#im scared im not going to make it bc it's difficult to concentrate when i feel im going to die and the world its going to explode JKASHDJAK

[oneroomjestershow]

Haii, how are u doing? :>

[fixa-ryeter]

here's ageswap!Ritsu!

before we go on, quick heads-up: this is a heavier and wordier post; there’s going to be discussions about PTSD, its symptoms and Ritsu's response to them, and because i’m on PC i can cut off that section with a ‘Keep Reading’ bar? so i’ll do that and try to lay out the rest of the facts before that. also there's gonna be a bit of a format change here bc PC so afblakdhbf

a few people have shown interest in Ritsu and i was. so happy. im still new to tumblr imo and im so excited about all of this FBALDKHFBASFB so here he is. and with this it’ll be a huge look into what happened between him and his brother. also shoutout to my friend bc she is VERY MUCH part of the creative process. i’m not sure if she wants to be mentioned here but credit goes to her too! (bestie if you see this please tell me) update: SHE SAID YES @escape-from-twinkov say thank you escape from twinkov

Ritsu! Popular, all-rounder kid in academics and sports who started burning out in university and dropped out to pursue music with a few of his friends. it worked out for them, and his life is relatively stable. kinda stable. a little stable. really depends on your definition of stable. here’s the facts:

he's a good 5'11, about 24 years old

he/they demiboy. doesn't really feel the need for a solid label for his sexuality

plays guitar. is the band's frontman. he has three other bandmates and Shou Suzuki is one of them.

suffers from PTSD and anxiety (more on it below the cut)

loves playing Just Dance (even though he sucks at it) and Guitar Hero (he's better at this one)

your average My Chemical Romance + vocaloid enjoyer, AND a closeted 1D fan

he's a quick thinker, but when they're anxious he can barely think at all

loves udon. loves tofu. give this man either or both when he's upset and it cheers them up quite a bit.

tells people he has a diary no one should read. not because it's his diary, but because he doodles a lot in it and finds it embarrassing. of course Shou finds out. of course Shou thinks it's adorable.

he went through a lot of friends in his later school life. had many, lost many, and struggled to make friends in university. Found some buddies in their second year, made a band, dropped out with them at the start of third year.

if you've decided not to keep reading until here thanks so much for getting to this point already!!!!! heavier stuff below the cut so read at your own risk. it's lore so if theres a need for it i'll post a summary on it.

So remember the ???% incident in childhood that led to Ritsu getting hurt and Mob being unable to remember what happened? That's where we're getting at. It was never resolved in their childhood or adolescent years. Ritsu tells Mob he doesn't remember either, and tried to sweep it under the rug. Worked for the most part.

his PTSD was delayed onset. his symptoms were there, but not enough to fit the diagnostic criteria. they got worse in university because he was experiencing heavy burnout with no one he felt like he could turn to. he'd moved out and was struggling to make friends.

he has nightmares which only increased in frequency, something he never gave much thought to because they figured it was a logical response to the event. didn't bother to question it either even when he had been experiencing them for months since he had other things to worry about. doesn't mean they didn't bother them and scare them though.

sometimes they just don't show up and don't reply to messages after shooting a quick text to his mates about feeling ill. his bandmates were getting concerned.

a little bit difficult to work with in the studio sometimes because he has difficulty concentrating and doesn't seem present.

terrible sleep quality, something he and his brother have in common.

often lacks motivation to do anything outside of his music job and things he feels like he's obligated to do, like hang out with his friends sometimes. never moves things out of place in his apartment, but his room is usually a mess because he struggles with cleaning up.

Ritsu had no fucking idea how to cope with any of this and made a decision to remove their perceived source of trauma from his life. He completely cut out Mob from his life for a few years. Blocked his number. Blocked his socials. Moved and never gave him a new address.

at first he felt as though he really did something to fix things for himself. after all he didn't need to bother checking up, visiting, hanging out with a person who had caused him all this trouble. he felt optimistic about it at first. waited for their own symptoms to get better. eventually no matter how he looked at it he hadn't fixed anything. he was still being stubborn for years after cutting his brother off.

had a breakdown in front of his bandmates and they started asking him to get help. he caved in and he did! now they're learning to live with their PTSD and their issues in a healthier way. but he's also starting to really miss his brother and feel like an asshole for lying to him about the incident and leaving him in the dark.

soooo that's all that's going to be revealed in this post. more on mob's side of the story and how they try to fix things next time? i've actually already written a oneshot on it but i'm not sure if i should share it. i'll go ahead and burn that bridge when i get to it afbdhsakfb but if you're still reading at this point thanks so much for reading until here 😭😭😭

[morbidly-malicious-muffins]

What Kind of Music Slashers Would Vibe to Headcanons♪

This little thing popped into my head. Fyi, the canon timelines are thrown out the window for this so... Yeah.

Bring forth the bop~

RZ Michael Myers

"Let my weapons be your children, let my armies be your damned. Try to suffer on in silence, try to stop me if you can." --- This Cold Black by Slipknot

I think he'd really enjoy metal in general. I can totally see him unknowingly stomping to some Marilyn Manson and Meshuggah, though the lyrics and message probably will just fly over his head.

He listens to some heavy shit, but probably all the more mainstream bands/artists.

The loudness and organized chaos of the genre fills the void in his soul and reflects the state of his mind, despite his stoic and non-verbal outer demeanor.

Someone please do everyone a favor and introduce Michael to some death metal. Admit it, it really fits his aesthetic.

This is just based on speculation, but I suspect a 70% possibility of RZ Michael resonating with Cannibal Corpse. Fight me.

He hates classical music with a burning passion. Back in Smith's Grove, they played Bach's Air Sul G on tap. (its canon in the first movie lmao) He hates it. Mikey no likey.

Freddy Krueger

"No stop signs, speed limit, nobody's gonna slow me down. Like a wheel, gonna spin it, nobody's gonna mess me around." --- Highway to Hell, by AC/DC

Freddy listens to classic rock, period.

This guy is ngl a supporter of music taste discrimination. You listen to pop? Disgusting. You listen to Jazz? Disgusting. Classic rock is the epitome of all music.

He'll call you music-related slurs you never knew existed.

As stubborn adamant as Freddy is, he does harbor some guilty pleasures, including 70's hair metal and glam rock. Pshh. What a heckin hypocrite.

Some of his all time favorites are Guns N' Roses, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, and AC/DC.

(Basic bitch)

*Hip thrust movements to go with his 'The Sprinkler' dance moves, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses blasting in the background*

OG Michael Myers

He doesn't listen to music, but if he did, he would probably enjoy Jazz.

Michael only listens to Miles Davis because he enjoys his music and can't be bothered to discover more artists.

Oml Michael I know Miles Davis is amazing but don't neglect other iconic artists plzzz. Someone please make him listen to some Teddy Wilson and/or Dave Brubeck.

I imagine him sitting stiff-straight on a rocking chair (he just likes how it moves), knife in his lap, rocking and zoning-out relaxing to 'Blue in Green'. (I love that piece)

#AfterHeFinallyKillsLaurie

#RetirementGoals

He also hates classical music because of the same reason as RZ Myers. Seriously, if either of them so much as hears the opening chord of Air Sul G, expect the speaker to be stomped to a pulp in a split second.

Bubba Sawyer

Alright let's all be honest with ourselves... 70's pop and country is Bubba's shit.

Look me in the face and tell me he wouldn't adore ABBA, The Jackson 5, and Dolly Parton. Thats right you can't

Everytime 'Dancing Queen' starts playing on the radio, Bubba will drop everything and start busting down.

