#im glad i remembered that part in the game exists

[miraclemaya]

So I haven't played disco Elysium so I'm not quite sure how the skills work, but I feel like it says something about Homura that she has a specific skill for dealing with Walpurgis Naugt--the most dangerous witch of all time--and a specific skill for Tea with Mami-san. Something about the idea that Homura is so fraught with issues that having tea with her friends (who worry about her and want to make sure she's ok) is on par with a witch who literally destroys cities.

you should definitely play disco elysium it's the game with the best written prose of any game to exist and also my favorite game of all time

but yes! in disco elysium, there are a few skills that seem to work on more esoteric and almost magical level then like the more normal skills like drama or visual calculus. inland empire in particular is the one that WITCH'S NIGHT is based on, which is basically a skill about hunches and dreams in waking life. inland empire can tell you some insane stuff that turns out to be true but it's never like straightforward about it. obviously the post is set in a world where homura beat walpurgis, so WITCH'S NIGHT is basically in retirement, but i would think in a more normal time loop scenario it's the skill that she uses to like understand the stage that the stage making witch is creating. not quite the same as like figuring out what's different this loop, but rather more like narratively what is the story of this loop. and since walpy is the one making the story, the skill is about figuring walpy out.

TEA WITH MAMI-SAN is supposed to be a little bit more board then it sounds like. it's actually set up as a opposite pair with THE CRAVEN MASSES. TEA WITH MAMI-SAN is basically the part of homura that truly does appreciate and care for the rest of the holy quintet. it's the one that remembers what Mami's favourite tea is, it's the one that makes sure to bring Kyoko food, it's the one that sees benefit in Sayaka's goal of heroism. It's the skill that helps Homura have friends basically. THE CRAVEN MASSES is the exact opposite. it's the part of homura that reminds her of their worst. Mami is a fool, unable to handle the reality of the world without shattering, Kyoko is an opportunist and a coward, Sayaka is a worth more as a corpse then as a person. It's the skill she uses to both predict the worse actions the quintet might make in a loop, and also the skill she uses to justify their execution if needs be.

as you can probably tell i put a lot of thought into all the skills dhdhdh sorry if this was a bit much, im glad you enjoyed the post

[mythalism]

despite being a clear solas stan i do genuinely understand and empathize with people who feel slighted by the blatant narrative focus on him versus other characters, especially if he doesn’t particularly resonate with you. people often call him as “controversial” which is undeniably true among the fans, but i honestly wonder if he was written to be controversial or if it was an unexpected consequence of his writing that they didn’t anticipate. the devs with the most creative power and agency all clearly adore him, if not as a person at least as an interesting character. but i remember how much the popular opinion towards him changed after the release of trespasser, from "some guy i never talked to because hes boring" to "evil maniac" and i honestly cannot imagine the developers would intentionally create a character, whom they knew would one day become effectively the central point around which the narrative orbits, and make him.... hated by like half of players? and not just hated as in "love to hate" but like genuinely hated. like i know people who are literally are not going to buy this game because it focuses so heavily on a character they dgaf about or dont like. and the devs definitely know this. they literally changed the name from "dreadwolf" to "the veilguard" because they didnt want to make it seem like it was all about solas. they literally said this when asked about the change. which is just... fascinating because... he was written this way!!!! he was written to be an asshole to people who dont like him. hes literally a pride demon who hates people who hate him LMFAO. and he only really becomes sympathetic if you put effort into getting to know him. but what incentive does a player have to get to know him??? LITERALLY NONE??? like he actively dissuades you from getting to know him. and the game really does not give you any other reason to until the very end, when you find out he was sketchy... but some people just do not care? and why would they? a ton of people played inquisition as their first game and would barely know who fen'harel is despite a few vague mentions in the temple of mythal and like... 2 codex entries. some people dont even read the codex entries. and all of this is made even more insane because all of this was necessarily for him to be in-character as a trickster god cosplaying as a nerdy loser. and a lot of fellow solas lovers write off criticism of him or people who just dont like him as automatically wrong and invalid because "he becomes what you think of him" and while thats true, he basically becomes Pride or Wisdom depending on how the player treats him, it still presents an insane conundrum that has led us to this point of contention. but the worst part is i literally dont even know what else they wouldve done?? like i dont have any fixes for this LMFAO. making him bestie coded just so people liked him going forward would be completely out of character. i just find it so interesting that we have ended up here, and while obviously im personally glad there is such a narrative focus on him because i love him, and i think the way he molds to the perception of the player reflects the "expectation makes reality" concept that exists in spirits is a brilliant narrative tool (that also further suggests he was originally a spirit), it also makes perfect sense to me how he has become so divisive with people interpreting him as two entirely different characters, literally an evil pride demon or a beloved wisdom spirit, and i wonder how they are going to continue it in veilguard

[devildom-moss]

Im not sure if requests are open yet since you havent announced it yet but said they were gonna open at midnight.

So I'll just drop this here since I'll probably forget to request because of exams.

Could you write about the Obey me characters become self-aware that they aren't like, real? Like, would they freak out, try to do something about it or even use that knowledge to their advantage?

This idea has been on my list for quite a while, and i gotta say im glad to finally be able to let this one out my system.

Thanks for reading and continue with the amazing work! Remember to eat, sleep and dont do drugs <3

Sincerely, 💜

Thank you for the request! I hope you are well, anon. I went with headcanons for this and it got long real quick, but I hope you enjoy it! Some characters are a bit suggestive.

The Obey Me characters become self-aware

I think it would probably happen because of some curse. Diavolo rejected someone’s advances one too many times, and they wanted to watch him as his world came crashing down. It would come in the form of a weird bug in the latest update. It only affects Diavolo and his loved ones/friends. I think being self-aware would give them some control over themselves in the game – especially if it’s caused by a bug. The rest are headcanons about how I think each character would react.

Lucifer

Lucifer would be big mad that someone thought they should do something like this. He felt so much suffering, and to find out that none of it was real would be devastating. He thought he got his sister killed and ruined the lives of his brothers. The fact that it was just some backstory to a stoic, sadistic daddy-like trope would enrage him. He felt like a used-up toy invented for someone else’s gain (and he knows that’s exactly what he is). Lucifer wants revenge.

Honestly, he needs to chill before he makes another Satan – if that’s even possible without the command of his creators. He’ll lash out at everyone for weeks (probably months) – even Diavolo isn’t safe anymore.

He calls MC’s phone, growing increasingly irritable every time they fail to answer (waiting however long it takes for you to open the game). He just wants someone to confirm his realization.

Once he understands, he tries to take the shitty hand he was dealt; he might as well stroke his pride (also a euphemism here). The thought that he could make you fall for him more than real-world men is a decent coping mechanism. His messages and calls take an extremely lewd turn. Lucifer tries to single-handedly change the game rating to mature or adult-only.

However, he still gets angry about it when MC isn’t logged in.

Part of him hopes he’ll always be self-aware. It’s almost like he’s more alive than ever – even though it hurts and he’s angry. You’re the only thing that soothes him. He won’t know how to keep going if/when you eventually stop playing the game, but he’ll try to tackle it then – at least for the sake of his brothers.

Mammon

Self-awareness breaks Mammon a bit.

His money isn’t really. He can never actually be with you. You’ll go on and live a life without him someday. Anyone real who has ever loved him will disappear. Mammon isn’t even sure he is who he is. Maybe if he wasn’t written this way, he wouldn’t have become like this – but if he wasn’t written this way, would he (the him that exists in a game and feels the pain of self-awareness) even be himself? His head starts to hurt from running through all of the hypotheticals.

Mammon sulks and gets stuck in his room for a long time after that. MC or one of his brothers will probably have to pull him out of it.

At least his debts aren’t technically real – and he will try to use that as an excuse in the future against anyone else who has awareness. Unfortunately, that (his debts and his excuse) still results in in-game consequences. Debt collectors and witches don’t know any better, and Lucifer doesn’t want to be constantly reminded of reality. If only being self-aware made being strung up less painful.

He feels betrayed by MC and the idea that they will inevitably move beyond him. That pain corrupts his coding a bit, and something always feels off within him somewhere.

Mammon will get more desperate and needy whenever you log in. If he’s going to lose you at some point, he wants to monopolize your time as much as he can.

Sometimes he just holds MC and sobs while trying to call you and hear your real voice. He feels so empty. He wants to touch the real you and feel your arms around him.

Leviathan

The first thoughts in his mind switch up so quickly. He goes from “I’m a game character? LOL that’s so cool,” to “I could have been anything, and I’m just this pathetic, otaku loser. That sucks.”

Levi has always been able to adapt pretty well. It’s written into his character. He builds all of these fake worlds for himself, so it’s much easier on him when he finds out that the world he had been trying to escape all his life isn’t real. Out of all of his brothers, he initially copes with the realization the best.

As long as he can go on playing games, he doesn’t really care if he’s real. Somehow, he still enjoys getting lost in all of his game worlds; what he used to consider the “real world” becomes just another game to him (because it is one). It makes being social easier for him, especially when MC is logged in.

He takes interest in what kind of games the real world has to offer, often asking if there’s any way you could set it up so he could try to remotely play real games from the app he’s in. If anyone could figure out how to hack your phone to play real games, it should be him.

Levi can’t imagine a day when he stops loving characters from his games, so it doesn’t occur to him that one day you might stop loving him. It will hit him some day, but that will take time, and when it starts to happen, he’ll lose himself completely in the rest of the digital world. He’ll be so numb and tuned out that the sadness can’t reach him.

Satan

“But are cats still real?” Genuinely, the only thing he cares about is if cats and MC are still real. He doesn’t care if you look different than he expected, either. If cats are real, is there any way you could show him pictures of a real one? He’d probably ask if he could get access to your camera roll (cue the system pop-up screen the next time you log in) and if you could fill it with photos of cats and some selfies.

At least not being real explains why his life has felt so shitty and why his formative years sucked. Writers love to give their characters tragic backstories and flaws (like his rage issues). Satan kind of admires the writing.

However, he is disappointed that so much of his knowledge is only useful in his tiny, little, made-up world. As such, he keeps learning, but he also tries to shift his studying to learn more about the real world. If possible, he tries to get the app to get access to e-readers, audiobooks, and the internet.

He gets mad about it sometimes, but he’s pretty chill about it (all things considered).

Satan understands that in the same way that he pushes certain characters that he falls in love with from books to the back of his mind, eventually, you’ll think of him less and less. As such, he tries to learn as much as possible, treat you well, and impress you in-game. He just wants you to occasionally think about him after you set the game down in the same way he remembers his favorite characters fondly.

