#ik i havent been online in literally months

[bunnyboy-juice]

😭💞 my best friend finally has an apartment which means, after almost a decade of being friends, we are FINALLY able to plan visiting each other for the first time

[arvoze]

the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out

[chososcamgirl]

HIHIHI SIGMA ALPHA IYA‼️🤗 SOOO ERMM SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING FOR TWO DAYS… I HAVE A LOT OF TESTS THIS WEEK SO I GOT RLLY BUSY 😢😢 I HOPE YR HAVING A VERY SIGMA DAY 🔥🔥 IM GONNA TRY AND MAKE THIS CHECKUP RLLY FIRE TO MAKE UP FOR THE PAST TWO DAYSS

ITS OKAY POOPIE I COULD NEVER BE MAD AT U 🤗💗‼️ WERE BOTH IN THIS TG.. we are A PACK… I HOPE YOUVE BEEN TAKING GOOD BREAKS THO‼️ BEING BUSY IS SO DRAINING SO MAKE SURE TO GET LOADS OF REST TOOO 🐺🙏💪

OKOK SOOO I GOT MY TEST RESULT BACK AND I ACTUALLY KINDA COOKED⁉️⁉️ I CANT BELIEVE I DIDNT FAIL 😭😭 GLAD THO CUS THAT MEANS MY GRADES ARE STILL UP 🆙🔥💪 IM TRYING TO WORK ON A SLEEP SCHED BUT ITS SO HARDD 😢 BUT I HOPE YOUVE GOTTEN MORE SLEEP + STOPPED ACHING

ORNENRNDNF I HAVE PLANS TO DRIVE TO THE MALL WITH SOME FRIENDS AND IM SO EXCITED SINCE ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WENT TO A MALL (had to restrict myself because of my HORRIBLE spending habits.. 😪😪) IM SO HAPPY WHBEBENEJEEN 💪🐺‼️🔥🤗🤗

ITS ALMOSY SJAP WEEKEND… IM SO PUMPED… KINDA SCARED THESE CHAPTERS R GONNA CRUSH ME… IYA IF WE HOOKED UP WITH SUKUNA.. 😡 HE ENEBSBENEBDB WERE GETTING INNNN THE PLOTTT IM SO EXCITEDD FOR THIS SJAP WEEKENDSDD 💪🤗🔥

THESE PAST TWO DAYS WERE NOT SKIBIDI IM LIKE BARLEY MAKING IT THRU BUT HOPEFULLY TMRW WILL BE SIGMA SINCE I HAVE PLANS WITH FRIENDS‼️🤗 I ACIDENTALLY FELL ASLEEP IN A CLASS AND MY TEACHER TOLD MY MOM WHICH RESULTED ME GETRING MY GYATT BEATEN 😢😢 I NEED TO MAKE SURE IM LOCKED IN FOR REAL REAL NOW CUS MY TEACHER IS OUT HERE TO GETTTTTT MY ASSSSS 😖😖😣😫😔😰 AND ALSO I THINK I HABE AN INGROWN TOENAIL OR SMTHING CUS LIKE IT LOWK HURT ASF BUT IT DONT LOOK LIKE IT.. MY FRIENDS WERE POINTING OUT HOW I WAS WALKING WEIRD AND JTS CUS IT HURTS LIKE HELL EVERY STEP 💔💔😩😩 SEND TIPS FOR HOW TO TREAT JT CHAT‼️🔥 I SWEARRR ITS GONNA BE THE DEATH OF MEEE 😢😢

+ ITS TECHINCALLY OCT.4 HERE (2AM) BUTTT ITS CLOSE ENOUGH TO OCT.3RD AND GUESS WHAG DAY IT WAS…. NATIONAL BF DAY (I found out thru all the stories my friends/mutuals were posting 💔) so happy national bfs day toge 😍🥰😘 PLEASE I NEED HIM SO BADDDD

M-m-mahiTOE…? *I utter in disbelief* n-no… this can’t be… iya…. How could you do this to me…. Why….?? *runs away sonbing* 😔😔 not very sigma… (OK TBHHHH.. UNDERSTANDABLE BUT I FUCKING HAtE THAT HO 😡😡😡 I’ll make an exception for you tho iya 🥰🥰😘😘💗💗

OK IK U LIVE WITH THE KANGAROOS BUT HAVE U SEEN THE ELECTION STICKER THIS YESR??? LMAO I LOVE IT SO MUCH CUS WHY IS IT LITERALLY A PIC OF MY FACE??? IF U HAVENT SEEN IT HERE https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/05/style/michigan-i-voted-sticker-werewolf.html THATS THE LINK TO AN ARTICLE ABT IT BUT JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURE I DONT LIVE IN MICHIGAN BUT I WISH I DID SO I COULD GET THE STICKER 💔

ATOD ANSWERRRR… lowk……. Lighting McQueen 🤗🤤 OR THE BLUE MNM… THEY COULD GET ITTT 😍🤤

OKOKOK QOTD UHH A RANDOM HOT TAKE U HAVE SRY THIS ONES BORING IM TIRED ASF AND HAVE MY LAST EXAM TOMORROW ‼️‼️🔥 WISH ME LUCK + GN (morning for u. 😘)

LOVE U LOTS SIGMA 🤗‼️🐺🙏

-🐺

HI ALPHA!!! 🐺

this is the ask from friday or thursday i believe… but i saw ur other one SO DW IM ANSWERING BOTH😈 ITS OKAY!! don’t feel pressured to send one in every day bc i know it can be a lot but just know ur asks are always appreciated and ily <3

YES i’ve been working for the last 4 days opening and closing basically and it’s so customer orientated like ARGHHSH my body is just exhausted BUT I HOPE UR DOING WELL TOO!! the pack must stick together🙂‍↕️‼️

YESSS I KNEW U ATE… the power of the pack manifested together to make you cook🔥🔥 also omg me and u both have horrible spending habits… i leave my room and i drop $300 on random shit but even if i stay in my room i just go online shopping which is SO BAD like ive spent $5000 in the last two months…. oops!