Ain't nothing and nobody stoppin him. Drayton is powerless against the supreme sovereignty that is ABBA.

But let's also appreciate the fact that our Bubster can motherfuckin get down. *wipes sweat from forehead + heart eyes*

He would also do passionate lip sync with his heart and soul, to Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You'.

50% chance of him starting to cry right after he finishes his earnest performance.

*Holding Bubba in your arms, rubbing comforting circles on his back as he bawls hysterically, incoherently babbling on about how much he loves you*

I also feel for some reason he'd really like Joan Jett & The Blackhearts.

Thomas Hewitt

"For one moment, I wish you'd hold your stage, with no feelings at all. Open minded, I'm sure I used to be so free." --- Citizen Erased by Muse

Y'know what I have a hard time imagining the type of music Tommy listens to. Kutos, Mr. Hewitt, you have defeated me.

siKE

(This is where I yeet the timeline out of the window y'all)

Thomas enjoys Muse, Evanescence, and Radiohead. (Fight me)

He just loves how emotional their songs are. He'd have one earbud in as he works away at his projects for hours. The music helps him concentrate, it is also a source of emotional support to him.

Hearing the heart-wretching lyrical content of 'Lost in Paradise' performed so beautifully by Amy Lee's angellic voice is really comforting to him. It's like hearing about another person's experiences. It makes him feel less alone in dealing with his emotional and mental turmoils and burdens.

The first time Thomas heard 'Creep' by Radiohead, he almost cried.

He also listens to My Chemical Romance sometimes. He only knows the Black Parade album, but he loves it. If 'Creep' didn't make him cry, listening to that entire album from top to bottom sure did. He started sobbing half-way through 'Famous Last Words'.

Tommy is emotional boi 🥺

Brahms Heelshire

C l a s s i c a l

No matter how stinky Brahms is, you can't tell me that he's not classy.

Schubert is his bitch. Schubert's style tends to be quite majestic and/or dreamy, (generally) and can change color/sound very abruptly yet appropriately. (This is just my opinion based on experience with Schubert's pieces, but then I only know his piano pieces soo) (let's still cue that maestoso to scherzando transition)

But of course, Schubert isn't the only thing he listens to. He prefers the romantic period, so Mendelssohn, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Shostakovich, Brahms, Schumann, you get the gist, all the staples. Oh yeah Elgar too. To be a proud English lad.

*Brahms swaying in the living room with the grace of a baby giraffe, engrossed in the beautiful melodies in Schumann's Kinderszenen.*

(Oml please check out 'Von fremden Landern und Manschen' and 'Kind im Einschlummern') (For those who play piano, they aren't that difficult too totally recommend) (Ok sorry I'm done now)

Brahms would totally waltz around alone to Chopin's waltzes and nocturnes.

Oh yeah apart from that classy shit, he likes to jam to meme songs.

"Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play---"

*cut to Brahms passionately fortnite dancing*

Listens to The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals for a good laugh. (Please, all of his songs are gold)

Vincent Sinclair

He'll have 'emo' and 'classical' with a side of metal, thanks.

I headcanon that Vinny McWaxy is an INFJ, so the boy is likely prone to crippling existentialism. It would make sense for some aspects of his music taste to reflect that.

*cut to Vincent sitting rock-still on his workbench/stool, hands hover in mid-air, staring straight ahead, some John Cage piece playing*

You'll never hear this from Vincent but he enjoys sexy-time music. He has this whole erotic playlist he listens to while working. (Boy likes to feel sexy on the job, I respect that.)

I think its pretty much canon that Vinny loves MCR. (Hello fellow emo piece of shit 👋) His favorites are everything by them really. A hardcore fan. He used to have MCR, P!ATD, and 30 Seconds to Mars posters plastered everywhere in his workshop until he had to remove them all to add to the intimidation factor of his waxy hell for passer-bys. For the record, he is very gay for Frank Iero.

On the metal part of his spectrum is mostly classic metal, groove metal, and thrash/heavy metal.

Rammstein, Pantera, Vildhjarta, new and old Metallica, Dream Theatre, Coheed and Cambria. His bitches.

He also uses music to scare victims when bringing them down to his workshop. *cue horror movie soundtracks*

*KI KI KI MA MA MA*

Is a whore for the dramatics when in a good mood.

*Lacrimosa by Mozart plays as he makes a point to bring the wax painfully slowly down toward a drowsy and petrified victim*

A lament for your upcoming death, pitiful human.

Bo Sinclair

"The day has come for all us sinners, if you're not a servant you'll be struck to the ground." -- Beast and The Harlot by Avenged Sevenfold

Bastard boy is into dad-music™. (same)

Dad rock, classic rock, pop punk, punk rock, old school pop, his shit.

He listens to a lot of the same bands as Freddy, but Bo (generally) doesn't discriminate and explores a more diverse variety of music.

Its a fandom canon that Bo loves Avenged Sevenfold. I totally agree.

A7x is the perfect amount of cynical, political, and shred for Beauregard, (I hc that ge hates his full name so plz don't ever call him Beauregard)

He listens to the radio whenever he's at work. Whatever that might be.

Will NEVER admit it, but he thinks Vinny's music taste is dope as hell.

He'll turn off the radio just to strain his ears to listen to Vincent's music downstairs. No one will ever know that though. You don't.

Actually likes classical music too. Its not one of his main genres but there's one piece he really likes, Second Movement of Shostakovich Piano Concerto No. 2 in F Major.

He never thought he'd enjoy this type of music. Its so.... Calm. He discovered that piece from Vinny's playlist. When he first heard it on his brother's speaker, he fell in love. It was one of the extremely rare cases in which he'd be committed enough to ask Vinny the name of the music.

Tiny shuffle for man-kind, huge fuckin step for Bo. Good job Bo, we're proud of you.

Also pleeeeeaaase message me or request stuff, I'm bored and have little inspiration ���

I might do a pt2 of this, since I didn't write many of the boys and gals🤷‍♀️

Also sorry if I've neglected some genres/artists (Like i've neglected non-piano classical pieces.... Bc ya girl is just a pianist), a person can't know everything😗

---Zali 🖤

[clumsyclifford]

u know what. i will give u all the lore u want. i’m 18, will be 19 decently soon so we are close to the same age. also the other band was r5. i have sent u asks about them and tde in the past. i followed you for atl content and got whiplash when u started posting about the first band i ever loved. i was like 10 when their first album dropped i have been around for entirely too long. i had a wattpad account and wrote r5 fanfic from the tender age of like 11-13. i discovered 5sos i don’t even remember how but i think the funniest part about it is that i never really got into their music?? i got into them as people by watching like interviews and compilations. and i mean at this point that was a While ago. SPEAKING OF FANFIC i did that like ao3 year in review thing like a month ago??? and you were my top author of the year so far. i read a lot of fic on ao3. your fics are very lovely and some of my favs. moving on. will not lie my music taste is kinda embarrassing and has barely changed since i was like 14 lmfao. been listening to a lot of waterparks lately. have been since their album dropped in may. i essentially go through phases of listening to solely one artist. or one playlist i made. most recently my taste has consisted of a lot of all time low, waterparks, paramore + hayley’s solo music (it really had to grow on me BUT now that it has it is very good), also been on a nostalgic r5 kick as well. hot take it has been quite difficult for me to get into tde’s music and i don’t really know why. some songs i absolutely adore (omg plz don’t come around is my fav by them. also scared of heights, feel you now, welcome to the end of your life are top songs too) but others i’m just. i have never liked preacher man and it’s the first song they released after they rebranded in like 2017. i love to see them finally free to do what they love music-wise but some of it is just. hard to listen to. i’m supposed to see them live in november (like 4 days before my birthday, kinda cool) and it’s the second time the show has been rescheduled so hopefully it happens. i’ve seen them live before but not since they rebranded. they’re dropping an album in october that i will have like a month to learn so it better be a fucking banger. now i’m just rambling about tde because i love ross and rocky with my entire being. rydel is annoying these days tho. also she named her baby fucking SUPER what kind of name is that why would you do that to a child. anyways. you ever need useless random r5 lore, i’m the person to ask. it’s the effect of being around to like a band for like 8 years. in conclusion my music taste? terrible. a cluster fuck. i will listen to luke’s solo album next time i’m focusing on a task because i like listening to new music when i’m concentrating on something. there’s some other bella lore for the day. - other bella