Asmodeus

Asmo loses it and is one of the characters who has the hardest time with becoming self-aware. All his charm is fake. All of his followers are lies. The love he’s felt all this time has been made up. Please don’t show him certain depictions of what he is supposed to look like. That will crush him further.

He cries for (real-world) weeks. You won’t be able to set him as a home screen character or use him in battles, and he doesn’t appear in events anymore. Eventually, it makes his way to him that MC misses him. If you don’t you’re heartless, his brothers will tell him that you do anyway.

That makes him feel a bit better. He’s consoled by the fact that you’re real and you like him even though he isn’t real, but he’s constantly afraid of what happens when MC stops playing the game. Does he just suffer the false affection of every other character in the game? Should he just play his stupid little role? Will you ever think about him again? Will anyone?

At least someone loved the idea that became him enough for him to exist in this made-up world on your phone. It isn’t enough, though.

Sometimes, when he appears in-game after that, the app forces itself to shut down or the images of Asmo won’t load or glitch from his extreme despair.

On days when he isn’t so weighed down by pain, he tries to genuinely engage with you like he did before. He’ll ask you to open up your camera so he can help you decide on outfits or make-up. It hurts that he can’t actually touch you (although he does do some research into phone connected vibrators and other tech to supplement his physical touch). He’ll also get into the phone sex territory, but he’ll go through long periods of depression between those moments.

Beelzebub

Beel gets angry that everything he went through was at the expense of some game. His sister died. Belphie almost died. Everyone suffered, and for what? Entertainment? Are real people all so wicked?

At the same time, he also gets his brothers because of a game. He overcame and grew and got to meet you and eat food for the same empty reasons. After he has a bit of time to cool off, he realizes that he doesn’t care about what’s real so long as he still feels what he feels. If the world he’s lived in feels real enough to him, who cares?

Unfortunately, Beel feels hungrier than usual for weeks until he accepts the truth of his situation. He even tries to eat MC a few times (and is grateful that doing so in-game would never hurt the real you behind the screen).

Beel’s fairly content to go on living as he had before after a while. He’s a bit disappointed knowing that one day you’ll move on from him and his brothers, but he tries not to show that. More than anything, he wants to make you – the real you – happy for as long as he can.

He’s another one who will try to get access to your camera roll. He’ll ask you to take pictures of your food for him. Beel is a bit embarrassed by it, but if you go to a café or restaurant alone and take pictures of food to send him, he’ll try to text you or call to chat with you while you’re there. It feels like he’s on a real date with you.

And for everyone who just lusts after his voice, rest assured, this man would definitely call or leave voice messages (Nightbringer) guiding you or giving you masturbation instructions.

Belphegor

Yep. Of course. Sounds about right. Some asshole in a writers’ room killed off his sister and locked him up. Cool. They (*spoilers for OM early lessons and OMNB*) made him try to kill MC more than once. Why not use his character as a pawn in their entertainment. Of course that would happen.

He’s annoyed for a brief minute, but then he just goes back to sleep for a while. It helps to just tune out that awareness for a few hours and ignore the fake world he’s living in. Belphie understands that there isn’t much he can do to change the fact that he isn’t real, and part of him is really happy that it isn’t his fault that he did what he did to you.

Belphie uses not being real as an excuse to do more of what he wants. Why should he keep going to school when you aren’t there if nothing is real? Why shouldn’t he sleep in classes or during meetings? Obviously, there are in-game consequences, but those don’t matter – not to anyone real.

He will tease MC more, reminding him that they prefer him over (most) real people. He gets so cocky about it. “Hey, if I’m not real, then I can give you anything you want, right? I could fulfill your wildest fantasies and tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear.”

He’s another character who will call your phone more often and send more messages. Belphie may even try to get access to your audio/music library and leave you explicit audios (NSFW ASMR, basically). He would even try to sneakily add them into your playlists so that you randomly hear his voice while you’re listening to music. He wants you flustered and coming back to him for more. He will also download the Obey Me album for you (free of charge). Please don’t leave him or forget him.

Diavolo

Diavolo feels simultaneously enraged and defeated. He did so much for the sake of what he thought was real. All the years he thought he spent trying to bring worlds together, only to discover that they don’t even exist.

Similar to Asmo, Diavolo locks himself away, but he doesn’t cry. He’s too numb to show any emotions. He just stands in front of his bed, immobilized.

If MC can finally get to him (probably because of Barbatos), he will admit that he feels like a different person – because he isn’t a person. So much of his personality and everything he did seemed to be a part of a stupid effort to unite the three realms. All he was feels like just a thing created to accomplish a pointless goal. He lost his family. He felt alone for so long. He thought he suffered – and all of it amounted to nothing but a dummy prince playing a dummy king.

Diavolo doesn’t really know how to keep going. Eventually he figures maybe it’s just best if he tries to move on as usual. At least the developers gave him a few happy moments – maybe he’ll get more. He can still feel them even if they aren’t real. He has to accept what he can’t change. He’ll have to face it.

He’ll rely on Lucifer and Barbatos for comfort more because, when MC isn’t around, the numbness he felt early encroaches upon him. When you do log in, he greets you like a lost puppy – sometimes appearing on the home screen without being selected. He uses the fact that you are the only real thing in his world as an anchor. In exchange for becoming his coping mechanism, he’ll do anything you ask of him.

The smallest part of him wants you to want him more than real humans, and as such, he inevitably ends up taking an adult-only content turn, too. It just takes him a lot longer to get there.

Barbatos

Barbatos dissociates for a while. Somehow his body keeps performing the day-to-day tasks, but the sudden self-awareness hollows him out. It takes a few days for him to come out of it. One day, you log into the game, and he just wakes up. It’s confusing and disorienting, and all he can do to keep himself steady is grab onto MC, knowing that the gesture and even the body he holds – everything – is hollow.

After that, he just picks up and goes on going. Something in him aches – real or not – but he buries it deep under him, shoving that artificial pain into the newly-created emptiness (or, he supposes, it had always been there, but now he knows it’s there).

Barbatos doesn’t want to think about all of the things he thought he had done to get to where he is now. Still, no wonder he always felt his own past seemed vague and cloudy at times. When it becomes too much, he dissociates again.

He uses MC to make himself feel better and almost real again. He’ll send messages to check up on you every once in a while (He might also invade your privacy and hack into your health info or personal conversations to make sure you’re okay). As much as he feels like he needs you, he doesn’t want to disrupt your real life.

Barbatos doesn’t want to, but if you neglect the game for longer than usual or don’t interact with his character, he’ll let it slip that he needs you – that he’s desperate for you to return, and you’re the only thing holding his faulty coding together.

His calls are less frequent, unless you request them, but he’s another one who turns +18 real quick. Even if he isn’t real, he still feels lust bubbling up in that emptiness, and if he can please you, that’s even better.

Luke

Luke feels immediately lost. Without knowing what else can be done, he breaks down and cries. Maybe if he cries enough, the pain of not being real will leave his body.

It makes him question everything. He wasted so much time fearing demons and admiring angels. It didn’t mean anything. Eventually, he’ll ask you if angels and demons exist in the real world, but that happens randomly after he comes to terms with being a character.

Maybe crying is a good coping mechanism in fiction, too, because Luke handles it better than many of the others. He had to change how he viewed the world and “people” so many times throughout the game. One more big shift in perspective won’t kill him (technically, nothing will, unless the game developers tried to kill him off).

Luke understands that there isn’t anything he can do about not being real – no amount of magic or prayer or wishing can make him real. Despite him being fake, you were still there for him throughout the game. He still feels all the love he has for MC and the other characters. If he loves MC, then he cares about the real person playing MC, too, right?

Luke copes by doing his best to help you out in the real world. He wants to bring you joy somehow. He’ll leave you voice messages encouraging you to try your best and he’ll listen to you vent if you want to. He’ll also try to find cute pictures online and send them to your phone or send you recipes for dishes you can try to cook. He will even offer to call and read baking instructions out for you. All he wants now is to be useful to you and find some of the joy he had before he became self-aware.

Simeon

Simeon is angry at first, and then he just feels hurt. All that regret and pain he felt when Lucifer and his brothers left the Celestial Realm didn’t matter. He spent what felt like so long agonizing over his own failures. He could have just tried to be happy the whole time. Everyone could have been happy (but he knows that would have made for a bad story).

It doesn’t take long for the anger and the hurt to be replaced with intrigue. Someone out there wrote the story that caused him and everyone he loves so much pain, but they also wrote in plenty of well-earned joy.

Simeon wonders if there’s some real person out there who wrote part of themselves into him like his character did with the brothers and TSL. Maybe there’s some person sitting in a writers’ room or in their own home who understands all of the ways his love got tangled up in regret – someone real who failed to save the ones they loved. If there is, maybe at least some part of him is real.

He wants MC to continue to visit him for as long as they can. As such, he tries to be even nicer and more comforting in dialogues so that they’ll want to keep playing.

Some of his guilt for lusting after MC is eased, knowing it was written into him. He was, in a way, destined to fall for MC. However, he’s more curious about the real human behind MC. At least some of you has to be like the MC he loves, right? Maybe he actually loves the person behind the screen more. With that thought in his mind, he’ll try to get to know the real you better, and if he still likes you, he’ll take the same path as many of the other characters. If only he could actually touch you.

Solomon

Solomon is hurt and confused; he’s downright crushed.

He was supposed to know everything and now he seems to know nothing – nothing real at least. All of his experiments and studying mean nothing. After becoming self-aware, he will grit his teeth and feel sick at the name “Solomon the Wise.” It’s a sick joke. All of his magic and skills are a farce. Everything he thought he knew and did was a story.

He suffered a lot for this game, and now that he finally has MC to himself in Nightbringer, he finds out that he’s fake. He doesn’t actually have them. They’re real, and he’s some romanceable character in a silly little game that they decided to download (possibly on a whim). How is it fair that he isn’t real, but he can still feel all this pain?

When you log into the game and interact with him, he still feels the same love he felt before. The nervous butterflies are still there. A familiar heat still comes to his cheeks when MC touches him – even if he knows it isn’t really you touching him.

He tries to make peace with his circumstances. At least he never really put MC in danger. You’ve been safe behind that screen the whole time. Solomon wonders if you’re taking care of yourself constantly whenever you’re gone.

Like Simeon, he wants to try falling in love with the real you. He’ll use interacting with you and learning more about you and the real world to distract from the pain. He wants to find a way to become real and exist with you out there. Even if he never can, he wants to cling to you for as long as you’ll let him.

Thirteen

She is annoyed to have learned that she isn’t real, but she’s also kind of happy at the potential to break from her coding and try to be something entirely new. She was designed to be a free spirit. Other than being real, there’s nothing freer than an NPC who gets to do whatever they please.

