#im scared ill show someone something im proud of and theyll accuse me
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I feel like I'll never be a good artist because of my aphantasia
#its like it goes both ways... i love art but its so difficult because i cant make it spontaneously but making art helps me visualize#the things that i want to see#its the only way for me to see my alters or my inner world#and its the only way i can remember my friends faces even a little (i also have very poor facial recognition)#its my only way to imagine... my only way to daydream#my only way to see things differently#to see myself differently#and it hurts that its so limited#im scared to complain because im afraid people will tell me im just not cut out for art#or that i clearly dont really have it because i can draw#but i dont think they know just how much effort i put into everything. just how much it means to me#i feel like a terrible person and a terrible artist because i have to rely on reference images and tracing so heavily#i feel like everyone will hate me if they knew how much i rely on other peoples art to improve...#i dont want to do anything wrong i just want to maks thinge#i just want to make things#Its the reason i stopped showing people my art and the reason i dont think ill ever be able to profit off my art#even though its my greatest skill (still not saying much clearly)#im scared ill show someone something im proud of and theyll accuse me#id rather just keep it to myself...#do you know how hard it is to be proud of something or love something that youre ashamed to show anyone else?#idk this probably sounds incredibly stupud#im sorry if any of you actually read this
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