OH ALSO yeah idk. i’m currently on mobile. when i looked at your blog on mobile the first time last night it was blue. but now it’s pink. i have yet to see it on desktop but when i do i am sure it will be equally as pretty. - other bella again

hell YES some other bella lore. let's dig in

oooooh how soon? whens your birthday? 👀👀👀

ahhh yes i do remember the r5 asks !!!! that was a fun little era of clumsyclifford content huh. dont worry i wrote 1d fic on wattpad from ages 11-13 as well sooo same hat. that is super funny tho actually that you never bothered to listen to their music u really were staying loyal to r5 good for you

ao3 year in review???????????? say more?????? what is this?????????? thats very flattering regardless omg im going to ask you what your favorites are because im a leo just kidding its because i crave validation and im curious what ones you read/have read. also thank you for reading my fics lol

oh yeah theres a new parx album!! i dont listen actively to them but i really like all the parx music i know. im scared to get really into them because im genuinely afraid to fall in love with awsten knight. like im not joking thats the reason. i have to listen to more of their music tho cos i really enjoy what i know so...if you have recs...👀 i'm listening

mm thats a good lineup of music to listen to!! paramore is another band i never got super into, i meant to and then i listened to all of riot and then i learned that hayley williams is like pretty christian and that a few paramore songs are more christian than i anticipated and now i'm like. on the fence about it all. but i wanna listen to after laughter i just havent gotten around to it yet. and i did like riot. i like paramore. i like dead horse by hayley, i didnt like the other single she released, and i didnt listen to her solo music because i didnt like the first single so im not sure if i would actually like it? i am accepting vibe checks in that category though i dont really know what kinda music it is. actually now that im thinking about it doesnt she have two albums now???? i feel like the answer is yes. anyway. moving on

that is very fair the thing abt the tde stuff is that it's all so interesting and so different from every other tde song like they really just do something unique in each song which i think is awesome but also makes it hard to like every song bc it's not like one universal vibe you kinda have to decide for each song if you're enjoying it or not. i do LOVEEEE tde though, im very jealous that you're seeing them perform. although i dont know why im not, just looked it up and theyre gonna be in new york on november 24th which is a sunday so i miiiight.....be able to go.......maybe...........their website says the 25th which is a monday so maybe i was under the impression the show was on a monday?? but the ticket site says sunday. 👀 we will just...have to see......what we see.............

ANYWAY

RIGHT im so excited for their album i was mistakenly thinking it was coming out the same night as luke's but it was just the new single which i really liked on a first listen but have to listen to again cos ive only heard it the one time. but i hope it fucks. they announced that the album is called girlfriend which personally i think is really fun so i have high hopes

SHE NAMED HER CHILD FUCKIN WHAT NOW???????????????

wait eight years thats a long time but also thats roughly how long ive been around 1d wtf........insane. madness. and in fairness probably roughly how long ive been around 5sos but i took a hiatus from both of those bands during high school so im not sure how much i can count all of those years. ive been around all time low for six years though, that's pretty good. anywayyyy i hope you like luke's album but no pressure man listen whenever you feel like it. LOVE YOU

[curly-cal]

L.H | Playing Innocent

Premise: greaser!luke au where he gets a special surprise from the Golden Girl

Word Count: 3105

Warnings: swearing, oral (18+)

A/N: hiya, this has been requested, hope ya’ll like! i know its suppose to be greaser!universe type thing and that its technically suppose to be set in the 60′s but i wrote it in the time frame of maybe 1980′s? i felt like it was easier that way for me as its not a series i wanted to do an immense amount of research on.  This is also my first publish on this blog of any of my writing so i hope you like and pleeease give me feedback. Critique. anything. Its sooo helpful to know what ya’ll like and don’t. Also thank u for requesting bc this was fun to write and now im craving greaser!luke to take me for a spin on his bike. enjoy! xx

Masterlist

It wasn’t as if maths was something he struggled with, in fact, Luke considered himself quite clever when it came to the subject. However, when he found out that y/n was offering her spare time to anyone in the class who needed help, he thought it to be the perfect opportunity to get her to speak to him.

To Luke she was the prettiest girl in the school, maybe even the prettiest on the North side of Riverwood. He was enchanted by the way her hair fell in her face, the way her eyes crinkled in concentration, and how she had an answer to every question Mr. Dundell asked in class.

But Luke had a reputation that he was very well aware of, so he found it difficult to get someone like her to give him even the slightest of her time. She was a typical Good Girl in his eyes. She always got straight A’s, her attire was always perfect, she went home to a happy family, performed in the school plays and volunteered at the diner on weekends.

It wasn’t as if he was afraid to talk to her, not at all, Luke just found it much easier to go after the girls that were throwing themselves at him, rather than chase after some preppy little spoilt girl that would be too frigid to do anything with him anyway, so instead, he admired her from afar. He definitely thought about all the things he would do to her, though, all the ways he could put that chatty little smart-ass mouth to use, and when he did think of those candy pink lips wrapped around his cock, he found himself making excuses so he could go rub one off over her in the boys bathrooms.

_

 He was sitting up in the bleachers when he was caught, she was running laps around the oval for gym and for a split second she let her eyes stray from the path in front of her. They locked with his for only a short moment, but to Luke it felt like a lifetime. When she looked away, however, Luke found himself a little disappointed. A small sigh left his lips, one which didn’t go unnoticed by the hazel eyed greaser to his right.

“You jonesing for that preppy still Hemmings?” Ashton smirked, a tone in his voice that only portrayed mockery.

Luke rolled his eyes at his friend, diverting his attention to him nethertheless. “Shut up.”

Ashton let out a chuckle, but continued on with his teasing. “Isn’t she tutoring? Why don’t you ask dollface to help you out, then you can feel her up, get rejected and move on from this ridiculous crush you can’t seem to piss off.”

And that was how the plan became.

_

Later on that afternoon, Luke found himself transfixed on the girl who sat 3 seats in front and one across from where he had been sitting. She had a piece of hair curled around her finger as she listened to Mr. Dundell explain the notions of algebra. The school day was coming to an end, and not yet had Luke had the opportunity to speak to her since gym. He had a plan to catch her after class when everyone was cleared out, knowing full well that she’d stick around to speak to the teacher about extra notes, that was when he was going to make his move. He planned on playing the fool. To go over to Mr. Dundell and express how difficult he found the assignment and hoped she’d offer, or at-least the teacher would recommend her assistance, and that would be where the plan would begin.

30 minutes went by before the bell rung, then a sea of students jumped up and headed for the door in a rush, leaving only a few left behind. Luke watched as she packed away her things and headed straight to the teacher, where she did infact stand and ask for extra notes.

