#im so fucking tired bruh i literally am at my wit's fucking end
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wrote another note as civilly as i fucking could despite still being triggered, honestly. if this one doesn't result in us actually make up i fucking give up bruh i cant keep doing this w her
#mine#i tried in the og letter to be like i rly wish u'd just understand my journey w dealing w my trauma wrt my abuser#is the same journey that ur going on w my dad & im not ready for that journey yet.#like dawg. i literally watched my daughter fucking die this year then got betrayed by my roommate & damned back to where it happened#sorry not sorry coddling my 30 y/o abuser who still throws tantrums is not on my priority list of processing & healing ??????#she literally has held this shit over my head my entire life#she believes my abuser at her word automatically & she always has#but my word is always called into question. like... god it's so fucking exhausting.#even when i was a kid if we woke her up from fighting my abuser always told her side of the story before me#& it was believed even if i was sobbing my eyes out from being traumatized.#she literally said in her note that i need to explain stuff that happened to her if it rly did happen & it's just.#I DID!!! I DID /WHEN/ IT HAPPENED!!! & GUESS WHAT?! YOU BELIEVED MY ABUSER OVER ME!!#WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD RELIVING MY TRAUMA MAKE NOW??? NONE!! ALL IT WOULD DO IS TRIGGER ME FOR NOTHING!!!#im so fucking tired bruh i literally am at my wit's fucking end#i am trying so damn hard to stay afloat but i wanna scream & break shit#bc it's so fucking infuriating to have made sm progress just to get reset like this. & to an even worser degree UUUUGGGHH#i hate being a person so much#vent//#delete later//#abuse mention//
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