#im out of adhd medicine and i'm just all over the place

[separatist-apologist]

I'd be done with vangator if I didn't get a stupid idea for CoN smut

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

hii im just adding on to my old one with more about me! new info will be in pink <33

uhh im an indian teenage (14-15 though i look younger) girl and she/her presenting. im very easy to tell im indian. i have brown/tan skin and dark brown eyes. i have black curly hair but the tips are dyed a dark red. my face shape is pretty sharp, heart shape i think?? and people say i look like a cartoon? i have bangs that curl and swoop across my face though they fall straight across my forhead when straightened. 

im pretty short too, easy to pick up lol im also INSANELY clumsy and fall down a lot, very high pain tolerance tho! physical touch is my love language >>> HUGS, FORHEAD KISSES, HOLDING HANDS, just laying across each other?? omg i love it all

I'm very energetic and it shows. Im bouncy and fidgety and easily excitable. I'm very friendly and silly, and just chaotic in general. I'm an ENFP and fit like all the stereotypes and everything. Or if you know Owl House, I'm exactly like Luz Noceda. I care a lot about my friends but im not sure if i show it enough? i come off as a lot at first and am very awkward Tons of people associate me with hyperactive adhd (not diagnosed )! I'm pretty optimistic and positive in general, UNLESS we're talking about my humour- its the corniest dad jokes mixed with dark humour thats a very aqcuired taste, i also LOVE inside jokes <33 Like my vibes are all cutesy and sunshiney except when you know me you know im Very Concerning™ (my friends say my bracelts fit my vibes perfectly and theyre like yellow and pink with hearts and smiley faces but say Death and Arsonist) uhh, im also the mom friend along with the chaotic gremlin?? Yes, lets get in trouble but only if you take care of yourself! (i always carry bandaids, pain killers, ect. though it might also be the part of me obsessed with medicine and healing lol)

i like to read! and hang out with friends! adventures and exploring and doing things im not supposed to

FIRE AND NATURE AND OOO ANIMALS  CREEKS >>> CAVES >>>> just finding little places where we can be ourselves together you know? i really love cozy fantasy and believing in magic and just have a sort of childish innocence (this world is depressing without it :pp ) which also leads me to be pretty gullible :sob: -

i also like to write, though im not very good at it. I doodle sometimes for fun. Crafts are fun too! I bake when i have time but i mainly hang out with friends <33 I love to try new things, though I'm not really good at it lol ALSO I'M BI-ROMANTIC AND ASEXUAL (questioning for both) so i dont mind girl or boy, just SFW thank you so much btw, i love ur hcs so much and its really creative :DD

I’m giving you two different fandom ships

Your Fandom Ship(s): Tim Drake (Red Robin, DC Universe) and Steve Randle (The Outsiders)