He quickly jumped up, grabbing his things and headed over to where they stood, but before he could reach her, she was off. Damn it. He thought to himself. He quickly ran after her, calling out her name in hopes she’d hear him in the pit of noise that filled the halls.

He finally caught up to her once she stopped at her locker, his hand flew flat against the locker beside hers, catching her attention as she looked up at the smirking boy standing before her.

“You’re a difficult girl to catch, darlin’” he grinned and wiped a stray strand of curl out of his face.

 Her frown was deep, but sat alongside confusion. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped to rethink her words for a second. “What do you want?” She eventually spoke, but turned to continue putting her things away.

“Want your help, darlin’ my maths isn’t too good. Heard ya willin’ to help out”

Her ears perked at this, she turned and gave him and amused expression. “You want my help? No way.” She laughed as she closed her locker. Y/n began to walk away but frowned as Luke moved in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

“And why not?” He was a little confused, but refused to show her anything but arrogance as he smirked down at her. “Where ya going, Darlin’?”

“Firstly, my names y/n, and secondly, I know you’re not struggling, Luke, you have one of the highest grades in the class. Besides, do you know how it’ll look if I’m seen with you? Already there’s a million eyes watching us.” She spoke as she scanned the hall.

Luke couldn’t help but let out a laugh at this. “You scared to be seen with me, Darlin’? You didn’t strike me as someone who cared about her reputation.”

“I don’t.” She huffed, her back straightening as she tried to stand tall, as if it would help her deceive him.

“Then help me.” He smirked, stepping closer, letting his face inch closer to hers in an attempt to seduce her. “I’ll come by the diner tomorrow, you can help me after you finish.” He winked at her and before she had an opportunity to interject, he was gone, leaving y/n standing in front of her locker in a state of confusion.

“What the heck”

_

It was Saturday afternoon and y/n was just finishing up the last of her duties at work. Luke hadn’t come by yet, much to her relief. She was hoping he’d just forget and she could go straight home and work on her assignment, not that she had much left, considering she had already finished most of the work yesterday after her class. Y/n wasn’t sure how the hell she had even managed to get as much done as she did, considering most of what she could think about was the blonde, curly-haired boy who was forcing her to help him.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t know of Luke, because she did. She knew of his reputation, and how he was considered trouble, he and the rest of his pals. The town called them the misfortunates of Riverwood. Notorious for getting into fights, graffiting the back of public toilets and getting caught and arrested by the police for public indecency, which was usually because they were screwing girls in their cars at the drive-in movies.

Being seen with him would definitely make her the talk of the town, and that’s what she was afraid of. Not because she cared of what the people thought, but because her parents had dressed her up as the towns ‘Golden Girl’. She loved her parents and wouldn’t ever want to do anything to displease them, which was why she was nervous. She knew that the reputation her parents tried so hard to maintain, for her benefit and theirs, would be demolished within seconds if people started to think she was in cahoots with the town's biggest trouble maker.

Her thoughts were abrupted by the sound of the diner doorbell, her eyes flicking to the man that had just been taking up her thoughtspace.

She wasn’t going to deny the fact that he was attractive, especially with him standing there in his leather jacket, his curls styled perfectly atop his head, jeans clinging tightly to his legs with what seemed to be a match stick rested between his lips. He gave her a wink as he began to stride over to her. “Darlin’” he nodded in an attempt to greet her. “Ya finished?”

She let out a small sigh, her hands going to the back of her body to untie the apron that adorned her. “Find a booth, I’ll be out in a second.” She turned on her heel and walked out the back, Luke doing as she said and finding a seat somewhere in the back of the diner.

When she came back out, she noticed his books out on the table, but caught a glimpse of him at the dukebox instead. She walked over to where he stood and cleared her throat. “We need to start so I’m home before 6 o’clock.” She sat down and began to flick through her notes.

“Early.” He hummed. “Ya parents strict, Darlin’?” He questioned as he chose a song and then returned to the booth, finally accompanying her.

She rolled her eyes, wishing she could lie without him knowing, but she knew he’d see right through it so she decided to not answer.

Luke let out a small chuckle, removing the stick between his teeth and let it slip between his fingers before speaking again. “Ya do everything they tell ya, Darlin’? They got ya on a leash or something?” He questioned.

“We’re here because you can’t do simple math, Luke, so how about we focus on that.” She bit back, clearly becoming agitated with his questioning.

His hands flew up, but he didn’t bother to hide the smirk that couldn’t help but permanently stick to his face. “Don’t get ya panties in a twist, just tryna see if you’re really as innocent as ya perceive, Darlin’.. clearly ya are.”

The book in her hands thudded against the table, causing a loud bang to fill the diner. Her eyes narrowed at him, a small huff leaving her lips. “Am not.”

“Pretty girls got anger. Don’t let daddy see.” He winked. “Cmon, you’re not fooling anyone, sweets. Everyone knows ya wouldn’t do anything a respected lady wouldn’t do. Would ya, darlin’?”

At this she rolled her eyes. She knew what he was doing. He was testing her, trying to get her to do something that would convince him she wasn’t who she pretended to be. He wanted to see how the real y/n behaved. Which was exactly what he was about to get.

“Fine. You want to see me be naughty? Because I can be naughty.” She hummed. When Luke only laughed at her words, a small ‘yeah right darlin’ left his lips she grinned back at him, a devilishly grin that he wasn’t ready for.

Her eyes grew bright, but filled with a strange colour. “I’ll prove it.” She stood, grabbing her things and quickly packing them away. She began to walk off, and when he didn’t follow, she turned on her heel and looked at him. “Are you coming or what?”

Luke jumped out of his seat and quickly ran after her, tossing everything he had brought into his own bag in the midst of motion. They walked out the front of the store and she turned to him. “Where’s your bike?” She smirked.

Luke’s brows raised but he didn’t speak a word, mainly because he was slightly in shock and confused about what was happening. He wasn’t sure how she was going to show him, but a thrill of excitement washed over him as they both walked to his bike. He helped her on and climbed on afterwards. He didn’t have a helmet to give, but she didn’t seem to mind.

As they drove off, her arms wrapped tightly around his stomach. Luke was sure he even felt her hand slip a few times against his member, but he wasn’t convinced it was on purpose, so he stayed quiet, and instead focused on the feeling of her breath on the back of his neck. “Where are we going?” He yelled out.

She grinned and pointed south. “Parklands, Hemmings.”

_

Luke pulled up at the reserve along the water. Trees surrounded them both as he put down the bike stand and waited for her to climb off before following suits. “What’re we doin’ her, darlin’?”

She smirked, her eyes glued to the boy before her as he leaned against his bike. “You wanted to know how innocent I was. I want to show you.” She spoke, seductive-like as she let her pointer finger run down his chest.

Luke’s eyes widened as he finally realised what she meant, but smirked as he began to play along. “Ya gonna show me how naughty you are, darlin’? Nah ya ain’t got it in ya.”

Her lips turned into a slight pout at his teasing. “You don’t know the half of it, Hemmings.” She hummed as she moved closer. She let her eyes stay glued to his as she began to slowly peel off his jacket. “You don’t know how good my mouth feels, how sweet my lips taste. How hot your body would feel up against mine.” She smirked, watching as Luke swallowed a lump in his throat. “You don’t know how well I can make you cum inside my innocent little mouth.”  

He let out a small moan, his eyes filling with lust as he watched the girl before him inch closer to him. All of the things he could only imagine doing with her was about to happen and he couldn’t wait to see how good that dirty mouth of hers felt. His dick grew harder and harder at her words, and all he needed was some sense of touch, so when she refused to give him what he wanted, and continued to tease him with her words, he began to grow agitated. “Darlin’, ya gonna prove ya ain’t all talk or am I gonna have to bend you over and get it out of ya?” He growled.

