#im not saying opinions cant change but when said opinion flip flops like 'fuck this guy' and 'i love this guy' every other day???

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

real! I used to love her (ts) but she feels very different than she used to. I’ve listened to phoebe bridgers a bit, she was good just not the type of music I usually listen to. Boy genius and Lucy Dacus are both amazing tho. They for sure deserved to win Aoty, or sia

sorry for how long this got??? i just started writing and oh whoops....

anyway- THATS what ive been saying about her unfortunately. its like after folklore/evermore things genuinely changed because of all the fame and popularity. people werent criticizing her anymore and instead overly praising her.

which isnt bad! i do think she deserves praise over folklore. the marketing of it being a suprise album was very clever too. but i think before those folklore there was a sense of criticism that people had with her music that kept her wanting to innovate it.

i have a strong believe that social media's algorithms are failing artists to innovate pop music in the same way than 00's pop music did just because of how much less artists have to lose now with their brandings. i once again bring up artpop by lady gaga and how much she lost for her idea???? and now??? gaga was really fucking killing it. her music had such creativity and passion put into it that you can SEE her drive in that. (also to know i didnt understand artpop as an album until MUCH later in my life)

but taylors lack of needing to innovate her sound due to her popularity and lack of criticism really has just shown how much her music has come to decline in quality. if you see the transition between fearless and speak now. those two albums. she TOOK the criticism that she "couldnt write her own songs" and literally flipped that narrative to write that entire album herself. and to me? arguably speak now is MY favorite taylor album.

and the transition between speak now to red to 1989 to reputation. theres SO much that happened in that sense of time. theres different sounds that make those albums what they are. 1989 was such a creative endeavor for her because it was her first step into pop music. i think was also her first time working with jack? now people say her decline on music is his fault as a producer but i dont believe his role had gotten bad until midnights. (i saw people discussing clairo's sling album because he produced it. but THEYRE WRONG. SLING IS GOOD AND HIS ERA OF BAD PRODUCING HAPPENED IN 2023(?) i forget when midnights came out ugh thats how many taylor albums we have gotten ffs)

but the breakaway and challenge 1989 gave really set up for reputation. she disappeared because of all the hate. and i think while I DONT SUPPORT that type of treatment because no one should go through that type of mental low... that really set her into a space to create more fluidly and with more passion?

lover- people will say was a flop.. and ill admit too... cruel summer?? shouldve never ever became a single. it was better as a hidden gem. but lover was good for the majority of songs!! there's still passion in it.

it was just that after folklore/evermore it felt very.... underwhelming and not like her at all. the quality slipped so so off the page. it just feels very recycled and unnecessary. especially like i said the fandom doesnt help with overconsumtion and she really truly should use her platform for more. the economy being in shambles and yet she wants to charge $700 for a concert ticket. (nothing bad if like someone WANTS to go but its genuinely ridiculous because inflation shouldnt BE like that).

not to even cover merch??? why is it so high?? shouldnt you want it to be accessible to your fans since you have so many?? vinyl prices are ridiculous but WHY is a hoodie almost $100. im sorry but like why 😭. cant we just charge $60 again?????

anyway all that to say that after the evermore era her music genuinely slipped off. im just thankful that the speak now rerecord didnt get BOTCHED as high hell. i have opinions about the vault tracks because the entire reason was to include tracks from that era and yet its like your smearing shit onto a perfectly wonderful painting and saying "look yall!! i added to this!!" wrong. wrong wrong wrong. idk. 1989's vault tracks just made me mad. it felt so unlike the vibe of what 1989 was???? and slut was NOT written at the time of 1989. come on.

timeless though off of the rerecord for speak now.... i will defend that one with my honor. i genuinely am glad speak now's vault tracks didnt get horrible treatment. i like that she kept the solo writing with the entire album. adding on fob and hayley's collabs as a callback because i really remember seeing videos of her singing sugar were going down and thats what you get during the speak now tour. it just felt like a full circle moment for that. fob's collab couldve been better but im glad it wasnt like... bad.

stilllll think matty's collab couldve been iconic on slut. even if i hate 1989's vault tracks as a whole... the 1975 does have good music. I KNOW. controversial yeah. anyway. hes got talent tho.

i found phoebe during 2020 when i was listening to a bunchhh of different artists (the 1975 too yeah). but punisher found me and i used to not be able to sleep due to anxiety/insomnia back then and i would listen to that album for months to just SLEEP.

i have a closeee bond with it. its like my favorite if not a close second of my favorite album of all time. its just really interesting?? also really valid that its not your type of music either. i just hold her stuff close. also did a english assignment on smoke signals' lyrics. i remember that. i got to say "fuck the cops" in the assignment and felt very proud of myself LMAO.

in terms of lucy- i for some reason never have gotten around to listening to her stuff?? even though i know i need to and should?? i just always somehow forget. many people have told me to but oh man i forget.

glad we can agree that they deserved album of the year btw.

sorry for the LENGTHY reply but yeah!! i might be forgetting to talk about something but askinf about my special interests (music) will always give you a lengthy answer.

[awkward-whiteboy]

1-200

200 Questions to Ask Me!

200: My crush’s name is:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 199: I was born in: Michigan198: I am really: Depressed, bored, hungry, lonely197: My cellphone company is: Verizon196: My eye color is: Brown/ugly195: My shoe size is: 11194: My ring size is:8.5193: My height is: 6″3192: I am allergic to: Medicine, tree dust191: My 1st car was: The piece of shitmobile190: My 1st job was: Illegal  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 189: Last book you read: How to Think About Weird Things Critical Thinking for a New Age. (Yes it’s a college textbook, but if you love debating with people on the internet [ though this is pointless] this book is a must read).188: My bed is: a college loft that I fear is going to fall any second. 187: My pet: Pet no, mascot my HARAMBE FLAG! 186: My best friend: @rinkatai @aesthetichalestorm @bookerdewiit 185: My favorite shampoo is: Whatever I have in the shower when I’m showering184: Xbox or ps3: either, but Mario Kart trumps them all183: Piggy banks are: cool if they aren’t the break ones182: In my pockets: wallet, room keys, a “Thanks asshole” note someone graciously wrote me 181: On my calendar: Peoples birthdays, and predictions for stupids shit. (5 for 6 on them being right)180: Marriage is: dumb, combining debt together over a stupid ceremony. Why not just say fuck it and save the money for a sweet house and lots of animals179: Spongebob can: keep coming out. I love that show. If given the time, I could probably quote almost all the episodes178: My mom: is my mom177: The last three songs I bought were? People buy songs? I can name albums: Reaching into infinity, Begining of the End, One More Light176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsx0d3p4SMQ

175: How many cousins do you have? That I talk to, 3,4. total like 22+

174: Do you have any siblings? Youngest of 5

173: Are your parents divorced? No

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes

171: Do you play an instrument? Guitar and Trombone

170: What did you do yesterday? Stayed up til 5 am playing Garrys Mod

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: Sort of, doesnt work out though

168: Luck: Luck is an undeclared claim.

167: Fate: Nope

166: Yourself: Never. I always fail

165: Aliens: Hard to say, 

164: Heaven: No

163: Hell: I am a living hell

162: God: not a god, but a something

161: Horoscopes: Nope

160: Soul mates: Yes

159: Ghosts: No

158: Gay Marriage: Marriage is Marriage, IMO calling it Gay marriage is trying to make it different than regular marriage.

157: War: Yes

156: Orbs: YEs

155: Magic: No

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

153: Drunk or High: Both.  ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

152: Phone or Online: Phone

151: Red heads or Black haired: Red Heads, but thats just from my experience

150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes

149: Hot or cold: Mild

148: Summer or winter: Winter

147: Autumn or Spring: Spring

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145: Night or Day: Night

144: Oranges or Apples: Apple

143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: BK

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White Chocolate

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heals: Flippers

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: Don’t care, just gots to be diet

136: Hillary or Obama: Norm is my OTP  ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

135: Burried or cremated: Cremated, that way I’ll still be around people when im dead because no one would come willing if I was buried

134: Singing or Dancing: My singing is 1 of a kind

133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel because meme

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Kat McPhee, only because I don’t know any of them and Hick is a bad name with my life.

