#im not lying when i say my heart aches every time he takes a glance at her

[nezukochaaan]

wow the pining is killing me

[imaddicted2hs]

One shot!

YES YOU READ IT RIGHT!!! I wrote a one shot i have wanted to since forever. i know it moves a bit fast but then again, im improving!! i really hope you like this because personally, i love it.

Trope- friends to lovers

Word count- 3,817 freaking words!!! ikr??

Warnings- angst, fluff, not loving the cute body :(

Happy reading!

__________

[Not proofread so ignore the errors please]

He is perfect. His smile, his voice, his hair, his songs. Everything about him is so addicting that it becomes impossible to not fall for him. Even his effortless actions makes my head dizzy. His vulnerable state is what assures me that he is real and his joyful mood is my favourite.

A loud voice calling my name breaks me from my trance. Dammit. I was thinking about him again and I lost track of time. I shake my head as I wobbly try to stand. He is my bestfriend for God's sake. We have been friends since we learned how to speak our first words. At the age of seven I remember the first time I felt something more than a friendly spark inside me at the sight of the curly headed boy. As he worriedly looked at my scraped knee and kept on assuring me it was just a tiny little scar and I must not let it affect me, I felt no burn because of the wound, no. I was too distracted by his presence. After that day, not a single day passed when I didn't think of him as something more than a friend. Everytime he would stand close to me or touched me, my stomach ached because of the amount of butterflies I felt. I heard my name again and this time louder. It has to be the beer. As I try to squint my eyes for a better view of the shore I see Max waving his hand up in the air, begging for my attention and signaling for me to come over. I sigh as I start to walk slowly and not so straight. "Where have you been tonight? You are physically here with us but your mind? It's wandering some other place today, wassup?" "Nothing." I whisper slowly, letting the faint noise of the waves and the bonfire fill the silence. "Nothing." He eyes me up and down because he knows I'm lying. But he let's it slides as he decides to stare ahead because I'm too drunk to give sensible answers. "You know, I wonder what does the voice inside my head sounds like." I say randomly, sluttering a bit. "Alright, it's time to go home. You're drunk out of your mind and you have to go to your friend's baby shower tomorrow." Max grips my hand tightly and starts to drag me with him as I try my best to match his pace without falling flat on my face. "Hey hey, slow down a bit, it looks like she's about to fall any minute now." It's him. Finally away from that girlfriend of his. I slowly look up to meet his eyes. "Woah you're drunk." His voice is raspier than usual and I can't think of any response. "Exactly. And that's why I'm taking her home so see you later dude." Befor Max can start dragging me again Harry interrupts him. "All your friends will miss you, go hang out with them instead. I can drop her, I'm heading out anyways." I can see a hopeful glint in his eyes as we both wait for Max's response. "Okay sure yeah thanks. Bye you guys, drive slowly it's dark." I flash Max a sloppy smile as he hugs me tightly. "Bye" I weakly mumble as I see his tall figure walk away from us. "So, shall we?" "We shall." His grin is as wide as mine and I feel the warmth in my belly yet again.

He opens the door for me and I can't look him in the eyes. It's like a spell he has on me. We sit in silence as he starts the car. The air causes my hair to lightly tickle my face as I decide to glance outside the window and the view is mesmerising. It's kind of hard to believe that I have been visiting this beach since I was 8. An unforgettable incident is linked with this place. I was 11 or 12 when I went to a camp for the first time. Harry was there. And just like any cliché we played games and laughed our hearts out until that one game every teen loves to play came up. Spin the bottle. I can't help but smile silly at the memory. Whenever anyone touched the bottle and gave it a spin, my heart would race so fast because Harry sat opposite to me and how badly I wanted the bottle to land between me and him. Unfortunately I didn't get to kiss him that night. But my favourite part was when we were on our way back and he kept teasing me as a joke about how bad I wanted the bottle to point at him and me. Little did he know, I truly did want it to. He has always had a way with his words and it makes me go feral. Another day that I'll never forget is my 16th birthday, the year he had already turned 17. It wasn't my best birthday because I found out my friend was just using me and my boyfriend dated me to just get back to her ex. Yeah not the best birthday at all. But there was something, more like someone, that didn't make it the worse one either. Harry. He stayed up all night with me, sang me songs, even baked me a cake. There is a reason why I'm 21 today and still in love with him. And there is a reason why it stings to see him happy with a girl that is not me. Someone prettier than me, skinnier than me. The amount of tears I have shed to be her are unmeasurable. Her waist- the abrupt stopping of the car breaks my thought cycle. I'm not getting wasted again. "Are you okay?" he askes softly looking at me. I nod gathering up my stuff and keys. "I'll help you get in come on peach." There. That stupid, lovely, idiotic nickname. It goes way back. I was 9 and it was his 10th birthday. I wore a short, shiny peach colour dress. One look and it was his favourite. According to him, that colour represents my aura and that's why he wanted to call me peach. "Sit there, I'll bring you some water." I stare at him as he walks around my small kitchen. "Movie night?" I ask him. "No not tonight y/n, you need to wake up early remember?" "Yeah" I sigh disappointed. Every Friday we have our movie night tradition and it's my favourite part of the week without any doubt. "Where is Cataline?" "She headed back home because her brother came home a day before he was supposed and he wanted her help." I hum in response. "There, drink it and you need to head to bed. Big day tomorrow." He has a killer smile. And those soft dimples are priceless. "I don't want to go Harry. We are all supposed to bring dates and I don't have any. It's just embarrassing." "Why didn't you ask me? You know I'm always down to hang out with you." He's right. No matter what, he's always happy to assist me to these events. "You're kidding me right? Cataline won't be more than 'happy'. She already hates me enough." I say putting an emphasis on happy. She hates me with all her guts and it's true. "No she does not hate you. And you're my bestfriend so she really doesn't have much say in whether I should hang out with you or not. Plus she's going to be busy for like a week anyway." I squint my eyes at him as I try not to fall asleep right there. "Kay, well can we talk about this later? I'm like extremely sleepy and wasted and tired and bored and-" "Okay okay got it." He chuckles. His laugh is so cute. I stand up from the couch as he follows me to the door. "See ya tomorrow yeah?" I nod enthusiastically as I move forward to hug him. "I'll text you if I want you to go with me H." "Sure thing. G'nite now peach." I'm smiling ear to ear as he walks away. He owns the right to decide my mood.

~~~~~~~~~

H-Pick you up in 30?

I look at the two dresses in front of me, puzzled and doubtful, are these even appropriate? It's an extremely fancy event for a baby shower not gonna lie, but then again. My friend was born rich. Private jets, housemaids kind of rich. So yes there is a need to meet the standards. But both the dresses are my favourite and it's hard to choose. I pick my phone up as I decide whether I should ask Harry to tag along or not. I settle with yes and I don't hesitate to message him and also send the pictures of the dresses laid out in front of me. One is totally white and one is a shade of red. I wait for his response as I start straightening my hair. Having curly hair isn't the luckiest thing at all in my opinion. The hair is always frizzy and there are just not enough hairstyles that look good. As the time passes, I hear my phone ping and I don't waste a second to grab it. It's him.

Y/N-Yes! Thanks

H-Also. I like both of them ofc but if you will put the red one, we will be matching peach;)

I leave his last message on read. Should I wear red? Maybe I should. The idea of matching outfits with him makes me giddy in the inside. I open up my drawer and start rummaging around in search of some earrings. In no time as I start doing some final touches and apply my gloss, I hear a faint knock. It's time. I open the door and he's standing there, looking as pretty as always. I realise I'm checking him out and I glance at his face just to realise he's doing the same. Our eyes meet and he shows off his famous smirk. "You wore red." He whispers. "I did. And we should leave too or else we will be a late. You know I'm not a big fan of it." He nods in response. I put on my heels and step outside. As I turn around to lock my door. He hugs me from behind and I stiff up. His arms wrap around my stomach and I can feel his hard chest at the back of my head. My breath gets hitched as he whispers something in my ear and his soft lips gaze my left cheek. I think he said I looked pretty. When he steps back I release the breath I didn't know I was holding. I'm one second away from melting in my shoes. How the heck am I supposed to reply to that when I turn around. I can't meet his eyes as I say mutter a "you too" while walking towards the car. This is going to be long drive.

~~~~~

"Why are you nervous peach?" His voice fills my ear as soon as the group of 'first time mommys' walk away. "What else do you expect?" I grab my drink. "They all kept babbling about baby stuff. Like seriously? Come on ladies stop being so heartless." I snicker. "You really didn't want to come then huh?" "No it's just. Ugh. This friend group of mine is a bit older than me so we have like nothing in common. It's hard to make conversations without feeling I lack common sense." I look at him and his eyes are furrowed as he is staring at his phone. "What happened H, you okay?" I wait for his response. "Apparently Cataline's brother went to hang out in a bar so now she wants me to come over. I just told her I'm with you and I can't leave so she's again making me choose." I look at his phone, speechless. When it strikes me I ask him "What do you mean again?" He sighs. His face tells he didn't want to say that. "Nothing it's just. Last night I left because she made me choose. I'm so sorry I lied she just really needed me and-" "And I didn't?" I interrupt him. "We do movie nights every week why are you being like that?" I scoff at his response. He has to be kidding. "Really? It's the ONLY night we spend together. She always has you Harry. Always. Not once I asked you to leave your date and come to me because I got fired. Yes, before you ask I got fired and I needed nothing more than a friend but I knew you had a date and I didn't want to make you choose. But I guess even if I had mentioned you would have chosen her." I inhale a shaky breathe as I try to stop the tears from flowing. "From meeting daily we went to meeting once in a week because of her and I never told you how hurt I was. And now she is taking away that too and you are letting her? I can't do this," I start to walk away but he follows me "I can't do this anymore. Go to her she NEEDS you again, I don't mind passing this time alone." "But Y/N I-" "Harry stop. I don't really care. Just leave." This time again I can't look at his face but the reason is different. He's not my favourite person right now and I'm deeply hurt. So there's barely a chance that I'll look at his face and not burst into tears. "Let me call you an uber atleast. You dont have to stay here." "I want to. I'll get a ride. Stop worrying Harry bye." He doesn't move. He just stands there staring at me hoping I will look at him and say "it's fine I don't mind" like I always do. This time he doesn't get that satisfaction. He sighs in disappointment. I watch him walk away and that's when my tears flow uncontrollably. I hate this. I should have known. I should have known that he will never love me the way I love him. I drink the rest of the wine in one go. It's impossible to have only good memories but the thing is, lately nothing had triggered them to pop back in my mind until now. The bitter feeling in my chest increases at the thought of them. I walk out of the ceremony without bidding goodbyes because if anyone saw my face they would know I cried. I walk outside mindlessly and an empty cafe caches my eye. I start to make my way towards it. It's better than crying openly on a lonely road.