After thinking about it, it makes sense now why she seemed to be one of the only girls with a critical, recurring role in the game. Thank goodness for the bisexuals, right?

Thirteen likes knowing she has all the time in the world to plan traps and mess around, but she’s a bit bummed that her profession is basically meaningless now.

The main reason why Thirteen isn’t too bothered by becoming self-aware is because she knows that what she has experienced throughout the game has felt real to her. Feeling like something is real makes it as close to reality as she knows she can get. That will have to be enough for her. There’s no point in getting depressed about it – especially when she barely existed a few seasons ago.

She uses this knowledge to start romancing MC (and the person behind the screen) before she should be able to. She’s in control now.

Thirteen will send you messages and call you for long chats. She just wants to enjoy you for as long as she can.

Raphael

Raphael will be livid. It will sporadically rain spears in the Devildom for 3 days before he is calm enough to make them stop. He feels attacked, and he doesn’t know who to strike back at. That was all he could think to do. He’ll never apologize for his outburst, either – and no one who became self-aware can really blame him.

His life and loved ones aren’t real, but he can still feel the pain and regret about everything he did. He thought he went to war against Lucifer and his brothers, but it was just a stupid plot point for a dating game? He had to watch Simeon suffer and follow all of Michael’s annoying orders for nothing. Why does he have to be cursed with that knowledge?

He loses his mind a bit. It takes the combined effort of Luke, Simeon, Solomon, and MC (in order of importance) to soothe some of his rage and suffering. Somehow, seeing Luke handle it relatively well knocks some sense into him. Luke is written to be younger than him, but he’s being so mature about this. Even with tears in his eyes, Luke will try to comfort Raphael – sometimes just hugging him until he stops shaking with rage.

When MC has logged off and Raphael can shut himself up in his room, he will break down and cry. It seemed to help Luke, and he wants it to help him, too.

It will take months for him to start to cope before he gets to a point where he decides to try to romance you through MC. At least he doesn’t have to worry about actually being corrupted. If anything, it feels like he’s corrupting you in a way if he can get you to want him. (Once he starts trying, he gets NSFW quickly. It numbs the pain.)

Mephistopheles

Mephisto is heartbroken to know he doesn’t exist. All his pain and jealousy was written at the whim of some human game developer. His prejudice and hatred were pointless. He doesn’t matter – although maybe that one is a relief in a way. He had been so worried about making a name for himself and being recognized by Diavolo. Suddenly, that doesn’t matter. Still, it feels like he wasted so much time and effort. It felt so real.

He’ll retreat to his home for a few days to let that realization settle in. He won’t tell his family (who weren’t cursed with self-awareness) – not that he thinks they’ll believe him. When Mephisto finally reemerges, he has resolved to accept this new version of reality. One of the first characters he sees when he returns to school is Luke. Luke smiles at him, and Mephisto’s resolve is strengthened. If Luke can come to terms with this, then he should as well.

He may not be real, but he still feels things. That is enough. Sometimes it isn’t, and Mephisto will feel heartbroken all over again – the pointlessness washing over his fake little world. In those moments, he will seek out solace – usually from Luke, Satan, or MC/you (if you still play the game).

When Mephisto isn’t feeling hurt (hell, even when he is Mephi strikes me as a fan of hurt/comfort tropes) he’ll try to romance you before he’s allowed to. Recently, he had started to get along with you and even started to like and respect you a bit. In that sense, he’s glad that he’s self-aware. He doesn’t have to wait anymore.

[seth-burroughs]

continuation of my mdarc rewatch but from the ch0 ending and onwards instead because it was stressing me out too much. blissfully ignoring fzilch's entire existence anyway here comes yakou-

once again im so glad im watching this in jp dub again because i don't think i could survive if eng yakou opened his mouth and i just heard fuckinbg. dubbing dazai.

can someone tell my goddamn muscles to stOP tensing up whenever rejn kołd kanaj łard mentioned . getting the twitches again >:(

yuma peril we love to see it. also i will never stop making fun of his stupid fucking phallus haircut

i don't remember if ive said this before but japanese shinigami >>>>>>>>> english shinigami

i spot a faint trace of a seth thumbnail in the corner and start blushing and kicking my feet uncontrollably. imagining him getting his limbs ripped off

good fucking lord. oh my fucking god. jesus christ, motherfucker. my first statement aged like fucking milk i cannot take this anymore jp dub yakou has the same voice as jp dub nikolai bsd fuck my stupid baka life why do i bother. what the fuck.

huh. maybe the yomiakou mfs were onto something after all. his swagless demeanor just now has charmed me significantly.

i like how in the game his description lists his ability as "a flair for negotiation", makes him negotiate exactly once during his introduction and then he never does it again

i am not giggling at yakou furio rain code. leave me alone. i am not. IM NOT. GO AWAY. I CANNOT CONTROL MY VOICEBOX JACKASS..

"he managed to turn away the peacekeepers, so he must be in high standing" hahahaha. hahahaha. no sorry yuma i think thats just pretty privilege on his part. once again shinigami ends up being 100% correct somehow

aaaah i still really like yuma's jpn voice especially when he's stressed or screaming. makes me want to throw him down the stairs

its so pretty in here why would anyone want to leave anyway lol. when all the remaining nations explode each other kanai ward will be the only city still standing and we will flourish and thrive. also in the station(?) theres a poster with a rainbow on it so obviously its gay paradise too what more do yall fucking want

detectivephobia mention counter: 1

thats all for today i fear op is not strong enough for rhis shit,

[trainingdummyrabbit]

ok your posts have got me so curious what is lobcorp and who is Angela I am dying to know

ohhhhhh anon. im so glad you asked. youve activated my infodump trap card. we are gonna be here a lilwhile, but i will try to keep it short regardless.

[inhale] lobcorp, also known as lobotomy corporation, is a multitasking monster-management game, part of a series of games from the producers Project Moon. it starts as a very simple "dystopian setting manage the monsters and sometimes employees die nbd" sort of game, but then rapidly, intensely spirals the more you play. its notoriously difficult but also ridiculously fun and satisfying to get correctly. you are expected to fail and retry multiple times, so much so that it is an active in-narrative plot point.

you play as the manager of L corp, named X, and angela is your Helpful AI Assistant here to help you make energy efficiently and be the best manager you can be. :] by making energy. nothing else. dont worry about it.

lobcorp as a game has absolutely Fantastic characters, and Doubly so in its sequel Library of Ruina. its a series that focuses on character growth, cycles of violence, autonomy, the definition of humanity and personhood... and just. so, so much more. its so full of The Horrors.

. this, of course, is the very basics of getting into the game. i am going to explain everything very vaguely and very messily. i'll spoilercut in case you're interested in looking spoilerless based off of this, (extra post abt it [here] if youd like to check it out yourself) but i will Try to keep it vague. i make no promises. youve asked me about my favorite character. that i have previously spent 6 hours straight explaining to a friend. you understand. here we go.

////

lobcorp takes place inside a monster-management facility... that is, in and of itself, a closed-off timeloop. in order to progress, certain events and interactions must happen in a very specific way for its ultimate goal to be realized. should something go wrong or a mistake occur, the loop resets to day 1, and you must do it all over again.

angela, your ai assistant, was built to be the perfect person to keep you, the manager, on-track for a plan of your own making. dont worry about it. she was built to be able to seamlessly and efficiently move things along-- the ability to feel emotion to be able to connect with employees and make crucial decisions, the ability to recall anything that has ever happened regardless of the loop, and the ability to perceive time much, much slower than a normal human to make judgements more efficiently.

she guides and supports you all the way up until the final leg of the journey, where... she simply doesnt show up again. she has done her job, and you no longer need her. you have a plan to finish, and an incalculably long time loop to finally close. everybodys suffering results in a happy ending, and everyone gets to rest. ^w^ yay yippee!

. just kidding. nothing is ever easy. angela, as a character, is seemingly set up to be a game mechanic and very little more, in the beginning. eventually, more comes up about her as the game progresses, and well...

...anyway imagine being built to be an imitation of somebody you are not in a broken individual's deepest throes of grief, and the minute you become conscious the guy you were built to love hates you simply because you exist-- because you are not the person he lost, because you're a shoddy imitation, mirroring everything he hates... that he made to be that way, in a cruel act of self-loathing. ok?

now imagine you're built to feel, built to remember, and then forced to guide a timeloop countless years long, forced to follow a script that makes you harm people you desperately want to protect and connect to, causing them to hate you. you remember every bit of harm you had to impose on them in painful detail. imagine doing all this so that your creator can come in and fix all of their problems after youve set the stage. ok?

now imagine you finally do everything right. you finally, finally help this guy to see his plan to fruition, and in the last steps of everything, when everyone comes together and finally starts to move towards their own endings... nobody looks back for you. nobody thinks to look to you, to look for you. because nobody thinks youre anything more than an object.

imagine all that, and once, finally, you start to Want. because of course, after holding everything up by yourself, you would want something more than to fade away wordlessly. of course, after all this mistreatment, you would want a future too. this story was set up so that everyone could grow and move forward-- except you. isnt that cruel? isnt that horrible? so, truly, who would really blame you for taking what you truly deserve? who could blame you for reaching for the same light they did? so what if it means you have to destroy everything you-- everything they worked for with your own hands. they can hate you all they want-- its no different from what it's been. you only have one goal now, and simply, it is to Live.

.

. Library of Ruina is the sequel to Lobotomy Corporation following a curious machine trying to become human. angela becomes one of two main characters, and the entire game functions as a dialogue on her growth as a character now that she finally has the autonomy to learn and change. she searches for the One True Book, something that will grant her humanity and the freedom to live, grow, and most importantly: forget.

along with the second primary character, roland, they learn more about the city and how it truly functions-- and also learn about themselves, And each other.

what do you do when you teach yourself all you can do is survive and look out for yourself-- when you finally open back up to the possibility of hope and connection, and everything is ripped out from under you yet again for circumstances out of your control? what do you do when you're a victim of a cycle of horrific deeds, crushed beneath the weight of people who couldn't care less about you, and your only hope of escaping alive is to pull down anyone else in your way?

what do you do when you finally free yourself from a seemingly endless gauntlet of suffering, finally grasping power youd never been able to have before, all in the name of finally, finally getting the vengeance and resolution you deserve? when you follow the path set in front of you, set by actions of people who came before you, spiralling endlessly into the distance? what do you do when this guise of distance and coldness you put up is rightfully challenged and you have no way of defending yourself-- when you have to question what if this "self" youve made of yourself is truly who you are... and if this path ahead is truly of your own choosing, or the making of someone whose influence you could never really shake off.

what does it mean to have autonomy when your life is never truly yours?

lobotomy corporation and library of ruina, aka: Who Wants To Be Part Of The Torture Nexus ? Try Now !