131: Small town or Big city: Both

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Pedi

127: East Coast or West Coast: Weast Coast  ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday, people notice me :)

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers

124: Disney or Six Flags: Datknee… Disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: Pointless, but happens, Realistically, will never end.

121: George Bush: All politics have goods and bads, we’ve had better, but we also had far worse.

120: Gay Marriage: Always said

119: The presidential election: Popular vote and the current way are both fraud by the way America is. A completely new system is needed.

118: Abortion: Not a women so my opinion is not valid or needed. Honestly I hate kids. so Pro

117: MySpace: Last i checked (like a year ago,) its pretty much a Soundcloud.

116: Reality TV: Stupid

115: Parents: Do what they do. Different generation so their ways of parenting are theirs.

114: Back stabbers: Too many in my life… DAMN… MAYBE THIS IS WHY I AM FUCKED UP.

113: Ebay: I spend too much money on it

112: Facebook: Fuck the Zuck

111: Work: Never had a legal job

110: My Neighbors: Can go shove a knife up their asses 

109: Gas Prices: Better than the past

108: Designer Clothes: I’m making a separate post about this.. I might be in a bit of trouble with my college over this.

107: College: I don’t fit in anywhere. only friends I have I went to High school with. 

106: Sports: Really wish I played football in High school. I know I wouldn’t play at my school, but a smaller one I would.

105: My family: Family is family

104: The future: WIll not be brighter. 

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: Too long ago

102: Last time you ate: yesterday (2:00pm 12/13/2017)

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Emotional abuser has a drug dealer that lives in my colleges town. Saw her :/ cried for hours.

100: Cried in front of someone: Summer 2017

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever IT came out. Got in trouble with my colelge cause of roommates

98: Took a vacation: too long ago

97: Swam in a pool: summer 2017

96: Changed a diaper: never

95: Got my nails done: never

94: Went to a wedding: Spring 2017

93: Broke a bone: with a doctor knowing never, but like 6 years ago

92: Got a piercing: None

91: Broke the law:  ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

90: Texted: I stubbed my nose on the elevator

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: Doc

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Nothing

87: The last movie I saw: Cure For Wellness

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Going home so I wont be alone with my depressing thoughts and questionable music

85: The thing im not looking forward to: going to the meeting

84: People call me: Davie Crocket Davy Divad Garbage, fucker loser, pretty much every name in the book

83: The most difficult thing to do is: pretend to be normal

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Talked the cop out of it with my mindfucking bullshittery

81: My zodiac sign is: Scorpio

80: The first person i talked to today was:

@rinkatai

79: First time you had a crush: 9th Grade

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Rink

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Last week

76: Right now I am talking to: Myself 

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Good question  ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)  

74: I have/will get a job: No, I cant do interviews I alwasy fuck them up or never get called back

73: Tomorrow: hopefully do something better

72: Today: Watched 9 hours of netflixs

71: Next Summer: Too far to determain

70: Next Weekend: Too far to determain

69: I have these pets: None

68: The worst sound in the world: College kids screaming because finals when they are just being cliche

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself

66: People that make you happy: Happy? whats that

65: Last time I cried: Today

64: My friends are: Rin Doc 

63: My computer is: Fucked up because everything I own always gets fucked up

62: My School: College sucks, High School : IN A LOT OF HOT WATER

61: My Car: is a piece of shit

60: I lose all respect for people who: treat me bad… damn thats like 95% of the people I see

59: The movie I cried at was: The Producer

58: Your hair color is: Ugly Brown

57: TV shows you watch: The OFfice

56: Favorite web site: Higher or Lower Youtube

55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere with the right person

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: The emotion and things I live with everyday.

53: How do you like your steak cooked: However it is cooked

52: My room is: MY STUFF IS CLEAN roommate 1 is not

51: My favorite celebrity is: Too many to name

50: Where would you like to be: A better state of mind

49: Do you want children: NO

48: Ever been in love: Sadly

47: Who’s your best friend: Rin Doc

46: More guy friends or girl friends: Girl Friends

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Dark humor

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: :’(

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I only plan 5 minutes in advance

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No, honestly asking 10th grade me, i only planned up till graduation

41: Have you pre-named your children: NO KIDS

40: Last person I got mad at:  ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

39: I would like to move to: Sanity land

38: I wish I was a professional: Musician

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour Skittles or Mega Sours

36: Vehicle: Piece of Shit Mobile

35: President: Suliman with the Onion hat

34: State visited: Iowa. 

33: Cellphone provider: Verizon

32: Athlete: Cardale Jones

31: Actor: Bill Mother Fucking Murry

30: Actress: Emma Watson

29: Singer: Davey Jones, Davey Havok, Chester, and many more

28: Band: Too many, but I will say I’ve personally met one of them

27: Clothing store: cheap ones

26: Grocery store: cheap ones

25: TV show: Office, Simpsons South Park TWD

24: Movie: Cure For Wellness Clockwork Orange, Cant remember the name, but the original hunger games… the japanese one

23: Website: youtube

22: Animal: panda pugs

21: Theme park: cedar point

20: Holiday: leif erikson day

19: Sport to watch: hockey

18: Sport to play: football

17: Magazine:  ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

16: Book: Too many

15: Day of the week: Monday. Because I play a game of what sucks more… I win a lot

14: Beach: na

13: Concert attended: Alice Cooper 3x, Deep Purple, Stone Sour, Skillet, Motley Crue 2x, FFDP, Wayland, Valraven, Alterbridge, Iron Maiden, going to see Judas Priest with someone in April

12: Thing to cook: Pasta and muffins

11: Food: ^

10: Restaurant: places with spicy chicken nuggets rice pudding and chicken noodle soup

9: Radio station: 101 WRIF Q106

8: Yankee candle scent: N/A

7: Perfume: N/A

6: Flower: Idk Roses or Marigolds

5: Color: Black orange green

4: Talk show host:  ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

3: Comedian: A lot

2: Dog breed: PUG

1: did you answer all these truthfully? Like 4 are not :/

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 15 (Finale): “I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE” - Ali

Did that vote make me a villain? Cuz I don't think I can avoid that anymore. But did it screw my chances of winning? Did it add to my resume? Did it make sense? Who do I work with next? Do people understand that Ali is gonna win this game? Is Ali gonna win another immunity challenge? Can I get him voted off or is it smarter to get him to vote with me, because its Benj and I and we need one more. I have more questions after last night than I started, but knowing that Benj was going to vote Jones I didn't think I had much of a choice.

JONES WHEN U SEE THIS ILY IM SO SORRY :((((((

breakdown.

Seamus enjoyed seeing me suffer with maths and black rotating puzzle

Ok so Ali won immunity so cant use idol on himself so im in the F4 hehe (unless hes seriously been playing me this entire time LMAO)

My 0 votes will prob be ruined tho but oh well still a huge improvement from 20 in kili

honestly think im losing in any F3 scenario ugh im gonna be a 2 time ftc loser LOL kinda iconic tho

regardless this has been one of the most fun games ive ever played hehe

I am trying my best to stay safe this round. I think it would be crazy for them to let me make it to F4, not that I think I am gonna win, but the momentum is definitely with Ali, Tom, and Jason, and I seem like the logical vote.

With that, there are some things I would like to say about the game. I'm actually pretty proud of the way I played. I know it wasn't the most graceful, or the most honest or loyal. I votes out Alex when he really trusted me. I flopped on Jules to win my way back in with that side. I stuck by Mo, but ultimately let him go when I had no choice, and then I did the same thing but more dramatically with Jones. I helped idol out the power player Mitch, but my strongest attribute was creating tight relationships with people who always felt they need to get that extra vote, Tom, Ali, Benj, Alex, Jones, Mo. The closeness has always made me less of a target, I hope not because they think I'm not a threat, but rather because they think I might be that swing vote for them. I feel like I have largely been the only one to make real decisions in this game except for Mitch, because Benj followed whoever told him to vote what, and Tom and Jason only make decisions because they just need to target whoever targets them. Ali and I are suppose to be in a secret bond, but the only time we vote together is when I switch and vote with him (Alex and Jones). I was the flip vote with Jason on Jules. I helped make the decision to vote out Mitch. I told Ali that I think it needs to be Jason this time. If I make it through this that would be soooo freakin fun. If I don't I worked my magic to try to get the target off of me, and so far I think the vote is Jason v Benj (sorry Benj that I had to convince Jason that I could work with him in the case that he idols). The biggest kink to that game is Ali winning those immunities, because truly I think the F5 would have been so different. Him winning rn changes everything and I can truly see the chinks in my strategy and gameplay now. I'm a mess, but I'm a calculating emotional mess, so hey points for me right?

okay so Jason left, which is really good news. He was clearly a major threat, and I acheived my goal (admittedly with no contribution to Mitch going) of Mitch, Jones & Jason being three boots in order.