The jingling sound is calming as I push the wooden door open. I order a coffee and take a seat in the corner. It hits me again and my vision gets blurry again. It's the saddest memory of him. It was buried deep inside somewhere but his walking away brought it back. It was his 15th birthday and he said he didn't want to do anything special so me being me, I setup a game, hot bath tub and made a cake. I was so excited to tell him how I felt and spend the night with him but alas. Only if things always went as planned. I called him, gushing about how I made a cake for him and had some plans. But guess he had plans of his own. He didn't even give me his undivided attention like I did. He was too busy giggling with someone in the background. When he excused himself finally, to listen to what I had to say, my throat was tight, I was sobbing and I felt useless. I dismissed him by saying it's nothing and my mum was calling. I wallowed in self-pity because he was spending his time with his crush while I cried till one in the morning thinking about mine. I cleaned it all up eventually and went to bed. Next morning when I sat in my backyard, doing my hair, he appeared out of nowhere, smiling ear to ear. He sat opposite to me and went on and on about how amazing his birthday was and how he spent the night with her. They even kissed. That day I realised two things. First, I'm extremely good at face expressions and I could try out for dramatics. And second, well he's pretty. He deserves pretty girls with pretty bodies and unrealistic faces. Not someone like me. After our time in the backyard, I ran back inside and I cried looking at my reflection. I started starving myself and it was going just fine for 4 days until my dad noticed that something was wrong. I won't talk to him so he went to Harry and told him about how I never came down for dinner or breakfast with the excuse that I already ate. That's why when I was forcing myself to work out, he knocked at my door out of the blue. I barely saw him for 4 days because when I had time, he was busy with her and when he was free, I wasn't there. I stared at him, surprised and confused, because he held a plate full of everything in front of me. He told me only once to eat and that too in a stern voice. I was at loss of words. I had no choice other than to listen to him. I painfully ate it and not once he moved his eyes away from my face. It was too hard to focus but I was my stubborn self too and I didn't say a word. It was no surprise, neither to me nor to him that I finished the whole plate. I had barely eaten for 4 days. As I swallowed my last bite, he stood up and his eyes showed an emotion I couldn't read but I very clearly heard his words. "You hurt me y/n." I understood him with no doubt and it hit hard. He went on and on about how I'm not supposed to change myself for anyone else. If they didn't accept me as I'm they didn't deserve me. He even begged me to tell him the name of the person that made me do all this. Everything inside me wanted to tell him to shut up and it was him but I didn't. I didn't utter a single word. At last he just stood up, kissed my forehead and whispered me the words I never forgot. "You are enough to me. And you deserve everything good in this world." He left and I just stared at the wall in front of me for who knows how long. He- "Here's your coffee ma'am," I look up "anything else you would like?" "No thank you." I give him a half forced smile and I pick my phone up to book myself an uber.

~~~

As I open the door to my house, I look for Hazel's number in a hurry. I sigh in relief as I hear it ring. As soon as it answers I don't give a second for her to answer. "He is so bad Hazel." I start to sob. "He left me AGAIN for her. Why do I never let the hope die. He will never want me. I have been in love with him since forever but he's too blind. Why?" I cry. I cry ugly. "You should kick his ass," I sniffle "and punch him like you say. You are so right. He doesn't deserve me. And this is also your saying, mixed signals means red flags. He's a walking red flag then. First he will make me-" hiccup "first he will make me flushed, grabbing me softly and then. Then the next minute he will just walk away. Remind me again why have I loved him since I was 7" All the time while I keep ranting I get only hear random shuffling and background noises because she knows better. I'm not a fan of being interrupted when I'm talking about him. I talk to her for what feels like hours and I start to feel so much better. "He even" I yelp as I hear my front door open. "Who's there!" I shout in terror. "Hazel I think someone just entered my house." I whisper to her as I walk sneakily towards the entrance. "I hear shuffling oh my- ahhh" I feel someone pull me towards him and in that very second I feel like it's my last moment when I'm alive, breathing, but instead of a knife or a gun I just feel feather like lips on mine and I drop my phone. My eyes are wide as I let him kiss me harshly, holding my body close to his. It's Harry. Only he smells like this. I slowly start copying his moves and he pulls away grabbing my face. "My idiot peach. You called Harry not Hazel. It's not surprising to hear that I'm a dick and that she wants to hit me. But it's extremely surprising to know that you have loved me forever." I look at him embarrassed and regretting the past fifteen minutes. I want to hide in a cave. "I have loved you since I was six y/n. Just six. But I thought you never loved me." His eyes are full of life and need as he is speaking the words which are extremely hard to comprehend. "The amount of time we wasted. Every single time I looked at you, I wanted nothing less than your lips on mine. Only if I had known."

I.

Love.

You.

I hope you liked it!

He says every word breathlessly between the kisses. "I'm so sorry my love. I'm so sorry. You were right, I broke up with her as soon as I reached home. I will never choose anyone over you peach, anyone." I tightly wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. I kiss him hard yet soft, I kiss him harsh yet slow. "My toes hurt. You are really tall." He chuckles. I squeal as he pushes me on my couch and climbs over me. "You are my cute little peach. Come to a date with me and let me make up for all the time lost." He mutters as he kisses all over my face. "Okay okay, I love you." "Me more. I was six when I fell for you." He smiles sheepishly I shove his chest lightly but he doesn't budge. He just lays beside me there, holds me tightly as I babble about all the moments I fell for him harder.

>>>>><<<<<<<

rebogs comments and likes are appreciated!

[n1k1tty]

kiss me ! part 2

“hawaii!” niki yells, throwing as fist in the air as he enters the van “riki, it’s 3am in the morning, please shut up” jay retorts, going back to sleep as he leans on the window

as if it was almost planned, you and jake sat beside each other at the furthest seat. it was complicated, you didn’t know if you were comfortable or not, you felt tense, afraid of jake’s teasing if you touch him even the slightest. yet you also didn’t want to leave your seat.

you let out a huff, trying to find a position where you could comfortably sleep in. you were spooked at the sudden hand that leans your head on their shoulders “you can sleep on my shoulders, it’s alright” jake chuckles, already drifting to sleep the second after he did that “thanks” you mumble, easing into his warmth.

you laugh a little at his aching figure “this is funny to you? after i’ve been so kind to let you sleep on my shoulder?” he pouts “i deserve a long massage during our flight” he jokes, continuing to carry your bags.

dumbfounded by the fact that you stayed with him, giving him a glance filled with guilt “y/n seriously, i’m fine. it’ll go away sooner or later” he reassures you, his heart exploding at the sight of you with glimmering eyes, feeling the guilt you expressed them with.

“what do you wanna eat for breakfast?” you mumble, taking the luggage cart from his grasp. he laughs at your attempt to make him feel better “sorry? didnt quite hear that well” he teases, making you give him a glare, almost forgetting that he was ‘injured’ you raise your hand to almost give him a punch “good thing you’re hurting or i would’ve punched your ass back to australia” you roll your eyes “you heard what i said!” eyebrows frowning as you look away “alright alright, i’m fine with coffee really—” he lets out a breathy chuckle, dragging his feet as he follows you around “—nonsense! breakfast is important. don’t give me that type of bullshit sim” you cut him off, stopping by a little restaurant as you tell the other members to go ahead “im getting you pancakes. better finish it or you’re not living to see another day”

he laughs “this is quite a unique way to care for someone don’t you think” you roll your eyes "eat the damn pancakes sim jaeyun"

"yas ma'am"

--

after everyone had met up, you all started finding your seats. you were bewildered, somehow, because now you found yourself wanting to switch seats with sunghoon for obvious reasons. but of course, you --again, didn't have the guts to do so.

a few hours into the flight and a few glances from jake here and there, you received a message

jake :):

hey pretty girl, do me a favour and go to the washroom behind you

you:

and why exactly?

jake :):

no questions asked. i just miss you ;)

you swore you wanted to jump off the plane. pretty girl?! he misses me?!. you feel the heat creeping up in your face as you asked jungwon "hey, could you get up of a sec. i gotta go to the washroom" you whisper, mumbling a small 'thank you' before you walked to the washroom.

you felt a hand pull you "hey" he giggles, arms wrapped around your waist "you scared me! i thought i was getting abducted" you slap his shoulder. although you would be lying if you said you didn't want to just grab him and kiss him right at this moment.

he looked so good with his button up shirt, showing off his collar bones, neck wearing the beaded necklace you made for him during the summer and your birthstone necklace. his hair was messy, and you couldn't deny how hot he looked with his glasses on.

"you should consider buttoning up" you hesitantly say, looking anywhere but his eyes. of course he catches on to your intentions, but he felt like pissing you off "why? i'm showing off your necklace" he giggles "i even bought your birthstone" he grabs the necklace with his thumb, making you roll your eyes as you cross your arms, making sim jaeyun giggle.

he places his hand under your chin, finally letting you looking at him "switch seats with sunghoon please. i don't think i like the sight of you sleeping on jungwon's shoulders" now it was your time to piss him off.

"why?" you pout, "his shoulders are so comfortable, and we don't want your shoulders aching again now do we?" you give him a slight smile, well it wasn't like you weren't planning to switch with sunghoon way before the flight even started anyway.

jake rolls his eyes "that leaves you no choice--"

"can y'all hurry up? i'll switch with you y/n gosh! just let me pee!" sunghoon bangs on the door, making jake laugh "well that was easy"

--

oh how you regret changing seats.

because now you get to fully witness the flight attendants obviously flirting with him.

"good morning sir" she annoyingly giggles, biting her lip as she leans in way too close. jake leans back, letting out a small laugh out of politeness "hi, yeah i'd like..." he orders his food while you glare at the girl who's been displeasingly close to him "what can i get for you ma'am?"

"oh my girlfriend would like the same thing" jake interrupts, giving you a sly wink after placing his hand on top of yours. you let out a small scoff after seeing the disappointed look on the girl as she hands you the food. your skips a beat. girlfriend? you thought

now he was starting to piss you off. he was doing everything but ask you out. and with every ounce of pride you had in your soul, you hated to admit that you were starting to get really impatient. were you not obvious about your feelings? was the handmade necklace and the concern you have for him not obvious enough?

"ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hawaii" the pilot announces, after you got your hand carry, you didn't even bother waiting for jake. immediately walking out of the plane, causing him to tilt his head out of confusion.

he didn't get a chance to talk to you, i mean, how could he when you would immediately start walking away from him whenever he tried to walk towards you.

as you sat beside jay in the tour bus, he gives you a weird look "why are you here" you give him a lost look "can i not...?" that's when he knew something happened between you and jake "y/n if this is because of jake--" you place your hand on his mouth, leaning way too close. but luck wasn't on your side today, because jake saw.

"shut up please! and yes! it is about him. so please spare me and let me sit here for the meantime" jay chuckles, "jake's going to kill me for this" he mumbles, leaning back to the chair "what?"

"nothing" he gives you a grin

--

after you guys arrived to jay's beach house you immediately grab your bag before jake could help you

"alright riki and sunoo are sharing a room, jungwon and heeseung are sharing, and...." jay looks at you, sunghoon and jake, not knowing what to do "you three figure it out. i'm just letting you know one gets to have their own room" jay starts to head to his own room, shrugging his shoulders as he walks past you with widened eyes.

"we already know what's about to happen. i'm getting my own room-"

"no!" you yell

"yes!" jake yells in unison,

"well......" sunghoon stood there, waiting for the both of you to talk "well, i just think i should get the room since you know-- i'm a girl and-- you and jake are best friends so you should be roommates" you explain, giving sunghoon an awkward smile "yeah sure whatever- ow!" jake hits sunghoon in the arm "you idiot! take the goddamn room!" jake grits through his teeth "you know what y/n! i change my mind. i uh, i think im going to take the room"

"why?!" you whisper with a harsh tone. poor sunghoon "IM GOING TO JERK OFF OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW" he yells, although he regrets it after the maids give him a weird look "ayo what?" heeseung peaks through the door "nothing! i didn't mean that. just --ugh! i'm heading out" he grabs his luggage, stomping through the hallways as he walks to the room. leaving you with jake.

--

you were about to have a mental breakdown "jay! you're seriously not helping me at all!" you give him a shove "ow! you need to control your strength sometimes! and i'm sorry okay? i just panicked, and i think you and jake being roommates wouldn't be a mistake. it's better to fix your problems instead of just sweeping it under the rug. you can't avoid him forever y/n" he was right. and you knew that. but you couldn't bring yourself to tell jake what was bothering you. even the thought of it was embarrassing, because what if he wasn't even intending to date you at all?

you walk back to the room, hesitating whether you should open it or not. but after hearing no noise, you open the door "AH OH MY GOD SORRY--" there you saw a shirtless jake, hair wet and his glasses having a few drops of water from his hair. he grabs your hand before you could walk out again "y/n, please talk to me" he places his hands on both sides of your shoulders "did i do something wrong? whatever it is, i'm really sorry" he panics, slightly pouting at the silent treatment you gave him "jake i-"

"dinners ready!" riki barges in, freezing at the sight of you two "oh- hey! riki, let's go!" you grab his arm, walking towards the dining room "please don't mention it" you whisper, sitting in between riki and jay.

jake later follows, now in his grey shirt and the checkered pajamas he wore earlier, he gives you a small smile before sitting next to heeseung.

"so, sunghoon. did you have fun?" heeseung teases

"shut up!"

--

"this wasn't going as planned anymore!" jake groans, he was currently in jay's room, ranting his frustrations out while jay listened. when jake had heard about the trip to hawaii, he originally planned to confess when you guys went to the party, it's not like the party had already happened, but it was already tomorrow "i already apologized, yet she still wouldn't speak"

"do you even know why she's mad?" jay asked, leaning on the bad with his arms as he watched jake pacing around his room "...no?"

"jake sim you idiot"

it was 1 am in the morning and you finally finished playing games with riki and heeseung. you were hesitating to open the door once again. afraid of letting the incident happen once more. you knock lightly, hoping that he was there and you could finally make up

but before you could open the door, jake already opened it. immediately embracing you "please talk to me" he whispers gently in your ear. you couldn't help but burst out crying, causing him to panic, he caresses your hair "let's go for a walk yeah?" he grabs your wrist, his touch so gentle as if you were fragile.

he wipes your tears as you walk along the shore "i missed you. you know?" he holds your hand as you both drag your feet along the sand. you hit him on his shoulder "ow!"

"that's what you get!" you sniffle, looking at the reflection of the moon on the sea "what did i do?" he chuckles, searching for your eyes. he tilts his head when you don't respond "hello?"

"cause! you always flirt with me, calling me your girlfriend and hugging me! i hate it! i hate it because my heart always skips a beat every time and i always expect you to ask me out soon yet you never do!" you yell, your skin was glowing under the moonlight. jake was in awe the moment he saw your glistening eyes that had tears threatening to fall.

he had the sudden urge to kiss you and tell you how he felt.

and he did. because jake was a man who never doubted his feelings when it came to you.

he pulls you by the waist, causing you to let out a yelp. his lips touches yours, and it stayed like that for a while, to make up for the moments he wasted without you this whole vacation. you wrap your hands around his neck, playing with his hair

"can i be your boyfriend?" he cheekily says, his smile making you smile as well "suck my ass. sim jaeyun. yes, i'd love for you to be my boyfriend"

"i'd gladly suck your a--"

"sim jaeyun!"

--

[bonus bcs i haven't posted in a while]

it was the morning of the party, you were in jake's arms "finally you're awake! good morning!" he excitedly says, peppering you with kisses "the guys are in the pool so get changed" he informs you, smacking your ass as soon as you got up "getting too comfortable for our first day aren't we?" you tilt your head, giving him a smirk "can't help it" he send a wink your way.

as soon as you got out in your swimsuit, jake's mouth drops "do a little turn for me" he smirks, twirling you around as he hypes you up "holy shit! i'm so lucky aren't i" he checks you out, earning a smack from you "ow! alright but i'm not letting them check you out like that! wear my shirt"

(he didn't let you go from the jacuzzi after heeseung hyped you up lol)

--

[party]

you told jake to go ahead, wanting to surprise him with the dress you bought.

after arriving to the party jake almost dropped the drink he had in his hand after he saw you. he was smiling so hard when the little girl put a Lei (flower neck lace) on you. he felt so proud when the other men at the party look at you giving him a hug

"that's right, she's mine" he thought

after you walked to wards him he grabs you by the waist "you look so pretty in red" he says, hugging you tightly "is that so?" you ask, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips, making him all giddy

--

part 1

taglist: @zylenes @hwalllllllelujah @theskzvibe

HI GUYS :D. i will be posting the visuals for this fic so pls wait :)

[sagendipity]

reminder i'm sage i used to be notplanningshit until i accidentally deleted my blog so now im reposting my works!

info: quackity x reader, gn!reader, hurt/comfort, no warnings

on frizzy hair and the pursuit of perfection

Intellectually, in the rational side of your brain, you know that what you’re feeling is stupid.

You see the Instagram posts talking about the importance of self-affirmation and mental health. You see the tweets saying that people are more than their family’s perception of them. You realize that having a condescending and judgmental family is almost a right of passage for your generation.

These are all things you know, intellectually. But knowing something intellectually does jack shit for actually convincing your heart of whatever you know. You can yell at yourself all you want, but it’s clearly not your rational brain making you tear up at yet another text from your dad that was along the lines of “cool, could be better, though.”

You just want someone, just once, to celebrate an achievement with you. You want to be excited to share something with someone, without fear of them scoffing in the face of your pride and excitement. In your family- hell, in the world, certainly- someone has always done better, and you’re damn sure to be reminded of such.

It’s been years of this same behavior, ever since you can remember. It’s not just your dad, either, it’s your whole family- aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins. The whole town you grew up in had this haughty, arrogant air about it, where everyone was constantly competing, even if there was no reason for it. Take the hardest classes, get the least sleep, get the biggest scholarship. Even your friends would flex their better test scores at you, and refuse to help you with the homework, in case you somehow got a better score on a test than them. You know it’s how they were raised, they’re just a product of their environment and don’t know how bad it hurts, but it still stung then, and probably always will. You’re still in contact with a few of them, and it’s just more of the same whenever you exchange a handful of quick texts every couple months.

You know you should stop giving information about your achievements to them, but when your dad texts and asks how you are, there’s not much you can reply with other than “good, got a promotion at work!” From there, it’s a slippery slope of him asking what new benefits you got, and then the judgmental few moments where the gray dots disappear and reappear while he tries to compose his thoughts about your inadequacy in the least-abrasive way a middle-aged man can. That is to say, not un-abrasively at all. In fact, his words are often delivered with the finesse of low-grit sandpaper on soft wood.

Well, could be more. Work harder and maybe you’ll get an increase next month. I got a lot of bonuses at work when I was your age. All you have to do is take the bad shifts and get some good customer reviews. You’ll get there.

You stare at the fresh new message on your phone screen before clicking it off with a bone-deep sigh, your eyes betraying your rational side by, again, tearing up. You shove the heels of your hands into your eyes and rub until the tears are forced away and you see spots.

That’s how Alex finds you, sat on the foot of your shared bed with your hands rubbing fiercely at your eyes. He’s probably just come to grab a hoodie- the setting sun brings with it a cool breeze that washes through your open windows and cools the house from the warmth it’d gathered from the day’s sun.

“You good?” He asks, opening his closet door and pulling out a hoodie. He wrestles it on over his head as he waits for your response- when he pushes his head out the other end, hair mussed and static-y, you still haven’t answered. “Baby?”

He comes and sits down next to you. Your eyes, red-rimmed but still dry, track his movements before flicking to catalog every tuft of disheveled hair protruding from his head. With a superficial smile, you reach up to smooth his long, black locks back and down into place. It doesn’t matter; he’s going to slip on a beanie sooner or later, but for now, you distract yourself by combing gentle fingers through the soft strands.

“Not that I don’t appreciate this,” Alex murmurs, brown eyes searching your face for an answer to what has you upset. “But what’s wrong?”

“Just my dad,” you whisper, not trusting your voice not to crack. You avoid his gaze, keeping your eyes fixed stubbornly on his hair as you finish your work. “There. You looked like a hedgehog.”

He huffs a little laugh, but scoots closer to you and grabs a hand out of your lap- you’d curled your hands into tight fists, your nails digging little red crescents into your palm. He uncurls the hand he’s holding and reaches for the other, but you save him the work by instead grabbing onto your own thigh tightly, redirecting the frustration. He rubs small circles into the aching skin of your other palm while he waits for you to gather yourself and explain, now that the ice has been broken on the topic.

“He always acts like whatever I do is just not quite good enough for him. They all do- him, my mom, even my fucking friends.” You rub your free hand down your face, trying to alleviate some tension. It does not work. “I don’t know why I’m still upset. They’ve been doing it forever.”

“That’s probably why you’re still upset. You hope they’d grown up enough to stop doing that.” Alex presses his thumb into the center of your palm. It grounds you, and you swallow around the lump in your throat.

“It’s not even a matter of immaturity- it’s not as simple as a pissing contest. It’s just who they are. They don’t think perfection exists, but they want me to achieve it anyways.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. That sounds exhausting.”

He sounds so sincere, so genuine, like the idea of you being treated this way is deeply upsetting to him. You’d never really… experienced that. Someone recognizing your struggle, and admitting that it must fucking suck is something you’d never been graced with.

His brow is furrowed in a display of concern, eyes gentle and searching. He’s not lying, he means what he said, and he’s not going to follow it up with a “but-,”.

Eyes beginning to sting again, you lean forward until you’re resting your forehead on his shoulder. The soft fabric of his hoodie immediately calms you, along with the warmth you can feel emanating from him. It makes sense, after all, that the personification of pure sunshine would have such warmth about them.

Alex scoots forward, gathering you more closely in his arms, his legs awkwardly folded so that you can sit right in front of him. His hands come up to hold you, one fisting in the fabric of your sweatshirt, and the other resting on the back of your neck, gentle, but firm. You let out a shuddering breath, squeezing your eyes shut tightly. Not going to cry.

“I got a promotion at work,” you mutter, taking a long, deep breath. You brace yourself, waiting for a dismissive response. “That’s what set my dad off- I got- he-.”

Your voice cracks, and you trail off with a small sigh, clutching at Alex’s hoodie even tighter. It’s thick and soft under your fingers, and you knead at it like a cat.

“A promotion?! Baby, that’s amazing!” Alex pulls back just enough to take a glance at you, his own expression steeling from excitement back to sadness as he sees that you are still fighting back tears. “Sweetheart, I think you’re the only person to ever cry after getting a promotion.”

A little laugh escapes your chest, huffy and wet, but still a laugh. Alex’s lips curl into a smile as he reaches up to smooth back some of your stray hairs, like you’d done for him a moment or two ago. You smile, reaching up to intercept his hand, and lace the two of you’s fingers together.

He squeezes your hand where it’s resting in his grip, looking at your linked fingers briefly. “Also, your family is wrong.”

“About what specifically?” You huff, wiping at your eyes for hopefully the final time.

“About perfection not existing. It does, and I know exactly what it looks like.” Despite the serious words, Alex is fighting back a smile. You narrow your eyes at him, already anticipating the next thing he’s going to say. “It looks like you, dumbass.”

You groan, feeling a hot blush rise to your cheeks immediately. You tip forward to bury yourself in Alex’s neck, this time hiding your flustered face and stupidly happy grin.

“I can feel your smile against my neck, you know.”

“Oh, fuck off-.”

With the hand that’s on the back of your neck, Alex coaxes you out of hiding just to press a kiss to your forehead. “Really. I am proud of you. I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me about your achievements because of what your family has done to you.”

“Okay,” you whisper again, voice thick with emotion. “Thank you.”

He hums in response, tilting his head and looking at you with what can only be described as pure fondness in his eyes. Then, he leans down to meet you for a delicate kiss, and your eyes finally stop stinging.

[sailorhyunjinz]

What do you think first kiss with skz be like?

aAWH SOME FLUFF T-T OK BUT KEEP IN MIND- fluff is not my strongest pursuit hence why im not a fluff writer hahsah but HEY ITS CUTE!! and anon,,, im so sorry this took such time IM SO SO SORRY AAAAAAAAH- 

also this makes me wanna know my anons first kiss story, AAAH SPILL THEM 

warnings; none?? fluff,,, wow,, rare to say that LMAO- also gn!reader and also suggestiveee??

Bangchan

~gentleman~

will only kiss you if you are REALLY ready for it and if the two of you are dating

doesnt want to rush you into things (even if its just a kiss) because he doesnt know how comfortable you are and such

basically a sweetheart

i imagine its like a cute little date

 night where you guys are stargazing, lying on a blanket on a grassy hill with his arm as a pillow for your head

“chan, look! its a shooting star! make a wish” you giggle to which he smiles, looking at your pretty features that are lit up by the moonlight

“hmm,,, dear star, i wish that y/n would kiss me” he says, laughing directly after but soon being interupted as you attach your plushy lips against his

its probably the most romantic event in your life

him smiling into the kiss as your tongues danced around softly

when you pulled away you laughed, saying; “wishes do really come true, huh?”

poor baby is blushing, his ears red but thankfully for him its too dark for you to see

Minho

the “evil roommate that secretly has feelings for you”

“lee minho i swear im gonna rip your hair off if you touch my plants again”

minho got out of his room, looking at you standing in the living room and rearranging the plants on the windowsill 

“they are all scattered, it’s ugly” he says rudely

“dont call my children ugly” you spit back at him 

there was always a weird tension between you and minho. you were glad to have found a roommate that made a good friend eventhough he was a pain in the ass sometimes

minho liked you,,, and therefore he did everything the opposite of what he felt. if he wanted to compliment you on your outfit he would instead say that you looked “overdressed” or “too much” but you always rolled your eyes towards his snarky comments

you pecked your plants, giving them the love they needed and minho just stood frozen in the doorway, without thinking he spoke

“how come you never do that to me?”

silence

you sneered, placing down the plant you held and streched out your arms

“c’mere if you dare” you said jokingly, not expecting the boy you always thought was so devilish to run into your arms, lips touching and your eyes widening at the unexpected action

the two of you held each other, breathing shaky as wet tongues collided, the sun beaming upon your figures

“m-minho,,, it was a joke!” you laughed, slapping his arm playfully as you pulled away

“but to me it wasn’t” he remarked cockily, licking the inside of his cheek

Changbin

very much giving me like “we dont like each other but we have to work with each other”

like you two are co-workers, working in a boring office and you were assigned to put together this one report and,,, lets say Changbin wasnt your favorite in the office

there was nothing wrong with him,,, its just his vibe that was off putting but sigh,,, work is work

you started compiling information, sitting in a seperate room and drawing graphs on the whiteboard, projecting some other type of research onto the board

“do you think we will need to stay late?” he asks, ruffling his hair in frustration

you sigh and nod, this wasnt going to get done anytime soon.

dawn set on horizon and the others workers packed up their belonging one by one and left until there was only you and changbin left in the now quiet office

you sat next to him, yawning as you typed something as you felt him looking at you

you looked back with a questionable expression, confused when he uttered his words

“do you hate me, y/n?”

“i mean,,, you are a dick sometimes but i dont hate you, at least you do your work”

he shrugged his shoulders, loosening his necktie as he leaned back into the office chair

“a dick, huh? maybe i try to push you away so you wont catch the same feelings i have for you”

you snapped your head towards him. you couldnt lie, he was attractive and at this point you were desperate 

