foot of the bed. The plain night clothes she wears don’t change at all in the light of the rising sun, their muted cream color remaining dull and boring. Her skin, however, does, the soft bronze shining a bright, magical copper in these few minutes she has to herself.

She drops to her hands and knees just as quietly as she had woken up, and reaches out under the bed. In one smooth motion, she slices her left ring finger on the prepared razor blade and smears the bloody digit on the hidden compartment under the bed. She catches the journal when it falls from the compartment, and shimmies back onto the bed, crossing her legs and settling herself into her morning routine.

First she closes her eyes, recalling and reviewing. Judging by the angle of the sunshine coming through the window, her attendant shouldn’t arrive for at least an hour. It is day four of the week so far, which means... breakfast, then free archive time. After that comes etiquette review, and that precedes sword training.

Joy.

She lets out a sigh and resigns herself. This is the day’s routine, and knowing is far better than not.

Especially on weeks when Lord Prince is around. Her huff isn't even forceful enough to move the longest part of her bangs, but her eyes flash a bright platinum.

Onwards, then. She opens the precious journal far more delicately than necessary, unable to stop herself from feeling the all too important inscription on the inside cover as she reads it aloud.

"To Our Beloved And Adored Hatchling-

May your scales grow strong,

may your magic grow true,

may your stories be told.

We love you."

Her voice is airy, but not light. It has the soft tone of someone who has had cautiousness beaten into them, and the surety of one reading an absolute truth. At this moment, the very edge of night conceding to day, only the latter sentiment matters.

Her steady breath wavers, shaking as she remembers. She wishes she was older when she left (when she was taken)- there simply aren't enough days to recall no matter how far she reaches back into her memory.

Nine years just isn’t enough, especially for her kind. (Yet four years is far too many. Funny how that works.)

She has to steel herself- mentally, of course. The strict dietary regimen Lord Prince makes her keep leaves her far too underweight to brace herself with a full body of scales like her mother.

Every day is too much, and every memory is not enough. It's not a surprise- nothing that happens near daily can truly be labelled a surprise- but it cuts jut the same.

One breath, then another. Moving on, she flips to the back of the book, and then carefully flips forward by several pages. There isn't a single word on any of these pages- just hundreds of tallies, carefully, furiously scratched in. They total in the thousands, and each one represents one day away from home.

Ciela leans over the bed and nearly falls off in her rush to grab the last hidden item from underneath it- a slick and elegant metal dip pen.

She settles back into position, noting the time as she carefully presses one preternaturally sharp fang into her left palm, slowly pulling her palm away and letting the blood well in her hand.

There is no way in all the Courts she'd use something as easily manipulated and identifiable as ink.

The blood of any and every Drake is a powerful magical artifact in and of itself, but the actual substance of an individual Drake's blood is even more useful than that- any Drake could and frequently did hide their secrets with it. (Blood is home. family. secrets. love. self. ancestry. futurepastnow.)

Blood casting is an instinctual, near primitive form of magic, taught to the youngest of hatchlings. But it WORKS.

The simplicity rebounds into strength- there must be a Drake, of sound enough mind to channel magic, and something important enough to spill blood over. Will and blood.

They are all that saves her.

One breath, then another. Focus. She writes in her journal while she can.

Dearest Elders-

I have no good news. I’m not sure I have any news at all. My attendant continues to give me leniences and graces that are sure to get them in trouble. I don’t know why. They gave me a whole bunch of ambrosia berries yesterday. My magic feels bouncy and airy and like I could fly.

I want to unbind my win

Why can’t my magic feel like this all the ti

IM SORR

I am growing, but not enough. My wings are so small I’m worr

I am small even for a human my age. I know I won’t be as big as you, Mother, but you and Father are not small people. My fourteenth winter approaches, and yet the ten-summer children of the archivist are taller. As Dauphin never ceases to mention.

The ambrosia berries were good. I’ve never had something so sweet. They taste like ceremonial wine and frost lightning and honey (It’s no wonder Dauphin pays so much for their wine.)

