#im disappointed and saddened but at least it's a little funny...

[lunarhobbits]

i do think the fact that shane is dressed like a supervillain in the announcement is really funny. when he betrays his audience he goes all out at least.

(credit to reddit user Icy_Arrival4510 on r/WatcherSnark for pointing this out)

[crystalsoobin]

burnt toast! ➤ c. beomgyu

#. pairing bf!beomgyu x reader

#. synopsis gyu tries to cook you breakfast in bed and fails… miserably.

#. genre romance, comedy, fluff

#. warnings mild swearing, gyu almost causing a fire 😃

#. author’s note i’m back??? im taking a creative writing class in uni this fall so i thought id get some practice in lol

a small smile lays across beomgyu’s face as he admires your sleeping frame one fine morning. he had woken up quite early that day, eager to surprise you with breakfast in bed.

he gets up silently as to not wake you, and makes his way to your small apartment kitchen. not sure what to make, beomgyu opens the fridge and stares inside as if the idea would just present itself in front of him.

he finally settles on making eggs and toast, an oldie but a goodie. only problem was, beomgyu never cooks.

it can’t be that hard to fry an egg, right?

at least he knows how to toast bread, so he starts there first. grabbing some bread from the pantry, he walks to the toaster where he suddenly stops, a little confused on how to work it.

shade?? hmm, i think 8 is good.

he drops two pieces of toast in the slots and pulls down the lever, stepping back to the fridge to pull out some eggs. he grabs a pan and puts some oil on, maybe a little too much oil.

beomgyu cracks the two eggs, one by one. satisfied, he puts it on high heat so that — in his mind — it’ll cook faster and he won’t have to wait too long.

he then reaches over to the cabinet and pulls out your favourite mug, which was a gift from him. then going over to the coffee maker, listening to the loud crackle of the eggs on the pan.

when he’s done making the coffee he turns around to find the toaster smoking, and a nasty burning smell coming from it. in panic, he runs over to it and tries to take out the toast, almost burning his fingers.

“dammit!” he exclaims, disappointed by the burnt toast and realizing 8 was way too high. he finally succeeds in pulling out the burnt toast, the smell remaining throughout the kitchen.

as he returns to check on the eggs, his eyes widen, also finding them burnt and smoking, a lot. he panics, trying to blow away the smoke with his hands as to not set off the fire alarm. in his panic, he obviously forgets to turn off the heat, making it worse for himself.

and as if the morning couldn’t possibly go more horribly wrong than he imagined, the fire alarm does in fact go off.

“no no no! fuck!” is the first thing you hear as you walk into the kitchen after being woken up by a loud beeping noise and your boyfriend not in bed.

you watch as beomgyu finally remembers to turn off the stove, sighing disappointedly with his face in his hands as his back towards you.

“what. the fuck. did you do.” you finally speak. beomgyu yelps and turns around, surprised at your presence in the kitchen.

“i- i didn’t mean to baby, i swear! i was just trying to make you breakfast!”

“gyu, i really appreciate the sentiment but you know you can’t cook!”

“i know, i’m sorry,” your boyfriend leans into you for a hug, saddened that he couldn’t surprise you with a nice breakfast, “i thought i’d at least be able to make eggs and toast.” you wrap your arms around him and give him a small kiss, suddenly you bursting out into laughter as you look around at the mess your poor boyfriend made.

“why are you laughing?” he asks. “i actually wanted to surprise you, im serious.” he pouts.

“i’m sorry,” you chuckle, “it’s just so funny when i think about it.”

beomgyu hits you playfully on the head as he steps back and stares at his mess.

“hey, at least i made the coffee right?” he handed you the mug. you grimaced as you tasted it.

“i think you forgot milk, and sugar.” setting down the mug, you get an idea, “you know what, why don’t we clean this up and the i teach you how to cook eggs and toast.” you smile.

beomgyu chuckles in agreement, “sounds like a good idea.”

© crystalsoobin / do not steal

[fraener]