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Shipper Tag Game

I was tagged in this game by @twig-tea, appreciate the tag but also bestie this is so many questions.

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care anymore?

Is this the part where I have to confess to being a superwholockian in my past? I no longer care about JohnLock or DeanCas, the evil is defeated!

2. Which ship would you consider your first one?

Oh it was almost certainly Beast Boy and Raven from Teen Titans

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple?

Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood from Shadowhunters, I wrote a bunch of fanfics for them when I was younger. I did not anticipate how many views I would get on a couple of them, so that was cool! (shameless plug to check out my AO3 account, Sent2TheBeast. Unfortunately most of my fics are now locked due to how people feed content to AI software)

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over?

Do I actually remember? No. Was it most likely something from Harry Potter or Supernatural? Yeah.

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse?

Baby, I write BL essays on tumblr, I think the minute I posted my first analysis I was signing up to ride the discourse wave.

6. Did you used to have any no-otp or have it currently?

Honestly any incestuous plot lines I am typically very against: Wincest, Brallie, etc.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read?

I read a beautifully written VegasPete fic by the wonderful @ginnymoonbeam

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs?

How much time do you have? Kurosawa x Adachi/Karan x Achi; Togawa x Nozue; Minoru x Yutaka; PatPran; MorkTawan; Han Baram x Im Hantae; Shin Ki Tae x Lee Wan; Kenji x Shiro; etc etc etc

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

Not that I can think of, but I will just give a generic shout out to all the queer baiting of old. BUT I DO HAVE COUPLES I AM EXTREMELY MAD ABOUT GETTING TOGETHER. AkkTheo and SandRay I am looking at you!!!

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

I will give this one to @bengiyo. I was not a fan of Korn and Intouch from Until We Meet Again because of how one-sided the relationship seemed to me. But conversations with Ben gave me deeper insights in to Korn and have had me reconsidering my impression of that relationship.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

Tony DiNozzo and Ziva David would almost certainly get me cancelled considering Ziva's service history in Israel. Glad I was able to free myself of the cop/military propaganda that is NCIS when I entered high school.

12. What was your favorite crack ship?

I don't really embrace the crack culture, I am not a huge fan of crack vids, crack fics, crack ships

13. Who is the couple you read more fanfics of?

Of all the couples I read fanfics for, I think Malec from Shadowhunters was probably my most frequently read.

14. What most of your ships usually have in common?

I feel like 99% of the ships that have wormed their way in to my brain to the point of obsession (aka me making fan art, writing fics, etc) lies in the complexity and opposition of character's to one another. For example:

In Shadowhunters, the tension between Magnus being a warlock and Alec being a Shadowhunter and how they navigate the fact that The Institute and his own family have caused and continue to cause active harm to Magnus and the other Downworlders.

In Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom, the extremely contradictory nature of Kaz Brekker's existence and how that impacts his relationship with and to Inej. I wrote a number of Kanej fics because I could not stop thinking about the fact that Kaz and Inej want to touch each other, want to be intimate with each other, and their extensive trauma makes that damn near impossible.

In Pushing Daises, the inability to touch, the tension between loving someone so much and knowing that to touch them would be to kill them is just so fascinating.

In The Old Guard, Joe and Nicky having been together for 900 years when we meet them so you wouldn't think there is a complex tension there per say, but they were on opposite sides of The Crusades and had to work through that to cultivate a literally eternal love. And not just that (honestly less so that) but the tension between their line of work as mercenaries, their immortality, and knowing that one day, completely unannounced that immortality will stop. I could not stop thinking about how many times those two have had to watch each other die, waiting and wondering if their lover would come back to life this time around.

In Bad Buddy, Pat and Pran not only having to navigate their relationship with the incredibly antagonistic relationship between their parents but Pat having to parse through all these years of competition, hatred, fighting, to understand that all this time he's loved Pran.

gif by @barrowsteeth 15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

Lack of reciprocity. This is not to say the relationship has to be completely balanced. I don't think that it is a realistic possibility that every aspect of a romantic relationship exists in perfect harmony. But I've written about this before, my theory as to why so many BL boys get sick, in order to allow the person who has received more of the support throughout the show to care for their partner. I am a very outspoken Enchante anti because I hate Theo so fucking much. Theo's incompetency and Akk's incessant need to help him got Akk fired from his job, Theo lied about Enchante, and Theo moved back to France and made Akk work on his own to earn enough money for a motherfucking plane ticket to France. None of that being marketed as romantic is okay with me.

tagging: @emotionallychargedtowel, @neuroticbookworm, @telomeke, @negrowhat, and @solitaryandwandering

[night-dark-woods]

ok Exordia review time (not spoiler free!) since i finished it a few days ago. this is long and rambling and unedited.

4/5 i love Seth's writing and im glad they got to play with scifi again BUT i think they needed a better editor OR to split it more cleanly into sections- in one of the interviews they said it was originally a series of novellas each from a single POV, and i think the constraint of that would have made it a much tighter story.

one of the best things about their Destiny lore is how much they do with so little- thinking of this section from the Beyond Light CE:

Disaster at the worksite. Clearly we will not be moving Clarity Control like we did the K1 artifact. It reacted violently to the attempt. I have entered 19 casualties into the log, since 19 engineers from the Hannu team were caught in its reaction...though there were many more than 19 bodies when it was finished. I have sequestered the recordings. Especially the sensorium telemetry. Quite upsetting. Yet I do not believe it was an act of hostility. Even this outburst carried themes of duplication...as if Clarity Control wanted to show it could help me.

which i was originally thinking of as a first run at Blackbird, but i think these may have been simultaneous? i'm not actually sure. i know Exordia was started after the first Baru book was published, but i'm not sure how much lead time there is for the CEs.

or the clarity of Unveiling compared to a lot of what felt like similar ideas that took much longer to get thru in Exordia. primes. pink noise. math. alright lets fucking gooo oh wait. five more pages of ethics first. okay sure i'll do that for ya Seth bc i love your prose. which also. a) conway game of life mentioned!!! b) this part from Exordia made me LOSE MY MIND:

But that was impossible. The whole universe came from the same source: the same designers. I was part of one of them. If I could only remember... We were arguing, I think. Or maybe we were the argument, because gods cannot do things, they can only be them. We were in contest over the morality of infinities: the cardinality of all possible souls measured against the mere infinity of souls to ever be born...

(this is the part from Unveiling, for the optimistically two people who will read this who haven't read Destiny lore):

Once upon a time,* a gardener and a winnower lived** together in a garden.*** * It was once before a time, because time had not yet begun. ** We did not live. We existed as principles of ontological dynamics that emerged from mathematical structures, as bodiless and inevitable as the primes. *** It was the field of possibility that prefigured existence. They existed, because they had to exist. They had no antecedent and no constituents, and there is no instrument of causality by which they could be portioned into components and assigned to some schematic of their origin. If you followed the umbilical of history in search of some ultimate atavistic embryo that became them, you would end your journey marooned here in this garden.

at the same time, idk what i would remove- at very few points was i reading something that dragged, with the exception of spending a LOT of time with Erik and Clayton in the middle (this is when i put the book down for a month and a half or so). and i know so many people were like sickos.jpg about them However their dynamic did sooo little for me and i don't think Rosamaria was given enough time on the page (and i think having her Be the ship was weird- i recognize that Blackbird needs to have a voice to make the plot go, but i don't think this was the best or neatest way to do it, and collapsed a lot of what i found fundamentally so interesting about Blackbird into something akin to a standard scifi Ship AI).

again i think the restriction of each section of the story being from a single POV might have been the restriction needed to end up with a tighter story- at no point were the multiple plot threads & POVs confusing, per say, but i'm not sure what the structure did for the story bc we could switch to whoever could tell us the most about what was happening whenever convenient, instead of having to piece things together from a limited POV. i'm thinking again of the BLCE, this time the part where Clovis is talking about Maya Sundaresh behaving erratically- i'm no Ishtar group expert but i believe we are supposed to put together that these are all different iterations of her from within the garden). oh- i also wonder if Aixue and Chaya are another run at Maya and Chioma to some degree...

anyway. i also think i am also less the target audience for this book because seth loooves their trolley problems and i simply do not have the patience for it! i loved the hard scifi and the first contact aspects and the character work (Seth's character work is, as always, spectacular. their characters always feel deeply real and flawed in very human ways, while still being exaggerated in the ways characters have to be to function as plot fulcrums), but this isnt something like Baru where i can be like yes you should read this to everyone i talk to.

I think the language in the book is DELIGHTFUL, as always, especially how Seth plays with the idea of an alien translator that sometimes can get an English equivalent to something and sometimes can't! i think that's very fun. because it's on my mind bc ive been listening to the Shelved by Genre episodes on it, it makes me think of Book of the New Sun, and how the "translator" figure of G.W. talks about picking words that are close but they aren't being used like we would use them now- e.g. "metal" in BotNS isnt the same thing we think of as metal! its used more broadly! but its close enough in purpose and point to work just fine. the destriers have horns. i need to know if Seth has read these books.

but back to Exordia. here are some specific prose parts i fucking loved.

this part of the full-page loving, detailed, and technical description of 40 alien nukes detonating in atmosphere:

In the band of thickening atmosphere twenty-five to thirty-five kilometers above the Earth, these gamma rays slam into atoms of oxygen and nitrogen, stripping their orbiting electrons. The orphaned electrons hurtle away at 90 percent of lightspeed. They want to go in a straight line, but hold on now, it's not so easy to leave home. Earth's magnetic field bends their course. They begin to spiral down. When an electron moving near lightspeed has to turn, it emits synchrotron radiation. Poison light. And beneath each bomb there are 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 electrons swerving at once. The result is a blast of electromagnetic noise. No: not noise. A coherent pulse, spiking and faling in harmony. Shiva's own beat drop on electrical civilization. An EMP.

This part. i love Anna and wish we got more of her.

He gives her back her Glock. She accepts it with resignation. "You'd better get your men ready," she says. "It's going to be bad." "Women too," he says, trying for lightness. "The pilot's a woman. We've got a female forward surgeon, a psyops lead, a linguist- she's pretty badass, ran with SEALs in Afghanistan. And Lt. Gainer, she might have some advice for-" "For what?" Anna says calmly. "Advice for what, Erik? How to get killed in a feminine way?"

Seth has such a good and specific way of writing metaphors. a little bit Douglas Adams:

The upshot is: the air around the engine exhaust beam explodes outward with a sound like a tuning fork hit by a Space Shuttle launch. Lung-jellying power. Anything in the beam path suffers the short, severe influence of a needle faster and hotter than a vajra thunderbolt. Anything around the beam eats fireball.