So I'm in the final four with Caeleb, Benj and Tom. AND TOM IS NOW TARGETTING ME THAT MUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPET. I saw this coming, I knew he would, he thinks he is gonna pull a fast one on me, but little does he know Benj is the KINGEST KING, and we've been allies since the first round.

So I really REALLY wanna win final four immunity, because it might be the Final Immunity and I am cautiously optimistic that if I can just make FTC, I can win this whole thing. If I win immunity, I'm voting out Caeleb with Benj and Tom, who will... kicking and screaming have to vote with me ajkdslfa.

I think no matter what, I'll be able to go to firemaking this round at worst, since I think Benj is firmly in my corner. And I've been dominant in challenges thus far, and could hopefully continue to do so? We will see ahh.

I just desperately want to win immunity this round, because then I can vote Caeleb out and drag Tom to F3. mwahahahahahahahahahaha. HE WILL HAVE TO SIT WITH ME IN A FINAL THREE, like it or not!

I'm literally so close to FTC this is gonna drive me insane. If its a F3, I think I'm literally a challenge away from winning this season, I could truly SCREAM hnnnnnnnnnngh.

There's so much riding on this next immunity challenge. Like so much. And i just realized that I have no won immunity since Merge and everyone else left has, so umm here's hoping.

I WON FINAL IMMUNITY OH MY GOD. i literally.. my heart was pump pumping so fast, when Caeleb won the first two rounds I literally was gonna throw up/throw something/throw a fit.

But HNNNGH I won (and I filmed my reaction, which I'll upload), and I need to vote off Caeleb in my opinion. Benj is a king, but he hasn't done as much as me in this game, and Tom is solidly getting third place I think at this stage, so I think I have a great shot.

IM SO CLOSE ASKLDFAF. I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE.

I know that this game is an emotional mess. And HELL I have been an emotional mess. But this I think is the first time that I'm actually angry. 6 immunity wins? Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell? I coulda made it to FTC, and like I'm not done yet I'll keep fighting so hopefully I can make it. But in normal circumstances I would be there. I just. Am so. Livid. There's no strategy involved when you can't vote someone out consistently. Now I have to fight tooth and nail just to have a shot and go against the freakin contender to win. Like its so disheartening, and Ali is a sweet guy sure, but he hasn't even made half the moves I have. His biggest move and most unexpected? Voting out Julia. If I get my chance to make it to FTC I'll have a lot to say, but I don't think its looking up for me at this point.

this is the worst video i've ever filmed nobody watch this

I CANT BELIEVE I MADE F3 AGAIN!!!!!

WOWOWOWOW

and with Ali our day 1 duo actually did it WTF?

Tom king too the anzacs made it

I know im losing but its been SO FUN!!

Good memories only

Okay so... FTC was yesterday, and I kind of want to do a final wrap up confessional, just to kind of bring some personal closure.

So it seems unless a lot shifts, that I am decisively going to win this game. I'm so unbelievably excited, I've literally only ever come second in survivor games, so to have finally snatched the win genuinely means a lot. It shows me that 2019 truly has been a year of real emotional growth for me, and the personal roadblocks I've put in front of myself that have cost me games in the past, have been lifted and I have my act together much much more.

FTC was... just such a weird experience yesterday, I always get dragged at FTCs, particularly live ones. I've only done two ever (Athena: All Stars and BB Pokemon: Orre) and both times, not a single juror spoke positively about my game that was present. To have jurors come on, and say that I unequivocally played the best was such a bizarre experience, but I love all the jurors so much and their high estimation of me is genuinely so flattering.

With that said, FTC was also a really rough experience. I love Benj and Tom with my full heart, and watching Tom get relentlessly told he was rude was tricky because I know how good of a guy he really is, and how well he meant with everyone. Benj was rough because... it seems I just outplayed him, and him mentioning our duo in his opening statement when I didn't at all... was really rough because I felt partly at fault for his dragging. I just love both of them, so it was hard.

I also feel bad for what I was like in confessionals this season, from memory at some point, I went in on JJ, Mo and Caeleb in confessionals, and while I apologised for all, I still feel awful that I let myself get so worked up in this game to sort of snap at them? Like Mo is a genuine friend of mine, so the fact that he wrote like... a sentence and I got so pressed is really stupid, I love Mo so much and hope I can make it up to him. Caeleb I got so mad at after the Jones' idol play for literally no reason... like he outplayed me that round, and its so pathetic that I got mad at him for that. I think Caeleb played a PHENOMENAL game, and did so well.

If I had to predict the POTS of the season, I would say my top three would be Jones, Caeleb and Mitch. Jones is... Jones, she is so likable and has such charisma and hold over people, and her idol play was arguably the most impressive move of the season. Caeleb was someone I underestimated to such at the start of merge, but he played such an impressive middle game, and would've had my vote if I was voted out at F3. Mitch it sounds like was hated by the jury, but I think he played amazingly? Like he has been a target since F20, his name was thrown out so many times, and I just think he did so good? I lowkey think he would be my player of the season to be honest.

I wanna talk about the other jurors particularly that I haven't really referenced in this. Alex is someone I somehow feel most guilty about voting out? He is just such a genuinely good guy, and I think I had this preconceived notion of him as like a gamebot, when he is just so wholesome, I can't wait for him to return, and make single digits. scratch that, I can't wait for him to return and WIN.

I also wanna talk about Jules. I am such a Jules warrior? Like... such a Jules warrior? They were such a pleasure to work with, and I just love them so much. I did them dirty by not idoling them/telling them they were going, but they are someone I have SO much time, love and respect for.

Who else, omg JASON! He was the perfect final juror for yesterday's FTC, someone who went easy on Tom who needed that, and just... is such a wholesome good guy, I love Jason.

Anyway, this is already really, really long so I need to wrap this up. I just want to say how happy this season has made me, and how much of a pleasure its been apart of. I joined the ORG community right before a lot of messy personal stuff came my way, and a lot of my org memories are tied to that. I used to let my personal drama get itself interwoven in my games, and I would just be so emotional. To have a game where I could play hard, cracked and WELL, and just have fun has been such a pleasure, and Im so emo about it.

I just wanna thank the hosts again too, I literally am a full on Asya, Drew, Johnny and Seamus WARRIOR, I love all four of them for hosting my favourite org experience EVER, its been amazing. I've been such a crackhead, was the only OG Budva Tumblr Survior newbie to make merge, spammed my host chat with an unbelievable number of messages, been AWFUL at the bridge idol hunt system yet ended up with two idols, been a crackhead (bears repeating because of how much of a mess i was), its been... a time KLADSF

But yes. I just have had a phenomenal time, crackheads are gonna crackhead and this brit is joining the tumblr survivor royal family, and I truly could not be more excited.

