#im fine btw just having . emotionsJDBDND but i wouldnt be opposed to some asks

[zedif-y]

my mother always said that people come and go. no matter how much you try or how many times you say let's keep in touch. no matter how much you cry.

it scared me, though it'd be more accurate to say it still does. but it isn't to the same extent- i breathe easier, no vice grip on my lungs. somehow, in some way, that scares me more.

because it used to be devastating. how call me becomes i haven't talked to you in a week which leads to remember when we used to talk everyday?

because a week becomes a month and i'm scared it'll be a year, i'm scared that i'll message you and you won't reply until two days from then saying sorry, i was busy. and i can't hate you but i do in some way because i love you and i miss you and i want to go back.

a message never sent, remember when you missed me, too?

but it passes, fades. soon the angry hurt soothes into acceptance and i look at your contact and think, ah, i'll talk to them later.

i catch myself, sometimes.

because despite everything- the choking grief when my palms feel empty, the nauseating anxiety of waiting, just waiting. despite all the words that have died in my throat.

i delude myself into thinking all that was better than this.

i miss you, is what it comes down to. i miss you, but not as much, not as painfully. and maybe that's good. maybe it's growth.

maybe it's time.

people come and go, my mother always said. it doesn't feel like i've let go, but my hands come up empty, anyway.

a message, sent:

i hope you're doing okay.