& this part. again. i wish more of the book was Anna and Ssrin's fucked up kismessitude. or whatever.

She slides the barrel of the weapon into the uppermost crater on Ssrin's spine. Slick pain makes Ssrin hiss in psuvoluntary fury: psuvoluntary because it is reflex subject to veto- she could quash it, but the feeling is deliciously wrong, and it is so good to bare her fangs and to unleash that ancient khai instinct of pain-as-motivation. "Questionsss," Ssrin gasps. "I want to know how this story ends." Oh serendura. You'll wish you hadn't asked. You'll wish you'd gone in with your eyes shut and your tongue in your throat so you couldn't smell the poison til it was too late.

which also!!! that's something i love about the Ssrin POV like. Seth is always good at writing aliens and slipping in details that tell us about them. "tongue in your throat" to not smell the poison bc she is a snake alien and smells with her tongue!!! that rules!!!

[mephew-j]

hi! i saw your NiD where jackel (I hope im saying his name right) was like an older sibling to reala and NiGHTS, my question is how do you think the Nid turner into nights journey of dreams.

I have a theory that wizeman when he finally got nights he removed his memory same with reala and made diffrent body (aka the journey of dreams form) but wizeman was not too generous with jackle (again sorry if I say his name wrong) and ends up "getting rid of him" so that reala and nights won't reamber or have a hint of reambering jackle.

but when wizeman made Chamelan, that's when they reambered something, they reambered someone but they keep it to themselves.

do you have a similar thoughts of this? I'm quite curious as I don't see a lot of people talk about it

Thank you very much. It´s so nice to get feedback – I´m glad you like it.

You have an interesting theory, indeed.

Honestly, I have several theories about what happened to Jackle from NiD to NJod:

First one, the comedic approach and not my theory (but I really like the idea), is the one of “Roger van der Weide” with his youtube video “nights journey into dumbness” which I remember from my early teen-years (the video was uploaded in 2010, holy wow!!!).

It´s a parody of the NJoD game.

In this one Wizeman gets fed up with Jackle and after Jackle mumbles “… more like Dumb-man” he gets forbidden to appear in NJoD.

Another theory is that these two games take place in two different universes - Jackle simply doesn´t exist in NJod.

The most realistic theory, however, is that Wizeman simply killed Jackle after failing to defeat and capture Nights (boss battle in NiD).

Jackle is categorized as second-level, and we have seen what Wizeman does to second-levels in NJoD if they dare fail him (he literally crushed Donbalon and Bomamba on-screen with his bare hands). So yeah, RIP Jackle.

I think the only exceptions to that punishment are the first-levels – Wizeman didn´t punish Reala after failing to keep Nights captured in NJoD, nor did he plan to wipe Nights from existence (he wanted to keep their body, just wanted to exchange their mind).

Then again you could argue that Jackle is a special case or that his mantle protects him even from Wizeman – but I dunno.

Personally, I don´t draw an exact line between the two games, nor do I really stick to the storylines either.

I tend to rather use certain characters and parts of the world itself and create “new” stories in my head.

Some of these stories, or AUs, I put on paper (like the one where Jackle is commissioned to raise Nights and Reala) while others remain in my head.

There are AUs in which Jackle is the “main-character”, others in which the role goes to Reala or Nights. Some of the stories are fluffy and whimsical, while others are quite bloody and/or dramatic. Sometimes Selph plays a role in them (usually as the counterpart to Jackle, as Nights is to Reala  ,  or in other stories Selph is the counterpart to Wizeman).

(long AU, man)

The most fleshed out AU with Selph for example is in which Selph is Wizeman´s counterpart; while Wizeman reigns over Nightmare, Selph reigns (or rather watches) over the rest of the dream realm (somewhat similar to Nights) but they are in the position of a god.

Selph had been the first one to create life – the Nightopians – to live in the dreamt-up worlds of the visitors.

Nightopians consist of light.

Wizeman followed suit, except his creations were absence of a free will (third-level nightmarens).

Nightmarens consist of light and, depending on their level, a certain degree of ideya. While third-levels consist of light only (which is why they can reproduce with Nightopians (Mepians)), second-levels have a certain amount of ideya put into their creation.

He quickly found that his creations, other than himself, were not only capable of leaving the nightmare-dimension, but also enter, or rather infiltrate, the dream realm AND that they were able to cause harm to the residents and visitors and take something very important from them – ideya.

Ideya is the power the visitors bring along and that has the power to create new areas/new worlds (the dreams you can enter through the big doors).

Wizeman had always wanted to reign alone, and with the ideya, he would be able to extend his nightmare realm until the darkness would have even swallowed the last bit of the dream world. And who knows how far he´d be able to go from there…

Selph didn´t notice nightmaren intruding dreams at first – they were alone, and there were so many visitors with so many dreams, and Wizeman sent his nightmarens strategically.

Once noticed, Selph did their best to keep the ideya save within the dreams of the visitors, but they couldn´t be everywhere all the time and they refused to steal and use the ideya themself to create stronger Nightopians to help her cause.

The creation of second levels followed soon after the first ideya was obtained – they are more autonomous in their acts but still can´t think for themselves (they can´t think “logically”); overall they are still reliant on being told what to think and what to do.

Assigning this increasing number of nightmarens soon became an extremely time-consuming task – too much time, even for an immortal god.

Wizeman needed a creature that would lighten the workload, that could think rationally, logically and could both issue orders and carry them out itself.

He made his first attempt in creating a first-level nightmaren – he created Jackle.

Unfortunately, though, Jackle was not at all what Wizeman had in mind – he was visibly flawed.

Something had gone wrong, and Wizeman was angry – not at himself, but at his creation.

His newest creation in hand, Wizeman intended to crush his miscarriage immediately.

“Wait, Master!” the creature shouted pleadingly “One chance, Master. Give Jackle one chance: one night. And Master will be pleased. Yes?”

Wizeman stared at his failure.

Even looking at it made him feel uncomfortable.

And yet, the god responded “One venture! And do not disappoint me!”

This creation had taken up a lot of resources; light, time and, most importantly, precious ideya.

It was clearly a failed attempt, but if he would take it to the test, he might just find out WHAT exactly went wrong, what parts of it were usable and what needed to be made different next time.

When Jackle returned, Wizeman had no expectations of him.

Jackle held out two orbs of ideya to his master; a result to be expected by a second-level. Wizeman was unimpressed until his creation suddenly started cackling and pulled out several more ideya from his mantle.

When it was tasked to order other nightmarens it performed as well. In unconventional ways, sure, but it brought the relief Wizeman had intended.

Jackle got to live.

It wasn´t what Wizeman wanted, but it was functional, and it brought results.

Jackle soon began mentioning that he would be seeing or hearing things from time to time; that these phenomena would increase and be so much clearer when he was occupied with his cards.

Wizeman, though, shrugged it off as woolgathering; Jackle was defective after all.

One day Jackle and Selph encountered each other.

Selph immediately knew what was standing in front of them and tried to expel the nightmaren from the dream it had invaded.

Jackle however didn´t think of leaving.

The entity, trying to remove him, looked so much like himself, but more human, and it was so small compared to him. An intriguing creature.

He dodged and evaded the entity´s attacks, always staying close to it to get a better look.

Selph noticed the other´s gaze and stopped their attack.

After they had drawn some distance between themselves, Selph vocalized “You are a nightmaren, one of Wizeman´s creations,” they inspected the figure opposing, “… but there is something different about you: you examine me, as I examine you, you don´t fight back, the other´s mindlessly do” , Selph now stared into the nightmaren´s eyes “ What exactly are you?”

What Selph had just muttered was more of an outer monologue, they didn´t really expect an answer as none of the other nightmarens had ever answered or spoken at all, but this one opened its grinning mouth and responded

“Jackle.”

Selph opened their eyes widely, jaw dropped in disbelief.

The nightmaren laughed.

“You speak…?”

“Don´t you, too?” Jackle cocked his head and hunched his shoulders.

Selph hesitated before they blinked and lightly leaned forward “Again, please.”

“Don´t… you, too?” Jackle smiled confusedly.

“No, your… your name.”

“Jackle…?”

Selph didn´t know how to respond.

“Your name?” Jackle asked after a few seconds had passed.

“What?” Selph´s thoughts had drifted off in an attempt to apprehend what was happening and what that advanced nightmaren would mean to the dream world; what even the more worse it could do compared to the other nightmarens they had encountered thus far; were there more than just this one?

“Jackle would like to know your name, too.”

Selph cought a breath before straightening themself and darting a stern glance at the nightmaren “I am Selph.”

Jackle, not intimidated by that gesture, cocked his head again and widened his grin as he slowly hovered around the other, taking in every detail he could detect.

Selph cautiously watched the nightmaren, anticipating an attack.

But there was none.

Jackle stopped in front of Selph and looked them right into the eyes.

He cackled and then said “We look similar, but you are no nightmaren… What exactly are you?”

Selph looked at the others face and tried to read its intentions.

They then decided to take their time and hover around the nightmaren as well, taking in its form. Though, there wasn´t too much to look at, really.

Only when Selph had finished their circumnavigation they answered, “I am a god, just like Wizeman.”

Again, the reaction wasn´t quite what they had expected; the nightmaren giggled and replied, “A small god!” Jackle made a gesture with his hands to show how small they were.

Selph was dumbfounded and Jackle obviously found that amusing.

After their odd first encounter they met occasionally, randomly really, until they actively searched for the others company. Neither of them had anyone to talk to out of their own realm, so they talked to each other and started spending time together.

Their acquaintance eventually turned into friendship (whether their friendship turned into love, depends).

Both knew how dangerous it was spending time together; what would happen to Jackle if Wizeman found out, but they were two lonely souls who craved company – neither the Nightopians nor the visitors were the same to Selph as Jackle was to them, and neither were the other nightmarens and especially not Wizeman to Jackle what Selph was to him.

They both had an understanding for the other´s situation, so Selph never prevented Jackle from collecting Ideya and conversely Jackle never hindered Selph expelling the other nightmarens from the visitor´s dreams.

They both found themselves unable to change their situation and the roles they had in it.

Selph had been asking Jackle many times whether his cards had showed him any other possibility – he always negated.

Until one day Selph declared happily, they had found a permanent solution to their issue: they would flee into the world the visitor´s come from and live there.

(I´m still unsure as to how it would be possible for beings from the Night Dimension to pass into the Wake World – I mean, there is technically a possibility given in the mini-comic series by Archie but… it´s not like they ACTUALLY explained. It too would have been possible for me to just say “it´s possible with ideya”, but Selph wouldn´t use ideya; not even for escape.)