[imanes]

do you think that "influencers" and celebs should speak out about "political issues"? (putting it in brackets bc. it's clearly an understatement n not accurate but idk how to word it) re: palestine? cause i've seen a lot of people be like "yeah they shouldn't talk about it if they're not educated or if they're just doing it for the trend" (even tho at this point its been so all over social media that ppl cant use the "im not educated enough" excuse anymore) n all and i guess it's a fair point and all but also? idk when i'm on social media and i see ppl talking about what's happening in palestine, and then i scroll down and see ppl be like omg new haul uwu! vlog with my friends! and thats just so???? idk. idk what to think bc on the other hand ofc performative activism is bad ykw? (like....re: blm ppl just posting a black square on their ig....) but i don't know what to think about it and i would love to hear your thoughts!!!

inchresting question to which i have no concrete answer to provide (except a lot of ramblings) because it is a thorny subject related to the ubiquity of digital society and the social weight we give to a certain class of people who frame their existence as something that could represent us but actually doesn't at all. and everybody and their mother - including me - has an opinion on it but at the end of the day it's just an opinion, not an empirical fact to be presented, and not even one i think about a lot bc it isn't a primary concern of mine on a day to day basis. so i'm like not looking for a debate with some random tumblr user (not talking about u anon, but talking about whoever might care too much about my inconsequential opinion) bc this is a question i'm answering, not a question i'm asking so to anyone tempted to "well according to the encyclopedia of pfppspfpsp" me, make ur own post!

i guess we can start with "should influencers/celebrities/people who are famous by virtue of being well-known even exist and should we lend weight to their words?" the answer to that may vary from person to person but social media accounts with a very large following can indeed turn tides with regard to socio-political crises, such as demonstrated by bella hadid who single-handedly educated a whole generation of south-korean netizens through her posts on palestine so we can see the good effects of that. now obviously bella hadid is personally concerned by the ethnic cleansing of palestine and has a lot more at stake than say rihanna with her all lives matter bullshit statement (someone said "saudi dick must be potent" but i think it has more to do with her contract with puma who is actually on the BDS list) or even jameela jamil who has a terminal case of "everything must be about me always".

people can say whatever they want about what well-known ppl are allowed to speak about or not but i'll just remind that these "influencers" and whatnot are people and they're bound to want to talk about stuff, especially when it is relevant or when prompted by their own following, because literally everybody with an account on a social media platform expresses their opinions about smt at one point or another in time. that includes random ppl on facebook commenting under news with their stale hot takes. famous ppl or "influencers" are no different.

I'll also say that "influence" only goes so far so I'm not *particulary* concerned with whatever whoever that i don't take seriously says. let me take the queen of talking out of her ass jameela jamil as a case study for this. people who agreed with her bizarre and narcissistic takes are already bound to agree with her because people flock to opinions that are similar to theirs. in my opinion that is not influence, that is attracting similar weirdos in your sphere and consequently creating impenetrable echo chambers of idiocy. did her stale ass take become a "consensus" amongst the indecisive? i don't know for sure bc i haven't run a survey but my assumption is that people who have critical thinking skills were rightfully put off by her rancid take and called her out publicly for it, providing sources and information, which i think is visible enough for anyone 2 look through. and people who like her talk and think out of their asses were like "wow preach i've been saying!" so they are themselves inconsequential.

so in my opinion it is less about influencing - because at this point i think someone can be influenced by a single person into buying a product but your fave singer is not going to make you buy into their ideology just because they released one lukewarm-at-best statement - and more about signaling where you stand. when viola davis and idris elba (amongst many others) stated that they stood by palestine, they made it clear that they stood against apartheid and ethnic cleansing and people who already agreed on these basic principles saluted their stance. do i believe they changed anybody's mind? not really, that is the job of well-informed people such as activists disseminating information and other people sharing the info. do i think that mark ruffalo lost all credibility with his flip-flopping? absolutely, and it doesn't reflect back on palestine, it reflects badly on HIM. we're in an era where people are bombarded with so much information from all sides that one person saying something is a drop in a bucket no matter how famous they are. this is also why we say that israhell lost the PR war. we were and are too loud 2 be ignored now and a few celebrities showcasing how inane they are doesn't change anything. the famous-ppl-market is too saturated for their opinion to matter a whoooole lot. support is appreciated but not hailed as the second-coming jesus u know what i mean?

to address ur final point about finding it weird that some people flat-out ignore some stuff while you are neck-deep into it, I think it's an understandable situation to find yourself in and as subhi taha said, it just looks tacky. i think it should be your cue to just unfollow whoever doesn't align with your interest content-wise. i unfollowed a loooot of people lately because of that like I really didn't give a fuck about Michelle phan's cryptocurrency peddling (which was already yikes on principle) in the midst of real-time live-stream decolonisation and liberation struggles against apartheid and ethnic cleansing, and at this point I don't think I can go back to caring about using social media for frivolous things (except cats and memes account bc they bring me joy) and following bigger accounts that are trying 2 sell me some shit, because I've changed in the past weeks, one could say I've become more "radical" (lol) and I'm ready to sustain an online space that caters to my concerns and abandon all content that I indeed find tacky in between two posts that talk about some serious shit. it's not to say I'll never post a pic of the sunset on Instagram again or that I don't consume content that has literally nothing to do with informing myself and disseminating information on decolonisation and anti-capitalism (I literally watch study vlogs from med students to unwind lol), or that "everybody should use their account in this specific way because it's the only one that is valid" (it's not and i don't care what other ppl do) but u are obviously dissatisfied with ur feed for valid reasons and while some ppl may not share your opinion it doesn't mean that you shouldn't take steps to make ur user experience less jarring.

it's again just an *opinion*, not a to-do list or smt that i'd ever want 2 present as a "fact", at the end of the day everybody curates their online spaces the way they want to and if you find your current configuration to be distasteful, that's understandable. and everybody is entitled to believe that celebrities/influencers/glorified sellers of products and lifestyles and disorders talking or not talking about certain things can be harmful or beneficial, as there are arguments and examples for and against it and i am personally not interested in participating the debate even tho i wrote a long ass text about it akjdlkfjgd I'm sorry about this u might be regretting ever asking me this question. hope i made sense!

[survivorathena-allstars]

Ep. 3: “Shrek Can Heck the Heck Off” ~ Duncan

So tribal occurred and I guess expectingly, everything went as planned. I was really nervous and I don't know why... probably since it's All Stars and everyone is here to not only impress, but to play. We're the recruits and it means that in the past we've shown definitive reasons as to why we had the chance to bypass the application process and immediately enter. It's wild. Overall, i'm fine with tribal. I would've enjoyed Julia a big longer and wouldn't have minded if she stayed, but when so many people are like "you've been so disconnected" etc, there's only so much I can personally do to reroute that. I really am hoping our tribe pulls through in this upcoming immunity. I just don't want to deal with the stress from last time, and i'm scared that I could be in danger. There is an alliance of 7 (now excluding only Duncan & Sam) but EVERYONE talks to Duncan - including myself, he's really nice - and Sam is just generically popular for whatever reason. They're both extremely active, maybe not as much in PMs as the tribe chat, but still are. This then creates the potential of a flip. I would be totally down to do so in the event that it's just... an easy thing to execute. When looking into long term, there's many people who despite how much I like them personally, are huge threats due to their connections on the other tribe. Of course I have Dana, who will work with me but obviously we'll cut one another if the time comes. But there's bigger cliques of people I guess. Emily is mutually friends with EVERYONE - and I adore her so much that it sucks. Ashvika is a legend, also really liked. Duncan has friends on the other side. It's just like... there's many groups of two-four people and it's an interesting dynamic to put as an obstacle. I guess we'll see how things go and how well people think around this and plan accordingly. Also the archipelago is RUDE! thank you. 

Ali Update! So, I survived tribal, but I've officially been hexed so I guess I may as well give up! But ultimately, while it was ugly to vote out Julia, I think going into a swap, we don't want to be the totally dominate tribe in numbers, so perhaps losing a member (or potentially two, even though I have no idea who that would be) could work to our benefit? Who can ever be sure! With that said, I am concerned going into another tribal, in that the options are either our alliance of 7, Duncan or Sam. And like.... all those options are ugly. I don't want any of those happening.... So, (and it looks like we will need to win two challenges to do this) we need to win the next two challenges basically! Which has like a 25% chance of happening, but I do think a music video challenge does actually favour our tribe, so hopefully we can win the next one too! With regards to the swap, it does look like we are gonna have an #ugly four tribes of four swap, but my theory is for each tribal at that stage, two of the four tribes will go to tribal? So it'll be tribals of like 7 or 8 people! we will see I guess, but right now, I am focusing on not having the awful task of voting out another member of this phenomenal tribe! Toodles ALSO I HAVE A VIDEO CONFESSIONAL THAT IS TAKING YEAAAAAAARS TO UPLOAD, ughhhh.