YAY FOR SJAP WEEKEND!!! NAUR ur teacher is a OPP fr like hello there was no need to tell ur mum😒😒 also THE INGROWN RAIL HELP i hope it heals soon i’ve never had one before so i don’t know the pain💔 SEND REMEDIES CHAT‼️‼️ also i hope the weekend is better for u alpha and i’ll use the power of the pack to manifest next week is better too <3 LMFAO HAPPY NATIONAL BOYFRIENDS DAY TOGE

yes mahito… he is my guilty pleasure in a way… IDK HES JUST SO… idk i can’t explain it.. forgive me pls🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ LMFAO THE STICKER HELP😭 NO I LOVE IT I WANT IT PLS

AOTD‼️ my hot take is that lychees taste bad🙇‍♀️ IM SORRY THEYRE JUST SO GROSS😭 LMK URS ALPHA!! ILY🫵🫵

[when-wax-wings-melt]

HEY SUMMERR get ready for the ramble bc ik we havent talked in forever but school just started again and im realizing im actually getting older and we’re not 13yo anymore and its super sad!!! but its ok bc jsyk im literally always gonna love you 💖💖 theres fr no point to this ask but i rlly rlly hope we’re friends even when we forget to talk to each other for 6 months LMAOO

AHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU SENT THIS yessss we are friends forever trust ❤️❤️🏳️‍🌈❤️🏳️‍🌈❤️🏳️‍🌈❤️🏳️‍🌈❤️🏳️‍🌈❤️ I just haven't been online much for a while but I am again YIPPEE indeed we are growing up ... 😔😔😔

[hum-suffer]

HIIII HRUUU!!!!

i just wanted to say that ik i havent been online much since the past few months but dude tysm for still involving me in so much like literally seeing your notifs on my mail made my day SO MUCH better i really really appreciate you and love you so SOOOO much!!!

OMG HIIIII

I actually did try to tag you in a lot of things but your username didn't appear and i actually did think your account had deleted or something (I was surprised with this ask lol 😭🤣 meko laga ye kon aaya)

And of course, I love to involve you in things! You're always so sweet and lovable 🫶🏽 it's good to see you again babe. I LOVE YOUUUUU TOOOOO

[thornoisdono]

Dawg I feel that on a personal level fr, it always seems like schools and colleges have the most doodoo ass online services possible that you’re literally required to use. That sucks man, I hope you’re able to power through cuz ik how annoying that shit is

Thanks. I went to the librarh tried to get tbe book. Which i shouldnt have to since its provided for free. And that didnt work sent another email civily asking to put the comic up. No response . And i still havent got feedback necessary to improve for a f-cking week. And this isnt the first time management has been sh-t a teacher… dkdnt even grade my stuff last semester they didn’t even lokk at it! And whats worse is i had the projects that she didnt even look at for months btw and said “i can turn them in right this time since now i know the reasoni got bad grades. But she was like “NO EXCEPTIONS EVEN THO ITS PARTLY MY FAULT” fucking infuriating man

[wabblebees]

.

[bisexualhobi]

(Im not a company stan big hit can suck my ass)

1. Txt is not an aspect of bts? They are another group with a completely different identity. They are talented enough to match bts thats why armys love them and stan them. You are insulting them (and other groups) by saying that they are just another money making machine for bighit as a replacement for bangtan??

2. Idols hate bts lol everyone knows they do. They are from the biggest most prestigious companys yet they are huge flops compared to bts and that alone is enough for them to hate bts.. ik u are not asian but its a huge thing in asia, like if u work in a rich/huge company or are from a rich family u are so much superior to everyone else and then if someone without a strong background becomes more successful than them, the rich ones automatically hate them (if this sounds like the plot of a kdrama its because. Well. Kdramas are asian dramas and are based on real life)

3. Liking bts doesnt make one superior but liking continuously problematic groups does make one inferior and this is the main reason of twt fanwars because 90% of twt armys come from non western cultures and are deeply affected on so many levels by all the shit these groups and companys pull out every single month 👁👄👁 (dont say its just companys fault lol you know that nct member said lets not talk about this topic and its not just one example) ps: dont pull out the bts rapline were also problematic card bc they apologised for it and havent done it again

ok i’m gonna address point by point what you mentioned here. btw i’m assuming you’re different from the last anon i answered regarding “bts isn’t kpop” but if you are the same anon sorry for repeating stuff

1. i didn’t say txt is an “aspect” of bts. i mentioned them because what they are is the second bg big hit has created from scratch and the immediate successors of bts, a company that, until txt, had NOTHING but bts going for them. and even though txt is already becoming successful, the fact is that, just eyeballing it, bts brings in about 90 to 95% of big hit’s total revenue. big hit has a challenge regarding what they will do to cement themselves as a company beyond bts, and txt is the first step in that direction. when i say cash cow i mean a secondary source of income. my intention was not to disrespect txt at all, which i made clear in that textpost!! i don’t even stan txt and i’ve kept saying that they were far better than bts on the end of the year performances!!! i said, and i quote “txt ate them up because txt is a new group (that has a lot of passion and are hardworking ofc, this isn’t attacking them personally)” 

just a little caveat though, an idol group is always a money making machine for a company... like. it’s important to me that you know that. like, i hope you know that big hit isn’t looking to make groups saying “oh boy, i hope they flop! i hope they’re happy doing what they like and i will never care about the utilities :)” idol companies are literally some of the most money hungry industries because they often operate at a loss. don’t for a second think that bts and txt and any group is more than an asset for the company, whose sole purpose is to make money.