Explanation: starting off of the parents I think that Tim would absolutely find you attractive and he would think that you’re one of the cutest people he saw all day. He would love your heart shaped face and love your curly hair with the red tips at the end and think that it made you stand out from other people, and I feel like his eyes would just be subtly on you as he walked by.  he’s also pretty short and I feel like it would be kind of a running joke between the both of you if you weren’t insecure about being short, of course. He’s not super clumsy, but he thinks the fact that you’re kind of a klutz is utterly hilarious and he will laugh at you a bit before helping you up with a smile. I honestly don’t hc him as being very interested in sex, so I think he would totally be fine with you being a sexual and willing to skip over that part of your relationship. He also really loves physical affection too, (to a limit) so I feel like he would be all about cuddling with you and hugging and kissing. But I also feel like he would need a break sometimes from that which you would totally respect. But he would love climbing through your window late at night, laying down in bed with you and just talking and having those deep late night conversations. So Tim is the type of person that doesn’t really use alarms and he doesn’t really get much sleep either. He’s very intelligent and mostly thrives on coffee and very much stays up late and doesn’t get enough sleep so I feel like he wouldn’t be as chaotic as you, but I feel like he would help wake him up a little bit in a way that even coffee can’t I feel like you guys would perfectly balance each other out because he’s definitely a bit more of a tired guy and you’re definitely a bit more oh my gosh, look at that look at this. Watch me do this! Type of person. It also works in vice versa because I feel like he could kind of be your melatonin a bit and help you kind of remember to relax calm down. Take one step at a time not in the way that’s squashing your excitement and chaotic kindness, of course, but more than a way that just kind of grounds you. He’s a bit of a nerd too and comes off a little bit awkward when he’s not in his red Robin superhero persona where he hast to be smooth and he’s just in regular old Tim Drake so I think you guys would kind of be together because you could bond over that a bit and kind of feel like the other person is way smoother or something than you and feel like you guys are really on the same page. I feel like Tim also kind of needs you because he definitely doesn’t take care of himself and it’s kind of funny your relationship because he’s going to tell you oh don’t break the law and you’ll be like well. You take care of yourself you have a broken arm you shouldn’t even be, doing that anyway and then you guys will both stare at each other like “shit. You have a point.” I feel like he kind of makes more nerdy jokes, but he would definitely appreciate your dad joke, humor and you guys have so many freaking inside jokes. It’s not even funny like you guys talk to each other around the rest of the bat family and they’re just so clueless as to what you’re saying because of how many freaking inside jokes you guys have referenced in one minimal conversation. He also loves reading so I feel like that’s something you guys could do together. Just have a little reading and music dates where you sit down and just vibe and then maybe later talk about your books and I feel like he’s the type of person that after reading a book would love to come up with all sorts of theories about it And things like that because he is a better detective than Bruce Wayne himself in canon. I feel like Tim would love film theory (the YouTube channel). Anyway, I feel like you guys could also go on hikes together and that’s something that he would enjoy. 

Explanation: starting off with physical attraction I think that Steve would be very attracted to you and think you’re extremely beautiful. He would love your heart shaped face and the way you look like some sort of animated character just popped right out of television and in front of him and he would think that your hair is super cool, but he would never tell that to you until you were way further in the relationship. He is a lot taller than you and would love picking you up and spending you around and teasing you about being short and because you’re so clumsy, he would probably be jokingly calling you “dummy” a lot while fully knowing that you could definitely beat him in any academic test easy. He’s totally fine with you being as sexual as he doesn’t really care that much about that in the relationship as long as he gets to be with you. He would love physical affection, though it might take him a while to get used to it and you might have to do it later on into the relationship. Once it finally happens I think he would totally be in love with holding hands with you, kissing your cheek and things like that. as for your excitable personality and very ADHD chaotic gremlin vibe I think that you guys would be a great match together because he’s kind of a grumpy vibe and I feel like you would even each other out like you’re one of the only people besides his best friend that can make him smile and he’s one of the only people that can calm me down if you can’t focus because there’s too many things in the rumor something like that. He likes that you take care of him because sometimes he gets injured whenever he’s working on cars and it’s pretty convenient that you always have bandages on and alcohol wipes, and things like that. It also makes him feel cared for whenever you do it. He would laugh really hard at your dad jokes and I feel like you guys would have a decent amount of inside jokes as well. As for your kind of sunshiny side I think you guys would be a great pair because he’s kind of colder and grumpy so I think you guys would even each other out. He doesn’t get reading as much, but he would really love it if you read to him while he was working on cars so he had something other to think about.

[mistydeyes]

Hello! Hope your doing well :>. I've never requested before so bare with me please. Can I get a pairing for task force 141? I dress Gothic, I have brown hair and green eyes. I'm closed off and quiet at first, but as you get to know me I open up some and am very talkative. I go to the gym often and do softball, and slight close combat training. I am 19 and very competitive, I want to work at a green house, or be a Coroner! My dream is to move into the middle of no where, and be self sustainable once I have enough money to startup. Im a "black cat" type in public and have no partner-type preferences, I have ADHD and anxiety but I take medicine for the anxiety. I like a partner larger in size (i'm 5'3 feet tall). Take your time on this and don't rush! Drink water and eat a meal.