“kiss me then” you said simply causing the boy to immediately cup your cheeks, latching onto your lips as if he’d waited for this moment for forever

more tongue, wants you to feel him ;))

lets just say,,, he made it up to you

Hyunjin

i get this like,,, youthful vibe,,, like the two of you were childhood friends

and,,, eventually you catch feelings for him which you hate because,,, you dont want to ruin this friendship 

every time somebody mistook you for a couple the both of you would make retching noises, mocking each other

“you think my standards are that low?” hyunjin says pointing at you to which you raise your fist

“hwang hyunjin, you’re dead meat”

but,,, he was only in denial, it was his childhood friend afterall

probably happened at one of those night where your mom was working late and you invited hyunjin to keep you company, him bringing kkami as well. 

“dont fucking burn the pizza, hyunjin” you say, petting kkami until the little rascal ran away from your lap

“if you helped it wouldnt be burned” he replies as he comes out with two plates with the pizza burned on the edges

“but if they taste bad you can always taste my lips” he jokes and you look at him with a disgusted facial expression before laughing

“i bet they taste even worse then your mess of a pizza, i would like to see you try to even get me to peck you” you scoff and hyunjin rolls his eyes, sitting next to you on the sofa

“try it then” he taunts but is taken aback when you actually kiss him, your nose accidentally brushing against his as you purse your lips, hyunjin timidly using his tongue to test the waters

he wanted it so bad and he finally got it >:(( he could swear that he heard fireworks going off in his brain

a moment of silence appeared until hyunjin cockily uttered:

“so,,, did they taste better?”

Jisung

the “i met you at a party and made out with you drunk”

he stared at you the entire night, catching glances while you looked away and the music blared in the nightclub that was packed with people.

you ordered a drink at the bar, tapping your fingers on the oak surface where you rested your arms, suddenly somebody bumped into you

turning around you saw jisung and you sighed, thinking his behaviour was starting to get annoying

“oh its you again” you said loud for him to hear as he sat down next to you, having a annoying smirk plastered on his lips

“looks like you are having fun, let me guess,,, you’re trying to get over your ex” jisung says, leaning his elbow against the bar and you glared at him because it was true

you scoffed, avoiding his question and instead sipping on the sour drink you had in your hands, trying to forget everything

he was attractive which only pissed you off even more, as if you hadnt had enough pretentious assholes in your life

the glass slammed against the table as you put it down harshly, gazing into the boys dark brown eyes

“alright, deal. make me forget then since you think you know everything about me” you stated to which jisung raised his eyebrow

the palm of his hand was firmly placed on the bar as he leaned in to kiss you, feeling the bitter liquour hitting his tastebuds as your tongues crashed against each other

it felt,,, freeing. you swung your arms around his neck, wanting him closer to your body

by the way he was kissing you, you could tell that he was there for the same reason as you. a sloppy and heated kiss to fill your thoughts with something other than your ex

safe to say that the kiss progressed ;))))

Felix

aaah cutie boyfriend that is just too shy to even give you a kiss like 3 months into the relationship (OK DONT ATTACK ME NOW, TAKE YOUR TIME, NO RUSH YOU GUYS)

he is shy with pretty much everything, it was only recently he could hold your hand without his heart jumping out of his chest.

it was a simple date night! takeout and games at his place

you layed your head in his lap as you watched him finish up the game that you had given up on a long time ago

he shifted awkwardly in his seat, not used to being so close to such a pretty person before

“ah- fuck! i lost again,,,” he says in defeat, his head rolling backwards before a frustrated sigh escaped his lips

“you did well felix! look how far you got!” you say, pointing towards the score on the screen but not getting his attention. 

you sat up, looking at him for a moment as his eyelashes lightly draped over his closed eyes, cheeks speckled with freckles

you couldnt help yourself, he looked so angelic despite being defeated and so you leaned in, lacing your fingers with his and softly placing your lips against his

he opened his eyes in panic before being swallowed by the fluffy feeling of having your lips to himself, he giggled before stroking your cheek as he tilted his head, almost setting a rhythm to the sweet kiss

felix started laughing shyly, cheeks tinged with red as he hid his face with a pillow

“but you won my kiss!” you said through a smile causing felix to blush even more

Seungmin

its like,,, maybe,,, your third or fourth date??

this one is more chill than the previous ones that were at like some fancy restaurang because hello dandy puppy boy wants class

but this one was like a stroll down the night streets and eating ice cream in the middle of the summer

both of you were casually dressed, holding hands as butterflies bubbled in your stomach from the contact

his hand is all warm and it engulfs yours >:(

you look at all the pretty sights of the night, eventually climbing up to some like high point and looking down at all the lights that blinked

after a good 1 1/2 hours of walking your legs were starting to ache and so you both sat down on the swings of a desolate playground, swinging gently with your legs dangling

“i dont understand how you’re able to,,, even be friends with me,,, or whatever we are,,”

seungmin hummed, looking up into the night sky

“i promise y/n, i will be your,,, friend but,,,”

you looked at him as he said “but”, imagining the worst 

“i dont wanna be friends, i wanna be more than a friend to you”

his eyes twinkled as he stood up and stood infront of you, grabbing your hand

you slowly looked up at him, his figure standing in the way of the moon as the two of you shared a long gaze, his eyes as sweet as honey, dripping with pure adoration

you pulled him closer by the hand and slowly he inched to your lips, the distance between you minimizing as his face tilted to the right, a delicate and sugary kiss landing on your tastebuds from the ice cream from earlier.

your heart skipped a beat, the slightest sound of lips smacking

“i think i love you y/n” he whispered close to your lips after pulling away. 

Jeongin

like,,, uni buddies! 

both being med students meant late study night, usually in school 

there’s papers and diagrams laid out all over the tables and floors along with a bunch of energy drink cans, some scribbles on the whiteboard 

the two of you were friends and met in uni and everyone had always nagged at you for not going after him since he was everything someone ever wanted

you always said that you were friends and that you couldnt imagine being in a relationship with jeongin

but studying with him alone into the deep night felt different, many times you couldnt concentrate when he looked so cute sitting right beside you

being close friends, there was nothing weird about hugging or leaning against each other and so you leaned against his shoulder and yawned as the cozy boy was rewriting some notes. 

“one hour left y/n and then- then we can go hoooome!”

you giggled as you looked at him and he diverted his attention from his papers to you, his lips only mere inches from yours

you didnt know what the fuck you were doing and neither did jeongin, it was late and the both of you were tired from studying for finals

and so your lips drew closer until they clashed, feeling a tension that you’ve never felt with him before

he’s definitely a shy,,, kisser?? not too much tongue since he doesnt know how LMAO so its like soft >:((

didnt know what to do when he pulled away, looking around the room or covering his blushing face with his hands but when you hug him he hugs you back

maybe even coming to terms that he does have feeling for you,,, and so do you~ 

[scarletwidowaf]

broadway, baby. (part 1)

Florence pugh x female Reader

Summery: reader is a singing waitress in a new York restaurant (like in glee) where many famous people go to, and one night the little women cast are are there and R is their waitress.

Warnings: there's some cursing and harassment. Its not revolve around it but its there.

A\N: im soft for florence pugh and this is a complete shit.

masterlist

Credits: Glee Gif Credit • Florence Gifs Credit

“I'm just a Broadway Baby, walking off my tired feet, Pounding Forty Second Street to be in a show. Broadway Baby, learning how to sing and dance, waiting for that one big chance to be in a show.” - Cast of follies

Life can be hard and some days can be rough, especially in your line of work where people competed for the spotlight on a daily basis. but that's life and that’s the road you chose to walk through.  And it's alright, after all, what's life without a spark? A movie without a breaking point? or a shift at Clayton's without drama?

This was one of these days, the kind of days who kept you on an edge as your body and mind both ached for a break.

'Just roll with it. just a few hours for your day off.' You silently said to yourself.

Being a young artist in New York was a challenge you’ve taken on yourself, luckily for you working at "Clayton's" was a good way to start a career.  most people who started working there were young talented artist who were determined to make an impression over the industry. The place was always packed with many famous people, from actors to singers and producers. So, in many ways, working in "Clayton's" could be a ticket to Broadway or the music industry. And that was the reason you moved there in the first place.

You tried the traditional way, but after months of trying to get into college and fix your past mistakes, like your high school career, you decided that this path wasn’t for you. no matter what you did or how hard you tried your ADHD still managed to kick your ass. So, that’s how you ended up as a singing waitress in NY. You liked your job, truly. You liked singing and dancing and meeting cool people along the way, but sometimes it was just too much.

"You look like shit" Aaron said from his spot at the bar.

Aaron was a sweet guy and probably the only straight person in your group of friends. He was charming and talented and most importantly; he was the first friend you got in NY.

Aaron pulled his long brown hair into a bun as he chuckled at you. You huffed in frustration in return.

"Thanks" you muttered as he passes you a mug with coffee, hoping to help you get a grip before the restaurant opens.

"You need to rest" he said. "properly" 

"that’s overrated" you joked and took a sip.

You felt an hand on your shoulder and you turned around to meet your friend's stern gaze. "You, okay?" she asked

"Always" you answered Mackenzie's question and she raised her eyebrow, knowing full well you were lying. 

"we should sing as a warm up!" David, another one of your coworkers and Aaron's twin brother said.

"Let's not" Aaron said as he rolled his eyes at his brother's enthusiasm. 

You laughed quietly as the two started bickering. Mack and you glanced at each other knowingly. Both of you already know who will win in the stupid argument.

15 minutes later, after a group warm up and Aaron's dramatic sighs 'Clayton's' was open for business.

It was a nice evening, not too full, not too loud. And most importantly, not too many known faces.

Of course, you liked to have famous people on your shifts, and it could obviously be a game changer for you but it can get intense at times and you want in the mood. Seriously, how can you be the only one who found singing "defying gravity' in font of Idina Menzel as a very stressful experience?? You were terrified by the idea you'll fuck up in front of the original singer- and make a total fool out of yourself. 

When 10 pm rolled around, every opinion you had about the evening flew out the window. at this point, the restaurant was full with costumers and some known faces as well, and you found yourself holding every inch of you together as you approach the table who was occupied by the one and only Meryl Streep, and some fellow little women cast members.  

 *rule number 1 of working at Clayton's: don't make costumers feel uncomfortable. Don't annoy the costumers, don't ask for autographs if they're famous and generally treat them as normal and respectfully as you can. *

 "Hello, my name is Y/N and ill be your waitress for tonight" you introduced yourself with a small smile. The women smiled at you brightly.

"How does it work" Meryl held the tablet with a puzzled expression. "Am I that old?" She joked

"Barley" One of the other women, Emma fucking Watson, said. 

"I know it looks complicated-" you told them as you took the tablet from Meryl's hand."-But it's pretty simple, actually, I promise. As you can see the top part of the tablet is divided into two sections: The right one who says 'ask for a waiter'- which means that your waiter- which in this case, me, is busy- probably performing at the moment, and you can ask for a different waiter." You said with an ease, knowing the explanation by heart.

"The left section says 'ask for my waiter' which is a pretty simple one to understand... I guess- if you'll need me for whatever reason, you can press it and it'll page me. Feel free to use it."  You said with a smile as you scanned their faces, making sure they understand the first part.

"And the bottom section?" Saoirse asked. 

"The bottom section is the 'refill' sections. It will get into validation only after ill place your order in my own tablet and send to the kitchen." You explained as you gestured to your own tablet. "It's pretty useful, the point of it is that you can ask for a refill without having to social with me. Its awesome"

You noticed one of them, Florence pugh, scanning the tablet with a small smile- as she listened to your explanation. She was absolutely a sight for sore eyes, that's for sure.

"Thats pretty cool" she said and you nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I got really excited over it when I started working here" you admitted awkwardly "most importantly- When a section isn't relevant its will be grey instead of in color so you won't get confused. Like, for example - if You haven't ordered anything yet you can't get a refill, for the obvious reason. or if I'm not performing you can't ask for another waiter... which means you're stuck with me for the time being" you finished with a small chuckle.

"I don't think any of us mind that" Florence smiled and the others agreed. The blonde smiled at you again and you blushed slightly. "You're singing, right?" she asked out of the blue, just when you were about to leave and let them look through their menus. 

"Yeah, i do. In a few minutes, actually" 

"Thats cool! Good luck" she smiled and you wondered if Emma, who set the closest to you, could hear how fast your heart's beating. 

"Thank you" you said with a smile and turned around to the stage. 

__________________

"you paged? I'm guessing you guys ready to order then" You said as you approached their table after your performance. 

"YOU WERE SO GODD!" Florence said excitedly.

"Thank you" you blushed slightly. 

What. The. Fuck. Y/N?! You scolded yourself.

The others joined into the conversation with their own compliments and you thought you'd die when Meryl Streep, the legend herself, complimented you.

After another few moments the conversation calmed downed and moved to the next, and most important topic: the food. You tried your best to not blush under Florence's soft gaze and keep your focus on the other members of her table as they consulted you about the dishes, but damn, that was hard.  luckily for you it didn’t take long and a few minutes later, their order was sent to the kitchen. 

 The next hour and a half weren't much different. you sang and placed orders, you smiled to costumers and even pretend to laugh at some old man's joke. And maybe (just maybe) you glanced over to Florence every now and then.

The thing about Clayton's is that apart for the famous people who visit there frequently, it also contains many of the rich and the snobs of New York, so you weren't surprised when you got paged from a table who was occupied by two guys with fancy clothes and their parents credit card.

"Hey" one of them said to you as you approached them. 

"hey, welcome to Clayton's! You're David's table, right?" You said and pointed at your friend who started his own performance.

"Yeah, the fag one" the other guy said and your smile fell.

Take a deep breath, Y/N. It's not worth it. 

"I see you guys already ordered a few minutes ago" you said as you checked your tablet.

"Yeah" the asshole confirmed. 

"Okay, in that case, how can I help you?" You asked politely as you could. 

"we would like to get the check." The first guy said politely as he pulled out a few bills from his wallet. "Keep the change" he said as you took it and made sure it was enough.

"Thank you" you smiled politely and made a mental note to give David his well-earned tip.

"my brother want to know if you're single" the asshole said and the nicer guy looked at his with his eyes wide.

Shit.

"I'm sorry, I'm in a relationship" you lied after a moment, hoping the lie will spare both his feeling and any more questions in the subject.

The guy nodded in understanding but on the other hand, the other guy didn’t seem to get the massage.  

"I'm sure he won't mind sharing" the asshole said and you felt sorry for the poor guy for being related to this ass.

"What the fuck Chad" the nice guy said as chad smirked at you.

"yeah... that’s not going to happen." You glared at him "have a great weekend tho" you gritted out and turned around to leave.

you were taken by surprise when you felt chad's hand on your ass. Again, what the fuck?!

"What the fuck is wrong with you' asshole" you gritted out and moved away from him. 

Don't make a scene. He's not worth it. 

"C'mon-" he started to say as he got up. You moved away, knowing you were cornered since the place was full, the lights were deemed and the music was loud. 

"Don't touch me" you said and moved away; you're back hitting an empty table who stood nearly.

"Hey what's going on here?" You heard and turned to catch Florence walking to you.

If a look could kill chad would’ve been dead. that’s for sure. It's like the sweet and excited Florence had left and a different, intimidating (and hot) version of her took her space and so help you god, you were glad she was on your side.

"Nothing! we were just leaving, really" Frankie said.

"None of your business" brad said and Florence raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow, daring him to cross her.

"I see" she said "well, I'm sure y/n won't mind my intruding" 

'Thank god for Florence Pugh.' You thought.

Before chad could press the subject any further David, who just finished his performance, got there. You were sure he noticed that something was happening.

"what's going on here?" he asked after he scanned the situation quickly.

"nothing as I said to your friend, we were just leaving" Frankie said again. 

he didn’t want to draw any negative attention, just like you, and thankfully for the both of you, not many people noticed the situation.

This time chad didn't answer, he just glared at Florence and you while his brother pulled him away from the place.

"so, are you going to tell me what happened?" David asked Florence and you after the two left.

Florence looked at you, waiting for you to answer him. 

"Nothing" you lied. "it's okay David, you can go" you promised your friend. David looked at you with his 'I done believe you' expression, but he didn't press it any further. He just nodded before he turned around and left. 

 Rule number 2: do not make a scene under no circumstances. At Clayton's, everything you do while you're on the clock is practically showcased. You slip? you fall? you sing out of tune? Its under a spotlight, everyone can see that and everyone will have something to say about it. Thats the thing about this place.  most people who started there and moved on to bigger things as Broadway or Hollywood were practically trained to keep their best poker face, act on the demand or pretend that everything is okay when it was clearly not. 

 "You should go back to your table" you said to Florence 

she looked at you with an unreadable expression before she went back to her table. You didn't have much time to read into it since a few minutes later you found yourself at her table, printing their check and having a small friendly conversation with the women. You smiled at them as they left before you turned your tablet off and went to cover for Aaron at the bar.

 "I thought you guys left" You said with a smile when the blonde approached you a few minutes later. 

"Why did you lie?" Florence asked with the same unreadable expression from earlier.

Okay. No smiling then.

"I didn’t" you pulled out two shot glasses and filled them with tequila. The blonde gave you a 'are you kidding me' kind of look and you couldn't help but to chuckle. "I didn't see a reason to make a scene over nothing" you explained and downed one of the shots.

"It wasn't nothing Y/N" she said before taking the other glass. 

"its fine. I'm fine. He didn’t do anything " you said as she downed her shot.

"Yeah, because I was there" she argued.

"I can handle guys like him. Seriously, at this point it might as well be a part of my job" 

"you're not helping yourself"

"I liked you better smiling" you chuckled as she glared at you.

"I'm sure you did"

"shut up" 

"How's your back?" She asked/

The blonde definitely didn't seem convinced about the chad situation but you were just grateful for the change of subject.

"It will be alright"

"Good"

"I appreciate your worry, truly. But I'm fine and I really don't want to hold you back here over it" you said  

"Who said I was worried" she smirked at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh, you don't?" You played along 

"Nope"

"Then why are you still here? Its almost 12 am, don't you have something better to do" you teased her 

"no. Do you?" She turned the question and you laughed. 

"I guess not - considering the fact I work here and I'm still on clock"

"Oh, please we both know this place is about to close" she argued your logic

"True" you admitted

"So, if you have nothing better to do, and you don't, would you like to go out with me? You kinda owe me after I saved your ass earlier"

"Uh, and here I thought you did that as an act of kindness" you joked. A small smile playing on your lips.

"Ew no" she said and You laughed. "Well?" Florence pressed with a cheeky smile.

"Yeah, why not. It's not like I have something better to do" 

"Just what I wanted to hear" she joked.

[sincerelytomydearest]

April Showers Bring May Flowers

Hi hi! This is my piece for Mystic Messenger Reverse BigBang (@mysme-rbb), and also my first piece! This is also on AO3 here. This piece is paired with the wonderful artist Saia (@saiare._) on instagram!

Words: 1553

Warnings: N/A

Synopsis: Saeran and MC are hit with rain.

Saeran X MC

The cool scent of petrichor and mellow rain had made Saeran uneasy. Ray had always attributed such specific weather conditions to unforgiving pouring outside of their childhood home. Conditions which barred them from escaping, leaving the twins alone with their sole caregiver. Ray seemed to house those memories close. Saeran on the other hand had always felt that the rain was somewhat of a catharsis. He’d remembered dumb idioms V had told him, phrases he’d learned to grasp onto. Sayings such as “You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain,” and their like. Ray hung onto quotes during his time in Magenta. Drinking down the translucent, turquoise concoction of elixir, smelling the copious amounts of medication and hoping his rainbow would come soon after. Saeran tasted bittersweet, Linking Rika to the rain, and MC as the rainbow. But this time around, it was difficult to see the distinguishing features of each contradicting party.

What’s taking so long?, thought Saeran. MC had remained in the confines of the locked bathroom for all too long. In an effort to not hide anything from them, MC told Saeran she was late. And now they were here, her locked in the bathroom with a pregnancy test, and him, waiting (im) patiently for MC to give him the news.

The pair weren’t at all trying, if anything they were preventing. All four of them collectively agreed that they just weren’t ready for an addition in the family. And MC seemed to understand, knowing full and well Saeran had just narrowly escaped Mint Eye, that Saeyoung was still missing in action, and that lots of healing was to come before any sudden decisions. But Saeran knew well that they could only be so careful, tiptoeing between the lines. Saeran could only guess how Suit (as he’d come to refer to him) and Ray would react, he feared that he’d have to see them in their full glory. His fears were yet to come true.

A small rattle of the doorknob caught Saeran’s attention, silver twisting against the door. MC peeked her head out with a skittish smile gracing her porcelain face, Saeran couldn’t help but smile back. Her infectious smile never failed to adorn her lover’s lips too, he was utterly grateful for her optimism in the worst scenarios. Noticing the pink and white test in her hands, he stepped forward, a look of worry painted on his face. MC opened her palms to Saeran, showing the two pink lines. They were expecting.

…

Suit couldn’t help but react. Why? Just when things were getting good for us. His hands flew to MC’s sides, pushing her up against the wall. It hurts. Suit pressed his fingers into MC’s shoulders, nails digging into her frame.

“Sae!” MC exclaimed, unknowing of the sudden change. Warm tears began welling in his eyes, his head pounding as his body reacted on it’s own. You’re strong. We’re strong.

“Fuck MC.. I-I..God,” he managed to putter out.

Despite the display, his hands shook, arms coming to wrap around the frightened girl’s figure. MC traced her slender fingers along his own form, holding onto the alabaster fabric that scrunched at her fingertips.

“We’re going to be okay Saeran..” her words trailed as she shushed him quietly.

“I-I know we’re not ready, w-we’re far from ready. But know we’re in this together. You’re not him. You’re not her. You’re mine. No, ours alone. We have so much to work through. B-But I promise you, this isn’t bigger than us. All of us.” MC whispered as her own tears began to flow. Suit growled, head spiraling in every which way. We’re not ready for this, fuck, fuck, fuck! Suit’s hands loosened, letting go of MC’s hazel sweater. I can’t hurt her. His whitening knuckles coming to a pause as blood began to properly circulate around his hands. MC couldn’t help but let out a shaking sob, her body trembled, knowing she had put them in an immeasurable amount of pressure, pain, and general confusion.

“Saeran, I’m so sorry. W-We could’ve been more careful. But, I want you to know, I want to keep it. Y-You’re going to be an amazing father.” MC cried out with her trembling tone.

“No, MC. You’re going to be an amazing mother.” Suit finally replied, his usually gruff tone now replaced with melancholic monotone. Confused, MC pulled back, looking to face her lover. His pale face was motionless, not to mention seemingly emotionless (though MC knew his mind was running a hundred miles an hour). She could only stare at his ivory skin, pink lips brightly lit with crimson, she’d failed to notice how hard he bit his lips, or that he even was biting in the first place. Aquamarine met sepia. Suit could practically feel his pupils dilate. Meanwhile MC admired Saeran’s soft features, from the way his cheekbones protruded less, to the lightening of his dark circles which once held a monopoly upon his face. This was the face MC couldn’t help but adore.

…

A week later, and Saeran had still been struggling to face his reality. Their reality. Ray and Suit had been awfully quiet since the reveal, and Saeran had a hard time breaking through to them. But it was now or never.

“Sae, we don’t have to talk about this right now.. I mean, if y-you can’t.” MC stuttered. She was lying, she’d known this was an issue that could not wait, one that couldn’t be left to waiver, especially for weeks, let alone months, nine months to be exact. But she’d do anything to spare them from pain. Saeran on the other hand, paced the room. His eyes wandering the room, left, right, up and down.

“No MC, I have to get this out. We have to get this out.” Saeran said, stopping his disturbed pace to look MC in the eye, his own falling away quickly after just a glance. Saeran sighed out, his bated breath being expelled. MC took his milky white hand into her own, giving it a soft peck. It was their time to speak. Ray was swift to front, cheeks turning a cute shade of cherry. He sat next to MC on the dingy couch Saeyoung once resided on, raising his opposing hand towards MC’s cheek. She instantaneously reacted, leaning into the palm of his hand.

“That red head..No, S-Saeyoung and I. Our Mother, she was a monster..” Ray began as he suddenly flinched away from MC’s touch. Her heart ached, longing to reach for him and protect him from the world, but she knew he needed this.

“Everyday, that woman.. She’d left marks on me, more than physical. Everyday I still fear her, in small daily discussions or quarrels. Every raised voice, every swift hand. I see her. And I fear her. I fear her..” Ray’s voice trailed off, eyes growing glossier by the second. MC bit her lip in response,

“Ray, y-you don’t have to-”

“No Love, I do.” He cut in.

Ray placed his hands along his thighs, taking in a solid breath as a tear trickled down his cheek, meeting his neck.

“I fear those marks she’s left on me. I’m scared of being..Her. Of becoming a tyrannical parent like her. I don’t care what Suit says. I’m weak MC. I fear her imprint, I fear what she could do, to me, to you, to us, all of us.” He said as he looked towards MC’s womb.

“I need you here with me, I know I can’t do this. Not without you. There’s no one else I’d rather have this child with. With you as their Mother, I know it’ll be okay. W-We’ll be okay.” He said staring at the ground before meeting MC’s auburn gaze. His hands cautiously made contact with hers, gently intertwining before kissing her knuckles.

“We’re going to be okay.” She whispered.

…

“Come here!” Yelled out Saeyoung as he chased after the smaller redhead ahead of him, effectively scattering mud and dirt around the perimeter. She ran with all her might, giggling in between thunderous screaming.

“Never!” She screamed before running straight into Saeran.

“Oomf!” was the sound she made before turning to look up to her father. Saeran took a step back, hands coming to wrap around the nine year old before looking down at her. She grinned widely, her toothy smile melting Saeran’s previously chilly demeanor. He beamed ear to ear. He could count her missing teeth. Since when was she growing so quickly?

Saeyoung was quick to attack, pouncing onto his niece and younger twin. Consequentially bringing them all down onto the mud. Her and Saeyoung’s laughter roared, chirping as loud as the birds. After a moment of hesitation, Saeran joined in. All of them splayed along the ground, basking in the newly sprung sun.

MC strolled near the pile of redheads, carrying a sleeping five year old in her arms.

“You’re all awfully boisterous today,” she said, smiling. Saeran sat up, ruffling the boy’s brunet locks.

“Appa! Appa!” the boy called out to his father, pointing to the sky. Saeran turned to see a faint rainbow making its way across the azure atmosphere. He couldn’t help but turn to see his family’s reaction to the magnificent phenomenon. All of their eyes twinkled.

We’re okay.

[commanderserwin]

just like him.

⤅ pairings: erwin smith x reader

⤅ genre: lil angst? and fluff!

⤅ count: 4.3k

⤅ request: Okay i kno now!! Can I request for an Erwin x Reader fic wherein Erwin didn't know he have a son (a carbon copy of him!!) with reader 'coz she hide it since she wants Erwin to focus on his dream and humanity. But one day Erwin knew about his son and confronted reader about it! Hahahahha its still about erwin tho well im called erwin simp anon for a reasoooooon!!!😂😂 Also i imagine levi be like "I didnt kno your pull out game is that weak" 😂😂😂 fuhck

⤅ a/n: for my erwin simp,,, yesh,,, here you go !!! i hope u like it!!!!!! mwa mwa mwa!! ♡♡♡

If you were being honest with yourself, mornings before were something of a rarity to you. Mornings were the evenings— the hours when you will be walking home, quiet footsteps through the creaking floorboards in the apartment building, the hurried fishing for the keys as you craved for your bed. Two years after, mornings were filled with tears and frustration as you listened to the baby cry from the other room, while you cried yourself because all you want is sleep. Still, you flung yourself off of the bed, lighting a candle instinctively as you padded towards the crib where the baby immediately stopped crying at the sight of you. 