2. idols hate bts?? listen, in the entertainment industry there’s always gonna be drama and backstabbing, so i’m sure there’s animosity between many groups, i’m not naive enough to say that no one hates bts, the same way i’m sure there are plenty of idols who hate exo, who hate red velvet, who hate x or y. but the way you say this is such a delusional, paranoid way to put it. afaik, the last celeb/musician to trash talk bts publicly was befree or whatever tf his name was, that asshole rapper who mocked namjoon and yoongi and called them sellouts for joining an idol group. and that guy is a fucking failure! i think he even went to jail, didn’t he? so please, tell me who these other idols hating bts are, and where are the receipts so i can blacklist them. 

“huge flops” lmao good way to put all the other groups’ efforts down. stop thinking bts’ accomplishments are your own. they’re not. you have no idea the amount of effort each idol group, small or big, puts in just to be able to debut, so stop disrespecting THEM by calling them all flops. i know i’m not korean, i’m not asian, but i have korean friends and according to them all these groups who are supposedly “flops” are doing well in korea. just because they don’t have international success doesn’t mean they’re not commercially acclaimed in their own country. not everyone is out to get bts, i promise you. do you know who’s out to get bts? their akgaes. their sasaengs, and their antis, all those people online who send jimin death threats, who break into their property, who take pictures of their families. THOSE people hate bts and do more harm to them than an idol who says they didn’t like their new album or who said they don’t dance well. like please let go of the victim complex for one minute.

3. one part of stan culture i fucking despise with my whole being is fanwars using cultural appropriation and racism as “gotcha” cards. this is a clear example of this. first you say it’s inferior to like groups who have participated in ca. alright. i will give you that. the you turn and say bts hasn’t done that and that groups such an nct who have done it recently are to blame personally, it’s not just the company’s mismanagement. okay! so by your logic, being a bts stan is superior because even though they HAVE done problematic things, they apologized. it’s really transparent how you pick and choose what is an acceptable apology and what isn’t based on your personal feelings about the group in question.

i just need to know if you are black or if you are muslim or from a minority that has been hurt by cultural appropriation, if you are then you will know that when an idol group apologizes for doing such things, it is no one’s place but their own to decide whether to accept that apology or not. i am not black, or asian, i am a latin woman who can’t tell you whether it’s okay for bts to do the things they have done. you are contradicting yourself by saying other groups who’ve done cultural appropriation are worse, and then turn around and say to me “dont pull out the bts rapline were also problematic card bc they apologised for it and havent done it again” because guess what? not everyone has forgiven bts either! they have said the n word! they have done native american culture appropriation as recently as december 2020 and neither them nor big hit apologized for that! yoongi releasing the mixtape with that jim jones sample in it was NEVER addressed by him. it was a company statement. so who are you to say that the people still hurt by yoongi’s actions, whether intentional or not, can’t talk about it and be mad at them? IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. 

i am not here to pass moral judgement, that’s why i don’t bring up ca in arguments. it is not my place to say whether what nct did with the muslim aesthetic should be forgiven, the same way it’s not my place to tell people who like nct that they are “worse” for liking them. people who reduce their stanning to how many “woke points” you get based on the artists you like clearly don’t care about activism in real life, they just care about it online for fanwars. to feel better about themselves for liking “unproblematic kings” and well i have news for you, NO CELEBRITY IS UNPROBLEMATIC. bts has learned from their mistakes, but they will continue to make mistakes every once in a while, case in point, the jim jones thing and the native american teepees appropriation. 

[kylorengarbagedump]

ok kass, i have a serious question. how do you get motivation to do things ? i’m depressed as shit and i can’t do anything. i’ve been trying to redo my room for months now, it’s a depression nest, and i’ve bought all new furniture/paint/lights/etc. i just can’t get myself started cleaning? it’s too much effort to even think about. i also don’t have a job; havent since october, really. my savings are dwindling and i gotta do something soon, but it’s too hard. any advice helps, i appreciate it <3

Anonymous said:

this is unrelated to your blog but i thought i might ask since you work in the profession, what are some reasons why a person is incredibly hard on themselves when making a simple mistake? is it anxiety? how can i cope with it? i messed up but recognize it’s not as bad as I think it is but i just can’t bring myself not to punish myself. ik this might be really person or deep or something but i thought to ask anyway :^(

--

Hi babies. I just wanted to let you know I did get these asks and I really want to answer them in ways that are really helpful or compassionate but I really just can’t and I don’t know when I’ll have the capacity to do so--I’m still on FMLA for my job and I barely have the spoons to talk to my friends. I really encourage you to reach out to a professional to discuss this stuff. 

