#im so terrified of doing badly that it's paralyzing me
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i've thought about writing all day. i sit down to start working on the second draft of my novel. i lose ALL MOTIVATION. i want to write but my brain won't let me HELPPPPPP
#i feel like this is my fear getting in the way??#im so terrified of doing badly that it's paralyzing me#i am on a time frame i need to get this done#WHY CANT I WRITE#writers#writeblr#writing community#writers block
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how do you think jason's siblings feel about him?
this is a question i’m less equipped to answer as i’m less of a scholar of them than i am of him so take this mostly as idle musings as opposed to a more scholarly discussion… AND feel free to correct me on things.
Generally i think all of them except dick have some form of non-relationship with him. he isn’t really their brother in any sense other than bruce is their shared parent, and he doesn’t seem interested in interacting with them or participating in the trappings of familial relationships, or Not trying to beat the shit out of them when they get too close to him.
his strongest relationship (within his family) and the exception to this rule is with dick, who. Oh it hurts so badly oh it hurts dick so badly to watch jason do this to himself. he rightfully points out in the comics that jason’s quest and methods seem little more than an ill-advised suicide attempt, which i think isn’t far off. being around jason is genuinely probably painful for dick (as it would be for anyone), but jason is also uniquely(?) equipped to piss him the fuck off. dick is NOT cool with the Attempted child murder several times over thing and WILL yell at jason about it and WILL fight him over it. but i think generally in most circumstances that aren’t related to “you paralyzed my brotherson” dick has this horrible thing where he can’t be Too mean to jason or jasons going to… ?????Blow up again????. dick is the only one of jasons siblings that makes any real effort to BE jasons sibling, and he’s also the only one that jason allows this to happen with and reciprocates to some degree.
coming from conversations with my friend izzy who is a cass and damian fan: caaaaass would not/does not like jason. She understands where he’s coming from on some level but fundamentally disagrees with his methods. she can also Very clearly see that he is still little more than a terrified 15 year old waiting for batman to save him at his core, which… ??? i would feel somewhat uncomfortable having that level of knowledge about a guy that visibly dislikes me.But that’s just me. im unsure of cass’ feelings further than Dislike and a vague sense of pity.
damian. oh my god. Again it’s like unraveling the gordian knot. daaaamian… on multiple occasions beats people/the joker up in… retribution? in reference to? jason’s death. he is shown to be effected by it enough for him to take action and start swinging. on the other hand, he also??? at multiple times??? beats the shit out of jason while making fun of him for dying? and leaves a crowbar on his pillow? So basically solve his puzzle. damian and jason could be a very interesting relationship (especially if you’re like me and contemplate the timeline of things and have come to the conclusion that jason post-resurrection but pre-lazarus pit lived with talia at the same time damian would have been living there) but unfortunately the two of them kind of just largely regard each other as nuisances not worth a lot of time and effort. i don’t think damian holds the paralysis thing against jason necessarily — i don’t think he’s HAPPY about it, but i think on some level he probably understands that it wasn’t a personal choice and was more business.
tim needs jason lost at sea, but often has other larger problems going on than a guy in a stupid helmet running around.
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having a mome below dont worry abt it
sorry in advance but apparently tonight is a real Cannot Fucking Stand This Body Anymore kinda night. I need to get on t so goddamn bad like im terrified of it and how people will react esp like my family but that shit was always going to be complicated anyways and also I am straight up going to kms if I have to live like this for another year .lol♡ . I just. I've worked really hard since living on my own to be even close to neutral on my appearance and voice and bearing and ik its made worse bc its 4 in the morning as I'm dealing with this but its so fucking easy to backslide into the cesspit of resentment and anguish and snarling fury I have at looking and being the way I am currently. I can't stand myself and the ways I know I'm percieved there's no way I can survive the way I am much longer. And it's like being clawed apart slowly from the inside knowing that on the other side of the fear that paralyzes me is so much potential to fall in love with myself in a way I know I can barely imagine- it'll take time to mold my body into what I tentatively let myself fantasize about sure but at least it will be Something. I dont expect to become ethereal or worthy of reverence or anything so grand of course but I can't help but be feverishly consumed with hunger to know how I'll change. To know what my voice will sound like- will my register finally expand to those low growling tones and gravely rumbles that I hear in my mind sometimes when I invision some far-future version of myself? Will I finally be able to build and keep muscle, enough that I can look at my body and think this is capable and useful and will serve the purposes asked of it, instead of being just another thing to bury under pretty distractions to keep anyone from looking closer? Will I ever even get to a point that I Could let anyone look at me without feeling the need to raise my hackles or run or make excuses? Its not that I don't like decorating myself in nice clothes and jewelry and all kinds of little details, I just want so badly to believe that one day I could do it just for the fun of it and not as layers upon layers of defenses to keep myself and hopefully others from thinking about the form underneath. I'm losing the plot to all the white-out longing in my head but yeah all that to say. I wish I were able to find pride in my physical self. I wish I had a form I could think of as anything more than an inconvenience at best. This one is so selfish and will never be acted upon but I wish I were able to let myself be desired too. I wish I had the courage to make some choice, anything really, to progress towards the possibility of ever having any of that. But in the end I cower from change even ones I know will make me happier because they always risk upsetting someone and if I'm the only one left sick with anguish well. That's just basic math isn't it? Better to be the one stuck with all the suffering than being the one shattering it out in an impact crater I can't even attempt to hide is my fault. So I'll just keep not reaching out and playing down how gutwrenchingly sick I am on the daily to be living this way. And if I just tell myself enough times that it's fine, that I don't Need any of the things I want, that obviously desire is the root of suffering and as such it's only right that I abstain from even the most benign of my own, well it has to be true eventually, doesn't it?
#j.txt#vent#sui mention#god this is embarrassing. if u read all that sorry again please dont think less of me I prommy I'll be normal and fun and good by morning#simply having a little crisis about it for the time being ill stay silly i swear i will
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i just hate that i am almost 22 years old and i am still struggling so much with being avoidant and having so much anxiety surrounding social interactions and my avpd. i feel like i am a scared little animal that wants to curl up and hide from the world forever. and at the same time it desperately craves any sort of validation or reciprocated affection but is too terrified of rejection to want to reach out to anyone. and ive gotten better at putting myself in situations that test my anxiety but they wind up affecting me so badly that i cant function for hours upon hours afterwards because i feel so paralyzed by guilt and worry that my stomach hurts and my teeth grind and my head aches and i feel so sick i cant sleep. and i just dont know what to do because i hate living like this im like a prisoner in my own body
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Thoughts on 11x06
I had to come back to type this after the episode. I was gonna wait to post until more people are active but everyone’s safety is more important than notes. This was really hard for me to watch. It took me two hours because I kept needing a break. It’s a tough one yall. It’s heartbreaking and really brought out issues I didn’t know I was still dealing with until I reacted so badly to some stuff. Take care of yourselves and I’m here if you need to talk. I’ll have timestamps for major tws in another post coming right after this. I just gotta go back and get the end of those scenes. I only go the time they started.
Okay. So. There’s some trigger warnings that I’ve reblogged earlier. This recap WILL have thoughts about those triggers. If you think you’ll be triggered just message me or send me an ask and I’ll give you the non triggering recap. Stay safe please.
Kev and v intro. They’re having sex behind the bar
I’m extremely nervous for some reason I might not be able to get through this
Bike heist!!
LICKEY RIGHTS
LIP CALLS HIM MICK
MISSION IMPISSIBLE
Mickey is unimpressed
Lip telling Mickey what to do yes please
Fucking Mickey omg
HE LOOKS SO GOOD
THE WAY HE SAYS BRAD
Again Mickey is unimpressed
Lip :(
MICKEY CONCERNED ABOUT LIPS SOBRIETY
AGAIN I SAY LICKEY RIGHTS
Frank is falling the chick he’s boning Monica
Not sure that’s her real name
Wait yeah it is
Frank??? Has to get to work???
Wait her name isn’t Monica
Oh shut now I get what’s happening
“Can I speak to Pope Francis please” LIAM 😭
Poor baby
Lip cooking breakfast. Hot.
I forgot about camis baby
I actually beep bad for lip and Tami
We already heard this argument with Mickey and Ian get new material writers
PRODIGAL THEIF
PINK BOX HES SO CUTE
HE LOOKS SO CUTE GOTTA SQUEEZE HIM PLS
Yeah don’t tell Carl that traitor
MICKEY BROUGHT DONUTS PLS
HES SO CUTE
ITS TOO MUCH
I LOVE HIM
HIS SMILE!!!!!!!!
GALLAGHER YOUTH
THAT MEANS MICKEY TOO BYE
CARL CALLING HIM MICK TOO PLS
I CANT TAKE IT
Poor Liam he’s terrified
“I was hoping the fucker would just die” :(
Shut up Debbie
Mickey is beautiful
Leave Mickey out of it debbie goddamn
I cant fucking stand her
Frank just observing his kids and smiling
Same frank
SHUT UP DEBBIE
OH MY GOD HIS LAUGH IS THIS WHAT YOU HEAR WHEN YOU FIRST GET TO HEAVEN????
“And the smartest” lol
Someone save Liam
“I want Sandy”
We all do kid
Fucking manipulative little I CANT STAND DEBBIE
Sandy deserves better
I hate the Milkovichs!!!!
How did smart sensitive sweet beautiful loving Mickey come from this disgusting family????
MICKEY IS THE BOSS
My heart hurts so him
“Homo sexy” dear god
Mickey is too good he deserves so much better
I love him so much
Let him be happy
Mickey has the biggest heart
They’re actually talking and not fighting
CHAPO STFU
You’re so funny and smart and beautiful don’t forget that baby
SUGAR TITS
And no one is fazed lmao
“He’s actually my uncle and my dad” I fucking hate this show
I forgot Carl makes legit money now
Wtf kinda school is this
This is so fucked up
The twins are so adorable
SHUT UP DEBBIE
“You guys” I hate that but also she’s acknowledging Mickey as “hers” and he’s family :(
Okay this horrifying comment
I hate that it’s just nonchalant
Debbie just keeps talking.
Let’s move on
Mickeys face when she says “butt naked”lmao
LIP CALLING HIM MICK AGAIN
“Talk to you for a minute?”
“Yes. Please”
I LOVE IT
Mickey is unimpressed by lip once again and I’m smiling
They love each other they’re secretly best friends ITS A FACT
HAND SHAKE SO CUTE
MY BABIES
“Blue like my balls” fucking frank lol
They’re going in on Frank’s storyline now
Boss Mickey at it again
Terry’s home
The way his face falls im sick
SANDY BABY
My heart is racing
Mickeys face is breaking my heart
Great now I’m crying
Mickey got emotional
Ian sensed it and touched his neck all fucking sweet
Okay I had to take a little break because I started crying
I love him too much
Fucking Noel is so damn good
My heart is fucking breaking
“Frank’s not a homophobic psychopath who tortured you for years”
Please Mickey deserves better
I don’t wanna hear any Ian slander either.
In this house we protect my son and my son in law I will fight you
“Let’s get the fuck outta here. Lip you coming?” 😭
That was so hard to watch yall. I’m not gonna lie to you. My parents weren’t half as shitty as terry but growing up feeling unloved your whole life fucks you up anyway and that brought out some emotions and feelings I didn’t realize I still dealt with. I had to pause for a good while and cry.
Leave Sandy alone debbie
Terry is disgusting
Okay the homophobic language he uses is definitely triggering so I’ll time stamp that too
Debbie you selfish bitch
Everyone leaving terry outside it’s a yes from me
I honestly can’t concentrate on the other scenes now I’m sorry y’all
I try to cover everyone’s scenes but it’s hard for me today
I’m not okay
Liam is too innocent poor kid
MICKEY LIP AND IAN THE BEST TRIO
We need more scenes
I PAUSED TO TYPE AND THE FUCKING LOOK HES GIVING HIM STOP
They’re besties
Mickey is beautiful
MY BABY BUSINESS BOSS MAN I LOVE YOU
he really hasn’t called him Philip the entire episode wtf
Ignoring Debbie
Now I want fries
Carl is cringy
Mickey drove them home and pulled a gun
Honestly again another heartbreaking scene
Ian’s trying to make him stop
Terry is disgusting and also a coward but we’ve been knew
Noel is the most amazing
Mickey gets teary but doesn’t cry bc I cried enough for the both of us
He’s the strongest bravest ever and I’m so proud of him
I need a hug
My heart hurts so much y’all
I just want him to be happy
I’m a fucking mess
I can’t handle Lip being emotional too
Oh I thought lip wanted to sell the house for himself only but at least they all get their share
Horrible music choice
I wanna tuck Mickey in with his favorite tv show on(911) make him his favorite food to eat in bed and not let anyone but Ian around him for a good 72 hours
The way Ian is looking at him
“Would you take care of me if I was paralyzed?”
