#im only at 2000 still lol

[joseigamer]

Patalliro! is fascinating to me because of stuff like this. It's unapologetically gay - even within its anime which aired during primetime hours in 1982 - in a way that many later BL manga would never be, like the ones from the early 2000s which would never dare to call their characters actual homosexuals. Patalliro has actually aged quite well in this regard, there's something comforting about how campy it is.

[ihatemiru]

my brother's 18th birthday, like 14 years ago

[britneyshakespeare]

i am at the looking-at-dolls-as-self-soothing part of the night. i definitely wanna beef up my bratz collection since unboxing my alwayz bratz yasmin was just like... oh... oh man... and... and i didn't think it'd be like that for me man i didn't think i had as much nostalgia for bratz as i actually do not just buy owning some but by touching them and playing w their clothes and their hair.

and one of my issues of course is that i'm a redhead and as a redhead my Default Lookalike Doll is meygan (not that having a doll that looks like you is the most important part of bratz, but it is so much of the fun right? the fact that there's a character out there for just about everyone?). and i like meygan as a character well enough, that's not the issue. but of the meygan dolls that have been reproduced, there's none of them that are like, hardcore needs for me except for sweetheart meygan. and i did not buy sweetheart meygan in time. i was not really collecting at that point. that was like 2022. i had a few... na na na surprise dolls at that time. which is funny bc i have four of those that i got all either on clearance or w giftcards and i do really like them even though a lot of doll collectors thought they were kinda dumb, and they were. i just liked the gimmick of the fabric bodies and there were just enough dolls i thought were really cute that i kinda caved at one point. i also knew it was a brand i wouldn't go overboard with. anyway. we were talking about meygan...

sorry meygan back to you girl. i know original 2000s bratz that have not yet been reproduced at crazy expensive on the secondhand market and it's genuinely out of control. but sweet heart meygan, both the repro and the original, are selling for triple digits on mercari, ebay, what have you. that's just ridiculous. frankly. i'm not buying her at that. i don't even like her enough to hunt for her regularly, if that's how it's gonna be. there are plenty of more readily-available bratz dolls that are either regular retail price or clearancing online andin stores. did you guys know alwayz bratz jade is going for 15 bucks on amazon right now? that's crazy. the other always bratz dolls aren't going for that low if they're even marked down yet. that release wasn't even that long ago. anyway i'm thinking of getting jade from that line bc i know some ppl thought that alwayz jade was a let-down, but i thought she was cute. yasmin was my favorite from that line and that's why i got her but jade was my second fave there easily.

i also wanna get the kumi they reproduced sometime and maybe girls nite out cloe since i see she's still available. it's funny there aren't that many core girls i've wanted from the repros but if i go for any of the cloes, new or old, it's gotta be girls nite out. cloe isn't even usually my favorite character no offense blondes she's just kinda. she's just kinda cloe to me. idk i love her but i'm not gagged over her most of the time. these are still bratz standardz we're talking about here so obviously i love her.

there's nothing going on in the world right now other than my bratz dolls. and if someone we won't mention wins the election, i'm definitely going doll crazy. i'm gonna be buying dolls after this anyway, but i'm gonna justify spending an unusual, nearly-irresponsible amount of money. you know. bc i'm an adult and i can.

hey also and of all the lines they could've reproduced why is their most recent slumber party? why? why? when the poll posted by mga had tokyo a go go WINNING? bc tokyo a go go is the correct option? i mean the slumber party line is cute and i like the base dolls and the accessories especially the stuffed animals are cute. but. everyone knows the bratz audience these days is adult collectors. which adult collectors are losing their minds over dolls in pajamas and bathrobes? again they're CUTE. but why. also why did they reproduce bratz babyz when those things were nightmare fuel

[bsaka7]

fuck it lol im buying new running shoes

[qeyond]

Going through some of my fav classic B amvs and maaaaaan, I'm still so in love with when ppl would mix scenes from Higurashi and Hell Girl in with Death Note to really get the whole LABB vibe.

[bmpmp3]

more fashion dreamer pics! more Dave plus I made my OC Meena (that one of many OCs i made off a dream LOL) as a second muse! i dont have a very close hair colour for her vaguely pinky creamsicle colour i usually paint her with rn so she just has fully pink hair for the time being jhkfldskjrf also raven showed up at my showroom! and some isaac fits because they say shit like %#^[#!{%#% so i always wanna talk to them LOL

can u tell "flirty" was my favourite style in style savvy DS vhjbelkfrfe

[cynical-crypt]

[wp100]

1500 Mythic+ rating hell yeah

[hibiscusangel15]

I never realized how formative Buffy the Vampire Slayer was for me as a child growing up until I started rewatching it recently lmao