Caz would coo at the feeling of your knuckles rubbing him on the cheeks while he nibbled on his fingers, his saliva getting everywhere on his pajamas but it didn’t matter to you. His blue eyes would calm you down, the tears of frustration gone as he babbled, his arms reaching out for you. He only wanted to be held, and you did so. You heaved him up, settling on the chair against the wall as you leaned on it. Caz held on to your shirt, immediately closing his eyes as he went to sleep holding you. 

Now, mornings were made for you chasing around that rascal as he ran for his life around the little apartment. 

Caz run his energy around, refusing to put on a shirt despite the great morning ahead. It was going to town day. He’s getting bigger, his clothes are getting smaller, his mittens are getting ragged, and his appetite is getting bigger as the days goes on. His heaving pants would be heard around the apartment as he finally settled on the small pile of toys. 

You knelt down in front of him, unfolding his tiny shirt before him, as he watched with a toothy smile. Caz avoided your attempts of holding him, but he still clutched on your shirt just like before. And with that, you have successfully clothed your son. 

“Fruits, new shirt, new scissors,” you listed as you inspected Caz’s long bangs as it covered his eyes. “Town day.”

“... day,” he repeated, snaking out of your hold as he played. 

“Town day, Caz,” you rubbed on his cheeks as he minded his own business playing with the same toys you have gotten him over the two years. He babbled as he played, completely tuning you out while you brushed your trousers clean as you stood up. “We’ll go to town, let me just clean up. I’ll get you a new toy.”

Caz squeal loudly at the mentioned of toy, making you tear up as you felt sorry for having him leave him to the same toys ever since. “Maybe two.”

When he didn’t answer, you bent down again to kiss his forehead. “I’ll be back.” 

The way to your room, or whenever you would be alone with yourself, you didn’t miss to think about him. 

Two years before, it was a simple night-out as you treated yourself over a drink or two at the secluded bar deep into town. You weren’t expecting people because as much as you would like to scream about a promotion, all you want to do is rejoice quietly as your hard work finally got you a raise. 

You weren’t expecting somebody to sit beside you, their voice low as they asked for a glass. You weren’t expecting to catch their attention as he introduced himself to you, his blue eyes capturing the way the waves in your heart crashed into yours, making your mouth run dry just at the sight of him. You weren’t expecting for him to talk to you all night, ideas bouncing all over, until he eventually made sure you got home safe as he walked you home. 

But what could a little tea as a way to say thanks would end up? 

It was the bodies tangled together, your legs wrapped around his waist as he hoisted you up against the door, his tongue entering yours, and like a hazy memory— it was the chests rising together, as he snuggled into the crook of your neck as he laid on top of you, riding out both of yours highs in a bliss while he whispered his name for the first time. 

“Erwin,” he whispered against your skin, kissing the spot just below your ear, “Smith.”

After that, you expected for him to know his way out— but he stayed. He danced his calloused fingers over your skin, memorizing every part of you as he whispered about his days and days before that. He would peck your lips, while he listened to you mumble about yours. His eyes captured yours so intently that you felt you would drown immediately. The night felt so surreal that it feels like you’ve known him since forever as he anchored you to sleep, to only wake up with a half-written letter of his name and where he was. 

The Survey Corps. 

As brave as he was to be soldier, the complete opposite is you being the absolute coward. 

“Erwin,” you whispered against the mirror as you buttoned up your blouse, glancing at his letter while you had it tucked on the edge of the mirror. 

Caz’s hard footsteps as he walked up the stairs snapped you out of your memories as the toddler helped himself stand up with the help of the door, as his blue eyes anchored you to reality. The same eyes and hair— of what haunted your past. Erwin Smith. 

“My darling,” you sighed as you heaved him up against your hip, as he clutched on your shirt, making your way outside of the apartment. “Town day? Right, Caz?”

Erwin would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t looking for you. 

He has been. 

Always at the same bar— but always leaving empty handed with no trace of you. At one point, he fought with himself if he should retrace his steps that would lead him to your apartment. When he couldn’t get over you, still, he found the front of your apartment building yet he left empty-handed because you don’t live them anymore. Among the number of people who are traveling, he couldn’t oversee everybody else. 

Then his work has gotten demanding, more in need of him. Papers upon papers, ink bottles upon bottles, burnt out candles on his desk, made you just a sliver on his memory. Still, he has never craved so much for somebody else’s touch other than yours. He has never ached to hear somebody else’s voice but yours. 

Erwin could still remember the night like it was yesterday. He was so unaware of the feeling that pools in his stomach, as his heart beat faster while you spoke softly against the night, turning your head every once in a while as the moonlight shone through your thin carpets, painting over you. 

Despite being part of his memory, you eventually got pushed to the end, locking the memory of you as he focused on his work. 

Erwin walked aimlessly around town, making stops at the stalls where he thinks of what to buy. He isn’t looking for much, he just found himself wanting to go for a walk as he was too cooped in his office, his mind aching for a change of scenery. He watched the people walk, the children chasing each other as their screams filled the plaza with never ending glee. 

“Oh,” Erwin huffed as he felt somebody bump into his... leg. He felt their small hands clutch on to his leg as he watched the toddler help himself up. The little boy looked up, his eyes matching his own eyes, as he felt eerie about the situation. “What’s your name?”

The little boy only craned his neck up, moving backwards a little to see more of the tall man. Erwin did the child courtesy as he bent down, offering the boy a hand to shake. The boy only shook his finger, his whole hand clasped on Erwin’s as they locked eyes again. Erwin smiled at the strength of the kid’s grip on his finger as he asked, “Are you lost?”

“Caz.”

“Caz?”

“Me.”

“Your name is Caz,” Erwin said, brushing the kid’s pants as he stood up, holding the the little kid’s hand. “Where is your mother?”

They both stood there, looking at the people walking by, waiting for somebody to take the little kid. Erwin couldn’t help but glance down every so often to see the eerie similarities between the two of them. He knows that he isn’t the only man with blonde hair and blue eyes, but something about this child made the whole thing so familiar. Erwin looked down again, surprised that the kid was looking up— smiling, as he moved closer to Erwin’s leg. It felt too familiar, and he didn’t want to think of that one possibility because it will make him lose his mind. 

A child? His child? Or was it just a child who looks so much like him? 

It was a simple mistake. One look away from Caz and he’s off to run around the plaza, his laughter fading out while you focused on fishing out the wallet from your purse to see if you brought it with you. Your bag was filled with Caz’s toys because you know when it’s town day he wants to walk around with one toy, and one of his small towels because it’ll get hotter as the day goes by and you don’t want him sweaty, and one or two little pieces of bread just in case he gets hungry because he didn’t eat— and it makes you cry because you only looked away for one damned second and he is gone. 

“Caz?” You shouted, hurriedly walking towards the plaza where children were running around. “Caz!” 

You quickly assessed the children as you walked, but none of them were Caz. He’s blonde for fuck’s sake, and he’s wearing a dark blue sweater and he’s probably scared because he doesn’t like strangers and he could be crying— but, oh. 

“Oh! Caz!” You ran towards him, knowing from the back of his head that it was him because he stands a different way and your feet immediately rushes to him because you know it was him, and you’re correct. 

“I’m so sorry! I only looked away, and he was gone, and I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry, are you okay?” You turned Caz around by the shoulders as he only smiled in response, letting go of the person’s hand as he clutched on your shirt, snuggling to the crook of your neck, while you brushed his hair. You glanced up to the man in a hurry, shame eating you, feeling worst. “Thank you! I… I only looked for one second, I… thank you.” 

Erwin couldn’t feel the ground underneath him as he glanced at the woman clutching the kid before him. It’s… 

“It’s you.”

You stopped brushing Caz’s back, finally hearing the person speak. How could you forget about that voice? You glanced up, sighing deeply as you looked at the man. Him. How could you forget about him?

“Erwin,” you whispered, standing up to heave Caz up to your hip. Erwin stared at the boy in your arms, then at yours. You watched his mouth open and close, while you nodded. 

Erwin moved a little closer, offering his hand against towards Caz with wonder if he… “Is he my son?” 

“His name is Caz,” you breathed shakily, nodding as you bounced him in your arms. You watched how Caz clutched Erwin’s hand, smiling once more. “He’s two years old… I… We…” 

“That night,” Erwin whispered, letting go of Caz’s hand as he stared at you. He doesn’t understand— he does understand, but why was it kept a secret. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared,” you licked your lips, stepping backwards as you placed Caz back on his feet. You couldn’t meet Erwin’s blue eyes or else you’ll break down because this wasn’t how you wanted him to know. You didn’t even know if you wanted him to know. But you were thankful that it did happen— you were just unsure of how he’ll react. “I’m sorry.” 

“You could have told me,” Erwin ruffled Caz’s hair, smiling down at the boy. His smile went away when he looked at you. “I left you where I was and my name.”

“I know,” you whispered, clearing your throat. “I was scared.” 

Erwin understood. He was also scared. He is scared. He came to walk down the plaza with nothing but to just walk— and not to come back as a father. He realized why it was so familiar with Caz and how the kid stuck close to him because he might’ve understood too. 

Erwin nodded, fiddling with his hands. He has finally found you. And perhaps, he wasn’t meaning to see you like this, it was better than not seeing you ever. He looked at you, really looked at you, feeling his own mind click and heart thump faster. You must’ve been scared, taking care of him. You must’ve been tired— and he realized that by the bags under your eyes despite your smile as you cooed at his son. His. 

“Is it too late?” Erwin asked, patting Caz’s back to make him look at him. He watched you raise a brow, protectively turning around as you listened. “I want to be there.” 

“It will be nice for him to grow up with a father,” you said quietly. 

“Okay,” Erwin nodded, offering a hand to you. He doesn’t know why he did it, but he felt enormous pride in himself when you shook his hand. And it was like he’s back two years ago. 

How could he ever forget about you. 

He looked for you everywhere and you’re finally right before his eyes, plus one. 

Erwin smiled, loosening his shirt by the collar as he pointed towards town. There must be a reason why you were here, so he assumed you have to do something. 

“Should I join— may I join you two?” He asked, placing his hands inside his pockets as you nodded. 

“Town day-,”

“Town day!” Caz repeated, squealing as he jumped on his feet. 

“Town day,” you said, brushing Caz’s hair. “We were going to get some fruits, a new shirt for him, scissors to get his hair cut, and a toy. Some mittens too.” 

Erwin followed your steps beside him, watching you heave Caz up multiple times as you stopped by a few stalls to get what you needed. He stopped behind you, playing with Caz from behind as he reached for him multiple times— but you held on to him tightly. Caz smiled and babbled, while Erwin wiped his saliva away to not let it drop to your neck and shirt. 

“I’m just going to buy apples,” you turned around, catching Erwin in an act as he smiled widely. He cleared his throat, straightening himself as he wiped his hands on his shirt. He blushed slightly, while you only chuckled softly in return, “I’ll be back.” 

“Can I hold him?” 

You turned around, looking back at Caz and Erwin, while you thought to yourself. Should you? Should you give him to Erwin? He only moved closer, hands reaching for Caz while he squirmed out of your touch, immediately reaching for his father. 

“Hold on to his legs,” you instructed, brows furrowing as you held Erwin’s hand to position it over Caz. 

“I know how to hold a child,” Erwin cooed, bouncing Caz on his arms. Everything felt so natural to him, as he looked at his own son’s eyes— feeling the whole world into them. “I got it.” 

When Erwin watched you hesitate to go, he pushed you gently, suppressing his smile, “Go. We’ll be here.” 

Erwin followed you at that point, everywhere— carrying Caz in his arms as you stopped stalls by stalls, buying whatever Caz needs. 

“Get two shirts,” Erwin added as he watched you get one for Caz. He pushed one white sweater in your hands as you only stared at him. He knew you were going to protest as he scrambled to get his wallet but he quickly paid the merchant. “Buy one for you too.” 

“Are you telling me I have an ugly shirt?” You joked quietly, reaching for the merchant’s bag as he handed your toddler’s new clothes. 

“No! No! I...” Erwin scrambled to get his words right but you only squeezed his arm to get to calm down. Caz was peacefully sleeping on his chest, embarrassed that your baby’s sleeping too peacefully, now that there was a big wet spot on Erwin’s shirt. He looked at where you were looking, your cheeks tingeing in embarrassment, “It’s okay, he’s sleeping.”

“I was joking,” you smiled, pulling him towards the next stall— Caz’s favorite stall. The toys section. You turned around, walking towards the both of them, going on your toes to reach up to Caz. He snuggled closer to Erwin, his eyes fluttering open to look at you. “My darling, let’s go buy your toy.” 

Immediately, Caz squirmed out of Erwin’s arms as he kicked his legs making Erwin grunt as he placed his son back to the ground, watching him ran gleefully to the stall while you followed quickly. Erwin caught up, going behind you as you bent down to help Caz pick. Erwin felt like he wanted to buy every single toy as Caz graced his toothy smile towards everything he has laid his eyes on. 

“What does he want?” Erwin asked quietly beside you, pulling your hair behind your back as you whipped your head towards him.

“He likes everything,” you smiled at him, shrugging at Erwin while he chuckled. 

“That’ll be a problem.” 

Both of you watched Caz pick toys out, finally buying him with more than you wanted as Erwin paid for the extra two you promised to buy Caz. Erwin clutched Caz in his arms as he carried a bag on the other, as you lead him towards the new apartment that was just close by. Erwin couldn’t believe that you lived here when he has been walking by the building numerous times trying to look for you. He shook it off, finally realizing that you’re here now. 

“It’s up here,” you motioned upstairs, finding for the key as you walked up the stairs. Erwin bounced the sleeping Caz on his arms again, following you up the stairs. “You got it?”

“Yes,” Erwin whispered, stopping behind you as you pushed the door to welcome him to the apartment. He saw the pile of toys in the middle, few books together while you placed the bags on top of the table while you arranged them. “Where should I put him?”

“Caz is still sleeping?” You whispered, taking off of your shoes as you closed the door behind him. Erwin placed the bag on the floor, bending down to show you his sleeping son. “I’ll have him.” 

“Can I?” Erwin asked quietly, as he stared down at you. He watched you finally relax with the thought of him carrying Caz as you nodded. He listened to you point where and what blanket he needs to sleep— even the toy Caz wants to sleep with. The smallest things you know about your son and he wants to know every single detail. 

Once he got Caz on his bed, swaddling him with his blanket and placing the toy around his arm, he quietly exited. He stood in the middle, unsure of what to do next— but he wants to do more. He watched you flit towards things you needed to fix, the cushion and the sheets, and the new things from town. 

You didn’t realize he was helping you when you felt him pass by you, a hand on your back as he helped. You tucked your hair behind your ear, “It’s okay. You don’t need to help...”

“Let me,” Erwin insisted, quickly catching on the things you were doing. 

Both of you moved quietly, stopping when the floors would creak, and both of your chuckles echo in the living room as he stepped on that same spot. The kettle whistled in the kitchen, and you hurriedly stepped towards it with Erwin following softly. 

You leaned on the countertops, breathing deeply now that you have him alone. You turned your head to him when you felt his hands on your shoulders, massaging gently making you close your eyes. You clutched on his hands, turning your whole body around as you stared at him. 

“I’m sorry,” you apologized again, sighing, as you clasped your hands together. “I should’ve looked for you.” 

“I looked for you,” Erwin mused, pulling away as he sat on the dining chair, watching you grab two mugs from the cabinet. “I passed by this building so many times, not knowing that you lived here.” 

“You must’ve not look well,” you snickered, pouring out the tea before him. You pulled on the chair before him, sharing a cup of tea with him. 

Just like before. 

Erwin smiled as you leaned on to the chair, your hand tapping gently on to the table. He reached for your hand, pulling on your finger as he looked for your attention. He wants this, he wants sitting down on the table, feeling a different kind of exhaustion from chasing his son around, he wants sipping his tea, hushed conversations to not wake the small human next door. 

“Caz found me.” 

You couldn’t help it. 

You remembered Erwin as someone who is serious, just like two years ago— and yes it was just one night, but you didn’t expect him to say that. Even Erwin looked embarrassed and you only curled your fingers with his, tugging on his hand as he hooked his on yours. He tried to squint his eyes at you, hiding his smile and the laughter erupting from his chest but you were the one to boom. 

Your laughter colored the room, hand muffling your lips as your chest shook while Erwin grinned, nibbling on his lip as he watched you become a laughing mess before him— blushing as how corny it must’ve sound like, and from the corner of his eyes, he watched Caz clutched the blanket and his toy as he rubbed his eyes wondering what the commotion was all about. 

Caz walked beside you, holding your hand and his toy as the base intimidated him. He knew that he was supposed to be serious, so he placed his big boy scowl as he watched the big soldiers walk pass him, waving their hands at him— but he didn’t break. He did, and he hid in embarrassment from the attention. 

You were looking for Erwin. It was your first time in the base once Erwin found you months ago, and you finally found the courage to look for him. It was supposed to be a surprise, but you have been walking around for five minutes, unsure of where his office might be. 

“Oh! Excuse me,” you tapped their shoulder, their whole body turning to see who owned the unfamiliar voice. “Do you happen to know where Erwin’s office is?”

“Erwin?” The small man in front of you, glanced down at the child who was smiling at him. The black haired man found it himself to smile back as small as it is, as you watch his eyes flutter towards your son and yours. His grey eyes blinked, surprise coloring his face for a hot second. 

“Yes, Erwin Smith?” You explained, holding Caz’s hand in comfort because you were scared. “I... We got lost, so...”

“Just down the hallway. His door’s the third on the right.” He explained, crossing his arms as he watched the boy cooed on your leg. 

“Great, thank you,” you nodded, smiling nervously as you followed his instructions. You turned to the hallway, and immediately regretting it. You turned around, stunned that the man is still staring at you, “I forgot to ask your name!” 

“Levi,” he said loudly, making sure it reaches you. 

Levi pursed his lips, the cogs in his head working as he put two and two together. He looked more at the smaller human next to you, amazed at how much he looks just like Erwin. 

“Thank you, Levi!” You called out, tugging on Caz’s hand softly as you walked towards the hallway. 

Once you two reached his door, you bent down to Caz, fixing his shirt while he tapped on the wooden door. 

“You have to be quiet, okay,” you whispered, kissing your son’s cheeks as he squirmed away, hurriedly reaching for the doorknob. “It’s a surprise for your father.”

It was far from quiet as you knocked on Erwin’s door, and hearing his response. 

It was far from it. 

Caz squealed right away, screeching for his father as Erwin pushed his chair away, quickly bending down to meet his Caz’s reaching arms, blowing raspberries into his chubby cheeks as he clutched on to his shirt. He heaved him up to his hip, kissing his nose as Caz found glee in touching his father’s cheeks— stretching them while Erwin turned to you. 

You laughed at the scene, walking up to them, squeezing Erwin’s arm as you reached for him. Your lips found his, despite how funny he looked, courtesy by his own son. Still, Erwin kissed you back, placing an arm around your waist to pull you closer to him. 

Erwin wants this. His heart swelled at the thought of you, relishing how good the last few months were with you. He wants this, and he’s thankful that you let him.

It was his turn to laugh. He opened his eyes, pecking your lips as he muffled his laughter with your lips. He couldn’t believe what came out of your mouth, as you kissed him back and your son in his arms while Erwin tugged you any closer.

“Found you.”

[hubbytaeil]

hello! i've been into taeil lately, so i was thinking about requesting him with prompts 46, 55, and 93, if possible. thank you in advance! 🌝💛

Taeil + #46 What’s this between us?, #55 Ruin me, #93 Don’t tell your parents

genre: angst, friends to lovers to strangers(?)

word count: 1k7 (this is taeil’s fault I swear)

warnings: smoking, slightly suggestive

a/n: now im s a d lol, this is what happens after bing watching sex and the city

-ˏˋ⋆ ̥  prompts ( send in your requests if you want <3)

This could be a dream, and yet it feels more like a nightmare. When you walked into your go-to bar, like you always do every other Friday, Taeil was the last person on Earth you thought you’d run into. The place is packed and certainly there isn’t enough space for you to run away and hide so you decide to just stand next to the counter with your friends, hoping he doesn’t come up to you.  

“Well, look who it is.” your blood freezes in your veins. You turn around in your heels slowly, preparing yourself for what you should say. “Hi, it’s been a long time.” You had broken up with him years ago and you hadn’t seen him after that. You knew that he was working for some corporate in the city but that was it. You had never run into him, not even once. To be fair, you had pictured how your eventual meeting would’ve turned out many times before, however all your fantasies can’t exceed this exact moment. Talking to him feels unreal, like being teleported back in time, a time before responsibilities, anxieties and fears. “You’ve grown taller, I see.” Taeil looks up at you pointing at your shoes. You hear your friends giggling behind you. “And you haven’t lost your sense of humour.” “That’s my only charm, you know that.” He swings his gin tonic in a circle before taking a sip. “C’mon, we both know that’s not true.” You reply gently tapping your fingers on your glass of Chardonnay. It’s definitely hard to keep eye contact, something is keeping your eyes glued to the counter. Taeil can feel it too, as he adjusts his tie.  

Fifteen years ago

“What do you mean you broke my mother’s favourite vase?!” “Exactly what it means, y/n. Oh God, please don’t tell your parents.” “Well, I’m not taking the blame again! Why the hell did you bring your football inside the house?!” “I’m sorry-” “That’s it, I’m never inviting you to my birthday party ever again.”

Those were the kind of fights you would have; you were only thirteen, life had only just begun.  

The days were filled with stupid notes passed during Math class, making fun of each other at lunchtime, eating ice scream at the park. If anyone could’ve ever been your first love, it would’ve been Taeil. You joined the music club just to spend more time with him, but you never said a word on the matter. You have such a clear memory of sitting through hours of rehearsals just to hear him play the piano. It was just a mere crush, you thought, it would fade away eventually. Yet, even now, every time you hear someone playing the piano you are taken back to that sweaty auditorium, you are taken back to the first time ever you had ever felt anything for someone. You are taken back to him.

“Do you still play?” you ask after letting your friends exchange pleasantries with Taeil, introducing him as an ‘old friend’. Inevitably, when one of the tables was cleared, they asked him to join in along with his friends.  

“Sometimes, not as much as I used to. Do you still sing?” Taeil mocks you and you cover your eyes in embarrassment. “Oh God, no.” Your conversation reaches the ears of everyone at the table. “Y/n, you didn’t tell you could sing!” “It was a school thing, I was awful.” An echo of disapproval invades your ears. “Don’t believe her!” Taeil shouts slapping a hand on the hard wood as if to prove his point. You go on saying how Taeil plays the piano magnificently to shift the centre of attention.  

The night goes on between a few drinking games and ridiculous anecdotes about college. Suddenly you ask Taeil if he’d like to accompany you outside to smoke a cigarette. “Since when do you smoke?” he questions, his tone is not judgmental in any way. “I don’t really smoke...” you begin to answer as you try to light up the cigarette. A gentle wind is blowing so Taeil helps by cupping the lighter, you thank him with a nod. “...only when I drink.” you finish after inhaling. Taeil raises an eyebrow in disbelief before pulling out a pack from his pocket. “I guess that makes two of us.” You start to grin and you find yourself unable to stop. “What it is?” “Nothing.” you respond as your grin transform into a full-on laughter. Taeil glances at you and finally gets on the same track as you and joins you. “Man, we’re old.” he exclaims taking a deep draw. “I guess.” “But you haven’t changed much since I last saw you.” You mean when I dumped you. You shut down the little voice of guilt. “Really? I don’t think so...” “You’re still gorgeous.” all of a sudden, the atmosphere is heavier.  

Ten years ago

“I think I’m love with you, y/n.” Taeil told you after making love for the first time. You stared at him in disbelief, unable to wrap your head around the concept of someone loving you back, more than anything your middle school friend who you had known for so long. Even after confessing to him your feelings, him saying he felt the same, all your friends congratulating you because they knew you two would’ve ended up together, you still couldn't believe you were holding the boy of your dreams right in your arms. But when you’re eighteen it’s hard to accept love, even if we long for it with such ache. For a while, you two had your share of fairy tale. For instance, when he kissed you on the first New Year’s Eve you spent as a couple in a square full of people. The fireworks reflected in his eyes but you ardently affirmed how those were in fact stars.  

So where did you go wrong? Why did what you had grow cold one day? During college you realised something was off. You thought the distance between you and your boyfriend Taeil couldn't jeopardise your relationship. However, as time went by, the physical distance slowly became emotional as well, you two being so invested in your lives.There lied the problem, you were starting to lead different lives. The few times you two could meet it didn’t feel genuine, you were trying to act like the people you once were. But those two were mere ghosts at that point.  

“Taeil, what’s this between us? "During the Christmas break of your senior year, you finally sat down with him to have the so dreaded discussion. It went on for hours, but Taeil wouldn't hear any of that. “No, I don’t believe this.” “Taeil, we’ve changed. Everything’s changed and I don’t know if we can go on like this. I don’t want to ruin your life by chaining you up to me.” “Ruin me, I don’t care.” It was like running in circles. The fight burned out eventually, leaving you two exhausted. You both looked up and you knew. “So, it’s over?” you nodded, unable to come up with an answer. He asked you if he could walk you up to your car one last time and you let him. “You know I’m going to win you back one day, right?” Taeil had tears in his eyes but he managed to smile at you. “We’ll see.”

It’s getting late and the bar is slowly emptying. Your friends begin to take off as well, leaving you and Taeil alone. “Do you want to share a cab, y/n?” “Oh, no thanks. I live just five minutes away.” “Oh.” Taeil hesitates before speaking out again. “If you want, I can walk with you. Only if you want.” “That would be nice.” your answer is sincere, not only because you’re kind of scared of walking alone at night, but because you want to keep talking to Taeil. You want to hear about everything you’ve missed, anything at all.  

You start walking side by side into the night, two pair of hands in your respective pockets. Taeil makes fun of the weird noise your heels make when hitting the sidewalk. “Oh, shut up! You’re just jealous!” “Yeah, you’re right. Do you have an extra pair? I could use the few inches.” It definitely doesn’t feel like chasing ghosts anymore. No, you’re just two childhood friends picking up where you’ve left off.

“Okay, I’m going to pop out the big question.” “Shoot.” “Are you seeing anyone?” you knew it was coming, sooner or later. You run through your possible answers and decide that there’s no point in lying. “Absolutely not.” Taeil assumes a shocked expression. “Why so categorical?” he chuckles. “It’s just... I haven’t had much luck.” You go on, counting down mentally how much time you have before you reach your door. “Good.” Taeil says point-blank. You glare at him not expecting him to call you out like that. “Excuse me?” “That means karma is real.” You both burst out laughing yet again. “What about you, mister Karma? Are you dating anyone?” Taeil stays silence for a bit before looking at you dead in the eye. “Absolutely fucking not.”  

“Well, this is it.” You point at your door with you finger. Now you’re both facing each other in front of the stairs. You’ve reached the endgame, and you’re dying to see how all of this will end. “This was nice, y/n.” “It really was.” another break of silence and you feel your heart giving in. You know you both want to say something, yet it feels impossible to make the first step. “Is it okay if-” Taeil stops mid-sentence which sticks a dagger in your chest. “Yes?” you barely whisper, anticipating whatever he’s going to say. “Is it okay if we see each other again? I mean, not as... but as friends. Is that alright?” Those words bring you a kind of happiness you never thought could be felt again. You take a good look at your old friend. His eyes still sparkle and you thank whoever it is that brought him back to you. “I think we can arrange that.” You don’t what’ll happen next, but it doesn’t scare you. In the air there’s a feeling of expectation which you breath in as you walk up the stairs to your door. “Y/n!” you turn around immediately, Taeil is about to get inside a cab. “Remember what I told you!” and just like that you watch him disappear into the night. This scene somehow looks familiar.

Can it be that It was all so simple then? Or has time re-written every line? If we had the chance to do it all again Tell me, would we? Could we?

