#im so fucking lazy im such a sloth im such a blob i can't do this i cant do this i cant do this i cant do thus
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#i have so many conflicting feelings right now#i got complacent#i was thinking i was pretty for a while there#but now im realizing i need to work out#i need to get toned and i need to lose fat#i was getting used to feeling nice about myself#this is bad. this is not a good feeling#i shouldnt be hard on myself i already have a lot on my plate#i hate that i always fall back into this when i see a picture of them#because i am so absolutely head over heels#and i want to look good next to them#i want to be on their level#i want to be hot and pretty and gorgeous next to them#i want them to look at me the same way i do them#but for that i need to work out. so much. so so much#i dont have the energy or the time or the willpower#i dont have the willpower i dont want to be comparing myself like this i want to be gorgeous i want to be hot#i want to have the willpower i want to be able to do it i dont have the money to make someone force me to do it#i work out when someone forces me if i had the money id get a PT i want to be hot i want you to look at me i want to be gorgeous#i dont want to look myself in the mirror. i dont want to see. i dont want to see whats in that fucking mirror. i dont want to know#i dont want to see how much im not what i want to be. god i have so many issues#i thought i could be like i am and still feel pretty. i thought i could do as i liked and be pretty anyway. or i guess i am pretty but#i wanna be better. i wanna be more. i want the willpower i want the drive i want to want i want i fjsaöbfvwcfisnvs#crying#i dont want to be like this. i dont want to be like this. i dont eant to be like this. i dont want to be like this.#and i hate how my extreme attraction and love for this fucking person is making me drag my self image into the grinder#i dont want to feel ugly. i dont want to feel disgusting. i dont want to feel like i could do so much more if i just stoppedbbeing lazy#im so fucking lazy im such a sloth im such a blob i can't do this i cant do this i cant do this i cant do thus#i dont want to spural i dont want t9 be ugly i dont want to be someone lesser i hate everything i hate it all i hate i hate i hate i hate#digging my nails into mu skin
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