The very most basic I can say is this: depression is a hugely multi-faceted issue. You may want to start with super-duper small shit. Even if that means you count getting out of the bed. Set really specific, small, achievable goals for yourself. 

Regarding the second question, without knowing you or literally anything about you or your history or your current situation, it sounds like depression and dismally low self-esteem. What helped me was working on loving myself and applying the same standards to me that I do to others. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy could possibly help a lot with both issues, there are lots of self-guided CBT books and worksheets and etc online that you can do that might help even a little bit.

[beryul-blog]

so  i’ve  reached  a  milestone .   ive  loved  luke  ever  since  i   first  watched  the  movies  when  i   was  seven  years  old  and??????honestly  my  love  for  him  hasn’t  changed?????  having  said  that ,   my   love   and   understanding   for   his   character   would   not   have   been   where   it   is   now   without   you   guys.    im  just   so   grateful   and   balled   over   at   the   talent ,   creativity ,   and   passion   of   everyone   i   follow   and   idk   expressing   emotions   is   not   my   strong   suit   so   uhhhhhhhh   yeahhhhhhhh   ilu<333   im   way   too   adh.d  for  this   i  stg ZOOM ZOO M TO  THE SPECIAL  MENT I O N S

THE BLUE MILK  (  the  duplicates  ---  some  id  consider  friends  )

ooOooOh boy .    you   guys  i  cant   even   bE  GIN  to  explain  my   love  for   y’all .     i   have   the   biggest   duplicate   angziety  in   the   world .    its   in   my   nature   i   cant   help   it   and   honestly??????/all   your   interpretations   terrify   me   bu t in a good way i promise   bc   theyre   all   so   unique   and   well   thought   out   and   amazing  and   what   makes   it   even   wor S E   is   that   all   of   you   (  even  the  ones  that  i  dont  speak  to  all  that  often  )   are   the   sweetest,   most   talented ,   sensitive ,   passionate   individuals   ive   met   online????? EV E R.   also   all   these   comments   are  genuine  not   sarcastic aslkjaksdnasl   (forgive  me  im  british  i  thin k  everything  sounds  sarcastic)

@horizonwept  :   charlie????mY. G OD.   your   understanding   and   enthusiasm   of   our   Son   is   unparalleled   and?????? ik   we   dont  speak  that   much  recently  b u  T  I  WANT  TO  MORE????? everytime   you  post   something   i   press  mah   lil   face   up   to   the   screen   and   weepe t h .   you’re   also   kind   and   funny   and   people   just????? love  u?????AND  I lov e  u  too?????  al SO   you   convinced   me   of   lukes   characterisation   in    tlj   and   tfa   and   honestly????im   so  s O   glad   u   did<3   everythign  u   post   is  just   so   thought  out   and   intelligent  and   i   just.   wish.   i   could  do   wht   u   do???   keep   being  amazing   sweaty  :’) @lstjedi  :   KAY!!!!!!!   the   founder   of   the   lu k e   slywalker  group   chat   *g a sps*   mah   love.   now   i   know   youve   been   feeling   a   lil   insecure   recently   about   ur   age   and  ur   mental   health  has   been   acting   up   (belief  me  i  know<3 )   b u T  HUN NN Y   listen   up:   you   ar e  the   symbol   of   dont-judge-by-age   policy   bc   honestly???? u   have   the   skill,   dedication,   and   maturity  of   people   who   are   twice   ur   age.   ur   passion????? unbelievable.   ur   kindness?????  one  of   a   kind.   ur  maturity?????? uhhhh more   than   me.     ur   writing???? delicious.    if   youre   feeling   insecure   about   your  age,   dont.      you   are  amazing   and   talented   and   dont   u   d  A  RE    forget   it<3   edit:   also   i   love  how   you   come   onto   the   chat   being   the  first  person  to   talk   and  ur   like  ‘hi  guys!!!’  and   idk  i   just   find   u  really   sweet   and  friendlyasjdna,nda @skyhcpped  :    ro!!!!!!!   henlo   there  my   frond.    first   of   all   wh  ERE   DO  U   FIND  ALL   THESE   MEMES??????  im loving it keep going.    we   havent   spoken   much   b U T   the  groupchat   has   brought   us   Together   and   thats   the   best   thing   ever   bc   i   think   ur   just?????? so   talented   and   ur   understanding   and   love   for   luke  (eveninmemes)  is   unparalleled.   i   love   talking   about   our   mutual  Hate  for  re/ylo   and   a L SO   i   hope   ur   not   still   freezing   on   hoth?????if  you  are cold,   wrap   up   warm,   grab   urself   a   hot  chocolate   if   u   like   that   sort   of   thing,  run  a   bath,   uhhhhhhhhh  create   a   pillow   fort,   find   a   tauntaun   and   sit   inside  it.   that   was   my   survival   lecture  thanks  for  coming  to  my  ted  talk  :)))))   also  the  fact  u  are.  literally.  daredevil???? taking  a s  hot  of  vinegar  and terrified   a   boy??? my  hero, mah idol.    i   did   a   reverse  thing  where  i  dared  (2)  boys  to  take  a  teaspoon   of   vanilla   essence   and   they  did  it   (s o empowering  ;)