I want to taste some properly grown by sky fae one day. I’ll share some with you too, I promise. I haven’t grown into a selfish person without you. Not yet

I’m trying so hard , please believe me

I suppose I did have something to tell you today. I’m sorry it wasn’t important. I have to have faith that you still care about unimportant things

me my day.

I love you

-Ciela

She doesn’t cry. There is no one to trust with her tears.

Nothing to do but hide her secrets once more. She cleans her dip pen with the pitiful flames she can muster from her lungs she slips it back in its makeshift hiding place along with the journal. One more drop of blood and a burst of wild magic makes the whole thing disappear to the senses. Her hand twitches, spasming into a fist.

She can’t get rid of her rabbit pulse heartbeat.

So she takes a deep breath, and as she slowly releases it her eyes widen. Her primary, secondary, and tertiary eyelids open, and her irises glow a brilliant platinum.

The world comes into preternaturally sharp focus. Every color, every detail, stands out in sharp relief. It’s not just enhanced vision- truesight reveals magic, hidden or unhidden, wild or controlled.

Ciela takes four careful turns. Nothing can be suspect. Nothing is.

She had to be sure. She nods, satisfied, and changes the flow of excess magic to heal the small abrasions on her hand. It only takes a few seconds- they were no more severe than a papercut.

Pacing and preparations done, she heads over to the window. A hop and a scrunch and she’s settled into the rim of the bay window. She tries to look at the sky, tries to feel the clouds and calls of her own from within her cage. They don’t come to her, and it’s no surprise. She has been looking and reaching for one thousand four hundred and thirty eight days, and the closest she’s come is feeling the faint echoes of a Wyvern Call.

Either the wards are that strong, or the closest of her kin was over a hundred clicks away.

Whatever. At least she can see the sky in this room placement.

She’s too tired to glare, but the look on her face as she stares at the sky she hasn’t felt in years is withering none the less. Ciela sits near perfectly still in the closest thing she gets to tranquility for twenty eight minutes before she heads back to her bed. The stone floor is cold, and she pretends not to feel it.

A soft “pat pat pat” marks her elegant trudge back to bed. Her attendant will be in soon.

She doesn’t sigh as she pulls up the covers. Tears don’t escape without permission. Her mattress isn’t stiff, her blankets aren’t too thin, her skin doesn’t feel frail.

She thinks she’s pretty good at lying these days.

She nods off before long.

When its time for the attendant to come by, Ciela is still dozing. She wakes up just as the attendant reaches out to touch her shoulder. This is no surprise to the attendant- they have been stationed over Ciela for nearly two years, and are well aware she is a light sleeper. “Your schedule has likely been moved around, but your meal is still first on the agenda.”

Ciela nods and walks over to the closet to grab her formal day attire, assigned by the Dauphin’s attellier. She grabs an undershirt and bloomers first, one each out of the twelve identical garments in the wardrobe. Next comes the loose floor length trousers. A dull navy, they match the dark grey hip length wrap blouse’s accent and ties.

“Why? My schedule was just revised.” They turn towards the opposite wall while the young girl dresses. Their voice is low and smoky and androgynous . It seems to echo and gain volume and clarity the closer they get to the shadowy corners of the room.

"Why else? Prince is in a mood today”, they murmur. “He’s always in a mood. My lessons don’t usually get changed because of it.” They sigh, and the shadows around their cloak seem to ruffle. "Mmmm. True. It will hit the public announcements later today-the Crafter's Guild has decreed that all Ranked Crafters are prohibited from engaging in business with the Prince family. Apparently, they’re concerned about the implications of Lord Prince’s recent land acquisitions."

This warrants a pause from the younger of the two- “Really?”

“Mmm. Well, nearly every consultant Lord Prince has warned him against it.”

“ I remember overhearing something about it. Didn’t Lord Prince bid rather aggressively for an old manor that was seceded to the Fair Folk territory nearly three centuries ago?”