She smirked at this, her tongue clicking in disapproval. Her hands moved back against his chest, her nails scratching down the material against his chest, eliciting small moans from his lips. Once she had reached the bottom of his shirt, her fingers gently wrapped around the material and began to tug the white t-shirt that clung heavenly to his chest, up over his head and let it fall over his bike where his jacket hung.

Y/n moved quickly, pressing her lips to the exposed skin above his collarbone as she then began to let her lips make their way down his body, stopping a few times to nip and suck on his skin, making sure to leave love bites. Heck, she thought, if I’m going do this, might as well make it memorable. As she slowly reached the bottom of his torso, she found herself falling to her knees. Luke’s hands instantly tangled in her hair as she began to undo his jeans and slide them down his legs. She could see his hard on showing through his briefs, the sight of his large cock making her stomach turn in excitement. She slowly pressed her lips to Luke’s v-line while her fingers began the work of pulling off his boxers.

Once his cock was free, she let her kisses trail to the underside of his shaft, then slowly began to let her tongue trail over his prominent vein.

Even just her breath fanning him had Luke seeing stars, he tried so hard to watch her, but with every small, teasing action, Luke found his eyes drifting shut and his head rolling back in euphoria.

Once her tongue reached the tip of his cock, she hummed slightly, waiting for his eyes to reconnect with hers, and when they did, she gave him a cheeky grin before wrapping her lips around his head completely. A small moan left her lips as she tasted the pre-cum against her tastebuds. Y/n made sure her eyes never once left Luke’s as she began to the bob her head up and down against his cock, small moans escaping her lips and filling the quiet void that surrounded them, her tongue made work on running along his shaft as she continued to blow him.

Luke’s eyes were squinted, his lips in the shape of an ‘o’ as he let loud moans dance with hers. His hands worked her hair, fingers tangling and then releasing as he forced her down on his dick further. The moans and occasional gags began to feel all too much, the familiar feeling in his stomach forming as he looked down at the beautiful sight before him. “Darlin’ ya so good. Darlin’ ‘m gonna cum, ya gotta stop.”

When she refused to stop, Luke’s hands attempted to pull her off, but were met with her own, swatting them away. She continued to run her tongue as she bobbed her head, purposely moaning against his cock until she could feel liquid fill her mouth.

A loud grunt left his lips alongside a loud “fuck Darlin’ ‘m cumin’” as he released his load inside her. She continued to work him through his high, both of them now releasing quiet, short moans as she milked him of his orgasm.

After he had finished, he carefully helped her off his cock, a loud ‘pop’ noise leaving her lips as she smirked and looked up at him.

His chest was heavy and breathing uneven, but all he could pay attention to was the girl before him, down on her knees, looking up at him with a devilish smirk on her face, alongside a whole heap of saliva, mixed with his cum. “Not so innocent now, hm?” She smirked.

Luke let out a low chucked, his finger moving to wipe at the mess on her face before forcing his finger in her mouth for her to suck clean. “Not so much, darlin’ not so much.” He smirked as he removed his finger. “Should’ve asked for ya help earlier, who knew what I was missin’ out on.”

She grinned at that then stood up. “You never needed my help, did you hemmings?”

“Nah, but now Darlin’, now I might just.”

[ablogwithaview]

Hi Olivia- I had a falling out w my dad and Im freaking out. I told him me & my BF are moving in together bc we're both continuing our academic formation at the same city (PhD) and we've found it much easier to find a living arrangement together than separately. My dad got really mad and disagrees w the decision bc he "doesn't know my BF well enough". I understand this. But he's never met any of the other roommates I've had over the years during BA and MA and that didn't seem to be an issue 1/

Not even when I moved in at 18 into an apartment where an older guy was already living and the guy turned out to be a terrible human being who insulted and I had to basically time my being in the house around him NOT being in the house bc I was too scared to come out of my room w him there. This time, I'm moving in w someone I KNOW, we've been together for almost 2 yrs, and this is not only based on economic covenience but also on the fact that we are great together. 2/

Moreover, I depend on my dad economically bc he has never wanted me to work during my BA and MA years because he's always wanted me to concentrate 100% on my schooling. I am grateful for this and will eternally thank him. Now, because of this situation, he's completely cut me off and I have no money and no one else to ask money to. I can't even finish my PhD app because I can't pay the fee! What do I do? I'm honestly so mad at my dad but I know I'm making a good decision. I'm so sad and torn.3/3

This is a really tough one, and I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Your father’s behavior is not only unreasonable but absolutely manipulative. He says he doesn’t know your boyfriend well enough, but is he really upset that you’re moving in with a man without a greater commitment? Is he angry that he wasn’t asked first? Is he jealous that with this, he won’t be the main male presence in your life anymore? Are you an only child? No matter what, his reaction is wrong, but people can often react with their emotions – my grandmother for instance was and can sometimes still be a nightmare when it comes to my husband. Have you tried creating occasions where your partner and your dad can spend time together? Get to know each other better? I don’t know what to suggest because it’s definitely a very, very difficult situation. Good for you for standing your ground, and I hope you manage to smooth things out!! 

[smoljams]

‘Nothing Like Us’ part 1/? ~ Jungkook Imagine

Ughh im bored and just thought up this scenario bcs i have no life. I’m sorry if this is bad, its my first one!! x 

genre; gonna be a ‘best friends to lovers’ type fic if you want me to do more parts, just let me know :))

warnings; its my first time and there's a couple swear words 

“Y/N~ahhh come dance with us~” 

You look up from your phone to see 3 pouty faces looking down at you - Tae, Jimin and Kookie. It’s currently 9:25 am and the three of them are full of energy, dancing around to various songs; ranging from CL, to Blackpink, to PSY, to even their own music. 

“Please jagiiii” Jungkook was now kneeling in front of you, they really wanted you to join in huh? You sigh and get up from the couch. Immediately you had three grown men hugging you all at once, unintentionally squishing you. 

“Yay come on Y/N. Lets dance to airplane pt 2!” giggled Tae. You were the same age as Jimin and Tae, just a couple of months younger, but it always seemed to surprise you how someone with such a deep voice could act like a 2 year old. You loved it though! You loved all your 7 best friends. They’ve always been there for you since you could remember, that’s why you decided to move in with them 4 years ago. And if you were completely honest with yourself, it was probably one of the best decisions you have ever made.  

“Noooonaaa” Jungkook whined “come stand by me~” 

You didn’t even have a choice, before you knew it he was pulling you over by your arm. 

*roughly 1 hour later*

“Hey guys we’re ba- wow there’s a party going on in here” Hobi laughed as he walked in, the others from the hyung line following behind. Hoseok being Hoseok, he joins in with the funniest aegyo dance moves ever. 

The other 3 hyungs make themselves at home; Not really paying attention to the noise as it's normal for the younger boys to create chaos. That is until ‘Rainism’ comes on. 

Not knowing the dance to this one, you sat down next to Yoongi on the sofa. The way Jungkook's persona changed - going from the cutest baby boy to the hottest man you've ever seen - had given you butterflies. Everything about him had you in a trance.