9/7/24

if i had the time to write, i would have. this past month was one of the hardest ive gone through. i didnt have a day off since before my last entry in here. im listening to stefans piano music in bed now, had dinner, painted for the first time in a really, really long time. it didnt give me the same level of enjoyment as it used to but i think id like to start doing that again every day. i had to leave work early today because my period finally came with a terrible vengance, 20 days late. the stress of the move nearly killed me i think. i lost even more weight im pretty sure, ive never been this thin. im going to try and get my thyroid tested again because im getting very worried about it. h told me he felt like i criticized him too much and was so ungrateful for all his help moving. i am not allowed to have any feelings about what happened in front of him because he feels this way. i told him he was right so hed stop yelling at me. its just yet another thing i cannot rely on him for or trust him for, i dont feel like i ever want to ask his help for anything ever again, at least not that big of a thing. it just doesnt seem like a good idea anymore and im almost glad i never let go of my suspicions around it. im too depressed to really be disappointed or saddened by it. this is just what relationships turn into for me, a strange dance of self suppression when faced with the continuous obstacle of being something foreign and unordinary in the face of what the other person wants and expects. i feel like im speaking a different language to most people. i feel so extant and as i get older it becomes less and less surprising that i feel that way. i wonder what would have happened had i been ordinary or had a shot at seeing the world in an ordinary way. i dont really think i have it in me to keep trying to find someone who will see me and understand me and love me for what and who i am. maybe thats a good thing. i dont really know. i want to lean into my uncommonness again. i am unloveable in my uncommonness, i think, but strong in it. tomorrow i think id like if i am able to go and paint on the hill above the bay and watch the little sailboats go by. for the first time in a long time im feeling reasons to return to myself rather than turn away. what am i here for? what do i like to do? i want to paint, i want to watch other people enjoy learning something new, i want to be included in or witness to someones passions, i want to find my friendship in the nonhuman again. i miss rosie so much. i miss all the animals i cant talk to anymore like ed and zoey. at least rosies still alive. and gigi is too, and tally. so many friends of mine are so far away now. learning over and over that i am so terribly lonely here! i think maybe im beyond sad about h. this hasnt been a very good relationship but i havent been well or strong or brave enough to end it even when its really bad or even when its not so aggressively bad but just so bald faced in its discrepancies that it doesnt make any sense to keep going. for some reason i keep going. for love or habit i do not know. i dont feel loveless like i did with m but i dont feel like the love is enough most days. im tired of writing in my journal about him. i want him to matter less in some ways, maybe just matter less in the darker matters of the heart. i saw o's play and we spent some time together. theyre so magical and i can see so pure as day why we didnt work out. exactly what i admire about them is the thing i cannot stand! funny how it works sometimes. im glad to see them a little again, a year from when we did last. always the end of summer with that one. i miss my apartment, my new house is quiet but lonely without my ghosts. the fellow above the doorframe threw the picture one last time at h while he was scolding me which was really funny but a bit naughty. not that h would know or understand necessarily. yes, tired and lonely. one day soon maybe ill feel a bit better, or at the very least, different.

[smilesthroughfandoms]

The Battle for Mewni: Final Thoughts and also it’s a review... kinda

So after binge watching the aforementioned episode non-stop for a week, I’ve decided to pull all my (cohesive) thoughts on it all together for this post. Buckle up kiddies this is gonna be a long ride.

OK FIRST WE’RE GOING TO START WITH SOMETHING THAT IS AS CLOSE TO AN ACTUAL REVIEW:

Over all the movie event was quite thrilling. There were parts where you can tell the actual episodes will be split. However, at times I thought the pacing was a bit slow (I mean, it was funny to watch, but did we really need all those shots of The Book kicking Ludo’s ass?). Overall it was a great episode! 

Now to get to the nitty gritty of it all.

THE MAGIC HIGH COMMISION OR COUNCIL OR WHATEVER THEY’RE CALLED I FORGET AT THE MOMENT

Ok so Heckapoo, Rhombulous, and Omni are still alive but just need to... recharge? I don’t know. But Lekmet is dead. As in dead and gone, he’s not coming back dead? I’m not gonna lie that saddens me. He was such a good character. Plus, it’s gonna break Rhombulous’s heart. Poor crystal fool. Hopefully his snake arms can calm him down... or Star. Either way. RIP Lekmet.

(Also can we just apppreciate the Queen’s Sanctuary for a moment?)

MOON’S MOTHER 

Just look at her! 

I can definatley see similarities between Moon and this woman, but it looks like Moon inherited some of her looks from her father... whoever that was. Also this Queen has Butterfly cheek marks. Maybe she was the one true Butterfly before Star came along? Idk, I just thought that was cool.

TEEN MOON, TEEN RIVER, AND LORD MILDREW

Look at her!

Look at him!

Look at them!

Also Mildrew... I can kinda see why Moon didn’t marry him.

Kind of a wimp, don’t you think?

TEEN MOON IN GENERAL LIKE HOLY HELL

She lost her mother, who she clearly loved very much, and was thrusted into Queendom at an earlier age than most and was then given the responsbility to end a war by either continuing it or signing a peace treaty.

Me to, girl. Me too.

However, she took initiative and made a metaphorical deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Eclipsa. And by metaphorically I mean literally.

And used that power to defeat Toffee’s army and excepted her role as Queen.