“....yeah. Yeah”
“Top you whenever I wanted” “asshole”
His smile is back that’s all I need in life
MICKEY IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD
RIP DOWN THAT FLAG YES BABY
“That was big of you” “he’s an asshole...I wanna be better than that”
WHEN I TELL YALL I LOST IT I MEAN FULL ON SOBBING
YOURE ALREADY A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT
YOURE SO KIND AND BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT
Ian’s like “back of the head? Gotta grab and hold my boy”
“You are so much better than that” IAN MY SWEET SON IN LAW I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR LOVING OUR BOY SO WELL
IAN IS THE MOST SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND
V spitting truth
I want terry to fucking suffer
Don’t do it frank
“Nah” LMAO
Frank loves his son in law
Sandy I love you
I need to hold her
No debbie I LOVE HER
NO SANDY LOVE ME INSTEAD
DEBBIE DOESNT DESERVE YOU
Carl scene was so awful I feel so bad for him this girl is a fucking psycho
That was an actual rape scene what the fuck
Mickey making frank laugh
Debbie explaining? Really?
I hate her
“How long is this gonna take? I’m fucking starving Lip” WHY WONT YOU CALL HIM PHILIP
“We could get on with our lives” well that hurt more than it should’ve
It’s really the end soon huh? 😢
According to captions Ian says “we’re in”
Frank reads his diagnosis
Carl goes to report his rape
That took me nearly two hours to watch. Yeah I usually pause to type but I had to take long breaks after the hard scenes. It was a really hard episode to watch. A lot darker than it has been. I’m not really okay right now. It was emotional but a really good episode overall.
#tw: r*pe#tw: homophobia#tw: inc*st#weekly recap#weekly thoughts#mickey milkovich#ian gallagher#gallavich#shameless#shameless us#noel fisher#cameron monaghan#mickey gallagher#frank gallagher#lip gallagher#sandy milkovich#terry milkovich#liam gallagher#carl gallagher#Debbie Gallagher#shameless final season#shameless s11 ep6#11x06#shameless 11x06
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obsession
summary: she managed to escape him for a short time, but now he had found her. word count: 2,353
pairing: august walker/unknown ofc
warnings: this is noncon smut!! if you’re not into that please do not read, i don’t want to upset or trigger anyone. also breeding.
a/n: please tell me what you think!! im so nervous. this is my first time writing smut all by myself, too, so please be nice ok love you guys thanks
tag list: @evnscvll @promptandpros @iloveyouwhiskey @crimsonrae @littlefreya @mary-ann84 @dearlybelovedluke @vacant-writings @wondersofdreaming @80scavill
Nothing had looked out of the ordinary, everything was quiet and untouched like it always was. She closed the door behind herself, locking it like she always did, setting the chain into place. Dropping her bag by the door and sliding out of her heels, she moved through the hall, already beginning to undress from that day’s work clothes. Tugging her blouse up over her head, it fell to the floor just a few feet from her bedroom door. She froze, her eyes trained on the floor where she saw loose rose petals scattered, leading further into the room. In her bedroom, strewn across her bed were multiple roses, with long stems covered in thorns. A pink card rested on top of the gray downy sheets.
Her body ran cold, paralyzed by fear as her eyes fell to the card, not realizing he was standing right behind her. Forcing herself to move, her hand dropped to the bed, picking up the little pink note. Her name was scribbled on the side facing up and when she flipped it over, there were only three words jotted down, in a handwriting she could never erase from her mind;
𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓁.
Dread ate at her insides as she stared at the card, feeling vomit in the back of her throat. The note fell from her hand, but before it could even land back on the bed, August stepped forward, reaching a hand up to brush the hair back off of her shoulders. His thumbs brushed over the thin straps of her bra. It didn’t surprise her that he had found her, but now that he had, she wished she had run just a little faster.
“Do you know how badly I’ve missed you, angel?” August’s voice was smooth and honeyed, his breath tickling her neck as he pushed her bra straps down her shoulders. His touch was cold and almost desperate, as if he was fearful that she would disappear in the blink of an eye. And almost just as bad, she ripped herself out of his hands, backing away as she turned to look at him. It had been years, now, nearly three since she’d stared into those zaffre eyes, since she had been petrified by that dead, sobering glare.
“I- you… c-can’t be here,” she stumbled over her words, the last bit of color leaving her face as she looked onto his face.
“I can’t?” August answered her, his brow pulling down as he stalked towards her, his hands reaching up to his collar, loosening his tie. “Who's going to make me leave?” Sliding his tie from around his neck, August held it loosely in his right hand, a little sneer rising to his face.
The air around them almost felt suffocating. Each one of his words came out in a soft, gentle breath, almost as if he was worried he’d scare her away like some stray animal. “I’ve thought about you every waking moment we’ve been apart,” August closed the distance between them, “thought about how it would feel to taste your lips again, run my fingers through your hair, be inside of you again,” the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and her breath caught in the back of her throat.
“No-” she whimpered, but it was too late. Before she had even realized it, August had wrapped his arms around her, tying her wrists together behind her back with his tie. And now it was too late to react, to struggle. He continued to back her up against the wall, caging her inside of his arms. “O-ow,” she choked, his weight pressing her flat against the wall, squishing her hands beneath them.
August grinned, his hands running down her curves to the waistband of her jeans, where his fingers teased the button and her zipper. “Are you going to try and fight, baby girl? You know I love a good fight,” he purred. Pushing them down her hips, she couldn’t help the pleas that it evoked. His hand was forcing its way between her thighs, driving her legs apart. “Stop-” she choked out, the tips of his fingers pinching and pulling at the thin layer of lace that shielded her for the moment.
It was hard to remember a time when she wanted August, yearned for his touch and would beg for it. That time had long since passed, back when everything was masked by smoke and mirrors. When she didn’t know the truth of who he was.
“Your body doesn’t seem to agree with you.” It was true that her body was betraying her, warmth pooling in her gut and she had wet through her panties, excited and sticky for his touch. Animalistic and carnal noises broke in the back of his throat. She arched her back, but tried throwing her shoulders against him, squirming her legs. Any attempt to push him off of her, but he had her pinned firmly between his body and the wall, unmovable like a mountain. His fingers pushed her panties to the side, the sensation of his fingers exploring and dipping inside of her causing her breath to catch in the back of her throat. “Nice and tight, no one’s been in here since me, have they, darling?”
Her face blushed red, burning hot from embarrassment as she looked up to meet his royal blue eyes. She’d never admit it to him, but since August, no other man had been able to please her in the way he could. Having him here now felt like some weird mash up of a blissful dream and a hellish nightmare. Her body was responding in ways she hated, her thighs were trembling and every new touch had a desperate moan dripping off of her tongue.
Supple lips caressed over her shoulder, towards the crook of her neck, placing gentle, sweet kisses up her neck. “You thought that you could leave me, that you could get away from me,” the tone of his voice was now taking a dark shift, his tongue sharp enough to cut like a knife. The tender prodding he’d been doing between her legs finished, August forced two of his fingers into her cunt knuckle deep, eliciting a sharp painful gasp from her pouty lips. “You’ve always belonged to me, angel.”
There wasn’t much fight in her, not for August. She’d always been so terrified of him, it had taken every ounce of courage she had to leave his apartment that night. Under the light from the hanging moon, she had left all of her things and just escaped. And now that his body was crushing down on her, forcing the air from her lungs, forbidding any sort of noise from now leaving her lips, he fucked her relentlessly with his fingers. August had every intention of taking back what was rightfully his, and tonight, he’d make sure to tie them together for the rest of their lives.
Pulling his hand free from between her legs, he admired the glistening wetness that coated him. Just another thing that pushed him further into delusion, helping him to believe that she really did want this. Stepping away from her, the woman took in a deep breath, crying out in relief as air flooded her lungs. She collapsed to her knees and he just laughed, circling her like a predator hunting its prey. “Isn’t that a beautiful sight.”
Stopping behind her, August grabbed her up by her arms, moving her to the edge of the bed where he slammed her chest down into the mattress. Her face was pressed down into the blankets, hot and sweltering already as she cried, begging for mercy though her voice was hidden and muffled. “Stop it, August! Stop, I don’t want this!” Kicking her legs and trying to squirm back up to her feet, August leaned forward and held her head down firmly into the sheets, stomping at her legs until her fighting stopped.
If it hadn’t been obvious before, she knew now that she had no choice in the matter. She belonged to August, she always would. And he was here to take back what he owned.
Flinching at the sound of his zipper, she gasped when he kicked her knees apart, positioning her just how he wanted. His hand moved up the curve of her ass, to her lower back where he pressed down sharply, forcing her to arch her back. On display for him now, August admired her sopping wet core, red and swollen, begging for attention that he was ready to give. Slapping and grabbing at her round ass, August probed another finger inside of her, a hot tingle running straight to the head of his cock. She was intensely tight around him, squeezing and hugging onto him in an effort to keep him inside. “You can’t keep lying, just admit it, you want me.”
“No!” She refused to budge, clawing and grabbing fistfuls of blanket in her hands, keeping her eyes screwed shut tightly in an attempt to keep herself from crying. Continuously, she tried to close her thighs, hide herself from him but he would just force her open once more. August grabbed her hips tightly in his hands, his fingers pressing into her skin so firmly he was sure to leave bruises behind as he mounted her. Lining his cock up with her entrance, all he cared about was feeling her stretching around him, his own satisfaction.
The head of his cock teased and slid against her folds, “I’m going to fuck this pussy so hard you won’t even be able to think about running away from me again.” Sliding himself into her until his balls slapped against her cunt, August groaned, his eyes rolling back into his head. A frenzied cry tore through the room and she pressed her own face down deeper into the mattress, biting down on the blankets to keep herself quiet. She knew August enjoyed a loud show, enjoyed knowing just how much pain he was putting her through and she didn’t want to give him the pleasure.
August didn’t care to wait for her to accommodate to his girth, instead, beginning to ram himself back and forth. Her walls stretched and molded around him, squeezing him tightly and coercing him to fuck even deeper. The fevered sounds of skin on skin slapping echoed through the room, her quiet whimpers of pain and ecstasy breaking through every now and then, but August didn’t halt. The bed underneath of her rocked and swayed, threatened to collapse with the force August was exerting into her.
He didn’t allow her to get used to his rhythm either, reaching forward, he let one hand free of her hip to wrap her dark hair around his fist, forcing her to arch up off of the mattress. No longer could she use the bed to quiet the sounds of her cries. August fucked her with a fiery passion, completely taking over her body as he held her flush to his chest. “Scream for me,” he moaned into her ear, sweat already perspiring across his face and shoulders.
Slamming into her cervix, waves of ecstasy and pleasure seemed to be crashing around inside of her as his size demanded to be felt. Her brain felt foggy and dazed, unable to think rationally any longer as she panted and moaned, relaxing her back against his chest as he fucked into her. Her hands, still tied behind her back, tried grabbing at his shirt, twisting the material in her fingers as he broke out into raspy, hot grunts.
She was almost beginning to enjoy herself, getting over how she had wanted nothing to do with him, wanting nothing to do with this. She felt so full, molded around him, like he fit so perfectly inside. Had she missed him? His arm wrapped around her chest, his hand running up until her neck was held tightly in his grip. Closing off her airways, she gasped for breath, tears burning the corners of her eyes as she grinded her ass back on him, partially enjoying herself, partially wishing for it to come to an end, for him to just finish.
“Fuck,” August groaned against her ear, his breath hot, yet still sending shivers down her spine. “You feel so good, missed you so much,” he pressed his lips to the back of her head as he continued to press himself harder into her. “Gonna make sure you can never leave me again,” he promised her, his strokes becoming slower but deeper. August was making sure to take his time, enjoying every single second of feeling her cunt squeezing him.