[oh-for-fic-sake]

A Witchers Pack Chapter Three

Geralt is acting weird again but this time for a different reason.

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult situations 18+, Smut, Dubcon, swearing, knotting, possesive alpha

A/n: so this has taken forever to get done as i have tweakeds it and rewrote it and changed my mind hundreds of times bu here it is i hope you all enjoy

Taglist: @havenoffandoms​ @ayamenimthiriel​ @chynagirl13​

A Witchers Pack Chapter Three

Rebbeka.. that was the name they gave your child it was beautiful and befitting in its meaning 'one who ties' and tie she had your pack was closer than ever both fathers fretting over her, helping look after her. In all honesty all you did was feed and bathe her they were so enamoured with her you bearly got a look in. Traveling had admittedly become more difficult it had been decided that you would all head for kaer morhen and spend a year or Two before heading back out geralt would take contracts that wasnt to far maybe a few weeks at a time and that was it untill rebekka was older and whilst there you and Jaskier would be taugh the basics in sefldefence afterall you had a pup to protect now. You was lucky she was a quiet child only crying when she needed something, all doubts you had about being a mother had been washed away when your instincts had kicked it. Jaskier was a wonderful father he sung to her every afternoon and every night she fell to sleep quickly when he did and your heart melted when Geralt cradled her so softly, it looked strange seeing the big bad alpha hold the tiny swaddled child but your breath caught in your throat each time. She was now two weeks old and had just started to focus, she seemed to be obsessed with geralts eyes. Everytime your alpha held her close to his face she stared unblinking at them waving her tiny arms around. He sighed and made a fuss about it but you knew he loved having her attention. With Jaskier it was his nose for some reason...he wasn't sure what to make of it to be honest. You clutched her to your breast feeding her as you sat atop roach walking down the well traveled path Geralt leading infront scouring the area for any dangers grunting as your scent wafted to him. It was hell for him, your scent had changed it was calling him to fuck you again and he felt like a teenager constantly hard wanting to fuck you into the ground untill you was mewling for him to stop, images of you begging him not to fill you so close after Rebekka... not that he could but the fantasy was just to delicious, you had all noticed that the Geralts behavior had begun to slip back a little, he hadn't snapped at Jaskier which was good but he was getting more posessive over you and he was posturing? flaunting his dominance over Jaskier and showing off his strength in all honestly he was peacocking something males did just before a rut basically shouting 'pick me im the strongest' it was confusing you, he shouldn't be doing it he couldn't mate, he couldn't go into a rut he'd told you that himself then the scenting oh my god he was scenting you alot always running his hands across you every chance he got , not that you minded you really shouldn't but you wanted him. You wanted him to fuck you pin you down and ravage you untill you begged for mercy you summarized it was an omega thing. Geralt strayed from the path as your child whined. No milk. You sighed shushing her befor swapping breasts letting her take her fill

"You are a greedy little madam arnet you?" Jaskier smiled up at you both before comenting

"Well she just wants to be big and strong like her daddies" Geralt called out before Jaskier could reply dark amber eyes chanllenging jaskier to carry on.

"We will set up here tonight" you sighed watching the display as Jaskier shrunk back slightly then began to set up camp soon enough you was lounging around a roaring fire , that Geralt had stated by hand, no magic required camp had been fully set up and geralt had just caught some fish which youd prepared and placed on the fire to cook and Jaskier was bouncing a happy rebekka in his arms singing to her softly as she yawned. you noticed geralt glancing at you again sniffing a little he looked strange? Eyes ablaze he was Pent up and tense and got up from your spot by the fire and curled up next to Geralt laying your head on his chest nuzzling him

"Alpha? Are you okay?" he growled low before wrapping his arms around you and grunted out his answer.

"Yes why?" In truth he wasn't ok he hadn't been okay for a few days, found himself doing strange things he was showing off he couldn't help it for some reason he was trying to impress you, somthing was happening to him all his thought seemed to revolve around fucking, he wanted to mount you again and again his cock permenatly hard, not the normal 'I could do with a fuck' hard the 'This is fucking painful and tight' hard just from being within six feet of you. His muscles were tight and shaking face was set firm jaw twitching. You could see he wasn't right and whined snuggling closer to him breathing in his scent then stopped abruptly when you smelt it, the cum that was beading on the crown of his cock. You licked your lips the smell instantly making you slick, dripping down and wet your smalls, Geralts eyes snapped to you and he growled snatching you pulling you up against his burning body, all but crushing you into his chest arms trapped in front of you against him as he burried his face in your neck breathing in your scent with deep ragged breaths groaning trying to rub his cock across your knees. So thats what all this was about? He wanted to fuck? You smiled a little turning your face resting your head below geralts chin and moving your legs letting your knees rest either side of his waist watching as Jaskier sighed as Rebekah refused to sleep again being fussy.

"Right well she isn't  settling out here so I will try and put her down for the night in there, come on rebekka say night night to mama and papa" she gave a tiny whine instead making you giggle as she was carried off into the tent. Suddenly you was thrown onto your back harshly with geralt above you

"G-Geralt?" He snarled brining his face just above yours

"Be quiet omega" you whined at him rubbing your thighs together as you twitched beneath him your body already beginning to come alive just from the look he gave you. He moved in slow kissing your neck the nipped his body was screaming at him to mount you. His kisses were gentle slow drags of his hot tongue and soft lips, you shuddered as he suckled lightly on your neck forming a small mark he then ghosted his nose across it you mewled wriggling beneath him as he moved lower you gasped as his hands tore open the bodice of your dress from the neck dragging the sleeves of it off your arms. You hissed when the cold air hit your sore nipples the large pink buds puckering then embarrassingly leaked a few drops of milk, his eyes widened and you saw him swallow he groaned as the sweet scent that had been testing him was now just beneath his sensitive nose , he stared mouth slightly open watching the beads of milk drip from your full breasts down and slide of to the side. Without a thought he leaned in catching it with his tongue grunting at the incredible taste traceing its trail back up to your nipple then lapped at it dragging the flat of his tongue along it coaxing you to release more into your mouth then he pulled back and nipped harshly. As much as he would love to stay here all day feasting on your full delicious breasts your pup needed it, You hissed at him shaking your head moving your hands to push him away

"Nooo alphaaa their sore" you cried out as he grabbed your hands pinning them to the ground by your head and bitting the nipple harshly you whined at him he brought his head up fixing you with a severe look

"I thought I told you to be quiet?" He growled out making you moan and buck at him. He smirked before he leaned back on his feet tugging your hips out of your dress and smalls then crawled back over you pushing your knees back to you chest slreadjng them.

"Oh god you smell so good! Been fucking teasing me all week" he grunted then leant in kissing you your lips teasing your mouth with his tongue then bit your lip harshly making you yelp.

"I'm going to fuck you omega, Im going to bend you over and mount you like never before and then? Then I'm going to bite you, claim you and let everyone know your my bitch, mine to mount and breed when ever I feel like and you, you are going beg for it ,wave your tight little ass in the air to present for me, your going to lay there and take it, thank me for it!" His own words seemed todrown out everything around him, his cock aching straining against its confines wanted to rip you apart from the inside he shuddered falling deeper into his own lust, you whimpered at his growled out words were full of promise your walls ceased tightlyas you become a tight ball of need, he smirked lying resting himself between your thighs supporting his weight on his hands then kissed you again softer than before whispering against you lips.

"Beg for it omega, beg for your alphas cock I know you want it, you want me to claim you, for me to stuff that little cunt full again." You keened at his words panting from just the mere thought of him plowing you into the ground your body throbbing for him. He chuckled a little rolling you to your stomach below growling out his command.

"Present and beg omega"  you stilled a little his low voice, it was different he sounded dangerous and feral, turning you to mush below him you quivered feeling like prey your muscles itched to run but you were far to gone to move and inch, he quickly gave a hard spank when you didn't present fast enough the rough hand leaving a stinging mark on your ass as you snapped out of it and scrabbled to get your hands and knees below you, you blushed when you felt your arousal escape your pussy dripping on to your torn dress below you. He sat back one hand lazily undoing the buttons on his shirt enjoying the way you quivered watching closely as your pussy contracted forcing more of your cum the wash your puffed excited labia from here he could see your full swollen breast swaying teasingly as you panted. He frowned it wasnt right, his omega wasnt in the correct position instinct took over screaming you should be lower. He growled taking this as an act of rebellion pressing you down a little lowering your torso, ass higher so he had the perfect angle to feed your needy little cunt. You swung your head around to him pleading.

"A-alpha please I need you please dont tease me alpha I'm ready pleeaase Geralt!" He grunted reaching one hand forward impaling and you on two fingers violently thrusting in and out you cried out in bliss at his quick pace not expecting him to be so impatient,  he grunted spreading his fingers on every thrust drawing two parallel lines inside of you his fingers holding firm resisting the tight pull of your walls as you tried to close around him just as you began rocking back against him he stopped moving curling his burried fingers down then cruely pulled you back to him by your insides.

"I told you to present, now do it properly!" You cried out a little as he tugged you back further draging your whole weight back with his two crooked fingers that were lodged deep inside you, quickly you pushed your chest to the ground curving your spine holding your ass high shivering and trembling.

"Good girl, now stay there and be quiet, beta is trying to get the pup to sleep. If you wake our pup I will be very displeased with you" you whined as he began thrusting again this time he groaned watching your pussy swallow his fingers greedy for more, you cupped your hand over your mouth as you couldn't help releasing a chorus of moans and grunts gasping as he scissored his fingers back and forths hittingnthatsoft little nerve inside of you. You lurched forward then tried grinding down on his fingers jumping as he brushed that spot again shaking your head.

"Oh there it is! Lets see how much you can take shall we?" You shook your head

"No no alphaAh!" You squeaked as he spanked you again harder this time then placed his hand around your throat pulling your head back leaning over you.

"If I have to tell you again omega I'm going to mount your face and fuck your throat raw until you can't make a sound am I understood now be quiet!" You whined nodding a little as his amber eyes glowed with promise and somthing else somthing darker that sent shiveres down your spine. He would most definitly follow through. He rubbed his fingers punishing your gspot wraking his blunt nails across it forcing you to squirm and shiver then he stopped pulling the hand away to force his leggings down he froze as he felt somthing. A bulge at the base of his erect cock wretching him self up right he looked down slightly panicked. What. The. Fuck. Was. That?. He couldnt make sense of it his cock was angry red and oozing cum much like any other hard on you gave him but it felt tighter, harder and there was a tiny lump at his base that shouldn't be possible he gulped looking at your bent over form still withering before him whining and mewling at being denied your release rockkng side to side. It was then Jaskier came out of the tent

"Well she has fallen to sleee- what the? Really!" He stood there hand on hip ready to lecture but geralt interrupted him

"I think....Jaskier could I be..I mean is it possible to...." the white wolf looked up with hope in his gaze he knew what this could mean, he might be having his first rut, getting a once in a lifetime opportunity to breed, to fill his omega, to fuck and knot her! mate her and breed her all in one! Jaskier moved his hands to his hair hissing a little knowing that Geralt had no experience of ruts, this could get ugly a fully grown alpha in his first ever hormone fulled rut the first time his inner beast was this cose to the surface? Jaskier trusted his alpha but normally alphas had expirience with their 'lessers' as they called them, they grew up having ruts and by the time they were this big, this strong they had a dencent control something Geralt might not have. the witcher was already pulling his lips into a sarl at him he swallowed and lowered himself to the ground showing as much of his throat the the huge alpha as he could whining low in his throat, he wet his lips and tried to explain Geralts confusion could make his lesser angry and frustrated in a small stuttering voice he spoke.

"Some-sometimes unmated omegas with young pups can cause ruts in alphas...Alpha I think thats whats happening....She-um she wants to be mated so theirs an alpha to protect her pup" silence followed Jaskier's explanation and you went to turn around wanting to know why he wasnt already fucking you, their conversation was lost on you, Geralts hands caught you smothering you ass with his hot hands he was snarling unable to help his knee jerk reaction, in his eyes your head had moved towards the beta you wasnt to touch that beta you was his! his to claim and mate. He frowned as you cowered a little shivering. his voice had dropped when he next spoke running his hands across you in sw soothng circles from your shoulders to your ass willing you to relax under him.

"Im sorry omega I didn't mean to frighten you , please just stay there I, I don't want to hurt you." You nodded uncertain looking at Jaskier who tried to crawl around to the side of you Geralt followed his movments his snapping at him then took a deep breath and glared at Jaskier

"Beta back up! your to close far far to close! " Jaskier looked a little confused.

"You think you might be able to breed her?" Geralt sucked in a breath he fet you beneath his hands trying to arch against him, you were lost to our own desire behaveing like you was in heat he took a deep inhale trying to capture as much of your scent as he could noteing there was a subtle change, it had ripened,his eyes opened and he fixed Jaskier wth a look could he? with this new development would he be able to? your body seemed ready again, your scent was sweet and fertile,Just this once ... He smiled wide and wicked his lips curled showing his fangs. The thought only crossed hismind for a second but he had already latched on to it, the thought of watching you grow full of his litter, and it would be a litter! he would fuck as many pups int you as he could while this lasted. He  would give it his best shot. His omega,  full and round with his pups glowing with life that he put their not Jaskier him! you twisted around to face him wanting to see what the fuss seemed to be about, you gasped when you saw his cock a reasonably sized knot froming at the base you couldnt help the excitment bubbling in your chest, you whined rocking from side to side wanting to entice him in, to make him want to knot you, fuck you and fill you ,you hummed as another wave of slick dribbled from your wanton pussy making you ready for him.

"Alphaaa! please please knot me alpha breed me!" he smirked rubbing a hand across your back hushing you.

"Im going to, only chance I'll ever get, you hear that omega? Your going to be bred again, this time by me! I'm going to knot you properly!" you squealed as he quickly rolled you back into position face down low and ass up,Jaskier gave his alpha a look, try for another? when Rebekka was only weeks old? not that he could fault the witcher for wanting to, I mean they were always lead to believe that they could never had pups of their own and it turns out that might be incorrect, that when presented with the right circumstances that maybe they could. You moaned as Geralts rough hands manhandled you back in position his warm hands seemed to leave tingles across your hips as he tugged you around spreading your legs and pushing you forward a little angleing you by pressing your shoulders down again like before holding you so that you'd take him deep and he would hopefully flood your womb. You cried out as he nudged forward not willing to risk this opportunity passing him by you held your breath as he smeared the head of his cock across your lips ghosting your trembling core he sighed a heavy gravly noise as he felt your desperate walls trying to suck him in, hissing as your hot core almost bruned him then he thrust forward impaling you with all of his might growling ,eyes cast down watching as you tight body was forced to take him up to his knot, Jaskier watched as Geralt tore into your body almost savagly then held himself still snarling, his pupils seeped out untill his eyes were nothing but a deep black void of feral need. You screeched out as his thick cock slid true bypassing any feebal resistance your body put up, you groaned his growls reverberated through your back making you shiver walls clenching around him as he burrowed deeper and deeper into you grunting and hissing the entire time as his throbbing cock parted your walls massaging the stretched passage deep before hiking your hips higher tilting you forward determined to leave his mark deep, you moaned an widened your knees keening as his .

"FUUCKYESSS thats it omega....Fuck good girl your going to be soo full...so so full....you want that? for me to keep you full with pups and cum?" you whined as he leant his weight down into you bashing your cervix instinct drving him, testing to see if he could breech it yet, that was his goal, to tease past it hold himself there an release into your womb determined to breed you himself this time. Your arms gave out when he pulled back a little then rammed forward grunting, you cried out as you starting falling face first but you quickly had one of his hands fisted in your hair dragging you back up he spanked you quickly then began to ravage you pounding fast and hard you whimpered in pain as he worked you harder than before bearly having time to catch your breth as he fucked it out of you as you felt small spurts of cum already trying to paint your insides scorching your channel lready. Jaskier gulped watching as Geralt fucked you brutally, he winced as he heard your pained grunts and the stinging slaps of his thighs and balls hitting your legs. you closed your eyes as Geralt rutted into you making you moan loud and long as he pressed harder each time you couldn't help moaning and crying out for him as he built up a bone rattling pace you squealed as he hurtled you into an orgasm making your whole body relax and spasm at the same time as you released over him pressing your head into the ground and arching your ass to him trying to swallow more of him as his balls pounded away as your sensitive clit sending small waves of pleasure up your spine making you tighten around him, despite the harsh thrusts you loved it feeling him part you so deep you cenched around walls fluttering trying to coax him into finishing as he fucked you through your orgasm you mewled pulling you head up as it became to much your clit started to sting under the harsh slaps it recived from him.

"N-NO ahahUGHFUCK PLEASE! alphaaa stop its to much-AAAHH FUCK NONONONO" You pleaded with him making him groan as he fucked you harder your knees fell out from under you as you collapsed exhausted kicking out when he mearly followed you down still driving into you as hard as he could lost in his own need to breed you, he growled tugging your hips up leaving the rest of you sprawled out feeling you fall into your second orgasm with a loud yelp.

"Fuck thats itUGHUGH GOOD GIRL fuck you're already trying to finish me!!" you mewled as he moved a hand to your throbbing clit rotating his wrist a little to get the best angle he then started flicking it left to right with fast light passes of his fingertips making you try to bare down on him you slowly began to feel him swell he swore as you panicked a little trying to avoid the thick flesh trying to breech you.

"Ah ah its ok almost there fuck yes! UGHUGH OH-SHIT FUCK YES omega shh shh come on take it, you can take it, dont you want me to breed you? to knot you, of course you want your alpha to knot you thats your purpose, you were made to be knotted" you cried uncomfotably when he tried pushing his knot into you.

"UGH FUCK SAKE stay ohfuuck stay still omega! Your getting it and thats FINAL!!!" You moaned as he held you firm with a snarl his throbbing cock pulsing forcing you to moan out loud with each thrust making you wither against him tired, fucked but your body still desperate for another realese chasing it as he rid you hard into the ground,you clawed at the ground trying to get away from the huge knot pressing at your swollen pussy, promising to destroy you

"NO YOU DON'T,  GET BACK HERE!!" you screamed as he simply held your hips then with a heavy rutting motion began to push past your tender lips.

"no-AH NO IT HURTS ALPHA STOOOPP!! NO NO PLESE PLEAS-UGH FUCK!" you protested as he found himself settling deeper and deeper finally with a brutal thrust he had breeched your cervix making you scream as the sacred little opening was force fed a good few inches, it was a terrible double edged sword painfull and intoxicating he pinned you seemingly more excited now that he was past all barriers your body streched and willing to be bred. Jaskier watched cringing a little as you went pale face morphed into shock, mouth agape no sound escapeing and eyes wide tears smothering your face as Geralt snapped his hips forward again grunting as his knot was fully seated inside of you.

"Good girl fuck-OHH GODsuch a good girl, stuffed so full-fuck thats so good shit  thats it little one nearly done" You clenched around him again at his praise, your alpha was proud of you when your body accepted him deeper you felt a tremendous stretch that stung your walls then you seemed to tighten around him, closing behind a fat ball of twitching flesh,his knot thats what he had just stuffed you with! it felt huge pressing on your walls from all sides he still gave short thrusts each rubbing on your gspot pulling and throbbing you could feel the bulbos head of his fat cock past your cervix, for all you knew he was in your stomach, you felt winded and full after a few small thrusts he grunted knot swelling with blood truly locking you to him you winced then without warning he then dove down latching him fangs into your neck giving you his claimin bite.

"A-ALPHA? Ohmy- n-No PLEASE IT  HURTS STOP!" he smiled into the bite happy that you coudnt wriggle from under him he felt his balls tighten then start to release it was only then he pulled back licking at the wound carefully, his lesser was saited now you were his, his alone, he was knotted and filling you. Finally with the mark inplace he calmed down eyes returning to their normal amber. You whimpered as you felt the first flood of hot cum releasing into you the spray set something off in you as you tensed again around him shuddering your body trying to cum around him but struggled to clench around him properly resulting in a weak orgasm, he moaned praising you as he continued warming your insides it stopped then another stream and another it felt like he was releasing torrents of the stuff you moaned tilting your hips up trying to take as much as you could from him your own insides dragging it deeper as you trembled, you winced as he followed his knot was painfull and hard holding your muscles apart you tugged forward but he quickly reassured you holding you back firm against him.

"shh shh its ok omega, this is what you were made for, a knot, an alpha to breed your little cunt, you can take it you will take it all of it and if anything trickles out of your little stuffed pussy I'm going to do it again and again as many timed as i can untill you remeber your fucking place! mine your mine only! my mate, my omega" you whined feeling him twitching still realesing thick ribbons into you , you blushed when the sensation made you moan loud, after all the pleasure and pain it felt soothing he rubbed your back and wasnt long before you started shivering the coolnight air on your sweat slicked body made you cold now that you was resting.

"Jaskier are you ok?" the bard nodded enthusiastically trying to hide his rageing boner

"I can smell you Jaskier...can you go get some heavy blankets she's getting cold, then go sort yourself out....stay close" the bard nodded quickly he had tried to stay as still as he could Geralts lesser was.frightening  to say the leaset if he had moved he could have drawn the alphas attention and that could have been his last mistake, he moved to the tent gathering the warmest blankets you had in camp then scuttled over to the other side of the fire to sort himself out. You whjned feeling a little sorry for him giving geralt a a small frown

"I could-"

"NO I might attack him, he will be fine mate now get some rest" Geralt wasn't going to let him touch you not so close afer mating you itd be a bad idea hslesser was gone for the moment but Geralt wouldn't risk his beta like that he could snapp and attack him quiet easily, you yelped when geralt quickly sat back down taking you with him litteraly dragging you around by his cock you winced as the were placed on his lap a heavy blanket over the both of you,Geralt was a furnace in his own right and soon you'd fallen to sleep. Geralt stayed sitting still for what felt like hours as you slept, Jaskier had gone to bed ages ago sleeping along side rebekka finally the withers knot shrunk carfully he slipped free noting that nothing had escaped he felt a little guilty as you winced hissing in your sleep as he pulled away but couldn't help the overwhelming relief as he looked at you neck.His.His hopefully bred omega. Quietly he carried you into the tent and laid you down, now all he had to do was wait and hope he hadn't fucked it up.

[joy1579]

the RFA bois react to empath MC

so in this context im gonna say MC is an empath in that she can feel other peoples emotions. they feel separate from hers though as she’s had a lot of time to learn to compartmentalize her emotions separate from others. she can also promote emotions to other people but not force them. think of it like the difference between being near a small campfire and wrapped up in a blanket in you house. if your feeling sad she can help you feel a little better help you not slip too far into depression but she cant solve the problem. if your surrounds by cold sadness she can be a small campfire to warm up next to until you have enough strength to make it home. some people can tell the difference between her promoted feelings and their genuine ones but its difficult and often takes a lot of practice.

I might add jaehee and Saeran a bit later. if you guys want me to leave a comment. otherwise i’ll probably move on to my next project.

oh and master list

Jumin

Curious, defensive, once he accepts it he’s thankful that you can understand his feelings so easily

-        He doesn’t believe you at first. At least he says he doesn’t but you can feel his curiosity

-        You tell him to ask any questions he has and he does

-        “Can you make people feel something?” Sorta but not really, I can promote or encourage feelings but not force them

-        “Can you tell when people lie to you?” it depends on why their lying. I can fell maliciousness and that can tell me if their lying.

-        “Have you ever used this power on me?” You can feel the anxiety behind that question. He doesn’t want his love for you to be something you created. You don’t have to be an empath or a mind reader to see that concern.

-        I can’t turn off feeling other people’s emotions that’s how I knew how much you were hurting. “you know that’s not what I’m asking MC”

-        You sigh defeated yes, but it isn’t what you think. I didn’t make you love me; I could never do that. there isn’t a point if those feeling aren’t genuine. I tried to calm you down, make you feel more safe and secure. You were so anxious I couldn’t stand to see you so hurting like that so I tried to encourage peace

-        You could feel him processing that, you watched as his grim and serious face slowly melted into the gentle smile you loved you could feel his warm and soothing love

-        can I show you something? I, I’ve never done this but I want to try to make you feel how I feel about you.so you can understand “you may”

-        you instructed him to breathe deeply. The way he did when he meditated (a hobby he had begun after reading about it in a book about Romanian vampires)

-        it’s easier if your empty and open. A blank slate to receive what I’m projecting are you ready?

-        He nods and you start. You pour every ounce of energy you have into showing him how much you love him the warmth in your face when you catch his eye, the tingles in your fingertips when he kisses you, the giddy bubbliness in your heart when he makes those silly dry jokes of his and last the hunger in your blood when he smirks at you.

-        When you stop sending him your feelings you can feel them mirrored back at you with their signature Jumin charm.

-        His face may not burn but he’s never found it difficult to fight a smile before he met you, his fingers may not tingle but they twitch with the need to hold you, and he feels that same giddy bubbliness when you laugh at his jokes, last but certainly not least you feel the aching need for you when you glance at him slyly

-        You laugh at the cosmic ridiculousness of it all, you two felt so similar yet so different two sides of the same coin.

-        You wouldn’t have it any other way

 Yoosung

Embarrassed, thinks you can mind read, tries to not think anything naughty thinks EVERYTHING naughty

-        When you tell him he turns bright red and you almost choke on the embarrassment he’s feeling

-        Why is he so embarrassed though? you don’t get it feelings aren’t embarrassing

-        “so you um you know all my thoughts?” oh okay now you get it he doesn’t understand

-        No I can’t read your thoughts I just feel your emotions, like if your happy I can feel your happiness or if your sad I can feel that sadness

-        “so um can you feel if I feel um like nope never mind no its nothing I’m going to go study”

-        Now you’re curious so while he’s studying your focused on him searching for something anything beyond the pure embarrassment he’s feeling

-        Slowly you can feel a small piece of his emotion a wavering flickering determination to hide something

-        You don’t approve of spying. But he was acting so strange you were worried. So you watched him for the rest of the evening as you scampered around doing everything in his power to stay busy and avoid you

-        You can’t keep avoiding me forever Yoosung what are you so afraid ill feel that I haven’t felt already

-        That’s when he locks eyes with you and you can feel his need ;) at the same time that his face flushes a near impossible shade of red

-        “MC can you feel when I have naughty thoughts?” He blurts clearly a little panicked

-        You can’t help but giggle because you can feel his nervousness under laden by the obvious thoughts he’s been trying not to think

-        Only when you think about them really hard *you wiggle your eyebrows at him*