[plutosoda]

how i make character models* in paint3d

*they are not models. you cannot rig them. but for simplicity i will call them this. also this guy is the example ⬇️

so. paint3d is very jank and not actually that good But it is fun to mess around with and for getting that early 2000s computer game effect for things. this program crashes and lags a lot especially when making more detailed stuff like this so. throughout this Please save your project periodically. I have lost so much to not doing this

if your computer isn't that great it's best to keep the quality setting at it's lowest. these models aren't really that detailed so it doesn't make a huge difference anyways LOL

when you open p3d you start with a blank 2d canvas. if you've Never used the program before i recommend fucking around with 3d view + making 3d shapes for a bit. make a Thing. like just some random object. it does not have to be good it's just to get used to how the controls work (because it is different between my mouse and drawing tablet and im not going into that here LOL). the biggest positive about p3d is how user intuitive it is compared to.yknow. blender when you're done with the Thing and u want to start with your character go back to the 2d canvas/2d view for sketching time

you could probably do this in another program but. i find it easier to just do it here. i keep these pretty simple and try to keep depth in mind

then go to canvas and make the background transparent. and then switch to 3d view to start making the base for the model on top of the sketch

at this point i don't use the 3d doodle shapes yet because they are finnicky as hell. the preset ones are a bit easier to control and move around so they're nicer for the planning part. what shapes you use depends on your character but my guy here is very circles and round so its just a sphere and some cylinders

make sure you're in 3d view and checking the pose from every angle ! if ur guy looks like a roblox avatar without the assets loaded fully then that is ideal. once you're happy with the pose it's Sculpting Time

where you choose to start is up to you but i usually get the head out of the way bc it tends to be the most complicated thing.

this is my best friend forever. the sharp edge is helpful for stuff like metal and whatnot though so i use them both.

for stuff like hair and fur i find its easier to make a bunch of small shapes and then connect them instead of trying to do it all in one go

^better examples with fluffier guys

this part is pretty much just personal preference for how you want your model to look though. just keep adding Stuff until it looks alright. also reminder to be saving your work bc this is when it gets really annoying if p3d crashes

finished head. jus keep addin stuff. copy and paste is a godsend btw.

puffier jacket. also connecting the limbs. just keep addin stuff.

these take a few hours .finished limbs. pretend the backpack is there i forgot to get a progress shot of it

now it is time for the objectively best part which is painting the guy. switch back to the 2d brush but stay in 3d view and start Coloring . i only really use the watercolor brush for shading/gradients and the marker one for lines but this part is also personal preference.

watercolor brush for the blue gradient and marker for the face .

i would Not do this in 2d art but i like adding a white gradient to pastel colors like with the hair here. it compliments the soft shapes well i think. to quote a friend it Looks Gummy

my silly highlights.

almost done with the creature. also mentioning that there are different textures for objects that you can change when picking their base color. the zipper is metal so it gets to be shinier.

theres also different lighting/filters to mess around with + you can doodle on the transparent canvas still.

save ur guy as a image and/or a turnaround gif/video/whatevar u want . and thas it! you can also mess with the model more for different poses and expressions (although this is super laggy bc it has to render a bunch of shapes at this point)

go make some CREACHURES !!

[dolla-dolla-yeah]

So I've been speculating what the twins may look like, and my favorite idea so far is that they'll be fraternal twins, so maybe they can have different but similar face molds and maybe different hair colors

The predictions online are that they're white so maybe a Joss mold and classic or Marie Grace mold (personally I hope not a classic since we have so many of them in the historical line but im also being realistic and AG loves that one)

Alternatively, them being white is just a rumor, the rumor is also they are Jewish but that isn't necessarily tied to an ethnicity (like I know its a religion and ethnicity but like going with it as them only being the religious part) I think a Nanea mold and Corinne mold would be perfect as fraternal twins, since in the first few weeks of Corinne's release I and a portion of the ag community were unsure if they were different faces (i can tell them apart easily now but idk it took me a minute to fully accept they were different).

Makena mold and Claudie mold would also make perfect twins, but since the Claudie mold and doll are so new, i doubt they'd reused the mold so soon, and for the very next historical after her.

I don't think American Girl would do it, at least not in the historicals (maybe in the World by Us line if they continue that, also like side note but whats going on with that line is it retiring is stuff just needing a restock, im so confused about whats happening there, its a new line and fantastic line, i hope they dont already retire it) but you know how sometimes biracial twins will each be born looking a different ethnicity, like same face just different skin tone or hair texture, i think that could be so cool for AG to do, and think of all the different story possibilities with that, but yeah I just feel like that is the most unlikely of all the previously mentioned ideas i had.

Anyway I just wanted to get my ideas out and maybe see what others thought of them! I'm just excited to see the new girls, like yeah similar to a lot of other AG fans I do think its too soon after Claudie to already have a new Historical (and who knows AG actually still have yet to say they are historical so their is still a chance they aren't until AG says so) but at the end of the day I cant control when AG releases things so you just gotta accept it. I also really really hope the name we have heard for them arent their actual names, like their are literally infinite names out there to use why use TWO that have already been used by AG dolls in the past, I dont care if they are now retired, you could name them something else, but AG does love reusing or using similar names.

Okay now im actually done, I think, please feel free to add/tag/comment whatever your thoughts or speculation on the new twins!!