With his hand still gripping her throat, she was unable to speak, her face turning a pale shade from the lack of air. All she could do was wheeze, her fingers scratching at the skin beneath his shirt. Every ridge and groove hugged August’s cock, his head kissing her cervix as he sheathed himself deep inside of her. She couldn’t ignore the sudden hot sensation washing over her as her cunt spasmed and gripped him tightly, feeling little explosions going off in her stomach as she came hard on his cock.
That was all August had been waiting for. He released his hand from her throat, letting it fall back to her hips as he dug his nails into her, releasing his hot load deep inside against her womb. Still bucking his hips up into her, August rode out his climax alongside her. Deep, guttural moans almost completely hiding the sound of her crying as he filled her. Her knees began to violently shake, and her chest fell back against the mattress, heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Tears blurred her vision and smeared down her face as she felt August leave her, his hot semen dripping from her core. He moved back to his feet, his azure eyes trained still between her legs, watching as his essence trickled from her cunt like some sweet nectar.
“You can never escape me now.”
#august walker fanfic#henry cavill fanfic#august walker smut#henry cavill smut#august walker x ofc#august walker x female#obession
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HC: Telekenesis Quirk! Reader
Anonymous: You're such a good writer lmao can't relate. But Deku and Todoroki with a s/o who has a telekenesis quirk that gets harder to control the less she concentrates? Like she'll zone out and suddenly there's books stuck the the ceiling XD idk it just sounded cute to me
Ahhh thank you ya made ma heart feel all squishy :) And this is SO AdOrAbLeEeeeeeeE (PS- I havent written for Todoroki for a while so forgive me if my writing for him is a little rusty!)
(P.S.S)- I broke up the parts front Fluff and Angst for each boy because I felt this request could do well for both genres
(RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))
-----------------------------
DEKU
Fluff:
Izuku thinks your quirk is SO FREAKING COOOOOOOL
He obviously made a journal about your quirk, because you’re his girlfriend, OF COURSE he’s going to study your powers!!!
The journal first started out as just another addition to his superhero notes
He has little notes from when you two train about fighting styles would best suit you and techniques to help you control your quirk, since when you get distracted or daze off, your quirk will sometimes activate by itself
The journal was very sophisticated and platonic, really…. until it became a journal of just YOU
It's chock full of little things he loves about you, like how your laugh sounds like wind chimes that make his spine tingle in the most delicate way ever, or the way your hair smells so lovely like fruit it makes him go crazy every time he smells it
May or may not have went to the shampoo aisle of the grocery store smelling every bottle to see if its one you use
It's also full of little moments between you two that he never wants to forget
One of the most adorable things he has witnessed when your quirk took over (and, of course, wrote down-this boi has written EVERYTHING) was when you had laid your head in Izuku’s lap during a Dekusquad outing to the park
Everyone spent the whole day studying and occasionally running around like children, playing childish games, until everyone had sat down to eat and the tiredness began to set in
You were currently in a peaceful food coma, letting Midoriya play with your hair as the sun began to set, turning the sky into a beautiful mixture of oranges, pinks, and indigos
While the rest of his friends were busy playing a game of UNO, he took the time to admire how beautiful you were: your skin was tan and rosy from the sunset, your lashes thick, your lips a pretty shade of pink and slightly parted… he blushed, wondering how he had gotten so lucky to have you
Unknowing to Midoriya, you were beginning to daze off from his touch- whenever he played with your hair you were instantly calmed and, 9 times out of 10, would fall asleep
You sighed contently, allowing the softness of sleep to drape you, until….
“Y/n….y/nnn..wake up princess,” you heard your boyfriend’s sweet voice, muffled by the thickness of sleep you were still in. But something was wrong- he sounded almost ...desperate? Scared?
Your eyes shot open, a terrifying realization hitting you- you were levitating yourself.
You, of course, had done this before while sleeping, but there was always a roof over your head. Yeah, you would hit your head and it would hurt, but at least you weren’t flying into the open sky.
You gasped loudly in shock, feeling yourself drop rapidly to the ground
Izuku instantly reacted, using a tiny bit of One for All (like .00000001% of it) to make him rapidly sprint to catch you from your fall
You grasped Izuku’s shirt, feeling the soft skin and toned muscles that always made you feel safe, trying to make your heart stop pounding from the slight scare
Izuku looked down at you, blushing slightly from how quickly he reacted and how cute you looked cuddled up against him
“Are you alright?” he asked, worry laced in his tone
“Of course I am,” you replied, your voice still groggy from sleep, “you’re here.”
Angst:
*Warning: mentions of blood
You woke up, your hair matted to one side with dirt and- blood?- your head hurt, your ears ringing, the arm you landed on felt so sore you didnt even want to look down at the damage
You looked around, your vision fuzzy at the sides, trying to process what was going on- you could hear cries, screams, the crackling of fire- “that’s right” you thought, “Im fighting villians”
You then heard a voice that made your blood run cold
“I wont let you hurt her anymore!” Deku screamed, making you look desperately to find him- there he was, badly tattered and limping, holding one side of his suit, where red and purple was staining his skin, the mint green sleeve of his suit ripped away
The powerful villian laughed a cruel chuckle, advancing on poor Deku’s broken stance
“You think your little whines are going to stop me, kid? Your lucky your little girlfriend is pretty, or would have killed her by now. But a pretty little thing like that could be of use to me.”
He smiled a disgusting grin, his perverted thoughts making Deku instantly furious
“No, you won't touch her! I WONT LET YOU !” he screamed, his quirk creating a ball of green energy erupt around his body as he charged at the gigantic villain now running at him.
You stared desperately at the exchange, the whole time wondering how Izuku was even still standing while the villain looked untouched
Seeing your boyfriend charge him- you couldn't take it- you were terrified and angry and scared for his life, knowing he couldn't keep this up- he'd killed himself
“NOOOOOOOO!” you screamed with all your might, not realizing you were making the rubble around you float violently, giant pieces of fallen building flying into the sky, heading to the thing that was causing your pain- this villian who had the audacity to hurt your boyfriend
The villain tried to block the rubble from hitting him, with no luck- it overtook him, instantly burying him in a pile of rubble
Deku stared at the now silent villain, turning slowly to see you, battered and bloody, before you fell to the ground from over use of your quirk
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TODOROKI
Fluff:
Todoroki first began to have feelings for you very early on- he found you to be the most beautiful girl he had ever seen with a heart made of gold.
Whenever you two talked, he felt like you treated him like a person, not the “Son-of- Endeavor”, or “The-Boy-Who-Got-In-With-Reccomendations”- you truly talked to him to get to know him for who he was
It was refreshing and irritating at the same time- he was scared of any love and affection after what his father did to his poor mother, even though he desperately needed it
After months of containing his love for you, he realized-slowly- that you liked him back
You two were both in the library, completely alone
You of course didn't think Todokroki had feelings for you, as you did for him- you had accepted that you had a pitiful one-way admiration
With Todoroki’s presence merely a few feet away, you couldn't concentrate on your studies, but you couldnt bring yourself to leave
All you wanted to do was stare at the perfect separation of red and white in his hair, the scar that felt so mesmerizing and so him, that strong jawline that always made you feel weak in the knees….
Todoroki felt the tips of hair begin to lift slightly, as if a soft breeze was carrying him up. He watched as his book began to mysteriously lift in the air, the uncanny feeling of being watched making him turn sharply to look at you, an unreadable expression on his face
Todoroki’s piercing, mismatched eyes made you break from your daze, realizing you had been staring- and had used your quirk by accident
His book slammed back onto the table, his hair flopping back to his body, tickling his skin
He watched as you instantly looked down, fidgeting to get your books together hastily together, your cheeks a bright cherry red
He thought it was pretty cute, to see you so flustered
Just as you were practically pacing out of the library to escape the embarrassing situation, Todoroki stopped in front of you, forcing you to stop as well
“I know you were staring at me.” he said matter-of-factly, making your whole face red
Why did he find that so irresistibly cute?
“I-I-I-uh-” you stuttered, having know idea what to say
You instinctively reached up to brush your hair behind your ear, but-
Todoroki grabbed your hand, his hand warm and calloused
“Would you like to accompany me... on a date tomorrow night?”He swallowed, a twinge of nervousness visible on his calm face
You stared, dumbfounded at the mysterious boy in front of you, not knowing really how things turned so well for you
“I-uh-yes!” you smiled, “I’d love to.”
Angst:
You watched helplessly as the whole forest erupted in flames, the orange tendrils lciking up the sides of the trees, dangerously close to your reddened face
“What was going?” you thought desperately “How did I get here?” Everything was destroyed, every object turning to ash before you...you had to get out...but where was Todoroki?
You began running, flying through the charred leaves as the flames crackled around you
You didn't know where you were going, until you were met with a clearing, the once healthy grass now nothing but dirt and ash that was attacking your airways
A fierce battle was going on, it definitely being the source of the flames- both attackers were fire wielders, going at each other mercilessly- but one of the attackers was different-he was using ice as well
“Todoroki!” you tried to yell, unable to use your throat- it was like someone was choking you, making you unable to talk
You tried to move, to grab your boyfriend and escape, but- you couldn't move. None of your body parts working properly.
You stood there paralyzed, helpless to the situation, unable to move as you watched your boyfriend fight his father, Endeavor, no mercy being evident on either side
Panic flooded your system, only able to watch as the battle began to go in Endeavor's favor, your lover getting hurt more and more and more...
Todoroki rolled over, reaching out his hand to find the warmth of your body, confused to find that you weren’t beside him
He had at first groggily thought you had gotten up to go to get some water, only to look up and be shocked out of his sleepiness
You were floating a foot above the place you were sleeping, your body in the shape of a “T”
Your arms were limply spread out, away from your body, as your head lolled back as if someone was pulling the strands of your hair
“Y/n!” he gasped, quickly pulling you back to the bed
You face was contorted in such a look of pain, Todoroki then began to realize you must be having a nightmare
He began to shake you awake gingerly, calling you by your name and his pet names he had for you
You finally woke up, gasping loudly as if you had been drowning in water
You looked around, panting, not recognizing where you were at first, finally realizing you were in the strong arms of your boyfriend
“How did you-what happened-I” you asked confused, grasping his face between your hands and just relishing the feeling of his skin, his scar, his hair, terrified this was a dream and your nightmare was real
“You were having a nightmare,” Todoroki stated, placing a hand above the one you had on his cheek, “but youre okay, I got you now. Youre safe.”
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Requests open!!!!
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Match up (◕‿◕✿)
nAdDy sEnpAi if you’re still doing ikevamp matchups, could you do mine pleaseee 👉🏼👈🏼, school’s been really hectic and i need a pick me up 😔😔 here’s my updated info hehe 😚
I’m a female on the libra-scorpio cusp and a Slytherin, I used to be an ENFP but now I’m an INFP. Appearance-wise, I’m 5'2, i’ve brown eyes and caramel brown hair. I also wear glasses and I’m also quite tanned from being out in the sun all the time.
Personality-wise:
- I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I’m really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences (but physics is trash to me) and anime (I’m a closet nerd hehe) .
- I can be really ambitious and competitive, and I would sometimes place unrealistic expectations on myself, leaving me mentally exhausted and stressed, but like i place these unrealistic measures on myself to strive to be the best
- I do try to chill and take it slow, but you know, sometimes i just can’t 😅
- I’m quite an open book to all my close friends
- I also tend to be really possessive, like I dont like people purposely trying to steal my friends (it happened a lot of times before) and i hate it when someone randomly butts into a conversation i’m having with anyone, especially if it’s a deep conversation
- I can be really awkward around people i don’t click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with.
- I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don’t feel like I’m intimidating.
- I can be really sensitive to other’s emotions and i tend to put others before me, so like my close friend always told me that i’m too much of a giver, like I try to please everyone else and ignore myself
- My love languages are physical touch and quality time
- I can’t stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they’re just really irritating and it gets on my nerves, especially those people who are just doing stupid things to be popular (which is lowkey why i think tiktoks dances are dumb, like seriously i dont get the hype, but i do like tiktok meme videos tho)
- I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love classics (mozart and chopin are my favourites) and pop.
