#im not even feeling that bad right now im just like. when yhis next comes how the fuck do i cope with it.
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watched a video where the author said (not exactly) "and (x) number of people will die today if I felt as much for them as I did over losing a family member I wouldn't be able to function"
and was briefly and momentarily (thank god) seized with the gut wrenching pain of thinking about everyone around the world who died ever lol.
any way.
#the main point of the video was to allow despite this let yourself be comlassionate to others pain#and believe and listen to them and CARE when they speak to you#but. uhm. hm. well. my brain decided to breifly shut down my conciousness with greif#often times i cry abouy people who have loved ones the lost#and about people who die alone and hated by the people who quote should endquote care#and about the people who are murdered. about the bodies that are harmed after. the people who are hurt before.#one time i threw up because i felt so much pain and care for a woman who was murdered like. over 50 years ago i think. that#for like. 4 years. i couldnt look at a type of TREE.#I THINK. PERHAPS. I HAVE ISSUES JANICE.#any way.#i am actually sick rn with some sorta cold (not covid we teste neg at the peak of our symptoms)#so i have a looooot of time to think about pain. any way. babes.#im not even feeling that bad right now im just like. when yhis next comes how the fuck do i cope with it.#i used to blame myself for wars happening and people dying in the news. i used to make myself depressed so#'less people would be sad today because im taking up the sadness'#i. well. WELL.#sits here#man.#edit; sorry this is very disrespectful she was murdered in 1999.#and the tree was the one i was standing next to when i read about it not anythifn to do with the case#well. as far as i remember.#i checked the date bcus i felt bad but oh boy and i not looking into anymore detail baby we do NOT need THAT spiral right nlw#i was 3 there was nothing i could have done. oh my god. some#hep. come distaract me and or put me to sleep
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