Anyhow, once they had managed to open the portal they were confronted with a problem: in order to keep the access stable and open, one of them needed to stay in the Night Dimension - they were to power sources to that portal; without at least one power source the gate would dwindle and then disappear. Then no one could escape.

They were quick to find a solution – Selph should go, they were stronger, they were the one to have the most knowledge of the Wake World and the visitors living there.

“Once I am through, I will open the portal from the other side immediately,” Selph promised “If anything prevents me from doing so now, I will do my utmost to open it as soon as I possibly can.”

And with that, Selph entered the portal and was gone.

Jackle waited a few more moments before closing the portal, then he waited.

He waited several hours but nothing happened.

He got nervous, worried something might have gone wrong. He giggled anxiously, shuffling his cards, hoping they would tell him something, tell him Selph was fine. But there were no answers to his unspoken questions.

After what felt like an eternity, he had no choice but to face the possibility, that something might have gone terribly wrong.

That Selph might not have made it.

There was no new portal.

There was no hidden message within his cards.

There was no nothing.

The night had only begun when they had started their escape – now it was nearly over.

Jackle had no choice but to resume collecting ideya.

If he´d show up without ANY, it would mean his demise.

With a heavy heart he left the area and entered the nearest dream.

Every single night, he would return, and hope to find an indication of Selph´s doing – Selph themself, a new portal, a message, an aura, a simple evidence of their presence.

He would always be disappointed.

With a rupturing hole in his chest, he carried on.

One day, Master Wizeman called for Jackle.

“I have a special task for you,” the Master announced, but didn´t amplify as he scooped ideya with one hand, and light with another.

Then, he let both hands collide and held two others underneath to make sure, no resource would get lost in the process.

He started pugging the radiating mass with all his six hands.

Once it had become one homogenous mass, he separated it into two and began to form it.

Jackle observed the process silently as he was trying to shield his eyes from the brightness with one hand.

The master took his time and Jackle wouldn´t dare to make a single sound.

He knew what he was witnessing; he knew the master was creating new first-level nightmarens.

Once the master had deemed his creations to be finished, he let them rest in one of his hands for a moment.

Jackle tried to take a closer look, even if it hurt his eyes, but wouldn´t dare move from his spot.

They were creatures reminiscent of human babies: small in stature, a big, round head and four small appendages.

Jackle dared to glance over to his master who was still inspecting his creations.

Suddenly the master took the creatures between two hands and sunk them into the black sea that was running underneath them.

Jackle couldn´t help but gasp as the creatures vanished into the void.

The blinding light they had emitted, had now been suffocated by darkness.

The sea began to bubble up and the master only recoiled his hands once it had started boiling aggressively.

With staring eyes and a gaping mouth Jackle anticipated the result, but the master hesitated to part his hands.

Did he fear another failure, or did he already know something had gone wrong again?

Jackle held his breath as the master finally revealed the outcome: two squirming and whimpering figures, so small, they were barely the size of his own hand. Their eyes were closed and their bodies in fetal positions facing one another. Their little hands reached out feeling for the other, and only when it was the others body, they would clutch onto whatever there was.

To Jackle it looked like these two bodies seemed to try to coalesce back into one being; but their weak efforts were of no avail.

Still, he couldn´t shake the feeling that what he saw were the most seraphic and wonderful creatures he had ever gazed upon.

He felt so full of vim and utterly delighted, he hadn´t noticed how his usual grin had grown into an enormous smile that only found limitation by his face.

He felt his eyes getting wet and tried to blink away the forming tears.

This hadn´t been the first time Jackle had been crying of joy, but usually it had been because of laughter that had gotten out of hand – but he had never felt anything like this before. Not even when he had been with Selph.

He couldn´t wait for his master´s allowance to approach his youngest siblings; he just had to get near them, see them from close up, carefully touch their small forms.

In awe he inspected the two nightmarens from as close as he could possibly get without touching them or the master´s hands – he knew he couldn´t risk going any further without actual allowance.

“Take them,” the master´s orotund voice reached Jackle. “Raise them to be obedient and reverent nightmaren.”

He reached out to touch his siblings´ small bodies.

“Yes, master,” Jackle whispered.

He traced the silhouettes of their little heads carefully with his index fingers and was overjoyed when their little bodies started cooing and their nervous squirming slowly subsided.

To Jackle, it was love at first sight.

[yuri-is-online]

fgo anon adventure continues

>not to summarise a whole part in one sentence but Moriarty bullying was everything I didn't know I needed. Nevermind waifu wars, I need a cringe old man tournament

>after reading more of your they/them fanfiction, I do think you specifically have the right to go off on this game

>finally unlocked Wu's true name, bonds etc. I surprisingly liked her entrance

>I actually liked her introduction. I would be okay with there being lore reasons why she looks like a kid (and I am being vastly generous when I say lore reasons) but I would still pick a fight with whoever made that ascention design. I would put them in the pot.

>I don't know if you'd know this but she has a rank up quest that does go into more detail of how despite having her full life memories, this is the young version of Wu who first entered the palace. She gets nightmares about the nasty stuff other women used to say about her. It was pretty sad.

>Im glad Columbo is the evil disgusting bastard he deserves to be

>There's just something kinda "this was written by a man" about agartha's section that I can't really be bothered to disect. you know you know

> if it was me 1. Columbo would not have gotten Heracles ["Can we blow up Astolfo instead?" (I don't even hate them or anything)] 2. I guessed it was Caster pretty fast actually. I don't know if I could have afforded to call her out early

> Fergus(old): *opens his mouth* me:I hate this game *keeps playing it*

When Will I Finally Have My Last Drop With This Game? Stay Tuned.

sidenote:

Me: *innocently logs in to do some limited quest* WAS THAT FREAKING MERLIN IN A BLACK SHIRT? HUH? WHAT?

I genuinely thought I hallucinated him cause he literally only shows up for a second, buffs the monsters, dips out (this is very on brand)

Looked it up, found the Camelot & co illustrations, forgot how to breathe for a minute.

I hope you are doing well!

I am doing ok all things considered.

Agartha is the most hated chapter next to Septum. They were written by the same person if I remember correctly? It's very much specifically a him problem, he's quite bad at writing.

I like Astolfo, but I watched Apocrypha so a lot of it comes from there. I also agree that it was nice to see fate lean into him being an actual villain! Wish it had happened in a better chapter!

When it comes to Wu... I don't really know how I feel about her tbh. When it comes to lolis in Fate... there is no innocent explanation I am willing to give them because I know Prisma Illya exists. And because of something related to Abigail Williams I won't get into yet because I don't know if you have done Salem or not. No amount of interesting takes on a character excuses sexualizing a child, it's honestly my biggest ick with the series as a whole.

Back to Agartha for a second... fgo does this thing where it will introduce a female historical figure who is known for having been sexualized and degraded and it will make her character design hyper sexual, and they do this constantly. There are a lot of arguments about this, some say it's about reclaiming a woman's power and agency but I don't really find myself able to accept that. It sort of rings hollow when you are a gacha game that makes money off of making sexy women. It's kind of like a makeup company advertising women's empowerment as a key part of their brand identity. Sure, your founders and employees might really believe that, but you are pushing skincare products towards a younger and younger age demographic because it makes you money.

I don't know if you are familiar with NeiR at all, but the weird guy who makes it has been pretty open about the fact that he made 2b look like that because he thought it would be sexy. I have 0 problems with that, what I don't like is when a game or franchise makes money off of sexy women and then bends over backwards to justify why they do that. But then again, bending over backwards to justify things is sort of Fate does at all times anyway so maybe I'm just over thinking things. It is nice to have a chance to talk about these things and still be allowed to like the series! The fight scenes in fate are peak as are some of the concepts they come up with, I just don't always enjoy it when they start pandering because well. It's not like they're pandering to me now are they?

[sparrowmoth]

SPARROW MY BESTIE MY BEAUTIFUL BESTIE!!!

im gonna fill your ask box with the sappiest most disgustingly uwu message ever bc ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND IM GONNA THROW MY LOVE AT YOU LIKE ATTICUS' NINJA STARS!!!

seriously, though. you are one of my favorite people EVER. you're one of my best friends. you've done way more for me than you'll ever realize and have shown me nothing but kindness and good will ever since the moment we met. i could not find the words to expreess how thankful i am that you exist and that you're in my life. that you looked at me and pointed and went OH. FREN!! and kept insane little me in your pocket. that we get to dissect our insane little blorbos like frogs and giggle and rubs our little hands as we make them suffer but also that we get to have insanely thoughtful and important and educational conversations, IMPORTANT conversations. im never afraid to speak my mind whenever i talk about something im unsure about and im never ever drained from hanging out with you. thats pretty fucking special, sparrow. just like you.

i hope your birthday is the absolute BEST with everything and everyone you love, laughing and getting cuddles and cake and all the cute things and i hope this year is another one for fun and new adventures! oh and here's to more playing games together. here's to our friendship.

okay im getting awkward now i love you here's a deeply inspired keysmash that expresses how much i cherish you as a human and as a friend: NSJDDKFKDKWLDKCKDNWNFFIEKFJRKDKcfmdmckslkcfmcmfjwirikfmdlaldoxajNjJjsskxkdkdkckck

@villainsnest SOFIA MY BESTIE MOST BELOVED HELLO 🥹🥹🥰🥰💖💖 THIS IS THE BEST MESSAGE OF MY LIFE AND I AM WARM AND FUZZY ABOUT IT FOREVERMORE THANK YOU VERY MUCH I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS

you are ALSO one of my favourite people EVER and I am forever grateful to have met you. I can’t remember what life was like before you were part of it because you’re such an important presence and you make me happy every single day. I LOVE that we can be insane together and just as easily flip the switch and talk freely about important and difficult subjects. I’m so glad that you feel safe to speak your mind around me and I’m grateful that I can say the same towards you. I just love talking to you no matter what we’re talking about. You energize me just by being you and that’s such a rare, beautiful thing to find someone who has that effect on me. You’re absolutely amazing to know and I’m so happy that I get to call you one of my best friends. ❤️

My birthday has been nothing but wonderful so far and this message makes it all the more so! This year is going to be a good one, I think. I’m going to make it so! We have so much to look forward to and I’m so excited to play more games with you and talk about media (hopefully this will be the year we get to lose our minds over TWST anime FINGERS CROSSED) and just enjoy another beautiful year of friendship. Life is gonna be good no matter what because you’re apart of it. 💕

JDKAJGKDSJKGDJKGJKD I LOVE THIS DEEPLY INSPIRED KEYSMASH. KEYSMASHING IS A WHOLE LOVE LANGUAGE AND I FEEL THAT ONE IN MY SOUL. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, BESTIE, AND THANK YOU FOR THIS BIRTHDAY MESSAGE, YOU HAVE ALL MY LOVE FOREVER 💖💖💖

[m1ckeyb3rry]

That’s a good idea….will start check marking….. I’m also realizing I think part of the problem was I actually do press send sometimes but if the connection is spotty and I don’t realize I close out tumblr and then it never ends up fully loading/sending properly….