-Lots of love Mxngo!

Simon "Ghost" Riley

How you met: Civilian You spent the rainy afternoon tending to your greenhouse. It was tucked in a beautiful garden in the UK and you loved the elderly grandmothers who would come in and compliment your variety of plants and flowers. You had just finished watering your herbs when you saw a man sitting on a bench underneath a flowering cherry blossom tree. "Enjoying a moment from the rain?" you asked as you placed your hose down. He simply nodded in agreement as he looked out to see the rain hit the glass ceilings. You smiled at him and continued your routine as you went around and watered the hanging mums and ivy plants and checked the soil on some of your new sprouts. Eventually, when you finally made you way around the entire greenhouse, you could see the man getting up to leave. While standing, you could see he was a full foot taller than you and he didn't look like the type to be casually daydreaming underneath pink petals. The storm had stopped outside and you guessed he was probably on his way home. "Thanks for stopping in!" you called out and he turned to you. His eyes were kind as he gave you a small wave. "Keep up the good work," he complimented and left through the sliding door. Little did you know Simon would soon return every day he was on leave to enjoy the fragrant and earthy environment you had provided him with.

A peek into your relationship: "What are we going to do with all this?" your husband, Simon, asked as he helped to bring in your harvest from your small vegetable and herb garden. You had moved into a small house tucked into the fertile countryside and had transformed it into a self-sustaining farm. "I'm thinking of a mediterranean herb-roasted vegetable medley with chickpeas and couscous and some chamomile blossom martinis for lunch?" you said as you opened up your kitchen door. He nodded as he placed the heavy basket of vegetables on the table. "If you'd like, you can wash and prep some vegetables for me and I'll make drinks?" you offered and placed a kiss on his cheek for some convincing. Simon had grown accustom to this routine and you always joked that he was your sous chef. He trimmed and cut the green beans as you rummaged through the cabinets to find some dried chamomile flowers for your cocktails. As you hummed and placed all the ingredients in the shaker, you saw that Simon had finished processing all the vegetables. "Looks like someone is handy with a knife," you joked and a rare smile appeared on his face. "Wouldn't want to go against you," you continued and you presented him with your concoction of chamomile flowers and gin. He sipped the drink slowly and savored the floral taste. Just as you were sharing your romantic moment across the kitchen island, your small farm of chickens began to cluck and you both shared a small chuckle. "Break time is over," he said and you hugged him before giving him instructions for the next part of the recipe.

[aria-laughs]

Real talk..(needed to vent, feel free to not read this if you don't like long rants)

When i was 11 years old i had already been through my fair share of crap. Coming from a "broken" home with little money, a depressed mother and an absent father. At that time i remember being bullied as a biproduct of my sister stoping one of her classmates (a 13 year old girl) from traveling half accross the contry to meet her 19 year old boyfriend who she'd met online for the first time.. under the pretence that she was traveling to visit my dad with my big sister. This all ended with the police stoping the train and picking the girl up before she reached her destination and everyone didn't have to suffer through the ordeal with a minor being raped or worse by a yound adult in a strange city..anyway. when the summer ended and we (me and my two siblings) gor back home, all these rumors spread about us and school became tricky. I got used to it tho, i had my friends and i quickly learned to keep close to teachers whenever i was alone. At the home front my mom became sick and the kids got a lot of grown up responsibilities. It was okay too.. kids get used to a lot, and today im a wizz in the kitchen and i clean with the best of them.

