#im not. ready to beieve that we're okay | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

du-hjarta-skulblaka · 3 months ago

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Hngnngng I think. I think we're good,

My funds for the month are drained but Alfie still has some as well as something like 1k on credit cards and. I know that's something that needs to be paid back but its so much wiggle room that I'm not used to

Like it's honestly frying my brain a little that I don't need to be constantly thinking about money this month. I still am ofc lmao but its...christ, I've been living so long with the certainty that I cannot afford my own existence. I literally do not know how to process the possibility that I'm covered

#im not. ready to beieve that we're okay #and...just *okay*. we still need to look for a new flat. we still both really need new jobs.#but even being Okay is such an outlandish borderline fantasy for me #im so afraid Something will happen and we'll have to beg again #and tbh im. i hate saying it like that i hate viewing it like that #cognitive dissonance of id never cast any judgement on other people seeking mutual aid but when its Me its Bad Somehow #im working on that too lmao becoming a well rounded person is a long ass process #i just...we're getting there. we're so close to just Existing and thats something ive Known for years id never have #tldr im feeling alot of thongs very weirdly rn and want anyone that reads this to know. Thank you.#i wouldnt be alive without the friendly folks on my phone #some of whom dont really even know me beyond what i vent on here #some of whom i absolutely neglect in talking to bc its So Hard so often #but yall have made it so i can just...exist. with the person i love.#we absolutely arent home-free yet but its...palpable. its something i can imagine being.#and that is a gift.#and i have yall to thank for it.#g o d i really gotta look into shipping stuff oversees soon #whole bunch of people vastly overdue for a Silly Little Gift

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