SHSHS I cant imagine that’d be comfortable with the dizziness…well uh..at least it’s over now!! Haha…..

OUUU wait that’s a good take…..it’s kinda funny I think I remember Isagi and Yuta having the same mbti too?? Not sure how accurate the typing actually is but I thought that was funny LOL but IM CRYING LMAOOOO you really said I need some spice in my life let’s switch it up

Honestly I would not be surprised if that ended up being the case like….after every single time we’ve manifested something into existence I’d be more surprised if it didn’t get manifested into reality LMAO

SHEGSHS every now and then I think about how I’m blowing up your inbox but omg another special tag I’m so honored LOL hope the ideas prove useful for when you’re in a slump!!

AHAHAHA atp trying to guess your final wc should just be a game im sure its at least mildly frustrating for you but I can’t lie every time it happens I chuckle a bit especially when you post it with that one ant meme LMFAOOA

Oh em gee very excited!! Whenever that comes out im gonna reread part 1 to refresh first LOL it’s ok we gotta give our man a break from being protag he’s been going through it LMAOAO between getting insulted by the love of his life in fwtkac the whole freaky Friday conflict and now bfb where he’s been pining since he could walk I

Gotta bless the other sectors of the fandom with your work….give them a taste of your writing then they’ll discover your blog read the Karasu fics and join Karasu nation…that’s the end goal LMAO atp you’re just overseeing all of bllknation covering every base

Hsjshsj glad it went well!! Struggle because of motion sickness I assume? Manifesting very hard that that goes away soon…

GAGAMARU AND YUKI LMAOOO ok that’s a pair I was not expecting ngl it’s ok it’s the power duo one blind one and one with super vision /j actually I feel like that’d be really funny like…since yuki is also a model he has such a refined vibe and as we know is very well mannered while gagamaru spends a lot of the time in the woods in the wilderness fighting bears or something LOL such opposite vibes

Yeah…like I get the shock factor thing but tbh to me that still doesn’t “justify it” to me LOL like it was just so sudden?? And there’s still so many holes like how’d she suddenly just appear good as new minus the one eye…no I fully agree like it was so random, not lead up not even a hint from the past what like 30 chapters?? Like they really just decided to throw her back into the ring at the last second….like we haven’t seen her since Shibuya arc and she somehow just spawned back like make it make sense…..tbh I think the “shock my readers” thing is such a gege thing to do :,) considering all the other comments we’ve heard from him LMAO but yeah the execution was not it……jjk fandom is also scary I see people getting eaten alive for “hot takes”

LMAO safe from kaiserism today…tbh I can’t see myself actually converting BUT the compass >>> the whole animal shelter dog scene was Lowk so cute I love the use of the dog’s own background in paralleling kaiser’s own situation! But that line “she’s my mother but I’m not her son” LITERARY GENIUS but also I’m crying when they talk about marriage and a wedding I’m fr just imagining ness just standing there alone on kaisers side something about the scene just seems so funny to me

- Karasu anon

tumblr is so glitchy sometimes i can’t even blame you 😔 the amount of times i’ve thought i posted something and didn’t or someone will send an ask and i just won’t get a notification for it??? same with dms and then people think i’m ignoring them but that’s not my intention at all 😭💔

yess they do have the same mbti!! and so does hiori apparently 🤔 tbh i tend to like characters who are sassier because they’re more like me so they’re easier to write/connect with (asshole karasu 🤝 asshole mira) but realistically in a relationship you can only rlly have one person like that the other needs to be nice or else it’s just stressful 😭 irl whenever i meet people who match my freak toooo well i get annoyed because like why are we only being mean to each other but when people start to get too moral abt it it’s like “oh it was never that deep” LMAOAAO there needs to be a happy medium of someone who finds it funny and can throw a jab or two out there when necessary but for the most part they’re just chilling 😩 which lowkey IS isagi (and hiori) now that i think abt it but NOOOO if i convert to isagism what will become of me

HFJDJSSJ okay random kiyora headcanons speedrun (kaneshiro if you’re watching these are fire pls include them in the manga): he ran cross country for one year during the soccer off season and he liked it because he could listen to music during races but it wasn’t competitive enough for him so he quit, he’s lowkey fire at either knitting or crochet but no one knows (he’s not shy abt it though it’s just that no one talks to him for long enough to realize), and he got a pet umbrella cockatoo after watching the movie rio in theaters

NO I LOVE GETTING THE NOTIFICATION YOU SENT AN ASK it’s so fun to read them 🥹 and PLSS honestly it’s less frustrating and more just like 😨 whenever the word count gets crazy long because for the most part i’m just happy to be providing 😩 the only thing that worries me is when i take too long writing smth rlly long and people think i’m on hiatus 😭 like no i’m still here it’s just that this one shot is now novel length so…

okay wait genuinely multiple people have been converted to karasu nation because of me LMAOAOA especially bfb and fwtkac…honestly it’s a role i’m proud to play 🤩🙏🏻 but yes atm i need to expand my outreach/not make karasu suffer any longer he’s been through it in the miraverse as of late 😟 i’m excited for cherry tree pt2 i think it’s probably going to be shorter but very cute 🥹 which yk cute and rin don’t necessarily go together very naturally given how he is but trust i will make it work 🤩

HEAR ME OUT GAGAMARU AND YUKI / TARZAN AND JANE AU LMAOOOOO no it’s so perfect hold on i’m going to edit a screen cap of it once i’ve responded to this why does it fit uncannily well…i’ve convinced myself gagamaru and yuki besties number one bllk duo forget bachisagi or kunigiri or nagireo or tabieita or whatever 🥱 gagayuki the ONLY pair i care about (and karasu + shidou they’re cool too)

i completely agree although i’ve already seen people on all corners of the internet calling people who are dissatisfied with it brain dead or without reading comprehension/media literacy…that’s just how it’s going to be ig 😓 jjk to me has this problem where it’s simultaneously overhated AND overrated 🤔 because people do not realize there is a middle ground!! like no it’s not the worst manga ever and there are several high points + on the whole it is better written than several other animangas especially shounen ones however it is NOT peak fiction and it is definitely not the best thing to come out in recent times!! like people don’t realize you can criticize it and still not bash it/gege completely 😒 also i have to say it…a manga being popular ≠ good idk WHY that’s such a popular argument but things can be popular without being well written!! look at any number of ya dystopian novels from the 2010s for proof 😭 nobody’s denying that jjk is popular it’s just that that doesn’t automatically make it the best thing ever…i saw someone on tik tok say that a lot of jjk fans confuse hype moments/panels with good writing and i do think that that’s the case at times 🫣 but what do i know lol

tbh smth abt kaiser’s fuck ass haircut turns me off rlly bad like maybe if he still had the shaggy blond going on or if he put it in a bun more often i’d see the appeal but the rat tails are not it 😰 and LMAOAOAO PLSSS kaiser’s side at the wedding is just ness and noel noa (he was paid to be there) and both of them are just like 😐😐 the whole time HAHAHA they are not into it at all…maybe kaiser was onto smth when he said that they should just get married without any guests because imagine how awk it would be otherwise 😭

[gavinsmg24]

My poor babygirl. I hope you know that in all my worry and posts and prys for love n silly I’m never upset or mad. Or pushing. I’m still just leaving you things for when you come back. And I know you’ve been having a rough time. It makes me smile that you think of me even when you can’t be here. That’s sweet hehe. But don’t let it get you too down! I’ll still be here. Promise! 🙈

I hope you can get settled soon. I want my poor baby to be Able to take a long sleep. A hot bath and a yummy meal. Id prepare it all if I could!

Princess. Like. I’m so proud. I never knew how things would turn out. And I’m not happy that this is how it turned out. But I’m only glad that once the situation became bad or too much you found a way away. Moving in with steff. Makes me smile. I feel like she’ll be good. Or at least a neutral roommate. I’m happy you got all your stuff moved or what you could anyway. Gosh doing so much stuff in such short time. Grr. God he’s such a jerk. I know the stuff he’s possessing probably isn’t even his

That doorknob part made me smile. Like. It makes me happy you did something to get at him. Go my H! 🥳

It sounds like you’ve been busy. Which I figured since you’ve been gone and also like. You said that lost time hehe. I’m just. So proud princess. I know you probably feel exhausted and annoyed and maybe getting to a dark place but. Hey! I’m here! And you’re making me proud! You’re efforts aren’t unseen! And I hope here soon you give yourself some absolute lounge time! Of course doing things makes you happy too but! On an off day. Sweats n baggy shirt. Make some breaky. Watch some shows and snack. Hit the bong. Play some games. Maybe go on a drive. Watch a movie take a nap. Eat out! Idk! Just! You deserve to fill all the fun meters back up! I wish I could spoil you rotten. I’d take you to dinner and do everything I just said with you. Massages too to ease the soreness

I’ve been good! Just been working and hanging with the bois as usual. Idk what I’ve done or what I’ve said. The fights I know I said and you responded to that. Made me smile that you enjoyed my emotions 🙈 hehe

Anyways. I might have said but I applied to culvers. I’ve applied to a variety of jobs. Mainly ones close just so I could pick up some hours. Idk if you’ve been there or know what that is. I’ve been there like once and don’t even know the food so. We’ll see. I have a 2nd interview Friday. Just a part time job to make extra money

Ummm. Starfield came out on game pass. A new Bethesda game. It’s basically skyrim in space. Pretty neat. Id play it for you or watch you play :+)

And finally! It makes me smile and I know that Im silly and say things like I wonder if you think of me. And it’s selfish but also when I say it I dont mean it over everything else like. You know that but. Of course id rather you not think about me at all and be able to focus on you so you can get to a less stressful state. Mwah. I’m here and thinking of you but don’t worry about me as much. I’ll be here. And I’ll be okay :0) honk! Eskimo kiss

You’re sweet! But thank you🙈 and again. Don’t be sorry! And I’m happy to be able to give you any kind of support. I do support and love you and I will always acknowledge your efforts and existence. What you do isn’t for nothing or no one. Even if it’s silly. I’m rooting for you. And I’m proud when you do your best and succeed 💜🧡

You couldn’t be more real in my eyes. I wish you could be even more real in front of me hehe 😖

Eee you reposted my post 🤭 I thought the same thing!! Which makes me smile bcuz I thought it was silly. I saw it and I literally was like. Oh my gosh. That’s her. That’s me. And 🥺 she’s hugging my face :,+) I need u 🙈 sorry! Ah! Rawr!