Well my plan went off without a hitch this round. I was able to get an alliance formed with Ali, Ashvika, Emily, JD, Ruthie, and Zachary to have the majority going into the last vote. We also made sure to keep Samuel and Duncan looped in so that it was a nice, easy, vote out for Julia. I love controlling votes, yes I do. So far I haven't found anything in the Archipelago. I can't spell that and I'm not going to look it up so I'm going to call it the Islands of Death.  Every time someone has searched we've gotten a notice saying that they were tired but mine never have. Where are they going? What are they doing? Suspicious. I do know that whatever advantage was with the artifacts is gone now. Someone completed the task faster than I did. I have a feeling it might have been something dumb like a double vote so I'm not that worried. Based on the rules, I think there's only going to be one hidden immunity idol and you're going to have to work your ass off to earn it. Athena, Charlotte, and idols don't go hand in hand. I'm only good at finding them in other games. Looks like we're just going to have to keep winning so I'm never at risk!

I’ve said this already but can lily be on my tribe thanks I want a tribe swap

I love my majority alliance yes I do! Honestly this game feels like one where I'm gonna make some solid friends, and even though I'm inevitably gonna have to make some rough decisions if I wanna make it to the end again, I'm gonna be close with these people for a while. And that feels really good!

the hosts hate me. they truly do. a music video challenge. my tribe is doing Shrek. and I am doing suffering.

I have been so frickin unlucky in the archipelago. It really sucks. And I feel like I've searched the whole thing already like wtf! Ugh. Anyway, I'm super excited about our challenge. I love music videos and as long as everyone can go all out, I'll be happy! So far I have Charlotte's videos but that's it. I don't mind though because um I haven't recorded my stuff either lmao! But we're winning and that's that on that.

Everyone: loves All Stars and is having a great time Me: 

Lily is (still) talking shit about me and whining in people's pms all because "i haven't talked to her." Fun fact: I DID!!!! That's right- I, the person who was targeted immediately and grew a social game to survive, struck up a conversation with a person who voted me out. And you know what the wildest part is? It went well!! I thought ok maybe we made progress and we'll be chill and cordial from here on out. But apparently that wasn't enough for her. We're strangers!!! What do you want good morning and goodnight texts?? Get over yourself- like what are you 16?? Oh wait she is, which would explain why she has all these great expectations and why me not moving heaven and earth to be her best friend bothers her. I got news for you sis: I'm doing my best goddammit while you rely on a bunch of relationships from prior seasons. Yeah I said it and I can back it up: I knew 1 person on our tribe when all stars began and yet turned the 9-1 vote against me in the FIRST FUCKING ROUND to 6-4 me staying; I built a solid alliance of 5 (we poached Cameron lol); I give every challenge my all; and I maintain decent relationships with 85% of the tribe. But because Lily happened to fall in that 15% and hasn't gotten a fruit basket, I have to put up with her shit until one of us leaves

Also I walk on eggshells in this tribe and I can barely breathe without someone having a fucking opinion. Talk to this person, make more of an effort with that person even though they're being immature, don't work with this person, trust that person, change your part in the music video even though there's nothing fucking wrong with playing Gingy from Shrek, don't mind us as we change OUR ROLES every hour because it's fine who cares if the clock is ticking. I love my tribe and they mean well but I'm 23 years old my gameplay isn't a democracy. Speaking of democracy, Elaenia is back to flopping because we can't make any executive decisions about our music video!! So here I am, mentally preparing myself to talk to everyone in the tribe tomorrow so Lily's campaign against me, which she'll whip out once we lose, will fall on deaf ears. You see what I'm talking about?? This is ONE of 2 orgs I'm in that I've been in for 6 DAYS while my job is trying to kill me. HOW HAS IT NOT EVEN BEEN A WEEK

Am I seriously about to get my second idol? I'm SCREAMING. For THIS idol, what I need to do is not talk in any public chats for 24 hours. So, I sent this lie to the whole tribe that I was silenced by someone on the other tribe and honestly I'm screaming. I've evolved and become a complete liar, this is disgustening. But now I am gonna feel less bad about telling Emily about my idol (even though I don't actually regret it that much!) I feel like telling someone about me having an idol is smart, that way if I am getting votes, they can clue me in! With this now too, I can have my own second layer of protection that they dont know about mwahahahaa. I honestly cant believe how much of a liar I have become!

I made a video confession but I was angrier than I should’ve been and so I’m typing this out because it’ll probably make more sense. So earlier today, Ali messaged me and tells me that he accidentally went to the bridge instead of clifface and I didn’t think much of it. So when I go archipelago searching, I row > path 1 > climb > complete the challenge > clifface > climb > do the simple task. NOW. The simple task is to not talk in the tribe chat for twenty four hours. HUH. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but then I remembered Ali got a very similar disadvantage only he said that someone ELSE gave him this disadvantage. So at first I’m like. Oh. This is a little weird. But I go ahead and message everyone and tell them about my disadvantage and how I won’t be talking in the tribe chat anymore. Then something occurs to me: Ali could be??? Lying to me??? So I sent him the quotes from my host chat and he immediately confessed to lying. And I tell him it’s totally fine. I’m not upset. I understand what he did and like? I can’t be mad because I was going to do the exact same thing. Now Ali is saying he’s going to give the idol. So this is amazing. I’m getting an idol no matter what so yeet. We’re talking about what to do with Duncan now. I think he’s gonna come clean. And like nskwbwjwjwjw this is such a mess! But I gotta help Ali and get him out of this predicament because this is what FRIENDS are FOR!!! Whew. Anyways I’m gonna drive home now goodbye.

i dont deserving anything, especially jaybee in other news, my game is a mess and im the mestress. emily also got silenced... I'd be shocked if my whole tribe even remotely trusts me, and I feel like a complete flop. emily is being so nice about it, but if I was her, i'd never trust me ever again ________________________________________________________________ Over the past 24 hours, I have completely ruined my game. Duncan quite rightly doesn't trust me anymore, and I'm so mad at myself for not trusting him sooner. This is the third game in a row where I've been mad at losing someone's trust and I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't want to be, but I deserve to be voted out next. 100%

I don't think I've made a  confessional in awhile and I want to do this before I get called out so. I'm hoping we'll win the music video thing just because I...don't want to go back to tribal. Not with this group of people at least. I myself feel safe and secure, but then again I felt safe and secure at the first tribal and then the tribe as a group assassinated me, like a meaner Murder on the Orient Express situation. I don't think I'll go home but??? I never know with these demons.   So anyway I found this...thing in the Archipelago. To get it I have to make sure we lose the next challenge. Not really sure how I'll do that but I guess we'll have to find out. It's kinda a win-lose situation because...like I said...I don't want to go to tribal. But maybe this can help me...maybe. I'm like completely in the dark so I don't really know anything but anything will help! 

hhhhh WOW I'm so worried! I took a look at our final video for the lip sync and while it generally looks good, theres also the issue that... i filmed in portrait mode. shit. i REALLY hope that doesnt cost us the win, because i know people despise that (and for good reason) and I dont wanna deal with tribal because I dont know shit about filming, since I'll probably be made a target for that (if not me, maybe jack bc he didn't do anything but also idk if i'd wanna do that because he did say he was uncomfortable with it)

FUCK WE LOST! AND FUCK SHREK TOO!