And props to her for blasting Toffee’s finger as a way to go around her original deal with Eclipsa. Also Mina was there and she wasn’t as crazy... so... cool?

ECLIPSA’S ALIVE AND SHE SEEMS PRETTY CUTE AND ALSO MAYBE EVIL I DON’T KNOW.

Ok we saw as far back Crystal Clear that she might have been in the crystal’s in Rhombulous’s dimension but to actually have confirmation is something else entirely!

I’m not sure if I’d call her evil just yet but she seems to be taking Toffee’s place as main antagonist... I guess I’ll have to wait until November to tell.

(Also the first she wanted once she was unfrozen was a candy bar. Like, same madame. Same)

GLOSSARYCK... THE TRUEST NEUTRAL TROLL SINCE ALEX HIRSCH.

It was nice to see more of Glossaryck showing some emotions (though he said he had no feelings earlier in the series but that doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing)

And I’m impressed how this show handled the book burning.

This makes me glad that Star has started writing down her own book of spells. This means that not only will everyone have a fresh start, but maybe the years and years of prejudice against Monsters by Mewmans will start to fade...

And then their’s Glossaryck’s fate himself. I mean, first we saw him burning in Book Be Gone

(Sorry, this is the best picture I could find)

Now Im not sure if Glossaryck is truly “dead” or if he’ll stay “dead” and hell I’m not even sure where he is or if Star can go get him but... hey we still have another season to figure all this out so... good luck, you neutral jerk...

STAR AND MARCO OMG THEY WERE CO CUTE!!!!!!

Look at all this Starco we got! 

And of course the safe kid finally got his wish to punch Lizard-Loki only after he realized the ass killed Star

While neither really got the chance to actually talk about their feelings for each other (which I’m kind of disappointed they never did) I expect that to be a plot point for future episodes... Also Jackie because I’d love to see more Jarco as well.

*Starco shippers*:

Hey! I’d love to see any of Marco’s relationships fulshed out more! So shut it.

AND BECAUSE I’M GETTING TIRED, THIS WILL BE ONE OF MY FINAL POINTS OF INTEREST

.

.

.

TOFFEE

Just fucking Toffee guys! Ok, first of all. Moontoffee shippers... I don’t care if you ship them... I have LITERALLY seen people ship crazier pairs. I’m not a big fan of it but I can kinda understand the appeal. So... whatever. I don’t care what you people do.

Second, I am a little pissed that Toffee appeared to be nothing more than a plot device. Especially sinc he had so much potential! And now he’s dead. Yeah, sorry conspiracy theorist. His ass is grass. He’s dead. Maybe we’ll see more of him in flashbacks but honestly... I think Eclipsa’s our new baddie. Kind of a let down here, I’m not gonna lie.

Ok, but can we just talk about how petty and extra Toffee was in this entire movie? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m disappointed that the whole “Missing Finger thing” was nothing more than a petty grudge 

but the fucking lengths he went to get it back. I mean, first Moon blast’s his finger off.

(How has his face not turned into a meme yet?)

“She dramatically chopped off a small finger!”

“All hope is lost!”

(Really Rasticore? I expected more of you...)

And his damn face. Like, it’s not some dramatic afer-battle moment like the tapestry depicted

But more like

*frustrated sigh*

“Well then.”

“This is inconvient.”

And we don’t here from him for at least another twenty years (Hey Star Crew could we get a timeline of events here?). And what does he do once he comes back?

He hires himself into Ludo’s army, convinces them to overthrow Ludo, gets Star to destroy her wand, nearly kills all of Ludo’s army, manipulates Ludo and nearly drives him insane, practically kills the Magic High Commision, taints all of the universe’s magic, practically manipulates Ludo into toppling a majority of Mewni, nearly kills Star, and destroys the Magic Instruction Book...

... just to get his fucking finger back.

How god damn petty do you have to be to go to those lengths just to get one finger back? Like what the hell?

And I’d like to point out that Toffee was a very excellent source for nightmare fuel in these past few episodes like...

Dude

Toffee, stop

This is a kid’s show, Toffee.

toFFEE!

And we can’t forget this little gem:

Not gonna lie, this is the only time I pitied the damn lizard.

All of what Toffee did to me is just so funny. Like in retrospect, the concept of it all just strikes me as hilarious.

And that is the brunt of my final thoughts on the season 3 premiere of Star vs the Forces of Evil, The Battle for Mewni. If you guys have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. I might come back and update a few theory posts eventually and I’ll definatley update my Star vs episodes in one sentence posts, I just have to watch each episode indivually again to get a better feel for it.

Until then, stay weird and wild fellow fans!