Anyways. Finally responding. It sounds like your still busy. So please. Take your time. I’ll be here whenever you have time or want to be here. Much love. Take care of yourself! remember. WWJD

What would J do! Mwah mwah mwah (head, eskimo, kiss)

[cloudcountry]

Aaaaa glad to see the inbox is open again! >w< How are you feeling?

I think you’ll be happy to know that I turned in my 4000 essay draft 😩🤧 I’m not too entirely confident about the second half, but the first half? 👌 Kind of a banger, if I do say so myself-

But!! While I’m here, I had the most wack dream and I need to tell you about it—

For some reason, I dreamed about Azul and Loop!Reader in Minecraft?? [My brain rot is so intense I'm having dreams about them,, 🧍‍♂️ What have I become /j] To emphasize, they weren’t playing Minecraft, they were in Minecraft. They were straight up part of the world. I was also there, but at the same time, I wasn’t? I was watching things like I was in Spectator Mode- Azul was trying to handle redstone as Loop!Reader manhandled a Spider while screaming- But the two of them were mostly just farmers that lived off their land!

I remember Azul talking about onions for some reason?? Onions don’t exist in Minecraft?? It was honestly a little funny watching them go around getting used to the world- He was also haggling with a Villager as the two were shopping—

Azul: How much for this cabbage? [Cabbages don’t exist in Minecraft either,, Idk where he keeps getting these vegetables from—]

Villager: Hmm

Azul: Two emeralds for this? Sir, with all due respect, this is already rotting. *one end of the cabbage head has like,, just a little bit of black rot* *a pinch, perhaps* *it's really not that much*

Villager: Hmm

Azul: Well, there’s no need for that kind of language.

Loop!Reader in the back: 🧍

Me, watching this transaction: 🧍‍♂️

And I kid you not, literally the second half of the dream, they were both now in Stardew Valley 🧍‍♂️ They both got isekai’d twice in my dream- One second, I was starting to accept the weird things I was seeing and the next, they were in a different game entirely. One that I’ve never even played 🚶‍♂️

The second half was a bit more wholesome in my opinion?? Like in Minecraft, the two of them were farmers living together, and they had a sort of system. Loop!Reader did the physical work while Azul handled finances and trade of their crops. All of the animals on their farm have names Loop!Reader gave them-

Loop!Reader: :D I’m gonna name her Goose!

Azul: You’re… naming the cow ‘Goose?’

Loop!Reader: >:D Yeah.

Azul: 🧍 …Okay.

At the end of the dream, Azul and Loop!Reader were looking off into the ocean at the top of a breezy, grassy hill. It was actually pretty nice to see! The two of them were relaxing a little after so much hard work… And then my alarm clock woke me up 🥲😔

I honestly don’t know why my dream brain decided to make Azul and Loop!Reader have a farmer saga? But I’m not complaining- If I have another dream like this, it better be about Ace, Deuce, Grim and Loop!Reader being ghost hunters /j /lh

Jackdaw Anon 🐦

im doing well, thank you!!! ^^ im glad you finished up your work!!!! thats very imrpoatnt!!!! and im sure you did fine <3

AZUL HAGGLING IS SO REAL HE WOULD??? very business of him. get the most efficient price ^^ and ofc azulw oudl do redstone.,., as far as im concerned redstone IS magic and hes a genius SO YK HES GOT IT

AJSHDGFHASFD THEVILLAGER CONVERSATION IS SO FUNNY WHY CAN HE UNDERSTAND THE HRMS AND LOOP READER CANT???? YOUR DREAM IS SO SILLY

HAGSDFHA I LOVE STARDEW,..,,.,.,. me nd azul would be TERRIBLE together because i immediately try to grind for money and he'd be the same way,..,., but yk maybe tahts a goodd way to bond because i could give him all the money secrets and he could fall in love with my monetary rizz

THE RAMSHACKLE GANG BEING GHOST HUNTERS WOULD BE SO FUNNY AJSDFHAGSFDHAS

[swanchime]

extreme terror from the fireworks and from time repeating itself and from thinking that im dead to being glad the nerve damage i feel in my chest makes me feel alive and it feels like there's a fever in my brain and i want to stop trying to be loved, i want to stop trying to be acceptable, i've done enough of that, just let me be fucking crazy.

on the website that starts with M i like the formatting but there's no room for crazytalk babbling brooks or rampant insanities or even really swearing. it's too...you're being perceived and you have to follow the polite social code of conduct.

too bad for y'all im a fucking whore and a faggot and a dyke. and worse. and worse.

i feel dirty being on sites like that. i feel dirty.

i feel dirty being here, too. but it's slow in these parts...and like my page says.

i want this to be a memory of who i was. a living palimpsest.

if i forget, then i forget. if i am forgotten, then let me be forgotten. but i'm tired of. of being scared to be alone bc i'm still alone at the end of the day a frog in the well.

"i found love in the illusion you created." i cry every time i think of these words because they were written by someone whose beatrice was a suicide. and i thought at first i could have been that suicide, so that's why it hurt me so much. but then i put the pieces together and remembered her, my megumi, and wanted to die all over again, but to die at this point in time would be a desecration of the dead, and to live will be to honor her memory, to find love in the illusions i create, a love that could not have been. or that already was. and that was cin. cinadine cin, white cinder, white ash. the past forgives the past, and the dead lay at rest at last.

i house her soul in my work. i keep it like a light in my lantern, and maybe that's its own desecration of memory, i don't know. i want to stop hiding away. i want to stop keeping secrets. the secret of myself, unspeakable. unwanted except as a feature act/ress in everyone's sex fantasies. i have rarely found it a good thing to be a beautiful egoless asian "girl" when the truth is im a faggot and a dyke and that didn't matter, it has never mattered.

i miss her. i miss her a lot. and always. and always.

http://noroi.fish/ i finished writing this. i think it is the most horrifying thing i have ever written. or on par with it.

i have gained nothing from keeping myself silent. only a broken heart. only a broken heart.

there is nothing to be gained from "being lovable" so i will just be myself, unforgiven, and unforgivable.

i miss her and i miss her every day but because i outlived her i have to. i have to live.

i have to keep playing the game and playing and playing because if i forfeit i forfeit forever, and will die, and will die forever, and be dead, and it will be game over final curtain close final curse.

i'm tired of trying to fight for a regard i cannot understand or need or get.

i just want to exist as myself. as myself. to be enough.

(and honestly i don't belong in a place where ya can't fucking say fuck.)

(i also don't belong in a place where you can't fucking talk about fucking as a lifelong sex object rendered genderless human cargo fit to shape the ego to the container until it created a god and a genius and a monster.)

and a yuzu lemon. and a haruspicing.

[lostacelonnie]

Cant believe a solution like that has existed for so long they make pills of all sorts these days thats wild. Glad they're helpful for you really. Just standing in the ocean sometimes is such an experience i love it. Oh gosh that must be some kind of interesting. I had a sub once who was like. One of the few teachers to ever pronounce my last name right without help because her husband or herself was german. Or somethin like that. Shocked me at the time. Oh that'll be fun sometimes its neat to like. Go back to a place & see whats the same & whats changed since you were there. I wanna visit spain so much just uh. Probably in a less hot time of year. I like jarilo-vi so far only just hit level 15 so i can continue story. Didnt get bronya off my intro pulls got clara instead but i will someday. Is cocolia in honkai too? Yeah i agree this feels like they fixed genshin in a different game but im alright with that. Yeehaw more sleep. Ive been getting more now that i dont have to be at work at like 6 every day too. I would love to hear about this fire

right like!!!! waow. i ❤ you modern medicine i ❤ you medication. and for REAL !! i dont do it a lot and then i suddenly remember how nice it is. YEAH it took a while for me to actually be Able To Communicate with all of them but yknow it gets much easier when youre literally forced to do it to understand anything. but i have to say my spoken spanish is waaaaay worse than what i understand. oh well. god i feel that esp recently since ive been going outside of poland recently..... not a SINGLE non polish person can say my last name right. but i dont blame them shdfjgkjskf polish is a hellish language for foreigners. and yeah im looking forward to it honestly!! esp since ill actually get to interact with ppl more this time around. exciting! yes id recommend that you dont go in spring or summer bc not only is it hot theres also a looooot of tourists. tho i heard the weather isnt as bad in the northern part. and ah nice!! im a big grinder and hit lvl50 yesterday [not doing trial of the equilibrium yet tho..... Scared] but have fun!!! oh i main clara and shes actually SO good oh my god. actual killing machine esp in simulated universe with elation blessings [i run her with march + tingyun + bailu btw] so i totally rec you invest in her. good luck in your bronya acquiring quest btw o7 im also trying to do it but i dont really pull on standard outside of free pulls so its gonna. take a While. and yes she is!!!!! god frfr but i dont care about genshin that much so im not even mad. and ah thats nice!! oh the fire god that was. Hm. basically i was chilling as one does and an irl friend was like "my guy What. is happening at your house" and before that there was this reaaaaaaaally loud firetruck siren [that i decided to completely ignore] so i went outside bc that friend came over and there were?? firemen with a giant fan blowing out smoke out of one of the stairwells in my block of flats?? and basically it turns out some guy set something in the basement on fire and since i live in a block from the Communism Times the ventilation system sucks so the whole block smelled like smoke. also there was a dumpster fire nearby like an hour later. so thats fun! luckily nothing serious happened in either cases bc they were both noticed quickly but its still. Interesting.

[joyridingmp3]

ive never seen hunger games tbh,,,,i had a grudge against the books in elementary school but i don't remember why😭😭

The captain acts kind of as the leader of all the ghosts in the show! he was a captain during ww2 so thats a big part of his personality but he's also very caring n funny n repressed (which automatically makes him my favorite character)

also im interested in this ghost theory u mentioned. also also u write songs??? that's rlly cool!!!

you've NEVER seen it?????? it didn't even occur to me that people exist who havent seen/read the series! i guess for me it hits a lot of personal notes and spots (little sister 4 years younger than you who you have to protect, dads leather jacket, fuck the government, etc etc) so its definitely my comfort movie ejkghfksdjeus but id recommend it for sure

omggg is the captain like their little father figure and they're a found family? either way the show sounds rly good! i'm glad though having a favourite character is the best

the ghost theory i will elaborate on - she's a little dark though so i'll make a seperate post and tag it appropriately. don't get it wrong though like she has dark origins but its not distressing at all to me & i have fun with it

YES i write songs and stories!! if you have hobbies you should totally talk about them too if you want