Literally just cried because of how wholesome the video Amanda Lynn made is, like that just made my night and I know this isn't related to the game but I really just love this cast and this game so much and I'm so happy to be a part of it :')

Me? Forgetting that confessions are a thing very briefly? Yes. I was like... how can I get out all my anger about the music video results? Um? I can CONFESS since I can't FUCKING TALK IN THE TRIBE CHAT! God damn I'm so upset about these results I'm not even kidding I could... rip my fucking hair out. I worked so hard on that video and I'm not saying Cameron didn't work hard on his but I am saying that our video was 10x better. Yes theirs had a theme but like,,,,,,, we were so enthusiastic and cute and positive and wholesome the whole vibe to our video was fun and LILY RECORDED IN PORTRAIT I LOVE HER SHE'S MY WIFE BUT COME ON LILY DON'T DO THAT and like the quality was bad too!! And I just... what the fuck we were really honestly truly robbed. Like I loved Owen as the Fairy Godmother that was hilarious and Will as Prince Charming really was so funny but also FUCK THEM IM SO FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO AMOUNT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS CAN EXPRESS MY ANGER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW I HAVE TO GO TO TRIBAL AND IT'S LOOKING LIKE SAM IS GONNA GO AND LIKE I UNDERSTAND BACK HE DIDN'T LIKE CONTRIBUTE A WHOLE LOT TO THE CHALLENGE AND ALSO HIS SOCIAL GAME IS KINDA SHITTY BUT DUNCAN IS REALLY PUSHING TO NOT GO FOR SAM AND GO FOR LIKE JD OR CHARLOTTE AND IM LIEK FDLKFKLSDDAS STOP IT??????????? I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH THIS VOTE BECAUSE I LOVE AND CARE ABOUT EVERYONE AND EVERYONE ON THIS TRIBE HAS PULLED THEIR WEIGHT IN SOME WAY AND PROVEN THAT THEY DESERVE TO BE HERE BUT FJKLSDJFKLSDJLFSDLKFSLKDFS I AM GONNA SHIT MYSELF okay sorry to be all in caps for a little bit but Vireao was just fucking robbed know THAT also we have 100% participation SUCK IT!!! Also I called it that Jack wasn't gonna contribute I knew that boy hated music videos and I was RELYING on him not contributing and like losing his tribe points. But we still lost. And the judges made mean comments except "Except for the axe welding earth destroyer. Real star of the video there. Did you make an earth just to destroy it?? I'm nervous!" that made me feel good. I'm an axe welding earth destroyer lol... but I'm also a fucking loser. Okay long ass confession done goodbye cruel world

Ok so I shouldn’t be up but like y’all know I get off work late and play catch up for like 2 hours + don’t sleep normal people hours so I’m really happy we won, mainly because that means I’m 100% safe. That’s how you’re supposed to feel but when you’re paranoid, facts help you sleep better at night. I went from comfortably being Gingy to taking one for the team and stepping up to be Shrek hours before the deadline; so even if we had lost my logic was that I contributed enough deep in the clutch to be seen more as a saving grace rather than a threat or dead weight. Highkey I feel like I’m playing harder than I really want to but these hoes backed me into a corner and every time I try to go under the radar people start running their mouth. Elaenia was branded the underdogs but I feel like the underdog of the underdogs. Yes I’m on varsity and yes I can sit with everyone at lunch but is it enough? Almost being first boot really did a number on me and I literally play day to day. I am not 18th place and I’m even happier that one of the Goliaths will fall- it truly puts a smile on my face My gut is telling me Karen wasn’t the source of getting me out; I think I just want to believe that so I can be at ease but it couldn’t be that simple. The next logical choice is Lily or Kevin buuuuut what if it’s not? What if one of these people who voted with me actually started the entire chain of events? Is Jack lying and does actually know who the source is? Is Lily not the messiest person on Elaenia? Am I justified in watching my back and being wary of everyone, allies included? Reasons why I can’t with this game. It’s a mind fuck and my brain is a whore lmao

I just took a nap now i'm regenerated. 2 hours? WOO! I think it's my time. Maybe i'm just hallucinating and paranoid - but I tend to have decent awareness of what's going on and how people interact with me, but at the same time I have a huge habit of over reading situations. Point is, everyone's being very short with me. Duncan, a person who is usually exciting and lovely, is responding with one word excerpts. Perhaps he's tired but... yeah. Emily is also similar. She hasn't changed her speech patterns in my opinion, but in the manner of what's been happening, it's just more noticeable. If I could just you know... have a say - why not Sam? I understand the 7 person alliance is not going to remain unitedly intact, but that's one easy vote. Not only did he send a 4 second clip (then a 9 second lipsync) to Emily in the last two hours, but he's been the most inactive. I do think he's a great guy, I really do - but it's stressing me out. I think Emily maybe wanted to flip though. I always mention Emily in every confessional I make but that's for a few reasons. First, she's really sweet and enjoyable and I like her. Second, she's really well connected and like a spider web of relations, so being good with her could maybe put me 1-up. Third, i'm literally being her so-called lapdog (by myself, that is). But it's all with good intent of course. Point is before I rambled was that she suspects that our group isn't tight and that we soon will require to flip since a 7 person group is a gigantic majority, and despite the fact that an upcoming swap is glooming in the distance, it is a threatening perspective. If she wanted to flip on someone, unless it was one of a few people (Ashvika... and Charlotte, I guess) I would easily be on board. I like the others, Ali and Ruthie and everyone, but i'll play cutthroat. I'm here to get myself one day further!!!! Not really. Kind of. Who knows. Nonetheless it's a great thought process, and i've been interested in it myself prior to her acknowledgement. I don't want to be blatant cause for some dumb reason I think i'm walking on thin ice, but it's there... it's a potential possibility. Duncan's very well connected so I sincerely doubt anyone would vote him out next, after Sam. Hmm... Also, I really love boulders so i've been trucking on through and now I just need 5 more days (after the 23rd) to search and i'll either find something or realized i've been wasting my time, with higher probability on the latter option. 

So I was really hoping that it wasn't going to come to this because I don't wanna vote out Sam and Duncan ciao know that they are numbers for me over Charlotte... Which for me is what this game is coming down to, me Vs Charlotte, I dont even care who wins the series so long as I can take her out lol. But I wonder if that was why she left them out of the alliance chat she throw me and Ali in. Cus she knew that with such a small number on the outside that it would be easy to get rid of the people I would most likely work with.... She claimed not to be strategic but I know better. 

I'm so frustrated. I understand tribal is not a fun subject kiddos but it's something that needs to be done and no one is talking to me. Perhaps they all unitedly agree to vote me out, but I really hope not and I don't think that'd be good for various reasons!! Who knows though.  Well, people know, just not me. I'm going to try to encourage a Sam vote or a potential flip but... that'll be whatever the others want.

Fuck I’m pissed that we lost! Grrrr. I literally never want to watch shrek ever again. Shrek can heck the heck off 

Upset we lost immunity, hope it’s an easy tribal 

AH FUCK NVM WE DID IT AAAAAAAAA IM SO PROUD I was especially flattered that Milissa enjoyed the growing nose thing for Pinocchio, I was really proud of that idea ;w; now if only I had filmed horizontally

I’m out of town. Didn’t help with the challenge. We still won. Interested to see who goes on the other tribe. My social game is weak. The end.

WE ARE SHREK ICONS

This vote is going to be beyond crazy. I’ll update you once I actually figure out what is going on

So I just filmed a video confessional, but I think I need to write out my thoughts since I'm so conflicted. God, just write murdered by Shrek on my tombstone. Anyway, first things first... How blessed are we all to know Emily? Oscar-worthy director, sane person, just inspiration. She helped handle the mess that was my silence idol challenge confusion. She is honestly the best ally I could ask for, and I am so blessed to know her, as a friend and ally. Soppy time over. Time for GAME AKJLFDAkljafd. So, I have decided I need to reassess my core allies. In this game, I need to realise that everyone is of course gonna have an agenda, so its important to coalesce with all the people with motivations similar to mine. Because we share our info, Emily definitely falls into that category, which is why she is my main ally right now. Beyond that, I feel really good about Zach atm. He is so nice and great to talk to, and I think in an alliance sense we really click? So that's why I am really here for the "EAZy Votes" alliance (Me,Zach & Emily) because I really feel those are two solid allies I'd love to work with going forwards. From that point, I also get great vibes from Charlotte & Ashvika as people I'd like to work with going forward in the game. Charlotte is a smart cookie, she knows her stuff, is super sociable and a great person to work with. So like... I'm down to clown with Charlotte. Ashvika is the only person left on the tribe who I didn't have some sort of relationship with preseason, but she is honestly just so nice. She is someone I'd truly love to work with going forwards. Ruthie, my cracked disney queen, is someone who I think would be a great and loyal ally, and like... who doesn't want some Ruthie in their life? That leaves my Emathia chums Duncan,JD & Sam. Sam is a great guy, and someone I always have a place in my soft hort for, but I just think he has for some reason struggle to ingratiate himself within the tribe, which has just made him such a target and means keeping him is like... a big move. Duncan and JD are so conflicting for me. JD has become much more cracked since Emathia, and I am down to crack some eggs, but not the whole batch... So she is scary to work with long term. Duncan I find really hard. As a friend, I love him SOOOOO much, and I always will do. I just get super freaked out, because his agenda is very different to mine (as is JDs). They don't know Zach or Ruthie while I do, which makes it hard to find plans that we agree on? Like with Julia, it was easy, but now it gets harder..... ACK, I dont know. Basically, this whole game is too much for my poor soft hort. 