@lightswept  :   riceeeeee.   honestly  how  can   anyone   ever   hate   you????    we   havent   been   talking   for   v   long   but   omgskdnf   you   are   so   sweet   and   lovely   and   u   deserve   The  World?????   haters   need   to   back  tf   up   bc   u   are   so   Pu re.    and   ur   also   really   attentive?????  your   writing   is   just   so   fluent  and  honestly??a  full   course  meal.   remember   that  i   love   and  appreciate   you   and  thats   NEVER  going  to   change<333   if  u  ever   need   to   talk,   i  am  always   here   even   tho  im   shit   at   advice   i  will   send  u   metaphorical  cake  and  hugs xoxo

@hopegave  :   mY  ITALIAN  BEAN.   look  at  us  europeans  yesiknowbrexit,   awake   when   all   the   ‘muricans   are   sleep i n g  asljdaksl   ur   honestly   adorable??????like   i   cant even  begin?????on  the  group   chat   youre   so   enthusiastic  and   capiTAL  LETTERS   and   asjaklsdlka  so   Pu re???  and  both  of   us   gushing  about   snow  ??????? iconic,  truly.  you,   being   the   first  person  to   call   ne w   york   hoth????? also  iconic.  ITALY  IS  ONE  OF   MY   FAV   PLACES   ON  EARTH  I   GO  THERE   A   LOT  IN   THE  SUMMERASFJHSD b U T  thats  off  topic.  what  i   need  to   say   is   that   ilu   and   ur   enthusias m   and  friendliness   and   yeah??????   stay  awesome

 @dualsuns   :   LIAM   IDK  WHY  IM   TELLING   U   THIS   BUT  WHENEVER   I   THINK   OF   U   I   THINK   OF   WINE???????  m aybe  its  bc   ur   prose  is   so   damn   sophistica t e d?????  its  so   fluent   and   makes  s o  much  sense???? ur  so   good   at   narrating   lukes   thoughts   its   so   obvious   you   have  this  amazing   understanding   of   his   character  its  !!!!!!!!  and   i   seriously  admire  that/?   like  your   voice   is  uhhh h   on  point .    i  can   tell   you   take   this   seriously   and   care  so   much   about   luke    (boi   me  too)  and  it   shows????  in   all   ur   hcs   and   ooc   posts   its   all   backe d   up   with    quotes,   love   and   analysis  like   damnnnnnnnn.   i   know  ive   only   really   interacted   w   you   a   couple  of   times   in    passing   but   id   love  to   more?????   ur   amazing   everythings   amazing  wow<3

 @didntturn   :    hmm mMMMM Mm   kylie.   have   we   ever  spoken?????  i   dont   think   so.   i   just   admire  u   from   afar   :’)   g U RL   first   of  all   ur   hilarious????  idk   i   think  we’ve  got   a   similar  sense   of   humour aklsdnanm  its   very   british.   also  ur   hcs   t a KE  MY  BREATH   AWAY.   so  muc h  detail   and   love?????   u   clearly   have   a   deep   understanding   of   luke  only  us   mere   mortals   can   d  REA M   of<3   hope  we   can   start   talking   bc   i   uhhhh  adore   ur   characterisation   and   id   love   to   discuss?????  idk   im   gushinggggggg

THESE  ARE  ONLY   SOME  DUPLICATES  I  COULD  GUSH  ABOUT  EVERY  SINGLE  ONE  OF  U  UNTIL  THE  DAY  I  DI  E

THE DROIDS  (  mah  main cretins  )  

@guiltslut  :   yh  idk  who  u   ar e   :/    j K  BINCH  IK  UR   WENDO!!!!!   mah  main  cretin  :’)   youve   been   by   my  side   for   8   months   (or   was  it   seven???? i cant rememberasdkajsdk)  which   is   an,, ,, ,  achievement.   your   writing  is   tasty  af   and   ur   enthusiasm  unparalleled.   i  will   always  love  and   appreciate   you<3

@smuglr  :   i   have   to   put   u  on  here   bc   we’ve  known   each   other   for   over   a  year   and   thats   kinda   mcCrazy??? im  sorry  i  havent   kept   in  touch  as   much  as  i  probably   should   have,  but  im   more  sorry   for  making  u   think  i   was   on   bath salts   when  i   was  quoting  bad  lip   reading  :/   honestly   ever  since  the  beginning   ive   admired   ur   prose   so   much???? its   so   good   and  attentive   and  poetic  and  fluent  i  just???? could   gush   about   it   all   weak   tbhhhhhh  your   graphics   and   aethetics   are   also ?????? amazing?????? im  so   happy   that  i  know  u   and  even  after  all  this  time   i  still  love   and  appreciate  u<33  Stay groovy  mah  frond

@primdoe   :    sO   ik   i   havent  known   u   for   very   long   at  all   n  this   is   probably   like?????? a  lil   Extra??????   but   im   already  in  love.   i  could  gush   about   ur   oc   for  Yonks   and   just   how   passionate  and   attentive   you   are  to  her????? shes   so   detailed   and   cared  about   by   many   and   you   inspire   me  to  put  more  detail  into  my  own  ocs askdjasmnd???? ur  graphics  and  ps  skills  are  just????? they  water  my  crops  honestly???? and the fact that you gave me one of your psds is the sweetest ilu??  

SPACE SHIPS  (  the  i-admire-from-afar-but-also-interracted-with-in-the-ims-and-loVING IT-so-far-even-tho-im-shit-at-replying????  category  )  

@aequitia ,    @astrmech ,  @awokeforce ,  @baelnc ,   @deadlymarch ,   @elanere  ,   @hopehrt ,  @rystolo  ,   @scintist  ,   @sunworn .