“Yes, and he won, too. All of his other bids have been close to Ley Lines, or near enough to another Court’s sacred territory to be just this side of politically... impolite. No one knows what he’s up to, but it doesn’t matter in the short term. This embargo will be a major blow to the business deals his family and the Court of Graves have that are in negotiations.”

Ciela makes an intrigued noise as she pulls on the blouse to tie it. "Wait. I thought that guilds couldn’t declare grievance against specific families without violating Court Law?"

The attendant hums and counters "Service embargoes technically aren't, but they tend to be risky enough anyway. I'd be surprised they had the temerity, but this isn’t a standard case. Can you tell me why?"

Ciela opened her mouth to respond, but remembered to stop and think it out first. Her brow furrowed as she carefully detangled her hair from her horns. Tight, unrelaxed curls at the scalp of her horns always tangled with the wayward stretched waves. "Because... they didn't declare a formal grievance? No, as a guild they couldn't anyway. Not against a whole family... although some might argue that the rule doesn’t apply if there’s only one person left in the family line."

"True, although any of the leading members of the guild could, and that would have it’s own implications." They said this mildly, patient enough to let the kid reach her own conclusions.

She sits down to tie the blouse and mull over her answer.

“Oh! I got it I got it! Because the Crafter’s Guild only forbid their ranking members from collaborating with the Prince family directly, and not every guild member or a specific person.”

She’s finished getting ready, but flexes her hands so she can focus to get a more complete answer. “Prince has been very aggressive in his politics lately. Is it possible the Crafter’s Guild was looking for any way they could find to keep their most skilled members from a contract with Lord Prince? Formal service contracts are supposed to be voluntary; each individual trades-person could choose to interpret such an embargo as ‘the head of the Prince line and all of his close associates.’ That leave most of the Society of Magisters leaders and management without access to some of the most reputable trades-people around.”

The shadows deepen with her attendant’s pleasure at her analysis. Encouraged, she goes on. “ I’m not sure why ethical disputes over land purchases was the thing that made them take such drastic action? If they really wanted to avoid dealing with our guild couldn’t they have publicly taken issue with... most anything Prince has done in our name for the last few years?” Her consternation isn’t all over her face, but is in the increased speed of her hand flexing, her lightly furrowed brow, and the rigidity of her shoulders.

Her attendant sits down with her, warning that they have to leave soon before explaining. “The Crafter’s Guild is one of few guilds that is politically friendly with, but not a subset of, any particular court. They are also one of the most diverse guilds, with members of many Courts, backgrounds, and specialties. The land disputes were probably picked because they would be the most plausible reason on paper. It is well known in certain circles that the heads of the Crafter’s Guild have a grudge against key Grave Court leaders-any other stunt they pull with less legal merit could be construed as as a personal vendetta using a community platform.” Ciela nods, her twitching hands slowing down. “Since they have so many specialists, they can easily claim that associating with the our leader could threaten the livelihoods of the crafters within their own guild by consequence or association.”

Ciela gets up to prepare her school supplies for the day. Some in her bag, for using in the classroom after first meal, the rest laid out on the pitiful desk adjacent to the window. “That sounds like a lot of ‘maybe’. Is there another reason this happened?”

The shadows fluttering around the attendant’s floor length coat seem to languish with their amusement as they too head towards the door. “One of the leaders of the guild flat out hates Lord Dauphin, and the other is loyal enough to her and dislikes our Lord enough to back her up.”

Ciela almost smiles before she steps out the door. Lord Prince hates that nickname. She never has the courage to say it out loud.

It doesn’t last for even a second after she crosses the doorway’s cold vacuous energy. The child’s head dips, her back straightens. They both quiet, and prepare to play their roles.

Both of them know that this fleeting moment of peace is the closest she’ll get to happy for the day.

Both of them will take it. For now.

Thank you for reading this debut! Zero Hour is brought to you by:

Ash Pana (Writing, Design, Pencils)

Jessica Song (Design, Inks, Tones)

Sasha Reneau (Zine/Print Formatting)