- I can really insecure at times, because i always feel that every other girl out there is better than me and i’m just a plain and ugly, and partially because i got bullied when i was younger about my appearance
- I like dressing up and putting on makeup occassionally, but i do act like a tomboy most of the time (ie. I hate skirts, like i really dont like them and i have no idea why, but jeans are supreme).
- I also love playing the piano and singing as well, even though i’m not that good at it :D
- People tell me that I’m very curious and persistent, constantly pushing until i get answers, but i do know my limits.
- I’m also very passionate about things I love, and i would do anything to protect people that i care and love.
- I’m also very affectionate and supportive towards my close friends and people i love. - I do have trust issues and I often feel like i do not deserve love and that I hate people who betray my trust.
- I’m ok with pda, but not anything overly affectionate, like hand-holding and kissing is ok, but not making out 😳😖
- I also tend to be pretty forgettful, and i’ll not eat for hours to get my work on hand done (whoop pretty unhealthy but :0)
- I’m also really sarcastic when i want to be, and i can’t hold a poker face to save my life (i swear i always start laughing like 2 seconds in) and I tend to sass people a lot, especially if I’ve had a bad day
- I’m also pretty fiesty and I hate people stereotyping me for my gender (i.e like when someone says that “oh you’re pretty good for a girl”) like what does my gender have to do with my ability? Like there is zero correlation
- My sense of humour is kind of twisted at times but i really love memes and i tend to crack inappropriate jokes sometimes
- I’ve been told that i come across as really flirty to some guys but it’s because i can be really touchy feely to my friends
- I’m also quick to anger, especially if i have a bad day, i hate people who nag and i hate people who put down others
- I’m kind of touch-starved, so i really like hugs and cuddles, but I’m also ticklish so my friends tend to tickle me when hugging me
- I can be a daydreamer at times, like I would get stuck in my own fantasy world when i shouldn’t 😂😂
- I’m also a drama queen around my friends, I dont have a lot of them in real life because of some rumours that others spread, so i only have a close circle of friends i really treasure and would do anything for them
- I also tend to bottle up all my anger and negative thoughts, and would sometimes like explode on others even though I don’t mean to
- Sometimes I don’t really think before I say or act, which is why sometimes I can come off as a bit rude or unfeeling but it’s just me and my impulsiveness
Fun Facts:
- i really love food, especially sweets (dark chocolate and dango is my life)
- i really hate horror movies (I’m usually pretty brave, but horror movies just get to me so much ergh) but i love chick flicks and adventure flims
- I’m also a hopeless romantic, which is why even little romantic gestures can make my heart flutter
- My hobbies are reading, writing and shooting (only air-rifle though)
- I used to be pretty athletic, I still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It’s on it’s road to recovery, but it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself.
- I love artic foxes and cats, dogs are too energetic for me 😅
- I’m also a sneaker hoarder and I love collecting and wearing sneakers hehe, heels are like torture devices for the feet i dont care even if they make me taller
- Coffee over tea anyday, no offense to peoples who like tea, but a fresh cup of brewed coffee is one of the best things in the world 😚
- I’m really terrible at drawing, I’m not gonna kid you. When i was younger, my art teacher threatened to fail me because im really terrible at drawing. 😂
- I’m also very injury-prone and a bit clumsy, which caused me to have bruises occasionally
- I’m kinda bad and math and physics, but like if you take your time to explain to me then I’ll understand a bit more lol, my best subject is like chemistry
- my ideal date would just be cuddling with my boyfriend, and either watching a movie together or bookshop date hehe
uwu i would be super grateful and happy if you did my matchup uwu thank you sm sending you all my love and hugs and cuddles 🥰💖💕
Hi hi, lia! ❤I’m so happy ya requested! 😆Hehe, I hope you enjoy it love, and I hope this cheers ya up! Love ya lots, and I hope you enjoy it! ❤😊
So I match you with……………. Isaac
Oh, the first time Isaac spotted you in the dining room, introducing yourself to everyone, he was paralyzed with fear. You quite possibly looked more intimidating than anyone he has ever met in his whole entire life, and that’s saying a lot considering you were standing right next to his pure blooded vampire, sire. Comte spotted Isaac hiding behind the doorway of the dining room, peaking in to catch a glimpse of their new guest. You instantly turned around when you heard the blond vampire beckon, someone closer, whose name you know all too well. He had been the cause of endless amounts of math and science homework over the years.
Your eyes locked with his for a split second, but moments after you met his rosy eyes he darted them to the ground. “I-s-saac Newton, n-nice to meet you.” You gave him a shy smile and took his outstretched hand and shook it, before you could even say a word, Arthur budded in and interrupted. An action which caused you to feel slightly irritated, Isaac looked up at your face and saw that you were starting to become awkward with being the centre of attention. The two of you still held hands when the physicist decided to pull you into the kitchen with him to give you a moment of peace. You smiled when he is a very soft meek voice confessed that he didn’t really like crowds or loud people, a little fact that the two of you bonded over. And before you knew it, you and Isaac were now sitting in the kitchen chatting away in a deep conversation about your mutual dislike of overcrowded places, bullies and plain old public nuisances.
The next day you decided to curiously explore the mansion. You came across a great big library, and you felt as excited as a kid on Christmas day. They had every and any book you could possibly wish for. You decided to spend the day doing something you absolutely loved, and that would be... reading. You had found yourself an old outdated science book, and you were honestly so fascinated at how little had changed in terms of scientific principles over the years. You were so invested in the book you were reading you didn’t even hear Issac walking in. He was on the hunt for his little hedgehog.
You were awoken from your book reading trance when you heard the sound of a vase smash against the floor. Startled you turned your head towards the loud crash only to see a very distressed looking Isaac. You are naturally sensitive to other emotion, and very much a giver, so it only took one glance at Isaac’s troubled face to prompt you into action. You noticed that he had cut himself on the fallen vase and he was now down crouched on the floor trying to retrieve his terrified hedgehog, who had gotten himself caught at the bottom of one of the large bookcases.
Wordlessly you laid on the floor beside Isaac and peered under the bookcase, when you spotted little Harry cowering in the dark corner tangled in a ball of wool. Your hands and arms were much smaller than Issac’s, so you were easily able to reach under the bookcase and secure the little hedgehog. Both of you sat up as you cradle the scared little animal in your hands, trying to untangle the wool that was wrapped around his body. “My God, Harry, I was worried sick about you, please never disappear like that again.” both you and Isaac breathed a sigh of relief at the now rescued critter.
That is when you looked up and noticed that Harry wasn’t the only hedgehog who had been injured, “Isaac, your hand!” You stood up and offered Isaac a hand up, you then gently took his hand in yours and led him to your room. You sat him down on your bed and gently started treating the injury as Harry had made himself comfortable, now sleeping on your pillow. While treating Isaac’s injury, you started chatting away with him. You could see him blushing profusely from embarrassment so you decided to tell him about the book you were reading before the whole fiasco. At the mention of the science book, Isaac instantly perked up and met your enthusiasm ten fold. After his wound was wrapped and treated, the two of you sat in deep conversation for the second time that week, chatting all about science and your mutual love for the subject. And that my dear friend is how you and Isaac had become good friends
Since that day, it wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to be sitting across from each other in the library, reading away. Usually, Harry would be nestled in your lap as you and Isaac enjoy a quiet afternoon together. Some afternoon the two of you would just simply sit in silence and read while other afternoons were filled with laughter and conversation between the two of you cuties.
As the days went on Isaac had noticed a very curious fact about you, and that was how forgetful you were. He had noticed that you would go hours and hours without eating or drinking something which strangely enough, was the exact opposite of him, who required minimum routine of five meals a day. It was this curious observation that had started the habit of the two of you dining together every day. Something which both of you really enjoyed, especially now that the two of you were determined to find the best sweets in all of Paris. Every day without fail, at lunchtime you and Isaac would go out to town to try a new cafés for lunch and sweet. These café crawls usually involved Isaac showing you around Paris, visiting book stores together and leisurely walking beside the Seine. You honestly loved spending time with this hedgehog, who had seemed to have completely opened up to you.
Isaac loved your inappropriate jokes and twisted humour and would bust out into uncontrollable laughter whenever you would crack a joke. One time as the two of you were sitting on the fountain’s edge eating some ice cream, you saw a man falling up stairs. As hard as you tried, you couldn’t keep a poker face, it just wasn't in you, especially when Isaac had just witnessed the exact same scene and was now looking at you and snickering. Of course, being the sweet angels you were, you rushed to see if the man was alright, however, your walk home with Isaac was filled with jokes and endless laughter of the days events.
Ooh how Isaac had fallen head over heels for you, his favourite thing in the world was to hear you sing and play the piano. He would silently walk into the piano room whenever you played, and just let the beautiful sounds wash away his weariness of the day. He would shower you with endless compliments, even more so, when you would deny them, saying that you aren’t that good. These playful little banter fights usually end with him tickling you. He usually won’t give up until you admit that you are the best singer and piano player in the whole mansion. Cue Mozart walking in like challenge accepted.
The night Isaac finally confessed his feeling for you was on, one warm summers night. The night started of with Isaac taking you out to watch a musical concert. He knew just how much you love music. Before he had met you, he had never really bother taking the time to listen to music, as he had always been far to absorbed with his own work, to stop and smell the flowers. However since meeting you, he found himself utterly enjoying going to the opera and musical concerts and letting himself just get absorbed by the sound of music. He loved the way your eyes gleamed as you watched and listened to the performance.
After the concert, he lead you out into the garden, where his telescope had been all set up. The two of you sat together and stargazed while Mozart played some romantic classical music in the background, which was arranged by the resident hedgehog himself. Somewhere between the beautiful sight of the stars and the gentle melody playing in the background. Isaac build up the courage to finally reveal to you just how madly in love he was with you. He then produced a bunch of red roses out of thin air and resting in the roses was a card with a hand-drawn meme ( courtesy of Sabastian) asking you in the most hilarious way to stay in the past with him. The two of you met in a sweet kiss and the rest of the evening was spent cuddled in each other’s arms under the stars.
Both of you are pretty touch starved creatures, so expect to be cuddled, snuggled, kissed and hugged whenever Isaac comes across you. Like if Isaac spots you in the garden hanging laundry he will give you the biggest hug from behind, kiss your neck and then tell you how much he loves you, before he is off with Napo to teach the children.
Don’t worry about your impulsive behaviours, bottled up emotions or a quick temper. Isaac might be new to the whole human behaviour thing but he is very in-tune with your emotions and he will instantly pick up when you are feeling upset or angry. He will aim to fix every and all problems immediately, especially if it is causing you hurt or upset. This also counts for when you are over stressing yourself, about putting too high an expectation on yourself. If he sees you getting angry, stressed or frustrated, he will pull you into his arms and gently stroke your hair, you can’t be angry when you are being so gently held and loved. Isaac will sit an listen to all your troubles.
He always encourages you to communicate whenever you are having negative emotions so he can help you through it the best way he knows how, with cuddles. He would usually make you a cup of coffee and pull you into his lap and cuddle you, as you unpack everything and anything that had upset you that day. He will patiently listen and leave small little kisses on your cheeks to remind you that he is there for you and will support you no matter what
He loves your competitive side, even more so when you use it to win a bet and beat Arthur. HE also loves how open-minded you are. The two of you often teach each other new skills, for example, you have been teaching Isaac how to shoot while Isaac has been patiently teaching you maths and science.
He low key loves how possessive you are and is just as possessive over you. He absolutely adores you and will remind you of that every single day.
He loves holding your hands and giving you small kisses on the cheeks whenever the two of you go out together. He honestly can’t believe it when you feel insecure about the way you look, “You are honest to God, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” Will tickle you and shower you with kisses and loving words whenever you are feeling insecure about yourself.
He will always snicker when your feisty side comes out. Like whenever you sass the men at the banquets for spewing gender based stereotypes and being ignorant. Once they have been put in their place, Isaac while still laughing at the hilarious smack-down you just gave the ignorant men will always give you the sweetest kisses, “God, I love you so much.”