[muldermuse]

yo!! pussywhipped butcher anon here. im STILL ovulating so i got some more juicy ideas about daddy billy :> this is long im genuinely feral for him ehdhebebd

making sex tapes with this man would be so fun. it could either be with an actual video camera or just on an iphone like those twt vids

if its the former you probably try to parody that kim k video for shits and giggles but hes having none of that; bro just wants to drain his balls in you fr fr. like imagine the camera set up where you could see him just absolutely going ballistic when putting you in mating press shsjshxje

the phone videos are great in that they look a lot more personal—which, they kinda are since theyre literally on his phone lol—but he gets to have all these great angles, especially since its from his pov. AND, when hes feeling bored or lonely late at night in the office he could just whip his phone out and jerk off to the videos (and pictures!) of him railing you

Now i do wonder if he'd do any of the fun roleplay shit, i think it'd be on the more silly, cheesy 2000s porn side. after all, its for his eyes only. it'd be so funny to think of him doing any type of roleplay since hell would have to freeze over in order to convince him to do it lmao

anyway this was just my garbage horny stream of consciousness lol enjoy

HE JUST WANTS TO DRAIN HIS BALLS IN YOU??????!!!!??? I LOVE YOU

tbh with the roleplay, I think if you wear a revealing outfit- he’ll fucking do anything you want. especially one that shows off your ass and curves. LIKE A SECRETARY ONE?? he’s bending you over the desk, slapping your ass until it’s covered with his red handprints

he’s zooming the camera in on how your pussy grips his fat cock

[antlergrave]

i don't think i posted this here yet have i

this is kind of like concept art of the EMH analog horror/cursed game website thing i was thinking about doing a few months ago lol

not all things shown below are final. things will still change

the style of the atmosphere will be kind of inspired by VibingLeaf, The Walten Files, and those creepy 2000s games we all used to play back then. If you've watched any of those videos or played those games, you can kinda see where im going from there.

I wanna make this as unnerving and creepy as I can. I'm not going easy on y'all

I was also thinking of breaking the videos up into separate "gameplays" instead of one full long video where the protagonist (you) investigates what's going on in the website and documenting the stuff happening in the games.

In this AU, you, the protagonist, used to love watching EMH fitness videos back in your early teen years (the trio makes it big and become well-known fitness instructors that they make their very own website where fans can play their games lol)

The EMH trio mysteriously left the internet without a trace in the mid 2010s and nobody knew what happened to them. A few years have past, you are now a young adult and the EMH trio's whereabouts still remain unknown. You decide to revisit their old website to (hopefully) find anything that may be useful evidence to their disappearance, but got distracted by what seems to be a virus infecting the site.

^^ not complete yet. i'll work on it💀

These will NOT be playable to the public (im sorry😭) they will only be programmed to tell the story. they're basically mock games that only lead to one ending, showcasing all the glitches and viruses happening.

If you guys have any advice/recommendations etc. on good programing sites and all that stuff, feel free to tell me. I'd love to hear it :))

[firstservepercentage]

Carlos and Coco seem to be wearing a ming/qing inpired hanfu pattern? But in a very modern "stylization".

okay imma nerd out about chinese traditional clothing a bit (a lot)

so here they are both wearing mid-late Ming dynasty (roughly mid 15th century - mid 16th century)style traditional Chinese clothing. in this period the economy was good so everyone were wearing pretty cloths with fancy patterns (in a lot of the times peasants were not allowed to wear bright colours and complex patterns), and the clothes and their sleeves were quite long and wide.

Carlos here is wearing a Ming dynasty style round collar robe （明制圆领袍）and I am quite sure that this one is of the mid-late Ming period because there are added pieces of cloth to hem of the robe which started to exist in mid-ming. also they managed to cover up his pants and made the whole thing look a lot more proper lol 😭 and carlos' robe has dragon patterning, which would be extremely bold of him if he wore that in early ming (in that period of time only the emperor or very important members of the government could wear clothes wth dragon patterns) but in mid-late Ming the economy was good everyone were quite happy so people didnt really care anymore. But! looking at the cloth and the pattern design and print the maker of this particular robe probably did not think that much about it because this one is probably from the average try-on-some-tradtional-clothes type of stuff at tourist attractions, and would cost around 300CNY if you want to buy one. The better quality ones can easily go 2000+CNY.

Coco here is wearing a stand-up collar side opening short coat （竖领大襟短袄）. yes there is actually a stand-up collar, but this type of collar is usually super tight and shes taller and more muscular than the average asian women so no wonder why she wasnt able to buckle the buttons up😭 this type of collar stated to become popular around mid ming dynasty too. she is also wearing a horse face skirt （马面裙）, which is essentially a really large piece of cloth (its actually two pieces sewed together but anyways) with a lot of pleats but three of them are super wide, and you wear it by wrapping it around your waist with the wide pleats at the front and the back of your body. its the standard lower body clothing for women through out the Ming dynasty, and were also quite popular in the Qing dynasty too. on a side note this thing is actually super comfy and easy to move around in, i some times wear mine on a normal day with a shirt or a sweater or any top and they go together quite well

to explain the two pieces sewed together part ⬇️

and im getting a bit unnecessarily emo over this because when rafa and jcf and moya did that very similar photo shoot in 2005 they were wearing very historically incorrect costumes because knowledge about traditional clothings of the Han ethnic group (ie the majority of chinese people) was largely lost because of several historical events and also people genuinely didnt care. from around 2010 people started to recover knowledge about our traditional clothing again and it started with a very niche group of people (including me) making, buying and wearing very poorly made, quite ugly and historically incorrect clothes lol😭😭😭 so its quite nice to see even though they just pulled out several pieces form the average try-on-some-tradtional-clothes at tourist sites type of collections, these pieces are more or less based on actual historical clothing (tbh the patternings are still kind of sus but its still a huge step forward 😌)

[tremendum]

heaven is a place on earth ; joel miller

02; stopping and stalling

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:

au (pre-outbreak, altered ages), Joel Miller x fem!nanny!reader. dedicated to the anon who suggested this trope.