SUNSETS   (  the  i  admire  and  havent  interacted  with  yet  *__* )

@dynste ,  @entropiet ,  @ersoic ,  @flypulse ,   @forcebled ,  @galasymph ,  @greysistance ,  @jaigsight ,   @midlapse ,  @tiefighting ,  @resistijo ,  @roseared ,  @starkniight ,  @theforcetm ,   @rotichor  ,   @scorpyre .

[goldenkiva]

unfiltered rambling (this is a (long) vent post; cw for some irl death mentions, sui and self harm mention (nothing in reality), bad mental health time, all that jazz

well it’s 7:30 am and ive been awake since 4 am. which is an improvement really. i slept at 12:30am ish, in contrast to constantly sleeping at 8 am or later the past month or so. and it’s been taking a very bad toll on me lately mentally. everything has been building up and probably toyin’s death (yes the one who was found dead, we were classmates in middle/high school...) was my breaking point as i had a very bad panic attack a few days after. that lasted a good 22 hours before i fully calmed down. it always takes me 5-9 hours to calm down from anxiety or trauma related bad times as i have no real coping mechanisms and i will just literally do nothing but stay huddled up in bed until the unbearable feeling goes away. but that one. was just really bad. i think i also accidentally upset one of my best friends before that which also attributed to it (we’re fine now.) it’s been a bit since i had that panic attack but i still feel so bad all the time. sometimes i joke about wataru giving me chest pain bc i love him so much but i feel like i havent experienced physical emotion in so long i just want to feel it even if it’s painful. i dont self harm so dw about that btw. but i rarely shed even a single tear anymore when ive always been a total cry baby. i only cry full on tears and sobs now when im being over stimulated during a conversation. i just genuinely want to feel physically excited or happy or sad or whatever. i want to feel physical emotion again and not just numbness with an occasional laff or on the verge of getting watery eyes but not even real crying or whatever. 

i also had to get a new phone bc my dumb clumsy self dropped my phone flat on the screen a second time and it was unrepairable which makes me sad bc i only had this phone for two years and it still ran perfectly well. i wanted to keep it for 3-4 years at least...i got a new one ordered yesterday and im splitting price with my dad n i just feel bad i had to get a new one at all bc because of covid and shit my parents are only getting half the usual business and we already dont make a ton. thankfully my parents and sister are the type to not spend recklessly in general (i am prob the biggest spender...) but that wont stop my dumb of ass generalized anxiety disorder from making me worry about bankruptcy or poverty or some other extreme. i hate it bc i cant do anything about these thoughts except just what feels like sitting in mud and i slowly sink in. i wish i was an artist with more clout because i desperately want to be have consistent (or any) income. even before covid i always feel bad about not having a job. ik it’s hard to balance school and work anyway so it’s fine if im not working but it sucks. american college is a scam. at least i didnt go to an art school. (well. i am in art program in college. but not going to an arts dedicated school like ringling. which is significantly more expensive. if i went to art school id be significantly more likely to end up in very heavy debt) but i hate having gad. i hate not having any real coping mechanisms. i feel frustrated and a little annoyed when i asked about coping mechanisms for my anxiety with my therapist she just told me breathing exercises. which ig can be valuable but ik in my heart this wont help me at all. perhaps it’s un-dx’d adhd with rsd making me feel that way that makes me refuse to even want to do them. all my medical and health issues are also a contribution to my gad and financial terrors. sometimes it makes me wanna die but i wont do that. bc my friends and family would genuinely be very heartbroken if i were to suddenly be gone especially if by my own hand. i wouldnt want anyone to blame themselves either...

the only things genuinely making me feel anything lately is wataru and buck tick. it almost makes me a little upset how little amount of things make me happy or even feel anything rn. im reading a tragedy visual novel rn (which is very good and well written and i generally like tragedies and i find them indulgent) that i am enjoying very much yet i feel barley anything while reading it. i immensely miss the buck tick concert streams so bad. watching them over the month and half they streamed every saturday morning really put how much they love making music and performing in a brand new light to me, and watching that last concert bestias locus solus was just. so amazing. i dont know how to talk about it other than i was genuinely touched. they went all out playing at that concert stage bc it was their first time performing there (at the time in their 31 year career, 33 this year) and the unplugged performances and sakura especially got me so hard. im not good with words so im not doing a good job at all expressing how much that concert (along with the day in question 2017) made me feel. i miss it. i want to buy the dvds so bad but theyre so expensive and now is not a time for reckless spending. but one day i will attain them and experience the happiness they bring me again. im sad my friends arent rly into them the same degree i am but ig it really is such a personalized feeling. i was already in a state of dread and depression when i got into the band. but im still glad my other friends enjoy them and tell me they enjoy their music. their stuff slaps. theyre just an amazing band. a band not restricted by genre. a band who makes music because they love it and love performing and love their fans and dont get warped in the ideas of fame or fortune, and are fully okay with being normal people...a band with the same line up since their pro debut in 1989 because the members all love and care about each other so much. theyre still going strong in their mid to late 50s as they were in their late teens. they make me so happy...