Isaac legit loves everything about you from your quick temper to your clumsy streak. You best be sure this hedgehog is ganna be right by your side whenever you clumsily injure yourself. He will legit sweep you off your feet and nuzzle into your neck, all while making sure you didn’t injure yourself too severely.
This boy loves you to the moon and back and would do anything to make you happy. If you are overexerting your injured knee you best be sure he will piggyback you to his room and do everything in his power to ease away the pain. Even if that means taking a soothing hot bath with you.
Often the two of you cuties can be found cuddled together, each reading their own book. Both your love languages are physical touch and quality time so Isaac is happiest when you are nestled near him simply spending some good quality time together.
Other potential matches…………. Comte
I hope you have the best day lia! Sending ya all the hugs! ❤❤🌻 @i-sleep-like-napoleon
#matchups#match ups#ikevamp matchup#ikevamp match up#ikemen vampire isaac#ikevamp isaac#ikevamp isaac newton#isaac newton#isaac match up#submission
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Is She Beautiful? - Chapter 7 - Borusara fanfiction
Apologies for such a late update! It was badly struck in this chapter but thankfully got to update it finally after some brainstorming. Thanks to all for your comments
This chapter was betaread by @roopshasil!
You can also read on Ao3.
Chapter 7
Things kept Hidden
“Idiot.”
She thought, jumping and traversing through the foliage of the trees, determined to catch up to him with a small silver object clutched in her hand.
After today's events, Sarada was not sure of what to think of boys’ sudden affection for her. Boruto had apologised to her, saying something about him saying some stuff about them being friends and others making some stupid interpretations and then marching in to annoy her. Throughout the conversation, he was a blushing and stuttering mess and Sarada wasn't sure what to make of it when he ate half of what he said by mumbling and rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous manner.
They sat there for a while, enjoying each other's company and some silence after his hasty apology for a subject she couldn't understand. Then all of a sudden, he jumped up, exclaiming how late it was and telling her that he had to go and pick Himawari up from the Hyuuga mansion since his mother was out for some work. After a quick goodbye, he had rushed off, only to drop his key. Sarada called out after him but he was fast and couldn't hear what she said.
And that's how she was left with his key. Of course, the key that needed to be returned to him. And hence, the chase.
When she finally reached the town square on the way to Boruto's home, her eyes scanned the the congregation of people below her for a mop of blonde sunshine hair. She felt herself smiling when she spotted him in midst the crowd, moving swiftly.
Wait.
Something's not right.
Both his home and the Hyuuga mansion are...on the other direction, right?
Then...where is he going?
It's didn't take her more than a few seconds to decide that this particular matter needed investigation. She has followed him before too so it shouldn't be a big deal, right?
Oh, ‘research’ is a better suited term. She's done 'research and investigation’, no following around.
Something nags her in the back of her mind to not proceed with this idea but she convinces herself that she is doing it for him! For a guy who seems to attract troubles like a magnet does iron, she should keep an eye on him. Yes, that's what she'll do. Just a small attempt to make sure that he is not messing up something again.
The path Boruto is moving on is zigzag, brittle and comparatively isolated. A little confusing too but she can recognise the familiar landscape. She keeps a steady pace and notices where this path actually leads to.
The Chunin exam stadium.
A weird sensation pricks her agitation even more. She wants to jump and pin him down and ask him what the hell he's doing here? But Sarada prides herself for being a level headed kunoichi (most of the times) so she holds herself back. She will stay back and observe him from afar. Her puzzlement over this entire situation grows even further when he approaches the adults, converses with them and then enters the damaged area in the insides of the ruined stadium.
Sarada knows that she is not a master of shadows but still, she could be quite stealthy when the situation desires her to be. It doesn't take her much more than a few seconds and a few well calculated jumps to sneak into the cracked stadium. She moved cautiously, with enough pace to avoid detection. Watching her step to avoid occupied corridors, she peeks over the area from above, a nice hidden place.
It's easy to spot him amidst the dull grey fallen debris. And the sight that greeted her widened her eyes.
He's still working? But why? Mission was over tomorrow? Right? He didn't have to come to the arena today.
Then bits of the conversation that she had heard and yet had oh so easily ignored flashed across her mind.
“Did you hear that?”
Sarada watched the two Chunin officials talking to each other as she passed by holding a large wooden beam for repairs.
“You're kidding, right? No way! He willingly offered himself for probation? This is crazy! Who does that?!”
“Yeah! My thoughts exactly!”
“Does Hokage-sama know about this?”
“I suppose not. I've also heard that he begged chief to not let it be known to him.”
So they were talking about him? Of course! And she had not even given it all a second thought. So he's been lying to everyone, again? How many times was he going to repeat this same stupidity?
She bit her lower lip harshly in order to contain the frustration and anger she felt at his betrayal. She knew he felt guilty for not only cheating but also for the damage that monster Momoshiki had caused to Konoha. And she wanted him to understand that it was not his fault. She had hoped, in vain, that he would understand that they're his teammates and he needed to share his problems with them. But no. His answer was a big fat NO again. And it hurt.
Tears pooled on the corner of her eyes and threatening to spill down. Sarada furiously swiped at them, the other hand gripping her glasses tightly. Grinding her teeth she immediately stood up, not wanting to stay here a minute now.
Why are you so stubborn? And stupid?
From here she can see a group of boys throwing stuff at him. He was able to dodge them without even sparing a glance but Sarada was sure that they were spewing out insults and enough venom to burn him down. Sarada wanted to intervene but she was not sure who she was struggling against.
Who was her opponent?
Boruto's own bullheadedness or the malice of people wanting to hurt him.
….
The sun was setting, painting the sky in brilliant shades of red, orange and pink. The birds that flew past appeared black against the colourful sky. And Naruto's short hair were able to resist the breeze unlike Sasuke's long locks which swayed to the rhythm of the wind.
“You are worried about him, aren't you?”
“Hm? What are you talking about?”
“Your troublemaking brat.”
The fond exasperation in Sasuke's voice made Naruto grin.
“Well, as you said, Sasuke, he is a troublemaker.”
“Wonder whom he got it from? Your wife probably? I remember her painting the Hokage rock with that disgusting shade of red all the time.”
A booming laugh echoed echoed through the balcony and slowly vanishing in the swirling air.
“Maybe you should give up being a shinobi and instead try your hand at comedy? Bet you'll be famous in no time! Especially when the Hokage himself would come to grace your shows.”
“No Naruto but thank you very much for the offer.”
Sarcasm dripped from every syllable that escaped from Sasuke's mouth and Naruto found himself leaning over the railing to control his laughter. But slowly he eased, all the worries rushing back in.
“I'm worried. Yeah you're right. He's becoming more like you with each passing day.”
Sasuke turned to give his friend a look but Naruto immediately backtracked.
“No! No! I'm not saying that it's a bad thing Sasuke! In fact, I think I'll be happy if I see my son becoming half a Shinobi like you! It's just…well, it's his habit of bottling up his feelings. He likes to hide his problems from his loved ones and it is scary. For me. A lot more than I wanna admit. I-I want him to share things with others. If not me then someone else! It's fine! It'll lessen his pain. But the possibility of him becoming anything like you - like wanting to bear all the pain and hatred all by himself is terrifying for me. Just like how now we have each other...I want him to have someone as well. Someone he could share his feelings with. Argh! It's damn hard to explain! Do you get it?!”
Sasuke snorts in amusement at Naruto's frustration but he understood it. He understood Naruto's anxiety for his child. He felt the same way for Sarada. To think that Sarada someday could end up pushing her loved ones away for the sake of pursuing her goal...is unthinkable.
“We're pathetic. Aren't we?”
Naruto's rueful chuckle made him shake his head and spare a glance. Sasuke noted how his eyes shined with worry and infinite love for his son and he smiled.
“We're just learning to be parents. No one told us that it was going to be this hard.”
“Excuses! Excuses!” Naruto grinned.
“Dobe, I'm trying to help you manage your guilt here. But what should I have expected? You’re too dumb to even realise that I'm wasting my precious time on you.”
“Dammit Teme! You wanna fight?!” Naruto yelled, swinging his fists in a motion to threaten him.
“You bet.” Sasuke smirked, unsheathing his Katana.
In midst of their stupid squabble which ended when Shikamaru paralyzed them with his shadow paralysis jutsu, Naruto said something to him which echoed inside his head for the entire day.
"I just want him to be happy and safe. That's all.”
And Sasuke wondered how the two of them who never looked eye to eye on any matter could agree with each other so vehemently on this particular subject.
Maybe it's a parent thing.
…
Every muscle in his body throbbed. His back hurt from lifting all the load and his injured hand couldn't stop shaking.
“Damn.”
A hiss escaped his lips as he lethargically made his way towards home. The battle with those boys who had harassed Sarada and his two hours of work in the probation period had taken a toll on his body. His blue eyes looked upward to the sky, dropping close more often than not. He just wanted to go home and sleep.
He almost passed by a dark alleyway when a shrill cry of a child stopped him dead in the tracks. He ducked in the darkness as fast as his legs could carry and the sight that greeted him burned him with fury.
A few teenagers, probably four to five years older than him held a child who was barely five by his neck. Laughing and mocking the frightened kid.
“Put him down!” Boruto screamed, his voice bouncing off the walls of the alley.
“Ohh? Who's that? Wait. Is that...Uzumaki Boruto? Oh, it's him! The savior! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” They sneered at him.
Now when they turned to him, Boruto immediately recognised them as the same gang of hooligans who were serving probation program alongside him. And of course, it was not the first time they had jeered at him. The scene of the frightened child looking up at him with a flicker of hope in his tear filled eyes twisted something in Boruto's gut.
“Put that kid down!” Boruto emphasized again and they laughed loudly again.
“Yeah? You want us to put that brat down?”
One of them smirked maliciously at him. “But we do need a toy to play with. It's a shame that the brat didn't have much money on him.”
Boruto gritted his teeth. Yes, he could fight but there was no guarantee of his winning in this condition. He was barely able to move his limbs. Fighting five criminal shinobi teenagers in a narrow space with a kid held hostage didn't seem like a good idea.
Suddenly a scream pierced through the area as the child was slammed into the wall harshly. Boruto panicked.
“Hey! Put him down please!”
“Surrender yourself then boy.”
“Fine! Just put him down!”
They threw the child across the floor and he immediately jumped and scrambled to the wall, sobbing and frightened. Boruto only took three steps when a sharp searing pain shot through his legs and he stumbled, falling on his knees. A needle was protruding through his thigh. As his frantic gaze flicked up, he spotted a gun like device in the hands of one of the guys.
“W-what the hell is that?” He croaked out, fear breaking his voice.
“You should know, right? It's a new ninja tech invention! After all, you used the one which didn't even come down on the market!” they jibed at him.
“What do you want with me?!” He questioned again, a little frightened.
“We wanna play with you. Boy, just that.”
It was the only warning he got before a kick was rammed into stomach. It hurt. The needle was definitely laced with some sort of limb numbing stuff. And sadly he couldn't move himself. He was thrown to a corner and rammed against the wall. He got a few more blows on his torso, hunching over.
“We're the same, aren't we?” One of them asked, leaning in close to him.
“W-what?” Boruto winced at the pain shooting up to his brain.
“You and us.” The guy gave him a dirty sneer and pointed out at him.
“No way! Never! I-I'll never be like you people! I'll never behave this despicably!”
Even the thought of being compared with these people made him sick to the stomach let alone being called similar. He is not a person to enjoy other's pains to satisfy his own sadistic tendencies. That is why he desperately denied all these baseless accusing.
“Oh yes, you'd rather degrade Konoha's reputation on an international stage. You'd rather call your father names in front of the great five nations. Then you'd rather hand over that monster an infinite source of power by discharging all those jutsus?”
Boruto shuddered because all of this was correct. He had done that, right?
“You gave him the strength to destroy. If not for the Hokage...then he would have massacred hundreds of people on the spot. How does that make you better ...or well, any less despicable than us?”
Each and every word spoken was a stab to his heart and Boruto felt all the fight leave his body. His fighting instincts slowly drained away until there was nothing left except for a mere shell of conscience. As the boy raised his arm to strike him again, Boruto braced himself for the pain. But instead of the sting that should have come he felt an incredible sense of dread. It seemed as if the temperature had dropped down a few degrees and air surrounding them felt cold with apprehension and blazing with hatred at the same time.
