#im clutching my heart snd everything

[bunnyboy-juice]

everyone saying "thank god i didnt see this specific post that inspired this" as if this is about one specific issue and not the ways that even self proclaimed allies who clutch their pearls and "would NEVER!!!" do this are also. some of the ones doing this by never speaking about transfem butches or uplifting transfem butch experiences to the point nearly every single trans woman who is/was butch who has interacted with this post has lamented the fact that they dont feel welcome or comfortable calling themselves butch bc of the way OTHERS expect butches - even if they know on some level it is a role they Want to fill or be able to explore. its being married to a transfem butch and loving her for 4 years and knowing the loneliness and frustration she experiences as a trans woman who is Butch. its the fact that talking about transmisogyny esp within butch/femme realms is frequently defanged to be about general misogyny (and yes, assuming butch = transmasc is also misogynistic towards cis butches and i did not do a good enough job in my original post in emphasizing i was focusing on Transness within butch/femme spaces so ik im to blame for those comments on here but also. my post isnt the only one this happens to. why cant one conversation about transmisogyny stay about transmisogyny w/o also reorienting to include cis ppl). its RARELY seeing anything about femme4butch or butch4butch dynamics that highlight the beautiful experiences that is being with and loving butch trans women unless its specifically a post about t4t dynamics (and even then if its written by anyone but trans women or the people who actually love them, chances are the "transness" evoked in the post is largely transmasculinity, even with a haphazard "on E" tossed in when talking about hrt). its seeing people more willing to clown on the "butch = transmasc" crowd than they are willing to uplift and love trans women who are butch (unless its to oggle)(and this definitely isnt the first post ive made about transness and butchness, but it Is the first one thats gotten this many notes in a single day bc "i love you butch trans women" as a solo statement or even the focus isnt enough i guess). its, even in the VERY limited appreciation of butch bottoms, the way they are all assumed to be he/him pussy havers by default and that trans women, especially butch trans women, are cornered into being tops and doms even when they dont want to be and have to BEG for people to desire them. it's in the way y'all clutch your pearls and pat yourselves on the back for being allies but wont even talk to butch trans women unless its to get her to top you.

to the transfem butches who may end up reading this: i love that you are you. i love the way you love femmes, especially femmes like me who also are pushed to the side in favor of stereotypes on how butches/femmes "Are/Should Be". i love the way you embrace your masculinity and wear it as a badge of pride and honor. i love you even when you are feeling the worst about yourself and your relationship to your butchness. i love you when you stand firm that you are a butch woman when others dont acknowledge your presence or misgender you for being You. i love you when you Insist people respect you. i love having the honor of having held space and love for so many of you already. i love knowing you exist. your butchness is so special and you are so special. i am so sorry for the ways people sometimes overlook your existence. i am so sorry that so many posts, including mine, focus more on the frustrations towards how people treat you than expressing this love. i am so sorry for the ways people have dismissed your perspectives on butchness in favor of appealing to the masses. i wish i could make everyone see how wonderful and special it is to love and be loved by a butch trans woman not for what she does To/For me but because your sheer existence enriches everything in my life. you make my world technicolor and i am forever grateful to every single butch trans woman i have met, will meet, or will never meet. i love you.

you guys know butch =/= taking T right? you guys know dyke masculinity is not correlated to being transmasc right? you guys know that even your silly jokes where you flatten butchness to taking T/being transmasc is extremely transmisogynistic right?

[goldenempyrean]

Holding You Close

A very short Natasha drabble:

(Im not grammar checking this so oops)

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You felt your legs sway as Natasha hurriedly carried you back to the safety of the quinjet. Her heart was thumping wildly as you sniffled thickly against her chest, fighting with you eyes to stay awake. She was actively trying to keep pack the prick of tears in her eyes as she looked down at your slumped body in her arms.

“Just a little further baby.” She whispered down towards you, though it was mainly an attempt to comfort herself in some way too. She hadn’t seen you get this sick in such a short period of time snd truthfully it did scare her.

Natasha couldn’t help but feel guilty as she carried your exhausted body. She should never have let you come on this mission. A day or so before you were due to set off, you had admitted that you felt like you were catching a cold but you were still adamant on joining Natasha. Somewhat reluctantly she agree. how was she to know that her choices would lead you here, huddled in her arms.

The mission looked easy on paper. A quick raid in and out of a potential Hydra base, that’s all it was.. Well it seemed your intel was somehow leaked, the base was laced with traps and it was almost as if the numerous soldiers inside were waiting for your arrival. However this usually wouldn’t have posed that big of an issue but this time was different. Your mind was already throbbing and the walls seemed to move around you as you dizzily stumbled around the base.

Nat has cursed at herself for not noticing sooner but when she did, the heat radiating from your skin told her everything she needed to know. You had a fever, a pretty high one at that. Luckily for you Natasha had already managed to gather what was needed by herself. You were ready to make your escape but as Nat glanced over you, it was evident from your current condition that you wouldn’t be able to make the small hike back to the jet by foot. Hell, you were clutching onto the walls just to stay upright.

This lead you to where you were now. Nat carrying your energy drained body whilst you muffled several series’ of deep coughs against her, each one seeming to tear itself from your raw, burning throat.

“Shh baby.” Natasha tried to sooth you after your latest fit, kissing your burning forehead with her gentle lips, “Im going to get you home, okay?”

not my gif!