[iwillretitlethisatalaterdate]

feb 20

It’s funny how I was saying to Dyllan and this blog just the other day how I had been feeling faint at work on my four hour shifts, and how I was dreading my full day shift today, since I was there for an hour and fainted. I was reading some numbers to my boss and I remember suddenly feeling funny like I should sit down but before I could move I must have had some sort of episode, and the next thing I remember was hearing her say what’s wrong, are you okay?? And I was being held up by her and answering no. She laid me on the ground with some pillows (perfect workplace) and I came to and was kind of thinking like what the hell just happened???? And she was like “that was not okay you aren’t okay I will call an ambulance” to which I replied helllll nawwww (not verbatim) and she realised I was responsive. She sat me in a chair and kind of demonstrated to me what had happened, my leg started collapsing and I fell forward onto the counter and (again, great workplace) into a basket of tea towels, and she said my head was kind of lifting back up but falling again so she grabbed me. The whole incident only lasted ten seconds if that but it was enough to scare her and make her suggest things like stroke and epileptic fit which kind of scared me. Anyhow fortunately she was kind enough to let me go, closed the shop and called matt for me and demanded he take me to emergency. I really was grateful to be in her presence over anyone else’s as much as I enjoy working with most of the others. Mums are generally quite reliable in such situations. Anyhow Matt came and off we went to emergency and he truly melted my heart all day (and indeed we were there all day [from pre 11 to post 4]). Of course we presumed it’d be something to do with the baby but my boss’ mention of strokes and fits had me wondering. We finally saw a nurse and another nurse then a doctor and the doctor twice more and in between the short visits were long periods of waiting and laughing and spending quality time together and I honestly had such a nice day with Matt albeit not the most fantastic of venues or situations. The greatest part was when I was taken to have an ULTRASOUND meaning I got to SEE MY LITTLE BABY and I can’t lie that moment really changed everything. I’ve decided by now that it’s what I want and as I’ve mentiond we’ve had some in depth conversations that have led me to this point although I must admit from the first positive test I think I was subconsciously set on my decision to be a mum. But seeing it wriggle around and really be in the shape of a tiny little person (it’s seriously like the size of a pecan - it’s a wonder how amazing those ultrasound machine thingys truly are) just honestly overwhelmed me and I couldn’t stop smiling and being overwhelmed by the fact that my baby is INSIDE ME (wtf that is honestly so bizarre). Looonnng (literally hours) story short I left the hospital being told to drink more water basically, and probably to eat little more frequently. Nothing I couldn’t have assumed for a full day at the hospital, and I was kind of expecting like “your xy and or z levels are low so you need to do 12 or 3” but no. And I clarified several times that their conclusion was to hydrate. They also suggested if it happens again that I should go. Back. And. See. Them. Wow. This kind of just reenforces my belief that the whole medical profession is yet another government based money making scheme which is sometimes helpful but mostly financially beneficial for financially well off people. Both our mums also mentioned pregnancy when we were conversing with them about the situation. I don’t know if I’ll ever “publish” this blog but if I do and if they read this I hope this can help them, and anyone else, understand. I really didn’t want our announcement to anyone to be off the back of a medical emergency. I didn’t want it to HAVE to have been told BECAUSE I went to the hospital, as opposed to BECAUSE we were ready to tell them in whatever way we eventually choose to. I’m already nervous and scared as hell as I know they both “disapprove” to varying degrees which I understand, but am also somewhat saddened by, particularly as time goes on and we get more excited about it. At the end of the day, we discussed the pros and cons of keeping and.. not keeping the baby, and together decided that we choose the next step in our lives. And I hate that I even have to justify that, and I kind of don’t even want to at all. But all my life I’ve felt like I have to explain myself to others to try minimise disappointment. Not that anyone’s ever treated me with that “respect”; I’ve no idea where I’ve learnt such a self depreciating habit. My life is my choice and although I’ve not necessarily made all the right ones, they’re mine. And this is ours. I’ve never been with someone the way I am with Matt and I don’t need to divulge our relationship and deepest feelings to anybody and I refuse to. People see the fights we have but they don’t see the love we share because we are private people in that sense and it’s for us. And as much as I HATE having to say this, believe me, it’s there. And it means a lot to me that it’s mostly kept between us and that we know how we feel and what we want and how secure we are. And maybe someday one or two kids in or MAYBE even before that, something will happen that results in the feelings fading or being destroyed or whatever it may be but it won’t change how I’ve felt and what this relationship has shown me, or that I want to be a mum and have the capacity to do it on my own or shared. That was a bit of a tangent, but what I WAS trying to get at is that maybe when people find out about the baby they will think we lied about what happened today, but that’s not the case. Nor did we want to exclude or upset anybody. Until I saw the heartbeat today (which was unfuckingreal) I was honestly convinced it didn’t have one and it didnt survive and it wasn’t our time. This is also a bad habit of mine - I convince myself of the worst so as to never be disappointed or heartbroken. So i have been adamant in keeping it from anyone until we get a scan pic and confirmation of its health and reach the “safeish” point of at least 12 weeks, and Matt’s respectful of my decision. This post kind of feels long winded and indirect and mostly pointless but a lot has gone through my mind today, I was nervous for my own health and for my baby, I didn’t want to have to tell my boss or family what I wasn’t ready to, and I was kind of disappointed in the result although happy I seem to be healthy (just starved and dehydrated woops). My heart just feels really full and a little nervous but I love my sweet and caring boyfie and the little big headed baby that is actually living in my uterus (I know there’s billions of humans in existence due to this very phenomenon but it’s still tripping me out). I best go now bye 👋🏼