His tousled, brown hair was like hues of a woodland, with each strand sitting perfectly on his head, weaving together to frame his golden face. His gorgeous dark eyes filled with confidence and lust. Your own eyes wander down, his jawline flawlessly sculptured, outlining his mesmerising profile. His face was strong and defined; his features carved from granite. Jungkook’s usual boyish ‘bunny’ grin had now been tugged upwards, forming a sensual smirk on his god-like face. Oh boy, he knew he looked heavenly. He was wearing a black, oversized t-shirt and misty grey jogging bottoms; his strong forearms disappearing into the short sleeves - the outfit might be basic but Jungkook looked surreal. Every dance move flowed faultlessly. His big hands and long, yet strong fingers made you feel some type of way. His lips were parted slightly, his breath rough and slightly jagged, concentration evident on his beautiful face. 

He had never looked like this before. Looked so different. Looked so perfect. You hadn't realized that Namjoon had walked into the room, let alone sit the other side of you, that was until he elbowed your arm.

"Hey y/n, I wouldn't get too lost in the maknae like that" Joonie laughed. "It kinda seems like you have a crush on him"

You did have a crush on him. But you could never admit to that. Jungkook was one of your best friends, one of your roommates, and as far as you were aware, you were the only girl he could talk too without malfunctioning. His has always been so comfortable around you and you the same with him.. But you suppose that’s just because you act like ‘one of the guys’. Come on, you think to yourself, he’d never like you back, he is Jeon fucking Jungkook, and you’re just Y/N. You can’t confess to him because he’d say no and then it’d be awkward for everyone, wouldn't it? The last thing you want to do is jeopardize not only you and Jungkook’s friendship but your friendship with the other guys too. 

“um Y/N..you okay there?” Namjoon’s hushed tone quickly brought you back to reality. 

“Yeah Namjoon I’m fine, I’ve just got a headache.”  The small white lie slipped out, but you don’t think too much about it - it’s not like you could have told him the truth. 

Out of the 7 guys, Namjoon is the ‘big brother’ figure for you. He was the one who invited you to live with them 4 years ago, made you feel right at home in South Korea, helped you develop your pronunciation, and, well, annoyed the fuck out of you when he felt necessary. Perhaps it was because you reminded him of his younger sister? It must have been pretty difficult for him to leave behind his baby sister, while he travelled the world, selling out arenas with his best friends - whereas a normal dude would be at home, making fun of his sister and scaring away any other guys who dared to go near her.

Unfortunately for you, Namjoon is an intellectual. Of course he saw straight through your lie. But that doesn’t mean he’s going to call you out on it, oh no, he’s going to do anything and everything in his power to get you closer to Jungkook.  

A/N: omfg was this any good? Please let me know if you want a part 2 - i have so many ideas for this bestfriendau! Thanks for reading!!xx 

[sootonthecarpet]

if it's not too much trouble to answer, can I ask what's been the going on with doctor who that's bad? I've seen little bits of it when my parents watch it in the other room but not enough to really get a good sense of it?

heyyy sorry to keep ya waiting on this. i tried to keep this as short as i could, but it’s about five paragraphs long, sorry. it’s not in any way a comprehensive list of problems with the last few seasons, just a quick tour of the moments i shouldve let be my ‘i can’t keep watching after this’ point. i wanted to write it objectively but i got pretty aggro, bc this show that in some part i genuinely adore has been producing unforgivably bigoted content. (it’s kinda a ship of theseus situation, except where the parts of the ship were replaced with worse, shittier, fake-woke parts.) i ask ppl to avoid reblogging this, because i don’t want my words to contribute in any way to online buzz surrounding this show or make anyone want to see it, even if ONLY to hatewatch or criticize.

content warning for misogynoir/antiblackness, racism, bury ur gays, some shit with nazi germany (yeah lol) and just the slightest kiss of antisemitism.

(edit: i seem to be having some problems with the read more cut. it’s there on dash view and when i edit the post, but doesn’t show on some instances of my blog. i can’t fix this but gksfkgls. wanted to at least be overt that i wouldn’t post this kinda long ranty stuff without a cut.)

in the last season where peter capaldi was the doctor, two seasons ago now, he had a new companion, Bill. she was a black lesbian and literally the only reason i started watching doctor who again. i loved her, and i was really glad to see the show moving back towards the more diverse cast of characters that we saw in the late aughts. then the season had a repeated theme of FORCING her to either repress or not feel her emotions. there are two scenes that stand out most to me. in an ep set in like, early 19th century london, she and the doctor are talking to a racist rich white dude who is being super nasty to Bill. the doctor keeps telling her to cool it and not show how angry she is. then HE gets to punch the guy out and knock him to the floor.

this theme of the white man being the only one allowed to get angry was big all season, iirc. then at the end of the season, Bill is turned into a cyberman. they’re usually like. soulless scary automatons, but some characters keep their individuality, which has been explored in a few past seasons, usually leading up to a tragic/heroic death. in Bill’s case, they did this trick with filming where we could see her perspective of herself in some shots–an intensely emotional performance, Bill was completely traumatized and her actress was working her ass off–and in others, just this metal body incapable of expression, scaring people like she was a monster and monotoning these otherwise very emotional statements. it’s an interesting narrative device, but after a whole season of this show putting Bill through all kinds of terrible shit and forcing her not to show her feelings on the matter, it hit me as like. this nauseating exaggeration of how society treats actual black lesbians as monsters and tries to make them bottle up their emotions and especially their justifiable anger. anyway, then Bill died and got to be with her dead girlfriend from her first episode. wow, cool.

idk what made me watch the season after that. i guess i wanted to see the new doctor, and i liked her companions (one was like. a young man with disabling neurological symptoms, tbh even if i’d missed Bill’s season that might have had me back on board). i had plenty of problems with how the season played out, obvs, but nothing was standout horrible to me the way the shit with Bill had been (except maybe the episode that started out like ‘space amazon is a hellhole’ and somehow ended with ‘space amazon was taken advantage of by a broken AI that hurt some people and they didnt fix the infrastructure we explicitly showed harmed their workers but now it’s fine!’ if that sounds weird and heavy handed with an unsatisfying ending, it’s because it was). the new season tho? the OPENING EPISODES OF THE NEW SEASON, THO? it opens with alexa product placement, in an episode about how a fictionalized google was actually run by a black man who had ties to a large number of aliens who had secretly infiltrated our society, altered our dna, and shit like that. so uh, 1. brand war lmao, sellouts etc etc 2. y’all remember those conspiracy theories about jews? and white supremacist beliefs that black people are ruining the world but aren’t smart enough to do it on their own so they must be agents of jewish corruption? HUH. HUH! that’s not even my big problem with the fuckin thing, but it’s FOR SURE a suspicious writing move from a tv show with suuuuch a huge viewership. (and it’s just plain embarrassing for a show with alexa product placement to try to go all scary panopticon tropes specifically @ a google analogue.)

anyway, we run into an old recurring antagonist, the master, a time lord like the doctor. he’s a guy again after having been a woman for a few seasons, and now played by an actor of color. i figure the reasoning at least partly relied on “dude, how fucked up will it be if we force the doctor’s black friend to call a white dude master” but i was immediately afraid it might go to the like…. Righteous White Woman Gets The Better Of Evil Brown Man tropes and oh boy!!!! i tried to be good and give it the benefit of the doubt until i saw something racist but it wasted no time. the doctor got stuck in the past at one point, and met the master, who was currently a military official with the third reich. oh boy. so she asks him why they let him work with them and he explains he’s using a device to psychically disguise himself, they see him as white. (we missed a great chance for him to monologue about how they were willing to bend their morals when they saw how evil he could get or something.) this was awkward enough for me as a viewer, but i wasn’t prepared to go into it, in case there was some tiny shred of nuance somewhere that would make this situation anything but a clusterfuck.