well it’s 8 am now and if youve read this whole thing, thanks i guess? that sounds rude, but im just kinda sittin in the mud. im still in the midst of cleaning my room. i am not someone to recklessly hurt myself or anything like that so dont worry about that. i’ll be fine. probably. if you wanna listen to buck tick heres their spotify :) i recommend their albums atom miraiha no. 09, no.0 (especially the live performance version), kuratta taiyo, darker than darkness style 1993, aku no hana, and their kemonotachi no yoru/rondo double single. they slap so good. also spotify is missing literally like 15 years worth of their music from the 00s-10s. you can find downloads online though. theyre also releasing a new single in august im very excited for it. also, the singer of the band (atsushi sakurai) did a collab with sheena ringo where he sung the bg vocals of her song elopers, which was also made in sakurai’s image and she got it really dead set on tbqh. sheena ringo loves bt so yall should too :)

[smengus]

favorite kpop songs of 2017 from a fan who got into kpop the beginning of this year

aye!! 2018 is almost here, and i have been DYING to make a favorite songs/mvs in kpop of this year thing. it has been a fucking ride let me tell you.... first things first, just to celebrate this year and give myself some leeway, there will be 17 songs!! and they are in no particular order!! i am not a favorites person, i have too much love in my pitiful heart.... anyway, lets start!!

17. movie - btob (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42A-rFdralM)     there are many things i love about this song. i got into kpop quite literally the very beginning of this year, and thats wild, but this song was one of the first of many i had heard, and didnt know much about then but love now. i specifically remember going through that one hot 100 kpop song playlist on youtube and finding this one, and instantly love it. its one of the classics of this years, and def opened my mind to a lot more. 

love’s like a movie~

16. really really - winner (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tBnF46ybZk)    ohhhhh my god i could go on and on about this song. out of all the wonderful kpop songs weve been blessed with this year, this is the one that’s consistently stuck, and everyone knows it. its just that song. the music video is gorgeous and diverse but so simplistic with the black and white. dare i say its iconic; all of it.

널 좋아해~

15. rookie/red flavor/peek-a-boo - red velvet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0h8-OTC38I) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyiIGEHQP8o) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uJf2IT2Zh8)    ok, so yall are gonna hate me for literally putting all of their 2017 title tracks but oh my god... every single comeback they had this year was amazing, and id feel like id be playing someone if i just chose one or the other. like most sm groups, its not hard to absolutely love all of their songs. but in terms of aesthetic, sound, and all around look, red velvet killed it this year. so there. hope yall are satisfied with this.

peek a booooo~

14. fine - taeyeon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHXUM-6a3dU)    to keep this b/b/g/g pattern going, im choosing this one next and dear lord. this is another song id heard in the very beginning, and i was... frankly i was shocked. like, btob was surprising, but it was what i expected it be: boy group, fun, catchy, etc., but with taeyeon... god, her voice and the whole video... i was tearing up, not gonna lie. the lyrics especially got to me. its been in most of my playlists consistently this year, and i cant say the rest of the album isnt a must listen, just a recommendation from me personally.

its not fine~

13. dramarama - monsta x (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1afdZk0qcI)

 ok, i had a hard time on this one. its common knowledge they went through 3 major comebacks this year, all of which were amazing, but originally, beautiful is what stuck with me. i love the heck out of that song. then dramarama dropped a little over a month ago and... lets just say thats what convinced me to finally start stanning them for real. i have a thing for story driven music videos (bonus points if the story is actually mad good), so combine that with the absolutely amazing song and choreography, and you get their best comeback yet. honestly, it was so good, i urge yall to check it out if you havent.

dramama ramama ramama hey~

12. cherry bomb - nct 127 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkuHLzMMTZM)

 this song... THIS SONG... oh my god. i dont have an in depth discussion over the music video or the song or any of it but good lord... if youve heard it you know what im talking about. its another one of THOSE songs. its too bad it was generally slept on, but god... can i add i also love the choreography??? like a lot???? im the biggest hit on this stage~

11. palette - iu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9IxdwEFk1c)

 yall KNOW i wasnt gonna put this one off any longer. this is also the song that got me to start stanning this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, spectacularly awesome woman. she’s great. and this comeback?? ive easily listened to the whole album about 50+ times. i was going to put ending scene instead since i adore that one too, but this is the one that really stuck out to everyone. aesthetics?? on point. lyrics?? poetic. voice?? like an angel. lmao, i really love iu...

i like it, im 25~

10. as if its your last - blackpink (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amq-qlqbjYA)

 ok the best part about this one was... since i was a new baby fan, at the time, the only group i really like, stanned, was bts. but i wasnt shut off from the rest of the music community tho, ofc. thats what im truly into kpop for: the music. so duh, i knew about blackpink and their bops (whistle was a personal favorite of mine). but for some reason, over time, they casually just became another group i was into? like, i knew the names, voices, roles, songs, etc.. so when i heard they were having a summer comeback, while i was free from school no less, i was ecstatic. i rewatched the teaser several times, stayed up and hyped with people online. and it finally dropped and instantly became my favorite song by them. its so goooood. my wife lisa, like, yas baby slay that rap while looking cute af. i love it very much, and im sure other blinks do too.

blackpink in your area~

9. dont wanna cry - seventeen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97cx53Tpp6g)

 yeahhh, im not gonna choose their most recent comeback for this one, sorry guys... its a good song, dont get me wrong but! this one is the one lmao. its so fucking beautiful. when i watched the mv for the first time, i was in awe cause the choreo was so good, and so different from what i had seen before, but it went with the song so well. its a very good listen.