↬   prologue  part one series masterlist main masterlist

↬     "after only a few weeks, your mind spits at you - only a few weeks, and you already fucked this up."

↬     warnings; tagged 18+ for eventual smut and mature themes. MDNI. age gap (reader is 22, joel is 35), fiscal anxieties, shitty ex, brief mention of marijuana use, some Tommy x reader, brief allusions to masturbation, fantasies, brief hand kink, brief scent kink (???lol), brief praise kink (use of term girl), car talk tbh im sorry... also light angst/anxiety i guess, fluff. reader is described as smaller than joel.

↬     heyyyyy guys! thanks for being patient, i had some writer's block but im finally back! i hope you like the next part of this series, lmk what u think/if theres anything you'd like to read w this trope. also im sorry i cant help that there is flirting with tommy too,,, i need them both expeditiously lol. xoxo love u all

series mixtape, song three; In Too Deep, Sum 41. 2000.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:

"shit."

thighs burning, your shoes squish against the soaked pavement as you carry yourself as fast as possible down the sidewalk. "shit, shit, shit."

the rain that pours from the sky is unforgiving; your hair slides in a stringy mess against your neck as you try to calm your heartbeat, blurrily watching as the house grows larger in your wavering vision.

bottom lip quivering, you ignore the cold shiver that comes up your spine; why today? why, why today?

you're afraid to check your cellphone; hell, you haven't even thought to check it until now! shit. Joel's probably pissed.

you let out a pathetic groan, heart hammering as you ignore the time on your wristwatch: 8:21am. twenty-one minutes late.

fuck, you think. fuck fuck fuck.

you could have texted Joel - in fact, any rational person would have probably had that immediate thought after their car sputtered to a stop on the side of the road, smoke slinking from the side of their hood as the rain splattered aggressively on the windshield.

you should have texted him, let him know you'd be late - but then, you'd gone into your damn glovebox to check your AAA number and been reminded unpleasantly of what you've been working hard to forget; your ex's full name boasted across the registration for the car had sent you into a near frenzy. everything that's built up - the near-eviction, the breakup, the move, the rain, your car. all of it hit you at once.

there's no way you can afford to pay for a fixed engine (and shit, you don't even know if the engine is the problem) without insurance, and your dickhole ex has still not signed any of the paperwork for you to take the title of the car back. so. shit.

for over twenty minutes you've been trudging through the rain - you're soaked to the bone, fighting back tears, and already wondering if you'll be able to take back your full-time job at the library. 

after only a few weeks, your mind spits at you as you turn the corner up the driveway, only a few weeks and you already fucked this up. 

you have to shut your eyes harshly as the front door opens; whoever's on the other side must have been watching out the window for any sign of you - and here you are, washing up on the Miller's driveway like a batch of late season seaweed; a wet puppy, shaking and trying not to have a full breakdown, your eyes clenched shut. 

Joel's voice finds your ears as you finally make it onto the porch - a respite from the downpour, there's just a slight breeze that blows mists of rainwater over your cold form.

you feel like an idiot. you cannot afford to lose this job. you're a fool. 

Joel says your name in concern; a far cry from the anger you'd expected. "y'okay? what happened?”

you take a shaky breath, meeting his eyes - they're warm, honeyed in the darkened skies of the morning and it makes you feel so much worse. he must've slept in, too - odd, considering it's a Wednesday - he's wearing pajama flannels, a gray shirt, and his hair is fluffed out - curling up at the ends, the tips still damp from a shower. Tommy's work boots are gone from the front - he must've gone to work, Joel staying back to wait on your tardiness. fuck.

"I'm so sorry, Joel-" your throat closes up, blinking back the emotion that wavers in your voice. you feel stupid. "I'm so sorry I'm late-" you shake your head, praying to every god up above or below to make your lip stop wobbling so pathetically. 

but Joel doesn't hesitate to step aside, brows drawn low, "come in, you're soakin' wet." 

you bite your lip as you shuffle inside, barely registering the hovering palm on the small of your back as you awkwardly stand on their doormat, focusing your eyes blearily on the darkness of the house. 

the overcast storm throws the usually warm, sunny house into a bout of cool blues and grays - the drawings on the wall, the guitar in the corner reflecting the rolling clouds from the window panes. you suck a breath through your lungs and ignore the way it draws short - either you're very close to crying, or you really need to stop smoking so much weed. probably both. 

"did you walk all the way here?" Joel asks, brows furrowed in that kind look of concern, eyes flickering to the storm outside and back to you. "where's your car?" 

this brings a fresh bout of tears to your eyes and you look up towards the high vaulted ceiling of their foyer, shaking your head. 