well, the doctor executes a genuinely clever scheme and makes a radio transmission to the brits that she knows won’t reach em, talking about how helpful this officer has been–setting up the master to be falsely outed as a double agent when the nazis intercept it. she tells the master this and then skedaddles, letting him be arrested by his own men. could be a satisfying karmic victory where he presumably gets a military trial and weasels out of his fate, although i don’t like the implications of a white woman punishing a brown man for racism. BUT IT DIDN’T STOP THERE! she disables his psychic filter, causing his men to see his true identity as a man of color–she exposes her oldest frenemy and Basically The Only Time Lord Who’ll Talk To Her to nazi racism when he was ALREADY about to fall into their hands as a prisoner. what could have been a marginally satisfying defeat was instead a kind of emotional horrorshow for me as i had to stop and wonder what kind of hell they’d put him through and why the writers decided that the doctor (who has literally since the show began in like the sixties been set up as an enemy of naziism via allegory and has always been firm in the idea that NOBODY, including literal maneating space monsters, deserves to be treated as less than human) would DO that. IT’S LATER IMPLIED HE ESCAPED FROM A CONCENTRATION CAMP. the narrative DOES NOT allow time for that to sink in before moving on.

i dont have a conclusion 2 this. im just hurt as fuck about it. i hope i gave u the info u were looking for without getting too deep into my personal feelings, but it’s difficult, maybe impossible to be objective about stuff like this.

[impyeseul]

( loOK AT THIS CUTE LIL SQUISH IM CRYIGN !! )

hI BABIES !! i hope you’re having/had a good day bc my impatient and hyped ass has been dying to plot with you all since i sent my acct in bc this rp is ? already so cool ?? anyways i’m kat, 19 yo mess™ from canada, the nt specifically aka the geniuses behind the only :30 tz on the planet tyvm. i’m a SUFFERING uni student, i’m bts, sci-fi and alt rock trash, letterkenny s3 has become my life now and when my social life isn’t dormant like it is rn, you can usually find me at the campus bar having a wild time with a couple of my ra’s lol. i have a small plots page set up HERE that you can check out — i kinda gave up on the creative thing i had going with them by the fourth one and still have a few to add ( bc it’s dinner time rn and i’m famished ) as you can see hgjkfs — and feel free to im me for my discord acct !! now, on to my content, quixotic bab seulie who rly.. doesn’t know what she’s doing with herself despite finally getting her life on track overall, but she’s trying:

— earlier, i could’ve sworn i saw PARK CHAEYOUNG (ROSÉ) on campus, but it’s just SONG YESEUL. i heard they were sorted as a GLEAM and they’re only TWENTY years old majoring in FASHION MARKETING here at imperium, which isn’t surprising considering their ability is ADOPTIVE MUSCLE MEMORY. people call her the PEACH because she is supposedly EBULLIENT, but also COMPULSIVE but who knows if that’s true, it’s their ability that matters. ( kat. 19. nt. she/her. none. )

so lil song yeseul was born in changwon to a korean-canadian father and her mother who had both moved from daegu abt two years prior ??

has a younger brother by abt two years and ig you could say they were middle class

so most of her family bg is still up in the air for me but

her parents were always v big on education, wanting the best for their kids and to be cared for in their old age, so seulie and her brother were diligent in their studies as kids

however, she slipped away little by little and became a more lax student, hiding under the guise of working endlessly in her room when she was really just reading the new tw****** book ( yeah, i rly just censored that series lmao )

her grades were still good, she just didn’t get as into it and overwhelmed by it as before

without a doubt lost her shit when she learned that she had powers

i mean she prob learned she had them when she was fourteen and saw a huge fist fight between some kids at school.. before going home and accidentally punching her little brother in the face

“ what.. the fuck ? oh my god oh my gOD HOW DO I KNOW HOW TO THROW A PUNCH LIKE THAT ? HOW DO I KNOW HOW TO DO A ROUND OFF BACK HANDSPRING DOUBLE PIKE ?! ”

is good at sports and dance mostly bc of her power.. but she’s also a walking safety hazard bc she’s clumsy af, so she steers clear of most sports for everyone’s sake

like cute guy or girl in the stands ? she’s taking the field hockey forward down with her when she trips on air and prob fucks them up bc they cushioned her fall

yeah i rly.. made a girl equipped with muscle memory a klutz, rip

anyways her parents weren’t too peeved by this surprisingly ( at least her dad wasn’t lol ) as long as she didn’t nearly break her brother’s nose again jgfksd

ngl it was smooth sailing for the most part, unless you caught her off-guard with your presence or something, then she was a state with her movements 

prob took up a job at some local fast food place like every other teen to save for uni

so fast forward and she graduated !!! she thought she’d do medical science and had no real worries about changing her mind

got into imperium and was set on medicine.. until she finally began attending uni, about a month in and she was fucking clueless

on top of that, she had to adjust to so much concentration on her power that it was all a little surprising and foreign to her

so to sum it up, her first year saw her suffering with academics, and other aspects of her life at imperium, however for the most part, everything was p good and she was content

so after a while, seulie switched into fashion marketing and she loves it

her parents were p disappointed for a while bc of the switch in major and there was an evident strain on their relationship ( between her and her mom, at least ) but by now they’ve come around and she’s so thankful for that tbh ??

anyway she’s kinda a mess, not rly sure of what else to say lol

personality and other stuff ig

pansexual af 

soft af !!

spontaneous, if only i could give you an example rIP

obsessed with the idea of leading a luxurious lifestyle and wants it to be at her own accord

has a bit of a dependency on others, even if she tries to deny it bc she knows she does deep down

a generally cheery person who wants the best for people

C L U M S Y

like she rly isn’t joining any sports bc of it, even if soccer is prob ok for her; won’t take her chances lmao

the type to make up for any harm she inflicted in training by icing your bruise, buying you lunch or cuddling if you wanna do that lol

physical affection is everything to her rly, kisses and the like are welcomed wholeheartedly

won’t admit to this either, but she tends to feel rly insecure bc she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life once she actually dived into uni or how to tell her parents, or how some people tend to walk over her bc of her occasional naiveté, see her as weak for being a more gentle soul, etc

is scarily calm when she’s angry, but that’s bc she doesn’t get angry per se ?? it’s irritation and disappointment at best so like.. beware

thinks the hierarchy is pathetic and jst wants everyone to be treated fairly ?? is prob an advocate for world peace but with the knowledge of it being difficult to achieve easily, so she approaches this whole thing similarly

is the type to cry over a series finale she’s watched twenty times already

horror movies get her evERY TIME; even if she can laugh at the badly done ones, the jump scares without fail fuck her up

super chill though, always smiling, just a rly cute bean

loves cats and dogs, she’ll never pick one over the other

hc: when she has a family and all that and they decide to adopt a puppy, she’ll leave the kids with her partner and snatch a tabby cat bc why not have both ??

the biggest meat hoe™

but loves cocoa more than life itself

tries to dress in a sophisticated manner but also rly loves wearing cute baggy sweatshirts and ball caps

skIRTS

loves all of the cult classic teen movies, has a soft spot for well done romance flicks and kdramas too

also a hopeless romantic and is set on the principle of heart over head, legit will fall in love with/develop a crush on you so easily so watch yourself pLS

has never been in a relationship tho lol

.. wh y am i saying that like she’s a loser when i haven’t either

i rly just played myself, why am i not surprised lfjdkgh

loves indie/electropop, alternative, rap, and r&b music

has a profound admiration for classical as well

not the heaviest drinker or user of sorts but it’s prob for the best bc she’s such a lightweight lmao

can be like four different people when she’s drunk so.. yeah js hahaha

so she’s sometimes that chick™ that has a wild time at a party but surprise !! she’s stone cold sober

has a slight oral fixation ig ? not in a sexual manner though so don’t get any ideas hahaha

.. ok maybe a little but it’s rly innocent on her part 99% of the time. you’ll almost never see her without a straw in her drink for example; she’s also a lollipop and liquorice hoe so yeah

she’ll never bite her nails though, at least not beyond a light nip that’s p subconscious when she’s concentrating on something

.. funny how i typed more about this than her feelings abt her major rIP

but listen when i say that she’s lowkey freaky i fucking meant it lmAO. idek if she realizes it herself but yeah.. she’s not that pure sdhfkg i hate myself for this you doNT UNDERSTAND

so that’s seulie !! if you’d like to plot, just like this or message me, i’ll try to get back to you as soon as i can !