[plusultrachaos]

i sometimes wish id never been born at all

prompt: dan, one day, wishes hed never been born. he is then visited by a "ghost" (another youtuber) who shows dan everybodys lives if he was never born. dan doesnt believe that anything is worse off until they show phils life which is simply a gravestone.

A/N: i did change somethings from the prompt. i also envisioned the prompt as something similar to the Scrooge.

word count: 2113

genre: angst and if you squint fluff

tw: there are mentions and a viewing of two suicides (the viewing is against dans will  and is only on one of two suicides) there are mentions of depression and bullying. if this is something that could trigger, harm, or cause you pain of any kind, i recommend not reading this oneshot.

________________

its one of dans bad days. its one of the bad days where hes trying to be social, at least talk to phil some, maybe a bit of action on social media, before his inevitable departure from society and hopefully his own exsistance for a little while.

while hes browsing on said social media, he feels phil leaning toward him and picking something from under dans eye, pulling his hand away to reveal a small, thick eyelash.

"howd you even notice that, phil?" his voice was soft, fond, and holding no surprise at phils ability to notice the little details.

"make a wish and i might tell you." phil wore a teasing smile as he failed to wink, the corners of his mouth crinkling, showing the smile wrinkles that had developed as the years of their friendship passed.

'i wish i were never born' was the wish dan had made, he wanted to go hide away, hide the wish hed made in his brain to echo there for hours. everybodys lives would be better, easier, if he hadnt been born in the first place, all the haters wouldnt have to hate him in the first place. phil would probably be further in life. his family wouldnt have him as a disappointment.

"i have to go to my room." he looked at phil, whos face was still in  sort of close proximity to his own face. he didnt say why, or what he was going to do once in there, but phil knew him well enough to understand why the younger man had been quiet the entirety of him being up and out of his room, why he hadnt laughed at a single funny thing that phil had shown him.

"okay. remember to drink water and come out of there when you need food, okay?" phils eyes held the usual, useless, concern that dan knew phil didnt actually feel. dan wasnt worth the concern and he definitely did not deserve the concern or a friend like phil at all.

he nodded, knowing that if phil didnt actually see dan out of the room to get food or water, hed personally bring the food and drink to dan. dan got up and numbly left the lounge for his room. he left his laptop there, knowing he wouldnt need it the next few days or so.

he collapsed on his bed, his thoughts going on about him being worthless and a disappointment, along with other degrading things. he turned his phone off, setting it on his nightstand. he curled up into a ball and became even more numb to the world. when he fell asleep? dan wouldnt have been able to tell you.

when dan woke up, it felt weird. it felt like what his lucid dreams used to feel like when  hed been a kid. he also didnt feel as he did when he assumed hed fallen asleep, furthuring the feeling of this being weird and unusual. well, those things, and the youtube god himself, pewdiepie, or felix as hed told dan and phil to call him when theyd met up in the past, standing at the end of dans bed.

"felix? why are you in my room?" he was slightly creeped out. he only ever really saw felix at youtube events anymore, and even then, it wasnt much.

"i know who this felix person is, but i am not him. i am the ghost of youtubers past." felix, or rather the ghost, said, the voice was eerily similar to felix' and it creeped dan out further. "recently, youve wished for something along the lines of never being born at all, am i correct to say this?"

"yeah, but hold up, why in bloody hell are you in my -me and phils- flat? howd you even get in?" dan looked confused, he was staying as far as he possibly could be from felix, or the ghost or whatever the fuck it was, which meant he was huddled against the headboard of his bed. "what has my stupid eyelash wish have got to do with any of this?"