My mother had a temper, and would hit us when we did something wrong. I remember trying to cover for my siblings as much as possible, trying to shield them from the worst of it. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE my mother. She's been through hell and her sroty is worse than anything i've ever heard of. I understand what happened when i grew up and i love her because she allways did her best.. but i haven't forgiven her for making my home unsafe. At 11 years old one of my teachets notised that i had a hard time with my schoolwork. They couldn't get me to focus on my work and i was distracted by anything. I remember the letters mixing up as i read, and it became impossible to do my homework because no one could see the letters moving like i could. The teached contacted my mom and my stepfather and told them he'd talk to a specialist about me maybe having ADHD. The next week my mom dropped me off at the specialist and i got tested in every subject known to man. As usuall i exelled at language, history and music. But everything else was a bit off, i remember hearing him telling my mom that it couldn't be HDHD because my memory was too good. But refered her to a doctor for more tests. The ordeal took another week before my mother came to pick me up at lunch one day and told me we had to go to the hospital.

I had a thyroid condition that firsly was almost non-exsistent, and secoundly was unheard of in someone my age. They took blood, and sent me to get an MR and CT. When all the tests came back, we got the good news that i wouldn't die if they treated it quickly. But since i was still waiting for normal bodyparts to arrive, and hadn't gone through puberty yet.. he had no idea where to start. I don't remember the name of the medication, but i remember taking 15 a day. 5 in the morning, 5 when i got home from school and 5 before bed. I took them and 39 minutes later i was sprinting to the bathroom puking my guts out. This obviously didn't work in the long run and by the end of it i was so skinny you could see my teeth through my cheeks. They changed my meds and i stopped with the hurling. Instead i gained about 30 kg in the first 6 months and looked like a beach ball on legs. And as a kid being bullied, this wasn't that fun. Let me remind you that this had been going on for a while and tho my mom did what she could.. the was depressed and didn't see how bad it got for me and all the responsibilities i had at home made me dissapear in the day-to-day of it all. Alone and scared as the bullying became physical I panicked and stoped taking my meds, and all my symptoms came back. I would sleep for 14 hours and wake up exhausted. I'd go full days without getting hungry and i'd get moodswings and get real clumsy. My family got used to this and the symptoms stoped being symptoms and started being "just me".

So now i'd wake up and have to care for my siblings, go to school without lunch for myself because i had to make it for my siblings, or forgetting to shower because i had to remind my brother to do it. I get off the buss and get my ass kicked on my way to the classroom. Some days i'd get through it and come home to start dinner for my family, and other times the bullying sent me to the ER to get stitched up (i didn't have to make dinner on those days). This happened often enough that the doctor knew me by my first name, and instead of "how did you hurt yourself?) I'd get "Again!? When the nurses came to get me. One day i slept for 16 hours and my mother confronted me about my weightloss and asked if i'd been taking my meds. I came clean and a few hours at the doctors office and one frustrating car ride later. I'd promissed to take my pills again, but by that point i had ruined my body enough to never get better. So at 15 years old the doctors decided that they'd treat my thyroid with radioactive iodine. This worked great and killed the thyroid gland, making me dependend on meds for the rest of my life.

For anyone who don't know, the thyroid gland is responsible for your bodys metabolism. This means everything... your metabolism is a part of every funktion of every organ in your entire body, tho we usually think about how fast you burn fat because this is what we see on the outside.

We did our best, and we got through it. I had a safe place with my best friend and his family. And i'd escape there as often as i could. His mother would remind me to take my meds, she'd let me shower at their place and when she realised that i never ate at school she started packing lunch for me to send with her son every day.

I don't think i'd survive and be the person i am today without them. I remember the day i finally told them what was going on at home when i grew up, at this point i had grown up and moved away from home. I had started opening up to people i trusted and understood the power of talking about my problems. i never ment it as a "why didn't you see".. im thankful for my life, even the bad pars, but i needed them to know how much they saved me. To understand how much i love them all. I'll keep their reactions to myself, but i'll tell you that i have never felt more treasured in my life.

I was 22 years old the first time someone told me that I never deserved the abuse at home. I was 25 years old when i told my mother i forgave her for the physical stuff, but that i couldn't forgive her for stealing my feeling of home and safety. And i was today years old when i wrote it down for anyone to see.