"my car broke down, just off Park Street, and I can't-" you sigh, biting back the sting of tears, "I can't take it in, and it was pouring rain and I didn't want to ruin your day-" you are forced to take a sharp inhale, letting out stuttered breaths. you shake your head, hands rising to wipe what's surely the streaks of mascara that have gathered under your eyes, your clothes still sticking to you and hair dripping solemn pools onto Joel's hardwood. "I'm just so sorry that I'm late. I swear, it'll never happen again." 

something in his face becomes very soft - maybe it's the lighting, that casts a slight shadow from his nose, or the way his brows gather together in an upwards tick, but he shakes his head at it makes your heart pang. 

"didn't you see my text, darlin'?" he says softly, "we called off working today. 's too stormy to do construction." 

the name drips from his lips so casually you barely register it fully. your cheeks heat; you're not sure if it's more from his use of the term or from the slow realization washing you in a wave of embarrassment. darlin' - you're not unused to people using words like that, hell, you grew up here - but it's different coming from his mouth.

you ingore that thought; your hands shake slightly as you move to pull out your phone - your purse is soaked too, three shades darker than it usually is. the buttons on your cellphone are damp and your heart pangs when you wonder if it'll be ruined from water damage - but there it is, a text from Joel about forty minutes ago: 

Rain is coming down pretty hard today. You don't need to come over—Sarah and I can manage. Take the day off and relax, you deserve it.

Thanks. Joel

your throat closes tight: "oh," you squeak, biting your lip as the screen becomes blurry; relief floods through you just as embarrassment does - a fun cocktail in your veins that makes you smile weakly. "didn't-" you clear your throat, "didn't see that." 

only a split moment of silence in which the house withstands the assault of rain on its roof; Joel hums, "here, let me get you a towel.”

he disappears down the hall and you take the moment to breathe deep; letting the warmth of the house seep into you, your hands tremble with the emotional strain of humiliation that is coursing through you. what a fool. your heart beats hard in your throat, but there is a large relief when you understand that Joel does not seem keen on firing you for being 20 minutes late to the job he told you not to come in for. you curse yourself for not checking your text messages before leaving your apartment this morning.

Joel returns quickly, towel in hand; you take it and can only bring yourself to whisper your thanks into the empty foyer. 

“don’t worry about it." he says, shrugging one shoulder, "y'said your car's on Park Street- that's over a mile away, why didn’t you call me?”

you strain the water from your hair with the towel, clutching the scent of the warm fabric to you; it's not pink like the one's in Sarah's bathroom, and with a heat on your cheeks, you register it must be one of Joel's. shrugging, you shake your head. “I didn’t want to bother you - or, I guess I was just...distracted. my car… is sort of complicated.”

Joel’s brow furrows, “complicated?”

you hesitate - you don't want to come off to your current 'employer' as untrustworthy or reckless, but it's Joel - he's kind, understanding, if not a bit aloof at times; but you trust him. you swallow with a bitter chuckle, “the car’s title is still in my ex’s name. I can’t bring it to a shop without him, and I don’t know how to even check under the hood myself-”

your hand flies to your face to furiously wipe away the tears of humiliation that fall; great. just what you needed - to cry in front of him like a baby. 

“hey," a hand, warm and heavy, falls to your shoulder; your wet eyes trail to his figure, where he soothes over your shivering arm. you miss its presence as he pulls back away, "if you want, I’ll take a look at it when the rain stops.”

you shake your head, "I couldn't ask you to do that." 

"you're not askin' me, I'm offerin'." he insists; you meet his eyes to find generosity swirling in that honeyed brown; you smile up at him with a watery gaze, unsure how to thank him.

"you can stay here 'till then, or I can give you a ride back to your place in a bit when Tommy gets back. he had t'run to the job site to get our tools." 

you look up at him, craning your neck as you search his expression for any hint of irritation or anger - none. you flush as you wipe under your eyes again, “thank you, Joel. I'm sorry, again, for this..." you look down, gesturing vaguely to yourself,  "...mess." 

he holds your gaze for a moment, as the rain pours against the slats of the house and the panes of the windows, and shakes his head slightly. your stomach rolls over as you stand, still shaking with the nerves and cold, not breaking contact: something about his utter calm in the middle of your hurricane-mind has your face hot. 

Joel opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, a light on the stairwell flips on, and footsteps slide down the stairs, as if Sarah has taken to sliding down the carpet on the balls of her feet. you used to do something similar as a kid.

“dad?” Sarah mumbles, rubbing sleep from her eyes as she appears on the stairs; Joel takes a quick step back from you, the distance sudden and coaxing another rush of surprise to confusion over your cheeks - had he really been standing that close? you have no time to analyze the action before he's speaking to her. 

 “morning, sweetpea." he says, clearing his throat. Sarah's eyes meet yours and they widen slightly, padding over to you and saying your name softly, "are you okay?" she asks as she takes your hand gently. such a sweet girl.

you force a smile, weakened from the moment you'd just had, from the morning you've had; her eyes are so full of that same concern her father carries, though, and it warms your heart. you nod, “I’m alright, Sarah. just a little wet from the rain." you shift on the balls of your feet as your gaze flickers to Joel - he nods, looking back to his daughter, "well, how about we get you some breakfast?” he suggests. inadvertently you become aware of your own rumbling stomach, having come back to life after the realization that you aren't losing your job today. 

Sarah nods, her sleepy face breaking into a smile, “pancakes?”

Joel grins; it's as if the tension eases from the room as he nods back at her, “pancakes it is. 'm right behind you, sweetpea.”