-        And now you’ve broken him he’s a puddle of embarrassment on the floor you should probably stop teasing him now

-        Yoosung listen if you’re worried about me thinking your weird, or not feeling the same way myself. You don’t need to. Honestly most of the time I feel how sincerely you love me, how much you enjoy being with me, how much you cherish me. Every now and then I feel you get a little needy and to be honest, I feel the exact same way. I love you of course I feel that way sometimes.

-        Then his lips are on yours and your drowning in the intensity of his emotion

-        How can such a cute and innocent looking boy feel so, hungry. You have to admit its intoxicating

-        you hold him tight against you and try to make him feel your love the way you feel his love right now

-        you don’t know if it comes through but you figure you probably have the rest of your life to keep trying.

-        At least if the devotion and love you feel from him is really as strong as it feels

-        You know better than anyone that feelings can change in the blink of an eye

-        But you have no intention of letting this go

Saeyoung

skeptical at first, he jokes about conspiracies and magic because they seem so far fetched to me so you’ll have to prove yourself.

-        when she tells him he doesn’t believe you

-        “prove it what am feeling right now” he said teasingly

-        Skeptical? You replied blandly it didn’t take an empath to figure that one out

-        Saeyoung laughed at that and you couldn’t help the bloom off love in your heart

-        “okay that wasn’t a good example” he joked “how about this what’s Saeran feeling”

-        “emotionally exhausted, a little depressed, but mostly apathetically curious

-        ... it’s the best he’s felt in a while to be honest but it’s getting better” you said solemnly

-        You felt his heart sink the all too familiar weight of guilt he carried quickly pushed aside to focus on more pleasant things

-        “that would have been a better example if I could fact check it but it seems right” he said with a glance to his brother lost at the computer in the corner of the room

-        I can try to affect your mood would that prove it? You offered

-        He brightened instantly at that “oh yeah! that’s a good idea bet you can’t scare me”

-        “I can’t force emotions but I can promote them so let’s try it out. First it’s easier if you clear your mind and start with a blank slate” you instructed

-        “my minds always a blank slate” he quipped giving you his signature goofy grin

-        you couldn’t help but laugh for a moment and you felt his pride swell at your giggling

-        after a moment you calm yourself down and begin to focus on proving your point

-        suddenly he’s stiff and trembling in front of you

-        “I don’t like that” he whispered stopping you immediately

-        “I’m sorry did I push too hard” you fretted

-        “I, don’t, I believe you just don’t do that again”

-        “of course I’m sorry” you promised worriedly

-        “I haven’t felt like that since, never mind I just don’t like it”

-        “here let me try something else something better”

-        This time you sent warmth, comfort and love. the feeling of stepping inside your warm home on a cold winter day. you can feel him beginning to relax into it and you hope this makes up for your earlier faux pas

-        “I recognize that feeling you’ve done this for me before”

-        you caught me I did this a lot when you were with me at Rikas place I didn’t like you feeling bad so I tried to help usually the calls helped with they didn’t I did this

-        he pulls you into his arms and hugs you tight you can feel his adoration and gratefulness

-        “you’ve been helping me since the beginning. thank you”

 zen

instant belief (because he has psychic dreams after all) probably falls more in love with you because you can completely understand his feelings

-        now he knows why you believed him about his psychic dreams so wholeheartedly with no hesitation

-        no one had ever believed him so quickly and honestly it meant so much that you had trusted him

-        then his eye’s glint and he asks if you can feel what characters are supposed to be feeling

-        you almost laugh at that but he’s serious

-        he thinks about how helpful that would be for his career, how easy it would make character analysis

-        you almost wish you could when you see how passionate and ambitious he is

-        but you shake your head and explain

-        “I have to be with the person”

-        He nods at that but you can feel his confusion grow mixed with curiosity so you continue

-        “and if there’s multiple people I have to work harder to focus on just the person I want to read.”

-        it’s in this moment that clarity dawns on Zen’s face you were so good at isolating people’s problems focusing on exactly who you needed to. the reason you were always so focused on him and his feelings was because you worked at it. You had practice.

-        You could feel his admiration though you weren’t sure what thoughts a brought it you had started talking and now it felt like you couldn’t stop you had never told anyone about how your power felt and now it was pouring out of you

-        “It’s like being in a crowded room and trying to isolate one person’s voice from all the others. it can be overwhelming because people don’t have inside emotions like they have inside voices. when something exciting happens in a movie, sometimes it feels like the whole theater is screaming.

-        “that’s why you hadn’t heard of me before we met. You avoided the theater because it was to emotional?”

-        “I couldn’t get into the story because the actors never felt genuine and I got a headache from all the people in the crowd it was easier to watch things at home where I couldn’t read people so easily”

-        “but you come see my plays now?”

-        You blushed at that averting your eyes “your acting is different. You actually feel the part. You make it easy for even me to believe you. if it’s you, I think it’s worth the headache from the crowd. If it’s you I think I understand how the crowd can get so worked up.”

-        He lunged at you and in a flash your back was against the couch as he loomed over you hungry and full of adoration he leaned down to whisper in your ear

-        “can you tell how I feel right now?”

-        You shut your eyes tight and nodded face red with embarrassment.

-        “then you must have some idea of how much I love you. still I’d like to prove it, if you’ll let me Jagi”

[alchemist-shizun]

Of Sunflowers and Thunderstorms

Merry belated Christmas @sar-kasstic!! I love you so so so much and I promised you this little thing you little adorable being, so let the sunflowers be inspirational and dive into this.

Read on Ao3!

Ts taglist: @whizzie72 @sapphire-knight @burningpersonflapsuitcase @softanxiouspatton  @royallyanxious @kim-argent-moon @lance-alt @suffering-is-my-comfort-zone @sometimeswritingsometimesdying  @mylifeisadeceit @spooky-scary-virgil (tell me if you want to be added or removed)

Word Count: 1,198

Characters: Virgil, Roman

Pairing(s): Prinxiety

Warning(s): pure fluff this time, there is kissing

Summary: Roman and Virgil are hanging out in the imagination. Virgil has always loved the place, especially that little sunflower field Roman decided to make exceptionally for the two of them.

A/N: I just wanted to say, Kass, if you're reading, thank you so much. You know why. I love you! I hope you like it, I tried let my emotions take over and this is what they came up with. Needless to say, this came out differently than originally planned. There might be typos because it's three am, IM SORRY. Enjoy~ (Part of dialogue is taken from Flammes a Lunettes)

✾

❝ Flowers, I remember fields

of flowers, soft beneath my heels,

walking in the sun.

I remember someone.

Someone by my side,

turned his face to mine … ❞

The imagination was spectacular.

Virgil had to admit everything about it was breathtaking. Wondrous. Striking and sensational just like the moment of silence between the last two lines of a theatrical play.

The visuals, the aura it radiated, he felt like he had stumbled upon someone else's dream.

Everything, as he certainly deeply meant it, everything about it was stupendous.

Roman was part of it.

Which made Roman the ultimate wonderful creation to be stunned by.

Virgil knew this, he perfectly knew this as the other side talked and looked up at a clear cerulean with those dazzling amber irises, painted with the light the sky gave him.

He was lying next to Virgil, comfortably cradled, as if in a nest, by the sunflower field he had let appear for the sole purpose of them enjoying their time together.

The flowers stood straight and loomed above them and Virgil thought up for a moment the possibility of being part of a fantasy novel.

He looked as Roman spoke, he looked at the outline of his face, at the curves it made, at the motion of his pillowy lips disrupting its poised continuation.

As his voice came out as a melody repeating the same two letters over and over again, and still aiming at the listener's heart, which was promptly enraptured. On fire.

Yet, Roman wasn't even singing.

And his voice could still be perceived as the tune one would get pleasantly stuck in his head.

The one song you can't help but listen multiple times a day.

Roman? Well, he was an experience Virgil silently wished to witness more than once in his routine.

Virgil adored everything about the imagination. He adored everything about Roman.

« I could even ... » Creativity softly shook his head, thoughtful. « make these sunflowers grow taller. Make them rise higher than our heights. »

« Why? » Virgil snapped back to life.

Roman ignored the question. « I could make a sunflower labyrinth. We could even dance between the grass walls. » his eyes narrowed as daydreaming took over his sight.

« You don't have to. »

« I can do anything. » he mused, finally turning and meeting Virgil's gaze.

Determination fueled him, the same determination that made his entire self almost glimmer with the delight new ideas brought him.

And then it faded away, softening the edges that were sharpened by the focusing moment.

« But for now I'll just … » he rested his arms under his head and made himself even more comfortable, shifting so imperceptibly closer to Virgil that neither of them noticed. « Enjoy myself. »

Virgil snorted softly. « Aren't you always enjoying yourself? » the question, obviously, came out as rhetorical through a grin.

« Hey, » Roman furrowed his brows with faked offence. « this is a fine body, thank you very much. »

« We have the same- »

« I know. »

« Then why- » too engrossed in his own confusion, it took Virgil a moment too late to realize what Roman had just implied.

He turned to face Anxiety. « Why? » he repeated, cutting him off as he saw the other's face twist in disbelief.

« I don't know. Maybe it's one thing. » Roman reached out and let his hand pass through Virgil's hair, from the top of his head to the side of his face right next to his left eye. « Maybe another. » at this point it was just his fingertip tracing a path down his cheekbone.

Virgil was irreparably petrified under his touch.

« Or completely something else. » anyone would have noticed the brush of Roman's fingers tickling his lips as they travelled to his chin and fell down on his chest, where they rested.

Virgil, poor Virgil now definitely on fire, became aware of his breathing at once.

He dared not to speak.

« I hope my point could enlighten you. » Roman withdrew his arm, knowing very well it did.

All he got back was an almost silent “Hm”. For, y'know, reasons.

Their subsequent time was filled by quiet moving of hands as Virgil pretended he was using Roman's powers and creating little purple sunflowers all around them.

Roman gladly complied to the game, to the point of amusing himself, too.

Or maybe both of them, because when he sneaked a glance at the other, he could see an evident smile adorning his face.

Virgil raised his arm and pointed to the sky, waiting for something to happen.

Which was … nothing. Nothing but distant sounds.

« What's that odd pitter-patter? » Virgil sat up, narrowing his eyes as if he could refine his hearing with that sole movement.

« That's just the rain. » Roman followed his motions, yet looking much more unimpressed of the weather condition the imagination managed to maintain. « You like the rain, Stormcloud? »

As much as that was meant as a joke, Virgil responded in honesty. « Getting wet? No. » he looked at the sky behind himself, untrusting.

Then he turned to Roman, and when his eyes set on him, something in the air seemed to change.

« But the sound it makes, » he remembered how he couldn't stay focused on anything but Roman's singing the day before. « Yes. » there was also a different look in both of their gazes.

« A storm's brewing. » Creativity informed, without taking his eyes off the other.

The buzzing around them grew louder, yet it didn't materially exist.

« A thunderstorm? »

« A magnetic one. »

And it really was.

Rumbling and crashing of thunders burgeoned as the pulling energy attracted them both towards each other.

Lovely as it sounds, the storm grew louder with every centimetre less that separated them. Flowers fell apart as Roman's hands found Virgil's cheeks for the second time that day. Virgil held his breath, and the rivers shook with fear.

Despair approached and was unleashed by Roman catching Virgil's lower lip between his own.

The chaos was soon forgotten, but didn't diminish when Virgil returned the kiss, which became thousand more and a hundred couple of thunders exploding in their honour.

It was the dread of the hourglass, the last grains of sand falling onto the others, it was the threat of the sea level arriving at your neck, your feet almost floating in the water.

And every time they parted, the world tried to rebuild itself.

Destruction mocked the revival of reality, with it Virgil and Roman haunted the possibility of restoration.

They became deaf with the thundering and blind with the flashes of lightning.

Virgil pulled back, forcing himself not to dive in again as soon as his lips left Roman's.

He let himself admire him, the same way he had done moments before, the same way he had been doing for way too long, so much that it physically ached to simply look at him.

Such a devastating beauty, the worst of the femme fatale.

He had a thought. A repetitive thought of the past few hours.

The imagination was spectacular.

« You're splendid. »

And Roman was part of it.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Love Of My Life - Shawn Mendes (1/2)

im so soft rn, its making my heart ache and also i’ve been thinking about babies nonstop and for someone who is terribly afraid of pregnancy that’s just... weird but i cant help it arghhh

based on a request from an anon

1.5k of dad!shawn

drabble list masterlist

You really didn’t think it through, how hard it’s going to be to be on tour with a six months old baby. Changing diapers on the floor of an arena hallway, feeding her in the back of a tour bus and putting her to sleep in hotel lobbies have become the regular and being a first time mom you sometimes doubt if you should be doing all of these. But at the end of the day, she is still fine, smiling back at you with that smile that she got from her daddy, and the way she watches Shawn perform every night is just making your heart burst out of your chest. Her tiny fingers pointing at his jumping figure and screaming “dada” and the way she claps when he sings is just the best thing in the world making all the effort and energy worth it. You wouldn’t want it any other way and you knew it when you and Shawn married that there would be nothing normal in your life.

Today Skylar is feeling extremely fussy for some reason. She didn’t sleep well, you spent half the night on feet with her, walking down the hallways of the hotel hoping to tire her out and go back to sleep, but she had other plans. She’s been clinging onto Shawn all afternoon, holding onto his jacket for dear life with her tiny hands. Usually she is one happy, carefree baby, not bothered about who is holding her and she is pretty used to being in the arms of a different person every ten minutes. Everyone loves her, it’s melting your heart how the toughest looking, big bearded stage builder can turn into a soft marshmallow when she starts giggling in their arms. But not today.

“Babe, I have to go, the question round is starting,” Shawn sighs as he holds her to you, her tiny hands already reaching for him to take her back. “Be a good girl and stay with mommy, okay?” he tells Skylar, kissing the top of her head, and you can already see her lips pouting. It’s just a matter of time till she starts screaming again. “I love you,” he smiles at you kissing you shortly before running out to his fans.

Just as you thought it doesn’t take too long till Skylar loses it. Hearing her crying is just the worst thing, it’s breaking your heart to know that something is making her upset even the slightest.

“I know, I know,” you mumble to her, rocking her back and forth while walking down the hallway.

Laughter and clapping can be heard from the room where the Q&A is held and you know that if you can hear them, they can surely hear Skylar’s crying as well. People give you a sympathetic look as they walk past you, babbling some sweet words to her, but she refuses to stop.

“Sweetie, daddy is working, do you not love me anymore?” you ask her, as if she could answer you, but you guess the unstoppable crying is some sort of answer as well.

You feel like you are failing miserably, her screams are pounding in your head and you are just about to go outside so the city can swallow her voice at last, not bothering the work of others, but then you spot Shawn in the hallway, running towards you. There’s no way he is done with the questions, it’s been about ten minutes since he started.

“What are you doing here?” you ask him with wide eyes, still rocking her in your arms.

“Give her to me,” he holds his hands out and even though you don’t understand what his plan is, you are desperate to make her stop.

The moment she nuzzles her face in his shirt she stops crying, as if he put a magic spell on her. Eyes puffy and red, fingers wet from her always poking around in her mouth, but at least she is quiet.

“Bring her a bottle, I’ll feed her while answering the questions,” Shawn tells you as he heads back to the room where the fans are waiting.

“I got one on me,” you tell him pulling out a small bottle of milk out of your hoodie’s pocket. You’ve been having the weirdest stuff on you lately, constantly finding diapers and wet wipes in your pockets when you are washing your clothes.

The moment he returns and the fans see him with Skylar in his arms they start melting at the sight of them and you can’t blame them. It’s like Shawn was meant to be a dad, handling her so easily and carefully as he sits back to his spot in front of them, Skylar lying in his arms, eyes fixed on her daddy’s face while her tiny hands grip onto his jacket.

“Little Princess has been acting up today so she is joining us, if that’s alright,” Shawn tells them as he reaches for the bottle. You hand it to him and a moment later she is peacefully sucking on it, not giving a damn about all the people around her, watching her in awe.

Your head is thankful for him, you have no idea how long you would have been able to put up with her screams and it’s making you jealous a bit as Shawn was the only person to get her calm down. But your heart is so full as you watch him hold her with one hand, bottle in the other while he is talking about music, upcoming plans and memories with his fans while you sit next to him, making sure you are ready to take her any moment he needs to free his hands.

“What is Shawn like as a dad?” you hear the question from somewhere at the back of the room and you look up surprised that someone asked you. He glances at you with a warm smile, waiting for your answer.

“Um, he is literally the best, as you can see.”

A nervous chuckle leaves your lips and they join you while Shawn is still holding Skylar.

“From when he held my hair when I was throwing up every morning in my first trimester to waking up any moment during the night and letting me sleep for just a little more now, he is literally the best.”

Your hormones are still acting up and you can feel yourself getting emotional as you talk about him, but you haven’t been able to wrap your mind around how amazing he really is. Skylar came a little earlier than you planned, you wanted to wait until the end of this tour before starting to try for a baby, but she obviously was in a rush to join the two of you, coming only a year after you tied the knot with Shawn. You felt nervous telling him, thinking he might be mad at you for ruining all the plans you had, but that was not the case. He was bursting from happiness when you told him, breaking down in tears as he pressed his face to your stomach right there, at the middle of the kitchen and he has been the most amazing dad since that moment, being there for you through everything, canceling interviews when you were feeling so much backpain you couldn’t even get out of the bed and bringing you the weirdest stuff from the grocery store in the middle of the night when you wanted to eat pickles with peanut butter. He really is the dad you always pictured for your children.

“She is obsessed with him, and honestly, same,” you add making everyone laugh in the room as you look at them. The way her eyes shine when she is looking at Shawn, it’s making you want to curl up and cry happy tears. She is such a daddy’s little girl and you have nothing against that.

The question round soon wraps up and once Skylar is done with eating she finally falls asleep in Shawn’s arms. You stay with her in the dressing room, occasionally sneaking out to watch Shawn perform your favorite songs while someone else is looking out for her. You’re not surprised that she sleeps through the whole show and doesn’t wake up even when you leave the venue, sleeping peacefully in the car on the ride back to the hotel. She’s wasted a lot of energy on crying today.

Once she is lying in her crib at the hotel room, arms above her head, legs spread in a way you doubt it would be comfortable, Shawn and you just stand there, mesmerized by her as you watch her tiny chest rise and fall peacefully, pacifier moving in her mouth.

“She is so beautiful,” he whispers putting an arm around your shoulders as he pulls you to his side.

Before having a kid you thought it’s creepy to watch a baby sleep, but now you fully understand. You just can’t get enough of her, wanting to savior every moment knowing how fast she is growing and soon she won’t be a baby anymore.

“I can’t believe we made her,” you mumble as you nuzzle your face into his chest.

“Well, you had a little more work in that,” he chuckles making you smile.

“True, but you helped in it a lot,” you say giving him all the credit he deserves.

“Anything for the loves of my life,” he whisper kissing into your hair, wrapping both of his arms around you.

[c0untb00z]

I would just like to clear, I don't hate the BBC Dracula 2020 Show. In fact, I actually like the idea of Dracula being set in modern times like in the show, but I would like it a lot better if it wasn't written like a fucking reader insert fanfiction.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some reader inserts every once in a while but they're meant to be on Wattpad. Sometimes, you can find really fucking good fanfictions that could genuinly be movies, but this really just feels like someone wrote an erotic fanfiction for Dracula. It almost reminds me of a worse version of 50 Shades of Grey with less kinky sex.

First and foremost Agatha Van Hesling. I actually kinda liked her personality, how driven she was and determined to never give up, but she was literally created for a love interest. In Dracula by Bram Stocker, Sister Agatha is a nun that nurses Jonathan back to health, claiming he was 'sick in the head' as he ranted of what he had seen and warning others of Dracula. She doesn't even have a last name.

However there is a Dr. Van Hesling in the book, hes dutch(???) Professor that mentors and taught(????) Jack Seward who was in love with Lucy, who was fed off of and eventually killed and eventually undead by the means of the one and only Dracula. Dr Van Hesling plays a large role in the plot of the book. He has an open mind and was able to draw connections between things that some others couldn't, as he had access to more sources and could speak to most off the charecters involved. He's the first person to present the idea of a vampire, and Lucy turning into one. Thanks to Jonathan he was able to identify the vampire feeding on Lucy as Dracula and finds out how to kill the vampires.

So basically Agatha was literally fabricataed for the sole perpose of being there, to fall in love with Dracula or something.

I know we all are horny for Dracula. I'm horny for Dracula. Vampires are fucking hot but the sexiest part of vampires is that they ya know. Kill you and are mercily and heartless. The show does show that in a lot of parts and even decapiates a nun and yeets it into a gaggle of nuns which i fucking died at. But it also, humanizes him way to much, hes literally a monster. The scene in the boat with lord whats his name really portrayed that. It was really,,,, weird cause me being a kinky fucker I don't find the particular phrases of "you're going to need to be quiet now," and " youre doing so well" that creepy and if anything a little hot but looking at the circumstance and the look on that kids face, it was like r e a l y fucked up. Which is why i liked that scene. It showed just how fucked up Dracula is.

To be fair i did like Cleas Bangs acting and casting as Dracula. He had a certain charm that was ever so s l i g h t l y off. I heard people say he just 'made up an accent' but fuck you guys its a fucking danish accent you incolent twats anyways. He could be really funny at times and i actually apprecited it.

However the casting AND acting of the modern parts is absolute shit. Ep.3 is where i kinda gave up on the show and finsihed it for the sake of torturing myself. FIRST OF FUCKING ALL LUCY i cannot fathom how P I S S E D i am about Lucy. Why did they have to make her a phone obsessed basic asshole with no regards to anyones emotions besides her own and the extent of her personality is 'getting likes on socail media is all i care about because it makes me feel validated so im gonna wallo in self pity because i was obiously written by white man in his 50s that would have made me white if he wasnt forved to throw in diversity points" like shut the fuck up steven king.

Also lucy and mina never meet??? Theyre in different fucking time lines??? Theyre friendship and love for eachother was fucking golden how dare you rob that form me and give me a garbage bag full of shit with a shiny little bow on top in its place jesus f u ck.

The cemetary scene was o k ay i gues?? I liked the little nod to the book with the bloofer lady and the concept of random sprits being undead because of unfinished buisness. But this really just felt like it was slapped in the show for the sake of going on a date with Dracula in cemetary. I actually kinda apperacted it but it just felt awkward.

Also who the f u ck is Lucy's friend? The gay one??? Like,,,, is that supposed to Arthur???? His chatecter was so fu king weird and offset he just didnt feel like he should be in there. Hes literally just there for a-50-year-old-man's-interpretation-of-young-women-now-a-days verson of Lucy to have a gay best ffriend.

Ok i not even sure if i want to talk about Quincy. It just hurts. It physically hurts me to think about how d i r t y they did my baby. His charecter is the defination of american chivalry, just as great as regular chivarly but with a little extra cowboy vibe. Quincy is jist the biggest,,,, sweet haert,, like he asked lucy to marry him in his cool american cowboy voice cause he knew lucy loved it and it always made her laugh. And even when she turned him down becayse her heart belonged to arthur, he stayed. All he wanted was for lucy to be happy and all he requested was that they stay frirnds. Hes also invovled with taking fkwn dracula although hes not a main charecter percice ly as he doesnt have any entires in the book he still has an amaizing precence and sometimes while reading the book ill be readying one of dr sewards passanges and think "huh i wonder what quncys doin. I hope hes dooin good. Cowboy vibes n stuffs" amd boy dles he do that. Everh dracula film adaptataion robs us. R O B S U S of quincy morris best scene. In the middle of dr van helsing ranting about vampires( thats basically what half of the book is. I could write a 4p minute mono louge of his rambling jesus how does sweard take note of all this) quincy litterally just walks out. And nobodg really pays any notice beside glancing ag his leave and shrugging at one anouther and going back tl listneing tl van helsing explaining his vampire fan theories quincy moris , the quincy morris from texathe untited states of the amerkca the land and the free and also cowboys.stands outside of the bouilding and pints his gun up at. Dracula whos in the shape of a fucking bat eves ddopping outside the window and just fucking,,shoots it. Now he doesnt hit it cause thatt wouldnt be as fun as brutally stabbing the fucker witja wooden stake. But S T I L L. And the fucking bullet hits the window that everybodys in anprobably causes arthur to shit himself the ppoor boy. Can you belive that theh didnt fucking flim thatfor any dracul? Now i i under stands why not put in this adaptation because quincy is only mentionsed like three god damned times. And when theh DK mention him jesusnshit they literally jsut made him some popular jock from amwrica just to conter jacks white twinky ass and then they had him propose to lucy in the middle of a fucking night club and she says yes???? Lile ok jut throw Arthur out a window then cause cause fu c k him i guess. And then after lucy dies he jjsy fucking moves ?? The only thing thta makes this version of qincy quinccy is the fu king name and fact hes from america

Ok now jack fucking seward. He reminds me of when ylu forget you had a pb&j in your back pack so in the bos after school you pull it out cause yoyr hungry and yoyr mom put WAY to much jelly on it so now its like. All obsorbed into the bread and joggy and squished. Just sad and really white. They even had some kid call him whate bread and they werent fucking wrong. His obly personality traits were ' omg i love lucy but shes a hoe ;,,,((' and being connected to Zoe.

Now last and definately least the god forbaden ending. Just thinking about it gives me a fucking head ache. So , jesus, zoe, who is agathas great niece or someshit, a d looks exactly like her (its literally the same fucking actress) is a detective lile scitist reasearching dracula. So dracula is illedatly attracted to her becasue he thinks shes like agathas reincarnation or soenshit. So he tries tk drink her blood at one point and spits it all out and pukes and sjit cause her blood is poisonous bevaise she has fucking c an c e r. So later we find out that draculas weaknesses ( the sun crucifix) arnt actually real hes just afraid of dying so he has like irration fears or some shit so for some fucking reason. They deside. Its a good iea to end the show with this:

Dracula fucking drinks all of zoes blood killing her and himself because her blood poisonus. And ghe fucking emd scene is them like,,, in the sun???? Or soemt hi ng??? And theyre naked and like presumably fucked and dracula says some shit like " its doesnt have to hurt" and i almost tore my wrist open wiith my teeth because of how shitty this ending is.

Not lnly is it disrespectful to zoe but agatha, agathas whole thing was K I L I N G. dracula she wanted him fucking D E A D she woULDNT FUCK HKM

And like just after finding out that he can be in the sunlight with out fucking dying and that crosses just make him umcomfortable or some shit he just desides to kill himself??? DUDE YOU JUST FOUND OUT YOURE PROACTICALLY MORE INVINCABLE THAN YOU WERE BEFORE AND YOU JSUT FUCKING OFF YOUR SELF ??? HE COULD HAVE FUCKING RULED ENGLAD AND SPEAD VAMPIRISM OLL LVER THE FUCKING COUNTFY AND WORLD KF HE TRIED HARD ENOUGH AND HE KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE THEY WANTED A STUPID SAPPY ENDING

anyway if anyone actually goes through the effort of reafing my god damn eS S A Y about Dracula that i finkshed typing (im not gonna bother editing tbh) at 4 fucking am. Then thank you and please get a life

[seraph-novak]

Are you taking prompts for Tyrus? If so, could you do one where TJ helps Cyrus to rehearse for a play? thanks, have a lovely day.

All feedback is very much appreciated, but comments and reblogs really make all the difference. Thank you!

Also available on AO3 ♥