I've been taking my meds for about 17 years now, but I have yet to actually get a normal metabolism. My last stunt was that i suddenly didn't need that much medicine so my metabolism speed up to lifethreatening speed and i had to endure panic attacks, dizziness, lack of consentration and shaking so bad that i almost quit school and almost sent me into a brainfailure (yes thats a thing) over the summer. My doctors paniced and reduced my meds so much that i didn't get nearly enough. This ended with me loosing weight, not eating, shaking, being sick and passing out all over the place, and almost sent me into a life threatening coma as my body overcompensated for the loss of thyroid hormones. My dad said something i've never heard my family say before. We were eating dinner last weekend and i was having a bad day when he told me "its painful to watch you struggle like this". And i almost cried, this was the first time in forever that a parent told me that they see me. And now i'm finally starting to get back to where im used to.

I have skipped a lot of stuff that happened. Some things i don't think i'll ever talk about, and some things that are too personal or too painful or too stupid to write down. But i needed to work through the new stuff, to reflecr back and to realise how close i came to loosing my life again this year. How lucky i am that i not only held on for dear life, but that with all the crap i felt. All the sickness and panic and everything. I managed to finish this semester at school. I managed to survive again, and im 6 months away from reaching my goal of allways being able to help when im needed. I am so proud of myself for getting to where i am today. And im so thankful!!

[toots-senpai]

I actually enjoy hearing about people and their ADHD, because I also have ADHD. It sounds like it effects everyone differently. Please be kind to yourself. We're all only human.

tw: su!c!de mention!! rant kinda? just mental illness talk

um, im gonna pull away from all the fanfic writing to let you guys know a little about me and like life recently. so i know i've had adhd since i was like 6. i got diagonsed, fun fact, by someone who actually got arrested for over dosing children. i tried doing some research a second ago to find him but i actually cant... (if someone wants to play detective here before my mother and i figure it out first, his name was dr.ruben and he got arrested from around 2009-2013 in milwuakee wisconsin, worked for a catholic therapy center i think) but i think he might've majorly fucked up my diagnosis. ive been in and out of therapy centers and ive been mentally abused by my father for the earlier years of my life and my father didn't believe about my adhd in the first place which might've led to all this confusion as well. but his desbelief in my adhd i now find funny because adhd is basically just your frontal cortex being undeveloped. yet, with all the research i've done with autism recently, it really does seem like i'm coming down to that conclusion. yet adhd and autism is on the same spectrum. ive been diagnosed differently 6 times these last few years and though adhd is on there, bpd and ptsd are always being tossed back and fourth between my psychologists (the people that give the medicine.. that's right? right?) but with all the things ive been seeing on the internet about autism it really does seem like i have it. recently, like i said, ive been having trouble with learning, very bad with forms and i get super stressed and almost suicidal with new people if i dont ground myself properly. on top of that my sensory issues have been through the roof and it really seems that i just.. am stuck? though all this writing is actually keeping me grounded actually but just trying to learn about those personality types a few minutes ago legitmately had me angirly stimming because i didn't understand. um, ptsd is very weel mixed up with autism also, you can also have both. men were the blueprint for autism testing, so women are often misdiagnosed.. recently i have went to a nuerologist for twitching, now.. i think some of it is stimming but i know for a fact that something's wrong in my back, i think they said hyplexia? but at the same time they didn't actually fully diagnosed me. but all this confusion and just sensory issues around those people every time i go there (to the hospital i mean) always makes me forget. it's honestly so much that i can barely put all of it here.

point of the matter is, is that im kinda in a weird state in my life and I don't want to put it all on to you guys again, kinda just want this here so that you guys kinda know.. but with all of the invalidating in my life about my diagnosis's it is really nice to feel validated. kinda crying being the screen because, it really do be hard out here... but thank you so much. you don't know just how much that little sentence made my past week better!!! :))) <3333

thank you. really.