Sarah traipses to the kitchen; you stay back awkwardly, watching as she disappears - Joel turns back to you, lifting a brow. "I can take a look at your car after the rain stops later this afternoon, or if y'want, I can take you home when Tommy's back?" he says, eyeing the keyhooks that remain empty by the front door; you shift on your feet, itching to flee, but itching to stay and embrace the warmth you've come to enjoy in this house. he continues with a small smirk, "-if you stay, I can't offer much besides some mediocre pancakes and some even more mediocre coffee." 

despite your humiliation and exhaustion, you can't help the short laugh at Joel's valiant attempt to lighten your mood; unfortunately his charm is undeniable, and you're reminded of what Michelle said to you those days ago: 

Joel is a nice man. just- don't get into trouble. 

you curb your smile, lifting a brow when you hear Sarah's voice call from the kitchen, yelling your name and dragging out the vowels. "-come help me with breakfast!"

you glance back to Joel, "if you really don't mind, then I'd like to stay," you say smally with a smile. "if I went home, I'd just lay around and mope. plus," you nod your chin towards the kitchen, "seems like you've been demoted from sous chef." you tease, finding a bit of yourself returning in the comfort of the sweet girl you nanny and her father. 

he grins back at you, shaking his head, "I don't doubt you'd make a better sous than me, darlin'-" he takes in your still soaking shirt, "but you should take a shower, I'm worried you'll catch a cold in those clothes."

Joel leads you upstairs, into the master bathroom.

you school yourself, keeping your eyes on his large frame, not daring to look around at his bedroom and all the different pieces of Joel you've yet to discover. you're used to Sarah's room, with pinks and blues and purples and action figures and textbooks - not this adult bedroom, with t-shirts and framed photos and a heavy scent of amber and cedarwood. 

he hands you a stack of clean clothes - a flannel and what seems to be a pair of sweatpants; you smile gratefully, ignoring the heat on your cheeks and in your chest; a feeling nestles in your heart, stuck halfway between humiliation and some kind of intimacy, neither of which feel right in this moment. 

you shake it off as he tells you to take your time, disappearing back down the hallway with a mutter about ensuring nobody set the kitchen on fire yet. 

you close and lock the bathroom door behind you, leaning against it for a moment to catch your breath.

the last hour has been a whirlwind: losing your car, almost losing your job, the humiliation of walking in the rain, showing up to work when you had the day off - all of it catches up to you. 

but instead of crying again, you let out a short huff, shaking your head. you'll be okay - smiling watery to yourself in the mirror, you puff your cheeks and blow the air out slowly. Joel won't fire you. you'll get help with the car. deeeep breath. 

the bathroom is small and intimate and you find it heats up very quickly as you run the shower; within forty seconds the mirror begins to fog and you're wrapped in a cocoon of warmth that eases the chill that's seeped into your bones. you peel off your wet clothes with still-shaking hands, slipping under the heat of the stream quickly. 

you stand, staring at the wall, for several minutes before snapping out of it; a thick scent has begun to leak its way into the steam of the shower, and you eye the culprit - an opened, unscrewed bottle of some kind of men's body wash. you blink with heated cheeks as you're suddenly assaulted with visions of Joel in this very shower; the thought sends your heart racing and you swallow thickly, not able to resist the temptation to lather it over your own body.  

the smell is that same amber scent, citrusy and male - you don't mind it as you let the suds slide off your skin, trying not to think about him. Joel. his kindness, his concern, his hands- you shake your head, trying to dispel the thoughts; it's not right, you tell yourself.

just- don't get into trouble. 

it isn't right to think of him this way, especially when he's just being kind - especially when he's so much older, especially when you're the nanny for his daughter. 

but your hands linger on your skin, the scent of Joel's soap mingling with the steam, creating an intoxicating mix that makes your head spin; the soft weight of his hand soothing your shoulder, how it'd feel if he dragged those hands down - a pang of guilt and you quickly push the thought away, snapping back to the present. 

you slam off the showerhead, shaking your mind of your polluting thoughts. 

the towel Joel gave you earlier dries you off quickly, and you wipe away a small section of the mirror to see your reflection - you pull the clothes on he'd given you, cuffing the length of the pants, buttoning the warm flannel over yourself with a small smile. 

you don't let yourself wallow any longer; the smell of breakfast wafts up through the vents and into Joel's bedroom as you exit, a swirl of steam curling around you as you towel-dry your hair, recalling the comb that lives in Sarah's bathroom drawer. 

the warmth of the shower does wonders.

you pad down the stairs, only feeling vaguely odd wearing borrowed clothes, smiling as your stomach rolls in hunger - you feel much more composed. 

when you make it down, the dining table is set: four placemats, four plates, cups with orange juice, and three mugs of coffee. you raise a brow, "did I miss the fun?" you ask gently. 

Joel and Sarah are bustling around the kitchen, putting the final touch on breakfast - pancakes, fruit, the works. 

"-fun just arrived, actually." a voice from the hall makes your stomach flip, heat traveling up your neck. Tommy must've gotten home while you were showering. 

you roll your eyes good-naturedly as Tommy comes around the corner from the garage, nodding at you in greeting. "you look nice and cozy." he observes, eyes roving over your figure drowning in Joel's clothes. your lips press together, ignoring the fluttering in your stomach at his observation of your clothing. there is no implication - you're the nanny, it's all innocent, but the look he's giving you is not. as if he knows how Joel makes your heart thud and your mind fuzzy. 

