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hello-rania · 5 years ago

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To The One Who Taught Me What Being Loved & Being Hurt Is Like

To the Perfect Guy i once loved, You were my ride or die, literally.

I loved you so deeply, with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my ego & my pride. I am blindly in love with you.

Thank you for making me realize that i can love someone this much.

Thank you for making me realize that i can choose someone i love over my pride & ego.

Thank you for making me realize that i can accept someone’s flaws unconditionally.

Thank you for making me realize i can do anything to make someone happy. Thank you for making me realize that i can fight this much for someone i love so dearly.

Thank you for showering me with all your love. Thank you for always making me feel cared for. Thank you for making me feel like i’m the most precious thing you’ve ever had. Thank you for always being so kind to me all the time. Thank you for always making me your number one priority even above yourself. Thank you for always believing in my potential. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for always trying to make me happy. Thank you for always giving me your 100% effort.

Thank you for all the beautiful memories.

Thank you for always thinking about my needs.

Thank you for always trying to make everything perfect for me.

And to the other side of you,

To the Narcissist I once loved,

You take control over all things in my life, but you meant no harm you said. You push me to the breaking point over & over again, and call me crazy for crying, shouting, screaming for being horrifically emotionally abused, but you meant no harm you said. You accuses me of emotions that you are intentionally provoking, but you meant no harm you said. You lowered my self esteem by always picking my flaws that i wasn’t even aware of in the first place, but you meant no harm you said. You act like you’re going to punch me and get offended that i am scared that you really are going to punch me one day, then you threatened me to break up because i’m scared for my well being, but you meant no harm you said. You asked me to do things for you because you are making my mistakes as leverage, but you meant no harm you said. You make endless demands and force me to obey everything you said, but you meant no harm you said. You call me filthy names and told me that’s the truth, but you meant no harm you said. You almost made me lose my sanity by always accusing me for something i repeatedly said i didn’t do, but you meant no harm you said. You made me stressed and depressed, i feel my body is going to burst, almost fainted, and cold shiver down my spine, but you meant no harm you said. You made me believe that the problem isn’t the emotional abuse itself, but instead my reactions to the abuse, but you meant no harm you said. You made me choose between you and my job, then threatened to break up with me if i keep my job, but you meant no harm you said. You force me to take oath in the name of our God for every little thing i do and did, but you meant no harm you said. You made me kneel and apologize to you for something so insignificant, but you meant no harm you said. You robbed me off my freedom of self, but you meant no harm you said. You made me believe that every problem in your life is because of me, but you meant no harm you said. You don’t allow me to expressed what made me upset and instead of apologizing you find a way to make me feel bad about it, but you meant no harm you said. You made me believe that no one will ever love me because i’m so unlovable and have a twisted mind, but you meant no harm you said. You frequently comment about what i’m wearing and how i look until i become obsessed with my appearance, but you meant no harm you said. You gave me the silent treatment so that i’ll be miserable waiting for you to give me attention, but you meant no harm you said. You made me risk my own welfare, but you meant no harm you said. You made me believe that it is abusive of me to object to you behaving abusively towards me, but you meant no harm you said. You brainwash me into believing that my life would be hell without you, but you meant no harm you said. You train me to put you on a pedestal and me at your feet, but you meant no harm you said.

But I am not the person I once was.

You destroyed me over and over again, but i keep building myself back up into someone you will never have the honor of getting to know.

Thank you for all the love & the hurt, i finally realized how much i’m worth.

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