“Don't you dare touch him.”
Boruto eyes snapped at the sound of that frighteningly familiar yet so incredibly unrecognisable voice. It sounded so distant as if he had never heard it that voice his entire life despite being sure that yes, he had, everyday. He looked up and the sight made a shiver run down his spine.
She stood a top a building. The haunting silver moonlight illuminated her dark silhouette. Her glasses glinted with the eeriness of eyes which swirled in that fabled blood red glow and fury. And all he was able to was mutter out a whisper.
Sarada…?
The story wouldn't have been any fun without any climax right? Poor kids have to battle again! Huh. I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter! Don't forget to comment! Have a good day everyone! ❤️❤️❤️
#borusara#borusarafics#boruto x sarada#boruto and sarada#boruto uzumaki#sarada uchiha#boruto#sarada#boruto naruto next generation#Naruto Uzumaki#Sasuke Uchiha#is she beautiful#adi writes
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“Gabriel fucks up” The new horrible thing were a horrible oc of mine does horrible things! But this time I translated it! What a miracle!
There might be some typos but I hope they don’t make this impossible to read
also im dying to know what you guys think and if you have questions i will definetely answer in an oc ramble
This is very long! I’m so sorry mobile users I really hope the Read More works!💕
content warnings for violence, blood, self harm, and abuse
This family had always been propense to tragedy. From the father’s side, chronic illness in every generation. From the mother’s side, accidents and misfortune plagued them.
All that tragedy fell in the children of that union.
The youngest found himself paralyzed, surrounded by his family. Surviving a fire was a miracle, but it didn’t matter. He was only able to stare at the roof, and once in a while, the horrified faces of his brothers and father. The mother could not enter the room, since she cried inconsolably every time she tried.
“We heard he would come soon, only he can save him.” the boy heard the town doctor said one time he was awake.
He didn’t know for how long he was like that, barely clinging to life and consciousness. Each day that passed, Gabriel Garza wished more and more that a miracle were to occur and that they would let him die.
One night, he heard it. He heard the town’s rejoice, their screams of celebration, their begging to get healed of any ill that soon turned into joy and thankfulness.
For a moment, Gabriel heard nothing in the room. No cry, sob, encouragement words, not even his own breathing. The world had stopped.
Did he die? He wasn’t sure, but it felt nice.
“Gabriel?” asked from the door a weak and trembling voice.
“Palmer?” He wanted to ask, but he hadn’t been able to speak since the accident, so everything stayed in silence.
“Gabriel...I’m...I’m sorry...I didn’t-” From the tone and volume, it was clear Palmer was in the border of breaking down, but he was getting closer rather than running away. “I’m sorry…”
Gabriel was annoyed. “Why didn’t you stop me?” He wanted to ask, but thinking about the accident only made things hurt more.
“I heard your dad calling...the...the horseman so you...you will be-” A sob stopped Palmer, but he managed to continue “You will be fine soon, Gabriel.”
The world stopped again, with the difference that now only two friends existed in it. It was peaceful despite all the pain and cries, all of that didn’t matter, Gabriel just wanted to leave and play with Palmer, do anything again. If things could stay this tranquil...
Then, it all broke when he heard his dad and brothers enter the house again, with a stranger following.
Palmer left the room and shyly greeted everyone that entered, staying with the brothers to stare from afar.
“Please...my son….my son...you have to save him, please” begged the father.
The figure observed the kid. Nobody knew how he looked at that charred body, if with mercy, disdain, or pity, the plague mask obstructed any resemblance of humanity from the horseman.
Gabriel opened his eyes to find himself face to face with that terrifying mask. He knew who was behind. Pestilence, horseman of the apocalypse, savior and protector of the town. The only person able to cure him.
Gabriel saw how the hand of the horseman slowly approached him. What was he going to do? The man abruptly lowered his hand to the boy’s forehead, this being as painful as the fire he had survived. Gabriel felt his life was leaving him, and painfully screamed at the top of his lungs. He was dying. He was dying.
Gabriel never felt in so much pain before.
Then he felt nothing.
Was he still in bed? There was no more pain, yes. But there was no hand petting his head, telling him everything will be okay. There was no delicate touch from a father who thought his son would never run or play around the house anymore. There was no hugs or kisses from a mother that saw how her son looked like a kid again and not a charred corpse. There were no light touches and teases from curious brothers that wondered if anything still hurt. There was no trembling hand from a friend who held and grasped with fear the hand of someone who he never thought he would see again.
There was nothing.
-----
Blessed to feel no pain, they told the kid. It really was not feeling anything at all, heal of anything that hurt him, and the sharp and pointy teeth all the marked in town had. It was difficult the first months. Nobody thought badly of the gift and everyone wanted Gabriel to find the benefits of his new abilities.
When he fell face first into a pot and horrified his family with his face covered in blood, he started to understand how most saw as a benefit his new gift.
But Gabriel could not fully take advantage of it.
Palmer was there.
Since the accident, Palmer dedicated himself as Gabriel’s new protector. Not even his parents cared so much for him as Palmer did. It was boring.
A kid needs to find a way to entertain himself.
It started with some scissors. An accident while doing homework, he defended himself with that excuse, but he really wanted to see how deep he could hurt himself with them. Palmer was horrified and ended up making the two's homework by his own. A knife while he was eating. A burn while he tried to cook. A fall from the stairs for being careless. All these "accidents" put Palmer in an state of immense panic and worry. There were moments when he didn't know how to help his friend and he would cry from feeling so useless. That was one of the biggest joys Gabriel found after receiving his gift. He couldn’t quite explain it, but there was something about reaching that breaking point. Accidents increased and then they stopped being accidents.
Threats started next year. There were things as “I’ll fall down the stairs unless you do my homework” but then they turned into bigger and more impossible things to complete that would give to more terrible and painful consequences for anyone that wasn’t Gabriel. There were time he had hurt Palmer, but it wasn’t as fun. Gabriel had done almost anything that would’ve kill any average person before becoming a teenager, from getting stabbed, shot several times, dismemberment, and even eating things like glass, blades, poison, and nails.
He had told other all of these, but besides some scolding from his parents calling him out in his cruelness towards his friend, nobody seemed to care. The world kept spinning as if nothing wrong was going on, as if all that was just how things were.
In many of those moments, Gabriel swore he could feel again.
------
Gabriel bandaged his wrist while his friend still recovered from the show. He didn’t need them, but they would be good evidence for his finding.
“Did you finish?” Palmer asked, still recovering from the nausea of seeing so much blood. It really hadn’t been much, but some drops were too much for him.
That being said, it hadn’t been some droplets.
“Yeah, yeah, it was nothing.” Gabriel cut the gauze and moved his fingers. All were moving. All was fine.
“That was a bear trap, Gabriel.” Palmer turned around to see his friend.
They were both using the town’s sentinel uniform, just with some variations. Their job was to watch out the town’s perimeter.
“Worse if any of us stepped on it” He stood up from the log he was sitting in and watched the forest around him “Not me, but what if you stepped on it? Or Robin? Imagine if Carla stepped on one, what would the sheriff think if his daughter lost her leg?” he made a mocking face of anger and crossed his arms, taking the usual posture the sheriff would have “He would say something like: And you call yourself a sentinel! My sweet angel is in the hospital now because of you! Which one of you didn’t report the strangers who set up these traps?”
“It’s not funny. Carla has suffered enough because of our negligence.”
“In my defense, she wanted to run away from here with that guy from the neighbor town. The one time I follow orders correctly and you all got mad.”
“You shot her in the leg. She had to be marked to not lose it.”
“But, didn’t you see how she runs now?” Gabriel got closer to Palmer and put his arm around him “I still got the best gift in town but...running that fast is kind of cool.”
“Stop. This isn’t a game. We should head back and report this.”
“I know, I know.” Gabriel pushed Palmer aside, heading to the zone they haven’t revised yet. “But I doubt whoever that put these just left one trap.”
“Gabriel, let’s...let’s head back to town. Nobody gets out anyways…” Palmer instead looked back at the town.
“We all can get out.”
“You know I can’t.” He kept staring, with a more bleak expression. Palmer knew the rules. The marked could leave town as long as they brought new people in, the unmarked had to stay.
“I can change that.”
“Gabriel, I can’t-”
Palmer was interrupted by the sound of a gun cocking.
He quickly turned towards Gabriel “You said you...you wouldn’t bring...bring it…”
“I knew you wouldn’t go with me alone if I told you I was bringing it.” Still pointing, Gabriel approached Palmer slowly and grinning “One shot in any of your organs and we could get out of this putrid town.”
“Gabriel, I don’t-” He wasn’t sure of what to answer. He had always wanted to leave, but the town had been so nice towards his family since any of them could still be perfect hosts. This town was all he knew.
Gabriel changed his expression to a more serious one “What’s wrong? Afraid of death? Afraid that they won’t save you? That you will bleed to death in the woods?” He smiled mockingly “I thought you were scared of being chosen, do you not want to end up like me?”
And he was. Palmer was frozen with fear, he knew that choosing the right or wrong words didn’t matter, that in any moment his childhood friend could end his life by shooting him with no mercy.
“Please…” was the only thing that could get out of his mouth.
Gabriel shot.
The bullet grazed Palmer’s arm.
He sighed with relief, closing his eyes to enjoy living for a few moments again, being saved from all his fears by mere millimeters.
Then he fell a strong and precise punch to his gut, for a moment his breathing completely stopped. Palmer fell to the ground in pain, barely registering what had happened.
“Coward” Gabriel didn’t give time to Palmer to recover and kicked him in the stomach, hurting too the arm that was trying to protect him.
Palmer groaned in pain. He cowered into himself and feared that this was how he would die. The bullet would’ve been a mercy.
“You are a fucking coward” Gabriel was furious, he raised his leg, ready to stomp but hesitated for a moment “I give you a chance to do something for us for once and you just-” and stumped Palmer’s side.
He screamed in agony. It wasn’t his full strength, and Palmer knew this because he was still breathing, with difficulty, but still breathing “Stop! Stop! Please!”
He heard the gun cocking again.
“You never changed.”
Strength was abandoning Palmer, his vision could make nothing more than a blur, he whimpered and broke into tears “Please…” His voice was broken and trembling, almost sounding like the scared boy all those years ago.
“Why didn’t you stop me?”
He didn’t know what to answer. He couldn’t think, all the pain was unbearable. He whimpered and tried to speak.
“I don’t know...I never...never…” he couldn’t go on and kept crying, mumbling to get forgiven. Curled up, he closed his eyes and hoped the last thing he would hear to be a gunshot.
It never came.
When Palmer opened his eyes, it was dawn.
His walk towards the town was slow and painful. Nobody had to know what had happened. Nobody had to know he was injured. There were so many things in his mind and they were all reaching to a daunting conclusion, but Palmer only wanted to get home and be with his rats.
Gabriel watched Palmer’s arrival from afar. So many thoughts flooded his mind, but he wasn’t sure how to feel about them. He thought of the routine that everything had become, his place in town as a trophy and shield, the lives he had ended with no problem, and the ones he let go to see if they could bring anything new to his life. New experiences, new reasons, something, anything.
The week passed like any other with no changes.
And one day, Palmer went missing.
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Alright bitches, Im about to rant about a book
This is solely my opinion and experience with this particular book. If you have better opinions or experiences with this book, that’s great. This is just how I feel about this book.
So, I don't know about you guys, but back in Junior High (middle school), I was forced to read Touching Spirit Bear TWICE.
I none of you have heard about this book, it is about a 15 year old who has some serious anger issues, an abusive father and an alcoholic mother, beats up a kid, and instead of going to jail, is sent to an island in Alaska and forced to survive alone, and then gets practically mauled by a bear and almost dies if it weren't for the person who checked up on him a couple days later and then GOES BACK TO THE FUCKING ISLAND. And this is just at the first few chapters of the book.
I have a bad grudge against this book, and before it was just because it was an extremely boring book with practically bo reasonable message and horribly long paragraphs. Its like the author didnt know how to fucking indent.
For some god fucking reason, all the teachers FUCKING LOVED THIS BOOK. And it isnt until now, me, watching Monster Quest and thinking about shit, do I realize how morally fucked uo this book is.