"car broke down." you say quickly, sitting where Sarah directs you. Tommy hums, a look that could be read as skeptical, teasing, flickering across his face. Joel flips a final pancake in the pan, pacing over to slide it onto your plate gently. when he leans over you, he's close enough to ask quietly, "you feel better?"

it's soft, kind, as if he's cautious not to air out your previous breakdown to the others in the room. you're grateful. 

"yes. thank you." you say back, smiling genuinely at the man, eyes roving over the moustache which sits on his upper lip, the beard that's grown in and rises to meet his air-dried curls. he returns to work on another culinary project as Sarah places the fruit on the table and drags Tommy to sit down.

there's a bag that Joel is pouring a mixture into; some kind of meat inside, and you hum. Joel really is a very handsome man. "marinade?" you ask.

he looks over at you, nodding, "yeah, s'for the cookout this weekend." he sets the bowl down, sealing the bag. "you coming?" 

you smile tightly, nodding - any excuse to get outside, to see Joel, Sarah, Tommy, even Michelle and Dan. "should be," you say, anxiously looking over to where your car keys now hang next to Joel's near the front door - he must've hung them up for you while you were upstairs. Joel hums, "good." 

Sarah beams at you when everybody takes a seat. "dad said you get to stay with us until the rain stops." she says, poorly concealing her excitement with a grin. you smile back, nodding as you sip on the coffee poured for you. "yes, ma'am." you respond, stretching your legs out a bit under the table.  

"lucky us," Tommy says through a bite of pancake. you huff at his harmless flirting; you just miss the subtle glare Joel shoots his brother. oblivious, Sarah hums. "I hope it never stops raining!" 

it eventually does stop raining. 

it's a little before dinner; the air is fresh and damp, the grass that peculiar shade of green against the backdrop of those high thunderclouds that retreat after their previous downpour. with only a light breeze, the air is charged with some kind of electricity as you breathe in the the scent of petrichor it carries with it. 

"right," the voice says next to you.

Joel's arms are propped against your shitty car, his brows furrowed in focus. the engine still glistens with raindrops, and there's a small line of moisture that caught on the fabric of Joel's shirt from where he'd popped the hood of your car. 

"first things first. let's check the battery connections - sometimes they can get loose or corroded." he mutters, directing you with a long, thick finger over to your car battery; you nod, trying your best to pay attention. 

a finger traces along the seam of a smaller edge of the battery terminal, scarcely avoiding touching it. "see this white, powdery stuff?" he's looking at you; it takes you only a split second as you realize he's waiting for you to answer. you nod quickly, "y-yeah." 

he nods, "that’s corrosion. luckily it's not too bad here, but it can cause issues."

you hum, taking a mental note as you bite your lip - thankful that he's taking the time to actually explain what goes on in the inside of your car, seeing as you're next to hopeless.

he gestures again. "d'you know what this is?" he asks, and it's as if god has given you a freebie from your turmoil this morning; you nod, grinning slightly. "it's where you fill the brake fluid." you say in affirmation. "I have some extra in the trunk." you supplement, glad you're not a total idiot when it comes to the car. 

he nods, "been takin' care of that. good girl," he gestures to the side, "these here are spark plugs - good to keep an eye on, because they can get dirty or worn out and cause the car to have trouble starting. these also look alright, though."

you're barely listening, though; your ears are buzzing heartbeat thumping as you school the flush over your cheeks at such a casual praise - something he'd probably not even think twice of, because you're his daughter's babysitter, god damn it, but you can't help the stirring deep within you. 

good girl. jesus.

you press your lips together and force yourself to relax, to calm the fluttering in your stomach the heat in your lower abdomen. eventually, Joel reaches the fuel pump - "here we go. I think this might be the culprit." he turns to you, squinting against the late afternoon sun, "if the fuel pump isn't working properly, it can prevent the engine from getting the fuel it needs to run." 

he gestures for you to look and leans back a bit; leaning over to peer into the belly of your car, at all its metal guts and ominous sputterings, you suddenly catch a scent - a mix of your handlotion you'd applied on the ride over with Joel's soap from his shower stuck to your skin and wafting in the air, a pleasant smell.

your stomach flutters as you try to follow Joel's explanation, "'kay...how can you tell it's the fuel pump that's the problem?" you ask him, turning to squint up at him. 

"there's-" another gentle breeze, then, and Joel pauses; you stare back at him, unsure what's caught his attention, but then it's over quicker than it started. blinking at you, he clears his throat and nods, pointing to the part, "there’s a few ways, but mainly if your car cranked out while drivin', or if it starts an' then stalls, it's often a sign of a fuel pump problem." he taps it with two fingers, "this one looks pretty worn out."

you bite your lip, cursing your ignorance and the stupidity of your ex for insisting on taking care of the car jut to completely ignore it and take it for an oil change only every few blue moons. 

"can it be fixed?" you can't hide the anxiety in your voice. 