"daniel, im here to show you how your friends and family would have really been if you hadnt been born. you see, your thoughts after the wish, about everybody being better off without you, were mostly wrong. your family, that thought, was the only one that was partially correct. yes, if they didnt have you as their son, all of the things that you think they think of you would disappear, but they would have still had two children. your grandma wouldve been just as close with them as she was to you." then suddenly, at the end of the ghosts words, dans room transformed, his fairylights  and comfortable bed morphing into something else. all dan could do was watch.

his surroundings had changed into a huge decorated and lit up christmas tree with wrapped gifts underneath. there were two children, a teenaged girl and a younger boy, perhaps a toddler, pulling at a christmas cracker. when the young boy ended up getting the bigger end of the game, the older sister said "happy christmas!" with fondness that made dans heart ache. the siblings looked close, and happy. happier than dan and his younger brother had been at those ages.  it made dan long for that kind of relationship with the lad. it also brought a bitter taste and thoughts to dan. the girl, for obvious reasons, wasnt dan. their mannerisms very  different, her smile lacking a dimple.

"yazzy, go help your mum in the kitchen." an old woman, that dan immediately recognized as his (or rather not his) grandma, walked in to the room. he hadnt visited the kind, aging woman in years, and seeing this made him feel guilty.

he turned to the ghost, tears forming and wetting his eyes. "can we leave? i already knew i was insignificant in their lives." he said this, his voice small as he looked away from the scene playing out before him. the ghost nodded and then they were in a different location once again.

it was his friend, louises current home. but it was empty, no baby toys or anything in the flat hed gotten used to being busy.

"louises success mightve been all her, but you helped in the process, being there when she needed a friend. she didnt have darcy because she never met her partner." the ghost said this with a grim look. dan looked around, sad eyes gazing everywhere. it was then he realized he hadnt rung up louise in weeks.

"fuck..." was dans whispered response to the situation.

the location faded again, taking them to a park. pj sat on the bench in front of dan and the ghost. he was talking to people that dan didnt recognize. "pj and chris never became a couple because you werent there to help them realize their feelings for each other." dan looked down at the ghosts words. they stung, knowing his friends hadnt gotten together just because dan hadnt been born.

" and chris? what would his fate have been if id never been around?" the ghost pointed at a man walking behind them, talking on the phone. he didnt spare pj a single look.

"without your constant encouragement, he dropped youtube. he got an office job and quickly climbed the ranks." the words sounded sad.

the location changed yet again, to a sight he never wanted to see again. they were in an unfamiliar bedroom, it was dark and there was an even darker silhouette hanging from a ceiling fan. dan feared the worst. the sight of it made dan want to curl into a ball. there was pounding on the closed door.

dan watched in silence, mouth open in a silent cry as the parents of the silhouette opened the door. the mother fell into the fathers arms, crying loudly. the father was frozen, terror shining in his eyes as he took in the sight of the cold and lifeless body. the  room faded into a plain, white room that had no soothing qualities to dan.

"that was ben. in a world with you in it, he would have found the courage to come out as a transmale and gay. without you, he never learned of his parents acceptance. he wouldve committed suicide if not for your videos." the ghost said this softly, its eyes sad. "this is the sad reality of the fans. some are not in good situations and so they turn to youtube for an escape. without your videos, a lot of fans dont have that escape." dans face grew even more sad as he realized that had been the same reality that he had faced before becoming a youtuber.

"and phil? what would have happened to him?" this question had been on his mind the entire time they had been in this weird dreamland. the ghosts already sad face saddened even more and the scenery changed once again.

dan looked confused as his eyes wondered around the area. they were in a graveyard in the middle of the day. except dan couldnt see any services being held that phil wouldve attended.

"where is he? why are we in a graveyard?" his questions were frantic as he continued searching for the wonderous blue-yellow-green eyes and the dyed black hair of his best friend. then his gaze landed on the gravestone of the grave they were in front of. he dropped to his knees, his face blank as he read the stone.

Here lies

Philip Michael Lester

January 30th, 1987-June 22nd, 2012

He was loved dearly by fans, friends, and family.

"phil didnt have a number one fan to skype him to take his mind off his problems, to correct him when he thought of how weird he was and how weird everybody was bound to think of him."

"unique. phil is unique, not weird." dan corrected without hesitation.

"that is what i mean when i say that. he didnt have somebody to do that when youtube comments started telling him he was weird. he didnt have someone to be an iconic duo with. he killed himself when it all got to be too much." the ghost went quiet after telling that to dan, most likely letting the man grieve his best friend.

dan had started sobbing loudly. "n...no no no. take me home, this cant be real, this is not real." he whimpered, his eyes were screwed shut as he sobbed over the possibility of his optimistic, cheery best friend taking his life. he missed the transformation of the landscape, still sobbing loudly by the time hed been back in the comfort of his bedroom.

the ghost was no longer there and there was loud knocking. and to dans relief, phil called out his name with concern that dan was now certain was genuine. phil came in, rushing to the side of the monochrome bed to take the brown haired crying man into his arms. he knew better than to ask what was wrong right away, so he just held him.