So spoiler alert under the cut!
I’m pretty sure the teachers thought this book would teach us responsibility??? All I know, is that a kid started crying when listening to the audio book.
Touching Spirit Bear is rather depressing and existential, and made many in my class really upset. So it was perfect for the teachers!
My problem now is that this book implies heavy child negligence and abuse. Not only does a minor almost die and describes the feeling out of dying for a good chapter, unable to move, eat, or do anything except experience the pain of deep claw marks on his chest, but the parents forced him to go.
Yes, this kid beat up another of his classmates and almost killed him, but jail was better than what the main character experienced.
Basically, what the kid was doing on the island was that according to a native american trial system thing, he was to survive a year on a remote alaskan island and noone believed him when he said that he was attacked by the kemode bear living on that island, even though his “caretaker” found him clinging to life on the forest floor.
Then, they send him back!
Apparently he had a huge existential crisis, suddenly learned the value of life, had no signs of ptsd from the event, but gained some serious respect for other living things. And yeah, I encourage that part, but the writing is pisses me off. No 15 year old wouldn’t be utterly terrified of returning to the place they almost died without some bad reactions. No thought was taken into writing this part of the story. Sure, there were some rather good points in the book about his abuse and other relations, such as resentment towards his mother, but this part, THIS PART, took no account into this kids own emotions.
The author kind of wrote the other kid, Peter, into a scared and anxious character, which is good sense he did get beaten into a pulp. But the book specifically says that he experienced heavy brain damage...which doesn’t seem to affect him as much as his own ptsd did. After a half a year, Peter would definitely not be able to do things he did in this book.
Back to the child abuse and neglect part.
The author makes this Circle of Justice look like a great alternative to jail, but they only put the main character, who is again a minor, into more serious harm. Hell, at the beginning of the book, he is left alone for his first stay on the island! At least AFTER he got attacked someone stayed with him and showed him about to do things. But leaving a child with these kind of mental issues alone on an island only spells suicide and even more intense rage, which is exactly what happens.
Rereading some of the chapters actually kind of makes me shaky, because the author, Ben Mikaelsen, who’s books are very commonly about children with mental issues who are deeply flawed, almost writes the more graphic, or even the much more dark and deep matters of the story (if you have read this book, you know what I’m talking about) like it’s just more something to add to the basic message of the story, which I believe was “don’t bully or you’ll get your stomach clawed out by a bear”, and not legit character building.
The poor main character shouldn’t be immediately thinking that if he goes back, things would be better. It would take me years to just keep steady after hearing a loud noise, or yelling, or even the dark imagination part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and yet this child who got attacked by a bear, had to lie paralyzed during a storm and contemplate life as seagulls tried to peck at his flesh is able to go right back to the place he was?
I do respect the author’s main message, but some parts of this story, which is apparently meant for tweens and teens, are either badly written, short of perspective or lack realism.
#ptsd mentions#spoilers#Touching Spirit Bear#my own personal opinions#rant#mentions of traumatizing events
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10 marcosabo??
10. “Teach me how to play?”
Commissions! || Ko-fi!
It starts when Sabo’s angrily dragged his violin out of storage and is basically attacking the strings with his bow, muscle memory coming back to him awkwardly at dawn
Playing music’s never helped him calm down and right now he wants that, wants to feel angry, wants to hold onto the tenuous grip he has on his rage because if he doesn’t he’s sure that he’ll collapse on the floor and not move for the next few hours, paralyzed by the thought of what the hell he’s supposed to do next, “let go” from a job he hadn’t even liked but he’d needed, quite obviously at the pressuring from his parents to force him to come back home, and playing the violin isn’t helping because all he can remember is playing until his hands were cramped and his fingertips were bruised and his mother still sighed in disappointment as he tried to do everything his teacher had taught him
(Imagine how disappointed they’d be in you now, whispers part of him that has never been able to let go of the fact they’re his parents, and he tells it angrily to shut up because they have no say on what he gets to do with his life).
He doesn’t even care what he’s playing - is surprised and bitter about how much he remembers - until he literally can’t play anymore, hands shaking and his body exhausted, and that’s when he notices that there’s a FUCKING PERSON??? OUTSIDE HIS WINDOW??? HE LIVES ON THE FIFTH FLOOR???
He basically screams. In his defence, he’d been very, very out of it, and a kid’s head hanging through his window UPSIDE DOWN is not something that comes out of a romantic comedy.
“this is how i die….heart attack via creepy child.”
The kid winces at his yelling, and kind of starts whining at him for screaming, and Sabo’s still panicking, and then he hears yelling from his upstairs neighbour that sounds super angry and the kid flushes and then pulls themselves out of the window and vanishes
Sabo quickly goes to the window and looks up and the kid catches him and waves cheekily and Sabo catches sight of his neighbor, Marco.
They’ve only had a few interactions before this, but Marco’s been pretty nice, and bought him dinner one time when Sabo accidentally locked himself out of his apartment. Marco’s super busy all the time, and almost always has people over at his place, though, so they don’t talk much.
Marco flushes as soon as he meets Sabo’s gaze and is like “i am so sorry, I didn’t mean to overhear your playing, and I didn’t mean for Becky to do that to you, I’m so sorry-”
“YOU SHOULD TEACH ME HOW TO PLAY!!!” screams the child
God No is Sabo’s first thought because alskhdgf he’s Not a Child Fan (it doesn’t help that the kid had uTTERLY TERRIFIED HIM at first meeting, either.)
Marco flushes even more and groans and buries his face in his hands and starts telling her off and she just starts po u t i n g and she looks so much like Luffy that Sabo has to stifle a laugh, for the first time since yesterday feeling marginally better.
“I’ve never taught anyone before,” he finds himself saying, and Becky grins back at him and says
“Well I’ve never learnt anyone before so we’re even!!”
“Learnt from,” Marco corrects tiredly, then looks down at Sabo, a bit confused, “You really don’t have to, she’ll forget about this soon enough, I understand that you work a lot-”
Sabo finds himself biting out a bitter laugh, reminded again of his situation and Marco’s expression softens imperceptibly with pity. “If you need, I could use someone to keep an eye on her…? You could teach her then, too.”
and Sabo sighs but coincides that even if it’s a skill he hates it’s one he can profit from while he works his ass off to try and find a new job, and it’ll slow down the steady drain on his savings, even if only by a little. “It’s not easy,” he finds himself warning her, regardless, but she only scoffs and flips her hair.
“Neither were cartwheels, and now I’m great at them.”
Sabo gives up Tuesday and Thursday afternoons to babysit her and teach violin for at least an hour of that time. At first, the lessons drag on. Sabo isn’t sure what he’s doing, and Becky’s awkward and stiff and too energetic to brace herself, and he gets frustrated and tired easily. He finds a temporary job, writing for online communities and blogs and taking whatever spare work around the neighbor he can while he works on getting another better paying job, but there’s almost nothing open and while his old employment said they’d give him references, he’d called and emailed and they only very badly reply.
His parents call him every day for two weeks, and Sabo contemplates throwing out his phone altogether.
Becky - who’d been staying at Marco’s for a week-long sleepover, apparently, delighting in stories of how awesome Marco is and eagerly spreading as many tales as she knows about him, to Sabo’s eternal amusement - still shows up for violin lessons after she leaves Marco's, and stays over for an extra hour or two, watching tv or sitting on his couch and reading and one day she drags her homework out of her bag and sits there and solves math questions and spelling tests while he works on his commission work.
Becky keeps sighing pointedly and chewing on her pencil and fidgeting as she does her homework, and Sabo sighs and drags himself next her and is like “what’s the problem” and she just points at it and Sabo starts helping her with her homework every week
They fall into a routine; they’ll work on Becky’s homework for an hour and half to two hours, depending on how long she’s staying, and then she���ll throw her books into her bag. Before she plays she carefully checks the tuning against an app Sabo put on his phone and stretches her hands, and then very seriously stands there with a slightly too-big violin looking awkward against her skinny body as she waits for Sabo’s instructions.
Marco picks her up every day, and she’ll cheerfully tell him about whatever they learnt and how Sabo helped with her homework and what she’d done at school and did Marco know that she was going to ask for a proper violin from Whitebeard for her birthday because she wants her own so she can practice at home, and Marco always lets her go on with an indulgent smile on his face that Sabo finds himself loving the sight of, something warm and fond in his chest whenever they leave
Sabo’s still rusty, of course, and finds himself throwing lessons together for the first two weeks, but when she keeps coming back he finds himself looking up tutorials on youtube and reading articles and re-acquainting himself with sheet music and cautiously placing his bow against the strings, drawing out soft, quiet music, the kind his parents had never wanted to hear him play because it was easy
He can’t play his violin without thinking of them, but it gets easier to shut them out of his mind and shut them up with memories of the girl frowning in concentration, trying to get a particular section of music, and the low dusk light filtering into his apartment as he slowly practices songs to teach her in the future.
One night, just as Sabo’s drawing out the last few wavering notes from his violin he hears a quiet request from the window, “Can you keep going?”
He blinks, because Marco’s never really been one to communicate through windowsills, and finds himself drawn to the window, replacing his bow on the strings and continuing to play whatever chords struck his fancy, taking bits and pieces from the music he knew and stringing them together.
He hears almost the quietest sigh above the sound of his violin, and keeps playing until no amount of curiosity at Marco’s request can make him continue, and leans out the window to see Marco with his face buried in his hands
“Thank you,” he says, lifting up his head and giving Sabo a small, sad smile, and then goes back into his apartment
They don’t speak of it, but when Sabo plays for the next week, all he can think about is Marco in the room above him, listening to his music
Finds himself thinking about Marco whenever he plays, plays terrifyingly fast, hummingbird heart fast, fingertips flying fast, and thinks about Marco
Wonders if Marco knows that he has songs dedicated to the thought of him, now.
Sabo finds himself surviving - almost thriving, really - on commission work and music lessons and Marco asks if he wants more students and recommends him to some people when Sabo says yes. Does babysitting work for Marco and some of Marco’s friends and learns that a lot of Marco’s “siblings” / the kids that he knows are from an orphanage ran by the same man that adopted Marco. Agrees to host some kids a few times, at the promise of Marco’s assistance, and finds himself sleeping over at Marco’s apartment during the week because he’d been too scared to take care of the kid by himself for more than an hour or two
(”You take care of Becky for six hours a week!”
“She’s different, all she wants to do is play my violin!”)
He and Marco end up getting closer and Becky still delightedly shares stories about Marco and Sabo finds himself more and more enraptured, undeniable fondness invading his laughter and his smile whenever Marco talks to him or Becky tells him a new story and it is Way To Late for him when he realises what the warm n’ fuzzy in his chest is
In the middle of playing his violin in Marco’s lounge room with Becky listening and humming along as she does homework he imagines Marco leaning over to kiss him and tHE MOST DISCORDANT SOUND COMES FROM HIS VIOLIN AS HE MESSES UP SO OO O BADLY AND LITERALLY EVERYONE IN HOUSE JUST TURNS TO LOOK AT HIM BUT HE’S TOO BUSY INTERNALLY FREAKING OUT AND MARCO’S LOOKING ALL WORRIED AND IS LIKE SABO ARE YOU OKAY???? AND SABO JUST LOOKS AT HIM WITH WIDE EYES AND GOES
“FUCK”
Becky gasps as though she hasn’t heard worse from the Whitebeard fam, and hasn’t gotten as equally creative with her own vocabulary, and Sabo turns bright red, and 200000x more embarrassed at Marco’s startled look
“sh I T IM SORRY SHIT- I MEAN- FUCK- NO- FU DGE E ????”
(Becky looks about two seconds away from almost crying in laughter, but also Vaguely Concerned, because Sabo doesn’t a c t like this and she’s super confused and worried)
“Are you okay??” Marco asks again and Sabo looks at him and kind of uselessly nods and then shakes his head and then nods again and buries his face in his hands with a groan
Suffice to say, this does Not Help their concern.
MARCO PUTS HIS HAND ON SABO’S SHOULDER AND TILTS HIS CHIN UP AND SABO’S STOMACH ERUPTS IN BUTTERFLIES AND HIS FACE IS B U R N I N G HE’S GOING TO D I E
“I THINK I REALLY LIKE YOU,” he blurts out, and then for REALS LITERALLY WANTS TO DIE. OR TAPE HIS MOUTH SHUT. EITHER OR.
