#ik my parents couldn't have predicted the fucking economy over here but god... why did they think we would make it here :/
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my shoulder hurts
#sometimes i get really scared about turning into moms. like#that I'm basically just like the worst parts of my bfs mothers and eventually he'll hate me#idk. i have a lot of thoughts abt mom and stepmom in general. not all bad just a lot to think about w them#but yeah i just see a lot of similarities and it makes me kind of depressed actually lol. I'm like woof I'm rlly not good aren't i bc#I'm way less capable than they are. let alone my mother whose still going at it when she shouldve been chilling by now but#again im a burden. again i also don't see why we even came here to America like#ik my parents couldn't have predicted the fucking economy over here but god... why did they think we would make it here :/#idk man i literally hate America i resent that i am American and that the only parts of it i can love is that i make of it so i have to#actively participate in its development and culture and idfk#idk man i just wish i could rot but i literally can't because i have no one i genuinely want to affect in#i miss feeling normal but instead i dont do anything and wonder why i feel bad#idk. i know i shouldn't compare myself to ppl who have had more but also like. im objectively not as good at cleaning as the stepmom#im objectively not tidy as shown by my room and my inability to upkeep the fucking living room#like idk what they want me to do anymore i just feel like they hate me anyways forever lol
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