"phil, promise me you wont believe people when they say hateful things toward you?" he asked this in a panicked rush, his words stuttered as he looked with terrified eyes at phil.

" i promise." phil held dan close, the sound of his heartbeat tethering dan to reality.

"i had a dream." dan proceeded to tell phil about what hed wished and then about the dream he had afterward. when he was done, phil held him. dan was still crying, but it had subsided a lot with the knowledge of phil being alive. "im sorry, phil. i know i shouldnt have wished for something so morbid and sad, but it was before an episode and i cant control my thoughts during those." he cuddled to phils chest, sniffling.

" dan, you know i love you. you know im always going to be here to support and comfort you." phils voice was soft and supportive, deep unlike what the viewers usually heard. "you dont have to apologize at all for the way your brain works, just like i dont. im glad you realized that that wasnt real, but i dont want you thinking that i wouldve been better off without you because i wouldnt be as far as i am today if i didnt have you by my side. dont ever tell yourself otherwise." he smiled his amazing smile that was saved just for dan.

dan leaned into phils chest, breathing in the comforting scent.   he sighed as he realized that life would be better with him and phil still alive.

____________________

i did end up mentioning dans family, but i only did briefly dont hate me.

[tigerofmirth-blog]

Squealing Santa 2K16! - An Inesperated Evening

( aIGHT! this is the tickle fic gift for @pamcake21 , IM SO SORRY!! i was gona post it before! PROMISE! it’s just that, life got hard, and had a big ass test, i couldn’t take the time to finish the thing before ;A;!! BUT! here we are!!

Okay so the request i took was the ‘’Thor and Loki’’ one, :3 because those two are adorkable and the other characters i don’t really know that much! xD. ANYWAy! i hope u like it Pam! and accept it as a new year gift ;u; )

  It was a calm afternoon, Loki was sitting calmly Reading a book, though he couldn’t concentrate with the sun outside… It was one of those unusually hots days that nobody but Loki seemed to notice, and bOi was he moody those days. He just grunted to himself, swearing that the weather didn’t like him or something; or maybe it was just his body?? Who knows!? He just sighs and throws the book away, deciding after trying to read the same paragraph five times that maybe he wasn’t in the mood for reading either… He practically dragged himself towards the bathroom to dump some fresh water into his face for what felt like the one thousand time that day, wishing that he could at least distract himself with sOMETHING! But his brain just enjoyed to torment him, just like his the servient, his father, his brother- just as he starts to dry his face with a towel he hears the heavy and energetic steps of someone walking, or was he running? Towards his door, followed by a loud ‘’LOKI! BROTHER’’ and his door swinging open, he almost jumps out of his skin, muttering under his breath. Why today?!?!? Couldn’t it had been yesterday? Yesterday he had been in the mood! He had been sO in it, that he himself had asked Thor if they maybe could train that day, but said blonde refused, saying that he had to go with their father to fix the chest plates for his armor, as the ones he had where already too small. Loki just rolled his eyes and went back to his room, lying afterwards and saying he didn’t mind it at all.

    Loki went out of the bathroom with a start, his eyes screaming murder at whoever dared to disturb his peace in this awfully hot day. Of course it was Thor, as stated as before, he chooses the worse moments to ask things, and his loud and cherry voice was incomfundible; Loki took the towel he was holding in a strong grip and squinted at Thor. ‘’WHAT?! What is it that you want brother?!? Can’t you see I’m busy!?’’ He threw the towel into Thor’s face and crossed his arms in annoyance. ‘’Jeez bro, if I had known you were in such an awful mood I would have told mother to tell you about the news!!’’ The blonde just giggled and took the towel, pulling it over his head and leaving it there. Loki on the other hand was trying to be as nice as he could, knowing his brother, he would tell their mother if he treated him any worse, and nobody wants a fuzzing parent on your back telling you to be nice and stop being antisocial, which he was not!, or at least not from what he had readed in books… he preferred the term, ‘introverted’ he felt like it suited his feelings better than the other term.