Marco just b l i n k s at him again, so so startled and so confused and then this slow red starts creeping across his cheeks and Becky has lost all composure and is laughing to death in the corner and it’s not helping Sabo but also what can he do but stare at the blush painting Marco’s cheeks and the fact that Marco hasn’t moved away from him and
oh my god is he staring??? he’s t OT ALLY STARING AT MY LIPS thinks Sabo, mortified and so happy that it isn’t funny and he carefully puts his violin to the side and leans forwards just as Marco does and their noses bump and Sabo kisses Marco and Oh God this is a lot faster than he expected but it’s so nice and he didn’t even realise he??? wanted this??? until it was happening??? and Marco’s fingers are gently tangling in his hair and oh yep, this is when he truly dies, his heart will explode from affection and adoration and the warmth building in his chest and
“I’m going to die,” he says, in all seriousness, and Marco looks like he’s about to freak out so Sabo quickly adds, “Of happies.”
and Becky FALLS OFF THE COUCH, WHEEZING IN LAUGHTER, “OF H APP I ES” she cries, and Marco turns to glare at her in the annoyed sibling way when they’re being a pest and throws a pillow at her and she just la u g h s even harder and Sabo can’t help the muffled sounds coming from him now either and he bursts into laughter and Marco’s looking at him and then he starts grinning and covers his eyes and part of his steadily growing smile with his hand and THEY’RE ALL JUST STANDING IN MARCO’S LOUNGE ROOM, LAUGHING THEIR HEADS OFF AND SO SO HAPPY
#marcosabo#opfanfic#marsab#nari is writing#lollesss#ask aussie#barbequeue#16/02/2017#this is pure fluff oh man it;s a good time ;u;
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Ok it would take a while to explain everything. So im litterally copy and pasting a post.
I’ve known about the new Heathers for about a year now and it would take a while to write out every issue I have with it but this post does a very good job of explaining why I don’t like it.
“Heathers 2018 Trailer Thoughts
How do you screw up this badly???
Ever since I saw the first promo image for the new Heathers TV show, I got bad vibes. The more promotional stuff they release, the worse it gets. The trailer just came out and…hoo, boy.
First of all, you can tell they’re trying way too hard with this project. The original film (and, subsequently, the musical adaptation) has a remarkable dialogue pattern, especially when it comes to creative insults. “Fuck me gently with a chainsaw?” Incredible. “Suck my third nipple?” “Oh my clit???” I’m sorry…what the hell was that? All the dialogue in the trailer is obviously trying to be witty, but just falling flat and sounding horrifically unnatural. The crazy dialogue worked in the original because it was a mockery of the way popular girls would talk, with made-up slang, but with a twist that made it memorable. There was a shock to the words, but they felt *right* coming out of the characters’ mouths. The trailer’s dialogue seems so incredibly forced.
Second, what’s up with JD? “Let’s snort adderall, make out, and kill Heather.” JD is an edgy punk, but *yeesh*. The actor’s delivery was incredibly stiff. JD’s character works because he’s edgy but charismatic. He gives off the aura of someone who’s half-joking, so that when the characters (and audience) realize that he’s actually serious, it’s terrifying. Christian Slater did this brilliantly, as have the JDs from the stage adaptation that I’ve heard and seen. The trailer gives me nothing to like about JD’s character. I’m getting Light from Netflix Death Note flashes- an unremarkable, too-edgy-for-his-own-good, boring character. It could just be the trailer’s editing, but my hopes aren’t all that high.
Can we also mention how the trailer spoils almost everything? JD really being the main villain, the murder/fake suicides plots, a character getting paralyzed??? I get that you need to sell the dark tone- you need to show people what you’re watching. So tease Heather Chandler’s murder, but don’t spoil just how much everything escalates. There’s a delicate balance, since this spoiler-y point is part of the main premise, but you can sell it *much* better.
The scenes of the teachers chatting about how minority/unconventionally attractive people can be popular now is so damn forced. Why would teachers discuss that??? Why don’t they think an Asian girl can be popular??? What is happening??? Why did they overplay this point instead of letting it be natural???
Now, the elephant in the room: the new “diverse” Heathers.
I get what they were going for. And it’s an interesting idea. Social norms being turned on their heads and seeing how the dynamic of the typical high school cliches change. This could have been a good idea.
But Heathers is the *wrong story for it.*
Heathers is a story about the following:
1.) The stereotypical Popular Kids vs. Social Outcasts dynamic
2.) The sensationalization of teen suicide
3.) Toxic relationships of all kinds: platonic and romantic
The point of Heathers is showing the typical stories of rebelling against the status quo (nerd becomes popular, outcasts get revenge on bullies) and turning the audience’s expectations on their heads. It’s supposed to be stereotypical. The Heathers need to be your conventionally attractive, stuck-up bitches you’d expect to find in a high school, not the outcasts. Veronica and JD have to be the outcasts. The audience roots for the underdogs to take over the status quo and find themselves horrified when things go too far. And that’s not to say you can’t make the Heathers diverse! For instance, in the musical adaptation, the original actress for Heather Duke was a Korean-American woman. But they need to have the Stereotypical Mean Girl vibe- they *cannot* be the outcasts because *the story hinges upon other characters filling that role*.
That’s without mentioning the unfortunate implications. I’m a firm believer that a character’s race, gender, or sexuality doesn’t mean that writers or fans should treat them differently than you would any other character. But do the creators of this show not realize what the content of the story is? A couple of straight white kids murdering and attempting to murder minority kids (no matter how cruel they are) carries a LOT of unfortunate implications. Moral ambiguity or not, it’s sketchy. Especially since they make the murders look like suicides; suicide is a significant problem with LGBT kids and people who fit the other myriad of labels being pushed upon the Heathers. It’s insensitive.
My main point about this is: you can have minority characters as villains, you can try to shake up the status quo with your storytelling, you can try to put new twists on a preexisting story. But you need to think about *what your story is* and, given the cultural climate, what message these decisions are going to send.
I love Heathers, and I know a person’s thoughts about an adaptation shouldn’t be consumed with how it compares to the original. But this show is clearly trying to market off of nostalgia for the movie (see the shot of Heather C. falling onto the table) and younger generations’ love for the musical adaptation. It’s trying to be different while imitating the original and failing on all accounts. It’s possible the show could prove me wrong. But I sincerely doubt it.”
By @dukeofstratford
Other people also have an issue with it
Because they believe that it vilifies minorities by having the heathers be Fat, Gay and Non-binary.
i haven’t seen heathers 2018 but ive seen about 5 posts about how it sucks could someone explain im curious
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2/25/19
I’m not okay. I’m not okay at all and I keep pretending. I keep pushing. I’ve been doing my best just to get through all this shit but it’s killing me. I tried to fix it. Tried to take a break. Tried to do what I enjoy. Tried to talk myself through all of it.
I lost sight of everything. Put my focus into guys and my social life because it was easier to navigate. I thought I could handle just focusing on something everybody else has a problem with and maybe my problems that are far too abstract to put into words might come into focus. But I was wrong and I let everything get worse and worse as I tried to dostract myself with all the other crap. The depression and anxiety just grew and grew until they overtook everything. I’m so lost both mentally and physically I’m completely distraught. I don’t know what to do. All I can think of is that I just want it to end. I don’t want to be in so much pain anymore. The only relief I get is when I escape. If I take myself away from reality somehow and just don’t think about it. But I can’t do that anymore. Its not possible- I have a life to live, responsibilities to tend to, people expect me to be there and be functional. I expect that of myself. But I can’t... every time I face reality my chest feels like it’s collapsed and I can’t breathe. I can barely move the fear is so paralyzing. I could push myself to just face it- don’t feel and just do it but I know that’s gonna end me somewhere far worse than the fragile state I’m at right now. I’m on a tight rope right now and I don’t even know where the other side is. Im terrified and it feels like one wrong step and I’m dead. Everything in me tells me being dead is the better route anyway but I’ve got people waiting for me on that other side and I want to get there... I’m just not sure I can. I don’t know what to do... I don’t know where to put my foot and I’m so so tired... I need help. I need somebody to trust to help me. There’s so many people around me who love me but I still feel so alone. Im so lost. Nobody can help me. It’s all on me and I’m failing so so badly. I don’t know what to do...
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Sensitive
I dont like to talk about my squishy side, but I suppose i need to embrace it instead of being ashamed of it.
My neice was upset about not getting to watch her show at bedtime. Were trying to get her into better things than T.V. I understand the struggle. Growing up it was always, sit down, be quiet, just go watch t.v. Stay out of our hair, basically. At least we were allowed to go outside.
As I rocked her to sleep and sang to her a made up song... A wave of feeling washed over me. Something close to sadness and joy. Kinda mixed together. I cant even describe it... I lay by her as she held my hand. She doesnt like to be alone. I started to cry once she finally fell into real sleep.
Because I DO love her so much. I want to protect her from the world. From the tragedies of my own childhood. From ending up like her mom or my mom... or myself.
The disparity ive been feeling... ive traced it back to the way i was brought up. Kind of, always alone. Unwanted. Afraid of people because i was hardly ever exposed to people. Except for the crazy people my dad knew.
My mom, antisocial and hermetic practically. Depressed over a long line of bad romances and self loathing. I didnt notice when i was a kid. All i remember is hunger, adventures outside, and climbing the roof of the shed to look at the sunset. Or maybe to hide....
I was fearless as a child. Danger was not a thing. Ghosts and monsters were just friends with ugly faces. I grew up in what i hate to describe as filth.
Darkness.
The addams family and monsters... the shunned and misunderstood. I recognize these things only now that ive learned how the monsters of the world were made.
An authors personal demons. Did Mary Shelley feel isolated and different? Cast from proper society because she wasnt "normal"
What is normal?
My dad, when he was there... didnt seem all the way there. I remember going to a party or meeting some shady people with him. His friends. I always wondered why that side og my family treated me differently. Like i wasnt really a part of their family.
Thats the reason i never felt comfortable around them. Not that i didnt WANT to talk ans be normal.... i just COULDNT. They said i was shy... when in fact i was terrified of social interaction. Afraid i would say or do the wrong thing because i didnt want them to hate me.
It lasted until high school. By then, i was so angry i didnt care about what people thought. If i didnt talk it was because i didnt want to be there. Music was my escape... In my life ive only had two breakdowns. One in elementary school, where i remember my favorite teacher holding me as i cried. After i had kicked and bit and scratched and screamed.
I dont know why I felt so intensely. I remember i just didnt want to go to school. I wanted to stay with my mom. That same teacher, i witnessed her fall and hiy her head on a balance beam in class. Everyone was so terrified, running around like chickens. I remember thinking, i could be a hero. I should go get help. But i just sat there.
Eventually someone else came by, some other kid did what i was too paralyzed to do. Thats some intense shit for a kindergartener.
The second meltdown, i was about 14 i think. I was sick and tired of my stepdad. His rules and chores. Only my sister and i had to do. Boys didnt do chores. Boys didnt wash dishes or cook. I only did them if my mom asked. I never liked my stepdad...
Sick of it all i just raged. Punched the walls, broke things. This one i remember less, but i was kicked out of the house and lived with my aunt after that. I liked it there. I helped her with stuff, but i was never forced to do anything. I could go out with friends. I had freedom. I missed that so much.
I used to watch shrek daily with my little cousin Britnie... now i cant really stand her. I feel bad for holding a grudge for so long. She emulated me in a lot of things. Art, music, even face painting and stuff... but she just ruined my perception of her.
I dont know how to let that go. My heart was broken and torn to pieces. I didnt even get a proper apology. When the other culprit literally CRIED at the thought of losing me.
He's changed too. My heart is still stuck in his eyes. Yet I sensed something in him... something, not right. I still dont know the truth, but i dont think i even want to know.
He wont talk to me anymore. Wont reply even to a badly worded apology. If i dont keep him off my mind i go fucking bonkers insane.
How can someone have such a hold on you?
Im scared of people, because the more you let them in, the worse it hurts when they finally fuck you over.
Now i understand crazy girls.
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