~~~~~

Cyrus is quickly losing his patience. On the opposite end of the Kippens’ couch, Amber is grinning down at her phone, a strand of golden hair twisted around her finger as she giggles at something on the screen – no doubt another text from her ‘mystery’ admirer. Cyrus simply sits there and waits, passively fiddling with the corner of his script as he waits for his friend to snap out of her crush-induced daze.

Without thinking, he lets his eyes drift to the corner of the room, settling on the older boy sitting quietly in a well-worn chair, his nose buried in a book. His hair is a shade darker than Amber’s, but his eyes are the same sea-foam green, with a touch of grey softening the bright hue. He’s never really spoken to Amber’s brother before, apart from a few pleasantries exchanged in passing, but there’s something about TJ Kippen that has always intrigued him…

Just then, the other boy lifts his head, as if sensing Cyrus’ curious eyes. A blush warms Cyrus’ cheeks as he quickly returns his attention to the script in his hands, but not quick enough to miss the hint of a smirk playing on TJ’s lips.

“Are you almost done?” he asks Amber, his words sounding sharper than intended. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees TJ go back to reading his book, and his shoulders slump in relief. “Sorry, I just… I’ve only got a few more days to rehearse, remember? The nerves are starting to kick in.”

Amber glances up from her phone, a sliver of guilt fracturing her lovesick smile. “Sorry, Cy. Just gimme a sec.”

It takes closer to a minute than a second for Amber to finally put her phone down, but Cyrus lets it slide. At least he now has a distraction from the indecipherable looks TJ keeps sneaking him, scorching his skin and quickening his heartbeat. 

As they return to the play, Cyrus can’t ignore the longing glances Amber keeps flicking at her phone. With every new text, her concentration wanes even more, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she visibly fights the urge to throw the script across the room and pick up her phone instead. She’s practically vibrating with the effort to focus, her face pinching tighter and tighter as the incoming texts start to slow down.  

“Amber,” Cyrus says, nudging her leg with his foot. “It’s your line.”

She tears her eyes away from the phone, now blessedly silent, and shakes her head. “Sorry… Where are we?”

“Page 14. Line 38.”

“Oh, right.” She slides a finger down the script, her brow furrowed as she searches for the right line. A few seconds later, she clears her throat and falls back into character. “Thomas,” she says, her voice slightly higher than usual. “I thought you’d never –”

“Nope,” Cyrus cuts her off. “Wrong line.”

“Are you sure?”

Cyrus smooths his face and lifts an eyebrow, his breath catching on the edge of a sigh. “Unless we skipped ahead to the final scene without me realising, I’m pretty sure it’s the wrong line.”

Across the room, TJ snorts, an amused smile nicking the corner of his mouth as he meets Cyrus’ eyes. For a brief moment, something warm and sweet blossoms in his chest, but it’s quickly cooled by the sudden ringing of Amber’s phone. He shoots a glare at his friend, silently warning her not to pick it up, but it’s no use.

“I’m so sorry,” Amber says, shrugging helplessly. “It’s Andi. I have to answer!” Before Cyrus can protest, she throws her script at TJ and picks up her phone, already halfway up the stairs. “Run lines with Cyrus until I’m back, okay?”

TJ frowns. “But –”

“Thank you!”

A flirtatious giggle floats down the stairs in her wake, followed by the sound of her bedroom door closing. Once she’s gone, an awkward silence settles over the room. Cyrus looks over at TJ, his stomach churning as the older boy studies the script now lying in his lap, and forces a smile.

“You don’t really have to run lines with me,” he says, twisting his hands together. “I’ll just wait until she’s back.”

TJ scoffs. “That could be a while.”

“Yeah.” He huffs a laugh, then sighs. “Maybe I should just go…”

“I thought you said you only had a few days to rehearse?”

“I do,” Cyrus says, his heart skipping at the notion of TJ paying attention to what he was saying. “But I can do that by myself. Or I’ll ask my mom to help.” He winces, realising too late how lame that must sound. “Or one of my many friends.”

TJ chuckles, and the sound sends a pleasant shiver down his spine, soothing the aching burn of his cheeks.

“Let me help.”

“I… You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.”

“But –”

“Scooch over,” TJ says, gently slapping Cyrus’ outstretched legs with his script as he sits down on the couch. When he’s comfortable, he licks his finger and flips through the pages. “Page 14, right?”

Cyrus swallows thickly. “Um… Yeah.”

“You’re Thomas?”

“Yeah.”

“So, I guess I’m… Alice?”

A nervous laugh bubbles in his chest. “You really don’t have to do this.”

“I don’t mind,” TJ insists.

“Are you sure?”

“100%.”

Cyrus hesitates, then breathes a sigh as he settles down and reopens his script. “Okay then… I’ll start from the top.” He coughs to clear his throat, flicking an anxious glance at TJ, and starts to read. “I think we need to talk, Alice.”

“About what?” TJ says, a feminine twinge to his voice.

Cyrus fights back a smile and keeps reading.

They run through the scene fluidly, only stopping to turn pages and share secret smiles over the tops of their scripts. As Thomas confesses his undying love for Alice, and the tone of the play takes a turn into sappy territory, Cyrus feels himself flushing darkly, his voice turning tight and raspy as the two characters begin tossing flirtatious comments at each other.

“Who wrote this play?” TJ asks on the cusp of a laugh, his own cheeks turning pink. “It’s very, uh…”

“Terrible?”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say it that bluntly, but yeah.”

Cyrus snorts. “A few of the girls in my group are Jane Austen wannabes.”

“Yikes.”

“Yep.” Cyrus scratches the back of his head, the smile slowly dying on his lips as he skims through the upcoming pages of groan-worthy dialogue. “We can stop if you want.”

TJ snaps his head up. “What? No! It’s just starting to get juicy.”

“I thought you said it was terrible?”

“It is, but…”

Across the room, the discarded book lying on the chair TJ was previously sitting in catches his eye, and a teasing grin spreads across his face. There’s a cheesy stock photo of two women in old-fashioned dresses strolling through a park on the cover, with tiny umbrellas held above their bonneted heads.

“Oh,” he says, folding his arms with a quirk of an eyebrow. “I see… You’re a Jane Austen wannabe, too.”

TJ blushes. “It’s my mom’s!”

“Sure.”

“Shut up…”

“Hey, I’m not judging!”

When TJ sees him smirking, he breaks into a smile of his own, playfully kicking Cyrus in the shin as readjusts himself on the couch. “Let’s get back to it.”

“Eager, aren’t we?”

“Ha-ha.”

Cyrus wipes the grin off his face, despite the butterflies still fluttering in his stomach, and tries to focus on the poorly-written script in his hands. They dive back into flirty banter – Austen style – all the while stealing glances at each other, their lips twitching with barely supressed laughter. It’s only when the scene shifts from light to serious that Cyrus feels his palms beginning to sweat.

“You look beautiful in the moonlight,” he says, his voice trembling. Even though the words aren’t directed at TJ, he can still hear his heart pounding against his ribcage as he risks a glance at the other boy, trying to gauge his reaction. “You look beautiful in all lights, of course, but this is different.”

TJ licks his lips. “Different how?”

“Your hair shines,” Cyrus says, his voice a whisper. “Your eyes twinkle like starlight. Your skin glows.” He lifts his head, eyes drifting to TJ’s face once again. His gaze is fixed resolutely on his script, but Cyrus can see the blush creeping up his neck, the ripple of his throat as he swallows, the slight furrow between his brows, the silent murmur of his lips as he follows Cyrus’ lines on the page… “You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

TJ freezes, his mouth falling open, and Cyrus realises his mistake: that line isn’t in the script.

“I…” The words die in his throat. He gulps back his embarrassment and tries again, his face starting to burn. “I’m sorry, I just… I-I don’t know where that came from.”

“It’s okay –”

“I got a little carried away, you know?” Cyrus closes his script and gets to his feet, desperately searching for his bag beneath the coffee table. “I think I should go now. Thanks for helping me and everything… I really appreciate it.”

TJ reaches for his arm, but Cyrus shakes him off.

“I’m sorry for making things weird,” he says, tears of humiliation stinging the backs of his eyes. “I don’t know if Amber told you, but I’m gay. Not that you care.” He laughs, completely mortified. “Wow. I just came out to a guy I barely know. This is just getting better and better, isn’t it?”

When TJ reaches for him a second time, he doesn’t miss. His fingers are gentle, but his grip is firm, and he doesn’t take his eyes off Cyrus’ face as he slowly lowers him back onto the couch.

“Calm down,” he says, giving his arm a quick squeeze before letting go. A blinding smile breaks across his face when Cyrus finally meets his eyes. “If you think I’m mad at you for calling me gorgeous, then I must be worse at this than I thought.”

Cyrus frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been flirting with you for the past half an hour, you idiot.”

“What?”

“Okay… I guess I really am bad at this.”

Cyrus shakes his head, trying to steady his racing thoughts. “Are you saying you like me?”

“I have for a while,” TJ admits, shrugging bashfully. “I know we’ve never really talked, but… I’ve seen you around. And you hang out with my sister a lot.” He huffs, one side of his mouth lifting in a crooked smile. “Why do you think I always stay downstairs when you come over? I like being around you.”

“Oh,” Cyrus says, a touch breathless.   

The tension in TJ’s shoulders melts away as Cyrus returns a tentative smile of his own. For a moment, they just sit there, smiling shyly at each on the middle of the couch, their knees deliberately brushing against each other.

“So,” TJ says after a while, his fingers nervously drumming the cool leather between them. “I was thinking… Maybe we could –”

“I’m back!” Amber announces as she bounces down the stairs, her cheeks rosy from her conversation with Andi. When she notices TJ and Cyrus sitting so close, she stalls on the bottom step, her smile morphing into a scowl as she narrows her eyes.  “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing!” Cyrus squeaks, accidentally throwing his script in the air and hitting TJ on the head. He cringes, hiding his face in his hands, and splutters an apology. “Oh no! I’m so sorry, TJ! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

TJ rubs the back of his head and chuckles. “I think I’ll live.”

“Maybe you should go upstairs now,” Amber says, glaring pointedly at her brother. “We have work to do.”

“Right.” TJ rolls his eyes and gets to his feet, shoving his script into Amber’s hands. He picks up his cheesy Victorian novel and heads towards the stairs, only stopping to cast a gentle smile over his shoulder at Cyrus. “Good luck with the play,” he says, ignoring the daggers Amber is shooting at the side of his head. “I’m sure you’ll do great.”

Cyrus chews his lip and shrugs. “You could come, you know? The tickets are all sold out, but I could sneak you in.” He blushes, immediately doubting himself. “Only if you want to, of course. I mean, the script is pretty terrible, and I’m not exactly the greatest actor in the world, so you really don’t have to –”

“I’m there,” TJ cuts in with another smile, offering him a wink before turning around and disappearing up the stairs.

As soon as he’s gone, Amber throws herself onto the couch and punches Cyrus in the arm. “You’re not allowed to have a crush on my brother, okay? That goes against the rules of friendship!”

“You have way too many rules,” Cyrus says. “And, besides… You’ve been flirting with my best friend all afternoon, so I’d say we’re even.”

Amber opens her mouth to protest, then freezes, a groan escaping her lips. “Okay, that’s fair.”