"course." Joel nods, closing the hood; you don't flinch at the sound, too worried by the engine. "'m not quite good enough to do it myself, but i've got a buddy down in town that can do it for ya for cheap." he smiles gently, "should only be a few hundred." 

your throat dries, stomach dropping. "c-couple hundred?" you hiss, pressing your lips together. "okay."

okay.

okay: you can take a few more shifts at the library, double up your days; that's fine, that's fine. you'll have to fix your car before your cellphone, but you'll be fine without texting for a while. maybe you could sell your portable CD player or some clothes for some cash. okay, shit. 

shit. 

you laugh mirthlessly, "I... I don't have that kind of money right now." you say awkwardly, "but at least I live close to the bus stop." you add, wondering how much a bus pass is. certainly less than that. 

"-listen, i'd be happy to help you out with it," Joel says, and your hackles raise in embarrassment, "-no, Joel, I can't ask that of you. you've already done so much." you say, looking down at yourself, still clad in his flannel and pants. 

he shrugs, as if it's no big deal. "could pay you advance. let me help you." 

you swallow thickly, biting your lip. "I feel bad, Joel. I already put you out." 

"hey," he says, turning to look at you - he leans slightly on the hood of your car, gaze burning into the side of your face. you flush, but meet his eyes. "don't worry about it. I can pay you ahead for your work to cover for it. all you've put me out on is a few pancakes, a cup of coffee, and my patience with my brother."

the mention of Tommy makes you flush with embarrassment, floundering, "oh. Joel, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" 

he shakes his head, with a grin - he was teasing you. "Tommy's always been a flirt. I trust you can handle your own." he adds, "but you let me know if he's too much, yeah?"

something about his tone makes you even more flustered, though, and you grin, shrugging. "yeah. you'll be the first to know." you say, wondering how many people he's had to say that to in his life. 

he says nothing to this, but you clear your throat, looking at him, "um...thank you for your help. this morning, with the car- all of it." you say, smiling awkwardly, "i've had a hard time adjusting to a lot of recent...life changes and..." you feel like you're oversharing, so you stop short, "just. you've all been very kind to me." you finish. "i'm so thankful for this job." 

Joel watches you, gaze flickering between your eyes for a few moments before he nods, "'course, darlin'. life can throw some curveballs, huh?" he nudges your shoulder and as you sway back you can't help the soft smile that grows, hiding it as you look away. darlin'.  

"you're doing great, though. Sarah and I, we're glad to have you." he affirms. you smile into the metal of your car hood.

"let’s get your car started now, yeah?" he asks. 

you're sat in the driver's seat.

Joel leans through the window to hold down the switch on your steering wheel as you turn the keys, the small Tamagotchi on your keychain knocking against your wrist as he instructs you to pump the gas pedal. 

after a few tries the engine sputters to life; you let out a stuttered sigh of relief, smiling and letting out one small clap. 

Joel smiles, "there she is," he taps the dash above your steering wheel with the flat of his large palm, leaning slightly. as he turns to lean out the window, his eyes meet yours - face to face, he's much closer than either of you anticipated.

you're struck with the proximity; for a moment, his face is inches from yours. 

and then the moment stretches out, your heart skipping a beat - you can see the few freckles that have grown over the bridge of his strong nose, the way his breath leaves his lips, the smile lines and faint dimple, his eyelashes lit from the sun behind you. 

Joel clears his throat, stepping back from the window with a tap to the roof of your car. you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"alright, you’re all set. just drive carefully, okay? let the engine run for a few minutes when you get home."

you nod, voice softer than you hoped it'd be, "I will. thanks again, Joel."

he nods in that way he always does, the same nod that you always see in Sarah. "be safe. see you tomorrow."

Joel leans against his truck as you peel away, off the side of the road and joining the sparse few cars on the road, the remaining rainwater slicking against tires in the distance. you swear you see him wave before he slips up into the cab of the truck, figure growing smaller in your rearview with each passing moment. 

you let the car run when you return to your apartment, biting your lip dumbly and staring down at your ruined phone, at the warped message that sits on your screen.

 

Call me if you need a ride in the morning- Sarah and I can pick you up. 

Have a good night. Joel

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[silverzoomies]

hi im here to ramble and complain !!

something that's always irked me, is the detail difference between days of future past and apocalypse. dofp seemed like such a passion project to me. like an homage, not only to the beloved x-men films of the 2000s, but even the overall culture of the 70's.

peter shows up for such a small fraction of the film. but we can easily pick-up on his personality based on background details. his mannerisms, clothes, even his home. like, look at these details !! this is what i love to see !!

i love the yardbirds and buffalo springfield posters. and there's so much other stuff he just kinda has. tiny hints towards his kleptomania. the road signs? even a parking meter?? bro's impulsive as hell !! someone get him therapy !!

this is such a nothing detail too. but i always love when filmmakers take the time to recreate vintage brand logos and stuff. that's rly neat !! he probably ate all of those within a week though,,

dofp is crazy, in that the few seconds we spend in peter's mom's house; we can interpret so much !! i love how brown and disorganized everything is. it looks so 70's nostalgia to me. and i wasn't even alive then lol

compare all of this to apocalypse. there's a lot less attention to detail. like they can't even be bothered to use a period-accurate TV !!

his bed's kinda fire though. what's with the mirror?? if they got one thing right, the 80's are still brown and tacky !!