    Thor took Loki’s silence as a ’go ahead and tell me the news before I kick your sorry ass outa my room’ and so that’s what he did, ‘’Well brother you see, remember that I have been trying to convince father to let me go haunt a dragon for almost a week??’’ Loki just raised his eyebrow, yes, he did recall that… and also the stupid plan that Thor and his friends had come up with… ‘’yeah?’’ the blond looked as excited as a puppy that just got a new squeaky toy ‘’fathER SAID YES TODAY!! H-he said YES!! Under the condition that I am to go with you! My beloved brother!! HAHA!! Don’t you love your big brother, Loki? C’mon! Give me that hand!’’ He raised his hand to a shoulder level, ready for their ’we did it big time’ shake, but only found Loki’s eyes of surprise and, was that anger?. ‘’YOU DID WHAT NOW?!? Well It saddens me to have and be the one telling you this brother but we cAN’T go do that, for 3 reasons; one, I’m bad at walking and you know it; two, it’s madness; and three, how will we capture it AND beat it?!? In fact, hOW ARE WE TO FIND IT?!?!?’’ His brain was running mile per second, his brother caN’T be this much of a goose, can he?? Thor furrowed his stare and shock his head ‘’B-but we had it all planed! Also we got some places marked out in a map, from people who had seen some dragons! And oh c’mon Loki we will take breaKS!!’’ The blonde continued to insist, but the combination of Loki’s bad mood from the weather and also the idioticy of the plan, plus, the anger he felt towards his father for not asking nor informing him about ANYTHING of this?!?, it was just too much, he refused, he refused with all that he had, crossing his arms, sitting in his bed and telling Thor to leave his room before he decided to jump out the window to get away.

   Thor sighed and sat beside Loki with a loud creek from the bed, his weight making Loki lean to the side and poke his side into Thor’s elbow. Loki jumped and let out a squeak so high it was hard to believe it had come from his mouth. Thor was a little surprised, he looked at Loki, wondering if his brother had decided to kick him out for good, but only found his brother blushing and covering his mouth…. The oldest brother smiled in mischief and making honor to the Loki’s nickname and not his, he tackled his brother to the bed, taking him by surprise. ‘’ T-Thor!! What are you-?! *SQUEeEEh*’’ Loki blushed madly and tried to look as angered as he could in his current state, but he was having a hard time as Thor started scribbling his big fingers along the youngest sides. Loki squirmed around, a smirk quickly forming in his face and a smile threating to show. ‘’B-bROthhEHE! MnGH! sTop thAT!!’’ He shock his head from side to side, in both negation and desperation, he wanted to stay mad! He wasn’t supposed to laugh if he was mad!! But Thor knew his brother’s weakness and attacked the other’s armpits, making Loki instantly dissolve into a squeaky laughing and blushing mess. Thor smirked and started teasing his brother away, making this situation even more silly. ‘’aww but you’re laughing! You sure are enjoying yourself aren’t you?? Hey why don’t you tell me what’s so funny??’’ Loki wanted to glare at the blonde so bad, but it was quite impossible when tickled and laughing your head off. ‘’ THOOHOhhoR!! I sWeheEHEAahAR I’M GOhohiniHHInG tOhoh- HAHAAHAHAA W-WHAhhaAIT!! *SQUEE* STAHahaA- *WHeeZE*’’ Thor smiled, he had just started using his beard to tickle his brother’s tummy, discovering a while ago that it was one thing Loki couldn’t stand.

   This game continued for a while, Loki asking for mercy from his big brother and not getting any at all. Finally he convinced Thor to stop, screaming in laugher that he was going into ‘’that stupid trip’’. Now, Thor had forgotten about that in all his playfulness, but he was more than happy to stop when he heard that, smiling brightly at Loki. ‘’REALLY?!? You wILL?!??! OH tHANK ODIN’S BEARD!! hECK YEAH! I swear you won’t be disappointed! I will even carry your stuff if necessary!!!’’ He declared as he basically bounced in Loki’s bed. Loki on the other hand was painting and giggling while being rocked from Thor’s excitement, he sighs in relief and then nods a bit at the idea of going out with his brother and his friends in an ‘’adventure’’ after all… it was a bit colder in those woods these time of the year, and bOI was it HOT AS HELL in Asgard…. He nodded at Thor and tried to push him away weakly. ‘’o-okah but please do let me alone nohohohw… hfff… damn it Thor I’m going to need a shower now…. Hff’’ He looked at himself all sweaty and glared a bit to the blonde, but couldn’t help to giggle as he saw how happy the idiot was. ‘’LoKI!! You know what this means?!?! ….WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A NIGHT FIRE!!!’’ Thot ran out of the room almost screaming in joy to tell their mother and likely Odin about the news. Loki sighed and closed the door, now looking at his room in thought…. He would have to play babysitter again wouldn’t he?

I hope that u liked it! sorry for the late-ness :’vv and haPPY NEW YEAR!!!