울고 싶지 않아~

8. move - taemin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEyUNeZqmY)

 yes. yes. yes. this song??? yes. oh my god. so, this next bit is gonna be a bit sad (to read and to write), but just because an explanation is needed for each of these... im a shawol. i was the second i watched 1 of 1. and god, it still hurts so much to think of what happened? but, this explanation is taemin. so, i was into shinee, period. i knew taemin was a solo artist. i dont know why i wasnt paying close attention to it, but one day move just like, dropped. out of nowhere. and i went ‘where tf...?’ and watched it and OH MY GOD. i cant convey on here well enough, but bitch, i rewatched that shit repeatedly. the song was constantly replayed, and it finally pushed me to take the step and go back and listen to all his other stuff (which i love). its just so... androgynous and he dont give a flying fuck how he looks, dances, or sounds, and i adore it. definitely another THAT song of this year, dear lord.

youve got got the rhythm~

7. 1+1=0 - suran (ft. dean) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA6G74gk6R8)

 ok, i was torn over this one. i bet everyone and their mother knows her for her “collab” with my boy suga, if i get drunk today. and YES!! THAT IS AN AMAZING SONG AND IM STILL SO PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM. but bitch, this had dropped sometime whenever, idk when since i dont stan and her, and i saw it on youtube and thought  ‘shes the suga girl, i wonder if thisll be good’. i was so surprised when i listened to it. the music video?? snatched. the song?? snatched. wig?? bitch its gone. lets just say, first listen, i had already loved it way more than the song i originally knew her by. 

1 plus 1은 0~

6. ddd - exid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axVvZrDz60k)

 i put this one off long enough too. and this is obviously a very split opinion. they also dropped night rather than day which i am also 100% over the moon for. but god, i love sexy exid. and that is exactly what this comeback was. sexy, powerful, and aesthetically catchy as hell. (btw, exid is another group i actually stan, so i had been anticipating this one; i watched it while i was at school dusbgukg). so sad solji couldnt physically make it this comeback, but she was in the album, and that was enough for us. still wishing her the best recovery!

덜덜덜덜~

5. dont recall - kard (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41Dp7Q-SM1Y)

 oh kard. the group that had millions of fans before they even debuted... they gave us many tasty treats this year, all of which were total bops, but dont recall... bruh, its just stuck with me. i still know all the others, but when i think kard i immdiately think the of the legendary beat drop tied with the beautiful mv of dont recall. also another THAT song, no doubt. sorry i dont have much for this one, i dont know much about kard, but this song has personally been a go to of mine for the past many months. 

그만해 i dont recall~

4. ko ko bop - exo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdssuxDdqKk)

 lmao, you will not catch me in a 10 mile radius even THINKING about power. i drink to forget. its cute and all but... mmmm.... ANYWAY. im gonna be totally honest, i really love their 2016 year in terms of music more than i did this one (lotto, lucky one, monster, etc., etc., etc.,) BUT! out of the comebacks they had this year, i am 100% 10x more into ko ko bop. not gonna lie, i didnt dig it at first listen. but a little later, i tried it again and... hooo boy, what a good song. i dont know anything knowledge based about music or music production, but i know that ko ko bop is a good song. very good.

shimmy shimmy ko ko bop~

3. gashina - sunmi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur0hCdne2-s)

 ok. OK! so... yall gonna hate me, but i intentionally put off listening to this for the longest time. why?? i have no clue, its a great song. but i did. so by the time mama 2017 (IK THAT LATE) came around and i found out my boy taemin would be doing a collab stage with sunmi i was like... ‘ok i need to know who this girl is...’ i FINALLY sat my butt down and watched it and BITCH. okokokok, scroll back up, skim that taemin one, and imagine all those feelings, except like, gay. like, instead of thinking it was inspiring, i was just thirsting and being absolutely in love because holy shit everything about the song and the video are perfect????? THE LYRICS THOUGH TOO??? absolute women power i was 100% there for jesus christ.  왜 예쁜 날 두고 가시나~ 2. snow - zion.t (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiGSDywrX1Y)    this song made me cry :( straight up, when i first watched it, i cried so much. it got even worse the second go round when i knew the lyrics. its so.... beautiful. im a big fan of zion.t as well, so this was no disappoint for me. i luv it... and fun fact, its my favorite music video ever, kpop or not. im very into cinematography and photography so it was such a treat to watch it. youd have to watch it for yourself to know what i was talking about. 

눈이 올까요~

1. anything from bts this year (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBdVXkSdhwU << this is dna just cause i dont wanna post 3 songs lol)

 yall honest to god probably hate me. ‘we just read this whole list to get a biased, lazy ass answer?!?!’ but hear me out... lmao thats all i got. bts is my ult group, but ult group or not, every single thing they dropped this year was spectacular. truly honest to god, its probably been their best year yet. jk, idk about that, 2015 and 2016 were pretty good. BUT STILL. spring day, not today, dna (lots of ayes), ALL OF IT SO FUCKING GOOD. gosh, i love them...

 dna~

well, thats all of them! keep in mind, this is a personal opinion thing, and there many, many, MANY songs of this year i loved, but this is a list and its gotta end somewhere, so i chose the ones that really stood out to ME. this was probably a waste of time, and bet this gets no notes, but in my heart, it was worth it. i love writing and ranting out my thoughts. this was my first year in kpop, and while yes, there were a few devastating and heart breaking moments that im still not fine about, it was good. my friends are gonna hate me, but this is just one of many years to come of me being into this shit. hope next year delivers as good as this one did. happy new years kpop fans!