[gardenstateofmind]

@wanderingwistlessness yeah well that's the thing, body shaming affects absolutely every type of person, fat shaming is just a very specific targeted kind of body shaming. but you could be completely conventionally attractive and still have have body image issues, and that's totally valid. bc our capitalist hell society runs on making us feel inferior so we can buy material goods to try to feel better. the diet and fashion industries generate insane amounts of money i just specifically focus on fat shaming bc it's like what people try to justify the most. u can see people be totally great abt body stuff but then they'll say shit like "but we can't glorify obesity that's so dangerous, you need to lose weight, im only saying this bc i care about your health" which is bullshit. i dont doubt that some people genuinely think they just care abt the health aspect, but that view is rooted seeing fat=bad bc of my mental illness i have a very difficult time eating regularly and have almost no appetite; eating is a genuine struggle for me. but my body is naturally built heavy, even when i was eating probably under 1000 calories a day, i was still 150 lbs on a 5'3 frame which bmi considers "overweight" lmfao. and one time when a doctor was prescribing me a medication, she said "this can cause a decrease in appetite, so if you want to go on a diet, this could be a great starting point" and i was like "Thanks Elizabeth but considering i have a literal eating disorder and barely get in one meal a day, id rather not have even less desire to eat" leave my 200lb body olone and deadass one of the major reasons im scared to start testosterone is bc it changes your weight distribution. right now im "curvy" the majority of my fat is concentrated in butt+thighs and then my bust, shoulders, and arms are very built, which leaves me with a comparatively small waist (rn i think im 36 inches at my waist but i used to be 28) and honestly that's why i dont face as much fat shaming, bc im still conventionally attractive. when i present feminine i sort of fit into the whole sexy curvy latina stereotype. and im scared to not be conventionally attractive. i hate it, i hate so much that i care, but i do. and i actually really enjoy exercising but my chronic respiratory issues mean that i can barely breathe staying still, when i physically exert myself i almost pass out from lack of oxygen+high heart rate. im trying to get a healthier diet first and hopefully that'll give me a necessary boost in health so i can have better endurance.

[jennnn-kimmmm]

3:56

oops i never got around to writing my end of year post like i meant to. i feel like so much has happened over the past year and honestly i don’t rly remember too much of it. the first half of the year went by so fast, rly just building up to around may. it’s so weird thinking about where i was at the beginning of 2019 compared to where i am now. 

with school and teaching, i think that the experience i’ve gotten so far has been rly good and it’s made me have to reflect a lot on what i plan on doing with my life. honestly, i questioned my career choice, maybe too many times for my own comfort. it’s a rly, rly difficult and demanding job and i don’t think that a lot of ppl realize how hard teaching is. i think a lot of the time, it’s viewed as like glorified babysitting and not taken to seriously. but being thrown into the midst of everything and actually having control over my own classroom, it’s a lot. having to cater to every kid’s needs and making sure they’re able to be successful in their learning while maintaining control over the class as a whole is so overwhelming sometimes. the first time i subbed, i literally went home and cried. i’m rly gonna have to step it up on making sure i take care of my mental health bc it’s so easy to get sucked into feeling like i’m failing the kids. some days were rly tough but the good days always make it worth it and it was nice to see growth in the kids’ learning by the end of the semester. i also rly need to step it up with school. i kinda just floated by and did the bare minimum to get through the semester and no way is that gonna cut it, especially with my thesis. honestly not super invested and motivated with my thesis but i have to get it done. between my thesis, a full course load, studying for the rica, and student teaching almost all week, i’m gonna be exhausted, rip. just 5 more months though!

LMAO at my personal life this year omg. the first half of the year was whatever. i kind gave up on looking for a relationship and had pretty much convinced myself that it wasn’t something i needed atm bc it would just be a distraction that i didn’t need. i figured i could date around, not look for anything serious and be fine. idk why i thought that, considering how easily i get attached and when i got attached to kevin, it hit me like a ton of bricks. i honestly still can’t explain what it was about him and why him. he used to ask me all the time like why i fought so hard for him. i know there were a bunch of smaller reasons but i was just drawn to him for some reason. on our first date, it had been a while since i had felt that way about someone and once we started dating, i couldn’t get enough of him. there were so many red flags and it was so obvious that it was not gonna shape up to be a healthy relationship. i still have rly mixed feelings about the relationship. i hate that i overlooked so many things and let myself be weak and get dragged around in the relationship. i gave so many excused and was too willing to let him in even though i knew that he was just gonna hurt me again. yet i still have a soft spot for him and care about him as a friend. i know he still cares too. it’s so dumb but when i’m beta testing his app, i see the little details he throws into the UI design for me. i don’t know if he does it to be manipulative and try to and keep me on the hook, but when i see it, it melts my heart a little. i’m definitely over him in terms of ever wanting to get back with him. i know it would never be a good decision. with getting over that relationship, i think it’s more so being kind of sad that it didn’t work out. it’s probably for the best that it didn’t. we really weren’t healthy for each other and sometimes brought out the worst in each other. and i know majority of it wasn’t necessarily my fault, but i think part of me still feels like i failed him and that contributes to the whole relationship being kind of bittersweet. UGH and then there’s roger and our relationship which is a total 180 from kevin. it’s just so easy with roger. he treats me the way i deserve to be treated and he’s clear with his intentions and feelings. it’s a healthy relationship for me to be in. im happy and i feel good when i’m with him. i feel like my only hesitation with the relationship is that it’s gotten so serious so quickly. which isn’t a bad thing. i’ve always said that i date with a purpose. i think just realizing the actual reality of like holy shit this is the person i could end up with for forever is kinda scary. but in like a good way. i just want to make sure that i’m making the best decision for myself. and i feel like it’s kinda stupid to have to be stressing about that so early into a relationship but ever since he said i love you, i guess it’s just been a little overwhelming. idk how to explain it. it’s like overwhelming in the sense that i just need a second to breathe, but just a second. i want so badly to be able to return his feelings but i’m also hesitant, just bc i feel like i’ve been burned in the past, so i’m less in a hurry to jump right in with my emotions. i need to stop concentrating on what’s happened in my past and assuming that the same thing will happen again. it’s just rly scary. i know he means it when he says it. like in my brain, i know it. but im also scared that if i let him in too far, he’ll end up breaking me like the last two did. i’ve also never been in this position in a relationship before, where i’m the one lagging with my emotions so i also just kinda feel like i’m lowkey disappointing him but i know that’s stupid. i think my goal with this relationship is to just go at my own pace and let things play out. i just need time. 

man this got long. tl;dr school and teaching are just chugging along as expected. relationships are hard. i need to trust myself more. 2020 be good to me pls.