This is going to be the most dark sided season of survivor. This round sam is going home (according to what I know) and I actually don’t want him out. Apparently San has just not been putting in the work in order to make friends with everybody. And I’m like sam! This is all stars! You should be performing your ass off in all aspects. Now granted I have Emily to look out for my ass but I’m also looking out for myself. It’s just Ugly because the one time I want to work closely with Sam and make amends I won’t have the chance to. JD made an emathia alliance chat so I think she wants to save sam but she isn’t pushing for it and people were being indecisive. So after thinking about it for about 12 hours I decided fuck it. It’s premerge, I cannot make any big moves rn, I’m not going to play my idol on sam. And sam is not my closest ally right now so I can’t stick out my neck to save him. JD told me she didn’t care to work with zac Ashvika and ruthie and t shook me. I’m the only one left not in that seven but that’s the only crack I need to survive another round if we were to lose again. Sidenote? I’m not happy with Ali like at all. He and Emily both found the path to the idol but couldn’t speak in the tribe chat or any alliance chats for 24 hours. Emily told us the truth but Ali told us before Emily found the path, that he was being punished. Like this makes me feel better about being closer to Emily in the game. I’m really hoping to survive the night obviously, and it’s going to suck to see sam go but this is all stars so I guess All is Fair in Love and War. And I want to win this war.

AHHH MAYBE I HAVE FOUND SOMETHING!!! I'm mid little mini challenge and I love mastermind, SURELY I can crack this quickly!  I really need to win something, our tribe is dwindling down and i don't feel safe at all!

wiiiiiiii I am going to submit a Better Confessional when I get home from Christmas just making sure I get something in this time :) I’m happy we won the music video!!!!! And I’m so excited to see who goes home from the other tribe oops!

hello sweet confessional. I don't have much 4 u, but let me say that Owen as the fairy godmother and Autumn cutting her onion made our video iconique as fuck. Made me love my alliance that much more. I keep forgetting to pretend to socialize with the other people on my tribe so they don't want to vote me out, like i'm doing a TERRIBLE job. With the exception of Autumn, the rest of my alliance is also close with people on the outside of our group, which lowkey sucks but..wig! Catch me getting idoled out honestly. Also i'm probably getting voted out because i'm friends with Zach and like umm no. Idk yall i'm paranoid and I took an exam today so like thinking? it's a no from me.

i love emily so much she could wear stilettos or cleats and do the cha cha slide (two stomps this time!!) on my face and i would thank her

hey so i'm about to save the world by doing a challenge!!!!! aaahhhh!! i don't know what'll happen if i win, but I need to repeat verbatim a phrase from everyone in the tribe chat. kind of thinking that i'll just do it all at once. we'll see you on the other side! oh yeah and it has to be done within the next hour.

HOWDY YALL SOOOOOO I was kind of worried that the other tribe would go fuckin ALL OUT in the music video but our shrek strategy really paid off??? Now that Julia is gone it's going to be super interesting seeing how the dynamics of that tribe split up. I don't think it's going to be another unanimous vote. If Ali and JD stick together, probably with Sam.... And Ruthie/Ali were close af in festive. Emily seems good with everyone. Idk???? I can't see Charlotte Duncan or Zach going either? Ashvika could be in danger tbh but that's so fuckin ugly. I don't want any of them gone but if I had my pick I think JD going would be good for me. She's an obstacle in my relationship with Ali. But who knows! My tribe is really lucky we pulled out a win. I think tension is still rising surrounding Lily being a threat but there's been talk of Jack or Lily having something from the archipelago. SPEAKING OF WHICH I FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING OMFG DSKADJFHKJ so at the beginning I was exclusively looking under these boulders and I started going in phone number order..248-7....then I stopped. I caved and grabbed a torch bc there were only two left. But then I realized a bunch of people prob grabbed the torch and got everything from there so I stressed out and returned my torch in order to go BACK to the boulders...and did the next digit of my phone umber....AND HAD TO DO A CHALLNGE! I basically got an extra vote that can only be used at f14 or f7 which is kinda useless to me for a while but it's better than nothing. And it is also a legacy thing I believe so I'll pass it down. nice. I feel like I've been getting even closer to Will this round. I like him a lot and I think he hopefully trusts me as well. I thought I'd be closer with Dana and Cameron but Will is someone that I really wanna go far with and he's the first person I told about my vote thing. I told Cameron too, he's my first ally and rn prob my best ally. Autumn and Dana I've continued to talk to too. I haven't messaged Jack that much oops but he a freak !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fjskahdfj not rlly but I dont want to work with him. I would if I had to but for now I want him gone! Sorry! Although I like how presst he seems to be that Emily cut him. I'm trying to make a snapchat group with my alliances bc teams that snap together stay together. But I'm scared of a swap coming soon :( i love our tribe and the other people I do rlly wanna play with but I want them to kill each other a bit more first. also I've been tyring to figure out why the other two premerge buffs are completely different fonts and designs but i cant do anythin about it rn so might as well not worry about it! if the game changes up I'll change with it

like okay i'm gonna succeed in the challenge but uh it's blatantly obvious that i'm going for something. but this is ALL STARS Y'ALL GOTTA RISK IT TO GET THE BISCUIT RIGHT??? (pls let me win this game)

Ack, I'm really scared Duncan is gonna idol Sam! Also, I feel bad for Sam, he is doing my parroting challenge :( [04:31] Duncan: in every season [02:33] Samuel Rutan: in every season

This vote has been an absolute roller coaster because Duncan has been pushing hard to save Sam and like... people aren't budging. Except JD is actually so cracked? She made an Emathia alliance now she's voting out Sam? And Charlotte messaged me saying she thinks that JD would flip on us??? And honestly this whole vote has been so nerve wracking and like I pretty much feel safe because I worked so hard on that music video but also? I contributed a whole lot to the scavenger hunt in Crossroads and they VOTED ME THE FUCK OUT so I mean WHO FUCKING KNOWS they could be plotting to get me out I don't KNOW!!! But I've been talking to Zach a whole lot more and he's such a nice person and I love him and I want to work with him going forward. FUck tribal is starting I'm so fucking scared

YOU GUYS I AM SO ASHAMED THAT I THOUGHT SAM'S NAME WAS FREAKING SAMUEL like what the heck, what's wrong with me? WHY AM I SUCH A DING A LING???? UGHSDFLJDSFLSJFLSDFJ

I don't really have much to confess right now but I love building my edgic!! It's interesting that our tribe is very divided right now in terms of majority/minority alliance and that the other tribe has had two unanimous votes...very interesting...But as the days go on I feel more and more connected to my alliance of five and can see that the other 4 have made basically no effort to talk to me since the Karen vote (like we've talked about things aside from the game) but like...Kevin doesn't talk to me at all, Madison's lowkey sketchy even though she's a queen, and Jack and Lily haven't talked to me since I apologized for keeping them out of the Karen vote. Also a note - anyone can say "I would've voted with you" and that's an easy lie to tell. So it doesn't really sway me when they tell me that about voting Karen out.

Sam becomes the 3rd person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 8-1 vote. You can see Sam’s preseason interview here.