“Thank you.”

“But you do admit you have a crush on him?”

Cyrus glances at the staircase, the frantic beating of his heart still echoing in his ears as a nervous grin tugs at his lips. “Yeah… I think I do.”

The End.

~~~~~

You can find the rest of my Tyrus fics on Tumblr or AO3! Thanks for reading ♥

[minsuxga]

Anagapesis

(n.) No longer feeling any affection for someone you once loved; falling out of love.

Inspired by the quote:  “How selfhood begins with the walking away and love is proved in the letting go.”

Summary: Falling in love with Yoongi was easy. Watching him fall out of love with you was hard and there was only little you could do but hope that he found his way home after long nights of being away.

Genre: !Yoongi! + angst + fluff (i swear there’s a happy ending)

Word count: 12.7k 

A/N : Initially, I was really hesitant about posting this. Most of the story really taps into raw emotions and personal experience and if im honest, I put my soul into writing this. I really hope you guys like it. I’ve spent ages on this and i’m so sorry about my semi-hiatus turned hiatus but im back! Please, please, tell me how you guys feel about it! criticisms and comments are v much appreciated. 

You don’t realise.

Maybe you do. Yet, only fail to accept the gnawing pang in your heart that screams to be acknowledged; tucked down every time you force to assure yourself more often than not these days that he loves you, he had to love you – right?

You say you don’t realise but you do, you definitely do, when the morning rays hit the bedsheets and a soft warm glow fills the room and your heart still stings like something akin to how an ice burn would.

You notice with a miserable ache that the bed feels as cold to touch as his skin and the icy miles you’ve put between yourselves is unbearable but neither of you stretches arms to each other to break the iceberg in the middle that hovers in the air in all its apparency.

An iceberg like a constant reminder that there was something obviously wrong in this relationship. Something that neither of you would yield to yet lying to yourselves to say you didn’t notice, fearful of the prospect of what happened when you did.

And his skin, God, his skin was smooth like untouched snow and the warming sunrise hues melted his ivory skin that stained the sheets like ichor into puddles of perfection.

And he looked like a porcelain doll and you could count numbers like the strands of his dark hair sprawled like a fan on the pillows of reasons listing why you loved him, why you’d fallen in love with this man who’d given you nothing more than the infinity and murmured soft kisses into your neck under the witness of the stars and the watchful moon.

The man who had caressed your skin under the soft moonlight, under the gaze of Artemis and the reigns of her night sky that he’d be with you till the ends of the world and beyond.

Loving him was supposed to be infinite. Yet the assurance of infinity was fragile and fell from the safety of your fingers like glass. A clumsy mistake. A hopeless desperation. Shards too sharp and painful to touch and only a longing stare to redo the past differently in its wake.

And here, laying together but not fully together you realised with a daunting recognition that this infinity that you’d proclaimed with naïve hopes and dreams was finite and finishing.

The seeds of a blooming relationship that you had once possessed had seeped into the earth. A connection that had seemed as impossible to break and decipher as the roots of noble trees, giant in age and true in their confidentiality was only the waterlogged earth gulping for breath at your feet.

And as much as you had hoped that your connection would remain as vibrant and prosperous like the first time it had taken to flourish, it was feeble against the change of seasons where flourished flowers kneeled before time and were helpless into becoming decaying ones.

You chastised yourself at the same clueless optimism that you had used to believe that this intimacy, this tenderness that was supposed to be stronger than its fragile appearance would breed life into the darkness of the earth and turn greyish leaves into burning red ones.

Golden speckled like embers and suffer forged and furious, resembling the autumn months did you believe that your love willed anger into a drive for its survival.

You were blind-eyed and walking in a fantasy that was as childlike as your want for the past.

In reality, love was weak and resembled more like the sand that slipped between your fingertips and seemed too far spread to collect, to piece back together like the small world you’d held in the palm of your hands for so long – till now.

For now you could only hang onto each of his words because your relationship to you was like a story. You’d come to the last few sentences and your heart tugged at the thought that you’d one day have to place your eyes on a final single word and a full stop to end whatever this was and close the book despite your stubbornness to stare at it forever.

And you stared at his back as the morning hues took a dullish turn and your monochrome bedroom resembled the dark turn of your life and the never-ending routine you would have to subject yourself to once more – one more day again and again till months passed and one more day was only a reminder that it would eventually only be one more day.

Laying here in the early break of dawn, his body tired out from the hours spent at the studio, you continued to stare at his back, vast as the oceans between you and thought about how he seemed too far away on the bed to be even considered to be sleeping with you.

Staring at his back, as cold and distant to you as the frosty evenings and conversations, you yearned for the memories where he’d turn around, like a sixth sense tingling in his sleep as if he’d known that you were staring and grumble to ask why you were awake and cross the mountains of pillows to pull you under his chin and drowsily tell you to go to sleep.

However, this time like most days, you were met with a still silence and an acknowledgment that those were memories – and memories were things of the past.

So here in your present, Yoongi the best present life had given you, you crossed the mountains of pillows today instead, a bold move and an even more labouring task that caused a quickening of your breath and a rapid thud at your heart against your ribs and you pulled yourself to rest your head in the nook of his spine knowing that he wouldn’t move and in the next hours you’d find yourself miles apart again and tried to assure yourself that nothing was wrong and that everything was okay like it had always been and this time you tried to pretend like he was telling you to go to sleep like he always did.

And you just wanted to sleep not to take solace in slumber but simply because you wanted to live in the land of dreams and fairy tales because you were simply too afraid to wake up and try your hand at another day of avoiding the problems that were becoming far too apparent to be ignored. You were too afraid to come to the terms with the fact that nothing was okay-

That nothing had been okay between you two in a very long time.

And in this present, lying next to him, you only sought to find sleep in the comfort of your lies and pretence and could only hope that you would wake up the day you didn’t need to anymore.

When you met him, he was a man that lacked in words.

Yet, his unwillingness to talk to you was enough to get you intrigued, entranced by the old soulful eyes that took you on journeys and held enough conversations that let you pry into the intimates of his life even without him opening his mouth.

And you travelled his little world in the few seconds you glanced into his brown eyes and you were left with a thirst, a desperation, a want needed to be quenched to see more, to know more.

And his silence and his stubbornness to take a foot forward towards you was the lack of a welcoming hand despite your persisting attempts to be patient and determined even when he wasn’t.

At first, he tried his very best to wave off your irritating attempts in getting to know him, tried to stop you from pursuing your efforts of reading into his story, prying open every cobwebbed page rotting away with years of feelings untouched and forgotten, suppressed into little lines and far too great a book.

You, however, were vibrant as the world that existed around him, a world that had lost his touch and seemed far too distant and tasteless.

And the world, this world he’d once wanted nothing more to do with was grey and monochrome yet your smile breathed light and colour into the ends of the earth that made him want to explore it again to see just what it was that could make you shine so brilliantly- god, he wanted to see it too.

You were bright, you were warm and homey and everything he needed to feel at home again. You were everything he wasn’t and so you moulded into the figures and curves of his body with perfection and your smile and your giddy laughter was contagious and he understood.

God, standing with you he understood that there were somethings in life that could make you too happy to explain.

He understood only by kissing you, on the same lips you used to smile as if the earth was star speckled and coated in fairy dust and magic- that this was what made you shine so brilliantly.

And he understood and more often than not, he’d find himself forgetting who he was, who he was supposed to be and letting himself delve into the little wonders of life that were you.

Together, you bred life into his little storybook. You named every character and held his hand and went over the fading ink so that it was new again and where once even smiling your way and any sort of contact or brief communication was something far too great a distance for him to fathom – he’d found himself miles away from where he’d started, travelled the distance and voyaged every corner of the world by the end of every sitting with you – creeping closer and closer to a territory that Yoongi would have easily expanded on the same earth he’d once found tiresome to share with you.

When in love, what time was there to think about technicalities?

 With Yoongi, there was a lot of things you’d found yourself having to become accustomed to.

You’d found yourself accustomed to the door and every one of its dents. You had stared at every stain with a straining sigh and a soft shake of your head.

You’d found yourself noticing the way the hinges had started to come of the door handle, time worn on the metal as a reminder that you’d been doing this for too long- waiting into the dead of the night for him to enter the door despite your knowing that this was another one of those days where he’d lay his head down and find sleep in the discomfort of his studio chair.

You’d found yourself accustomed to the repetitive routine of repeated events, accustomed to staring at the steam blow off the hot plated dinner into the vacancy of the room to keep you company before the stumbling footsteps at the door once you’d thrown most of it into the trash.

You’d become accustomed to the apologies murmured into the crook of your neck and the arms tight around your waist to yield your disappointment into understanding and you had become old and aged at the empty promises he’d leave on your skin and down your body of a fancy dinner the next night.

It's the same cold, cold night where he’d leave you dressed only to cancel, leaving your hopes and dreams at the foot of the doorstep, not so brave to leave the home and unwavering against the apology texts and more promises of next time that have snaked into an anxiety that pleads him not to because you’re sick of hoping to be anything but disappointed.

You had become accustomed to shaking your head and assuring yourself that his lack of time for you was okay because his work was unpredictable in the way that his actions weren’t.

But you are accustomed to it- you’re used to it. You’ve adapted and learned to change your ways to fit around your emotions because that’s what you’ve been born to do. Born to change and adapt and survive. You’ll make it survive.

So it doesn’t bother you. Despite the fact that everything in your heart yells at you in foolery, in a desperation to be acknowledged that it most certainly does.

And the days move on and dates on the calendar continue unstopping until the summer months welcome the winter ones until they yield their great leaves in surrender, bow their fiery colours for cold ones and take arms to a change inevitable and happening.

You watch the world embrace the frost and the edge of a softening glaze of white and silver and you listen as the sounds of happy summer children turn into carols that light up the sky in a brilliance that is as bright as the fairy lights that follow it.

You remain in your still world, watching the world change, adapt, repeat its cycle from the moment you feel the glaring heat on your flesh. Sweat wet against your skin changing to the soft snow beneath your fingertips, white as far as you could see and resembling the uncertainty of your future, bleaching your relationship in a single colour that made you nostalgic for the colours it couldn’t fathom any more.

And days turn into months and the world doesn’t stop for you despite your longing for it to wait- in a hope that one day you’ll catch up, stop stumbling like a shadow behind it and grip onto anything despite your dizzying fatigue because you simply couldn’t. You couldn’t adapt. You couldn’t change.

You couldn’t yield to a normality with Yoongi that was simply too bleak and dull in comparison once he’d shown you all the colours in the world.

How could you get used to the simplicity of a single thing when you’d felt it all?

It’s a familiar darkening night, the only difference being the change in the moon and the position of the blinking stars that watched on the repetition of the world under it.

The same darkening night, one that’s ripped away the warmth and sea of pinks and red and gold, distinguished the inferno that spread across the horizons and set the world ablaze into an emptiness, a dark aftermath that was nothing less of a still silence that rocked the earth.

And the stars, the stars were the only evidence that it had ever happened. Resting above heads and easily overlooked, the stars were the witness, the fall-out of the flames, now scattered like soft embers into the stillness of the onyx sky.

And it’s during these very nights that you begin to notice the way his apologies slowly start to disappear, how they meld into a mutual acceptance of how certain things will be in a fixture too permanent for either of you to change.

You begin to notice how his kisses have faded into mere imprints, sunk deep into the skin for you to rack your brain in remembrance of what they felt like when they were still fresh on the surface. You notice the lack of limbs around your body, his body etching further and further away on the bed until you’ve settled into a distance that you fear to cross.

You notice the vacancy of his voice in the room- how even in the morning with the vibrant sun, the house makes you shiver in something other than just the cold, lacking in his warming laugh and your giddy happiness, of days where you’d move across the kitchen in a choreography only the two of you could dance in.

Now, you feel like a phantom in your own home, gliding with a heavy heart as if searching the place in a desperation for memories. And Yoongi, Yoongi couldn’t even be called a ghost. His presence so void from the home that he was anything but the occupant that haunted it.

It’s one of those nights, emotions of something akin to loss mingling with the emptiness of the home and it’s suffocating silence, you continue to the stare at the door with the same naïve hope and foolish optimism that he’d be back soon- that he’d take his seat in the chair that almost stared back at you with a pity you couldn’t help but wallow in.

And the silence that followed you as you sighed, the screeching of your chair being the only sound to accompany you as you discarded the remains of your dinner reminded you of the things you’d long noticed and long since avoided, remaining mum about the paranoia’s that had settled in your chest and had crept into the little crevices of your body.

And you continued to think, grabbing a blanket from your room and treading back towards the couch to lower yourself, pulling the soft fabric under your chest as if to cocoon you, to fight away the stupid, stupid feelings of loss- what were you loosing? And still staring at the door in a sadness that wasn’t necessarily directed at anything but the goddamn door.

Time seemed to tick on and fatigue had long since settled into your temples and you fought to keep your eyes open, shaking off the way they draped over your eyes in a darkness you could lull yourself to sleep to but there was a yearning, a need for him to prove himself different today, to be awake when he did.

But the time didn’t slow and the creeping anxiety finding comfort inside you was enough to tell you that some things were bound to break no matter how hard you tried to preserve it.

And it was almost two and your back hurt from finding solace in the couch, tucking yourself into the plush material in the hopes that you could close your eyes and find the same magic, the same comfort that it used to.

You were desperate for some sort of normality, for it to just go back to the way it used to be but this house was full of memories and the man who lived in it a mere stranger.

And it hurt, broke your heart to think that the promises of the world and forever, of an endless love and an unconditional fairy tale was nothing more than a storybook, a fiction and a tale that would never be.

When had the title to claim the love of your life simply become a title with no claim? And you wondered, pondered under the night sky and the blinking stars in the hopes that it would qualm your distress.

In the hopes that it would offer you advice for the man that jumped at the opportunity to travel to the ends of the world and beyond for you- had beyond become too tiresome for him to continue?

And it was on the couch when you heard the keys click and the door creak open, heard him sigh and kick off his shoes and you only listened as he pattered through the home, his eyes merely resting on yours before passing you without even the word of acknowledgement, no reprimanding that you shouldn’t stay awake, no kiss on the forehead, no promise, nothing- nothing but the stillness and suffocation of a silence that said more than the words he lacked in wording to you.

You waited, waiting long before he’d retreated back into your bedroom without you till you broke down, till you made memories of a teary night on the couch that once held a history of a love story for the ages.

And you sobbed into the night, the twinkling stars staring at you with sympathy you didn’t want and you heaved, weeping sorrowfully because Min Yoongi was too far now and things weren’t the same.

You cried because he was your best friend, the person you confided in. Yet in your difficulties today, you were no one to him to weep your worries to.

And you cried, cried till your eyes were heavy with tears and sleep and everything in between and your woes fell deaf to his ears because behind closed doors, Yoongi slept and found solace in the world without you.

You weren’t losing Yoongi. How could you lose something you’d already lost? How could you preserve something that had long since been broken?

In time, you’d simply force yourself to adapt to the constant changes that were Yoongi and his attitude towards you. You’d stopped questioning the way things were and why there were and simply accepted the reality that things weren’t the same and ultimately, would never be again.

The emotion you’d tried so hard to suppress, the growing fear that you’d tried to stifle, tried breaking apart was resurfacing. In the end, behind closed doors and hidden frowns there was the undeniable reality that had you shaking your head, spending moments in front of the mirror to deny in order to drown down your anxiety.

There was the simplicity of a few words that weighed down your heart like the many- a few words that you’d forced yourself to look away from but there was no denying the undeniable, a reality so very real and despite it being deep as the bergs that bred in secrecy- it was like the smoke of a fire you couldn’t hide- one you couldn’t run from.

A simple truth, an inevitable happening: he had fallen out of love with you.

In the end, the truth congregated- gathered like clouds and came for you on dark nights and even darker days. Even the sunshine couldn’t act as a veneer anymore to the change that was inevitable like the sun setting above the horizons and the night appearing, night after night without fail.

You could regret, regret the days you’d taken with him for granted or regret the way things had become. You could long all you wanted for a world painted in colours once you couldn’t fathom them anymore.

Despite the world seemingly mostly black and white these days, your relationship with Yoongi unspoken and dulled down- there was a regret that burned deep inside you, clenched within your core because outside your dreary days is a world that moves spontaneously.

It pains you, to watch Yoongi belong to that world of colours and ignore that everything wasn’t okay. It pains you after seeing, after feeling all those colours, to be told to settle for shades of grey.

And when you wake up in the morning you aren’t surprised that the bed is completely cold and you don’t need to turn away from the ceiling to know that Yoongi’s already left and there’s not a single memo that could have reminded you that he was ever here to begin with.

Achingly, you force yourself up, running your hands over your face and sighing into the emptiness of the room before removing the covers off your body and readying yourself for another day filled with mundane tasks in a silent home filled with your conundrum of thoughts.

You almost dread how you’ve been given the day off work, a soft pat on the back from your boss who claimed you’d been overworking yourself and should take the day off.

However, looking around the house you wish almost longingly that you were back in the security of your workplace, distracting yourself amongst the papers and co-workers. Anything but here. Anywhere but the place that day by day felt less and less like home.

You sighed into your coffee mug, staring into the same kitchen that would be bumbling with noise had it been a few months back; Yoongi making his way over to peck your forehead, your temple, anything, everything, on the days he’d lie in and take comfort in the curves of your body instead but it’d been months and his habits had faded away and you felt stupid standing there making food for two because yours hadn’t yet.

“I should take him some.” You say to yourself, your fingers fumbling around the containers as you try to reassure yourself that this way okay, that you always used to bring him food and surprise him at the studio because he loved it. Why would it be any different now? “He probably hasn’t eaten.”

And despite having everything changed, if there was one thing about Yoongi and his personality was his forgetfulness and how caught up he’d get in his work to forget the simple necessities he needed like eating.

Any other day you might have texted him but this wasn’t like any other days and your phone was as void as ever in a silence he seemed adamant to maintain.

You were aware that you were talking to yourself, almost chanting the words as if they would ease the fear of doing this trivial gesture that should feel like nothing to you but do. You hoped that this, this could be taking the first steps to at least try and salvage the bits of your relationship while you could. You hoped maybe this would be the start of a new beginning, maybe he’d come back to you. Maybe.

And you don’t know what possesses you, what takes over you but your standing in front of his studio with a bag filled with all his favourite foods.

You can’t help but feel childish, like this wasn’t something you should be doing but here you were, a foot away from his studio door with an irrational fear of what would happen when you entered.

You almost felt like you were suffocating. Here, entering a room with a man that was practically a stranger to you now with an emotion that felt too much like the end. In hindsight, you could have said you’d known, that you’d felt it coming and maybe it was for the best but in that very moment, after months of uncertainty, you were firm in believing that today would be different.

After all, something had to break to allow change; whether that be you or your relationship.

With a heavy heart and a shuddering sigh, you closed your eyes and reached to turn the handle to the door that you knew all too well, spending far too many nights crashed on the couch when Yoongi overworked into the night or listening to the unfinished music fill the room- basking in the security that was simply your boyfriend.

This time, the door creaked and groaned under your touch and the magic that you’d always felt in this room that was all too Yoongi were lost and you stared at his back, you were always staring at his back, watching him get further and further away from you.

His face was scrunched up in the way you knew was utter concentration, his headphones around his neck and staring into his lyrics completely and utterly oblivious to the world around him.

Suddenly, you weren’t so sure of yourself anymore and the confidence you had to salvage the remnants of a dying relationship had withered away.

It struck you just how much you didn’t belong in this world, how much he’d pushed you away and just how much distance had grown between you that the few feet that separated the two of you now couldn’t compare in comparison.

The studio had been a place that you had associated with fond memories, yet standing in the middle of it all with not so fond feelings stirring inside your belly made you realise the sheer emptiness of it all; that everything was simply a reminder and there was nothing you could do that would change that.

You felt like you were staring at a picture.

You could remember every feeling, every laughter that you’d felt captured into a single moment adorned with great smiles and even greater emotions but standing here in the aftermath of memories cemented how you couldn’t recreate pictures.

No matter how long you stared at it, it was just a remnant of a single past moment amongst the countless of many futures.

You coughed. He turned. And you watched his brow furrow, staring at your figure in confusion as if he couldn’t comprehend why you were here.

“What are you doing here?” and his voice is void of its usual pleasant surprise and it cements just how much has changed between you and though you expected every bit of it, it doesn’t stop your heart from dropping. He sounded exasperated, tired.

He’s tired of you, a little voice in your head said and you couldn’t lie and say you didn’t know but unlike Yoongi, you weren’t tired of him and this was your last attempt, your little act of selfishness- holding onto him because you wanted to slow down the moment you had to let go.

“I brought food.” You said softly, stating the obvious and pulling up the contents in your hand to show him the bag filled with all the delicious meals that only makes your stomach churn but your particular response isn’t the answer to the question he’s looking for.

Here, staring back at a stranger it’s obvious that you don’t know this man and his brown orbs scream nothing but unfamiliarity to you now- he was asking why you were here. His real question left unasked in the air but one you could read with ease. Why were you still trying?

“Oh,” Yoongi says and he’s looking anywhere but at you when you leave it on his side. “Thanks.”

Was that it? Was he supposed to say something? Were you? But you know it’s your cue to leave when he doesn’t say anything else, when he doesn’t acknowledge you and doesn’t ask you to stay but instead moves to put his headphones back on.

You wonder then, just when did your relationship result in this? Just when did his warm affections become nothing more than cold glances and you can’t help but stare at him with a longing in your chest, a desire to stomp on all the floors and pull a tantrum because you just want to go back, you just want him to love.

You wanted him to look at you, come back with the same vibrant smile you were used to.

You wanted him to love you but fuck, did he even know what loving you was when you were sure he’d fallen out of it?

You stared at his back. You hated staring at his back.

You hated how closed off he’d become, how your attempts at trying to rekindle your relationship bounced off the same goddamn back. You didn’t even realise you were crying, hot tears forging paths down your warm cheeks. Ironic because he’d done nothing but make you feel cold all these months.

And from the way his body stiffens when a sob breaks from your chest and fills the room, from the way he stops himself from looking at you, a deep sigh resounding against your harsh breaths as if he knew it was coming, you know he’s heard.

“Look at me.” You sob angrily, a fierce fire bubbling in your stomach because enough was enough. Because you couldn’t keep pretending, couldn’t keep ignoring.

You couldn’t do this to yourself. You couldn’t continue to live unhappily because you were trying to save something that didn’t want to be saved. “Just this once, look at me.”

And he does and there’s enough emotion in Yoongi’s own eyes for you to know that this is it, that there was no going back from this.

It almost surprises you though, when you see a deep sadness coat over his orbs, a pain present and upfront and inevitable. Even if he didn’t love you now, he had once and letting you go meant letting go of all your memories; of all the things he’d fallen for and all the things he’d adored.

Letting you go was like burning a photobook of a life he’d long since outlived and grown out of. The only reason he’d kept on so long was because of the little attachment he had left, because you had been there when the days and years moved on and when the summer months welcomed the winter ones.

You were there on the same nights, listening with him when the sounds of happy summer children turned into carols that lit up the sky in a brilliance that was as bright as the fairy lights that followed it. You were there, with him, under the same sky that had witnessed it all. The same sky that could retell your history like the stars it had unfolded beneath.

Letting you go was like burning a photobook of a life he’d long since outlived and grown out of but him damned, he didn’t want to let you go because he was scared to make a new one.

“I’m so sick of this.” You cried, gesturing to the space between you and him. “Who are we fooling? Ourselves?”

And you didn’t need an answer and Yoongi only soaked in your appearance, tear-stricken and racking horribly. Your big sparkling eyes had been dulled down with the tears he had caused you, a fire dancing across the softs of your cheeks in a way he knew was only anger, disappointment.

And he hated it. He wished he could take you in his arms and mumble away your woes but he didn’t love you in the way he had and he felt so guilty for falling out of love with someone who’d taught him what love was.

He hated how he was the one who had been the one to suffocate your relationship even after multiple tries when you were the one that had breathed life into his mundane world.

“We don’t even look at each other anymore.” You whispered and he hated how fragile you looked, how the strongest woman he knew crumbled in a state that was as sad as this. And you hated it yourself, hated yourself for succumbing to this. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending that everything’s okay when we both know it isn’t. It’s just not fair.”

“If I went wrong, if something happened, just tell me. Just tell me how we can fix this” You sobbed desperately and this was it, this was the last and you knew all too well that you couldn’t fix anything and there was nothing you’d done wrong.

Now, here, in that moment, you drank Yoongi in like it was the last time you’d ever be intoxicated.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, because he was sorry and he’d forever be sorry and there was nothing he could do now. Even then he could hardly get himself to look at you.

Despite anticipating his words with every ounce of salt in your body, every hope crushed the moment you’d first walked in through door, it did nothing to ease your pounding heart and you couldn’t stop it when your lip quivered and you had to just stand there embracing yourself when the onslaught of tears came flooding in.

You didn’t know how long you had stood there but it was enough time for you to realise that there was nothing more either of you could say now.

After months of beating around the bush, you’d finally addressed the elephant in the room, finally cut through the tension that had built up in your home and scouted the replies to questions you already knew the answers to.

You and Yoongi were breaking up. After years together, you’d continue apart like individual people on individual paths.

“I’m sorry too,” You said once you’d composed yourself. You were sorry because you hadn’t tried hard enough or maybe because you had longed this out for far too long. You were sorry because you couldn’t keep all the promises you made to him, that he couldn’t keep his.

Sorry because after months of silence where you’d spent endless nights going over what you’d say to him and then finally arriving here- you’d said nothing. Because there was nothing.

Because more was said in the unsaid.

Because he didn’t have to say any more for you to know because you couldn’t scream and cry when it’d been coming and it was more of a matter of when you ended it than how you’d amend it.

You don’t linger much after that, stay only a few more moments to soak in his milky skin, his pretty brown eyes that searched anywhere but yours, his dark hair before turning to walk out of the door with a greater purpose than when you had entered it.

You’d missed the way Yoongi opened his mouth to say something, how his stomach churned at the sight of your food and despite having turned back to his music, there was nothing he could focus on more than you.

He should have been happy. He should have been relieved but his heart feels heavier than ever and he regretted that he couldn’t stare at you enough, his first love, before you disappeared in an air colder than the one he’d given you.

He was a coward but he regrets how he can’t even cower in his emotions before you. A woman made of fire and ice and everything in between.

It doesn’t take you long to gather your stuff.

It doesn’t take you long to collect all the pieces in your- his home. Bundling up all the things that were you and yours before leaving the house in a manner that resembled the state before you’d met him, back when your shirts hadn’t started appearing in his drawers, when your toothbrush wasn’t placed next to his and back when the webs of his life weren’t entwined with yours.

And you can’t help but stare at this sad, sad place that you’d once called home; can’t help but trace over the furniture that had kept you company in months of solitude, accompanied you through bursts of tears and anger and though they might not remember it now, even times of great love and adoration that had once brightened your world in a comparison that could make even the sun yield.

You were quick on your feet, gathering with haste and dread and everything falls apart in your arms but you’re adamant on holding yourself together while you can, stubborn in forcing yourself to be level-headed because you didn’t want to be here when Yoongi got here.

His studio had been your last goodbye and there was no time for treacly sentiments if he came back and encountered you. Knowing him, he’d probably spend the night there anyway, his practice in avoiding you almost an art now. There would be no mistakes, no sentiments.

No weeping would change facts and your feelings despite heavy on your chest and though it felt like the world was falling apart, they were small, insignificant; minuscule against the vastness of the universe that you were nothing against.

Your existence was a speck of dust, your feelings yours and yours alone- one you couldn’t share, one you couldn’t voice.

A pain that was so very individual, so very yours that in the haste to grip onto your things, you’d dropped the strength that had held onto your emotions, unchained them, released an intensity that was wild, untameable.

The realisation of just how alone you were hit you so intensely that you could feel it burn in your core, a desire to rip out your insides and plead them to obey, to reason, please.

But feelings were wild, untameable and they were products of the heart and no matter how many times your mind concluded logically that this would pass, all things do, your heart felt like it was in pieces within your chest and God, you would do anything to make yourself feel whole again.

They’d never told you that love could hurt so hard, that the aftermath of love was just as intense as falling.

No one, no one could teach you heartbreak in the way you’d learn from experience. No one could teach you the magic of falling in love, the vulnerability, the passion, the intensity that could rival a flame and was as magical as the Garden of Eden, with every emotion as vast as the number of flowers that were adorned in it.

No one could teach you loneliness until the veneer that had shrouded your sorrows in a pink cloud of love had washed away in wisps of grey that magic was fleeting and love was as deceiving as the thorns that tempted naïve seekers. An attempt to grasp beauty, a futile venture to seek Eudaimonia.

The aftermath of love was one that was as bitter as it was sweet and the remnants made you feel empty, hollow and as vacant as the world you surrounded yourself in; especially when you hadn’t come out of love and only witnessed the dark truth and a cruelty of what happened when someone else did.

You were falling apart.

Your breath ragged and harsh and this house screamed finality. Vacant-looking and cold.

This would be the last time you stepped foot into this house, the last time you breathed into it, bred life into it and you didn’t know if the attachment was to the love couch in the middle of the room or the love you’d made on that couch that made you less wanting to let it go, to leave.

You were severing ties with things you’d familiarised yourself with, severing ties with years, severing ties with attachment- severing ties with Yoongi.

It would be the last time you would see Yoongi.

You wondered where love went when it died and almost laughed at yourself, a bubble of lacking laughter flittering in your chest because you were going to the same graveyard to be tucked in the very same coffin.

Who cared where love went when it died? Wherever it went, you were going too.

You couldn’t say that you were happy.

What was happiness if not momentary? But in hindsight, it was easy to see that the choice that he made, the choice that you made was something that allowed you to be happier.

It was a privilege, a liberty that was allowed to you after suffering for so long. It was an emotion so foreign, so invasive that you didn’t know when enough time had passed that you’d allowed it to crawl, travelling through blind spots and breaching apparent sight into the cracks that needed filling.

In time, you’d learn that memories made after him were memories as precious as they were with him and you didn’t need to feel guilty, gnawing on days that maybe, maybe, somewhere he’d made a mistake he’d come running to amend.

Gone were the days were you wallowed in self-pity, in self-hatred and clung onto your insecurities with the idea that they were the only things you were allowed to keep.

Now, your chest felt lighter, breathing was easy and the concept of feeling better after time had done its work on you, after hours turned into days and days into months into years- that this emotion wasn’t a foe but a friend come after long nights was a concept befriended.

Your try at being somewhat happy was overdue and though brief as all moments are, it was something that made you think that maybe the wait was worth it.

It wasn’t as if breaking up with him had meant a break up with love either. His absence didn’t scare you from the emotion and neither did its scars frighten you from approaching it time and time again.

You knew love in more forms than he had given to you and you didn’t need his to know, didn’t need his love in a dependency that was unhealthy and poisoning to know that even in the absence of receiving, you could give in abundance.

You gave it in the affection you had for your parents. You felt it in the adoration you had for the sky, the ground, your home and your cat and your work.

You knew love in the smiles of grinning faces, you knew love in the air around you and in the breaths you took throughout the day- platonic, materialistic, familial- you knew love because you’d been around it. It was a shame then that he simply hadn’t been in it with you.

It had been two years since you’d broken up with Yoongi.

Two years since you’d stormed out the home that the two of you had shared and found solace at your best friend’s house, sobbing well into her shoulder and allowing her to hold you, being the little stability that you needed, a pillar on whom you could rely on when your walls fell.

Two years since you’d asked her to pick up the last of your things, instructing her to leave the keys on the kitchen counter when she did and then residing with her until you could find your own place, gradually filling up the vacancy of your new apartment with things that were you and you alone.

Two years since you’d quit your job, tired of the mundane tasks, of the repetitive nature of days crouched over the computer, nodding insincerely at scoldings only to repeat the same things months on end in the room that resembled a prison cell.

Sick of routine, you take up spontaneity.

Grinning when you capture pictures that reflect the freedom in nature, stories behind old eyes and beaming smiles. Days are spent travelling, from wedding to wedding, tomorrow the lake, the day after the sea.

You voyaged from people to people, capturing the essence of one’s world into another’s.

You weren’t happy, who really was? But your life was happier and the air around you was softer, the colours in your home bright as if to aluminate the days you stay in bed, staring hours on end at the ceiling unable to find your path and lost as to where to go.

Two years since you’d pieced your world back together, gluing edge to edge with nothing but time on your hands and as if to apologise for your sorrows, the world was patient and allowed you to steady yourself again, allowed you the years, allowed you to grow and gain and change and learn.

You learned.

You learned with time that you were better than what you had accustomed yourself to, better than the long nights and dark days and better than what you’d been given and so you were allowed to go and demand more.

Two years was a long time and in that time, though you hadn’t forgotten Yoongi’s face or his solemn touch and his gummy smile, you’d learned that you were simply better without it.

You hadn’t had any awkward encounters and you avoid all the places you visited together, avoided the area around your old home and not once did he reach out and not once did you but the fondness in your heart was still present and despite everything, you couldn’t help but think that he still had always been the best for you.

Your first in many things and last in others, with Yoongi moments were countless but it had been two years and your heart didn’t ache at his name.

Your eyes could wash over his pictures in fondness over spite and despite it being two years and despite you having made your peace with your breakup, you couldn’t squash down the little bittersweet nostalgia and the acknowledgement that no matter how many dates you went on, how many people you met, there was a part of you that only ever wanted to love him.

A part of you that only ever wanted to be loved by him.

And here you were, years later, the woman you had always aspired to be. A woman that knew no chains and felt emancipation like the wind between the locks of your hair.

Frenzied, ungovernable and every bit free, you were achieving the world, beyond the promises he couldn’t keep to you. A woman who amounted to nothing less than the universe with a presence that demanded attention yet there was the void somewhere in your chest that you had suppressed over the years that demanded greater caring, a filling that was Yoongi shaped and unforgiving.

You could pretend that you’d moved on completely, could pretend that his name didn’t make your heart sigh in contempt, lost in worlds of what ifs and what could have been.

You could pretend that even years down the line he had no effect on you, pretend that silent moments sat on the sofa watching reruns of your favourite show didn’t sometimes lead to moments with him.

You could pretend that you didn’t still call into your apartment to inform whoever you were home despite there being no one there, pretend that buildings like the dingy café around the corner where’d you first met didn’t remind you of him.

You could pretend a lot of things but you’d be a fool to think that you were anything more than an actor. Actors pretended and what you felt didn’t feel like pretence.

You weren’t holding onto fragments, weren’t cradling them to your chest in an unwillingness to let go. You simply couldn’t delete the effects he’d on you, the changes you’d made as a result of being with him.

You simply couldn’t scare away the phantom that had been your first love and had learned as a result to live with him rather than hiding from him.

Time hadn’t made you forget. It had made it bearable. And though absence had made your heart grow fonder, history was a reminder that things of the past couldn’t be erased.

When you wake up, you simply can’t pin the bubble in your stomach and the soft jitters in your chest to a particular emotion. You can’t place word to face but there is something in the air that screams nostalgia.

All the daily norms that present themselves in the way the light bounces of the walls, how the house feels refreshingly warm and your cat lazy slings between your legs in her morning greetings seems nothing if not odd.

And you don’t know why you do and in hindsight you could blame it on the odd feelings that stir within your chest in a restless agitation to want pleased that you find yourself staring at the old coffee shop that you’d first met Yoongi with a little more than just longing.

You’d spent two years walking past it, never offering it more than a measly glance and a fond smile but there was something almost magnetic, appealing about the store in all its old and dinginess that has you standing before it today.

That after two years of religiously avoiding the café did your heart ache wistfully at the sight in a want to relieve old memories and feel emotions as ablaze as the first time you’d entered it.

You wondered if the feelings you’d buried were still present in the little quaint building, abundant with importance or whether time had nulled its flames and your reach for familiarity had simply wandered away like all good things do.

The café despite its overall unappealing exterior had always been your favourite. You had looked past the falling sign and the uneven canopy and found solace in the grounded coffee scent and the little bakery tucked in the back, finding home in wooden seats and warmed beverage that presented you with comfort on winter days and summer nights.

It was your little secret that hid in the corner in the heart of the town, almost always empty and quiet and very often overlooked.

It was your treasure, the same place where’d you’d met him, finding shelter on a rainy day that soaked through your clothes and had you shivering.

It was the same place you’d locked gazes with him, albeit unfamiliar then but familiar with the dullness in his eyes that had you forcing your way through his walls and layers to extend a friendly hand out.

It was the very same place that had you returning back on dates, familiarising yourself with the seat next to the window and the menu and him until it was practically tradition to sit across from each other on casual nights spent talking aimlessly until it closed.

So returning after two years of being away made you feel apologetic, feeling as though you’d neglected the place in your want to avoid the pain that came with reminiscing and almost repentant in your actions as you stepped inside, knowing nothing had changed and there was still the same wooden tables and the same barrister at the front but still washing your eyes over to drink it all in and playback memories of times before things had changed.

You walked over to the front and smile at the barrister in acknowledgement, wondering if she remembered you and by the way her grin grew and she looked almost surprised you think maybe she does.

“Hi,” You breathed. Your stomach felt a lot better than this morning and it struck you after finding yourself here so abruptly, overwhelmed with familiar smells of pastries and coffees that your want for a beverage was only stronger than ever. “Can I have a-“

“I’ve got it.” She interrupted and a large smile played on her lips as you stared at her in mild amusement.

“How did you-?” You trailed off, wondering how she could possibly remember your order after all these years of being away. Sure you’d been a regular customer but the odds that she’d remember your usual was almost touching in a sense.

“Boss often said we’d lost our best customer,” She replied, a strong glint in her eyes as she busied herself in preparing your drink, her voice soft as she spoke to you. “We don’t get many people but you were here always here without fail so we thought you’d moved away.”

“I’m sorry,” You offer and you really are, this place was like home to you and you’d avoided it in the want to let the past be the past. “It’s been a busy few years.” You told her and it’s half a lie because you have been busy. You been busy in finding yourself, in getting to know yourself and live by yourself.

You’d been busy in getting to know the little liberties that had made you you before you’d known Yoongi- the ones you’d lost in loving him and though you were past the point in your life where you wallowed in self-misery and nostalgia, you’d simply been carried away.

“I can imagine.” She sighed, finishing off the lasts of your coffee before turning to you with a slighter sadder smile. “He still comes here, you know.”

And you know exactly who’s she’s talking about and you can’t help the way your heart leaps at the mention of him, at the thought that he still comes to the same place that was important to you as it was to him, sitting down in the same cosy spot right by the window to mull over his music after long nights of needed solitude.

“Often looks like he’s looking for someone as if any day will be different than the previous,“ She continues, knowing the look on your face and despite only being acquaintances through the cafe knowing more about your love story than the rest.

And when she turns to you, she’s grinning wider than ever, almost glad that of all days, today was the day you’d decided to show up. And she hands you your coffee before she speaks again, and you look down to realise that it’s exactly how you like it, creamy and milky as always and years could pass but your taste most definitely hasn’t.

“I think he can stop looking now.”

And you don’t have any time to really ponder on her last words as she thanks you again, shaking her head at your questioning smile before you turn around, automatically moving towards the area you know best when you see him.

And its been two years but your stomach does backflips and your chest heaves and for a second you forget how to breathe. Your throat feels as if it’ll clam up anytime soon but he looks more beautiful than the last time you’d laid eyes on him.

And he sits there, by the window with dark hair and even darker eyes that contrast greatly with his milky skin, staring out into the streets and sipping at his coffee with his face pulled in a characteristic you know all too well is to show that he’s thinking.

Two years is a long time and he looks slightly older, more mature and his hair hangs low and brushes against his eyes, more rings adorned on his fingers and there’s something about him that screams difference, stranger but has your heart soaring in familiarity because god, you were a liar if you thought that you weren’t still in love with him and seeing him did damage to your strengthened heart. Even now, you could stare at him forever.

And you don’t know whether it’s the stubbornness to sit in the same spot that you’ve always sat, unwilling to sit any place else or simply to talk to him, to hear his voice that gives you strength, holding onto your cup with a firmness that is new to you when it comes to him and marching over with a sense of purposefulness that even you can’t place.

“Is this seat taken?”

And his head whips to look at you with his eyes blown wide and his pink lips parted in disbelief. He could recognise your voice anywhere.

He doesn’t speak immediately, rather taking you in standing before him after years had done its work on you for a few moments. You offered him a small smile in encouragement and his stomach churned unpleasantly because you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid his eyes on.

You were standing there before him with a cup of coffee, your hair shorter, your smile wider and he hated that in your last few months of being together he had stolen that from you. He hated how he’d made you feel, hated the way his stomach churned in guilt, in regret every time he thought of you.

The way you stood only indicated independence, promise and you were strong and holding yourself together with a new profound confidence that left him speechless, repentant for the wonders that were you and the ungratefulness that was him in ever letting you get away.

He could sit there and drink you in, mumble apologises into your skin for the rest of his days and search for any indication in your brown orbs for a hope, any hope that you still loved him.

He could call out for you, reach out for your hand and bring you home, re-find the corners he loved best and re-explore and voyage across the pages in a story that was yours.

He wants to apologise, wants to tell you about the mistakes he made. He wants you to understand him in the way he didn’t understand him, retell his account of those last moments. He wants to tell you about the days where he struggled, the days where he didn’t, he wants to confide in you in the ways he did time ago because this, you had once been his best friend and his world.

The thought is almost dizzying and instead he replies with an even smaller smile that resembles a grimace before gesturing to the chair in front of him because there is time for that and one day he’ll let you know. “Not at all.” Never for you, he wants to reply.

And it almost gives him déjà vu of the first time you’d met, when you’d fought for the seat in front of him and he’d given a slight nod unknowing of the years fate had planned for the two of you, only these were different circumstances.

In a way, he thinks that maybe you are meeting again for the first time, two years was a long time and it was apparent, with the way you approached him with nothing but loose ties and fragmented memories that you were two different people.

And it’s almost painful to think that had it been a few years back you would have bumbled in with a smile radiant enough to make the sun look dull and you would plant a kiss to his lips and you two would sit there, sit here in the very same spot by the window, addicted to each other’s presence.

He had learnt a lot these past few years. From the moment he’d come home to find your things missing to the disappointed stare your friend had given him when she’d collected the last of your bits that somewhere along the lines he had gone wrong.

He hadn’t been wrong to fall out of love but wrong enough to realise that it was a mistake to fall out in love with you when all he wanted to do was bundle you into his arms at night, chat aimlessly on the days he was overridden with frustration and lost for inspiration.

He realised months on, when he’d fall asleep on his desk not wanting to go home because what was home if it wasn’t with you that he didn’t feel relieved, he didn’t feel less burdened without you but rather empty after years of feeling so full with love.

Heartbreak was not a one way street and it took him as much as time as it did you for things about you to stop bothering him and though he still searched for you in the café, always going in case of finding you, he figured you’d made your peace without him.

And if there was one thing he was grateful for, was that made you’d realised that he had never been good enough for you and he hadn’t valued you enough when you were worth more than anything in this universe.

No date he went gave him the same feeling, the same excitement and no music he made felt genuine enough but he’d realised that it was his short fallings that had cost him, something he’d learn to live with yet years on staring at your face, slightly more lined with age and maturity did he realise just how much had been at stake.

“So you still like your coffee black then?” You joked and you couldn’t help but feel relieved when you see a slight quirk of his lips as he stared at his cup sheepishly.

“Some things don’t change do they?” He shrugs before raising his own eyebrows at your cup that you pull towards your chest defensively, almost shocked at yourself when your laughter leaves your chest so genuinely.

“I guess they don’t, Min Yoongi.” You smile at him and he smiles back but there’s something odd in the air, something different about the way you hold and present yourself but it’s obvious with the way he stares at you and you right back at him that maybe there’s a little more than just your coffee that hasn’t changed.

“You look different,” He says finally and you can’t help but stare at him questioningly. Did he mean your appearance? “Better.” And the way he frowns slightly and his eyes avert from yours do you realise that he feels guilty.

You open your mouth to speak, ready to wave off his doubts. “I’m sorry,” and it surprises you when you both speak at the same time, laughing lightly at the interruption and ready to continue when he shakes his head at you.

“What could you be sorry about?” he says, looking at you regretfully. “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have let it build up like that and I shouldn’t have let you leave like that either.”

You sighed, after so long of thinking about what you would say to him when the time came, you felt oddly empty. “I think maybe it was both our faults. None of us said anything. I think more than anything I was just scared of letting you go.”

“I was scared of letting you go too.” Yoongi whispered and you looked at him, encouraging him to go on because you needed your closure, you needed answers for a time where he’d refused to give you any. “I was being selfish.”

He looked at you then, eyes filled with raw emotion that are apologetic and gentle and has you choking up. “I just wanted you to be there even when I didn’t think I loved you anymore. Losing you was like losing my security so I avoided it and I’m just- I’m sorry we ever got to the point; for doing that to you.”

“You were my best friend.” You told him and he sighed audibly and it’s shaky but you march on relentlessly. “I would have understood if you had just talked to me. I hated that nothing was the same because I loved you more than anything. I would have ended everything in a heartbeat if it meant that you were happy, that we could still talk.”

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi tells you and this time it’s genuine and unlike the time where you’d stormed off and disappeared from his life.

“I’m sorry too,” You smile, shaking your head because you accept his apology and there were things that you had gone wrong in too. “I guess its better this way.” And you don’t want to say that because everything in your heart screams that you still love him, that you couldn’t really cope with anything but loving him and you could live with the fact that he didn’t love you back.

“Is it really?” He whispers, so softly that you almost miss it but you’re sure, you’re sure that he’s said it and maybe, maybe he does still love you and maybe these years were what you needed to make the heart grow fonder. These years are what you needed to grow, to realise your worth as individuals and your strength in being together.

And when you look at him now, he, his own person and you, your own, you’re not as insecure to think that he his your entire world and you are nothing without him.

And you take your time in speaking, take your time in conjuring an answer to fit to reply to him and when you do, he looks at you, patient and waiting and you offer him a smile and a reply that isn’t absolute but provides him with a hope that leaves a smile, a genuine smile lingering on his lips.

“I guess we’ll see.”

And you walk away from the coffee shop, glad you had entered it in the first place with a lighter chest and a blooming smile that makes even your friends question.

“I’ll see you later?” and the implication that you want to see him later, that you don’t want this to end but rather to start has him nodding fondly, glad that after years of searching for you again, he hasn’t found you but rather a new version that leaves him excited and just as eager as the first time you had met.

“I’ll see you later.” He promises, watching you twirl away with a light wave before catching the eye of the barrister who’s absolutely beaming from ear to ear.

A promise that is one absolute that he can definitely offer you.

The promise of later comes sooner than you expect. You find yourself in the coffee shop without fail every afternoon, a brighter step, a bigger grin and a world that wasn’t too large for you to fit into.

He was there too. And you’d end your day welcoming the barrister who’d have your order ready for you, maintaining small conversation before your eyes wandered away and you’d find him tucked away in the corner as if waiting for you.

You’d find yourself sitting in front of him, making up for lost time and re-establishing everything about each other, exploring and discovering and you realise that you had never fallen out of love and seeing the same thing that had once broken your heart reflected in his own orbs- you realise maybe he didn’t either and rather had wandered off lost where familiarity had bred contempt and absence had birthed love.

And it’s inevitable how you two fall in love again, slowly and just as deeply as the first time. He doesn’t promise you anything and there’s nothing guaranteed but the security you feel when he stares at you in wonder is overwhelming.

And you’re glad, glad that you aren’t bound by obligation and sentimental vows but rather in the very purity of simply wanting to be together.

“You took up photography?” Yoongi asks you when you’re huddled up in front of your laptop and camera over a cup of coffee, sighing at the countless images needed edited. You look up to find him staring at you curiously, his eyebrows slightly furrowed because he was discovering new things every day.

“I hated my old job.” You tell him after a long moment, bringing the drink to your lips before indulging in its sheer creaminess, watching him watch you as you hummed in content. “I was just forcing myself to do the same thing every day and so I quit and took up something I actually liked doing.”

“And I like this,” You smile, “I love taking pictures of nature, of people, of everything- every day is different, every person is different and it’s beautiful really, being able to capture every emotion into an instant.”

Like every art came freedom and with photography you had the autonomy to do what you liked and the world to do what you liked with it.

“Can I see some of your work?” Yoongi asks and you stare at him, searching his face only to find that he’s genuinely curious, genuinely interested in the things that you find passion in.

And you realise, not so much as daunting as you think, that you’re slowly letting him back in. what he asks is an innocent question but there’s a sense of intimacy, something almost invasive that makes you realise the extent of your closeness.

You remember days of when he’d ask you to come down to his studio, staring at you with anticipation as he let you listen to his music because it was important to him. By sharing his art he was allowing you to see glimpses of his life. He was allowing you to see his story in other means that were beyond just him.

You understand then, nodding your head in affirmative and watching in the same daunting anticipation as he scrolls through your photos. And he stares in awe, eyeing at the pictures as if he’s trying to gain memories of lost time and you understand then that you’re fine with this.

You are fine with letting him back in after years of being apart and it’s not so scary to realise that this is a start of a new journey in the same love story that in hindsight, never did really end.

Unbeknownst to you, staring at your pictures and seeing your drive in shaping your life to fit the mould that you wanted inspires him and when he returns to his studio that night, it’s your very passion that makes music come easy to him.

“You have a cat?” Yoongi questions, grimacing lightly as he steps into your household for the first time, taking a step further in your new established relationship by dropping you home when he sees that thing twirl between your legs and purr contently at your side when you nestle into the couch.

“Isn’t she pretty?” You ask back, grinning up at Yoongi who doesn’t take his eyes away from her. She hisses at him, scowling deeply when he tries to take a step forward and you laugh at the affronted look Yoongi gives her, offended that he wasn’t even allowed to come near you.

“She hates me.” Yoongi deadpans and you grin because watching both your cat warily eye Yoongi in the same way he eyes her back as if to challenge one another is absolutely beautiful.

Months later, it’s a sight to behold when you find Yoongi asleep on the couch, having given him a set of keys, to see the same feline snuggled up on his chest, purring away as if she hadn’t spent the afternoon snobbishly turning away from his affections.

You had done your growing, he had done him and it’s different. You’re different. And you find a greater independence in voicing your own concerns and holding your ground in moments of anger.

You’re allowed to take up space. You were not an inconvenience. And so when you and Yoongi argue, you don’t cradle emotions to your chest and hope for moments of fury to disperse, but rather yell and scream and cry until there’s an understanding that allows you to grow, to move on, to learn.

“I don’t like it.” You sighed, sitting at the edge of your bed after a long day of arguing. Yoongi pretending to be asleep. “I don’t like it when you sleep at your studio because I feel like you forget that I exist.”

And it doesn’t take him long before he bundles you up in his arms, kissing your forehead because the anger has disappeared into the air and there’s nothing less he wants to do but to argue with you.

“I don’t forget that you exist. I don’t want you to think that.” Yoongi reassures you and you stare up at his long eyelashes and he tucks a hair behind your ear. “I’ll try come home earlier.”

And these aren’t promises but he keeps them anyway and he can’t help but feel a burst of adoration when you two actually sit in front of each other at dinner, babbling away because he’s home early and your showing him your work and he breathes in your inspiration.

It doesn’t take you long to love him and rather you build your relationship in between cracks and corners and you piece them back together in an adaption that is refined and strong.

And so when he kisses you, taking your lips as if there were his own, you realise with him you are whole and there is no other than him you would love.

And when he makes love to you, after years of being apart, your soul drawn to his as if you were forged from the burning ends of the same stars and your souls star-crossed and inseparable, you realise that there is nothing better than him loving you.

“I love you,” Yoongi whispers to you and you turn back to him surprised, it had only been a few months since you had gotten back together and you knew that the idea of saying that you loved each other was a daunting prospect.

“You-“ You start off but can’t possibly end because he’s repeating it over and over onto your skin, lips mouthing the phrase into your lips, your neck, your chest.

“I love you so much,” and he means it, and wonders how he could possibly fall out of love from someone as beautiful of you and he assures you that everything he says is only the truth because he’d be damned if he ever let you get away again.

“Show me.”

And love was not infinite and emotions had ways of dying out but you and Yoongi had proved all ends and if soulmates existed, you were undoubtedly his. You had found yourselves inseparable by a bond that was as strong as you allowed it.

And after nights of living alone, separated from one another and adamant on change and tastes of different waters, he was certain that it was in between your legs, bundled into your arms and smiles was where he wanted to be.

You had started your selfhood by walking away, proved your love in the letting go.

You had finally found each other again after a long winter. Two hearts connected like one, sure of finding the homes to which they belonged.