[cephii]

1-200 let's go babe ;>

200: My crush’s name is: Jayjay the jet plane199: I was born in: 2003198: I am really: Hungry :^[197: My cellphone company is: T-mobile196: My eye color is: Blue?? Grey?? Something in between that. My eyes have yellow in them too, it’s weird 195: My shoe size is: either a 7 or 8?? I forgot194: My ring size is: I actually have no idea uH193: My height is: either 5′4 or 5′5192: I am allergic to: Certain food preservatives, something they put in sunscreen idk :^[191: My 1st car was: Lightning McQueen 190: My 1st job was: Being born189: Last book you read: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde188: My bed is: Soft, occupied by me atm, queen sized 187: My pet: Don’t got one186: My best friend: tARA185: My favorite shampoo is: Idk, oof 184: Xbox or ps3: Don’t rly use either 183: Piggy banks are: Gay, kinda cute honestly 182: In my pockets: I’m not wearing pants right now181: On my calendar: I don’t use calenders 180: Marriage is: Amazing for people who actually care about each other! But not just to get married, divorce is NOT fun. 179: Spongebob can: control gravity 178: My mom: is a huge role model to me! (She might be very homophobic oof, but she’s great! When she first came to the US, she had to learn an entire new language, make enough money to feed 2 starving kids, and pay for my dad’s funeral, but 13 years later she is very very successful in a career she loves 177: The last three songs I bought were? Isle unto thyself (Joe Hawley) The Greatest Show Unearthed (Creature Feature) Hidden in the Sand (Tally Hall)176: Last YouTube video watched: Val Val Val175: How many cousins do you have? 5174: Do you have any siblings? Yes! Two of them. An 18 year old sister, and a 7 year old brother173: Are your parents divorced? nope :^0172: Are you taller than your mom? yES I AM 171: Do you play an instrument? I play the ukulele 170: What did you do yesterday? sCHOOL DANCE AND HAD MY FRIENDS SLEEP AT MY HOUSE OOF [ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: No 168: Luck: No167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Sometimes165: Aliens: Yes164: Heaven: No163: Hell: To an extent 162: God: Nah man 161: Horoscopes: No160: Soul mates: In a way159: Ghosts: Yes158: Gay Marriage: YES 157: War: No156: Orbs: Nah155: Magic: Certain forms of it, yeah. [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE 153: Drunk or High: Neither, both are damaging 152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Red hair150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: Spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: I really love both142: McDonalds or Burger King: I don’t really like fast food but if I had to eat it then yeAH BURGER KING 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate 140: Mac or PC: Mac 139: Flip flops or high heals: Heels are prettier, but flip flops are wAY more comfortable 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Ugly and rich, oof137: Coke or Pepsi: I can’t drink soda136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Buried (as loNG AS I GET TO DECOMPOSE)134: Singing or Dancing: Singing133: Coach or Chanel: Coach132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: i cANT CHOOSE 131: Small town or Big city: Big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Why the fuck would I answer this128: Manicure or Pedicure: Neither 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: My birthdaY 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: y A N K E E S [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: War is just extremely stupid?? Pointless?? All of the above?? There is no need to kill people because you have problems. Why can’t we just play chess or something? To win that, you must be very skilled and knowledgeable. Instead of the bloodthirsty leading us, the chess players should ;^0. Think about it! War is a primal instinct. We, as humans, like to distance ourselves from past methods. Instead of advancing something we’ve done for centuries, why don’t we just reinvent it entirely? War really is one of my biggest and most sincere fears, neither sides are just when they want to kill people with beautiful lives just to solve some problem that is solvable with a simple debate. 121: George Bush: Don’t know very much120: Gay Marriage: Very very important! There is no need to even debate when gay couples are statistically less likely to divorce. 119: The presidential election: Eugh118: Abortion: It’s up to the mother. I personally prefer giving the baby away for adoption, but I wouldn’t shame somebody for going through with it117: MySpace: Never used it116: Reality TV: Kinda stupid, makes me really uncomfortable honestly 115: Parents: Mixed opinions??114: Back stabbers: I deal with too many too often 113: Ebay: Can be pretty useful I guess112: Facebook: Don’t use it, but it’s alright I guess111: Work: Very important! 110: My Neighbors: My neighbors both have VERY cute dogs. One of them has a huge golden retriever, hes super sweet. The other has 2 German shepherds, super pretty dogs auGH 109: Gas Prices: Honestly just use electric cars, fuel is running out108: Designer Clothes: Some are nice. Some are stupid and really overpriced. 107: College: Go if you want to, it’s useful! But kinda really expensive 106: Sports: I like some of them!105: My family: Love one half, despise the other104: The future: Don’t make me think about it[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: 12:00-ish when my friend left today102: Last time you ate: 10 hours ago??101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: I don’t remember 100: Cried in front of someone: 3 days ago 99: Went to a movie theater:2 years ago-ish98: Took a vacation: 7 months ago97: Swam in a pool: a week ago:^]]96: Changed a diaper: Never have 95: Got my nails done: Never have 94: Went to a wedding: 8 years ago93: Broke a bone: Never have92: Got a peircing: 9 years ago (but that was against my will eeP)91: Broke the law: I basically am in some way, always. It might be a dumb law, but I never know for sure90: Texted: I am right now [ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Vini 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My blankets87: The last movie I saw: La la land86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: The last day of school!85: The thing im not looking forward to: First day of summer84: People call me: Clyde, Milo, Meelo, Gay83: The most difficult thing to do is: Not take things personally 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never ever 81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer80: The first person i talked to today was: Vini 79: First time you had a crush: When I was 478: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Vini, Eugene, and Melody77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Idk76: Right now I am talking to: jasmine and vini75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Idk, really. But I wanna be an astronomer!74: I have/will get a job: Idk, my parents won’t let me73: Tomorrow: comes today 72: Today: Is a sunday! Time to go to the store today 71: Next Summer: Is another summer70: Next Weekend: Idek oof 69: I have these pets: NONE OF THE PETS AHAHA68: The worst sound in the world: Someone I care about crying67: The person that makes me cry the most is: some ‘friends’ (In a bad way) Eugene (in the best way possible)66: People that make you happy: My (actual and not fake) friends! At least the ones who care to talk to me regularly 65: Last time I cried: like 30 minutes ago

64: My friends are: gay and half of them are fake as fuck 

63: My computer is: Pretty okay! Might not be the best, but she gets the job done62: My School: I’m terrified of any school, it’s a terrible experience. I’m just glad I have people to talk to that get my mind off of things I hate about the place! (Minus the times they start joking about the subject and it upsets me :’^[)61: My Car: I don’t own one personally 60: I lose all respect for people who: make children cry59: The movie I cried at was: I cry at most movies jfc 58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde! It looks red in some types of light tho57: TV shows you watch: Right now? I’m really just watching Huner x Hunter and Rick and Morty. Not keeping up with much else 56: Favorite web site: niceonedad.com55: Your dream vacation: Death valley! Primarily to see the stars 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Cutting my arm open with a knife 53: How do you like your steak cooked: Well done52: My room is: Kinda clean51: My favorite celebrity is: Neil Patrick Harris 50: Where would you like to be: In sleepy land 49: Do you want children: No48: Ever been in love: Yes 47: Who’s your best friend: TaRA46: More guy friends or girl friends: I kinda have the same ammount of both45: One thing that makes you feel great is: When people say they love me44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Eugene43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: I don’t like the thought of death at all, so a list wouldn’t help me41: Have you pre-named your children: No 40: Last person I got mad at: My dad39: I would like to move to: Poland38: I wish I was a professional: faggot[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Krówki36: Vehicle: I like planes 35: President: Idk oopsies 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Idk 32: Athlete: Idk ooF 31: Actor: Neil Patrick Harris 30: Actress: CANT DECIDE AUGHH 29: Singer: Joe Hawley 28: Band: Tally Hall 27: Clothing store: H&M26: Grocery store: I don’t care as long as you have strawberry milk25: TV show: Honestly the Octonauts 24: Movie: La La Land 23: Website: niceonedad.com22: Animal: GOAT 21: Theme park: Disney20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: baseball18: Sport to play: Badminton 17: Magazine: I don’t read them16: Book: Pride and Prejudice 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Idk :’^[13: Concert attended: I don’t go to concerts 12: Thing to cook: I like baking muffins 11: Food: S T R A W B E R R I E S 10: Restaurant: Idk, aughhHh9: Radio station: I don’t listen to the radio very much 8: Yankee candle scent: I can’t smell candles 7: Perfume: angel by thierry mugler6: Flower: Roses 5: Color: Pink4: Talk show host: Idk oof 3: Comedian: Drew Lynch 2: Dog breed: Chusky 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Indeed I did, my good friend